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The Guardian G2 - April 16, 2018

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‘I fought for every
single thing’
How Janet Mock
became the
world’s most
trans activist
Monday 16/04/18
Rhik Samadder
Landlords are
social parasites
page 3
Ready for takeoff
Suzanne Moore tackles
her fear of flying
page 4
Stephen Lawrence
The documentary
page 10
Pass notes
№ 3,791
Say cheese! Fondue’s unlikely return
Age: 49.
Appearance: Barely recognisable.
I’ll say. What happened to him?
What do you mean? I was a big fan, but I’ve
lost track of him over the years. What’s he
been up to since?
Since when? Since Friends ended, I guess.
Um, well, that was about 2004, wasn’t it? Since
then he’s been mostly working at Goldman
Sachs. You’re joking.
I’m not. He started in the financial
institutions group, then went to Moscow
to head up their Russian operations and
eventually became global head of market
structure. He’s a dark horse, that Schwimmer.
If you say so. What’s he doing these days?
He’s just been chosen to be the CEO of the
London Stock Exchange. Wow. Is it a big role?
Pretty big. He’ll be steering the 217-year old
exchange into an uncertain, post-Brexit
future. It’s a drama, is it?
There was a fair bit of drama when former
CEO Xavier Rolet stepped down abruptly in
November amid claims he had been forced
out. Schwimmer’s job will be to steady the
ship. Can you describe his character in a few
“He is well-known for his robust intellect
and partnership approach with clients and
colleagues alike,” according to LSE chair
Donald Brydon. I’m not sure this is going to be
my kind of film, to be honest.
It is not a film. This is real life. I don’t follow.
David Schwimmer is becoming CEO of the
actual LSE, replacing actual interim CEO
David Warren. This is completely insane!
I think he’s generally considered to be a safe
choice, but ... First Joey on Top Gear, now this!
Hold on a moment. I think you may have got
the wrong end of the ... I mean, what next? Is
Rachel gonna be named head of MI6?
Please calm down. Not that that wouldn’t
be hilarious, but ... This is a different David
Schwimmer. What?
This is the 49-year-old capital markets
expert David Schwimmer, not the 51-year
old actor who played Ross in Friends. Do you
understand? Of course I do. Is he bringing his
No, he isn’t. Probably for the best. It’s time he
moved on.
It’s time we all moved on, frankly. Fair point.
Do say: “David Schwimmer’s appointment
should end the troubled boardroom relations
that have plagued the exchange since late last
Don’t say: “We were on a break!”
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
The fondue is back. New research claims we are
seeing a resurgence of a 1970s dinner-party set
piece. Oxford University research has concluded
that the fondue’s potential as a sharing dish and
conversation piece is part of the attraction, but also
the comforting nature of all that melted cheese. In
the 1930s, fondue became the national Swiss dish
and was championed by the Swiss Cheese Union as
part of a campaign for the “spiritual defence of
Switzerland”. Its origin is traced to isolated
communities who had limited access to fresh food
so used old bits of cheese and bread and some local
high-acidity white wine. So, how should you eat it?
The base
The classic is cheese, usually a mix
of a nutty meltable cheese such as
comte, emmenthal or gruyere with
a creamier one such as fontina,
reblochon or port salut.
What to dip into the fondue:
Following the 70s theme, how about
the renaissance of the crudite? A
raft of raw vegetables and perhaps
even some pickled ones are a good
way to add a fresh element to this
sleep-inducing dish. Little boiled
potatoes or chargrilled leeks and
squash would work well too. Instead
of traditional white bread, rye bread
adds interesting flavour.
Modern twist #1
Welsh rarebit. Instead of the Swiss
high-acidity wine go for a pale ale
or gose beer, some English mustard
powder and fi nish with a few drops of
tabasco and Worcestershire sauce.
If you’re vegan
Hummus thinned down with veg
stock and a bit of olive oil served
with raw vegetables and flat bread
makes a decent fondue alternative.
Modern twist #2.
Cauliflower cheese. This will
change the texture of the fondue
a little but will certainly lighten
it up and make it more digestible
– whiz the cauliflower to a couscous
consistency and blanch in boiling
water, then stir into the cheese with
some grain mustard and a pinch of
mace and cayenne. Rosie Sykes
Australia: why
the country
doesn’t exist
Australia doesn’t exist. The signs
were there the whole time: in what
country is the only thing more
poisonous than the snakes the
spiders? How did we ever believe
that kangaroos were a thing?
This discovery, believed by some
to be a joke or a conspiracy theory,
has been circulating on social
media in recent weeks after being
formulated on Reddit in early 2017.
Except it turns out not to be the only
theory of its kind: through the years,
online sleuths have found that all
sorts of places don’t exist.
High on the list is Finland, the
country some believe lies between
Russia and Sweden, and that
allegedly fought a valiant rearguard
action against Soviet invasion in
the runup to the second world war.
This theory was also born on Reddit,
in 2015. Finland, the user Raregan
explained, was merely a fictional
creation designed to create fishing
quotas to aid the export of sushi to
Japan from Russia.
Last summer, another Reddit
user suggested the Italian region
of Molise – population 300,000
– doesn’t exist, apparently as the
result of an Italian in-joke.
The joke that a country or region
doesn’t exist turns out to be one of
the oldest memes on the internet.
As early as 1993, German users
of Usenet – a network of online
discussion forms (or bulletin
boards), which predates the
web – had a running joke that the
Westfalian town of Bielefeld was
a fiction maintained by the CIA,
Mossad, aliens or some combination
of the three.
The joke has crossed decades,
online platforms, language barriers
and international cultures, and
keeps coming back.
In these days of fake news and
mainstream-media conspiracies,
though, it doesn’t do to take
anything for granted – so G2
contacted a diplomatic source who
agreed to speak off the record and
confirm what they could about the
existence (or otherwise) of Finland
and Australia.
“Hang on, let me look out the
window,” the source replied, before
confirming the country existed.
The source was unable to provide
similar confirmation for Australia.
James Ball
Lady Gaga
setting the
Peachy! The
rise of a fruity
hair colour
scores of
officials, the
is laying
something else
in its wake –
tat. The
Post reports
that of 19
lines when he
was elected –
Trump ties and
– only two
remain: a
Trump bed
linen and a
Turkish Trump
furniture line.
Over the past decade, rainbowcoloured barnets have outgrown their
confinement to the cybergoths of
Camden Town, London, and become
a commonplace sighting across the
country. In 2018, a spate of salons
specialising in colouring services –
such as Bleach London and Electric
in Brighton and Rainbow Room in
Stirling – have established themselves
and even box-dye brands offer hues
ranging from apricot to teal. Now,
with Lady Gaga and Paris Jackson
experimenting with peach rinses,
the colour is tipped to be the trend
of the summer.
Think pink!
Following trends such as blorange,
fruit juice and rosé locks, peach is a
combination of orange and pink tones
on top of a blond base. Sophia Hilton,
director at Not Another Salon in east
London, says the popularity of pinkish
dye lies in it being the most socially
accepted non-natural colour. “It also
helps that it’s the easiest colour to
remove, so it’s accessible to everyone
who might not want to sign their life
away.” Plus, it looks good with a tan.
Unconventional is the new normal
In an age where only a few trends,
such as Stan Smith trainers and Kanken
bags, have outlived the two-year mark,
it’s Instagram that has kept bold dyes
alive. Hilton says: “Vivid colours used
to be exclusive to punks and teenage
girls in their bedrooms. Instagram
has merged these cultures into each
other, and eventually into the
mainstream.” She has a point. When
even the Kardashians are sporting
cartoon-hued hair, an unnaturally
coloured mane is unlikely to garner
puzzled looks on the daily commute.
Technical advances help, too
It used to be that bold hairdos could
only be achieved with a Tulisa-inspired
red or purple tint at the hairdresser’s
or a dubious £4 pot of Crazy Color.
Now, you could ask a colourist to give
you a “mouldy leaf” tinge and leave
the salon not only with your desired
shade – thanks to new dyes and
toners – but with any potential prelightening damage curbed, courtesy
of a £30 Innoluxe oil treatment.
Amy Walker
Landlords are social parasites.
They don’t deserve any awards
It’s official: it takes 90
hours to make friends.
Who’s got that long?
The landlord of the year award is announced today, bestowed by the home
insurance provider Home Protect. “Landlords often get a bad rap,” the CEO
explains on its website, and I’ll stop him there. They don’t get a bad enough rap.
When they do make the news, you already know the story. Tory landlords
dragging their absentee, ancient arses into parliament solely to vote down a
bill that says rented properties should be “fit for human habitation”.
“Lockdown” landlords bleeding councils dry, installing vulnerable people in
micro-units, with inadequate fire provisions,
so they can soak up treble the housing
benefit. Who can forget the competition in
the Daily Mail that offered up a buy-to-let
property as top prize? This, from a paper that
crucifies scroungers. Scroungers being
people who live off others, and shirk their
responsibilities. But back to landlords, eh?
Landlord of the year. Lol! Rofbhawuild!
Fergus Wilson: a
(Rolling on the floor, banging my head against
landlord worth
the wall until I lose my deposit.) Who is it
going to be? One who lets you have a pet? Some
of my friends are landlords, and I’m sorry to
say it, but they are going straight to hell too.
Imagine how satisfyingly overcrowded the underworld must be with landlords;
partitioning the seventh circle into seven more circles, charging each other
extra for underfloor heating. The best thing you can say about them is that
they are better than letting agents. But that’s like giving Stalin a humanitarian
award for massacring fewer people than Genghis Khan. The fact is, they’re all
rogue. Whether your landlord is a genial profiteer or an actual psychopath is
the luck of the draw. Anyone can be one, if they have made enough money or
inherited property, and those are two of the worst qualifications imaginable.
Like anyone who thrives off the housing crisis, they are social parasites.
I wonder what is meant by a “good” private landlord, worthy of recognition.
Someone who charges below insane market rates, purely by choice? Who pays
for top-quality repairs, when they could get a mate to do a botched job on the
cheap? Who offers long-term secure tenancies, despite the fact there is no legal
minimum? Who refrains from revenge evictions? Who isn’t Fergus Wilson?
Someone who displays basic human decency, in an unregulated sector that
encourages its opposite? Who acts, in other words, not like a landlord at all?
If you are an oldster with a lodger, I’m sure you’re fine. But it’s the buy-to-let
vampires, monopolising new builds, setting social inequality in stone, who
define the term today. Try to understand these characters, so money-driven
that they view people’s need to sleep indoors as the chance to turn a tidy profit.
(Having said that, the main cause of homelessness in the UK is the termination
of short-term tenancies, so maybe they’re not that committed to it.) No pets, no
posters, no parties. That’s their mantra. No repairs. Don’t wear down the carpet.
Just sit on a damp mattress and cough up the cash. All so they can keep expanding,
squatting over lives like feudal incubi. If you’re one of these people, you can
shove your property portfolio up your arse. And leave room for your award.
The notion of houses as investment opportunities of any sort has been a
cancer. Here’s a radical idea: buy a home if you can, then live in it, and do
something else with your time. Something that isn’t about exploiting the less
privileged. Apologies for taking a Daily Mail-sounding stance on this, but
landlords: get a proper job.
A University of Kansas professor
studying friendship has concluded
that it takes more than 50 hours of
shared time to become anything
more than an acquaintance,
90 hours to develop a friendship,
and more than 200 hours of time
together to become close friends.
As an introvert who lives in a city,
I see the people I really like about
twice a year maximum, so we
should make the grade by the
time we’re 100 years old.
Time and activities in a developing
friendship “can be thought of as
strategic investments toward
satiating long-term belongingness
needs,” says the study’s author,
Jeffrey Hall, which makes me sure
that, if we were friends, I’d call him
“Prof” and we’d get into mismatched
scrapes together, adorably. The
types of experience matter, too –
hours spent working together don’t
count for as much, he has decided.
I’m not so sure; some of the best
relationships of my life have revolved
around bitching about bosses,
creative slacking and covering for
each other. But then, I never
actually did any work at work.
It strikes me that the character
of real life relationships – often
boring, sometimes resentful, even
harrowing – has no online analogue.
