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The Times Times 2 1 May 2018

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On Tuesday
May 1 | 2018
Bullying,
antisemitism,
trolling?
‘It’s all mud-slinging’
Laura Parker,
head of Momentum,
answers her critics
2
1G T
Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
times2
Smear tactics,
What Mike Tindall’s
midlife nose job
means for us men
Robert Crampton
E
ver since interviewing
the guy years ago, I’ve
been an avid student of
Mike Tindall’s nose. I
got an excellent close-up
view of it, broken eight
times at that point,
when we met in a pub
opposite Gloucester’s rugby ground.
Tindall was still playing for the club at
the time. We had a couple of pints and
a good chat. He didn’t mind answering
impertinent questions about his
girlfriend (now wife), Zara Phillips. I
came away thinking he was a
thoroughly decent bloke.
That impression was subsequently
confirmed by reports of Tindall’s
outstandingly excessive stag do
in Miami. And of his enthusiastic
presence at the notorious
dwarf-throwing club in New Zealand
during England’s hilariously useless
sojourn at the 2011 Rugby World Cup.
And last, but not least, by his refusal to
agree to his prospective mother-inlaw’s request to get his nose fixed
before he married her daughter with
the world’s press in attendance.
Yep, even the famously no-nonsense
Princess Anne panicked at the
prospect of Mike’s misshapen hooter
besmirching the royal photo album.
Even so, our hero resisted the pressure
to realign the catastrophe that was
dominating the middle of his face.
Full respect to the lad. I feel I’m
qualified to offer that praise because,
fascinated as I was by my proximity to
it during our congenially shared hour
in that Gloucester boozer back in the
day, I can attest that Tindall’s was
indeed an unsightly conk. Smashed,
flattened, destroyed, twisting first this
way, then the other, bearing no
Laura Parker of the left-wing campaign
group Momentum says that claims of
bullying and antisemitism are a case
of sour grapes. By Lucy Bannerman
resemblance to the concept of “nose”
as most of us understand it, Tindall’s
schnozz truly was a sensational mess.
I say “was” because Tindall — as to
be fair he always promised he would
once his playing days were over — has
gone under the knife and had his
proboscis put to rights. And very
fetching the results look too. At 39,
knocking hard on the door of middle
age, big Mike looks way more
handsome than he did a decade ago.
Therein lies the reason I’ve decided
to revise my former laudatory opinion
of Mike Tindall. Why? Because,
despite his posh connections, here is a
guy who is supposed to be one of us.
And by us, I mean, us guys. And us
guys are most certainly not expected
to get better looking as we approach
our fifth decade. Quite the opposite.
We get fatter, balder, uglier. That’s the
deal. In reversing nature’s progression
Tindall has let the side down. Badly.
Not only is he embarrassing the rest
of us by proving to be a rare example
of a husband hitting middle age and
getting better looking rather than
worse, he’s an even rarer example of a
husband hitting middle age and
solving, as opposed to developing, a
snoring problem.
Or so I suspect. Not that I know for
sure that the pre-op Tindall had an
issue in the nocturnal nasal
department. Without eyewitness — or
rather, earwitness — testimony, I can
only conjecture. (Zara is welcome to
get in touch to confirm matters one
way or the other.) But, judging by his
previously mangled nostrils, I reckon
I’m on firm ground in asserting any
nightly noise has at the very least been
dampened by the recent surgery.
As I say, poor form, mate.
ENTERPRISE NEWS AND PICTURES
Beggers
can be
joggers
Gotta love the tale of
the jogging tramp,
right? At the London
Marathon a spectator,
one Stanley Skupien,
spotted a competitor
number abandoned
in the street, picked
it up, joined the race
and completed the
remaining 14 miles.
While Skupien, 38, is
a vagrant well known in
the Heathrow area, the
runner whose number
he adopted was that of
Jake Halliday, 28, an
investment banker
Lock up
your
sculptures
Never mind Russian
poisonings and
cyber-hacked rigged
elections, I’ve identified
another worrying
modern crime wave:
statuary theft. Not
The Thinker or Eros
or, God forbid, the
Angel of the North, but
other lesser pieces,
proudly displayed in
domestic gardens, no
doubt equally prized
by their owners.
In February I wrote
about the theft of a
mighty stone Mars
from a property in
Bristol. The felons
were so brazen (and so
strong, credit where
credit’s due) they even
made off with the
concrete plinth as well.
And now, many
miles away in rural
Leicestershire, a bronze
stag tipping the scales
at 30st has also been
lifted. Literally lifted
— fully 70 yards across
the grounds of
a private residence
before being driven
away in a convertible.
A convertible? That’s
taking the piss, isn’t it?
As well as the stag.
Owners of weighty,
not especially tasteful
but apparently valuable
alfresco sculptures
should take heed.
from Edinburgh. Cue
much argy-bargy about
who actually deserves
the accolade for nailing
the task in hand.
I say, in a spirit of
class-blind Britain,
they should share
the honour.
L
aura Parker is the most
powerful woman behind
the pro-Corbyn
campaign group
Momentum and the
polite, friendly face of a
political movement that
is often accused of being
anything but. So often lately has it
been accused of uncomradely
behaviour — the most frequent charge
that it’s plotting to purge the party of
moderates and remake Labour in the
image of the hard left — that she is
thinking of getting a T-shirt made.
“We are not campaigning for the
deselection of MPs,” it will say. “It will
save me having to say it continuously,”
she says, laughing. “We can put it on
our merchandise.”
She would do well to print a few
more that say: “Nothing to see here.”
Or perhaps: “Problem, what problem?”
For it is Parker’s belief that anything
negative you may recently have heard
about Momentum, of moderate
councillors being ousted in favour of
left-wingers, of women’s officers being
bullied from local party posts, of
Jewish lifelong Labour members
saying that they no longer feel
welcome in their party, is more than
likely the result of sour grapes from an
establishment that’s “running scared”.
The caricature of Momentum as a
bunch of thugs fronted by an army of
useful idealists, she argues, is just the
last line of attack from detractors who
are rattled by the movement’s
extraordinary success. “It’s the oldest
trick in the book,” she says with a sigh.
We meet amid the tourist chatter of
Westminster Abbey’s café. It’s third
time lucky — Parker has cancelled
twice — but she’s meeting today
because she wants people to know
“who we are and what we’re motivated
by”. She’s chatty and disarmingly
down-to-earth on arrival, but turns
tough when it comes to defending
Momentum against the flak.
“I think it’s because people have run
out of road in terms of political
analysis. Jeremy Corbyn and the
Labour leadership have unsettled the
political establishment who have not
known, in some cases, what to do with
themselves. And so the easy way out
of that is attacking the behaviour, the
alleged behaviour [of activists].”
So the allegations of bullying,
antisemitism and undemocratic tactics
are all unfounded? “Well any time
anybody is said to have got it seriously
wrong I would expect to have got a
complaint. Now I can number those
on the fingers of one hand.”
From where Parker is standing “it’s
all mud-slinging”. There’s no
orchestrated purge, she insists.
Deselections are “nonexistent” and
“the mythical hard left” is a figment of
the imagination of the right-wing
press. “If one of the many journalists
who ask me about this mythical band
of people would actually bring along
one to an interview it would be great.”
Last week her staff spent several
hours trying to track down a Twitter
troll identifying themselves as a
member of Momentum who had
posted “some completely unacceptable
tweets and Facebook things”, but even
they didn’t appear to exist. She sounds
almost triumphant. “It turned out to
be not only someone who’s not a
member of Momentum, and who
didn’t appear anywhere on our
databases, but an individual who we
can’t identify at all. They don’t exist.”
Isn’t that also quite sinister? That
bile can be spread anonymously under
a Momentum logo and it’s beyond
your control? “But it happens to every
single political party. It probably
happens to us more because we
[Labour] have got 570,000 members
and we’re turning around the political
discussion in the country and the
establishment is running scared.” She
certainly doesn’t seem worried.
Parker, 47, whose previous job was
private secretary to Jeremy Corbyn,
has plenty of reasons to be confident.
In the three years since it was founded
by the veteran left-winger Jon
Lansman to provide grassroots
support for Corbyn, Momentum has
built a membership of 40,000, with
500 signing up every week. With two
days left until the local elections, these
new recruits are out knocking on
doors, sharing carpools with others
they met through its My Nearest
Marginal website and deploying
Momentum’s confidence training on
the doorstep in the hope of securing
Labour’s best result in the capital for
40 years. Polls suggest that even
totemic Tory boroughs such as
Westminster and Wandsworth are
wobbling within reach.
The strategy is “mobilise, mobilise,
energise”, says Parker, the daughter of
a university professor and a
schoolteacher, from Leeds. She
believes it is working. “We have
changed the political weather.”
Some feel left out in the cold. Claire
Kober, who recently resigned as the
leader of Haringey council, hit out at
the “toxic”, “ideological” and
“dogmatic” Momentum campaign
against her, claiming that she’s had
threats to her safety.
Tim Gallagher, a Haringey
councillor who resigned after he
was not reselected, complained
of “an aggressive purge” of Labour
councillors “not deemed to fit a
flat-pack ideological mould”. Parker
says that notion is “laughable”, but
I have not been
shouted at. I
have not heard
sexist abuse
the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
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Jeremy Corbyn and me
COVER: CHRISTIAN SINIBALDI/GUARDIAN. BELOW: BEN STEVENS FOR THE TIMES
commends Gallagher for his “great
phrase, by the way”. She says: “People
can package it how they like, but it’s
nothing more complicated than good
old straightforward democracy.”
What about the case of Samantha
Jury-Dada, a young, black, gay
councillor in Southwark who was
blocked from standing again last July
in favour of a white male Momentum
activist who didn’t even live in the
ward? “I genuinely know nothing
about that case,” Parker says.
More than 200 members of the
London Young Labour BAME [black,
Asian and minority ethnic] Network
signed an open letter to the Labour
national executive committee
demanding an investigation. “I
certainly haven’t had any complaint
about it,” Parker says.
Much more typical of Momentum,
Parker says, is the meeting she
attended recently at a café in Hackney,
east London, that was glorious in its
diversity of members and opinion,
where everyone listened to different
points of view and, presumably, no one
denied the Holocaust.
She says there were “lots of points of
difference and debate. That’s what’s
really going on. This idea that Britain
is just full of people being nasty to
each other, that just doesn’t ring true.
I’ve not been shouted at or seen
people shouting at one another. I’ve
not heard sexist abuse. I don’t
recognise this caricature.
“We have got no truck with bad
behaviour. We want to talk about how
we should change the country, and our
detractors don’t want to talk about
how the country should change. And
that’s what the vast majority of this is
about.” So they are smears then? “Yes,”
she says firmly, without hesitation.
The morning after we meet, Keir
Starmer, the shadow Brexit secretary,
is on the radio, responding to the
suggestion by Len McCluskey, the
union boss (and mythical leftwinger?), that “Corbyn-hater” Labour
MPs are using the antisemitism row to
“smear” the party leader. “Denying
that there even is a problem,” Starmer
said, “is part of the problem.”
Parker cheerfully bats away every
criticism, seemingly with the utter
conviction that everyone else has got
it wrong. She would be “fairly
astounded” if any MPs left Labour to
join or set up another party. “Why
would they? It’s vibrant, energetic, it’s
got a great campaigning dynamism. It
is a broad church. It’s rooted in every
community,” she says. “Why would
they leave?”
So Momentum is not planning the
removal of MPs it doesn’t like? “No.
We’re a campaigning organisation
with a positive agenda. The electorate
will decide who their MPs are.”
It is no intolerant “sect”, and any
suggestion that the ranks are filled
with naive volunteers whose
enthusiasm for change is being
exploited to further the struggle of
people such as McCluskey is an insult
to the new generation of campaigners
incensed by growing inequality.
“To suggest that schoolteachers, bus
drivers, parents at home looking after
their kids, students, pensioners and
former charity workers like me are
members of a sect . . . This is nothing
but a lazy way of failing to really
engage with the fact that this party
has changed some of its policies.”
When asked if she ever worries that
politics these days is, well, just a little
bit nastier, she points to Sajid Javid,
the new home secretary. “He
described Momentum as a neo-fascist
organisation. In the House of
Commons. A total abuse of
parliamentary privilege.” There’s no
Laura Parker and,
below, Jeremy Corbyn
more breezy chattiness. “If you want
to talk about the degrading of public
discourse, let’s start there. If you want
to talk about debasing political
discussion, I’d start with him.”
Parker occupies a strange space: the
co-ordinator of a grassroots campaign
who is herself not elected; the former
private secretary to the leader of the
opposition who claims never to have
seen The Thick of It. “I don’t have any
enemies. I genuinely don’t believe in
the concept of enemies and purposely
try not to make any.”
Before entering politics she spent 15
years working for children’s charities,
including a decade spent in Bulgaria,
where she worked with children
“who’d been tied to a bed for 11 years
or institutionalised because they were
blind or had a speech impediment”.
She says: “It was good training for the
nonsense of Westminster, which can
be trivial and juvenile.”
Her Bulgarian is almost as good as
her fluent Italian. “Ah, noooo!” she
exclaims, Mediterraneanly, on learning
that we both have Italian husbands.
Hers is an entrepreneur from Turin —
“I married a capitalist!” — who still
lives in Italy while she shares a rented
house with a friend in Clapham. “Like
a lot of 47-year-olds I cannot, of
course, afford to buy in London.” She
sees her husband every few weeks.
We meet on the afternoon when
dozens of Labour MPs formed a
protective circle around their
colleague Ruth Smeeth as she
attended the disciplinary hearing of an
activist accused of antisemitism.
Among the hecklers jeering them from
across the road were two men holding
a huge Momentum banner. Does it
make Parker happy to see that?
“No,” she says. “I think there’s a
better way of doing politics. I
genuinely don’t know who these
people are. I don’t know if they are in
Momentum. I don’t know whose
banner they’ve got hold of.” The
banner said Brighton and Hove.
Then comes an unexpected
criticism: “Personally, I don’t think we
need to have large groups of MPs or
large groups of protesters. There are
lots of entrances to that building.
People could have easily made discreet
entrances and exits from that building
with no hoo-ha at all.”
It sounds as if she’s suggesting it’s
Smeeth’s fault for daring to use the
front entrance. “Obviously I wouldn’t
approach things the way they
[hecklers] did, but I believe in free
speech and the right to protest.”
So I ask her about the vitriol flung at
Luciana Berger, another Jewish
Labour MP who revealed that among
the many abusive messages from
Labour members, urging her to kill
herself or go back to Israel, one said:
“Momentum will be watching you
Luciana.” What could have been
meant by that?
“Well, certainly that didn’t come
from anyone who works for
Momentum. No one in our staff team
would send that.” How does she know?
She can’t police 40,000 people.
“Well there you are! That’s the
answer,” she says, sounding triumphant.
“Find me an organisation of 40,000
people that hasn’t got a small number
of people who break the rules.”
The lowdown
Hedgehog
memoirs
I got done for driving in a bus lane
last week. £120 fine, the sharks.
Forget sharks, you need a hedgehog.
Not only will it make you less of a
bitter man, but fines for your poor
driving will be a thing of the past.
What on earth are you on about?
I’ve been reading a chap’s memoir of
how a rescue hedgehog brought him
emotional salvation. It’s a very good
read — once you get over the fact
that it’s a grown man writing a
moving tribute to a hedgehog.
Riiight. And who exactly is
this chap? Some bloke from
Generation Snowflake?
Not at all. Meet Massimo Vacchetta.
