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The Times Times 2 2 May 2018

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May 2 | 2018
Lights! Sequins! Bling!
The fabulous world of Donatella Versace
By Anna Murphy
Donatella Versace and Kylie Jenner
2
1G T
Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
times2
‘Palmyra isn’t
Are you in the money?
Go on then, sing me
what you really think . . .
Carol Midgley
H
ave a heart and
stop mocking the
Sainsbury’s chief
executive officer
who was caught on
camera singing We’re
in the Money as the
company announced
a proposed £12 billion merger with
Asda, even though it was hilarious.
The song choice was pure
coincidence, OK? It doesn’t suggest
AT ALL that in the lift up to the ITV
News interview Mike Coupe had been
dancing a jig, flicking through his
catalogue of speedboats and saying:
“Who’s the daddy?”
As Coupe said, itt was
an “unguarded
moment trying to
compose myself
before a TV
interview”
and was an
“unfortunate
choice of song
from the
musical 42nd
Street, which
I saw last year”.
A Sainsbury’s
spokesperson added
ed
that “to attach anyy
wider meaning to this
innocent, personall moment is
preposterous”. Preposterous, do you
hear? He could just as easily have been
singing Half a Sixpence or Heaven
Knows I’m Miserable Now.
And this may even be true. But
what’s curious is how the company
moved so quickly to suppress the
thought that anyone might be thrilled
about making money in this venture.
Money is entirely what mergers are
about. It is entirely what supermarkets
and shareholders are about. Shares
rose by 17 per cent at the news. Coupe
was only singing out loud in an ITV
studio what shareholders everywhere
were thinking as they sprayed
champagne over their secretaries’
breasts (metaphorically speaking,
of course). Why deny it? His
subconscious was telling the truth.
It’s just as well that mostly people
don’t sing what’s on their minds.
Otherwise we might have had to
endure, say, Boris Johnson singing
Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac, Tony
Blair singing Money, Money, Money
Taking a
butcher’s
at filth
Last week I wrote
about the tedious
epidemic of people
taking offence at
by Abba and Donald Trump singing
the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Party on
Your Pussy, which, frankly, nobody
deserves. Theresa May obviously
sings, “Yesterday, all my troubles
seemed so far away,” all day every day
and with very good reason.
But in this age of PR spin we have
to rely increasingly on the off-guard
microphone moment to get anywhere
near the truth. When David Cameron
resigned with practised gravitas it
was the cheery “doo, doo, doooo”
he hummed as he walked back to
No 10 that revealed that he was
actually cock-a-hoop to be dumping
the p
prime minister gig.
Political speechwriters
agonise over getting
the ri
right tone, but
it takes
only ten
ta
seconds
and a
sec
forgotten
mike
fo
to expose it
aall as cant.
Nicolas Sarkozy
N
was once
w
overheard saying
ov
of Benjamin
Netanyahu, “I
Net
can’t stand him
any more.
mo He’s a liar,”
with Barack
Bara Obama
reportedly replying:
“You
rep
may be sick of him but,
b me, I have
to deal with him every day.” This at a
smiles-and-backslaps G20 summit
where everyone is chummy. Politicians
and business leaders are said to be
“caught out” when they are heard
telling the truth. With everyone else
it’s when they’re lying.
You can pay image consultants
all you like to make May, George
Osborne and Sajid Javid stand with
their legs apart in what they call a
“power pose” (word to the wise: it
actually looks like they are suffering
constipation and being afflicted at that
moment by a particularly troublesome
stool). But the money would be better
spent training public figures to live in
terror of the still-rolling camera or
microphone that gave us Gordon
Brown’s bigoted-woman moment.
Or they could just stop all the waffly
bullshit, be honest and admit that —
yes — they’re in the money.* You only
sing when you’re winning.
* Unless you’re a worker or a supplier,
then possibly not so much.
nothing and others
apologising for nothing.
Well it seems no one
even needs to take
offence now, since the
police will steam in on
the off-chance that
some imaginary person
may feel umbrage.
A butcher in Leek,
Staffordshire, posted
jokey messages on
his blackboard that
referred to “big cocks
on special offer” and
“big-breasted birds”.
The police took action.
“We’ve received no
complaints about
signage outside JW Ash
and Son butchers in
Leek,” a spokesperson
later said. “However
the local chief
Is there any hope for Syria’s ancient
city? Historian Dan Cruickshank and
war photographer Don McCullin went
to find out. By Damian Whitworth
Let’s hope
Greer is
wrong
I bridled when I read
of Germaine Greer
claiming that women
fuel the appetite for
rape and murder in
drama. “No, they
don’t,” I spluttered.
I jibbed The Killing at
episode one because
I couldn’t stomach
watching another
teenage girl being
raped and killed.
I can’t overstate how
much I hated the film
Nocturnal Animals, in
which a mother and
daughter get the same
treatment. But another
part of me must
acknowledge, for
instance, that one of my
early TV obsessions was
Prime Suspect, which
was about a serial
killer who tortures
and rapes women —
and which was written
by a woman (but
I liked it for the
performances and plot,
not the violence).
I know many women
enjoyed The Fall despite
its utterly wrong “sexy”
psycho-rapist. “Female
victimisation sells,”
Greer says. “What
should disturb us is that
it sells to women.”
I agree with her that
women are the biggest
consumers of crime
drama and fiction. But
maybe they would be
anyway, even if it didn’t
feature rape? If the
writers had the
confidence to stop
relying on rape they
would maybe find the
punters would still keep
coming anyway.
inspector for the
Moorlands did advise
the owner to give
careful consideration
to what was written
on the boards in case
anyone took offence.”
Thus spotlighting
those “big cocks” more
than the butcher could
ever have dreamt of.
Well done, everyone!
D
an Cruickshank,
the architectural
historian and
broadcaster, is
explaining the
advantages of having
the veteran war
photographer Don
McCullin at your side when travelling
in a Syrian war zone. “Don is pretty
good at gunfire; incoming, outgoing.
The type of weaponry; small arms,
artillery. There were puffs of smoke
and we’d say, ‘What’s going on?’ The
locals would smile and say, ‘Exercises.’
I had no idea what was happening.”
Cruickshank, 68, and McCullin, 82,
went to Syria in February during what
turned out to be a window of relative
calm before the levels of violence and
danger rose again dramatically. They
had cooked up their adventure in
time-honoured fashion over lunch
at the Travellers Club in Pall Mall,
London. McCullin, who has been
travelling to the world’s hotspots for
more than 60 years, was keen to
photograph one last time the ancient
ruins of Palmyra, which he has
visited on a number of occasions.
“He has arthritis, a heart condition,
an eye problem, but it’s what keeps
him alive. And if you behave in a
younger way you are younger in
a way,” Cruickshank says.
Cruickshank first visited Palmyra a
decade ago. He regards the Roman-era
site, which is a fusion of Greek, Roman
and local architectural influences
sitting on the ancient east-west trade
route, as possibly more important to
world culture than Pompeii.
“For Syrians it is entwined with their
sense of national identity,” he says.
Since it was discovered by westerners
in the 17th century it has been “part of
the fabric of European culture. It is
simply a place of ancient wonder and
romantic beauty and inspiration.”
Islamic State barbarians blew up and
vandalised many of the site’s greatest
structures during two separate periods
of control before they were driven out
last year. Cruickshank describes the
destruction as “an assassination”
carried out with the brutal aim of
outraging the world. “They wanted
to destroy history and memory and
beauty and national identity.”
Cruickshank, who had made
television programmes about Iraq
and Afghanistan and is a prominent
campaigner for architectural causes,
felt compelled to see for himself what
had occurred. Although journalists
have made quick visits and Unesco
made a rapid assessment of the
monuments, little detail has been
assembled of the extent of the
destruction and whether conservation
and restoration might be possible.
“My aim was to go there to see what
the damage is and what is possible.
Is it possible to right a great wrong?
Can the dead be brought to life
again? Should Isis, a force of evil,
be allowed to have the last word in
the history of Palmyra? And if one
does something about it will the
re-creation have any meaning?”
A noble aim, but did the volatility
of the region not give them pause?
“We did have this conversation: why
put ourselves at risk? We are oldish,
with lives, but to me it was fairly
straightforward,” Cruickshank
says. We are sitting in the dimly
lit front room of his 18th-century
house in Spitalfields in east London.
It has many original fittings and
atmospherically peeling paintwork,
and is crammed with art, antiques, old
books and vintage military uniforms.
He lives here with his partner, the
painter Marenka Gabeler. “I have
fought for this area for 40 years, but
what’s the point of whingeing about
Spitalfields or Covent Garden when
Palmyra is laid low? If anything
mattered in the world of campaigning
for history and beauty it is that.”
In Damascus they saw the shelling
of suburbs under attack from the
Syrian regime four or five kilometres
away. In Homs they found the huge
There was a shop
selling tat. It is
either optimism
or crazy
swathes of the city that had been laid
waste and were eerily abandoned.
There is a moment in the
documentary they made together
when McCullin is determined to get a
shot of a mosque in the sunset and is
hauled on to a precariously damaged
Homs roof by two minders while
lamenting: “I’ve an old man’s body
with young man’s eyes.”
“Crazy stuff,” says Cruickshank,
chuckling. “Don’t tell the BBC health
and safety. Don is 82. He said, ‘This is
a humiliation for me.’ But he wants to
get the shot. Oh my God. There was
one blasted, bombed, burnt blockwork
bit holding the roof. I could see them
all tumbling into the chasm, but that’s
why we were there. If you do these
journeys you cannot every moment
reassess the danger; you would go
crazy. You have made the decision to
go. Reflecting upon it you think of all
the moments when something could
have happened and there were many.”
At one point McCullin matter-offactly pointed out an unexploded
mortar buried in the ground next to
where they were standing. “Don is
wonderful to travel with because he
is lovely and humble. He has a lot of
experience; he doesn’t shout about it,”
Cruickshank says. “The stories come
out when they are relevant. He is by
nature a quiet observer. Everything for
Don is a potential photograph.”
the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
3
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times2
safe. There was endless gunfire’
BBC; ALAMY; NEW YORK TIMES/REDUX/EYEVINE; DON MCCULLIN
2015
2016
They were accompanied by Syrian
government minders, but none was
armed because the regime was trying
to make a point. On the road from
Homs they picked up an escort, an
army captain. “A charming man, but
he said, ‘I don’t have a gun. It’s safe
here.’ It’s bloody not safe. Everyone
else had guns. The Russians had guns.
There was endless gunfire.” Russian
helicopter gunships patrolled the skies.