I never felt closer to any people
than those with whom I was once
stuck in a remote French cottage.
The septic tank became clogged,
and the toilet wouldn’t flush. A few
days, during which you cannot
poo, feels like an eternity. It was
astonishing how colonic our
conversations grew, and how
quickly. A practical girl called Kate
eventually climbed into the tank to
plunge it. Supervising from a safe
distance, as flecks of all of our
previous faeces kicked up on to her
ew in my gut that we
arms, I knew
e friends
friend for life.
would be
weren’t there, man.
You weren’t there,
And the prize for the filthiest fruit goes to …
It has been revealed that strawberries and spinach are the
dirtiest fruit and veg. This is surprising; I always thought there
was something inestimably perverse about parsnips. Of course,
there is something deliciously filthy about a fig, and don’t
on’t get me
started on kumquats. They’re all passion fruits, if you ask
k me, lads.
It turns out that the US Environmental Working Group, which
made the announcement, is talking about pesticide residue on
produce, which is a bit of a mood killer. Best to go organic, it says.
Or “au natural”, as I’ve been asked to stop calling it.
The Guar
Monday 16
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The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
hat sort
of person
in a
Wetherspoons in Gatwick at 10am?” I saw
someone tweet this recently and I’m
afraid I took it personally. I mean, I
obviously don’t quite do that. But
when I turn up at an airport I do
always have a sudden urge to go to
one of those weird seafood bars and
neck as much fizzy wine as possible.
I have not got on a plane without
booze and usually drugs inside me
for a very long time.
The reason? I am frightened.
I love travelling, I just fear flying.
People don’t get this, although my
old doctor understood: “Australia is
only three Valium away,” she used
to say. Nowadays doctors are much
more stingy.
This is why I find myself in a bleak
but wonderfully Ballardian hotel in
Stansted. The view from my room
is of Ryanair planes. On the wall is
a picture of the sky. As I check in,
a man is being escorted out by two
armed police; he appears to have
drunk himself into a stupor and
they tell him he will not be getting
on a flight any time soon. I feel for
him, as I have come for an easyJet
Fearless Flyer course. The first day
will be the course and the second
the “Experience Flight”. I have
chosen easyJet because it’s not too
expensive and because, snottily, I
think that if any plane goes down,
it’s likely to be one of the budget
airlines. In another life I would fly
first class and my fear would be
massaged away by lackeys as I lay in
a seat more like a bed, but for some
reason I don’t have that life. The
flights I get on seem to get turned
around for the next flight pretty
damn quick. Does the crew ever
have time to check the engines? The other reason I chose this
course is because I have heard about
others where you are divided into the
dread “small groups” to discuss your
fears. When one woman said she
feared plummeting to her death she
was asked to leave. It’s fashionable
these days to divide up one’s fears to
make them sound more interesting
or manageable – “claustrophobia,
fear of heights, lack of control” – but
surely what underpins them all is the
crashing and dying bit?
It’s hard, sweaty work being
fearful. You have to concentrate
hard just to keep the plane in the air,
and like many nervous flyers I read
every mawkish detail about every
plane crash that happens: 2017 was
a safe year, but recently a plane went
down in Moscow and then everyone
was sick on a flight into Washington,
including the pilots. No one died,
but still, public vomiting at 35,000ft,
in an enclosed space, is never good. In the olden days, in South
America, I boarded planes held
together with sticky tape. One of
my exes had a pilot’s licence, so I’ve
flown a lot in small planes and never
used to be that afraid. But many years
ago, when I was out of the country, I
got a call telling me my daughter had
had a serious bike accident, possibly
fatal. The police told me not to get
on a plane on my own; that I needed
someone with me. Has this trauma
manifested now in a fear of flying?
Have some wires crossed in my
brain? Can they get uncrossed? There was an unfortunate
incident last year when I had to get
on an Aeroflot flight from Moscow to
Armenia and they served only soft
drinks. It was very turbulent and I
had to sit next to an actual giant. The
air crew had their pictures taken with
him while I sat paralysed with fear,
pretending he was not 9ft tall. I didn’t
even dare put my tray table down.
Everyone I meet on the course
has some reason to be afraid, and
everyone seems slightly ashamed.
There are more than 150 people here,
men and women of all ages, because
fear is equal opportunity. Some fly
regularly for work but hate it, like
me; others have not flown for 10
years; some have never flown. Many
claim to have had bad experiences.
Estimates vary, but as many as one in
six of us are afraid of the safest form of
travel. A couple of people start crying
at a film we’re shown of a takeoff.
The course starts with Lawrence
Leyton, a motivational speaker,
bouncing on stage with some corny
jokes and that awful “give yourselves
a round of applause” vibe – but I
have not come here to be cynical. My
cynicism is no match for my anxiety,
so I listen and put up with the tricks. •
Reply all
When your senses are deprived
– as they are when you fly – your
mind fills in the gaps. The advice,
counterintuitively, is to choose a
window seat; the more you see, the
better. If possible, choose a window
seat on the wing (apparently
aeroplane wings can’t just drop off ).
The anxiety you feel because you
don’t know what’s happening can
be put down to imagination – almost
as if only creative, clever people’s
minds foster this fear. Yet rerunning
a loop of your own death is not a
particularly useful ability. That loop,
those images, need recoding. Your
software has become corrupted. New
stuff must be installed. Much of the
day is about techniques to do that. People ask questions and
voice fears that I have never even
considered. There is fear around the
age of the pilots, for instance. What if
they are too young? Or inexperienced?
After the Germanwings incident,
a crash thought to have been
intentionally caused by the plane’s
co-pilot, mental health checks are,
we are assured, carried out regularly.
Pilots may be young, we’re told, but
“These boys have lived aviation for
two years”. A calming female pilot
chats to us about the reality of the
job. Apparently emergency descents
are actually easy enough.
There are an awful lot of questions
about turbulence, all answered by
Captain Chris Foster. He appears to
have been selected for this role as
he has one of those “nothing could
ever possibly go wrong” voices.
If I had to be involved in a crash, I
would want him there, talking me
through it. He explains that hot
and cold air cause turbulence, and
molecules are involved. He talks
about thrust, lift and drag in a way
I begin to understand. The engine
noises are often the plane levelling
out. The chimes – which I believed to
be secret code for “we are all going
It’s hard, sweaty
work being fearful.
You have to
concentrate hard
just to keep the
plane in the air
Winging it …
Suzanne Moore
with her Fearless
Flyer certificate;
top: cockpit view
to die” – are not actually saying
that. There are backup systems for
everything that can go wrong. It’s all
marvellous and terrorists now have
to find other forms of terrorism, as
the aviation industry is so safe. The next part of the course
is about changing our internal
monologue, breathing and
visualisation. Classic cognitive
behavioural therapy stuff, with
bits of relaxation and the tapping
of meridians – pressure points on
your body (under your nose, under
your eyes, and the side of your
hand, among others) that you tap
while saying to yourself that, even
though you’re afraid, you know
flying is safe. Some of this is vaguely
interesting. Whatever works, works;
but I am not sure. I am bemused
by the idea that phobias could be
n the morning I text my three
confused daughters: “I am at
Stansted getting on plane”.
They ask where I am going.
“Stansted,” I reply. One of
my daughters texts another
one: “Mum is learning to fly”.
The reply is sceptical. “Yeah, like
when she wouldn’t get on that flight
in Greece, and all those miniatures fell
out of her sleeves”. They can laugh
at me; I don’t care. I am on a flight to
nowhere with a lot of terrified people.
Going through security is horrendous. I beep, as usual. Captain Chris
is here, and Lawrence. They insist
security makes us feel safe. I insist it
doesn’t – just more anxious. We gather
to board. Some people already look
half dead, clammy, shaking and
doing the tapping. Some are crying.
Most have brought companions to
help them through it. Nonetheless,
there are still a couple of bolters.
Lawrence starts some relaxation
and breathing exercises. Captain
Chris talks us through everything:
“Feel how bumpy this taxi out to
the runway is,” he says, “and this is
a flat surface. When people think
they are dropping through the air as
a result of turbulence, it is usually no
more than a few feet.” As we take off,
people look absolutely terrified, but
as we start to climb, cheering breaks
out. Every engine noise is explained;
every flicker of every light. Next to me
a woman grips a man, and I assume
she’s terrified, but it turns out it’s him,
and they have not been on holiday for
years. I think of the correspondent
I used to work with who thrived in
a war zone, but could not get on a
plane to Tenerife for a family holiday.
Across the aisle a woman weeps.
They are happy tears, she tells me.
It’s the first time she has ever flown.
We land in one piece. Everyone
feels elated. Lawrence reminds
us that this is the safest form of
transport we’ll experience all day. On the train back from Stansted
something happens to the train
doors. They won’t open. We are
trapped, but I don’t panic at all. I
have my Fearless Flyer certificate
and yes, I do feel like I have achieved
something: a small step for most
people, but a big step for me.
The test will be how I feel the next
time I have to go on a plane. I hope I
feel this relaxed.
Private lives
I was secretly in love with a friend for more than a
year. When I confessed my feelings, he said he felt
the same way but that it was bad timing – he had just
got out of a relationship. I recently found out that he
had begun seeing one of my best friends. She’s a
lovely person, and a model, so it didn’t surprise me.
The problem is that every man I have liked in the
past decade has chosen one of my close friends over
me. It is incredibly disheartening and I feel utterly
unlovable. Worse still, I am starting to resent my
friends. What can I do to stop feeling so bitter?
Act on your feelings sooner
I think, from what little information
there is to go on, that you are
developing feelings and not acting
upon them, and are then getting
(understandably) upset when you see
that life hasn’t started and stopped at
your convenience, as it says in a
rather good film. The problem with
developing feelings and keeping
them to yourself for a period of time
is that you are then perpetuating an
illusion. No matter how charming
someone might appear when seen in
one light, having a relationship with
them is a different kettle of fish.
Holding back and hoping you will be
swept off your feet is a risky tactic,
which isn’t working at the moment.
Likewise, I wouldn’t “confess your
feelings”, as this can be off-putting
for people. Just showing someone
you want to spend one-on-one time
with them is a clear enough signal.
Get to know the person before you
picture yourself married off to them.
Find a way to engage with them
I have been in your situation many
times and I know how you feel. The
main factor in this happening all the
time might be that you always hang
out with the same people. You need
to work on the things you love and
find more people who make you feel
at home. You shouldn’t treat love as
something secret – you need to make
it evident but not explicit that you
like someone. Engage with them. If
you’re too shy to do it in person, do it
via message. Ask them what they
like: this will force them into asking
what you like. Then, describe your
perfect day. If they are really
interested, they will ask you out and
make that perfect day happen.
Meet some people you don’t know
You need to move in different
circles. Also, you need to be utterly
honest with yourself. Is there
something you are doing that is
putting prospective partners off ?
Or are your “friends” deliberately
stealing your prospective partners?
My only advice is this – sign up to a
dating website (not one which is
clearly just for casual sex) and meet
some people you otherwise
wouldn’t have. Just do it away from
your friends and see what happens.
Beware of your competition
Aim to meet people in a hobbybased, non-romantic environment,
which will let your personality be
the deciding factor. I’m a man, and I
have no doubt that if my sole way to
meet women was hanging around in
a group of single mates, I would never
have dated the wonderful women
that I have: they would have chosen
one of my mates. Take control of
events and remove the element of
competition: if you are a single
person, don’t hang around in social
situations – where you will meet
potential lovers – with better-looking
or more interesting mates. It becomes
very competitive and unhealthy.
Want to
share a
Or think you
have all the
answers? Email
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conditions: See
Are you sabotaging yourself?
Ask yourself why you are attracted to
men who are unavailable. I wonder
if you are subconsciously picking up
on their attraction to your friends.
You then get to perpetuate your own
narrative of always losing out in love
to someone “more attractive”. I
suspect you are probably very
attractive and great relationship
material – you’re just subconsciously
sabotaging yourself. Stop resenting
your pals and make a conscious
decision to find a kind guy who loves
you for you – they are out there.
Don’t get hung up on one person
This has happened to me – and, I
suspect, many others too. Instead
of feeling resentful, I made more of
an effort to put myself out there.