He’s 50, Italian, bigger than you
and for 20 years worked as a vet to
large animals, specialising in
gynaecology and obstetrics. So
cleverer than you too.
Forgive me and my apparent lack
of intelligence, but the last time
I checked, hedgehogs were not
considered “large animals”.
Ah yes, he got bored with big beasts
and started working at a clinic for
small animals where his first patient
was a hedgehog who was dying. He
called her Ninna.
And she survived?
He nursed her back to life, getting up
every two hours in the night to feed
her. Like a new parent, he was driven
to exhaustion, but eventually, after
their love blossomed, he had to
release Ninna back into the wild.
It really is the making of a love
story. However, if you recall, you
did tell me a hedgehog would have
got me off the bus lane fine?
Oh yes, he took Ninna on a romantic
weekend away. Oh no, sorry, he took
his girlfriend on a romantic weekend
away to the coast, but on the drive
they were pulled over because of a
bald tyre. The police were about to
fine Vacchetta when they spotted
Ninna in a box on the back seat. He
told them her story and they let him
off scot-free.
I suspect that may have been more
because of his Italian charm.
Ben Clatworthy
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Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
times2
The bulls**t job
phenomenon —
are you in one?
More than a million people have read David Graeber’s
essay arguing that many jobs are pointless. Now he’s
expanded his theory into a book, says Stuart Heritage
W
hen David
Graeber
wrote his
2013 article
On the
Phenomenon
of Bullshit
Jobs: A
Work Rant, it’s unlikely that he
anticipated the reception he received.
An essay published by a grassroots
feminist collective about the nature of
work in a post-industrial society,
Bullshit Jobs instantly went viral.
It captured the attention of exactly
the people he was writing about: those
in meaningless jobs with meaningless
titles in meaningless industries. The
article was read a million times. It
caused The Economist to go into fits of
spluttering self-examination. Better
still, it prompted a 2015 YouGov poll
that only helped to underline the
thesis, revealing that 37 per cent of
British workers believe that their job
makes no meaningful contribution.
And now it is a book. Bullshit Jobs:
A Theory, out next month, attempts to
expand the premise of the article into
something more systemic. After the
collapse of manufacturing, three
quarters of jobs are in the services or
admin. Regardless of the role they
serve — Graeber would argue that
most are minimal — the fact is that
the people employed to fill them truly
believe that they don’t need to exist.
If you’re honest, you’ve probably
had moments like this. Let’s say you’re
watching a post-apocalyptic horror
movie. Where would you fit into this
society? If you’re a doctor or a farmer
or a mechanic, there’s a strong chance
that your skills are still worthwhile.
Yet you’re not a doctor or a farmer
or a mechanic, are you? You’re a
recruitment consultant. Or you work
in HR. Or in financial services. Or,
hypothetically speaking, your job is to
write pithily observational articles for
a type of publication that gets slung in
the bin the second anyone finishes
reading it. Your skills are not
essential. Not transferable. In a
post-apocalyptic society you’d be
lucky to end up as meat.
How did we get here? According to
Graeber it stems from a profound
mishandling of technology. Eight
decades ago, John Maynard Keynes
predicted that technology would allow
us all to work 15-hour weeks. To some
extent he was proved right. Over the
decades the vast majority of farming,
industrial and manufacturing jobs
have become automated. Yet rather
The more
important
your job,
the easier
it is for
your mum
to describe
than getting the leisure-based lives
we have dreamt of, we have been
shepherded into a rat-run of nonessential administrative or ancillary
industries purely to keep us busy.
Graeber compares this state to the
inefficiency of the old Soviet Union,
where the government invented
enough jobs to keep everyone
employed no matter what. Yet
capitalism beat the Soviet way of life
25 years ago, and capitalism prizes
efficiency over all else. So why do we
still all have such meaningless jobs?
Graeber, a professor of anthropology
at the London School of Economics,
attributed this to a handful of moral
and political issues. First, he wrote,
“the ruling class has figured out that a
happy and productive population with
free time on their hands is a mortal
danger (think of what started to
happen when this even began to be
approximated in the 1960s)”.
Then he pointed out society’s
attitude to work in general, citing “the
feeling that work is a moral value in
itself, and that anyone not willing to
submit themselves to some kind of
intense work discipline for most of
their waking hours deserves nothing”.
In his eyes these jobs are less careers
and more occupations, keeping us
occupied so that none of us gets any
ideas above our station.
The saddest thing about all this is
that people with these jobs know how
little they contribute to the world. And
these aren’t menial jobs. Hairdressers
provide a tangible service. Waiters
understand the importance of their
roles within a larger system. A
secretary effectively runs an office.
Yet, as Graeber wrote, “I’m not sure
I’ve ever met a corporate lawyer who
didn’t think their job was bullshit . . .
Give them a few drinks and they will
launch into tirades about how
pointless and stupid their job really is.”
As primitive as it is, our identities
are still wrapped up in our jobs. When
we meet people, our first question is
always, “What do you do?” And this is
perhaps why Bullshit Jobs has hit such
a groundswell of interest. If we are all
our jobs, but none of us believes that
our job makes a scrap of difference,
where does that leave us? All we want
to do is matter. To Graeber, that we
are aware that we don’t has caused a
“scar across our collective soul”.
If you’re not sure whether you have
a bullshit job, ask yourself a couple of
questions. First, what would happen if
your job disappeared overnight?
Would the planet continue to turn if
there were no more rail operations
executives? Could humanity survive
without any product propositions
managers? If, by some stroke of fate,
all the design assurance coordinators
were simultaneously decapitated by
flying bricks, could we as a species find
our way through? If the answer is
“yes”, you’ve got a bullshit job.
Second, can you picture your
mother succinctly describing your job
to one of her friends? Anecdotally
speaking, the more important your
job, the easier time she’ll have of it.
You’re a nurse? That’s easy. You’re a
teacher? Again, a piece of cake. You’re
a crane driver or a scientist or a
binman? Congratulations, your mum
can talk about you with ease.
However, if you’re an e-commerce
content executive or a pay and reward
specialist or a senior operational
excellence partner, things aren’t so
rosy. Your mum is going to run herself
giddy just trying to broadly explain the
industry you work in. Zeroing in on
the requirements of your actual role
would probably do her in for good.
Listen, if you do have a bullshit job,
there’s no judgment here. I often feel
like I’m trapped within a deep strata of
inescapable bullshit myself. My books
add nothing to the global
conversation. Writing for the internet
routinely feels like I’m simply
shovelling words into a hole. I have a
podcast, for crying out loud. I’m just as
eager to find a solution as anyone.
Perhaps Bullshit Jobs: A Theory will set
in motion a new way of thinking that
will free us from the tyranny of
bureaucracy and finally allow us the
leisure-first future that Keynes dreamt
of. Or we could just shut up, take the
money and ride it out until we die.
Actually, that sounds easier.
So just how
pointless is
your job?
1. Why did you pick your
profession?
a) I wanted to help the world
b) I needed the money
c) I don’t know, I sort of fell into it
2. How are you paid?
a) I receive a small sum for every
African village I help to rebuild
b) Hourly
c) I’m on a salary
3. What sector do you work in?
a) Medical
b) Food services
c) Strategy and consultancy
4. What’s your work uniform?
a) Scrubs
b) A hairnet, a bright yellow T-shirt
and a badge that says ‘Have a
Burgeriffic Day!!!’
c) Everyone usually just wears chinos
and shirts around here
5. How many words in your job title
are cartoonishly generic?
a) None
b) One or two
c) At least six
6. How much paperwork does your
work entail?
a) Some, but it’s used to catch
the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
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GETTY IMAGES
Take my BOT test (that’s
black opaque tights)
Hilary Rose
PERNILLETEISBAEK/INSTAGRAM
Friday
Tomorrow
dangerous criminals, so it’s useful
b) None
c) My job is literally all paperwork
7. How many hours a week do you
work?
a) 40
b) 16
c) 60
8. You’re describing your job at
a party. Do people?
a) Instinctively try to snog you
b) Empathise wearily
c) Glaze over entirely
9. If you were promoted three
times, what would your job be?
a) Headmaster
b) Assistant manager
c) Senior pensions calculation
development executive
10. What would happen if you quit
your job right now?
a) My patient would probably die on
this operating table
b) It would probably go to one of my
classmates instead
c) Nobody would notice for a week,
and even then it would be because
I didn’t reply to an email about there
being birthday cake on the
photocopier
11. What is your view on
bureaucracy?
a) It can be important
b) I don’t know what it is
c) It’s a living
12. How well are you paid?
a) It’s OK, but that’s not why I do it
b) Really badly
c) Just enough to keep me in my job
13. If this were an episode of Lost,
would you be . . .
a) Sun, who plants the garden
b) Charlie, who takes the heroin
c) Jonathan, the innovation delivery
lead who didn’t make it past the first
draft of the pilot because nobody
knew what to do with him
14. How long is your stare?
a) One yard
b) A thousand yards
c) I can honestly see into distant
dimensions
15. Do you think your job is
bullshit?
a) No!
b) No.
c) Dear lord, yes.
Mostly As: This is weird. It says you
have a job that helps people and
gives you a sense of personal
satisfaction. This is exactly what
people try to aim for, and fail at, and
hate you for.
Mostly Bs: You have a shit job.
It serves a tangible purpose, and
people would struggle to get through
their day without you, but it’s
bad and low-paid and you hope
for better things.
Mostly Cs: You have a bullshit job. It
takes you four minutes to describe
your job to people, and even then
they don’t care. But neither do you.
It’s unimportant, uninteresting and
every day it sucks out a little more of
your soul from your body. When you
die, nobody will mourn you. But, hey,
it pays the mortgage.
It’s a
revolution
How
designers
hijacked
the army
jacket
I
t’s no coincidence that the poets
who wrote odes to spring in
England were all men.
Wordsworth with his daffodils;
Browning banging on about
how whoever wakes in England
sees that the trees are budding
and the chaffinch is singing;
Gerard Manley Hopkins writing
that nothing is so beautiful as
spring. Men, the lot of them, and
all utterly deluded.
Women know the truth about
spring, which is that it’s a bastard.
Getting dressed is next to impossible.
The question we’re fixated on isn’t
whether there’s a chaffinch in the
tree, it’s whether we could, or should,
be wearing black opaque tights,
which we will call the BOT test.
As April turns into May we look
haplessly out of the window while we
get dressed and think: is today the
day we ditch our tights without
getting hypothermia? Does today
pass or fail the BOT test?
Never has the situation been
more vexed than this spring.
Hot, cold, hot, cold, which is it
to be? It’s only May 1 and
already this year we’ve been
in white jeans and strappy
shoes one day and full winter
survival gear the next.
It’s doing my head in.
Unable to commit to
summer clothes
because the blue sky
through my windows
might have proved to
be a lie, I ended up
wearing a black velvet
trouser suit on the
hottest day of the year.
A friend assured me
that the temperature
from now on would go
steadily upwards, and
that it was entirely
normal for summer
to arrive in mid-April.
I dutifully ditched
the black opaques,
cracked open the
summer clothes and light
coats and took my winter coat
to the dry cleaners. She was
wrong. It turned freezing again,
Saturday
but having taken the plunge I kept
the faith with bare legs. Why?
Because giving up and going back to
tights, conceding that winter has not
ended after all, would be mentally
calamitous, not to mention delaying
the long-awaited start of the rosé
season for at least another month.
So instead of looking longingly
at my cosy 60 denier hold-ups, I
slapped on the fake tan, stocked up
on rosé and ordered a pair of pale
pink suede slingbacks. They arrived
yesterday, when the rain was
sheeting down and it was so cold
I needed gloves, a scarf and a hood
to get to work.
This to-ing and fro-ing is all very
well for men, as their poetry output
proves — trousers, shirt, shoes,
plenty of time to commune with the
muse and think about daffodils.
Women, or at least those of us who
don’t like going out with scabby feet
and ashen skin, have to plan for these
things. We have to wax and tan and
paint. I pass no judgment on
the scabby-footed sorority.
Actually that’s a lie; I do.
If your feet are hideous,
man or woman, please
sort them out or keep
them hidden.
What I do object to is
summer being snatched
away before it has
even started. I thought
I was done with black
opaques for another
year, but I was wrong.
If the forecast is to be
believed, it’ll be warm at
the weekend, but I’m not
fooled. After two weeks
of increasingly desperate
bare legs, I checked the
temperature on my phone
this morning and gave up.
Winter is far from over.
I’m back in the black
opaques, and I’ll be
worrying about the BOT
test well into May.
When Tammy Wynette sang
about how hard it is to be a
woman, I’m pretty sure she was
thinking about British women
in the spring.
6
1G T
Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
body&soul
Dr Mark Porter
If you get migraines here’s how to prevent
them (and that’s always better than a cure)
GETTY IMAGES
N
ew drugs that are “game
changers” don’t come along
that often in medicine. In
migraine the last key
advance was the launch of
sumatriptan to treat acute attacks in
the early Nineties. More than a
quarter of a century later, the latest
breakthrough is a novel way to
prevent migraines. And as we all
know, prevention is better than cure.
Researchers have identified a new
migraine target in the brain, calcitonin
gene-related peptide (CGRP), and the
first two (very expensive) medicines
(erenumab and fremanezumab) that
work on CGRP have been shown to
halve the number of migraines.
Advances like this are always
welcome, but before we get too excited
by the new boys on the block, I
suspect we would be better off making
the most of what we have already.
Migraine is often dismissed as a
trivial condition, but it is not. About
one in seven of us will experience
migraine to some degree and in a
typical day there will be nearly
200,000 migraine attacks across the
UK. Over a year this accounts for
25 million lost days at work and
school, costing the economy just over
Heads up: what you need
to know about migraine
0 Migraine is not fully understood,
but is thought to be triggered by
chemical disruption within the brain
rather than changes in blood vessels,
as previously thought.
0 Migraine can strike at any age, but
is most common in the thirties and
forties, with women three times
more likely to be affected than men.
0 For more advice and information
on preventing and treating migraine
visit migrainetrust.org.
£2 billion. Yet despite this considerable
toll on individuals and society most
people with migraine don’t seek
medical help and instead selfmedicate, which means they are not
always getting the best treatment.
If you have a migraine once in a
blue moon then lying down in a
darkened room and taking painkillers
is probably all that is required. But if
you are having regular attacks that are
costing time at work, school or
university then it pays to follow a few
basic steps. Like getting the diagnosis
confirmed; looking for avoidable
triggers; ensuring you are using the
best available medication for an acute
attack; and if you are having more
than four migraines a month, asking
your doctor about preventive therapy.
Some people confuse migraine with
other causes of headache, particularly
tension headache (also very common),
so start by getting the right diagnosis.
If you have two or more of the
following symptoms then it is likely to
be migraine. An intense throbbing
headache, often, but not always onesided. Visual disturbances such as
wavy lines, blind spots or flashing
lights, which sometimes precede the
headache. Sickness and/or vomiting.
Sensitivity to light (photophobia),
sound (phonophobia) and/or smells
(osmophobia).
Assuming that you really do have
migraine, the next step is to keep a
diary to try to identify patterns and
Migraine costs
the UK economy
more than
£2 billion a year
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obvious triggers. Hunger, exercise,
dehydration, stress (and relaxation),
sleep issues (too much and too little),
coffee, red wine and some cheeses are
all recognised precipitants. Identifying
and mitigating such risk factors can
help to prevent attacks. So can using
contraception to prevent periods in
hormone-related migraines, which
are common, although this needs
to be done with care since not all
contraceptives are suitable for women
with migraine.