The pair spent three days
clambering over the “crime scene”
of Palmyra. Most shocking was the
damage to the once magnificent
Temple of Bel, which when it was
completed was the largest temple
complex in the world and was, before
Isis, one of the most perfectly
preserved temples from the ancient
world. Now it is “a mound of rubble”
and Cruickshank was “overwhelmed
by how bad the damage was”. He
suspects that it cannot be saved
because so much new building work
would be required that the result
would be a “ghastly Frankenstein”.
He was joined at the site by an
official from Syria’s DirectorateGeneral of Antiquities and Museums.
“I said to him maybe in this case there
is more meaning leaving it like this as
a monument to man’s inhumanity to
history and he looked at me and said,
‘We have enough ruins in Syria
already. Our policy is to repair this.’
“Their policy is to recreate as far as
possible. I have always said that should
be done. I don’t like evil to have the last
word, but re-creation will be extremely
difficult because you are going to be
using a lot of new stone. A rebuilt ruin:
what meaning does it have?”
There was reason for more
optimism about the chances of
restoring the Temple of Baalshamin
and the Arch of Triumph. “They will
never be the same, but they can be
reconstructed.” The Syrian regime
would be particularly keen to restore
the arch as a symbol of its durability.
In the Hypogeum of the Three
Brothers Cruickshank found that
famous frescoes of Achilles and
Ganymede and Zeus have been
scraped away. Isis had been using the
underground burial site as a canteen.
Notices were still pinned to a wall
instructing “brothers” to clear away
their plates after eating.
The Roman theatre was less badly
damaged, but it is hard to imagine how
it will ever be rid of the contamination
from its use for public executions.
Cruickshank and McCullin met the
sons of Khaled al-Asaad, the curator
of Palmyra’s museum, who was
beheaded by Isis in 2015 at the age of
83. Mohammad al-Asaad, one of the
sons, explained why his father had not
fled when the area was overrun. “He
grew up among these columns. He was
born near the Temple of Bel. These
Above, from top:
Don McCullin and
Dan Cruickshank in
Syria; Palmyra today,
photographed by
Don McCullin. Above
right: The Temple of
Bel before and after
destruction by Isis
The Road to Palmyra
will be shown on
Monday, May 7 at 9pm
on BBC Four
stones showed him the civilisations of
the entire world. He said, ‘If I die, I die
on these stones. I don’t want to leave
Palmyra. Even if my death will be by
the hands of Daesh I will not leave. I
want to stay here.’ ”
The curator refused to kneel for his
execution, but according to his son
told his killers: “I die standing like her
columns.” Afterwards he was crucified.
The sons took their visitors to the
spot where their father had been
killed. “It was horrible,” Cruickshank
says. “They have on their phones
images of their father. Don and I
refused to see them because I have
enough baggage in my life. I don’t
want to see images like that.”
In the modern town of Tadmur next
to Palmyra hundreds of people were
reportedly killed by Isis. “Ghosts are
everywhere. Then weirdly there was
a tourist shop selling tat. Who for?
It is either human optimism or crazy.
What is being sold is images of the
monument before it was destroyed.
We had a conversation about how
important it is to the pride of the
nation, but it was completely odd
because no one goes there.”
Cruickshank believes the site needs
urgent assessment and conservation.
He found one stone that featured
original paintwork that had been
preserved for almost two millennia
because of its sheltered position, but
was now exposed to the elements and
certain to lose its paint very soon.
Such rescue work requires funds
and international expertise, which is
not going to be forthcoming while the
country is still in chaos. Cruickshank
understands why western countries
are not going to provide either while
the country is still at war and Bashar
al-Assad is in power and keen to
use his country’s cultural heritage
for propaganda purposes.
However, Cruickshank has
bold ambitions to persuade the
international community to
reconsider. “One should argue for
an NGO for these buildings. People
would not be giving the Assad regime
the money. [People say] there is money
for human beings and health, not
history. I understand that, but they are
not opposites. Our soul and spirit is
part of our existence as well as our
body and physical health. If you lose
your history and your identity you are
reduced as a human being.
“The buildings are of international
importance, one of the greatest
ancient sites in the world.”
He hopes that McCullin will join
him in setting up an organisation to
raise money and prepare experts to
work at Palmyra as soon as it is safe to
send people to the ruins. “To reduce
them merely to time-bound local
politics? Rebuilding the arch may be
something Assad sees as a political
gesture of victory, but come on, there
is a bigger story in this. Generations of
people to come will thank us if we do
something. The clock is ticking.”
Significant parts of Palmyra remain
intact. There are still “columns
dancing through the desert sands” that
tourists may one day see again.
While photographing the ruins
McCullin said, “My mind demands
that I come here,” but he added that
it would be his last trip to Palmyra
and possibly his last big adventure.
“I think he might have said that after
every big adventure,” Cruickshank
says. “I think he will go somewhere
else. I would bet. I am sure I will go
back to Palmyra. Don and I might
go back together.”
4
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Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
fashion
COVER: GETTY IMAGES. BELOW: REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; KEVIN TACHMAN; VERSACE
‘Gianni let me be
powerful. He was
ahead of his time.
And then he died’
Donatella Versace has survived the murder of her
brother, her shyness and ‘a lot of mistakes’ to triumph
in the world of high fashion, she tells Anna Murphy
I
am meeting Donatella Versace
at her office in Milan to talk, of
course, about brand Versace. Yet
there is also the matter of brand
Donatella. The 62-year-old
pocket rocket is as recognisable
as the Medusa head that her
brother Gianni adopted as
the insignia of the house in 1990.
Among the present fashion cohort
only Karl Lagerfeld and Anna
Wintour have the same level of
industry-busting Instafame.
Lady Gaga has done Donatella.
(Lyrics: “I’m blonde, I’m skinny, I’m
rich and I’m a little bit of a bitch.”)
Maya Rudolph on Saturday Night Live
has done Donatella. (“My bathroom
has an orchestra pit filled with
paparazzi.”) Now Penélope Cruz is
Donatella-ing in The Assassination of
Gianni Versace. Not that we are
allowed to talk about that today: the
Versace family have issued a statement
declaring the television series to be
“a work of fiction”.
“Branding is what I do,” says the real
deal in her fabulously sandpapery
pseudo-English. She is her most
notable creation. The hair, the heels,
her semi-fictionalised features.
(“I sleep every night in the deep
freezer,” she once quipped.)
Here it all is before me,
packaged up in body-con baby
blue. I had read beforehand
that the designer considers her
left side to be her better. Sure
enough, it’s her left side I get.
It’s like finding yourself in
front of the leaning tower of
Pisa after years of looking at
photographs. And she doesn’t
disappoint. On the wall behind
her is a triptych of an earlier
Donatella by Steven Meisel,
smaller seeming in every way;
before the stereophonics of her
personal brand creation began;
before she found a way to, as she
puts it, “shield me from the rest of the
world. I was, I still am, believe it or
not, a very shy person.”
Indeed, one can sense, around the
inked-in edges, a certain fragility.
I believe her. Donatella is shy, even
though — or perhaps because — she
has been the centre of attention in
every room since, when she was 11,
I don’t
know how
I am still
here. All
that pain,
all that
trauma
Gianni
Gi
i and
d Donatella
D
Versace. Above right:
Lady Gaga and
Donatella Versace
in 2012
Gianni, older than her by nine years,
dyed her hair blond and dressed her
in yellow and black leather.
“I was a little girl and everybody
was staring at me and saying, ‘Look
at her! What is wrong with her?’ ”
She was, she says, “his doll”, yet she
also felt “empowered”. It’s a revealing
duality. Versace clothes tend to be,
at one and the same time,
hyper-feminine — some might say
objectifying — and strong.
So how did a shy little sister end up
as the head of a global fashion brand?
By having that “genius” brother, who
pulled off the remarkable feat of
creating his own label, then — just
when his talents, and his business,
were at their peak — died tragically,
notoriously, inconveniently. Donatella
was charged with carrying it all on in
his absence. “Even now it feels like
yesterday. When I think about . . . I
don’t know how I am still here. All
that pain, all that trauma.”
When it was the two of them
together — the children of a
household appliance salesman and a
dressmaker from Reggio Calabria in
Italy — Gianni was the dress wizard,
Donatella the only one who dared to
call him out. “I was the practical
person,”
she says. “I wanted
p
clothes
I could wear. I would say
c
to
t Gianni, ‘This is amazing, but
only
for a model. Please make
o
something
I can wear too.’ ”
s
Although,
let’s be clear,
A
Donatella’s
idea of practicality is
D
not
n most other people’s. Here is
a woman who has “never left
the
t heels. I walked my whole
life
li in high heels and never
stumbled
once.”
s
Yet the point is that she
would
say no. Again and again.
w
“No
one else had the courage.
“
Gianni
was a very strong
G
personality.
And I think at that
p
time
all the designers were,
t
like, ‘This is what I say. Just listen and
do it.’ I would say, ‘This is wrong. Let’s
do it again.’ I was stubborn. And he
would be screaming at me. And he
would say he never wanted to talk to
me again. Then five minutes later he
would be calling me and saying, ‘What
time are we . . ?’ ” What would Gianni’s
label have been like without her? “It
would have been.” Pause. “Reeelly.
Reeelly. Bad.” Laughter. “It would have
been a big problem.” More laughter.
Gianni evidently knew that he
needed Donatella; needed not just
those noes, but her pragmatism too.
“I would say to him, ‘But can a woman
actually wear this? Women need easy
clothes, clothes they can wear out in
the street.’ I was saying to him 25 years
ago what all these merchandising and
marketing people are saying now.”
It was Versace — courtesy of
Donatella — that first brought
supermodels to the catwalk and hired
professional stylists to ramp up their
incredibleness; that first harnessed the
power of music, and of celebrity more
generally, to sell clothes; that first
knocked out posh homeware as well
as schmutter; that first created a
surround-sound world in which
everything — almost — came with a
price tag. It was Versace, for which
read Donatella, that charted the
waters of contemporary luxury.
“My brother let me be powerful,” is
how Donatella puts it. “He believed in
woman, he believed in the brain of a
woman, in listening to a woman. He
was ahead of his time. And then he
died. And I found myself alone.”
Overnight she went from sidekick to
star attraction, blindsided by grief,
with no one she could rely on to play
truth-telling Donatella to her attempts
at being Gianni. “It was very, very
hard. I was so scrutinised.” Did she
consider stepping away? “Yes. But I
thought I couldn’t let the people in the
company down, who had worked so
hard next to Gianni and me.”
Now, finally, her moment has come.
After years in which “I made a lot of
mistakes” — including an 18-year
cocaine addiction that ended in 2005,
also not up for discussion today — she
says: “I finally began to feel more free,
to show myself, to say, ‘Take it or leave
it, this is me.’ ”
The brand has savvily retooled its
aesthetic, given its signature sexiness
an athleisure edge here, a boardroom
burnish there. There have even been
sightings of trainers on the catwalk,
although, as Donatella underlines
sternly, only on “the most sexy girls”.
