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The Times Times 2 - 12 October 2017

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October 12 | 2017
Child in a war zone
The girl who became the voice of Aleppo
2
1GT
Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
times2
Tweets that
Why ‘flaunt’ your
bump when you can
leave it at home?
Deborah Ross
T
his week the
Duchess of
Cambridge
returned to her
royal duties for
the first time since
announcing her
pregnancy, joining
William and Harry at a reception
for mental-health workers while
“flaunting her baby bump”, which,
in some newspapers, was precisely
located by an arrow, just in
case readers did not instantly
appreciate the great lengths some
people will go to to “flaunt”.
Did Kate not consider the
alternatives? Did she not consider
leaving the bump, such as it is,
at home in a drawer, or with
a trusted neighbour, or in a
lock-up in Hackney? (For your
information, my friend Sam has
a lock-up in Hackney and he is
willing to speak terms with any
pregnant woman who would like
to just get on with her life without
“flaunting”. For a bit extra, he will
even accommodate the arrow.)
What is it with all this
flaunting? You find it everywhere.
Beyoncé, for instance, “flaunted
her twin baby bump at a baby
shower”, while Serena Williams
“flaunted her baby bump on
holiday”, and Danielle Lloyd
“flaunted her baby bump in
Dubai”. In fact, put “flaunt baby
bump” into Google and you’ll see
that any woman who is or has
ever been pregnant is at it, quite,
quite brazenly. As for Kate, who
has been pregnant twice before,
didn’t she “flaunt” right up until
George and Charlotte were
born? God help us all.
OK, you have a foetus growing
in your uterus, which is just so
crazy, admittedly — imagine! —
but the whole world needs to
know about it? You can’t just stay
indoors? You can’t speak terms
Turn on,
tune in,
chill out
I wonder if, some years
hence, the parents who
worry about their
young children’s use
of smartphones and
tablets — apparently,
a third of under-fives
now own a tablet —
will look back and
think: “Ah, bless.” And:
“Such innocent times.”
Parents don’t differ
much down the
with Sam, who can house even
the biggest, most intrusive arrows,
for that small extra charge? You
have to show off?
I’m fed up, actually, with all the
flaunting, which, in fact, doesn’t
stop at Kate and her baby bump.
It’s not just about pregnant
women who happen to leave the
house. Let’s be clear about that.
George Clooney, for example.
Aren’t you tired of him flaunting
his handsomeness wherever he
goes? Boris Johnson. He has to go
generations. It’s just
that the technology
changes. When I was
growing up my parents
were worried about
screen time, even
though there were
only three TV
channels, with limited
broadcasting hours, but
still it would surely
addle our brains.
And then there was
the ITV problem — “a
commercial channel”,
the adults hissed darkly
— that was verboten
because it would not
just addle our brains,
but probably also give
us piles. Or something.
Although just seven years old during
the siege of Aleppo, Bana Alabed moved
the world with her messages. She tells
Barbara McMahon about her life now
everywhere with that hair on his
head? Andy Murray, what is it
with him, always flaunting those
tennis arms? (Put them away!)
Bryn Terfel, does he really have
to flaunt his singing voice every
time he sings? (We get it, Bryn,
we get it. Stop showing off!)
And Prince William. He’s no
better. That bump in his crotch,
the one that landed Kate in all
this trouble in the first instance,
he can’t ever leave that at
home, in a drawer? Or with a
trusted neighbour? Nope, here
he is, flaunting it yet again. In
Buckingham Palace! On the royal
train! At garden parties! Bold
as brass! And he is even, by all
accounts, planning on taking
it to Sandringham for Christmas!
You can’t see it? Here, let me
circle it in red, then point a
huge, privacy-invading arrow
at it. Got it? Great. Now, may we
endlessly discuss?
Is it bigger than it was last
time or not? Would you say the
bump was more to the left or the
right? Do we think it makes him
look “blooming” and “radiant”
or “fatigued” and “pale”?
Blooming and radiant, I think,
personally, but fatigued and
pale is always an option if you
have to write something and just
want to get home.
To be honest, I don’t know
what the answer to this flaunting
epidemic is, or what my advice
would be to Kate, who is due
to “flaunt” for the next several
months, at least. Must she lock
all her doors, draw the curtains,
stay inside, never go anywhere?
Probably best. Although do
watch out for when she emerges,
because she may then be
“flaunting” a “post-baby body”.
It’s almost as if she can’t win,
but if you think that, you are just
not getting “flaunting” . . .
And colour TV. That
was the other thing.
My father was so dead
against it that we stuck
with black and white.
Or so he imagined. As
it was, my mother, in
her one act of defiance,
bought a colour TV
behind his back, but
whenever he returned
home we quickly
turned it to black and
white. (There was a
knob at the back.)
With my son it was
videos, particularly The
Jungle Book, which he
could watch over and
over, and often did, and
rudimentary computer
games, and TV
generally. “Mum,” he
once said to me when
he was four or five,
“why don’t you use
Ace? It is tough on
stains yet kind enough
for delicates.” That
worried me. But then
I did use Ace and did
find it tough on stains
yet kind enough for
delicates, so I was
quite thankful too.
I turned out fine and
my son has turned out
fine and chances are
today’s kids will turn
out fine. Same worry,
different technology,
so I don’t know. Chill?
W
ith her
simple,
desperate
tweets from
inside the
besieged
Syrian city
of Aleppo,
seven-year-old Bana Alabed gave the
world a glimpse of what it was like for
a child to be trapped in a war zone. “I
just want to live without fear”, “I miss
school so much”, “I am very afraid I
will die tonight” were some of the
emotive messages that Bana sent with
the help of her mother, Fatemah.
The pair pleaded with politicians to
help to end the conflict and shared
video clips of Bana standing in rubblestrewn streets or scanning the sky in
anticipation of air strikes. When her
mother said that her daughter read
stories to try to stop thinking about
the war, JK Rowling sent Bana the
entire ebook series of Harry Potter.
Last December Bana and her family
fled the violence when the eastern
rebel-held side of the city was retaken
by Syrian government forces. They
evacuated to Turkey, where they now
live. The smiling, healthy little girl who
bounds up to shake hands and say hello
at our meeting in New York looks very
different from the wan, malnourished
and fearful child seen on Twitter.
In a T-shirt and glittery black
leggings, with her hair tied back in
braids, Bana is fizzing with energy. She
is now aged eight, and an impish grin
lights up her face when she talks about
her new life as a refugee. “It is very
beautiful and I am very happy. I am
going to school in safer place,” she says
in halting English. “I have friends and
I love very much math.”
Having live-tweeted the Syrian
conflict, giving her tens of thousands
of followers a daily window into the
horrors of what was happening
between the regime of Bashar
al-Assad, the president, and opposition
fighters, she has published a book,
Dear World: A Syrian Girl’s Story of
War and Plea for Peace. It is written
with the help of her mother and an
editor. In it Bana describes how her
happy childhood was abruptly
upended by the civil war when she was
three years old. For the next four years
she endured repeated bombings and
witnessed death, destruction and
hardship on an epic scale.
Her ordeal culminated in the siege
of Aleppo when she and her parents
and younger brothers were trapped,
along with others, with scant access
to water, food and medicine.
The reason for writing the book,
Bana says, as she settles down in her
publisher’s office beside her 27-year-old
mother, is that she wants people
around the world to know what
happened to them. “We should listen to
the children because they want help,”
she says, shyly. “Children should go to
school, live in peace. War is very bad.”
It is clear that many memories
remain vivid. Bana describes how she
became accustomed to the different
types of bombs that rained down on
the eastern part of the city. Some had
high squeals like a whistle and were
followed by a boom. Some sounded
like a car engine revving. Cluster
bombs made a bap-bap-bap sound.
Chlorine bombs made her eyes sting.
Phosphorus bombs made no sound, but
set the sky ablaze with yellow light. Of
the bombings, Bana says: “I feel scared
when I feel the stones fall from the sky.”
Her little brother Noor, a
three-year-old, was so terrified during
one bombardment that rained down
dust and rubble into the family’s
apartment that he ran into a wall,
knocked himself unconscious and
needed stitches. “He hit himself here,”
Bana says, pointing to her forehead.
She and her brothers had bad dreams,
wet themselves and shook from fear,
she relates in the book. “I was like
jelly,” she says.
Schools were bombed; children were
killed at their desks. Bana’s was shut
down. It was too dangerous to play in
the park or go to swimming lessons
and she was not allowed to play
outside her apartment building.
“I see sad things like my friend
Yasmin when she died,” Bana
continues in her soft, lilting accent. “It
was very hard when I see her, like she
was sleeping, and the blood on her face,
and her mother crying. She was very
dusty . . . and I feel sad, yeah. She was
seven years old, like me. She didn’t
come to play with me any more and I
hear Yasmin’s mum every night crying.”
Fatemah, a slight young woman
whose hair is covered by a headscarf,
says it was difficult to be a mother in
these circumstances. The stress is
etched on her face. “You must be
everything — father, mother, friend,
teacher, playmate,” she says softly.
“You want so that the children will
not be scared, but you cannot protect
them completely.
“You must be careful and recognise
all the sounds — is there any plane
or rocket coming? If we were outside
I always give attention to the sky, and
if we were at home it was like all our
senses were in our ears. We hear the
smallest thing come from the air and
we know that it [a bomb] is near, so
I take the children immediately to
the basement.”
On nights when there were breaks
in the bombings Fatemah put her
three children to bed in a room in the
centre of the apartment that had no
doors or windows left. “Because it is
stone floor and walls and there are
no shards from glass, this room was
like a shelter,” she explains.
However, she stopped letting her
children sleep by themselves after one
of their neighbours lost her four
children in a bombing. “Oh my God,
I feel so sorry for her,” says Fatemah,
putting her hand to her heart. “In
the times | Thursday October 12 2017
3
1GT
times2
were louder than bombs
COVER: CHRISTOPHER LANE FOR THE TIMES; BELOW: TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER JACK HILL; GETTY IMAGES
“We had to run very fast because there
might be more bombs,” Fatemah says.
“We don’t have shoes so we ran in our
feet over rubble and stones. I had no
time to cover my hair.”
Most of the family’s belongings,
including a doll that Bana had been
given for her birthday and had
named Yasmin after her dead friend,
had to be left behind. “My doll dead
too,” Bana says, solemnly.
The family decamped to an
abandoned house and slept for nights
on a cold and filthy floor, with only a
few blankets for warmth. In total, 19
people were crammed into two rooms.
As regime forces closed in around east
Aleppo, the small pocket of civilians
were cornered in the only area of the
city still under rebel control.
“People were living in any building
they found, even if it was bombed.
People . . . sleeping in the street,”
The lowdown
Paul Hollywood
Ready, steady, bake!
It’s “On your marks, get set, bake”,
you fool! You’re thinking of that
Nineties cookery show with Ainsley
Harriott. Bake Off is the one with
Paul Hollywood . . .
I know. How could you miss him?
Well, you seemed to manage it.
No I didn’t. My joke just didn’t start
as well as I’d hoped. Did you see
how much he overcooked it?
His bake?
His fake bake.
Are you alluding to the
Mediterranean tan he was sporting
on this week’s Italian episode?
Yes. But you do realise they weren’t
actually in Italy, don’t you?
Oh, but they made pizza.
Yeah, and they also made those
little Italian pastries called cannolis,
but that doesn’t mean they were
sunning themselves on the Med.
Who’s the fool now?
OK, but it was filmed in the summer.
Maybe he put the hours in.
Bana Alabed and her mother, Fatemah. Right: wartorn Aleppo, where they lived until last December
these circumstances children can’t
sleep alone. They want to feel together,
so my friend was like me, putting her
children on the same mattress.
“The bombs came, a wall collapsed
over her children and all her children
died that day. From then, my children
sleep with me. I feel like, if we die, we
will die all. I will not live without them.”
They knew a lot of people who were
killed. “When the war start, many
people flee, but many stay and
everyone in danger,” Fatemah says
with a sigh. “I lost my uncle and two
cousins, and my sister was hiding
under a car and was shot in the leg by
bullets. Every day we hear someone
died. We feel scared when the bombs
come so close because we don’t know
who we will see or not see next day.”
The family tried to keep a sense of
normality. The children did lessons at
home and Bana organised games for
her younger brothers. Fatemah, who
was learning English, stopped going to
classes after she saw three people die
when a bomb exploded in front of her.
“Every moment of life was so
dangerous. It was risk. But we should
continue our lives,” she says.
Food was in short supply — the
family existed on rice and pasta — but
they had fuel for a generator that
could pump water from a well. Bana’s
father, Ghassan, a lawyer, had installed
solar panels on their roof so they
could charge phones and Bana’s iPad.
After weeks of siege, the Free Syrian
Army, which had been fighting all
around east Aleppo, broke through
and the blockade was temporarily
halted. “People ran into the streets and
were hugging and cheering,” Bana
writes in the book.
The next day, trucks arrived with
supplies and Fatemah made fried
chicken and hard-boiled eggs. The
family also feasted on milk, cucumbers
and watermelon, but soon the siege
was back on.
In December the family’s apartment
took a direct hit. “There was the
loudest noise, like many sounds all at
once — glass breaking, walls falling
down and a crash like something had
hit the whole Earth,” Bana writes.
“Then it was like someone punched
me very hard and knocked me over.
Everything went dark and quiet.” As
they cowered in the basement, Bana’s
uncle passed out from stress and
everyone thought he was dead.
“I was very scared,” Bana says. “My
mum, my dad and my brothers, I
couldn’t see them. When they come I
feel very happy, but then I was trying
to sleep and I was thinking about what
happened to my house.”
The family emerged in the middle of
the night to find their home destroyed.
I see my
friend
Yasmin
when she
died — the
blood on
her face
Dear World: A Syrian
Girl’s Story of War and
Plea for Peace (Simon
& Schuster, £10.99)
Fatemah says. “Hardest time is when
you cannot find food or water for your
children. For two days we went
without even a cup of water.”
After a ceasefire brokered by Turkey
and Russia, Bana and her family were
able to leave the city, joining
thousands of others on green buses
that would take them into the
countryside. It was a 19-hour trip,
fraught with fear, and everyone was
cold and hungry. Fatemah remembers
the smell on the bus from children
who were unable to get off to use a
bathroom. Bana remembers the noise
of babies crying.
In the countryside, local activists
met the bus. Thanks to the Twitter
account, Bana was well known and her
new-found fame allowed the family to
resettle in the Turkish capital, Ankara,
with support from the Turkish
government. It was here that she was
approached to write the book.
Bana and her mother have faced
allegations from President Assad that
their Twitter feed was propaganda and
that the pair were functioning as a
mouthpiece for opposition fighters.
“We are real people. We are not
propaganda,” Fatemah replies.
Mother and daughter appear very
close. “Bana gave me strength,”
Fatemah says. “She was always asking
me, ‘Why the war start here?’ She
wanted to tell the world what was
happening to us. She give me hope. It
was miracle for us that people should
know and save us from this hell.”
Bana says she wrote her book
because children like her deserve better
lives. “We should listen to the children
because they want to live in peace,” she
says, as she holds her mother’s hand. “I
want to stop the war. I would like to go
to Syria again and see my friends. If
they alive or died, I don’t know.”
Something tells me he did not get
that tan in a field in Berkshire.
And, if he did, he has just given
The Great British Bake Off a
whole new meaning.
Very clever.
Look, everyone spotted it. Twitter
had a field day: viewers suggested
he’d spent all night “glazing himself
with a pastry brush”, “sleeping in
the oven” or “swimming in gravy”.
One even posted a picture of an
Oompa-Loompa from Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory with the
caption “Not sure what to make of
Paul’s new look”.
Ouch.
Even the Bake Off presenter Noel
Fielding couldn’t resist. He told the
bakers they would be able to tell
their cannolis were ready if they
matched the shade of Hollywood.
That’s just mean. Wasn’t it filmed
during that heatwave we had?
Apparently it was so hot contestants
were complaining that their butter
was melting, their pastry splitting
and their fillings falling apart.