If, despite doing what you can to
mitigate your triggers, you still have a
migraine, then make sure you take the
most effective treatment, which,
typically, is a triptan (such as
Sumatriptan — ask your pharmacist)
and a painkiller such as ibuprofen or
paracetamol. There are a number of
other proprietary migraine-specific
medicines available over-the-counter,
but none works better than a triptan
and a painkiller.
If you find yourself having to depend
on regular doses of triptans, then talk
to your GP about preventive
medication such as propranolol,
topiramate and amitriptyline to reduce
the number of attacks. More resistant
cases are likely to benefit from referral
to a specialist headache clinic with
access to other options including
Botox injections into the muscles
around the scalp. The latest Nice
guidance even mentions acupuncture.
Some people’s migraines remain
impossible to control no matter what
their doctors do, and the new
generation of CGRP-targeted
treatments may be the answer for
them, but they are the exception
rather than the rule. If your migraine
significantly disrupts your life and you
haven’t considered all of the above,
please do because you are likely to
be missing out.
If you have a health problem, email
drmarkporter@thetimes.co.uk
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Our 15-year-old
son washes his
hair frequently,
but he still has
dandruff. Why?
Dandruff is dead skin
that has been discarded
by a scalp that is being
irritated in some way.
Causes vary, ranging
from an underlying
skin problem, such as
eczema or psoriasis, to
allergies. In someone of
your son’s age, with an
otherwise healthy
scalp, the latest theory
is that it is probably
caused by yeasts
feeding off the oily skin
secretions (sebum).
We all produce
sebum, but the amount
increases after puberty.
The theory goes that
the yeasts feed on the
sebum, then produce
an irritant waste
product (oleic acid),
which causes scalp
inflammation, leading
to dandruff.
You can’t do much
about the amount of
sebum, but antidandruff shampoos
contain antifungal
agents to tackle the
yeast. And tell your son
not to wear a hat
because these can
encourage yeast growth.
here are few
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generate more iconic imagery than
California and the western USA, and even
fewer live up to it in reality! The sights and
amazing natural wonders just roll off the
tongue, with probably nothing more aptly
named than the Grand Canyon. Then there’s
Monument Valley, whose towering sandstone
pillars are immortalised in countless
Westerns. The natural splendours of this
huge region are quite simply astonishing.
Combine these with the allure of cities as San
Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego and Las
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the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
7
1G T
body&soul
The fishy truth about omega-3
GETTY IMAGES
exceed £40 billion by 2025, there’s no
sign of a downturn in sales. But
Clarke’s study followed others
disputing the heart protective links —
another study of 3,000 Welsh men
found that oily fish consumers were
more likely to die and that the
prognosis was worse if the oils were
provided in supplement form — and
will presumably start to dent sales.
In the past five years, the BHF and
others have quietly changed their
position on fish oils. “We no longer
recommend people consume
additional oily fish or use supplements
after a heart attack,” says Victoria
Taylor, the nutrition lead at the BHF.
“We would now recommend the
same advice to everyone, which is that
we should all eat 1-2 portions of fish a
week, one of which should be oily to
continue to keep our hearts healthy.”
There is, says Taylor, firm evidence
from dozens of population studies
“that in countries where the traditional
diet is rich in omega-3 from fish there
are lower rates of heart disease”.
Whether that protection is due solely
to the omega-3 fats, to something else
Fish oil pills were
seen as a shortcut
to a healthy heart,
but are they a
waste of money,
asks Peta Bee
T
here are few people
I know who haven’t, at
one time or another,
taken a supplement
containing fish oils.
Why wouldn’t they?
Within those golden,
gel-coated capsules are
the omega-3 fatty acids found in fish
such as salmon, sardines and mackerel
that promised to be a panacea.
For a decade or so I religiously
popped them, swayed by findings that
hinted they might help to ward off
joint pain, Alzheimer’s — even boost
my IQ. The latest research, by the
University of Leeds, claims that a diet
rich in oily fish can delay the
menopause by three years.
Mostly, though, people take fish oil
supplements for matters of the heart,
convinced by scientists that they will
prevent heart attacks, strokes and
cardiovascular disease. How we have
swallowed those claims. A report last
year by Mintel, the market research
company, revealed that within
the UK supplement market, worth
£420 million, multivitamin products
top the popularity charts. In second
place are fish oils and omega-3 pills.
More than a quarter of people (and
almost a third of men) who take any
kind of supplement choose fish oils.
Yet according to a significant recent
study it’s wasted effort and expense.
An extensive analysis of ten trials of
the supplements, published in the
Journal of the American College of
Cardiology in March, suggested there’s
something fishy about the purported
benefits for the heart of fish oil.
Robert Clarke, the professor of
epidemiology and public health
medicine at the University of Oxford,
who headed the research involving
77,917 older adults, found that doses
ranging from 226mg to 1,800mg a day
of omega-3 fatty acids and fish oils
provided no significant protection
against “major vascular events”.
“Millions of people take these
things,” Clarke says. “You only need to
step into a branch of Boots or Holland
& Barrett to get an idea of how
overwhelmingly popular they are and
of the kind of heart health claims
attributed to them. But we have shown
there is no benefit to them in the
prevention of heart disease.”
His mission is to convince people
that fish oil pills are unnecessary,
serving no purpose other than to
inflate the coffers of manufacturers.
“Spend your money on fresh fruit and
vegetables, things that will improve
your health, instead,” Clarke says. “You
don’t need these pills cluttering up
your bathroom cabinet.”
How, though, did we come to believe
they were such a potent life-extending
Meat is probably
more hazardous
than oily fish is
beneficial
You don’t
need these
pills
cluttering
up your
bathroom
cabinet
elixir? Interest in fish oils was sparked
in the late 1970s when scientists
visiting remote villages in Greenland
reported an intriguing anomaly among
the Inuit population. Their diet
consisted mostly of whale meat, seal
blubber and fish but, while high in fat,
their levels of blood lipids and
incidence of heart disease were
startlingly low. From those early
observations emerged the hypothesis
that it was the specific type of
polyunsaturated omega-3 oils found in
fatty, cold water fish that were
responsible for reducing the risk of
cardiovascular disease.
It seemed plausible, even
scientifically, and in the decades that
followed there was plenty of testimony
to fuel fish oil enthusiasm. One
researcher who had visited Greenland
was Hugh Sinclair of Oxford
University, who embarked on a series
of self-experimentation, putting
himself on a 100-day Inuit diet.
Despite consuming 1kg of fat from
fish, he lost weight and found his
blood lipid profile improved. “Sinclair
was a pioneer of early fish oil studies,”
Clarke says. “But there were hundreds
that followed.” A turning point in
public awareness followed a 1989
study in the Lancet involving 2,000
Welsh men, all of whom had suffered a
heart attack. Researchers showed that
those told to eat more oily fish were
29 per cent less likely to die in the
two-year follow-up.
A slew of other studies suggested
that people who consumed fish two or
more times a week were less likely to
suffer heart disease than those whose
diets contained little or no oily fish.
Oily fish seemed to protect against
abnormal heart rhythms and
inflammation, to stabilise heart rate,
lower cholesterol levels and improve
the function of blood vessels.
It was enough to start a race to
produce pills that provided fats
derived from fish in a neatly packaged
capsule. By the early Noughties sales
of fish oil products were spiralling,
further boosted by endorsements from
official bodies that seemed to support
their use.
In 2002 the American Heart
Association stated that “omega-3
fatty acids have been shown in
epidemiological and clinical trials to
reduce the incidence of cardiovascular
disease’’. And the British Heart
Foundation’s (BHF) advice for people
who had suffered a heart attack was to
eat 2-4 portions of oily fish a week or
alternatively consume omega-3 fish oil
supplements to help prevent a
subsequent one.
With a report in May last year by
the market research company Grand
View Research predicting that the
global omega-3 and fish oil market will
present in fish or simply due to fish
eaters having a healthier diet remains
the bone of contention.
“What we still don’t know is if fish,
in itself, has specific nutritional
benefits for the heart,” Clarke says.
“The stronger likelihood is that fish
eaters are better off because they
consume less meat. It’s probable that
meat is more hazardous than oily fish
is beneficial and that an overall
healthier diet is the key difference for
cardiovascular health.”
Whatever the answer, it does not
seem to be in the form of fish oil
supplements. Clarke and his team are
working on another paper, due for
publication in September, that tests
stronger omega-3 supplements for
cardiac protection. “There’s this belief
that higher-dose supplements might
be more beneficial,” he says, “but there
is no expectation among my scientists
that key results would be any different
than we obtained with the lower
dosage fish oils.”
So what should we be doing? Clarke
says that the evidence points firmly in
favour of increasing fruit and
vegetables, nuts and wholegrains,
of reducing red meat intake and
replacing it with fish and some lean
meat. It’s hardly groundbreaking, but
then, he says, looking after your heart
is less confusing than you might think.
“We need to look at our caloric
balance, reducing sugar and making
small changes to ensure we don’t eat
too much of the wrong things,” he
says. “This overly simplistic approach
of focusing on a fish oil supplement,
of isolating nutrients and providing
them in a pill that we believe will
protect us, is where we have been
going so wrong.”
8
1G T
Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
arts
Kramer v critics
— the artistic
director of ENO
bites back
Daniel Kramer, boss of the crisis-ridden English
National Opera, tells Richard Morrison that bad
reviews mean little when the people are on your side
E
xcept when it all goes
pear-shaped three
hours before opening
night, operatic life is
planned years in
advance. So although
Daniel Kramer has
been the artistic director
of English National Opera for two
years, today is the first time that the
41-year-old can announce a season
he has planned himself.
To say it comes at a critical moment
for ENO is almost a tautology. “ENO
in crisis” is one of those morbid
headlines that seem to recur monthly,
like “Brexit talks break down” or
“England’s batting collapses”. ENO
may be out of the Arts Council’s
“special measures” after three years of
austerity budgets overseen by Cressida
Pollock, its departing chief executive.
Yet its chorus are on nine-month
contracts and the company is confined
to just five new productions a year at
the Coliseum in London.
And Kramer himself is scarcely
riding a wave of acclaim. Not only
has he been panned by the London
critics, most recently for last month’s
Below: Lukhanyo
Moyake and Claudia
Boyle in La traviata at
ENO, directed by
Daniel Kramer, right
production of Verdi’s La traviata, after
his ENO production of Wagner’s
Tristan and Isolde, he also suffered the
perhaps unique indignity of being
publicly castigated by Tristan himself
— the Australian tenor Stuart Skelton.
Skelton declared Kramer to be
“irretrievably American” and went
on: “I don’t think he has any clue,
long-term, about what ENO means
to its audience.”
The irretrievable American makes
light of Skelton’s comments — “I’ve
seen Stuart many times since and he’s
been nothing but sweet” — but bristles
more about his critics in the press.
“Sometimes negative reviews can be a
sign of having stirred up something
important,” he declares.
Really? How does that work? “Well,
Traviata broke records for the number
of first-time operagoers coming to
ENO, for the number of BAME [black
and minority ethnic] people coming,
and for the number of audience
members under 24. The production
also got a wonderful reception when it
was seen in Basle. In fact I have a
really healthy relationship with
companies on the Continent. I’ve just
had seven productions at major
houses across Europe — theatres that
respond positively to my belief that we
must always be reinventing the classics
and attracting new audiences.”
So it’s London’s opera critics who
are out of step with ENO audiences
and with trends across Europe?
“I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable
making a judgment on that,” Kramer
says, then proceeds to imply exactly
that. His theory is that the rise of
social media is increasingly making
newspaper reviews, if not irrelevant,
then less important in the mix of
how performing companies market
themselves.
“Artistic directors like me and Vicky
Featherstone [Royal Court Theatre]
and Rufus Norris [National Theatre],
we have 80 per cent of our audience
right here,” he says, with a flamboyant
wave of his mobile phone. “We know
what they want, who they are, even
when they are on our website. It’s an
amazing moment to be alive when you
can literally have that direct dialogue
with the public.”
It wasn’t just the critics, however,
who felt the two leads in Traviata to be
out of their depth. Kramer’s response
to that is that he was directly
responding to criticism of ENO’s
previous casting policy.
“When I arrived I felt there was a
very strong critical call for the
company to stop casting Americans
who didn’t really cut it,” he explains.
“So Martyn Brabbins [ENO’s music
director] and I searched and searched
for the right voices. When Claudia
Boyle walked into the auditions we
had already seen 20 other candidates
for Violetta, yet after she sang the
Act II aria we turned to each other
and said, ‘We will never hear it sung
again with that much musicality,
delicacy and intimacy.’ We knew the
voice was smaller than one might
ideally desire for a 2,500-seat theatre,
but we took the risk because we
believed in Claudia. And she moved
thousands of people with her singing.”
And Alfredo, the South African
tenor Lukhanyo Moyake whose
casting roused The Sunday Times to
declare that “heads should roll”?
“I want the casting in every
production I’m curating to have
diversity as a core element wherever
humanly possible,” Kramer says,
“and I’m sad and scared that some
people don’t believe that this is an
essential part of the job now.”
Surely what upset the critics was not
Moyake’s skin colour, but what they
the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
9
1G T
arts
CHRIS MCANDREW FOR THE TIMES; CATHERINE ASHMORE/ENO; ALASTAIR MUIR/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
Kramer’s production
of Tristan and Isolde
designed by Anish
Kapoor, 2016. Below:
Andrew Shore and
Lucy Schaufer in Punch
and Judy at ENO, 2008
heard: an inexperienced young singer
thrown in at the deep end. “I actually
felt he sang it very well, and I’m happy
that he presented an alternative to the
usual lover stereotype,” Kramer
replies, unrepentantly.
Diversity will certainly be to the fore
next season. One of ENO’s five new
productions will be of Gershwin’s
Porgy and Bess. And the ensemble of
predominantly black singers created
for that will also feature alongside
ENO’s regular chorus in Kramer’s
staging of Britten’s War Requiem,
which will open in November,
100 years after the 1918 armistice.
Is staging the War Requiem a
good idea? “Part of ENO’s legacy is
staging things that aren’t traditionally
staged,” Kramer says. “Of course
some people will think it shouldn’t be
staged, but what new light might a
staging bring to it? The piece is really
asking about nationalism, so it fits
into our theme for the whole season,
which is investigating the roles of
patriarchal structures and the
masculine in our society.”
Isn’t that just jumping on the
post-Weinstein, Me Too bandwagon?
Kramer says that he came up with
the theme before the Hollywood
producer’s misdeeds were exposed,
but with an Australian feminist
interpretation of Strauss’s Salome
opening the season and Iain Bell’s new
opera about Jack the Ripper’s victims
ending it, Kramer’s programme
certainly seems to be striving for
gender-agenda provocation.
Highlights
of the
new ENO
season
A Scottish Salome
Native talent is in the spotlight
in a new production of
Strauss’s tragedy, with the
Scottish mezzo Allison Cook
in the (soprano) title role
opposite the bass David Soar
as John the Baptist and Susan
Bickley as Herodias.
From September 28
John Wilson’s Gershwin
The conductor holds the
Albert Hall spellbound
every year with his Proms
musical-theatre shows, so
he’s a canny choice for this
new Porgy and Bess,
starring Nicole Cabell as
the conflicted heroine.
From October 11
since the end of the Great War.
From November 16
Lehar with laughs
Well, let’s hope so — The
Merry Widow often struggles
to get giggles here. Sarah
Tynan takes the title role in a
production by Max Webster,
who directed The Lorax at the
Old Vic. From March 1
Jack the Ripper
There’s actually no Jack in
Iain Bell’s new opera, which
gives a voice to the victims.