At the same time it has just as savvily
the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
5
1G T
fashion
launched assorted homages to the
early years. “Young models were
asking me, ‘Do you have anything
vintage I could borrow?’ I realised
there was this curiosity. They want to
listen to a story. And there are not
many storytellers any more.”
Last year there was a supermodelencrusted bling-fest of a catwalk
show to mark the two decades
since Gianni’s murder, during
which
all the Cs — Crawford,
w
Campbell,
Christensen et al
C
— showed that looking good
in gold chainmail was still
within their forty and
fiftysomething reach. It blew
every other brand out of the
water during the month of
shows. It was Donatella
doing for Gianni in death
what she did for him in life.
What she has found a
way to navigate, in short, is
the path between the new
Versace and the old. In the
Pieces from Versace’s
spring/summer
2018 collection
years immediately after Gianni’s
murder the company became so
calcified that the Medusa’s head
started to seem premonitory. By 2004
it was at risk of going under. “For a
long time I had this mental block. An
iconic brand with a heritage is a good
thing, but it can also be bad. I was so
respectful that I was afraid.”
That wasn’t the only problem. It was
a brave new world in fashion generally,
with the rise of multi-brand
conglomerates, with the shift from
passion-fuelled cottage industries to
profit-fuelled global businesses. “There
was this big revolution smashing in
my face. Suddenly you needed to be
a businesswoman, a marketing person,
a merchandising person . . . and my
private life was complicated. Then
finally I learnt from my mistakes.”
Her two husbands are long gone —
“and even if I did have a boyfriend I
wouldn’t tell you,” she says with a
smirk. Her daughter works for the
company and her son has followed his
mother’s original dream of working in
music. (“I love it, but I cannot sing!”)
And now she has turned Janus,
looking forward as well as back. Next
week’s Versace-sponsored Met Gala in
New York will be an example of just
that. Numerous boldface guests will be
wearing hot-off-the-press togs, none
of them out-hotting Donatella, if her
track record is anything to go by. Yet
the exhibition to which the event
acts as a curtain-raiser — Heavenly
Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic
Imagination (May 10 to October 8,
metmuseum.org) — includes eight
outfits from her brother’s final
collection. Glance left and you’ll see a
Byzantine silver-gilt processional cross
from the 11th century; glance right and
you’ll see a remarkably similar cross
extrapolated over — yes, you guessed
it — gold chainmail. It looks as
breathtakingly audacious — not to
mention bootylicious — as it did the
first time. Body-con Catholicism? It’s
still a tricky concept, surely? “What is
so complicated?” Donatella asks,
apparently nonplussed.
Ditto when I ask about whether
sexy dressing in the era of
#MeToo is problematic. It’s not
at all, she insists. “To be
empowered is to look your
best, to show your femininity.
Sexy is an attitude. It doesn’t
have to be about sex. It can mean,
h
‘Look at me, I have something to say.’
Female empowerment is not someone
in a pair of jeans and no make-up.
What are you supposed to do because
of #MeToo, become unsexy?”
Heaven forfend.
Hashtags are Donatella’s happy
place. She credits social media with
her professional rebirth and with that
of her label. “It’s a revolution. Now you
have direct contact with a younger
generation. You can listen to different
people from all over the world, and it
makes it easier to understand that you
need to change. That’s when I began
to push it a little bit. It was these
conversations on the internet which
changed what I was doing completely.
The internet is an instrument that lets
you, er, be in tune.”
Instagram has, in turn, changed the
world’s perception of her, humanised
her, with the help of her terrier,
Audrey. (“Audrey’s opinion is
essential,” says the caption to a
photograph of them sitting in the front
row.) “Thing is, I always was human,”
she says. And with that she flicks her
Donatella mane and totters off in
her Donatella heels.
Print shirts
for spring
STRIPED
Baukjen
£99,
baukjen.com
H&M
£29.99,
hm.com
GEOMETRIC
La Double J
£360,
matchesfashion.
com
Zara
£39.99,
zara.com
FLORAL
Uterqüe
£89,
uterque.com
Stine Goya
£165,
stinegoya.com
LEOPARD
Primrose Park
£175,
shopatanna.com
Lily and Lionel
£225,
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SHORT-SLEEVED
YMC
£135,
youmustcreate.
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Double
Rainbouu
£175,
net-a-porter.com
6
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Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
fashion
Big hat days are coming.
Here’s what to buy
We’re heading into wedding season
and I’ve got some wearable options
for stealth-chic, says Anna Murphy
I
f you have a big hat day coming
— a more sartorially specific
version of a red letter day —
then might I suggest a trip to
Fenwick? A wedding . . . a day at
the races . . . a wedding at the
races (is that a thing? Probably
not. Sounds like fun, though.
Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen).
Fenwick is a shop that, if you are able
and willing to spend some dosh, offers
an unbeatable edit of specialness. (It’s
great on office garb too, but that’s for
another column.)
This pretty ensemble, below, is part
of an exclusive ten-piece capsule
collaboration with Weekend Max
Mara, one of the so-called sub-lines
of the posh Italian brand Max Mara,
which launches on Friday (£289 for
the top, £259 for the trousers, hat by
Marzi, £395; all in store only,
fenwick.co.uk).
No surprise that the two should
be working together. Fenwick and
Max Mara understand what grown-up
women want to wear. They get the
kind of days our lives are made up of,
in all their diversity. They get our
bodies: what works, what doesn’t.
They present a range of solutions for
both. They are — you may need to
sit down at this point — on our side.
I know, right? There is a god in
fashion heaven.
This occasionwear-focused
collection is a case in point. It’s
wearable, workable, as well as very
lovely. The so-called co-ords pictured
here are particularly user-friendly.
Because they are in stretch — yes,
stretch — cotton picqué. Because
you can mix and match them to
get more wear out of them after
the big day. And because you
can buy different sizes if you
need to (and most women,
the designer Roland Mouret
told me recently, are differentt
sizes. Another reason why
finding clothes that fit can be
challenging for so many of us).
For other good co-ords at a
lower price point try Libby’s
blush and navy abstract
culottes and three-quarter
sleeve top (£145 and £79
respectively, although note that
there is a six-week delivery time
on the culottes; libbylondon.com).
Or check out Zara, where there is
such a wide range on offer that the
website has a separate co-ords
category. Some present like floaty
dresses, such as the bright blue on
white spriggy floral double act of
wrap ruffle blouse and midi skirt
Hat, £395, by Marzi; top,
£289, and trousers, £259,
both Weekend Max Mara,
all in store at Fenwick
(£39.99 and £29.99 respectively,
zara.com). Others are channelling the
Gucci mash-up zeitgeist (a
cheongsam-style top and skirt
decorated with, er, gondolas; £69.99
each). All offer that same flexibility
when it comes to mixing and
matching and size.
But back to this highend fare. The toile de
jouy comes in five
colour combinations,
some silk, some
cotton, and ranges
from the stealth-chic
iteration shown
below to a deliciously
in-your-face hot pink
on even hotter orange.
Each has one of the miseen-scènes, which is a
signature of this most charmant of
toiles, picked out in multi-hued
Mix and match to
get more use
after the big day
embroidery by Richard Saja. The
American artist made his name doing
exactly that on historical textiles.
“Toile is my métier,” is how he puts it.
Toile de jouy originated in the
18th century in a small village in
France, where it was made by two
brothers who were initially so
impoverished that they
bought a printing press
rather than a bed, so
had to sleep on the
press at night. (Not
for long. The demand
for printed cotton
grew to such a fever
that the factory
eventually employed
more than 1,000
workers.) From the start
the theme of each print
was usually pastoral and,
more specifically, based on
a “pleasures of the four seasons” riff.
Saja has been running what he likes
to call “interferences” on such
pleasures for years, selectively
embellishing elements that subvert the
everything-in-the-garden-is-lovely
narrative. Fur on humans. Wings on
monkeys. Flies — and worse — on
flowers. He concedes that his
cockroaches are “never a big seller”.
No such nasties to be seen at Fenwick,
thankfully. It’s all summer-dayappropriate fair maidens on swings
and
a the like. Gorgeous.
Shirt, £340,
zadig-et-voltaire.com
£38
A milliner for non-millionaires
More on hats. A new discovery,
courtesy of my friend Hannah, who is
so preternaturally glamorous that she
has been known to go hill walking in
kitten heels — probably not a good
idea to follow her on that one,
admittedly — and who is currently
debating what to wear to a polo event
in Rajasthan. Better still, she shops
with an eye to the bottom line as well
as to high style.
It was Hannah who got me on to the
milliner Joanna Violet, who does
stunning 1940s-ish affairs at even
more stunning prices. This lilac
number, above, for example, is £38.
Yep. Told you. Given that most of us
aren’t going to get much wear out of
a hat, this is the level of expenditure
that makes sense to me.
Go to etsy.com/uk/shop/
hatsbyjoannaviolet for more styles and
colours, all transformations-in-waiting
for us bare-headed 21st-century
masses. How perfectly Pygmalion-like
for that day at the races. Just make
sure not to go the full Eliza Doolittle.
No “move your bloomin’ arse” on
my watch, thank you very much.
Everything in the garden must,
indeed, be lovely.
Instagram: @annagmurphy
We’re all in
Camouflage and khaki are a
force again, says Hattie Crisell
W
hen I was 14,
something
momentous
happened
to me: the
girl band
All Saints.
They were
a quartet of urban goddesses singing
sultry pop-R&B in combat trousers,
spaghetti-strap vests and big trainers
— infinitely cooler than the Spice
Girls. If it hadn’t been for them, it’s
unlikely that I’d ever have gone
clothes shopping at the Army & Navy
store in Newcastle.
Yet I did. I’ve been thinking a lot
about the beloved trousers I bought
there — with their multiple pockets
and mysterious straps — because, like
all things camouflage and khaki,
combat trousers are very much back in
style. You can tell this is the case
because they are being worn by Kaia
Gerber, Cindy Crawford’s 16-year-old
daughter, who is living a significantly
more glamorous teenage life than I did.
A potted history of camouflage. It
was initially adopted by the French
The cool
thing for a
woman of
any age to
be seen in
is a cotton
camo
jacket
the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
7
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fashion
GETTY IMAGES
Chinos, £69, and jacket, £89,
hush-uk.com
Left: Yasmin Le Bon and,
above, Caroline Issa
the army now
army during the First World War, and
by 1971 American Vogue was heralding
it as a fashion trend. In 1986 Andy
Warhol and the designer Stephen
Sprouse collaborated on a line of camo
clothing. In 2000 Jean Paul Gaultier
gave it a new twist on couture gowns.