Disaster! And I suppose Hollywood
wasn’t on hand to help because
he was too busy getting tangoed
on the lawn . . .
Monique Rivalland
4
1GT
Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
times2
Move over, millennials, we’re only
When a photographer found he was only shooting young models for
adverts, he launched a website showcasing older people. By Hilary Rose
F
orgive my directness, but
have you turned 50 yet?
Are you happy? Do you
feel as if you’re just
getting started, or
spiralling down towards
retirement? I only ask
because, as David
Stewart, the founder of Ageist,
realised, you are officially old and
invisible, which is lovely, isn’t it?
Congratulations and happy 50th.
Stewart, for one, is not having it.
His epiphany came three years
ago, when he was 55. A professional
commercial photographer, he was
shooting an advert for mobile phones
and realised that the 60 models
involved were so young that only
one of them had their own mobile
phone contract. They were all still
piggy-backing on their parents’
contracts, but were supposed to be
selling stuff to the middle-aged.
“I thought, ‘Wow, this is a little
odd,’ ” he says on the phone from his
home in Los Angeles. “I keep getting
older, but all the people I photograph
stay the same age. People are only
interested in youth, yet 42 per cent of
people in America are over 50. There’s
this huge group of sophisticated
people out there with considerable
financial resources and no one’s
speaking to them. Or they’re speaking
to them in a way that’s either
infantilised or medicalised. That has
nothing to do with how I live.”
So he set up Ageist, an online
magazine (motto: “Live fast, die old”)
featuring interviews, career advice and
inspiration for the over-50s in a bid to
counter society’s obsession, as he sees
it, with youth. Mainly, though, he
wanted to prove that he wasn’t the
only 55-year-old who wasn’t yet ready
for the retirement home. In fact, he
argues, post-50 is a whole new life
phase that society — and mobile
phone adverts — hasn’t cottoned on
to yet. When you’re middle-aged, he
thinks, you should be just getting
started. It’s an extension of youth, not
a harbinger of old age, let alone a
descent into decrepitude.
“This is a giant global delusion of
tremendous power,” he says. “Fifty
now is very different from 20 years
Our message —
100 per cent —
is that it is
never too late
Ginger Barry
Age 70
Business owner
who began riding
horses at 60
ago. This is the first generation of
people who have exercised most of
their lives, they know about vitamins,
they know they’re not supposed to
smoke and that drinking to excess is
not such a great thing. So they get
to their fifties and they may be only
halfway through their life span.
They’re not in decline, they’re at
the peak of their powers, but if you
look in the media, all there is is
millennials up to about 35 years old,
then white-haired grandparents.”
From an economic point of view it’s
crazy for companies, advertisers and
society at large to ignore this age
group because it’s growing and it has
got money to spend. Over the past
100 years, the proportion of the UK
population that is 65 and older has
more than trebled, from 5 per cent to
16 per cent. More than 15 million
people in the UK are aged 60 or older,
and by 2030 that figure is expected to
rise to 20 million. Over-60s make up
nearly a quarter of the population.
Yet in a survey of older people carried
out by Age UK almost 80 per cent
said they believed this country
fails to make use of the skills and
talents of over-65s.
Stewart’s solution with Ageist is to
tell the stories of the people who, in
his phrase, kick back against what
society expects. Posts on the website
include six ways to improve your
life after 50 and interviews with
middle-aged men and women from
all over the world who have changed
careers, moved continents, trained
to do something new, set up new
businesses, or forged a different path
after being made redundant.
“It’s about showing people the
possibilities,” Stewart says. “You
might look at our people and say,
‘I could never be like that,’ but
maybe you could. There’s a lot
more that’s possible. The fastest
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the times | Thursday October 12 2017
5
1GT
times2
not to be a wally
just getting started How
on social media
DAVID HARRY STEWART
Tara
Shannon
Age 61
Ageist’s content
director, who
returned to
modelling
in her sixties
growing group of people starting
businesses are people over 55.”
Well, yes, but that could be because
the corporate world has washed its
hands of them and hired a 25-year-old
instead. “There’s an element of that,
but those people are also saying, ‘Let’s
do it. Let’s make it happen.’ ”
It is partly a generational attitude,
he thinks. People in their late forties
or fifties today are the last generation
to think they would have one career or
even work for only one employer.
Millennials, he argues, expect to work
for maybe half a dozen companies
over their career, potentially doing
completely different things.
“It’s a leap for someone who’s
lost their job at 55, but it’s not an
impossibility. It’s doable. This is
not some weird southern California
Cynthia Adler
Age 82
Started law school at 56 and
moved to New York City at 69
It’s not
about
trying
to turn
the clock
back.
Middle
age can
be sexy
too
Jason Vass
Age 62
Opened an art
gallery in Los
Angeles at 61
cult, it’s people all over the world.
Our message — 100 per cent — is
that it’s never too late.”
Of course, that’s easy to say if, like
him, you’re waking up in sunny
southern California, not Cardiff in a
thunderstorm, but still. His argument
is universal: that it is never too late
to do whatever it is you yearn for.
Furthermore, if you can be reasonably
confident at 55 that you might live for
another 30 years or so, you’re probably
going to behave in a different way
than if you think you’re a couple of
years away from the undertaker.
It’s not about trying to turn the
clock back to
when you were
25, but about
realising that
middle age can
be sexy too. The
fastest-growing
divorce rate in the
US, Stewart says to
prove his argument,
is for people over
55. Why? “Because
if you’re unhappily
married to
somebody, if you
think you’re going
to be dead in a few
years, you just suck
it up, right? But if
you think you’ve got
another 40 years,
you look across the
table and you’re, like,
‘I’m out.’ Find
somebody new. You
can always learn, you
can always improve,
you can get to the
place you want to go.
And it’s now or never.”
agei.st
By Sam Leith
E
very big news story these
days, from the likely
thermonuclear obliteration
of North Korea to tales of
the hotel-room advances of
a fat sexual predator, plays out on
social media. And in the heat of the
moment, boy is it easy to go wrong.
Look at Lindsay Lohan, right —
whose instagrammed video plea for
us all to lay off Harvey Weinstein,
shall we say, misjudged the mood.
Or at Christian Slater, who made no
mention of his own chequered history
while waxing sanctimonious on
Facebook about respecting women.
And even when you are not
addressing a radioactively hot topic,
there’s room to err. Look at Mo Farah,
bless him — who, of all the siblings on
earth to muddle up, got the Gallagher
brothers confused when tweeting
backstage from a U2 concert. “Chilling
with my boy Liamgallagher”, glossing
a picture of Noel.
These things go viral, people. So
let’s think before we hit send. Follow
these handy rules and you can’t go
far wrong. Unless you’re Mo Farah.
Him, I can’t help.
0 Hard-won wisdom? Or secondhand dickery?
It seems to give you an air of
incontrovertible wisdom and authority,
doesn’t it, to speak about your
respect for women as “the father
of daughters”? Think again, Matt
Damon. If it takes being related to one
to prevent you thinking of women as
ambulant sex dolls, your feminism
probably doesn’t go all that deep. And
strap in, because people are going to
point it out. A lot.
0 Don’t upload the wrong snap
Lordy be, it’s easy to do — even if
you don’t have children. They’re fiddly
little things, smartphones, and some
of us have big fat thumbs. Aiming
for that image of smashed avocado
on sourdough, you touched nine
millimetres to the right, shared your
kids in the bath with the Instagram
brunch circle and now the police are
coming. The picture intended for the
WhatsApp group “North London Wife
Swappers” just went to “3AK ParentTeacher Group” and now you have to
commit suicide. Check, double-check
and, if your camera roll contains
anything NSFW, share pictures only
from a desktop computer.
0 Don’t be a bio-boaster
You are not a “guerrilla” anything.
“Radical”, “sceptic” and “progressive”
are all compliments others should
pay you. “Strong opinions” or “doesn’t
suffer fools” make you sound a prat.
And if you say you’re a “cynic”, a
“maverick” or a “reprobate”, you’re
advertising that you’re a nitwit, a
dullard and a wally.
0 Try not to be a wannabe
You see those cool kids with 50,000
followers, all liking each other’s stuff
and swapping private jokes in public
and talking about their weekend
plans? You so want to be in their gang.
But you’re not. So you keep jumping
into their mentions. This misses the
point: you’re their audience and this
is an unwelcome stage invasion.
0 Don’t accidental like
Scrolling down with your thumb, you
wallop the heart button on a random
tweet and all of a sudden you are
on record as approving a tweet that’s
either years old (stalky) or on a feed
you really don’t want people to know
you’re looking at. Just ask Ted Cruz
or, ahem, his staff. And then you
unlike it, and it’s even worse because
the owner of the feed can see you
failing to cover your tracks.
0 Don’t delete a post like it
never happened
There’s an old adage in politics that
it isn’t the scandal that really causes
the trouble, it’s the cover-up. So you’ve
drunk-tweeted something obnoxious,
say, or spent several months bigging
up the single market in public before
your leader changed his mind on the
subject . . . Leave those posts up there
and front it out. Oh, and Lindsay
Lohan, you may have deleted your
Instagram video, but the damage has
been done.
0 Don’t share a libel
You’re in the know! Someone in your
friend group has shared a link to a full
list of the Tory paedophiles at those
1970s parties that the establishment,
and its lickspittles in the MSM, doesn’t
want the sheeple to know about. And
it makes you feel like a fearless warrior
for truth to get it out there. Sure, you
can’t personally vouch for the link,
but sunlight is the best disinfectant
and — oh. What? Plus costs?
Repeating a libel is a libel, even if
it comes with a “hmmm” emoji.
0 Don’t “search-box tweet”
You know what I’m talking about.
You absentmindedly type your search
term not into the search box, but into
the “What’s happening?” box —
and every one of your followers or
Facebook friends sees what you’re
searching for. That’s how “Ed Balls
Day” — an annual festival celebrated
by countless millions internationally
— came about. Do you want it to be
your name day next year? Or “NSFW
Oily Kardashian Pictures Day”?
I don’t believe you do.
Sam Leith’s Write to the Point: How to
be Clear, Correct and Persuasive on
the Page, published by Profile, is £14.99
6
1GT
Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
the table
It’s not all sardinhas. Just
ask the man who made
Portuguese food cool
He’s the chef at Britain’s hottest celebrity hangout, but Nuno Mendes doesn’t care
about meeting A-listers. His obsession is the food of his homeland. By Nick Curtis
G
iven that he’s the
chef at Chiltern
Firehouse, the
hottest celebrity
hangout of the past
few years, and a
formerly Michelinanointed culinary
star, Nuno Mendes is surprisingly
fame-blind. When I ask him who
most impressed him in the parade of
glitzy names sashaying through the
Firehouse, he says: “My whole staff,
they are amazing, f***ing awesome.”
What, more impressive than
Kate Moss, Rihanna, David Beckham,
Sienna Miller and Princess Eugenie?
“I spend my time focusing on working
with the team,” says Mendes, 44.
“People come in, I say, ‘Hi,’ but I don’t
really go out [to talk to them].”
Mendes has just written a cookbook,
Lisboeta, celebrating the cuisine of his
native Portugal. Although he hails from
Lisbon, he left in his teens to cook in
celebrated kitchens around the world
(with Jean-Georges Vongerichten and
at El Bulli) before moving to London
13 years ago. He ranks quite highly if
you google “famous Portuguese
people”, although not as high as
footballers such as Ronaldo and Figo.
Have they been in? “Not that I know
of,” he says, tugging his grizzled beard.
“Sometimes it’s, like, ‘Oh, this person is
here.’ Right, fair enough, great, but it is
what it is. They are just people coming
to a restaurant, you know?”
He will concede that he did “a
double-take” when Yoko Ono dined
at the Firehouse, but he has been
starstruck only once. “In the very
distant past, when I was working at
Il Postrio with Wolfgang Puck in San
Francisco, Bill Clinton came in, and
he was president. His secret service
[detail] was I think 90 people. F***, it’s
crazy. I have a White House picture
of me, a very young commis chef,
shaking hands with him. I thought
that was cool. I liked Bill Clinton. I
gave the picture to my grandmother.”
Mendes’s reluctance to play the
celebrity game stems partly from
his natural modesty and is partly
because, while he still cooks two nights
a week at the Firehouse and remains
“passionate” about it, he has moved on.
His London career falls into four neat
phases. First he was the darling of the
emergent east London food scene,
running a well-remembered gastropub,
Bacchus, and opening the pioneering
supper club, the Loft Project, in his
Shoreditch flat. In 2010 he opened
Viajante (Portuguese for “traveller”)
in Bethnal Green town hall, won a
Michelin star and became, in the words
of Giles Coren, “every restaurant critic’s
secret favourite cook”.
After Viajante closed, the hotelier
André Balazs enlisted Mendes as a
partner in the paparazzi maelstrom
that was the Firehouse. In addition
to that, Mendes has been reconnecting
with his roots, first by launching
Taberna do Mercado, the restaurant
in Spitalfields Market where we meet
today, and also with Lisboeta.
The book’s title refers to a native
of Lisbon, and we could make a point
about Mendes travelling the world —
a viajante — only to find happiness
in his own backyard. Except that his
loyalties are still divided between
Portugal and his beloved east London
— the latter affair being sorely tested
by Brexit — and his emotional
approach to food is tempered by
commercial nous. Taberna is the first
restaurant he has had a stake in —
“along with all the pain and suffering
that is attached to that” — and he
has formed a company to manage
the offering in the new Foster +
Partners-designed food and market
stalls inside Spitalfields Market.
However, it is the cookbook that
we are talking about today. “The book
is very personal,” says Mendes. “It is
a love letter to Lisbon and it draws
on my memories of growing up there,
sitting in my grandmother’s kitchen
or eating out in restaurants.” The book
is a typically gorgeous, lavishly
photographed volume, with recipes for
every point of a day in Portugal’s City
of Light, from the breakfast pastel de
nata (custard tart) to mid-morning
salgados (salty snacks), through lunch,
petiscos (small plates), dinner, desserts
and even a late-night bifana or prego
(pork or steak sandwich).
The sections are interspersed with
“Lisbon food stories”, essays by
Mendes on the city’s café culture and
beach life, and how Portugal’s colonial
past makes its cuisine different from
that of its neighbour, Spain. “Our
Bill Clinton came
in. His secret
service detail was
I think 90 people
presence in Japan, in China, in India,
in South America, Brazil, east Africa
has brought so much,” he says. “We
use chillies, coriander, white pepper,
vinegar, cinnamon, cloves . . .”
Portugal has wonderful seafood,
acorn-fed pigs in the interior, and a
fermented game sausage that is
unknown anywhere else, except
Thailand. “I think we had a presence
in Thailand too,” says Mendes
regretfully. Lisboeta may be the only
cookbook I’ve read that apologises for
Rihanna, David
Beckham and
Sienna Miller
a nation’s involvement in slavery and
colonial oppression.
What spurred him to write it? “It all
started with a prawn rissole,” he says.
He and his partner, Clarise, a South
African stylist and the mother of his
daughter and twin sons, were in the
kitchen of their old home five years
ago and she suggested they cook the
rissois de camarao he always loved.
“We made them together, the
filling, the dough, and that experience
was like an epiphany,” he says. “We
had them with lots of lemon, lots of
parsley and I thought, ‘Wow, I’ve got
to share this.’ That started the quest to
showcase Portuguese food and bring
Taberna do Mercado to life, Lisboeta
to life. I felt really sad that for all these
years I had not been championing my
country’s food.”
The recipes are mostly pretty
simple, barring the one for smoked
garlic and chicken sausages, which
requires a sausage-making machine.
“Rather than do very experimental
recipes, we wanted to start at ground
level with the things people eat on the
street,” Mendes says. The book is not
one you would give to a clean eater,
though: it’s full of deep frying, pork fat,
egg yolks and sugar. There are recipes
for “glazed duck rice with chouriço
and lardo” and a pudding made from
condensed milk that is colloquially
known as “camel’s drool”.