I realised I would keep focusing on
just one person who I was developing
feelings for and would become blind
to any other opportunity. Don’t get
hung up on one particular person.
Easier said than done, I know. But use
a dating app or attend a speed-dating
event or something similar to build
confidence and broaden your scope.
He’s offering me work. What’s the catch?
I met a guy on Tinder who lives about two hours away.
I’m 24 and he’s 38 and we hit it off immediately. I don’t
have family and am struggling to follow my dreams. He
has asked me to work for him and to live in one of his
properties rent-free. What’s the catch? Whenever he
wants it, I need to be available. He is married, with kids
and a wife who doesn’t have sex with him and who he
wants to divorce. I feel conflicted; I can save money and
pay off debts. He he has already bought my plane ticket
to relocate. I feel guilty, but can I pass up this opportunity?
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
Seven ways to
reduce your risk
of bowel cancer
the risk of
developing and
dying from bowel
cancer by 1.5 times.
The association is
stronger for men
than women. If you
are obese, try to stay
active. Most studies
suggest that eating
lots of fibre reduces
the risk, but that
might be because
people who are
a healthy weight
tend to have a highfibre diet.
Anyone at greater than
average risk of bowel
cancer (positive family
history, ulcerative colitis or
Crohn’s disease) will be advised
about whether and when to have
screening with colonoscopy.
For the rest of us, the screening
programme in England kicks
in aged 55 (it is 50 in Scotland),
with a one-off bowel scope
screening test in some areas.
Those aged between 60 and
74 years old get sent a hometesting kit once every two years.
If you want to carry on doing the
home test every two years over
the age of 75, you can phone the
helpline on 0800 707 60 60 to
request a kit.
ge is the
i k
greatest risk
factor: 99%
of cases occur in
people over 40
and 85% in people
over 60. Most
people diagnosed
are in their 70s.
Unfortunately, it’s
often older people
who are most
reluctant to report
abnormal bowel
Processed, smoked and
cured meats can increase the
risk of bowel cancer. People
who eat the most processed
meat have about a 17% higher
risk of developing bowel cancer,
compared with those who eat the
least. That means 56 out of 1,000
people may get bowel cancer
among people who never eat
processed meat, 61 out of 1,000
average meat eaters and 66 out of
1,000 among those who eat the
most processed meat. The NHS
advice is that red meat (pork,
beef and lamb) is a good source
of protein, but eating more than
90g a day is associated with an
increased risk of bowel cancer.
One lamb chop is 70g, so if you
have a couple of chops, you may
want to give red meat a misss the
following day.
to know
your family’s
history. Most
people who get
bowel cancer
don’t have
any particular
but in 5-6%
of cases there
is a genetic
If you have a
relative with
bowel cancer,
your risk is
two to three
times higher
than average.
If you have
two affected
your risk may
be as high as
four times the
average. The
most common
that cause
bowel cancer
are familial
and Lynch
Illustration Nick Shepherd
Government health campaigns can be successful, but
sometimes make the problem worse. How can we avoid
such unintended consequences, asks Amy Fleming
Taking a low
ow dose
i i a day
(75mg) off aspirin
for five years may reduce
your risk of bowel cancer, but
the risk of gastric bleeding
is thought to outweigh the
potential benefits. The jury is
still out. Likewise, there is no
robust evidence yet that statins
or HRT prevent bowel cancer.
Ann Robinson
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
Be aware of early warning
signs (blood in stool, frequent/
loose stools, abdominal pain/
bloating after eating, or weight
loss) and see your GP if concerned.
But don’t panic. Colorectal
(bowel) cancer is the third leading
cause of death from cancer in the
developed world, but only 5.4% of
us will develop it. The good news
is that colorectal cancer deaths
have decreased by 30% in the
past 20 years – partly because of
screening, earlier detection and
better treatment.
or cure
ritain needs to
go on a diet,”
said Duncan
Selbie, the chief
executive of
Public Health
England, in March, announcing the
latest tranche in the state’s offensive
against obesity. Parents had already
been advised in January to limit
their children’s two permitted daily
snacks to less than 100 calories each,
which made some of them quite
cross. Now they were being told that
their lunches and dinners should not
exceed 600 calories each, or 400 for
breakfast. Many were left scratching
their heads about why the plan
leaves men with 900 spare calories –
and women 400 – within their daily
recommended allowance.
But, furthermore, you could live
off booze-sodden bacon butties
and Haribo and still stick within
these calorie counts – and that
almost certainly wouldn’t save
the NHS any money. Could this
strategy end up backfiring as badly
as abstinence-based sex education
policies – which lead to an increase
in teen pregnancies? Or the old
advice that low-fat products trump
foods naturally high in saturated
fat, which led to everyone ditching
butter for margarine full of transfats.
Eventually, of course, the latter was
outed as the least healthy type of fat
a person can consume.
No matter how much groundwork
policy wonks do, the risk of
unintended consequences is always
lurking. To be fair, the government
is taking a multipronged approach
with obesity, asking food companies
to reduce calories by 20%, either by
reformulating products or changing
portion sizes. And the sugary-drinks
levy now in effect means any highsugar beverage-makers who haven’t
reduced levels will have to swallow
the tax. In response, AG Barr, makers
of Irn Bru, has devastated fans by
halving added sugar, although –
unintended consequence alert – the
drink now contains sweeteners, too,
which are also linked with weight
gain, diabetes and heart disease.
With drinks companies passing
some of their high-sugar levies on
to consumers, there is yet another
potential unintended consequence
studied by researchers: more
boozing. A study published in the
Journal of Epidemiology and Public
Health has found that if prices of
high-sugar drinks rise, people could
end up buying more beer, cider and
wine, along with juices (some as
sugary as fizzy pop) and diet drinks
(sweeteners again). Oddly though,
alcohol sales were projected to
decrease if “medium sugar” (as
opposed to “high sugar”) drinks go
up in price. The researchers, who
used economic modelling techniques
based on reams of consumer data,
don’t as yet know why any of this
would be. It’s complicated.
Meanwhile a second research
paper has spotted a flaw in the
government’s “responsibility deal”
with drinks makers. The industry
agreed on reductions in alcohol
levels by 2015, but while more lowalcohol products are on offer, things
aren’t panning out as expected.
Cambridge University researchers
have scrutinised how low-alcohol
drinks are being promoted by Tesco,
Asda, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons
and found that consumers are being
prompted to buy these beverages
in situations where they wouldn’t
ordinarily hit the bottle. The drinks
are presented as a perfect lunchtime
treat, and as healthy options
next to pictures of fruit. “Lowerstrength wines and beers appear
to be marketed not as substitutes
for higher-strength products, but
as ones that can be consumed on
additional occasions with an added
implication of healthiness,” wrote
the researchers. Make that an
“irresponsibility deal” then.
The trouble is that industry, the
Sexual healing
wider world and people themselves
present an unpredictable landscape,
says Gaby Judah, a researcher in
behavioural change at Imperial
College London. “You don’t know
how drinks companies are going
to pass on that price rise in the
longer term. There are actually
a number of different tools that
can be used and you need to look
at everything that’s available,
like restrictions in portion sizing,
advertising, price promotions,
better health labelling, not having
unhealthy products at the checkout
or end of aisles.”
At least researchers such as
Judah have back catalogues of
failures in the literature to inform
them, but sometimes, when an idea
feels like a no-brainer, initiatives
can be rolled out unchecked. She
cites an unfortunate example:
“One university campaign tried to
highlight how terrible it was that
students were binge drinking, but
in fact this seemed to normalise
it, and the campaign actually
increased binge drinking.”
Research, testing and monitoring
for unintended consequences are
key, she says. “They could have
predicted that [outcome] from the
literature, which shows that making
a behaviour seem like a social norm
encourages more people to do it.
You need to try to normalise the
behaviour you want – in this case
that would be that people don’t
actually drink that much.”
Perhaps this is a failing in
obesity messaging, too, in which
it is hammered home just how
increasingly common being
overweight is. Not that you can fake
it to make it in a health campaign
I can’t stand
my husband’s
The trouble is
that both the food
industry and the
public present
an unpredictable
and pretend that most people live on
vegetables and pulses alone, or that
sobriety is more common than binge
drinking at certain universities. “You
can’t lie,” says Judah. “It may just be
that a social-norm intervention is
not right in this situation.”
And yet, it worked wonders
for late taxpayers. When HRMC
trumpeted the fact that most people
settle up on time, the stragglers
started coughing up. “Also with
handwashing, in hospitals and in the
general public,” says Judah. “Making
it seem like everybody is washing
their hands when they’re supposed
to is likely to have an impact on
handwashing behaviour. You have
to work out what’s an appropriate
approach for the population.”
The blindingly obvious stumbling
block with lifestyle-related public
health campaigns is that consuming
unhealthy foods and drinks is, of
course, still the social norm, and
is often the cheaper and more
accessible option. Half of the UK’s
shopping baskets currently contain
“ultra-processed foods” – the
nation’s tastebuds are attuned to
them. As it stands, as far as vegetable
consumption goes, we are living in
the 1970s. Intended consequences, it
seems, are a long way off.
My husband and I used to have an
adventurous and satisfying sex
life, but since reaching menopause,
I can’t stand the way he touches
me or his way of initiating sex. I’m
afraid of offending him, so I grin
and bear it – and hate it. There is
another thing he does, without
asking if it’s OK. Out of the blue, he
wriggles to the bottom of the bed,
and uses my feet to masturbate.
I don’t like the feeling and I don’t
like that he uses part of my body for
sexual satisfaction without it being
a mutual thing. But it’s the only
regular pleasure he gets from me,
albeit without my consent. I do love
him and I want to make concessions,
but I don’t know what to do.
Grinning and bearing it is a good way
to shut down your sexual interest.
Menopause can unbalance or
reduce the availability of hormones
that help a woman enjoy sex, but
it should not end your sex life by
any means. Talk with your doctor
and try to relieve your menopausal
symptoms and boost your oestrogen
and testosterone. Most importantly,
make it a priority to reconnect
erotically with your husband by
being honest about your responses.
No one feels like having sex with a
partner who is consistently turning
them off. He needs education.
Try to tune into your new needs
– perhaps these are to be caressed
more, soothed more, have more
clitoral attention? Then impart this
information clearly to your husband
in a non-blaming fashion. Never
allow distasteful or painful sex.
Gently guide him to do what pleases
you, even if that does not lead you to
orgasm. You will feel more attracted
to him once he is making a genuine
effort to pleasure you. Finally, he may
have an erotic connection to your
feet, so do not assume his “bottom
of the bed” actions are purely
mechanical. Talk with him about this.
Write to us
One university’s
campaign against
students’ binge
drinking only
normalised the
Send us your
own problem for
Sexual Healing
by emailing
com or writing
to Private Lives,
The Guardian,
Kings Place,
90 York Way,
London N1 9GU.
are subject to
our terms and
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is
a US-based psychotherapist who
specialises in treating sexual
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
‘I’d never seen
a young trans
woman thriving’
Activist and author Janet Mock talks to
Simon Hattenstone about why she decided to
tell her story and her excitement at being part
of a new drama about trans women of colour
Photography Philip Cheung
anet Mock is talking
so fast I can’t keep
up. One moment we
are in Hawaii and she
is living, desperately
uncomfortably, as a little
boy called Charles. The next she
is 10 years old and has created the
alter ego Keisha to enable her to talk
to boys on the phone. Then she is
living happily as a transgender girl,
a star pupil and captain of the school
volleyball team. Now she is 16, doing
sex work and stripping at a local club
to earn enough money to pay for her
operation – or bottom surgery, as she
calls it.
It is an astonishing story – and
we have barely started. There is her
move to New York at 21, a master’s
in journalism, two bestselling
memoirs, a groundbreaking drama
she co-scripted and two marriages –
and, along the way, she has become
the world’s most prominent trans
activist. Phew!
Mock used to call herself the great
pretender. When she left Hawaii to
go to New York, she decided to keep
her past to herself. “I had to pretend,
or withhold parts of myself.
Specifically my trans-ness. I had to
pretend I was any other 21-year-old.