In 2018 the look is rather polished,
but it’s more about high street than
catwalk. If your mind is drifting
towards frogging, it’s not that kind of
military: the chic thing for a woman of
any age to be seen in at the weekend is
a cotton camo or khaki jacket. These
are flattering colours on most skin
tones and as practical and relaxed as
jeans — but more stylish. “It’s posh
denim,” as one dedicated khaki-wearer
told me last week.
Think of Caroline Issa, the
much-photographed fashion editor, in
a khaki jacket over a pink party dress,
or Yasmin Le Bon with a camo cardie
wrapped around a full-length gown.
It’s supposed to look effortless and
breezy, so steer clear of fuss (there are
jackets floating around with lacing up
the sleeves or patches of embroidery,
but all that faff is far too try-hard).
Iris — a chain of boutiques mostly
found in villagey, affluent parts of
London — is going big on army styles
this year. “We’ve seen so many floral
prints in store over the past few
From left: model
Caroline de Maigret,
fashion editor Jessica
Minkoff and model
Hannah Ferguson
seasons, and these styles
lend a more streetwear
feel,” Annie Pollet, a
co-founder, tells me.
“Styling-wise I would
advise customers not to
go for a whole combat
look, but rather throw on
an army jacket over a
pretty summer dress, or
style a pair of combat
trousers with a silky
camisole, smart suit
jacket and heels.”
As a rough rule, I
believe we should buy the
most expensive clothes
that we can reasonably
afford, because it usually
means better quality,
a longer life span
and a fairer deal for
manufacturers and
suppliers. That said, most
of these jackets are cotton,
and although I like the
versions at Zadig &
Voltaire (the zip-up Kayak
jacket with oversized
pockets, £370, zadig-etvoltaire.com), Mih (a long,
belted camouflage jacket,
£295, mih-jeans.com) and Frame (the
Le Slouchy, £311.04, frame-store.com),
I do blanche at spending that much on
something that won’t be warm enough
to wear as outerwear for most of the
British year.
At the less eye-watering end of the
market, & Other Stories has gone
more feminine with a khaki jacket
with a sash belt (£89, stories.com).
Zara has a pale one with a boxy,
double-breasted cut (better for the
petite, £49.99, zara.com), while Hush’s
is a greyish green and zips up (£69,
hush-uk.com). Free People’s version
comes in camo print in a vibrant
palette of greens (£128), or from the
same brand you can get the In Our
Nature jacket in a dusty olive shade
(£128, both freepeople.com). At Iris, try
Reiko’s Colonel army jacket with neat
little pockets (many styles have large
breast pockets, which are no good if
you’re busty) and a flatteringly
gathered waist (£165, irisfashion.co.uk).
As for the trousers, I’m not going to
revive my teenage fatigues, and if
you’re wearing something in which
you could commando-crawl under
low-hanging barbed wire, you’ve
probably gone too literal. Today’s look
is an upmarket nod to the style. Try
Hush’s slouchy, roll-up chinos (£69,
hush-uk.com), the cropped version
from Mango’s plus-size Violeta line
(£35.99, mango.com) or Zara’s
wide-legged, high-waisted green
trousers that can be buttoned in close
at the hem (£39.99, zara.com). Add
ankle boots and a blazer and you have
a rather clever, polished outfit.
Trends may return, but happily they
also evolve. In 1997 my combat
trousers dragged in the mud under my
trainers until the hems resembled a
sodden newspaper that’s been kicked
around a train carriage. That’s not
very Kaia Gerber. Keep them anklelength, please, and smart shoes only.
Instagram @hattiecrisell
8
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Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
arts
‘The catalyst for this
show was the conflict
I saw with the Kinks’
Joe Penhall’s new play shows the dark side of the music industry. He
tells Will Hodgkinson how a childhood tragedy influenced his career
F
ictional takes on rock
stars generally get it
wrong: think of Salman
Rushdie’s The Ground
Beneath Her Feet or the
hyped but inauthentic
HBO series Vinyl. Joe
Penhall has got it right,
though, with Mood Music, a complex,
twisting dance of a play about a young,
female singer and an older, male
producer/songwriter who have fallen
out over song credits.
Lawyers and psychotherapists
complete the picture in a convincing
tale of who owns what and who
controls whom when you are making
something that cannot be owned or
controlled. Penhall, 50, wrote it after
going ten rounds with Ray Davies on
the Kinks musical Sunny Afternoon, so
perhaps its veracity is not surprising.
“Look, I don’t want to shit the nest,”
says Penhall, who was born in
England, raised in Australia and is
looking, in ripped jeans and with an
unruly thatch, like the dishevelled
rock journalist he once was. “But
Sunny Afternoon was the catalyst
for this because the conflict I saw
with the Kinks was so astonishingly
heartfelt and obsessive. Dave [Davies],
having flown all the way from
LA, would only be on the first floor
if Ray was on the ground floor.
And writing Sunny Afternoon had
Mood Music also takes on a bigger
tension: rock’n’roll itself. Penhall has
worked with Pete Townshend on a
proposed stage adaptation of
Quadrophenia and with Nick Cave on
the adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s
The Road. Much of the play is inspired
by the things they told him.
“Pete told me how his generation of
rock stars are war babies,” Penhall
Great songwriters
and rock stars
don’t fit in. They
are vulnerable
caused me so much pleasure and
pain that I wanted to explore it.
I had lawyers and psychotherapists
around me after that as a
professional necessity.”
Whatever can he mean? “Sunny
Afternoon is the most ‘me’ thing
I ever wrote,” says Penhall (he wrote
the musical’s book and Davies
supplied the songs). “It’s about going
to America, becoming successful,
getting homesick, coming home,
being mired in bitterness and starting
all over again. But everyone assumes
Ray wrote it.”
John Dagleish and
George Maguire as
Ray and Dave Davies
in Sunny Afternoon.
Right: Seána Kerslake
and Ben Chaplin in
Mood Music
Belfast and the
Fantastic
break to
Titanic
experience
CITY
Rome and Bologna
says. “These kids grew up with uncles
and fathers missing or coming back
shell-shocked, so they imbued their
music with psychodrama. Then you
had the punks, who faced the National
Front and the Winter of Discontent
and had to be angry to be authentic.
I’m interested in the magic paradox of
people who can’t express their reality
because it is too squalid or freaky, so
they channel it into their music.”
Penhall specialises in squalid,
freaky realities. Blue/Orange, his
breakthrough play from 2000,
concerns a young man in a psychiatric
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hospital who is convinced he is the son
of Idi Amin. The Road is one of the
most brutal post-apocalypse movies of
them all. And then there is the Netflix
psychological drama Mindhunter,
which follows the early days of the
FBI’s profiling of serial killers. Now
Mood Music explores the cost of
monetising trauma for public
consumption. As the young star Cat
says: “Music isn’t about healing pain.
It’s about selling it.”
Cat, played by Seána Kerslake in the
director Roger Michell’s production
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the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
9
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arts
MARILYN KINGWILL; DAN WOOLLER/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; GETTY IMAGES
Sydney, he says he still goes into
record shops at any chance he gets,
and claims the theatre in which he has
been so successful is not his natural
habitat. He says he really only started
writing plays, while working as a crime
reporter in London, to make sense of a
tragic episode from his childhood.
“The summer when I was ten, one of
my friends, who lived up the road,
disappeared,” Penhall says. “When it
all came out 18 months later her bones
were on the front of the newspapers.”
Penhall’s friend was Tania Kenny, 15,
one of seven girls killed in South
Australia from 1977 to 1978 by
Christopher Worrell and James Miller.
She was tied up, strangled and buried
outside the small town of Truro. “And
I seem to have come full circle with
Mindhunter. After I pitched it to [the
director] David Fincher in Los Angeles
we spent a week talking about
psycho-sexual torture and homicide
in graphic detail. I began to feel quite
ill and had to go back to my hotel
and lie in the sun while listening to
Elton John and the Eagles. That’s
how sick it was.”
Ultimately, Mood Music asks: does
pain and dysfunction make for great
art? Some extremely damaged people
become serial killers, some become
successful movie producers, and some
become rock stars. “I came back from
doing Mindhunter and thought, ‘I
know this type of person,’ ” says
Penhall, before it is time to sit in on a
preview of a play where bad behaviour
abounds, but at least the characters
aren’t torturing and killing each other.
“Great songwriters and rock stars
don’t fit in. They have vulnerability,
sensitivity and rebelliousness. And
if you have 50,000 people
worshipping you every night and
essentially telling you you’re
right, why on earth would you
listen to a friend, a bandmate,
your wife?”
Perhaps, post-Me Too, we
have come to the end of the
age of the mad genius rock
star, deeply damaged, morally
bankrupt, creatively
Joe Penhall
astonishing. “If you mitigate
inappropriate behaviour
from people with
dysfunctional backgrounds,”
Penhall concludes, “you
end up with happy, welladjusted, well-connected,
wealthy, bland rock stars.
You end up with Coldplay.”
Mood Music is at the
Old Vic, London SE1,
from tomorrow to June 16
I worked
with
Harvey
Weinstein
— we
knew
he was
a bully
at the Old Vic in London, is a
singer-songwriter in the vein of Cat
Power or Amy Winehouse: a brilliant
but difficult talent. Producer Bernard
— played by Ben Chaplin after Rhys
Ifans dropped out — is a bullying
control freak, but undoubtedly
passionate about music.
As to who penned the hit, she
says she wrote it about a break-up, he
says he wrote it about his mother, and
both are in one way or another
harvesting private misery and
pumping it into song.
There are parallels between the
American pop star Kesha and her
producer/svengali Dr Luke, locked
in legal limbo, as well as the rapper of
the moment Cardi B, who is being
sued for $10 million by Klenord
Raphael, her former manager and the
co-writer of Cardi B’s hit Bodak Yellow.
The play also chimes with wider
questions of male domination and
subjugation in the creative industries
— Me Too, essentially.
“This is post-Me Too,” Penhall says.
“It is satirising the pomposity of the
manifestos being drawn up in the
name of Me Too, because the film
industry is the most toxic and
sanctimonious industry there is and it
has recognised a buck in this racket.
“There is no longer a buck in the
Weinstein racket. I worked with
Harvey Weinstein [on The Road] and
we all knew he was a f***ing bully, but
if you said it people went, ‘What is
wrong with you? Can we get you some
medication?’ Don’t talk to me like it
was all a big secret. Everybody knew.
The standard to deal with someone
who talked about it was to categorise
them as mentally ill, which is what
happened to Rose McGowan.
Others did it in the correct way and
bided their time. Meryl Streep and
Oprah Winfrey were never going to
put a foot wrong.”
Cat is certainly not simply the
blameless victim and Bernard her
terrible oppressor; Mood Music is more
about what happens when you
expect damaged narcissists to be
brilliantly creative and soberly
businesslike. As Bernard says,
“the term ‘music business’ is
obviously an oxymoron because
music and business are so
incompatible”. The play also
touches on Penhall’s
experiences with writing
credits. “I’ve had it in films.