“I know, I know, I know,” says
Mendes, “but I think the recipes are
delicious if you eat them in
moderation. No one is going to eat
feijoada [pork and bean stew] every
day. There are healthier dishes in
there.” To illustrate, he orders us a
lunch that includes cured mackerel
with fennel and a thinly sliced octopus
salad. “I’m cutting carbs for a while,
for health reasons,” he says, before
agonising about the wheat in the
tempura green beans.
Some of the recipes connect directly
to his childhood. After his parents split
when he was young, Mendes lived first
with his mother, then with his father,
João. He ran a pharmacy and travelled
regularly on business, which meant
that from a young age Mendes ate out
a lot, in Portugal and abroad. It was
his father who taught him to cook the
seafood rice that is in the book. He
also insisted that Mendes spend a year
working on the family farm before
switching his studies from marine
biology in Miami to cooking at the
California Culinary Academy.
Arguably, Mendes also inherited
from his father a work ethic that led
him to spend time away from Orla, six,
Café-style
steak
Serves 2
Ingredients
2 x 180g sirloin steaks
2 tbsp olive oil
A knob of butter
1 small banana shallot,
finely diced
1 tbsp brandy
1 tbsp Madeira
1 tsp Portuguese-style
mustard
60ml single cream
Worcestershire sauce,
to taste
2 slices Ibérico ham
Sea salt flakes and
cracked black pepper
the times | Thursday October 12 2017
7
1GT
the table
KATIE WILSON FOR THE TIMES; ANDREW MONTGOMERY
Portuguese dressed crab
Serves 2
Ingredients
1 crab, such as spider crab, brown crab
or Dorset crab
Your choice of seasonings
Tabasco
Worcestershire sauce
Finely grated zest and juice of 1 lemon
Brandy
Ketchup
Mustard
Gherkins, finely chopped
Pickled vegetables
To serve (optional)
Shallots, finely chopped
Parsley, leaves finely chopped
Hard-boiled eggs, yolks and whites
grated separately
Method
1 Bring a large pan of water to the boil,
add the crab and simmer for 12-15 min
(for a 1kg crab), or until it is cooked
through. Check by breaking off one of
the claws; the meat inside should be
white and opaque. Remove the crab
and put it in a bowl of ice to cool.
2 Twist off the claws and set them
aside. Put the crab on its back with the
eyes facing you. Press your thumbs on
either side of the eyes and push away
the shell. Discard the greyish,
feathery-looking gills (called “dead
men’s fingers”), which are poisonous
and should not be eaten.
3 Use a crab picker or skewer to pick
the white meat from the body. Scrape
out the brown meat from the shell. In
a bowl, mix together the white and
brown meat, then add your choice of
seasonings. I like to add brandy, a bit
of ketchup and mustard, and some
finely chopped pickled vegetables.
4 Spoon the filling into the main body
shell to serve. Crack the back of the
claws and legs with a heavy spoon or
knife and arrange them round the
shell. Garnish with finely chopped
shallots and parsley; grated egg yolk
and white is also a wonderful addition.
Nuno Mendes in
Taberna do Mercado
Lisboeta: Recipes from Portugal’s
City of Light by Nuno Mendes
(Bloomsbury, £9.99) is out on
October 19
Method
1 Take the steaks out
of the fridge at least
20 min before cooking
and season them well on
both sides with salt and
pepper. Heat the olive
oil in a frying pan over
a high heat. When the
pan is very hot, add the
steaks and cook for
2-3 min on each side for
medium-rare (the exact
cooking time will
depend on the thickness
of the steaks). Add the
butter and baste the
steaks with it. Remove
the steaks and leave to
rest on a warm plate.
2 Add the shallot to the
cooking juices in the pan
and cook over a low
heat until soft, then
increase the heat to
caramelise it. Pour in
the brandy and Madeira,
and stir quickly to
incorporate all the
cooking juices and
sediment. Add the
mustard and cream,
and cook for another
couple of minutes.
3 Taste for seasoning
and add some more
salt, pepper and
Worcestershire sauce,
if you like. If the sauce
is a little thick or
starting to separate, add
a dash of warm water.
Put a slice of ham on
each steak, pour the
sauce on top and eat
straightaway.
and the twins, Noah and Finn, four.
“I don’t travel as much as I used to,”
he says. “I felt I was leaving my family
behind a bit because I was working,
working, working. I have had to
impose a lot of rules on myself,
delineating parameters so I can have a
good family life, which I feel is
necessary. My daughter was fortunate.
She probably got more of me than my
two boys, sadly. Things were a little
more hectic when they were born, so
maybe they lost out a bit. Not any
more. I take them to school every day.
I try to be there at least two or three
nights a week. I want to have those
experiences. I don’t want to miss out
on things. And if I have to miss out
on something in my career, so be it.”
He and Clarise met at a wedding in
Malta and worked together on the
Loft Project before they started
a family. “She is very patient. This
career, it can take a great toll on your
personal relationships. That was
something I had to address. I am not
trying to feed you BS about being
a perfect family man, but my father
travelled a lot. For his own reasons
he didn’t spend much time with his
family, and I didn’t want to give that
to my kids.”
He is still enthused by food, of
course, particularly by the apparently
inexhaustible creativity and variety of
the scene in east London, even though
he can’t afford to buy a home in the
capital. But he thinks the mood of
London started to change after the
Brexit vote, which he likens to the chill
that crept steadily over New York after
9/11 (he was working at Vongerichten’s
restaurant in Trump Tower when the
planes hit). He suggests that the
perception that London is no longer
open and welcoming is already
deterring immigrants, often highly
educated students, who take waiting
and junior kitchen jobs in restaurants.
“It’s going to hurt us, it’s going to hurt
hospitality dramatically.”
Lisbon, by contrast, has shaken off
years of economic and political woe
and is attracting the young, mobile,
creative types who are being priced
and frozen out of London. Mendes was
desperate to leave when he was 17, but
is now not sure he would make that
decision. As far as the future goes, he
has no plans to try to repeat the
Chiltern formula in central London,
and probably won’t repeat the attempt
he made last year to crowdfund a new
Viajante. He’d like to run something in
Portugal too, perhaps in the Alentejo
region where his family originated, but
hopes to stay in London, unless the
decision is taken out of his hands.
“I have Portuguese citizenship,” he
says. “My partner has a British
passport and my kids do too. So if I get
kicked out, hopefully they can stay.”
8
Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
1GT
arts
Action! The triumphs
and turkeys of the
London Film Festival
TV battled cinema, tennis players took on the stars — and there was some
truly awful make-up. Kevin Maher on the best and worst of the fortnight
1
Everybody was using the N-word
Netflix. Netflix. Netflix. Everywhere
you turned during this apparent
celebration of big-screen
entertainment you ran slap bang into
the paradox of Netflix. The smallscreen streaming service was behind
some of the festival’s most admired,
desired and critically adored movies.
From the 1940s race-relations drama
Mudbound, starring Carey Mulligan, to
the blisteringly acerbic Adam Sandler
comedy The Meyerowitz Stories,
Netflix was suddenly, and seemingly
out of nowhere, showcasing projects
that have a good chance of being next
year’s best-picture Oscar contenders.
“Netflix have allowed me to be free
creatively, and their enthusiasm is
gigantic,” gushed Sandler on the day
of the Meyerowitz premiere. “It’s an
exciting place to be right now.”
2
The SAS are very brave
and a bit rubbish too
6 Days was an unexpected festival
treat. It’s an intriguing and deftly
executed B-movie action drama (also
from Netflix) about the 1980 Iranian
embassy siege. It stars Jamie Bell
as a gum-chewing SAS team leader.
I was expecting the British version of
Zero Dark Thirty or 13 Hours: The
Secret Soldiers of Benghazi — a
high-tension love letter to military
professionalism. Beautifully, it was
indeed the British version of those
movies. Although it highlighted the
intense bravery required to charge
into a six-storey building filled with
terrorists and explosives, it didn’t
shrink from depicting the calamitous
opening of the embassy rescue
(soldier gets tangled in own rope,
foot goes through window). Top
marks for honesty.
3
Jake Gyllenhaal does not do irony
At the climax of a sombre and
agonisingly sincere on-stage interview
during which Jake Gyllenhaal
discussed, mostly with sad, glassy
eyes, how he was influenced by
Danny Kaye, how Donnie Darko is a
metaphor for growing up, and how he
searches for the truth in every role,
the 36-year-old Brokeback Mountain
star turned his attention to his new
movie, Stronger, a well-intentioned
if ultimately middling slab of Oscar
bait about the 2013 Boston marathon
bombing. “I’ve never had an
experience like this making a movie,”
he said, eyes glassier than ever. “I’ve
never had an experience like this in
my life. And it’s changed me in ways
that I cannot put into words.” Jeez.
And we thought it was just a movie.
4
Sally Potter is funny
The arthouse director, famed
for serious, often self-referential
movies about identity (Orlando), art
(The Tango Lesson) and poetry (Yes),
has suddenly, at 68, found her funny.
Her festival entry, The Party, is 71
minutes of increasingly manic, often
unbridled, hilarity. It is the north
London dinner party from hell,
featuring a newly appointed shadow
minister for health (Kristin Scott
Thomas, on fire), a New Age healer
(Bruno Ganz), a lesbian couple (Emily
Mortimer and Cherry Jones), who
have just announced the conception of
IVF triplets, and a coke-snorting City
banker (Cillian Murphy). And a gun.
Naturally, it starts with the burning of
the vol-au-vents and goes downhill.
But in the very best way.
5
You can’t escape
the Weinstein scandal
The Harvey Weinstein scandal broke
as the festival opened. Critics and
journalists gossiped (Who knew? Who
had been silenced? How much more is
there to come?), while visiting talent
were canvassed for their opinions.
Square-jawed Armie Hammer
(The Social Network), here to
promote the delicate gay
love story Call Me by Your
Name, was first out of the
gates. “There have been
a lot of people who
have been really brave
to come forward and
admit some really hard
things,” he said. “And I
Jake
think all of those
Gyllenhaal
things need to be seen all the way
through.” Rebecca Hall, the star
of the controversial festival entry
Professor Marston and the Wonder
Women, added: “The truth is, there
have been rumours circulating for
ever. I’ve known about them. I’ve
certainly been protected without
really ever being told why. I certainly
was never allowed near a meeting
with him on my own and anything
like that.”
Japan: land of the
rising sun
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intriguing pagodas and taste the local cuisine.
This tour shows the contrast of old and
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Included is a stay in a traditional tatamimatted inn.
Selected departures from March to
November, 2018.
12 nights from
£3,449
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PRICE INCLUDES
Tours of Tokyo and Kyoto
Visit to Lake Kawaguchi,
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Return flights from
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accommodation in a
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the times | Thursday October 12 2017
9
1GT
arts
Timothy Spall in The Party, a comedy about a London dinner party gone wrong
There were gasps
at On Chesil
Beach, but not
in a good way
6
Professor Marston and
the Wonder Women was
controversial. But not in that way
This was a curious one. A movie about
William Marston, the creator of the
Wonder Woman comics, that delved
into the world of bondage, S&M, fetish
outfits, chains, ropes and raunchy
three-way sex sessions. It featured
Hall as Marston’s bisexual wife
Elizabeth, Luke Evans as the good, and
frequently randy, professor and Bella
an intellectual torpedo fired from
Sony Pictures (which made it) at the
competing studio Warner Bros, which
made a killing with this summer’s
smash hit, Wonder Woman, but which
will now struggle, after Professor
Marston, to deny and erase their
creation’s slightly sleazier context.
Wonder Woman? A film for all the
family? As long as you bring your
whips and cable ties.
Heathcote as the virginal young
student who becomes their sexual
plaything and eventual love object.
Somehow, in the midst of all this,
Marston creates Wonder Woman, the
sexy apotheosis of his carnal desires.
The controversy, however, is not in the
scenes of late-night bondage and
three-way interplay (the depiction is
artful and cosy, and very vanilla). It’s
in the suggestion that this entire
movie is an act of studio sabotage or
Saoirse Ronan in On
Chesil Beach. Left:
Sally Hawkins and
Octavia Spencer in The
Shape of Water. Below:
Jamie Bell in 6 Days
7
Billie Jean King has high hopes
The tennis ace and gender-equality
advocate was at the festival to promote
Battle of the Sexes, a sharp and timely
comedy-drama about her 1973 tennis
match against the self-styled
“chauvinist pig” Bobby Riggs.
She’s played by Emma Stone and
Riggs is played by Steve Carell. When
speaking about her aspirations for the
movie, King said: “I just hope that
it’ll put fire in the bellies of the
younger generation, particularly
the millennials, to want to continue
the fight for equality and freedom,
and inspire them to want to do
that, and to get into politics and
to make a difference.” Ah, I see.
Is that all?
8
Entertainments
%
There are few things worse than
old-person make-up
There were gasps from the premiere
audience, but not in a good way,
during the closing act of the Ian
McEwan adaptation On Chesil
Beach. The author, adapting his
1962-set novella, had needlessly
added a modern-day sequence that
reacquainted us with our two young
protagonists, played by Saoirse Ronan
Theatres
CAMBRIDGE
Please be advised that calls
to 084 numbers can cost up
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0844 412 4652
MATILDA THE
MUSICAL
MatildaTheMusical.com
HER MAJESTY'S 0844 412 2707
THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL
THE PHANTOM OF
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QUEEN'S
0844 482 5160
The Musical Phenomenon
LES MISÉRABLES
Theatre Royal Drury Lane
42nd STREET
020 7087 7760
Eves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30
www.LesMis.com
St Martin's
020 7836 1443
65th year of Agatha Christie's
THE MOUSETRAP
Mon-Sat 7.30, Tues & Thu 3, Sat 4
www.the-mousetrap.co.uk
Vaudeville Theatre 0330 333 4814
Oscar Wilde's
A WOMAN OF NO
IMPORTANCE
Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30
Classicspring.co.uk
and Billy Howle, as septuagenarians.
Instead of hiring older actors to play
them (there are lots of commanding
seventysomething performers) the
film-makers, inexplicably, and
cataclysmically, decided to cover
Ronan and Howle in “old-person”
latex make-up. Cue gasping audience
members. It was horrific. Like a cross
between Spitting Image and Bo’ Selecta!
You didn’t know where to look. Worse,
the scenes required maximum
emotional investment from the actors
and audience alike. How can you
describe the sight of two latex lumps
crying their rubbery noggins off on
screen? A disaster.
9
Inter-species sex is strangely
romantic
In Guillermo del Toro’s sci-fi thriller
The Shape of Water, Sally Hawkins
plays a janitor who has sex with a
giant alien amphibian man. They fall
in love. He comes back to her flat. And
before long it’s straight into the bath
for a bit of, you know, hot frog action
(and no, he’s not French).
10
Film is dead, TV is king
The director David Fincher
was here. He made Fight Club and The
Social Network and he came to bury
film, not to praise it. He’s got a new
series on Netflix, a gripping account
(we saw the first two episodes) of
serial-killer profiling at the FBI, called
Mindhunter. He said that small-screen
entertainment had the edge in terms
of drama and sophistication on
traditional, predictable Hollywood
movies. “There’s a very large talent
pool of people who don’t feel there’s
much for them in terms of sustenance
from working for Marvel,” he said.
“And I think we can make a
playground for them, and for
thoughtful, adult, interesting, complex
and challenging stories. This is a
very exciting time. And I think we
should be looking at it and saying,
‘This is a great new way to kick
people’s asses.’ ”
10
1GT
Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
television & radio
A gloomy Dane and a case of Scandi-noir fatigue
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Norskov
Channel 4
{{{((
The Apprentice
BBC One
{{(((
N
orskov won the award
for best series at the 2017
Copenhagen TV Festival.
I spent the first 30 minutes
trying to fathom why. It’s
not that this latest Danish export
is bad, it’s just that I couldn’t see
anything much to rave about. Words
such as “raw” and “brooding” were
used in Channel 4’s promo material,
but the two other words that kept
occurring to me were “nothing special”.
