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The Times Saturday Review - 31 March 2018

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Saturday March 31 2018
7-DAY
TV & RADIO
GUIDE
page 23
Wot no lilies?
Monet’s love affair
with buildings (and
barely a bud in sight)
Whodunnit?
The strange story of
this weekend’s Agatha
Christie drama
art books theatre film music television what’s on puzzles
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 3
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everyone’s talking about
A new Prince Philip in The Crown
Contents
Fire the cannons: at last, they’ve found
Prince Philip. After a frenzied few months
of asking hordes of middle-aged actors to
say, “Good shot, sir!”, then inquiring if
they’d mind awfully being paid the same as
a woman, Tobias Menzies has been confirmed to play a middle-aged Duke of
Edinburgh in seasons three and four of the
Peter Morgan drama The Crown.
The 44-year-old actor has starred as a
20th-century historian in the cult series
Outlander, played a wet nobleman in Game
of Thrones and a British intelligence director in The Night Manager. He will soon
be seen in the American series The Terror,
which charts a disastrous Royal Navy
quest to find the Northwest Passage
through the Arctic.
He takes over the role of the duke from
Doctor Who star Matt Smith, who has
played the younger Philip opposite Claire
Foy’s Queen Elizabeth. The folk at Netflix
who created the drama want to avoid The
Crown’s characters ageing with latex face
masks and talc, instead bringing in older
actors as the show develops.
The casting of Menzies has put an end to
months of rumours that Paul Bettany —
who starred in the Marvel Avengers film
series and the much lauded film of Journey’s End — was a shoo-in.
Menzies’s on-screen wife will be played
by Olivia Colman as the Queen in middle
age. Colman proved her regal potential
when she played the Queen Mother in the
2012 comedy-drama Hyde Park on Hudson
and is expected to have no trouble filling
Foy’s court shoes.
The confirmation of Menzies as the new
Philip leaves the question of who will play
Lady Diana Spencer — the show’s most
eagerly awaited announcement. A young
Diana is expected to be introduced
towards the end of season three, alongside
the Prince of Wales’s second wife-to-be,
Camilla Parker Bowles.
Helena Bonham Carter will replace
Vanessa Kirby, who played the Queen’s
boisterous sister, Princess Margaret, to
acclaim in the first and second series.
Will the on-screen dynamics between
;PRIVATE COLLECTION /SUCCESSION PICASSO/DACS LONDON, 2017;GETTY IMAGES
Why?
Books 11-19
A new biography paints
Prince Charles as spoilt,
petty and peevish; plus
why gender still matters
and saucy stories from
the Middle Ages
Cover story 4-5
The BBC’s new Agatha
Christie adaptation was
almost derailed by
sexual assault claims.
Andrew Billen reports
What’s on 20-21
Our critics pick the
week’s best films, plays,
exhibitions and more
Hugo Rifkind 7
“David Attenborough
may be 130 years old now
(or more? Is it more?)”
TV & radio 23-51
Film 10
Exhibition 8-9
Nancy Durrant on a new
show that explores
Monet’s paintings of
architecture
Tobias Menzies joins
the royal family in
The Crown on Netflix
Menzies and Colman be affected by
the pledge from the producers that “no one
gets paid more than the Queen” from now
on? We’re polishing our Coronation mugs
and plumping our throne cushions
already.
Jedidajah Otte
What they say
“The Crown . . . is an ensemble piece. It
brings us to Morgan’s central truth,
which is that the crown is worn by one,
but casts its weighty shadow over all of
the royal family.” Nicky Clark,
Huffington Post
“Don’t. Be. Ridiculous.” The Duke of
Edinburgh, when asked whether he
had watched The Crown
What the critics would p
pay
y to see
film
exhibition
Isle of Dogs
On general release
Kevin Maher, page 20
Picasso 1932:
Love, Fame,
Tragedy
Tate Modern, SE1
Rachel CampbellJohnston, page 21
theatre
music
The Inheritance
nce
George Ezra
Young Vic, London
n
ge 21
Ann Treneman, page
Usher Hall, Edinburgh
and on tour
Will Hodgkinson, page 20
The novelist Ernest Cline
talks to James Marriott
about his sci-fi story
Ready Player One, now a
Steven Spielberg film,
and his Facebook boycott
David Attenborough
explores the wonder of
eggs, plus Cunk on Britain
Puzzles 52-55
Sudoku, chess and your
favourite brain teasers,
plus the new Quintagram
and Mindset puzzles
4 saturday review
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Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
television
Ordeal by Innocence: the Christie
The BBC’s Easter treat was nearly shelved for good when one
of its actors was accused of sexual assault, says Andrew Billen
I
n Agatha Christie’s novel Ordeal
by Innocence a stranger arrives at
a family mansion with irrefutable
evidence to clear the memory of a
son imprisoned for killing his
adoptive mother. For maximum
life-art symmetry, this winter’s
frantic reshoot of the BBC’s adaptation of
Ordeal by Innocence should also have been
interrupted by an unexpected arrival.
To much wonderment, this intruder
would have provided a belated, but unimpeachable alibi for Ed Westwick, the
Gossip Girl star who in November, at the
height of the #MeToo eruption, was
accused by two women of sexual assault.
Despite Westwick’s vehement denials,
these allegations (two more followed)
were taken so seriously by the BBC
that it first plucked the three-parter
from its Christmas schedules, then
demanded Westwick’s scenes be
filmed again with a new actor.
Life does not doggedly reflect
art, however. No such alibi for
Westwick appeared at the Scottish
pile in which filming had resumed
six months after its apparent completion. Three months late, Agatha
Christie’s Ordeal by Innocence, expertly reconfigured — you can’t see the joins
— arrives on BBC One tomorrow, minus
Westwick in the role of Mickey Argyll, the
wronged man’s belligerent brother.
And so it is that in London clubland I am
talking not to Westwick, but to Christian
Cooke, a former child star from ITV’s
Where the Heart Is who is now making his
mark in Hollywood. Cooke, 30, received
the call from his agent in December. The
reshoot of Mickey’s scenes would begin in
January. “It was probably the nearest to
Christmas I have ever been hired,” he says.
He had already heard about the project
from a friend, Anthony Boyle, who plays
shedunnit Agatha
Christie thought Ordeal
by Innocence one of
her favourites
Jack (Jacko in the book), the wronged man.
Cooke liked the script, found Mickey interesting and was, naturally, wowed by a cast
that included Bill Nighy, Anna Chancellor,
Alice Eve, Eleanor Tomlinson and Luke
Treadaway as Arthur Calgary, the
stranger-alibi. Although he has had big
parts, in Ricky Gervais’s 2010 film Cemetery Junction, in the Peter Kosminsky 2011
Middle East drama The Promise and in
American series — most recently the auction house drama The Art of More — this
would be his first British television project
since the Iain Banks adaptation Stonemouth in 2015.
The 12-day shoot was hectic. As other
cast members parachuted in for a day or
two, he was in all 35 scenes and nearly
every shot. He praises the sensitivity of
the director, Sandra Goldbacher.
“I said to her, ‘I want to do this
because of the part and because of
the scripts and because of the cast,
but it’s important that I’m not
shoehorned into any sort of preestablished blocking that you have
done with another actor. I have to
be able to do what I want with the
role.’ And she was, like, ‘Of course.’ ”
Did he worry that he was breaching
some unspoken thespian code in which
an actor does not take another actor’s gig?
“Well, you could see it like that. You
could also see it from the point of view of
solidarity with the other actors, who
worked for nine weeks and then thought
their work wouldn’t get to be shown.”
Speaking to me in haste on the phone
and on crutches (Did he fall off something? “Yes, I did”), Damien Timmer is the
joint managing director of Mammoth
Screen, the producers of the mini-series.
He admits Ordeal by Innocence was in real
jeopardy last November. “We were aware
that it could well be shelved indefinitely,
which caused us all a lot of distress.” Nor
should we presume that the magic of
digital made inserting a new actor into the
finished serial easy. For almost every
scene, its cast had to be reassembled. “It
was,” he says, “a very complicated, fiddly,
fascinating process.”
There have been 300 or so film and TV
adaptations of the Whodunnit Queen’s
oeuvre (as catalogued in Mark Aldridge’s
new book, Agatha Christie on Screen),
but even without the refilming, turning
Ordeal by Innocence into TV would have
been tricky. Although Timmer casts it as a
positive, it is a story that lacks, as he says,
“the safety blanket of a detective who is
going to make everything all right”. I
would say it lacks more than a Poirot or
Miss Marple.
Having read Christie’s 1958 novel —
published 38 years after her first, The Mysterious Affair at Styles — I can see why,
alongside 1949’s Crooked House, it was her
favourite. The plotting and resolution are
not only astonishingly intricate, but allow
great scope for her of-the-period psychological speculations. She is evidently fascinated by the murder victim, Rachel, a
wealthy woman who has adopted five
children, but is incapable of inspiring love
in them.
The problem for the reader is that the
better late The cast of Ordeal by Innocence, pictured from left, Luke Treadaway,
book is psychoanalytic to the point of desiccation, a series of long conversations,
many of which could have taken place on
the couch. Until near the end, it is almost
empty of action. A near-undetectable subplot resolves with Calgary finding true
love among the suspects. Yet Timmer,
Goldbacher and their writer, Sarah Phelps,
are not the first to attempt to make it live
on screen.
Desmond Davis’s 1985 cinema version,
like this Easter’s television translation,
matches Christie’s interest in characterisation with an impressive cast led by a mumbly Donald Sutherland as Calgary, the
Antarctic scientist and alibi. Faye Dunaway, Christopher Plummer, Diana Quick
and Ian McShane join him. It is not a bad
‘The actors worked
for nine weeks and
then thought it
wouldn’t get shown’
film. There is a dash of incest. A touch of
Eighties topless nudity. The narrative,
though, meanders like the River Dart in
the title sequence and a Dave Brubeck jazz
soundtrack is at odds with the mood.
The critics were not kind, but this Ordeal
by Innocence does contain one faint link to
the present adaptation. According to
Aldridge’s book, the film was so badly
received in an early cut at Cannes that
extra, alfresco, scenes were filmed later to
relieve its claustrophobia. One required
Plummer, ineligible to return to Britain for
tax reasons, to film a sequence in New
Jersey woodland with Sutherland.
In 2007 Ordeal received its first television outing disguised as an episode of
ITV’s Marple, starring Geraldine McEwan.
Although, again, it was splashily cast (Jane
Seymour, Juliet Stevenson, Alison Steadman, Reece Shearsmith) and made by
Mammoth, it could hardly have been more
different in tone than the new version. If
not exactly camp, it is facetious, with
Julian Rhind-Tutt playing the boffin Calgary as a comically virginal innocent more
interested in fauna than fornicating with a
suspect. In one preposterous scene, Miss
Marple breaks into a safe with a hairpin.
Phelps, who has amazed herself by
creating a Christmas institution with her
BBC Christies (this is her third after And
Then There Were None and Witness for the
Prosecution), has found a better way to
make this unsatisfactory book work.
Avoiding the turgidity of the 1985 film
and the levity of the Marple, it ramps up
the action while taking the dramatis personae seriously.
A former EastEnders writer who is
happy to sport her working-class credentials, Phelps would never be confused for
her dead collaborator, Dame Agatha.
From a press screening at the Covent Garden Hotel, she tells me she is preparing for
the Q&A with a bag of Wotsits and a packet of Marlboros. Her approach, she says, is
to treat Christie’s characters as if they were
real people rather than jigsaw pieces.
“I think it matters. If there is a body on
the floor, that person matters beyond
being a catalyst for a series of clues. If you
spin it out from that thought, then you
naturally have to give the characters
humanity and dignify their experiences. I
want people to come away from it having
had a real emotional involvement.”
Phelps half-agrees with the novelist
John Banville, who a few years ago told
The Irish Times he disputed Christie actually wrote “novels”. “I am not sure that is
what these books are,” he said. “They more
resemble crossword puzzles, and finishing
one of them, like finishing a puzzle, leaves
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 5
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mystery that almost got away
BBC; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; PRESS ASSOCIATION
Anna Chancellor, Bill Nighy, Morven Christie, Crystal Clarke, Ella Purnell, Christian Cooke, Eleanor Tomlinson, Anthony Boyle, Alice Eve and Matthew Goode. Below: the 1985 film version
one with the same ashen sense of futility
and wasted time.”
“I would totally buy into that,” says
Phelps, “but I think they are secretive. I
think they are veiled. I think it is up to you
to complete them. You can read And Then
There Were None as a parlour game. It has
comforting rhythms, which can soothe
you even though it is about murder. Or you
can read it as a portrait of a psychopath, or
as an evisceration of guilt and shame.
Something always shimmers just outside
the corner of your peripheral vision with
Christie.”
Phelps has a secret of her own. Her
“bold” adaptations serve a hidden scheme.
“I decided to tell the story of the first half
of the 20th century through the genre of
murder-mystery,” she reveals. And Then
There Were None, shown in 2015, was set in
1939, the date of original publication. Its
characters are relics of the First World
War, of its madness and of empire. On the
eve of a second bloodbath, it can be read as
a dissertation on when it is justified to take
a life. Witness for the Prosecution was set
in a peculiarly Phelpsian version of
1923, not the roaring Twenties, but a depressed decade in which the poor
screamed for food. “People,” she said at the
time, “came home from World War One
having been through hell, only to arrive
back to hell.”
In her Ordeal by Innocence it is the Cold
War that chills — and the action has sympathetically migrated from the West
Country to Scotland. On the wireless, a
government announcer shares advice on
how to survive a nuclear attack. Calgary is
an atomic physicist. Rachel calls Jack
“little boy” — the code name of the bomb
that destroyed Hiroshima. He is a bomb
waiting to explode.
When I protest that the only concession
in Ordeal that Christie made to the era was
to namecheck Sputnik, Phelps responds:
“The outside world still permeates even if
you have not made references to it.” She
stops short, however, of claiming global
terror turned the family bonkers. “I don’t
think the outside atmospherics drive the
Argylls mad. I think the inside atmospherics drive the Argylls mad.”
Phelps advertises her Ordeal as a free
adaptation. She will not deny either that
she may have changed the ending; her culprit may not be Christie’s. So when Cooke
assures me that the publicity over his lastminute casting will not turn him into an
overnight star and that Ordeal is an ensemble piece and not about Mickey Argyll,
I say that will be the case only if Mickey
does not prove to be he whodunnit. “That,”
he says with a grin, “is very true.”
Meanwhile, of Westwick’s ordeal
by innocence — its legal presumption
demanded of newspapers, the BBC and
production companies equally — there
appears still no end.
Ordeal by Innocence begins on
BBC One tomorrow at 9pm
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 7
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Hugo Rifkind on TV
These nature images remind me
of a chillout room in the 1990s
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
whole vibe of Billions, the currents that run
along in the background. Yes, this is a
world of hedge funds and lawyers, but
none of this is really about that. Nor is it
really about the listlessness of fat wallets
and thin lives, although that’s important
too. Nor, even, is it about urban modernity,
although I cannot think of another show
that so effortlessly includes a non-binary
character (they are called Taylor and they
are played by Asia Kate Dillon) and just
gets on with it, without getting preachy,
tragic or pious.
Billions is about mindfulness, edge,
philosophy, psychology, self-examination.
No character is blind to themselves; they
all talk about themselves, fret about themselves, forever ask themselves why they
have made the choices they have just made
and what they just missed. “You’re a Calvinist,” remarks Chuck to another lawyer.
“You believe we’re all fallen beyond any
hope of redemption.” Then he goes off to
get beaten by his dominatrix wife, knowing full well why, and making you realise
he was talking about himself. Yes, I know
it’s halfway towards being drivel, as Showtime shows so often are, but the other half,
like I said, is like nothing else at all.
One Strange Rock
(National Geographic)
Are You Autistic?
(Channel 4)
Billions
(Sky Atlantic)
T
he thing about David
Attenborough is that he
puts in the work. He may
be 130 years old now (or
more? Is it more?), but
for every series he does,
he’ll still dutifully drag
his ancient bones out to at least one miserable ice floe to cuddle a penguin. What’s
more, he’ll pretend to be enjoying it. No,
he’s not out there wrestling gorillas any
more, but at least he understands the need
to put on a show. One shot per series is all
it takes, and we’ll forgive him phoning in
the rest from a cupboard.
Will Smith doesn’t bother. In One
Strange Rock, best understood as
“National Geographic’s answer to all that
David Attenborough stuff”, he may well be
in a cupboard. We see only his disembodied head, so he could be anywhere. They
could, literally, have walked up to him on
the streets of Bel Air and said, “Hey, Will,
read this stuff and we’ll crop out the backdrop and pretend you’re presenting a
documentary about geology,” before he
said, “Will you give me a massive cheque?”
and they said, “Yes,” and he did his special
Will Smith incredulous laugh, and they
said: “Ooh, we’re using that.”
It’s not bad, though. One episode in, One
Strange Rock is basically a nature documentary without any nature yet. On paper
it’s the combined brainchild of Darren
Aronofsky (who directed Requiem for a
Dream, The Wrestler and Black Swan) and
Jane Root (who used to run BBC Two and
made her name discovering Jamie Oliver
and The Office), which may sound strange,
but that’s not my fault. Right down to the
name, it has a strong feel of being conceived by a committee with a brief of “find
things that will make Will Smith, in his
cupboard, go, ‘Whoa’ ”.
“If we didn’t have oxygen,” says Smith,
“life as we know it would be unimaginable.” This is a pretty damn banal thing to
say, even in Will Smith’s voice, but it’s the
pitch for episode one. Smith tells us that
the Amazon rainforest produces 20 times
more oxygen than every human on Earth
requires, but that none of it leaves the
Amazon because of all the animals there.
So we should . . . kill the animals? Is this
what Smith wants us to do? Apparently
not. Instead, we learn about diatom algae
in the sea, salt plains being the beds of
ancient oceans, the huge river of water
vapour that flows over the Amazon, and
how they all fit together.
Interspersed with Smith’s disembodied
head, we get the disembodied heads of
astronauts. Sort of like in Futurama, but
bird’s-eye Mongolian hunters are
among the diverse subjects covered in
National Geographic’s One Strange Rock
not in jars. Mainly Chris Hadfield, that
singing one with the moustache. He talks
about looking down at Earth from the
International Space Station, which is cute,
but you do get the feeling they’re just using
him to say the sciencey bits before Smith
repeats them and says “Damn!” at the end.
Still, it’s all very pretty, to the extent that
you could imagine it being projected on to
the walls in the chillout room of a 1990s
student nightclub. “Take a breath,” says
Smith, in pretend cupboard awe. “Take a
breath. Take a breath.” Could they not
have got Keanu Reeves to do this?
Are You Autistic? was a bold and effective
bit of television for Autism Awareness
Week, an effective demystifying effort full
of interested, engaging autistic people who
wanted you to understand what life was
like for them. Anna Richardson presented,
but really didn’t need to be there.
We learnt about the tests of Professor
Frankie Happe, which identify autism by
asking people to interpret actors depicting
conflicted emotions, or telling white lies.
We saw a robot that looked like Chucky
from Child’s Play, but was able to smile
unambiguously because, apparently, one
advantage of autism is that something like
that doesn’t always make you run screaming from the room. And we learnt about
autistic women and how they are more
likely to learn to conceal their condition
through the mimicry of social cues.
All of this was eye-opening and positive,
although I did wonder if it was too positive.
My colleague Jessie Hewitson (who has
just published Autism: How to Raise a
Happy Autistic Child) has helped me to
understand that a revolution in our under-
standing of autism is well overdue; that
one should avoid, for example, speaking of
“suffering from autism” because autistic
people don’t necessarily regard themselves as suffering at all, but merely as
having a different experience.
This programme, though, went so hard
at the “it’s not a big deal” side of things that
you did come away rather thinking, well,
it’s not a big deal. By the end, autism looked
a bit like a club full of people who were
exactly like everybody else, save for the
way they got to say, “I’m autistic!” on TV
programmes. Obviously that’s not true,
and there were also occasional hints here
about the darker moments, the overloads,
the difficulties. I appreciate this would
have been a much harder programme to
Billions masquerades
as another big-budget
US drama, but it’s
thoroughly unusual
watch if we had seen all this on the screen.
Still, I couldn’t help but feel that it slightly
diminished the achievements of everybody we met that we did not.
Billions is back. I love Billions. It masquerades as being just another big-budget
American drama, a Sky Atlantic staple, but
it’s thoroughly unusual. For one thing, the
shared lead dynamic between Chuck (Paul
Giamatti) and Axe (Damian Lewis) makes
it unlike almost anything else I can think
of, save possibly for The Affair, and at least
in that they’re shagging. Although, now I
think of it, Homeland started off a bit like
this too (when Lewis was in it) and it may
not be a coincidence that all three shows
are made by Showtime.
What’s really unusual, though, is the
8 saturday review
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Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
exhibition
Monet and mortar
— and hardly a
haystack in sight
A new National Gallery show explores
the work of Claude Monet through his
paintings of buildings. They make quite
an impression, says Nancy Durrant
H
aystacks. Water lilies.
Poplars. Dainty Japanese bridges, possibly.
All are motifs that
spring to mind when
Claude Monet is mentioned. Sure, if you
really know your Monet from your Manet
and your Claude from your, um, Claude,
you might come up with Rouen Cathedral,
the western façade of which Monet painted numerous times between 1892 and
1894. In general, however, architecture
isn’t what most people think of in relation
to the painter whose memory still swamps
the little French village of Giverny, where
he created his glorious garden, with busloads of tourists from spring till autumn.
Yet this is the focus of the National Gallery’s big new exhibition. Monet and Architecture, which opens on April 9 with 77
pictures — about a quarter of them from
private collections and therefore almost
never seen in public — will pick out the
various ways in which the painter used
buildings during his 60-year career.
“Buildings” is probably a better word
than architecture (although, granted, it
would make a rubbish exhibition title),
largely because Monet was not at all interested in the architecture in front of him.
Not for him a long and involved chat about
the cladding or the buttresses. His
interest lay elsewhere, says the
exhibition’s curator, Richard Thomson, particularly in the way that
architecture fed into
two seemingly disparate ideas that came
together in late 19thcentury France and
infiltrated each other
in unexpected ways:
those of the picturesque
and the modern.
“The idea of the picturesque was developed in
England at the end of the 18th
century by people such as [the scholar]
Richard Payne Knight and [the essayist]
Uvedale Price,” Thomson says. Its meaning was a fraught question at the time, but
boiled down, for Price at least, to a position
somewhere between the beautiful —
classically perfect — and the Romantic
sublime. Inevitably this was quickly
diluted to something along the lines of:
affectingly pretty and quaint, while also a
bit ramshackle.
“That [idea] was picked up in France
from the 1820s. With the collapse of the
Napoleonic empire in 1814-15, with it went
the fascination with imperial, classical
architecture,” Thomson says. And with the
revival of the Bourbon monarchy in 1814
came a revival of Catholicism, with the
church supporting the king and vice versa;
old hierarchies raising each other up. “So
looking back at the old cathedrals
of the Middle Ages, when kings
and the church were powerful, became very important in France from the
1820s onwards. That
idea of the picturesque
really lasted throughout
19th-century
France. Monet, who
was born in 1840, absolutely grew up with it.”
You can see this influence from as early as
1864, when Monet visited
the pretty Normandy port of
Honfleur and painted one of his
first buildings, the rather weird Lieutenance. It’s a hotchpotch of structures that
in the 18th century housed the king’s representative, and incorporates part of the
old medieval city wall with various other
accretions. Monet painted it twice from
the same position at slightly different
times of the day — one of those paintings,
lent from a private collection, will open the
National Gallery exhibition.
Then there’s The Church at Vétheuil,
another typically picturesque view (the
building comprises elements from the
12th, 13th and 16th centuries) that Monet
painted in 1878, soon after the struggling
artist and his family moved to the village,
now about an hour’s drive from Paris.
It was exactly the sort of thing he needed
He wasn’t interested
in architecture per se.
Not for him a long
chat about buttresses
to be painting at that time because the picturesque was highly marketable. In 1820 a
lavishly illustrated series of publications
called Voyages Pittoresques et Romantiques
dans l’ancienne France was launched. It
was a combination of images and texts
describing the old buildings, churches and
châteaux of a given region and the first
volume focused on Normandy. It was a hit,
so by the time Monet was shivering in the
tiny cabin of his studio-boat at Vétheuil
(from which he probably painted the beautiful view of the town in winter that the
National is borrowing from the Frick
collection in New York), there was a growing market boosted by a rise in visitors.
Mass tourism, though, was a thoroughly
modern phenomenon. The grand tour of
Europe had been a traditional rite of passage for wealthy young men looking to
further their cultural (and possibly sexual)
education since about the 1660s, but the
advent of an extensive, Europe-wide rail
network in the 1840s opened leisure travel
to a growing, experience-hungry middle
class. Voyages Pittoresques, although it
spoke to the past, was also a uniquely
modern publication — it was created with
lithography, a technology that had been
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 9
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GRAND PALAIS (MUSÝE D’ORSAY)/JEAN-GILLES BERIZZ; SOUTHAMPTON CITY ART GALLERY/BRIDGEMAN IMAGES; KLASSIK STIFTUNG WEIMAR MUSEEN; THE NATIONAL GALLERY; GETTY IMAGES
godly Above: The
Church at Vétheuil.
Left: the portal at Rouen
cathedral, a building he
painted 30 times
urban Main picture: The Coal-heavers. Above: St-Lazare station, both by Monet, left
invented in 1798. The modern was
encroaching rapidly on the picturesque,
literally in the case of Monet’s home
region of Normandy. As the railway
extended up the Seine valley it brought not
just visitors, but industry — which survives today. If you stand outside the charming
little chapel of Notre-Dame de Grâce in
Honfleur and look out over the Seine
estuary, the boom and hum of the massive
automotive and petrochemical plants
across the water at Le Havre are clearly
audible. (Monet’s 1864 painting of the
chapel will appear in the National show.)
Monet grew up in Le Havre (his family
moved there from Paris in 1845 when he
was five) at a time when the world was
changing fast. “New technologies were
transforming all aspects of life and at the
same time impacting directly on Monet’s
own existence,” Thomson says. The
momentum of the modern world couldn’t
fail to fascinate the painter.
The 1871 canvas The Thames below
Westminster, painted while Monet was in
London sitting out the Franco-Prussian
war, may seem to us to speak only of
the past, but the Houses of Parliament
and the Embankment had been completed
just the year before. The Embankment,
which is visible in the foreground, was in
particular a masterpiece of engineering.
Likewise a view of the interior of the Gare
St-Lazare, painted in 1877, which is all
greys and purples, steam and structure
(fortunately he was doing better by this
point — it is anything but picturesque).
Or one of coal-heavers shifting their
load under the railway bridge at Asnières
in 1875. This shows a working river, dominated by the man-made, industrial structures that were proliferating across the
landscape.
Where, then, does Rouen cathedral fit
in? It must rank as, if not Monet’s favourite
building, then certainly his most-painted.
He depicted it more than 30 times, in one
of his most celebrated series — 20 were
exhibited in Paris in 1895 “to huge success”,
Thomson says. “By this time he was charging 15,000 francs for a canvas; a skilled
worker, like a carpenter, in those days
would have been getting 2,000 francs a
year.” The National Gallery show includes
six of those wildly expensive works.
For Thomson, Rouen cathedral brought
together Monet’s conflicting interests.
Monet was
trying to
paint a very
fleeting
moment
of light on
a canvas
“Monet knew Rouen; he painted here in
1872 and his older brother was an industrial chemist who worked in [the city].” As
well as being a picturesque medieval city,
“Rouen in the 19th century was an important industrial centre and a port because
it’s only 100km from the sea on the Seine,
and large ships could come down here”.
The cathedral is a landmark and an
unmissable stop on the tourist trail but
it also bears the mark of the modern age.
The earliest part dates from about the
13th century, but the medieval spire was
destroyed by fire in 1822 and replaced with
one made of iron. “It was new technology
at the time,” Thomson says, “but a lot of
people thought it was rather vulgar.”
All that notwithstanding, he says, Monet’s obsession with the building was ultimately one of a painter fascinated by the
endlessly changing light. “His use of buildings is quintessentially pictorial. Buildings
gave him things he could use — regular
shapes in the irregularity of nature; colour.
He might paint a red roof against green
foliage. And buildings also acted as
screens, surfaces on which light played.
Although it was a great and historic building — and the façade is very complicated
with its towers at each side, its three grand
portals, its wonderful rose window and its
layers of statues — Monet didn’t paint the
details of the cathedral’s architecture and
its decoration; he treated the architectural
features as indentations, as shapes, in an
almost natural way as crevices on a cliff.”
It’s hard to date the Rouen pictures individually. Monet worked on several canvases at once. His studio was a large,
screened-off section of the changing room
on the first floor of a ladies’ dress shop that
is now the Rouen tourist office — which
tells you something about the high regard
in which he was held by the early 1890s.
“He was painting changes in the light, so
sometimes he was painting on nine or ten
canvases during the course of a day, but
perhaps only on one canvas for a quarter of
an hour or something,” Thomson says.
“He was trying to paint a very fleeting
moment of light on a canvas that took him
weeks or months to complete.”
Perhaps this is the most convincing
argument for why Monet liked to include
architecture in his work. Unlike the light
— and the trees, the bales of hay and even
the cliffs when battered by a particularly
stormy sea — it is mercifully unmoving.
The Credit Suisse Exhibition: Monet
and Architecture is at the National
Gallery, London WC2 (0800 9126958),
from April 9 to July 29
10 saturday review
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Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
film
A sci-fi thriller
that goes back
to the future
Ernest Cline, author of Ready Player One —
now a Spielberg film — tells James Marriott
how his geeky 1980s teen years inspired him
T
he sci-fi author Ernest
Cline had an awkward
moment with Mark
Zuckerberg. The day
after the premiere of
Ready Player One, Steven
Spielberg’s adaptation of
his book, Cline boarded a private jet and
flew to Facebook’s headquarters in California to show the film to Zuckerberg and
a group of Facebook employees.
After the screening, he stayed for a while
taking photos and chatting to Zuckerberg.
However, the Facebook founder “seemed
a bit reserved . . . like he was still processing
the film”. That’s hardly surprising: there
was a lot for Zuckerberg to think about.
Cline’s book depicts a high-tech dystopian
future in which almost everyone spends
most of their time in the Oasis, a gigantic
virtual reality simulation. The comparative freedom of the Oasis is threatened by
Cline left Facebook
years ago because
he could ‘see that it
was not natural’
an evil company that wants to seize control
of it and fill it with advertisements. The
parallels between Zuckerberg and the
book’s villain, the corporate boss Nolan
Sorrento, hardly need elaborating. Both
men run sprawling tech empires, both
hope to control the internet and both want
to monetise it with adverts. The scene in
the film in which Sorrento lays out his plan
to swamp the Oasis with advertising got “a
reticent laugh”, Cline tells me.
He also speculates that Zuckerberg
may have felt uneasy about another
aspect of the film. The Oasis’s eccentric
president James Halliday regrets forcing
his co-founder Ogden Morrow out of the
company. That relationship seems to be
based on Zuckerberg’s expulsion of his
early collaborators from Facebook, depicted in the film The Social Network.
Cline is deeply sceptical of Facebook. He
deleted his own account years ago because
he could “see that it was not natural.
Things are meant to move in and out of
your life,” he explains. “Knowing what all
the people you went to high school and
weren’t even friends with had for breakfast? You don’t need that and it draws
attention away from the present.” He
thinks the company is going down a “dark-
er and darker road”, especially given the
way data it collects is now used to manipulate elections.
Yet Ernest Cline, 46, is no fulminating
prophet of doom. He’s a great big amiable
nerd. When we meet at Claridge’s in
London, he’s smartly dressed in a blazer,
jeans and fashionable thick-rimmed glasses (nerds are cool nowadays). In conversation he’s an intellectual labrador, chasing
down a shiny new idea, giving it a good
shake, then bounding off after the next
one. I felt a bit like his owner, hurrying
behind with his lead: “Bad boy, Ernest! Put
it down! Tell me about Mark Zuckerberg . . .” At the end of our talk he grabs my
copy of the book and scribbles a Star Wars
quotation in the front. Our breathlessly futuristic conversation — the fate of humanity, virtual reality, digital dystopias —
makes for a surreal contrast with the oldworld elegance of Claridge’s, spring sun filtering over the antique prints on the walls.
Cline’s easy grasp of the future — and
his skill as a communicator — is why tech
companies take him so seriously. Ready
Player One is handed out to new employees at the virtual reality company Oculus.
Several US universities have selected the
book as their “common read” for incoming
freshmen.
Ready Player One is not all technodoom, however. For one thing the narrative proceeds at a compulsive gallop — I
read it in two days. Much of the book’s
appeal is down to the fact that it is
stuffed with references to 1980s
popular culture. Ewoks, Iron
Man, Dungeons & Dragons and
flux capacitors: Oasis players
who want to win the game
and therefore control of the
internet must be thoroughly
familiar with the nerdy esoterica that obsessed Halliday.
Cline thinks that there
was something special about
growing up in the 1980s, the
beginning of our modern information age. He was there: “I was
born the same year that porn was
invented and Space Invaders came
out,” he points out. (I had assumed
pornography had been around for thousands of years, but older, more worldly colleagues suggest that Cline is referring to
the film Deep Throat, which came out in
1972; Space Invaders wasn’t released until
1978, but a forerunner appeared in 1972.)
Cline knows nerd culture inside out. He
virtually reality Tye
Sheridan as Wade Watts
in Ready Player One.
Below: Steven Spielberg
with author Ernest Cline
saw Star Wars when he was five and played
his first video game — Space Invaders —
aged six. Then he kept going, ploughing
through sci-fi classics by Isaac Asimov
and Ray Bradbury and films such as The
Goonies, Wargames, Iron Eagle and E.T.. He
played video games, of course, and even
coded his own. The geeky hero of Ready
Player One finds real-world school “a daily
gauntlet of ridicule, abuse and isolation”.
Cline identifies with that experience: “It
was not cool to be a nerd in the 1970s. I was
a little too interested in science fiction
and a little too interested in video
games. I had big thick Coke-bottle
glasses, I had the same name as a
muppet,” he says, laughing.
Now, he plays video games
with his daughter. Top Silicon
Valley honchos restrict their
children’s screen time (the
Apple founder Steve Jobs
banned his children from
the iPad). Cline is sceptical of
those attitudes. “Children are
going to grow up in a world
that we won’t understand or
probably recognise and they’re
going to be surrounded by
screens,” he reasons. He also points
out that playing lots of video games
worked out pretty well for him; that
knowledge was the foundation of Ready
Player One.
Interests that were niche and nerdy
when Cline was growing up are now
mainstream (about half of Cline’s fellow
Americans play video games). Writing
the book, Cline wondered whether the
proliferation of 1980s video games references would mean it wouldn’t get published. It leapt into the New York Times
bestseller charts. Few people are less
familiar with the popular culture of the
1980s than I am (I wasn’t alive then), but
none of Cline’s references was off-putting.
If he thought the book’s geekiness might
be an impediment to it getting published,
he was certain it could never become a film
because of the difficulty of getting the
rights to the characters who show up in the
Oasis as player avatars. “I didn’t know
whether you could get away with having
Mechagodzilla fight Ultraman and not get
sued,” he says. (Having Spielberg on board
as the director probably helped with the
rights issues.)
You’ll like Spielberg’s film if you’re a
teenage boy who loves video games and
wants to see lots of explosions and car
chases in a virtual reality universe. If
you’re a grown-up, you’ll probably want to
stick with the book. If we end up living in
our own Oasis, will we still be reading
Ready Player One, I ask? Or is there no
future for books in a future full of virtual
reality distractions? Books will last, Cline
says, after all when you’re reading a novel,
you’re in charge. “You cast all the roles and
dress all the sets.”
Perhaps, I suggest, books are the original VR technology. “Yeah. Exactly!” he
agrees. As VR technologies go, Cline’s
book is a pretty good one.
Ready Player One is on nationwide
release
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 11
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books
Needy, peevish and self-pitying
GETTY IMAGES
Book of the week
This exposé paints
the heir to the throne
as utterly out of touch
and ‘addicted to
luxury’, says Ysenda
Maxtone Graham
‘W
ell, at least it must be an
easy read,” a friend of
mine said, when I told
her I was on page 181 of
Tom Bower’s 338-page
exposé of the Prince of Wales’s untidy life.
The awful thing is, it’s not even an easy
read. There are some shiningly readable
passages, such as the already-legendary
clingfilm incident, when Prince Charles
shrieked to Camilla over a plate of cold
meat sealed with an alien plastic substance: “What’s this?” Camilla is Charles’s
helpmeet and reality check at such
moments. When he remarked to her
recently, “I’ve been on the Tube, you
know,” she retorted: “Yes, but only to open
a line.”
It’s for such nuggets, which stoke the
“Charles has no idea just how privileged
and cut off from normal life he is” theory,
that we savour a book such as this. Going
on a monastic retreat to Mount Athos, but
taking 43 pieces of luggage; going to stay
with friends in the northeast and bringing
his own loo seat, Kleenex Velvet lavatory
paper and orthopaedic bed; being so virulently anti-pesticides that he has to
employ retired Indian servicemen to
prowl through the undergrowth at night
with torches, hand-picking slugs off
leaves . . . These are the telling details that
add new layers to our understanding of
how the fastidious prince lives, and this
book has a good sprinkling of them.
Bower, though, has darker stories to tell:
of two decades of machinations and jostling for power inside the prince’s “court”,
Eva Rausing sat next
to Charles at dinner
in exchange for a
donation of £500,000
and of the unattractive aspects of his fundraising habits. For these stories to be told in
under 350 pages, swathes of the book seem
to need to be headache-inducingly complicated. Surnames come at you by the
paragraph-load.
A typical sentence in mid-rake-over of
one of many Kensington Palace scandals:
“Charles’s misfortune was that Smith’s
accusations had surfaced just as Aylard
was handing over to Stephen Lamport.
With the management of his office in
disarray, Charles relied upon Shackleton.”
Remind me who all those people are
again? “Nutting would be criticized by
Burrell’s lawyers for being too close to the
coterie around Charles, and for failing to
put water between McCorquodale and the
royal family.”
It’s bewilderingly convoluted. Everyone
is plotting against, or unhealthily mutually
dependent on someone else. On every
page someone is livid, irate, irritated,
freaked out, shell-shocked or exasperated.
On the next page they retaliate, refuse,
defy or disregard. The prince seems to live
in a constant state of exasperation and
doesn’t get on at all well with his parents,
his siblings, his staff, or his sons.
Although Bower claims, in his introduction, to be a monarchist, his voice is nonawed and strongly male-journalistic. He
tells an ugly story in ugly prose. He uses a
lower case “q” for the Queen and describes
a state banquet at Buckingham Palace as
“the state meal”. He uses the word “climax”
as a verb, which always feels a bit Lady
Chatterley’s Lover (“Fayed’s wholesale
trashing of reputations climaxed with . . .”)
and he describes avoidable mistakes as
“own-goals”. He likes to put ill-boding cliffhangers at the ends of chapters, such as
“his own mismanagement was propelling
him towards another showdown”, or “the
whole sorry story had just got worse”.
The Paul Burrell episode — Princess
Diana’s butler who was accused and
cleared of stealing from her — as retold
here is depressing enough, and then there
are other accusations of seamy goings-on
inside Kensington Palace accruing like objects in the “I went to the shop and bought”
memory game. “The combination of adultery, alleged gay rape, drugs, sex orgies and
thefts . . .” Bower writes, totting it all up.
Dispiriting and shocking in a more
banal way is the picture Bower builds up of
the prince’s increasingly shameless
dependence on donors’ money in return
for favours, to keep his charities, projects
and lifestyle afloat. Let anyone who has
never given a favour in exchange for a
favour cast the first stone, and all that; but
Bower exposes a system of favour-giving
so clinical that these are not really favours,
but bargains, and on an industrial scale.
cover story The
Duchess of Cornwall is
her husband’s reality
check. She once had to
explain clingfilm to him
Rebel
R
b l Prince
Pi
The Power, Passion
and Defiance of
Prince Charles
by Tom Bower
William Collins,
338pp; £20
Reading this book, you get totally used
to sentences such as: “£200,000 would
guarantee that [the Turkish businessman]
Cem Uzan’s wife Alara sat next to Charles
at a dinner.”
Michael Fawcett, Charles’s long-serving
Jeeves figure, who squeezed the toothpaste on to his brush, seems to be in Bower’s telling the person who orchestrated
this cash for placements. On one occasion
he placed Eva Rausing next to Charles in
exchange for a donation of £500,000,
outdoing an American woman who had
been promised a place next to him for only
£250,000. At one dinner, Charles made the
gaffe of referring to the guests as “donors”
rather than “friends”. A terrible truth had
slipped out — and Robert Higdon, who
was the head of his charity foundation in
America, was “hysterical” in the next
room.
However, loyalty is a bit of a “one-way
street”, as Bower puts it, because if the
prince asks someone to do some work for
him, he expects it to be done as an unpaid
favour. Asked to give him some advice on
the cultivation of hedges, the historian and
garden designer Roy Strong spent days
preparing and perfecting the guidance. He
submitted his bill for £1,000 — and was
never asked to return, or even thanked.
We’re up against the meanness of the
very rich. I lost count of the number of employees “let go” by the prince and instantly
dropped from the Christmas card list.
Large payoffs were given occasionally, but
only to dissuade the sacked from selling
their story.
The saying “however rich you are, you
feel poor” is proved true. Charles clearly
does feel poor, compared with the Greek
tycoons who lend him and Camilla their
yachts for holidays, or the American bank
chief Joe Allbritton, who lent him his Gulf-
stream and donated vast sums in exchange
for being allowed to ride in the fourth
carriage behind “the queen” at Ascot.
Sweetly, the two Michaels, Fawcett and
Peat (a former principal private secretary
to Charles), tried to present Charles as a
man living modestly: “He hasn’t got a yacht
and he doesn’t eat lunch.” Well, ye-es . . .
I did keep thinking, “Please don’t start
yet another charity,” when I read about the
20 chairmen of the prince’s different charities, all with large overheads, all bidding for
his time and allocations of donations. In
2010 the Prince’s Trust had a yearly deficit
of £2.6 million and had to be bailed out by
the Duchy of Cornwall; Traditional Arts
was losing £2 million a year; Business in
the Community was losing its influence in
the business community.
As Bower sums it up: “The legacy of
Charles’s noble causes, good intentions
and interest in individuals has been tarnished by his addiction to luxury, his financial mismanagement, his disloyalty to
professional supporters, and the torrid
relationships with his family.” I don’t think
I’d eat lunch if I had that many worries.
Bower does not name all his sources,
understandably, but clearly he has spoken
to a great many people, including the furious and snubbed Higdon, who rails against
“the corrupt, mean, vicious people Charles
is surrounded by”.
A recurring theme is Charles’s self-pity;
he is “an Olympian whinger”, said one
interviewee, “whingeing into the small
hours on the telephone with friends”.
“Maybe the Queen will abdicate?”
suggested one friend, helpfully, yawning.
To which Charles replied, with typical
Eeyore-ishness: “No — can you imagine
her looking out of the window of Clarence
House and waving to me as I paraded in a
carriage down The Mall?”
12 saturday review
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Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
nonfiction
GETTY IMAGES
Jesus and other
flawed thinkers
A rather disjointed
book takes aim at the
great minds of history,
says Hugo Rifkind
T
o understand the scale, scope
and, dare I say it, ego of Ferdinand Mount’s new book Prime
Movers, subtitled Twelve Great
Political Thinkers and What’s
Wrong with Each of Them, one need only
consider the title of chapter two. “Jesus,”
it says.
Mount, or Sir William Robert Ferdinand
before Bentham’s death in 1832. They had
committed murders to sell the bodies for
dissection; Bentham wanted to prove with
his mortal remains that “the human body
when dissected, instead of being an object
of disgust is much more beautiful than any
other piece of mechanism as it is more curious and wonderful”. I also didn’t know
that he hated verbs (yes, verbs), or that he
preferred to work at a desk positioned
inside a miniature jogging track.
Rousseau, we are reminded, was a fervent masturbator who exposed himself in
dark alleys, and who was also (but for different reasons) a bit like Andrew Lloyd
Webber. His novel Julie was the greatest
bestseller of the 18th century — and many
of his works were big hits. Another great
chapter charts the life of the slovenly,
startling Wollstonecraft. “At the age of
fifteen, a century before Virginia Woolf,”
writes Mount, beautifully, “she began to
ask for a room of her own.”
I shall not forget that Marx, a chaotic
mess of a man, liked picnics and smashing
streetlights, and was forever getting cross
and challenging people to duels, or that
Smith lived in Edinburgh at the time that
Scottish banks invented the overdraft. Or
that Gandhi mentions only one black
person in passing in his autobiography of
his time in South Africa, a “Hottentot”
forced out of a stagecoach seat so that
Gandhi could keep his.
It would be a mistake, though, to assume
that these biographies are the point. Prime
Movers is primarily a study of philosophies
and it does the job it sets out to do. The
problem with Jesus, in case you were wondering, is that his world view lacked any
Mount, 3rd Baronet, to give you the full
frontal of his debit card (maybe) is an
essayist, novelist, columnist, former editor
of the TLS and Thatcher-era Tory wet.
Although thus by some measure the very
model of upper-crust establishment,
he also tends to write with enough wit,
self-knowledge and twinkle-eyed amusement at his own circumstances for that to
be a virtue.
If you haven’t read his autobiography,
Cold Cream, you should. That aside, he is
probably best known for Mind the Gap, his
2004 polemic on the unfairness of class; a
bold topic for somebody so easily pigeonholed at the problem end of it. Next to that,
the ambition of a mere tilt at the greatest
Rousseau exposed
himself in alleys and
wrote the bestselling
book of the century
thinkers of humanity is positively modest.
Mount’s idea is to map the stars in the
firmament of political thought. For this, he
chooses — deep breath — Pericles, Jesus,
Rousseau, Adam Smith, Edmund Burke,
Thomas Jefferson, Jeremy Bentham,
Mary Wollstonecraft, Giuseppe Mazzini,
Karl Marx, Mahatma Gandhi and
Muhammad Iqbal, who invented the idea
of Pakistan. Given that none of these
figures has much in common beyond
having existed and thought stuff (although
he does note, with some surprise, that half
were born between 1710 and 1760), as a
single work, this is inevitably a little disjointed. Some chapters are fabulous, some
are heavy-going. There is not much in the
way of beginning, middle or end.
Thought is the point here, rather than
biography, but Prime Movers shines best
when the dense intellectual filleting takes
a back seat to quirky life story. Probably
the most glorious chapter is the one devoted to the thoroughly peculiar Bentham,
utilitarian and all-round giggling oddball. I
knew that his mummified corpse, or most
of it, was still on display in the cloisters of
University College London, and that
students from King’s College kidnapped
his desiccated head as a prank.
I had not before, though, understood his
desire to be pickled in the context of the
corpse-hungry Burke and Hare, whose
murder spree took place only four years
right stuff Jeremy
Bentham was an
all-round oddball whose
last request was to be
mummified
Prime Movers
From Pericles to Gandhi:
Twelve Great Political
Thinkers and What’s
Wrong with Each of Them
by Ferdinand Mount
Simon & Schuster, 438pp; £25
mention of government, war or even commerce, and sat unmoored in the society in
which he lived.
His chapter on Mazzini, who advocated
the unification of Italy, is perhaps the most
redolent to today’s world. Mazzini, he
writes, understood that pan-European
unity was not the enemy of the nation
state, but could perhaps provide an
umbrella that protected it.
Yet Mount also sees nationalism as
something from which no nation ever
quite recovers, even over centuries. “Once
in the bloodstream,” he writes, “it remains
as persistent as the nastier forms of hepatitis.” He also sees Nietzsche as the inspiration for Wahhabi Islam, via the Urdu poet
Iqbal, and Jefferson (to summarise, wildly)
as a nasty, right-wing racist who never had
an original thought in his life.
What all this lacks, though, is much of a
unifying theme. Our prime movers have
a few things in common, such as vituperative rudeness about their forebears and a
complete lack of interest in their critics.
Little, though, is made of this. Still, Mount
is a beautifully efficient writer, at one point
managing to summarise most of Hegel in
two paragraphs, merely as a preamble to
telling us why Marx disagreed with him
about the Prussian monarchy of Friedrich
Wilhelm III.
Really, this book is best read as a cribsheet
to a bunch of other books you haven’t read
and probably never will. Most of which, as a
philosophy graduate, I have long been pretending I had. For all 12 of its subjects, the
best accolade is probably Woolf’s verdict on
Wollstonecraft — that their greatest
thoughts “are so true that they now seem to
contain nothing new in them — their originality has become our commonplace”.
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 13
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and recommendations, from the literary teams
of The Times and The Sunday Times
thetimes.co.uk/bulletins
Holy foreskins, fart jokes and spanking
ALAMY
The Middle Ages are
laid bare in this
lively compendium,
says Laura Freeman
M
Medieval
B
Bodies
L Death and Art
Life,
iin the Middle Ages
bby Jack Hartnell
P
Profile/Wellcome
Collection, 346pp; £25
C
‘T
ake a male weasel,” advised
one medieval guide to contraception, “and let its testicles be
removed and let it be released
alive. Let the woman carry
these testicles with her in her bosom and
let her tie them in goose skin or in another
skin, and she will not conceive.”
If there is no weasel to hand, the 12thcentury guide proposed an alternative:
“Let her carry against her nude flesh the
womb of a goat which has never had offspring.” If the woman has neither weasel
nor goat, she could try putting peppercorns inside her, um, well, you know . . .
The 15th-century Welsh poet Gwerful
Mechain knew. She chastised her male
counterparts who were too timid to write
truthfully of women’s bodies, preferring
idealised romance. “Let songs to the quim
grow and thrive,” she urged. Let troubadours sing of this “silky soft . . . sour grove”,
this “superb forest” with its “faultless gift to
squeeze”.
Gwerful and the weasel remedy are
quoted in Jack Hartnell’s Medieval Bodies,
a fascinating compendium of quackery,
surgery, science, faith, magic and superstition from the fall of the Roman Empire to
the beginnings of the Early Modern
period. The bodies he describes in this
lively, wide-ranging history are sacred and
profane, immaculate and bloodied,
devoutly worshipped and lustily spanked.
Hartnell, a lecturer in art history at the
University of East Anglia, takes for his
model the medieval medical books that
arranged ailments and cures a capite ad
calcem (from head to heel). We start with
the head, senses and skin and work our
way down through bones, heart, blood,
hands, stomach, genitals and feet. Hartnell
moves between Europe and the Middle
East, illustrating his examples of curious
medicines and alarming practices with
manuscripts, ivories, frescoes, icons, tomb
effigies and mausoleums.
Although we have grown a little taller
since medieval times, our guts and grisly
bits are as they ever were. “What was different,” Hartnell writes, “was how people
thought bodies worked.”
The power of rational thought, for example, was believed by the Syrian Qusta
ibn Luqa, writing in about AD900, to be a
question of liquid brain substance. In a
quick-witted, brilliant mind — inevitably
male — this substance passed “smoothly
and fluidly at lightning pace”. In the lesser
minds of children, “idiots” and women, the
liquid moved sluggishly. Medieval eye
doctors believed that microsurgery to the
cornea could be done with fine needles,
which, says Hartnell, “almost certainly did
more harm than good”. Phlebotomy, or
ular belief that a murdered corpse, even if
it had been decaying for many years,
would begin to bleed in the presence of its
killer. It was understood, explains Hartnell, as the victim “seeking posthumous
vengeance by identifying its enemies in a
magical form of proto-forensic proof”.
Hartnell’s focus shifts from the heavenly
to the hooligan. Bodily functions, then as
now, were a source of easy laughs. A king
may have in his entourage a particular sort
of jester known as a flatulist. “Roland the
Farter” was admired in the court of Henry
II for his uncanny ability to fart, jump and
whistle simultaneously. The gluttonous
and libidinous monk was another comic
mainstay. The 14th-century Irish poem
The Land of Cokaygne tells of lusty, greedy
monks whose monastery is constructed
from pie-and-pastry walls and roof beams
of “fat puddings”.
The margins of manuscripts were a
Pulverised badger,
taken as a powder,
was thought to be a
potent cure-all
bloodletting, was widely practised. Dried
and pulverised badger, taken as a powder,
was thought to be a potent cure-all.
For every practice that strikes us as
barbaric, there is an inspired scientific
advance. Reconstructive or cosmetic
surgery, rhinoplasty in particular, begins
to be discussed as early as the 4th
century and becomes more sophisticated in the 15th century. Operations
were performed on those whose
noses had been disfigured in accidents, or on the battlefield. In Europe
in the 1490s the first big outbreak of
syphilis, which in its later stages
causes a collapse of the bridge of the
nose, created a boom in nose jobs.
Hartnell is particularly good on holy
bodies: the cruel and visceral martyrdoms
of saints, the miraculous innards of
abbesses and the veneration of relics.
Christ was believed to have ascended to
His Father intact, so worshippers seized on
any scraps of His earthly body that might
have been left behind. Holy foreskin relics,
Hartnell writes, appear “with suspicious
frequency”. One could worship them in
Antwerp, Santiago de Compostela and
Metz. The Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne had one for his private devotions.
strange fruit
13th-century nuns
harvest a penis tree.
Main picture: The
Martyrdom of
St Apollonia, patron
saint of dentistry.
Top right: St Denis,
decapitated but walking
Painted altarpieces showed saints
carrying the instruments of their martyrdom in a “morbid religious shorthand”
that reminded worshippers of the saints’
sufferings. St Lucy is shown carrying her
own plucked-out eyeballs; St Stephen with
a rock lodged in his skull; Apollonia
(patron saint of dentistry) clutching the
pincers that were used to extract her
teeth. Next time you go for root canal
treatment, call on St Apollonia for
protection.
Saint Denis, bishop of Paris in the
3rd century, was decapitated at Montmartre. According to legend, his corpse
stood up, retrieved its head and walked
six miles to the site of what would become
the church and later cathedral of Saint
Denis, burial place of French kings. The
tradition of royal burial there created its
own problems. When the Carolingian
King Charles the Bald died in the Alpine
town of Avrieux in 877, his courtiers gutted
his body, stuffed it with aromatic herbs and
spices, salt and wine, and began the long
journey to Saint Denis, 600km away. At
Nantua, they had to abandon Charles’s
corpse when the stench, despite best preservative efforts, became overpowering.
In the late 12th century there was a pop-
place for ribald jokes and naughty nuns.
An illuminated page of the 13th-century
poem Roman de la Rose shows two nuns
plucking large male members from a penis
tree.
Bragging codpiece jokes and innuendo
about size-anxiety were common. In one
13th-century Icelandic saga, a fair maiden
comes across the burly outlaw hero Grettir
Asmundarson sleeping naked and remarks deflatingly to her sister: “It seems to
me extraordinary how small he is down
below. It doesn’t go with his bigness in
other respects.”
Medieval mischief-makers played a
game called “Hot Cockles” or “Hot
Hands”. The player was blindfolded and
then spanked. The challenge was for the
spankee to identify the spanker by the
smack of their palm. If they guessed
correctly, they could kiss the slapper. Ooh
er, Pardoner. Hands could also be holy. Religious orders that took vows of silence devised a complex sign language of as many
as 118 symbols covering both mundane
matters — vegetables, needles, a squid —
and the blessed Virgin Mary.
Medieval Bodies is an erudite, wideranging, thoughtfully illustrated book
with more than a dash of Carry On
Monastery.
14 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
nonfiction
What a gorilla’s testicles can teach us
This look into the science of human
sexuality takes lessons from our close
relatives, says Melissa Katsoulis
M
en: next time you’re strolling
along minding your own
business and a lady pops up
and asks if you fancy hopping
into bed with her, be sure to
notice whether she’s carrying a clipboard
and wearing a white coat. Because she may
not be a woman overcome with lust, but an
academic doing an experiment in modern
sex research. She’s trying to tie your interest in sex with strangers to your biological
nature as a gene-spreading machine.
This is just one of the quirky points
covered in X and Why, a journey into gender science by the science editor of The
Times. Tom Whipple’s subject couldn’t be
more timely, given the current mania for
seeing gender as fluid, even irrelevant. So
X and Why
The Rules of Attraction:
Why Gender Still
Matters
by Tom Whipple
Short, 255pp; £9.99
Find love through what you love.
whether you reckon trans folk must just be
confused gays, or have always wondered
why silverback gorillas have tiny testicles,
there’s something in this book for everyone. Or, as the author puts it, everyone’s
going to be offended.
Let’s start with gorillas. There is a predictable link in primates between testicle
size and — wait for it — female promiscuity. It’s like this: a silverback is so tough that
any competing males have been chased
away long before he gets down to business
with his harem. As there’ss no competition
for his sperm, he doesn’t need
ed many of them.
The male chimpanzee,
e, by contrast, is
less able to see off competition
etition and often
finds, when he enters a female’s boudoir,
that several other fellows have been there
recently too. So he must deposit a huge
amount of his genes, to compete with
the others that might be swimming
about therein. Humans, of course, have
medium-sized ones, which
ich means that
the average woman is a bit more likely
than a gorilla to have cheated
ated on her partner, but less likely than a chimp.
Female sexuality is putt under the microscope in X and Why and
d it makes for
fascinating and sometimes
mes nasty
reading.
Take
the
research of Professor Gerulff
Rieger. He hooks up people’s
ople’s
undercarriages to a blood
lood
flow monitor and makes
akes
them look at varied adult videos. His work shows what gets
people — including Whipple,
ipple,
who allowed himself to be experimented on too, although
ugh he’s
too proper to go into much
h detail —
aroused.
Rieger’s subjects are asked
ked how gay
or straight they are and, as you might
ht
imagine, the straight men answer,
“Straight as a die, mate” whereas women
are more like, “Ah, well, you
ou know . . . mostly straight.” The proof is in
n the (blood) pudding: straight men show no rush of blood
when they see gay porn. But women who
say they’re pretty straight are in fact rather
bisexual; they experience increased blood
flow to the genitals when any sex is shown.
If this sounds jolly, Whipple
ipple reminds us
that this is nature, red in
n tooth and claw,
and it’s not always pretty. Play a woman an
audio track of someone being
eing chased by a
rapist and she will show increased blood
flow. Because if any kind of sex is coming,
bad or good, her body knows it will hurt
less if she prepares for it. Grim, yet rather
amazing.
Equally interesting are the sections on
transgenderism. Reports from the front
line of this new branch of medical science
give us clues to the chemical origins of our
behaviour. Take Sam (formerly Sabine)
hello ladies Silverbacks chase away
all competition before mating
Schweiger, a trans man interviewed by
Whipple. He says that after taking testosterone to become less ladylike, he found
that he was behaving differently to his
female friends. “They are always talking,
always want to discuss. It’s not interesting
for me any more.” He also became permanently up for action. “It’s an explosion . . .
now I know why men are acting like that,
why men go in a sexual direction.”