A mighty cast includes
Susan Bullock, Josephine
Barstow and Lesley
Garrett.
From March 30
Neil Fisher
War Requiem
Daniel Kramer directs
Britten’s oratorio, a
collaboration with the
Turner prizewinning
photographer Wolfgang
Tillmans, marking 100 years
“It’s a very gentle way of unifying
the season intellectually,” he says
soothingly. “There’s so much
unhappiness about how certain men
and male-led systems behave that I
wanted to explore the question of
what a healthy masculine looks like.”
Presumably not like Jack the Ripper.
“That’s a piece focusing on women
coming together in the face of an
overwhelming, terrifying force, and
their anger and determination to
survive despite the establishment,” he
says. “Its cast is also an amazing
celebration of women singers who
have given ENO so much over the
years: the likes of Jo Barstow, Janis
Kelly, Marie McLaughlin, Lesley
Garrett and Sue Bullock.”
Kramer says that he is determined
to put the “national” back in English
National Opera by taking the
company out of the Coliseum and,
finances permitting, out of London.
Next season a rewritten version of
Purcell’s Dido and Aeneas will be
presented with Unicorn children’s
theatre, and Britten’s Noye’s Fludde will
be staged with local children at the
Theatre Royal Stratford East. For 2020
he’s planning a tour of Britten’s
Canticles to play in “ten towns that get
absolutely no Arts Council or local
authority funding for the arts”.
Great if it happens, but ENO’s
past attempts to perform outside
London have usually died on the
drawing-board. Perhaps the arrival of
yet another chief executive, working
alongside Kramer, will change all that.
Yet even this appointment has been
savaged by the critics because Stuart
Murphy, although a successful TV
executive with the BBC and more
recently Sky, has no operatic
experience — or at least none since
playing clarinet in Leeds Youth Opera
as a teenager.
Kramer sees no harm and plenty of
positives in that. “We have people in
this building who know all there is
to know about the nuts and bolts
of opera,” he says. “What the
chief executive has to bring is
exceptional mathematical
skills, great fundraising
abilities and outstanding
lateral thinking to make
sure we are
exploring new
avenues and
finding new
audiences. It’s
actually an
advantage to
be an outsider.
And Stuart
has brought
a huge burst
of positive
energy
to the
Coliseum.”
Entertainments
Theatres
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10
1G T
Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
television & radio
Only a moaner would object to this clip show
GETTY IMAGES
Carol
Midgley
TV review
The Genius of Leonardo
BBC Four
{{{((
Royal Wives of Windsor
ITV
{{{{(
O
ver the years TV has
sucked deeply from the
teat that is Leonardo
da Vinci. So here, in
The Genius of Leonardo
da Vinci, was a TV programme
largely about all the other TV
programmes that have been made
about him, if that’s meta enough for
you. Dr Janina Ramirez used the
archives and many swirling arm
movements to explain how telly has
influenced our understanding of
Leonardo’s accomplishments, with
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
The Documentary:
The Abortion Car
Journey
World Service, 10.06pm
“The simplest way to
describe it,” explains
Angie Hayes, the executive
director of Clinic Access
Support Network, “is that
we drive people to their
abortion appointments.”
Abortion in Texas is
hard-pressed. Clinics are
few and far between. Those
that do exist can be hard to
reach. You hear one such
woman here, as she is
driven along. Frequently
close to tears, she explains
why the clinic’s network
matters so much. “If you
guys weren’t doing this,
what would I do?” she says.
“I could not afford a cab
ride out.” And worse, she’d
have to endure a cab ride
back, after the procedure.
The Life Scientific
Radio 4, 9am
Callum Roberts learnt to
dive in a leaky wetsuit in
the North Sea. The fact that
he continued in his chosen
profession of marine
biology hints that he has
a can-do attitude. This is
borne out by his research:
Roberts has argued that it
is possible to have our fish
and eat them, through
careful conservation. He
talks to Jim Al-Khalili.
documentaries fronted by Kenneth
Clark, Alan Yentob, Fiona Bruce and
the like. It was rather absorbing in a
cut-and-paste kind of way.
What a treat, eh, to see Yentob, back
in the old “smoking is cool” days,
waving a cigarillo about while covering
half of the Mona Lisa’s face with a
napkin to show how lopsided her
smile is, then later in some kind of
Harry Enfield-doing-the-Scousers
tracksuit, about which the least said
the better. There was John Gielgud on
Omnibus in 1973 saying something or
other and in 1978 Henry Moore on
Arena declaring that Leonardo’s genius
was driven by his never losing that
childhood curiosity we all have until
it’s crushed out of us by the daily
commute, and that he always asked:
“Why, why, why?”
Leonardo’s lack of formal education
gave him a free-thinking mind, which
is instructive for all the parents
panic-buying non-verbal reasoning
Bond books so their kids can get into
a good school (yeah, been there, done
that). But it was that he was so ahead
of his time that remains gobsmacking,
sketching in the 15th-century war
machines that looked suited to the
19th century. In Civilisation Clark said
that Leonardo “belongs to no epoch,
no category, and the more you know
about him the more mysterious he
becomes”. To TV and those gallery gift
shops selling Mona Lisa tote bags he’s
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00
Stefflon Don and Dotty 9.00 The 8th with
Charlie Sloth 11.00 Huw Stephens 1.00am
Snoochie Shy 3.00 Movies That Made Me:
Jennifer Lawrence and Samuel L Jackson
4.00 Radio 1’s Early Breakfast Show
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo 7.00 Jamie Cullum 8.00 Jo
Whiley 10.00 Le Maire 10.30 One Night
Only 11.00 Nigel Ogden: The Organist
Entertains 11.30 Listen to the Band. Frank
Renton with the first of two signing-off
programmes, recalling Grimethorpe at Brass
in Concert, the soloists Ian Bousfield and
Hans Gansch, and some classic Black Dyke
12.00 Sounds of the 80s (r) 2.00am Radio
2’s Folk Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 90s
Hits 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Wednesday
Workout 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show, featuring listener requests
9.00 Essential Classics
The author Bernard MacLaverty joins host
Ian Skelly to talk about the cultural
influences that have inspired him
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Copland (1900-1990)
Donald Macleod explores Copland’s return to
New York in the 1930s, where he made his
name, and established his own individual
style as America struggled through the
depression. Copland (Dance — Music for
Theatre; Piano Variations; El Salon Mexico;
Billy the Kid; and John Henry)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Sarah Walker introduces the first of the four
Lunchtime Concerts this week, recorded at
the 2017 Verbier Festival. Today, the pianist
Evgeny Kissin plays Beethoven’s
“Hammerklavier” Piano Sonata and two
Preludes from Rachmaninov’s Op 32.
Rachmaninov (Preludes, Op 32 Nos 12 and
13); and Beethoven (Piano Sonata No 29 in
B flat, Op 106 — Hammerklavier)
Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa in The Genius of Leonardo
2.00 Afternoon Concert
The second of a week of concerts by the BBC
Symphony Orchestra and BBC Singers,
including the Symphony Orchestra on tour in
Japan and Switzerland with the Chief
Conductor Sakari Oramo. Today, they are at
Tokyo’s famous Suntory Hall with the pianist
Yu Kosoge. Plus, the violist Eivind
Holtsmark-Ringstad joins the orchestra and
the conductor Douglas Boyd for a piece by
Hindemith. Rachmaninov (Piano Concerto No
2 in C minor); Mahler (Symphony No 5); and
Hindemith (Der Schwanendreher — concerto
for viola and small orchestra)
4.30 BBC Young Musician 2018
Penny Gore presents highlights from this
year’s BBC Young Musician keyboard finalists
5.00 In Tune
Katie Derham presents, with guest violinist
Baiba Skride, who is in rehearsals with the
City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
A non-stop mix of music, featuring old
favourites together with lesser-known gems
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
BBC Symphony Orchestra, BBC Singers and
soloists, conducted by Gergely Madaras, in
music that honours those who care for the
war-injured. Works by Ravel, John Adams
and Ross Harris. Presented by Martin
Handley. recorded at the Barbican Hall on
Saturday 28 April. Marie Arnet (soprano),
James Way (tenor), Marcus Farnsworth
(baritone), BBC Singers, BBC Symphony
Orchestra, conductor Gergely Madaras.
Ravel (Le Tombeau de Couperin); John Adams
(The Wound-Dresser); Vaughan Williams
(Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis);
Ross Harris (Face: Symphonic Songs and
Choruses — first UK performance)
10.00 Free Thinking
Jesmyn Ward, The author of Sing, Unburied
Sing, talks to Christopher Harding about
editing a collection of essays called The Fire
This Time: A New Generation Speaks About
Race. Sarah Churchwell traces the history of
the use and meaning of the phrases “the
American Dream” and “America First”. John
Edgar Wideman explains what he was
seeking to do by blurring fact and fiction in
his new short stories American Histories
10.45 The Essay: My Life in Music
The composer Kerry Andrew reflects on how
she discovered she had two CDs in common
with her new boyfriend. Would this musical
overlap lead to a partnership for life?
11.00 Late Junction
Verity Sharp is joined by the wyrd folk and
hauntology enthusiast Stephen Prince
12.30am Through the Night (r)
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
News headlines and sport, with John
Humphrys and Mishal Husain
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 The Life Scientific
The marine biologist Callum Roberts joins
Jim Al-Khalili to discuss the richness of
aquatic life. See Radio Choice (1/8)
9.30 One to One
Soumaya Keynes meets Claudia Goldin (1/8)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: The Life and
Rhymes of Benjamin Zephaniah
The poet’s autobiography (2/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Presented by Jane Garvey. Including at 10.45
the 15 Minute Drama: Part two of Linda
Marshall Griffiths’ adaptation of Henry
James’ The Wings of the Dove
11.00 A River of Steel
The role of rivers in the development of
Sheffield’s steel industry (r)
11.30 Instrument Makers (1/4)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Four Thought
Dalia Elmelige shares her experiences of life
as a Muslim in America (2/8) (r)
12.15 Call You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Chinese Characters
Rana Mitter focuses on the female factory
workers behind China’s industrial revolution
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Burn Baby Burn
Sean Grundy’s satirical drama inspired by the
Momart warehouse fire that destroyed works
by Damien Hirst, Tracey Emin, the Chapman
Brothers and others (r)
3.00 The Kitchen Cabinet
Jay Rayner presents from Bradford, with
Dr Annie Gray, Sophie Wright, Rob Owen
Brown and Sumayya Usmani (4/6) (r)
3.30 Costing the Earth
The penguins of the Antarctic reliance on kril
4.00 Word of Mouth
Michael Rosen and Dr Laura Wright are
joined by Tom Hewitson, a “conversation
designer” for the likes of Siri (4/7)
4.30 Great Lives
Tej Lalvani nominates the theoretical
physicist Richard Feynman
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
also the golden goose that keeps on
flogging key rings.
There’s a glut of royal
documentaries this week — are we
not blessed? — and I watched last
night’s The Royal Wives of Windsor
with the usual heavy heart. Yet it was
unexpectedly lively and not just
because the commentators (David
Starkey, Jeremy Paxman, Andrew
Morton) were more heavyweight than
usual (there was also Gyles Brandreth.
There’s always Gyles Brandreth). It
was largely thanks to an insightful
contribution from Julie Montagu,
Viscountess Hinchingbrooke.
The programme used history and
previous royal wives to examine how
difficult it will be for Meghan Markle,
a mixed-race American, to fit in.
Montagu, who is from Illinois and
thought viscount rhymed with
“discount” when she met her husband,
revealed the terrible snobbery she has
faced from the British aristocracy.
There was the usual trawling for
footage of Diana and Fergie’s
weddings, plus Kate Middleton,
another “commoner” (Sophie Rhys
Jones was covered in about 15 seconds,
which must hurt). But there was an
extra spikiness to the commentary,
such as this catty line from Starkey:
“You look at Wallis Simpson and you
think, ‘Why bother?’ ” Saucer of milk
over here, please.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Thanks a Lot, Milton Jones!
The return of the comedy in which Milton
continues to offer his help to anyone,
anywhere, whether they need it or not (1/6)
7.00 The Archers
Johnny comes to the rescue
7.15 Front Row
A round-up of arts news and reviews
7.45 Love Henry James: The Wings of
the Dove (2/10) (r)
8.00 The Invisible Man of Britain’s Far
Right Investigating anti-immigration
organisation Knights Templar International
8.40 In Touch
News for blind or partially sighted people
9.00 All in the Mind
The limits and potential of the human mind
9.30 The Life Scientific (1/8) (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Ritula Shah
10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Valley at
the Centre of the World
By Malachy Tallack, abridged by Robin
Brooks. The community comes to terms with
the death of the valley’s oldest resident.
Read by Steven Robertson (2/10)
11.00 Richard Marsh: Cardboard Heart
Will is asked to be best man at a wedding.
Last in the series (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: The Life
and Rhymes of Benjamin Zephaniah (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
8.30 Chopsticks at Dawn. Why composers in
the West have parodied Chinese musical
clichés 9.00 After Milk Wood. Hares in the
Old Plantation by Kevin Barry. From 2014
9.15 Galbraith and the King of Diamonds.
By Robert Barr. Starring Bernard Hepton.
Originally broadcast in 1975 10.00 Comedy
Club: Love in Recovery. By Pete Jackson. The
group takes Andy to his mum’s wake. From
2016 10.30 Tom Wrigglesworth’s Hang-Ups.
Comedy written by and starring Tom
Wrigglesworth. From 2013 11.00
ElvenQuest. Comedy with Stephen Mangan
11.30 The Lawrence Sweeney Mix.
Improvised sketch show. From 2007
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
7.00am Nemone 10.00 Lauren Laverne
1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie
4.00 Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00
Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music Recommends
1.00am From Mento to Lovers Rock 2.00
Classic Scottish Albums 2.30 6 Music Live
Hour 3.30 Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Digital only
8.00am As Time Goes By 8.30 The Men
from the Ministry 9.00 The News Quiz Extra
9.45 Helen Keen’s It Is Rocket Science 10.00
The Thirty Nine Steps 11.00 After Milk
Wood 11.15 Galbraith and the King of
Diamonds 12.00 As Time Goes By 12.30pm
The Men from the Ministry 1.00 John
Mortimer Presents The Trials of Marshall
Hall 1.30 Chopsticks at Dawn 2.00 The
Secret History 2.15 Shakespeare’s Restless
World 2.30 The Enchanted April 2.45
Sissinghurst: An Unfinished History 3.00
The Thirty Nine Steps 4.00 It’s Not What
You Know 4.30 The Wordsmiths at
Gorsemere 5.00 Stockport, So Good They
Named It Once 5.30 Love in Recovery 6.00
The Man Who Was Thursday 6.30 The Palace
of Laughter 7.00 As Time Goes By 7.30 The
Men from the Ministry 8.00 John Mortimer
Presents The Trials of Marshall Hall
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5
Live Sport. Coverage of Real Madrid v Bayern
Munich 10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All
Night 5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with Ray Parlour 10.00 Jim White, Micky
Gray and Bob Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off: Real Madrid v Bayern
Munich 10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am
Extra Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Nicholas Owen 5.00 Classic
FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00 The Full
Works Concert. Catherine Bott pays tribute
to the Bach family. JS Bach (Brandenburg
Concerto No.4 in G); CPE Bach (Flute
Concerto in D minor); JCF Bach (Symphony in
B-flat major); JC Bach (Keyboard Concerto in
E major); JL Bach (Concerto in D for 2 oboes
and 2 violins); and JB Bach (Overture in G)
10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
11
1G T
MANUEL HARLAN
artsfirst night
Pop
Bicep
Roundhouse, NW1
Comedy
Shazia Mirza
Soho Theatre, W1
J
I
{{{{(
ust as musicians in the 1990s
looked to the 1960s for ideas,
so those of today are gleefully
strip-mining the 1990s. And no
one is doing it better than Bicep,
the duo from Belfast who have gone
from writing an influential music blog
to becoming the most sought-after
electronic act in the country. Sold
out for months, this show recalled
not just the music of the 1990s, but
its relative joie de vivre.