Most of them had not transitioned or
had to work the streets or in a strip
club, and most of them were not
already married. So much had
happened by the time I was 21 that I
just wanted to be normal and
regular, whatever I thought that was.”
She finally takes a breath. “Right?”
Blimey, I say, do you always
speak so quickly? She laughs and
apologises. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll
slow down. Yes, I do talk fast when
I’m excited. And I’m excited because
this is a new space in my career.”
Her sentences are regularly
punctuated with the word “space”,
perhaps not surprisingly for
somebody who has had to fight so
hard to claim hers.
Mock is fastidiously polite.
At times, she sounds like an oldfashioned southern belle dreamed
up by Tennessee Williams. In
fact, she grew up impoverished in
Honolulu. Her father, Charlie, is
African-American and was a drug
addict (she had no idea and was
devastated to discover when she
was young that neighbours knew
him as “Charlie the crackhead”).
Her mother, Elizabeth, is Hawaiian.
The family was broken and
dysfunctional, but loving in its own
chaotic way. As a seven-year-old,
Mock went to live with her father
in Oakwood, California. Her father
called young Charles a sissy. Mock
says she was called all sorts when
she was growing up – freak, faggot,
tranny, the N-word.
She did not see her mother for
five years until, at the age of 12,
she returned to Honolulu, where
she flourished. Her mother never
discouraged her from becoming
Janet (a name she chose after a
friend told her she looked like Janet
Jackson). “There were bigger issues
in our family. My mom didn’t have
the luxury of time and resources to
micromanage any of her children’s
lives.” It was a blessing, she says –
wealthier parents might have paid
for therapy to “right” her.
Mock was helped by the fact that
gender is relatively fluid in Hawaii.
The word “māhū” denotes a third
gender. It is a pejorative for gay men
and drag queens, but it can also have
a sense of the sacred attached to it.
“My mom, growing up in Hawaii,
saw trans people existing every day.
She didn’t know they were trans. She
was just like: ‘Oh, that’s such-andsuch who lives on the street.’ It was
the norm to have people who were
not male or female; people who may
be in the middle somewhere.”
Mock, now 35, splits her time
between Los Angeles and New
York. We meet for lunch at a stately
hotel in West Hollywood. Mock is
gorgeous – tall, curvy, with brown,
almond-shaped eyes, a perfect smile
and cheek-bones so high you could
hoist a flag on them. Despite her
sing-song voice, she is fierce and
forensic in her arguments.
She orders a super-strong cold
brew (coffee brewed for hours in
cold water) and a steak dish and we
return to her past. At 15, she began
hormone treatment without telling
her mother. Soon after, she started
selling sex and stripping to pay for
her $7,000 (£5,700) surgery. The only
thing she regrets, she says, is doing
a porn shoot to earn the final $1,500.
“The sex work was private, but this
was on record for the rest of my life.”
In her first memoir, Redefining
Realness, she wrote that she was
“immortalising the one part of
my body that brought me so
much anguish”.
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
‘I wouldn’t take
anything from
my experience – it
built my resolve,
my core’
I ask when she started thinking
of herself as Janet and she says it is
a false premise; she always thought
of herself as a girl who was cursed by
biology. She knew she wanted sexreassignment surgery, but that was
not going to determine her gender.
“I believed I was, and knew myself
as, a young woman, even when I had
a penis. It wasn’t as if I needed the
surgery to confirm that for me.”
Was there any point at which she
felt she could be complete without
surgery? “I did not, but that’s just my
experience. I know a lot of people
who do, and that’s where the burden
of representation comes in. I’m
sitting here telling my specific story,
but though I wasn’t comfortable
with that, there are thousands of
people who are, or thousands who
don’t have access to the funds to
have surgery.”
Mock often talks about the
Mock: ‘Secrecy
was hard to
cope with’
burden of representation. She might
be regarded as a spokeswoman
for trans women, but she does
not pretend her experience is
representative. For one thing, she
was fortunate enough to be able
to choose whether to disclose she
was trans. Many trans women
do not have that privilege – their
appearance gives them away.
She has said that without her
smile and her MA in journalism,
nobody would have listened to her.
“The ‘pretty privilege’ can give
you access to spaces, just like your
able body gives you access. But it
makes impossible beauty standards
for many other trans girls who are
struggling with that right now.”
She argues that trans women
obsess too much about being able to
“pass”, but she knows it is easy for
her to say. She, too, obsessed about
that in the past – ironically, one of
the things she found validating was
one of the things she most despised:
men objectifying her.
She drains her cool brew, and our
main course arrives – steak, brown
rice, vegetables. “Oh, my God! This
looks really good.” She examines
one of the vegetables curiously, and
calls over Wayne, the waiter.
“Wayne, is this like a sweet
“It’s a carrot,” Wayne says. “A
purple carrot.”
“Very good. Thank you, Wayne.”
She has a way of engaging with
people and dismissing them with
self-assured charm.
Mock says so much has changed
in the trans world since she was
young. She hopes few people today
need to go to the lengths she did
to fund surgery. Would she swap
her story for a more sober version?
“No. I would have my story,” she
says instantly. Is there any time she
would have swapped it ? “When I
was living it yeah. Che-che-che-che!”
She laughs loudly and uninhibitedly,
as if clearing her throat. “I wanted a
genie to pop up and grant me three
wishes – to get all this over with,
to have a financial safety net and
to be comfortable. But I wouldn’t
take anything from my experience
because it built my resolve; my
core. I fought for every single thing
I have now.”
Was she putting herself at risk
on the streets? Yes, she says, but
just being trans is putting your life
at risk. The statistics are shocking –
more than 2,000 trans people were
killed between 2008 and 2016, the
majority in South America. In 2014,
research showed that 46% of trans
men and 42% of trans women had
attempted suicide in the US.
Actually, Mock says, there was
a great support network among
‘If I’d disclosed,
it would have
made people
judge me, made
me a freak show’
sex workers. “The girls felt safe
there. We took care of each other.
You showed up, you knew who was
there and how long she’s gone. We
weren’t doing it in isolation. Now sex
work had gone online so you’re by
yourself all the time.”
When she left Hawaii for New
York, three years after surgery, Mock
chose not to reveal that she was
trans. She embarked on a new life
experience, described in her second
memoir Surpassing Certainty. “If I
had disclosed, it would have made
people judge me, made them not
want to be with me, made me an
object, a freak show. I would have
been the trans girl in the room.
To reveal to a class of strangers
the heaviness of my past was just
too much. It’s inconvenient. The
inconvenient truth! And I didn’t
want to be inconvenienced. It would
get in the way. I just wanted to go to
school to get a job, and move on.”
She felt both freed and
imprisoned. “The secrecy was hard
to cope with,” she says. Mock also
became aware of her blackness in a
way she had never been before. In
Hawaii, she was primarily identified
as trans and “everybody was at least
brown or tinted in some way”. At
New York University, she was one of
a handful of black students. “So, in
Zora Neale Hurston’s words, I was
thrust against a white backdrop.”
She pauses. “I love Zora. She is
THE Queen!”
Her progress in the publishing
world was seamless. Before long, she
was an editor and writer at People
magazine. But she became bored.
She realised she had a better story
to tell than the celebrities she was
interviewing. And she wanted to
own that story. In 2009, she met
photographer Aaron Tredwell, who
was to become her second husband.
“I started telling the people in my
life and I was like: ‘Oh, this story is
interesting because I’ve never seen it
before. This is pre-Orange Is the New
Black, pre-Caitlyn Jenner.’ And I was
like: ‘I think I should tell my story.’
I’d never seen a young trans woman
who was living and thriving in the
world, and I was looking for that.”
Throughout the Obama years, she
says, transgender rights improved
considerably in the US, but now
Donald Trump is determined to
reverse that progress. Last July, he
attempted to introduce a blanket
ban on transgender people joining
the military.
“There is a lot of rowing back
on protections that the Obama
administration put through: the
guidelines for trans children in
schools; trans-specific affordable
healthcare; the military ban.” She
says it is part of a wider general
clampdown on rights for minorities.
rans women have been
questioned from more
than one side of the
political spectrum.
What does Mock make
of the continuing
opposition from some feminists?
“I think it is rooted in the same
thing they say they’re fighting
against – biological essentialism.
So, it’s saying that if you don’t have
these specific biological experiences
as a woman you cannot be a woman,
you cannot be in our struggle. I
would argue that for women to
say the only identifying factor of a
woman is a pussy is misogynistic. If
we’re saying that to be a feminist is
to eliminate barriers and alleviate
marginalisation based on gender,
then how could you not want
to include the persecuted trans
women or non-binary folk so you
have more comrades to fight against
gendered oppression?”
She looks me in the face. “My
grandmother gets who I am, so
when you ask me about people who
don’t understand, or people who
are on their bully pulpits saying you
shouldn’t accept people, I’m like:
“What’s happened to you that, of
all the things you can talk about, of
all the injustices in the world, the
one thing you want to concentrate
on is trans people living their truth?
How is that harming you and your
identity? How I identify has nothing
to do with you, and how you identify
has nothing to do with me. Right? So
live your life and let me live mine.”
She chews on her steak,
decisively. I hope that is not directed
at me, I say, cowering. She stops in
her tracks and bursts out laughing.
“Che-che-che-che. Nonononoo.”
Mock has spent much of the past
year as part of the writing/producing
team on Pose, the new trans drama
devised by Glee creator Ryan
Murphy. She is also directing one
episode. I ask her what she thinks of
Transparent, the US comedy-drama
about a middle-aged father who
becomes a trans woman.
“I don’t watch it, so I don’t know,”
she says.
But it is one of the few dramas
featuring trans characters, I insist.
“It was never really for me. Just
because there’s a trans character
doesn’t mean it’s a show I would
But I persist. Surely, if you are
making a drama about trans people,
you would want to watch what has
gone before. “You’re really stuck
on this Transparent thing, which is
interesting to me,” Mock says,
smiling. But, now, it is a hollow smile.
She quietly but firmly puts me
in my place. “It’s about somebody
way older than me, who was a
professor. Transparent is about a
white, middle-class, liberal family,
so there are no intersections that
interest me.”
What makes her so excited about
Pose is that it is about the very
people she knows and cares about.
“Our show is centring on trans
women of colour in a way they’ve
not been centred on ever. What’s
so radical to me is that, unlike
Transparent, where there is one
main character who is trans and
played by a man, we have five main
characters who are trans played
by trans women. That five black
and brown trans women will be
the centre of a show on a network
drama in primetime is huge. And
they’re going to be on billboards.
It’s amazing this is going to exist in
the world.”
I tell Mock I have one final
question, from a trans friend of my
elder daughter. She asked: “How
can a nice trans girl like me find the
perfect husband like Aaron,” I say.
Mock roars with delight. “That
is so sweet! What is her name?”
Charlie, I say.
“To be in a relationship is an
incredibly vulnerable space to be in,
so you have to be willing to be open,
to not be afraid of that intense gaze
on you. Aaron was intense; he really
wanted to know me. And I chose to
show up as myself, and I chose to be
vulnerable and tell him my story,
and that has been the foundation
of our relationship. We’re going to
challenge one another by telling the
truth to one another, then be strong
enough to stick around when that
truth is not exactly what we thought
we were going to hear. I hope that
helps Charlie.”
I’m sure it will, I tell her,
and explain that Charlie is also
an activist.
“What is her second name?”
Charlie Craggs, I say.
“Oh, I know that name,” she
whoops. “I’m not kidding. I follow
her on Twitter.” Within seconds, she
is searching her Twitter account.
“Craggs? Cr … Cra … See, I told you,”
she shouts, triumphantly.
Two cold brews down, and having
just discovered Charlie, she is talking
faster than ever. “I love that! It’s
a small world. Shows how deeply
connected we are! Che-che-che-che.”
This is who she has written
her books for, she says – the next
generation. Mock says she has done
her bit: she can now go off and
write screenplays and be a boring
old binary trans woman. It is up to
people like Charlie to take up the
cudgels. “There are trans girls who
are still navigating these spaces and
wanting to learn and grow and they
need something fun to look at when
they see themselves. They don’t
just need to know the tragedy and
trauma of being trans. They also
need to know how to better be, how
to better live, how to better dream.”