Someone says, ‘You didn’t
write it, I wrote it,’ because
they popped up on set and
changed one line. You get into
bruising arbitration battles
and find yourself in the
horrific position of having to
prove you wrote something
that you spent five years
developing from scratch.”
Penhall has a deeper feeling
for the world of rock than most in
theatre because it is where he came
from. He recalls fond memories of
being a teenage rock journalist in
Curtain call
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Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
JOHN MCKENZIE/COURTESY INGLEBY, EDINBURGH; SOPHIE GERRARD FOR THE TIMES
visual art
T
here are certain things
you require if, like
Richard and Florence
Ingleby, you want to
own and operate a
contemporary art
gallery. No, not money:
taste. Discrimination.
Empathy. Above all, you have to agree
with your partner. How do you decide,
then, if some house paint splurged
inside a double-glazing panel is a great
work of art? “Very simple,” Richard
says. “We both have to really like it.”
“Of course, it has to be very well
done,” Florence adds, wagging a finger.
“But it doesn’t matter what kind of
work it is,” Richard continues. “The
artists we represent are very diverse.”
That much will be obvious next
week when a show entitled TWENTY
opens in Edinburgh. A 20th birthday
celebration of their business, it will be
installed in the latest home for Ingleby
Gallery, the city’s most successful
commercial contemporary art gallery.
The exhibition includes works by 26
artists, among them Howard Hodgkin,
Katie Paterson, Francesca Woodman
and Kevin Harman, the creator of
those double-glazed masterworks. It
will run alongside a show by the
Scottish abstract painter Callum Innes.
Yet for all the artistic talent at the
Inglebys’ disposal, it is the building we
are standing in that may prove to be
the most enduring masterpiece. Their
new premises are in Edinburgh’s old
Glasite Meeting House, a neoclassical
cube built in 1835 that for decades
has stood almost unnoticed in a 19thcentury lane close to the city centre.
Constructed for an obscure, primitive
Protestant sect, it was once known as
the “kale kirk”. “Their services were
six hours long and they’d break for
kale soup,” Florence says. It has been
transformed from an austere (and
possibly slightly whiffy, given the soup)
place of worship into two beautifully
proportioned, light and airy exhibition
spaces, plus office and kitchen.
The change has been achieved in
part by stripping out the clutter to
reveal the building’s harmonious
design. Pews and the pulpit have been
placed in storage, revealing the main
hall in all its elegance. The footprint is
81 square metres and the bigger
gallery extends the full height of the
two-storey building, which is capped
by an octagonal glass cupola. Etched
and painted gold, it scatters golden
petals of sunlight on to the wall.
Some interior fittings have been
retained, offering a glimpse of life
among the most godly of Victorians.
There is a large wall clock, a wooden
pew, pegs designed to hold top hats
and even a dumb waiter linking a
downstairs kitchen with the refectory
— or “feasting room” — above. It will
be restored to use, Florence says,
showing off the contraption, “so Mrs
Ingleby can have her hot food”.
Many of the windows were built
blind (deliberately blocked), allowing
the architect, Alexander Black, to
create externally a classical form in
keeping with Edinburgh’s Georgian
New Town, while maintaining the
privacy of the worshippers within. “It
makes the building slightly invisible
because buildings without windows
are not looked into,” Richard says.
“Which was exactly their intention,”
Florence adds. “The glass in the
feasting room windows was brown and
opaque, apparently. We cannot find a
single photograph of the Glasites in
here, from any time in history.” The
Glasites retained the meeting house
If London had been bleak,
contemporary art dealerships were
non-existent in Edinburgh, where the
Inglebys opened their first space in
their Georgian terraced house. Both
recognised an opportunity. “Go to any
European city of scale and you’ll find
galleries working with artists,” Richard
says. “Scotland has whole reservoirs of
fantastic artists, but the network
supporting them is thin.”
“Without representation it’s hard for
them to make a living,” Florence says.
“We take on the responsibility of
sharing their work with the world;
taking their work to international art
fairs, of working with museums.”
They started with an overdraft.
“Sometimes you need balls of steel,”
Richard says. It’s important to sell
work in England and overseas,
because the pool of wealthy collectors
in Scotland investing in contemporary
art remains relatively small.
When, after ten years, the Inglebys
expanded into a modern 550 square
The services here
lasted six hours.
They’d break
for kale soup
metre gallery it was their misfortune
to time their relaunch with a global
banking collapse. Two years ago they
closed that gallery and began trading
again from home. It wasn’t at all
depressing, Florence insists, but it was
obvious they had made mistakes. They
had overextended, allowing
themselves to be seen as a public
enterprise when they were, and
remain, a private business.
They always sought to sell work, but
most of the people coming through
the door didn’t want to buy. It meant,
she adds, that staff spent a large part
of the day talking to visitors “with no
The cupola in the Glasite Meeting House, transformed to become the new Ingleby Gallery premises
intention of ever buying anything”.
For the record, the smallest items,
say an Ian Hamilton Finlay postcard,
might set you back about £50.
Paintings range from £3,000 to
£500,000 for a work by Sean Scully.
The old gallery lacked something
else, Richard believes. The Inglebys
needed “a building that felt more
like us, that made you feel like
you were in a northern
European city. The old gallery
never quite felt like
Edinburgh.”
They first saw the
meeting house in
2016. It didn’t
initially seem
promising. “We
thought at first
it was far too
big; we were
until 1989 when it was given to the
moving away
the White Gallery and one or two
Cockburn Association, the local civic
from big,”
others just starting. There weren’t
trust. These days it is owned by the
Florence says.
300 vibrant young galleries.”
Now though,
Scottish Historic Buildings Trust, the
The city seemed to lose its charm
she is smiling.
moving force behind the £200,000
when they started a family (the couple
“Somehow it
renovation, more of a partner in the
have three daughters). About then,
just seeped
building’s revival than a landlord.
too, the Fine Art Society asked
into
our
The Inglebys, who are both 51, met
Richard to run a new contemporary
i
consciousness.
in London about 25 years ago.
art programme, but, says Florence,
We had a feeling
Florence, from Maidstone, Kent,
wasn’t completely committed to the
this place could be
worked in publishing, while Richard,
project. “It was frustrating for Richard.
Florence and Richard Ingleby
incredibly special.”
from Garelochhead, Argyll and Bute,
He wasn’t allowed to do this or that;
They were right.
was a director of the Fine Art Society,
something might not be deemed
Ingleby Gallery,
and freelanced as an art critic.
appropriate. But, by the time we left
Edinburgh (0131
“London was a very different
we had got to know quite a few artists,
556 4441) reopens
landscape 25 years ago,” Richard
then there was his writing. The gallery
on May 12
recalls. “There was Anthony d’Offay,
was a natural progression.”
From ‘kale kirk’ to
contemporary art
Twenty years after they opened a gallery in
their home, the Inglebys have transformed
an old Edinburgh meeting house into a
stunning new space, says Mike Wade
the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
11
1G T
television & radio
When a fancy flight was no flight of fancy
POPPERFOTO/GETTY IMAGES
James
Jackson
TV review
British Airways:
100 Years in the Sky
Channel 5
{{{((
Cunk on Britain
BBC Two
B
{{{{(
ritish Airways hasn’t had a
great run of publicity lately.
The other day a pilot was
charged with attempting to
fly while four times over the
limit (maybe his bartender mixed up
the BA motto “To fly, to serve”), then
there was that BA stewardess who
decided that a career as a webcam
stripper was preferable.
However, the BA press office finally
had something positive to tweet about
last night, since here was the chocks-
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Daliso Chaponda:
Citizen of Nowhere
Radio 4, 6.30pm
In previous centuries,
explains the Malawian
comedian Daliso Chaponda,
European people knew
Africa as “the Bournville
of continents. Like other
continents, but with a
deeper, richer taste.” There
is, he says, a gap between
expectation and reality.
Before he came to Britain
the only things he knew
about the place were what
he had gleaned from Shaw,
Shakespeare and Wilde.
“I expected every British
person to be erudite . . . I was
not ready for Brummies.”
In this splendid half-hour
Chaponda analyses the
relationship between
the UK and Africa and
attempts to heal it. He
does so beautifully.
Proposal
Radio 2, 10pm
Radio 2 doesn’t do comedy
much, but when it does dip
a toe in, it tends to do it
well. This play, about a man
getting ready to ask his
partner to marry him, looks
promising. Not only does it
star Joe Thomas from The
Inbetweeners, it has been
written by Ben Ashenden
and Alex Owen, the comics
behind Radio 4’s excellent
sketch show The Pin.
away glory of British Airways: 100
Years in the Sky. A slightly misleading
name since British Airways didn’t
exist until 1974, but why let semantics
get in the way of a good title when a
centenary of aviation history can be
covered at Concorde speed?
At first the programme was a bit
like a brief tour around the Croydon
airport aviation museum (in fact, it
was that). Being told that “the plane
used on the pioneering 1919 flight was
an Airco de Havilland 4A” will have
delighted Airfix enthusiasts, but for
the rest of us the fun came from the
tales of the golden age of air travel.
Today flying in economy is a
leg-cramming, deep vein-troubling
hell that begins when you board with
your 26B boarding pass only to
discover that the woman in 26A has a
furiously teething baby and the man
in seat 26C has the physique (and,
who knows, even the looks) of Mr
Blobby. Not in the olden days. Once
upon a time flying was like visiting
the Ritz. If you took the 1927 Imperial
Silver Wing service, a luxury car
would turn up at your house, drive
you right up to the plane where a
starch-collared maître d’ would tell
you that the in-flight (silent) film
would be The Lost World, no
headphones necessary.
By the 1960s a leg of lamb or fillet of
beef would be carved on a trolley as
you sloshed back fine bordeaux. The
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show 10.00
Clara Amfo 12.45pm Newsbeat 1.00 Scott
Mills 4.00 Greg James 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00
Greg James 7.00 Stefflon Don and Dotty
9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00 Huw
Stephens 1.00am Benji B 3.00 Comedy: Niki
and Sammy’s Peachy Podcast 4.00 Early
Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo. With Robert Webb 7.00 The
Folk Show with Mark Radcliffe. Greg Russell
and Ciaran Algar perform 8.00 Jo Whiley
10.00 Proposal. One-off comedy starring
Joe Thomas. See Radio Choice
10.30 Celebrity Lip Service. Sketch show
11.00 Old Grey Whistle Test 40 (r) 12.00
Pick of the Pops (r) 2.00am Radio 2
Playlists: Country Playlist 3.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Easy 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist:
Radio 2 Rocks 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
9.00 Essential Classics
Ian Skelly is joined by Bernard MacLaverty
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Copland (1900-1990)
Donald Macleod examines Copland’s work in
Hollywood during 1940s America, and his
involvement in US propaganda during the
Second World War. Copland (Fanfare for
the Common Man; Music for Movies; Letter
from Home; and Appalachian Spring)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Andrei Bondarenko and Gary Matthewman in
a recital recorded at Verbier Festival 2017.