This, in fairness, was the first
episode, in which workmanlike tasks
Radio Choice
Joe Clay
Radio 3 in Concert
Radio 3, 7.30pm
The pianist Igor Levit joins
the BBC National Orchestra
of Wales for a concert at
St David’s Hall in Cardiff.
The programme includes
Beethoven’s Fifth Piano
Concerto, one of the
cornerstones of classical
music. Written in Vienna
as Napoleon shelled the
city in 1809, the Emperor
Concerto was designed as
a virtuoso work for only the
very best players. Its impact
on listeners can still be
devastating. In the 2010
Radio 4 series Soul Music,
the concert pianist James
Rhodes recalled hearing
it as a boy. “I was lying in
bed crying my eyes out.
I had no idea something
like this existed — that
went deep, beyond words.”
Travelling
into the Light
Radio 4 Extra, 8.30pm
HV Morton is probably
best remembered as the
man who scooped the
story of the opening of
Tutankhamun’s tomb in
1923. However, it is his
1927 travelogue In Search
of England that provides
the inspiration for this
programme, in which
John McCarthy recreates
Morton’s journey around
his home county of Devon.
need to be done such as establishing
who’s who and persuading the viewer
to give a damn. But it was hard to care
much about any of the characters
including the main hero policeman,
who concentrated so hard on being
a brooding, enigmatic man of few
words that sometimes he just looked
like he had wind. There were lots of
meaningful looks and long silences, but
also dialogue along the lines of “How’s
everything at the factory?” “Very good.
We’ve just closed a deal with a German
furniture company.” So, you see, not
exactly edge-of-seat stuff. Maybe it’s
a case of Scandi drama fatigue.
Towards the end, however, it
found its mojo. Tom Noack, the
aforementioned policeman, is in the
town of Norskov to clean up the drugs
problem, but the promising intrigue
lay in his relationship with a junkie
former girlfriend and her teenage son,
who is shaping up to be an ice hockey
star. A teenage girl had overdosed on
cocaine at the beginning (and here I
register a small “yay” because at least
she wasn’t abducted/raped/mutilated
as young women usually are in such
dramas. So high-five to a wholesome
drugs OD: woohoo). A nasty car crash
at the end set up the next episode and
I wouldn’t mind watching it, but I
won’t be counting the hours until I do.
So, farewell then, poor Jeff. The
bumptious banker-cum-breakdancer
who had vowed to throw people under
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.33am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Adele Roberts
12.45pm Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00
Greg James 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James
7.00 Annie Mac 9.00 Radio 1’s Artist
Takeover with the Amazons 10.02
BBC Radio 1’s Residency: Kolsch 12.00 BBC
Radio 1’s Residency: Helena Hauff 1.00am
Toddla T 4.00 Jordan North
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce. With
the Steps singer Faye Tozer 12.00 Jeremy
Vine 2.00pm Gary Davies 5.00 Simon Mayo.
Nigel Barden serves the team chargrilled leg
of lamb 7.00 Bob Harris Country 8.00 Jo
Whiley 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts Show with
Jonathan Ross 12.00 The Craig Charles
House Party (r) 2.00am Radio 2’s Tracks Of
My Years Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Have
a Great Weekend 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist:
Feelgood Friday 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show, featuring listener requests
9.00 Essential Classics
Rob Cowan talks to the illusionist Derren
Brown about the cultural influences that
have shaped him, and explores potential
companion pieces for a piece of music
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Vivaldi (1678-1741)
Donald Macleod surveys the 1730s, when
new trends meant that Vivaldi’s opera was
in danger of becoming old-fashioned. Vivaldi
(Con la face di Megera, Act 3 Sc 2, RV733 —
Semiramide; La fida ninfa, RV714 —
Act 1 Sc 7-9; Violin Concerto in E flat,
Op 8 No 5, RV253 — La tempesta di mare;
and L’Olimpiade, RV725 — Act 1 Scs 8-10)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Duo Van Vliet, the accordionist Rafal Luc and
the violist Ian Anderson, perform a diverse
programme recorded in St Magnus Cathedral
as part of Orkney’s midsummer festival.
Introduced by Kate Molleson. Dowland (Flow
My Tears; If My Complaints Could Passions
Move); Andrew Thomas (The Sound of
Waves — World Premiere); Purcell (Dido’s
Lament); Toshio Hosokawa (Into the Depth
of Time); and Britten (Lachrymae)
Jakob Ulrik Lohmann and Marijana Jankovic in Norskov
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Tom Redmond presents a performance of
Puccini’s Manon Lescaut, conducted by
Antonio Pappano by the Royal Opera House
Orchestra and Chorus with the sopranos
Kristine Opolais and Nadezhda Karyazina, the
tenors Jonas Kaufmann, Benjamin Hulett,
Robert Burt and Luis Gomes, the baritones
Christopher Maltman and Nigel Cliffe, the
basses Maurizio Muraro and Jeremy White
and the bass baritone Jihoon Kim. Followed
by the BBC Philharmonic in Walton, Prokofiev
and Elgar. 2.00 Puccini (Manon Lescaut).
4.00 Walton (Cello Concerto); Prokofiev
(Autumn); and Elgar (Grania and Diarmid
— Incidental Music and Funeral March) (r)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty’s guests include Andrey
Lebedev and Iosif Purits, who perform live in
the studio ahead of their appearance at the
Two Moors Festival, and the mezzo soprano
Wallis Giunta, who talks about her roles in
Opera North’s Little Greats season
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An imaginative selection of music, featuring
favourites together with lesser-known gems
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Thomas Søndergård conducts the National
Orchestra of Wales in Shostakovich’s
Symphony No 12 as part of the Russian
Revolution centenary season, before
which Igor Levit joins for Beethoven’s Fifth
Piano Concerto. The fearsome machines and
spirit of the workers in Mosolov’s ballet
score give a dramatic opening to the
programme. From St David’s Hall, Cardiff.
Mosolov (The Iron Foundry —Zavod, Op 19);
Beethoven (Piano Concerto No 5 in E flat, Op
73 — Emperor); and Shostakovich
(Symphony No 12 in D minor Op 112 —
The Year 1917). See Radio Choice
10.00 Free Thinking
Rana Mitter explores anti-Catholic prejudice
in Britain today, and the historians Richard
McGregor and Hans Van de Ven discuss
relations between Japan, US and China.
Plus Ronan Bennett on dramatising the
gunpowder plot for television
10.45 The Essay:
The Strangeness of Memory
The memory expert Professor David Shanks
reveals some of the techniques to help
remember facts or details, methods that
could improve revision or learning a language
11.00 Late Junction
James Cargill, of electronic band Broadcast,
compiles a mixtape, and Verity Sharp
presents music by Yat Kha and Zeitkratzer
as well as sound art from Fierce Festival
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
With Nick Robinson and Justin Webb
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 In Our Time
The life of Aphra Behn (1640-1689), known
for her plays for the Restoration stage such
as The Rover and for her novel Oroonoko
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 15 Minute Drama:
Ten Days That Shook the World
By John Reed, dramatised by Robin Brooks.
The Bolsheviks have seized control (4/10)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Presented by Jenni Murray. Including at
10.45 the Book of the Week:
The Letters of Sylvia Plath (4/5)
11.00 From Our Own Correspondent
Kate Adie introduces reports (3/8)
11.30 Hull 2017:
Contains Strong Language
Lindsey Chapman introduces poetry
inspired by the city of Hull, the 2017 UK
Capital of Culture (2/2) (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 50 Things That Made
the Modern Economy
Tim Harford talks about the invention of
the S-bend, a simple pipe with a curve in
it that led to public sanitation (9/15)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Russia in Five Babushka Dolls
Valentina Tereshkova, who in 1963 became
the first woman in space (4/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Hamlet
By William Shakespeare. Laertes returns to
Elsinore to seek revenge following Hamlet’s
accidental murder of Polonius (4/5) (r)
3.00 Ramblings
Clare Balding continues her exploration of
the Isle of Man by walking the coastal path
from Kallow Point to the Sound (5/6)
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal
On behalf of Bone Cancer Research Trust (r)
3.30 Open Book
Mariella Frostrup talks to Alan Hollinghurst
about his new novel The Sparsholt Affair (r)
4.00 The Film Programme
Francine Stock talks to Ian McEwan about his
screen work from the London Film Festival
4.30 BBC Inside Science
Presented by Adam Rutherford
the bus, over the bus and drive the
bus all the way to Lord Sugar’s payroll
ended up being put in a taxi with his
wheelie suitcase, the words “you’re
fired” ringing in his ears. For what it’s
worth I think The Apprentice will be
poorer, comedy-wise, for his absence,
but I suppose there are plenty more
egotists where he came from. Talking
of which, had anyone feared that
Sugar’s own ego might be mellowing?
Rest easy. Last night’s episode began
with him arriving by helicopter at the
Stoke Park Hotel in Buckinghamshire
to the theme tune of Goldfinger. This
despite it being 30 miles from London.
But, hey, what price a grand entrance?
It was a boring task this week:
expecting the teams to design, paint
and furnish a hotel room, which is a
specialist skill and has little to do with
entrepreneurialism or selling. Both
teams, however, were able to showcase
a spectacular lack of taste, the women
picking a golf theme (ugh) and the
boys a “British” theme (yawn), though
they painted the walls not in red,
white and blue, but red, yellow and
blue, which are the colours of the flag
of Romania. Not terribly “Bucks”, then.
Both teams were useless, the
boardroom lacked bite and the one
funny moment was when Michaela
called the project manager a “bellend”.
Come back, Jeff and your breakdancing
moves: light entertainment needs you.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
5.00 PM
Presented by Eddie Mair
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Lemn Sissay’s Origin Stories
The poet examines depictions in popular
culture of children raised in care, along with
orphans and foster children, comparing these
fictional treatments with reality (1/4) (r)
7.00 The Archers
Helen puts her foot down
7.15 Front Row
A round-up of arts news and reviews
presented by Kirsty Patricia Lang
7.45 15 Minute Drama: Ten Days That
Shook the World (4/10) (r)
8.00 The Briefing Room
David Aaronovitch is joined by a number of
guests to discuss big issues in the news
8.30 The Bottom Line
Evan Davis talks to business executives
about workplace issues that matter,
from the boardroom to the shop floor
9.00 BBC Inside Science (r)
9.30 In Our Time (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Razia Iqbal
10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Omen
By David Seltzer. Owen Teale reads the
novelisation of the Oscar-winning
horror. Kathy is in danger (4/5)
11.00 Liam Williams: Ladhood
Liam searches for hedonism, while torn
between the laddish drinking societies and
the artsy intelligentsia of Cambridge
University. Autobiographical sitcom (2/4)
11.30 Today in Parliament
Susan Hulme presents analysis of the day’s
developments in Westminster
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
The Letters of Sylvia Plath (4/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Stop Messing About! 8.30 The Goon
Show 9.00 Counterpoint 9.30 Bristow 10.00
Dover Goes to Pott 11.00 Alan Howard
Reads 11.15 The Reluctant Spy 12.00 Stop
Messing About! 12.30pm The Goon Show
1.00 The Drowned Men’s Inn 1.30 HV
Morton: Travelling into the Light 2.00 When
Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit 2.15 The Drawings
on the Wall 2.30 Love for Lydia 2.45
Tombstone 3.00 Dover Goes to Pott 4.00
Counterpoint 4.30 Bristow. Comedy with
Michael Williams 5.00 A Certain Age
5.30 My Teenage Diary: Ian Rankin Special
6.00 The Darker Side of the Border 6.30
Great Lives 7.00 Stop Messing About!
Comedy with Kenneth Williams. From 1970
7.30 The Goon Show 8.00 The Drowned
Men’s Inn. (1/2) Byy Georgges Simenon
8.30 HV Morton: Travelling into the Light.
Documentaryy See Radio Choice
9.00 Alan Howard Reads. The Family Friend
by Marina Warner 9.15 The Reluctant Spy.
By John Dryden 10.00 Comedy Club: My
Teenage Diary: Ian Rankin Special. The writer
talks to Rufus Hound about his formative
years 10.30 Newsjack. Comedy sketches
with Angela Barnes 11.00 Big Booth Too.
Comedy with Boothby Graffoe. From 2001
11.30 Small Scenes
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 5 Live Daily
1.00pm Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive
7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Sport: 5 Live
Rugby 8.30 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Rugby 9.00
5 Live Formula 1 10.00 Question Time Extra
Time 1.00am Up All Night 5.00 Reports
5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with Micky Quinn 10.00 Jim White 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham
and Darren Gough 7.00 Kick-off. Presented
by Mark Saggers 10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am
Extra Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Nemone 10.00 Lauren Laverne
1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie.
With Harry Hill 4.00 Steve Lamacq 6.00
Steve Lamacq’s Roundtable 7.00 Marc
Riley 10.00 Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music
Recommends with Steve Lamacq 1.00am
Hitsville USA: The Story of Motown 2.00
Philadelphia Routes 2.30 6 Music Live Hour
3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 Bill
Turnbull 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. Music to mark the
Light Music Society’s 60th anniversary
10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am Jane Jones
the times | Thursday October 12 2017
11
1GT
MARILYN KINGWILL
artsfirst night
Concert
Classical Opera
Barbican
Jazz
Michel Legrand
Ronnie Scott’s, W1
F
W
{{{((
or 20 years Ian Page and
Classical Opera have explored
the music of Mozart and his
contemporaries, from the
lemon-sweet balm of Apollo et
Hyacinthus to Così fan tutte. Working
from editions prepared by Page, with
the finest young singers, they have
given modern premieres of operas by
Gluck, Jommelli and Telemann. Yet
Beethoven (who met Mozart only
briefly) was the dominant voice in
their anniversary gala.
This was an ambitious programme
of music and verse that opened with
The Representation of Chaos from
Haydn’s Creation and closed with
Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. Led by
Matthew Truscott, the orchestra
(rebranded the Mozartists) described
Haydn’s skeins of vapour in faint
breaths of sound. Intonation was
problematic, with sharp kettle drums
and wayward oboes, but phrasing was
delicious and as Henry Waddington
gravely intoned the first recitative
there was clarity and security.
A fresher, brighter-sounding choir is
hard to imagine. In the Haydn and in
the closing section of Beethoven’s
Ninth, with Waddington, Natalya
Romaniw, Claudia Huckle and Stuart
Jackson as soloists, in Jackson’s
exquisite performance of Mozart’s
Accogli, oh re del mar (from Idomeneo)
and in Anna Devin’s radiant account of
Beethoven’s Da stiegen die Menschen
an’s Licht (from Cantata on the Death of
Emperor Joseph II), the choral singing
was outstanding. Yet the Mozartists
never agreed on one pitch and were
happier in music from Mozart’s lifetime
than in music written after his death.
In the end, as at the beginning of
Classical Opera’s career, it was the
rarities and miniatures that sparkled,
especially Jonathan Byers’s lovingly
shaped cello obbligato to Devin’s
ecstatic delivery of Mozart’s
arrangement of Handel’s
Leidenschaften stillt und weckt Musik.
Anna Picard
Comedy
Nick Helm
Winchester Discovery Centre
Y
{{{{(
ou’ve heard of break-up
albums. Well, for his first live
tour Nick Helm is giving us
break-up stand-up. Best
known as the feckless title
character in the sitcom Uncle, this
dishevelled 37-year-old comes on in
his typical stage wear of Aerosmith
T-shirt and headband, pumping out
a jaunty anthem about attempted
suicide. It’s hard to be sure how
personal the lyrics are: Helm was
battling against unsympathetic sound
and lighting at this show, leaving the
audience trying not to breathe too
hard in case we missed something.
Is that why the show got off to an
uncertain start? Or is it that in this
show, There Is Nothing You Can Do
To Me That I Haven’t Already Done
To Myself, Helm is moving towards
a kind of comedy that is less about
the performance-art brio of his
gravel-voiced fury and more about
{{{{(
The BalletBoyz in Javier De Frutos’s new work, The Title is in the Text, one of the evening’s four premieres
A fine balancing act
Outstanding
dancing defines
this quartet of
new works for
the all-male
troupe, says
Debra Craine
Dance
BalletBoyz
Sadler’s Wells
{{{{(
F
irst things first. The BalletBoyz
look terrific. Michael Nunn
and William Trevitt’s all-male
troupe is in tip-top shape, as
evidenced by this mixed bill
of mostly new choreography. With
one outstanding performance after
another, it doesn’t matter what they
dance. They are always fantastic.