Surpassing Certainty, Mock’s memoir,
will be published worldwide on 1 May
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
‘I want a live TV
debate with
Cressida Dick.
They won’t do it.
They’re scared’
… Duwayne Brooks
The murder of Stephen Lawrence 25 years ago
revealed racism at the heart of British institutions.
As a documentary about the case is broadcast,
producer Asif Kapadia and Lawrence’s friend
Duwayne Brooks tell Danny Leigh about a traumatic
history – and their fears for the future
ad Duwayne Brooks
been aware of
the date that was
looming? “Do you
know what my
name is?” he asks.
“Whenever the press refer to me,
what is it they call me? ‘Best friend
of Stephen Lawrence.’ ‘Was with
Stephen when he died.’” He looks
down at the ground, then back up
and makes sure we have eye contact.
“I knew it was going to be the
On 22 April it will be 25 years
since the night in 1993 when Brooks
and Lawrence were attacked by a
racist gang at a suburban bus stop
in Eltham, London. Lawrence was
stabbed to death. Brooks is now 43,
as Lawrence would have been. We
sit among diners in the Westfield
Stratford shopping centre. He’s
neatly dressed, a little tired at the end
of the day. Around us, people chat
happily in Five Guys and Wagamama.
Anniversaries mean taking stock.
A quarter of a century after the
murder, you can feel a collective
pull for the date to mark some kind
of closure. Over the last two weeks,
Doreen Lawrence has suggested
that the police have run out of leads
in the murder of her son. As such,
she said, they should now end their
inquiries. For its part, Scotland Yard
has admitted exactly that – and that
the future of the investigation is under
review. “It’s time to move on,” ran the
headline in the Daily Mail, the paper
that has championed the campaign
for justice ever since editor Paul Dacre
learned Stephen’s father, Neville, once
worked as a plasterer on his house.
Yet at the same time Imran
Khan, the Lawrence family lawyer,
has spoken of an ongoing crisis.
Institutional racism in the police,
he has said, is not just alive but
“thriving”. So is moving on even
Brooks says discussion of the
future of the case should be led by the
Lawrence parents. Now, in Stratford,
he is talking about another crisis,
the wave of knife crime gripping
London. Brooks opposes stop and
search, newly back in favour among
police and politicians. It’s pointless,
he says. Instead, there should be
visible leadership, engagement with
communities. “I’m angry. I want
to sit down with Sadiq Khan and
[Metropolitan police commissioner]
Cressida Dick. I’ve asked Cressida
to do a live TV debate with me and
she won’t. They’re scared.” Why?
“Because embarrassment is hard
to deal with on live TV. They don’t
want to sit down with someone who
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
the landmarks of the case could fill
the time – the botched investigation,
the shock of the Macpherson report
damning the police as institutionally
racist, the belated conviction in
2012 of two of the gang responsible.
But to really understand what
happened, the series says, you
have to consider history such as the
Deptford fire of 1981, which engulfed
a south-east London house party
and killed 13 young black people,
without adequate investigation; the
economic downturn at the start of
the 90s that saw racism in nearby
areas later congeal into support for
the BNP. Then, at the other end of
the process, we have the 2014 Ellison
review commissioned by Theresa
May. She appears on camera, too,
having ordered a public inquiry
after the Met planted “a spy in the
Lawrence family camp”.
For Brooks, at least May confronted
the police as home secretary. “That’s
why they hate her,” he says. Although
in the past he has been a Lib Dem
councillor, he represents no one
but himself. “My questions now are
around corruption, not racism,” he
says, the kind of line
that unnerves lawyers.
failings …
Here not from any formal
involvement with the
former Met
series, simply because
Paul Condon
‘The Met failed to
investigate murder.
The person at the
top didn’t lose their
job. That’s because
we are black’
‘It’s the moment
we lost trust
in the system’
actually knows how the Met works.”
He shrugs, holds up a hand. “We
should talk about the programme.”
The programme is a three-part
BBC One documentary with a bold
statement for a title – Stephen: The
Murder That Changed a Nation.
It was produced by Asif Kapadia,
director of the Oscar-winning Amy,
the sorrowful portrait of the late
Amy Winehouse. Kapadia is just a
couple of years older than Brooks,
growing up as an Asian kid in
Hackney, going through the same
experience many young Londoners
had with racism and the police in
the 80s and 90s. “There were certain
estates you just didn’t go to. And in
Hackney we all grew up thinking the
police were bent!”
But for a whole generation, he
says, the effect of the case was
seismic. “For a lot of people, Stephen
Lawrence was the first time they
saw the system as a whole. How it
all connected, the police, judiciary,
politicians. And it was also exactly
the moment they lost trust in it.”
Already, the series has assumed
a pivotal role. The police have said
they will wait until after it broadcasts
and new witnesses potentially come
forward before making a decision on
continuing investigations. Yet getting
it made was a delicate process,
navigating between the BBC and the
Met, scrutinised by lawyers on all
sides. Directed by James Rogan, the
result combines new interviews –
Brooks among them – with the kind
of vivid archive collage Kapadia
perfected in Amy. The effect can be
startling – Rogan found a glimpse of
Stephen on a 1991 episode of latenight TV show The Word, watching
Public Enemy next to the stage, like
a photograph come to life. The series
begins with the stunned grief of
the Lawrence parents, and the nest
of bigots in Eltham who murdered
him, then zooms out ever wider
into the surrounding web of career
criminals and police malpractice, the
media, Home Office, a whole country
suddenly appalled by what it saw in
the mirror: Britain, the place where
racists get away with murder.
Rarely have three hours of
television felt so tightly packed. Just
Stunned grief …
Stephen Lawrence,
left; and his
mother, Doreen
he likes and trusts Rogan, Brooks
is complicated company – funny,
brusque and insightful in the course
of the same answer. Wary too, as any
of us would be.
Discussing knife crime in London,
Brooks talks about trauma – the
damage done to friends and families
of the victim. In the wake of the
murder, as people in the community
said that he had run and left Stephen
behind, the police embarked on a
campaign of harassment that would
go on for years. At first they tried to
discredit his evidence; then there
was a long game of attempting to ruin
him personally. There were regular
arrests, the charges either quietly
dropped or defeated. It emerged that
the police had recorded a meeting
between Brooks, his solicitor and a
senior officer.
In 2006, the Met offered a written
apology for his treatment (“Because
they were told to say sorry”). No
officer involved ever lost their job.
Paul Condon, the Metropolitan
police commissioner throughout
the early years of the Lawrence
investigation, remained in the post
after the Macpherson report, retiring
as he had planned to in 2000. A year
later, he was given a life peerage.
Lord Condon retired in turn from
Parliament last December.
“It’s not about satisfying me,”
Brooks says. “You fail, you lose
your job. That’s standard. The Met
failed to investigate a simple case
of murder, and most of the suspects
were allowed to get away with it. The
person at the top should have lost
their job.” Why does he think there
wasn’t even a fall guy? “Now that’s
because we are black.”
The modern force would very
much like to think of itself as having
learned painful lessons. Brooks is
sceptical. “If I was the commissioner,
I’d want to say: ‘There were a
number of recommendations in the
Macpherson report, and this is where
we are with them.’ But Cressida
won’t. Because in terms of victim
support, racism, discrimination,
it’s still the same. Are victims and
witnesses afforded the right support
when they have to go to court? I don’t
think so. That’s based on a number
of cases where perpetrators have got
off, because witnesses
didn’t want to give
evidence. Because
they didn’t trust the
police.” He pauses
to consider ways in
which he feels the
Lawrence case has
genuinely transformed
the Met, then thinks
of one improvement:
“First aid.”
For Kapadia, too,
having made a series
called The Murder
That Changed a
Nation, the question
is how much change
has really happened
– or at least, if we are
in danger of changing back. In the
first episode of the series, Lawrence’s
cousin Mat Bickley mentions the
poisoned atmosphere created by
Brexit. Kapadia’s instinct was to cut
the reference, until he decided he had
to make clear that racism was oozing
back into public life – and why.
“I’m worried about where we are,”
Kapadia says. “There’s a reminder
in the programme of the time a few
years before Stephen was killed when
people felt OK, maybe racism was
disappearing. And then the mood
shifted, and suddenly you were being
told you don’t belong here again.
You’re not from here. You’re not
wanted. And all of that is back now.”
Duwayne Brooks glances around
the lights of Westfield. After the
murder, his solicitor arranged some
counselling. Otherwise, there was
nothing. Twenty-five years later,
he says, in most of London the only
trauma counselling for teenagers
has to be paid for privately. “One
person gets stabbed to death,
everyone feels that pain. The
friend who is with them, the whole
network of friends on Facebook and
WhatsApp. So that trauma just keeps
rippling out, into different houses,
into different lives.” And what if it
isn’t dealt with? “If it isn’t dealt with?
Then it stays with you. And then it
starts to eat you.”
Stephen: The Murder That Changed a
Nation runs on three successive nights
on BBC One, starting at 9pm tomorrow
Gags and air Josie Long and
Jonny Donahoe’s comic delivery
It’s a baby shower with a difference. A month before their
first child is due, the standup couple tell Brian Logan why
they are doing a show seeking the audience’s parenting tips
t’s mad,” says Josie Long, “but it
audiences? Having read “lots of bad books
feels like the right thing to do.”
on the subject”, in Donahoe’s words, the pair
Braving the blustery weather at
aim to puncture some of what Long calls the
a pavement cafe near their east
“unhelpful, unscientific or deep-rooted in
London home, Long and fellow
sexist bullshit” myths surrounding pregnancy.
comedian Jonny Donahoe are
“To do a show,” she continues, “about
discussing their unlikely new project, which
becoming parents from – what I now realise is
enjoys its first and only UK performance next
– our unconventional perspective. We want to
week. For Josie Long and Jonny Donahoe Are
coparent and we’re aware of how unusual that
Having a Baby (With You), the couple take to
is.” Their job helps with this aspiration. “As
the stage to chat, joke and desperately seek
comedians, we’re quite time-rich,” Donahoe
advice on the imminent arrival of their first
says. “We can both take time off. Standup is a
child. They’re taking one of the most intimate
very flexible job.”
experiences a couple can have, and making it
“And also,” Long adds, “we’re both very
public when Long is eight
open in our work and like to talk about what’s
months pregnant – heavy,
happening in our lives.” On the ethics of
exhausted and, she says,
making their pregnancy public property, she
want to
“physically vulnerable”.
admits “it’s really tricky. As comedians you
share …
What are they thinking?
want to share – but you want to share what you
There will
This isn’t the first time
want to share. And there will always be people
always be
the couple have smudged
who cross the boundary in the wrong way.”
the line between art and
Last month, in what became a comedy cause
people who
life. Long is a revered artcelebre, standup Louise Reay was sued by her
cross the
comic, activist and queen
boundary the ex-husband for breach of privacy. But “I’m not
of indie standup; Donahoe
going to sue you,” Jonny promises Josie. “What
wrong way’
is one half of bluesy lefty
would I get if I sued you? I haven’t even paid
musical act Jonny and the
you back for half the sofa.”
Baptists. They met when
Long admits to anxieties, too, about how
she saw him perform the
parenthood may affect her career in a stillsexist industry. “I miss having my brain being
acclaimed solo theatre
my own,” she confesses. “And I hope that once
show Every Brilliant Thing. Impressed,
we’ve had our little maternity period I can
she invited him to co-author a new project
write another show, tour it, and we can travel
together – about a couple falling in love. “The
as a family.”
plan was to have intimate conversations with
Finally, that prospect – of new adventures,
each other,” says Long, “a very vulnerable
new horizons – eclipses any anxiety. “I’ve
writing process, and what came out of it would
been writing shows that say, ‘I feel like I’m
be very unusual.” But a few months in, both
not growing up enough’ – and I don’t want to
parties were deeply confused. “I remember
do that for ever. I want to write shows that
saying to [the comic] Bridget Christie, ‘I think
say, ‘This is what life is like for me now,’ that
we might be in love with each other. But it
tackle the world in a new way. So I’m really
might not be real, it might just be for the
up for it. I think having a baby will change
show’,” Long remembers. “And she was like:
our perspective and be difficult and new and
‘Fuck the show! What do you want, a show or a
unusual. And I embrace all of that.”
baby?’ And I was like: I want a baby!”