That direction being proven by the street
experiment. If a woman asks a
proposition exp
man to sleep with
wi her, almost every bloke
repeat the experiment with a
says yes. Now re
propositioning women. You can guess
man proposition
It’s just not worth a woman
the outcome. It
compromising her
h safety to have indiffersomeone who is unlikely to
ent sex with so
and support her through nine
stick around an
months of regret.
regre It all comes back to the
biological
between men and
b
bi
ological differences
diffe
man can father more than
women. A m
children in his lifetime; a woman,
1,000 childr
maybe 30. As Whipple says: “If you
the difference
want to understand
u
between how males and females approach sex, then these are the two
numbers that matter. Because if
numbe
sexual behaviours have not
our se
evolved to exploit that difference,
evolve
then eevolution doesn’t work.”
X aand Why does not claim to
more than a survey and sticks
be mo
to the bedroom. Gender differences in car parking skills or likof the Rings are for
ing Lord
L
another book. Whipple shares
anoth
his w
wonder and confusion; he’s
more of an old-fashioned
adventurer
than a cutting-edge
adven
mille
millennial
sexplorer, his idea of
a bad-boy
lover being someone
ba
“putting
on the leather jacket
“put
and showing off his pool skills
in
the bar”.
i th
Whipple’s
enthusiasm for
W
his ssubject is infectious and his
learning
is leavened by a chatlearn
ty
style
and
amusing
interviews.
He doesn’t weigh in
inter
with a grand theory of everything, bu
but successfully reclaims the
Mars and Venus cliché for a new,
gender-savvy
g nder-savvy generation, giving us,
ge
along the way
way, enough cheeky dinner
party chat to last all year. Unless you
don’t think
ape balls are suitable
t
conversation
pieces.
co
Life glimpsed through a Slit
Dating is always easier when you start out
with something in common. Times Dating
is the place to meet Times readers who have
the same interests (and intellect) as you.
Just think, this page could be the beginning
of your next chapter.
Start your story at
thetimesdating.co.uk
Sharp prose and dark
humour make a punk
memoir memorable,
says Clive Davis
S
he is 63 now, she has survived
cancer, spends a lot of time sleeping and admits that a decent egg
mayonnaise sandwich gives her
the same thrill that she used to get
from a good-looking man. Yet, as she
reveals in this poignant and funny memoir, you’d still think twice about getting on
the wrong side of Viv Albertine, the guitarist with Seventies punk band the Slits.
One incident above all captures her
recklessness. In 2010, having taken up
music again, she is playing a solo gig at a
small venue in York. Things are not going
well. Four laddish types sitting at a table
near the front, totally uninterested in her
songs, are making so much noise that other
punters are having trouble hearing. Albertine, her spirits drooping, repeatedly asks
the men to be quiet; they carry on carousing. Unable to take any more (“I felt like I
was their mother asking if they had any
washing they wanted doing”) she jumps off
the stage and lets loose her inner punk.
“ ‘Do you know how the way you’re
behaving makes me feel?’ I asked. ‘Like
this.’ I picked up the fullest pint glass on the
table and, starting at the bloke on my right,
swept the beer in an amber arc across the
four blank faces, ending up with the bloke
on the far left. None of them moved. They
just sat there with their eyes and mouths
wide open, dripping. The room fell silent . . .
Triumph surged up through my body and
went right to my head. I lifted another
glass from the table and drenched them
again, this time in Guinness.”
By the end of this book you too, dear
reader, may feel as if you have had a pint
sloshed in your face. There is chronic diarrhoea and flatulence too, not to mention a
visit to a sexually transmitted diseases
clinic that ends with one of the more
embarrassing questions ever put to a
doctor. No doubt this makes To Throw
Away Unopened sound like an unbearably
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 15
1G R
SUPPLIED BY BRIDGEMAN IMAGES, © SOLO SYNDICATION
So what would
Mr Keynes do?
Can the economists of
old help solve modern
woes? Just don’t ask
Marx, says Iain Martin
T Great
The
Economists
E
H Their Ideas
How
C
Can Help Us Today
bby Linda Yueh
Viking, 357pp; £20
V
B
y 2030 we were supposed to have
solved the “economic problem”.
Writing in 1930, John Maynard
Keynes, Britain’s most famous
economist, suggested that 100
years from that point our prosperity would
be such that we would be working a
15-hour week. “Three hours a day is quite
enough,” he said. With so much leisure
time, mankind would at last get down to
working out how to use its freedom to “live
wisely and agreeably well”.
It has not worked out quite like that, as
Linda Yueh points out in The Great Economists, an enjoyable and accessible, if
flawed, study of a dozen leading economists from history.
Economists have a reputation among
non-economists for getting it wrong, and
the best are no exception in their personal
as well as professional judgments. Revealingly, several of Yueh’s dozen went bankrupt or lost fortunes. The Austrian-born
Joseph Schumpeter was almost undone by
his debts in the 1920s. In that same decade
the puritanical prohibitionist Irving Fisher, America’s first economist of note, got
drunk on the idea of a booming stock
market, saying Wall Street had reached a
“permanently high plateau”. The Great
Crash of 1929 tarnished his reputation and
wiped out his $10 million fortune. When
he died in 1947, having regularly predicting
graphic, embarrassing read. Albertine
blurts out the kind of thoughts most of us
would think twice about confiding to a
diary. Yet she also gives a sensitive glimpse
into the inner life of a nonconformist who
has overcome an impoverished, dysfunctional upbringing. Misery memoirs may be
all the rage, but Albertine’s dark humour
and sharp prose lift her into another league.
Of course, it helps if you are a devotee of
punk. But as someone who isn’t remotely
interested in new wave or the Slits and can’t
understand why middle-aged, middle-class
men start waxing nostalgic about the Clash,
I can testify that this book transcends
rock’n’roll. Moreover, even if the male sex
comes out of it badly (“Why is every man I
go out with bonkers?”), it is no earnest feminist tract. Albertine catalogues our many
flaws, but she owns up to plenty of her own.
She has already written about her coming of age as a musician in her 2014 memoir,
Clothes Clothes Clothes Music Music Music
Boys Boys Boys (a phrase that her long-
a stock market bounceback
throughout the 1930s, he had
debts of $1.1 million.
Keynes was almost cleaned
out a number of times. In 1936
he was worth more than
£500,000 — £27 million in
today’s money — but lost it in
the 1937-38 recession. He got
some of it back. At his death in
1946 he had an investment
portfolio of £400,000 (£12 million in today’s prices) and an
art and book collection then
worth £80,000.
His vision of a three-hour
working day was a dud,
though. Britons today spend a
weekly average of 42 hours
and 18 minutes at work,
according to a Eurostat
report published this year.
Thanks to technology and
social change our work has
expanded to fill the time
available in a way that
Keynes did not anticipate.
Nonetheless,
ideas
matter. The theories formulated
ated by the
most influential academic economists in
universities outlive their authors and still
shape our lives. “The insights of the Great
Economists, which have been gleaned
from over two centuries of studying the
world’s economic problems, can help us
shape the future of globalisation and confront today’s challenges,” Yueh says.
We could do with some help. Trade wars
are back in fashion, thanks to the antics of
President Trump. The menace of the tech
giants, with chino-clad Silicon Valley
chancers taking over the economy and
creating havoc in society, will soon mutate
with the aid of artificial intelligence. Who
regulates these new “robber barons” to
ensure their machines work for us, and not
the other way round? Where will the jobs
come from? In the UK, policymakers are
struggling to find a way through Brexit.
Yueh looks for pointers from the past.
Yueh has been a broadcaster (at the BBC
and Bloomberg) and holds a string of
T Th
To
Throw A
Away
Unopened
by Viv Albertine
Faber, 304pp; £14.99
iing has declined from contributing
225 per cent of national output in
11980 to 12 per cent in the past
decade; at its peak financial services
d
aalone made up 8 per cent of output.
The question is almost meaninglless; services were a part of the economy that Smith thought barely
n
worth studying. One may as well ask
w
what Smith would make of the future
w
of the aviation industry. Smith was
o
writing in the 18th century when it
w
ttook him a day by mail coach to get
ffrom Glasgow University to Edinburgh to deliver his public lectures.
b
After that Yueh picks up the pace.
Schumpeter’s theory of “creative
S
destruction” shows that when you need
d
ggrowth — as the UK does now — it
ccomes mainly from entrepreneurs and
iinnovation. Milton Friedman’s work on
monetary policy inspired the response
m
tto the most recent financial crisis, with
tthe deployment of quantitative easing
aaimed at preventing a deep depression.
Are the central banks still being too
A
iinterventionist? Yueh concludes that
Friedman would be wary of reining back
F
S
Several
of the dozen
economists
e
here
went
bankrupt or
w
l
lost
fortunes
easy living JM Keynes
forecast a leisurely future
Ringing off
Nokia is a good illustration
of Joseph Schumpeter’s
“creative destruction”, by
which innovative products
displace old ones. In
2007 Nokia was worth
$150 billion and its share
of the global handset
market reached 40 per
cent; it sold its billionth
phone in 2005. Yet it was
sold in 2013 for $7 billion
and its market share had
fallen to 15 per cent.
suffering mother would chant when her
wayward daughter regaled her with stories
about her adventures at school). That book
opened with the typically gobby line, “Anyone who writes an autobiography is either
a twat or broke” — which is exactly what
you would expect from someone who took
lessons in spitting from Sid Vicious — and
ended with Albertine in mid-life, enjoying
a creative rebirth. To Throw Away
Unopened is a no less vivid, but much more
artful piece of writing, zeroing in on her
relationship with her mother, her
estranged Corsican father and her sister.
On the night that she is due to attend the
launch party for Clothes Clothes Clothes,
she learns that her much-loved 95-yearold mother, Kathleen, is dying. As the
indomitable old lady heads towards oblivion, the narrative moves self-consciously
back and forth between past and present,
the brief sections dotted with scrapbookstyle photos. In hospital Albertine and her
sister, whose relationship has long been
academic posts. She has sat on boards and
advised the World Bank. Forget Keynes’s
15-hour week; Yueh must be working at
least 15 hours a day. My fear on reading The
Great Economists was whether Yueh had
tried to do too much. A straightforward
guide to the lives and ideas of a dozen leading economists would be useful in these
confusing times. However, crisp pen portraits and introductions to complex ideas
have been melded with an assessment of
what a particular dead economist might
have advised about a contemporary issue,
such as do we face a slow-growth future?
The formula is least successful with the
first in line, Adam Smith, father of modern
economics. Yueh asks what he would
make of the British government’s attempt
since 2008 to rebalance the economy by
boosting manufacturing when the UK has
become steadily more dependent on services. Yueh reminds us that manufactur-
monetary policy prematurely — he
m
would urge us to heed how the US went
w
iinto recession in 1937 because policymakeers thought that the economy had recoveered in 1933.
Karl Marx is the hero of the present
Labour leadership, although the awkward
L
reality persists that everywhere his ideas
have been tried the results have been disastrous. Even in China prosperity came
only with the switch to the market system
that Marxists wanted to destroy.
What appeals about The Great Economists is that it is not one of those manifesto
books, which rarely work. The portraits are
entertainingly crafted and the details of
family lives well deployed. There is no to-do
checklist of measures that if implemented
would solve all our problems. However, that
means it rather tails off without providing
an answer to the next generation of challenges, beyond stressing that enterprise
and economic freedom work, when tempered by good, effective government. The
greats would advise keeping markets and
trade open, says Yueh. I would add that
avoiding the unworkable prescriptions of
Marx helps too.
typical girl Viv Albertine in 2013
fractious, embark on a shockingly violent
showdown over their mother’s deathbed.
As she reflects on her past, Albertine
ponders the end of her parents’ marriage in
the mid-Sixties. Who was more to blame?
Which handed-down stories were true?
Was her father — a self-pitying type prone
to violent outbursts — as awful as she
recalled? He had died some years earlier
and when Albertine found his diaries she
began to wonder if he was as much a victim
of circumstances as her mother. It is only
when she goes through Kathleen’s belongings that she finds a bag marked “To throw
away unopened”, with damning evidence.
Albertine’s love life had been almost as
unrewarding although she forges an
unbreakable bond with her daughter. By
the end, for all the pangs of loneliness and
hopeless dates she has been on, she even
wonders if her attitude to men is mellowing.
It’s only a passing thought but Albertine is
so mercurial that you never know where
her mind will take her in the end.
16 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
nonfiction
ANONYMOUS LOAN COURTESY MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS, BOSTON
It was the women
who fought hardest as
a dynasty struggled
to survive the tumult
of the 17th century,
says Gerard DeGroot
I
n the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston,
Massachusetts, there hangs an
extraordinary painting by the Dutch
artist Gerrit van Honthorst. Triumph
of the Winter Queen is ostensibly a
family portrait of Frederick V, the King of
Bohemia, his wife Elizabeth Stuart and
their children. Yet what is striking is how
the females command attention. The light
shines on them.
Frederick, four years dead when the
painting was completed in 1636, is shown
in muted light, gazing forlornly on his
brood. Elizabeth, the focus of attention,
holds the reins of a chariot harnessed to a
team of lions. Her eldest daughter, Elisabeth, stands defiantly in an electric blue
gown. Between them are Louise and
Henrietta, smaller, but still prominent.
Hovering above is Sophia, an angel carrying a crown of laurel.
At the time the painting was completed,
Elizabeth, the Winter Queen, was exiled in
the Netherlands, barely making ends
meet. “Triumph” was elusive. The title is
nevertheless appropriate, because the
painting gives due prominence to five
courageous women who, in different ways,
overcame the political, cultural and religious challenges of the 17th century.
“Queens are not made with crowns and
sceptres,” Nancy Goldstone writes, “they
are made with adversity.” As a general rule
that’s nonsense, but for this particular
queen it’s true. Elizabeth (1596-1662),
daughter of James I (or, if Scots, James VI),
inherited the courage, intelligence and
strength of her grandmother, Mary Queen
of Scots. Like Mary, she was beautiful.
On Valentine’s Day 1613, aged 16, she
married Frederick Henry, the PrinceElector of the Rhenish Palatinate. She
could have landed a more prestigious
mate, but this was true love — the stuff of
fairytales. The two lovers then went forth
and multiplied. Between 1614 and 1630, 13
children were born.
Their fairytale was painfully shortlived.
In 1618 the largely Protestant estates of
Bohemia rebelled against the Holy Roman
Emperor Ferdinand II. In defiance, they
chose Frederick as their king. For him, that
was a poisoned chalice. He and Elizabeth
arrived in Prague in October 1619 just as
Ferdinand was mobilising. Thus began the
Thirty Years’ War, which would devastate
central Europe. No sooner had the royal
Seven months
pregnant, Elizabeth,
the Winter Queen,
fled on horseback
couple unpacked their bags than they were
sent packing. Frederick ruled Bohemia for
just one winter, earning the derisive
epithet “Winter King”.
Seven months pregnant, Elizabeth took
flight on horseback, narrowly evading capture. It was not a good time for a Protestant
queen to seek shelter. She eventually ended up in the Netherlands, the guest of the
House of Orange. In times of crisis strong
women often emerge to save their families.
While Frederick fretted, Elizabeth
schemed. She was determined to see her
husband restored to the Palatine, if not to
royal progress The Triumph of the Winter Queen, painted in 1636, depicts Elizabeth Stuart atop a wagon drawn by lions and surrounded by her children
Death, scandal, betrayal: the
unluckiest royal family of all?
Bohemia. She also needed to engineer
marriages for her children. “She secured
audiences,” Goldstone writes, “drew important emissaries to her house at The
Hague, and . . . directed reams of letters . . .
alternately coaxing, humouring, entreating, or bargaining.”
Elizabeth had precious little with which
to bargain. Arranging good marriages for
all those children was difficult while in
exile and penury. Poverty is always relative
for royalty, but there’s no doubt that these
were difficult times. When her father died,
she had to prevail upon her brother,
Charles I, to send her clothes in which to
mourn because she could not afford them.
Debts piled up, servants went unpaid, jewels were sold. Nevertheless, she persisted.
This particular royal family might qualify as the unluckiest in European history.
Just as the Thirty Years’ War drew to a
close in 1648, the English Civil War erupted, with dire consequences for Charles.
Meanwhile, there were deaths, accidents,
betrayals, scandals and cruel twists of fate.
The plague took Frederick at 36 in 1632.
Two sons drowned. Henrietta Maria
married Siegmund Rakoczy, Prince of
Transylvania (not the greatest of catches),
then died within weeks of arriving at her
new home in Sarospatak.
Vivacious Louise was about to marry
Frederick William of Prussia when a scandal erupted involving her mother and the
Daughters of the
Winter Queen
Four Remarkable
Sisters and the
Enduring Legacy of
Mary, Queen of Scots
by Nancy Goldstone
Weidenfeld & Nicolson,
480pp; £20
Marquis d’Épinay, a notorious cad who
weaselled his way into her affections and
household. (Louise’s brother Philip, intent
on defending his mother’s honour, killed
d’Épinay with a knife, but that’s another
story.) The Prussian prince looked elsewhere for a bride. Louise then fell in love
with the Marquis of Montrose (not a bad
consolation prize), but he ended up
hanged, drawn and quartered in Edinburgh after he was betrayed by her cousin,
the future King Charles II. And all the
while those women persisted.
Poverty and misfortune allowed the sisters Elisabeth and Louise to achieve more
than they might have done had fortune
been kinder. In ordinary times Elisabeth,
armed with a healthy dowry, would have
married well and disappeared into comfortable obscurity. Instead she had the
freedom to be herself. She was one of the
most intelligent women of her generation,
dabbling in mathematics, Latin, anatomy
and philosophy. She befriended William
Penn and René Descartes; the latter was
astonished by her genius. The same sort of
freedom allowed Louise to pursue an
impressive career as an artist. Instead of
wallowing in spinsterhood, both sisters
ended as abbesses, one Protestant, the
other Catholic. Running a convent was
one of the few ways a woman in the 17th
century could exercise real power.
And then there’s Sophia, the only one of
the four daughters who married well,
although it didn’t seem that way at the
time. She was supposed to wed George
William, Duke of Hanover, but he got cold
feet and gave her to his brother, Ernest Augustus. Married life was not wonderful, but
she lived for her children, in particular her
son who became George I of Great Britain.
That outcome owed much to Sophia’s dogged determination in arguing her right of
succession after Queen Anne had no surviving issue. As Goldstone writes: “By
some estimates as many as 57 claimants by
birth or sex had precedence over Sophia as
heir.” But, like her mother and
great-grandmother, Sophia was a fighter.
Seventeenth-century politics was, as
Goldstone writes, “an ever-shifting minuet”. It’s sometimes difficult to keep track of
all those brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews
and cousins in castles scattered across
Europe. That difficulty is compounded
when the focus of attention is on a royal
family with 13 children. But Goldstone is a
master juggler. She tells a good story,
always with a delightfully light touch. In
the process, extraordinary women are
given the attention they deserve. Goldstone brings them to prominence in a way
that preserves their femininity while highlighting their strength.
This is a feminist history without ever
trying to be one. Women saved this family.
Sisters did it by themselves.
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 17
1G R
fiction
Goodnight Berlin: a master has signed off
TONI GARRIGA/EPA
the surface he’s a self-serving cynic, often
rough in attitude and behaviour, with a
mordant sense of humour. He is unable to
have decent relationships and is not averse
to breaking the law. And yet he emerges as
a sympathetic character, even a romantic,
full of good intentions, hatred of injustice
and deep feelings about the state of his
beloved Germany.
Greeks Bearing Gifts demonstrates all
Gunther’s failings and redeeming qualities. It is 1957 and he is living in Munich
under an assumed name. Not for the
first time, he has fallen on hard times. He
meets someone he once knew in Berlin,
who offers him an escape. Tired of his
job in a mortuary — making dead bodies
look nicer — Gunther accepts. He is
hired by an insurance company to investigate a suspicious claim made by the Ger-
Philip Kerr, who died
last week, leaves an
inspired creation,
says Marcel Berlins
G
Greeks
Bearing
G
Gifts
bby Philip Kerr
Quercus, 486pp; £18.99
Q
B
ernie Gunther is a fictional investigator without parallel. His creator, Philip Kerr, died of cancer
eight days ago, aged 62. Greeks
Bearing Gifts, his 13th novel featuring Gunther, is published next week
and it shows, unequivocally, what a wonderful writer he was.
Gunther is more than a superb invention. He is unique, different from even the
best of the other long-lasting private
detectives, from Poirot and Marlowe
onwards. None of the others had a life and
career of such variety and depth, in so
many places, facing so much dramatic
upheaval.
By the time Kerr created him in 1989,
Gunther had already fought in the First
World War, where he won an Iron Cross,
lost his wife to the Spanish flu epidemic of
1918 and spent 11 years in the Berlin police’s
homicide department, after which he
became a private detective. He first
appeared in March Violets, set in Berlin in
1936, as Hitler consolidated his grip on
Kerr was superb at
inserting Gunther
into real events and
adding famous people
his own man
Philip Kerr made
Bernie Gunther different
from every other
fictional detective
Germany. We follow him from the 1930s,
through the war years, into the 1950s. His
work takes him to the Eastern Front, Austria, Croatia, Cuba, Argentina and the
French Riviera, but the centre of his life
was always Berlin. Postwar, Gunther
would frequently come across remnants
from the Nazi years, men guilty of terrible
crimes who had escaped retribution.
Kerr was superb at inserting Gunther
into real events — such as investigating
the Katyn massacre in A Man Without
Breath — and adding famous people of the
period into his thrillers. During the war, in
King Lear in the corn belt
classic read The Midwestern
landscape shapes this
award-winning tale,
says Ann Treneman
A Thousand Acres
by Jane Smiley
Everyman’s Library,
409pp; £12.99
I
was born in Iowa, but, then, as Bill
Bryson has said, somebody had to be.
It’s not the most fashionable bit of
America. Indeed, I am not entirely sure
that most Britons know exactly where
it is, other than that it’s in the middle somewhere. It certainly is, for Iowa is the heart
of the Midwest, a huge swathe of America
that mystifies most Europeans.
Yet, if you do not understand the Midwest, you cannot begin to understand
America. This is the breadbasket, the
amber waves of grain of my favourite
patriotic anthem, America the Beautiful.
It’s chunky, 310 miles across and 200 miles
wide, and made up of rolling hills, red
barns, towns laid out on a grid. It’s Grant
Wood country with, often, the distinct
whiff of pig in the air. The mighty Mississippi provides the eastern border, the
Missouri and its tributary the Big Sioux the
western one.
It’s unpretentious farm country, baking
hot in summer, freezing in the winter. The
land stretches out around you, dominating
everything. It is this landscape that Jane
Smiley writes about so thrillingly in her
novel A Thousand Acres, published 27
years ago. I read it then, although inhaling
it may be a better way of putting it. I went
on to read many of her other books (The
Age of Grief, Ordinary Love etc), but this is
her best. Everyman’s Library has published
a handsome edition for its quarter-century
plus, and it has been a joy to reread.
It won the Pulitzer prize for fiction, quite
rightly, but its reception in Britain was
sniffy to say the least. In The Times the
reviewer Christopher Hawtree
scooped it up along with four
other American novels, including, by the by, The Secret
History by Donna Tartt
(“The Secret History is a
novel to make one scoff,” he
says, although I loved it). He
was equally dismissive of A
Thousand Acres: “It neither
shocks nor beguiles, but rambles on, a family saga; spiced up
here and there, it is familiar stock.”
her story Jane Smiley rethinks Lear
from the view of the daughters
spite of his refusal to become a Nazi,
Gunther is obliged to work closely with
Reinhard Heydrich (Prague Fatale) and
Joseph Goebbels (The Lady from Zagreb).
More pleasantly, on the French Riviera, he
finds himself in the louche house of the
author Somerset Maugham (The Other
Side of Silence). Kerr conducted prodigious
and meticulous research. The backdrop of
every Gunther novel is accompanied by a
touch of a history lesson, subtly delivered,
so that it does not interrupt the plot and
action.
What of Bernie Gunther the man? On
man owner of a sunken boat off the Greek
coast.
His inquiries confirm the dodginess of
the claim and reawaken memories of the
murderous activities of German forces in
Greece. In addition, Gunther believes he
has stumbled on an attempt to salvage a
large hoard of gold stolen by the Nazis
from the Jews of Salonika. His dangerous
activities are not helped by his finding the
murdered body of the boat’s owner.
Next year there will be a 14th, and last,
Bernie Gunther adventure. Philip Kerr
handed it to his publisher not long before
his death. The author and his character
will be greatly missed.
Ohhh, I don’t think so. Smiley writes
exceptionally well about land, a tradition
of the great writers of the Midwest, who
include Willa Cather. Here is Smiley
describing a crossroads in Zebulon County: “The earth was unquestionably flat, the
sky unquestionably domed and it seemed
to me when I was a child in school, learning
about Columbus, that in spite of what my
teacher said, ancient cultures might have
been onto something. No globe or map
fully convinced me that Zebulon County
wasn’t the centre of the universe.”
Smiley, now 68 and still a skinny 6ft 2in,
has said that it was during a conversation
with Glenn Close that she heard herself
saying: “Someone ought to do a production
of King Lear from the point of the daughters.” As Lucy Hughes-Hallett, in her excellent introduction to this edition, adds: “Not
long afterwards, when she was driving,
on a day of grim sleety weather
across the farmlands of Iowa
and Minnesota (‘where the
corn and soybeans stretch
in rows and rows for miles
and miles’) it came to her
that she was that someone
and this landscape would
be the setting.”
I can remember at the time
how the idea of a Lear from the
daughters’ point of view, set in
Iowa of all places, created snorts of disdain from many of the literati. Smiley is
unabashed in the use of her template. The
father, Larry, owns the 1,000 acres. His
daughters are Ginny, Rose and Caroline
(note the initials). Ginny is barren, Rose
has cancer and Caroline/Cordelia is the
one who got away. Larry has his Fool, a
man named Marv who is obsessed with
health gimmicks and who advises him on
how to divvy up the land. There is even a
storm and, yes, Larry is out in it.
However, this is a novel, not a play, so
comparisons do not go all that far. Smiley
can be subtle (Larry manages to get
through most of the book without speaking), but she’s not afraid of driving home a
point. Her view of what we have done to the
land is unrelenting and, at times, you feel
that she would be more powerful if she allowed a little more light into the argument.
Her idea of what it means to be female is
utterly devoid of sugariness. Smiley, a
devotee of Dickens, likes characters full of
warp and weft. On the face of it, her narrator, Ginny/Goneril, is a rather dull housewife, a woman whose world view begins
and ends in Iowa, who has led an interior
life in an interior world made up of cooking
and cleaning, sewing and canning. (A
Thousand Acres is wonderfully rich in domestic detail.) Yet Ginny is also capable of
huge drama: at one point she plots to kill
using that most unreliable of ingredients,
poisonous plants.
Smiley thinks everyone has hidden
depths, even a housewife from Zebulon
County, and this is part of her greatness.
And that, by the way, has nothing to do
with Shakespeare, for this is a classic in its
own right.
18 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
fiction
From Trainspotting to jetsetting
SONY PICTURES RELEASING/PA
Drugs, headbutts,
Leith Road lingo:
the spirit of Irvine
Welsh’s sequel moves
Dominic Maxwell
older, no wiser Spud, Renton, Sick Boy and Begbie reunited last year by Danny Boyle for Trainspotting 2
headbutts to come). We’re a way from the
tenement squalor of the first novel; or
three of our boys are, anyway. Welsh puts
us into their heads as they fly around the
world managing disc jockeys (Renton), are
fêted as visual artists (Begbie), get themselves into all sorts of sex-fuelled sticky
situations (Sick Boy) and end up so skint
they have to accept iffy offers to transport
a kidney from Istanbul to Berlin (Spud).
Less trainspotting, more jetsetting.
Dead Men’s
You don’t so much
Trousers
by Irvine Welsh
lose your moral
Cape,
compass as put it in a Jonathan
420pp; £16.99
back pocket for later
— Mmm-hmm. Plenty of drugs still?
— Aye . . . I mean, yes, plenty of drugs,
including one, DMT, so psychedelic it
turns the book into a graphic novel for a
page or two after they take some. Heroin is
off the middle-aged man menu, though.
— Is it always readable, though, Dirty
Boy? For those of us without your authentic Edinburgh street smarts, Welsh can
verge on the opaque.
— Well, it depends who’s telling the tale.
All four get a turn, alongside some third-
person narration, but mostly the Caledonian patois adds rhythm and bounce. What I
like about Welsh’s storytelling is that he
makes these amoral misadventures so
propulsive, so joyfully awful that you have
to go with the flow. You don’t so much lose
your moral compass as put it in a back pocket for later. Yet Welsh offers oases of sensible humanity: Renton’s new relationship
with an Englishwoman, say. He flows the
plots together — a forced kidney transplant; a podiatrist blackmailed for massageparlour sex; Begbie dealing with a jealous
stalker; Renton trying to make amends for
the way he burnt his friends on the big drug
deal from Trainspotting — with a latent
sense of family underlying all this irresponsibility. He shows us the real world, but he
also knows what fun his demimonde of sex,
violence, betrayal and substances is if you
ignore their consequences.
— A five-star review!
— Mek it four. Let’s not tek the pish.
— Back to our Groundskeeper Willie
routine, are we?
— Ah cannae . . . I can’t help it. There’s
something contagious about Welsh’s mix of
slangy street smarts and Wodehousian
brio. It’s got its contrivances and uglinesses,
but this roués’ romp is about as much fun as
you can have between two book covers.
Beware the trolls bearing Biros
A real-life poison pen
case has inspired
this debut novel,
says Kate Saunders
I
t’s all about Twitter, tweeting and
trolls. The shoutline on the cover of
Look to Your Wife asks: “Do you know
your friends from your followers?”
Most of us have grasped how it tends to
play out — you post a picture of your
child’s birthday cake in the morning and by
teatime a total stranger has called you a
whore. So why do people keep doing it?
Lisa Blaize, the Twitter-addicted heroine of this zingy, fast-moving novel, is a
square peg in a round hole. She’s a pretty
working-class girl from Bootle who has
written a mildly celebrated book about her
nonfiction
To Be a Machine: Adventures Among
Cyborgs, Utopians, Hackers, and the
Futurists Solving the Modest Problem
of Death by Mark O’Connell
Granta, 241pp; £9.99
Mark O’Connell tells his son that his
book is “about how in the future, when
you’re big, maybe nobody will have to
die any more”. It’s a fair summary. This
Homer’s Odyssey for the digital age
takes us to the most lurid reaches of
technomania; but it always comes back
to immortality. The book’s only notable
flaw is that the author doesn’t really
engage with the technologies that the
“transhumanists” hope will let them
surpass their bodies. This reduces his
interviewees to weirdos. But, oh boy,
are the weirdos weird. Oliver Moody
A
e wis sitting at home, starin
oata tha windae, listening to
the footba results, when mae
mobile screeched oot.
— Dominic? Your editor at
The Times here. Just wondering where
your review of Irvine Welsh’s new Trainspotting sequel is? This is a big one, chum:
a million copies sold of the original 1993
novel in Britain alone! One literary sequel
in 2002, one prequel in 2012, a Begbie spinoff novel in 2016, two world-beating
Danny Boyle films. What’s the verdict?
— Ah havnae written nothing, ah’ve
been on the bevvy, ah muttered. And
dinnae call me Dominic. From nae oan
ah’m Dirt Boy, ya ken?
— Gosh! It sounds like you have been at
least “getting in character”, said tha man
fae The Times.
— Aye, ah said. Good book, ah added.
There was a pause doon tha end of the
line.
— We’re going to need just a smidgin
more detail from you on this one, Domin . . . He caught his voice. — “Dirt Boy”.
The question our readers need answering
is: can the bad boys of Nineties Edinburgh
— Mark “Rent Boy” Renton, Sick Boy,
Spud and Begbie — still cut it now they’re
in their fifties? Have they “grown old
disgracefully”?
He added tha last line wi a cackle. What
a c***. This convo was bringing me doan.
Get this heidcase offa ma back, I thought,
and I can have me some ching. So ah
dropped ma incredibly authentic Leith
Road accent, and told him this, speaking in
my best London English:
— Welsh is on compulsively readable,
searingly funny form in what has been
billed as the final Trainspotting novel
(although a recent interview suggests
there may well be more sex, drugs and
paperbacks
Look to Your Wife
by Paula Byrne
William Collins,
289pp; £12.99
obsession with beautiful clothes. Her husband, Edward, is the headmaster of a
minor public school, in a smug little town
called Blagsford.
In a clever and intriguing “Prelude”, we
are dropped straight into the eye of
the storm. Someone has sent Edward a
spiteful anonymous letter, filled with complaints about his wife and her “embarrassing and vulgar” tweets. This aspect of the
novel is based on Paula Byrne’s real-life
experience. Last weekend The Sunday
Times reported that since 2015 her husband, Jonathan Bate, the provost of Worcester College, Oxford, had been receiving
anonymous poison pen letters accusing
Byrne of being a liability whose tweets
gave the college a bad image.
We then scroll back in time to learn the
truth about Lisa, this apparently ghastly
woman. Lisa and Edward met at a school in
Liverpool. He was the charismatic head-
master, hired to turn the place around;
23-year-old Lisa was one of his teachers.
They were both married to other people at
the time.
The trouble starts when Lisa runs into
Sean O’Connor, one of the surgeons who
saved the life of her eldest daughter. He
lures her on to Twitter, and it is an ideal
breeding ground for all sorts of jiggerypokery. Yes, of course she has an affair.
This is when the nasty letters start to
appear, which get steadily more scary.
Paula Byrne is already a bestselling writer of nonfiction (including The Real Jane
Austen and Mad World: Evelyn Waugh and
the Secrets of Brideshead); Look to Your
Wife is her first novel. It is very readable,
elegantly written and crafted, and there
are some sharp pieces of social observation. I’m just not quite sure how much she
wants me to like her heroine, who actually
is rather ghastly.
Air Force Blue: The RAF in World
War Two by Patrick Bishop William
Collins, 410pp; £9.99
The thesis of Air Force Blue is simple:
air superiority was the decisive factor in
the Second World War. With help from
allies, the RAF achieved it. But it did so
through a costly process of trial and
error, and might have failed but for the
force’s ability to attract people who
shared “a heightened sense of the
possibilities of the new”. Bishop has
emerged from the archives persuaded
that the RAF had more than its share of
officers who could wear a uniform and
still think for themselves. Air Force Blue
doesn’t try to be comprehensive, but it
succeeds in mining new and startling
insights. Giles Whittell
fiction
House of Names by Colm Tóibín
Penguin, 262pp; £8.99
Colm Tóibín turns his attention to the
women of Aeschylus’s Oresteia: the
prophetic Cassandra; the scheming
Clytemnestra; and Clytemnestra’s
daughters Iphigenia and Electra. The
story of Orestes, Clytemnestra’s son, is
shaped by his mother and sisters. The
writing is elegant, spare and subtle. The
events move at a pace. For all the book’s
strengths, though, you wish Tóibín had
gone farther. Loosed from the restraints
of a direct translation, why not really
dig into the minds of his characters?
Clytemnestra, Orestes and Electra
have the grace and poise of figures on a
black-and-red vase, but they don’t truly
come to life. Laura Freeman
Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng
Abacus, 388pp; £7.99
Shaker Heights is an ordered Cleveland
suburb, a place of rules, homogeneity
and complacently achievable material
ambition. Shaker Heights is due a
shake-up. It gets it with the arrival of
Mia, an itinerant photographer-artist
who travels light, save for bringing her
daughter, Pearl. A seemingly typical
Shaker Heights family, the Richardsons,
fall in love with this pair. One of Mrs
Richardson’s friends tries to adopt a
Chinese baby, Mia intervenes and a
cruelly public custody battle ensues. It
is beautifully written, wry rather than
supercilious, with plenty of little
cliffhangers. Andrew Billen
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 19
1G R
bestsellers
audiobook
of the
week
London Rules by Mick
Herron, read by Sean
Barrett, 11hr,
audible.co.uk £19.99
All of Mick Herron’s
Jackson Lamb comic spy
thrillers are superbly
narrated by Sean Barrett,
whose voice has enough
menace to give a listener
cardiac arrest. Lamb is
an outrageous, chainsmoking, hard-drinking
hero, who has a smile like
a “postcoital warthog”,
an unsurpassed line in
cruel putdowns and a
miraculous way of getting
his oddly assorted spying
team out of tight spots.
In London Rules, it
becomes clear that a
series of terrorist acts in
Britain are a re-creation
of a scheme to undermine
colonial governments
dreamt up long ago by
HMG itself. Panic grips
politicians and MI5 at
the prospect of ancient
perfidy being exposed.
Who better to clear up
the mess, and even take
the blame for it, than
Lamb’s Slough House, the
“administrative oubliette”
to which MI5 relegates its
“slow horses”: oddballs,
incompetents, those who
fail to toe the line, or who
have been shafted by the
Machiavellian Lady Di
Taverner, the aspirant
head of MI5.
If you are new to
Herron’s formidable talent
for topical satire, begin
with Slow Horses; the
characters’ backstories
grow with each book.
Christina Hardyment
Paperback Fiction
Hardback Fiction
Paperback Nonfiction
Hardback Nonfiction
1 (1)
1 (2) The Tattooist of Auschwitz
Heather Morris
Zaffre £12.99
1 (1)
1 (1)
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely
Fine Gail Honeyman
HarperCollins £8.99
Other Minds: The Octopus and
the Evolution of Intelligent Life
Peter Godfrey-Smith
William Collins £9.99
2 (2) The Venetian Game
Philip Gwynne Jones
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2 (5) The Seven Deaths of Evelyn
Hardcastle Stuart Turton
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2 (2) A Brief History of Time
Stephen Hawking Bantam £9.99
3 (3) Conversations with Friends
Sally Rooney Faber £8.99
3 (3) Let Me Lie Clare Mackintosh
Sphere £12.99
3 (5) Why We Sleep
Matthew Walker Penguin £9.99
4 (4) Norse Mythology Neil Gaiman
Bloomsbury £8.99
4
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5 (7) Reservoir 13 Jon McGregor
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5 (4) The Woman in the Window
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4 (3) Why I’m No Longer Talking to
White People About Race Reni
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6
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6 (7) The Smiling Man
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7 (6) Call Me By Your Name
Andre Aciman
Atlantic £8.99
7 (6) Force of Nature
Jane Harper
Little, Brown £12.99
8 (8) History of Wolves
Emily Fridlund
Weidenfeld & Nicolson £8.99
8 (1) Still Me Jojo Moyes
Michael Joseph £20
9 (9) Anything Is Possible
Elizabeth Strout
Penguin £8.99
10
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9 (8) The Mermaid and Mrs Hancock
Imogen Hermes Gowar
Harvill Secker £12.99
10 (9) The Only Story
Julian Barnes
Jonathan Cape £16.99
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6 (8) Homo Deus Yuval Noah Harari
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7 (6) Dear Ijeawele
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
4th Estate £5
8 (—) Prisoners of Geography
Tim Marshall
Elliott & Thompson £9.99
Classic Mary Berry
BBC Books £26
2 (2) Lose Weight for Good
Tom Kerridge Absolute £22
3 (3) Good Night Stories For Rebel
Girls 2 Elena Favilli & Francesca
Cavallo Timbuktu £25
4 (5) Good Night Stories for Rebel
Girls Elena Favilli & Francesca
Cavallo Particular £20
5 (4) 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to
Chaos Jordan Peterson
Allen Lane £20
6
Rebel Prince: The Power, Passion
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Tom Bower William Collins £20
7
The Wood: The Life & Times of
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John Lewis-Stempel
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8 (6) Women & Power: A Manifesto
Mary Beard Profile £7.99
9 (9) Milk and Honey Rupi Kaur
Andrews McMeel £9.99
9
Hail to the Chin Bruce Campbell
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10 (7) Notes on Nationalism
George Orwell Penguin £1
10 (10) Unmasked Andrew Lloyd
Webber HarperCollins £20
THE NUMBER IN PARENTHESES REPRESENTS CHART POSITIONS LAST WEEK. DATA SUPPLIED BY WATERSTONES FOR THE WEEK ENDING MARCH 24
children’s book
of the week
Rabbit and Hedgehog
are Alex O’Connell’s
new best friends
Rabbit and
Hedgehog
Treasury (4+) by
Paul Stewart and
Chris Riddell,
Andersen, 103pp;
£12.99
Is your child not
quite ready for
chapter-book reading — perhaps they’re
still nervous of books without pictures
— but ready for something wordier than
your average 32-page picture book?
Rabbit and Hedgehog Treasury is ideal for
this inbetween stage. I loved Paul
Stewart’s story anthology about the
friendship between Rabbit and
Hedgehog, which begins to interrogate
subjects such as memory,
difference and
separation. Blissfully,
it’s not in the least
bit saccharine —
each animal has
their irritations
and wind each
other up
accordingly. The
stories come with
E XC L U S I V E
R E WA R D S FO R
SUBSCRIBERS
gorgeous illustrations by the former
children’s laureate Chris Riddell.
In the first tale Rabbit and Hedgehog
don’t know when their birthdays are, so
they celebrate together the next day, just
in case. At first their presents to each
other seem inappropriate, but they each
find that their
friend knows
them better than
they know
themselves. In
What Do You
Remember? they bicker
about their different
recollections of shared
moments, then apologise
maturely when their bustup ends in an accident.
In A Little Bit of
Winter it’s time for Hedgehog to
hibernate, but he’s sad that he will never
see winter. It becomes a meditation on
partings and death that manages to be
truthful and funny. “ ‘I’ll miss you,’ said
Rabbit. ‘Will you miss me?’ ‘No,’ said
Hedgehog. ‘I’ll miss you,’ said Rabbit. ‘I
know,’ said Hedgehog, ‘you have just
told me.’ ” Hedgehog is not being
unkind, he is just making the rather
literal point that he will be asleep and so
won’t be able to miss. Perfect fodder for
your little metaphysician. Instead, the
empiricist Hedgehog asks Rabbit to save
him a little bit of winter so he’ll know
what it’s like when he wakes in March.
My five-year-old boy, who increasingly
will not be torn from Star Wars and
superheroes, had a spring awakening
himself, absorbed by their repartee.
Enjoy 30% off
tickets to the
Curious Arts Festival
Let your curiosity roam wild in the New Forest this summer with
the chance to save 30% on Curious Arts Festival weekend tickets.
The inquisitive line-up includes musician John Newman, bestselling
novelist Kate Mosse and choirmaster Gareth Malone.
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20 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
the critics’ choice
Films Kevin Maher
Top pick
Isle of Dogs
Wes Anderson, PG
(101min)
{{{{(
Bleak, witty, ravishing
animation about dogs
and totalitarianism in a
futuristic Japan.
Kevin Maher
Journeyman
Paddy Considine, 15
(92min)
{{{{(
Gripping drama about an
ageing boxer (Considine)
who has to re-embrace
life and marriage after a
brain-damaging bout. KM
Blockers
Kay Cannon, 15 (102min)
{{{{(
Crude, but likeable
comedy starring Knocked
Up’s Leslie Mann, about
parents trying to stop
their daughters losing
their virginity on prom
night. Ed Potton
A Wrinkle in Time
Ava DuVernay, PG
(109min)
{{{{(
A girl searches the galaxy
for her dad. Family sci-fi
that packs an emotional
wallop. KM
Pacific Rim: Uprising
Steven S DeKnight, 12A
(111min)
{{{((
Unashamed nonsense
featuring giant monsters,
giant robots and a winning
turn from John Boyega.
It’s better than the first
one. KM
Crowhurst
Simon Rumley, 12A
(103min)
{{{{(
The story of the doomed
sailor Donald Crowhurst,
seen in The Mercy,
becomes a low-budget
psycho-horror. KM
Unsane
Steven Soderbergh, 15
(97min)
{{{{(
Claire Foy plays a woman
trapped in an asylum in a
schlocky, fun thriller shot
on an iPhone. EP
The Islands and the
Whales
Mike Day, 12A (81min)
{{{{(
Strange, sad doc on whale
hunters in the Faroe
Islands, with a cameo by
Pamela Anderson. Yes,
that one. EP
Westwood: Punk, Icon,
Activist
Lorna Tucker, 15 (83min)
{{{{(
Intimate, celebratory
documentary about
Vivienne Westwood.
Larushka Ivan-Zadeh
I Got Life
Blandine Lenoir, 15
(89min)
{{{((
Sweet, featherlight French
menopause comedy. EP
The Square
Ruben Ostlund, 15
(151min)
{{{{{
Compelling satire set in
the Swedish art world,
starring Elisabeth Moss,
Wes Anderson’s Isle of Dogs
Dominic West and the
incredible Claes Bang. KM
The Third Murder
Hirokazu Koreeda, 15
(125min)
{{{{(
Compelling Japanese
courtroom drama about
a guilty murder suspect
who keeps changing his
testimony. KM
My Generation
David Batty, 12A (84min)
{{{((
Michael Caine trawls
Pop Will Hodgkinson
Top pick
George Ezra
The gap-year troubadour
tours his new album.
Usher Hall, Edinburgh
(0131 228 8616), today;
Rock City Nottingham,
Mon; O2 Academy Brixton,
London SW9, Tues; O2
Academy Birmingham,
Wed
Evanescence
US mall goths with a
touch of Enya-style
mysticism. Royal Festival
Hall, London SE1 (020
7960 4200), today; O2
Apollo, Manchester, Mon;
Motorpoint Arena,
Nottingham, Tues; SEC
Armadillo, Glasgow, Thur;
City Hall, Sheffield, Fri
Sam Smith
Mainstream pop-soul
about heartbreak and the
fallout of fame. Genting
Arena, Birmingham (0844
3388000), Tues & Wed;
O2 Arena, London SE10,
Fri-April 9
The Vaccines
The indie rockers’ new
album, Combat Sports,
recalls the energetic,
stripped-down power pop
of the Knack. O2 Academy
Bristol (0844 4772000),
Tues; O2 Academy
Bournemouth, Thur;
Cambridge Corn
Exchange, Fri
Book now
Hit the North
Good-value multivenue
festival featuring new(ish)
bands including Jungle,
the Horrors, Pale Waves
and the Magic Gang.
Various venues, Newcastle
(0844 8889991), May 4-6
through Swinging London
in a guilty-pleasure
documentary. KM
Peter Rabbit
Will Gluck, PG (95min)
{{{((
Amicable if CGI-heavy
version, with James
Corden and Margot
Robbie. EP
You Were Never
Really Here
Lynne Ramsey, 15 (90min)
{{{{{
A dark, disturbing,
abstract crime movie
featuring Joaquin Phoenix
on career-high form as a
brutal avenger hunting
down paedophiles. KM
Wonder Wheel
Woody Allen, 12A
(101min)
{{{{(
Kate Winslet is incendiary
as a frustrated actress
married to a slob (Jim
Belushi) in Allen’s tricksy
yarn, set in 1950s Coney
Island and co-starring
Justin Timberlake. KM
Game Night
John Francis Daley,
Jonathan Goldstein, 15
(100min)
{{{{(
Fun comedy-thriller in
which a murder-mystery
evening is hijacked by real
criminals. EP
I, Tonya
Craig Gillespie, 15
(120min)
{{{{(
Margot Robbie plays ice
skater Tonya Harding in a
thriller-cum-comedy. KM
Dance Debra Craine
Top pick
Coppélia
Birmingham Royal Ballet performs this
charming work, the story of a toymaker
who dreams of bringing his dolls to life. A
lovely Peter Wright production, it has
music by Delibes. Sunderland Empire
(0844 8713022), Thur-April 7
Bernstein Centenary
The Royal Ballet marks the centenary of
the composer’s birth with three ballets
set to his music. Watch out for Wayne
McGregor’s Yugen — it’s a knockout.
Royal Opera House, London WC2 (020
7304 4000), Tues, Fri & April 9
Cinderella
Matthew Bourne transplants Prokofiev’s
fairytale ballet to London during the Blitz,
where Cinders falls in love with an RAF
pilot. Mayflower, Southampton (023 80
711811), today; Wales Millennium Centre,
Cardiff, Tues-April 7
Highland Fling
Matthew Bourne’s fun reimagining of
Coppélia comes to Sunderland
La Sylphide with more than a hint of the
debauchery of Trainspotting about it.
Theatre Royal, Glasgow (0844 8717647),
Wed-April 7
Book now
Formosa
Cloud Gate Dance Theatre of Taiwan with
a new production. Sadler’s Wells, London
EC1 (020 7863 8000), May 9-12
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 21
1G R
Theatre Ann Treneman
Exhibitions Rachel Campbell-Johnston
DAN TURNER; MARK DOUET; BILL COOPER
Also showing
Top pick
Top pick
Ready Player One (12A)
{{(((
Synthetic Spielberg sci-fi
Powerful Tides: 400
Years of Chatham and
the Sea
A dramatic artistic
celebration of the
anniversary of a great
historic dockyard, of the
ships that were built there
and its links with the seas.
Historic Dockyard,
Chatham (01634 823800),
to June 17
The Great Wave
Another hit for the
Dorfman with this
intriguing new play from
Francis Turnly that is part
diplomatic detective story
and part family saga set in
Japan in the 1970s. The
North Korean scenes are
gripping. Dorfman,
National Theatre, London
SE1 (020 7452 3000), to
April 14
Midnight Sun (12A)
{((((
Dire “sick-lit” drama
Tomb Raider (12A)
{((((
Flaccid reboot
Three Billboards Outside
Ebbing, Missouri (15)
{{{{{
Melancholy, violence, gags
Mark Felt: the Man Who
Brought Down the White
House (12A)
{{(((
Mediocre Watergate tale
Finding Your Feet (12A)
{{{((
Grey-pound comedy
Mary Magdalene (12A)
{{(((
Bloodless biblical drama
Black Panther (12A)
{{{{(
Vivid superhero movie
Sweet Country (15)
{{{{(
Harsh outback western
Phantom Thread (15)
{{{{(
Day-Lewis’s swansong?
Lady Bird (15)
{{{{(
Oscar-nominated comedy
Darkest Hour (PG)
{{{{(
Gary Oldman as Churchill
Damien Hirst at
Houghton Hall
New paintings by Hirst
take up residence in a
Palladian mansion while
sculptures are scattered
around the grounds.
Houghton Hall, King’s
Lynn, Norfolk (01485
528569), to July 15
Picasso 1932: Love, Fame,
Tragedy
Focusing on a single crux
year in the life of the great
modern master, this show
is impregnated with an
atmosphere of eroticism.
Tate Modern, London SE1
(020 7887 8888), to Sept 9
Known Unknowns
Those in the know respect
them. Now their works are
given proper public
prominence. Saatchi
Gallery, London SW3 (020
7811 3070), to June 24
Sonia Boyce
The first retrospective of a
colourful artist who,
working in all media, looks
at what it means to be a
black British woman.
Manchester Art Gallery
(0161 235 8888), to July 22
The spirit of Nelson celebrated at Chatham Dockyard
Andreas Gursky
The German photographer
who shows us the
architectural ants’ nest
of our capitalist world in
his large-scale images.
Hayward Gallery, London
SE1 (020 3879 9555), to
April 22
Collected Shadows
Some 250 images from
the Archive of Modern
Conflict, established to
house First and Second
World War photography
and later massively
expanded. Stills Gallery,
Edinburgh (0131 622 620),
to April 8
Chiharu Shiota
Make this chance to see
an entrancing red spider’s
web of an installation in
the 18th-century chapel
the starting point of a
tour of the collection.
Yorkshire Sculpture Park,
Wakefield (01924 832631),
to Sept 2
The Art of British Natural
History
More than 200 original
illustrations celebrate
our native flora, fauna
and geology as they have
been depicted over 300
years. Natural History
Museum, London SW7
(020 7942 5000),
to July 1
Book now
Rodin and the Art of
Ancient Greece
Some of Rodin’s most
famous sculptures — The
Kiss and The Thinker
among them — are shown
for the first time alongside
the Parthenon marbles.
Rodin, on a visit to the
British Museum, was so
inspired by the ancient
Greek relics that he began
to make their broken
beauty his own. British
Museum, London WC1
(020 7323 8181),
April 26-July 29
The Cherry Orchard
This is an elegant and
evocative translation from
the Russian-speaking
playwright Rory Mullarkey
of Chekhov’s beloved
last play. Sharp, funny,
bittersweet. Michael Boyd
directs. Bristol Old Vic
(0117 987 7877), to
April 7; Royal Exchange,
Manchester (0161 833
9833), April 19-May 19
Songs for Nobodies
Bernadette Robinson is
fantastic in this play by
Joanna Murray-Smith
Macbeth
Great cast and Antonio Pappano’s
peerless conducting galvanise a
moderately enthralling production of
Verdi’s dark Shakespearean opera. Royal
Opera House, London WC2 (020 7304
4000), today, Mon & Wed
Dunedin Consort
Stylish Scottish early-music group
performs rarely heard Vivaldi concertos,
directed from the violin by Cecilia
Bernardini. CCA, Glasgow (0141 352
4900), Wed; Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh, Fri
Mass
In his centenary year Leonard Bernstein’s
theological music-theatre piece is
presented by the National Youth
Orchestra and Chineke! Junior Orchestra
under Marin Alsop’s direction. Royal
Festival Hall, London SE1 (020 7960
4200), Fri & April 7
The Marriage of Figaro
Lively English Touring Opera show
features an excellent cast,
mostly black and minority
ethnic, in Blanche McIntyre’s
Mozart production. G Live,
Guildford (01483 369350), Wed
Stephen Hough
Outstanding British pianist
plays Debussy (including
Images), Schumann’s
Fantasie in C and
Beethoven’s Appassionata
Sonata In F minor. Royal
Festival Hall, London SE1
(020 7960 4200), Thur
Ariadne auf Naxos
Scottish Opera presents Antony
McDonald’s production of
Strauss’s opulent opera. Festival
Theatre, Edinburgh (0131 529
6000), Thur-April 7
Tosca
Epic sets from Welsh National
Opera and a traditional slant on
Puccini’s tale of terror and deceit.
Theatre Royal, Plymouth (01752
Macbeth
at Covent
Garden
The Inheritance
This premiere by Matthew
Lopez offers a panoramic
view of the New York gay
community a generation
on from the Aids crisis
while also paying homage
to EM Forster and
Howards End. It’s box-set
riveting for (most) of its
seven hours. Young Vic,
London SE1 (020 7922
2922), to May 19
The Best Man
Gore Vidal’s 1960 drama
about two men battling
for the Democratic
presidential nomination is
a razor-sharp look at
politics in the raw. Martin
Shaw and Jeff Fahey are
excellent, but it is grande
dame Maureen Lipman
who steals the show more
than once. Playhouse
Theatre, London WC2
(0844 8717631), to May 26
The Duchess of Malfi
You may want to avoid
this if you are squeamish,
but otherwise enjoy Maria
Aberg’s inventively brutal
revival of John Webster’s
1614 tragedy. Bloody good,
as they say. Swan Theatre,
Stratford-upon-Avon
(01789 403493), to Aug 3
Caroline, or Change
Great news that this
production of the Tony
Kushner/Jeanine Tesori
musical, which began life
last year in Chichester, will
transfer again to the West
End. I’m not surprised
because Sharon D Clarke
is a force of nature as
the maid, stuck in the
basement, singing to her
washing machine, in a
Louisiana home in darkest
1963. Hampstead Theatre,
London NW3 (020 7722
9301), to April 21;
Playhouse Theatre,
London WC2 (0844
8717631), Nov 20-Feb 9
Book now
Another hit for the Dorfman with The Great Wave
Classical & opera Richard Morrison
Top pick
where five ordinary
women narrate their
brushes with five fabulous
singers: Judy Garland,
Patsy Cline, Edith Piaf,
Billie Holiday and Maria
Callas. Intriguing and very
well done. Wilton’s Music
Hall, London E1 (020 7702
2789), to April 7
267222), today (2pm); Milton Keynes
Theatre, Wed, Fri
Aurora Orchestra
Nicholas Collon conducts Mozart,
Beethoven and Martin Suckling’s
Candlebird. Gulbenkian,
Canterbury (01227 769075), Fri
Mass in B minor
Bach’s masterpiece is performed
by Paul McCreesh’s periodinstrument Gabrieli ensembles.
St John’s Smith Square, London
SW1 (020 7222 1061), Sun
Book now
Tell Me the Truth About
Love
Streetwise Opera’s latest
production features works
by Britten with new music
and folk songs, and mixes
a cast of homeless
people with professionals.
Sage Gateshead (0191 443
4661), April 14 & 15
Killer Joe
Orlando Bloom will star
as a contract killer in
this black comedy from
Tracy Letts. A family hire
someone to kill their
estranged matriarch for
her insurance money. I
think we know how that
will end. Trafalgar Studios,
London SW1 (0844
8717632), May 18-Aug 18
Entertainments
Theatres
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the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 23
1G R
tv & radio Full seven-day listings & previews
Critic’s choice
Attenborough’s
Wonder of Eggs
Radio choice
Moonraker
Today, Radio 4, 2.30pm
Today, BBC Two, 8pm
What better way to celebrate
the brightening mood of
Easter than this: David
Attenborough back in front
of the camera explaining the
miracle of eggs, and not the
chocolate ones. “In 1862,” he
begins, “an American called
Thomas Wentworth Higginson
wrote, ‘I think that if required
on pain of death to name
instantly the most perfect
thing in the universe, I should
risk my fate on a bird’s egg.’ ”
By the end you may find
yourself agreeing. With the
sound of birdsong trilling in
the background, Attenborough
gives us a happy profusion of
facts — from the smallest egg
(the bee hummingbird’s, at
half a gram) to the largest
(the ostrich, 4,000 times
heavier), from the cuckoo’s
ingenious forgeries to the
great tits’ control of their
eggs’ hatching date to ensure
the chicks arrive when food
is most plentiful (the chicks
need 1,000 caterpillars in
the first two weeks). Watch
this and tomorrow’s egg
hunts will feel that much
more satisfying.
Wonder of Eggs with
David Attenborough
on BBC Two
James Jackson
Best of the rest
Hamlet
Today, BBC Two, 9pm
Robert Icke’s modern-dress
production has Andrew
“Moriarty” Scott as the Dane,
Juliet Stevenson as Gertrude,
Bob Dylan on the soundtrack.
On demand
spinning tales at you in a bar
made him a TV favourite. With
Aidan Gillen as Allen, this brief
biopic explores what drove his
near-the-knuckle humour.
Ordeal by Innocence
Sun, BBC One, 9pm
The latest pitch-dark Agatha
Christie is a class act with Bill
Nighy and Matthew Goode
among the murder suspects in
a country house. See page 4.
Cunk on Britain
Tues, BBC Two, 10pm
The idiotic Philomena Cunk
(Diane Morgan) returns for
more spoofy nonsense, looking
at who we are, going back all
the way to the “middle-evil
ages” when “Chaucer was the
Shakespeare of bum jokes”.
Dave Allen at Peace
Mon, BBC Two, 9pm
Sitting with a whiskey to hand,
Irish comic Dave Allen’s knack
of making you feel as if he was
My Dad, the Peace Deal and Me
Wed, BBC One, 9pm
The Northern Irish comic
Patrick Kielty was 16 when his
father was killed by gunmen —
he returns to meet others with
lives shattered by the Troubles.
Golf: The US Masters
From Thur, Sky Sports, 7pm
Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy
are back to their best and golf
is electric again. Sky has full
coverage; BBC Two highlights
on Friday (5.45pm) and live
coverage next weekend.