For this evening, titled Fourteen
Days, Nunn and Trevitt commissioned
four premieres from a quartet of
dancemakers (Javier De Frutos, Iván
Pérez, Christopher Wheeldon and
Craig Revel Horwood). Each was
given the same theme to play with
— balance. The scores are original
too. The catch? They only had 14 days
to come up with something.
De Frutos takes balance literally in
The Title is in the Text, placing nine
dancers on a seesaw and exploring in
his fluent choreography the challenge,
futility, strategy and triumph of trying
to conquer a shifting landscape, be it
literal (a mountain?) or emotional.
Scott Walker gives us an unorthodox,
cacophonous, gloomy recorded score.
Pérez’s Human Animal is a
fascinating treatise on the language of
movement, taking the fundamentals of
balance — walking and running —
and embellishing them into full-blown
finding a way to put that hairy
chutzpah into something more sincere
and sustainable?
As he tells us about living alone since
a bad split two years ago and sings
acutely funny songs about romance,
heartache and being a semi-famous
person who gets asked for selfies on
public transport while inside his heart
is breaking, Helm is changing gear.
Who knows how real he is getting,
even as he talks about going 18 months
without sex, about drinking much too
much on his own. Yet his story of
painful sex acts with an old college
friend is so hilariously grim and vivid,
so exuberantly relayed, that you
believe every awful word. His tale of
storing a stool sample for his doctor is
heroically, hilariously detailed. “I’m no
longer the cool guy,” he says, which is
self-mockery and kind of true too.
Helm is well backed up by David
Trent, as his guitarist and support act.
There are some flat moments. Yet
the longer it goes on, the more it
feels like the start of an even better,
even more painfully yet pleasurably
personal Helm.
Dominic Maxwell
Touring to Nov 18, nick-helm.co.uk
Theatre
The Seagull
Lyric, W6
{{{((
dance. The performers begin by
moving in a circle, their feet pawing
the ground like horses, and gradually
evolve into a more articulate form of
physical expression. Joby Talbot’s live
score is big-hearted and exciting.
Revel Horwood’s The Indicator Line
is a thundering power dance for ten
(with power music from Charlotte
Harding) in which balance is the fine
line between oppression and rebellion.
With its faintly colonial aura (it was
inspired by the 19th-century lives of
the choreographer’s Australian
ancestors), it’s a heavy, foot-stomping
face-off that trades in male aggression
and brutality, but also illustrates a
determination to fight injustice.
For emotional wallop it’s down to
Wheeldon’s stunning adagio duet, Us,
to stir the senses. Wonderfully danced
by Jordan Robson and Bradley Waller
(atmospheric music by Keaton
Henson) it explores the touch,
intimacy, symbiosis — and, yes,
balance — of a traditional pas de
deux, although here, of course, it’s the
relationship between two men that’s
under an illuminating microscope.
This dark and serious evening ends
with a revival of Russell Maliphant’s
striking and elegiac Fallen.
Box office: 020 7863 8000, to Sat
T
he genius of Chekhov shines
out by the end of this new
version of his great
country-house tragicomedy,
although Sean Holmes’s
sometimes gimmicky, sometimes
glorious production hinders it as much
as it helps. It’s refreshing when the first
couple of young turn-of-the-century
Russians stroll on sounding like true
millennials; when the angry young
man Konstantin dresses, sounds and
clutches his guitar as if he’s mourning
the death of John Peel; best of all when
Lesley Sharp, left, comes on as the
ageing star-actress Arkadina, all
attention-seeking, faux-sensitive vanity.
At points like this, and with Simon
Stephens’s new version adding
colloquial snap, this Seagull is every bit
as aerodynamic as its creators want it
to be. The handsome set, by Hyemi
Shin, goes through four decreasingly
beautiful phases, starting with plastic
chairs by the lake, ending with plastic
sheeting indoors to keep out the cold.
The long scene changes become a
feature: we see huge shadows of those
moving the furniture and we hear
Max Richter’s reworking of Vivaldi’s
The Four Seasons pumping out loud.
ere there any La La
Land fans in the
house? Even if you
sat through the film
with gritted teeth
(has any Oscar-winning musical
ever been saddled with such dreary
songs?), there was no mistaking the
influence of Les Parapluies de
Cherbourg and that effervescent
score by Michel Legrand.
The French composer — still spry,
still witty — has been celebrating his
85th birthday with a world tour, and
this week was in front of Ronnie
Scott’s Jazz Orchestra. For, as well
as being a writer of sophisticated
melodies that are sometimes
mischaracterised as “easy listening”,
Legrand has long harboured bebop
tendencies. How many musicians
can claim to have collaborated
with Miles Davis?
The Frenchman was clearly in his
element as he cracked jokes alongside
Pete Long and the rest of the Frith
Street house band. At first hearing, his
piano accompaniment, with its
constantly rippling counter-melodies,
could seem disconcerting; not for him
the conventional way of marking the
beat. Yet the rest of the rhythm
section, with Sebastiaan de Krom on
drums and Geoff Gascoyne on bass,
supplied plenty of ballast, and towards
the close of the set, as the horns were
let loose on a breezy arrangement of
The Windmills of Your Mind, the
energy levels were irresistible.
You could argue that the song’s
undulating melody deserved more
subtlety, but this evening was all about
Legrand in full-on swing mode. The
chemistry between guest and orchestra
was even more satisfying on Images, an
extended piece written for his friend,
the late Phil Woods. Memories of
another master, Ray Charles, were
stirred on a swaggering blues number.
Legrand may have been looking back,
but he is not a prisoner of his past.
Clive Davis
Yet some of the modernising is
modish. Given a long speech, or even
dialogue, that references audiences or
readers, the characters turn downstage
to direct their lines straight at us,
illuminating ironies that would be
better left for us to find for ourselves.
It also makes it harder for the cast
to connect with each other, which,
even in a story about characters full
of unrequited love and unfulfilled
dreams, they need to do more than
they do here. And Sharp’s initially
winning performance doesn’t
deepen. She looks hemmed in by the
production, as if she can’t find space to
root her gestures in rich internal life.
If these three hours test us, though,
our patience is rewarded in a fourth
act in which they drop the business
and just get on with the acting.
Suddenly there’s no hiding what
a gifted cast we have: Adelayo
Adedayo as the lovelorn, ruined Nina,
say, or Paul Higgins as the diffident
doctor. Here at last the sadness and
the confinement is tangible rather
than talked-about. Chekhov wins
through, but it’s not without a fight.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 020 8741 6850, to Nov 4
12
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Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
GameFace
E4, 9pm/9.30pm
It has taken
three years
for a full
series of
Roisin Conaty’s sitcom
to appear since a
well-received pilot on
Channel 4. In that time,
Fleabag has set the gold
Early
Top
pick
standard for comedy
about dysfunctional
women, but Conaty’s
GameFace more than
holds its own. Besides,
it’s a different beast.
The stand-up
comedian, who won
the best newcomer
award at the Edinburgh
Festival in 2010, reprises
her role as Marcella,
a failing actress who
is coming to terms with
life in her thirties and
the break-up of her
relationship by
overindulging in “the
trinity — carbs, fags,
wine”. Marcella makes
ends meet while
waiting for elusive
acting jobs by doing
kids’ parties, where
she dresses up as a
Disney princess and
is called out by an
angry parent for having
“red wine lips”. She
is also seeing a life
coach (Green Wing’s
Karl Theobald), but
his job mainly
involves listening
with increasing
incredulousness to her
tales of woe. “We have
a lot of work to do,” he
says after their first
session. Older comedy
fans shouldn’t be put
off by it being on E4.
Marcella is flawed,
but likeable, and the
world she inhabits is
slightly removed from
reality; a vaguely
surreal sitcom world
where dream sequences
rub shoulders with
moments of authentic
drama. “My life’s a
piece of shit,” Marcella
says to a distressed
woman she encounters
in the first part of
tonight’s double bill.
It is, but Conaty mines
that for dark laughs
with aplomb.
Russia with
Simon Reeve
BBC Two, 9pm
On the final leg of his
journey Simon Reeve
is in Crimea, the
bitterly contested
region illegally taken
by Russia from Ukraine
in 2014. However, most
of the two million
people who live here
are ethnic Russians
who approve of the
occupation. “Ukraine
was a madhouse,” says
one. Reeve reveals a
looming humanitarian
crisis: a canal that
supplied much of
Crimea’s water has
been shut by Ukraine.
He also meets an
eccentric Russian
farmer who has taken
advantage of EU
sanctions and the
import ban to make
his own cheese.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain. How long
gadgets and appliances can be expected to last 10.00
Homes Under the Hammer. Property plans in London,
Kent and Derby 11.00 A Matter of Life and Debt.
A woman whose loan allowed her to turn a passion for
fashion into a business (AD) 11.45 Caught Red Handed.
A computer shop owner who tracked down a burglar (AD)
12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Thomas Plant and Kate Bliss
help two teams at the Royal Welsh Showground in Builth
Wells (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC
Regional News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Rob attempts to
get away from it all, but someone is trying to track him
down. Mrs Tembe’s hopes of a quiet day working from
home are dashed when she is interrupted (AD) 2.15 The
Boss. Quiz show 3.00 Escape to the Country. A couple
search for an idyllic rural home in Cambridgeshire (r) (AD)
3.45 Money for Nothing. Reinventing a wicker table and
chair, two paraffin lamps and a firepit 4.30 Antiques
Road Trip. Christina Trevanion makes a purchase with
a Scouting connection 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show
hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News at Six;
Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Real Lives Reunited (r) 6.30 Rip Off Britain (r)
7.15 A Matter of Life and Debt (r) (AD) 8.00 Sign Zone:
Mountain: Life at the Extreme (r) (AD, SL) 9.00 Victoria
Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live 12.00 Daily
Politics 1.00pm The Code (r) 1.45 The £100K House: The
Final Fix. Piers Taylor revisits Sue and Tim, who still need
an entrance hall staircase in their Somerset home (r)
2.45 Wild West: America’s Great Frontier. Wildlife in
America’s mountain regions, including the Rockies and the
Sierra Nevada, exploring the methods used by black bears,
pikas and bison to survive in harsh conditions (r) (AD)
3.45 Great American Railroad Journeys. Michael Portillo
journeys from Georgetown to Mount Vernon (r) (AD)
4.15 This Farming Life. In Central Scotland, two farmers
must gather their pregnant ewes from the hills ready for
lambing, while on the Isle of Lewis, Sandy makes curtains
for the holiday let (r) 5.15 Flog It! From Newcastle upon
Tyne, where members of the public bring their antiques
and collectibles along to Europe’s largest naval aviation
museum (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy
Vine (r) 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two. Ian
Waite examines more of the couples’ training footage
6.00am Good Morning Britain. The comedian Jim
Davidson chats about his 40 Years On tour, and the Red
Dwarf stars Craig Charles and Robert Llewellyn talk about
the latest series of the sci-fi sitcom 8.30 Lorraine. With
the three young stars of new film The Florida Project, Bria
Vinaite, Brooklynn Prince and Valeria Cotto 9.25 The
Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This Morning.
Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and
lifestyle features, including an interview with the
Hollywood actress Annette Bening. Including Local
Weather 12.30pm Loose Women. The ladies put the
world to rights once more and invite a guest to chat about
what they are up to 1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge
Rinder. Cameras follow the criminal barrister Robert
Rinder as he takes on real-life cases 3.00 Alphabetical.
Jeff Stelling hosts the quiz 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben
Shephard hosts the quiz show in which contestants drop
tokens down a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh
presents as contestants Dean, Heather, Arshad and
Rebecca pit their wits against the Chaser 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.20am The King of Queens (r) 7.35 Everybody Loves
Raymond (r) 9.05 Frasier (r) 10.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen
Nightmares USA (r) 11.05 Undercover Boss USA. Nader
Masadeh, President and CEO of Buffalo Wings & Rings,
goes undercover (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Come Dine with Me. Four Cardiff diners keep
their eyes on the prize (r) 1.05 A New Life in the Sun.
A British-run dive centre discovers a shipwreck in the
Mediterranean (r) 2.10 Countdown. With Michael
Whitehall in Dictionary Corner 3.00 Find It, Fix It, Flog It.
Simon O’Brien converts a gilded picture frame into a
television surround 4.00 My Kitchen Rules. Two best
friends open their instant Scottish restaurant The
Galloway Kitchen 5.00 Four in a Bed. The final stay is at
the Rhydspence Inn in Herefordshire 5.30 Steph and
Dom’s One Star to Five Star. The couple challenge the
owners to put on a candlelit dinner 6.00 The Simpsons.
Ned Flanders takes in a pair of female lodgers, but their
raunchy activities prompt him to consider moving away
from Springfield altogether (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Myra is left feeling suspicious when Cleo and Joel decide
to bring their trip to Tanzania forward (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. The day’s
news comes under scrutiny from Matthew Wright and the
panel, with viewers and the studio audience invited to
share their opinions 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away.
High Court Enforcement agents evict a group of squatters
barricaded into a disused nursery in London, and in Bristol
they try to recover over £10,000 owed by a plumbing
business (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The
Hotel Inspector. Alex Polizzi visits Llandudno, north
Wales, to help the owner of the struggling Alexandra
Hotel (r) 1.10 Access. Showbiz news and gossip 1.15
Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 NCIS.
Tony travels to North Africa on the trail of missing agent
Ziva, but is taken hostage by terrorists in Somalia and
given an ultimatum (r) 3.15 FILM: Too Close to Kill
(PG, TVM, 2016) Two best friends go their separate
ways when one gets into the most revered sorority on
campus, but matters soon take a fatal turn. Thriller
starring Greer Grammer 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30
Neighbours. Steph and Amy are faced with a crisis (r)
(AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Kat and Scarlett move into
the pier together (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
The Trump dynasty v the Jong-un dynasty.
Follow every episode.
Get the latest political news with a subscription.
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cover price
7.00 Emmerdale Events move in a
different direction and Zak takes
matters into his own hands (AD)
8PM
8.00 Council House Crackdown A woman
caught on camera faking a disability to
gain a council flat and a tenant making
£1500 a month from subletting his
housing association property (1/3)
8.00 The Big Family Cooking
Showdown Zoe Ball and Nadiya
Hussain present the first semi-final,
which sees three family teams trying
to impress the judges Rosemary
Shrager and Giorgio Locatelli and
win a place in the final (9/12) (AD)
9.00 Ambulance The paramedics deal with
the consequences of Storm Doris,
including people trapped in a car and a
94-year-old blown over while feeding
the birds. Last in the series
9.00 Russia with Simon Reeve Simon
journeys from Crimea to St Petersburg,
meeting the owner of a safari park
and an inspirational doctor, before
joining the fighters at a martial arts
club. See Viewing Guide (3/3) (AD)
7PM
7.00 Coast: The Great Guide Neil Oliver
and Tessa Dunlop present a guide to
islands off Scotland’s Western coast,
visiting Argyll, St Kilda and the Inner
and Outer Hebrides (6/8) (r) (AD)
9PM
UK residents only, aged 18 or over. This offer is subject to availability. New subscribers only. Visit store.thetimes.co.uk for full T&Cs.
7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex
Jones present the live magazine
Late
11PM
10PM
7.30 EastEnders Mick is angry to find out
Woody already knew about Linda (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 Police Interceptors: Future Crime
Ortis Deley and Rick Edwards join
police using technology to crack down
on crime, joining Cheshire interceptors
on a motorway pursuit (5/12) (r)
8.00 Emmerdale The Dingles demand
answers, and Vanessa and Charity get
locked in the Woolpack cellar together.