Facing each other across their banks
of computer gear, Andy Ferguson
and Matt McBriar showed from the
off that they know how to move
a dancefloor. Tempos surged and
swooped as they alternated passages
of serene beauty with haunting
melodies and huge beats in the
glistening Orca and the more abrasive
Just. This is a pair who worship Aphex
Twin’s Selected Ambient Works 85-92 as
the previous generation did Sgt Pepper,
and whose blog, Feel My Bicep,
established them as crate-diggers
extraordinaire, scouring record shops
for vintage house, trance, techno,
ambient breakbeat and Italo disco.
Yes, that all this music has a sepia
tint for Ferguson and McBriar did
make this critic rather feel his age. But
their freshness and eye for quality give
their compositions originality and
vitality. Who cares if tracks such as
Glue and Kites recall the spacious
breakbeat trance that Sasha and John
Digweed played 20 years ago? Or if
the layered piano chords and female
vocal samples of Dahlia take you back
to the dancefloor of Cream circa 1995?
At least Bicep borrow with taste.
There was a moment of unscripted
drama when Zeus, the tangy fruit of
a previous collaboration with Simian
Mobile Disco, briefly ground to a halt.
The malfunction apparently came
about because the vibrations from the
bass were so strong that they shook
an electrical lead out of its socket.
A rock’n’roll excuse if ever I heard one.
Ed Potton
Concert
BBCSO/Madaras
Barbican
{{{((
G
rief and regret waltzed
haltingly in the BBC
Symphony Orchestra’s
programme with the
Hungarian conductor
Gergely Madaras. “Les morts sont assez
tristes dans leur silence eternel,” (The
dead are sad enough in their eternal
silence) wrote Ravel, piqued by
criticism of his Le tombeau de
Couperin. Delicate as toile de jouy, the
1919 orchestral version of his keyboard
suite bears no obvious scars from
Ravel’s experience as a munitions
driver in the First World War. The
soldiers he memorialised are forever
carefree, witty, charmant.
All spring and snap, Madaras’s
reading highlighted the casual
elegance of the orchestra’s woodwind
section. If the upper strings lacked
optimal gleam, they located a finer
blend in John Adams’s The WoundDresser, fading into silvered stillness
{{(((
Performances are vivid throughout the ensemble in the touring production of Sunshine on Leith
Walk 500 miles for it
Songs by the
Proclaimers
help to make
this show an
irresistible
treat, says
Sam Marlowe
Theatre
Sunshine on
Leith
West Yorkshire
Playhouse, Leeds
{{{{(
Y
ou don’t often find a beating
heart among the mechanics
of a jukebox musical. Yet this
one, constructed by Stephen
Greenhorn around the songs
of the Scots twins the Proclaimers,
pulses with joyous life. Created with
the director James Brining at Dundee
Rep in 2007, it’s a story of community,
love and family, a touch soapy and
sentimental, but tough too, full of grit
and guts. Brining’s rough-edged
staging radiates warmth, spontaneity
and exuberance. It’s irresistible.
Best pals and Leith boys Davy
(Steven Miller) and Ally (Paul-James
Corrigan) are squaddies just back from
Afghanistan. Stepping off the train in
Edinburgh, they breathe deeply and
declare, with some satisfaction, that
“the steps of Waverley station still
smell o’ pish”. And we’re off, following
them through the streets they grew
up in, conjured up with bustling
dynamism by Colin Richmond’s rolling
and revolving sets.
The onstage band weave among the
cast against grimy brickwork and ads
for Irn-Bru and Tennent’s. Here’s the
pub, the carpet so stained you can
almost smell the spilt beer. There’s
Asda, where Davy’s dad works, and
behind Marcus Farnsworth’s grave
enunciation of Walt Whitman’s
recollections of nursing the wounded
of the American Civil War and Ryan
Linham’s admonitory, ecstatic trumpet
solo. Mahlerian in its dolour, Adams’s
subtle setting forces the listener to
consider those whose injuries were
objectified, even eroticised, in
Whitman’s verse.
Unfurled like bolts of slubby silk,
the phrases of Vaughan Williams’s
Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis
were secured to a lilting pulse. Tallis’s
psalm tilts between major and minor,
anger and sorrow. Its salty aftertaste
diminished the impact of Ross Harris’s
Face, a cantata inspired by the work
of the maxillofacial surgeon Harold
Gillies on soldiers whose features were
obliterated in the First World War.
Cool and solemn passages for choir
(the BBC Singers) alternate with
fretful solos for a disfigured soldier (the
tenor James Way), his sweetheart (the
soprano Marie Arnet) and his surgeon
(Farnsworth) and gauche volleys of side
drum and brass. The most poignant
moment — a handsome threnody for
unison strings — is wordless.
Anna Picard
Concert
CBSO/Collon
Symphony Hall,
Birmingham
{{{{(
A first look at
Shape of Light
at Tate Modern
First Night, main paper
the hospital where his sister Liz is
a nurse, musicians whizzing by in
supermarket trollies, a piano gliding
into A&E. Romance is played out
under fairy lights and glitter balls, but
civvy street is studded with potholes
and any glamour is tatty. Meanwhile,
a family secret explodes, bitterly
dividing Davy’s parents, Rab (Phil
McKee) and Jean (Hilary Maclean).
The songs slide into it all with
minimal contrivance, their tenderness
and political ire a smart, even poetic
fit for Greenhorn’s script. Emily-Jane
Boyle’s choreography combines
laddish swagger with boozy knees-ups
and a dash of Scottish dancing. That
its execution, like the singing, is less
than polished only adds to the sense of
unforced sincerity.
Performances are vivid, with Neshla
Caplan’s intense, quietly suffocating
Liz particularly striking; it’s no surprise
that it’s she who eventually makes
the break from home that segues
inevitably into Letter from America. As
for I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles), it is,
of course, a triumphant, balloon-filled
finale. By then you won’t need to be
a Proclaimers fan to feel that you too
are flying high.
Box office: 0113 213 7700, to May 19
D
ebussy was the March hero
for the City of Birmingham
Symphony Orchestra,
splendidly celebrated over
a two-weekend festival;
April brought a glimmer of Ravel.
Here we had the harp-tinged glint
and melancholic strings of his Oiseaux
tristes and the snap and colour of
his Spanish postcard, Alborada del
gracioso, expanded by Ravel from
his Miroirs piano cycle. The French
do orchestration superlatively — think
also of Rameau, Berlioz, Ravel — but
they don’t have the monopoly. This
thoughtful programme encompassing
Britten and Shostakovich was a
case in point.
That said, Britten was influenced by
Ravel. In 1930 he studied the piano
score of Miroirs, immersing himself in
its precise, evocative language. There’s
a definite hint of Ravel in the sparkling
colours of Les Illuminations, the British
composer’s song-cycle setting of
Arthur Rimbaud’s poetry; yet the
directness of the language also sounds
only like Britten. He uses a simple
string orchestra to describe a whole
world, from aquatic murmurings to
bustling cityscapes. A big hand for the
t’s no fun being forever known as
a Muslim comic who can speak for
all Muslims, says Shazia Mirza —
especially when most Muslims
would rather you kept quiet. In her
latest show, With Love from St Tropez,
the stand-up comic and survivor of
Celebrity Island with Bear Grylls deals
with paradoxes aplenty as she holds
court on feminism, racism, survivalism
and teaching.
Yet I left far more impressed with
her as an opinionsmith than I did with
her as a comic. Mirza has plenty of
fiercely held views and knows how to
structure a joke. Repeatedly, though,
she fails to be imaginative or
surprising in where she takes those
jokes. Whether she is talking about
the French government banning the
burkini, or the official at the Indian
embassy who insisted on viewing her
as a Pakistani even though she was
born and bred in Birmingham, Mirza
is too ready to settle on the obvious.
You can tell she’s British because she
likes misery and bad weather.
There are exceptions: an engaging
routine that suggests that wearing
burkas is a nifty way for the whole
family to use the same bus pass.
Elsewhere it would be interesting to
hear more about her experiences
teaching science in a school in the
London borough of Tower Hamlets,
even if the routine relating the period
table to racism is heavy-handed. It
would be interesting to hear more
about being stranded on Bear Grylls’s
island other than to be told, effectively,
that Mirza did things better than the
male contestants.
Instead she zooms from anecdote to
anecdote. When she concludes that
feminism is something she feels
excluded from, I wonder if she has
skipped over some key chunk of the
argument somewhere. Mirza is
propulsive rather than persuasive in
this strident muddle of a show.
Dominic Maxwell
Touring to July 13
CBSO violas, who had surely been
spending time with the trumpet
section; their bold, bright “Fanfare”
was uncannily brass-like.
Sophie Bevan was the soloist, her
soprano voice ravishing, with the tang
and richness of strawberries and
cream. If it were possible to pluck
a moment of music from the air and
bottle its essence, I would choose this
exquisite “Phrase”. It’s a brief moment
of golden beauty. Bevan reached the
highest note with magical purity,
letting it sink like a gently falling
shooting star.
Britten and Shostakovich were good
friends and admirers of one of the
other master orchestrators, Mahler.
There are inspired instrumental
touches aplenty in the Russian
composer’s Tenth Symphony of 1953,
including a third movement horn
solo that was flawlessly performed
by Elspeth Dutch. Nicholas Collon
imbued the score with a lean
intensity, and although perhaps
this performance never quite
reached the cavernous depths or
the crackling highs, there was some
impressive playing.
Rebecca Franks
12
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Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Gabriel Tate
British Airways:
100 Years in
the Sky
Channel 5, 9pm
The title
is a touch
misleading;
British
Airways as we know it
wasn’t founded until
1974, when the British
rattling good yarn,
told with a twinkle in
the eye and an ear for
an anecdote. The
aviation story begins
in 1919, with the first
flight of Airport,
Transport & Travel
from Hounslow Heath
to Paris — a hairy
journey by all accounts.
From there the story
embraces a government
looking to tighten its
links with an empire
that was beginning
to fray; a number of
failing businesses;
a world war; and
incremental progress.
While jet flight brought
greater speed, it also
involved more danger,
until two crashes in
1956 brought to light
the importance of
curves rather than
corners to reduce
stress at high altitudes.
Then came the
hijacks . . . This is a
no-frills account of the
giant gambles taken
over decades that paved
the way for the modern
age of democratised
air travel. Afterwards,
at 10pm Missing Flight
MH370: Inside the
Situation Room
explores the fate of the
Malaysian plane that
disappeared en route
from Kuala Lumpur
to Beijing in 2014.
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Food. The team
investigates sugar-free products 10.00 Homes Under the
Hammer. Properties purchased in Kent, Liverpool and
London 11.00 A1: Britain’s Longest Road. Lives hang in
the balance after a car careers off the A1 (AD) 11.45 The
Housing Enforcers. Matt Allwright meets a desperate
Liverpool tenant whose family faces eviction 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt. Contestants compete at Wetherby
racecourse (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30
BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Rob tries to
help an old man being exploited by a local criminal (AD)
2.15 800 Words. Everyone is talking about George and
Fiona’s clinch after the cricket match (AD) 3.00 Escape to
the Country. Alistair Appleton meet a couple seeking a
home in rural Shropshire (AD) 3.45 Flipping Profit. Philip
Serrell, Melissa Downhill and Micaela Sharp head to
Hay-On-Wye, where they have a day to find bargains they
can turn into a profit (AD) 4.30 Flog It! From Powderham
Castle in Devon (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz, hosted by
Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather
6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 6.55 Party Election
Broadcast. By the Conservative Party
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road (r) (AD) 7.10 The Super League Show 8.00
Sign Zone: Sea Cities — Brighton (r) (SL) 9.00 Victoria
Derbyshire 10.00 Live Snooker: The World Championship.
Coverage of day 11 at the Crucible Theatre, where the
first two quarter-finals get under way — Mark Allen v
Kyren Wilson and Ding Junhui or Anthony McGill v Barry
Hawkins 12.00 Daily Politics. Jo Coburn presents
parliamentary proceedings interspersed with discussions,
interviews and filmed reports from around the country
1.00pm Live Snooker: The World Championship. Hazel
Irvine presents further coverage from the Crucible Theatre
in Sheffield, where the remaining two quarter-finals get
under way — John Higgins v Ricky Walden or Judd Trump
and Mark Williams or Robert Milkins v Ali Carter. Eight
frames are scheduled to take place on each table, and
while the players know they have plenty of time to
recover from a bad session, coming back from an early
deficit in the pressurised atmosphere of the Crucible is
something only achieved by those at the top of their
game 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show (r) 6.30 Britain in
Bloom. Chris Bavin visits Stechford, Birmingham
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news, as well
as showbiz stories, cooking and celebrity gossip 9.25 The
Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This Morning.
Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and
lifestyle features, including a look at the stories making
the newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen
12.30pm Loose Women. Amy Schumer drops into the
studio to discuss her new film, I Feel Pretty, and Victoria
Derbyshire talks about her new book 1.30 ITV News;
Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Robert Rinder takes on
real-life cases 3.00 Tenable. Quiz in which a team of
London gym trainers answer questions about top ten lists
4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the
arcade-themed quiz show in which contestants drop
tokens down a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh
presents as contestants answer general knowledge
questions and work as a team to take on ruthless quiz
genius the Chaser and secure a cash prize 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.20 Party Election Broadcast. By the
Conservative Party (r) 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Hotel Hell. Gordon Ramsay helps a
struggling hotel and restaurant in Washington (r) (AD)
11.00 Undercover Boss USA. Sara Bittorf goes undercover
among the workforce of restaurant chain Boston Market,
where she is chief brand officer (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News
Summary 12.05pm Coast vs Country. A duo look for their
dream property in Devon with a budget of £700,000 (r)
(AD) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. London Road Pawnbrokers
boss Dan hunts for a local artist (r) 2.10 Countdown.
With Chris Packham 3.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or
Away. A couple choose between the Lake District and the
French Alps (r) 4.00 Escape to the Chateau: DIY. Nicole
visits Angel to ask her about wallpaper she found in her
chateau (AD) 5.00 Four in a Bed. Owners of The Redstone
in Blackpool compete for the coveted best B&B title (r)
5.30 Buy It Now. Hairdresser John demonstrates the
features of his hair product 6.00 The Simpsons. Lisa’s
guinea pig destroys a painting in the family’s living room
(r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Maxine is still furious with
Adam about his outburst at Darren (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Matthew
Wright and guests talk about the issues of the day, with
viewers calling in to offer their opinions 11.15 Can’t Pay?
We’ll Take It Away! Paul and Steve call for urgent police
back-up after opening a locked wooden case they find
while carrying out an eviction notice at a flat in London’s
Docklands (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 GPs:
Behind Closed Doors. A patient feeling unwell after
bumping her head visits the surgery, and doctors meet a
first-time mother who had to be induced early and is still
traumatised by the events (r) (AD) 1.10 Access 1.15
Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 NCIS.