Rubenstein (The Yellow Currents Beneath
My Feet — 12 Persian Songs, Op 34);
Tchaikovsky (During the Ball, Op 38 No 3;
My Spirit, My Angel, My Friend; Not a Word,
Op 6 No 2; Why?, Op 6 No 5; and We Sat
Together, Op 73 No 1); Tosti (Tristezza);
Rachmaninov (In the Silence of the Secret
Night, Op 4 No 3; When Yesterday We Met,
Op 26 No 13; Did You Hiccup, Natasha?; and
No Longer Sing for Me, Op 4 No 4); Sviridov
(The Madonna in the City, St Petersburg; and
O My Homeland); Mozart (Serenade — Don
Giovanni; and Rivolgete a lui, Cosi fan tutte);
and Mascagni (Tartaglia’s aria, Le Mascare)
Once an airline meal could be leg of lamb with bordeaux
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Penny Gore presents a BBC Singers concert
from St Paul’s, Knightsbridge, conducted by
Rupert Gough. Britten (Antiphon); William
Harris (Come, My Way, My Truth, My Life);
Herbert Howells (Sweetest of Sweets; and
Antiphon — Let All the World in Every
Corner Sing); Ola Gjeilo (Contrition); Mary
Plumstead (A Grateful Heart); Ben Parry
(Heaven); John Tavener (Love Bade Me
Welcome); Judith Weir (Vertue); and
Vaughan Williams (Five Mystical Songs)
3.30 Choral Evensong (Live)
From the Chapel of St John’s College,
Cambridge. Introit: My Beloved Spake
(Julian Anderson). Responses: Leighton.
Psalms 12, 13, 14 (Goss, Hylton Stewart,
Stanford). First Lesson: Hosea 13 vv 4-14.
Canticles: Gloucester Service (Howells).
Second Lesson: 1 Corinthians 15 vv 50-58.
Anthem: Dum transisset Sabbatum
(Taverner). Hymn: Ye Choirs of new
Jerusalem (St Fulbert). Voluntary: Organ
Symphony No 6 in G minor, Op 42 No 2
(Finale: Vivace) (Widor). Director of Music:
Andrew Nethsingha. Organ Scholars: Glen
Dempsey and James Anderson-Besant
4.30 BBC Young Musician 2018
Penny Gore presents highlights from this
year’s BBC Young Musician keyboard
finalists, ahead of the Keyboard Category
Finals on BBC4 television on Friday
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty presents, featuring live music
from the violinist Eldbjorg Hemsing and the
pianist Lucy Parham. Plus, the conductor
Kristjan Jarvi joins Sean Rafferty in
conversation from Glasgow
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An eclectic non-stop mix of music
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Tom Redmond presents a performance by the
BBC Philharmonic and Leonard Elschenbroich
(cello), under the conductor Clemens Schuldt
from the Bridgewater Hall in Manchester.
Strauss (Tod und Verklärung); Mark Simpson
(Cello Concerto — first performance); and
Shostakovich (Symphony No 1)
10.00 Free Thinking
Anne Applebaum, Gregory Claeys and Jane
Humphries join Rana Mitter to assess the
legacy of Karl Marx 200 years after his birth
10.45 The Essay: My Life in Music
Karine Polwart reflects on an event on the
eve of her Grampa’s funeral
11.00 Late Junction
Featuring two types of vocal word play,
including Tuvan multiphonic throat singing,
and a Japanese mouth organ
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (2/265) (r)
6.00 Today
With John Humphrys and Mishal Husain
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 Soul Music
A look at how Cyndi Lauper’s ballad True
Colours inspired a generation (5/5)
9.30 The History of Secrecy
Considering what has been lost in the
abandonment of respect of secrecy (5/5) (r)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: The Life and
Rhymes of Benjamin Zephaniah
The poet’s autobiography (3/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Presented by Jenni Murray. Including at
10.41 the 15 Minute Drama: Part three of
Linda Marshall Griffiths’ adaptation of
Henry James’ The Wings of the Dove
10.56 The Listening Project
A couple consider how changing attitudes
have affected their desire to become fathers
11.00 Single Black Female
Bridgitte Tetteh explores the hurdles facing
black women when looking for love (r)
11.30 Ability
The semi-autobiographical co-creation of Lee
Ridley and Katherine Jakeways (1/4)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Four Thought
Mark O’Connell argues that people should
embrace ambivalence (r)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Chinese Characters
The Communist leader Mao Zedong
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Fury
Tom Kelly’s gritty and powerful drama set in
West Belfast. Starring Kathy Kiera Clarke
3.00 Money Box Live
With Adam Shaw
3.30 All in the Mind
Exploring the limits of the human mind (r)
4.00 Thinking Allowed
4.30 The Media Show
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Daliso Chaponda:
Citizen of Nowhere
The Malawian comedian Daliso Chaponda
looks at the relationship between the UK
and Africa. See Raadioo Chooicce (1//4))
pilots would be blithely sucking on
pipes. A slight bump of turbulence in
this gilded airborne vision was that the
hostesses had to pretend to be single
to live up to their employers’ wish for
them to seem “happy-go-lucky, but not
tacky”. Yet even they seemed to look
back fondly on all the cheerful sexism.
Amid this nostalgia British Airways
itself didn’t turn up until the trailer for
next week, which showed chaos at
Heathrow Terminal 5. So normal
service will be resumed.
I normally find ten minutes of
Philomena Cunk’s incessant idiocy
about enough, but the final part of
Cunk on Britain was her funniest
half-hour yet, an ineffably daft tour
through the rock’n’roll years of the
1960s to today, leaving no cliché
unturned — how, for example, Britain
“went overnight from grey to groovy”
as footage segued from bowler-hatted
Arthur Lowe lookalikes to swinging
Carnaby Street. No one escaped
Cunk’s offbeam insights: “With his love
of yachts, classical music and church
organs, Edward Heath seemed to be a
real man of the people,” and so on.
Cunk, or rather Diane Morgan, also
deserves credit for keeping a straight
face while dressed up, Lucy Worsleystyle, as an imperious Margaret
Thatcher and explaining: “As well as a
uterus, Thatcher had a vision.” Does
anyone on TV do deadpan better?
james.jackson@thetimes.co.uk
7.00 The Archers
Lily demands answers
7.15 Front Row
7.45 Love Henry James:
The Wings of the Dove
Dramatised by Linda Marshall Griffiths.
Aisling Loftus and Jodie Comer star (3/10)
8.00 FutureProofing
How technology is disrupting the beliefs and
practices of traditional faiths (1/4)
8.45 Four Thought
Felicity Boardman discusses genetic
screening for “serious conditions”
9.00 Costing the Earth
The whales and penguins of the Antarctic
rely on tiny shrimp-like krill (r)
9.30 Soul Music (5/5) (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Ritula Shah
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
The Valley at the Centre of the World
By Malachy Tallack (3/10)
11.00 Six Degrees of John Sessions
The actor, raconteur and impressionist tells
entertaining stories linked to him (3/4)
11.15 The John Moloney Show
For once it is John, not Edward the cat,
who needs medical intervention (4/4) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
Analysis of the day’s developments
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: The Life
and Rhymes of Benjamin Zephaniah
The poet’s autobiography (3/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
8.30 Night Visions. Paul Farley journeys
across the London skyline in a helicopter
9.00 After Milk Wood. Bernardine Evaristo
reads her own short story London Choral
Celestial Jazz 9.15 Galbraith and the King of
Diamonds. By Robert Barr 10.00 Comedy
Club: Sketchtopia. Multicultural sketch show
hosted by Hardeep Singh Kohli 10.30 2525.
Comedy sketch show providing listeners with
a chance to hear what life might be like in
the year 2525 10.55 The Comedy Club
Interview. A chat with a guest from the
world of comedy 11.00 Clayton Grange. By
Neil Warhurst with additional material by
Paul Barnhill 11.30 The Consultants
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
7.00am Nemone 10.00 Lauren Laverne
1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie
4.00 Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00
Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music Recommends with
Mary Anne Hobbs 1.00am From Mento to
Lovers Rock 2.00 Classic Scottish Albums
2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30 6 Music’s
Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Digital only
8.00am The Navy Lark 8.30 Round the
Horne 9.00 The Write Stuff 9.30 Life, Death
and Sex with Mike and Sue 10.00 The
Earthquake Girl 11.00 After Milk Wood
11.15 Galbraith and the King of Diamonds
12.00 The Navy Lark 12.30pm Round the
Horne 1.00 John Mortimer Presents The
Trials of Marshall Hall 1.30 Night Visions
2.00 The Secret History 2.15 Shakespeare’s
Restless World 2.30 The Enchanted April
2.45 Sissinghurst: An Unfinished History
3.00 The Earthquake Girl 4.00 The Write
Stuff 4.30 Life, Death and Sex with Mike
and Sue 5.00 Ring Around the Bath 5.30
Sketchtopia 6.00 The Man Who Was
Thursday 6.30 The Tingle Factor 7.00 The
Navy Lark. The crew finds a treasure map
7.30 Round the Horne. Comedy 8.00 John
Mortimer Presents The Trials of Marshall
Hall. The barrister defends a wife-killer
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5
Live Sport. Coverage of AS Roma v Liverpool
10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All Night
5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with David Ginola 10.00 Jim White, Tony
Cascarino and Bob Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee
and Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off: AS Roma v Liverpool
(Kick-off 7.45) 10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am
Extra Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Nicholas Owen 5.00 Classic
FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00 The Full
Works Concert. A tribute to the career of
Russian conductor Valery Gergiev. Chopin
(Piano Concerto No.2 in F minor Op 21);
Tchaikovsky (Slavonic March Op 31); Mahler
(Symphony No.1 in D “Titan”); and Borodin
(In the Stepps of Central Asia) 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
12
1G T
Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
Love in the
Countryside
BBC Two, 9pm
Does anyone
remember
Farmer
Wants a
Wife? The 2001 ITV
series followed farmers
taking part in a
campaign by Country
Mystery of the
Lost Paintings
Sky Arts, 8pm
In November 1954,
to mark Winston
Churchill’s 80th
birthday, the artist
Graham Sutherland
was commissioned
to paint the old
man’s portrait. The
prime minister took
umbrage at the result
(memorably recreated
in The Crown), saying
it made him look
“half-witted”. His wife,
Clementine, burnt it.
Sutherland called it
“an act of vandalism”,
but what if the painting
could rise from the
ashes? In the first of a
new series, a team of
artists, technicians and
conservators working
for Factum Arte use
digital and traditional
methods to remake it.