They help themselves to a bottle of
whisky, and things soon move in an
unexpected direction (AD)
8.00 The Supervet A mastif with a bone
tumour in its leg undergoes pioneering
surgery, and the neurologist Colin
Driver believes spinal surgery is the
only option for a pug that has lost
control of its hind legs (AD)
8.00 Criminally Funny: Caught in the
Act Zoe Lyons, Matt Richardson and
Dave Spikey introduce a selection
of humorous clips capturing the law
being broken, including footage
of a kleptomaniac cat (r)
9.00 An Hour to Catch a Killer with
Trevor McDonald Documentary
following Northumbria Police murder
detectives as they set out to solve
the killing of a 24-year-old woman
from Gateshead, in the crucial first
hour of the investigation.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
9.00 Educating Greater Manchester
Mr Humphreys gets more than he
bargained for as the form tutor to the
mischievous Year 7s Tiger and Billy.
On Valentine’s Day, Jacob wants to get
back with ex-girlfriend Lily (7/8) (AD)
9.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next
Door A Colchester man who welcomed
his new neighbour with open arms,
only for the friendship to sour, and a
pensioner who faced months of
vandalism and abuse (2/11)
7.30 Britain’s Claim Culture: Revealed
— Tonight The real cost of the
personal injury industry
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 MOTD: The Premier League Show
Magazine with news and highlights
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.30 Newsnight With Emily Maitlis
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs
the topical debate from Belfast, where
panellists include former Northern
Ireland Secretary Theresa Villiers
11.45 This Week Andrew Neil introduces a
round-table chat, in which he, Michael
Portillo and other guests take a look
back at the past seven days’ political
and parliamentary developments
12.35am-6.00 BBC News
10.40 After the News Nick Ferrari is joined
by guests with passionately held and
differing views to discuss some of
Britain’s main talking points
11.15 The Detectives: Murder on the
Streets Detectives and the family
of Daniel Smith gather for the trial,
but with the two main suspects
pleading not guilty, the outcome is
left to the jury (4/4) (r) (AD)
12.15am Sign Zone: Imagine: Cameron Mackintosh
— The Musical Man Alan Yentob chats to the
impresario to find out how a timber merchant’s son
became the most successful man in musical theatre and
changed the face and sound of the business (r) (SL)
1.45-2.45 This Farming Life. Winter arrives (r) (SL)
11.15 Lord Lucan: My Husband, the
Truth Another chance to see the
Countess of Lucan, who died last
month, talk about her marriage to Lord
Lucan, and the events surrounding the
death of their nanny Sandra Rivett (r)
12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 Britain’s Claim Culture:
Revealed — Tonight. Hayley Hassall investigates how the
personal injury industry is pushing up premiums and
holiday prices, and how insurers are fighting back by
naming and shaming fake claimants (r) 3.25 ITV
Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
10.00 The Great British Bake Off: An
Extra Slice Jo Brand reviews the
events of Italian week, talking to
this week’s eliminated baker and
introducing unseen footage from
the main programme (7/10) (AD)
10.50 The Undateables A charity worker
hopes a bespoke perfume will help win
over his date and the show catches up
with Shaine and Gemma as they
celebrate their first anniversary.
Last in the series (r) (AD)
10.00 Gypsy Kids: Our Secret World
Nine-year-old Jack Joe decides he is
old enough to move into his own
trailer. Francie, Johnny and Margaret
attend the funeral of their grandfather
Simey Doherty. Last in the series
11.05 Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (18,
1995) A Navy veteran on board a train
battles hijackers who possess a
weapon with the potential to trigger
earthquakes. Action adventure sequel
with Steven Seagal and Eric Bogosian
11.55 Gogglebox (r) (AD)
12.55am The Supervet A chinchilla arrives for surgery
on a broken leg (r) (AD) 1.50 Grand Designs Australia. A
couple building a home on their 105-acre plot in the
Adelaide Hills (r) 2.50 Building the Dream (r) (AD) 3.45
Best of Both Worlds (r) 4.40 Unreported World (r) (SL)
5.05 Too Many Cooks (r) 5.35-6.20 Countdown (r)
12.55am FILM: The Equalizer (15, 2014) A former
secret agent fights to bring down a crime syndicate.
Action thriller starring Denzel Washington and Chloë
Grace Moretz (AD) 3.05 SuperCasino 4.00 Tattoo
Disasters UK (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10
Divine Designs (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
the times | Thursday October 12 2017
13
1GT
television & radio
An Hour to
Catch a Killer
ITV, 9pm
Trevor McDonald
has been granted
exclusive access to the
Northumbria police
homicide team as they
investigate the murder
of 24-year-old Alice
Ruggles. The cameras
are there for the
all-important “golden
hour” — the first
60 minutes of any
murder investigation
can make or break the
case. The murder squad
start filming themselves
from the second the
call comes in, and wear
HD body cameras into
the crime scene for the
first time. McDonald
also meets Alice’s
parents, who wanted to
share her story to warn
others of the dangers
of stalking.
Red Dwarf
Dave, 9pm
The cult sci-fi comedy
returns. Tonight’s
opener has Lister,
Rimmer, Kryten and
Cat arriving at a
research centre, where
scientists were
searching for a cure for
evil. Stored there are
the bodies of “some of
the most damaged and
deranged humans who
ever lived”, including
Stalin, Hitler and Vlad
the Impaler. All are
marked as cured. The
crew’s arrival triggers
their waking and there
follows a dinner party
with Vlad, Joe and a
very camp Dolfy, and
a succession of rather
obvious (but still funny)
historical gags. Also
returning tonight is
the fantasy comedy
Zapped (9.40pm).
The History
of Comedy
Sky Arts, 9pm
An eight-part series
exploring the history
of comedy from an
American perspective
begins with a look at
women in comedy. “Are
women not funny?”
asks Jen Kirkman. “No,
they’re oppressed, you
dumb idiot.” The point
made is that women
have always been funny
(of course), it’s just a
question of whether
society (read men)
would let them be funny.
Pioneers from Phyllis
Diller, Moms Mabley
and Lucille Ball are
celebrated, revealing
the struggle women
have endured to be
accepted. “The idea that
chicks aren’t funny is
still very much a thing,”
says Kathy Griffin.
Sport choice
Sky Sports Golf, 9am
The Italian Open —
the fifth Rolex Series
event of the season on
the European Tour’s
Race to Dubai —
gets under way today
at Golf Club Milano
in Milan. Last year’s
champion, Francesco
Molinari has confirmed
that he will return to
defend the title.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Hawaii Five-0 (r) 7.00 Road Wars (r)
8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00 The Dog
Whisperer (r) (AD) 10.00 Modern Family (r)
11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 12.00 House (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Football’s Funniest Moments
(r) (AD) 5.00 The Flash (r)
6.00 Modern Family. Cameron’s dad visits (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo. With Rob Beckett,
Victoria Coren Mitchell and Melanie C
9.00 A League of Their Own. With guests Piers
Morgan, Paul Merson and Roisin Conaty
10.00 The Russell Howard Hour. Topical comedy
and entertainment show with special guests
11.00 Football’s Funniest Ever Moments.
Comical incidents from the Premier League (r)
1.00am A League of Their Own. With John
Barnes, Amanda Holden and Aisling Bea (r) (AD)
2.00 The Force: Essex (r) (AD) 3.00 The
Blacklist (r) (AD) 4.00 Stop, Search, Seize (r)
(AD) 5.00 The Dog Whisperer (r) (AD)
6.00am Fish Town (r) 8.00 The British (r) (AD)
10.00 The West Wing (r) 12.00 Without a Trace
(r) 1.00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The Guest Wing
(r) (AD) 4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00 Without a Trace (r)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. Two bodies
are discovered on a building site (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. A news reporter wearing
NYPD gear is targeted by a shooter (r) (AD)
9.00 Tin Star. Whitey finds himself on the back
foot when he visits the Worth home (6/10)
10.00 Vice Principals. Russell tests out a
kindness strategy at school
10.35 Room 104. A woman seeking salvation is
visited by a cult priest (3/12)
11.10 Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (r)
11.45 Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry reaches out
to a familiar face and gives sartorial advice (r)
12.25am Dice (r) (AD) 1.00 Tin Star (r)
2.00 The Wire (r) 3.15 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 4.05 The West Wing (r)
6.00am 60 Minute Makeover (r) 7.00 Obese:
A Year to Save My Life USA (r) 8.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 9.00 Criminal Minds (r)
11.00 Highway Patrol (r) 12.00 Road Wars (r)
1.00pm UK Border Force (r) (AD) 2.00 Nothing
to Declare UK (r) 4.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 5.00 Criminal Minds (r)
6.45 My Kitchen Rules: Australia
8.00 Children’s Hospital. A 12-week-old girl has
surgery to remove a liver tumour (r)
8.30 Children’s Hospital. An update on bone
marrow transplant patient Emily Fish (r)
9.00 Law & Order True Crime: The Menéndez
Murders. Drama telling the story of Lyle and Erik
Menéndez, the brothers who in 1996 were
convicted of the murders of their parents
10.00 How to Get Away with Murder. Annalise
copes with a new twist in the DA’s case
11.00 Criminal Minds. Three victims are found
tied to stakes in the Arizona desert (r)
12.00 Criminal Minds (r) 4.00am Cold Case (r)
5.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD)
6.00am Classical Destinations 6.15 Celtic
Woman 8.00 Watercolour Challenge 8.30 Tales
of the Unexpected (AD) 9.30 Bryan Ferry Plays
Baloise Session 10.45 Hollywood: Singing and
Dancing (AD) 12.00 Discovering: Errol Flynn
1.00pm Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 2.00
Auction 2.30 Watercolour Challenge 3.00
Discovering: The Mamas & the Papas 3.30 The
Hollies: Look Through Any Window
6.00 Discovering: Sidney Poitier
7.00 The Women Who Run Hollywood
8.00 Discovering: Ernest Borgnine
9.00 The History of Comedy. See Viewing Guide
10.00 Urban Myths: Bob Dylan
10.30 Bob Dylan: The Folk Years. The factors
that shaped the musician’s early career (AD)
12.00 The History of Comedy 1.00am Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 2.00 Auction 2.30
Watercolour Challenge 3.00 Die Grosse Fuge
3.25 Revealing Mr Maugham 5.00 South Bank
Show Originals: Joseph Heller 5.30 South Bank
Show Originals: Merce Cunningham
6.00am Live PGA Tour Golf: The CIMB Classic.
The opening day’s play in Malaysia 7.30 Live
ATP Masters Tennis: The Shanghai Masters.
Coverage of the fourth day’s play in China 9.00
Live European Tour Golf: The Italian Open. The
opening day at the Golf Club Milano in Parco
Reale di Monza 5.00pm Sky Sports News at 5
6.00 Sky Sports News at 6. News and updates
7.00 Live European Rugby Challenge Cup: Pau v
Gloucester. The Pool Three fixture, which takes
place at Stade du Hameau (Kick-off 7.45)
10.00 The Debate. Premier League discussion
11.00 Gary Neville’s Soccerbox. Gary Neville is
joined by guest Jamie Carragher to discuss some
of the most memorable matches they played in
11.30 Best PL Goals: Liverpool v Man Utd. The
finest goals in matches between the sides
12.00 Top 14 Round-Up Show 12.30am Live
NFL: Carolina Panthers v Philadelphia Eagles. At
Bank of America Stadium in Charlotte (Kick-off
1.25) 4.45 Live PGA Tour Golf: The CIMB
Classic. Coverage of the second day’s play
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 9.00pm-10.00 Valley
Cops. First in a two-part documentary following
the South Wales Police. Drugs cop Rhino is
called in to help with a robbery, using his
knowledge of the area to try to find the culprits
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BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 7.00pm The Beechgrove
Garden. The team packs in tips for winter, and
Carole Baxter visits Sandy Inkster at his
immaculate, award-winning garden in Cults,
Aberdeenshire. Last in the series 7.30-8.00
Dad’s Army. The platoon responds to a cricket
challenge (r) 11.15-12.15am Wayfaring
Stranger with Phil Cunningham. Phil
Cunningham visits the Grand Ole Opry in
Nashville. Last in the series (r)
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 9.00pm-10.00
Ambulance. The paramedics deal with the
consequences of Storm Doris. Last in the series
11.15-12.15am Russia with Simon Reeve.
Simon journeys from Crimea to St Petersburg,
meeting the owner of a safari park and an
inspirational doctor. Last in the series.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Goodwood Festival of Speed First
Glance. Action from the Goodwood Estate as
motoring enthusiasts from around the world
gathered for the historic car and bike event
12.05am Teleshopping 1.05 After Midnight
2.35 Britain’s Claim Culture: Revealed —
Tonight (r) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The
Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days. News and analysis
7.30 The Sky at Night. Renewed interest in
sending manned missions to the moon (r)
8.00 Hidden Killers of the Post-War Home.
Dr Suzannah Lipscomb reveals how domestic
innovations developed during the Second World
War brought with them new hazards as they
entered British homes in the 1950s (r) (AD)
9.00 The 80s with Dominic Sandbrook. The
historian considers the key events in late 1980s
Britain, from the rise of yuppies and rave culture
to the poll tax riots and the downfall of Mrs
Thatcher. Last in the series (r) (AD)
10.00 Louis Theroux: Twilight of the Porn Stars.
Louis revisits the male adult-film actors he met
in LA in 1997, finding out where they are now
and how the business has been affected by the
free material on the internet (r) (AD)
11.00 Louis Theroux: By Reason of Insanity.
(1/2) Louis visits Ohio’s maximum security
state psychiatric hospitals (r) (AD)
12.00 Louis Theroux: By Reason of Insanity (r)
(AD) 1.00am The Arabian Motorcycle
Adventures: Storyville (r) 2.20-3.20 Hidden
Killers of the Post-War Home (r) (AD)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Charmed (r)
8.00 Melissa & Joey (r) 9.00 2 Broke Girls (r)
10.00 Baby Daddy (r) 11.00 How I Met Your
Mother (r) (AD) 12.00 The Goldbergs (r)
1.00pm The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD) 2.00
Melissa & Joey (r) 3.00 Baby Daddy (r) 4.00 2
Broke Girls (r) 5.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 5.30
Stage School. Tensions rise across the college
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Tony, Brody, Damon
and Mac play a game of poker (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers (r)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
9.00 GameFace. New series. Comedy about an
aspiring actress. See Viewing Guide
9.30 GameFace. See Viewing Guide
10.00 Body Fixers. Last in the series
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.05am Rude Tube. Love and marriage (r)
1.10 GameFace (r) 2.15 Body Fixers (r) 3.10
First Dates (r) (AD) 4.05 Rude(ish) Tube (r)
4.55 How I Met Your Mother (r) (AD)
8.55am A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (r)
10.00 FILM: Support Your Local Sheriff
(PG, 1969) Comedy Western starring James
Garner 11.50 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (r)
12.35pm Grand Designs (r) (AD) 1.35 A Place
in the Sun: Summer Sun (r) 3.45 Sun, Sea and
Selling Houses (r) 4.50 Homes by the Sea (r)
5.50 The Supervet. Noel Fitzpatrick tries to help
a cat walk again following a road accident (r)
6.55 Car SOS. Restoring a Ford Zodiac (r)
7.55 Grand Designs. A carpenter in the
Cambridgeshire Fens, whose design for a selfsustaining, eco-friendly house made from straw
and oak is proving a challenge (7/8) (r) (AD)
9.00 Outlander. Jamie is freed following a
daring rescue, but his mind lingers on the
torture he endured. Last in the series (AD)
10.15 The Handmaid’s Tale. Offred attends the
birth of Janine’s baby (2/10) (r) (AD)
11.20 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Johnny
Vegas and Romesh Ranganathann take part,
while Josie Long is in Dictionary Corner (r)
12.20am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
A failing pizzeria (r) 1.15 Outlander (r) (AD)
2.35-3.35 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (r)
11.00am The Bedford Incident (PG, 1965)
Cold War thriller starring Richard Widmark
(b/w) 1.10pm The Long Gray Line (U, 1955)
An Irish immigrant becomes an instructor at a
military academy. Fact-based drama starring
Tyrone Power and Maureen O’Hara 3.55 The
Professionals (PG, 1966) A rich Texan
rancher hires four mercenaries to rescue his wife
from a bandit who has taken her to Mexico.