The death of a Navy commander brings the team back into
contact with NCIS agent and Tony’s ex-lover EJ Barrett,
who is on the run from a member of black ops unit
Phantom Eight (r) (AD) 3.15 FILM: Running for Her
Life (PG, TVM, 2016) A triathlete hires a coach who
uses hypnotherapy as a training technique, but the return
of repressed memories takes a toll. Thriller starring Claire
Forlani 5.00 5 News at 5 (r) 5.30 Neighbours. Jimmy is
rushed into hospital (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Ash
is rushed into hospital (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
8.00 Holby City Fletch clashes with Abigail
when an unexpected visitor turns up on
the ward, and personal issues distract
Nicky from her big case (AD)
8.00 Top of the Shop with Tom
Kerridge Meat producers fight it out
for a place in the final. They include
oil-rig worker Mark who prepares and
cures bacon from home in
Aberdeenshire (5/8) (AD)
9.00 The Split Things become increasingly
complicated for Hannah as she faces
Christie’s ex-wife in tricky pre-nup
negotiations, and the three sisters
meet their father for the first time.
See Viewing Guide (2/6) (AD)
9.00 Hospital Cameras follow the
consultant Dave Selwyn and the critical
care team at Nottingham University
Hospitals, who balance demands made
on the unit. Last in the series
7PM
8PM
Channel 4
7.00 The One Show Presented by Matt
Baker and Alex Jones
7.30 EastEnders Phil offers Max a cash
bribe to leave the Square (AD)
10PM
Humanity is probably
doomed, but if
President Trump’s
itchy finger or climate
change don’t get us,
it may be a meteor
strike like the one that
supposedly killed off
the dinosaurs. So what
to do? The astronaut
Chris Hadfield believes
we should emigrate to
Mars, although this
doesn’t come without
its dangers: infections,
loss of muscle mass and
bone density, potential
mutation, isolation . . .
In other hands, this
could be dispiriting,
but Will Smith’s
chirpy narration
and Hadfield’s
awe-inspiring visuals
create another uplifting
demonstration of
human potential.
ITV
7.00 Emmerdale Frank shows his
commitment by buying a ring (AD)
11PM
National Geographic, 8pm
BBC Two
7.00 Live Snooker: The World
Championship Jason Mohammad
presents the concluding session on
day 11 at the Crucible Theatre in
Sheffield, where the opening two
quarter-finals continue — Mark Allen v
Kyren Wilson and Ding Junhui or
Anthony McGill v Barry Hawkins
Late
One Strange Rock
BBC One
9PM
Early
Top
pick
Overseas Airways
Corporation and
British European
Airways were merged.
Instead, 100 Years in
the Sky offers a brief
history of British
commercial aviation
and, as such, moves
at supersonic speed.
There’s plenty of good
material here, but it all
feels rushed, condensed
and lacking context.
Quibbles aside, it’s a
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 FIA World Rally Championship
Highlights The Rally Argentina. The
fifth round of the campaign, held on
the gravel roads of Cordoba (5/13)
8.00 This Time Next Year Davina McCall
meets a lady who wants to be able to
smile for the first time in 30 years, and
a music teacher who would love to
become a published author (4/6) (AD)
8.00 Class of Mum and Dad It is the last
week of term, and the members of
Class 6M are revising, with many
feeling the pressure of the SATs
exams. Last in the series (AD)
8.00 The Yorkshire Vet Peter Wright
battles to save a young cow in labour, a
hamster needs help with an ugly skin
condition, and a rescue dog needs
surgery for a growing lump (3/8)
9.00 The Royal Wives of Windsor
Exploring the responsibilities of being
a royal wife once the fairy tale wedding
is over, from producing babies to
supporting good causes (2/2) (AD)
9.00 My F-ing Tourette’s Family
Cameras follow the Davies-Monks, an
Oxfordshire family who confront the
daily challenges of dealing with the
neurological disorder Tourette’s.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
9.00 British Airways: 100 Years in the
Sky Part one of a two-part
documentary charting the airline’s
history, from the first flight in 1919 to
the present day. It begins with a look
at the early days of air travel.
See Viewing Guide (1/2)
10.00 Surviving the Island with Bear
Grylls The host arrives on the island,
and wants to discover the stories
behind the castaways’ survival
strategies. Last in the series
10.00 Missing Flight MH370: Inside the
Situation Room Senior officials on
the front line reveal what happened
behind closed doors as the disaster of
the missing Malaysia Airlines
aeroplane unfolded. See Viewing Guide
11.05 Flight HS13 Simon has vanished and
Liv is filled with doubt and anger. Erik
is not officially assigned to the case,
but discovers that the woman and child
boarded the plane near the Turkey-Iran
border. In Dutch and Farsi (2/10)
11.05 The Secret Life of the Long-Haul
Flight Documentary following one of
the longest flights in the world — from
London to Sydney — aboard one of the
biggest planes in the world, the
double-decker Airbus A380 (r)
12.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (r)
12.55am One Born Every Minute (r) (AD) 1.50 The
Supervet (r) 2.45 The Channel: The World’s Busiest
Waterway (r) 3.40 Come Dine Champion of Champions (r)
4.35 Steph and Dom’s One Star to Five Star (r) 5.00
Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (r) 5.10-6.00 Fifteen to One (r)
12.30am Funniest Fails, Falls & Flops Comedy clip
show featuring pranks gone wrong, unwise acts and failed
attempts of misplaced ambition (r) 1.00 SuperCasino
3.10 Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain (r) 4.00 Britain’s
Biggest Mosque (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10
Wildlife SOS (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 House Doctor (r) (SL)
7.30 Devon and Cornwall Cops The
newest batch of recruits are put
through their paces (2/4) (r) (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 Cunk on Britain Philomena’s
historical journey ends in Brexit
Britain. Last in the series (AD)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather;
followed by National Lottery Update
10.45 Life and Death Row: In Cold Blood
A former Marine awaiting execution,
meets the son he fathered whilst on
the run (AD)
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Evan Davis
10.30 Regional News
11.45 Obesity: The Post Mortem
Documentary revealing how dangerous
too much fat is to peoples’ internal
organs. Cameras follow a pathology
team as they conduct a post mortem
on a 17-stone woman’s body (r) (AD)
12.45am-6.00 BBC News
11.15 Snooker: The World Championship
Coverage of day 11 at the Crucible
Theatre, where the first two
quarter-finals get under way — Mark
Allen v Kyren Wilson and Ding Junhui
or Anthony McGill v Barry Hawkins
12.05am Snooker: World Championship Extra
Jason Mohammad presents extended highlights of the
quarter-finals on the 11th day of the ranking tournament
at the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield 2.05 Sign Zone:
MasterChef — The Finals (r) (AD, SL) 3.05-4.05 Secret
Agent Selection: WW2 (r) (AD, SL)
10.45 Harold Shipman: Doctor Death
Twenty years since the arrest of
Britain’ss most prolific serial killer,
detectives speaking for the first time
reveal how he got away with
murdering 250 patients (r) (AD)
11.45 The Durrells Henry Miller comes to
stay, and stirs up tension among
Louisa and her children (7/8) (r) (AD)
12.35am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of
their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively
chat from the presenting team 3.00 Loose Women. With
Amy Schumer and Victoria Derbyshire (r) 3.45 ITV
Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
The Split
BBC One, 9pm
Another dilemma for
the family lawyer
Hannah Stern (Nicola
Walker), representing
a glamour model
(Chanel Cresswell) as
she prepares to sign a
prenup with her fiancé,
a Premier League
footballer (Thierry
Mabonga), under the
glare of the media
spotlight. He is
represented by the
ex-partner of Hannah’s
old flame and
colleague, setting up a
showdown that Hannah
could do without, as
her estranged father (a
deliciously sly Anthony
Head) begins to stir the
pot with her sisters.
Unapologetically
entertaining, with
Walker impossible not
to take to in the lead.
My F-ing
Tourette’s Family
Channel 4, 9pm
Channel 4 has
documented this
debilitating condition
with dedication. This
latest film follows the
Davies-Monk family
and, in particular,
Spencer (aged 13) and
Lewis (aged 9), both of
whom suffer from the
neurological disorder.
Having tried to keep
their predicament
hidden, the family
decide to go public
with meals out and
a holiday abroad. The
mother, Hayley, is an
understandable mix of
protective and proud.
“The anxiety comes
from the reaction of
other people,” she
says. “But we’re never
embarrassed by
our children.”
Paterno
Sky Atlantic, 9pm
Al Pacino and HBO
have long enjoyed a
fruitful relationship,
from Angels in America
through to Phil Spector.
This may be Pacino’s
best small-screen
performance to date.
He plays Joe Paterno,
the coach of the Penn
State football team,
whose silence in the
face of a growing
sexual abuse scandal
involving his assistant
at best suggests denial,
at worst complicity.
It’s Pacino at his most
restrained, displaying a
subtlety, empathy and
intelligence that went
missing from his film
career many years ago.
Barry Levinson directs
this grimly timely
exposé of personal and
institutional disgrace.
Sport Choice
BT Sport 2, 7pm
Real Madrid welcome
Bayern Munich for
their Champions
League semi-final
(kick-off 7.45pm). After
Joshua Kimmich had
given the Germans
the lead, Los Blancos
struck back with goals
from Marcelo and
Marco Asensio, the
exciting young winger.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) 7.00 Meerkat Manor (r)
(AD) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00 Motorway
Patrol (r) 10.00 Road Wars (r) 11.00
Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The
Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 The Flash. Barry calls on Citizen Cold when
he needs a hand getting a meta from A to B
9.00 The Blacklist. Red and the gang track down
one of the Nash syndicate’s biggest suppliers
10.00 The Late Late Show with James Corden:
Best of the Week. Highlights of the talk show
11.00 The Force: North East. A raid on the
house leads officers to a drugs den (r)
12.00 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK. A
dangerous incident (r) 1.00am Ross Kemp:
Extreme World (r) (AD) 2.00 Most Shocking (r)
3.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (r) (AD) 4.00 The
Real A&E (r) (AD) 5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am The British (r) (AD) 7.00 Storm City (r)
(AD) 8.00 Fish Town (r) 9.00 The West Wing (r)
11.00 House (r) (AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace
(r) 2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West
Wing (r) 5.00 House (r)
6.00 House. A performance artist with
potentially self-inflicted symptoms is treated (r)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. A volunteer
disappears during a magic act (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Jamie’s career hangs in the
balance when he shoots an armed man (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Paterno (TVM, 2018)
Biographical drama centred on Joe Paterno in the
aftermath of the Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse
scandal. Starring Al Pacino. See Viewing Guide
10.55 The Circus: Inside the Wildest Political
Show on Earth. Exploring one of the most
fascinating political periods in American history
11.30 Westworld. Sci-fi drama (2/10) (r)
12.40am West:Word (r) 1.10 The Sopranos (r)
2.20 House of Lies (r) 2.55 High Maintenance
(r) 3.30 Happyish (r) 4.05 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.00
Highway Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) 9.00
Elementary (r) (AD) 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r) 12.00
Children’s Hospital (r) (AD) 1.00pm Medical
Emergency (r) (AD) 2.00 Send in the Dogs (r)
3.00 Nothing to Declare 5.00 Border Security:
Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
6.30 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
7.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
7.30 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
9.00 Chicago Fire. Money goes missing
10.00 World’s Most Evil Killers (r)
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Cold Case. The team is taken hostage
(r) 2.00 Grey’s Anatomy (r) 3.00 Station 19 (r)
4.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD) 5.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
6.00am Saint-Saëns & Schubert: Bertrand 7.30
Sir Simon Rattle: Beethoven Symphonies 9.00
Watercolour Challenge 9.30 The Art Show (AD)
10.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 11.00
Trailblazers: Pub Rock 12.00 The Seventies (AD)
1.00pm Discovering: Humphrey Bogart (AD)
2.00 Watercolour Challenge 2.30 The Art Show
(AD) 3.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 4.00
Trailblazers: Dance 5.00 The Eighties (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Burt Lancaster (AD)
7.00 The Nineties. Politics during the 1990s
8.00 Portrait Artist of the Year 2017
9.00 Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks
10.00 Discovering: Warren Beatty
11.00 Urban Myths (AD)
11.30 Johnny Cash: Behind Prison Walls
12.30am Johnny Cash: Song by Song (AD) 1.00
Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks 2.00 FILM:
Confessions of a Superhero (18, 2007)
Documentary 3.45 Love Bite: Laurie Lipton and
Her Disturbing Black & White Drawings 4.30
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Premier
League Daily 11.00 Sky Sports Daily 11.30
Sportswomen 12.00 Sky Sports News
3.00pm Live Indian Premier League: Royal
Challengers Bangalore v Mumbai Indians. All the
action from the match, which is taking place at
the Holkar Cricket Stadium, Indore
7.30 Live EFL: Scunthorpe United v Plymouth
Argyle (Kick-off 7.45). Coverage of the Premier
League match from AMEX Stadium. United have
already defeated Brighton twice this term,
prevailing at Old Trafford in both the league and
FA Cup, and will be looking for another win to
boost their chances of finishing second in the
table, but the Seagulls will be hopeful of making
home advantage count on this occasion
10.00 The Road to Bellew v Haye
11.00 Sky Sports News
12.00 Sky Sports News 1.00am Live WWE Late
Night Smackdown. Spectacular wrestling action
from the States 3.00 Sky Sports News
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 7.00pm-7.30 Islay: For
Those in Peril 8.00-9.00 River City. Stevie is
put under pressure to get Scarlett out of jail
10.45 Holby City (AD) 11.45 Life and Death
Row: In Cold Blood (AD) 12.45am Obesity: The
Post Mortem (r) (AD) 1.40 Weather for the
Week Ahead 1.45-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The Wedding
Guru. New series. Following a wedding planner
based in Rhondda 11.10 Life and Death Row: In
Cold Blood (AD) 12.10am Obesity: The Post
Mortem (r) (AD) 1.10 Weather for the Week
Ahead 1.15-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two N Ireland
As BBC Two except: 10.00pm-10.30 Keepin
’er Country. Cameras follow farmers competing
at agricultural shows. Last in the series (r)
11.15 Cunk on Britain (AD) 11.45 Snooker:
The World Championship 12.35am-2.05
Snooker: World Championship Extra
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 11.15pm First Minister’s
Questions. AMs’ questions in Cardiff 12.05am
Snooker: The World Championship 12.55-2.05
Snooker: World Championship Extra
ITV Wales
As ITV except: 10.45pm Last Laugh in Vegas:
Showtime. The entertainers perform (r) (AD)
12.10am-12.35 Love Your Garden (r) (AD)
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather. News and
analysis from Washington DC and London
7.30 The Culture Show: Wars of the Heart.
Writers who were inspired by their experiences
during the London Blitz
8.00 King Alfred and the Anglo-Saxons. Michael
Wood explores the role of Alfred the Great’s
grandson Aethelstan in creating a kingdom of all
England, and discusses the ruler’s learning and
law-making. Last in the series (AD)
9.00 The Story of the Jews. Simon Schama
examines how the Holocaust and the subsequent
creation of the state of Israel in 1948
fundamentally changed what it means to be
Jewish. Last in the series (AD)
10.00 The Celts: Blood, Iron and Sacrifice with
Alice Roberts and Neil Oliver. An examination of
the origins and beliefs of the Celts, their culture
and influence on the ancient world (AD)