The City & the City
Fri, BBC Two, 9pm
Retro-dystopian intrigue in a
stylish adaptation of China
Miéville’s novel of “weird
fiction”: David Morrissey is a
world-weary cop on a case
that takes him between two
cities and into his past. JJ
The best of Netflix, Amazon, iPlayer and beyond
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Netflix
The Baudelaire orphans and
the dastardly Count Olaf
(Neil Patrick Harris, right)
return for more
deliciously styled
gothic amusement —
so blackly comic it
warns you not to
watch — as the young
siblings are sent to a
diabolical school. Olaf, after
their money, isn’t far behind.
The Bridge
BBC iPlayer
Series four of the top-notch
Scandi noir is back soon (May,
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we hear), featuring the glum,
leather-troused detective Saga
Norén, and BBC iPlayer has
just put up the first three
series. “Tack!” as Noren
would probably fail
to say.
Classic cookery
BBC iPlayer
Fifty vintage culinary
shows flood BBC iPlayer
for Easter, from 1970’s
wonderfully of-its-time Fanny
Cradock Invites You to . . . a
Cheese and Wine Party
to Levi Roots’s reggae recipes,
via Delia, Keith, Rick and
more. JJ
Save
35%
on the
cover price
Bond used to seem such silly,
innocent fun, didn’t it? A
window into days of yore,
when Britons used to worry —
the silly billies — about nasty
old Russia and the atomic
bomb. In the Nineties and
Noughties 007 seemed
increasingly dated,
preposterous and paranoid.
Who could believe that secret
agents would go about killing
people with impunity in the
modern world?
It’s less amusing now. Still,
as Ian Fleming knew well,
there is a peculiar pleasure to
be had from paranoia — and
this adaptation of Moonraker
plumbs that perfectly. This is
one of the earliest Bonds and
it’s a good one. At this point in
the series — this is the third —
you catch him when he is into
his stride, but hasn’t yet gone
full parody.
It’s very well done too; the
overall style is soupily Fifties
and the cast is excellent.
Toby Stephens is a velvetyvoiced James, while Samuel
West is great as the plausible
rotter Hugo Drax, and Janie
Dee makes a fine Miss
Moneypenny. Martin Jarvis
pops up as Ian Fleming
narrating, which adds an extra
edge. Most people know Jarvis
from his reading of the Just
William stories, in which he
is in charge of the Outlaws.
Listen to him in this and you
feel as though you are hearing
Just William grown up and
gone bad. Which, oddly, feels
entirely plausible.
Catherine Nixey
Podcast choice
WorkLife with Adam Grant
ted.com
This TED spinoff with the
organisational psychologist
Adam Grant looks at the
workplace. You spend most of
your waking hours there, says
Grant, so shouldn’t you try to
enjoy it? Tips from everything
from The Daily Show to Nasa
show you how you can. CN
24 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Saturday 31 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice Hamlet
BBC Two, 9pm
It is no surprise that the BBC
has upped its funding for
high-profile arts programmes
since Tony Hall took over
as director-general in 2013,
given that he used to be
chief executive of the Royal
Opera House. One of the ways
that its arts team is taking
advantage of the extra money
is by bringing contemporary
interpretations of
Shakespeare to our television
screens. BBC Four will show
the Donmar Warehouse’s
all-female productions of The
Tempest, Henry IV and Julius
Caesar, but first BBC Two
shows the recent take on
Hamlet that ran at the Harold
Pinter Theatre in the West
End, adapted and directed by
Robert Icke and starring the
Bafta and Olivier-winner
Andrew (Moriarty in Sherlock)
Scott, pictured, in the lead
role. The production sets the
play in modern Denmark,
albeit a version of the nation
that operates as a CCTV-heavy
surveillance state. Polonius
(Peter Wight) makes asides
into a lapel microphone and
Hamlet’s father’s ghost
appears on video screens.
The interpretation received
incredibly positive reviews
during its 2017 run (in its West
End incarnation and earlier at
the Almeida Theatre in north
London), with particular praise
for the way that new life was
breathed into the script by
Scott’s intimate acting. The
Times theatre critic Dominic
Maxwell said of Scott’s
performance when the show
transferred to the West End:
“We know from Sherlock how
big Scott can act. It’s how
small he acts that grips us
here, delivering densely
ruminative soliloquies that are
shared rather than shouted.
He shows us a young man
trying — desperately, selfishly,
ruinously — for the honest
way of being in a world of
fakery. He is wonderful.”
Alexi Duggins
Further recommendations
The 1964 Broadway production of Hamlet, staged in the style of
a “dress rehearsal” starring Richard Burton, is on Amazon Prime
Easter from King’s
BBC Two, 6.15pm
The Chapel of King’s College,
Cambridge, is not just for
Christmas. Much as Carols
from King’s is a festive staple
that even the most secular are
drawn to, Easter from King’s
has come to fulfil a similar
purpose. Stephen Cleobury
directs the choir as they move
through a beautiful repertoire,
including Were You There?
(arr. Bob Chilcott), Greater Love
Hath No Man (John Ireland),
Wash Me Throughly (SS
Wesley), The Angel Rolled the
Stone Away (arr. Cleobury),
Worthy is the Lamb and
Amen (Handel’s Messiah)
and This Joyful Eastertide
(arr. Charles Wood). AD
Catch
up
Salamander
BBC iPlayer, available
for two months
In 2014, before
Walter Presents
made foreign-language
dramas a fixture on
our screens, a new
Euro crime thriller
was something of a
novelty. Salamander
was the first Belgian
drama shown by
BBC Four. It was
a gripping 12-part
Flemish-language
conspiracy thriller
Attenborough’s
Wonder of Eggs
Below the Surface
BBC Two, 8pm
In a double-bill postponed from
last week, the Scandi hostage
drama gets personal as Phillip
discovers that the latest
suspect has a creepy stalker
wall devoted to cut-out
newspaper articles about him.
As Naja Toft tries to raise more
ransom money with another
stupid interview with one of
the hostages, Phillip steps in to
negotiate. As ever, attempts to
foil the kidnappers make for
brilliantly jittery, fast-paced
viewing, but it’s the flashbacks
that stand out tonight; there’s a
twist to the impeccably acted
tale of a hostage whose day
job was being a hippy
grandma. AD
David Attenborough has long
been the King Midas of nature
documentaries, but as he
presents an excellent film about
what he sees as “the most
perfect thing in the universe”,
the egg, he appears to have
also become Dr Dolittle. At one
point he crouches by the eggfilled nest of a swan, next to its
protective mother. Amazingly,
Attenborough isn’t attacked.
He even encourages a great
tit to lie in his hand so that he
can reveal the sensitive area
where its egg incubates.
Astonishing viewing. See pick
of the week, page 23. AD
starring Filip Peeters, pictured,
as the old-school detective
Paul Gerardi investigating a
bank robbery that could bring
down the nation. The robbers
have targeted 66 “sensitive
safes” holding incriminating
information that reaches into
the highest levels of society.
The deposit boxes belong to
ministers, military officers
and even royalty and it’s
up to the dogged
Gerardi to investigate
a crime that the
victims would rather
were not solved. A
second series, with
Gerardi on the trail of
blood diamonds, is
coming soon to
BBC Four.
Joe Clay
BBC Four, 9pm
The Zen Diaries of
Garry Shandling
Films of the day
Sky Atlantic, 10pm
Channel 4, 9pm
The director, producer and
writer Judd Apatow (The 40Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up)
offers four hours (split over
two nights) about his friend
and comedy mentor Garry
Shandling (The Larry Sanders
Show), who died in 2016. The
hook is Shandling’s old diaries,
which are full of epithets about
his Buddhist faith, but Apatow
also talks to the comic’s friends
and family, such as Jim Carrey
and Sacha Baron Cohen. The
promised highlights from
Shandling’s four decades of
TV appearances should also
make this worth a watch. AD
Variations
● BBC Two Wales As BBC Two except:
5.15pm-6.15 Hugh’s Wild West. Hugh
Fearnley-Whittingstall celebrates
volunteers who help wildlife in the West
Country. Last in the series
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC One except:
5.00pm-5.15 Final Score from Northern
Ireland. Round-up of the day’s action
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC One except:
4.25pm-5.15 Live Sportscene.
Classified results and a round-up of the
afternoon’s football news
● BBC2 Scotland As BBC Two except:
5.15pm 50 Years of Reporting Scotland:
The News Where We Are. Jackie Bird
goes behind the scenes of the news show
as it reaches its 50th birthday (r)
5.45-6.15 Eòrpa. The legacy of the 2014
Commonweath Games. In Gaelic.
Last in the series
● STV As ITV except: 12.20am
Teleshopping 1.20 After Midnight. News
and conversation 2.50 Babushka. Game
show hosted by Rylan Clark-Neal in which
contestants open a set of giant Russian
nesting dolls, with some empty and
others containing prizes up to £10,000.
(r) 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy
Kyle Show (r) 5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except:
1.10am
Teleshopping 2.40-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
8.00 Stwnsh Sadwrn
10.00 Yr Ynys (r) 11.00 Pobol y Rhondda
(r) 11.30 O Gymru Fach (r) 12.30pm Newid
Plwyf O Irac i Landudoch (r) 1.00 Ffermio
(r) 1.30 Cefn Gwlad (r) 2.30 Codi Hwyl (r)
3.00 Rhodri Morgan: Ysbiwr yn y Teulu (r)
4.00 Popeth ar Ffilm (r) 4.30 O’r Galon (r)
5.00 Live Sgorio: Bangor City v The New
Saints (Kick-off 5.15). Coverage of the
Welsh Premier League match from
Bangor University Stadium. English
commentary available 7.20 News a
Chwaraeon 7.30 3 Lle. The author Caryl
Lewis introduces three of her favourite
places, the Yum Yum sweet shop in
Cardigan, the city of Durham and
Llanerchaeron in Pembrokeshire. (r)
8.00 Gig Eden ac Elin Fflur. S4C’s season
of programme celebrating the
contribution of women comes to an end
with a concert featuring some of Wales’
biggest female pop stars 9.00 Martha,
Jac a Sianco. Drama following the lives of
three siblings on their family farm Graig
Ddu (r) 11.10-11.45 Hansh (r)
● S4C 6.00am Cyw
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Taken 3 (12, 2014)
With his third kidnapping caper Liam Neeson takes self-parody to
new lows and the result is hysterically, enjoyably so-bad-it’s-good
nonsense. Once again Neeson plays Bryan Mills, the ex-CIA
operative, but he has run out of kidnappable relatives (Kim, his
daughter, kidnapped by Albanians in Taken, and Lenore, his wife,
in Taken 2). So Mills is framed for murder by some evil Ruskies and
has to “go down the rabbit hole” and disappear. However, there’s
an improbable alleyway race, in which Neeson outruns men a
third of his age, and two car chases with a vast civilian body
count, from which Mills walks unscathed. (107min) Kate Muir
The Bourne Identity
(12, 2002)
ITV, 10.15pm
The film that rewrote the book for
all the espionage thrillers that
followed (including the Bond
series), The Bourne Identity
introduces Matt Damon as Jason
Bourne, spy on the run. Hauled out
of the sea with a couple of bullets in
his back and no memory of who he is, Bourne soon discovers that
he has impressive martial arts skills and a finely honed survival
instinct. Which is lucky because people keep trying to kill him. The
German actress Franka Potente, pictured with Damon, co-stars in
this electrifying, propulsive and gritty action movie. The director
Doug Liman favours jittery camera work, rapid-fire editing and
bruising authenticity in the fight sequences. (118min) Wendy Ide
Thérèse Desqueyroux (12, 2012)
BBC Two, 1.15am
Audrey Tautou stars in this floaty French drama set in the 1920s.
Thérèse Desqueyroux is a provincial girl riddled with intelligence
and dissatisfaction. When she enters a semi-arranged marriage
with the landowner Bernard (Gilles Lellouche), her dreams of
grand passion are shattered and she is jealous when her best
friend, Anne, finds love. It all goes a bit Arsenic and Old Lace as
Desqueyroux tries to poison her husband for the crime of being
dull. The director Claude Miller makes the forests and coast of
Bordeaux throb beautifully in the heat haze of summer, and
Tautou looks chic in cloche hats. This was to be Miller’s last film;
he died of cancer in April 2012. (110min) KM
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 25
1G R
Saturday 31
Also available online and on tablet
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BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday
Kitchen Live. Matt Tebbutt is joined
by the chefs Tommy Banks and Shivi
Ramoutar, and special guest Lisa
Stansfield 11.30 Classic Mary Berry (r)
12.00 Football Focus 1.00pm BBC
News; Weather 1.15 Bargain Hunt (r)
2.00 MasterChef (r) 2.30 MasterChef
(r) 3.00 FILM Shrek Forever After
(U, 2010) Animated comedy with the
voice of Mike Myers 4.25 Final Score
5.15 A Question of Sport (r) 5.45
Doodlebugs. Sketch show 6.00 Ready
or Not. New series. Comedy game
show featuring unsuspecting
members of the public who face
surprise challenges 6.30 BBC News
6.40 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.45 Pointless Celebrities. Alexander
Armstrong hosts a world champions
edition of the general knowledge quiz
6.10am The Wonder of Animals (r)
6.40 Naomi’s Nightmares of Nature
(r) 7.10 The Pets Factor 7.30 The
Dengineers 8.00 Absolute Genius:
Monster Builds 8.30 Beyond Bionic
9.00 Robot Wars (r) 10.00 Gordon
Buchanan: Elephant Family & Me (r)
11.00 Six Puppies and Us (r) 12.00
The Ladykillers: Pest Detectives (r)
1.00pm FILM Cromwell (U, 1970) The
rise to power of the Puritan leader
during the Civil War year. Drama
starring Richard Harris and Alec
Guinness 3.15 Canterbury Cathedral
(r) 4.15 The Secret Helpers (r) 5.15 Big
Cats About the House. Maya the
jaguar begins to explore the house (r)
6.15 Easter from King’s. Music and
Gospel readings for Holy Week and
Easter at the Chapel of King’s College,
Cambridge. See Viewing Guide
6.00am CITV 7.30 Scrambled! 9.25
ITV News 9.30 James Martin’s
Saturday Morning. With the music
producer Naughty Boy and chef
Lenny Carr-Roberts 11.25 Who’s Doing
the Dishes? (r) 12.25pm ITV News;
Weather 12.30 The Harbour (r) 1.00
Best Walks with a View with Julia
Bradbury. The Seven Sisters, Beachy
Head and Birling Gap (r) 1.30 Britain’s
Brightest Family. Two families
compete in the third round of the
quarter-finals (r) 2.00 Celebrity
Catchphrase. With Jonathan Ross,
Tess Daly and Linda Robson (r) 3.00
Tenable (r) 4.00 Tipping Point. Game
show hosted by Ben Shephard (r)
5.00 The Chase. Quiz show hosted
by Bradley Walsh (r) 6.00 ITV News;
Weather 6.15 Regional News; Weather
6.30 New You’ve Been Framed!
6.10am Marathon: Maraton del
Meridiano 6.40 Triathlon: Challenge
Wanaka 7.05 The King of Queens (r)
7.30 The King of Queens (r) 7.55
Everybody Loves Raymond (r)
8.20 Everybody Loves Raymond (r)
8.50 Frasier (r) 9.20 Frasier (r) 9.55
Frasier (r) 10.25 The Big Bang Theory
(r) 10.55 The Big Bang Theory (r) 11.20
The Big Bang Theory (r) 11.50 The
Simpsons (r) 12.20pm The Simpsons
(r) 12.50 The Simpsons (r) 1.20 Come
Dine with Me (r) 2.20 Coast vs
Country (r) 3.25 A Place in the Sun:
Winter Sun. A family holiday home
in Barbados (r) 4.25 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun. A Jersey couple
looking for a home in Fuerteventura
(r) 5.30 The Secret Life of the Zoo.
Documentary about the animals of
Chester Zoo (r) 6.30 Channel 4 News
6.00am Milkshake! 10.10 FILM Gone
with the Wind (PG, 1939) A plantation
heiress has a tumultuous relationship
with a roguish Southern gentleman
during the American Civil War. Epic
romantic drama starring Vivien Leigh
and Clark Gable 2.30pm FILM
Oklahoma! (U, 1955) A farm girl is
torn between two very different
suitors, a charming cowboy and a
grim, brooding farmhand. Rodgers
and Hammerstein’s musical Western
with Gordon MacRae 5.15 Can’t Pay?
We’ll Take It Away. Paul Bohill and
Steve Pinner try to repossess a house
(r) 6.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away:
Final Demand. An insight into the
world of debt collection from the
perspectives of people who owe
money, their creditors and those
who collect the payments
Family fun: Shrek Forever After (3pm)
Richard Harris as Cromwell (1pm)
The Voice UK’s Tai Bannick (8.30pm)
Liam Neeson in Taken 3 (9pm)
Musical Oklahoma! (2.30pm)
7.00 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night
Takeaway Stephen Merchant
is on duty as the Star Guest
Announcer, and Stephen
Mulhern hits the streets of
Warrington for the latest round
of In for a Penny. Plus Paloma
Faith takes to the stage in the
End
d off the Show Show and
d the
Script are in the studio for
Singalong Live. Presented
by Declan Donnelly (5/6)
7.00 Coastal Railways with Julie
Walters The actress travels
from Newcastle to Edinburgh
by train, stopping off at the
coastal town of Alnmouth and
the world’s biggest gannet
colony, and meeting a lobster
breeder (2/4) (r)
7.00 Cruising with Jane McDonald
The singer returns to Naples in
southern Italy, from where she
takes a ferry to Capri hoping to
fulfil an ambition she has had
all her life — to follow in the
footsteps of the entertainer
Gracie Fields (2/4) (r)
8.00 Britain at Low Tide In Fife, Tori
Herridge explores a wreck close
to the scene of one of Britain’s
worst railway disasters, and
assesses the role it played in
the rescue operation (6/6)
8.00 Inside Windsor Castle A look
back at the series of events
that shaped the monarchy
between 1936 and 1952, using
dramatic reconstructions and
an archive of film (2/4) (r)
7.35 Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles
hosts the game show in which
two pairs of complete strangers
team up, each battling to
outtdo the otther by listting as
much as they know about
a given subject (2/10)
8.20 Casualty Glen and Robyn are
both rushed to the ED, where he
tells her the truth about his
seizures. Bea grows concerned
over Dylan’s alcoholism
9.10 Troy: Fall of a City King Priam
takes his life into his hands to
visit the Greek camp and
Achilles, while Xanthius’ arrest
puts pressure on Helen,
whose relationship with Paris
becomes strained (7/8)
10.10 BBC News; Weather; followed
by National Lottery Update
10.30 Match of the Day Gary Lineker
presents highlights of the latest
Premier League matches,
including Everton v Manchester
City at Goodison Park and
Manchester United v Swansea
City at Old Trafford. Plus, Crystal
Palace v Liverpool, Brighton &
Hove Albion v Leicester City,
Newcastle United v
Huddersfield Town, Watford v
Bournemouth, West Bromwich
Albion v Burnley and West Ham
United v Southampton
12.00 FILM Forget Me Not (15, 2011)
A musician comes to the aid of a
barmaid being accosted by a drunk
and they start to fall in love. Romantic
drama starring Tobias Menzies and
Genevieve O’Reilly 1.30am Weather
for the Week Ahead 1.35 BBC News
7.30 Dad’s Army Sergeant Wilson
joins the aristocracy (5/7) (r)
8.00 Attenborough’s Wonder of
Eggs David Attenborough
reveals the secrets of birds’
eggs from creation to hatching,
exploring how they are made,
the reasons behind their shape
and their intrinsic purpose.
See Viewing Guide
9.00 Hamlet The Almeida Theatre’s
2017 acclaimed production of
Shakespeare’s play, recorded
as-live in its West End transfer
on the stage of London’s Harold
Pinter Theatre. Robert Icke’s
production stars Andrew Scott
as the Prince compelled to seek
vengeance by an encounter
with his murdered father’s
ghost. The film features the
original cast of the stage
production and is directed for
the screen by Rhodri Huw.
Also starring Juliet Stevenson
as Queen Gertrude, Angus
Wright as Claudius and Jessica
Brown Findlay as Ophelia.
See Viewing Guide
12.15am Civilisations (r)
1.15-3.00 FILM Therese Desqueyroux
(12, 2012) An outspoken woman feels
stifled in an unhappy marriage, and is
driven to consider poisoning her
husband. Drama starring Audrey
Tautou. See Film Choice
8.30 The Voice UK Emma Willis
hosts the live semi-final of the
singing contest, as the eight
remaining contestants compete
to win one of the four places in
next week’s grand finale. Only
four acts can progress to the
final and for the first time in the
series, the decision of which
acts will go through to the next
round and which will be
eliminated rests entirely with
the votes of the viewing public
10.00 ITV News
10.15 FILM The Bourne Identity
(12, 2002) A fishing boat crew
plucks a man out of the sea with
two bullet wounds in his back
and a safety-deposit number
sewn into his skin — but
absolutely no memory of who
he is or how he got there. In the
search for his true identity, he is
pursued by assassins — but his
skill at evading them suggests
his own past is far from
straightforward. Thriller with
Matt Damon and Franka
Potente. See Film Choice
12.20am Goodwood Members
Meeting Highlights. Action from
the 76th Members Meeting from
Goodwood’s historic motor circuit
near Chichester 1.10 Jackpot247.
Interactive gaming 3.00 Babushka
(r) (SL) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen
8.55 5 News Weekend
9.00 FILM Taken 3 (12, 2014) Ex-CIA
agent Bryan Mills’s efforts to
finally live a quiet life are
shattered by the death of his
ex-wife. Just when things
seemingly can’t get any worse,
he is framed for her murder and
must fight to clear his name.
Action thriller sequel starring
Liam Neeson, Forest Whitaker,
Maggie Grace and Dougray
Scott. See Film Choice
9.00 Most Shocking Sexist TV of All
Time Through archive footage
and talking heads, a look at
how gender politics has played
out on television from the
1960s to the present day
11.15 FILM AVP: Alien vs Predator
(15, 2004) Scientists are caught
up in a battle between two
races of deadly extraterrestrial
creatures in a mysterious
pyramid. Sci-fi thriller starring
Sanaa Lathan and Raoul Bova
10.30 20 Moments That Rocked
the 80s Cherie Lunghi presents
a countdown of memorable
moments from the 1980s. The
programme features a look
back at royal weddings,
political scandals, sporting
triumphs and financial
disasters, and remembers the
rise to fame of iconic
entertainers and popular TV
shows. With contributions from
Pam St Clement, Jayne Torvil,
Peter Shilton and Roy Hay (r)
1.00am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
USA. Mill Street Bistro proprietor Joe
Nagy slips back into his old ways in
Norwalk, Ohio (2/2) (r) 1.45 Hollyoaks
(r) (SL) 3.55 The Question Jury (r)
4.50 George Clarke’s Amazing
Spaces (r) 5.45 Streetmate (r)
12.05am SuperCasino 3.10 Inside
Manchester’s Midland Hotel (r)
4.00 The X-Files. Mulder and Scully
rush to find an on-the-run William.
Last in the series (r) 4.45 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Great Artists
(r) (SL) 5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
26 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Back to the Future
Saturday 31 | Primetime digital guide
Lea Thompson and Michael J
Fox star in Robert Zemeckis’s
1980s time-travelling blockbuster
Film4, 6.45pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm Lost Kingdoms of Central
America The Teotihuacan
civilisation (4/4) (R)
8.00 The Silk Road Sam Willis
visits Persepolis in Iran and
then on to Istanbul (3/3) (R)
9.00 Below the Surface Distress
spreads among the
hostages. In Danish. See
Viewing Guide (5/8)
9.45 Below the Surface TTF’s
investigation seems close to
a breakthrough. In Danish.
See Viewing Guide (6/8)
10.30 Top of the Pops: 1985
Performers include
Madonna, Feargal Sharkey
and the Cure (R)
11.00 Top of the Pops: 1985
Featuring Dire Straits,
Princess, Go West, Phil
Collins and Amazulu (R)
11.30-12.25am The Highwaymen:
Friends Till the End
Documentary recalling
country music’s first
supergroup (R)
7.00pm Midsomer Murders When
a farmer is discovered
bound to a tree, doused in
truffle oil and mauled to
death by a wild boar, the
investigation leads Barnaby
to a tyrannical chef (3/5) (R)
9.00 Midsomer Murders
Barnaby and Nelson team
up with a pair of female
detectives in Copenhagen
to investigate the murder of
factory boss Eric Calder.
Guest starring Ann Eleonora
Jorgensen, Birgitte Hjort
Sorensen, Sanjeev Bhaskar
and Joanna Scanlan (5/5) (R)
11.00-1.00am Vera A murder at a
cottage in Northumberland
takes DCI Vera Stanhope
back to a place full of
childhood memories and
reminds her of an unsolved
case from earlier in her
career. Guest starring
Daniela Nardini alongside
Brenda Blethyn (3/4) (R)
6.55pm Come Dine with Me A
hairdresser hosts the fourth
dinner party in Inverness (R)
7.25 Come Dine with Me A
former footballer hosts the
final party in Inverness (R)
8.00 The Plane That Saved
Britain Arthur Williams pays
tribute to the De Havilland
Mosquito, the Second World
War aeroplane he believes
history has forgotten (R)
9.00 Guy Martin’s Spitfire The
motorcycle racer joins a
two-year project to rebuild
a Spitfire shot down over
northern France in 1940
and which was finally
recovered in the 1980s (R)
10.35 Tsunami Documentary
studying the aftermath
of the Boxing Day 2004
Indian Ocean tsunami (R)
11.40-12.45am 8 Out of 10 Cats
Does Countdown Panel
show with Bill Bailey, Joe
Wilkinson and Isy Suttie (R)
6.45pm FILM Back to the Future
(PG, 1985) A teenager
travels back in time and gets
stuck in the 1950s — where
he has to make sure his
parents fall in love. Sci-fi
comedy adventure with
Michael J Fox, Christopher
Lloyd, Lea Thompson
and Crispin Glover
9.00 FILM Conan the Barbarian
(15, 2011) A warrior seeks
revenge on the warlord who
killed his father, and tries to
stop him magically making
himself all-powerful. Fantasy
adventure starring Jason
Momoa and Stephen Lang
11.10-1.40am FILM Veteran (2015)
A detective goes up a
against a powerful
corporation when grows
suspicious of the apparent
suicide of his friend.
Comedy crime drama
starring Jung-min Hwang
and Ah-in Yoo. In Korean
7.00pm The Simpsons Lisa
resolves to pursue a career
in astronomy, but her
decision coincides with
Chief Wiggum’s new policy
of illuminating the whole
town all night (R)
7.30 The Simpsons Homer falls
out with Marge and moves
in with a gay couple (R)
8.00 NCIS: Los Angeles After
napalm is detected at a
crime scene, Callen and the
team investigate the sole
casualty for possible
links to terrorism (R)
9.00 SEAL Team The unit is
dispatched to Syria to
collect evidence from a
bioweapons factory
located in a hospital (R)
10.00-12.05am FILM Hostage (15,
2005) A former hostage
negotiator draws on his old
skills to save children held
captive in their own home.
Thriller with Bruce Willis
7.00pm Without a Trace On the
case of an estate agent who
disappeared during an
appointment, and discover
he was letting out
properties as brothels (R)
8.00 Without a Trace The
disappearance of a woman
who was a member of
a church choir, and
discover that she had been
unusually emotional at
its last practice (R)
9.00 Blue Bloods Jamie and
Eddie ask Erin to drop the
charges against a man
who bravely rescued a
woman from a local
hostage situation (10/22)
10.00-12.15am The Zen Diaries of
Garry Shandling Part one of
two. A portrait of the
celebrated American
comedian, best known for
his role as the spoof talk
show host Larry Sanders.
See Viewing Guide (1/2)
Drama
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
5.45pm FILM Mr Bean’s Holiday
(PG, 2007) The bumbling fool wins
a trip to France in the church raffle.
Comedy starring Rowan Atkinson
7.30 FILM Skyfall (12, 2012) James
Bond hunts the mastermind
behind a terrorist attack on MI6.
Action thriller starring Daniel Craig,
Judi Dench and Javier Bardem
10.15 Celebrity Juice: Easter
Special With Phillip Schofield,
Courtney Act and Rylan Clark-Neal
11.05 Family Guy
11.35-12.05am Family Guy
6.45pm FILM Aces High (PG, 1976)
First World War drama starring
Malcolm McDowell
9.00 FILM Lethal Weapon (15,
1987) An unstable Vietnam veteran
cop teams up with a by-the-book
detective to smash a drug ring
linked to a woman’s apparent
suicide. Action thriller starring
Mel Gibson and Danny Glover
11.10-1.20am FILM Fire Down
Below (18, 1997) Action adventure
starring Steven Seagal, Harry Dean
Stanton and Kris Kristofferson
7.00pm The Big Bang Theory
7.30 The Big Bang Theory
8.00 The Big Bang Theory The
gang runs into Zack at a bar
8.30 The Big Bang Theory Penny
tries to bond with Leonard’s mum
9.00 FILM The Watch (15, 2012)
A supermarket manager forms a
neighbourhood watch group to
patrol his community, but stumbles
on an alien invasion. Sci-fi comedy
with Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn
11.00 Gogglebox
12.00-1.05am Naked Attraction
4.45pm FILM Annie (PG, 2014)
Musical with Quvenzhane Wallis
7.05 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
Police back-up is requested
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
A brothel eviction
9.00 FILM V for Vendetta
(15, 2005) A masked anarchist sets
out to undermine Britain’s
totalitarian government. Futuristic
action thriller with Natalie Portman
11.40-2.00am FILM Revolver
(15, 2005) Crime drama starring
Jason Statham and Ray Liotta
6.00pm FILM The Root of All Evil
(1946) Drama starring Phyllis
Calvert and Michael Rennie
8.10 FILM Mr Perrin and Mr Traill
(U, 1948) A schoolmaster incurs
the wrath of a colleague who is
jealous of his popularity. Drama
starring Marius Goring
9.55-12.10am FILM No Love For
Johnnie (12, 1961) An ambitious
middle-aged MP, left by his wife,
sets out on in search of love and
happiness. Drama starring Peter
Finch and Stanley Holloway
7.00pm Sue Thomas: FBEye Tara
shoots an armed robber
8.00 Rizzoli & Isles A father and
son are attacked leaving the
parent dead,
9.00 Rebus Detective inspector
John Rebus goes on the trail of a
copycat serial killer, but later finds
himself taken off the case. Stars
John Hannah and Jim Norton
11.00-1.05am Silent Witness Nikki
is approached by a workman who
reveals how his mother is being
manipulated by a serial killer
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm Ultimate Covers at
the BBC Cover performances
8.00 Ultimate Number Ones Mark
Goodier presents a review of the
most coveted position in pop
9.00 Synth Britannia at the BBC
Gary Numan, Depeche Mode et al
10.00 The Story of Quadrophenia:
Can You See the Real Me? The
making of the Who’s 1973 opus
11.00 Secrets of the Bible
Offering an insight into the alleged
parting of the Red Sea (4/13)
12.00-1.00am Secrets of the Bible
7.00pm World’s Craziest Police
Pursuits High-octane special
8.00 All New Traffic Cops
Officers patrolling Britain’s roads
9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
Recovering £20,000 from
the owner of a health spa
10.00-12.05am FILM The
Expatriate (15, 2012) An ex-CIA
operative discovers his former
employers want him dead, and
have erased all records of his
existence. Action thriller starring
Aaron Eckhart and Olga Kurylenko
7.00pm Not Going Out Lee and
Lucy ponder having another child
7.40 Red Dwarf Kryten
has a mid-life crisis
8.20 Red Dwarf Cat falls in love
9.00 Would I Lie to You? With
guests Greg Davies, Konnie Huq,
Phil Tufnell and Marcus Brigstocke
9.40 Would I Lie to You? With
Mackenzie Crook and Rhod Gilbert
10.20 Would I Lie to You?
11.00 Dave Gorman: Modern Life
Is Goodish Mirthful musings on life
12.00-1.00am QI XL
6.40pm The Wright Brothers’
Flying Machine The secrets of
the 1903 Wright Flyer
7.50 Walt Disney Documentary
exploring the life, career and
legacy of Walt Disney (1/4)
9.00 Walt Disney The animator’s
efforts to create the first-ever
feature-length cartoon (2/4)
10.15 Walt Disney Disneyland
transforms into reality (3/4)
11.30-12.50am Walt Disney The
life, career and legacy of the
successful animator (4/4)
6.00pm BST Hyde Park Highlights
2017 Performances from the
festival, featuring the Killers, Kings
of Leon, Phil Collins and Green Day
8.00 Music Videos That Defined
the ’90s Memorable videos
9.00 Blur/Oasis: The Britpop Years
The rivalry between the two bands
10.15 Liam Gallagher: Live in New
York The singer performs
11.30 Video Killed the Radio Star
Promo videos for Oasis (4/13)
12.00-1.15am Oasis Live at
Barrowlands A 2001 concert
7.00pm To Catch a Smuggler: JFK
Airport Suspicious packages
8.00 To Catch a Smuggler: JFK
Airport A man carrying 4kg of
cocaine is detained
9.00 Britain’s Most Evil Killers The
so-called “Railway Killers” John
Duffy and David Mulcahy
10.00 Britain’s Most Evil Killers
The crimes of Peter Sutcliffe,
the Yorkshire Ripper (
11.00 World’s Most Evil Killers
12.00-1.00am Brit Cops:
Frontline Crime UK
W
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm The Mentalist
8.00 The Mentalist
9.00 Family Guy
9.30 Family Guy
10.00 American Dad!
10.30 American Dad!
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
7.00pm Gold Rush: Parker’s Trail
8.00 James May’s Toy Stories
A full-size bridge of Meccano
9.00 Royal Marines Commando
School The raw recruits work hard
to earn trips to see their families
10.00 Murder on CCTV
11.00 Street Justice: The Bronx
12.00-1.00am Wheeler Dealers
6.00pm Ultimate Tutankhamun
8.00 Herod’s Lost Tomb
9.00 Secrets of Christ’s Tomb
10.00 Riddles of the Bible The
truth behind the stories in the Bible
11.00 The Story of Us with Morgan
Freeman The nature of war (3/6)
12.00-1.00am Deadly
Journey of the Apostles (1/4)
6.30pm FILM The Karate Kid
(PG, 1984) Martial arts drama
9.00 Live at the Apollo
10.00 Lip Sync Battle
10.30 Russell Howard & Mum:
USA Road Trip
11.00-1.00am FILM Dirty Sanchez:
The Movie (18, 2006) Movie
version of the cult television series
6.30pm dinnerladies
7.10 The Vicar of Dibley
8.00 Gavin & Stacey
8.40 Gavin & Stacey
9.20 Mrs Brown’s Boys
10.00 Bridget & Eamon
10.30 Bridget & Eamon
11.00 Gavin & Stacey
11.40-12.20am Gavin & Stacey
6.00pm Gangsta Granny
7.30 FILM Ballet Shoes (PG, 2007)
Drama starring Emma Watson,
Victoria Wood and Richard Griffiths
9.20 Russell Howard’s Good News
10.00 Inside the Ambulance
11.20 999 Rescue Squad
12.00-1.00am One Born
Every Minute Documentary
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
SKY 301, VIRGIN 431, BT 501
SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
6.10pm Cars 3 (U, 2017) Animated
adventure featuring the voices of
Owen Wilson and Cristela Alonzo
8.00 Spider-Man: Homecoming
(12, 2017) Teenager Peter Parker
must protect New York City from
new villain the Vulture. Superhero
adventure starring Tom Holland
10.20 Going in Style (12, 2017)
A trio of cash-strapped retirees
decide to rob a Brooklyn bank.
Heist caper with Morgan Freeman
12.00-12.30am Hurricane Heist:
Special The a disaster-heist thriller
5.15pm The Lost World: Jurassic
Park (PG, 1997) Adventure sequel
starring Jeff Goldblum
7.30 Ready Player One: Special
8.00 Saving Private Ryan (15,
1998) American soldiers scour the
battlefields of France in search
of a missing infantryman. Steven
Spielberg’s Second World War
drama starring Tom Hanks
10.55-1.25am Minority Report (12,
2002) Psychics foretell a cop is
about to kill a man. Sci-fi thriller
with Tom Cruise and Colin Farrell
6.10pm Sing (U, 2016)
Animation featuring the voice
of Matthew McConaughey
8.00 Kubo and the Two Strings
(PG, 2016) A boy inadvertently
summons vengeful spirits from his
past. Animated adventure with
the voice of Charlize Theron
9.50 The Ant Bully (U, 2006)
Animated adventure featuring
the voice of Julia Roberts
11.25-1.05am Mulan (U, 1998)
Disney animated adventure
with the voice of Ming-Na
5.30pm Spider-Man 3 (12, 2007)
The crimefighter seeks revenge
on his uncle’s killer. Superhero
sequel starring Tobey Maguire
8.00 John Wick: Chapter 2 (15,
2017) The hitman goes on another
murderous rampage. Action
sequel starring Keanu Reeves
10.15 Hancock (12, 2008)
Superhero comedy starring Will
Smith and Charlize Theron
12.00-2.00am 300 (15, 2006)
Fantasy adventure with Gerard
Butler and Lena Headey
5.00pm Spartacus (PG, 1960)
Stanley Kubrick’s epic starring Kirk
Douglas and Laurence Olivier
8.10 Dirty Harry (15, 1971)
A maverick San Francisco detective
vows to hand out his own brand of
justice. Thriller starring Clint
Eastwood and Andy Robinson
10.00-1.00am The Godfather (15,
1972) A crime boss entrusts control
of his business to his three sons
after an attempt is made on his life.
Francis Ford Coppola’s drama with
Marlon Brando and Al Pacino
A profile of an American comic
legend: The Zen Diaries of Garry
Shandling (Sky Atlantic, 10pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 27
1G R
Saturday 31
Sports guide
Live Football
Sky Main Event, 11.30am
Radio 1
The Premier League returns
after the international break,
with Crystal Palace welcoming
Liverpool to Selhurst Park
(kick-off 12.30pm). In the
reverse fixture last August
Liverpool clinched a 1-0
victory over the Eagles at
Anfield, with Sadio Mané,
pictured, scoring the only
goal. In the teatime kick-off,
Manchester City and Everton
clash at Goodison Park (BT
Sport 1, 5pm). Joe Clay
Sky Sports Main Event
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
6.00am-6.00 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The second day
11.30 LIVE Premier League:
Crystal Palace v Liverpool
2.55pm LIVE European
Rugby Champions Cup:
Munster v Toulon
5.30 LIVE EFL: Hull City v
Aston Villa (Kick-off 5.30)
7.40 LIVE La Liga Football:
Sevilla v Barcelona
9.45 LIVE PGA Tour Golf:
The Houston Open
11.00-6.30am LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The third day
Sky Sports Premier
League
SKY 402 VIRGIN 512
11.30am-3.15pm LIVE Premier
League: Crystal Palace v
Liverpool (Kick-off 12.30)
Sky Sports Football
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
11.55am-2.00pm LIVE La Liga
Football: Girona v Levante
5.15 LIVE EFL: Hull City v
Aston Villa (Kick-off 5.30)
7.40-9.45 LIVE La Liga
Football: Sevilla v Barcelona
10.00-12.05am LIVE MLS
Chicago Fire v Portland
Timbers From Toyota Park
Sky Sports Cricket
SKY 404 VIRGIN 514
6.00am-6.30 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The second day
8.55-4.30pm LIVE Test
Cricket: South Africa v
Australia The second day
11.00-6.00am LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The third day
Sky Sports Golf
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
7.00pm LIVE PGA Tour Golf:
The Houston Open
11.00-2.00am LIVE LPGA
Tour Golf: The ANA
Inspiration
Sky Sports Action
SKY 407 VIRGIN 517
7.30am-9.35 LIVE Super
Rugby: Blues v Sharks
Radio guide
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.00am Alice Levine 10.00
Maya Jama 1.00pm Matt
Edmondson 4.00 MistaJam
7.00 DJ Target 9.00 Charlie
Sloth 11.00 Diplo and Friends
1.00am Radio 1’s Asian Beats
with Kan D Man & DJ Limelight
4.00 David Rodigan
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
9.40-11.30 LIVE Super Rugby:
Brumbies v Waratahs
2.30pm LIVE European
Rugby Champions Cup:
Munster v Toulon
5.30-8.00 LIVE European
Rugby Challenge Cup:
Edinburgh v Cardiff Blues
Sky Sports Arena
SKY 408 VIRGIN 518
4.10pm LIVE Super
Rugby: Bulls v Stormers
6.00-7.00 LIVE Anthony
Joshua v Joseph Parker: PPV
Build-up From Cardiff
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
6.30am-9.30 LIVE AFL:
Collingwood v GWS Giants
12.00-2.45pm LIVE SPFL:
Motherwell v Rangers
5.00 LIVE Premier League:
Everton v Manchester City
11.00 LIVE MLB: Tampa Bay
Rays v Boston Red Sox
2.00am-5.00 LIVE MLB: Los
Angeles Dodgers v San
Francisco Giants
BT Sport 2
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
11.15am-1.45pm LIVE Serie A:
Bologna v AS Roma
5.00pm LIVE Bundesliga:
Bayern Munich v Borussia
Dortmund (Kick-off 5.30)
7.30-10.00 LIVE Serie A:
Juventus v AC Milan
12.30am-3.00 LIVE NBA:
Boston Celtics v Toronto
Raptors (Tip-off 12.30)
BT Sport 3
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
12.30pm-3.15 LIVE European
Rugby Challenge Cup:
Connacht v Gloucester
5.15-7.00 LIVE Serie A:
Chievo v Sampdoria
7.45-10.15 LIVE French
League Cup: Paris SaintGermain v Monaco
Eurosport 1
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
11.00am-12.45pm LIVE
Weightlifting European
Championships
5.00-6.45 LIVE Weightlifting
European Championships
9.30-12.30am LIVE Curling
World Championships
5.00am Huey on Saturday
6.00 Sounds of the 60s 8.00
Saturday Breakfast with
Dermot 10.00 Graham Norton
1.00pm Pick of the Pops
3.00 The Zoe Ball Show 6.00
Liza Tarbuck 8.00 Trevor
Nelson’s Rhythm Nation
10.00 The Craig Charles House
Party 12.00 Ana Matronic’s
Disco Devotion 2.00am
Radio 2’s Showtunes Playlist
3.00 Radio 2 Playlist
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
7.00am Breakfast
9.00 News
9.03 Record Review
Building a Library on Tallis’s
Lamentations of Jeremiah;
plus reissues of Claudio Arrau
12.15pm Music Matters
Kate Molleson meets MarkAnthony Turnage, one of the
UK’s leading composers
1.00 News
1.02 Saturday Classics
3.00 Sound of Cinema
4.00 Jazz Record Requests
5.00 Jazz Line-Up The US
saxophonist Donny McCaslin
pays tribute to David Bowie
with a concert performance (r)
6.30 Live Opera on 3 from the
Met A performance of Mozart’s
Cosi fan tutte, with David
Robertson conducting the
Metropolitan Opera House
orchestra and chorus
10.30 Hear and Now A concert
of new music performed by
the Ulster Orchestra
12.00 Geoffrey Smith’s Jazz
1.00am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am-7.00 (LW)
Live Test Match Special:
New Zealand v England
Day two of the second Test in
the two-match series
5.30 News Headlines
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 iPM Interactive debate
6.00 News and Papers
6.07 Ramblings (r)
6.30 Farming Today This
Week Farming news
6.57 Weather
7.00 Today
9.00 Saturday Live
10.30 Gyles Brandreth and the
Art of Persuasion The
alchemy, art and craftiness
of the great persuaders
Today’s picks
Per Ardua Ad Astra:
RAF Voices
Radio 4, 8pm
Moonraker
Radio 4, 2.30pm
If you were to write a parody
of the British stiff upper lip you
could hardly do better than one
of the pilots speaking in this
programme on the formation
of the RAF. In a voice as clipped
as an airman’s moustache, he
recalls the excitement of testflying new designs of aeroplane in the early days of the force.
“No one had much idea of what would happen,” he says. On
one flight, as he mutedly explains, “I found rudder control not
too good.” The plane got into an uncontrollable spin and
crashed. Later, in hospital, the pilot was told that the engineers
had discovered that the machine was quite unstable. “I felt
the news was somewhat late.” This documentary looks at him
and other magnificent men in their flying machines and the
events that led to the formation of the RAF on April 1, 1918.
Catherine Nixey
11.00 The Week in
Westminster
11.30 From Our Own
Correspondent
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
Forecast
12.04 Money Box
12.30 The Now Show (r)
1.00 News Headlines
1.10 Any Questions? (r)
2.00 Any Answers? Phone-in
2.30 Drama: Moonraker
Archie Scottney’s
dramatisation of Ian Fleming’s
James Bond novel. See Choice
4.00 Weekend Woman’s Hour
5.00 Saturday PM
5.30 The Bottom Line Evan
Davis examines the economic
and political future of the EU
after Brexit. Last in the series
5.54 Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.15 Loose Ends With Martin
Freeman, Irvine Welsh, Diane
Morgan and Sarah Phelps
7.00 Profile
7.15 Saturday Review
8.00 Archive on 4: Per Ardua
Ad Astra — RAF Voices The
voices capture the Royal Air
Force’s spirit. See Choice
9.00 Drama: Boswell at Large
— A Corsican Adventure (r)
10.00 News Headlines
10.15 The Moral Maze (8/8) (r)
10.30-5.30am (LW) Live Test
Match Special: New Zealand v
England Day three of the
second Test in the two-match
series at Hagley Oval,
Christchurch
11.00 Brain of Britain (r)
11.30 Hiraeth (r)
12.00 News Headlines
12.30am Short Works (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
5.20 Shipping Forecast
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
12.30pm Live Premier League
Football: Crystal Palace v
Liverpool 2.30 5 Live Sport
3.00 Live Premier League
Football. A 3pm kick-off 5.00
Live Sports Report 6.00 Live
6-0-6 8.00 Kermode and
Mayo’s Film Review (r) 9.00
Stephen Nolan 12.00 Arts
Club with Will Gompertz
1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am Seven Days of
Talksport 7.00 Georgie
Bingham and Tony Cascarino
11.00 Warm Up 1.00pm Live
Match Day Live 7.15 The Full
Time Phone-in with Danny
Kelly 8.00 Fight Night 12.00
Extra Time with Tom Latchem
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Archive on 4: Giving
Way to a New Era 9.00
Carousel 11.50 Inheritance
Tracks 12.00 Listomania
12.30pm Arrested
Development 1.00 Judas
Omnibus 2.10 Inheritance
Tracks 2.15 Sentimental
Journey 2.45 I Should Say So
3.00 Archive on 4: Giving Way
to a New Era 4.00 Remember
Me 5.30 Freedom Pass 6.00
Cry Babies 6.45 Cookie Jar
7.00 4 Extra Celebrates Dora
Bryan 10.00 Comedy Club:
My Teenage Diary 10.30 Irish
Micks and Legends 10.45
Terry Alderton’s All Crazy
Now 10.55 The Comedy Club
Interview 11.00 That Mitchell
and Webb Sound 11.30 Think
the Unthinkable 12.00 Cry
Babies 12.45am Cookie Jar
BBC World Service
Digital only
5.00am 5 Live Boxing with
Costello & Bunce 5.30 Under
the Weather 6.00 Saturday
Breakfast 9.00 The Danny
Baker Show 11.00 Fighting Talk
12.00 5 Live Sport
9.00am News 9.06 World
This Week 9.30 The Cultural
Frontline 10.00 Sports
Hour 11.00 News 11.06
Newsroom 11.30 Trending
It’s all rather shocking.
Naughty old Just William
has suddenly turned into
even naughtier Ian Fleming.
Or at any rate Martin Jarvis
has. The voice best known
for threatening to scweam
and scweam until he’s sick
has in this adaptation started
talking about atom bombs
and whatnot. Still, although
it may have a surprising
narrator, this adaptation is
good silly fun and has a
nigh-on all-star cast, including
a velvety Toby Stephens
as Bond and Samuel West
as the plausible rotter
Hugo Drax. CN
11.50 Over to You 12.00 The
Real Story 1.00pm Newshour
2.00 News 2.06 Music Extra
3.00 News 3.06 Sportsworld
4.00 News 4.06 Sportsworld
5.00 News 5.06 Sportsworld
6.00 Newsroom 6.30 The
Cultural Frontline 7.00 News
7.06 World This Week 7.30
The Documentary 8.00 News
8.06 The Forum 8.50 The Big
Idea 9.00 Newshour 10.00
News 10.06 From Our Own
Correspondent 10.30 Boston
Calling 11.00 News 11.06
Newsroom 11.20 Sports News
11.30 Global Business 12.00
News 12.06am Outlook 12.30
CrowdScience 1.00 World
This Week 1.30 Trending 1.50
Over to You 2.00 News 2.06
Newsroom 2.30 Discovery
3.00 News 3.06 From Our
Own Correspondent 3.30
Living with the Gods 3.50
The Big Idea 4.00 News
4.06 The Documentary
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Mary Anne Hobbs
10.00 The Huey Show
1.00pm Liz Kershaw 3.00
Gilles Peterson 6.00 Martin
Freeman and Eddie Piller
9.00 Tom Robinson 12.00
The Freak Zone Playlist
1.00am The Joy of 6 2.00
6 Music Recommends 3.00
6 Music Live Hour 4.00 The
Beach Boys Story
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
7.00am Alan Titchmarsh
9.00 The Classic FM Hall of
Fame with Bill Turnbull 12.00
The Classic FM Hall of Fame
with Anne-Marie Minhall
3.00pm The Classic FM Hall
of Fame with Catherine Bott
6.00 The Classic FM Hall of
Fame with Rob Cowan
9.00 Blowers Around Britain
10.00 Smooth Classics
2.00am Katie Breathwick
4.00 Jane Jones
28 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Easter Sunday | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
Ordeal by Innocence
BBC One, 9pm
This three-part adaptation of
Agatha Christie’s 1958 novel
— conspicuously pulled from
the Christmas schedules last
year (see feature, p4) — finally
arrives and is the highlight of
the Easter weekend. Ordeal
by Innocence was one of
Christie’s favourites and she
would surely approve of this
classy adaptation by Sarah
Phelps, who was also
responsible for adapting
the crime writer’s And Then
There Were None for the BBC.
Spoiler alert (or maybe not,
as it happens in the opening
30 seconds) — the wealthy
philanthropist Rachel Argyll
(Anna Chancellor) has been
murdered, clunked over the
head with a crystal decanter
at her family estate, Sunny
Point. One of her five
adopted children, Jack Argyll
(Anthony Boyle), a young
delinquent, is arrested for her
murder, but strongly protests
his innocence. Then, 18
months later, with the family
gathered at Sunny Point for
the wedding of Rachel’s
widower, Leo (Bill Nighy), to
his secretary Gwenda (Alice
Eve), a scientist (Luke
Treadaway) arrives at Sunny
Point claiming to be Jack’s
alibi. One snag — Jack died in
prison. The family are rather
too keen to dismiss the
stranger’s bombshell —
everyone, it seems, has a
secret. There are excellent
performances throughout,
but Matthew Goode steals
it as Philip Durrant, a
venomous disabled former
war hero married to Mary
Argyll (Poldark’s Eleanor
Tomlinson). Literary critics at
the time were unsure of
Christie’s move into
psychological fiction, but
modern audiences will enjoy
this complex, finely wrought
murder mystery. Joe Clay
Further recommendations
And Then There Were None, Sarah Phelps’s Agatha Christie
adaptation from Christmas 2015, is available on BBC iPlayer
The Big Painting
Challenge
Generation Game
The Durrells
Conspiracy Files
BBC One, 8pm
ITV, 8pm
BBC Two, 9pm
BBC One, 6pm
Didn’t Mel and Sue do well, to
land this primetime gig hosting
the rebooted game show that
was watched by millions under
Bruce Forsyth and Larry
Grayson (who is also the
subject of an excellent 90minute documentary on ITV3
tonight). The former Bake Off
duo are hosting two episodes,
which combines aspects of the
original series with new games.
Expect plenty of innuendo and
pratting about as pairs of family
members across generations
take part in performance and
task-based games, with an
all-star panel judging their
efforts and deciding who will
face the conveyor belt. JC
It was a relatively downbeat
visit to the Durrells’ Corfu
idyll last week, with the
death of Aunt Hermione,
and Leslie dealing with the
consequences of putting
Daphne in “the pudding club”.
We’re on slightly unfamiliar
turf again tonight, with Mrs
Durrell and Larry taking
Auntie back to Blighty (it’s
drab and rainy, natch), and
Leslie, Margo and Gerry
fending for themselves in
Corfu. Larry accepts an
invitation to join Henry Miller’s
literary set in London, Leslie
becomes a policeman and
Gerry saves a donkey from
an abusive farmer. JC
In July 2016 Seth Rich, a
staffer working for the
Democrats, was shot in a
Washington street at 4am. The
police said it was a bungled
robbery, but nothing was
stolen. Republican-supporting
media outlets claimed that
Rich was responsible for
leaking Democratic party
emails to WikiLeaks and
implied that he had been
killed by Hillary Clinton
acolytes as payback. These
conspiracy theories were
pushed during and after the
presidential campaignand this
gripping edition of Conspiracy
Files looks at the evidence and
asks, who killed Seth Rich? JC
The Great British Brush Off
returns with Mariella Frostrup
and the Rev Richard Coles
hosting as ten more amateur
artists compete in a series of
challenges. The portrait painter
Daphne Todd, OBE, and Lachlan
Goudie, one of the UK’s most
respected figurative painters,
are the Prue and Paul of
proceedings, with the
contestants given a little help
from professional mentors. It
begins in Glasgow with two
still-life tasks. Can they transfer
a 3D object convincingly on
to a 2D canvas? Soothing fare
for Sunday teatime. JC
Catch
up
The Funeral Murders
BBC iPlayer,
to April 19
Vanessa Engle’s
documentary
takes a
balanced look
back at two
Belfast
funerals 30
years ago this
month that left
five people dead
— first by the gun of
Michael Stone, then by
the fists and weapons of a
mob. As appalling a story as
you’d care to watch, it exerts
the grim fascination of recent
history that appears to be from
some dark age. Memories from
the families of the three who
died after Stone’s attack on the
IRA funeral of the “Gibraltar
Three” are followed by
those who were at
the subsequent
funeral of one
victim three
days later.
That was when
two British
corporals were
pulled from their
car, beaten, then
taken away to be
shot. It is a sharp
reminder of the lethal
intractability that defined the
Troubles. James Jackson
Variations
● BBC Two Wales As BBC Two except:
1.15pm Canterbury Cathedral. The Rev
Clare Edwards travels to York for the vote
on women bishops (r) 2.15-3.15 Blitz Wales
with John Humphrys. The presenter
discovers more about the devastating
Nazi bombing campaign in South Wales
(r) 10.00 Flex Lewis: Superstar
Bodybuilder. A Welshman’s mission to
win Mr Olympia 212 for the sixth time in a
row (r) 10.55 Top Gear: Extra Gear 11.20
FILM Selma (2014) 1.20am-1.55 Coast (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC Two except:
10.00pm-10.35 Hame. Mark Thompson
and Ruth Sanderson explore Co Antrim
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC One except:
12.40pm Put Your Money Where Your
Mouth Is (r) 1.25 MasterChef (r) 2.25
MasterChef (r) 3.25 MasterChef (r) 4.00
Songs of Praise 4.35-5.35 DIY SOS: The
Big Build. Transforming the family home
of twins with global development delay
(r) 11.30 Sportscene (r) 12.30am The
Women’s Football Show 1.00 Weather for
the Week Ahead 1.05-6.00am BBC News
● BBC2 Scotland As BBC Two except:
4.45pm Grand Tours of Scotland. The
history of Scottish tourism (r) 5.00 River
City (r) 6.00-7.00pm Sportscene
● Channel As ITV except:
1.30am-3.00
ITV Nightscreen
● STV As ITV except: 4.45pm-5.00 STV
News 12.40am Teleshopping 1.40 After
Midnight 3.10 ITV Nightscreen
5.30-6.00am Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except: 1.30am-3.00
Teleshopping
● S4C 6.00am Cyw (r) 8.50 Penblwyddi
Cyw 8.55 Pen-Blwydd Pwy? 9.00 Dal Ati:
Dal Ati: Bore Da 10.00 Dal Ati: Help Llaw
11.00 Rownd a Rownd (r) 11.30 Rownd a
Rownd (r) 11.55 Calon (r) 12.00 Dechrau
Canu Dechrau Canmol (r) 12.30pm
Perthyn (r) 1.00 Y Dioddefaint Yn Ôl Ioan
(r) 2.55 Cegin Bryn (r) 3.30 Cegin Bryn (r)
4.00 Codi Pac (r) 4.30 Ffermio (r) 5.00
News a Chwaraeon 5.10 Pobol y Cwm (r)
7.00 Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol
8.00 Band Cymru 2018. Three groups
battle it out for a place in the final of Band
Cymru 2018 9.00 Parch. Oskana has an
unusual request 10.00 Y Byd ar Bedwar
(r) 10.30 Rhodri Morgan: Ysbiwr yn y
Teulu. Rhodri Morgan investigates the
double life of his relative Morgan Watkin
(r) 11.30-12.05am Ffasiwn Mecanic (r)
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Films of the day
Space Cowboys (PG, 2000)
Channel 5, 2.25pm
As if Clint Eastwood’s career wasn’t argument enough against
writing off the older generation, here he directs and stars in a robust
comedy drama about ageing astronauts that mounts a further
celebration of people in their sixties-plus. Eastwood plays a retired
engineer who was cheated out of his chance of a career as an
astronaut in the 1960s. When his expertise is needed to help to
fix a satellite, he agrees, just as long as he can take his former
colleagues up there too. The former hotshots all grab the chance
to blast off together. Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland and
James Garner also star as the codgers in space. (130min) Wendy Ide
War Horse (12, 2011)
BBC Two, 4.45pm
This equine epic from Steven
Spielberg, adapted from the 1982
novel by Michael Morpurgo, is one
of the most potent First World War
films of recent years. The opening
act, in the Devon countryside, sets
up the love affair between boy
and horse. The horse is a bay
thoroughbred called Joey, the boy is Albert (Jeremy Irvine,
pictured). When war is announced, Joey is sold to the British Army
and comes under the command of Major Jamie Stewart (Benedict
Cumberbatch),the first of many humans who will accompany him
through the trenches. Spielberg is mindful of the family audience,
but still captures the wretched misery of combat during the First
World War. Fourteen horses played Joey. The main horse also
portrayed Seabiscuit in the eponymous 2003 film. (143min) WI
The Green Mile (18, 1999)
Channel 4, 10.05pm
After the success of his first film, The Shawshank Redemption,
the director Frank Darabont returned to familiar territory for his
second: another prison movie and another Stephen King
adaptation. Tom Hanks stars as the head guard on death row in a
1930s correctional facility. Michael Clarke Duncan is John Coffey,
the gentle giant of an inmate who, although he was convicted of
appalling crimes, seems to have the power to cure afflictions by
touching. Doug Hutchison (best known as Eugene Tooms in
The X-Files) is horribly effective as a sadistic prison guard
protected by his political connections. 181min) WI
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 29
1G R
Also available online and on tablet
Easter Sunday
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
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thetimes.co.uk/tvplanner
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 7.25 Match of the
Day (r) 9.00 Painting the Holy Land
10.00 Easter Day From Sheffield
Cathedral 11.00 Urbi et Orbi 11.25
FILM The Silent Child (U, 2017) Short
film written by co-star Rachel Shenton
and directed by Chris Overton 11.45
Bargain Hunt (r) 12.25pm BBC News;
Weather 12.40 FILM Shaun the Sheep
Movie (U, 2015) Animation featuring
the voice of Justin Fletcher 2.00
MasterChef (r) 3.00 MasterChef (r)
4.00 MasterChef (r) 4.30 Escape to
the Country (r) 5.00 Songs of Praise.