Western adventure starring Burt Lancaster
6.15 Robin Hood (12, 2010) An archer
returning from the crusades faces a plot by a
traitorous knight to bring about a French
conquest of England. Medieval adventure, with
Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett (AD)
9.00 Titanic (12, 1997) A society girl falls in
love with a penniless artist during the liner’s
ill-fated voyage. James Cameron’s romantic
drama starring Kate Winslet, Leonardo
DiCaprio and Billy Zane (AD)
12.45am-3.55 Les Miserables (12, 2012) A
former prisoner pursued by a fanatical inspector
in post-revolutionary France is drawn into a
political uprising. Musical with Hugh Jackman,
Russell Crowe and Anne Hathaway (AD)
6.00am You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r) 6.25
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r) 7.15
The Great Indoors (r) (AD) 8.00 Emmerdale (r)
(AD) 8.30 Coronation Street (r) (AD) 9.30 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.20 The Great
Indoors (r) (AD) 11.20 Dress to Impress (r)
12.20pm Emmerdale (r) (AD) 12.50 Coronation
Street (r) (AD) 1.50 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
6.00 Dress to Impress. A dancer in London
7.00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men (r)
8.30 Two and a Half Men (r)
9.00 Bromans. Rome is rocked by a new couple
10.00 Celebrity Juice. The host Keith Lemon is
joined on the quiz by Ore Oduba, Ricki Lake,
Jesse Metcalfe and Rochelle and Marvin Humes
10.50 Family Guy. The Griffins have their
television viewing habits monitored (r) (AD)
11.15 Family Guy. Stewie meets a kindred spirit
who shares his love of weaponry (r) (AD)
11.40 Family Guy. Meg is kidnapped (r) (AD)
12.10am American Dad! (r) (AD) 1.10 Two and
a Half Men (r) 1.35 Celebrity Showmance. Jamie
O’Hara cross-dresses (r) 2.30 Teleshopping
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.50
Heartbeat (r) (AD) 7.50 Where the Heart Is (r)
(AD) 8.50 Wild at Heart (r) 9.50 Judge Judy (r)
10.20 Inspector Morse (r) 12.35pm Wild at
Heart (r) 1.35 Heartbeat (r) (AD) 2.40 Classic
Coronation Street (r) 3.45 Inspector Morse (r)
6.00 Heartbeat. A pillar of the community is
suspected of murder (r) (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica investigates a
murder connected to the contents of an movie
actress’s diary, which was stolen on the night of
her death and then put up for auction (r) (AD)
8.00 Foyle’s War. A crackdown on an organised
crime racket leads Foyle and Milner to a shipyard
owned by the Talbot brothers, a duo with
dubious links to a communist agitator who has
recently moved to the area. Peter Capaldi guest
stars in the wartime drama (4/4) (r) (AD)
10.10 Lewis. The detective discovers his
favourite rock band are on the verge of a
comeback — but suspects they may be mixed up
in the murder of an orphan (4/4) (r) (AD)
12.15am Inspector Morse (r) 2.20 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am Football’s Greatest: Diego Maradona (r)
6.10 The Chase (r) 8.00 The Car Chasers (r)
9.00 Pawn Stars (r) 10.00 Live Test Match
Bowls: England v Scotland. Day two of the Test
match in York 5.30pm Cash Cowboys (r)
6.35 Storage Wars. Rene gets superstitious in
Fontana, while Ivy goes with his gut (r)
7.00 Pawn Stars. Items include a letter
belonging to the aviator Charles Lindbergh (r)
7.30 Pawn Stars. The owners appraise a vintage
Jimi Hendrix concert poster (r)
7.55 Hornblower. The lieutenant accepts
a diplomatic commission as a stalemate is
reached in the war with France (4/8) (r)
10.05 FILM: Licence to Kill (15, 1989)
James Bond plans revenge on a ruthless drug
baron who maimed his friend, but is forced to
act without the support of MI6. Spy thriller
starring Timothy Dalton and Robert Davi (AD)
12.50am FILM: The Road (15, 2009) A man
and his son go in search of sanctuary in the
aftermath of a cataclysm that has devastated
the world. Drama starring Viggo Mortensen and
Kodi Smit-McPhee (AD) 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.00 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 Sin City Motors 4.00 Steve
Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear.
Jeremy Clarkson reports on the SLR (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. Richard Hammond drives two
Lamborghinis in Italy (AD)
7.00 Top Gear. The Jaguar F-Type (AD)
8.00 QI XL. With guests Gyles Brandreth,
Victoria Coren Mitchell and Jimmy Carr
9.00 Red Dwarf. New series. The crew find on a
science centre where historical figures have been
“cured” of evil. See Viewing Guide (AD)
9.40 Zapped. New series. Brian faces trial by
combat. See Viewing Guide (AD)
10.20 Red Dwarf. Rimmer tries to be
transferred to a ship crewed by holograms
11.00 Eat Your Heart Out with Nick Helm
11.30 Eat Your Heart Out with Nick Helm
12.00 Would I Lie to You? With Danny Dyer
12.40am Mock the Week 1.20 The Last Man on
Earth (AD) 2.20 Red Dwarf (AD) 3.05 Harry
Hill’s TV Burp 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning 9.00
Casualty 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 1.00pm
Last of the Summer Wine 1.40 Brush Strokes
2.20 Birds of a Feather 3.00 London’s Burning
4.00 Pie in the Sky 5.00 Bergerac
6.00 Brush Strokes. Lesley finds a new job
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. Foggy invents
bicycle polo
7.20 As Time Goes By. Penny becomes
convinced her husband is having an affair
8.00 Rizzoli & Isles. Maura and Jane go
undercover as runners when a killer targets
athletes in the Boston marathon (7/10) (AD)
9.00 New Tricks. The murder of a fashion
designer is reinvestigated (6/10) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. A deathbed confession leads
the team to investigate the suicide of a 1970s
rock star, while Brian persuades Jack to rejoin
Ucos. Roger Lloyd Pack guest stars (4/8) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon and Tracey’s
business hits trouble — thanks to Dorien
12.00 The Bill 1.00am London’s Burning 2.00
No Place Like Home 3.35 Garden Hopping 4.00
Home Shopping. Montford Cottage in Lancashire
6.00am Dickinson’s Real Deal 6.45 Battle
Factory 7.10 History’s Greatest Hoaxes 8.00
Time Team 10.00 Secrets of Britain 11.00 The
Great War in Numbers (AD) 12.00 Time Team
2.00pm Wildest Africa 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.10
Open All Hours 5.00 One Foot in the Grave
6.00 World War II: The Price of Empire.
The German army’s Blitzkrieg tactics
7.00 World War II: The Price of Empire. A focus
on the Battle of Britain and the Blitz and the
Italian troops entering North Africa
8.00 Secrets of Britain. The history of
Westminster Abbey, which houses more than
500 corpses, including those of Edward I,
Elizabeth I, Charles Darwin and Isaac Newton
9.00 Murder Maps. Investigating a horrifying
discovery made in a left luggage office
10.00 Open All Hours. Arkwright has a love rival
10.40 Steptoe and Son. Harold tries dancing
11.20 Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em. Frank
accompanies Betty to the maternity clinic
12.00 Wildest Africa 1.00am The Great War in
Numbers. New weapons technology (AD) 2.00
Tenko Reunion 3.00 Home Shopping
UTV
As ITV except: 12.10am Teleshopping
1.10-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda 5.20 Na Bleigeardan
(Little Monsters) (r) 5.25 Pincidh Dincidh Dù
(Pinky Dinky Doo) (r) 5.40 Blàrag a’ Bhò
(Connie the Cow) (r) 5.50 BB agus Bellag (r)
5.55 Tree Fu Tom (r) 6.20 Ceistean Lara (r)
6.30 Dè a-nis? (What Now?) (r) 7.00 An
Ataireachd Bhuan (r) 7.35 Speaking Our
Language (r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Bailtean
Fraoich. Heather Dewar’s travels take her
through the Ardnamurchan peninsula (r) 9.00
Air an Rathad (On the Road). Linda MacLeod
takes part in a hill climb in a Morgan Plus 4
Supersport 10.00 Belladrum 2015 Highlights.
Unseen festival highlights featuring the soul
trio Prides (r) 10.40 Marilyn Monroe. The story
of Marilyn Monroe’s life and death (r)
11.30-12.00 Ceolmhor@Piping Live! (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Do Re Mi Dona (r) 6.15 Patrôl
Pawennau (r) 6.30 Halibalw (r) 6.40 Octonots
(r) 6.50 Bing (r) 7.00 Patrôl Pawennau 7.15
Ynys Broc Môr Lili (r) 7.20 Meic y Marchog (r)
7.35 Marcaroni (r) 7.50 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r)
8.00 Rapsgaliwn (r) 8.15 Plant y Byd (r) 8.20
Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 8.35 Y Brodyr Coala (r)
8.45 Abadas (r) 9.00 Wibli Sochyn y Mochyn
(r) 9.10 Sbridiri (r) 9.30 Pingu (r) 9.35 Bobi
Jac (r) 9.45 Cei Bach (r) 10.00 Do Re Mi Dona
(r) 10.15 Patrôl Pawennau (r) 10.30 Halibalw
(r) 10.40 Octonots (r) 10.50 Bing (r) 11.00
Patrôl Pawennau (r) 11.15 Ynys Broc Môr Lili
(r) 11.20 Meic y Marchog (r) 11.35 Marcaroni
(r) 11.50 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r) 12.00 News
S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm Heno (r) 1.00
Deuawdau Rhys Meirion (r) 2.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 3.05 Gwlad Moc (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr
5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh: Pigo Dy
Drwyn 5.35 Stwnsh: Dennis a Dannedd (r)
5.45 Stwnsh: Rygbi Pawb 6.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 6.05 Cwpwrdd Dillad (r) 6.30 Tân (r)
7.00 Heno 7.30 Rownd a Rownd. Cathryn tests
out her nursing skills on Iolo (AD) 8.00 Pobol
y Cwm. Tyler tries to persuade Liv to return
home with him (AD) 8.25 Celwydd Noeth.
Contestants from Tregaron and Bala go for the
jackpot 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30 Nigel
Owens: Wyt Ti’n Gêm? The presenter Anni Llyn
mentors an unusual type of class 10.00 Hansh
10.30 ’Sgota gyda Julian Lewis Jones. Padrig
Jones prepares a meal with the catch of the day
(r) (AD) 11.00-11.35 Low Box (r) (AD)
14
Thursday October 12 2017 | the times
1GT
What are your favourite puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
MindGames
times2 Crossword No 7468
2
3
4
5
6
7
13
14
1
8
9
11
2
11
6
12
6
26
14
10
2
24
11
4
14
15
16
9
1
5
26
13
11
17
23
12
5
17
11
20
2
25
17
1
2
9
1
11
13
21
24
17
18
Scrabble ® Challenge No 1978
3
6
9
8
11
2
24
12
1
23
2
2L
10
24
14
17
12
2
12
15
2L
1
17
1
18
19
6
14
13
25
11
13
13
1
17
17
7
12
6
16
18
14
1
2
10
6
25
25
2
1
18
12
24
Solution to Crossword 74
7 67
NE
A
RE
W
T AN
X
D
L
B
N I C
G
E T
O
P E
S
L
E
D
G
E
H
A
M
M
E
R
B E A K
R N
E A S E
T
E
SOU L
E
T T ER
I
L L Y
L
R
E E T S
R V
K SUP
13
2L
2L
14 15
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
2L
25
hotfoes
19
What is the elusive triple word
play with this rack?
14
6
17
12
25
17
rugvorn
9
Can you score exactly 24 points
with this rack?
Down
1 Saucepan heater (3,4)
2 Chopped meat (5)
3 Wimbledon game (4,6)
4 Fine distinction (6)
6 Group of organisms (7)
7 Search deeply (5)
10 Newt-like amphibian (10)
14 Prepared illustrations (7)
16 Money management (7)
17 Disengage and remove (6)
18 American greeting (5)
20 Molten rock (5)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
12
21
1
14
25
12
22
14
1
24
Use only the board area shown. Collins Official
Scrabble Words is the authority used, although the
solutions are not unusual words. Standard Scrabble
rules apply for making the word plays.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
U
S
L
© PUZZLER MEDIA
18 Emergency telleph
hone (7))
19 Business organisation (5)
21 Sheep's hair (4)
22 Knitted jumper (8)
23 Wo
W od joining draught oxen
(4)
24 Dearth (8)
Numbers are substituted for letters in the crossword grid. Below the grid is the
key. Some letters are solved. When you have completed your first word or
phrase you will have the clues to more letters. Enter them in the key grid and
the main grid and check the letters on the alphabet list as you complete them.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or text
TIMECODE to 88010. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access
charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution call
0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s network access
charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica
No 3957
No 3958
P
C
C
S
F
S
I
K
A
I
E
W
A
R
E
O
P
I
L
S
A
C
R
O
E
R
S
V
D
R
E
H
P
U
O
T
U
H
N
T
E
A
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Difficult No 4144
Futoshiki No 3019
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
Challenge compiled by Allan Simmons
SCRABBLE® is a registered
d trademark
d
k off J. W. Spear & Sons Ltd
d ©Mattell 2017
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
6Winners will
receive a Collins
English Dictionary
& Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle
and text in the
numbers in the
three shaded
boxes. Text
TIMES followed
by a space, then your three
numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your
name, address and postcode to
88010 (UK only), by midnight.
Or enter by phone. Call 09012
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by midnight. Leave your three
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Kakuro No 1978
∧
∨
∧
>
23
39
23
11
17
16
42
32
30
16
24
17
15
7
5
37
9
19
<
2
< 4
Key
2L = double letter
3L = triple letter
2W = double word
3W = triple word
Letter values
AEIOULNRST=1
DG=2 BCMP=3
FHVWY=4 K=5
JX=8 QZ=10
1
L
2
NE P T U
A O N
F EUDS
F
L
H
HE AR
N
I
S ECON
I
K
MECHA
I
R B
L E A F L
A S E
RE S T
22
24
1 Betting (8)
5 Consumed (4)
8 Common fo
f od item (8)
9 Hand out cards (4)
11 Aw
A kward, clumsy (5)
12 Occasion fo
f r a meal (7)
1 Older relativ
13
i e (6)
15 Compact mountain group (6)
11 12
12
S
cross
10
lo
og
3L
o 2W
2L
c
2L
d i d 2L
me
ega
o 3L
m 3L
2L
o
2L
3W
pr
ro
2L
24
U
22
23
9
20
9
21
3
8
3W
6
21
6
7
19
2
13
18
11
<
16
12
12
28
22
29
8
11
30
2
10
30
8
14
15
16
16
23
17
Fill the grid so that
each block adds up
to the total of the
block above or to
the left. You can
only use digits 1-9
and you must not
use the digit twice
in one block. The
same digit may
occur more than
once in a row or
column, but must
be in a separate
block.
6
35
3
31
Fill the blank squares so that each row and column contains
all the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Use the given numbers and
the symbols that tell you if a number in the square is larger
(>) or smaller (<) than the number next to it.
6
4
16
8
© PUZZLER MEDIA
1
Codeword No 3152
the times | Thursday October 12 2017
15
1GT
MindGames
White: Magnus Carlsen
Black: Julio Granda Zuniga
chess.com Masters,
Isle of Man 2017
Petroff Defence
1 e4 e5 2 Nf3 Nf6 3 Nxe5 d6 4
Nf3 Nxe4 5 d4 d5
A completely standard variation of the Petroff Defence, which
is generally regarded as one of
Black’s most reliable equalisers.
Indeed, when looking at the position after Black’s fifth move one
observes that it is entirely symmetrical apart from the fact that
Black has gained the tempo ...
Ne4. Black’s problem is that his
advanced knight is not particularly stable.