11.00 The Mystery of Murder: A Horizon Guide.
An attempt to understand why people kill
12.00 Bombay Railway. The Indian city’s railway
system (AD) 1.00am Top of the Pops: 1983
2.00 King Alfred and the Anglo-Saxons (AD)
3.00-4.00 The Story of the Jews (AD, SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
9.00 Gotham. Bruce tries to discover the
meaning behind his knife (AD)
10.00 Supernatural. Missouri enlists the help of
Dean and Jody to protect her granddaughter
11.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
11.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
12.00 Celebrity First Dates (AD) 1.00am Tattoo
Fixers (AD, SL) 2.05 Gotham (AD) 2.55
Supernatural 3.40 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
4.05 2 Broke Girls (AD) 4.25 The Goldbergs
(AD) 4.50 Couples Come Dine with Me
8.55am Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A Place in
the Sun: Winter Sun 11.35 Four in a Bed (AD)
2.10pm Come Dine with Me (AD) 4.50 A Place
in the Sun: Winter Sun 5.55 Ugly House to
Lovely House with George Clarke (AD)
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. Cameras follow
four new fledgling Humboldt penguins (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud checks on
the progress of a couple who fell in love with a
location near Peterborough replaced the existing
cottage with a contemporary home (1/4) (AD)
9.00 My Floating Home. A duo who plan on
turning a rusting 90ft cargo hull into a
four-bedroom home (AD)
10.00 Million Pound Movers. Behind the scenes
of the high-end removals industry, meeting the
wealthy clients moving priceless objects, and the
firms tasked with completing the precarious jobs
11.05 24 Hours in A&E. The medics treat a
doorman who was stabbed at the social club
where he works (7/8) (AD)
12.10am 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown
(AD) 1.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
A Mexican restaurant 2.10 My Floating Home
(AD) 3.15-3.55 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut
11.00am Guns at Batasi (PG, 1964) British
military drama starring Richard Attenborough
(b/w) 1.05pm Winchester ’73 (U, 1950)
Western starring James Stewart (b/w) 2.55
The Black Knight (U, 1954) Swashbuckling
adventure starring Alan Ladd (AD) 4.40 We’re
No Angels (PG, 1955) Comedy starring
Humphrey Bogart and Peter Ustinov
6.50 Congo (12, 1995) A group of explorers
ventures into the jungle in search of King
Solomon’s mines. Jungle adventure starring
Dylan Walsh and Laura Linney
9.00 Crimson Peak (15, 2015) An aspiring
writer uncovers terrifying secrets in her
husband’s haunted ancestral home. Guillermo del
Toro’s gothic horror starring Mia Wasikowska,
Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain (AD)
11.20 Stoker (18, 2013) A teenager becomes
infatuated with her mysterious uncle in the
aftermath of her father’s death. Thriller starring
Mia Wasikowska and Nicole Kidman (AD)
1.20am-3.00 Excision (18, 2012) A teenage
girl obsessed with surgery goes to disturbing
lengths to win the approval of her mother.
Comedy horror starring AnnaLynne McCord
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale (AD)
8.25 Coronation Street (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 10.20 The Bachelorette
12.15pm Emmerdale (AD) 12.45 Coronation
Street (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.50 Take Me Out
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold. Comical clips,
featuring an exploding beanbag
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold.
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Charlie’s daughter
turns up at Walden’s beach house
8.30 Superstore. Amy suspects that Dina is
dealing with anxiety (AD)
9.00 FILM: Knocked Up (15, 2007)
An ambitious journalist unexpectedly becomes
pregnant after a one-night stand with a
directionless layabout. Romantic comedy
starring Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl (AD)
11.40 Family Guy. Stewie and Chris go missing,
prompting Lois to ask a psychic for help (AD)
12.10am Family Guy (AD) 12.35 American Dad!
(AD) 1.35 Celebrity Juice. With John Newman
2.20 Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat 8.00 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.25 Agatha Christie’s Marple 12.30pm The
Royal 1.35 Heartbeat 2.40 Classic Coronation
Street 3.45 On the Buses 4.50 You’re Only
Young Twice 5.25 George and Mildred 5.55
Heartbeat. The police foil a robbery attempt
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. A playwright’s relative
is murdered and Jessica comes to the conclusion
the dramatist was the intended victim. Guest
starring Darren McGavin and Ken Kercheval (AD)
8.00 Midsomer Murders. Barnaby and Nelson
uncover conflict between the local church and
pagan traditions after a famous illusionist’s
show takes a tragic turn (AD)
10.00 Scott & Bailey. The investigation into Joe
Bevan progresses as the body count rises and
the team tries to identify the victims (5/8) (AD)
11.00 Scott & Bailey. The detective duo
investigate the death of a care home resident,
while Dorothy is concerned her granddaughter
Taisie is being influenced by Rachel (6/8) (AD)
12.05am The Street. Double bill 2.20 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase (AD) 6.50 Pawn Stars 7.10
The Protectors (SL) 7.35 Ironside (AD) 8.30
Quincy ME 9.30 Minder (AD) 10.35 The Saint
11.35 The Avengers 12.45pm Ironside 1.50
Quincy ME 2.50 Minder (AD) 3.55 The Saint
4.55 The Avengers
6.05 Cash Cowboys. Star Wars memorabilia
7.00 Pawn Stars. The gang is offered a
fossilised mastodon tusk
7.30 Pawn Stars. Corey tries to prove he
deserves a stake in the store
8.00 River Monsters. Jeremy Wade investigates
a murderous sea creature in Indonesia
9.00 FILM: The Fugitive (15, 1993) A doctor
convicted of his wife’s murder goes on the run,
hoping to track down the one-armed man he
believes is the real killer. Thriller starring
Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones (AD)
11.40 FILM: Renegades (18, 1989) A Native
American searching for a stolen artefact teams
up with an undercover cop. Action adventure
with Kiefer Sutherland (AD)
1.50am Motorsport UK. From Brands Hatch
2.45 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Top Gear (AD)
8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage Hunters
10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top Gear (AD)
3.00 Sin City Motors 4.00 Steve Austin’s
Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Room 101. With Heston Blumenthal
6.40 Would I Lie to You?
7.20 Would I Lie to You? With Charles Dance,
Stephen Mangan, Isy Suttie and Gok Wan
8.00 Scrappers: Back in the Yard (3/6)
8.30 Scrappers: Back in the Yard (4/6)
9.00 Would I Lie to You? Comedy panel show
with Keeley Hawes, Stephen Mangan, Kevin
Bridges and Professor Brian Cox
9.40 Would I Lie to You? With Ronnie Corbett,
Sarah Millican, Holly Walsh and Julian Clary
10.20 Would I Lie to You?
11.00 Taskmaster: Champion of Champions.
A two-part special welcoming back all five of the
show’s series champions
12.00 QI 12.40am Would I Lie to You? With
Charles Dance 1.20 Mock the Week 2.00 QI
2.40 Would I Lie to You? 3.20 Parks and
Recreation 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning (AD)
9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Juliet Bravo 11.00
The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20 Are You
Being Served? 3.00 London’s Burning (AD) 4.00
You Rang, M’Lord? 5.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! Spike meets a femme fatale
6.40 Are You Being Served? A love letter from
Mr Lucas to Miss Brahms goes astray
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Hobbo discovers
his real mother’s whereabouts
8.00 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. The body
of Lynley’s missing godson is discovered in a
bricked-up drain 12 years after he disappeared,
and the detective becomes a suspect when the
boy’s sister is found dead (1/2)
10.00 New Tricks. Sandra reopens an
investigation into the apparent suicide of a
Foreign Office diplomat, whose body was found
in a frozen lake after (3/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon is caught
between Tracey and Garth
12.00 The Bill 1.00am London’s Burning (AD)
2.10 The Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Mummies Alive 7.10 Pointless 8.00
Time Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Murder Maps
11.00 Abandoned Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time
Team 1.00pm Planet Earth (AD) 2.00 The Blue
Planet (AD) 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Murder Maps
5.00 Abandoned Engineering (AD)
6.00 The World at War. The blackouts in Britain
7.00 Deep Wreck Mysteries. The fate of a
Canadian warship that went to the aid of an
American freighter rocked by an explosion in
1944. More than 60 years on, divers uncover new
evidence of the sinking (3 & 4/6)
8.00 The True Story of the Mary Celeste.
Experts bid to solve the mystery of the ship
and learn how and why its crew disappeared
9.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook. More of the
duo’s favourite moments, including more of the
Phantom Raspberry Blower’s nefarious deeds
10.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook. Renee
Olstead performs Midnight at the Oasis
11.00 Porridge. A midday cuppa causes a stir
11.40 Porridge. Fletcher finds three is a crowd
12.20am Porridge 1.00 The World at War 2.00
Mummies Alive 3.00 Home Shopping
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Harold Shipman: Doctor Death (r) (AD)
12.05am Teleshopping 2.05 After Midnight
3.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle
Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 10.45pm Last Laugh in Vegas:
Showtime (r) (AD) 12.10am Give It a Year
(AD) 12.35 Love Your Garden (r) (AD) 1.00
Teleshopping 2.30-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r) 5.20 Igam Ogam (r)
5.30 Flapair is a Charaidean (Flapper and
Friends) (r) 5.40 Su Shiusaidh (Little Suzy’s
Zoo) (r) 5.43 Na Floogals (r) 5.55 Botannan
Araid Uilleim (William’s Wish Wellingtons) (r)
6.00 Seoc (Jack) (r) 6.15 Am Prionnsa Beag
(The Little Prince) (r) 6.40 Tree Fu Tom (r)
7.00 Bailtean Alba (Scotland’s Towns) (r) 7.25
Horo Gheallaidh Shorts (Celtic Music Shorts)
(r) 7.30 Speaking Our Language (r) 8.00 An Là
(News) 8.30 Fuine (Home Baking) (r) 9.00
Sgiobair nan Taighean-solais (Northern
Lighthouse Board) (r) 10.00 Trusadh: An
Tinneas Tuiteamach (Epilepsy) (r) 11.00 Alba
air Falach (r) 11.25 Dhan Uisge (Loch Loyne)
(r) 11.30-12midnight Sorchar nan Reul (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Yr Ysgol (r) 6.15 Blero yn Mynd i
Ocido (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r) 6.35 Igam Ogam (r)
6.50 Sam Tân (r) 7.00 Chwedlau Tinga Tinga
(r) 7.10 Sbarc (r) 7.25 Dip Dap (r) 7.30 Patrôl
Pawennau 7.45 Dona Direidi (r) 8.00 Syrcas
Deithiol Dewi (r) 8.10 Pingu (r) 8.15 Boj (r)
8.30 Abadas (r) 8.40 Bla Bla Blewog (r) 8.55
Ben a Mali a’u Byd Bach O Hud (r) 9.05 Sbridiri
(r) 9.25 Meripwsan (r) 9.30 Straeon Ty Pen (r)
9.45 Pentre Bach (r) 10.00 Yr Ysgol (r) 10.15
Blero yn Mynd i Ocido (r) 10.25 Halibalw (r)
10.35 Igam Ogam (r) 10.50 Sam Tân (r) 11.00
Chwedlau Tinga Tinga (r) 11.10 Sbarc (r)
11.25 Dip Dap (r) 11.30 Patrôl Pawennau (r)
11.45 Dona Direidi (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 12.05pm Y Ty Cymreig (r) 12.30
Cwymp yr Ymerodraethau (r) 1.30 Only Men
Aloud (r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05
Terry Price: Portread O Bencampwr (r) 3.30
Gwyllt ar Grwydr (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00
Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh: Pigo Dy Drwyn (r)
5.30 Stwnsh: Gwboi a Twm Twm (r) 5.45
Stwnsh: #Fi (r) 6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05
04 Wal (r) 6.30 Rownd a Rownd (AD) 7.00
Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm (AD) 8.00 Ffit Cymru
9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30 Y Ditectif. The
death of Kellie Gillard (AD) 10.00 Wil ac Aeron:
Taith Rwmania (r) 10.30 Cyfrinachau’r Meirw
(r) 11.30-12.05am Pobol y Rhondda (r)
14
Tuesday May 1 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
1
2
3
4
Codeword No 3324
5
6
7
18
20
5
1
8
9
10
14
11
19
25
21
5
10
4
12
9
11
17
25
19
13
14
15
16
7
10
4
24
4
26
1
13
14
26
21
14
10
16
24
Train Tracks No 396
5
14
24
16
5
1
14
7
1
13
18
18
20
14
21
24
13
20
24
20
5
16
5
1
5
1
5
5
4
3
2
19
A
11
11
18
1
11
20
8
26
10
19
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7640
11
6
12
4
19
3
16
15
17
18
19
11
2
13
24
M B
1
20
21
16
3
20
25
21
23
18
18
11
23
14
20
5
14
9
14
1
5
11
1
L
5
13
16
11
14
14
20
22
22
19
8
21
2
6
3
25
14
24
1
B
14
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
24
16
Across
1 Fibrous protein in
connective tissue (8)
5 Scandinavian god (4)
8 Male sheep (3)
9 Greek god (4)
10 Scandinavian god (4)
12 Involving clearly defined
issues (5-3-5)
13 Indeterminately roundish (6)
Solution to Crossword 7639
ROBOT I
E
I
O
ARGUME
C H B
T I ER N
A B
COD
L I
L
E O
AUDAC I
P
K
PRE V AR
E G D
DRONE
13
19
C S
O T
N T A
S N
EWD
R A
V ER
A D
T Y
O G
I CA
R S
EMP
I KHS
O P
T I V E
C
E L H I
O A
O I L
K
CA LM
L
I
T I ON
K U
RE S S
14 Timepieces (6)
17 Finally (4,3,3,3)
20 Hindu god (4)
21 Hindu god (4)
22 Foolish person (3)
23 Roman god (4)
24 Legislative body (8)
16
17
7
21
3
25
14
5
18
26
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
14
15
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
M
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
B
L
Down
1
2
3
4
6
7
11
13
15
16
18
19
14
Locust tree (5)
Lower back pain (7)
Asian vegetable (6,4)
Relating to horses (6)
Pilgrim to Mecca (5)
Park or forest keepers (7)
Gulping down (10)
Flower (7)
Absurd pretence (7)
Movement in slow time (6)
Extend over (an area) (5)
Endures (5)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
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call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica No 4243
O
A
P
K
U
T
I
D
A
E
T
C
S
A
A
O
G
I
S
E
N
E
T
R
P
O
S
T
K
E
L
O
W
See today’s News section
O
B
Try our new word puzzle
If you enjoy the times2 Crossword, you’ll
love Quintagram, our new and exclusive
clue-solving challenge
O
L
V
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
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order) and your contact details.
No 4244
O
P
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N
I
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P
Calls cost £1.00 (ROI €1.50) plus your telephone company’s
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What are your favourite
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E
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Medium No 4316
Futoshiki No 3162
Kakuro No 2121
11
∧
30
26
10
13
29
17
12
30
4
3
30
4
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
19
16
38
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
∨
∨
>
∨
<
∨
∧
11
>
23
13
17
19
12
4
16
6
4
7
7
3
19
4
14
15
22
6
6
17
11
16
7
31
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
11
16
27
12
3
10
© PUZZLER MEDIA
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
7
the times | Tuesday May 1 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
I am delighted to announce that
nine-year-old Shreyas Royal,
whose family has been seeking
permission to remain in the UK
after a residency of six years, has
now been accorded the honour of
being invited to make the opening
move of the forthcoming World
Chess Championship Match. This
is set for London in November
and will be between defending
champion Magnus Carlsen and
challenger Fabiano Caruana. This
is an amazing accolade for a nineyear-old and possibly a portent of
greater things to come.
Today’s game shows the challenger Fabiano Caruana in action
from this year’s US Chess Championship, which has just concluded. His opponent tries a suspect variation and pays the price.