From Bangor 5.35 BBC News
5.50 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00 The Big Painting Challenge.
Mariella Frostrup and the Rev Richard
Coles present. Aspiring painters get
a masterclass in still life paintings
in Glasgow. See Viewing Guide
6.20am Coast (r) 6.50 Glorious
Gardens from Above (r) 7.35 Life in
a Cottage Garden with Carol Klein (r)
8.05 Gardeners’ World (r) 8.35
Countryfile (r) 9.30 Saturday Kitchen
Best Bites 11.00 Spring Kitchen with
Tom Kerridge (r) 11.45 Lorraine
Pascale: How to Be a Better Cook (r)
12.15pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 Coast (r)
1.15 Pilgrimage: The Road to Santiago
(r) 2.15 Canterbury Cathedral (r) 3.15
RAF at 100 with Ewan and Colin
McGregor. The actor and his former
pilot brother present a celebration
of the RAF’s centenary (r)
4.45 FILM War Horse (12, 2011)
A horse travels across the battlefields
of the First World War, while the
original owner searches for it. Steven
Spielberg’s drama with Jeremy Irvine
and Tom Hiddleston. See Film Choice
6.00am CITV 7.30 Scrambled! 9.25
ITV News 9.30 Love Your Garden (r)
10.00 Countrywise (r) 10.30 The
Voice UK (r) 12.00 Ant & Dec’s
Saturday Night Takeaway. Stephen
Merchant is on duty as the Star Guest
Announcer and Paloma Faith takes to
the stage in the End of the Show
Show (r) 1.30pm ITV News; Weather
1.40 FILM Willy Wonka and the
Chocolate Factory (U, 1971) Musical
fantasy with Gene Wilder 3.45
Catchphrase. Stephen Mulhern hosts
the game show in which three
contestants guess the familiar
phrases hidden in animated clues,
before one of them plays to win
£50,000 (r) 4.30 ITV News; Weather
4.45 Regional News; Weather 5.00
Tipping Point (r) 6.00 The Chase:
Celebrity Special (r)
6.15am The King of Queens (r) 6.40
The King of Queens (r) 7.05 The King
of Queens (r) 7.30 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 7.55 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r) 9.00
Frasier (r) 9.30 Sunday Brunch
12.30pm Jamie and Jimmy’s Friday
Night Feast (r) 1.35 The Simpsons (r)
2.00 The Simpsons (r) 2.30 The
Simpsons (r) 3.00 The Simpsons. Mr
Burns hires Homer to play pranks (r)
3.30 Ice Age: The Great Egg-Scapade.
Short animated comedy, featuring the
characters from the movie series (r)
4.00 FILM Dumbo (U, 1941) Disney
animated adventure with the voice
of Edward Brophy 5.15 The Great
Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up to
Cancer. Lee Mack, Griff Rhys Jones,
Melanie Sykes and Joe Lycett take
part (r) 6.30 Channel 4 News
6.00am Milkshake! 10.05 Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles (r) 10.35 Police
Interceptors (r) 11.40 Police
Interceptors (r) 12.40pm FILM Joe
Kidd (15, 1972) A bounty hunter
hired by a greedy businessman to
capture a Mexican rebel comes to
question his employer’s cruel
methods. Western with Clint
Eastwood and Robert Duvall
2.25 FILM Space Cowboys (PG,
2000) Adventure directed by and
starring Clint Eastwood. With Tommy
Lee Jones, James Garner, Donald
Sutherland and James Cromwell.
See Film Choice 4.55 FILM Stargate
(PG, 1994) A soldier and an
Egyptologist travel through a
mysterious portal to a distant alien
planet where they battle a tyrant.
Sci-fi adventure starring Kurt Russell
The Generation Game is back (8pm)
David Oyelowo in Selma (11pm)
Gerry rescues a donkey (8pm)
The magic of Dumbo (4pm)
Jim Carrey is Bruce Almighty (9pm)
7.00 Countryfile Matt Baker, Anita
Rani and Joe Crowley explore
West Yorkshire, meeting a
beekeeper who came to the
county as a refugee and
discovering Emily Bronte’s
passion for wildlife. Including
Weather for the Week Ahead
7.00 Down the Mighty River with
Steve Backshall The naturalist
braves the dangerous white
waters of the Baliem River’s
lower gorge and encounters a
tribe that has had little contact
with the outside world (2/2) (r)
7.00 Change Your Tune New series.
Baz Ashmawy hosts the musical
challenge in which some of
the country’s worst singers
undergo weeks of training to
improve their voices before
performing live
7.00 Homes by the Med Charlie
Luxton visits the Spanish island
of Mallorca, where he discovers
an Arab bath house that is
over 1,000 years old in Palma’s
old town (3/6) (r)
7.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
The officers try to recover
£13,000 owed by a highperformance car dealer in
Birmingham, and in
Wolverhampton the agents
chase nearly £2,000 owed to a
car hire company (r)
8.00 The Generation Game
Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins
host the first of two special
episodes reviving the classic
game show in which teams
of family members compete
in bizarre challenges.
See Viewing Guide (1/2)
8.00 Top Gear Matt LeBlanc, Chris
Harris and Rory Reid test drive
the latest SUVs, and are joined
in the studio by Jason Manford.
Last in the series
8.00 The Durrells Larry and Louisa
return to England, where
Larry falls in with a group
of Bohemian artists living
in London, including writer
Henry Miller. Back in Corfu,
Gerry saves a donkey. See
Viewing Guide (3/8)
8.00 Escape to the Chateau Dick and
Angel prepare for winter and
attend a food festival in Rouen,
where they hope to find
inspiration over what to do with
their fresh fruit and vegetables.
Last in the series
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
The agents chase up a £3,000
deposit owed by a landlord to
his tenant (r)
9.00 Ordeal by Innocence New
series. Three-part adaptation of
Agatha Christie’s novel. As the
widower of a murdered heiress
prepares to remarry, the
identity of his wife’s killer
is called into question.
See Viewing Guide (1/3)
9.00 Conspiracy Files: Murder in
Washington The murder of
political campaigner Seth Rich
during the 2016 US presidential
campaign, which has become
the subject of rumours that he
had released internal e-mails to
Wikileaks. See Viewing Guide
9.00 The Good Karma Hospital
Gabriel joins Ruby on an
outreach programme to a tea
plantation, but discovers that
she has not been completely
honest about her reasons for
wanting to go there (3/6)
9.00 Homeland Carrie makes
a move, Wellington has a
reckoning and Saul expands
an operation (7/12)
10.00 BBC News
10.00 Mock the Week Topical
comedy show (11/13) (r)
10.00 ITV News
10.15 FILM Sherlock Holmes
(12, 2009) The eccentric
detective and his confidant
Dr Watson investigate the
apparent resurrection of a
criminal mastermind with links
to the occult, who is carrying
out a series of seemingly
magical murders. The case is
complicated by the
reappearance of Holmes’
duplicitous old flame Irene
Adler. Action thriller starring
Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law
and Rachel McAdams
10.05 FILM The Green Mile (18, 1999)
A convicted child-killer of
towering height and massive
build is condemned to death
row, but astonishes the guards
with his good nature and
miraculous healing powers.
They believe the gentle giant is
incapable of crime, and
emotions run high as they
realise there is no hope of
overturning his death sentence.
Supernatural drama, based on a
novel by Stephen King, starring
Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke
Duncan, David Morse and Harry
Dean Stanton. See Film Choice
9.00 FILM Bruce Almighty
(12, 2003) God tires of a
down-on-his-luck reporter’s
constant complaining, so
passes on His powers to give
him a taste of ultimate
responsibility. The newsman
falls in love with his
extraordinary abilities —
but a never-ending stream of
incoming prayers and his
ambitious attempt to please
everyone soon prove there is
more to the job than meets the
eye. Comedy starring Jim
Carrey, Jennifer Aniston
and Morgan Freeman
11.05 FILM Just Go with It (12, 2011)
A plastic surgeon pretends
to be going through a divorce
and persuades his assistant
to pose as his soon-to-be
ex-wife. Romantic comedy
starring Adam Sandler
and Jennifer Aniston
12.40am Marcella. Vince tells Marcella
that his wife has been sleeping with
DCI Williamson (r) 1.30 Jackpot247.
Viewers participate in live interactive
gaming 3.00 Take on the Twisters (r)
3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
1.25am The Supervet (r) 2.20 Coastal
Walks with My Dog (r) 3.15 KOTV
Boxing Weekly. Action from two bouts
featuring Reece Bellotti and Philip
Bowes 3.40 The Question Jury (r)
4.35 George Clarke’s Amazing
Spaces (r) 5.30 Streetmate (r)
1.15am SuperCasino. Live interactive
gaming 3.10 Inside Manchester’s
Midland Hotel (r) 4.00 The Railways
That Built Britain with Chris Tarrant
(r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL)
5.10 Great Artists (r) (SL)
5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
10.20 BBC Regional News; Weather
10.30 Match of the Day 2 Mark
Chapman reviews the day’s
Premier League action, with
highlights of Chelsea v
Tottenham Hotspur at Stamford
Bridge and Arsenal v Stoke City
at the Emirates Stadium
11.30 The Women’s Football Show
A look at the biggest issues in
the women’s game, focusing
on matters at both club and
international level
12.05am Weather for the Week
Ahead 12.10 BBC News
10.35 Top Gear: Extra Gear The team
tries to solve Tokyo’s transport
problems. Last in the series
11.00 FILM Selma (12, 2014) In 1965,
civil rights campaigner Dr
Martin Luther King Jr plans
a peaceful march across
Alabama which will change
history. Fact-based drama
starring David Oyelowo
1.00am Sign Zone: Countryfile. Matt
Baker reports on a conservation
project in Shropshire to prevent the
county’s rivers being polluted by iron
ore brought to the surface by the
area’s long history of mining (r) (SL)
1.55-2.55 Holby City (r) (SL)
8.55 5 News Weekend
The day’s headlines
30 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Spectre
Easter Sunday | Primetime digital guide
Léa Seydoux stars as Dr
Madeleine Swann in the
2015 James Bond movie
ITV2, 9pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm Only Connect (R)
7.30 University Challenge
The quarter-final matches
continue (R)
8.00 Painting the Holy Land
Lachlan Goudie follows
Jesus’s route to the
Crucifixion, recounting a
story of love and suffering
that has inspired some of
the world’s most remarkable
artworks (1/2) (R)
9.00 Timewatch: WWI Aces
Falling The story of Edward
Mannock and James
McCudden, the British
fighter pilots who rose from
modest backgrounds to
become two of the country’s
greatest First World War
aces (5/7) (R)
10.00 The Battle of Britain Colin
and Ewan McGregor retell
the story of the conflict (R)
11.30-12.30am Operation Jericho
A Second World War
RAF mission (R)
6.55pm Vera A murder at a remote
cottage in Northumberland
takes DCI Vera Stanhope
back to a place full of
childhood memories and
reminds her of an unsolved
case from earlier in her
career (3/4) (R)
9.00 Larry Grayson: Shut That
Door! Documentary
exploring the entertainer’s
rise from poverty to fame,
drawing on extracts from an
unfinished autobiography
11.00-1.00am FILM Are You Being
Served? (PG, 1977) Havoc
descends on the coast of
Spain as the motley Grace
Brothers crew arrive for
their annual holiday on the
Costa Plonka, which does
not exactly live up to the
brochure’s promise of rest
and relaxation. Comedy
based on the television
series starring John Inman
and Wendy Richard
6.55pm Come Dine with Me (R)
7.25 Come Dine with Me
Amanda Smith hosts
the final dinner party in
Lichfield (R)
8.00 The Dambusters’ Great
Escape: Secret History The
RAF’s defeat of the German
battleship Tirpitz in
November 1944 (R)
9.00 Guy Martin: Last Flight of
the Vulcan Bomber The
mechanic joins a select crew
of engineers working on the
last functioning Vulcan
bomber as the aircraft is
taken on a farewell tour.
With contributions from
former crew members (R)
10.40 8 Out of 10 Cats Does
Countdown With Henning
Wehn, Bill Bailey and
Jessica Hynes (R)
11.40-12.40am Very British
Problems Famous faces
offer their views on issues
faced while on holiday (R)
6.55pm FILM Back to the Future
Part II (PG, 1989) Teenager
Marty McFly travels into the
future to save his kids from
a terrible fate and ends up
changing history. Sci-fi
comedy sequel with Michael
J Fox and Christopher Lloyd
9.00 FILM Commando (18, 1985)
A retired military officer
battles a treacherous
comrade and a former
dictator, who have
kidnapped his daughter.
Action adventure starring
Arnold Schwarzenegger
and Rae Dawn Chong
10.45-1.10am FILM Bad Lieutenant:
Port of Call New Orleans
(18, 2009) A drug-addled
cop investigates the murder
of a family while suffering
hallucinations in the
aftermath of Hurricane
Katrina. Crime drama
starring Nicolas Cage
and Eva Mendes
6.30pm Revolution New series.
Steve-O and Maya Jama
present an entertainment
show in which inline skaters,
BMXers and skateboarders
go head-to-head in
a series of rounds (1/8)
7.30 The Simpsons (R)
8.00 MacGyver Angus must help
his biggest competitor Allie
when her vehicle is hacked
and heads to the Pentagon,
while Jack attends his
high-school reunion
9.00 Hawaii Five-0 A man
accused of killing his wife
threatens to commit suicide
10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles The team
sets out to rescue Hetty
11.00 In the Long Run Comedy
starring Idris Elba (1/6) (R)
11.30 In the Long Run Walter
arranges a job interview
for Valentine (2/6) (R)
12.00-1.00am The Blacklist
Liz unearths a major clue
about Tom’s killers (R)
7.00pm David Attenborough’s
Galapagos The broadcaster
reveals how life learned to
adapt quickly in an
ever-changing volcanic
landscape (2/3) (R)
8.00 David Attenborough’s
Galapagos The broadcaster
reveals the differences
between the islands and
encounters giant Pinta
Island tortoise Lonesome
George, which died a few
weeks after filming (3/3) (R)
9.00 Save Me Nelly infiltrates a
secret network that may
hold the key to his
daughter’s return. Goz
makes a shocking discovery
that someone in the Towers
may know more than they
are letting on (5/6) (R)
10.00-12.50am The Zen Diaries of
Garry Shandling Intimate
portrait of the late comic,
Garry Shandling. Part one
shown last night (2/2)
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
Drama
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
6.45pm FILM Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory (PG, 2005)
A penniless boy wins a once-in-alifetime tour of a magical sweet
company. Tim Burton’s children’s
fantasy, based on Roald Dahl’s
novel, starring Johnny Depp
9.00 FILM Spectre (12, 2015)
James Bond goes in search of the
elusive mastermind behind a
secret criminal network with links
to his own past. Spy thriller starring
Daniel Craig and Christoph Waltz
11.55-12.25am Family Guy
6.10pm The Big Fish Off (1/4)
7.15 FILM The Scorpion King (PG,
2002) Fantasy action adventure
starring Dwayne Johnson
9.00 FILM Jaws (PG, 1975)
A seaside town’s police chief has
to deal with a giant killer shark
preying on tourists. Steven
Spielberg’s classic thriller starring
Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss
11.25-2.35am FILM The
Assassination of Jesse James by
the Coward Robert Ford (15, 2007)
Western starring Brad Pitt
6.55pm FILM Eragon (PG, 2006)
A farm boy and the last surviving
dragon fight to overthrow the
tyrannical leader who has taken
control of the kingdom. Fantasy
adventure starring Ed Speleers
9.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD
An friend comes to Daisy’s aid
10.00 The Inbetweeners Carli
organises a fashion show
10.35 The Inbetweeners
11.05 The Big Bang Theory
12.00-1.00am Five Star Hotel
James’s double role is revealed
7.00pm Sinkholes: Buried Alive
The underlying forces behind
these natural disasters
8.00 Weather Terror: Eye of the
Storm Documentary
9.00 FILM Fury (15, 2014) An
American tank crew undertakes a
final dangerous mission behind
enemy lines in the last months of
the Second World War. Drama
starring Brad Pitt and Shia LaBeouf
11.40-1.45am FILM Homefront
(15, 2013) Crime thriller starring
Jason Statham
6.00pm FILM The Gentle Sex (U,
1943) Second World War drama
starring Joan Greenwood
7.50 Rome: The Eternal City
8.00 A Family at War Drama set
during the Second World War
9.00 The Human Jungle
10.00 FILM When the Bough
Breaks (PG, 1947) Drama starring
Patricia Roc, Rosamund John
and Bill Owen
11.40-1.30am FILM The Culpepper
Cattle Co (18, 1972) Western
starring Gary Grimes
7.00pm Mercy Street As Pinkerton
looks at the Greens more closely,
they join forces to hide a secret
8.00 New Tricks Ricky Hanson
faces trial for trying to murder Jack
9.00 Miss Marple Miss Marple is
presented with a fresh challenge
to her deductive powers while
holidaying at the plush Bertram’s
Hotel in London — a case
involving a cleric whose
disappearance is seemingly linked
to an Irish train robbery
11.00-1.40am Taggart
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm We Have Been Watching
Moments from such shows as
Absolutely Fabulous and Hancock
are appraised by the panel.
8.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet The
men are forced to take radical
action to ensure they do not come
out of the bridge deal penniless
9.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
Barry has a final showdown
with Kadi and Tatiana
10.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet
11.00 Secrets of the Bible
12.00-1.00am Secrets of the Bible
6.30pm FILM Major Dundee (PG,
1965) Western starring Charlton
Heston and Richard Harris
9.00 FILM Under Siege 2: Dark
Territory (18, 1995) A Navy veteran
on board a train battles hijackers
who possess a weapon with the
potential to trigger earthquakes.
Action adventure sequel with
Steven Seagal and Eric Bogosian
11.05-1.10am FILM Flight of Fury
(15, 2007) Action thriller starring
Steven Seagal, Steve Toussaint
and Angus MacInnes
7.00pm Cop Car Workshop
Inspector Dave Corcoran calls on
his friend to turn what looks like a
tug boat into a police vessel
8.00 Motorway Cops Police
officers in Birmingham tackle
crime on motorways
9.00 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You Jeremy Clarkson hosts,
with guests Richard Osman
and Camilla Long
10.00 QI XL
11.00 Live at the Apollo
12.00-12.40am Room 101
6.35pm Secrets of the Shining
Knight Ric Furrer and Jeff Wasson
recreate a medieval suit of armour
7.45 The Black Pharaohs Insight
into the little-known African
kingdom of Kush
8.50 Egypt’s Lost Cities The
potential existence of buildings
beneath the sands of Egypt
10.40 Excalibur: Behind the Movie
The making of John Boorman’s
1981 fantasy drama
11.50-12.55am Secrets of the
Shining Knight
6.00pm Northern Ballet’s
Casanova A performance of
choreographer Kenneth Tindall’s
first full-length ballet
8.00 The Nineties Documentary
exploring the decade’s cultural and
political milestones, beginning
with its television shows, from
South Park to The Sopranos (1/8)
9.00 Music Legends We Lost A
celebration of musicians including
George Michael and Chuck Berry
10.30-12.15am Laurel and Hardy:
Their Lives and Magic
7.00pm America’s Next Top Model
Reality series
8.00 Chicago Fire
Casey and Dawson suspect a
husband of abusing his wife
9.00 Britain’s Most Evil Killers
Tracie Andrews, who stabbed her
fiancé to death in 1996
10.00 Criminal Minds
FBI executive Linda Barnes joins
the team to investigate a
quadruple murder
11.00 Criminal Minds
12.00-1.00am Criminal Minds
W
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm NCIS A Navy Lieutenant
JAG lawyer is found dead
8.00 NCIS Naval crime drama
9.00 American Dad!
9.30 American Dad!
10.00 The Walking Dead
11.00 American Dad!
11.30 American Dad!
12.00-12.30am Family Guy
7.00pm Deadliest Catch
8.00 Tesla’s Death Ray:
A Murder Declassified
9.00 Blowing Up History Scientists
reveal codes that challenge beliefs
about the Taj Mahal
10.00 Secrets of the Underground
11.00 Gold Rush: Parker’s Trail
12.00-1.00am Blowing Up History
7.00pm One Strange Rock
8.00 Templars: The Last Stand
9.00 Head of John the Baptist
10.00 Secret Lives of the Apostles
11.00 The Story of Us with Morgan
Freeman The actor examines
common human experiences (5/6)
12.00-1.00am Deadly Journey of
the Apostles Documentary
6.00pm FILM The Addams Family
(PG, 1991) Black comedy
starring Anjelica Huston
8.00 Friends
9.00 Michael McIntyre:
Hello Wembley!
10.00 FILM Good Luck Chuck (15,
2007) Comedy starring Dane Cook
12.00-12.30am Lip Sync Battle
5.30pm FILM Lemony Snicket’s
A Series of Unfortunate Events
(PG, 2004) Comedy adventure
starring Jim Carrey
7.40 Only Fools and Horses
9.00 FILM Zoolander (12, 2001)
Comedy starring Ben Stiller
10.45 Only Fools and Horses
11.55-12.30am Bridget & Eamon
7.00pm Inside the Ambulance
The paramedics help a man injured
in a bottle attack
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
9.00 Louis Theroux: America’s
Most Dangerous Pets
10.00 999 Rescue Squad
11.00 Inside the Ambulance
12.00-12.40am Gavin & Stacey
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
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SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
6.00pm Cars 3 (U, 2017)
Constantly outraced by a fleet of
hi-tech rookies, former champ
Lightning McQueen must find a
new way to win. Animation
featuring the voice of Owen Wilson
8.00 Spider-Man: Homecoming
(12, 2017) Teenager Peter Parker,
aka Spider-Man, must protect New
York City from a menacing new
villain, the Vulture. Superhero
adventure starring Tom Holland
10.20-12.10am Unforgettable (15,
2017) Thriller with Rosario Dawson
6.30pm AI: Artificial Intelligence
(12, 2001) Sci-fi drama starring
Haley Joel Osment
9.00 Close Encounters of the
Third Kind: Collector’s Edition (PG,
1977) A man’s obsession with UFOs
is led to where aliens are about to
make contact. Steven Spielberg’s
sci-fi drama starring Richard
Dreyfuss and Teri Garr
11.20-1.40am The Lost World:
Jurassic Park (PG, 1997)
Dinosaur adventure sequel
starring Jeff Goldblum
6.25pm The Secret Life of Pets
(U, 2016) Animated adventure
featuring the voice of Louis CK
8.00 The Simpsons Movie
(PG, 2007) Springfield faces
destruction after pollution caused
by Homer provokes the wrath of
the US government. Animation
with the voice of Dan Castellaneta
9.35 Meet the Robinsons (U, 2007)
Animated adventure featuring
the voice of Angela Bassett
11.15-12.55am Rock Dog (PG, 2016)
Animated adventure
7.00pm Pirates of the Caribbean:
The Curse of the Black Pearl (12,
2003) A rogue captain and a
blacksmith set sail to rescue a
governor’s daughter from feared
supernatural pirates.
Swashbuckling fantasy adventure
starring Johnny Depp
9.30-12.15am Pirates of the
Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (12,
2006) Swashbuckling adventure
sequel starring Johnny Depp,
Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley,
Jack Davenport and Bill Nighy
4.15pm The Bible (U, 1966)
Epic re-telling of the Book of
Genesis starring Richard Harris
7.15 Star Trek: The Motion Picture
(PG, 1979) Admiral Kirk and the
crew of the starship Enterprise
confront a massive and destructive
unknown force heading for Earth.
Sci-fi adventure with William
Shatner and Leonard Nimoy
9.30-12.55am The Godfather: Part
II (18, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola’s
gangster drama sequel starring
Al Pacino and Robert De Niro
Larry Grayson: Shut That Door!
explores the life and career of
the game show host (ITV3, 9pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 31
1G R
Easter Sunday
Sports guide
Live Football
Sky Main Event, 12.30pm
Radio 1
The big Premier League
match today could have real
significance in the battle for a
top four place as Chelsea and
Tottenham Hotspur meet at
Stamford Bridge (kick-off
4pm). Spurs are five points
ahead of their London rivals
and have coped well in Harry
Kane’s absence, with Son
Heung-min, pictured, in fine
form. Before that, Arsenal take
on Stoke City at the Emirates
(kick-off 1.30pm). JC
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.00am Alice Levine 10.00
Jordan North 1.00pm Matt
Edmondson 4.00 Cel Spellman
and Katie Thistleton 6.00
Radio 1’s Most Played 7.00
Daniel P Carter 10.00 Phil
Taggart 1.00am Monki 3.00
Sigala 4.00 Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
Sky Sports Main Event
Sky Sports Action
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
SKY 407 VIRGIN 517
6.00am-7.30 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The third day
9.00 LIVE Test Cricket:
South Africa v Australia
12.30pm LIVE Nissan Super
Sunday: Arsenal v Stoke City
3.30 LIVE Nissan Super
Sunday: Chelsea v
Tottenham Hotspur
6.00 LIVE ATP Masters
Tennis: The Miami Open
8.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf:
The Houston Open
11.00-6.00am LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fourth day
12.30pm-3.30 LIVE European
Rugby Champions Cup:
Clermont Auvergne v
Racing 92 (Kick-off 1.00)
Sky Sports Premier
League
SKY 402 VIRGIN 512
12.30pm LIVE Nissan Super
Sunday: Arsenal v Stoke City
(Kick-off 1.30)
3.30-7.00 LIVE Nissan Super
Sunday: Chelsea v
Tottenham Hotspur
Sky Sports Football
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
Noon-2.45pm LIVE SPFL:
Dundee v Hearts
(Kick-off 12.30)
3.10-5.15 LIVE La Liga
Football: Leganes v Valencia
(Kick-off 3.15)
5.25-7.30 LIVE La Liga
Football: Eibar v Real
Sociedad (Kick-off 5.30)
7.40-9.45 LIVE La Liga
Football: Atlético Madrid v
Deportivo La Coruna
Sky Sports Cricket
SKY 404 VIRGIN 514
Radio guide
Sky Sports Arena
SKY 408 VIRGIN 518
1.25pm-3.20 LIVE Super
Rugby: Lions v Crusaders
(Kick-off 1.30)
6.00-8.00 LIVE ATP Masters
Tennis: The Miami Open
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
8.00am-10.00 LIVE Hyundai
A-League: Newcastle Jets v
Melbourne City
12.30pm LIVE Bundesliga 2:
Arminia Bielefeld v Holstein
Kiel (Kick-off 12.30)
2.30-4.30 LIVE Bundesliga:
Werder Bremen v Eintracht
Frankfurt (Kick-off 2.30)
5.00-7.00 LIVE Bundesliga:
FSV Mainz 05 v Borussia
Moenchengladbach
(Kick-off 5.00)
7.45-10.00 LIVE Ligue 1: Lyon
v Toulouse (Kick-off 8.00)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
7.30am-10.30 LIVE AFL:
Sydney Swans v Port
Adelaide Power
(Bounce-up 7.40)
3.00pm-5.45 LIVE European
Rugby Champions Cup:
Leinster v Saracens
(Kick-off 3.30)
8.00-11.00 LIVE NBA: San
Antonio Spurs v Houston
Rockets (Tip-off 8.30)
BT Sport 3
6.00am-7.30 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The third day
8.55-4.30pm LIVE Test
Cricket: South Africa v
Australia The third day
11.00-6.00am LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fourth day
2.00pm LIVE Ligue 1:
Guingamp v Bordeaux
(Kick-off 2.00)
4.00-6.00 LIVE Ligue 1:
Nantes v St Etienne
(Kick-off 4.00)
Sky Sports Golf
Eurosport 1
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
7.00pm LIVE PGA Tour Golf:
The Houston Open
11.00-2.00am LIVE LPGA
Tour Golf: The ANA
Inspiration
9.15am-4.15pm LIVE Cycling:
Tour of Flanders The staging
of the Spring Classic race
4.30-7.30 LIVE Curling
World Championships
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
5.00am Huey on Sunday 6.00
Good Morning Sunday 9.00
Steve Wright 11.00 Michael Ball
1.00pm Jonathan Ross 3.00
Johnnie Walker 5.00 Paul
O’Grady 7.00 Superstar Story
9.00 Clare Teal 11.00 Moira
Stuart 12.00 Sounds of the 60s
(r) 2.00am Radio 2 Playlists
Today’s picks
An Enemy of the People
Radio 4, 3pm
Bookclub: Sarah Perry
Radio 4, 4.02pm
Apparently when Ibsen finished
this play in 1882 he wrote that
he was “still a bit uncertain how
far I should call the thing
comedy or a straight drama”.
Listen to this first instalment
and you may feel able to help
old Henrik out. This is not, to
say the least, laugh-out-loud
funny. It’s about a doctor who discovers that the spa waters
of his town are poisoned. The doctor (played by Alfred Molina,
pictured, an actor who’s reliably excellent in everything he
does, from Prick up Your Ears to An Education) thinks he’ll be
celebrated for this discovery by the locals and he ends up —
here comes the best gag — being ostracised by them. So not
laugh out loud funny but good and, as always with Ibsen, the
realism is so striking. It feels particularly potent given the
medium: BBC radio drama is rarely a naturalistic genre.
Catherine Nixey
Both fans and critics of
Sarah Perry’s Essex Serpent
would agree that it has
the whiff of a 19th-century
novel. Whether you consider
that good or bad will depend
on your enthusiasm for long
(and longueurs) in books.
Here, the extremely likeable
Perry discusses the novel with
James Naughtie and a group
of readers and explains that
she was raised on 19thcentury fiction and took from
it a sense that novels could be
not just entertaining but have
“a kind of ethical purpose”.
Which is interesting, albeit as
fashionable as a bustle. CN
10.00 The Archers (r)
11.15 The Reunion New series
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
12.04 Just a Minute (r)
12.30 The Food Programme
1.00 The World This Weekend
1.30 Humiliation
2.00 Gardeners’ Question
Time Horticulture advice (r)
2.45 The Listening Project (r)
3.00 Drama: An Enemy of the
People. See Choice (1/2)
4.00 News Headlines
4.02 Bookclub. See Choice
4.30 In Love with Mud:
A Poetic Exploration of Mud
5.00 The Green Book (r)
5.40 Profile (r)
5.54 Shipping
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.15 Pick of the Week
7.00 The Archers Jill struggles
to accept the truth
7.15 In and Out of the Kitchen
A fugitive prowls the area (r)
7.45 Life at Absolute Zero
8.00 Feedback (r)
8.30 Last Word (r)
9.00 Money Box (r)
9.26 Radio 4 Appeal (r)
9.30 Analysis (9/9) (r)
10.00 The Westminster Hour
10.30-5.20 (LW) Live Test
Match Special: New Zealand v
England Day four
11.00 Radiolab (r)
12.00 News Headlines
12.15am Thinking Allowed (r)
12.45 Bells on Sunday (r)
12.48 Shipping
1.00 As BBC World Service
5.20 Shipping
9.30 Heart and Soul 10.00
News 10.06 Outlook 10.30
The Compass 11.00 News
11.06 Newsroom 11.30 Boston
Calling 12.00 News 12.06pm
BBC World Hacks 12.30
Science in Action 1.00
Newshour 2.00 News 2.06
The Documentary 3.00 News
3.06 Arts Hour 4.00 News
4.06 Sportsworld 5.00 News
5.06 Sportsworld 6.00 News
6.06 Sportsworld 7.00
Newsroom 7.30 Living with
the Gods 7.50 More or Less
8.00 News 8.06 Music Extra
9.00 Newshour 10.06
History Hour 11.00 News
11.06 Newsroom 11.20 Sports
News 11.30 Heart and Soul
12.00 News 12.06am Cultural
Frontline 12.30 Click 1.00
News 1.06 Business 1.30
Science in Action 2.00 News
2.06 Newsroom 2.30
Healthcheck 3.00 News 3.06
HARDtalk 3.30 Conversation
4.00 News 4.06 Trending
4.30 Cultural Frontline
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
7.00am Breakfast
9.00 News
9.03 Sunday Morning
12.00 Private Passions
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert Messiaen (Prelude
No 5 — Les sons impalpables
du reve); Kaija Saaraiaho
(Ballade); Ligeti (Etude No 6
— Automne à Varsovie); and
Schumann (Kreisleriana) (r)
2.00 The Early Music Show
4.00 Choir and Organ
5.00 The Listening Service
5.30 Words and Music
6.45 Sunday Feature
The enduring influence
of the Psalms on musicians
and composers
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
A performance of Bruckner’s
3rd Mass recorded at
Basel Cathedral
9.00 Drama on 3: Is Your Love
Better Than Life? Frances
Byrnes’ drama set in a
futuristic Britain (r)
10.30 Early Music Late
11.50 Slow Radio: A Japanese
Journey
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am-7.00 (LW)
Live Test Match Special: New
Zealand v England Day three
5.30 News Headlines
5.43 Bells on Sunday
5.45 Profile (r)
6.00 News Headlines
6.05 Something Understood
6.35 Sunrise Service
6.57 Weather
7.00 News Headlines
7.00 Sunday Papers
7.10 Sunday
7.55 Radio 4 Appeal
8.00 News Headlines
8.00 Sunday Papers
8.10 Easter Sunday Worship
8.48 A Point of View (r)
8.58 Tweet of the Day
9.00 Broadcasting House
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am 5 Live Science 6.00
Breakfast 9.00 SportsWeek
10.00 Brexitcast 11.00 Flintoff,
Savage and the Ping Pong Guy
12.00 5 Live Sport 12.15pm
Live MOTD2 Extra 1.00 5 Live
Sport 1.30 Live Premier League
Football 3.30 5 Live Sport
4.00 Live Premier League
Football 6.00 Live 6-0-6
7.30 Peter Allen and Lucy
Grey 10.00 Stephen Nolan
1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am Fisherman’s Blues
7.00 Georgie Bingham and
Tony Cascarino 11.00 Warm
Up 1.00pm Live Sunday
Exclusive 5.00 The Final Word
8.00 Trans Europe Express
10.00 The Two Mikes 1.00am
Extra Time with Will Gavin
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Ray’s a Laugh 8.30
Harry Worth in Things Could
Be Worse 9.00 Deep South:
Four Seasons on Back Roads
Omnibus 10.10 The Listening
Project 10.15 Desert Island
Discs Revisited 11.00 Radiolab
12.00 Ray’s a Laugh 12.30pm
Harry Worth in Things Could
Be Worse 1.00 The Old
Curiosity Shop Omnibus 2.15
Winston Graham Short
Stories 2.30 Reservoir 13
Omnibus 3.45 Ian Fleming’s
Thrilling Cities 4.00 Oliver
Park: The Easter Riots 5.00
Poetry Extra: The Bards of
Whitelock’s Bar 5.30 John
Finnemore’s Souvenir
Programme 6.00 The World
of Daphne Du Maurier 6.30
Weird Tales 7.00 Radiolab (r)
8.00 Deep South: Four
Seasons on Back Roads
Omnibus 9.10 The Listening
Project 9.15 Desert Island
Discs Revisited 10.00
Comedy Club: John
Finnemore’s Souvenir
Programme 10.30 Brian
Gulliver’s Travels 10.55 The
Comedy Club Interview 11.00
John Shuttleworth’s Lounge
Music 11.30 2000 Years of
Radio 11.45 Quando, Quando,
Quando 12.00 The World of
Daphne Du Maurier
12.30am Weird Tales
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am News 9.06 From Our
Own Correspondent
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Mary Anne Hobbs
10.00 Cerys Matthews
1.00pm Paperback Writers
2.00 Guy Garvey 4.00 Amy
Lamé 6.00 Now Playing
@6Music 8.00 Stuart
Maconie 10.00 Don Letts
12.00 Guy Garvey 2.00am
The BBC Introducing Mixtape
3.00 6 Music Live Hour 4.00
The Beach Boys Story
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
7.00am Aled Jones 9.00 The
Classic FM Hall of Fame with
Bill Turnbull 12.00 The
Classic FM Hall of Fame with
Anne-Marie Minhall 3.00pm
The Classic FM Hall of Fame
with John Brunning 6.00 The
Classic FM Hall of Fame with
Rob Cowan 9.00 Blowers
Around Britain 10.00 Smooth
Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
32 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Easter Monday | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
Dave Allen at Peace
BBC Two, 9pm
In the Seventies and Eighties
the Irish comedian Dave Allen
won over TV audiences with
shows full of garrulous wit.
They were not so much
stand-up as “sit-down
comedy”, given his habit of
perching atop a stool, fag and
glass of whiskey in hand,
regaling the viewer with
anecdotes that made them
feel as though they were
cosied up in the corner of a
boozer with the pub’s most
entertaining talker. For this
one-off drama about Allen’s
life Aidan Gillen (Game of
Thrones, The Wire) plays the
comic, bringing an impressive
range to the portrayal. He’s all
arched eyebrows as he hams
it up for recreated sketches,
such as the pope doing a
striptease. Later, however, the
comic becomes a subdued,
almost melancholic presence.
As we skip between youthful
scenes in which his father
gives him advice about
how to spin a yarn and skits
where he tells tall tales
on stage, we see the
blossoming fruits of a
youthful idolisation of his
father. Gillen is inspired
casting. There’s one big
omission here, though: the
years of Allen’s success.
Scenes focus far more on a
grey, rain-strafed childhood in
1941 Ireland (replete with a
school full of mean, canehappy nuns), his early forays
into performance and the
later years of his life. He
struggles with a mid-career
break, caring for his ailing
brother and slips into a quiet
retirement. His years in the
limelight are skipped over
abruptly, making this less of a
comprehensive biopic than a
homage that deepens existing
fans’ understanding of the
man’s personal life.
Alexi Duggins
Further recommendations
Following straight on (at 10pm) is the 2013 documentary Dave
Allen: God’s Own Comedian, featuring much archive footage
Travel Man:
48 Hours in. . .
Lenny Henry: The The Island with
Commonwealth Kid Bear Grylls
Kiss Me First
Channel 4, 8.30pm
BBC One, 9pm
Channel 4, 9pm
Series six of Richard Ayoade’s
reliably fun travelogue kicks off
with a jaunt around Brussels
accompanied by Lee Mack.
The quirky highlights include
a puppet show, a tour of
urinating statues and a model
village of EU landmarks,
including a mini Houses of
Parliament, where tiny figures
stage a Brexit protest. It’s easygoing, light fun with Mack
playing the goof to Ayoade’s
ultra-dry straight man. Pity the
baffled hotel receptionist who
is confronted with: “I was just
wondering what you call
Brussels sprouts?” AD
With Lenny Henry’s parents
living in Jamaica before they
moved to the West Midlands in
1957, the comedian says
he has always felt like a child
of the Commonwealth. Hence
this documentary in which
he heads for Jamaica to
watch reggae bands, meet
politicians by the seaside,
wander through Kingston
street markets and seek out
people’s views on the
Commonwealth. By the end
it’s clear that few Jamaicans
either understand the point of
the institution or care whether
it has a future. AD
Bear Grylls’s survival-based
reality TV show returns with
the two groups divided along
wealth lines: one has people
who earn £100,000 a year,
while the others earn below
the national average. It’s meant
to be an interesting social
experiment, given the growing
division between haves and
have-nots in Britain, but
someone should have told the
wealthier group. They simply
play the pantomime villains,
grumbling that the arrival of
the other group in their camp
was “like the northern dole bus
had broken down”. AD
Online gaming is the focus
of this youth-centric six-part
drama from Bryan Elsley,
a co-creator of Skins, with
footage flitting between
live action and computergenerated segments depicting
the inside of a game. We follow
Leila, a teenager coming to
terms with her mother’s death
by spending hours in front of a
virtual-reality gaming PC so
powerful that it makes noises
like a dubstep track when
switched on. It’s an interesting,
well-performed opening, with a
twist when Leila stumbles on a
hidden, shadowy world within
the game, with its participants
turning up at her house. AD
Catch
up
Martin Luther King
by Trevor McDonald
ITV Hub, to April 22
Trevor McDonald has
covered many stories in
his five-decade career as a
broadcaster and journalist,
but there is one that he
has always wanted to
explore — the life of Dr Martin
Luther King Jr,
pictured. In
this powerful
documentary,
made to mark
the 50th anniversary
of the death of the civil
rights leader in April 1968,
McDonald travels to several
of the key locations in the King
story: the cities of Montgomery,
Birmingham and Selma; to
King’s first marital home; and
to the Lorraine Motel in
Memphis where he
was assassinated.
McDonald starts
with the
monumental
“I have a dream”
speech (which
McDonald
included as
one of his
choices for Desert
Island Discs), the
key sentiments of
which, he discovers,
were off-the-cuff.
Joe Clay
Channel 4, 10pm
Variations
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC One except:
10.30pm Keepin ’er Country. Singletons
attend a festival dedicated to country
music and romance 11.00 The Arts Show.
Culture and art in Northern Ireland
11.30 Michael McIntyre: Happy & Glorious
(r) 12.30am Live at the Apollo (r)
1.15-6.00 BBC News
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC One except:
9.00pm-10.00 Long Night at Blackstone
10.30 Lenny Henry: The Commonwealth
Kid 11.30 Michael McIntyre: Happy &
Glorious. A performance from the
comedian’s 2015 tour of the UK and
Ireland (r) 12.30am Live at the Apollo (r)
1.15 Weather for the Week Ahead
1.20-6.00 BBC News
● Channel As ITV except:
1.05am-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
● STV As ITV except: 11.50pm You’ve
Been Framed! (r) 12.15am Teleshopping
1.15 After Midnight 2.45 ITV Nightscreen
4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except: 1.05am
Teleshopping 2.35-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r) 6.15
Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 6.25 Guto
Gwningen (r) 6.40 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r)
6.50 Ty Mel (r) 7.00 Meic y Marchog (r)
7.15 Jen a Jim Pob Dim (r) 7.30 Nico Nôg
(r) 7.40 Sam Tân (r) 7.50 Sblij a Sbloj (r)
8.00 Cymylaubychain (r) 8.15 Sali Mali (r)
8.20 Cwpwrdd Cadi (r) 8.30 Cled (r) 8.45
Marcaroni (r) 9.00 Dwylo’r Enfys (r) 9.15
Stiw (r) 9.25 Oli Dan y Don (r) 9.35 Nodi (r)
9.45 Llan-ar-goll-en (r) 10.00 Hafod Haul
(r) 10.15 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 10.25 Guto
Gwningen (r) 10.40 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r)
10.50 Ty Mel (r) 11.00 Meic y Marchog (r)
11.15 Jen a Jim Pob Dim (r) 11.30 Nico Nôg
(r) 11.40 Sam Tân (r) 11.50 Sblij a Sbloj (r)
12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm
Teithiau Tramor Iolo (r) 12.30 Ar Werth (r)
1.00 Celwydd Noeth (r) 1.30 Codi Hwyl (r)
2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30 Dros Gymru (r) 3.45
Live Rygbi: Cardiff RFC v Rygbi Gogledd
Cymru 1404 (Kick-off 4.00) 6.00 News
6.05 Gwaith/Cartref (r) 7.00 Heno 8.00
Pobol y Cwm. DJ worries about Sioned
when he sees an article in the newspaper
8.25 Yr Anialwch (r) 9.30 Ffermio 10.00
Bugeiliaid Olaf Ewrop (r) 11.00-11.35 Mike
Phillips a’r Senghenydd Sirens (r)
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Films of the day
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (U, 1954)
Channel 5, 1.10pm
The dubious sexual politics notwithstanding, this exuberant MGM
musical remains a toe-tapping, foot-stomping, barn-raising delight.
Howard Keel stars as Adam Pontabee, the eldest of seven
red-headed brothers who live in a down-at-heel farmstead in
Oregon. When Adam brings his new bride back to the ranch, she is
appalled at the uncouth, uncivilised and generally unwashed lives
that the men lead and sets about cleaning them up. Unfortunately,
the brothers take advice from Adam rather than his bride on
matters of the heart, which means that they abduct six local girls
and hold them hostage over winter. (102min) Wendy Ide
Free Fire (15, 2016)
Film4, 9pm
Free Fire is all about bullets and
quips. Neither hit their targets
100 per cent of the time, but enough
do to make this one of the more
diverting shoot-’em-ups. It’s directed
by Ben Wheatley, who has built a
reputation for visual flair and a
certain stylised nastiness, both of
which are on display in this feisty
$10 million effort, nominally set in 1970s Boston, where a group of
Irish nutjobs have arranged a rendezvous at a warehouse with
some local hoodlums to buy a consignment of guns. What could
possibly go wrong? Everything, basically. The sparky international
cast includes Cillian Murphy, Babou Ceesay and Brie Larson,
pictured. (86min) Ed Potton
Z for Zachariah (12, 2015)
BBC Two, 11pm
At a certain stage in a sex-symbol actress’s career she will go
frumpy in pursuit of serious acclaim (think Charlize Theron in
Monster) and here it’s Margot Robbie’s turn, playing the distinctly
unglamorous survivor of a nuclear holocaust. The only problem
is that hardly anyone saw it on its cinema release (total gross
about £100,000). How infuriating to go full dowdy and for
nobody to see it. She believes herself to be the last survivor
of the human race, but then her simple life is disrupted by
the appearance of two further survivors. Chiwetel Ejiofor and
Chris Pine also star in a solid sci-fi drama based on Robert C
O’Brien’s 1975 novel. (98min) EP
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 33
1G R
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BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Oxford Street
Revealed (r) 10.00 Homes Under the
Hammer (r) 11.00 The Sheriffs Are
Coming (r) 11.45 Claimed and Shamed
12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News
at One; Weather 1.15 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.25 Father Brown (r)
2.10 Garden Rescue. Designs for a
garden in Hemel Hempstead (r) 2.55
Escape to the Country. New series. A
couple look for a home in Derbyshire
3.40 Money for Nothing. Salvaging
items from a recycling centre in
Walsall 4.25 Flog It! From the Oxford
Union (r) 5.15 Pointless. New series.
Quiz show hosted by Alexander
Armstrong 6.00 BBC News at Six;
Weather 6.20 BBC Regional News;
Weather 6.30 Celebrity Mastermind.
With Shappi Khorsandi, Chris Stark,
Piers Taylor and Lee Pearson (r)
6.15am The Repair Shop (r) 6.45
Money for Nothing (r) 7.30 Nature’s
Weirdest Events (r) 8.30 FILM
Gnomeo & Juliet (U, 2011) Animated
comedy with the voices of James
McAvoy and Emily Blunt 9.45 FILM
Rise of the Guardians (PG, 2012)
Animated adventure with the voice
of Chris Pine 11.15 The Super League
Show 12.00 FILM Funny Lady
(PG, 1975) Musical comedy sequel
starring Barbra Streisand 2.15pm
Trust Me, I’m a Vet (r) 3.15 Indian
Ocean with Simon Reeve (r) 4.15
Patagonia: Earth’s Secret Paradise (r)
5.15 Put Your Money Where Your
Mouth Is. From Newark Antiques Fair
(r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted
by Jeremy Vine 6.30 The Repair Shop.
Restoring a clock, a carving of
a flying fish and an accordion (r)
6.00am CITV 9.25 FILM Dragonheart
(PG, 1996) Fantasy adventure starring
Dennis Quaid and David Thewlis 11.25
FILM Free Willy (PG, 1993) A boy
befriends a captive killer whale, but
when he learns the animal is to be
killed, he makes plans to release it
into the ocean. Drama starring Jason
James Richter and Lori Petty 1.40pm
ITV News; Weather 1.50 Regional
News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal. The team
values antiques in Leominster,
Herefordshire (r) 4.00 Tipping Point.
Quiz hosted by Ben Shephard 5.00
The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh 6.00 Paul O’Grady: For
the Love of Dogs. Paul tries to cheer
up the home’s longest-serving
resident (r) 6.30 Regional News;
Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.10 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.35 The Big Bang Theory
(r) 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) 8.30
The Big Bang Theory (r) 8.55 FILM
The House of Magic (U, 2013)
Animated adventure with the voice
of Murray Blue 10.35 The Simpsons (r)
11.05 The Simpsons (r) 11.35 The
Simpsons (r) 12.00 FILM The Jewel
of the Nile (PG, 1985) Comedy
adventure sequel starring Michael
Douglas and Kathleen Turner 2.10pm
Countdown 3.00 A Place in the Sun:
Winter Sun (r) 4.00 A New Life in the
Sun (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed (r) 5.30 Star
Boot Sale. Richard Arnold tries to
raise money for charity 6.00 The
Simpsons. Homer signs up for a wifeswapping show (r) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Sienna surprises Joel with a gift (r)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Stuff. Debate on issues of the day
11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (r)
12.05pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.10
Home and Away 12.40 Neighbours
1.10 FILM Seven Brides for Seven
Brothers (U, 1954) A cowboy decides
to get married, prompting his six
hellraising brothers to kidnap brides
for themselves. Musical Western
with Howard Keel. See Film Choice
3.10 FILM Oliver! (U, 1968) Musical
version of the Dickens tale about an
orphan who falls into the hands of
petty crook Fagin. Starring Ron
Moody and Mark Lester 6.00
Neighbours. Aaron hands in the proof
that Paul was not responsible for the
fire (r) 6.30 Home and Away. Ash and
the River Boys pursue Robbo to the
headland (r) 6.55 5 News Tonight
Classic Mary Berry (8.30pm)
A puma in Patagonia (4.15pm)
Anna Friel is Marcella (9pm)
Part-CGI thriller Kiss Me First (10pm)
Classic musical western (1.10pm)
7.00 The One Show Presented by
Matt Baker and Alex Jones
7.00 Emmerdale Brenda struggles
to contain her emotions, and
Joe’s plan comes together
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
7.30 MasterChef The semi-finals
continue as the remaining six
contenders have to cook dishes
inspired by Italian cuisine
7.00 Top Gear Matt LeBlanc, Chris
Harris and Rory Reid test drive
the latest SUVs through the
medium of horse trialling, and
are joined in the studio by
Jason Manford. Plus, Chris
takes an explosive drive in the
new Alpine A110 (6/6) (r)
7.30 Coronation Street Sophie
applies for a new job, while
Bethany is shattered by
Craig’s announcement
8.00 EastEnders Bernadette checks
on Ted and offers to help
him organise the funeral
8.00 Only Connect Round three
losers the Detectives and the
Vikings return for a last chance
8.00 The Kyle Files Jeremy Kyle
investigates the dangers
of the internet (5/6)
7.30 The Million Pound Holiday
Club Rob Beckett, Fred Sirieix,
Kelly Brook and Huey Morgan
are thrown into the world of
luxury reporttage, as they are
assigned to review exclusive
holidays and experiences
7.00 The Yorkshire Vet Casebook
Patients include Dave the baby
emu, Dougie the pugnacious
parrot and Bobby the police
sniffer dog. Plus, highlights of
a hectic lambing season (2/10)
(r); followed by 5 News Update
8.30 Classic Mary Berry Recipes
that have moved in and out
of fashion, including prawn
cocktail, and onion soup (6/6)
8.30 University Challenge The
quarter-final matches conclude.
Hosted by Jeremy Paxman
8.30 Coronation Street Shona has
a word with David about their
poor love life, while Sophie
suffers a disappointing setback
8.30 Travel Man: 48 Hours in
Brussels New series. Richard
Ayoade is joined by Lee Mack.
See Viewing Guide (1/4)
9.00 Lenny Henry: The
Commonwealth Kid Examining
the relationship between the
UK and the Commonwealth,
exploring the role of this
community of nations in the
21st century. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Dave Allen at Peace Fact-based
drama filmed in the style of the
Irish comedian’s BBC television
series, following him from
childhood to becoming a
comedy great. Aidan Gillen
stars, with Ian McElhinney and
Simon Day. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Marcella Having discovered
a vital fact about the killer,
Marcella returns to Nigel
Stafford’s home to uncover
the truth behind his false
allegations about Vince.
But the real story leads to
tragedy for the team (7/8)
9.00 The Island with Bear Grylls
New series. A team of highearning professionals and a
group earning below the UK
national average wage are
marooned at opposite ends
of an uninhabited island.
See Viewing Guide (1/5)
9.00 Paddington Station 24/7 There
is a scare when mysterious
containers are found shortly
after the Salisbury nerve agent
crisis, while the two main
lines between Didcot and
Paddington lose power
as rush hour nears
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 Dave Allen: God’s Own
Comedian A look at the life,
career and legacy of the Irish
comedy writer and performer,
featuring interviews with family
and friends including Steven
Berkoff and Maggie Smith, as
well as rare archive material (r)
10.00 ITV News at Ten; Weather
10.00 Kiss Me First New series.
A woman stumbles across a
secret paradise hidden on the
edges of her favourite game.
Fantasy thriller that blends live
action and CGI starring Tallulah
Haddon and Simona Brown.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00 Police UK: Armed and Deadly
An officer reveals how he
ended up on trial for murder
after a fatal shooting, and a
surveillance operator who
prevented one of the most
audacious robbery plots (3/4)
11.05 Criminals: Caught on Camera
Nick Wallis looks at the use of
CCTV to fight crime (1/5) (r)
12.30am Football on 5: Goal Rush
1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 Inside
Manchester’s Midland Hotel (r) 4.00
The Railways That Built Britain with
Chris Tarrant (r) (SL) 4.45 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Great Artists (r)
(SL) 5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
10.20 BBC Regional News; Weather
10.30 Michael McIntyre: Happy &
Glorious The comedian once
again takes aim at some of the
absurdities of everyday life, in a
stand-u
up performance recorded
at the O2, as part of his 2015
tour of the UK and Ireland (r)
11.30 Live at the Apollo Eddie Izzard
hosts an evening of stand-up at
the Apollo in Hammersmith,
London, treating the audience
to his own brand of stream-o
ofconsciousness humour before
introducing routines by The
Last Leg star Josh Widdicombe
and comic Trevor Noah (1/6) (r)
12.15am Weather for the
Week Ahead 12.20 BBC News
10.20 The Real Full Monty: Live
A special performance from
Sheffield led by Ashley Banjo
and Alexander Armstrong,
alongside a host of other
famous names, to raise
awareness of men’ss cancers.
This time the new cast,
including Jeff Brazier, James
Argent and Tom Parker shed
their clothing to inspire more
men to make vital checks (r)
11.00 FILM Z for Zachariah (12, 2015)
A woman who thinks she is
the sole survivor of a nuclear
apocalypse finds her life
changed by two new arrivals.
Sci-fi drama starring Margot
Robbie, Chiwetel Ejiofor and
Chris Pine. See Film Choice
11.50 The Durrells Larry and Louisa
return to England (3/8) (r)
11.05 Greg Davies: The Back of My
Mum’s Head Stand-up comedy
with the Man Down star, from
the Lowry in Salford. Greg
embarks on a petty quest to
find out whether anyone is
normal, after his mother
remarked that he is not (r)
12.30am Conspiracy Files: Murder in
Washington. The murder of political
campaigner Seth Rich in 2016 (r) 1.30
Sign Zone: David Attenborough’s
Natural Curiosities. Evolution (r) (SL)
2.00-3.30 Imagine: Andrew Lloyd
Webber — Memories (r) (SL)
12.40am The Kyle Files. Jeremy Kyle
investigates the dangers of the
internet (r) 1.05 Jackpot247.
Interactive gaming 3.00 The Jeremy
Kyle Show. Guests air their differences
(r) (SL) 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.05
The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
12.05am Lee and Dean (r) 12.35 How
to Get a Council House (r) 1.30
Britain’s Favourite Food (r) 2.25
Coastal Walks with My Dog (r) 3.20
George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces (r)
4.15 Building the Dream (r) 5.10
Streetmate (r) 5.35 Streetmate (r)
8.00 Police Interceptors Dog
handler Liam and his canine
colleague Louie are part of a
20-strong team raiding two
houses linked to a suspected
drug dealer. Last in the series;
followed by 5 News Update
11.30 Football on 5: The
Championship Colin Murray
introduces highlights
of the latest games
34 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Sin City
Easter Monday | Digital guide
Eva Green and Josh Brolin
star in the comic-book
sequel A Dame to Kill For
Film4, 10.50pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days
7.30 Nature’s Microworlds
Documentary exploring
ecosystems around the
world, beginning with the
Galapagos Islands (1/13) (R)
8.00 Painting the Holy Land
Lachlan Goudie explores the
role of Mary in the Bible, and
why she has become one of
the figures in Christianity
most heavily represented
in art (2/2) (R)
9.00 Battlefield Britain Peter and
Dan Snow re-create the
pivotal moments of the
Battle of Britain, one of the
turning points of the Second
World War (8/8) (R)
10.00 Bomber Boys Actor Ewan
McGregor and his brother
Colin investigate RAF
Bomber Command (R)
11.30-12.30am The Lancaster:
Britain’s Flying Past
Examining the history
of the bomber (3/3) (R)
7.00pm Rising Damp Forever
The crew of the sitcom are
reunited, while director
Joe McGrath and actor
Christopher Strauli discuss
making the movie (2/2) (R)
8.00 Lewis A professor is found
dead on Hallowe’en with a
stake through her heart and
it turns out she was an old
friend of Hobson. Rupert
Graves guest stars (4/4) (R)
10.00 DCI Banks Part one of
tonight’s two-part story.
The detective investigates
the murder of an internet
entrepreneur’s daughter
and quickly identifies
his prime suspect, but
Morton is not so easily
convinced (5/6) (R)
11.00-12.05am DCI Banks
Adamant the collapse of the
trial means nothing, Banks
remains focused on Owen,
while Morton uncovers leads
pointing to Tyler (6/6) (R)
6.55pm The Secret Life of the Zoo
Sumatran tiger Kirana faces
losing her sons, who are
being moved to other
zoos, and dwarf buffalo
Oana gives birth (R)
7.55 Grand Designs A couple
embark on a project to build
an eco-friendly farmhouse
in rural Wales, opting for
hi-tech experimental
building materials (R)
9.00 Car SOS Tim Shaw and Fuzz
Townshend take on a 1934
Singer Le Mans two-seater
sports car owned by
70-year-old farmer John
from Cambridgeshire (R)
10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does
Countdown Sean Lock and
Sara Pascoe take on Jon
Richardson and Josh
Widdicombe (R)
11.00-12.05am 24 Hours in A&E
A 23-year-old builder is
rushed in having fallen from
the roof of a building (R)
6.30pm FILM Back to the Future
Part III (PG, 1990)
Time-travelling teenager
Marty McFly is transported
back to the Wild West to
save his scientist friend from
death. Sci-fi comedy sequel
starring Michael J Fox
8.50 Free Fire Interview Special
Making the crime thriller (R)
9.00 FILM Free Fire (15, 2016)
A meeting between
terrorists, gangsters and
arms dealers becomes a
deadly opportunity to settle
scores. Comedy crime
drama set in the 1970s
starring Cillian Murphy.