And so it came to pass – albeit earlier
Josie Long and Jonny Donahoe Are Having a
than intended when accidental pregnancy
Baby (With You) is at the Underbelly festival
interrupted their meticulous schedule. The
Southbank, London, on 25 April.
couple were touring together in the political
cabaret Lefty Scum. Then Long had planned
to write a new standup set “about welcoming
someone to the whole world. I thought
it’d be such a beautiful thing, and I’d
Fretful questions
tour it loads, then we’d start trying for a … Josie Long and
baby, and I’d feel in a really good place.” Jonny Donahoe
Instead, the couple found themselves
unexpectedly expecting on the back of
few “tricky” years, as Long describes them,
when she’d been ill and “not writing as much
as I’d like”.
“So we’re in a position of uncertainty and
unpreparedness,” she says. “We’re excited and
happy, but it’s frightening and unusual too.
That’s where the show comes from. We wanted
to have fun with that – and to ask advice from
people who are parents too.” They staged
an early version in Brooklyn in March, with
Daily Show contributor – and parent – John
Hodgman as special guest. (In London, it’s
Christie.) They posed fretful questions like:
“What happens if you lose the kid?” Hodgman
and the audience supplied soothing counsel in
And in return for the advice, what will their
show (and the podcast that may follow) offer
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
Live reviews
Dad, mum and DIY son …
Mark Bonnar, Brian
Vernel and Jane Horrocks
for Correct
Royal Court theatre, London
Until 19 May
Box office: 020-7565 5000
Queen Elizabeth Hall, London
homas Eccleshare
is a quirky, offthe-wall writer. In
Pastoral, seen at the
HighTide festival
in 2013, he created
black comedy out of impending
ecological disaster. Now he has
written a sci-fi satire about our vain
search for programmed perfection.
While the play is sharply funny and
ingeniously staged, it doesn’t always
supply the emotional evidence to
reinforce its intellectual arguments.
The basic situation is simple:
Hari and Max, husband and wife,
respectively, are a nice suburban
couple who decide to create
an ideal flatpack son out of
constituent parts. It gradually
emerges that their first son, Nick,
died of drug addiction. They
assemble a replacement, Jan,
who conforms to social norms
and whose ideas and attitudes
can be determined through a
remote control. Since Nick and
tyled by the Vivienne
Westwood studio
and throwing shapes
to the thrash and
shimmer of Mica
Levi’s electronic score,
the eight cowpunchers of Holly
Blakey’s new work look as though
they’d be more at home in the
pages of Dazed magazine than in
the wild west. Blakey has good
reason for using Cowpuncher – the
not-so-gender-specific variant on
“cowboy” – as the title for her piece.
Although she’s taken the rogue,
rootless outlaw of cowboy legend
as her basic inspiration, she’s used
that image to celebrate a far more
generalised world of outsiders,
especially those who live on the
fringes of sexual definition.
Her dancers – five women and
three men – are costumed by
Andreas Kronthaler across a freefloating spectrum of possibilities.
Some of the women might be
dressed as raunchy barmaids or
western belles, unambiguously girly
Jan are played by the same actor,
a contrast is drawn between the
fallible humanity of the one and
the machine-tooled precision
of the other. Needless to say,
predetermined perfection proves
to be an impossible dream.
As a graduate of the Jacques
Lecoq school of physical theatre,
Eccleshare comes out of a different
box from most British playwrights,
but I was struck by his similarity
to Alan Ayckbourn. In Ayckbourn’s
Henceforward (1987), we saw a
composer serviced by an android
to whom he related more easily than
people; and in Comic Potential
(1998), TV soaps were populated by
computerised robots. There is one
particular scene in Eccleshare’s play,
when Jan hilariously disrupts a
suburban dinner party, that I
suspect his forebear would have
been delighted to have written.
Eccleshare also has the capacity to
link the dystopian and the diurnal,
as in Hari and Max’s compulsion to
Vivienne Westwood’s
wild west …
in laced-up bodices, flounces and
chintz. But one of the men wears a
flowered tea frock and has his hair in
a plait, while another sports the
challenging combination of cowboy
boots and Lurex-spangled loincloth.
Blakey’s choreography is similarly
rooted in classic cowboy motifs – and
similarly fluid with gender. The five
women open the work as if to the
compete with their neighbours, who
constantly brag about their own highflying offspring’s achievements.
What Eccleshare has to say is true
and relevant: we should love people
for what they are rather than for
what we wish them to be. The
action, however, doesn’t always
back up the argument, especially
in the scenes
involving Nick,
This sharply
whose descent
funny and
into addiction is
never motivated
staged sci-fi
or explained. We
satire charts
are clearly meant
our vain
to assume that, as
search for
parents, Max and
programmed Hari have failed
due to their
inability to cope
with messy
reality. But we
don’t learn
enough about Nick, in spite of a
speech from the girl next door
praising his potential, to know
whether he was a victim of parental
pressure or social circumstance.
Even if there is a hole at the play’s
heart, it has been assembled by
director Hamish Pirie and designer
Cai Dyfan as cleverly as the machinemade Jan: scenes that are glimpsed
through a rectangular aperture
whisk by on a travelator before
the set opens up to show us the
suburban jungle. Jane Horrocks
captures excellently the trim
conformity and residual guilt of the
maternal Max, while Mark Bonnar
suggests the trouble with Hari is that
he believes you can build the perfect
son out of DIY fervour. Jason Barnett
and Michele Austin are equally good
as the boastful neighbours. Brian
Vernel is outstanding as both the
flawed Nick and the mechanised
Jan who, as someone observes,
has his head screwed on the right
way. Yet while the play aims some
deft blows at our desire for an
unrealisable perfection and is
well worth seeing, its own flaws
are all too apparent.
Michael Billington
prairie-born, hunkered down in
the hips and going through the
stylised motions of hurling a lasso.
If the men initially dominate the
stage, with their strutting, triggerhappy machismo, Blakey has
them join the women in fleet-footed
line dances and allows them
moments of revealing, delicate
sensuality, or crumpled pain.
I love the premise of Cowpuncher,
and there are sections where
Blakey and her collaborators make
it fly. Jenni Pystynen’s lighting is
particularly fine, baking the stage
in desert heat and giving it a
smoky sunset glow. Ultimately,
however, it feels like a production in
thrall to its own image. Too often the
choreography settles for the striking
picture when it should be mining
the riches of its source language;
too often it opts for the superficial
attitude when it could be probing
more deeply beneath the skins of
these stylishly equivocal,
postmodern outlaws.
Judith Mackrell
Off its game …
Philip Venables’
new work
The Gender
Queen Elizabeth Hall, London
hilip Venables’
new piece was the
London Sinfonietta’s
contribution to
events marking the
reopening of Queen
Elizabeth Hall. But it is a huge
disappointment, coming after the
2016 premiere of the opera 4.48
Psychosis, which identified Venables
as a distinctive new voice in British
music, and his fiercely effective work
Illusions, introduced at the Hull New
Music Biennial last summer.
“A concert work like no other”
promised the Sinfonietta’s preconcert publicity, and The Gender
Agenda, which was followed by a
screening of Illusions, is certainly
that. It’s designed as a parody TV
gameshow, with contestants from
the audience setting challenges on
the subject of gender identity and
prejudice. The besequinned “host” is
the performance artist David Hoyle
(he’s also the on-screen protagonist
of Illusions), but there is too much of
him and too little of Venables’ own
music, which is mostly confined to
the spoof commercial breaks and
contrasts with the muzak
punctuating the show itself.
The trouble is that it isn’t funny
or sharply satirical enough. The
contestants’ tasks are utterly feeble,
what they say about gender issues
comes across as platitudinous and,
fatally, the whole thing is not slick
enough – a parody needs to have at
least some of the glitz of the thing it’s
attacking. Proportions are all over
the place, too. Hoyle’s banter with
the audience goes on far too long,
while conductor Jessica Cottis,
Sinfonietta musicians and amateur
chorus Sprechchor simply sit there.
When the show does start, it all
seems an enormous waste of time
and resources.
Venables’ commission is shared
with Ensemble Modern, and the
Remix and Asko | Schönberg
ensembles; radical reworking
is needed before audiences
in Frankfurt, Porto and
Amsterdam see it.
Andrew Clements
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
TV and radio
Watch this
encounter ...
Will Millard
meets Korowai
member August
and his son, Sun
The Queen’s Green Planet
9pm, ITV
My Year With the Tribe
Sir David Attenborough teams up with
Her Maj to talk trees. A wander around
Buckingham Palace’s gardens puts the Queen
at ease as the pair enjoy a friendly chat about
the Commonwealth Canopy project, as part
of which the royal family is planting trees
in 53 countries. Princes William and Harry
and Angelina Jolie are among the others
involved. Also, veteran Labour MP Frank Field,
who came up with the plan, talks about how
hard it was to get various governments
involved over the years.
Rebecca Nicholson
An attempt to film an ‘untouched’
tribe in the Indonesian jungle turns
into an ethical quagmire
y Year With the Tribe is an unsettling
documentary. Its presenter, Will
Millard, an upbeat writer and
expedition leader who seems cut
from the cloth of 90s Jamie Oliver,
sets out to West Papua in Indonesia to
document the holy grail sought by many anthropological
documentary-makers – a society untouched by the
modern world. Millard has visited the region many times
before and speaks Indonesian, but he has yet to meet the
remote Korowai people. So, he heads into the rainforest
without any fixed plans, in the hope that a “traditional”
family will let him film with them for a sustained period.
“I want to try something different,” he explains, aware
that this has been attempted before, offering four visits
over the course of a year as his USP.
The twist has been revealed in advance. The Korowai
are not as remote a tribe as they once were. They have
smartphones, generators and a school. Many of their
famous treehouses were constructed for the benefit of
previous documentaries, including the BBC’s 2011 series
Human Planet. With a growing sense of confusion and
disappointment, Millard realises he is being performed
to by the people he meets. First, there is Markus, who
assumes the role of a treehouse-dweller, but it soon
becomes clear that this is a show for the cameras.
Markus has a list of prices for “activities”, from hunting
for grubs to cooking rat. He sings as he is cooking a meal:
“We weren’t like this before.”
But Markus is not the only one in on this presentation
of tribe life. In the end, we are left with the shell of the
documentary that Millard thought he was going to make,
propped up by an existential crisis about authenticity,
artifice and encroaching modernity.
As fascinating as that is, it left me uneasy. Much of
the first episode seems more concerned with Millard’s
feelings than with the people who have intrigued him
for so long. That may be a result of necessity. Once it
becomes clear that the Korowai have seen wide-eyed
film crews before, the focus of the documentary
becomes documentary-making. It turns into an ethical
quagmire and I am not sure that My Year With the Tribe
escapes from it simply by addressing that fact.
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
There is a paradox in Millard’s despair. He seems
frustrated that a cash economy, which he puts down to
outside visitors, has changed what he had hoped to find.
There is some agonised self-flagellation about being part
of the problem – “Look around you, mate, you made
this” – but he remains determined to be the person to
find the remote tribe that has eluded him, in spite of the
fact that the search for it turns into “a bit of a disaster”
in places, as he admits. Having seen the effects of
documentaries such as this being made again and again,
he continues to attempt to make
one. Perhaps this will be addressed
in the remaining two episodes, but
something about this jarringly frank
series makes me wonder if it will be
the last of its kind – and whether that
would be such a bad thing.
After a well-received pilot, the
sketch show Famalam (BBC Two)
sketches are
has been given a four-episode series,
first shown online on BBC Three. It is
and rarely
good-natured, daft and occasionally
outstay their
incisive, with its initial sketch laying
out its wry wit to particularly sharp
effect: a black superhero takes out
a gang of drug dealers and stands,
triumphantly and expectantly, as the
police arrive on the scene. Cut to him
being thrown across the bonnet of the car, in cuffs, as
“suspect: black male” crackles across the radio.