6 Bd3 Be7 7 0-0 0-0 8 c4 Nf6 9
Nc3 Nc6 10 cxd5 Nb4 11 Re1
________
árD Dri D]
à0p1 Dp0B]
ß Dpgbh 0]
ÞD D H D ]
Ý D ) D D]
Ü) D D DP]
Û )QGR)PD]
ÚD D $ I ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
21 Ng6+
The decisive combination. White
ends up winning a pawn and
smashing what is left of Black’s
pawn structure.
21 ... fxg6 22 Rxe6 Nxh7
If 22 ... Rxe6 23 Rxe6 Nxh7
then White wins with 24 Rxd6 as
24 ... Qxd6 loses the queen to 25
Bb4.
23 Rxe8+ Rxe8 24 Rxe8+ Kxe8
25 Qxg6+ Kd8 26 Qxh7 Qe7 27
g3 Kc7 28 Qg6 Black resigns
Further resistance is evidently
possible. However, White plans
Bc3 and d5, after which the black
kingside will collapse.
________
ábD 4 i D] Winning Move
à0 4n1p0B]
ßP0 hpD 0] White to play. This position is from
Isle of Man 2017.
ÞDP0 H D ] Kjartansson-Oyama,
In a curious parallel to today’s main
Ý DPD D D] game, the black king has again been
ÜD D )PD ] dislodged by a check on h7. How did
Û GQ$ DP)] White exploit this feature here?
ÚD D DRI ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
EASY
62
OF IT
MEDIUM
89
+ 93 + 1/2
HARDER
+ 12 x 2 – 14 ÷ 12
OF IT
x 4 – 38
x 6 + 863 +OF1/IT5 + 766
122
Dealer: North, Vulnerability: North-South
♠9 8 6
♥K J 4
♦K 10 8
♣A 10 8 4
Teams
W
90%
OF IT
+ 88 + 1/5 + 76
OF IT
x 3 – 998
50%
OF IT
N(Sinclair)
2/3
OF IT
50%
OF IT
+ 267
6
2
Killer Gentle No 5669
13
6min
13
3
16
14
8
9
17
10
2
8
8
7
14
x
10
13
6
12
10
17
22
18
8
16
6
E
Pass
4♠
Dbl(1) Pass
4NT(2) Pass
5♦(3) End
(1) Take-out, or perhaps you could say
optional at this level.
(2) Many would pass the double, as they did
at my table. Given her shapeless hand,
Sinclair does very well to remove to 4NT, a
general take-out bid.
(3) How could South know to bid 5♣,
although 5♣ is a far superior contract to 5♦?
Killer Tough No 5670
15
7
24min
22
9
29
8
9
15
4
21
18
20
5
1
6
5
3
7
1
4
9
2
8
7
3
4
6
9
1
2
5
8
7
9 7
8 9
6
6
6 8
4 9
1 3
3
2
1
3
4
5
8 9
9 1 3
7 2 1
8 4
7
8 9
1 6 8
3
6
4
2
7
9
6
8
3
5
1
9
8
1
5
3
2
7
6
4
2
3
5
4
8
6
1
7
9
2
1
9
8
4
5
3
6
7
5
6
8
3
2
7
9
1
4
9
7
2
5
1
8
6
4
3
7
6
8
2
9
1
4
3
5
5
9
2
6
4
7
8
1
3
8
7
4
1
5
3
2
9
6
3
1
6
8
2
9
5
4
7
3
8
5
7
6
4
1
9
2
1
4
6
9
3
2
7
8
5
4
9
7
2
8
6
5
3
1
8
5
3
1
7
9
4
2
6
6
2
1
4
5
3
8
7
9
P SW I
T
N
ROK E
I
X
NCA P
E
E S E R
Q
T
S P UR
W E
S
E X AC T
A
K
E
T R Y S T
8
9
5
7
9
8
5
9
6
7
2
8
3
4
1
8
3
4
5
9
1
6
7
2
5
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
7
1
2
6
4
3
9
8
5
4
2
3
9
8
7
5
1
6
9
5
8
2
1
4
7
3
6
6
2
1
3
5
7
8
9
4
3
7
4
9
8
6
1
2
5
7
4
2
8
3
5
9
6
1
2
9
8
5
1
6
4
2
3
7
2
4
9
8
1
6
7
5
3
3
7
1
4
5
2
8
6
9
6
5
8
3
7
9
1
2
4
1
6
5
7
4
9
3
8
2
8
3
9
6
2
1
5
4
7
4
9
6
5
7
8
2
1
3
2
8
7
1
6
3
4
5
9
5
1
3
4
9
2
6
7
8
9
2 2 2
3
5
3
5 3
4
8
7
x
x
x
6
2
1
2
3
5
2 < 4
4
3
3 < 5 > 1
1
-
7
5
2
+
-
+
4
6
1
8
9
2
3
5
7
8
2
7
5
1
3
9
4
6
6
1
2
3
7
8
4
9
5
7
8
5
1
4
9
6
3
2
9
4
3
6
2
5
1
7
8
1
3
8
2
5
4
7
6
9
5
9
4
7
8
6
2
1
3
2
7
6
9
3
1
5
8
4
S
J
O
I
A
N
U
G
N
R
N
T
T
O
O
W
T
O
I
L
Lexica 3956
+
-
3
5
9
4
6
7
8
2
1
Lexica 3955
Set Square 1980
2
2 2
Suko 2053
Sudoku 9377
1
6
7
2
3
5
4
9
8
3 < 4
∨
2
1
∨
∧
1
5
5
∨
4
Scrabble 1977
JOURNAL B10
down (37)
EXECUTOR A8
down (60)
P I QU E
I
U
V
R EGANO
S
L
K
D
J I V E
O
F
E N Z YME
L
L
T OMA T A
O G
P
K E RB S
E
E
E
ORN E T S
Futoshiki 3018
12
4
10
NG
R
O
V
P E
S
T
P
AU
R
E D
A
H
Killer 5668
3
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
U
N
B
O
U
N
D
3
1
5
∨
4
22
= 16
=
64
Sudoku 9376
1
4
9
3
7
5
6
8
2
Cell Blocks 3034
16
8
Codeword 3151
3 2 4
5 1 2
3 1
5 6
8 9
9
3
7 5 6
3 1
3 2 4
5 1 2
1
30
+
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
KenKen 4143
Contract: 5♦, Opening Lead: ♠ Q
West held queen-jack of clubs, so if
West had played low, he’d have
inserted dummy’s ten. In practice,
West split his honours. Declarer
beat his jack with dummy’s ace
and cashed the king of diamonds,
discarding a club from hand.
At trick ten, declarer led
dummy’s third heart to his ace and
followed with his long heart. West
had to ruff (or the king of clubs
would be declarer’s 11th trick).
However, at trick 12 he had to lead
from the queen-five of clubs round
to declarer’s king-nine. Eleven
tricks and ggame made.
x
=
33
3
10
= 11
x
30
25
x
=
1
used in this
grid, but only
once. Can you
work out their
positions in the
grid so that
each of the six
different sums
works? We’ve
put 2 numbers
in to help you.
Do the sums
left to right and
top to bottom
-
+
+
22
22
All the digits
= 189 from 1-9 are
x
6
Killer 5667
24
5
x
-
Sudoku 9375
3
3
4
Kakuro 1977
3
1
17
16
2
Solutions
9
8
6
1
13
21
7
12
8
3
4
Yesterday’s answers cedi, chemo,
chide, chime, code, come, demo, dice,
dime, dome, echo, hide, home,
homicide, homie, iced, idem, imide,
medic, medico, mode, oche
14
4
2
From these letters, make words of
four or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 11 words, average;
15, good; 17, very good; 19, excellent
9
4
Divide the grid
into blocks.
Each block
must be square
or rectangular
and must
contain the
number of
cells indicated
by the number
inside it.
Set Square No 1981
Advanced
♠Q 3
♠ A K J 10 7 5 4 2
N
♥10 9 7 2 W E ♥Q 3
♦9 6 4 3
♦2
S
♣Q J 5 ♠ ♣6 3
♥A 8 6 5
♦AQ J 7 5
♣K 9 7 2
S(Crouch)
1/2
OF IT
+9
SQUARE 50%
IT
OF IT
Polygon
15
Bridge Andrew Robson
While the quarter-finals of the
Bermuda Bowl (Open), Venice
Cup (Women) and d’Orsi Trophyy
(Seniors) were taking place, the
World Transnational Open Teams
Championship was beginning in
the same Lyon venue. Here is a
great early result from my teammates Anita Sinclair and Peter
Crouch.
At my table, partner David Gold
lost 300 points in 4♠ doubled
down two, scoring his eight spades.
If Crouch could make 5♦, he’d
notch up 600 points for a seven
imp gain. East overtook West’s
queen of spades lead and declarer
ruffed.
At trick two, declarer crossed to
the ten of diamonds and returned
to his jack, East discarding. At trick
four, he led a heart to dummy’s
y
jack (not blessed with second
sight). East won the queen and led
a second (high) spade (subtly, a
heart or a club would have been
better).
Declarer ruffed the second
spade (high). He now crossed to
dummy’s king of hearts and ruffed
dummy’s
y third spade with his last
(high) diamond. West had no good
play.
If West threw a club, the whole
club suit would run. If West underruffed, declarer could cross to the
king of clubs, draw West’s last
trump (throwing a heart from
hand) and play on clubs, giving
West his trick and setting up a
long card. West found the best discard of a heart, although it set up
declarer’s fourth heart.
At trick eight, declarer led a low
club. He knew he had to hope
1/2
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Today I publish the final win from
Magnus Carlsen’s victory parade
in the Isle of Man International.
Many commentators queried the
Black resignation on move 28 but
evidently demoralisation played a
considerable part in the decision
by the Peruvian grandmaster to
abdicate at that stage. Several
players in the history of chess
have, by virtue of their intense
willpower, inflicted overwhelming
mental pressure on their opponents. In that category belong
Emanuel Lasker, Alexander Alekhine, Bobby Fischer, Mikhail Tal
and Garry Kasparov. Magnus Carlsen had even been accused by
Viktor Korchnoi of hypnotising
his opponents, an explanation
that might be preferred by those
who incline to the occult.
Nbxd5 12 h3 c6 13 a3 Re8 14 Qc2
h6 15 Nxd5
A new move varying from the
overtly more aggressive 15 Ne5 as
seen in Maximov-Shtanko, Poltava 2009.
15 ... Nxd5 16 Ne5 Bd6
It is wrong to permit the coming displacement of his king.
Considerably safer is 17 ... Nf6.
17 Bh7+ Kf8 18 Bd2
At first glance an innocent developing move. However, its more
profound point will soon become
clear.
18 ... Be6 19 Re2 Nf6 20 Rae1
Qc7
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Mental pressure
Cell Blocks No 3035
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
4
x
-
3
Quiz 1 That’s Entertainment 2 Donald Trump
3 Emanuel Swedenborg 4 Rockets 5 Alone in
Berlin aka Every Man Dies Alone 6 Peter Nichols
7 Rudyard Kipling — in the poem Cold Iron
8 Diocletian 9 Vietnam 10 Uranus, Neptune
11 Bunting 12 Lulu 13 Playboy 14 Kapil Dev
15 Hanoi, Vietnam
S
P
E
L
V
E
R
A
T
D
H
E
O
M
I
U
A
R
N
K
T
E
Word watch
Overthrow (a) In wrought
ironwork, the decorative
crest above a gate
Gatekeeper (c) A
butterfly, also known as
the hedge brown
Lights (b) Offal, the
lungs of sheep, cattle etc
used in cooking
Brain Trainer
Easy 18; Medium 407;
Harder 3,386
Chess 1 Rxd6! Qxd6
2 Nxf7! destroys Black as
2 ... Kxf7 is impossible on
account of 3 Qg6+ Kf8
4 Qxg7+ Ke8 5 Bg6 mate
12.10.17
MindGames
Mild No 9378
Fill the grid so that
every column, every
row and every 3x3
box contains the
digits 1 to 9.
Fiendish No 9379
7
2
7
9
2
Overthrow
a Wrought ironwork
b A horse blanket
c Excess profit
6
8
5
6
4
Lights
a The chorus line
b Offal
c Disembarking
passengers
Answers on page 15
4
3 6
For interactive
Sudoku puzzles, visit
thetimes.co.uk/puzzles
7
1
7
3
8 7
4 1
3
6 5
9 1
5 3
Gatekeeper
a A log-in program
b A fielding position
in stoolball
c A butterfly
6 4
3
6
Word watch
by Josephine
Balmer
Super fiendish No 9380
5 9
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
9
4
2
9
8 5
7
2
7
4 1
3
8
3
9
4
8 9 6
to receive four clues for any of today’s puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
by Olav Bjortomt Times MindGames books
ASSOCIATED PRESS
2 Elisabeth Christ
(1880-1966) was
the German-born
grandmother of which
US politician?
12 The title character
in which Alban Berg
opera is murdered by
Jack the Ripper?
and Elise Hampel was
turned into which
Hans Fallada novel?
6 Which dramatist
wrote the plays The
National Health
(1969) and Privates on
Parade (1977)?
4 Designed by
Wernher von Braun,
the A1 — first in the
Aggregat series — was
the grandfather of
most modern what?
7 Which English poet
wrote the line: “But
Iron — Cold Iron — is
master of them all”?
5 The true story of the
anti-Nazi couple Otto
The Times MindGames: Word
Puzzles & Conundrums and
Number & Logic Puzzles are
out now. To order copies visit
timesbooks.co.uk or call
0844 576 8120. Also available
from all good bookshops.
11 Belonging to the
genus Emberiza,
ortolan, meadow, cirl
and Jankowski’s are
species of which bird?
15
3 Which Swedish mystic
published his last
work, True Christian
Religion, in 1771?
8 Saint Agnes (of
Rome) suffered
martyrdom during
the reign of which
Roman emperor?
9 The Mekong Delta
is a region in the
southwest of which
Asian country?
10 Which two planets
in the solar system are
ice giants?
13 Stag Party was
the original title for
which magazine, first
published in 1953?
Yesterday’s
Quick
Cryptic
solution
No 937
14 Who captained
India when they
won the 1983 Cricket
World Cup?
15 Which city is home
to the pictured Ho Chi
Minh Mausoleum?
Answers on page 15
Follow The Times Crossword
Editor @timescrosswords
The Times Quick Cryptic No 938
1
2
3
4
5
8
by Juno
6
7
9
10
12
11
13
14
15
16
17
18
20
21
22
19
Across
1 Motto I’m going by as much as
possible (5)
4 Dried beef, cocoa, regularly, for
girl (7)
8 African moved quickly,
carrying stick (7)
9 Poetry volume: the Queen’s
English (5)
10 Assume area staked out (4,2,4)
14 In box, hid expensive leather
(6)
15 Victory, with time short, in
season (6)
17 Characters with picnic baskets
for Cockney and son (10)
20 Yet these might be the odds (5)
22 I dreamt about this hotel
manager (6,1)
23 Job with island worker
delivering letters (7)
24 In time, the Spanish slow
down (5)
2
3
4
5
6
7
11
12
13
16
18
19
21
23
2
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight
The Times Daily Quiz
1 “A police car and a
screaming siren” is the
opening line of which
1980 song by the Jam?
5
24
Down
1 Some wiseacre moaning about
posh car (4)
Cross with boy revealing
picture (1-3)
Len wrongly connected
with Madrid: he’s from
Birmingham? (9)
Was about to call newspaper’s
boss (6)
Girl to live with Victor (3)
Escort vessel my inspector
endlessly provides (8)
Sailor about to mount
challenge in S Wales town (8)
Having undergone
revolutionary process after
washing? (4-5)
Pen a poet ruined: say nothing!
(3,1,4)
People who buy small jumpers
(8)
Cricketer losing heart
becoming hero (6)
Examination of the mouth (4)
Tense: description of border
area? (4)
Everything, or just part, for an
audience (3)
4
8
9
3
6
2
3 5 6
4
2
3
7
8
7
6
8
9 1 7
7 1
8
9
1
2 7
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