See Film Choice
10.50-12.55am FILM Sin City:
A Dame to Kill For (18, 2014)
Compilation of four stories
of crime and betrayal set in
a dangerous city. Crime
thriller sequel based on the
comic-book series with Eva
Green and Mickey Rourke
7.00pm The Simpsons Homer is
filmed fleeing from a wild
bear and becomes a local
laughing stock (R)
7.30 The Simpsons Homer takes
over Krusty’s regular
television slot (R)
8.00 Supergirl Kara teams up
with Saturn Girl, Livewire
and Psi on a crucial mission,
but when Reign strikes not
everyone makes it back
to National City alive
9.00 FILM Star Trek (12, 2009)
The first mission of the
starship Enterprise leads the
crew into a battle with a
vengeful Romulan
commander from the future.
Sci-fi adventure with Chris
Pine, Zachary Quinto, Eric
Bana and Zoe Saldana
11.25-12.25am The Force: North
East A high-speed chase
ends with a sinister
discovery in the fugitive’s
abandoned car (3/10) (R)
7.00pm CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation A man is
caught burying a body
in the Nevada Desert (R)
8.00 Blue Bloods An undercover
officer is killed during
an operation to arrest
a drug dealer (R)
9.00 Westworld: The Story So
Far A chance to catch up
with events from the first
series of the sci-fi drama
10.00 Last Week Tonight with
John Oliver A satirical look
at news and pop culture
10.35 Our Cartoon President
The President tries to
boost public perception
of his questionable net
worth (7/10) (R)
11.10 Crashing Pete attempts to
be supportive when a fellow
comic gets a big break at
The Boston (4/8) (R)
11.45-12.20am Divorce Frances
finds out Robert has a new
woman in his life (5/8) (R)
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
Drama
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
6.20pm FILM The Amazing
Spider-Man 2 (12, 2014) The
superhero battles a foe with
electrical powers. Action adventure
sequel starring Andrew Garfield
9.00 Family Guy
9.30 American Dad! The Smiths
discover a valuable salt deposit
10.00 Action Team Vlad prepares
to activate the Antelope’s Tail (6/6)
10.35 Family Guy
11.05 Family Guy
11.35 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
5.30pm FILM Diamonds Are
Forever (PG, 1971) James Bond
must stop arch-enemy Blofeld. Spy
adventure starring Sean Connery
7.55 Mr Bean
8.25 Mr Bean
9.00 An Audience with Billy
Connolly The comedian descends
on London to entertain his peers
10.05-12.10am FILM First Blood
(15, 1982) A Vietnam veteran is
wrongly arrested and takes on the
law. Action thriller starring
Sylvester Stallone
7.00pm Hollyoaks Joel prepares to
tell Sienna about him and Cleo
7.30 Ice Age: The Great EggScapade Short animated comedy
8.00 The Big Bang Theory
8.30 Young Sheldon
9.00 Made in Chelsea Louise and
Ryan celebrate their anniversary
10.00 Don’t Tell the Bride Ireland
A groom plans a Game of
Thrones-style wedding
11.05 The Big Bang Theory
11.35 The Big Bang Theory
12.00-1.05am First Dates
7.00pm Last Man Standing New
series. US comedy with Tim Allen
7.30 Last Man Standing Mike is
placed in an awkward position
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
9.00 Fights, Camera, Action!
10.00 Bad Teen to Ballroom
Queen The teens learn to tango
11.00-1.15am FILM The Back-up
Plan (12, 2010) A single woman
decides to undergo artificial
insemination, only to meet the
man of her dreams. Romantic
comedy starring Jennifer Lopez
6.35pm FILM Emergency (PG,
1962) Drama with Glyn Houston
7.50 New Towns for Old
8.00 Gideon’s Way Police drama
starring John Gregson
9.00 FILM Hell Drivers (U, 1957)
A tough ex-convict finds work with
an unscrupulous haulage firm, and
before long comes into conflict
with a sadistic rival. Crime drama
starring Stanley Baker
11.10-1.00am FILM The Naked Kiss
(18, 1964) Drama with Constance
Towers and Anthony Eisley
6.00pm Miss Marple A dream
home turns into a nightmare
8.00 Hetty Wainthropp
Investigates Hetty investigates
a spate of arson attacks
9.00 New Tricks UCOS
investigates the death of
a talented cricket prodigy
10.00 New Tricks The team
reinvestigate s the death
of a college professor
11.20 Birds of a Feather Sharon
tries to use Darryl’s vote
12.00-2.10am Silent Witness
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm Who Do You Think You
Are? The food writer Mary Berry
traces her family tree (6/10)
8.00 Forbidden History Talking
about London’s alchemic roots and
meeting a potion-maker (6/6)
9.00 Goodnight Sweetheart Gary
suffers double woman trouble
9.40 Goodnight Sweetheart Gary
discovers a fellow time-traveller
10.20 Goodnight Sweetheart
11.00 One Foot in the Grave
11.40-12.20am One Foot in the
Grave Mrs Warboys’ flat is flooded
7.00pm Police Interceptors Rick
Edwards and Ortis Deley join
officers on the night shift
8.00 Sinkholes: Buried
Underground Examining the
underlying forces behind sinkholes
9.00 Car Crash TV Events caught
by dashboard-mounted cameras
10.00 Spartacus: Gods of the
Arena Batiatus seeks revenge for
his father’s death
11.20-12.15am The X-Files Krycek
offers to help Mulder and Scully
bring down the conspiracy
7.00pm QI XL With Matt Lucas,
Lucy Porter and Ross Noble
8.00 Cop Car Workshop John
Heussi rebuilds the force’s beat car
9.00 Live at the Apollo With
Alistair McGowan, Kevin Bridges
and Reginald D Hunter
10.00 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit
Kevin Bridges and Natasia
Demetriou play video games
11.00 Taskmaster Roisin Conaty
and fellow contestants have
to fill an egg cup with tears
12.00-12.40am QI
6.00pm Jazz Jazz during the
Second World War (8/12)
7.15 Jazz Examining how the
post-war period saw a new
generation of performers (9/12)
8.30 Jazz The creation of a mellow
sound called cool jazz (10/12)
9.50 Jazz A period of transition in
the 1950s as the spotlight fell on
rock ‘n’ roll, with Elvis Presley, Duke
Ellington and Miles Davis (11/12)
11.05-12.20am Jazz A reflection
on the decreasing popularity
of jazz in the 1960s (12/12)
6.15pm Michael Ball: Both Sides
Now A concert by the West End
star at London’s Hammersmith
Apollo, featuring hits from his
recording and stage careers
9.00 André Rieu: Falling in Love:
Live in Maastricht 2016 The Dutch
violinist performs romantic
favourites, such as My Heart
Will Go On and Memory
12.00-1.00am Portrait Artist of the
Year 2018: The Winner’s Story
Following the winner as they paint
a portrait of Kim Cattrall (11/11)
7.00pm Nothing to Declare
7.30 Nothing to Declare
8.00 Elementary Holmes and
Watson are targeted by a gang
9.00 Criminal Minds The agents
try to find whoever is kidnapping
and photographing young women
10.00 Blindspot A prisoner warns
the team of a dangerous plot
11.00 Criminal Minds Rossi
attempts to solve a case he has
been unable to solve for 20 years
12.00-1.00am CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation
W
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm Bull
8.00 Bull
9.00 The Walking Dead A Heaps
prisoner makes a discovery (14/16)
10.00 Talking Dead Discussion
of The Walking Dead (14/16)
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
7.00pm Fast N’ Loud
8.00 Fast N’ Loud
9.00 Fast N’ Loud The Monkeys try
to finish their 1975 Datsun 280Z
10.00 Shifting Gears with Aaron
Kaufman Aaron barely reaches
King of the Hammers in California
11.00 Street Outlaws
12.00-1.00am Fast N’ Loud
6.00pm China’s Megatomb
Revealed Documentary
8.00 Thames Treasure Hunters
9.00 Saxon Gold: Finding the
Hoard Treasure in Staffordshire
10.00 Saxon Gold: New Secrets
Revealed Documentary
11.00-12.00am The Story of Us
with Morgan Freeman (6/6)
6.00pm FILM Spiceworld: The
Movie (PG, 1997) Musical comedy
8.00 FILM Austin Powers:
International Man of Mystery
(15, 1997) Spoof spy adventure
10.00 Russell Howard & Mum
10.30 Impractical Jokers
11.00 Bad Robots
11.30-12.30am 8 Out of 10 Cats
6.45pm Are You Being Served?
7.25 Dad’s Army
8.05 Dad’s Army Captain
Mainwaring’s brother visits
8.55 Dad’s Army Mainwaring’s
men take on a rival platoon
10.10 The Royle Family Special:
The Golden Egg Cup
11.30-12.50am The Royle Family
7.00pm My Dream Home Drew
and Jonathan Scott help couples
renovate ramshackle properties
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
Following the paramedics
9.00 One Born Every Minute
10.00 Babies: Special Delivery
11.00 Gavin & Stacey
11.40-12.20am Gavin & Stacey
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
SKY 301, VIRGIN 431, BT 501
SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
5.30pm Cars 3 (U, 2017) Animated
adventure featuring the voice of
Owen Wilson and Cristela Alonzo
7.30 Hurricane Heist: Special
8.00 Spider-Man: Homecoming
(12, 2017) Teenager Peter Parker
must protect New York City from a
new villain, the Vulture. Superhero
adventure starring Tom Holland
10.20-12.05am 6 Below: Miracle
on the Mountain (12, 2017)
A thrill-seeking snowboarder gets
lost in a winter storm. Adventure
starring Josh Hartnett
7.00pm Spielberg Documentarian
Susan Lacy pulls back the curtain
on the career of one of the
most acclaimed filmmakers in
the world, Steven Spielberg
9.30-12.45am Schindler’s List (15,
1993) During the Second World
War, a German businessman
employs Jews in his factory to save
them from the Holocaust. Steven
Spielberg’s fact-based Oscarwinning drama starring Liam
Neeson, Ben Kingsley, Ralph
Fiennes and Caroline Goodall
6.10pm Hop (U, 2011) Partanimated comedy starring James
Marsden and Kaley Cuoco
8.00 Despicable Me 3 (U, 2017)
Gru sets off to meet his long-lost
twin brother. Animated sequel
with the voice of Steve Carell
9.40 Planes (U, 2013) Animated
adventure with the voices of
Dane Cook and Teri Hatcher
11.25-12.55am The Emperor’s New
Groove (U, 2001) Animated Disney
comedy with the voices of David
Spade and John Goodman
5.45pm Fantastic Beasts and Where
to Find Them (12, 2016) Harry
Potter prequel with Eddie Redmayne
8.00 Fast & Furious 8 (12, 2017)
Dominic Toretto betrays those
closest to him because of a mystery
woman. Action sequel starring
Vin Diesel and Charlize Theron
10.30-12.40am John Wick:
Chapter 2 (15, 2017) When an
Italian crime lord holds him to a
blood oath, hitman John Wick goes
on another murderous rampage.
Action sequel with Keanu Reeves
7.00pm Chariots of Fire (U, 1981)
Drama based on the true story of
British runners Eric Liddell and
Harold Abrahams, going for gold at
the 1924 Olympics in Paris. Starring
Ian Charleson and Ben Cross
9.10 Thunderbolt and Lightfoot
(18, 1974) A bank robber teams up
with a car thief to repeat a robbery
he pulled off years before. Comedy
drama starring Clint Eastwood
11.10-1.05am Psycho (15, 1960)
Hitchcock thriller starring Anthony
Perkins and Janet Leigh
Jeff Bridges and Clint Eastwood
star in Thunderbolt and
Lightfoot (Sky Classics, 9.10pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 35
1G R
Easter Monday
Sports guide
Live Snooker
Eurosport 1, 7.30am
Radio 1
The China Open is the
penultimate ranking event of
the season, held at the Beijing
University Students’
Gymnasium. Mark Selby,
pictured, is the defending
champion, beating Mark
Williams 10–8 in last year’s final,
to win the tournament for the
second time. Thanks to a new
sponsorship deal it is the only
snooker event, other than the
World Championship, to have
a £1 million prize fund. JC
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am Alice Levine
1.00pm Matt Edmondson
4.00 Katie and Cel 7.00 Annie
Mac 9.00 Charlie Sloth
11.00 Huw Stephens 1.00am
René LaVice 3.00 Phil Taggart
4.00 Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
Sky Sports Main Event
Sky Sports Cricket
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
SKY 404 VIRGIN 514
6.00am-7.30 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fourth day
9.00 LIVE Test Cricket South:
Africa v Australia
12.30pm LIVE EFL: Preston
North End v Derby County
3.00 LIVE Betfred Super
League: Widnes Vikings v
St Helens (Kick-off 3.05)
5.00 LIVE Masters: On the
Range The Augusta National
5.30 LIVE EFL: Portsmouth v
Wigan Athletic (Kick-off 5.15)
7.30 LIVE EFL: Sheffield
United v Cardiff City
(Kick-off 7.45)
10.00 Sky Sports News at Ten
10.15 SPFL Round-Up
10.30 Cricket Debate
11.00-6.00am LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fifth day
6.00am-7.30 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fourth day
8.55-4.30pm LIVE Test
Cricket: South Africa v
Australia The fourth day
11.00-6.00am LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fifth day
Sky Sports Premier
League
SKY 402 VIRGIN 512
10.00am PL Daily
11.00 Goals on Sunday
12.30pm PL Highlights
5.00 Soccer AM: Best Bits
5.30 PL 100 Club
6.00 PL Highlights
11.30 Soccer AM: Best Bits
12.00-1.00am PL Best Goals
Sky Sports Football
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
9.00am EFL Goals:
Championship
9.30 EFL Goals: Leagues 1 & 2
10.00 EFL Rivalries: East
Anglian Derby
10.30 EFL Rivalries:
East Midlands Derby
11.00 Football Years
11.30 EFL Goals:
Championship
12.00 EFL Goals: Leagues
1 & 2 Memorable strikes
12.30pm LIVE EFL: Preston
North End v Derby County
3.00 Gillette Soccer Special
5.00 EFL Greatest Games
5.15 LIVE EFL: Portsmouth v
Wigan Athletic (Kick-off 5.15)
7.30 LIVE EFL: Sheffield
United v Cardiff City
10.15 SPFL Round-Up
10.30 MLS Round-Up Show
11.00 Soccer AM: The Best
Bits Highlights
11.30 La Liga Icons
12.00-12.15am SPFL
Radio guide
Sky Sports Golf
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
5.00pm-7.00 LIVE Masters:
On the Range Coverage
from the practice range
Sky Sports Arena
SKY 408 VIRGIN 518
3.00pm LIVE Betfred Super
League: Widnes Vikings v
St Helens (Kick-off 3.05)
5.00-7.15 LIVE Betfred Super
League: Catalan Dragons v
Huddersfield Giants
1.00am-4.15 LIVE WWE Late
Night Raw From the States
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
6.00am-9.00 LIVE AFL:
Geelong Cats v Hawthorn
2.45pm-5.15 LIVE Vanarama
National League: Sutton
United v Bromley
12.00 LIVE MLB: Houston
Astros v Baltimore Orioles
3.00am-6.00 LIVE MLB: Los
Angeles Angels v Cleveland
Indians (Start-time 3.07)
BT Sport 2
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
3.00pm-11.00 LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Volvo Car Open
BT Sport 3
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
7.00pm-1.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Abierto
Monterrey Afirme In Mexico
2.30-4.30 LIVE WTA Tennis:
The Abierto Monterrey
Afirme Action from Mexico
Eurosport 1
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
7.30am-11.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open The first day
12.25pm-4.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open Further coverage
5.00am Nicki Chapman 6.30
Sara Cox 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Martin Roberts 2.00pm Bryan
Adams Prog Rocks. See Choice
4.00 Tony Blackburn 7.00 Paul
Jones 8.00 Andrew Lloyd
Webber: Variations 10.00 The
Raw Pearl Bailey 11.00 Jools
Holland 12.00 Johnnie Walker
2.00am Radio 2’s Jazz Playlist
3.00 Radio 2 Playlists
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schumann (r)
1.00pm News
1.02 Live Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert From Wigmore Hall,
London, the cellist Laura van
der Heijden and the pianist
Petr Limonov perform. Britten
(Cello Sonata in C major, Op.
65); and Shostakovich (Cello
Sonata in D minor, Op. 40)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Mozart (Symphony No 39 in
E flat, K543); and Bruckner
(Symphony No 3 in D minor)
4.30 BBC Young Musician
2018 Penny Gore presents
5.00 In Tune
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert Mozart
(Overture, The Abduction from
the Seraglio); Beethoven
(Piano Concerto No. 1); and
Debussy (Ibéria; and La Mer)
10.00 Music Matters (r)
10.45 The Essay: The Book
That Changed Me
11.00 Jazz Now
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am-7.00 (LW)
Live Test Match Special: New
Zealand v England Day four
of the second Test in the
two-match series
5.30 News Headlines
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
7.00 (LW) Today
9.00 Start the Week
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Factfulness
By Hans Rosling (1/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour At 10.45
the 15 Minute Drama: Claudia
Roden’s A Book of Middle
Eastern Food (1/5)
Today’s picks
The Unbelievable Truth
Radio 4, 6.30pm
Bryan Adams Prog Rocks
Radio 2, 2pm
The programme in which, as
the presenter David Mitchell,
pictured, puts it, the panellists
will attempt to find the “tiny
drop of truth in the suspicious
British cyclist urine sample of
lies”. It’s a sentence that well
conveys not only the
programme’s rules, but also
does a fairly good job of conveying its tone. In other words,
amusing but with an overtone of trying just a bit too hard.
Tonight the panelists are John Finnemore, Graeme Garden,
Henning Wehn and Lou Sanders. Finnemore, surely one of the
most talented comics on the radio, is always excellent and
provides some of the most amusing truths of the programme,
including the facts that you can borrow a horse from the
Metropolitan police and how in 2013 the Maldives police
detained a coconut on suspicion of vote-rigging. The coconut
was later found innocent by a magician. Catherine Nixey
In this programme Bryan
Adams is playing music
from his favourite genres:
16th-century English
polyphony. Only joking. It’s
prog rock. What’s interesting
here is that it turns out that
Adams is actually a very
good radio presenter and
a fine teacher. Calm, softly
spoken and well prepared, he
ushers you, the prog-rock
pupil, into his world with
gentle enthusiasm. Even
if you think you’re not
interested in prog rock,
you may find that you are by
the end of Mr Adams’s first,
very good, lesson. CN
11.00 Hunting the Martians (r)
11.30 Ayres on the Air
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
Forecast
12.04 Home Front
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Voices of the First World
War New series
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: The Hunting of
the Snark Tony Robinson
narrates an adaptation of
Lewis Carroll’s classic poem (r)
3.00 Brain of Britain
3.30 The Food Programme (r)
4.00 Natalie Haynes Stands
Up for the Classics (r)
4.30 Beyond Belief
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Unbelievable Truth.
See Choice
7.00 The Archers
Jim wants answers
7.15 Front Row
7.45 A Book of Middle
Eastern Food (r)
8.00 Davy Crockett and the
Irish Frontiersmen
8.30 Crossing Continents (r)
9.00 The Vet with Two
Brains (r)
9.30 Start the Week (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.30-5.30am (LW)
Live Test Match Special: New
Zealand v England Day five
of the second Test
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
Rabbit Is Rich
By John Updike (1/10)
11.00 Something of the Night
11.30 The Digital Human (r)
12.00 News Headlines
12.30am Book of the Week:
Factfulness (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
5.20 Shipping Forecast
BBC World Service
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Reports 5.15 Wake Up
to Money 6.00 5 Live Breakfast
10.00 The Emma Barnett
Show with Anna Foster
1.00pm Afternoon Edition
2.30 5 Live Sport 5.30 Drive
7.00 The Monday Night Club
9.00 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers
and Vaughan Cricket Show
10.00 Flintoff, Savage and the
Ping Pong Guy 10.30 Phil
Williams 1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
5.00am Early Breakfast with
Will Gavin 6.00 The Alan
Brazil Sports Breakfast 10.00
Jim White, Danny Murphy and
Bob Mills 1.00pm Matchday
Live 5.00 The Full Time
Phone-in 7.00 Live Kick-off
10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am
Extra Time with Will Gavin
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Hancock’s Half Hour
8.30 Flywheel, Shyster and
Flywheel 9.00 We’ve Been
Here Before 9.30 King Street
Junior 10.00 Sons and Lovers
11.00 Man About the House
11.15 Goodnight from Him
12.00 Hancock’s Half Hour
12.30pm Flywheel, Shyster
and Flywheel 1.00 Brother
Cadfael: The Virgin in the Ice
1.30 North and South 2.00
The Essex Serpent 2.15
Disability: A New History 2.30
The Old Curiosity Shop 2.45
On Her Majesty’s Secret
Service 3.00 Sons and Lovers
4.00 We’ve Been Here Before
4.30 King Street Junior 5.00
Millport 5.30 Just a Minute
6.00 Hothouse 6.30 A Good
Read 7.00 Hancock’s Half
Hour 7.30 Flywheel, Shyster
and Flywheel 8.00 Brother
Cadfael: The Virgin in the Ice
8.30 North and South: Across
the Great Divide 9.00 Man
About the House 9.15
Goodnight from Him 10.00
Comedy Club: Just a Minute
10.30 Cowards 10.55 The
Comedy Club Interview 11.00
The Now Show 11.30 The
Problem with Adam Bloom
Digital only
9.00am News 9.06 The Arts
Hour 10.00 World Update
11.00 The Newsroom 11.30
The Conversation 12.00
News 12.06pm Outlook 1.00
The Newsroom 1.30 The Why
Factor 1.50 More or Less
2.00 Newshour 3.00 News
3.06 HARDtalk 3.30 Business
4.00 BBC OS 6.00 News 6.06
Outlook 7.00 The Newsroom
7.30 Sport Today 8.00 News
8.06 HARDtalk 8.30
Discovery 9.00 Newshour
10.00 News 10.06 The Why
Factor 10.30 The
Conversation 11.00 News
11.06 The Newsroom
11.20 Sports News 11.30
Business 12.00 News
12.06am The Arts Hour 1.00
News 1.06 Business Matters
2.00 News 2.06 The
Newsroom 2.30 The Why
Factor 2.50 More or Less
3.00 News 3.06 BBC World
Hacks 3.30 In the Studio 4.00
News 4.06 Outlook
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Mary Anne Hobbs
10.00 Tom Ravenscroft
1.00pm Stuart Maconie 4.00
Huey Morgan 7.00 Marc Riley
9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00
Lauren Laverne 1.00am
The Beach Boys Story
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 The Classic
FM Hall of Fame 2018 with
Tim Lihoreau 12.00 The
Classic FM Hall of Fame 2018
with Anne-Marie Minhall
3.00pm The Classic FM Hall
of Fame 2018 with Catherine
Bott 6.00 The Classic FM Hall
of Fame 2018 with John
Brunning 9.00 Blowers
Around Britain 10.00 Smooth
Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
36 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Tuesday 3 | Viewing guide
STR/AFP/GETTY IMAGES
Critic’s choice Everest: World’s
Greatest Mountain
Channel 5, 9pm
Four of the world’s most
celebrated peaks are explored
in this series about the aweinspiring beauty of mountains
— and the danger they present
to those who slog their way
up their slopes. This week
it’s Everest, which we’re
introduced to by aerial shots
of looming craggy foothills
and glistening, snow-coated
peaks, all soundtracked by the
kind of swelling, bombastic
brass used for a Lord of the
Rings battle scene. The bulk
of the documentary explores
people who battle to reach its
summit. There are profiles of
the Sherpa people who
dedicate their lives to helping
climbers, alongside interviews
with the impressively named
climber who led Ranulph
Fiennes’s expeditions, Kenton
Cool, and others like him. At
times it feels as though the
soundtrack tries too hard to
inject drama (on the footage
of the local airport it sounds
as though tribal drummers
are practising near by), but
there are astonishing images
here. As we’re introduced to
the first British expedition to
Everest’s summit, we see longdistance (and impressively
clear) cine film footage of
them picking their way up the
slopes, tiny dark figures
moving up a stark white
landscape, never to be seen
again. Most staggering are the
bystander videos from the
2015 Nepal earthquake,
showing climbers laughing
gleefully as base camp moves
below their feet, before the
fear sets in and they scream,
taking cover from an
avalanche that left 18 people
dead. It was the deadliest
disaster in Everest’s history.
“A place of great beauty and
of great danger,” says the
voiceover. No kidding.
Alexi Duggins
Further recommendations
Mountains, from the first series of the award-winning Planet
Earth, culminates at the summit of Everest (iPlayer, to April 12)
Great Indian
Railway Journeys
BBC Young
Musician
Come Home
Cunk on Britain
BBC One, 9pm
BBC Two, 10pm
BBC Two, 8pm
BBC Four, 8pm
This week Michael Portillo
takes trains through the south
Indian states of Karnataka and
Tamil Nadu. He’s preoccupied
with the years of British rule,
joining in with street cricket,
heading to the East India
Company’s gentlemen’s club
and tasting Anglo-Indian
culinary creations. There’s also
a peek into Bangalore, the
“Silicon Valley of India”, with
Portillo clearly enjoying
himself. At one point his
reading of his Bradshaw’s guide
is so enthusiastic that his
eyebrows leap up and down as
though yanked by string. AD
This year marks the 40th
anniversary of BBC Young
Musician, the show dedicated
to the best upcoming classical
music talent. To celebrate, this
documentary looks at previous
contestants’ success stories,
focusing on finalists from the
most recent (2016) edition, who
beam as they variously play at
the Proms or clutch charttopping albums. There’s also
lots of archive footage,
including an intensely youthful
Julian Lloyd Webber as a judge
— replete with the excellent
claim that then, “it was like
The X Factor’’. AD
In this drama’s first episode
we saw the affable mechanic
Greg’s take on the breakdown
of his 19-year marriage. This
week, we see things from the
perspective of his estranged
wife, Marie (Paula Malcomson),
as she sits in pubs, swiping
away at a dating app, while
slugging back tequila until the
camera goes slow-mo. It’s an
interesting exercise in
switching sympathies between
characters, which manages to
yet again put off a proper
showdown between Greg
(Christopher Eccleston) and
Marie. That, presumably, is
being saved for an emotional
climax to next week’s finale. AD
Charlie Brooker’s comic
creation Philomena Cunk
(Diane Morgan) returns for
another spoof series, this time
analysing Britishness. The first
episode is a trawl through
history up to the War of the
Roses. It’s full of hilariously
confused exposition
(“Dinosaurs: a race of Godzilla
monsters so scary that human
beings didn’t dare exist until
they’d gone”) and Morgan’s
sublimely po-faced delivery.
Unfortunately, Cunk’s forte —
interviews where she baffles
the subject with her denseness
— does not always work, with
most subjects seemingly aware
of her shtick. AD
Catch
up
Zoë Ball’s Hardest
Road Home
BBC iPlayer, to April 21
Last May Zoë Ball’s partner,
Billy Yates, a 40-year-old
cameraman, committed
suicide after
struggling for years
with depression. In
his memory the
Strictly presenter
and Radio 2 DJ is
taking on a
daunting
challenge
to raise
awareness of
mental health issues as part
of Sport Relief — cycling the
350 miles from her birthplace
of Blackpool to her home town
of Brighton. The cameras
follow novice cyclist Ball,
pictured, on her gruelling
jjourney as she battles fatigue
and the scale of the task
she has undertaken, with
the
t odd surprise cycling
companion offering moral
ssupport and occasional
tumble along the way.
It was worth it — she
has raised more than
£500,000 for the
cause. Joe Clay
Variations
● BBC One Wales As BBC One except:
11.45am Bargain Hunt 12.30pm-1.00
A Week to Sell Your House 10.40 Hayley
11.10 This Country 11.40-12.35am R Kelly:
Sex, Girls & Videotapes
● BBC Two Wales As BBC Two except:
1.45-2.15pm Weatherman Walking:
Dylan’s Walks: New Quay and Laugharne.
Two towns important to Dylan Thomas (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC Two except:
10.00pm-10.30 Keepin ’er Country (r)
11.15 Cunk on Britain 11.45-12.15am
Mock the Week (r)
● BBC1 Scotland As BBC One except:
8.00pm-9.00 River City 10.45 Holby City
11.45 This Country 12.15am R Kelly: Sex,
Girls & Videotapes 1.15-6.00 BBC News
● Channel As ITV except: 12.55-3.00am
ITV Nightscreen
● STV As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland
Tonight 11.05 The Real Full Monty:
Ladies’ Night (r) 12.25am Teleshopping
1.25 After Midnight 2.55 ITV Nightscreen
4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except: 12.55am
Teleshopping 2.25-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Dona Direidi (r) 6.15
Tili a’i Ffrindiau (r) 6.25 Halibalw
6.35 Igam Ogam (r) 6.45 Y Brodyr Coala
(r) 7.00 Meic y Marchog (r) 7.15 Sbarc (r)
7.30 Mwnci’n Dweud Mwnci’n Gwneud (r)
7.35 Ahoi 7.55 Peppa (r) 8.00 Holi Hana (r)
8.10 Amser Stori 8.15 Boj (r) 8.30 Abadas
(r) 8.40 Bla Bla Blewog (r) 8.55 Ben a Mali
a’u Byd Bach O Hud (r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r)
9.25 Meripwsan (r) 9.30 Straeon Ty Pen
(r) 9.45 Pentre Bach (r) 10.00 Dona Direidi
(r) 10.15 Tili a’i Ffrindiau (r) 10.25 Halibalw
(r) 10.35 Igam Ogam (r) 10.45 Y Brodyr
Coala (r) 11.00 Meic y Marchog (r) 11.15
Sbarc (r) 11.30 Mwnci’n Dweud Mwnci’n
Gwneud (r) 11.35 Ahoi (r) 11.55 Peppa (r)
12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm
Dudley ar Daith (r) 12.30 Rhodri Morgan:
Ysbiwr yn y Teulu (r) 1.30 Only Men Aloud
(r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
3.05 John ac Alun (r) 3.30 Popeth ar Ffilm
(r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Larfa (r)
5.05 Pigo Dy Drwyn (r) 5.35 Sgorio 6.00
News 6.05 04 Wal (r) 6.30 Rownd a
Rownd 7.00 Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm 8.00
Cefn Gwlad 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30
Y Byd ar Bedwar 10.00 Band Cymru 2018
(r) 11.00-11.35 Pobol y Rhondda (r)
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Films of the day
The Last Witch Hunter (15, 2015)
Film4, 9pm
Finding out that Vin Diesel is a fan of the fantasy role-playing game
Dungeons & Dragons is like learning that Tim Berners-Lee can’t get
enough of gangsta rap. Yet apparently it’s true: the monotonal star
of such testosterone-fests as The Fast and the Furious is a dab
hand with hit points and 20-sided dice. This convinced him that
it was OK to produce this action horror — a shameless mash-up
of Highlander and Harry Potter — and cast himself in the title
role. One reason to watch is the presence of Michael Caine as
a priestly mentor, who cuts and pastes his performance as
Alfred the butler in the Batman films. (106min) Ed Potton
Sabotage (15, 2014)
Channel 5, 10pm
In the right movie Arnold
Schwarzenegger, pictured, is an
enjoyably over-the-top presence,
but putting him in a film — any film
— is like tipping the audience a big
wink. Casting him as the corrupt
head of an elite undercover DEA
squad is basically telling us not to
take anything too seriously, which is disastrous in a film that relies
on convincing us of its legitimacy. However, the supporting cast is
strong. The always excellent Olivia Williams is particularly good as
Caroline, the crisp, businesslike FBI agent called in to investigate
the messy deaths that pick off the members of Arnie’s DEA team.
The plot was loosesly (very loosely) based on Agatha Christie’s
classic novel And Then There Were None. (109min) Wendy Ide
The Social Network (12, 2010)
Film4, 1.10am
Here’s the only film on today that’s really worth watching —
especially post-Cambridge Analytica. A formidable triumvirate
of talent drives: Aaron Sorkin’s writing is crisp, restless and
perceptive and David Fincher’s direction is supremely confident —
effortlessly brilliant in much the same way that the central
character in the film, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, comes
across. And Jesse Eisenberg gives the performance of his already
impressive career as Zuckerberg, all thorns and awkward angles
and simmering grudges. Andrew Garfield is also excellent as
Eduardo Saverin, co-founder of Facebook. Few films manage to
capture the zeitgeist as effectively as this one did. (120min) WI
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 37
1G R
Tuesday 3
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BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Oxford Street
Revealed (r) 10.00 Homes Under the
Hammer (r) 11.00 The Sheriffs Are
Coming (r) 11.45 Claimed and Shamed
12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News
at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Moving On.
A lonely mother steals her son’s
passport to stop him leaving (r) 2.30
Escape to the Continent. Househunters from Cornwall search for a
new home in Italy’s Liguria region (r)
3.30 Money for Nothing. Items found
at Woking Recycling Centre include
six dining chairs 4.15 Flog It!
A collection of previously unseen
finds from the shows travels (r) 5.15
Pointless. Quiz in which contestants
try to score the fewest points possible
6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30
Money for Nothing (r) 7.15 Bargain
Hunt (r) 8.00 Sign Zone: Hugh’s Wild
West (r) (SL) 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire
11.00 BBC Newsroom Live 11.30
Westminster in Review 12.00 Golf:
Masters 2017 Review 1.00pm The
Super League Show 1.45 Plan It, Build
It (r) 2.15 Trust Me, I’m a Vet (r) 3.15
Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve (r)
4.15 Patagonia: Earth’s Secret
Paradise. The animals and people
carving out a home in the arid
environment (r) 5.15 Put Your Money
Where Your Mouth Is. Kate Bliss and
Caroline Hawley visit Villeurbanne in
Lyon, France (r) 6.00 Eggheads. New
series. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy
Vine 6.30 The Repair Shop. A piano
stool, vintage telephone and magic
lantern are restored (r)
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30
Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show
(r) 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose
Women 1.30 ITV News; Weather 1.55
Regional News; Weather 2.00 Judge
Rinder. Cameras follow the criminal
barrister Robert Rinder as he takes on
real-life cases in a studio courtroom
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal. The team
revisit Uxbridge, Middlesex, where
something gets David Ford wincing in
pain, and David Dickinson wants to
join the yachting elite (r) 4.00 Tipping
Point. Ben Shephard hosts the
arcade-themed quiz show in which
contestants drop tokens down a
choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00
The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.10 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.35 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.00 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r) 9.00
Frasier (r) 9.35 Frasier (r) 10.05
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (r)
11.00 The Simpsons (r) 11.30 The
Simpsons (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News
Summary 12.05pm Come Dine with
Me (r) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (r)
2.10 Countdown 3.00 A Place in the
Sun: Summer Sun (r) 4.00 A New Life
in the Sun (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The
second visit is to actor Robert Gray’s
residence in Greenwich, London (r)
5.30 Star Boot Sale. Tattoo Fixers’
Paisley Billings tries to raise money
for charity 6.00 The Simpsons (r)
6.30 Hollyoaks. Joel prepares himself
to tell Sienna about him and Cleo (r)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Stuff 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It
Away (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime
12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (r) 1.10
Access. Showbiz news and gossip 1.15
Home and Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15
NCIS. A Navy Seal is shot dead while
threatening to jump from a roof (r)
3.15 FILM Abducting Zoe (12, TVM,
2014) A detective tries to help a
sixteen-year-old in the search for her
kidnapped baby. Crime drama
starring Sammi Hanratty, Alexandra
Holden and Andrea Bowen 5.00 5
News at 5 (r) 5.30 Neighbours. Mishti
has a miscarriage, and she and Leo
wrestle with their feelings (r) 6.00
Home and Away. Alf is back from
hospital and anxious to explain his
secrecy about Martha, but Roo
avoids him (r) 6.30 5 News Tonight
Paula Malcomson stars (9pm)
Philomena Cunk on Britain (10pm)
Last Laugh in Vegas (9pm)
Charity baker Aisling Bea (8pm)
Castle Ward in County Down (8pm)
7.00 The One Show Live chat
and topical reports
7.00 Attenborough’s Wonder of
Eggs David Attenborough
reveals the secrets of birds’
eggs from creation to hatching,
exploring how they are made,
the reasons behind their shape
and their intrinsic purpose (r)
7.00 Emmerdale Bob and Laurel tell
one lie too many
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
7.00 The Yorkshire Vet Casebook
Julian Norton has problems
with a highland cow called
Hilda and Peter Wright
performs life-changing surgery
on a panting pug named
Bramble (3/10); followed
by 5 News Update
8.00 Holby City Roxanna questions
Gaskell’s motives when he
takes on a controversial
new case, and Fletch clashes
with new CEO Abigail over
a vulnerable patient
8.00 Great Indian Railway Journeys
Guided by his Bradshaw’s 1913
Handbook of Indian, Foreign
and Colonial Travel, Michael
Portillo travels from Mysuru to
the first stronghold of the East
India Company in Chennai.
See Viewing Guide (3/4)
8.00 Paul O’Grady: For the Love of
Dogs — Best in Show A chance
to find out which were the best
two episodes from the first five
series in a poll decided by
viewers of Paul O’Grady’s
award-winning strand (r)
8.00 The Great Celebrity Bake Off
for Stand Up to Cancer The
comedians Alan Carr and
Aisling Bea, the paralympian
Kadeena Cox, and the actress
and author Teri Hatcher
compete in culinary
challenges (5/5)
8.00 Secrets of the National Trust
with Alan Titchmarsh
The presenter visits Castle
Ward, in County Down, an
18th-century Northern Irish
mansion that featured in
Game of Thrones (6/12);
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 Come Home Marie finds herself
in the depths of despair, while
Liam and Laura are getting
increasingly frustrated with
Brenna when she invites chaos
and danger into the family
home. See Viewing Guide (2/3)
9.00 Hospital Cameras follow head
and neck surgeon David Grant,
and Freda, a 75-year-old retired
teacher who has a lump in her
thyroid gland (2/6)
9.00 Last Laugh in Vegas Cannon
and Ball, Bernie Clifton, Mick
Miller, Bobby Crush, Kenny
Lynch, Jess Conrad, Anita Harris
and Su Pollard put on their
dream gig in Nevada
9.15 Seven Year Switch With their
time in Thailand drawing to a
close, the four couples write
letters explaining what must
change to save their failing
relationships (5/6)
9.00 Everest: World’s Greatest
Mountain New series. Cameras
explore the wonder of the
world’s most iconic mountains,
beginning with the highest in
the world — Mount Everest.
See Viewing Guide (1/4)
10.00 BBC News at Ten; followed by
Regional News and Weather;
National Lottery Update
10.00 Cunk on Britain New series.
Comedy documentary.
See Viewing Guide (1/5)
10.00 ITV News at Ten; followed by
Regional News and Weather
7.30 EastEnders Ted’s daughter
Judith arrives and tries to
take control
10.45 This Country Kurtan organises
a surprise present for Kerry’s
birthday (5/6)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the
day’s events with Evan Davis
11.15 R Kelly: Sex, Girls & Videotapes
Reporter Ben Zand explores
allegations against R&B star
R Kelly, including claims that
he ran a sex cult and
accusations of an appetite
for underage girls
11.15 Pilgrimage: The Road to
Santiago As the seven
celebrities near the end of their
780km trek, they consider
whether the experience has led
to any lasting change within
themselves (3/3) (r)
12.10am Weather for the Week Ahead
12.15 BBC News
12.15am Sign Zone: Great British
Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo
travels between Taunton and Newton
Abbot (r) (SL) 12.45 MasterChef (r)
(SL) 1.45 Murder, Mystery and My
Family (r) (SL) 2.30-3.30 Celebrity
Antiques Road Trip (r) (SL)
7.30 100 Year Old Driving School
A Bomber Command veteran
takes part in a driving
assessment (5/6)
10.45 The Real Full Monty: Ladies’
Night Coleen Nolan and Ashley
Banjo lead a group of female
celebrities as they perform a
one-off striptease show to raise
awareness of breast cancer (r)
10.20 Gogglebox Capturing the
households’ instant reactions to
what they are watching on
television from the comfort of
their own sofas (r)
10.00 FILM Sabotage (15, 2014)
The leader of an elite Drug
Enforcement Administration
team tries to discover who
is murdering his men.
Action thriller starring
Arnold Schwarzenegger,
Josh Holloway, Sam
Worthington and Mireille
Enos. See Film Choice
11.20 Indian Summer School Five
British boys who have failed
their core GCSEs take part in a
study programme at the
world-famous Doon School in
India (1/3) (r)
12.05am Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest
Airport. Storm Imogen causes chaos
on the runways and in the terminals
(r) 12.55 Jackpot247. Viewers
participate in live gaming 3.00 Loose
Women (r) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05
The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
12.20am Kitchen Nightmares USA (r)
1.10 Britain’s Favourite Food (r) 2.05
The Million Pound Holiday Club (r)
3.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces
(r) 3.55 Building the Dream (r) 4.50
The Question Jury (r) 5.45 Kirstie’s Fill
Your House for Free (r)
12.10am Police Interceptors (r)
1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Inside
Manchester’s Midland Hotel (r) 4.00
The Railways That Built Britain with
Chris Tarrant (r) (SL) 4.45 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Great Artists (r)
(SL) 5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
38 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Eric Bristow
Tuesday 3 | Primetime digital guide
The history of darts is
explored in Bullseyes and
Beer: When Darts Hit Britain
BBC4, 11pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days
7.30 Nature’s Microworlds
The ecosystem of the
African Serengeti (2/13) (R)
8.00 BBC Young Musician: Forty
Years Young A look back at
the competition. See
Viewing Guide
9.00 The Story of the Jews
Simon Schama explores
the history of the Jewish
people (1/5) (R)
10.00 Why the Industrial
Revolution Happened Here
The causes and effects of
the period of great change
in the 18th century (R)
11.00 Bullseyes and Beer: When
Darts Hit Britain: Timeshift
Documentary. How darts
went from a pub game to a
lucrative sport, told through
three famous finals: 1980,
1983 and 1990 (R)
12.00-1.00am Francesco’s Italy
Top to Toe Francesco da
Mosto explores Italy (1/4) (R)
7.00pm Murder, She Wrote Jessica
tries to prove the innocence
of a friend who owns a cafe
and has been accused of
poisoning three diners (R)
8.00 Midsomer Murders
A magician becomes the
prime suspect when his
assistant drops dead on
stage, poisoned by the
toxins from a frog (5/7) (R)
10.00 Scott & Bailey Andy
punishes Janet by keeping
her out of an investigation
into a gangland killing,
while Rachel feels
ambushed by Sean when he
announces his mother
wants to meet her (7/8) (R)
11.00-12.05am Scott & Bailey
Rachel becomes the prime
suspect when Nick is
brutally assaulted, and even
worse, she has no
recollection of the night in
question after a drunken
hen party (8/8) (R)
6.55pm The Secret Life of the Zoo
Four Sumatran orang-utans
escape from their
quarters (R)
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud meets a couple
planning to build a
glass pavilion projecting
over a loch. As Jim and
Simone Fairfull get to
work, the stress begins
to take its toll (R)
9.00 World’s Weirdest Homes
Charlie Luxton presents a
guide to 20 of the most
unusual residences ever
built. Featuring an artist
who lives in a skip, a
converted missile silo and a
house shaped like a dog (R)
10.35 24 Hours in A&E
A woman involved in a
motorbike accident is
brought to St George’s
Hospital in London (R)
11.45-12.45am 8 Out of 10 Cats
Does Countdown (R)
6.50pm FILM Last Holiday
(12, 2006) A woman told
she has only weeks to live
resolves to make the most
of the time left — and her
passion for life proves
infectious. Comedy
starring Queen Latifah
and Gérard Depardieu
9.00 FILM The Last Witch Hunter
(12, 2015) An immortal
warrior faces a showdown
with an evil sorceress who
tried to wipe out the human
race in the Middle Ages.
Fantasy adventure with Vin
Diesel and Elijah Wood.
See Film Choice
11.05-1.10am FILM The Grand
Budapest Hotel (15, 2014)
A lobby boy in a 1930s
hotel is drawn into the
misadventures of the
establishment’s dashing
concierge. Wes Anderson’s
comedy drama with Ralph
Fiennes and Tony Revolori
7.00pm The Simpsons Marge
tries to halt a campaign
against children (R)
7.30 The Simpsons Homer builds
a robot for Bart (R)
8.00 The Flash Barry teams up
with Jesse Quick and Jay
Garrick when a bomb goes
off in Central City, with the
three stopping the clock by
entering Flashtime to get a
tiny window to save
everyone
9.00 The Blacklist Liz’s
reinstatement at the FBI
hinges on an evaluation
with a psychotherapist
10.00 The Late Late Show with
James Corden: Best of the
Week Highlights
11.00 The Force: North East
A burglar is arrested twice
within days (4/10) (R)
12.00-1.00am Air Ambulance ER
A mother and daughter are
involved in a motorcycle
crash (2/6) (R)
7.00pm CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation A rare-book
restorer’s body is found
locked inside a temperaturecontrolled cage (R)
8.00 Blue Bloods Danny and
Jackie investigate an
attempted acid attack (R)
9.00 Here and Now Ramon
makes waves at a gaming
expo where his “Realms”
creation attracts attention.
Meanwhile, Duc’s
frustrations begin to rise
to the surface (7/10)
10.10 Divorce Frances and Robert
try to establish new rules for
the kids. Meanwhile, Frances
weighs up just how serious
her relationship with
Andrew should be (6/8)
10.45 Crashing Pete reunites
with Ali (5/8)
11.20 SMILF Bridge chooses
three different paths on
Father’s Day (5/8) (R)
11.55-12.30am SMILF (6/8) (R)
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
Drama
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
7.00pm You’ve Been Framed!
Gold Comical clips
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
Camcorder calamities
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Two and a Half Men
9.00 FILM Bridesmaids (15, 2011)
A disorganised woman takes
charge of her best friend’s bridal
party, but the wife of the groom’s
boss causes problems. Comedy
with Kristen Wiig, Rose Byrne
and Melissa McCarthy
11.35-12.05am Family Guy
6.35pm Storage Wars
7.05 Pawn Stars
7.30 Pawn Stars
8.00 Football’s Foreign Legion
9.00 FILM Lethal Weapon (15,
1987) An unstable Vietnam veteran
cop teams up with a by-the-book
detective to smash a drug ring
linked to a woman’s apparent
suicide. Action thriller starring
Mel Gibson and Danny Glover
11.15-1.00am FILM Crank (18,
2006) Action thriller starring
Jason Statham and Amy Smart
7.00pm Hollyoaks
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
Molly creates a teddy bears’
picnic-themed children’s cake
8.00 FILM Night at the Museum
(PG, 2006) Fantasy comedy
starring Ben Stiller as a museum’s
overnight security guard dealing
with exhibits that spring to life.
Also stars Robin Williams
10.10 Tattoo Fixers
11.15 The Big Bang Theory
11.45-12.10am The Big Bang
Theory Comedy
7.00pm Last Man Standing
American comedy
7.30 Last Man Standing American
comedy starring Tim Allen
8.00 World’s Scariest Drivers
9.00 Car Crash TV
10.00 FILM Scary Movie 3 (15,
2003) The survivor of the first two
films has finally found fame as a
television reporter — but her
nightmare experiences return to
haunt her. Spoof horror with Anna
Faris and Pamela Anderson
11.40-12.45am Wentworth Prison
6.35pm FILM The Marked One
(U, 1963) Thriller starring William
Lucas and Zena Walker
7.50 Rome: The Eternal City
A tour of the city’s historical sites
8.00 Gideon’s Way A bombing
takes place at the home of the
leader of a fascist movement
9.00 FILM Penny Gold (PG, 1974)
Thriller starring James Booth,
Francesca Annis and Joss Ackland
10.45-12.50am FILM Mix Me a
Person (12, 1962) Courtroom
drama starring Anne Baxter
6.40pm Are You Being Served?
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Truly tries to rescue Howard
8.00 The Inspector Lynley
Mysteries Feature-length episode.
A woman’s body is found in a lake
10.00 New Tricks After being
released from jail, a notorious
paedophile admits to the
abduction and murder of a child 25
years previously, leaving the
detectives wary of his motives
11.20 Birds of a Feather
12.00-1.00am The Bill
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm Deep Wreck Mysteries
Experts look into new technology
to locate the SS Armenian, a cargo
liner sunk by a U-Boat in 1915
8.00 Full Steam Ahead The
historians take a trip on a famous
locomotive, the Flying Scotsman
9.00 One Foot in the Grave Victor
makes a fresh start with a new job
9.40 One Foot in the Grave Mrs
Warboys’ flat is flooded
10.20 One Foot in the Grave
11.00 Porridge
11.40-12.20am Porridge
7.00pm Police Interceptors Officer
deal with young, reckless drivers
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
Agents Paul and Steve face a moral
dilemma in south London
9.00 World’s Wildest Flights
10.00 Undercover: Nailing the
Fraudsters The investigative
journalist Paul Connolly goes
undercover to expose the illegal
unprescribed drugs trade
11.00-1.00am FILM Under Siege 2:
Dark Territory (18, 1995) Action
adventure starring Steven Seagal
7.00pm QI XL
8.00 Scrappers
8.30 Scrappers
9.00 Would I Lie to You?
With Carol Vorderman, Larry Lamb,
Jo Brand and Russell Howard
9.40 Would I Lie to You? With Fern
Britton, Stephen Mangan, Ken
Livingstone and Reginald D Hunter
10.20 Would I Lie to You? With
Jimmy Carr, Jamelia, Marcus
Brigstocke and Terry Christian
11.00 Live at the Apollo
12.00-12.40am QI
6.35pm The Race Underground
The building of America’s first
underground railway
7.50 Wellington: The Iron Duke
Unmasked Documentary portrait
of the Duke of Wellington
9.00 The Mysteries of the
Medieval Ship Archaeologists race
against time to raise and conserve
a medieval merchant ship
10.15 Jazz The swing era (5/12)
11.35-12.55am Wellington: The Iron
Duke Unmasked Documentary
portrait of the Duke of Wellington
7.00pm When Patsy Cline Was
Crazy A profile of the American
country music singer
8.00 Portrait Artist of the Year
2017 Frank Skinner and Joan
Bakewell launch the search for a
star portrait artist
9.00 The Nineties
10.00 Music Videos That Defined
the ’90s Memorable videos
11.00 Discovering: Peter Lorre
The life and career of the actor
12.00-1.15am Blur/Oasis:
The Britpop Years
7.00pm The Real A&E
8.00 Elementary The sleuth swaps
London for New York after a fall
from favour with Scotland Yard
9.00 Chicago Fire Gunshot goes
off inside a house during a fire
10.00 How to Get Away with
Murder Annalise seeks Olivia
Pope’s help in fast-tracking a
judicial reform class action to the
United States Supreme Court
11.00 Criminal Minds
12.00-1.00am CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation
W
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm NCIS Double bill
9.00 Family Guy
9.30 Family Guy
10.00 Wolf Creek The return of the
thriller, following on from the film
franchise of the same name
11.15 Family Guy
11.45 Family Guy
12.15-1.10am American Dad!
7.00pm Wheeler Dealers
8.00 Gold Rush: Parker’s Trail
9.00 Gold Rush: Parker’s Trail
10.00 Running Wild with Bear
Grylls Julia Roberts embarks on a
life-saving adventure in Kenya
11.00 Fast N’ Loud
12.00-1.00am Gold Rush:
Parker’s Trail
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
8.00 One Strange Rock
9.00 Draining the Bermuda
Triangle Documentary
10.00 Mission Pluto
11.00 Air Crash Investigation 9/11:
The Plane That Hit the Pentagon
12.00-1.00am Strippers:
Cars for Cash Documentary
7.00pm Friends
8.00 The Middle
8.30 Life in Pieces
9.00 FILM The Longest Yard
(12, 2005) Comedy remake
starring Adam Sandler
11.00 The Chris Ramsey Show
11.30-12.30am Impractical Jokers:
British Invasion
6.40pm One Foot in the Grave
7.20 Porridge
8.00 Dad’s Army
8.40 Only Fools and Horses
9.20 Mrs Brown’s Boys
10.00 Bridget & Eamon New series
11.10 Mrs Brown’s Boys
11.50-12.50am Jack Dee Live
at the Apollo With Lee Mack
7.00pm My Dream Home
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
9.00 Who Do You Think You Are?
USA Documentary
10.00 999 Rescue Squad
11.00 Gavin & Stacey
11.40 Gavin & Stacey
12.00-1.15am Inside the
Ambulance Documentary
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
SKY 301, VIRGIN 431, BT 501
SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
6.20pm Run the Tide (12, 2016) A
Texas twentysomething attempts
to keep his younger brother away
from their ex-con mother. Drama
starring Taylor Lautner
8.00 Spider-Man: Homecoming
(12, 2017) Teenager Peter Parker,
aka Spider-Man, must protect New
York City from a menacing new
villain, the Vulture. Superhero
adventure starring Tom Holland
10.20-12.05am Unforgettable
(15, 2017) Thriller starring Rosario
Dawson and Katherine Heigl
5.30pm Minority Report (12,
2002) Sci-fi thriller starring
Tom Cruise and Colin Farrell
8.00 Jurassic Park (PG, 1993)
Genetically engineered dinosaurs
escape from an eccentric tycoon’s
safari park and go on the rampage.
Steven Spielberg’s adventure with
Sam Neill and Laura Dern
10.10 Ready Player One: Special
10.40-12.55am The Lost World:
Jurassic Park (PG, 1997) Dinosaur
adventure sequel starring Jeff
Goldblum and Julianne Moore
6.15pm The Boss Baby (U, 2017)
Animated comedy
8.00 Kubo and the Two Strings
(PG, 2016) A boy embarks on an
epic quest when he inadvertently
summons vengeful spirits from his
past. Animated adventure with the
voice of Charlize Theron
9.50 Monster House (PG, 2006)
Animated comedy horror with the
voice of Mitchel Musso
11.25-1.05am Ozzy: The Great
Furscape (U, 2016)
Animated adventure
6.00pm Twister (PG, 1996)
Action thriller starring Helen Hunt,
Bill Paxton and Cary Elwes
8.00 Fearless (15, 2006) A Chinese
warrior returns from self-imposed
exile, but foreign powers based in
the country are determined to
have him killed. Fact-based martial
arts adventure starring Jet Li
10.00 Birth of the Dragon
(12, 2016) Martial arts biopic
starring Billy Magnussen
11.45-1.35am Kiss of the Dragon
(18, 2001) Martial arts adventure
7.00pm The Good, the Bad and
the Ugly (15, 1966) Spaghetti
western starring Clint Eastwood
10.00 Klute (18, 1971) A private
detective enlists a prostitute’s help
to investigate the disappearance of
a scientist. Thriller starring Donald
Sutherland and Jane Fonda
12.00-2.15am Chinatown (15, 1974)
A private eye uncovers a gruesome
secret when he investigates the
husband of a wealthy socialite.
Roman Polanski’s mystery with
Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway
The career of the country music
star Patsy Cline is the subject
of a biopic (Sky Arts, 7pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 39
1G R
Tuesday 3
Sports guide
Live Football
BT Sport 2, 7pm
Radio guide
Radio 1
The quarter-finals of the
Champions League get under
way tonight with two first-leg
matches. Juventus take on
Real Madrid at the Juventus
Stadium in a repeat of last
year’s final, which the Spanish
side won 4-1, with Cristiano
Ronaldo, pictured, scoring
twice. Also tonight, Manchester
United’s conquerors Sevilla
welcome Bayern Munich to
the Ramón Sánchez Pizjuán
Stadium (BT Sport 3, 7pm). JC
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am Nick Grimshaw
10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills
4.00 Greg James 5.45
Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James
7.00 Annie Mac 9.00 Charlie
Sloth 11.00 Huw Stephens
1.00am Annie Nightingale
3.00 Radio 1 Comedy: Scott &
Chris 4.00 Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
Sky Sports Main Event
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
9.00am LIVE Test Cricket:
South Africa v Australia
2.00pm-4.00 LIVE Masters:
On the Range
7.30-10.00 LIVE EFL: Fulham
v Leeds United (Kick-off 7.45)
1.00am-3.00 LIVE WWE Late
Night Smackdown
Sky Sports Premier
League
SKY 402 VIRGIN 512
9.00am PL Greatest Games
9.15 PL Greatest Games
9.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits
10.00 PL Daily
11.00 PL Best Goals 13/14
12.00 PL Highlights
1.00pm PL 100 Club
1.30 PL Highlights
5.00 Soccer AM: The Best
Bits Highlights
5.30 Best Premier League
Own Goals
6.00 PL Highlights
7.00 PL Review
8.00 Fantasy FC: Merse
Meets Joe Cole
9.00 PL Review
10.00 The Debate
11.00 PL Review
12.00-1.00am PL Best Goals
13/14 Memorable strikes
Sky Sports Football
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
9.00am Revista De La Liga
9.30 Eredivisie Round-Up
10.30 Soccer AM: The Best
Bits Highlights
11.00 One2Eleven
11.30 SPFL Greatest Games
12.00 SPFL Round-Up
12.15pm SPFL Greatest
Games Memorable matches
12.30 MLS Round-Up Show
1.00 La Liga Icons
2.00 Eredivisie Round-Up
3.00 Football’s Greatest
Players Andres Iniesta
3.30 Football’s Greatest
Teams AC Milan
4.00 Scottish Cup Greatest
Games Double bill
4.30 La Liga Greatest Games
5.00 Football Years
5.30 Football Countdowns
6.00 SPFL Round-Up
6.15 SPFL Greatest Games
6.30 MLS Round-Up Show
7.00 EFL Greatest Games
7.30 LIVE EFL: Fulham v
Leeds United (Kick-off 7.45)
10.00 The Debate
11.00 Revista De La Liga
11.30 La Liga World
12.00-1.00am La Liga Icons
6.00am-7.30 LIVE Test
Cricket: New Zealand v
England The fifth day
8.55-4.30pm LIVE Test
Cricket: South Africa v
Australia The fifth day
5.00am Vanessa Feltz 6.30
Sara Cox 9.30 Ken Bruce.