Plenty has been written about how sketch comedy
has been revived by the internet’s appetite for brief,
shareable clips and this certainly feels as if it could exist
in isolated, Facebook-friendly bursts. The sketches
are rapid-fire and rarely outstay their welcome. Some,
like the gag about racist swiping on dating apps, are
one-note jokes that pass in a flash. Others, such as the
Blaxploitation-flecked countryside crime of Midsomer
Motherfuckin’ Murders, luxuriate in a more drawn-out
silliness. My favourite was the aunties’ western-inspired
showdown over leftovers. It is not hard to see Famalam’s
punchlines coming long before they land, but they fly
past in such a frenzy of energy that it is hard to mind.
Hannah Verdier
Give It a Year
8pm, ITV
I’m gripped
by Wild Wild
Country on
Netflix, but
I request a
directors’ cut
with dates
stamped on
every scene –
the timeline
keeps losing me
Casting off the shackles
of employment for a selfemployed existence may
attract many would-be
entrepreneurs, but the
road to riches is riddled
with wrecks. Karren
Brady meets hopeful
business owners ranging
from the fastidious to
the fantastical, returning
to each a year later to
discover whether business
is booming or bust.
Mark Gibbings-Jones
Secret Agent
Selection: WW2
9pm, BBC Two
People like SAS: Are You
Tough Enough?. They
also like Back in Time
for Dinner. Let’s mix
them! It is episode two
of the agreeable periodreality contest and the
chaff has been weeded
out: the survivors now
face the sharp end of the
training process for the
SOE, Britain’s behindNazi-lines crack fighting
force. Jack Seale
Building Giants:
Venice Sea Wall
9pm, More4
New series offering
a corrective to our
tendency to take for
granted the genius
that underpins huge
engineering projects.
This episode looks at new
infrastructure built to
protect the old: the sea
barrier that will prevent
Venice from flooding to
an undesirable degree.
Andrew Mueller
The Walking Dead
9pm, Fox
Will it be Rick or treat?
Season eight of the
erratic zombie megahit
has dealt tenderly with
the death of a core
character, while also
becoming fitfully fixated
on turnips. In tonight’s
high-stakes finale, the
scattered and knackered
good guys try to finally
neutralise bellicose
biker gang the Saviours.
Graeme Virtue
Waco Inferno:
The Untold Story
10pm, Channel 5
The story of the 1993 siege
of a Texan compound run
by the Branch Davidian
religious group still has
the power to beggar belief.
The standoff, which
ended in a huge fire, left
75 people dead. This
documentary explores
David Koresh, the cult’s
charismatic leader, and
his rise from obscurity.
Ben Arnold
Channel 4
Channel 5
Flog It! Trade Secrets (T) (R)
6.30 Escape to the Country
(T) (R) 7.15 Flog It! (T) (R)
8.0 Sign Zone: Hugh’s Wild
West (T) (R) 9.0 Victoria
Derbyshire (T) 11.0 BBC
Newsroom Live (T) 12.0 Daily
Politics (T) 1.0 Perfection (T)
(R) 1.45 Home Away from
Home (T) (R) 2.30 Going
Back, Giving Back (T) (R)
3.15 Trust Me, I’m a Doctor
(T) (R) 4.15 Tigers About the
House (T) (R) 5.15 Put Your
Money Where Your Mouth
Is (T) (R) 6.0 Eggheads (T)
6.30 Britain in Bloom (T)
7.0 The Secret Helpers (T)
Countdown (T) (R)
6.45 3rd Rock from the
Sun (T) (R) 7.35 Everybody
Loves Raymond (T) (R)
8.30 Frasier (T) (R) 10.05
Ramsay’s Hotel Hell (T) (R)
11.0 Undercover Boss USA
(T) (R) 12.0 News (T) 12.05
Come Dine with Me (T) (R)
1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (T)
(R) 2.10 Countdown (T) 3.0
A Place in the Sun: Winter
Sun (T) (R) 4.0 Escape to
the Chateau: DIY (T) 5.0
Four in a Bed (T) (R) 5.30
Buy It Now (T) 6.0 Simpsons
(T) (R) 6.30 Hollyoaks (T)
(R) 7.0 News (T)
Breakfast (T) 9.15 Health:
Truth or Scare (T) 10.0
Homes Under the Hammer
(T) (R) 11.0 Heir Hunters (T)
11.45 Dom on the Spot (T)
12.15 Bargain Hunt (T) 1.0
News and Weather (T) 1.30
Regional News and Weather
(T) 1.45 Doctors (T) 2.15 800
Words (T) 3.0 Escape to the
Country (T) 3.45 Flipping
Profit (T) 4.30 Flog It! (T) 5.15
Pointless (T) 6.0 News and
Weather (T) 6.30 Regional
News and Weather (T) 7.0
The One Show (T) With Matt
Baker and Alex Jones. 7.30
Nightmare Pets SOS (T)
Good Morning Britain (T)
8.30 Lorraine (T) 9.25 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (T) 10.30
This Morning (T) 12.30 Loose
Women (T) 1.30 News (T)
1.55 Local News (T) 2.0 Judge
Rinder (T) 3.0 Tenable (T)
3.59 Local News and Weather
(T) 4.0 Tipping Point (T)
5.0 The Chase (T) 6.0 Local
News (T) 6.30 News (T) 7.0
Emmerdale (T) Judgment
is passed on Gabby and Liv,
and Rhona continues her
deception. 7.30 Coronation
Street (T) Concerned about
Robert, Carla asks Ali about
steroid abuse.
BBC Four
Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Stuff 11.15 Traffic Cops
(T) (R) 12.10 News (T)
12.15 The Gadget Show
(T) (R) 1.10 Access (T)
1.15 Home and Away (T)
1.45 Neighbours (T) 2.20
NCIS (T) (R) Nature of the
Beast 3.20 Deadly
Duplicate (Nadeem Soumah,
2018) (T) A single mother
engaged in a fierce custody
battle is framed for murder.
Thriller with Jen Lilley. 5.0
News (T) 5.30 Neighbours
(T) (R) 6.0 Home and Away
(T) (R) 6.30 News (T) 7.0 The
Yorkshire Vet Casebook (T)
EastEnders (T) Vincent
turns police informant.
8.30 Panorama: North Korea’s
Secret Slave Gangs (T)
Are North Koreans being
sent abroad to earn
money for the regime?
9.0 DIY SOS: The Big Build
(T) (R) The team help a
young disabled athlete
in Cheltenham.
Only Connect (T) Victoria
Coren Mitchell presents
the first semi-final.
8.30 University Challenge (T)
Jeremy Paxman presents
the second semi-final.
9.0 Secret Agent Selection:
WW2 (T) Training begins in
earnest, as the students are
schooled in guns, explosives
and silent killing techniques.
Give It a Year (T) New series.
Karren Brady meets people
who have decided to start a
new business.
8.30 Coronation Street (T) Alya
is stunned to realise that
Rana is gay.
9.0 The Queen’s Green Planet
(T) Documentary following
a project to create a network
of protected forests.
Dispatches: The True Cost
of Green Energy (T) Is
burning wood really good
for the environment?
Antony Barnett investigates.
8.30 Travel Man: 48 Hours in
Madeira (T) With Richard
Ayoade and Robert Webb.
9.0 The Island With Bear
Grylls (T) Barnes decides
to raft to a nearby island.
10.0 News (T)
10.30 Regional News (T) Weather
10.45 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You (T) Victoria Coren
Mitchell hosts, with Richard
Osman and Val McDermid.
11.30 The Graham Norton Show (T)
(R) With Dwayne Johnson,
Naomie Harris, Martin
Freeman and Roger Daltrey.
12.15 Weather (T) 12.20 News (T)
10.0 QI Odds and Ends (T) (R)
With Romesh Ranganathan,
Matt Lucas and Liza Tarbuck.
10.30 Newsnight (T) Weather
11.15 Gettys: The World’s Richest
Art Dynasty (T) (R)
12.30 Sign Zone Countryfile
(T) (R) 1.25 The Wonder of
Eggs (T) (R) 2.25 Murder,
Mystery and My Family (T)
(R) 3.10 This Is BBC Two (T)
10.0 News (T)
10.30 Local News (T)
10.50 The Investigator: A British
Crime Story (T) (R) Mark
Williams-Thomas’s trail
leads to a new suspect.
11.50 Last Laugh in Vegas (T) (R)
The celebs meet a Native
American medicine man.
12.40 Jackpot247 3.0 Jeremy Kyle
(T) (R) 3.55 ITV Nightscreen
10.0 Kiss Me First (T) Leila
suspects that Denier might
be Adrian’s next target.
11.0 Indian Summer School (T)
(R) Last in the series.
12.05 First Dates (T) (R) 1.0 Lee
and Dean (T) (R) 1.30 My
Online Nightmare (T) (R)
2.25 I Don’t Like Mondays (T)
(R) 3.20 Hidden Restaurants
With Michel Roux Jr (T) (R)
10.0 Waco Inferno: The Untold
Story (T) The longest standoff in US history.
11.05 Criminals Caught on Camera
(T) With Nick Wallis.
12.05 America’s Toughest Prisons
(T) (R) 1.0 SuperCasino (T)
3.10 Restless Legs Syndrome:
Can’t Stop Twitching
(T) (R) 4.0 My Mum’s
Hotter Than Me! (T) (R)
Other channels
6.0am Home Shopping
7.10 Scrapheap Challenge
8.10 American Pickers
9.0-10.0 Storage
Hunters 10.0-1.0
American Pickers
1.0-3.0 Top Gear 3.0
Sin City Motors 4.0
Steve Austin’s Broken
Skull Challenge 5.0 Top
Gear 6.0 Room 101
6.40 Would I Lie to
You? At Christmas 7.20
Would I Lie to You? The
Unseen Bits 8.0 Cop
Car Workshop 9.0 Live
at the Apollo 10.0 Dara
O Briain’s Go 8 Bit 11.0
Taskmaster 12.0-1.20
QI 1.20 Mock the Week
2.0-3.20 QI 3.20 Parks
and Recreation 4.0
Home Shopping
All programmes to 7pm
are double bills 6.0am
Hollyoaks 7.0 Rules of
Engagement 8.0 How
I Met Your Mother 9.0
New Girl 10.0 2 Broke
Girls 11.0 Brooklyn NineNine 12.0 The Goldbergs
1.0 The Big Bang Theory
2.0 How I Met Your
Mother 3.0 New Girl
4.0 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
5.0 The Goldbergs 6.0
The Big Bang Theory 7.0
Hollyoaks 7.30 Extreme
Cake Makers 8.0 The
Big Bang Theory 8.30
Young Sheldon 9.0
Made in Chelsea 10.0
Don’t Tell the Bride
Ireland 11.05-12.0 The
Big Bang Theory 12.0
Tattoo Fixers 1.05 Made
in Chelsea 2.05 Don’t
Tell the Bride Ireland 3.0
First Dates 3.55 How I
Met Your Mother 4.156.0 Rules of Engagement
11.0am Holiday
Inn (1942) 1.0 Support Your Local
Sheriff! (1969) 2.50
The Mouse That
Roared (1959) 4.30
Damn the Defiant!
(1962) 6.35 Super
8 (2011) 9.0 Mission: Impossible –
Ghost Protocol (2011)
11.35 Priest (2011)
1.20 Howl’s
Moving Castle (2004)
6.0am The Planet’s
Funniest Animals
6.20 Totally Bonkers
Guinness World Records
6.45 Totally Bonkers
Guinness World Records
7.10 Who’s Doing the
Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale
8.20 Coronation
Street 8.55 Coronation
Street 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 10.20
The Bachelor 12.15
Emmerdale 12.45
Coronation Street 1.15
Coronation Street 1.45
The Ellen DeGeneres
Show 2.35 The Jeremy
Police Interceptors (T) New
series. Lee is confronted by
a loudmouthed motorist.
Includes news.
Paddington Station
24/7 (T) News of a major
incident comes through
to the control room at
Swindon, with a fatality on
the line at Slough station
leading to a line closure.