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Food. A report on
establishments using fake hygiene ratings to trick
customers through the door 10.00 Homes Under the
Hammer. Properties in Burnley, Liverpool and Derby (r)
11.00 A1: Britain’s Longest Road. Traffic officers rush to
reach the scene of an accident which gridlocks the road
(AD) 11.45 The Housing Enforcers. Matt Allwright joins
housing officers in Peterborough for an estate inspection
12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Two teams compete at Newark
Antiques and Collectors Fair (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45
Doctors. Jimmi is shocked to find a significant figure from
his past at The Mill (AD) 2.15 800 Words. Now they are
officially an item, George and Fiona decide to host a
dinner party for the whole of Weld (AD) 3.00 Escape to
the Country. A couple search for a more pastoral life in
east Devon (r) (AD) 3.45 Flipping Profit. Gavin Claxton,
Linda Lambert and Anthony Devine head to Oxford to
search for bargains (AD) 4.30 Flog It! A collection of
interesting finds from around the country 5.15 Pointless.
Quiz hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets. Paul Martin discusses
snuff boxes with James Lewis (r) 6.30 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road. Lives hang in the balance after a car
careers off the A1 (r) (AD) 7.15 Rip Off Britain: Food. The
team investigates sugar-free products (r) 8.00 Sign Zone:
See Hear. Clive Mason investigates the challenges facing
new deaf parents (SL) 8.30 Great British Railway
Journeys. Michael Portillo begins the last leg of his
journey to Caernarfon (r) (AD, SL) 9.00 Victoria
Derbyshire. News and current affairs 10.00 Live Snooker:
The World Championship. Jason Mohammad introduces
the opening session on day 12 at the Crucible Theatre in
Sheffield, featuring two quarter-finals, including the
conclusion of one match 11.30 Daily Politics. Andrew Neil
presents live coverage of Prime Minister’s Questions
1.00pm Live Snooker: The World Championship. Hazel
Irvine introduces coverage of the second session on day
12 at the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield, including the
conclusion of Mark Allen v Kyren Wilson 6.00 Eggheads.
Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine (r) 6.30
Britain in Bloom. Chris Bavin meets volunteers in the
market town of Chorley in Lancashire
6.00am Good Morning Britain. News, current affairs and
lifestyle features 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current
affairs and fashion news, as well as showbiz stories,
cooking and gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio
chat show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip Schofield and Holly
Willoughby present chat and lifestyle features, including
a look at the stories making the newspaper headlines and
a recipe in the kitchen 12.30pm Loose Women. Another
helping of topical studio discussion from a female
perspective, featuring interviews with Robert Webb and
Fearne McCann 1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge
Rinder. Cameras follow criminal barrister Robert Rinder
as he takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom
3.00 Tenable. A team of charity volunteers from
Cambridgeshire compete to answer questions about top
10 lists, then try to score a perfect 10 in the final round.
Quiz hosted by Warwick Davis 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben
Shephard hosts the arcade-themed quiz show in which
contestants drop tokens down a choice of four chutes in
the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase.
Bradley Walsh presents the quiz show 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Hotel Hell. A Pennsylvania hotel owner
who runs her establishment like an angry tyrant (r) (AD)
11.00 Undercover Boss USA. The CEO of a chain of
department stores goes undercover (r) 12.00 Channel 4
News Summary 12.05pm Coast vs Country. A couple
search for a new home in Norfolk (r) (AD) 1.05 Posh
Pawnbrokers. Nathan and Debbs of Pickwick Pawnbrokers
take a spin in a mini-hovercraft (r) 2.10 Countdown. With
Dr Phil Hammond in Dictionary Corner 3.00 A Place in the
Sun: Home or Away. Choosing between Cornwall and
Majorca (r) 4.00 Escape to the Chateau: DIY. Nicole and
Stephan make a drastic decision (AD) 5.00 Four in a Bed.
The hoteliers visit Ann’s Farmhouse in the suburbs of
Bradford, West Yorkshire (r) 5.30 Buy It Now.
Eco-scientist Emily demonstrates her unique gardening
product that requires no actual gardening 6.00 The
Simpsons. Homer is recruited as a World Cup referee in
Brazil (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Alfie makes a life
changing decision, while Ryan gives Farrah an
ultimatum regarding Kim’s whereabouts (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.15
Paddington Station 24/7. A driver raises the alarm when
he suspects that his train has hit something on the line,
while heavy rain brings down a tree which closes the
tracks between Banbury and Oxford (r) 12.10pm 5 News
Lunchtime 12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors. Two patients
with different attitudes towards alcohol come into the
surgery, with one desperate to overcome his addiction,
and another adamant that alcohol improves his health (r)
(AD) 1.10 Access 1.15 Home and Away (AD) 1.45
Neighbours (AD) 2.15 NCIS. A Navy lieutenant
commander is found murdered in an apartment, and Abby
links her to a man suspected of selling government
secrets to a Middle Eastern terrorist group (r) (AD) 3.15
FILM: A Daughter’s Nightmare (12, TVM, 2013)
A young woman embarks on a search for the truth after
her mother falls ill following a meeting with a charming
male nurse. Drama starring Emily Osment and Paul
Johansson 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours. Elly
and Amy both feel awkward about Liam (r) (AD) 6.00
Home and Away. Willow demands that Colby tell the
truth about the accident (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex
Jones host the magazine show, with
stories of interest from around the UK,
plus famous faces guests in the studio
7.00 Live Snooker: The World
Championship The concluding session
on day 12 at the Crucible Theatre in
Sheffield, featuring John Higgins v
Ricky Walden or Judd Trump and Mark
Williams or Robert Milkins v Ali Carter
7.00 Emmerdale Liv tries to deny that she
has a drinking problem (AD)
8.00 Watchdog Live The team report on
what has gone wrong with a global
company’s attempt to put right a huge
problem, a new twist on the trouble
some viewers are having with smart
meters, and Georgia Toffolo discovers
an unexpected issue with packaging
many people routinely recycle (3/6)
8.00 Top of the Shop with Tom
Kerridge Four producers of drinks
compete against each other for a place
in the final, as they test their products
out on locals in Malhamdale in the
Yorkshire Dales (6/8) (AD)
9.00 Britain’s Fat Fight with Hugh
Fearnley-Whittingstall Hugh turns
his attention to the alarming amount
of sugar found in fruit juices and
smoothies, and also follows up on
the weight loss challenge he set
for the people of Newcastle.
See Viewing Guide (2/3) (AD)
9.00 Love In the Countryside New series.
Sara Cox goes back to her farming
roots as she meets eight singletons
living in the countryside as they begin
their journey to find love. All eight
participants are hoping to meet
someone in favour of a slower paced
life. See Viewing Guide (1/6) (AD)
Late
11PM
10PM
BBC One
Early
They decamp to
Northamptonshire to
meet Cox, who shows
them love letters from
aspiring partners who
have seen their dating
profiles on a BBC
website. Will they
find their perfect
match? And how will
the city folk cope with
life in the country? The
programme is a tad
cheesy, but its heart is
in the right place.
7PM
that and sporting a
shirt that doesn’t look
as if it’s been near a
washing machine for
a decade. Heather,
a 28-year-old equine
vet, thinks her love of
horses is responsible for
her single status, but
insists that “you don’t
have to love horses to
love me”. Sheep farmer
Richard, 39, says that
being gay has made his
search for love harder.
8PM
with city dwellers.
And it’s not limited to
farmers, with a vet and
a farrier among the
eight looking for love.
“Cows are probably
better behaved than
women,” says Pete, a
divorced 52-year-old
dairy farmer from
North Yorkshire. He
blames his remote
location for his lack
of a partner, not his
making statements like
9PM
Top
pick
Living magazine to
find them a spouse.
It led to 18 weddings
and 25 babies. It was
briefly resurrected by
Channel 5 in 2009 and
tonight has another
lease of life under a
new title. Love in the
Countryside, presented
by farmer’s daughter
Sara Cox, slightly
tweaks the format —
the programme-makers
match rural singletons
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather;
followed by National Lottery Update
10.45 A Question of Sport Another round
of the long-running quiz presented by
Sue Barker, with panellists Johnny
Nelson, Katharine Merry, Maggie
Alphonsi and Paul Sculthorpe
11.15 Ambulance Call assessor Shanie, who
has just graduated, guides a woman
through childbirth over the phone, and
a specialised mental health team is
sent to help a man showing signs of
agitation at a community centre.
Meanwhile, a day shift takes a very
personal turn for paramedic Nat when
a 999 call about an unconscious patient
turns out to be referring to her
teenage daughter, who has taken ill (r)
12.20am-6.00 BBC News
10.00 Detectorists The dark cloud of a solar
farm threatens the tranquillity of
the Detectorists (1/6) (r) (AD)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events presented by Emily Maitlis
11.15 Snooker: The World Championship
Highlights of the remaining
quarter-finals at the Crucible Theatre,
featuring John Higgins v Ricky Walden
or Judd Trump and Mark Williams or
Robert Milkins v Ali Carter
12.05am Snooker: World Championship Extra
Jason Mohammad presents extended highlights of the
quarter-finals on the 12th day of the ranking tournament
at the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield 2.05 Sign Zone: See
Hear (r) (SL) 2.35 MasterChef: The Finals (r) (AD, SL)
3.35-4.35 Pilgrimage: The Road to Santiago (r) (AD, SL)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 Police Interceptors Lee is confronted
by a particularly mouthy motorist who
does not know when to call it a day,
and Liam arrests a man who denies
carrying out a shocking attack, despite
the CCTV evidence (1/10) (r)
8.00 Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest
Airport New series. A passenger
experience manager deals with some
disgruntled passengers (1/6) (AD)
8.30 Coronation Street Angie is
blindsided by Jude’s betrayal.
Elsewhere, Geoff works his magic
on Sally and Yasmeen (AD)
8.00 The Secret Life of the Zoo Pregnant
giraffe Orla goes into labour, but the
keepers must watch from the sidelines
due to the risks involved. Baby
Bornean orangutan Tombol tries his
luck with the gibbons as he heads out
and explores his new habitat (3/6)
8.00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors A man
in his 60s who feels exhausted is
encouraged to cut back on the 60-hour
weeks he regularly works, a teenager
whose mother has been diagnosed
with terminal cancer receives support,
and a former heroin addict seeks
help to stay drug-free (AD)
9.00 Benidorm A strike in the airport
causes panic at the Solana, and the
Dawsons rush to catch their flight with
their anniversary plans now in jeopardy
as they may not make it back to the UK
to celebrate. Joyce worries about the
rumours Crystal Hennessy-Vass may
be letting the Solana go (9/9) (AD)
9.00 One Born Every Minute Svetlana
and husband Ivo are hoping for a better
experience with their second baby
following a traumatic birth. Nadia and
Jaedon are expecting their second baby
and are desperate to fly the nest and
start life together, but their mums
have other ideas (9/10) (AD)
9.00 Rich House, Poor House: The Big
Surprise New series. Colin and Lizzy
Whiting swap their five-bedroom
house near Newquay to spend a week
living in a two-bed property where
Sarah and Ross Timmins live.