Including Tracey Thorn’s
second Tracks of My Years
12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00pm
Steve Wright 5.00 Mary Portas
7.00 Jamie Cullum 8.00 Ana
Matronic 10.00 Blood on the
Tracks 11.00 Nigel Ogden
11.30 Listen to the Band 12.00
Sounds of the 80s (r)
2.00am Radio 2 Playlist
Sky Sports Golf
Radio 3
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
2.00pm-4.00 LIVE Masters:
On the Range Coverage
from the practice range
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schumann (r)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert The Cremona String
Quartet play quartets. Verdi
(Quartet in E minor) and
Respighi (Quartet in D major)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Schubert (Symphony No 8 in
B minor, D759); and Hindemith
(When lilacs last in the
dooryard bloom’d — a requiem
for those we love)
4.30 BBC Young Musician
2018 Highlights from this
year’s Young Musician finalists
5.00 In Tune
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Mozart (Piano Concerto No 25
in C, K503; Ch’io mi scordi di te,
K505; Parto, Parto — La
clemenza di Tito, K621; and
Symphony No 38 in D, K504
— Prague)
10.00 Free Thinking Festival.
See Choice
10.45 The Essay: The Book
That Changed Me
11.00 Late Junction
12.30am Through the Night (r)
Sky Sports Cricket
SKY 404 VIRGIN 514
Sky Sports Arena
SKY 408 VIRGIN 518
1.00am-3.00 LIVE WWE
Late Night Smackdown
Spectacular wrestling action
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
3.00pm-11.00 LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Volvo Car Open
12.00-2.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Volvo Car Open
BT Sport 2
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
7.00pm-10.30 LIVE UEFA
Champions League:
Juventus v Real Madrid
1.00am LIVE NBA: Oklahoma
City Thunder v Golden State
Warriors (Tip-off 1.00)
3.30-6.00 LIVE NBA: Los
Angeles Clippers v San
Antonio Spurs (Tip-off 3.30)
BT Sport 3
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
5.00pm LIVE WTA Tennis:
The Abierto Monterrey
Afirme In Mexico
7.00 LIVE UEFA Champions
League: Sevilla v Bayern
Munich (Kick-off 7.45)
10.30-5.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Abierto
Monterrey Afirme
Eurosport 1
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
7.30am-11.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open The second day
12.25pm-4.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open Further coverage
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Headlines
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
9.00 The Long View
9.30 Nature’s Great Invaders
Documentary (r)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Factfulness Hans Rosling
demonstrates that fear clouds
our judgement and stops us
Today’s picks
In The Studio: Sophie
Hannah — Recreating Poirot
World Service, 11.30am
Free Thinking
Radio 3, 10pm
It is now more than 40 years
since Agatha Christie died and
the queen of crime still holds
her place as the queen of
publishing. No author —
including that bumptious
pretender Will Shakespeare —
has sold more than her: upper
estimates place her sales at a healthy four billion, roughly one
for every other person in the globe. Since 2014 the crime writer
Sophie Hannah, pictured, has been charged with resurrecting
Christie’s most famous creation — ghostwriting in a more literal
sense than usual. So a high-profile gig, but also a tricky one. One
doesn’t need to tax the little grey cells too much to realise that
failure to get him right will be noticed. Here, Felicity Finch (a
wonderful name that sounds like it might belong to a character
who finds herself summoned to the drawing room by Hercule)
follows Hannah as she exhumes the detective. Catherine Nixey
thinking rationally (2/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
At 10.41 the 15 Minute Drama:
Claudia Roden’s A Book of
Middle Eastern Food (2/5)
11.00 Moving to the Red
Planet (r)
11.30 The Voices of
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
Forecast
12.04 Home Front
12.15 Call You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Voices of the First World
War Documentary (2/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Finding Love at
the End of the World Written
by Declan Dineen. Romantic
comedy set in the Antarctic
3.00 Short Cuts (8/8)
3.30 Costing the Earth
4.00 The Followship Game
4.30 Great Lives
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Love in Recovery (r)
7.00 The Archers Will jumps to
conclusions and Rex slips up
7.15 Front Row
7.45 A Book of Middle
Eastern Food (r)
8.00 The Trans Revolution
8.40 In Touch
9.00 Inconspicuous
Consumption (r)
9.30 The Long View (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
Rabbit Is Rich By John Updike.
Nelson brings home Melanie,
who seems particularly
unperturbed by having to have
separate rooms11.00 Intensive
Carey (r)
11.30 The Digital Human (r)
12.00 News Headlines
12.30am Book of the Week:
Factfulness (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Reports 5.15 Wake Up
to Money 6.00 5 Live Breakfast
10.00 Emma Barnett Show
1.00pm Afternoon Edition
4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live
Sport: Champions League
Football 2017-18. The
Champions League quarterfinal first leg games 10.30 Phil
Williams 1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil
Sports Breakfast 10.00 Jim
White, Micky Gray and Bob
Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham
and Darren Gough 7.00 Live
Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Ken Dodd Show
8.30 The Men from the
Ministry 9.00 The Now Show
9.30 Stilgoe’s Around 10.00
Anna Karenina 11.00 The
Time Being 11.15 HMS Surprise
12.00 The Ken Dodd Show
12.30pm The Men from the
Ministry 1.00 Brother Cadfael:
The Virgin in the Ice 1.30
North and South: Across the
Great Divide 2.00 The Essex
Serpent 2.15 Disability: A New
History 2.30 The Old
Curiosity Shop 2.45 On Her
Majesty’s Secret Service 3.00
Anna Karenina 4.00 The
Personality Test 4.30
Ballylenon 5.00 Arrested
Development 5.30 Love in
Recovery 6.00 Hothouse
6.30 Pioneers 7.00 The Ken
Dodd Show 7.30 The Men
from the Ministry 8.00
Brother Cadfael: The Virgin in
the Ice 8.30 North and South:
Across the Great Divide 9.00
The Time Being 9.15 HMS
Surprise 10.00 Comedy Club:
Love in Recovery 10.30 Elvis
McGonagall Takes a Look on
the Bright Side 10.45 Richard
Marsh: Love and Sweets 11.00
ElvenQuest 11.25 The Comedy
Club Interview 11.30 Arthur
Smith’s Balham Bash
In Radio 3’s New Generation
Thinkers, ten young
academics are offered the
opportunity to turn their
research into radio
programmes — and on the
whole the thinkers have
been carefully filtered and
their talks can be illuminating.
This year’s specialisms
range from explorations
into 18th-century masculinity
to the medical history of
George Orwell, from
early 20th-century
vegetarianism in Britain
to how globalisation is
affecting how films are
made around the world. CN
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am News 9.06 The
Forum 9.50 Sporting Witness
10.00 World Update 11.00
The Newsroom 11.30 In the
Studio. See Choice 12.00
News 12.06pm Outlook 1.00
The Newsroom 1.30 The
Documentary 2.00
Newshour 3.00 News 3.06
BBC World Hacks 3.30
Business 4.00 BBC OS 6.00
News 6.06 Outlook 7.00 The
Newsroom 7.30 Sport Today
8.00 News 8.06 BBC World
Hacks 8.30 Click 9.00
Newshour 10.00 News 10.06
The Documentary 10.30 In
the Studio 11.00 News 11.06
The Newsroom 11.20 Sports
News 11.30 Business 12.00
News 12.06am The Forum
12.50 Sporting Witness 1.00
News 1.06 Business Matters
2.00 News 2.06 The
Newsroom 2.30 The
Documentary 3.00 News
3.06 HARDtalk 3.30 The
Compass 4.00 News
4.06 Outlook
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny
10.00 Tom Ravenscroft
1.00pm Stuart Maconie 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00
Tom Ravenscroft 1.00am
The Beach Boys Story
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Nicholas
Owen 1.00pm Anne-Marie
Minhall 5.00 Classic FM Drive
7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert.
A selection of new entries
in 2018’s Classic FM Hall of
Fame, playing all these
works in full 10.00 Smooth
Classics. A selection of
music 1.00am Sam Pittis
40 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Wednesday 4 | Viewing guide
GETTY IMAGES
Critic’s choice
My Dad, the Peace Deal and Me
BBC One, 9pm
The comedian and TV
presenter Patrick Kielty was
16 when his father, Jack, was
murdered in 1988 by loyalist
Ulster Freedom Fighters.
Jack’s building firm in
Dundrum, Co Down, was
sprayed with bullets after the
gunmen claimed that Jack
had been an officer in the IRA.
It’s an allegation dismissed
not just by friends and family
but by the Royal Ulster
Constabulary and members of
Sinn Fein. William Bell, Delbert
Watson and David Curlett
were eventually sentenced to
life for the murder but were
freed in 2000, under the
terms of the Good Friday
Agreement — something that
Kielty voted for. In an
interview with Eamonn Mallie
in 2015 Kielty revealed how he
shook hands with the leaders
of the paramilitaries who
killed his father. “Do I accept
what they’ve done — no I
don’t,” he said. “Do I accept
that times have changed —
yes I do.” For this personal
and thought-provoking
documentary, made to mark
the 20th anniversary of the
Good Friday Agreement, Kielty
wants to find out if the historic
peace deal has delivered on
its pledge to create a new
Northern Ireland, free of the
hatred that took his father’s
life. He begins his journey in
his home village, Dundrum,
and then travels around the
country meeting other people
whose lives were shattered by
the Troubles and confronting
those responsible for
committing acts of violence
on both sides. He also visits
the border country to reveal
why Brexit has put the peace
deal back in the spotlight, and
visits pupils at one of the
province’s integrated schools
to ask about the future of
Northern Ireland. Joe Clay
Further recommendations
The Funeral Murders explores a series of deadly events that
took place at two funerals in Belfast in 1988 (iPlayer, to April 19)
Commonwealth
Games
The Assassination
of Gianni Versace
First Dates
BBC One, 10.30am
BBC Two, 9pm
The BBC is devoting more
than 200 hours to the
Commonwealth Games on the
Gold Coast in Queensland,
Australia, across TV, radio and
online. Clare Balding, Gabby
Logan and Jason Mohammad
are the key presenters, with
pundits including Michael
Johnson, Jessica Ennis-Hill and
Paula Radcliffe. Live coverage
starts tonight at 12.15am with
cycling, swimming and hockey,
but first this morning is the
opening ceremony at the
Carrara Stadium, which the
organisers are promising will be
“spectacular and uplifting”. JC
It’s 1995, the year before
Andrew Cunanan (Darren Criss)
embarked on his killing spree.
Cunanan is living in the lap of
luxury in San Diego, shacked
up with Norman Blachford,
the wealthy older man who
allegedly looked after him
financially for several years
before the murders. Cunanan
cuts a desperate and delusional
figure at his 26th birthday
party, where three of his
future victims are gathered —
David Madson and Jeff Trail,
as well as Lee Miglin — and all
his lies and personas are out
in the open. JC
The big-hearted series returns,
with Fred Sirieix and the gang
facilitating another round of
blind dates. “Love is all around
us,” says Sirieix in the opening
montage, without a hint of
irony. “You just ’ave to open
your eyes.” If only it was that
simple. In a first for the series,
tonight’s singletons include a
divorced couple who are there
to lend each other moral
support as they go on separate
dates. How will their dates
react when they realise the
ex is on an adjacent table?
Awkward. Elsewhere, an
attractive young couple swap
compliments, but also share
their insecurities. JC
Catch
up
The World’s Ugliest Pets
ITV Hub, to April 19
Not the mean-spirited
list show that the title
suggests, but an hour-long
programme where Caroline
Quentin, pictured,
delves into the world
of ugly dog
competitions, with
the caveat that
“beauty is in the eye
of the beholder”. It’s
a big-hearted affair,
with Quentin
journeying the
nation to meet
unattractive pets of all stripes
(red-eyed guinea pigs, hairless
cats, tarantulas), finding them
oddly cute and professing her
love while giggling with
delight. (Apparently even snails
make good pets if you choose
to see them for their largely
overlooked serene qualities.)
There’s plenty of frivolous fun
with owners who dress up their
Chinese crested dogs as
Ronald McDonald
(including red wig)
and a madcap jaunt to
the US, where Quentin
enters
a British pooch
en
into the world’s
ugliest dog
contest. Silly, but
immensely
enjoyable.
Alexi Duggins
Channel 4, 10pm
Why Do Men
Earn More Than
Women?
Channel 5, 10pm
In Britain today women earn
14 per cent less than men. The
pay gap hit the headlines last
year when the BBC announced
the salaries of their top stars,
revealing a shocking gender
discrepancy. Karren Brady, who
insisted she was on equal pay
when she negotiated her
contract for The Apprentice, is
a woman on a mission to find
out why women aren’t earning
what they are worth and how it
can be eliminated, talking to an
Asda employee, Julia Bradbury
and the minister for women. JC
Variations
● BBC One Wales As BBC One except:
9.00-10.00pm Keeping Faith 10.40 My
Dad, the Peace Deal and Me 11.40 Lenny
Henry: The Commonwealth Kid (r)
12.40am-6.00 Live Commonwealth
Games 2018
● BBC Two Wales As BBC Two except:
11.45pm A Question of Sport
12.15am-1.15 Hospital (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC Two except:
9.50pm The Priest In the Jeans (r)
10.25-10.30 The Nature of Britain
● Channel As ITV except:
1.25am-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
● STV As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland
Tonight 11.05 Uefa Champions League
Highlights 12.05am Teleshopping 1.05
After Midnight 2.35 ITV Nightscreen
4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 5.30-6.00
Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Rare
Breed: A Farming Year 11.45 Britain’s
Brightest Family 12.10-12.35am Love Your
Garden (r) 1.25 Teleshopping 2.55-3.00
ITV Nightscreen
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r) 6.15
Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 6.25 Guto
Gwningen (r) 6.40 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r)
6.50 Ty Mel (r) 7.00 Meic y Marchog (r)
7.15 Heini (r) 7.30 Digbi Draig (r) 7.40 Sam
Tân (r) 7.50 Sblij a Sbloj (r) 8.00
Cymylaubychain (r) 8.15 Cegin Cyw 8.20
Cwpwrdd Cadi (r) 8.30 Cled (r) 8.45
Marcaroni (r) 9.00 Dwylo’r Enfys (r) 9.15
Stiw (r) 9.25 Oli Dan y Don (r) 9.35 Nodi (r)
9.45 Tecwyn y Tractor (r) 10.00 Hafod
Haul (r) 10.15 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 10.25
Guto Gwningen (r) 10.40 Tomos a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 10.50 Ty Mel (r) 11.00 Meic y
Marchog (r) 11.15 Heini (r) 11.30 Digbi
Draig (r) 11.40 Sam Tân (r) 11.50 Sblij a
Sbloj (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
12.05pm Crwydro (r) 12.30 Cefn Gwlad (r)
1.30 Camu O’r Cysgodion: Louise Weiss
(r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30 Pobol y Glannau (r)
4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Larfa (r) 5.05
Boom! 5.15 Mwy o Stwnsh Sadwrn 5.35
Fi yw’r Bos (r) 6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
6.05 Her yr Hinsawdd (r) 6.30 Mwy o
Sgorio 7.00 Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm 8.25
Celwydd Noeth 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd
9.30 Ar Werth 10.00 Codi Hwyl (r) 10.30
Galw Nain Nain Nain (r) 11.05-11.40 999:
Ambiwlans Awyr Cymru (r)
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Films of the day
Ender’s Game (12, 2013)
Film4, 6.50pm
Gavin Hood’s teen space-warrior drama combines the battling
kids formula of The Hunger Games with the techno-thrills of Tron.
Having survived an attack from an alien species, the Earth has
spent the past 40 years readying itself for a return visit. To this
end, the military has been targeting children to take part in a brutal
training programme, including Ender Wiggin (Asa Butterfield).
Harrison Ford’s Colonel Graff fast-tracks Ender until he is
commanding a virtual fleet in a series of simulation games. The
visual execution and the complex questions the film asks help to
overlook the more generic elements. (111min) Wendy Ide
Multiplicity (12, 1996)
Channel 4, 1.30am
Michael Keaton stars alongside
Michael Keaton, Michael Keaton
and Michael Keaton (pictured with
Keaton) in a goofy high-concept
comedy directed by Groundhog
Day’s Harold Ramis. What that
movie had, which this one lacks,
is a dizzyingly brilliant comic
performance at its heart. And while Keaton is always good fun, his
comic chops are considerably smaller than Bill Murray’s. (Keaton
was actually considered by Ramis for Murray’s role in Groundhog
Day). Keaton plays a frazzled construction worker who longs
for more hours in the day to get things done and devote to his
family. After a chance meeting with a scientist who has perfected
cloning, he ends up with another version of himself — and later
two more — to help him out. (117min) Chris Bennion
Day of the Flowers (15, 2013)
Film4, 1.50am
Being set in Cuba gives this tale of two Glaswegian sisters a
touristy fascination as they unearth their parents’ past when they
arrive to scatter their father’s ashes. Havana’s ill-lit streets, peeling
grandeur and classic cars held together with string and hope make
for a background that is often more gripping than the story. Eva
Birthistle and Charity Wakefield play the two mismatched sisters —
one a left-wing activist, the other a popular party girl — whose
journey throws up a few surprises and laughs along the way. The
Cuban professional ballet dancer turned actor Carlos Acosta
acquits himself well in his first lead role. (97min) Kate Muir
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 41
1G R
Wednesday 4
Also available online and on tablet
Digital subscribers can now use our interactive seven-day
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BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Oxford Street
Revealed. Distraction thieves (r) 10.00
Homes Under the Hammer (r)
10.30 Live Commonwealth Games:
Opening Ceremony 2018. Hazel Irvine
presents coverage from Carrara
Stadium in the city of Gold Coast,
Queensland, Australia, as the 21st
staging of the event is officially
declared open. See Viewing Guide
1.30pm BBC News at One; Weather
2.00 BBC Regional News; Weather
2.15 Moving On (r) 3.00 Escape to the
Country. An ex-pat couple seek a rural
property in West Sussex 3.30 Money
for Nothing. Transforming items
reclaimed at the Walsall Recycling
Centre 4.15 Flog It! From Grimsby
Minster (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show
6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30
Money for Nothing (r) 7.15 Bargain
Hunt (r) 8.00 Sign Zone: See Hear (SL)
8.30 Classic Mary Berry (r) (SL) 9.00
Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 Street
Auction (r) 11.45 Claimed and Shamed
(r) 12.15pm Bargain Hunt (r) 1.15 The
Hairy Bikers’ Comfort Food (r) 2.00
Trust Me, I’m a Vet (r) 3.00 Indian
Ocean with Simon Reeve. Last in the
series (r) 4.00 Patagonia: Earth’s
Secret Paradise. Exploring life in the
seas that surround the area. Last in
the series (r) 5.00 Put Your Money
Where Your Mouth Is. Kate Bliss takes
on Caroline Hawley at an auction in
Kent 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show
hosted by Jeremy Vine 6.30 The
Repair Shop. Jay Blades and Will Kirk
restore a prized Davenport desk
which was damaged by burglars (r)
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30
Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show
(r) 10.30 This Morning. Chat and
lifestyle features 12.30pm Loose
Women. Another helping of topical
studio discussion from a female
perspective 1.30 ITV News; Weather
1.55 Regional News; Weather 2.00
Judge Rinder. Cameras follow
criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he
takes on real-life cases in a studio
courtroom 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal.
David Dickinson and the team head to
Ashby-de-la-Zouch in Leicestershire,
where an oil painting causes the
most excitement of the day (r)
4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard
hosts the arcade-themed quiz show
5.00 The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.10 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.35 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.00 Everybody
Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
9.00 Frasier (r) 9.35 Frasier (r) 10.05
Ramsay’s Hotel Hell (r) 11.00 The
Simpsons (r) 11.30 The Simpsons (r)
12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Come Dine with Me (r) 1.05
Posh Pawnbrokers (r) 2.10 Countdown
3.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (r)
4.00 A New Life in the Sun (r) 5.00
Four in a Bed. The third visit of the
week comes from the Fleur de Lis in
Sandwich, Kent (r) 5.30 Star Boot Sale.
Iwan Thomas sells items at a car boot
sale 6.00 The Simpsons. With the
voices of Melanie Griffith and Larry
Hagman (r) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Tegan wakes from her coma (r)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Stuff 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It
Away (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime
12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (r)
1.10 Access 1.15 Home and Away 1.45
Neighbours 2.15 NCIS. A dramatic
undercover operation results in the
death of a serial killer, but evidence
suggests he may have had an
accomplice (r) 3.15 FILM First Class
Fear (PG, TVM, 2013) A woman who
was left at the altar has an affair with
a stranger on a plane, which puts her
and everyone else on the flight in
danger. Thriller with Lacey Chabert
and Drew Seeley 5.00 5 News at 5
5.30 Neighbours. Holly defuses the
row between Karl and Susan (r)
6.00 Home and Away. Jasmine
receives a threatening text from her
stalker (r) 6.30 5 News Tonight
Commonwealth Games (12.15am)
Darren Criss stars (9pm)
John Challis in Benidorm (9pm)
Another round of First Dates (10pm)
Karren Brady on equal pay (10pm)
7.00 The One Show Alex Jones and
Ore Oduba host the magazine
show, with stories of interest
from around the UK, plus
famous guests in the studio
7.00 Commonwealth Games 2018:
The Games Today Highlights
of the opening ceremony at
Carrara Stadium in the city
of Gold Coast, Queensland,
Australia, as the 21st staging
of the Games was officially
declared open
7.00 Emmerdale Brenda steals
Laurel’s wallet. Aaron receives
a visit from Adam’s cellmate
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
7.00 The Yorkshire Vet Casebook
Julian Norton and Peter Wright
work together to try to save a
working sheepdog. They are
also both needed at a local
farm, where there is a cow
in agony (4/10); followed
by 5 News Update
8.00 MasterChef As the semi-finals
continue, the eight remaining
cooks in the competition
head to RAF Halton in
Aylesbury to celebrate 100
years of the RAF’s formation
8.00 The Secret Helpers A 31-yearold woman seeks advice as she
prepares for an interview her
dream job, and an injured
soldier who has returned
from a tour in Afghanistan looks
for help as he starts a new
life with his family (3/5)
8.00 Britain’s Brightest Family Two
families compete in the final
round of the quarter-finals
8.00 The Supervet The sports pundit
Lee Dixon brings his beloved
rescue dog to see Professor
Noel Fitzpatrick. Elsewhere, a
Springer Spaniel is brought in
for spinal surgery (6/6)
8.00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors Dr
Tom Pelly sees woman patient
suffering withdrawal symptoms
from tramadol, while Dr Helen
Thomas wants to test her
patient for a certain bacteria
before resorting to painkillers;
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 My Dad, the Peace Deal and Me
On the 20th anniversary of the
Good Friday Agreement, Patrick
Kielty, who was born during the
Troubles, explores the legacy of
Northern Ireland’s peace deal.
See Viewing Guide
9.00 The Assassination of Gianni
Versace: American Crime Story
Andrew Cunanan’s inflated
sense of entitlement begins
to sour relationships.
See Viewing Guide (6/9)
9.00 Benidorm Monty is concerned
about Sammy’s career relaunch, and Kenneth’s romantic
troubles continue as he tries to
put off Vladimir’s advances.
Meanwhile, the Dawson’s are
on edge about the arrival of
Franco, Cyd’s father (5/9)
9.00 One Born Every Minute
Sharnee, who’s 25, and
27-year-old Dan await the arrival
of their first child together, and
after trying for seven years to
conceive, Pat and Jo arrive on
the ward to be induced (5/10)
9.00 Housing Yorkshire:
Somewhere Called Home
New series. Documentary
following the work of housing
officers across Yorkshire.
A Knaresborough officer helps
a tenant whose hoarding has
become a fire hazard (1/3)
10.00 ITV News at Ten; followed by
Weather
10.00 First Dates New series.
The return of the dating show,
featuring ex-husband and wife
Stuart and Mandy arriving in
the restaurant to offer each
other moral support as
they try to find love again.
See Viewing Guide
10.00 Why Do Men Earn More Than
Women? Karren Brady
investigates unequal pay and
the gender pay gap, speaking
to women whose careers and
lives have been affected by
attitudes towards women at
work. See Viewing Guide
11.05 Gogglebox Capturing the
households’ instant reactions
to what they are watching on
television from the comfort
of their own sofas (r)
11.05 Murder on the Internet
Documentary looking at
crimes committed by people
using online dating as a way of
finding their victims, revealing
why greater public awareness
of the risks is needed (1/2) (r)
12.05am Live from Abbey Road
Classics 12.35 Seven Year Switch (r)
1.30 FILM Multiplicity (12, 1996). See
Film Choice 3.30 The Question Jury
(r) 4.25 George Clarke’s Amazing
Spaces (r) 5.20 Streetmate (r) 5.45
Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (r)
12.05am When Kids Kill. A London
gang who murdered a 17-year-old
1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 Inside Windsor
Castle (r) 4.00 Cruising with Jane
McDonald (r) (SL) 4.45 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Great Artists
(r) (SL) 5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
7.30 Coronation Street David pays
a secret visit to a clinic.
Meanwhile, Craig shuts himself
away inside his flat
8.30 Coronation Street David makes
a huge sacrifice to protect
his secret, while Craig has
nowhere left to hide
10.00 BBC News at Ten
9.50 Live at the Apollo Sarah
Millican hosts, with Tom Allen
and Arj Barker (1/6) (r)
10.30 BBC Regional News; Weather;
National Lottery Update
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events with Emily Maitlis
10.30 Regional News; followed by
ITV London Weather
11.15 Lenny Henry: The
Commonwealth Kid The actor
examines the relationship
between the UK and the
Commonwealth, exploring the
role of this community of
nations in the 21st century (r)
11.15 Live Golf: The Masters Preview
2018 A look ahead to this year’s
staging of the Major
10.45 Uefa Champions League
Highlights Action from the
quarter-ffinal first-lleg matches,
which were Liverpool v
Manchester City, Barcelona v AS
Roma, Juventus v Real Madrid,
and Sevilla v Bayern Munich
11.45 Hospital Head and neck
surgeon David Grant returns
from annual leave (2/6) (r)
11.45 Play to the Whistle Guests
include Sam Quek, Rob Beckett
and Jake Humphrey (3/6) (r)
12.15am Live Commonwealth Games
2018. JJ Chalmers presents coverage
of day one from Queensland,
Australia, as the first medals of the
Games are decided in the men’s and
women’s triathlons at Southport
Broadwater Parklands
12.45am Sign Zone: See Hear: The
Silent Child. With Maisie Sly, star of
the short film The Silent Child. With
voiceover (r) (SL) 1.15 MasterChef (r)
(SL) 2.15 The Funeral Murders.
Documentary (r) (SL) 3.15 Weather for
the Week Ahead 3.20 BBC News
12.35am Sunday Night at the
Palladium. Featuring Art Garfunkel,
Jimmy Tarbuck, Sarah Millican,
Diversity and the Pierces (r) 1.25
Jackpot247. Interactive gaming 3.00
Tenable (r) (SL) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen
5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
10.45 A Question of Sport With Mark
Butcher, Stef Reid, Andy Goode
and Siobhan-M
Marie O’C
Connor
42 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
The Americans
Wednesday 4 | Primetime digital guide
Keri Russell and Matthew
Rhys star in season six
of the Cold War thriller
ITV4, 9pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days
7.30 Nature’s Microworlds The
ecosystem of the Amazon
rainforest (3/13) (R)
8.00 Metalworks!: The
Blacksmith’s Tale An
exploration of the
blacksmith’s craft (3/3) (R)
9.00 Make! Craft Britain The
novice crafters are
introduced to the art of
mosaic making (3/3)
10.00 Martin Luther King: The
Assassination Tapes The
events surrounding the
assassination of Martin
Luther King (R)
10.45 Martin Luther King and the
March on Washington
Commemorating the 50th
anniversary of the civil
rights rally (R)
11.45-12.45am Carved with Love:
The Genius of British
Woodwork A look at the
artistic legacy of the
Middle Ages (3/3) (R)
7.00pm Murder, She Wrote
Jessica hunts for a missing
manuscript, but the death of
its author turns her quest
into a murder investigation.
Jerry Orbach guest stars (R)
8.00 Endeavour The detective
considers his future while
protecting the wife of his
former mentor, while a
murder in the world of
fashion stirs up old gangland
conflicts (4/4) (R)
10.00 Law & Order: UK When a
series of shootings claims
one of their own, Ronnie and
Joe must solve the case
before the killer reaches the
next target (7/8) (R)
11.00-12.05am Law & Order: UK
An innocent young mother
is stabbed to death and the
suspect unintentionally
confesses to Ronnie, but the
detective struggles to get
anyone to believe what
he has heard (8/8) (R)
6.55pm The Secret Life of the Zoo
Pedro the giant anteater is
about to be reunited with
long-term mate Bliss, but
falls ill and faces a major
operation (R)
7.55 Grand Designs Kevin
McCloud follows designers
Jane and Robert Ellis as they
plan the conversion of a
300-year-old barn in
Ross-on-Wye into a
contemporary home using
modern steel and glass (R)
9.00 Vet on the Hill The team
perform emergency surgery
for a sick Pug, a hedgehog
with a lump is treated, and
Phoebe helps care for the
dogs of the homeless (5/8)
10.00 24 Hours in A&E The medics
treat sport enthusiasts
involved in accidents (R)
11.10-12.10am 8 Out of 10 Cats Does
Countdown Comedy panel
show with Jason Manford
and Roisin Conaty (R)
6.50pm FILM Ender’s Game (12,
2013) A gifted boy is trained
to lead Earth’s military
forces into battle against the
threat of an alien attack.
Sci-fi adventure starring Asa
Butterfield and Harrison
Ford. See Film Choice
9.00 FILM Die Hard (18, 1988)
A New York cop battles
armed men who have taken
over a Los Angeles
skyscraper where his wife is
working on Christmas Eve.
Action thriller starring Bruce
Willis, Alan Rickman, Bonnie
Bedelia and Hart Bochner
11.40-1.50am FILM American
Reunion (15, 2012) Old
friends attending a
high-school reunion make
disastrous attempts to relive
their teens. Comedy sequel
to the American Pie movies,
with Jason Biggs, Alyson
Hannigan, Chris Klein and
Thomas Ian Nicholas
7.00pm The Simpsons Marge
stimulates the children’s
interest in history (R)
7.30 The Simpsons Milhouse
moves to Capital City
with his mother (R)
8.00 DC’s Legends of Tomorrow
Chain-smoking
demonologist Constantine
helps the team when
Mallus’s power makes
Sara the unwitting bearer
of one of the totems
9.00 A League of Their Own
Comedy quiz with Ian
Poulter, Olivia Wayne and
Josh Widdicombe (1/13) (R)
10.00 Golf’s Funniest Moments
The sport’s most amusing
moments (R)
11.00 The Force: North East Police
hunt for a man wanted for
domestic violence (5/10) (R)
12.00-1.00am Air Ambulance ER
The helicopter teams races
to the rescue when a car
plummets 30ft (3/6) (R)
7.00pm CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation A casino
robbery is linked to a
small-town homicide (R)
8.00 Blue Bloods Erin prosecutes
a woman accused
of murdering her
wealthy husband (R)
9.00 Save Me Nelly stages a
lock-in at The Palm Tree,
where he confronts one of
the pub regulars about
Jody’s disappearance (6/6)
10.00 The Deported: Surviving El
Salvador Following
deportees as they arrive
back in El Salvador
10.30 SMILF Bridge, Eliza and
Larry search for Bridge’s
towed car (7/8)
11.05 SMILF Bridgette matches
with her estranged father on
a dating app (8/8)
11.40-12.50am Billions Chuck
receives a mandate from a
new boss and Axe braves
a hard choice (1/12) (R)
Drama
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
7.00pm You’ve Been Framed!
Gold Comical clips
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Two and a Half Men
9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA
Elise and Michelle get into
a heated argument
10.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA The
all-star chefs compete in a blind
taste test challenge
10.55 Family Guy
11.25 Family Guy
11.55-12.25am Family Guy
7.00pm Pawn Stars
8.00 British Superbike
Championship Highlights
9.00 The Motorbike Show Majorca
10.00 The Americans New series
of the drama about KGB officers
posing as a US married couple. By
1987, an arms-control summit
looms and Elizabeth is pushed to
the limit. Stars Matthew Rhys (1/10)
11.00-1.10am FILM Red Heat (18,
1988) A Russian detective and a
Chicago cop team up. Action
starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
7.00pm Hollyoaks
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
A surprise birthday bake
8.00 The Goldbergs Adam sets
out to create his own sequel to
Raiders of the Lost Ark
8.30 The Big Bang Theory
9.00 Timeless New series. The
sci-fi drama returns, as Lucy is
forced to travel back to France
during the First World War (1/10)
10.00 Naked Attraction
11.05 The Big Bang Theory
12.00-1.05am First Dates
7.00pm Last Man Standing
7.30 Last Man Standing
8.00 100 Per Cent Hotter With the
comedian Dominique (4/12)
9.00 Riverdale Cheryl leans on
Veronica for support (5/13)
10.00 Star New series. Following
Derek’s accident, Alex loses her
baby. Naomi Campbell guest stars
11.00-1.25am FILM The Silence of
the Lambs (18, 1991) A trainee FBI
agent engages in a battle of wills
with an psychopath. Thriller with
Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins
6.35pm Climb Up the Wall Music
and stand-up comedy
7.55 Glimpses: Of the Clifton
Suspension Bridge 1950s
8.00 A Family at War Drama set
during the Second World War
9.00 FILM The Bulldog Breed (PG,
1960) A heartbroken grocer seeks
to escape his misery by joining the
Navy. Comedy starring Norman
Wisdom and Ian Hunter
11.00-12.40am FILM Valley of
Eagles (U, 1951) Thriller starring
Jack Warner and Nadia Gray
6.40pm Are You Being Served?
A love letter from Mr Lucas to
Miss Brahms goes astray
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Billy promises the gang a barbecue
in the great outdoors
8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe A husband
is suspected of shooting his wife
10.00 New Tricks The team
reinvestigates three cases of rape
11.20 Birds of a Feather Sharon’s
30th birthday looms
12.00-1.00am The Bill Carver’s
drinking escalates
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm The True Story of the
Mary Celeste Investigating the
mystery of the deserted ship
8.00 Mars the Magnificent The
sinking of a 17th-century warship
9.00 Porridge Fletcher helps
new inmate Godber settle in
9.40 Porridge Betting fever
sweeps the prison
10.20 Porridge Fletcher and
Godber while away a long night
11.00 The Two Ronnies Including
music by Elaine Paige
11.55-12.55am The Two Ronnies
7.00pm Police Interceptors
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
9.00 FILM Mortal Kombat (15,
1995) Martial arts experts fight in a
deadly tournament, but if they
lose, an evil sorcerer’s forces will
take over the world. Fantasy
adventure with Christopher
Lambert and Robin Shou
11.00-12.20am Spartacus:
Gods of the Arena Batiatus seeks
revenge for his father’s death,
and orders his gladiators to help
spring an attack on Tullius
7.00pm QI XL With David Mitchell,
Sue Perkins and Sami Shah
8.00 Sin City Motors A couple
commissions a build to celebrate
their wedding anniversary
9.00 Live at the Apollo Dara O
Briain introducing stand-up by
Nina Conti and Danny Bhoy
10.00 Room 101 Panel show
with guests Ross Kemp, Sophie
Ellis-Bextor and Rob Beckett
10.40 Room 101
11.20 Room 101
12.00-12.40am QI
6.40pm The Rise and Fall of Penn
Station Documentary charting the
history of the train terminal
7.50 The Mystery of the Body in
the Bog An international team of
experts investigate the discovery
of a 4,000-year-old body found
preserved in Ireland
9.00 Britain’s Lost Colosseum
Exploring the history of Chester’s
Roman amphitheatre
10.15 Jazz The saxophone (6/12)
11.35-12.50am The Mystery
of the Body in the Bog
7.00pm The Sixties A look at
Martin Luther King Jr and the
civil rights movement (5/10)
8.00 National Treasures: The Art
of Collecting The private
photography collection
of Roger Thérond (7/8)
9.00 Discovering: Maximilian
Schell The life and career of the
Swiss film and stage actor (5/13)
10.00 Confessions of a Superhero
Following aspiring actors
11.50-1.20am Music Legends We
Lost A celebration of musicians
7.00pm The Real A&E A father is
rushed to hospital after a fire
8.00 Elementary A man is shot
dead entering his flat
9.00 Grey’s Anatomy Jackson,
Catherine and Richard perform
groundbreaking surgery
10.00 The Good Doctor The team
is puzzled by a student’s injuries
11.00 Criminal Minds A teenage
couple are suspected of a series of
killings in a small Texas town
12.00-1.00am CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation
W
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm NCIS
8.00 NCIS
9.00 NCIS
10.00 Bull The jury consultant
takes a psychologist friend as a
client when the therapist is sued
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
7.00pm Wheeler Dealers
8.00 Tanked The team helps
thebNFL superstar Antonio Brown
9.00 Street Outlaws The
remaining racers compete
10.00 Moonshiners Josh tries to
sell plum brandy. Last in the series
11.00 Gold Rush: Parker’s Trail
12.00-1.00am Street Outlaws
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
8.00 Airport Security: Peru
A woman is arrested with
cocaine taped to her body
9.00 Airport Security: Colombia
10.00 Border Wars
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Strippers: Cars for
Cash Seeking Japanese car parts
7.00pm Friends
8.00 Your Face or Mine
8.30 Bad Robots
9.00 Russell Howard’s Good News
10.00 The Chris Ramsey Show
10.30 Russell Howard & Mum
11.00 You’re the Worst
12.00-12.30am Impractical
Jokers: Inside Jokes
6.40pm One Foot in the Grave
7.20 Porridge
8.00 Dad’s Army
8.40 Only Fools and Horses
9.20 Citizen Khan
10.00 Citizen Khan
10.40 Absolutely Fabulous
11.20-12.20am Jack Dee Live
at the Apollo With Dara O Briain
7.00pm My Dream Home Turning
a fixer-upper into a high-end house
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
A young man who has collapsed
9.00 Embarrassing Bodies
The team heads to Thailand
10.00 One Born Every Minute
11.00 Gavin & Stacey
11.35-12.15am Gavin & Stacey
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
SKY 301, VIRGIN 431, BT 501
SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
6.10pm Cars 3 (U, 2017) Animated
adventure featuring the voices of
Owen Wilson and Cristela Alonzo
8.00 Spider-Man: Homecoming
(12, 2017) Superhero adventure
starring Tom Holland
10.20 Insyriated (15, 2017)
A mother tries to keep her family
safe as war rages and a sniper lies
in wait outside her home. Drama
starring Hiam Abbass
12.00-1.50am 6 Below: Miracle on
the Mountain (12, 2017) Adventure
starring Josh Hartnett
5.10pm Close Encounters of the
Third Kind: Collector’s Edition (PG,
1977) A man’s obsession with UFOs
drives his family away. Steven
Spielberg’s sci-fi drama with
Richard Dreyfuss and Teri Garr
7.30 Hook (U, 1991) A grown-up
Peter Pan returns to Neverland to
rescue his children from Captain
Hook. Steven Spielberg’s fantasy
adventure starring Robin Williams
10.00-12.25am AI: Artificial
Intelligence (12, 2001) Sci-fi drama
starring Haley Joel Osment
7.00pm Despicable Me 3 (U, 2017)
Dismissed from the Anti-Villain
League, Gru sets off to meet his
long-lost brother. Animated sequel
with the voice of Steve Carell
8.40 Snow White and the Seven
Dwarfs (U, 1937) Disney animation
with the voice of Adriana Caselotti
10.10 Horton Hears a Who! (U,
2008) Animated comedy featuring
the voice of Jim Carrey
11.40-1.20am Barnyard (PG, 2006)
Animated comedy featuring the
voice of Kevin James
6.05pm Ghost Rider (12, 2007)
Fantasy thriller with Nicolas Cage
8.00 Hancock (12, 2008) A PR
executive decides to transform the
image of a drunken superhero.
Comedy starring Will Smith
9.45 Central Intelligence
(Extended Version) (12, 2016) A
CIA agent turns to an old classmate
for help when he is targeted by his
own organisation. Action comedy
starring Dwayne Johnson
11.45-2.00am Kill Zone 2 (15, 2015)
Action thriller sequel with Tony Jaa
5.20pm El Dorado (PG, 1966)
Western starring John Wayne
7.30 Dog Day Afternoon (15, 1975)
A hapless bank robber sees his
simple heist turn into a hostage
situation. Sidney Lumet’s
fact-based drama with Al Pacino
9.45 Serpico (18, 1973) A cop tries
to expose police corruption,
leaving him in danger. Fact-based
crime drama starring Al Pacino
12.00-2.25am Zulu (PG, 1964)
Fact-based historical drama
starring Michael Caine
Cornelia Sharpe and Al Pacino
star in the 1973 crime drama
Serpico (Sky Classics, 9.45pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 43
1G R
Wednesday 4
Sports guide
Live Football
BT Sport 2, 7pm
Radio guide
Radio 1
It’s the Battle of Britain in the
Champions League tonight as
Liverpool and Manchester City
clash at Anfield in the quarterfinal first leg. The Reds beat
Pep Guardiola’s side in the
Premier League this season, in
a thrilling 4-3 victory at Anfield
in January. Also tonight Lionel
Messi, pictured, will look to
add to his 100 goals in the
competition as Barcelona and
AS Roma meet at the Camp
Nou (BT Sport 3, 7pm). JC
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am Nick Grimshaw 10.00
Clara Amfo 12.45pm Newsbeat
1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg
James 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00
Greg James 7.00 Annie Mac
9.00 Charlie Sloth 11.00 Huw
Stephens 1.00am Benji B 3.00
Radio 1 Comedy: Niki and
Sammy’s Peachy Podcast
4.00 Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
Sky Sports Main Event
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
9.00am Good Morning
Sports Fans
10.00 PL Daily
11.00 Sky Sports Daily
12.00 Sky Sports News
2.00pm LIVE Masters: On the
Range The practice range
4.00 Sky Sports News
5.00 Sky Sports News at 5
6.00 Sky Sports News at 6
7.00 LIVE Masters: Par Three
Tournament The traditional
curtain-raiser to the
Major of the year
10.30 Sky Sports News at Ten
11.00-6.00am News
Sky Sports Premier
League
SKY 402 VIRGIN 512
9.00am PL Greatest Games
9.15 PL Greatest Games
9.30 PL Legends
10.00 PL Daily
11.00 The Debate
12.00 PL Review
1.00pm PL 100 Club
2.00 PL Review
3.00 PL Years
5.00 PL Review
6.00 PL Best Goals 07/08
7.00 PL World
7.30 PL Greatest Games
8.00 The Fantasy Football
Club: Merse Meets Carrick
9.00 PL Review
10.00 The Debate
11.00 PL World
11.30 Best PL Goals:
Manchester Derby
12.00-1.00am PL Best Goals
14/15 Memorable strikes
Sky Sports Football
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
9.00am Scottish Cup
Greatest Games
9.15 Scottish Cup Greatest
Games Celtic v Rangers
9.30 La Liga Greatest Games
10.00 Revista De La Liga
10.30 La Liga World
11.00 One2Eleven
11.30 SPFL Greatest Games
12.00 Eredivisie Round-Up
1.00pm La Liga Icons
2.00 Revista De La Liga
2.30 La Liga World
3.00 Football’s Greatest
Players Dennis Bergkamp
3.30 Football’s Greatest
Teams The 1960s Santos side
4.00 Scottish Cup Greatest
Games Double bill
4.30 La Liga Greatest Games
5.00 Football Years
5.30 Football Countdowns
6.00 Revista De La Liga
6.30 La Liga World
7.00 EFL Midweek Goals:
Championship
7.30 EFL Midweek Goals:
Leagues 1 & 2
8.00 Eredivisie Round-Up
9.00 EFL Midweek Goals:
Championship
9.30 EFL Midweek Goals:
Leagues 1 & 2
10.00 The Debate
11.00 Eredivisie Round-Up
12.00-1.00am La Liga Icons
Sky Sports Golf
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
2.00pm-4.00 LIVE Masters:
On the Range Coverage
from the practice range
7.00-10.30 LIVE Masters:
Par Three Tournament The
traditional curtain-raiser to
the first Major of the year
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
5.15pm-7.30 LIVE Serie A:
AC Milan v Inter Milan
8.30-11.00 LIVE MLB: Arizona
Diamondbacks v Los Angeles
Dodgers (Start-time 8.40)
12.00-12.30am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Volvo Car Open
BT Sport 2
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
7.00pm-10.30 LIVE UEFA
Champions League:
Liverpool v Manchester
City (Kick-off 7.45)
12.00-2.30am LIVE NBA:
Toronto Raptors v Boston
Celtics (Tip-off 12.00)
BT Sport 3
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
7.00pm LIVE UEFA
Champions League:
Barcelona v AS Roma
10.30-5.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Abierto
Monterrey Afirme In Mexico
Eurosport 1
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
6.55am-10.30 LIVE Snooker:
China Open Coverage of
the third day in Beijing
12.25pm-4.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open Further coverage
5.00am Vanessa Feltz 6.30
Sara Cox 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve
Wright 5.00 Mary Portas 7.30
Live BBC Radio 2 Folk Awards
2018 9.00 Suzi Perry 10.00
Memphis & Martin Luther
King: “They Wouldn’t Treat Me
Like a Man” 11.00 Lost Boy: In
Search of Nick Drake. See
Choice 12.00 Pick of the Pops
(r) 2.00am Radio 2 Playlists
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schumann (r)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert A recital by the Casals
Quartet. Beethoven (String
Quartet in G, Op 18 No 2; String
Quartet in F, Op 135); and
Sollima (String Quartet, B267)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Mahler (Symphony No 9) NDR
Elbphilharmonie Orchestra,
conductor Thomas
Hengelbrock
3.30 Choral Evensong Introit:
Victimae paschali laudes
(Plainsong arr Andrew Reid).
Responses: Radcliffe. Psalm
105 (Stanford, Martin, Atkins).
First Lesson: Isaiah 26 vv 1-19.
Office Hymn: Ad regias Agni
dapes (Plainsong, mode viii).
Canticles: Jackson in G. Second
Lesson: John 20 vv 1-10.
Anthem: Ye Choirs of New
Jerusalem (Stanford). Hymn:
The Strife Is O’er (Victory).
Marian Antiphon: Regina coeli
(Palestrina). Voluntary: Organ
Symphony No 6 in G minor, Op
42 No 2 (Finale: Vivace) (Widor)
4.30 BBC Young Musician
2018 Highlights from this
year’s Young Musician finalists
5.00 In Tune
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
7.30 Live Radio 3 in Concert
From the Royal Festival Hall,
London. The Royal
Philharmonic Orchestra and
Steven Isserlis perform. Britten
(4 Sea Interludes — Peter
Grimes); Elgar (Cello
Concerto); and Rachmaninov
(Symphonic Dances)
10.00 Free Thinking
10.45 The Essay: The Book
That Changed Me
11.00 Late Junction
12.30am Through the Night
Today’s picks
Sketchtopia
Radio 4, 6.30pm
The very words “new Radio 4
comedy series” leave you with
that heart-in-yer-boots feeling.
Worse still, this begins with a
waffly homily from Hardeep
Singh Kohli, pictured, that is
a bit about Brexit and a bit
about the greatness of British
sketch comedy (it’s in our DNA,
apparently — a Brexity sounding claim in itself). However, this
picks up when the sketches get going. They are uneven, but
there is a very droll one in which some Indian “gap yah” students
come to Birmingham (“We saw stories on the news about how
even though so many in people in Britain have to use food
banks . . . they were still happy”). And an extremely amusing riff
in which a hedge funder called Angela is given a review. Her
bosses run through her competency checklist. “Competency
5.2: is the candidate an able supplier of banter with heavy
alpha-male overtones?” Angela fails. Catherine Nixey
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Headlines
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
9.00 Soul Music
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Factfulness (3/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
At 10.41 the 15 Minute Drama:
Claudia Roden’s A Book of
Middle Eastern Food (3/5)
10.56 The Listening Project
11.00 Davy Crockett and the
Irish Frontiersmen (r)
11.30 Big Problems with Helen
Keen Comedy (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
Forecast
12.04 Home Front
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Voices of the First World
War Documentary (3/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Tommies (3/4)
3.00 Money Box Live
3.30 Inconspicuous
Consumption (r)
4.00 Thinking Allowed
4.30 The Media Show
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Sketchtopia. See Choice
7.00 The Archers The stress
begins to pile up on Adam
7.15 Front Row
7.45 A Book of Middle
Eastern Food (r)
8.00 Unreliable Evidence
8.45 TBA
9.00 Costing the Earth (r)
9.30 Soul Music (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
Rabbit Is Rich
By John Updike (3/10)
11.00 Sophie Willan’s Guide
to Normality
11.15 The John Moloney Show
Comedy (r)
11.30 The Digital Human (r)
12.00 News Headlines
12.30am Book of the Week:
Factfulness (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
Lost Boy: In Search
of Nick Drake
Radio 2, 11pm
It feels odd to have Brad Pitt
take up the cause of Nick
Drake. His enthusiasm for
the singer feels genuine but,
as when a child picks up a
fledgling in its hand, you
worry that the super-stellar
stardom of Pitt might
somehow crush the delicate
Drake. Anyway, to mark
the 70th anniversary of
Drake’s birth, Radio 2 are
inducting him at tonight’s
Folk Awards into their Folk
Hall of Fame and so are
repeating this documentary
about his life, work, and
untimely death. CN
9.15 HMS Surprise 10.00
Comedy Club: It’s Not What
You Know 10.30 2525 11.00
As Told to Craig Brown 11.30
The Consultants
BBC World Service
Digital only
5.00am Reports 5.15 Wake Up
to Money 6.00 Breakfast
10.00 The Emma Barnett
Show with Anna Foster
1.00pm Afternoon Edition
4.00 Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport:
Champions League Football
2017-18 10.30 Phil Williams
1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil
Sports Breakfast 10.00 Jim
White, Tony Cascarino and
Bob Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee
and Jacobs 4.00 Adrian
Durham and Darren Gough
7.00 Live Kick-off 10.00
Sports Bar 1.00am Extra Time
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Navy Lark 8.30
Round the Horne 9.00 The
Write Stuff 9.30 Life, Death
and Sex with Mike and Sue
10.00 Anna Karenina 11.00
The Time Being 11.15 HMS
Surprise 12.00 The Navy Lark
12.30pm Round the Horne
1.00 Brother Cadfael: The
Virgin in the Ice 1.30 Target
Practice 2.00 The Essex
Serpent 2.15 Disability: A New
History 2.30 The Old
Curiosity Shop 2.45 On Her
Majesty’s Secret Service 3.00
Anna Karenina 4.00 The
Write Stuff 4.30 Life, Death
and Sex with Mike and Sue
5.00 Ring Around the Bath
5.30 It’s Not What You Know
6.00 Hothouse 6.30 The
Tingle Factor 7.00 The Navy
Lark 7.30 Round the Horne
8.00 Brother Cadfael: The
Virgin in the Ice 8.30 Target
Practice 9.00 The Time Being
9.00am News 9.06 The
Documentary 10.00 World
Update 11.00 Newsroom
11.30 The Documentary
12.00 News 12.06pm
Outlook 1.00 Newsroom
1.30 The Compass 2.00
Newshour 3.00 News 3.06
HARDtalk 3.30 Business 4.00
BBC OS 6.00 News 6.06
Outlook 7.00 Newsroom 7.30
Sport Today 8.00 News 8.06
HARDtalk 8.30 Healthcheck
9.00 Newshour 10.00 News
10.06 The Compass 10.30
The Documentary 11.00
News 11.06 Newsroom 11.20
Sports News 11.30 Business
12.00 News 12.06am The
Documentary 1.00 News
1.06 Business Matters 2.00
News 2.06 Newsroom 2.30
The Documentary 3.00 News
3.06 The Inquiry 3.30 The
Food Chain 4.00 News
4.06 Outlook
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny
10.00 Tom Ravenscroft
1.00pm Stuart Maconie 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00
Mary Anne Hobbs 1.00am
The Beach Boys Story
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am Breakfast 9.00
Nicholas Owen 1.00pm
Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics
8.00 The Full Works Concert.
Highlights from last night’s
Best of British concert
10.00 Smooth Classics
1.00am Sam Pittis
44 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Thursday 5 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice Deep State
Fox, 9pm
In Deep State, an eight-part
espionage thriller from
the same gene pool as
Homeland, Mark Strong,
pictured, stars as Max Easton,
a former MI6 agent who
is living a peaceful life with
his wife and two young
daughters in rural France.
However, Easton isn’t
destined for a sedate
retirement and is forced
to return to London after
threats are made against
his family. You sense that
things didn’t end well with
his former employers and
the reunion is tense, with
Easton not taking kindly to
the methods employed to
summon him. However, the
reason soon becomes clear —
Iran has reneged on its
nuclear deal, with scientists
working on weaponising
uranium. A team led by
Alexander Said, a former
protégé of Easton’s, was
sent in to neutralise the
threat, but Said has “done
a Colonel Kurtz” and
changed sides. They want
Easton to go in and clean
up the mess, which he is
reluctant to do. “There must
be someone else,” he says.
“Younger. Hungrier.” Then
Easton is told that his
estranged son Harry (Joe
Dempsie) had followed in
his footsteps into MI6, but
was killed by Said when
he turned. It becomes a
revenge mission and Easton
soon finds himself at the
heart of a covert intelligence
war and a conspiracy to
profit from the spread of
chaos throughout the Middle
East. Strong has described
his character as “the dirty
James Bond”, and the
taciturn, violent Easton is
more Daniel Craig than
Roger Moore as he jumps
back into his former life.
There is added intrigue as
Easton’s French wife, who
thinks hubby was a banker,
starts to dig into his past
after his sudden departure.
Joe Clay
Further recommendations
Catch up with season seven of the conspiracy thriller Homeland
on All4, with episodes on Channel 4 every Sunday at 9pm
Golf: The Masters
Not Going Out
Civilisations
The Investigator
Sky Sports Golf, 7pm
BBC One, 9pm
BBC Two, 9pm
ITV, 9pm
With Tiger Woods, Rory
McIlroy, Phil Mickelson and
Bubba Watson — golf’s most
charismatic players — all hitting
top form, or somewhere very
close to it, the sport suddenly
feels electrified. As such, this
year’s Masters is one of the
most eagerly awaited in years.
Tune in live, allow the Augusta
heat to drift into the living
room and watch the early
jockeying for position — if you
have Sky, that is. BBC Two
viewers will have to wait until
tomorrow at 5.45pm for Peter
Alliss and highlights of the first
round, but do get live coverage
of the final two rounds at the
weekend. James Jackson
The BBC, via Lee Mack, do
some PR work for Netflix
tonight, as Lucy and Lee cancel
going for dinner at Anna and
Toby’s so that they can watch
the conclusion of The Oslo
Murders, the latest Scandi-noir
box-set on the streaming
service. However, Lucy rather
overdoes it with her excuse for
why they can’t make it, saying
that their daughter, Molly, is
very ill. But when Anna and
Toby arrive unannounced, with
Toby, a doctor, offering to give
Molly the once over to make
sure it’s nothing serious, one lie
begets another and another
very awkward and very
middle-class farce unfolds. JC
The historian David Olusoga’s
first offering for the series is
one of the strongest as he
explores how, during the 15th
and 16th centuries, art was
forged when disparate cultures
met for the first time. Some
meetings were peaceful, but
others were destructive. Yet
time and again, Olusoga says,
these momentous first
encounters “sparked great
artistic energy”, as “destruction
and creation combined to
forge new art and culture”. To
back up his argument, Olusoga
looks at works including
masterpieces from 17th-century
Holland and the paintings of
late-Mughal India. JC
Mark Williams-Thomas, the
former police detective turned
journalist who exposed Jimmy
Savile as a paedophile, turns
his attention to the case of
Louise Kay, an 18-year-old who
disappeared from Eastbourne,
East Sussex, in 1988, along with
her distinctive Ford Fiesta. The
case has baffled police for 30
years and Louise’s family have
asked for help from WilliamsThomas, who has form in
solving cold cases. His
investigation takes a sinister
turn as he uncovers links to
other infamous missing
women and unsolved murder
cases and two of Britain’s
most notorious killers. JC
Catch
up
Contagion!: The BBC
Four Pandemic
BBC iPlayer,
to April 22
Dr Hannah Fry,
pictured,
and Dr Javid
Abdelmoneim are
overseeing the
simulation of an outbreak
of a fatal contagion
in a small town.
The hope is
that the groundbreaking
experiment will
save lives when
a real pandemic hits
the UK. There have been four
global outbreaks of deadly
flu in the past 100 years and
Abdelmoneim reveals why it is
still such a danger to society.
For the experiment, app
technology is used to infect
users while tracking
their movements and
social interactions
over 24 hours. Fry
adopts the role of
Patient Zero by
walking the streets
of Haslemere in
Surrey to launch
the outbreak.
A team of
mathematicians
can then create
a simulation of
how the virus could
spread. Joe Clay
Variations
● BBC One Wales As BBC One except:
9.30pm-10.00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work
Experience 10.45 Wales Football: The
Women in Red 11.15-12.15am Unsolved
● BBC Two Wales As BBC Two except:
10.00pm-10.30 Still Game 11.15 MOTD:
The Premier League Show 11.45-12.50am
Top Gear (r)
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC Two except:
11.15pm Party Political Broadcast
11.20-12.20am My Dad, the Peace Deal
and Me (r)
● BBC2 Scotland As BBC Two except:
10.00pm-10.30 Limmy’s Homemade 11.15
Premier League Show 11.45 Top Gear (r)
12.50am Sign Zone: MasterChef (r)
1.20-2.20 Amazing Hotels (r)
● Channel As ITV except: 1.00am-3.00
ITV Nightscreen
● STV As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland
Tonight 11.05 Uefa Europa League
Highlights 12.05am Teleshopping 1.05
After Midnight 2.35 Tonight (r) 3.00 ITV
Nightscreen 4.35 Jeremy Kyle (r)
5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except: 1.00am
Teleshopping 2.30-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Dona Direidi (r) 6.15
Tili a’i Ffrindiau (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r)
6.35 Igam Ogam (r) 6.45 Y Brodyr Coala
(r) 7.00 Meic y Marchog (r) 7.15 Y Diwrnod
Mawr (r) 7.30 Mwnci’n Dweud Mwnci’n
Gwneud (r) 7.40 Peppa (r) 7.45
Cacamwnci 8.00 Holi Hana (r) 8.10 Amser
Stori 8.15 Boj (r) 8.30 Abadas (r) 8.40
Bla Bla Blewog (r) 8.55 Ben a Mali a’u Byd
Bach O Hud (r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r) 9.25
Meripwsan (r) 9.30 Straeon Ty Pen (r)
9.45 Cei Bach (r) 10.00 Dona Direidi (r)
10.15 Tili a’i Ffrindiau (r) 10.25 Halibalw (r)
10.35 Igam Ogam (r) 10.45 Y Brodyr Coala
(r) 11.00 Meic y Marchog (r) 11.15 Y
Diwrnod Mawr (r) 11.30 Mwnci’n Dweud
Mwnci’n Gwneud (r) 11.40 Peppa (r) 11.45
Cacamwnci (r) 12.00 News 12.05pm
Straeon y Ffin (r) 12.30 Gig Eden ac Elin
Fflur (r) 1.30 Sion a Siân (r) 2.00 News
2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News 3.05 O
Gymru Fach (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00
Stwnsh: Larfa (r) 5.05 Hendre Hurt (r) 5.15
Tref a Tryst 5.45 Edi Wyn (r) 6.00 News
6.05 Ar Werth (r) 6.30 Rownd a Rownd
7.00 Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm 8.00
Gwaith/Cartref 9.00 News 9.30
Zimbabwe, Taid a Fi 10.15 Codi Pac (r)
10.45 Hansh 11.15-11.50 Mwy o Sgorio (r)
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Films of the day
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (15, 2016)
Film4, 9pm
This does exactly what it says on the tin, rather entertainingly too,
especially if you have seen one too many tasteful TV adaptations
of Austen’s work. Naturally, it begins with the lines: “It is a truth
universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of a brain
must be in want of more brains”, and this results in a bloody
chow-down at a drawing-room whist party in a country manor. The
contrast of heaving Regency bosoms and schlock-horror is fun, as
the Bennet sisters learn Chinese martial arts to tackle the roaming
armies of the undead. The chief zombie hunter is Mr Darcy, played
by Sam Riley, and Lily James is a feisty Elizabeth. (107min) Kate Muir
The Servant (U, 1963)
Talking Pictures, 9pm
Joseph Losey’s deliciously camp
black and white drama was scripted
50 years ago by Harold Pinter, just
as the Sixties were starting to
swing. The radical undertones in
the film add spice to a tale of
undeclared class war in classic
Pinter style. The cast is stellar: Dirk
Bogarde, pictured, is Barrett, an uppity manservant catering to the
many needs of a mildly dissolute, perfectly tailored Tony (James
Fox). Tony lolls about in his Chelsea townhouse, wooing Wendy
Craig. But Barrett, miraculously behind every door, starts to gently
manipulate Tony for his own ends. Barrett invites his “sister”,
a doe-eyed, mini-skirted Sarah Miles, to stay, resulting in an
iconic scene on a mid-century modern chair. (111min) Kate Muir
3 Days to Kill (15, 2014)
Channel 5, 11.05pm
You can imagine Kevin Costner’s talk with his agent: “If Liam
Neeson can revamp his career with a hack job like Taken, so can I.”