Beyond 100 Days (T)
7.30 Nature’s Microworlds
(T) (R) Steve Backshall
explores the ecosystem of
Canada’s coastal forests,
home to some of the largest
trees on Earth – and huge
numbers of predators.
Turkey With Simon Reeve
(T) (R) The first of two
programmes in which
the presenter explores
the country.
Beirut: An Art Lovers’ Guide
(T) Janina Ramirez and
Alastair Sooke explore the
Lebanese capital, which
has rebuilt its reputation
as a cosmopolitan city.
10.0 The Ottomans: Europe’s
Muslim Emperors (T) (R)
Rageh Omaar traces the
history of the empire.
11.0 Dan Cruickshank: At Home
With the British (T) (R)
12.0 The Toilet: An Unspoken
History (T) (R) 1.0-2.10 Top
of the Pops: 1983 (T) (R)
Double bill. 2.10 Beirut:
An Art Lovers’ Guide (T) (R)
Kyle Show 3.45 The
Jeremy Kyle Show 4.55
Judge Rinder 6.0 Take
Me Out 7.30 You’ve
Been Framed! Gold 8.0
Two and a Half Men
8.30 Two and a Half
Men 9.0 Family Guy
9.30 American Dad!
10.0 Plebs 10.30 Family
Guy 11.0 Family Guy
11.30 American Dad!
12.0 The Cleveland
Show 12.30 Two and
a Half Men 12.55 Two
and a Half Men 1.20
Release the Hounds
2.20 Teleshopping
5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen
8.55am Food Unwrapped
9.30-11.35 A Place in the
Sun: Summer Sun 11.352.10 Four in a Bed 2.104.50 Come Dine With Me
4.50 A Place in the Sun:
Summer Sun 5.55 Kirstie
and Phil’s Love It or List
It 6.55 The Secret Life
of the Zoo 7.55 Grand
Designs 9.0 Building
Giants: Venice Sea Wall
10.0 Car SOS 11.0 24
Hours in A&E 12.05
Kitchen Nightmares
USA 1.0 Building Giants:
Venice Sea Wall 2.05
24 Hours in A&E 3.10
8 Out of 10 Cats
6.0am-7.0 RSPCA
Animal Rescue 7.0-8.0
Meerkat Manor 8.0-9.0
Monkey Life 9.0-10.0
Motorway Patrol
10.0 Road Wars 11.0
Warehouse 13 12.0
NCIS: LA 1.0-3.0 Hawaii
Five-0 3.0 NCIS: LA
4.0 Stargate SG-1 5.0
The Simpsons 5.30-6.30
Futurama 6.30-8.0 The
Simpsons 8.0 Supergirl
9.0 Transformers:
Revenge of the Fallen
(2009) 11.50 Air
Ambulance ER 12.55
Brit Cops: War on Crime
2.0-4.0 NCIS: LA 4.05.0 The Real A&E 5.0
The Dog Whisperer
Sky Arts
6.0am Ballet 422 7.30
Paavo Järvi Conducts
Orchestre de Paris 9.0
Watercolour Challenge
9.30 Landscape Artist
of the Year 2015 10.30
Tales of the Unexpected
11.0 Trailblazers: Acid
House 12.0 The Sixties
1.0 Discovering: Julie
Andrews 2.0 Watercolour
Challenge 2.30 Landscape Artist of the Year
2015 4.0 Trailblazers:
80s Pop 5.0 The Sixties
6.0 Discovering:
Marlene Dietrich 7.0
Auction 7.30 The
Queen’s 90th Birthday
Concert: Crown Imperial
9.0 Katherine Jenkins
Featuring Collabro
11.0 South Bank Show
Originals 11.30 South
Bank Show Originals
12.0 Discovering:
Robert Taylor 1.0 Monty
Python’s Personal Best
2.15 Psychobitches 2.45
Hollywood: Singing and
Dancing 4.0 Spielberg
and Williams: The
Adventure Continues
4.30 Tales of the Unexpected 5.0-6.0 Auction
Sky Atlantic
6.0am Fish Town 7.0
Hotel Secrets 8.0 The
British 9.0-11.0 The West
Wing 11.0-1.0 House
1.0 Without a Trace
2.0 Making of Bachelor
King 3.0-5.0 The West
Wing 5.0-7.0 House
7.0 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation 8.0 Blue
Bloods 9.0 Hotspots:
On the Frontline 10.0
Last Week Tonight 10.35
Beware the Slenderman
12.50 Real Time 2.0
Crashing 2.35 Divorce
3.10 Here and Now
4.20-6.0 The West Wing
Radio 3
6.30 Breakfast 9.0
Essential Classics.
Suzy Klein’s guest is
Lucy Worsley. 12.0
Composer of the Week:
Giuseppe Verdi (1/5) 1.0
News 1.02 Lunchtime
Concert: Wigmore Hall
Mondays. Songs by Carl
Loewe, Schumann and
Liszt with Christoph
Prégardien (tenor) and
Julius Drake (piano). 2.0
Afternoon Concert: BBC
Philharmonic 4.30 BBC
Young Musician 2018
5.0 In Tune 7.0 In Tune
Mixtape 7.30 In Concert.
Recorded at Kings Place,
London. Martin Suckling:
Candlebird. Mozart: Piano
Concerto No 16 in D, KV
451. Interval. Beethoven:
Symphony No 4 in B
flat, Op 60. Mark Stone
(baritone), Charles Owen
(piano), Aurora Orchestra,
Nicholas Collon. 10.0
Music Matters (R)
10.45 The Essay: Secret
Admirers – Penny Gore on
Leoš Janáček (1/5) 11.0
Jazz Now. Ivo Neame’s
Quartet at Bristol. 12.30
Through the Night
Radio 4
Super 8,
6.0 Today 9.0 Start
the Week: May 1968
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 (FM) Book of the
Week: Dearest Squirrel,
by Peter Whitebrook.
(1/5) 10.0 Woman’s
Hour. Includes at 10.45
Drama: She Said/He
Said, by Eileen Horne.
(1/5) 11.0 The Escape
Room. Natalie Haynes
looks at the growing
popularity of the physical
adventure game genre.
11.30 Spike Milligan:
Inside Out. Michael
Palin and Jane Milligan
celebrate the comic’s
centenary by presenting
the first broadcast of
archive interviews. (1/2)
12.0 News 12.01 (LW)
Shipping Forecast 12.04
Home Front: 16 April
1918 – Sylvia Graham, by
Lucy Catherine. (31/40)
12.15 You and Yours 1.0
The World at One 1.45
Chinese Characters: Sima
Qian – Grand Historian.
With Rana Mitter. (6/20)
2.0 The Archers (R) 2.15
Drama: Spike and the
Elfin Oak. David Threlfall
stars in Ian Billings’s
comic fantasy inspired
by the story of Spike
Milligan’s attempts to
preserve the Elfin Oak
sculpture in Kensington
Gardens. 3.0 Brain of
Britain (8/17) 3.30 The
Food Programme (R) 4.0
Natalie Haynes Stands Up
for the Classics: Juvenal
(R) 4.30 Beyond Belief:
Transgender (3/7) 5.0
PM 5.54 (LW) Shipping
Forecast 6.0 News 6.30
The Unbelievable Truth
(3/6) 7.0 The Archers
7.15 Front Row. Arts
roundup. 7.45 She Said/
He Said (R) (1/5) 8.0
The Turban Bus Dispute.
The battle for the right
to wear a turban at work.
8.30 Crossing Continents
(R) 9.0 The Second
Genome (R) 9.30 Start
the Week (R) 10.0 The
World Tonight 10.45
Book at Bedtime: The
One Who Wrote Destiny,
by Nikesh Shukla. (1/10)
11.0 Word of Mouth (R)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.0 News 12.30 Book
of the Week (1/5) 12.48
Shipping Forecast 1.0
As World Service 5.20
Shipping Forecast 5.30
News 5.43 Prayer for the
Day 5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day:
Great Tit (R)
Radio 4 Extra
6.0 An Illustration of
Modern Science 6.30
Knutas on Britain 7.0
Millport (3/6) 7.30 The
Unbelievable Truth (2/6)
8.0 Hancock’s Half Hour
8.30 Flywheel, Shyster
and Flywheel (1/6) 9.0
Just a Minute (2/6) 9.30
King Street Junior (6/8)
10.0 Jude the Obscure
(6/6) 11.0 Clown’s Shoes
(1/5) 11.15 The New Look
(R) 12.0 Hancock’s Half
Hour 12.30 Flywheel,
Shyster… (1/6) 1.0 An
Illustration of Modern…
1.30 Knutas on Britain
2.0 Expo 58 (1/10) 2.15
Shakespeare’s Restless
World (1/20) 2.30
Tristram Shandy (6/10)
2.45 The Love and
Wars of Lina Prokofiev
(1/5) 3.0 Jude the
Obscure (6/6) 4.0 Just a
Minute (2/6) 4.30 King
Street Junior (6/8) 5.0
Millport (3/6) 5.30 The
Unbelievable Truth (2/6)
6.0 The Man Who Was
Thursday (1/13) 6.30 A
Good Read 7.0 Hancock’s
Half Hour 7.30 Flywheel,
Shyster… (1/6) 8.0 An
Illustration of Modern…
8.30 Knutas on Britain
9.0 Clown’s Shoes (1/5)
9.15 The New Look (R)
10.0 The Unbelievable
Truth (2/6) 10.30 The
Hitchhiker’s Guide: The
Primary Phase (1/6) 11.0
The News Quiz Extra
(1/8) 11.45 It Is Rocket
Science (1/4) 12.0 The
Man Who Was Thursday
(1/13) 12.30 A Good
Read 1.0 An Illustration
of Modern Science
1.30 Knutas on Britain
2.0 Expo 58 (1/10)
2.15 Shakespeare’s
Restless World (1/20)
2.30 Tristram Shandy
(6/10) 2.45 The Love
and Wars… (1/5) 3.0
Jude the Obscure (6/6)
4.0 Just a Minute (2/6)
4.30 King Street Junior
(6/8) 5.0 Millport (3/6)
5.30 The Unbelievable
Truth (2/6)
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
no 14,957
Quick crossword
1 Fail to maintain contact (4,5)
8 Requirements (5)
9 First letter (7)
10 Mesmerising (8)
11 Brief and to the point (4)
13 Not presently active (6)
14 Representation of the human
form (6)
16 Bearded ruminant (4)
17 Stone thrower (8)
19 Wet weather (7)
20 Russian prison camp (5)
21 Iniquitous (9)
1 Roping (as a cowboy might) (8)
2 Hard liquor (6)
3 Dog (or part of one) (4)
4 Going everywhere (12)
5 Dominate a performance (4,3,5)
6 Gathered together in one
volume (12)
7 People carrying out harmful
acts (12)
12 Spreading out in different
directions (8)
15 Subjected to potentially lethal
fumes (6)
18 Flat tableland with steep sides (4)
Sudoku no 4,033
Stuck? For help call 0906 200 83 83. Calls cost £1.10 per minute, plus your phone company’s access charge.
Service supplied by ATS. Call 0330 333 6946 for customer service (charged at standard rate).
To buy puzzle books, visit or call 0330 333 6846.
no 4,035
Easy. Fill the grid so that each row, column and 3x3 box
contains the numbers 1-9. Printable version at theguardian.
Word wheel
Saturday’s Quick
Solution no 14,956
Word wheel
Find as many words as
possible using the letters
in the wheel. Each must
use the central letter and
at least two others. Letters
may be used only once. You
may not use plurals, foreign
words or proper nouns.
There is at least one nineletter word to be found.
TARGET: Excellent-75.
Good-67. Average-58.
Fill the grid so that each square
in an outlined block contains a
digit. A block of 2 squares contains
the digits 1 and 2, a block of three
squares contains the digits 1, 2 and
3, and so on. No same digit appears
in neighbouring squares, not even
Can you find 11 thoroughfares in
the grid? Words can run forwards,
backwards, vertically or diagonally,
but always in a straight, unbroken
Steve Bell
Which PM had
a poodle called
a. MacDonald
b. Baldwin
c. Churchill
d. Macmillan
Answer top right
The Guardian
Monday 16 April 2018
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