White: Fabiano Caruana
Black: Aleksandr Lenderman
US Championship, St Louis 2018
French Defence
1 e4 e6 2 d4 d5 3 Nc3 Bb4 4 e5 c5
5 a3 Bxc3+ 6 bxc3 Qa5
This early sortie with the black
queen has generally been considered inadvisable. The queen is
better placed, for example, on c7
in order to maintain contact with
Black’s fragile king’s flank.
7 Bd2 Qa4
Black continues with the bold
advance of his queen.
8 Qg4 Kf8 9 h4
That great US and world champion Bobby Fischer introduced
the move 9 Qd1 at this point. It
shores up White’s queen’s flank
and prepares to offer a sacrificial
pawn on d4. The point of 8 Qg4 is
to disrupt the refuge of the black
king.
9 ... Nc6
Both here and on the next
move Black should consider the
voracious 9 ... Qxc2, which cannot
be refuted outright.
10 h5 h6 11 Qd1
Finally taking a leaf from Bobby
Fischer’s book. White is unconcerned by the loss of his pawn on
d4 as its capture inevitably frees a
path for White’s queen’s bishop to
come to b4, where it can join in
an attack on the black king from
the opposite side of the board.
11 ... cxd4
Too risky. 11 ... b6 is better.
12 Nf3 dxc3 13 Bxc3 g5 14 hxg6
Qe4+ 15 Be2 Qxg6 16 Qd2 Nge7
17 Bd3
EASY
16 + 5 x 2 + 11 x 2 – 14
MEDIUM
94 x 4 + 76
HARDER
108 x 3 + 974
+ 1/4
OF IT
– 76 x 2
+ 1/2
OF IT
x 4 +876
Full results from the US Championship can be found via the
2seeitlive link on the header of The
Times Twitter feed @times_chess.
________
á i D D D] Winning Move
àDpDqD D ]
ßpD ) 0 D] White to play. This position is from
Ordu 2018.
ÞD 0Q) 4r] Ozen-Maghalashvili,
White seems to be in trouble here as his
Ý D D D D] e-pawn is pinned and apparently about to
ÜD ) D DP] be lost. How did he steer his way to a draw
ÛP) D DBI] with an ingenious tactical sequence?
ÚD D $ D ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
Bridge Andrew Robson
I may be vegan but nonetheless Dealer: South, Vulnerability: Neither
rather enjoyed reader Tony
♠A K 6 3
Scouller setting the scene for this Rubber
♥10 7 3
fine piece of declarer play.
♦J 10 4
“I spent the weekend in France.
♣J 10 3
Our host, a bridge fanatic, and his
♠Q J 5 2
♠7 4
N
wife were most hospitable. After a
♥4 2
♥Q 9 6 5
W E
lunch that consisted of beetroot
♦K 8 3 2
♦9 7 5
S
♣K 5 2 ♠ 10 9 8 ♣A 7 6 4
soup laced with caviar, followed by
wild boar and vegetables, washed
♥A K J 8
down with plentiful Aloxe-Corton
♦AQ 6
’99, the cheese board appeared and
♣Q 9 8
then St Honore concluded proS(Scouller) W
N
E
ceedings,
accompanied
by
Sauternes. In a fog of Burgundy, I
1NT(15-17) Pass
3NT
End
sat down and attempted to play
bridge. It was not too long before
this hand appeared.”
Contract: 3NT, Opening Lead: ♠ 2
Trick one proceeded ♠ 2, ♠ 3,
♠ 7, ♠ 8. Realising he could take
advantage of dummy holding the
six of spades and potentially scoop
up all four spade tricks, at trick two queen of diamonds.
declarer led the ten of spades, covAt trick seven, declarer led the
ered by the jack and king. He jack of hearts. If the defence (East)
returned to the ace of hearts and had won the queen, declarer would
led the nine of spades, which West have had access to dummy via the
correctly declined from covering, ten of hearts. The defence could
East discarding a diamond.
have cashed three club tricks but
Dummy’s ace of spades was declarer would have claimed the
stranded. The question was how to remainder. East ducked the jack of
get over there.
hearts.
At trick five, declarer led the
Declarer had by now promoted
queen of clubs. If the defence had a slow trick in each suit outside
beaten the queen, declarer could spades, the defence ducking three
have reached dummy via the jack- times to prevent him from reachten. The defence correctly ducked. ing the stranded ace of spades.
At trick six, declarer led the Declarer could now cash the king
queen of diamonds. If the defence of hearts and ace of diamonds —
(West) had won the king, declarer nine tricks and game made via
would have had access to dummy three spades, three hearts, two diain diamonds and would have gar- monds and a club. No better time
nered nine tricks via four spades, for another sip of the Aloxetwo hearts, two diamonds and a Corton ’99.
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
club. West correctly ducked the
+8
x 3 – 16
1/
2
+89
50%
OF IT
+ 99
+ 1/2
OF IT
– 198
OF IT
OF IT
5/
8
OF IT
+863
3
2
2
4
2
2
Polygon
2
5
6
3
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
5
6
7
Set Square No 2124
© PUZZLER MEDIA
From these letters, make words of
three or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 12 words, average;
16, good; 21, very good; 27, excellent
________
árDbD i 4]
à0pD hpD ]
ß DnDpDq0]
ÞD Dp) D ]
Ý D D D D]
Ü) GBDND ]
Û DP! )PD]
Ú$ D I DR]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
17 ... Qxg2
17 ... Qg7 was mandatory. Black’s
exaggerated voracity now leads to
his immediate demise.
18 Ke2 Qg4 19 Rh4 Qg7 20 Rg1
Ng6 21 Rf4 Nce7 22 Bb4 a5 23
Rxg6 Black resigns
1/
4
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Royal welcome
Cell Blocks No 3207
Brain Trainer
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Chess Raymond Keene
+
÷
+
+
= 13 the numbers
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
= 35 We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
sum should be
= 7 calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
+
-
x
-
x
+
Yesterday’s answers
coffer, cor, core, corf, corse, cos, eco,
foe, for, force, fore, fresco, fro, froe, off,
offer, orc, ore, orf, orfe, roc, roe, rose,
scoff, scoffer, score, sore
Enter each of
1
+
3
=
11
-
=
27
=
10
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Killer Moderate No 5984
11
20
21
13
9
17
6
19
9
9
18
4
6
20
Solutions
Quick Cryptic 1080
P
O
S
T
D
O
C
3
13
23
6min
8
22
G
U
S
T
O
E T R A R
R
T
C A R F
I
I
R E
A L
S
L OU T S
V
H
R E N A D
R
N
O L I DU
A
B
OP S
Sudoku 9833
4
7
11
10
3
24
9
6
7
4
1
5
2
8
3
16
7
6
14
17
4
12
9
10
5
1
3
7
2
8
4
9
6
8
2
4
9
3
6
1
7
5
6
7
9
8
5
2
3
4
1
3
8
2
1
4
7
6
5
9
7
3
8
5
6
4
9
1
2
2
9
5
3
7
1
8
6
4
1
4
6
2
8
9
5
3
7
18
7
15
25
23min
27
7
33
19
15
15
21
20
9
21
20
E L
E
I C
T
D E
R
A N
6
7
18
9
7
10
16
14
I S T
E
CAN
L
E R P
F
O
T A I
N
R
T
A
L
N I E
C
S
HU S
5
-
AMB L E
ND
U
AD
J UROR
O
L
T
R I C E
HA
N
S
S
N
SQUA S
S
U
L
RA P E Z I U
F
B
C E WE I R
T OO
U
K Y
OW I N
3
+
1
+
7
÷
x
9
÷
2
x
x
6
5
8
7
9
4
1
2
3
2
1
7
3
5
6
9
4
8
3
4
9
1
8
2
7
5
6
9
3
6
4
7
5
8
1
2
1
7
5
8
2
9
3
6
4
4
8
2
6
3
1
5
7
9
5
6
1
9
4
8
2
3
7
8
2
3
5
6
7
4
9
1
7
9
4
2
1
3
6
8
5
8
1
4
9
6
3
5
7
2
9
2
7
4
1
5
3
8
6
6
5
3
2
8
7
9
1
4
2
3
5
8
4
6
1
9
7
7
6
9
1
5
2
8
4
3
1
4
8
7
3
9
6
2
5
3
8
2
6
9
4
7
5
1
4
9
6
5
7
1
2
3
8
5
7
1
3
2
8
4
6
9
24
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
3
1
6
2
4
8
5
7
9
9
7
4
6
3
5
1
8
2
5
2
8
9
1
7
3
6
4
7
6
1
4
5
2
9
3
8
8
3
5
1
9
6
2
4
7
2
4
9
7
8
3
6
5
1
1
9
3
8
6
4
7
2
5
4
5
2
3
7
1
8
9
6
6
8
7
5
2
9
4
1
3
9
5
3
7
4
2
8
6
1
2
7
1
3
6
8
5
4
9
6
3
5
8
7
4
1
9
2
8
1
9
6
2
5
4
7
3
7
4
2
9
1
3
6
8
5
3
6
4
2
5
7
9
1
8
5
9
7
1
8
6
3
2
4
1
2
8
4
3
9
7
5
6
4 2 1
2 1 3
2
8 9
6 2 1
9 7 3
2 1
5
5 3 1 4
6 4
3 2
8 9 5
9
7 1 4
4 9 3 2
1 2 8
1
2 4 5
5 1 2 3
1 2 3 6 4
6 1 2
3 1
1 2
2 4
H
U
M
I
D
G
x
3
2
1
2
1
3
3
1
Train Tracks 395
1
Quintagram
1 Sly
2 Overt
3 Swansea
4 Invoice
5 Marvin Gaye
3
1
4
3
6
4
5
4
2
5
2
6
2
x
4
5
1
2
3
8
4
5
A
1
8
L
Cell Blocks 3206
Lexica 4242
C
F
F
I
L
B
R
S
A
L
A
C
L
P
E
L
Y
R
A
M
S
1
4
2
4
1
2 < 3
3 < 5
∧
4
1
1 < 4
5
5
2
KenKen 4315
O
O
A
N
5
2 < 3
∧
∧
3
4
Brain Trainer
Easy 77
Medium 388
Harder 9,219
2
7
E
Suko 2225
3 < 5
1
G
P
P
Futoshiki 3161
2
A
2
G
Y
8
P
I
I
P
I
T
A
O
D
P
5
2
2
3
6
3
2 5 2
Word watch
Alestake (a) A
pole, bush or sign
used to denote
an alehouse
Altrices (b) The
young of some
birds after
hatching, blind
and dependent
on parents
Antara (a)
Andean panpipes
Chess
Killer 5983
4
8
6
5
9
1
2
3
7
F
O
X
E
D
B
Killer 5982
7
x
F
Sudoku 9835
21
MO
D
P E
H
OV
T
OB
R
CA
H
E
AR
P
Lexica 4241
Sudoku 9834
Killer Tough No 5985
I L
O
O T
U
R S
Set Square 2123
4
5
1
6
9
3
7
2
8
Kakuro 2120
Codeword 3323
CH
H A
A
L
S H A L L
U
P
E
A P P E A
L
R
R
MOR S
F
P
P
I E R
A
I
R
A B I
S
C
T
A
OGE YM
1 Qxb7+! Qxb7 2 Bxb7 Kxb7 3 e6 Re5
(the best move) 4 e7! Rxe1 5 d7 and
White will promote a pawn when the
endgame will be equal. Black actually
decided to force a draw with 5 ... Re2+
6 Kg3 Rg5+ 7 Kf3 Rge5 and perpetual
check follows
Quiz
1 1st Duke of Wellington (Arthur Wellesley)
2 Catherine of Aragon 3 John Maynard Keynes
4 Vivien Leigh 5 Pablo Picasso 6 New Orleans
7 General anaesthesia 8 Acetic acid aka ethanoic acid
9 Pituitary gland 10 Patrick Rothfuss 11 California
12 Briar or briar root or bruyère (cut from the root
burl of the tree heath (Erica arborea)) 13 Albert
Lortzing 14 Tony Jacklin 15 Alan Clark
01.05.18
MindGames
Mild No 9836
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Alestake
a A pub sign
b A drunken gamble
c A small fish
Altrices
a Geographical coordinates
b Young birds
c Acts of kindness
Antara
a A musical instrument
b A hoop
c A chemical salt
Answers on page 15
1
Difficult No 9837
7
5
4 2
8
7 3
6
8
6
3 2
1
5
8 7
9
6 1
4
4
3
8
Super fiendish No 9838
5
1
9
9 8
8
3
3
6
4
5
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
1
9
7
2 4
4 1
3
6
7 2
2 8
6
5
8 4
5 9 2 4 6
2
5
4
5 3 9
2
3
4 7
6
8
7 5
2
7
6
3
3 2 1
9
6
5
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2225
DOUG SEEBURG/NEWS GROUP NEWSPAPERS LTD
1 Which “Iron Duke”
was given a state funeral
in 1852?
by Teddy Roosevelt,
Burney Falls is in
which US state?
2 Which youngest
daughter of Ferdinand II
of Aragon and Isabella I
of Castile came to
England in 1501?
12 Tobacco pipes
are made primarily
from meerschaum or
what hard, heatresistant wood?
15
3 Which English
economist wrote The
General Theory of
Employment, Interest
and Money (1936)?
6 Which US city is
mentioned in the first line
of the Animals’s 1964 No
1 House of the Rising Sun?
4 In 1938, Angus
McBean photographed
which future Gone with
the Wind star “as Aurora,
Goddess of Dawn”?
5 Which Spanish artist’s
1921 painting Three
Musicians is an example
of synthetic cubism?
7 Sold under the brand
name Fluothane, the
drug halothane is
used to induce and
maintain what?
8 Vinegar consists of
about 5-20 per cent of
which acid?
9 Acromegaly is a
disorder that develops
when which gland
produces too much
growth hormone
during adulthood?
10 Which US fantasy
writer began The Kingkiller
Chronicle series with his
The Name of the Wind?
11 Called the “eighth
wonder of the world”
13 The 1837 comic opera
Zar und Zimmerman
(“Tsar and Carpenter”)
was written by which
German composer?
14 In 1969, who
became the first British
golfer to win the
Open Championship
in 18 years?
15 Which Conservative
politician, who died in
1999, is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1081 by Corelli
1
2
3
4
8
5
6
7
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
22
20
21
Across
1 Dries what comes out of this?
(9)
6 Is returning quietly for a short
drink (3)
8 Blunder trapping small Irish
mammal (7)
9 Bottled spirit: that is to follow
dope (5)
10 Turkish city taken in by
pilgrim, zigzagging back (5)
12 Girl in middle of lake in
raincoat (6)
14 Boasting swell means of travel
(3-3,7)
16 Presents in unopened boxes
(6)
17 Deposit grand in bank to make
powerful economy (5)
19 Punch a Cockney’s friend (5)
20 Visa Eve ordered is not
forthcoming (7)
22 Old bridge team are in red (3)
23 Slur I’d retracted well before
fury (9)
23
Monday’s solution on page 15
Down
1 Contest between boxers say
that’s up in the air? (8)
2 Student is right, first of all, to
give address to teacher (3)
3 Thin disc of iron used in
battles (5)
4 Dicky Hurst made best war
film (3,3,7)
5 Charity event and function left
large cloth toy (3,4)
6 Gong’s lain out for musical
event (4-5)
7 Victim, as X is, alphabetically
(4)
11 Weather forecasters united:
not on wintry weather? (3,6)
13 Relax restrictions on? Does
the opposite, by the sound of it
(8)
15 Country clubs in denial,
strangely (7)
17 Odd remnants of Trinacrian
headdress (5)
18 Reverberating sound coming
from screech owl (4)
21 Establish the identity of a girl
(3)
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