The result is 3 Days to Kill, directed by McG (Charlie’s Angels),
a slapdash Paris-set thriller about Ethan Renner (Costner) a
retiring CIA agent with terminal cancer who is forced back into
the game in return for a miracle cure. Suffice to say this is
not Costner’s finest hour — as he fumbles his way through a
conversation with his angry teenage daughter (Hailee Steinfeld);
moments later he’s having his face pushed into a meat slicer.
This is a straight-to-video B-movie, and watched in that spirit
might have popcorn appeal. (117min) KM
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 45
1G R
Thursday 5
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BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Live
Commonwealth Games 2018. Clare
Balding presents further coverage
of day one, with track cycling and
swimming taking centre stage in
Queensland 1.00pm BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Moving On.
A young man’s new job starts
affecting his relationship (r) 2.30
Escape to the Continent. A Kent
couple plan to relocate to the Puglia
region of Italy (r) 3.30 Money for
Nothing. Restoring a chimney pot,
a wooden chest and a discarded
bed 4.15 Flog It! From St Albans,
Hertfordshire (r) 5.15 Pointless.
Quiz show hosted by Alexander
Armstrong and Richard Osman
6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Live Commonwealth Games
2018. Hazel Irvine presents continued
coverage of day one, with artistic
gymnastics, track cycling and netball
all taking place in Queensland,
Australia 9.15 Oxford Street Revealed
(r) 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer
(r) 11.00 Street Auction (r) 11.45
Claimed and Shamed (r) 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt (r) 1.00 Commonwealth
Games 2018. Jason Mohammad
presents highlights of the opening
day in Queensland, Australia, with the
men’s and women’s triathlons, track
cycling and swimming all taking place
5.15 Put Your Money Where Your
Mouth Is. Jonty Hearnden and Danny
Sebastian go antique-hunting in
Annecy, France (r) 6.00 Eggheads.
Winners of famous game shows work
as a team to tackle new challengers
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30
Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show
(r) 10.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose
Women. The ladies put the world to
rights once more and invite a guest to
chat about what they are up to 1.30
ITV News; Weather 1.55 Regional
News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal. David
Dickinson helps members of the
public sort the treasures from their
trash, offering them the chance to put
items up for auction or accept a cash
sum (r) 4.00 Tipping Point. Arcadethemed quiz show in which
contestants drop tokens down a
choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The
Chase. Quiz show hosted by Bradley
Walsh 6.00 Regional News; Weather
6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.10 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.35 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.00 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r) 9.00
Frasier (r) 9.35 Frasier (r) 10.05
Ramsay’s Hotel Hell (r) 11.00 The
Simpsons (r) 11.30 The Simpsons (r)
12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Come Dine with Me (r)
1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (r) 2.10
Countdown. With Colin Murray in
Dictionary Corner 3.00 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun (r) 4.00 A New Life in
the Sun (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed (r)
5.30 Star Boot Sale. Comedy actress
Helen Lederer attends her first
car-boot sale 6.00 The Simpsons (r)
6.30 Hollyoaks. Marnie and Ellie are
concerned when they notice Alfie’s
change in behaviour (r)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Stuff. Studio debate on the day’s news
11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (r)
12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 GPs:
Behind Closed Doors (r) 1.10 Access.
Showbiz news and gossip 1.15 Home
and Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 NCIS.
Two bodies are found at a building
site on a Navy base (r) 3.20 FILM
Concrete Evidence: A Fixer Upper
Mystery (PG, TVM, 2017) Renovation
specialist Shannon Hughes turns
private detective to solve the
15-year-old missing persons case.
Light-hearted mystery drama starring
Jewel Kilcher, Colin Ferguson and Ron
Lea 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30
Neighbours. Chloe is offered a job by
Leo as his assistant (r) 6.00 Home
and Away. Alf is devastated when Roo
leaves home (r) 6.30 5 News Tonight
Not Going Out continues (9pm)
Big Cats About the House (8pm)
Mark Williams-Thomas (9pm)
Indian Summer School (9pm)
Amber Heard stars (11.05pm)
7.00 The One Show Topical stories
from around the UK
6.30 Commonwealth Games 2018:
The Games Today Clare Balding
presents the best of the action
from day one in Queensland, as
Alistair and Jonny Brownlee
looked to repeat their triathlon
medal-winning exploits of
Glasgow 2014
7.00 Emmerdale Rebecca
announces she is going to see a
hypnotherapist
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
7.00 The Yorkshire Vet Casebook
Julian Norton helps a sick calf,
and Peter Wright tends to a
two-day-old lamb that has
problems with its eyes
and a dog that needs major
surgery (5/10); followed
by 5 News Update
8.00 MasterChef The remaining
amateurs serve a three-course
fish lunch to celebrate 100
years of women’s right to
vote, and then create one
plate of food inspired by
someone they admire
8.00 Big Cats About the House
An injured cheetah needs
Giles’s help, while Maya
becomes famous after
appearing on breakfast
television — but her behaviour
is pushing the family to their
limits. Last in the series
8.00 Emmerdale Time is running
out for Aaron
8.30 The Cruise: Sailing the
Caribbean New series.
Life on board the Royal Princess
during a busy season (1/3)
8.00 Location, Location, Location
Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer
are in Bournemouth,
helping two single parents
find a home to bring their
families together and a couple
who are stuck in a rental rut
8.00 Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords
New series. An eviction lawyer
tries to evict squatters from an
abandoned print works and
landlords fall foul of two
YouTube stars using their
property as a film set (1/4);
followed by 5 News Update
9.00 Not Going Out Lee and
Lucy become addicted to
a television boxset. See
Viewing Guide (5/7)
9.30 Still Game Jack and Victor try
to get their hands on the last
steak pie in the butcher’s (5/6)
9.00 Civilisations David Olusoga
shows art was always on the
frontline when distant cultures
meet, including bronzes that
record the meeting of an
ancient West African kingdom
and Portuguese voyagers.
See Viewing Guide (6/9)
9.00 The Investigator: A British
Crime Story New series. The
journalist Mark WilliamsThomas looks into several cases
of missing women, aiming to
link them to two men currently
serving time for murder.
See Viewing Guide (1/3)
9.00 Indian Summer School Jack
faces extreme consequences
after refusing to join in with a
dare, Ethan struggles to fit in
and Harry has a fight. Jake’s
rule-breaking leads to conflict
with the headmaster (2/3)
9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
Gareth and Mitch are on the
trail of £2,500 in unpaid
parking tickets, while Matt
and Garry consider seizing a
haul of luxury watches to
pay more than £16,000
owed to a landlord
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 MOTD: The Premier League
Show Magazine programme
10.00 ITV News at Ten; followed by
Regional News and Weather
10.30 BBC Regional News
10.30 Newsnight The day’s events
presented by Kirsty Wark
10.00 24 Hours in Police Custody
Cameras follow as police dig up
the back garden of a house in
Luton searching for the body
of Natalia Wilkanowska, who
disappeared in 2003 (4/6) (r)
10.00 Undercover: Nailing the
Fraudsters Paul Connolly
investigates boiler room
scams, in which cold callers
flog fake investment
opportunities in everything
from wine and property,
to stock and shares (2/6)
11.05 First Dates The return of the
dating show, with ex-husband
and wife Stuart and Mandy
arriving in the restaurant to
offer each other moral support
as they try to find love again (r)
11.05 FILM 3 Days to Kill (12, 2014)
A dying CIA agent takes on one
last assignment while trying to
rebuild his relationship with his
estranged daughter. Action
thriller with Kevin Costner and
Amber Heard. See Film Choice
12.05am 999: On the Frontline (r) 1.00
The Island with Bear Grylls (r) (SL)
1.55 The Supervet (r) 2.50 George
Clarke’s Old House, New Home (r)
3.45 Building the Dream (r) 4.40 The
Question Jury (r) 5.35 Streetmate.
Scarlett Moffatt heads to London (r)
1.15am SuperCasino. Viewers take
part in live gaming 3.10 Secrets of the
National Trust with Alan Titchmarsh
(r) 4.00 Cruising with Jane McDonald
(r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL)
5.10 Great Artists (r) (SL)
5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
7.30 EastEnders Bernadette tries
to make Judith see sense
10.45 Unsolved: The Man with No
Alibi The reporter Bronagh
Munro examines the evidence
that convicted Omar Benguit of
the murder of South Korean
student Jong Ok Shin in
Bournemouth in 2002 (2/2)
11.45 Close Calls: On Camera A
rescue worker comes to the aid
of a crashed mountain biker (r)
12.15am Live Commonwealth Games
2018. Swimming, hockey and track
cycling coverage as day two of the
Games gets under way in
Queensland, Australia 3.30 Live
Commonwealth Games 2018. Further
swimming, hockey and track cycling
11.15 Top Gear Matt LeBlanc,
Chris Harris and Rory Reid test
drive the latest SUVs, and are
joined in the studio by Jason
Manford (6/6) (r)
12.20am Sign Zone: MasterChef. The
last quarter-finalists make their own
version of a full English breakfast (r)
(SL) 12.50 Amazing Hotels: Life
Beyond the Lobby (r) (SL) 1.50 Back in
Time for Tea (r) (SL) 2.50 Weather for
the Week Ahead 2.55 BBC News
7.30 Pets: The True Cost — Tonight
The cost of the UK’s love affair
with cats and dogs
10.45 Uefa Europa League Highlights
All the action from the
quarter-final first-leg matches,
which were Arsenal v CSKA
Moscow, Atletico Madrid v
Sporting Lisbon, Lazio v
FC Red Bull Salzburg,
and RB Leipzig v Marseille
11.45 Play to the Whistle With Ashley
Cole, Ore Oduba and
Kevin Bridges (4/6) (r)
12.35am Pets: The True Cost —
Tonight. The cost of the UK’s love
affair with cats and dogs (r) 1.00
Jackpot247. Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming
3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
46 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Paddy Considine
Thursday 5 | Primetime digital guide
The actor stars in the
period crime drama The
Suspicions of Mr Whicher
ITV3, 10pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days
7.30 Top of the Pops: 1985
Music by UB40 with
Chrissie Hynde, Madonna
and Kate Bush (R)
8.00 Commonwealth Games
Extra Extended highlights
of the opening day’s action
9.00 Putin, Russia & the West
Charting Vladimir Putin’s
career in Russian
politics (1/4) (R)
10.00 Inside Porton Down:
Britain’s Secret Weapons
Research Facility
Investigating the UK’s
secretive military
research base (R)
11.00 Russia: A Century of
Suspicion — A Timewatch
Guide Historian Saul David
examines how television
has portrayed Russia
through the years (3/4) (R)
12.00-1.00am Al Murray’s Great
British Spy Movies
Documentary (R)
7.00pm Murder, She Wrote
Jessica moves into a New
York apartment —
only to find the previous
tenant was murdered (R)
8.00 Vera A woman is murdered
in a hedgerow but her son
survives the attack, only to
fall beneath the ice of a
frozen pond as he makes his
escape. DCI Vera Stanhope
rescues him and as the
investigation unfolds, she
realises the key to solving
the case lies deep in his
memory. Stars Brenda
Blethyn (4/4) (R)
10.00-12.05am The Suspicions
of Mr Whicher Featurelength period drama based
on the book by Kate
Summerscale. Inspector
Jack Whicher travels to
Wiltshire to investigate a
murder at a country house.
Stars Paddy Considine and
Peter Capaldi (R)
6.55pm The Secret Life of the Zoo
At Chester Zoo, a Rothschild
giraffe gives birth, while
penguin chicks are about to
face the ordeal of joining
the main pool (R)
7.55 Grand Designs After
20 years of travelling, a
couple decide to settle
down by constructing a
contemporary, sustainable
family home in the
remote Campsie Fells in
Stirlingshire, Scotland (R)
9.00 The Good Fight Liz
represents her son’s
favourite teacher after she
senses the school fired him
for unlawful reasons. Lucca
enlists Elsbeth Tascioni’s
help when a lawsuit hits
close to home (4/13)
10.05 The Undateables Following
disabled people as they
search for romance (R)
11.10-12.15am 24 Hours in A&E
Documentary (R)
6.25pm FILM Battleship (12, 2012)
American naval vessels go
into battle against an
invading fleet of powerful
alien spaceships. Sci-fi
adventure starring Taylor
Kitsch, Liam Neeson and
Alexander Skarsgård
9.00 FILM Pride and Prejudice
and Zombies (15, 2016) Five
sisters in regency England
try to find suitable husbands
while battling hordes of the
living dead. Comedy
adventure starring Lily
James, Sam Riley, Matt
Smith and Charles Dance.
See Film Choice
11.10-1.20am FILM Conan the
Barbarian (15, 2011)
A warrior seeks revenge on
the warlord who killed his
father, and tries to stop him
magically making himself
all-powerful. Fantasy
adventure with Jason
Momoa and Stephen Lang
7.00pm The Simpsons (R)
7.30 The Simpsons Homer and
Marge visit a vineyard (R)
8.00 Arrow Roy Harper returns
to Star City, but he is in
serious trouble and his visit
has lasting consequences
for Team Arrow
9.00 SEAL Team The team is
called into action when a
research ship is hijacked in
the South China Sea, while
Alana finds a burner phone
among Nate’s belongings
10.00 In the Long Run Bagpipes
helps Valentine get match fit
for a trial with Leyton
Orient, while Agnes and
Kirsty discover that one of
their elderly neighbours has
died alone in his flat (3/6)
10.30 Football’s Funniest
Moments Comical incidents
from the Premier League (R)
11.00 The Force: North East (R)
12.00-1.00am Air Ambulance ER
Documentary (R)
7.00pm CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (R)
8.00 Blue Bloods A firearms
amnesty causes
problems for Danny (R)
9.00 Billions Chuck and Axe’s
battle of wits continues.
Stars Damian Lewis (2/12)
10.10 Silicon Valley New fifth
series of the US comedy.
Richard Hendricks’
decentralised internet
PiperNet approaches its
debut, but he is forced to
grow the company in ways
he had not planned (1/8)
10.45 Our Cartoon President
President Trump lets loose
while General Kelly is out of
town, throwing a party in
the wake of a government
shutdown (8/10)
11.20 Divorce Frances and Robert
try to establish new ground
rules for the kids (6/8) (R)
11.55-12.30am Last Week Tonight
with John Oliver (R)
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
Drama
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
7.00pm You’ve Been Framed!
Gold Camcorder calamities
narrated by Harry Hill
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Two and a Half Men
9.00 Family Guy
9.30 Family Guy
10.00 Celebrity Juice
Fred Sirieix, Lucy Fallon and
Gok Wan join in the fun
10.50 Family Guy
11.20 Family Guy
11.50-12.15am American Dad!
7.00pm Pawn Stars
7.30 Pawn Stars
8.00 The Big Fish Off With Jimmy
Bullard and Jamie O’Hara (2/4)
9.00 FILM Live and Let Die (PG,
1973) James Bond battles the
dictator of a Caribbean island
intent on flooding America with
limitless supplies of heroin. Spy
adventure with Roger Moore,
Yaphet Kotto and Jane Seymour
11.30-1.45am FILM 6 Bullets (15,
2012) Action thriller starring
Jean-Claude Van Damme
7.00pm Hollyoaks
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
8.00 The Big Bang Theory
8.30 Young Sheldon
The Cooper kids come up with
ways to resolve a family feud
9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
9.30 Derry Girls The arrival of an
attractive local parish priest (3/6)
10.00 The Inbetweeners (5/6)
10.35 The Windsors (1/6)
11.05 The Big Bang Theory
11.35-12.05am The Big Bang
Theory Comedy
7.00pm Last Man Standing
7.30 Last Man Standing Mandy
asks Mike to make a politically
correct speech at her graduation
8.00 Weather Terror: Brits Abroad
Britons caught up in extreme
weather events while overseas
9.00 When Mum Becomes Dad
and Son Becomes Daughter
Following three people undergoing
gender reassignment
10.00-12.20am FILM RocknRolla
(15, 2008) Crime comedy starring
Gerard Butler and Tom Wilkinson
6.35pm FILM Master Spy (U, 1964)
Cold War drama starring Stephen
Murray and June Thorburn
8.00 Gideon’s Way
The detective hunts for a serial
arsonist who has been driven mad
by the death of his family
9.00 FILM The Servant (12, 1963)
Psychological drama starring Dirk
Bogarde, James Fox, Wendy Craig
and Sarah Miles. See Film Choice
11.20-1.05am FILM The Brain
Machine (U, 1955) Thriller with
Maxwell Reid and Patrick Barr
6.40pm Are You Being Served?
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
8.00 A Place to Call Home
Anna is relieved when Gino
believes she miscarried
9.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries
Maverick country town doctor
Lucien Blake is not convinced a
gang of local hoodlums is behind
the death of a girl whose body
is found in a lake
10.00 New Tricks
11.20 Birds of a Feather
12.00-1.00am The Bill
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm First Britons Reassessing
the culture and origins of
Britain’s very first natives
8.00 After Hitler Documentary
examining the Nuremberg Trials,
the division of Germany, and the
founding of the United Nations
9.00 The Two Ronnies Elaine
Paige provides the music
9.55 The Two Ronnies Comedy
with music by Barbara Dickson
11.00 Steptoe and Son Harold
throws a Christmas party.
12.00-1.00am Steptoe and Son
7.00pm Police Interceptors
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
Agents Paul and Steve face a moral
dilemma in south London
9.00 Traffic Cops: Under Attack
Officers face the prospect of a
potential riot in Bradford
10.00 World’s Wildest Flights A
man recalls having to take control
of a plane when the pilot collapsed
11.00 The X-Files A murder
appears to be the work
of a mythical monster
12.00-1.00am The X-Files
7.00pm QI XL With Noel Fielding,
Rhod Gilbert and Cariad Lloyd
8.00 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit Kevin
Bridges and Natasia Demetriou
play a series of video games
9.00 QI XL With Sandi Toksvig,
Clive Anderson and Henning Wehn
10.00 Not Going Out Lee gets
jealous over Lucy’s first love,
so he tries to turn the tables
10.40 Not Going Out Lucy’s first
love reappears on the scene
11.20 Mock the Week
12.00-12.40am QI
6.40pm Brooklyn Bridge John A
Roebling’s inspiring creation
7.55 How Mad Was King George?
A look at the life of George III,
and scientists explode the
myths surrounding his illness
9.00 The Secrets of the Mary Rose
The story behind Henry VIII’s
warship, which sank in 1545
10.15 Jazz Dizzy Gillespie and
Charlie Parker’s performances of a
new jazz style in a Harlem club
11.35-12.50am How Mad Was King
George? The life of George III
7.00pm Music Videos... the ’90s
8.00 The Nineties
9.00 Urban Myths: Bob Dylan
Repeats of the playful comedies
9.30 Urban Myths: Samuel
Beckett and André the Giant
10.00 Urban Myths: Muhammad
Ali Stars Noel Clarke
10.30 Urban Myths: Hitler the
Artist Documentary
11.00 Urban Myths: Cary Grant
and Timothy Leary
11.30 Behold the Monkey
12.00-1.00am National Treasures
7.00pm The Real A&E
A man receives treatment when
he breaks both his legs
8.00 Elementary Sherlock tries to
track down a serial child-killer
9.00 Madam Secretary The
president of Sri Lanka’s psychic
advises him against a trade deal
10.00 Scandal Cyrus and David’s
plane is hacked on their way to a
digital piracy summit
11.00 Criminal Minds
12.00-1.00am Britain’s Most Evil
Killers Documentary
W
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm NCIS
8.00 NCIS
9.00 Deep State New series.
Ex-spy Max Easton is brought out
of retirement against his will.
See Viewing Guide (1/8)
10.00 American Dad!
10.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
7.00pm Wheeler Dealers
8.00 Classic Car Rescue
9.00 Tesla’s Death Ray: A Murder
Declassified The team discovers
unseen documents drawn by Tesla
10.00 Street Justice: The Bronx
11.00 Mysteries of the Missing
12.00-1.00am Tesla’s Death Ray:
A Murder Declassified
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
8.00 Car SOS
9.00 Wicked Tuna Defending
champion Dave Carraro finds his
fortunes changing
10.00 Science of Stupid
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Strippers:
Cars for Cash
7.00pm Friends
9.00 FILM Along Came Polly (12,
2004) Romantic comedy starring
Ben Stiller, Jennifer Aniston, Debra
Messing, Hank Azaria, Alec Baldwin
and Philip Seymour Hoffman
11.00-1.00am FILM Good Luck
Chuck (15, 2007) Comedy starring
Dane Cook and Jessica Alba
6.40pm One Foot in the Grave
7.20 Porridge
8.00 Dad’s Army
8.40 Only Fools and Horses
9.20 Harry Enfield and Chums
10.00 Harry Enfield and Chums
10.40 Two Doors Down
11.20-12.20am Jack Dee Live at the
Apollo The comic takes the stage
7.00pm My Dream Home
First-time buyers who want a
modern turnkey home
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
9.00 Cocaine Capital of the World:
Stacey Dooley Investigates
10.00 One Born Every Minute
11.00 Gavin & Stacey
11.40-12.20am Gavin & Stacey
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
SKY 301, VIRGIN 431, BT 501
SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
5.40pm 6 Below: Miracle on the
Mountain (12, 2017) Adventure
7.30 Hurricane Heist: Special
8.00 Spider-Man: Homecoming
(12, 2017) Teenager Peter Parker,
aka Spider-Man, must protect New
York City from a menacing new
villain, the Vulture. Superhero
adventure starring Tom Holland
10.20 Double Date (15, 2017)
Comedy thriller starring Danny
Morgan and Georgia Groome
12.00-1.55am Unforgettable (15,
2017) Thriller with Rosario Dawson
5.45pm Schindler’s List (15, 1993)
A German businessman employs
Jews in his factory to save them
from the Holocaust. Fact-based
drama starring Liam Neeson
9.00 Minority Report (12, 2002)
A cop goes on the run when three
supposedly infallible psychics
foretell he is about to kill a man he
has never heard of. Sci-fi thriller
starring Tom Cruise
11.25-1.35am Jurassic Park
(PG, 1993) Action adventure
starring Sam Neill
6.10pm Sing (U, 2016)
Animation featuring the voice of
Matthew McConaughey
8.00 Toy Story (PG, 1995)
A jealous toy cowboy vies with a
charismatic hi-tech astronaut
figure for their owner’s attention.
Pixar animated adventure with the
voices of Tom Hanks and Tim Allen
9.30 Hercules (U, 1997) Disney
animated adventure featuring
the voice of Tate Donovan
11.10-12.40am The Aristocats (U,
1970) Animated Disney adventure
5.15pm 2012 (12, 2009) As the
human race faces extinction in a
global cataclysm, a writer tries to
get his family to the last safe
refuge. Disaster movie starring
John Cusack and Chiwetel Ejiofor
8.00 Twister (PG, 1996) A
storm-chaser and her estranged
husband reunite to map the path
of a massive tornado. Action
thriller starring Helen Hunt
10.00-12.15am John Wick: Chapter
2 (15, 2017) Action sequel starring
Keanu Reeves and Ian McShane
7.00pm The Great Escape
(PG, 1963) Allied prisoners held in a
supposedly escape-proof
detention camp plan an ingenious
mass breakout. Second World War
drama with Steve McQueen, James
Coburn and Richard Attenborough
10.00 The Thomas Crown Affair
(PG, 1968) Crime drama starring
Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway,
Paul Burke and Yaphet Kotto
11.50-1.50am Three Days of the
Condor (15, 1975) Thriller starring
Robert Redford and Faye Dunaway
Maggie Siff and Paul Giamatti
star in season three of the drama
Billions (Sky Atlantic, 9pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 47
1G R
Thursday 5
Sports guide
Live Football
BT Sport 2, 7.30pm
Radio 1
Arsenal take on CSKA Moscow
at the Emirates in the first-leg
of their Europa League quarterfinal (kick-off 7.45pm). The
Gunners form in Europe has
belied their poor domestic
showing, with Arsène Wenger’s
side easing past AC Milan in the
last-16 with a 5-1 aggregate win
that included a brace for Danny
Welbeck, pictured, in the
second-leg. Also tonight Atlético
Madrid and Sporting Lisbon
clash (BT Sport 3, 8pm). JC
Sky Sports Main Event
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
10.00am-1.00pm LIVE NRL:
Canberra Raiders v
Canterbury-Bankstown
Bulldogs (Kick-off 10.50)
7.00-12.30am LIVE The
Masters: Augusta National
3.20-6.00 LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series:
The Hong Kong Sevens
Sky Sports Premier
League
SKY 402 VIRGIN 512
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am Nick Grimshaw
10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills
4.00 Greg James 5.45
Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James
7.00 Annie Mac 9.00 Charlie
Sloth 11.00 BBC Radio 1’s
Residency: TQD 12.00 BBC
Radio 1’s Residency: Jubilee
1.00am Toddla T 3.00 Radio 1
Comedy: Ray Moss No Stone
Unturned 4.00 Adele Roberts
8.30 EFL Greatest Games
9.00 La Liga Files
9.45 La Liga Icons
10.00 La Liga Show
10.30 EFL Matters
11.00 EFL Midweek Goals
12.00-12.30am Revista De
La Liga Highlights
Sky Sports Golf
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
7.00pm-12.30am LIVE The
Masters: The Augusta
National The opening day
Sky Sports Action
9.00am PL 100 Club
9.30 PL World
10.00 PL Daily
11.00 The Debate
12.00 PL World
12.30pm PL Greatest Games
1.00 PL 100 Club
2.00 PL Best Goals 04/05
3.00 PL Years
5.00 PL World
5.30 PL 100 Club
6.00 PL Today
6.30 PL 100 Club
7.00 PL World
7.30 PL Match Pack
8.00 Fantasy Football Club:
Merse Meets Tony Adams
9.30 PL World
10.00 The Debate
11.00 PL Match Pack
11.30 PL Today
12.00-1.00am PL Best Goals
SKY 407 VIRGIN 517
Sky Sports Football
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
5.00am Vanessa Feltz 6.30
Sara Cox 9.30 Ken Bruce.
Tracey Thorn’s penultimate
Tracks of My Years 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve
Wright 5.00 Mary Portas 7.00
Bob Harris Country 8.00 Ana
Matronic 10.00 The Radio 2
Arts Show with Anneka Rice
12.00 The Craig Charles House
Party (r) 2.00am Radio 2’s
Tracks of My Years Playlist
3.00 Radio 2 Playlist
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
7.00pm-10.30 LIVE Premier
League Darts Round nine
3.20am-6.00 LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series: The
Hong Kong Sevens
Sky Sports Arena
SKY 408 VIRGIN 518
10.00pm-12.45am LIVE
NRL: Canberra Raiders v
Canterbury-Bankstown
Bulldogs (Kick-off 10.50)
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
4.00pm-2.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Volvo Car Open
BT Sport 2
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
9.00am Scottish Cup
Greatest Games
9.15 Scottish Cup Greatest
Games Dundee v Rangers
9.30 La Liga Greatest Games
10.00 Greatest Players
10.30 Greatest Teams
11.00 One2Eleven
11.30 SPFL Greatest Games
12.00 Carling Cup Final
2011/12 Liverpool v Cardiff
1.00pm La Liga Icons
2.00 Capital One Cup Final
2012/13 Highlights
3.00 Greatest Players
3.30 Greatest Teams
4.00 Scottish Cup Greatest
Games Memorable matches
4.30 La Liga Greatest Games
5.00 EFL Midweek Goals:
Championship
5.30 EFL Midweek Goals:
Leagues 1 & 2
6.00 EFL Rivalries
7.00 EFL Matters
7.30 EFL Midweek Goals
Radio guide
7.30pm-10.45 LIVE UEFA
Europa League: Arsenal v
CSKA Moscow (Kick-off 7.45)
1.00am-3.30 LIVE NBA:
Cleveland Cavaliers v
Washington Wizards
BT Sport 3
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
8.00pm LIVE UEFA Europa
League: Atlético Madrid v
Sporting Lisbon
10.00-5.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Abierto
Monterrey Afirme
Eurosport 1
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
6.55am-10.30 LIVE Snooker:
China Open The fourth day
12.25pm-4.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open Further coverage
9.30-12.25am LIVE Curling
World Championships
The men’s round-robin
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schumann (r)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert The Castalian String
Quartet performs at the
Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh.
Haydn (String Quartet in
D minor, Op 76/2);
and Schumann
(String Quartet in A, Op 41/3)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Léo Delibes’ Lakmé, a story of
doomed love in late-19thcentury British India, in a
performance by Malmö Opera
4.30 BBC Young Musician
2018 Penny Gore presents
5.00 In Tune
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
7.30 Live Radio 3 in Concert
The RLPO plays Wagner, Elgar
and Schumann, from
Philharmonic Hall, Liverpool
10.00 Free Thinking
10.45 The Essay: The Book
That Changed Me. See Choice
11.00 Late Junction
12.30am Through the Night (r)
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Headlines
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
9.00 In Our Time
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Factfulness Hans Rosling
suggests the tendency to find
simple solutions prevents
people tackling the world’s
big problems effectively (4/5)
Today’s picks
Holbein’s Skull
Radio 4, 2.15pm
Here is a quiz for you.
Guess what painting is
being described by its artist:
“Ze portrait shall,” says the
artist, “be full length.” It will
feature a celestial globe, a lute
and — here’s the giveaway — a
skull. “To remind you, should it
be necessary, of ze transience
of sings.” Got it yet? If not, you should go back to whichever
“Introduction to Holbein” art book this play seems to have
been cribbed from. It is, of course, Holbein’s The Ambassadors,
pictured, and this play about it feels less like a piece of drama
than a history of art book made flesh. “In ze midst ov life,”
says the German painter (Clive Hayward), explaining why he
wants that big skull, “Ve are in death.” Still, George Farthing
is great as Jean de Dinteville, one of the ambassadors; and
the whole production has an antiquated sort of charm. And
you do learn a lot about art. Catherine Nixey
10.00 Woman’s Hour At 10.45
the 15 Minute Drama: Claudia
Roden’s A Book of Middle
Eastern Food (4/5)
11.00 Crossing Continents
11.30 Double-Talk (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
Forecast
12.04 Home Front
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Voices of the First World
War Documentary (4/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Holbein’s Skull
By Martyn Wade. Comedy
about two Frenchmen on a
diplomatic mission to King
Henry VIII. See Choice
3.00 Open Country
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal (r)
3.30 Bookclub (r)
4.00 The Film Programme
4.30 BBC Inside Science
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to
the Galaxy: Hexagonal Phase
7.00 The Archers
Ed is falsely accused
7.15 Front Row
7.45 A Book of Middle
Eastern Food (r)
8.00 The Briefing Room
8.30 In Business New series.
The impact of Brexit on Ireland
9.00 BBC Inside Science (r)
9.30 In Our Time (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: Rabbit
Is Rich By John Updike. Harry
finally finds out the truth about
Nelson and Melanie (4/10)
11.00 Beef and Dairy Network
New series. Spoof magazine
11.30 The Digital Human (r)
12.00 News Headlines
12.30am Book of the Week:
Factfulness (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Reports 5.15 Wake Up
to Money 6.00 5 Live Breakfast
10.00 The Emma Barnett
Show with Anna Foster
1.00pm Afternoon Edition
4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport. Mark Chapman
presents the day’s sports
news 8.00 5 Live Formula 1
8.30 At Home with Colin
Murray 9.00 5 Live Golf: The
Masters 10.00 Phil Williams
1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil
Sports Breakfast 10.00 Jim
White, Ray Parlour and Bob
Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham
and Darren Gough 7.00 Live
Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with
Adam Catterall
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Marriage Lines
8.30 The Goon Show 9.00
Listomania 9.30 HR 10.00
Anna Karenina 11.00 The Bad
Boy 11.15 HMS Surprise 12.00
Marriage Lines 12.30pm
The Goon Show 1.00 Brother
Cadfael: The Virgin in the Ice
1.30 100 Years of the Royal
Flying Corps 2.00 The Essex
Serpent 2.15 Disability: A New
History 2.30 The Old
Curiosity Shop 2.45 On Her
Majesty’s Secret Service
3.00 Anna Karenina 4.00
Listomania 4.30 HR 5.00
North by Northamptonshire
5.30 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to
the Galaxy: Hexagonal Phase
6.00 Hothouse 6.30 Great
Lives 7.00 Marriage Lines
7.30 The Goon Show 8.00
Brother Cadfael: The Virgin in
the Ice 8.30 100 Years of the
Royal Flying Corps 9.00 The
Bad Boy 9.15 HMS Surprise
10.00 Comedy Club: The
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy: Hexagonal Phase
10.30 Sketchorama 11.00
Masala FM 11.30 Bleak
Expectations
The Essay: The Book
That Changed Me
Radio 3, 10.45pm
This is a lovely idea. Every
night this week celebrities are
picking, as the title suggests,
books that have had a deep
impact on them and changed
them. On Monday, it was Afua
Hirsch on Wide Sargasso Sea;
Tuesday had Henry Marsh on
War and Peace (a book that
inspired him to drive across
Europe and volunteer as a
surgeon in the Ukraine) and
tonight it’s the turn of Alastair
Campbell who has, somewhat
unexpectedly, chosen
Madame Bovary. Apparently,
it gave him a lifelong love
of French culture. CN
BBC World Service
Digital only
9.00am News 9.06 The
Thought Show 10.00 World
Update 11.00 The Newsroom
11.30 The Food Chain 12.00
News 12.06pm Outlook
1.00 The Newsroom 1.30
Assignment 2.00 Newshour
3.00 News 3.06 The Inquiry
3.30 Business 4.00 BBC OS
6.00 News 6.06 Outlook
7.00 The Newsroom 7.30
Sport Today 8.00 News
8.06 The Inquiry 8.30
Science in Action 9.00
Newshour 10.00 News
10.06 Assignment 10.30 The
Food Chain 11.00 News 11.06
The Newsroom 11.20 Sports
News 11.30 Business
12.06am The Thought Show
1.00 News 1.06 Business
Matters 2.00 News 2.06 The
Newsroom 2.30 Assignment
3.00 News 3.06 HARDtalk
3.30 World Football 4.00
News 4.06 Outlook
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny
10.00 Tom Ravenscroft
1.00pm Stuart Maconie
4.00 Steve Lamacq 6.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 Steve Lamacq 1.00am
Sound and Vision
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Nicholas
Owen 1.00pm Anne-Marie
Minhall 5.00 Classic FM Drive
7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert.
Catherine Bott celebrates the
life and recordings of the
Austrian conductor Herbert
von Karajan, featuring pieces
by Rossini, Beethoven and
Felix Mendelssohn
10.00 Smooth Classics
1.00am Jane Jones
48 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Friday 6 | Viewing guide
Critic’s choice
The City & the City
BBC Two, 9pm
In 2009 the British author
China Miéville’s sci-fi-tinged
detective novel The City & the
City earned critical acclaim
and comparisons with Kafka,
Orwell and Philip K Dick. You
imagine, however, that a
screen adaptation was by no
means a given, thanks to the
tricksy nature of its central
concept: the two cities of the
title co-exist in the same
geographical space, but are
separate because people are
taught from birth to “unsee
the other city” — it’s illegal
for one city’s people to see
the other’s populace or
acknowledge them. If that
sounds confusing, it’s
testament to this intriguing
four-part adaptation that it
doesn’t feel that way, the
complex theme underpinning
a familiar noir detective
story. David Morrissey is
Inspector Borlu of a secret
police force that ensures
nobody breaks the laws
segregating the two cities —
drab, eastern Europeanlooking hives named Beszel
and Ul Qoma. As befits a
Chandler-esque detective
with a touch of the Blade
Runners, Borlu is world-weary,
smokes hard and wears a cool
leather coat against the urban
rain. And as he investigates
the murder of a foreign
student with the help of
a mouthy young sidekick
Corwi (Mandeep Dhillon),
mysterious events from his
past start to plague him.
Inevitably, he will have to go
to the other city where, it will
turn out, things are very
different indeed. Written by
Tony Grisoni (Red Riding) and
imaginatively directed by Tom
Shankland (The Missing),
it’s a brooding thriller full of
ambitious ideas and
dystopian moodiness.
James Jackson
Further recommendations
Electric Dreams, Channel 4’s anthology of dystopian sci-fi
dramas based on Philip K Dick’s short stories, is available on All4
Sounds Like
Friday Night
Young Musician
2018: Strings
Have I Got
News for You
Front Row Late
BBC One, 7.30pm
BBC Four, 7.30pm
BBC One, 9.30pm
The return of the live music
show that’s pluckily taken on
comparisons with Top of the
Pops. Reviews of the first series
complained that there was not
enough actual music,
something the BBC seems to
have taken note of (there’s no
mention of comedy skits this
time in the publicity
information), and among
tonight’s popular beat combos
are the Noughties indie-rock
favourites Snow Patrol and
synth-pop group Years & Years.
Older pop pickers could instead
watch the Billy Fury repeat on
BBC Four (10pm). JJ
Now in its 40th year, the BBC
Young Musician — the thinking
man’s X Factor — has an
enviable reputation for finding
outstanding talent, and the first
in the 2018 category finals
features five teenage string
virtuosos. As well as showing
them performing at the Royal
Birmingham Conservatoire’s
new concert hall, the
programme will take viewers
behind the scenes to find out
what it takes to compete at this
level. The competition will
continue weekly, covering
strings, percussion, woodwind,
brass and keyboard. JJ
Guests in the first of a new
run are young gun Josh
Widdicombe and BBC
Breakfast presenter Steph
McGovern. Being a straighttalking working-class type, the
latter recently told The Sunday
Times that inequality at the
BBC is down to both a gender
and a class gap. Step forward
tonight’s Oxbridge-educated
male host, Jeremy Paxman,
and after 55 series it’s slightly
amazing that this will be Paxo’s
first go taking on the slings and
arrows of outrageous satirists
Ian Hislop and Paul Merton.
Should be fun. JJ
A year after the first series of
the arts show, out goes Giles
Coren as host — “The arts (and
especially theatre) world will be
wearing black armbands,” he
joked — in comes Mary Beard.
And now the show will go out
live and dangerous. Beard is
excited. “I think I can promise
that it will be edgy, from the
heart and from the head!”
Late-night live TV has often
been enlivened by unforeseen
events, although the days of
Oliver Reed clambering about
are long gone. Beard also
claims that her cultural tastes
are high and low, so perhaps
she’s a fan of Love Island and
Wonder Woman. JJ
Catch
up
Crashing
All4
In 2016, before Fleabag
went from stage
to BBC Three
and sent its
creator, Phoebe
Waller-Bridge,
pictured,
to Hollywood,
she wrote and
starred in this
sitcom following a
group of disparate
young souls living
together as property
guardians in a
disused London hospital. In an
age of unaffordable housing,
people can pay as little as
£25 a week to live in
unoccupied buildings in
exchange for protecting
the property. “You’re
not allowed to ’ave
parties, cook meals,
light candles, ’ave
sex, express
emotion,” says one
inhabitant, the
wonderfully
deadpan
Melody (Julie Dray).
It’s an update on
the flatshare sitcom
and a neat way to fling
lots of oddballs
together, plus the
writing is witty.
Joe Clay
BBC Two, 11.05pm
Variations
● BBC Two Wales As BBC Two except:
5.15pm-5.45 Wales Football:
The Women in Red (r)
● BBC1 N Ireland As BBC One except:
6.55pm-7.00 Party Political Broadcast
● BBC2 N Ireland As BBC Two except:
6.45pm Escape to the Country (r) 7.30
Live Ulster Rugby 9.30-10.30 The City &
the City 11.05 Episodes 11.35 Front Row
Late 12.05am-12.25 BBC News
● Channel As ITV except:
12.50am-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
● ITV Wales As ITV except:
8.00pm-8.30 Velindre: Hospital of Hope
● STV As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Peter
& Roughie’s Friday Football Show
12.50am Teleshopping 1.50 After
Midnight 3.20 Tenable (r) 4.10 ITV
Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show
(r) 5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
● UTV As ITV except: 6.25pm-6.30
Party Political Broadcast 8.00-8.30 UTV
Life 12.50am Teleshopping 2.20-3.00 ITV
Nightscreen
● S4C 6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r)
6.15 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 6.25 Guto
Gwningen (r) 6.40 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r)
6.50 Ty Mel (r) 7.00 Meic y Marchog (r)
7.15 Ysbyty Cyw Bach (r) 7.30 Nico Nôg (r)
7.40 Digbi Draig (r) 7.50 Twm Tisian (r)
8.00 Cymylaubychain (r) 8.10 Oli Wyn
8.20 Crads Bach y Traeth (r) 8.25 Cled (r)
8.40 Marcaroni (r) 8.55 Bach a Mawr (r)
9.10 Stiw (r) 9.25 Yn yr Ardd (r) 9.35 Nodi
(r) 9.45 Llan-ar-goll-en (r) 10.00 Hafod
Haul (r) 10.15 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 10.25
Guto Gwningen (r) 10.40 Tomos a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 10.50 Ty Mel (r) 11.00 Meic y
Marchog (r) 11.15 Ysbyty Cyw Bach (r)
11.30 Nico Nôg (r) 11.40 Digbi Draig (r)
11.50 Twm Tisian (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 12.05pm Genod y Carnifal (r)
12.30 Band Cymru 2018 (r) 1.30 Llys Nini
(r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30 Dei a Tom (r) 4.00
Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Larfa (r) 5.05
Crwbanod Ninja (r) 5.30 Gogs (r) 5.35
Y Gemau Gwyllt (r) 6.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 6.05 Cwpwrdd Dillad (r) 6.30
Celwydd Noeth (r) 7.00 Heno 7.30
Live Clwb Rygbi: Ospreys v Connacht
(Kick-off 7.35) Coverage of the match
from the 19th round of PRO14 fixtures
9.35 Galw Nain Nain Nain 10.10 Y Stiwdio
Gefn (r) 10.40-11.45 Parch (r)
(r) repeat (SL) In-vision signing
Films of the day
Four Weddings and a Funeral (15, 1994)
Film4, 9pm
This rom-com, scripted by Richard Curtis and directed by Mike
Newell, spawned a host of inferior imitations. Yet the comedy still
fizzes and sparkles like a glass of champers. Hugh Grant is the
bumbling but charming Englishman Charles, Andie MacDowell is
the elegant American Carrie. The pair meet and spark at a series of
weddings, but her being engaged to someone else threatens to
thwart their budding romance. The budget of the film was so
limited that the extras had to provide their own suits for the
weddings, but it went on to gross more than $245 million at the
box office. (117min) Wendy Ide
Room at the Top (15, 1959)
Talking Pictures, 10.50pm
Jack Clayton’s adaptation of John
Braine’s novel remains one of the
most important moments in British
cinema. Laurence Harvey, pictured
with Simone Signoret, is electric as
the social climber Joe Lampton,
who pitches up in a Yorkshire town
determined to make good. His
efforts, via the wooing of the daughter of the local bigwig, are
thwarted and Lampton finds himself alongside Jimmy Porter
and Arthur Seaton in a fine line of disenchanted Fifties
dreamers. Hermione Baddeley, who was nominated for the
best supporting actress Oscar, is on screen for a grand total
of 139 seconds. Unsurprisingly, she still holds the record for
shortest screen time to gain a nomination. (117min) Chris Bennion
Lawless (18, 2012)
Channel 4, 12.45am
Adapted from a screenplay by the director John Hillcoat’s
occasional collaborator Nick Cave, this is a conventional, but not
unwatchable action film. In Franklin, Virginia, in 1931 three brothers
in the moonshine business have developed a fearsome mythology
that precedes them in their dealings with customers for their
rotgut hooch. The Bondurant brothers — played by Tom Hardy,
Jason Clarke and Shia LaBeouf — are said to be unkillable. The
film seems remarkably well groomed for a story about bootlegbrewing hillbillies who are involved in a blood feud with the local
law enforcement. If ever a movie called for a layer of authentic
muck and misery, it’s this one. (116min) WI
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 49
1G R
What is catch-up?
Catch-up TV services, such as the BBC iPlayer, offer recent and archive programmes that you may
have missed, and can be accessed online, on tablet or smartphone. You can watch these shows on
your TV depending on your set-up. If you watch Freeview via a YouView box — or have Sky, Virgin,
Freesat or BT Vision — you’ll find an on-screen guide. Full explanation at thetimes.co.uk/catchup
Friday 6
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Live
Commonwealth Games 2018.
Continued coverage, with swimming
and track cycling the main focus
1.00pm BBC News at One; Weather
1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45
Moving On. A woman inherits a house
from her late mother (r) 2.30 Escape
to the Continent. An Essex couple
hoping to start a new life and
business in Tuscany, Italy (r) 3.30
Money for Nothing. Items found at
Woking Recycling Centre include a
set of discarded garden chairs. Last in
the series 4.15 Flog It! Antiques
experts Charles Hanson and Adam
Partridge unearth all manner of items
to auction in Morecambe, Lancashire
(r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show 6.00 BBC
News at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC
Regional News; Weather
6.00am Live Commonwealth Games
2018. Coverage of day two of the
Games, with the women’s artistic
gymnastics team all-around final
taking centre stage 9.15 Oxford Street
Revealed (r) 10.00 Homes Under the
Hammer (r) 11.00 Street Auction (r)
11.45 Claimed and Shamed. Last in the
series. 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Two
teams of married couples seek
valuable items in Newark,
Nottinghamshire (r) 1.00
Commonwealth Games 2018.
Highlights of the second day in
Queensland 5.15 Put Your Money
Where Your Mouth Is. Jonty Hearnden
vs Danny Sebastian compete in West
Sussex (r) 5.45 Golf: The Masters
Highlights. Eilidh Barbour presents
action from the opening day at
Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30
Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Guests air their differences (r) 10.30
This Morning. Chat and lifestyle
features 12.30pm Loose Women. The
singer and presenter Alesha Dixon
joins the panellists 1.30 ITV News;
Weather 1.55 Regional News; Weather
2.00 Judge Rinder. Cameras follow
criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he
takes on real-life cases in a studio
courtroom 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal.
David Dickinson accompanies Cheryl
Hakeney, Jo Brayshaw and James
Layte to Leigh in Greater Manchester
for a day of valuations (r) 4.00
Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts
the arcade-themed quiz show 5.00
The Chase. Quiz show hosted by
Bradley Walsh 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock
from the Sun (r) 7.10 3rd Rock from
the Sun (r) 7.35 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 8.00 Everybody
Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
9.00 Frasier (r) 9.30 Frasier (r) 10.00
Ramsay’s Hotel Hell (r) 10.50 The
Simpsons (r) 11.20 The Simpsons (r)
11.50 Channel 4 News Summary 11.55
Live Formula 1 Bahrain Grand Prix
Practice 1. Coverage from the second
round of the season at the Bahrain
International Circuit in Sakhir 2.10pm
Countdown 3.00 A Place in the Sun:
Winter Sun (r) 4.00 A New Life in the
Sun (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed (r) 5.30 Star
Boot Sale. Gogglebox’s Sandi Bogle
puts items up for sale 6.00 The
Simpsons. Three festive shorts with
the family (r) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Ellie
attempts to cheer up Alfie (r)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright
Stuff 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It
Away (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime
12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (r) 1.15
Home and Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15
NCIS. A security guard is killed during
a bank robbery (r) 3.15 FILM A
Father’s Guilty Secret (PG, TVM,
2016) An ambitious young attorney
discovers disturbing facts about her
boss and her family while working on
a billion-dollar wrongful death case.
Thriller starring Willa Ford 5.00 5
News at 5 5.30 Neighbours. The
Cannings pull together as they meet
Clive to learn the cause of Sheila’s
memory losses (r) 6.00 Home and
Away. Jasmine finds her stalker in her
caravan. The Astonis are rocked by
Maggie’s reaction to chemotherapy
(r) 6.30 5 News Tonight
Sounds Like Friday Night (7.30pm)
England’s Toni Duggan (6.45pm)
Ron Perlman is Hellboy (10.45pm)
Shia LaBeouf stars (12.45am)
Canterbury Cathedral (8pm)
7.00 The One Show Live chat and
topical reports presented by
Alex Jones and Amol Rajan
6.45 Live Football: Women’s World
Cup Qualification — England v
Wales (Kick-off 7.00). Coverage
of the World Cup qualifying
Group One match at St Mary’s
Stadium, Southampton, where
Phil Neville takes charge of his
first competitive fixture after
beiing named
d Englland
d boss in
January. The hosts currently
occupy second place in the
group table behind Wales,
having played one match fewer,
but boast a perfect record thus
far having won all three of their
games, scoring 15 goals and
conceding none in the process
7.00 Emmerdale Laurel faces an
emotional day, and Rebecca
needs to confess
7.00 Channel 4 News Including
sport and weather
7.00 The Gadget Show The team
puts the latest outdoor gadgets
to the test — from staying dry
against the weather and using
a supercharged torch for
tea-making, to dodging
paintballs and hunting Bigfoot
(4/12); 5 News Update
8.00 I Don’t Like Mondays New
series. Comedy game show
hosted by Alan Carr, in which
audience members compete to
get the chance to resign live on
air. With guest, the actress and
Britain’s Got Talent judge,
Amanda Holden (1/3)
8.00 Britain’s Great Cathedrals with
Tony Robinson The history of
Canterbury Cathedral, the
“mother church” for more than
85 million people, and one of
the biggest tourist attractions
in the UK (2/6); followed
by 5 News Update
9.30 Have I Got News for You New
series. Jeremy Paxman hosts
the comedy news quiz.
See Viewing Guide
9.00 The City & the City New series.
A female’s body is found at
Bulkya Docks, and Inspector
Tyadoe Borlu is surprised by the
similarities to an old case that
still haunts him. Thriller starring
David Morrissey and Mandeep
Dhillon. See Viewing Guide (1/4)
9.00 Lethal Weapon Riggs and
Murtaugh are thrown into the
world of counterfeit money and
when a group of teenagers
inadvertently gets involved, it
strikes a chord with Murtaugh
who is dealing with his own
issues regarding his son RJ
9.00 Gogglebox Capturing the
households’ instant reactions to
what they are watching on
television from the comfort
of their own sofas
9.00 Jane McDonald & Friends
The host sings some of her
favourite songs with a live
band, inviting Spandau Ballet
legend Tony Hadley and the
singer and actor Shayne Ward
to join her on stage (5/5)
10.00 BBC News at Ten; BBC Regional
News; Weather; Followed by
National Lottery Update
10.00 Episodes The video of Matt’s
escapade with the girl in the
box goes viral (2/7)
10.00 ITV News at Ten; followed by
Weather
10.00 Lee and Dean Lee broods over
the fact that Dean is dating
Mrs Bryce D’Souza (2/5)
10.00 Will & Grace Jack is unhappy
that Will has rekindled his
relationship with Michael
10.35 The Graham Norton Show New
series. Emily Blunt and John
Krasinski discuss horror movie
A Quiet Place, and Tom Holland
chats about Avengers: Infinity
War. With music from Kylie
Minogue (1/13)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events presented by Evan Davis
10.30 Regional News; Weather
10.35 8 Out of 10 Cats Aisling Bea is
joined by Jordan Stephens and
Desiree Burch, while Rob
Beckett teams up with Loose
Women panellist Ayda Field and
comic Dane Baptiste (8/11) (r)
10.35 Greatest Ever Celebrity Wind
Ups Joe Pasquale narrates
another selection of pranks
pulled by British famous faces,
including Olly Murs tricking
Caroline Flack with a terrifying
driverless car journey (4/6) (r)
7.30 Sounds Like Friday Night New
series. Music by Years and
Years, Snow Patrol and Meghan
Trainor. See Viewing Guide (1/5)
8.00 EastEnders The day of the
E20 re-opening arrives
8.30 Room 101 Frank Skinner
introduces a look back at some
of the best bits from the series,
plus a few unseen clips (9/9)
9.00 MasterChef The best six
amateurs compete in the
last of the semi-finals
11.25 Commonwealth Games 2018:
The Games Today Day two
11.55 Live Commonwealth Games
2018 Coverage of day three.
England’s Max Whitlock goes
for glory in the men’s artistic
gymnastics individual allaround final, England look to
defend their title in the triathlon
mixed team relay, and Canada’s
men take on Scotland in their
second Pool A hockey match
11.05 Front Row Late New series.
Mary Beard presents the show.
See Viewing Guide
11.35 The Assassination of Gianni
Versace: American Crime Story
Fact-based US crime drama
starring Darren Criss (6/9) (r)
12.25am Sign Zone: Rehab — Addicted
Lives (r) (SL) 1.45 Civilisations.
Exploring the links between art and
religion (r) (SL) 2.45 The Assassination
of Gianni Versace: American Crime
Story (r) (SL) 3.30 Weather for the
Week Ahead 3.35 BBC News
7.30 Coronation Street Mary and
Tracy spring a surprise on Jude,
while Shona hopes that David
has come to his senses
8.00 Love Your Garden The greenfingered experts help transform
a Hull nurse’s garden (6/8)
8.30 Coronation Street Jude begs
Mary to keep a secret from
Angie. Josh’s new friendship
rings alarm bells for David
10.45 FILM Hellboy II: The Golden
Army (12, 2008) The demon
hero battles a renegade elf
prince, who plans to reawaken
an unstoppable robot army and
destroy mankind. Action
fantasy sequel starring Ron
Perlman and Selma Blair
12.50am Jackpot247. Viewers get
the chance to participate in live
interactive gaming from the comfort
of their sofas, with a mix of roulettewheel spins and lively chat from the
presenting team 3.00 Take on the
Twisters (r) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen
11.20 Rob Beckett’s Playing for Time
Asim Chaudhry joins the host
to play video games (2/4)
11.50 Rude Tube Alex Zane features
more internet clips (8/10) (r)
11.35 Lip Sync Battle UK: Joey Essex
vs Louie Spence Hosted
by Melanie Brown and
Professor Green (3/4)
12.45am FILM Lawless (18, 2012)
Crime drama starring Shia LaBeouf.
See Film Choice 2.45 Kiss Me First (r)
(SL) 3.40 Electric Dreams: Kill All
Others (r) (SL) 4.35 The Question
Jury (r) 5.30 Streetmate (r) 5.55
Kirstie’s Fill Your House for Free (r)
12.00 SuperCasino 3.10am GPs:
Behind Closed Doors. The work of
doctors at Farnham Road Surgery
in Slough, Berkshire (r) 4.00 GPs:
Behind Closed Doors (r) 4.45 House
Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Great Scientists
(r) (SL) 5.35 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
550 saturday review
1G R
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Billy Fury
Friday 6 | Primetime digital guide
The Sound of Fury explores
the life and career of the
Liverpool-born performer
BBC Four, 10pm
FV Freeview FS Freesat
BBC Four
ITV3
More4
Film4
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
FV 9, FS 107, SKY 116, VIRGIN 107
FV 10, FS, 115, SKY 119, VIRGIN 117
FV 14, FS 124, SKY 138, VIRGIN 195
FV 15, FS 300, SKY 315, VIRGIN 428
SKY 106, VIRGIN 110
SKY 108
7.00pm World News Today
7.30 BBC Young Musician 2018
New series. Josie d’Arby is
joined by Alison Balsom to
review five strings finalists.
See Viewing Guide (1/8)
9.00 Forever Young: How
Rock ’n’ Roll Grew Up
Documentary exploring
how rock ’n’ roll stars have
coped with growing old
after being symbols
of rebellion. Iggy Pop,
Lemmy, Suggs, Alison Moyet
and Rick Wakeman
contribute (R)
10.00 Billy Fury: The Sound of
Fury The story of the
Liverpool-born performer
and his impact on British
popular music (R)
11.30-12.30am It’s Only Rock ’n’
Roll: Rock ’n’ Roll at the BBC
Including performances by
Jerry Lee Lewis, Dick Dale,
Neil Sedaka, Tom Petty,
Oasis and Joan Jett (R)
7.00pm Murder, She Wrote Jessica
investigates a series of
muggings committed on a
college campus — but the
case soon takes a more
sinister turn (R)
8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple
A blizzard forces the
sleuthing spinster to spend
a night in isolated Sittaford
House, situated on a Devon
moor and a Ouija board
predicts a murder (5/5) (R)
10.00 The Syndicate Five workers
at a struggling Leeds
supermarket face an
uncertain future — but then
their numbers come up
on the lottery (1/5) (R)
11.05-12.10am Killer Women with
Piers Morgan Meeting
Florida woman Jennifer
Mee, who in 2013 was
sentenced to life without
parole for her part in the
murder of a man in a
dark alleyway (3/5) (R)
6.55pm The Secret Life of the Zoo
A new female chimp arrives
at Chester Zoo, the runt of
the otter litter goes missing,
and cheetah mum Kinky Tail
is on the operating table (R)
7.55 Grand Designs A Kent
couple sell their Victorian
cottage and hope to convert
a concrete water tower in
their back garden into
a dream home (R)
9.00 Rough Justice A trainee
nurse is found dead in the
mortuary, with her face
hastily covered in clown
make-up and in her neck the
trace of an injection (5/13)
10.00 24 Hours in A&E A
22-year-old is rushed in with
stab wounds to his face and
arm, and a 70-year-old
dislocates his shoulder (R)
11.05-12.10am 24 Hours in A&E The
team treats patients who
have injured themselves
through work or play (R)
6.45pm FILM Back to the Future
(PG, 1985) A teenager
travels back in time and gets
stuck in the 1950s — where
he has to make sure his
parents fall in love. Sci-fi
comedy adventure with
Michael J Fox and
Christopher Lloyd
9.00 FILM Four Weddings and a
Funeral (15, 1994) A man’s
misfortunes in love look set
to change when he meets
an American beauty at a
wedding. Richard Curtis’s
romantic comedy starring
Hugh Grant and Andie
MacDowell. See Film Choice
11.20-1.05am FILM Bullet to the
Head (15, 2012) A hitman
and a police detective join
forces to seek revenge on
the man who murdered
both their partners. Action
thriller with Sylvester
Stallone, Sung Kang and
Christian Slater
7.00pm The Simpsons Principal
Skinner and Mrs Krabappel
get engaged (R)
7.30 The Simpsons Marge and
Homer go on a second
honeymoon (R)
8.00 The Simpsons Marge forces
everyone to go to a book
shop. With the guest voice
of Daniel Radcliffe
8.30 Modern Family Mitchell
gets a great new job, so he
and Cam throw a party
9.00 Karl Pilkington: The
Moaning of Life Karl
Pilkington considers the
point of art (1/6) (R)
10.00 The Late Late Show with
James Corden: Best of the
Week Highlights (R)
11.00 A League of Their Own
James Corden hosts the
sports quiz (1/11) (R)
12.00-1.00am Football’s Funniest
Moments A look back at
comical incidents from the
Premier League (2/3) (R)
7.00pm CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation The team sets
out to track down the culprit
who poisoned a real-estate
entrepreneur (R)
8.00 Blue Bloods Jamie and
Eddie ask Erin to drop the
charges against a man who
rescued a woman from a
local hostage situation (R)
9.00 Game of Thrones Tyrion is
sent to greet a royal party
from Dorne, Jon Snow finds
himself on trial at Castle
Black, Daenerys heads to
Meereen and Arya runs into
a familiar face (1/10) (R)
10.15 Game of Thrones The day
of King Joffrey’s wedding to
Margaery Tyrell arrives, and
Bran experiences a series
of visions (2/10) (R)
11.30-12.45am Game of Thrones
Dontos spirits Sansa out of
King’s Landing, and Tywin
has an offer for Oberyn
Martell (3/10) (R)
ITV2
ITV4
E4
5STAR
Talking Pictures
Drama
FV 6, FS 113, SKY 118, VIRGIN 115
FV 24, FS 117, SKY 120, VIRGIN 118
FV 28, FS 122, SKY 136, VIRGIN 106
FV 30, FS 131, SKY 176, VIRGIN 151
FV 81, FS 306, SKY 343, VIRGIN 445
FV 20, FS 158, SKY 158, VIRGIN 128
7.00pm You’ve Been Framed!
Gold Comical clips
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Two and a Half Men Walden
tries to spice up his relationship
9.00 FILM American Pie (15, 1999)
Four teenage boys make a pact to
lose their virginity before the
high-school prom, but cause huge
embarrassment in the process.
Comedy with Jason Biggs
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 Family Guy
11.55-12.25am American Dad!
7.00pm Pawn Stars
7.30 Pawn Stars A dollar bill
signed by Clark Gable
8.00 The Motorbike Show
Henry Cole tours Majorca
9.00 Car Crash Britain: Caught on
Camera Jamie Theakston narrates
10.00-12.05am FILM First Blood
(15, 1982) A Vietnam veteran
escapes unjust imprisonment and
flees into the wilderness, where he
fights the law on his own terms.
Action thriller starring Sylvester
Stallone and Brian Dennehy
7.00pm Hollyoaks
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
Producing a life-sized dress cake
8.00 The Big Bang Theory
8.30 The Big Bang Theory
9.00 FILM The Watch (15, 2012)
A supermarket manager forms a
neighbourhood watch group to
patrol his community, but stumbles
on an alien invasion. Sci-fi comedy
with Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn
11.00 The Big Bang Theory
11.30 The Big Bang Theory
11.55-1.00am First Dates
7.00pm Last Man Standing Mike
and Mandy try to help Vanessa
7.30 Last Man Standing American
comedy. Last in the series
8.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
9.00 FILM Fury (15, 2014) An
American tank crew undertakes a
final dangerous mission behind
enemy lines in the last months of
the Second World War. Drama
starring Brad Pitt and Shia LaBeouf
11.40-2.00am FILM Revolver (15,
2005) Guy Ritchie’s crime drama
starring Jason Statham
6.35pm FILM Profile (PG, 1954)
Drama starring John Bentley
7.55 Glimpses: London’s
West End 1946
8.00 Gideon’s Way Investigating
a plot to fix horse races
9.00 FILM The Naked Truth (U,
1957) Famous faces band together
to stop a ruthless blackmailer.
Comedy starring Peter Sellers,
Terry-Thomas and Peggy Mount
10.50-1.10am FILM Room at the
Top (15, 1959) Drama starring
Laurence Harvey. See Film Choice
6.40pm Are You Being Served?
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine
Billy recruits for his Merry Men
8.00 Miss Fisher’s Murder
Mysteries Phryne unexpectedly
finds herself at a crime scene
9.00 WPC 56 Sergeant Fenton
discovers a forger making a fake
passport for Lenny Powell
10.00 New Tricks The murder of a
fashion designer is reinvestigated
11.20 Birds of a Feather Tracey
invites an old friend to stay
12.00-1.00am The Bill
Yesterday
5Spike
Dave
PBS America
Sky Arts
Sky Living
FV 19, FS 159, SKY 537, VIRGIN 245
FV 31, FS 141, SKY 160
FV 12, FS 157, SKY 111, VIRGIN 127
FV 94, FS 155, SKY 534, VIRGIN 276
SKY 121, VIRGIN 122
SKY 107, VIRGIN 112
7.00pm Graham Hill: Driven The
career of the motor racing star
8.00 Operation Grand Canyon
with Dan Snow The historian joins
a team recreating a pioneering
280-mile expedition through the
natural wonder that was led by
John Wesley Powell in 1869 (1/2)
9.00 Steptoe and Son Harold’s
plans for spending the festive
season in Majorca fall through
10.00 Steptoe and Son
11.00 Scotland’s Murder Mysteries
12.00-1.00am World War Weird
7.00pm Police Interceptors Paul
engages in a high-speed pursuit
8.00 Car Crash TV Events caught
by dashboard-mounted cameras
9.00 The A-Team The team lies
low at Crystal Lake, but the spot
proves to be far from tranquil
10.00 Sinkholes: Buried
Underground Documentary
examining the underlying
forces behind sinkholes
11.00-1.00am Impact Wrestling
Wrestling show featuring high-risk
matches and interviews
7.00pm QI XL With Sandi Toksvig,
Aisling Bea and Susan Calman
8.00 Into the Fire The firefighters
of West Midlands Fire Service
9.00 Fawlty Towers Basil tries
to stop an unmarried couple
lowering moral standards
9.50 Fawlty Towers Hotel
inspectors throw Basil into a panic
10.30 Fawlty Towers A party of
German guests comes to stay
11.15 QI With Alan Davies, Rich Hall,
Josie Lawrence and John Sessions
11.55-12.35am QI Stephen Fry hosts
6.35pm Hoover Dam An insight
into the project to bring electricity
and water to millions in
south-western America
7.50 Bridging Urban America: The
Story of Ralph Modjeski The life
and work of the Polish civil
engineer and bridge designer
9.35 Jazz A look at jazz during
the Second World War (8/12)
10.55-12.40am Bridging Urban
America: The Story of Ralph
Modjeski The life and work of the
civil engineer and bridge designer
7.00pm Johnny Cash: Song by
Song The Ring of Fire (2/6)
7.30 Dolly Parton: Song by Song
The singer talks about Jolene (2/6)
8.00 Video Killed the Radio Star
The making of videos by Blur (9/13)
8.30 Discovering: REM (6/10)
9.00 The Nineties The decade’s
memorable television shows, from
Seinfeld to The Sopranos (2/8)
10.00 Blur/Oasis: The Britpop
Years The much-hyped pop rivalry
11.15-12.15am Brian Johnson’s A
Life on the Road Roger Daltrey (1/6)
7.00pm The Real A&E A man is
rushed into the A&E after shooting
himself in the back
8.00 America’s Next Top Model
Reality contest (
9.00 Conviction Things come full
circle in the legal drama as the
team revisit the case that
brought them together (13/13)
10.00 Nashville Deacon and
Jessie’s relationship deepens
11.00 Criminal Minds
12.00-1.00am Britain’s
Most Evil Killers
Fox
Discovery
Nat Geographic
Comedy Central
Gold
W
SKY 124, VIRGIN 157
SKY 520, VIRGIN 250, BT 316
SKY 526, VIRGIN 266, BT 327
SKY 112, VIRGIN 132, BT 307
SKY 110, VIRGIN 124, BT 310
SKY 109, VIRGIN 125, BT 311
7.00pm NCIS
8.00 NCIS
9.00 NCIS Gibbs and his team are
forced to work with Tobias Fornell
10.00 Bull A widow hires Bull to
help represent her
11.00 Family Guy
11.30 Family Guy
12.00-12.30am American Dad!
7.00pm Wheeler Dealers
8.00 Gold Rush: Parker’s Trail
9.00 Cars That Rock with Brian
Johnson Brian travels to Alsace in
France to learn the story of Bugatti
10.00 The Route Masters
11.00 Wheeler Dealers
12.00-1.00am Cars That
Rock with Brian Johnson
7.00pm Air Crash Investigation
8.00 Car SOS Restoring a
classic 1971 sports car
9.00 Car SOS A search for a
war veteran’s old car
10.00 Supercar Megabuild (1/10)
11.00 Air Crash Investigation
12.00-1.00am Strippers: Cars for
Cash All-terrain vehicles
7.00pm Friends
8.00 FILM Austin Powers:
International Man of Mystery
(15, 1997) Spoof spy adventure
10.00 Bob’s Burgers
10.30 Bordertown
11.00 South Park
12.00-2.00am FILM Wayne’s
World (PG, 1992) Comedy
6.40pm One Foot in the Grave
7.20 Porridge
8.00 Dad’s Army
8.40 Only Fools and Horses
9.20 The Vicar of Dibley
10.00 The Vicar of Dibley
10.40 Smack the Pony
11.15 Smack the Pony
11.50-12.25am Nathan Barley
7.00pm My Dream Home A couple
desperate to flee their apartment
8.00 Inside the Ambulance
A baby with suspected meningitis
9.00 999 Rescue Squad
10.00 Embarrassing Bodies
11.00 Gavin & Stacey
11.40-12.20am Russell
Howard’s Good News
Sky Premiere
Sky Greats
Sky Animation
Sky Action
Sky Classics
SKY 301, VIRGIN 431, BT 501
SKY 304, VIRGIN 434, BT 508
SKY 306, VIRGIN 436, BT 505
SKY 307, VIRGIN 437, BT 502
SKY 312, VIRGIN 442, BT 510
5.45pm Cars 3 (U, 2017) Animated
adventure featuring the voices of
Owen Wilson and Cristela Alonzo
7.30 Hurricane Heist: Special
8.00 The Hurricane Heist (12,
2017) Thieves attempt a major
heist against the US Treasury as a
Category 5 hurricane approaches.
Action thriller with Toby Kebbell
9.50-12.10am Spider-Man:
Homecoming (12, 2017) Peter
Parker must protect New York City
from a new villain. Superhero
adventure starring Tom Holland
5.05pm Saving Private Ryan (15,
1998) Steven Spielberg’s Second
World War drama with Tom Hanks
8.00 The Lost World: Jurassic
Park (PG, 1997) A scientist joins a
research team on an island where
genetically engineered dinosaurs
roam. Steven Spielberg’s adventure
sequel starring Jeff Goldblum
10.10-12.30am Close Encounters
of the Third Kind: Collector’s
Edition (PG, 1977) Alternate cut of
Steven Spielberg’s sci-fi drama
starring Richard Dreyfuss
6.15pm Tangled (PG, 2010) Disney
animated comedy with the voices
of Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi
8.00 Toy Story 2 (U, 1999) Buzz
Lightyear races to rescue Woody
when he is stolen by a toy collector.
Animated sequel featuring the
voices of Tom Hanks and Tim Allen
9.40 Aladdin (PG, 1992) Disney
animated adventure featuring
the voice of Robin Williams
11.15-12.55am Monster Family (PG,
2017) Animated comedy starring
the voice of Emily Watson
6.00pm The A-Team (12, 2010)
Action thriller with Liam Neeson
8.00 Ghost in the Shell (12, 2017)
A cyborg agent goes in search of a
mysterious hacker. Sci-fi fantasy
starring Scarlett Johansson
10.00 Assassin’s Creed (12, 2016)
A murder suspect searches for a
device that contains the genetic
code for free will. Action adventure
starring Michael Fassbender
12.00-2.10am 300 (15, 2006)
Action adventure starring Gerard
Butler and Lena Headey
6.30pm 2001: A Space Odyssey
(U, 1968) A spacecraft is sent to
Jupiter to investigate the origins of
a strange artefact. Sci-fi drama with
Keir Dullea and William Sylvester
9.00 Dirty Harry (15, 1971) A
detective vows to hand out his own
brand of justice. Thriller starring
Clint Eastwood and Andy Robinson
10.50-12.25am Airplane! (15, 1980)
A traumatised war veteran must
face his fear and land an airliner.
Spoof disaster movie starring
Robert Hays and Leslie Nielsen
Mike Myers and Elizabeth
Hurley in the first Austin Powers
movie (Comedy Central, 8pm)
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 51
1G R
Friday 6
Sports guide
The Masters
Sky Main Event/Golf, 7pm
Radio 1
Day two of the Masters and
tuning into the measured
drama at balmy Augusta will
be perfect wind-down viewing
on a Friday night. As the early
leaders look to consolidate their
place at the top of the heap,
others will be battling to make
the halfway cut. Given the hype
this year, one hopes Tiger
Woods won’t disappoint us,
and himself, by failing to be
around for the weekend’s
drama. James Jackson.
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am Nick Grimshaw 10.00
Clara Amfo 12.45pm Newsbeat
1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 The
Official Chart 5.45 Newsbeat
6.00 Dance Anthems 7.00
Annie Mac 9.00 Kolsch 11.00
Danny Howard 1.00am B.Traits
4.00 Radio 1’s Essential Mix
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
Sky Sports Main Event
Sky Sports F1
SKY 401 VIRGIN 511 BT 402
SKY 406 VIRGIN 516
6.00am-9.00 LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series:
The Hong Kong Sevens
11.45-1.45pm LIVE Formula 1:
The Bahrain Grand Prix
The first practice session
3.45-5.45 LIVE Formula 1: The
Bahrain Grand Prix The
second practice session
7.00-12.30am LIVE The
Masters: Augusta National
1.50-6.00 LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series:
The Hong Kong Sevens
11.45am-1.45pm LIVE
Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand
Prix The first practice session
3.45-5.45 LIVE Formula 1:
The Bahrain Grand Prix The
second practice session
Sky Sports Football
SKY 403 VIRGIN 513
12.30pm-2.35 LIVE Chinese
Super League: Guangzhou
R&F v Jiangsu Suning
7.00-10.15 LIVE EFL Cardiff
City v Wolverhampton
Wanderers (Kick-off 7.45)
Sky Sports Golf
SKY 405 VIRGIN 515
BT Sport 1
SKY 413 VIRGIN 531 BT 408
10.45am-1.00pm LIVE
Hyundai A-League:
Newcastle Jets v Perth Glory
(Kick-off 10.50)
7.00-10.00 LIVE Aviva
Premiership Rugby Union:
Sale Sharks v Wasps (Kick-off
7.45) Coverage of the match,
from AJ Bell Stadium
12.00-2.30am LIVE NBA:
Philadelphia 76ers v
Cleveland Cavaliers
5.00-8.00 LIVE AFL:
Melbourne v North
Melbourne
BT Sport 2
SKY 414 VIRGIN 532 BT 409
7.00pm-12.30am LIVE The
Masters: The Augusta
National The second day
Sky Sports Action
SKY 407 VIRGIN 517
6.00am LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series: The
Hong Kong Sevens
8.30 LIVE Super Rugby:
Hurricanes v Sharks
(Kick-off 8.35)
10.30-1.15pm LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series: The
Hong Kong Sevens
7.30-10.15 LIVE
Championship Rugby Union:
Nottingham v Bristol (Kick-off
7.45) Coverage from Lady Bay
1.50-6.00am LIVE HSBC
Sevens World Series: The
Hong Kong Sevens
Sky Sports Arena
SKY 408 VIRGIN 518
8.30am LIVE NRL: Cronulla
Sutherland Sharks v Sydney
Roosters (Kick-off 9.00)
10.45-12.45pm LIVE NRL: St
George Illawarra Dragons v
South Sydney Rabbitohs
7.30-10.30 LIVE Betfred
Super League: St Helens
v Hull FC (Kick-off 7.45)
Coverage of the match, from
Totally Wicked Stadium
Radio guide
12.45pm-8.15 LIVE MotoGP:
The Grand Prix of Argentina
9.00-5.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Abierto
Monterrey Afirme
The quarter-finals
BT Sport 3
SKY 417 VIRGIN 533 BT 410
10.30am-1.30pm LIVE AFL:
Carlton Blues v Collingwood
Magpies (Bounce-up 10.50)
4.00 LIVE WTA Tennis: The
Volvo Car Open In Charleston
7.15 LIVE Bundesliga:
Hannover 96 v Werder
Bremen (Kick-off 7.30)
Coverage of the top-flight
encounter from HDI-Arena
9.30-10.00 LIVE WTA Tennis:
The Volvo Car Open
12.00-2.00am LIVE WTA
Tennis: The Volvo Car Open
Eurosport 1
SKY 410 VIRGIN 523 BT 412
6.55am-10.30 LIVE Snooker:
China Open The opening
quarter-finals from Beijing
12.25pm-4.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open The concluding
quarter-finals from Beijing
5.55am-9.00 LIVE Snooker:
China Open Coverage of the
opening semi-final
5.00am Vanessa Feltz 6.30
Sara Cox 9.30 Ken Bruce.
Including Tracey Thorn’s final
Tracks of My Years 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve
Wright 5.00 Mary Portas 7.00
Tony Blackburn’s Golden Hour
8.00 Friday Night Is Music
Night. A gala event to mark the
100th birthday of the Royal Air
Force. See Choice 10.00
Sounds of the 80s 12.00
Anneka Rice: The Happening
2.00am Radio 2’s Funky Soul
Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schumann (r)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime
Concert Puccini (Crisantemi
for string quartet); Beethoven
(Sonata Op 14’1); and Brahms
(Quintet No 1 in F, Op 88)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Ginastera (Glosses sobre
tempes de Pau Casals, Op 4;
Harp Concerto, Op 25; Estudios
Sinfonicos, Op 35 — European
premiere; and Estancia,
Op 8 — ballet Suite)
4.30 BBC Young Musician
2018 Penny Gore presents
5.00 In Tune
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
The RLPO performs Wagner
(Overture, Rienzi); Elgar
(Cello Concerto); and
Schumann (Symphony No 2)
at the Philharmonic Hall,
Liverpool. Recorded Thursday
April 5 2018
10.00 The Verb
10.45 The Essay: The Book
That Changed Me
11.00 Music Planet
1.00am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz
LW: 198 kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Headlines
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
9.15 The Reunion (r)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Factfulness Professor Hans
Rosling suggests that a sense
of ‘destiny’ can stop us from
seeing the world as it is (5/5)
Today’s picks
Front Row
Radio 4, 7.15pm
Friday Night is Music Night
Radio 2, 8pm
Tonight Front Row celebrates
20 years on the air with a live
show presented by Kirsty Lang,
pictured, and John Wilson.
It really is worth celebrating.
Front Row evolved out of
Kaleidoscope, which used to
cover science too. They ditched
the science fairly early on
(perhaps CP Snow wrote in to complain) and it has been going
strong pretty much ever since. It’s fairly no-frills, but Front
Row’s presenters are knowledgeable, interesting and treat
listeners like adults. Perhaps Alice Feinstein, its editor, could be
lent to Radio 4’s science department to encourage it to treat
listeners with similar respect and not (as is the case at present)
as infants who need to be entertained with bleeps, burbles,
gimmicks and (horrors) Robin Ince and Adam Rutherford.
Anyway, here’s to another 20 years of fine arts coverage — and
treating listeners’ intelligence with respect. Catherine Nixey
On the April 1, 1918 it was
decided that the Royal Naval
Air Service and the Royal
Flying Corps should merge.
The Royal Air Force was born
and the King himself chose its
motto: Per ardua ad astra
(Through adversity to the
stars). It was a good one. The
ardua faced by pilots in the
world wars is almost too
painful to contemplate: in the
Second World War the life
expectancy of a Spitfire pilot
was four weeks. Ken Bruce,
Carol Vorderman and Dan
Snow present centenary
celebrations in the Royal
Albert Hall. CN
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Including at 10.45 Drama:
Claudia Roden’s A Book of
Middle Eastern Food (5/5)
11.00 Up Close and Personal
With Clarke Peters (r)
11.30 When the Dog Dies (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping
Forecast
12.04 Home Front
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Voices of the First World
War Documentary (5/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Love Me Tender
By Ian McMillan (r)
3.00 Gardeners’ Question
Time From Hambleton
3.45 Short Works
4.00 Last Word
4.30 Feedback
4.55 The Listening Project
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Now Show (6/6)
7.00 The Archers
Brian puts on a show
7.15 Front Row. See Choice
7.45 A Book of Middle Eastern
Food (r). See Choice
8.00 Any Questions? Topical
discussion, chaired by
Jonathan Dimbleby
8.50 A Point of View
9.00 Home Front Omnibus
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: Rabbit
Is Rich By John Updike.
An argument between Nelson
and his father precedes a
rapidly arranged wedding
11.00 Great Lives (r)
11.30 Ramblings (r)
11.55 The Listening Project
12.00 News Headlines
12.30am Book of the Week:
Factfulness (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
BBC World Service
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
5.00am Reports 5.15 Wake Up
to Money 6.00 5 Live Breakfast
10.00 Chiles on Friday 1.00pm
The Friday Sports Panel
2.00 Kermode and Mayo’s
Film Review 4.00 5 Live Drive
7.00 5 Live Sport: The Friday
Football Social. A look ahead
to the weekend’s football
action 9.00 5 Live Golf: The
Masters. The second day of
The Masters from Augusta,
Georgia 10.00 Stephen Nolan
1.00am Up All Night
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil
Sports Breakfast 10.00 Jim
White, Perry Groves and Bob
Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham
and Darren Gough 7.00 The
Season Ticket with Danny
Kelly and Laura Woods 10.00
The Two Mikes 1.00am Extra
Time with Tom Latchem
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am I’m Sorry I’ll Read
That Again 8.30 Brothers in
Law 9.00 The Motion Show
9.30 Kathmandu or Bust
10.00 Anna Karenina 11.00
Podcast Radio Hour 12.00 I’m
Sorry I’ll Read That Again
12.30pm Brothers in Law 1.00
Brother Cadfael: The Virgin in
the Ice 1.30 Arvon Turns 40
2.00 The Essex Serpent 2.15
Disability: A New History 2.30
The Old Curiosity Shop 2.45
On Her Majesty’s Secret
Service 3.00 Anna Karenina
4.00 The Motion Show 4.30
Kathmandu or Bust 5.00 The
Stanley Baxter Playhouse
5.30 In and Out of the Kitchen
6.00 Hothouse 6.30
Mastertapes 7.00 I’m Sorry I’ll
Read That Again 7.30
Brothers in Law 8.00 Brother
Cadfael: The Virgin in the Ice
8.30 Arvon Turns 40 9.00
Podcast Radio Hour 10.00
Comedy Club: In and Out of
the Kitchen 10.30 The Show
What You Wrote 11.00 Kevin
Eldon Will See You Now 11.30
A Look Back at the Nineties
Digital only
9.00am The Real Story 10.00
World Update 11.00 The
Newsroom 11.30 World
Football 12.00 News
12.06pm The 5th Floor 1.00
The Newsroom 1.30 Heart
and Soul 2.00 Newshour
3.00 News 3.06 Tech Tent
3.30 Business 4.00 BBC OS
6.00 News 6.06 The 5th
Floor 7.00 The Newsroom
7.30 Sport Today 8.00 News
8.06 HARDtalk 8.30
CrowdScience 9.00
Newshour 10.00 News 10.06
Trending 10.30 World
Football 11.00 News 11.06
The Newsroom 11.20 Sports
News 11.30 Business 12.00
News 12.06am The Real
Story 1.00 News 1.06
Business Matters 2.00 News
2.06 The Newsroom 2.30
Heart and Soul 3.00 News
3.06 Global Business 3.30
Stumped 4.00 News
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny
10.00 Tom Ravenscroft
1.00pm Stuart Maconie 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Cillian
Murphy 9.00 Tom
Ravenscroft 12.00 Nemone’s
Electric Ladyland
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music
Breakfast 9.00 Nicholas
Owen 1.00pm Anne-Marie
Minhall 5.00 Classic FM Drive
7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. As
Patrick Doyle celebrates his
65th birthday, Catherine Bott
dedicates the programme to
him. Tracks include Murder
on the Orient Express Suite,
and Cinderella — Dances
10.00 Smooth Classics
1.00am Katie Breathwick
4.00 Jane Jones
552 saturday review
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
1G R
MindGames
Samurai Sudoku No 605 — Difficult (54min)
7 5
6
8
8 4 6
4 2
1
9
2 5 7
7 1 3
4
9
6 1
1 6
5
7
5 2 1
9 6 8
8
3
1 6 8
7
9
3
5
3 2 7
6
4
8 9 5
9 8 1
6
4
2 4 7
7
1
1 8
9
5
3 7 9
7
1
8 4 2
2 5 6
8
2
4 7
4 1 7
5
3
3 9
Sudoku No 9768 — Fiendish
9
4 8
3
8
3 6 7
1 5
9
4
2 6 9
3 6 9
8
3
7 5
8 4 7
6
1
4 8
© PUZZLER MEDIA
6
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3
06510001869
Our five-grid Sudoku will
test your powers of logic
and deduction — against
the clock.
Fill each grid so that
every column, every row
and every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9. Where the
puzzles overlap, the rows
and columns do not go beyond their usual length. The
interlocking nature of the
grid gives you more clues
— and more complexity.
Remember — don’t try to
solve each Sudoku grid in
turn; the puzzle has to be
tackled as a whole.
Stuck? Call 0901 322 5005
to receive four clues for
any of today’s puzzles.
Calls cost 75p plus your
telephone company’s
network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390
(Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm)
HARDER
11
116
68
x7
x6
+ 358
SQUARE IT
+ 98
+8
50% OF IT
1/2 OF IT
x4
– 88
1/4 OF IT
+ 558
2/3 OF IT
+8
+ 1/2 OF IT
+ 74
x3
3/5 OF IT
÷2
+ 545
+8
+ 75
50% OF IT
x2
x4
+ 186
ANSWER
ANSWER
ANSWER
How to solve Sudoku. Fill the grid so that every column,
every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9
Answers, below right
Stuck on KenKen, Killer or Sudoku?
Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues
for any of today’s puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your
telephone company’s network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Answers
Friday’s solutions
KenKen No 4289
Sudoku No 9765
4
8
7
9
2
5
3
6
1
Killer No 5937 — Deadly (56min)
6
17
10
15
21
20
12
14
24
11
9
19
23
6
16
25
6
Sudoku No 9766
2
5
9
7
3
4
1
6
8
14
16
20
4
1
3
8
2
6
5
9
7
6
8
7
9
5
1
4
3
2
1
6
5
4
8
9
7
2
3
9
3
4
2
6
7
8
1
5
7
2
8
5
1
3
9
4
6
21
18
12
7
3
6
8
4
5
2
1
9
10
Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every
3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells
joined by dotted lines must add up to the target
number in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells
joined by dotted lines, a digit cannot be repeated.
For solutions to KenKen, Sudoku & Killer see
Times2 on Monday
8
1
5
2
9
7
4
3
6
2
9
4
3
1
6
7
5
8
6
5
7
9
8
3
1
4
2
4
8
9
1
7
2
5
6
3
3
7
6
1
9
5
2
8
4
8
4
1
3
7
2
6
5
9
3
4
8
5
2
9
6
7
1
9
7
2
4
6
1
3
8
5
5
6
1
7
3
8
9
2
4
4
2
8
3
6
7
9
1
5
4
3
2
6
5
8
6
3
2
1
4
7
9
5
2
2
4
5
2
A
B
A
S
H
E
D
3
5
A
1
B
1
4
5
7
9
6
8
3
2
8
7
2
3
5
4
1
9
6
3
6
9
8
1
2
4
7
5
7
1
3
4
6
9
2
5
8
6
2
8
5
3
1
7
4
9
5
9
4
2
8
7
6
1
3
3
7
5
9
1
8
4
6
2
9
1
6
5
2
4
7
3
8
1
5
3
6
9
2
8
4
7
8
4
9
1
7
3
5
2
6
2
6
7
4
8
5
1
9
3
7
8
1
2
3
9
6
5
4
6
3
4
8
5
1
2
7
9
5
9
2
7
4
6
3
8
1
1
3
9
7
4
8
6
2
5
4
2
7
9
5
6
3
1
8
7
9
8
2
1
3
5
6
4
6
5
2
8
9
4
1
3
7
3
1
4
6
7
5
8
9
2
8
7
5
1
3
9
2
4
6
9
4
1
5
6
2
7
8
3
2
6
3
4
8
7
9
5
1
Codeword
3
4
KenKen No 4290 — Medium
2
5
1
6
4
3
9
8
7
Killer No 5936
1
2
3
6
5
4
8
9
7
Train Tracks No 369
1
9
3
6
1
7
8
5
2
4
Sudoku No 9767
5
9
2
6
4
8
3
7
1
Killer No 5935
19
C
L
E
F
L L EGE
S
A
I
N T E NNA
E
S
V
OR S E
E N
N
R
O S AGE
S
P
K
J ANG L E
R
R
P
AR V A
T O
O
S
EWE S T
F
O L V E D
P
I
U
I S S U E
U
I
T
M I T Y
O
CARC E
O
X
N YMP H
Q A
U
UR I SM
E
Z
E
R I E ND
Tredoku
No 1519 — Medium
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
8
6
2
1
7
5
4
9
3
MEDIUM
–3
8 3 6
9
7
6
8
9
3
5 7
4
4 5
9
7 9
3
6
1
2 1
8 3
21
Solution to last week’s Samurai Sudoku
EASY
1
2
7 9 2
6
5
2 4
4
6
7 8 1
Brain Trainer
Tredoku is similar to Sudoku:
the digits 1 to 9 must appear once
only in each 3x3 box and in each
line of nine consecutive cells.
However, since the puzzle is
three-dimensional, the lines may
be straight or bent around angles.
Follow each line’s direction in
search of clues.
Sudoku/Killer © Puzzler Media
KenKen™ Puzzles are used with permission
of Gakken Co Ltd and Nextoy, LLC
Puzzle content © 2009 Gakken Co Ltd
Tredoku © Mindome Ltd 2009. TREDOKU®
is the registered trademark of Mindome
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column.
In each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top
left-hand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells
in the block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
The Listener 4493 Devilry by Nutmeg
The corrections for clue misprints spelt out
“shade six symmetric devils”. Ralph at 25ac is a
“printer’s devil”, the imp of mischief in a printing
house. More details at listenercrossword.com.
The winners are RG Frewin of Dursley,
Gloucestershire, Michael & Jenny Cook of
Blackborough, Devon, and D & N Aspland of
Pontefract, West Yorkshire.
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 53
1G R
Solve Cryptic Quintagram every weekday online
Go to thetimes.co.uk
Cryptic Quintagram® Word Watching
Solve all five cryptic clues using
Josephine Balmer
each letter underneath once only
Coatee
a. A short coat
b. A surface for painting
c. Candy
1 Carnivore’s stomach (4)
----
2 Coppers find writer attending
church (5)
-----
Carny
a. Full of meat
b. To cajole
c. Irritable
3 Tudor garment Bottom uses, but
not Snout (7)
-4 Lively
- - curses
- - -about
- publicity campaigns (8)
--------
5 Top drivers should, if flagged down
(8)
-------A
B
B
C
C
D
Desi
a. A fraud
b. Desirable
c. Authentic
D
E
E
E
E
E
E
L
L
L
N
O
O
P
P
R
R
R
S
S
T
U
U
U
V
Answers below; for Concise, see Register
W
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Answers below
M A R Y L A N
L
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H A P P
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M
T
E L E G I A
P
M
N
C E A B L E
S
E
N
N T A R C T I
C A R
R O T O R
O
E
U
U
A
M P E N S A T E D
A
N
S
T
O
N
F R I S I A N
C
O
A
F
H E R E
U R G E
E
C
P
U
N
D E C A N T E R
A
R
T
A
N G P L A Y I N G
T
R
L
E
O N O C L A S T S
N
G
E
I
I N E
L A S S O
N
N
T
V
E M I S P H E R E
T
O
R
R
C
R E T R I A L
R
E
O
N
E
A U S T R A L I A
I
S
O
A
P
C A
G O DW I T
Mindset 1 SAMPLE. Sets are:
{ELLIPSIS} – . . . = S in Morse
Code; {AUTOMOBILE
ASSOCIATION} – AA; {LEE,
BROWN, DENCH} – played
M; {ALE, HAY, PEER, SKIER}
– can have PP inserted; {CID,
DORADO, GRECO, PASO,
SALVADOR} – can be preceded
by EL (homophone of L);
{BOOK, CARD, CIGARETTE,
COMMERCE, MAIL, SPORTS}
– can be preceded by E-.
2 20. Turn each number into
its reciprocal. Eg ½+1/4+1/4=1.
3 NEWS. The others can be
formed by changing the first
letters of SOUTH, EAST,
WEST, NORTH. Word
Watching: Coatee (a) A short
coat. Carny (b) To coax or
cajole. Jambee (a) A light cane
or walking stick fashionable in
the 18th century. Desi (c)
Authentic (Hindi-English).
Solution to Cryptic
Jumbo 1313
The winner is
Richard Mann
of Leeds
Numerous investigations have
been conducted over the past
decade to determine the most
commonly played words in a
game of Scrabble. The studies
have involved the analysis of
thousands of games and two
findings have been established.
Firstly, the most commonly
played word is QI (meaning “life
force” in Chinese philosophy).
This is because it is the only
two-letter word containing the
Q, and therefore parallel plays
must involve playing QI. Moreover, it is the easiest way to dispose of the Q if one does not hold
one of the four Us or a blank.
Secondly, the list of the 50
most commonly played words is
dominated by those containing
the Q. This finding is not surprising as the options for disposing
of the Q are relatively limited,
especially without the U. There
are only five three-letter words
containing the Q:
QAT – an evergreen shrub
QIN – a Chinese musical
instrument
QIS – plural of QI
QUA – in the capacity of
SUQ – a marketplace in the
Middle East
There are also only 25 four-letter words containing the Q. Here
is a selection of the less common
words to add to your vocabulary:
Chess Raymond Keene
QADI/QAID – a Muslim
judge/leader respectively
QOPH – a Hebrew letter
QUEY – a young cow
QUOD – to imprison
QUOP – to throb
The board position below
shows the endgame of a match
between world No 2 Nigel Richards and Poland’s Rafal Dominiczak from a recent international
tournament. Dominiczak trailed
by two points holding the following rack:
Oqr?
Richards had just played
BREW (D6d) leaving the following letters on his rack:
AIW
Can you find the winning endgame for Dominiczak? The best
options involve using words containing the Q stated earlier in this
column, but only one endgame
guarantees victory.
In the actual game, after Richards’s play, Dominiczak only had
two minutes left on his clock to
find the winning move and dramatically spotted it with three
seconds remaining to beat Richards by four points.
Definitions
TSANTSA the shrunken head of
an enemy kept as a
trophy (Ecuador)
KUCHEN a coffee cake
Collins Official Scrabble Words is the word authority used.
Word positions use the grid reference plus (a)cross or (d)own.
double letter
square (dl)
2L
Solution to times2
Jumbo 1313
The winner is
Philip Carse of
Hailsham, E Sussex
1
A
B
C
D
E
Cell Blocks 3180
2
8
2
2
4 5
2
4
7
3
4
2
4
Suko 2199
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
2
3
4
3L
5
6
triple letter
square (tl)
7
8
double word
square (dw)
2W
2L
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
3W
2L
triple word
square (tw)
3W
r 3W
2W
3L
3L
poz
2W
2L
2L
t
t
2L
t b fustet 2L
h 2W r
a 2W e
3L
de etion
n 3L
2L
2L
2L T
w
?
e
3W
2L
ois drys
2L
k
mm 2L a
3L
3L
3L
juve
ba
c 2W fuggy
2L
hoo i 2L i eld c
e
a noria o
inulase 3L ered
3W
pix laving e
3W
Letter
values
1 point:
aeiou
lnrst
2 points:
dg
3 points:
bcmp
4 points:
fhvwy
k=5
jx = 8
qz = 10
SCRABBLE® is a registered trademark of J. W. Spear & Sons Ltd ©Mattel 2018
Polygon agile, agio, allelic, aloe,
cage, call, cella, ciao, coal, cola,
collage, collegial, gale, gall,
gaol, glacé, glia, glial, goal,
goalie, ileac, ileal, illegal, lace,
laic, leal, legal, lilac, local,
locale, logical. Scrabble The
key is to refuse the highest
scoring play of QUOD (C3d)
for 32 points which loses by
two points to Richards’s WAIF
(A8d). The winning play is Qi
(C7a) for 24 points (declaring
the blank as an I). This
prevents Richards going out
with WAIF, leaving only WAI
(B3d) for 14 points as Richards’s
best finishing play. Literary
quiz 1 James Fenimore Cooper.
2 CS Lewis. 3 Graham Swift.
4 F Scott Fitzgerald. Brain
Trainer Easy 94; Medium 972;
Harder 2128. Cryptic
Quintagram 1 Bear 2 Pence
3 Doublet 4 Crusades 5 Pullover
Polygon Roger Phillips Cell Blocks 3181
8
8
Using the given letters no more than
once, make as many words as possible of
four or more letters, always including
the central letter. Capitalised words,
plurals, conjugated verbs (past tense
etc), adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives are disallowed.
How you rate: 12 words average;
17, good; 21, very good; 26, excellent.
Answers to Friday’s Polygon are to the
left. Today’s answers are printed in
MindGames on Monday
© PUZZLER MEDIA
A
Jambee
a. A walking stick
b. A slice of ham
c. A jelly-maker
Scrabble® Paul Gallen
6
6
5
3
4 3
4
2
Divide the grid into square
or rectangular blocks, each
containing one digit only. Every
block must contain the number
of cells indicated by the digit
inside it.
Yesterday’s solution, left
Two years ago the challenger
for Magnus Carlsen’s throne
was the Russian grandmaster
Sergei Karjakin. In this year’s
FIDE World Chess Candidates
tournament in Berlin, to determine the fresh challenger
for Carlsen in the world championship contest set for London this November, Karjakin
disappointed his supporters by
starting off slowly. Then he
burst back with a series of wins
against Wesley So, Vladimir
Kramnik and Lev Aronian.
The dramatic high point came
with this week’s win against
the frontrunner, Chess Olympiad gold medallist, grandmaster Fabiano Caruana from the
USA. A somewhat sterilelooking opening devolved into
an unexpectedly complex
middlegame in which Karjakin
sacrificed rook for bishop to
establish a central overprotection point in the strategic style
of Aron Nimzowitsch, radiating pressure against all sensitive points in the black camp.
This game joins the succession of masterpieces that have
enriched the tapestry of chess
emanating from the Berlin
competition.
White: Sergei Karjakin
Black: Fabiano Caruana
FIDE Candidates, Berlin 2018
Petroff Defence
1 e4 e5 2 Nf3 Nf6 3 Nxe5 d6 4
Nf3 Nxe4 5 Nc3
As with many modern variations, this idea can be attributed
to the great chess strategist
Aron Nimzowitsch, who was
author of the chessplayer’s
strategic bible, My System.
5 ... Nxc3 6 dxc3 Nc6 7 Be3
Be7 8 Qd2 Be6
Varying from NimzowitschMarshall, St Petersburg 1914,
which continued 8 ... Bg4 9 Be2
Qd7 10 0-0-0 0-0 11 Rhe1
Rae8. In this particular case
modern theory improves on
the Nimzowitschian model by
rejecting 11 Rhe1 in favour of 11
h3 followed by an advance of
the kingside pawns. The point
of White’s opening, which
virtually annihilates any central tension inherent in the
pawn structure, is to deprive
the black king of a completely
safe residence.
9 0-0-0 Qd7
An alternative is the bold 9
... Bxa2 10 b3 a5 11 Kb2 a4 12
Kxa2 axb3+ 13 Kxb3 Ra5,
when the exposure of White’s
king grants Black reasonable
practical chances.
10 a3 h6 11 Nd4 Nxd4 12 Bxd4
Rg8 13 Be2 c5 14 Be3 d5 15 f4
0-0-0 16 Bf3 Bg4
________
á Dk4 DrD]
à0pDqgp0 ]
ß D D D 0]
ÞD 0pD D ]
Ý D D )bD]
Ü) ) GBD ]
Û )P! DP)]
ÚD IRD DR]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
Twitter: @times_chess
Inviting a dangerous sacrifice. 16 ... f5 is safer.
17 Bxd5 Bxd1 18 Rxd1 Qc7 19
c4 Rge8 20 Qf2 b6 21 g4 Bf6
22 Kb1 Rd7 23 Rd3 g5
A reckless decision. 23 ... g6
is much to be preferred.
24 Ka2 Ree7 25 Qf3 Kd8 26
Bd2 Kc8 27 Qf1 Rd6
Permitting White to exploit
the weakness of f5 occasioned
by Black’s 23rd move. More
solid is 27 ... Re8.
28 fxg5 Bxg5 29 Bxg5 hxg5 30
Qf5+ Rdd7 31 Qxg5 Qe5 32
Qh6 Kd8
Yet again a defensive move
was called for, namely 32 ... f6.
33 g5 Qd6 34 Qh8+ Re8 35
Qh4 Qg6 36 Qg4 Re5 37 h4
Ke7 38 Rd2
Inexplicable hesitation from
Karjakin. White could already
have captured on f7.
38 ... b5 39 Bxf7
This is now decisive.
39 ... Qf5 40 Rxd7+ Kxd7 41
Qxf5+ Rxf5 42 g6 Ke7 43 cxb5
Rh5 44 c4 Rxh4 45 a4 Rg4 46
a5 Kd6 47 a6 Kc7 48 Kb3
Black resigns
Winning Move
Black to play. This position is
from Davtyan-Bosiocic, Batumi
2018.
How did Black exploit the
weaknesses in White’s kingside?
________
á D D 4kD]
àDpD Dp0 ]
ßpDpDr1 D]
ÞD DpDND ]
Ý D )n)Q)]
ÜD D ) D ]
ÛP) DRD D]
ÚD D DRDK]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
The first correct entry drawn
on Thursday will win a copy of
The Collins English Dictionary
and Thesaurus. The two runners-up will receive a book
prize. Answers on a postcard
to: The Times Winning Move,
PO Box 2164, Colchester, Essex
CO2 8LJ, or email to:
winningmove@thetimes.co.uk.
The answer will be published
next Saturday.
Solution to last week’s puzzle:
1 ... Bf6! intends 2 Rxg4 Kf5!
when the threat of mate on a1
is decisive, for example 3 Rxe3
fxe3 and Black wins. The game
continued 2 d8Q Bxd8 3 Rxg4
Bf6, with a balanced position
that Caruana went on to win.
The winner is David Cox of
Bedford
554 saturday review
1G R
MindGames
The Times Crossword, Latin Crossword and Saturday Quiz are in the back of the main paper
Codeword No 3298
2
1
8
20
1
2
11
8
11
26
25
2
19
5
21
25
20
3
5
22
12
7
12
11
21
3
7
7
15
14
22
7
7
23
5
1
17
10
7
1
7
18
5
6
14
18
4
7
14
21
The Listener Crossword No 4496 ILAM by MynoT
19
8
20
20
5
3
20
1
11
14
12
18
11
7
18
5
16
8
21
14
22
5
14
6
14
11
10
21
19
11
11
19
1
13
26
15
7
26
20
12
10
25
5
25
21
26
8
5
2
R
14
23
8
21
23
5
26
14
14
23
9
5
6
14
14
F
2
24
19
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
14
15
3
4
5
16
17
18
F
8
9
10
11
12
13
Address.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
22
23
24
25
26
Postcode .............................................................................. Phone number....................................................................................................................
4
5
6
13
14
7
11
12
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
Across
1 Worldwide (6)
4 Bright patch of colour (6)
8 Hopped drink (4)
9 Newspaper worker (8)
10 Lively composition (9)
13 Bone cavity (5)
15 French red 22 across (5)
16 Large lemur (5)
18 Stabiliser (9)
21 Inspiring great affection (8)
22 Alcoholic drink (4)
23 Rope holding an animal (6)
24 Natural skill (6)
Solution to Crossword 7613
RO
E
DR
M
EN
A
T A
CK S
L
E
OWN
U S
D A
T
C T I
O O
EG L AN
P
L
A
OV ER L
C G
HE ED
A L
U
S
T
T R
E
C
D
T I
S
A P
E
A L
T
Name........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
21
9
10
listenercrossword.com
More information
about Chambers books
can be found at
chambers.co.uk
7
3
8
Solution to Listener
Crossword No 4493 on
page 52
20
times2 Crossword No 7614
S T
E
RA
R
I O
O
MM
AG
O
NO
D
US
OP
A
OC
K
L A
A
G
NE S I
T
E
OB E S
U D
F RE SC
S
U
P
R
E
M
O
Down
1 Retreat (2,4)
2 Too highly rewarded (8)
3 Words of a song (5)
5 Nose (9)
6 Italian sparkling wine (4)
7 Trouble constantly (6)
11 Permanently move into a
country (9)
12 Drink made from apples (5)
14 Substance in tobacco (8)
16 Marked influence (6)
17 Fraud; falseness (6)
19 Done openly (5)
20 Harbour; drink (4)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the answers.
Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Bridge Andrew Robson
One of the best pair of defenders in the world are Tarek
Sadek and Walid El-Ahmadi,
who have spearheaded the
Egyptian team for more than
two decades.
Here are two deals from the
prestigious Vanberbilt event in
the US featuring SadMad. (Top
partnerships are often truncated
into one name, so MeckstrothRodwell of the USA are universally “Meckwell”.) The
sobriquet SadMad (my invention) may not catch on,
because they are neither sad
nor mad — as you’ll see. They
are two delightful people, with
whom I have enjoyed teaming
up in the past.
Dealer South
N-S Vul
6
Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or text
TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access
charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution call
0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
2
Senders of the first
three correct entries
drawn will each
receive a copy of The
Chambers Dictionary.
Write your name and
contact details in the
space provided and
send to: Listener
Crossword No 4496,
63 Green Lane, St
Albans, Hertfordshire
AL3 6HE, to arrive by
April 12.
19
R
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number from
1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears at least once. Use the letters already
provided to work out further letters. Enter letters in the main grid and the
smaller reference grid. Proper nouns are excluded. Yesterday’s solution on page 53
1
Saturday March 31 2018 | the times
Across answers must be jumbled before entry, to fit a pattern that must be deduced. In 29 clues the
wordplay either omits a letter of the answer or leads to the answer with an extra letter not entered
in the grid. In clue order, the 29 letters give an instruction to solvers. Solvers must enter below the
grid a three-word description (4,2,6) of what the result represents, the first six letters of which will
be arranged in the circled cells. The Chambers Dictionary (2016) is the primary reference.
Across
1 Looked happy having had detritus burnt off
bottom? Not right (6)
8 Pontiff who built his own chapel using half
a dozen thugs regularly (6)
13 Russian cottage short of a knife (3)
14 Ring in Italy for cocktail (7)
16 Freaking us with your excessive interest (5)
17 Cheated FBI agent out of international
horse (8)
19 Law students exactly right about religious
instruction (7)
20 Colorado couple with great, complete set of
values (8)
21 Skirts poisonous shrubs (5)
22 Repudiated debts of lone Conservative held
corrupt (9)
26 Reverses settlement with Poles (6)
28 Stun Roman goddess with cut Goan
spirit (6)
29 Lace source, something smelling of
violets (9)
31 Spin an overriding interest to European (4)
32 No aim ordered for this test (5)
35 Monotreme concealed in battered cane (7)
36 Hooligans sit round about drunkards (7)
38 Hide Catholic revolutionary (5)
39 Underground worker’s compassion keeps
probationary driver working
(7, two words)
40 Line judge (3)
41 Once weary judge, nowadays blocking
gathering (6)
42 Wildcat force (3)
43 Left wife with friend of Moses with variable
means for pleasure (6)
Down
1 Stole broken badge (6)
2 A failure to say more (3)
3 Addle drunk departed (4)
4 Pit one against favourite of Prince (6)
5 Oven damaged new silk (4)
6 Even participants in cotillion must do a turn
for variety entertainment (4)
7 Privy to the most prominent point (5)
9 Ox that’s died out, no thanks to the Bull (4)
10 Athletic exercise area coordinates
awareness (6)
11 Impatient exclamations aggressively solicit
local piecework second (7)
12 Murmuring, drink to rise and fall of
Russia? (8)
15 Old prayer of one in cot (4)
18 Account, a piece penned by enemy,
someone disagreeable (8)
23 In this place, half-hearted act observed (6)
24 Obliterate European folios with scratch (6)
25 Separate and remove old joint (4)
26 Aromatic medicine ground following
game (6)
27 Privileged inmate out of practice (6)
29 Endlessly move in on new Head (5)
30 Art sorry for corruption? (4)
32 King of Israel in a dwelling without
international hempen matting (4)
33 Car — one leaving Italian resort (4)
34 One leaving 60 swimming in river (4)
37 Younger war god (3)
LISTENER STATISTICS, plus personal record, for last year are available to senders of an SAE
(overseas stamp exempt) to JE Green at the above address. Envelopes measuring approximately
230×160mm may carry a normal stamp; larger envelopes will require a “Large” stamp or two normal
ones.
Mindset by 700
1. The following words can be divided into 6 sets of size 1, 2, 3, 4,
5 and 6. Each set is associated with a letter and these letters, in
order of the size of the sets, spell out a word. Which word?
ALE
ASSOCIATION AUTOMOBILE BOOK
BROWN CARD
CID CIGARETTE
COMMERCE
DENCH DORADO
ELLIPSIS
GRECO
HAY
LEE
MAIL
PASO
PEER
SALVADOR
SKIER
SPORTS
2. Which number does the ? represent:
1=2+4+4; 1=2+3+6; 1=3+3+4+12; 1=?+3+4+5+6
Literary Quiz
Josephine Balmer
Last
Name the authors of the
following novels:
1 The Last of the Mohicans
(1826)?
2 The Last Battle (1956)?
3 Last Orders (1996)?
4 The Last Tycoon (1941)?
3. Which is the odd word out?
MOUTH NEWS PAST TEST WORTH
Answers on page 53
Answers on page 53
♠J643
♥ 10 3 2
♦87
♣9874
S
1♦
Redbl
2NT
♠KQ85
♥96
♦ 10 6 5 4
♣Q62
N
W
S
E
♠A2
♥J875
♦KQJ32
♣AK
W(Mad)
Pass
2♣
Pass
♠ 10 9 7
♥AKQ4
♦A9
♣ J 10 5 3
N
1♠
2♦
3NT
E(Sad)
Dbl
Pass
end
West led the two of hearts
(low promising an honour).
East won the ace and returned
a low heart (key play).
Declarer innocently played
low, whereupon West could
win the ten and return his
third heart. East won the kingqueen and had to score the ace
of diamonds — down one.
Dealer East
N-S Vul
♠K764
♥83
♦KQ652
♣84
S
♠J982
♥K5
♦ J 10 4
♣AJ93
N
W
S
E
♠ Q 10 5
♥A74
♦A98
♣KQ75
♠A3
♥ Q J 10 9 6 2
♦73
♣ 10 6 2
W(Mad) N
2NT(2) Pass
3NT
E(Sad)
2♥(1)
end
(1) Weak Two.
(2) 15-19 balanced with a heart stopper. South is minimum and dislikes
holding just one stopper — at least it
is the ace, giving him “hold-up rights”.
West led the eight of partner’s
hearts, declarer having to let
East’s nine hold the trick. (If
declarer wins the first heart,
West can win the first spade
with the king and return his
second heart, enabling East to
cash the suit when he wins his
ace of spades.) At trick two, East
wisely switched to the seven of
diamonds, ducked to West’s
queen, West reverting to his
second heart to dummy’s king.
When, at trick four, declarer
led the nine of spades from
dummy (as he had to), East
popped up with the ace and
returned his second diamond.
West won the king and cleared
his diamonds with the king of
spades entry. Down two,
declarer garnering only his top
tricks.
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
the times | Saturday March 31 2018
saturday review 55
1G R
For more crosswords and your favourite
puzzles go to thetimes.co.uk
Jumbo crossword No 1316 will appear on
Easter Monday in times2
Jumbo crossword No 1315
Cryptic clues
1
Across
1 Sea nymph’s domain welcoming in
this way (8)
5 Better diamonds to west — a polar
feature (3,3)
9 Agricultural worker’s fall? (7)
14 Soldier managed to capture
unknown male with tot (11)
15 Renowned music group
interrupting us twice after
misfortune (11)
16 Moulding in astrologer’s house,
reportedly (5)
17 Excessive effort, to traipse around
Virginia! (7)
18 Eg Pythia’s urge to secure new
site (9)
19 Gin distributed after dance gets us
swaying unsteadily (7)
20 Stately home’s discussions meriting
hours by river (10,5)
22 Unjustifiable claim before leading
to strain (10)
23 How anchors may hang, a method
being announced (6)
25 Stern joint provider of fairy tales
for listeners (4)
28 Mine is light, housing terrier in UK
dependency (8,6)
30 Riddle involving Sunderland’s first
coach (8)
32 Wooing of Charlie and Rosie
initially interrupting excursion (8)
34 Develop a liking for Sir Rowland’s
family, and run off? (4,2,3,5)
37 A study identifying a Yemeni
port (4)
38 Blunder made by son taking sauce
at university (4-2)
39 Demoralise inspector — try to
load gun (10)
43 Salmon announced as part of the
meal? That’s quite normal (3,3,3,6)
45 Shore birds a surgeon’s ringing
round about (7)
47 Organist’s device giving us the
shivers? (9)
49 Church body backing member
about basic doctrine (7)
51 Guys possibly rejected in Japanese
ports (5)
52 Spanish general’s supporter?
One having a fixation with things
Gallic (11)
53 Insects moving around pot: many
here (11)
54 No small matter, for example,
translating TS Eliot (7)
55 Where some finally dined beside
track? (6)
56 A second error by crack troops
exposing murderer (8)
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
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Name......................................................................................................... Prizes
Address.....................................................................................................
......................................................................................................................
......................................................................................................................
............................................................ Postcode.....................................
Phone number......................................................................................
The prize for each of the first
correct solutions to the
Cryptic and times2 Jumbo
clues to be opened will be a
collection of Times reference
books — including The Times
Universal Atlas of the World, Collins English
Dictionary & Thesaurus, and Bradford’s Crossword
Solver’s Dictionary published by HarperCollins.
Entries should be marked “Cryptic” or “times2”
and sent to: The Times Jumbo Crossword 1315,
PO Box 2164, Colchester, Essex CO2 8LJ, to arrive
by April 12. The winners and the solutions will be
published on April 14.
times2 clues
Train
Tracks
No 370
Lay tracks
to enable
the train to
travel from
village A to
village B.
The numbers
indicate
how many
sections of
rail go in
each row
and column.
There are
only straight
rails and
curved rails.
The track
cannot
cross itself.
Solution
on Monday
Down
1 Flyer primarily advertising the
Italian way to run (7)
2 Imposition of directions keep
restricting Anglican males (11)
3 Passes president, holding top of
pointed lever (9)
4 US city well captured by woman
with flowing garments (8,7)
6 One who conspired to ban a
source of mercury (8)
7 Ineffectual aristo’s sons, children
we abandoned (8,6)
8 Like some music originally hit on
in old college film? (10)
9 Quibbler in Civil Service touring
a pair of Hebridean islands (7)
10 Leader dismissed from old car
plant (5)
11 Expert division securing union
leader’s indictment (11)
12 One who shows opposition with
regard to family member (8)
13 Male graduate upholding English
novel (4)
20 Biscuit made by firm that is
established around Oklahoma (6)
21 Young sheep used to be hardy at
first? Nonsense (7)
22 Church government overturning
restriction in emolument (6)
24 Become famous — assault school
principal, getting punishment
(3,3,9)
26 Improve one’s behaviour at
spa uncle once represented
(5,2,4,3)
27 Saint included in hunter’s
prayer (6)
29 Merchant displaying a set of books
on Galilean satellite (7)
31 Rapidly changing crowd attached
to the Italian quarter (6)
33 Sub-lessee finds foreign articles,
plus English one in shelter (11)
35 Landlords coming round before
son obtains printed matter (11)
36 Amateur poet accepting foreign
title (10)
40 Books having Pilot Officer call for
learner in top grade (9)
41 Snide suggestions about gas,
possibly, price finally going up (8)
42 Gill’s brief period of rest? (8)
44 Emotional shocks Sumatra
suffers (7)
46 Keep up South American army at
home (7)
48 Full-length turn a count regularly
presented (5)
50 Ducks and drakes, maybe, in more
than one sense (4)
2
1
7
2
3
6
3
2
3
6
5
5
2
A
3
1
4
1
B
Across
1 Produce or enact again (8)
5 Mixture of red and blue (6)
9 Ray of light (7)
14 Studier of diseases (11)
15 Anxiety, apprehension (11)
16 Device fitted to commercial
vehicles (5)
17 Boastful threatening (7)
18 Controlling device (9)
19 The hours of light (7)
20 Tolkien epic (3,12)
22 Pervading tone or mood (10)
23 Period when parliament doesn’t
sit (6)
25 At that time (4)
28 Farmyard crow (4-1-6-3)
30 Relative by marriage (3-2-3)
32 Blissfully happy (8)
34 Former name of Istanbul (14)
37 Christmas (4)
38 Earth; crushed to powder (6)
39 Study of ores, etc (10)
43 Altruistic (4-11)
45 Robbery in a public place (7)
47 Tolerant, lenient (9)
49 Rod serving as an axis of
rotation (7)
51 Of salty water (5)
52 Drunkenness (11)
53 Health-giving medicine (11)
54 Illness (7)
55 Ancient city, a rival to Athens (6)
56 Fragrant plant of the lily family (8)
20
21
22
24
26
27
29
31
33
Down
1 Generally believed to exist (7)
2 Violently destructive (11)
3 The study of money and wealth (9)
4 Problem solving (15)
6 Not found by investigation (8)
7 Costume for two performers (9,5)
8 Former hearing aid (3,7)
9 Freeloader (7)
10 Relating to the nose (5)
11 Shocking fish (8,3)
12 Typo (8)
13 Passport endorsement (4)
35
36
40
41
42
44
46
48
50
Angry harangue (6)
From one Baltic state (7)
Bowman (6)
Limited faculty for recall (5-4,6)
Military observation (14)
Of a robust conservative or rural
character (6)
Shaffer’s play about Mozart (7)
Physically or mentally demanding
(6)
Filthy and unpleasant condition
(11)
Ban (11)
Treater of foot disorders (10)
Relating to a branch of maths (9)
Turned to bone (8)
Delicate ornamental work (8)
Burn (a body) (7)
— Paltrow, actress (7)
Immature insect form (5)
Darker stage of twilight (4)
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