See Viewing Guide (1/4)
10.00 First Dates Reiki healer and animal
communicator Jayne is set up on a date
with 44-year-old children’s entertainer
Stuart, while student James, who has
a prosthetic leg, meets fellow student
Emilie, who is making the brave move
into the world of dating (AD)
10.00 Billionaire Babies: 24 Carat Kids
The exclusive world of wealthy mums
and dads and their super-rich babies
and young children, meeting the people
tempting them with services that cater
to their every desire (1/2) (r)
11.45 Play to the Whistle Sports-based
comedy panel show hosted by
Holly Willoughby (3/6) (r)
11.05 My F-ing Tourette’s Family
Cameras follow Hayley and Richard
Davies-Monk, and their sons Spencer,
13, and Lewis, nine. They’re an
Oxfordshire family who confront the
daily challenges of living with the
boys’ the neurological disorder
Tourette’s syndrome (r) (AD)
11.05 Named and Shamed: Greatest
Celebrity Scandals A rundown of the
most salacious scandals to shock the
worlds of pop, film, television and
sport, including Cheryl’s infamous
bust-up in a nightclub toilet and
Hugh Grant’s ill-advised detour
on Hollywood Boulevard (r)
12.20am Jackpot247 Interactive gaming 3.00
Grantchester. DC Phil Wilkinson arrests Sidney on a
charge of sexual assault made by Harding Redmond after
reading entries in the diary of his daughter Abigail (r)
(AD) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen. Text-based information
service 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
12.05am Live from Abbey Road Classics 12.35
How’d You Get So Rich? (r) (AD) 1.15 FILM: Playing for
Keeps (12, 2012) Comedy starring Gerard Butler (SL)
3.00 Come Dine Champion of Champions (r) 3.55 Gok’s
Fill Your House for Free (r) (AD) 4.45 Steph and Dom’s
One Star to Five Star (r) 5.10-6.00 Fifteen to One (r)
12.05am Celeb Trolls: We’re Coming to Get You
Frankie Bridge leads a team trying to help victims of
cyberstalking (r) 1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 GPs: Behind
Closed Doors (r) (AD) 4.00 Never Teach Your Wife to
Drive (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (AD, SL) 5.10
Wildlife SOS (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 House Doctor (r) (SL)
7.30 Coronation Street Mary and Jude
pull out all the stops to keep Angie in
the dark, and Kirk’s command of a
canine wins him a new fan (AD)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Uefa Champions League
Highlights Action from the semi-final
second-leg matches, featuring AS
Roma v Liverpool and Real Madrid v
Bayern Munich. Presented by Mark
Pougatch, with analysis from Roy
Keane and Lee Dixon, and commentary
by Clive Tyldesley and Joe Speight
the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Britain’s Fat Fight
BBC One, 9pm
After taking on the
cereal giants last week,
Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall is setting
his sights on the fruit
juice and smoothie
sellers. He feigns
surprise at the news
that a bottle of fruit
juice contains almost as
much sugar as a can of
fizzy pop. He signs up
the comedian Ross
Noble to help to get
the population of
Newcastle to shift some
pounds, and challenges
high-street restaurant
chains to reduce the
sugar and add calorie
information to their
kids’ menus. FearnleyWhittingstall genuinely
seems to care and —
most importantly — his
persistence is leading
to widespread changes.
Rich House,
Poor House
Channel 5, 9pm
The reality series
returns as the Whiting
family swap their
five-bedroom house
in Newquay for the
two-bedroom property
of the Timmins family
from Redruth. The
Whitings are in the
wealthiest 10 per cent
of the population, while
the Timmins’s weekly
budget is a tenth of
their counterparts.
As well as houses,
the families also swap
budgets. So does money
buy happiness? No,
of course not, but it
helps to remove stress
and worries, as the
Timmins find out.
It’s a thoughtful
way of exploring
inequality, with a
tearjerking finale.
Taskmaster
Dave, 9pm
A box-fresh quintet of
funny people — Alice
Levine, Liza Tarbuck,
Russell Howard, Asim
Chaudhry and Tim
Vine — take on the
irascible Taskmaster,
Greg Davies. The
revolving cast and
ingenious array of tasks
dreamt up by Alex
Horne mean that the
series never gets stale.
Tonight the panellists
perform a stunt with
a wheelbarrow and
attempt a navigational
task involving a hat.
The enjoyment comes
from watching the
different approaches.
For the wheelbarrow
task, Chaudhry makes
a mini-Hollywood
action flick, while
Howard headbutts
a wheelie-bin.
Sport Choice
BT Sport 2, 7pm
Can AS Roma make
it to the final of the
Champions League?
It feels like a missione
impossibile as they
trail an irrepressible
Liverpool side 5-2
going into tonight’s
semi-final, second-leg
at the Stadio Olimpico.
To succeed, they must
stop Mohamed Salah.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) 7.00 Meerkat Manor (r)
(AD) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00 Motorway
Patrol (r) 10.00 Road Wars (r) 11.00
Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The
Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama. Hermes thinks that an office
inspection could lead to promotion (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Five episodes (r)
9.00 A League of Their Own. Ryder Cup legend
Ian Poulter, Sky Sports presenter Olivia Wayne
and comedian Josh Widdicombe are the guests
on the sports-based comedy quiz (r)
10.00 Premier League’s Greatest Moments.
Jamie Carragher reveals his greatest
Premier League moments (r)
12.00 Brit Cops: Rapid Response. Tracking down
drug-dealers (r) (AD) 1.00am Ross Kemp:
Extreme World (r) (AD) 2.00 Most Shocking (r)
3.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (r) (AD) 4.00 The
Real A&E (r) (AD) 5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am The British (r) (AD) 7.00 Storm City (r)
(AD) 8.00 Fish Town (r) 9.00 The West Wing (r)
11.00 House (r) 1.00pm Without a Trace (r)
2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing
(r) 5.00 House. The doctor is in prison (r) (AD)
6.00 House. Starring Hugh Laurie (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
A triple murder case haunts Catherine (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Danny is arrested after
cocaine is found in the boot of his car (r) (AD)
9.00 Occupied. The coast guard soldiers
are sentenced. In Norwegian (3/8)
10.00 High Maintenance. A club performer has a
wild night out and The Guy bonds with a driver
10.35 Silicon Valley. Richard tries to persuade
a big gaming company to come on board (r)
11.10 Barry. Dark comedy starring Bill Hader (r)
11.50 Billions. Taylor travels to Silicon Valley to
explore new business opportunities (5/12) (r)
1.00am The Sopranos. Junior undergoes surgery
(r) 2.15 Togetherness (r) 2.50 House of Lies (r)
3.25 Happyish (r) 4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.00
Highway Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
9.00 Elementary (r) (AD) 10.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r)
12.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD) 1.00pm
Medical Emergency (r) (AD) 2.00 Send in the
Dogs (r) (AD) 3.00 Nothing to Declare 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
7.00 Children’s Hospital (8 & 9/12) (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary. Joan investigates a
six-month-old missing person case (r) (AD)
9.00 Grey’s Anatomy. Arizona shares some
cookies that contain a special ingredient
10.00 Station 19. Jack and Andy struggle
to share leadership (3/10)
11.00 Criminal Minds (r) 12.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 1.00am Cold Case
(r) 2.00 Scandal (r) 3.00 Madam Secretary (r)
4.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 5.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
6.00am Dvorák: The Complete Symphonies 6.50
Manon 9.00 Watercolour Challenge 9.30 The
Art Show (AD) 10.30 Tales of the Unexpected
(AD) 11.00 Trailblazers: Dance 12.00 The
Eighties (AD) 1.00pm Discovering: Burt
Lancaster (AD) 2.00 Watercolour Challenge
2.30 The Art Show (AD) 3.30 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 4.00 Classic Albums (AD) 5.00
The Eighties. The evolution of television (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Henry Fonda (AD)
7.00 Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks. Exploring
places connected to the artist Dora Carrington
8.00 Mystery of the Lost Paintings. New series.
The recreation of artworks that have been lost,
stolen or destroyed. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Discovering: Jack Palance
10.00 The Mona Lisa Myth. Docudrama
11.50 At-Issue. Animated comedy
12.00 Mystery of the Lost Paintings 1.00am
Depeche Mode: Live in Berlin 2.30 Black
Sabbath: The End of the End (AD) 4.30
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Premier
League Daily 11.00 Sky Sports Daily 12.00 Sky
Sports News 3.00pm Live Indian Premier
League: Delhi Daredevils v Rajasthan Royals. All
the action from the match, which is taking place
at Feroz Shah Kotla in Delhi. The Royals claimed
a 10-run victory by the Duckworth-Lewis-Stern
method in a rain-hit reverse fixture in Jaipur.
Akinkya Rahane’s knock of 45 off 40 balls was
the highest for the victors in their 17.5 overs,
before the Daredevils fell short of their revised
target of 71 runs from six overs, with Ben
Laughlin claiming two wickets
7.30 Sky Sports Tonight
8.00 NFL Draft. A review of this year’s draft
8.30 F1 Report. The Azerbaijan Grand Prix
9.00 Sky Sports Tonight. Leading sports stories
10.00 Behind The Ropes: Bellew v Haye.
Behind the scenes of both boxers’ camps
11.00 Sky Sports News
12.00 Sky Sports News
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The Top Table.
An audience debate presented by Stephen
Nolan (r) 11.40 A Question of Sport. Panellists
include Johnny Nelson and Katharine Merry
12.10am Ambulance. Documentary revealing
the work of the West Midlands Ambulance
Service (r) 1.10-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 9.00pm-10.00 The
Cancer Hospital. Following six men as they are
treated for prostate cancer 10.45 Britain’s Fat
Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. Hugh
turns his attention to the alarming amount of
sugar found in fruit juices and smoothies. See
Viewing Guide (AD) 11.45 A Question of Sport.
Panellists include Johnny Nelson and Katharine
Merry 12.15am Ambulance. A day shift takes
an unexpected turn for paramedic Nat when a
999 call becomes personal (r) 1.15 Weather for
the Week Ahead 1.20-6.00 BBC News
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Uefa Champions League Highlights.
Mark Pougatch presents action from the
semi-final second-leg matches, featuring AS
Roma v Liverpool and Real Madrid v Bayern
Munich 12.05am Teleshopping 2.05 After
Midnight 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.05 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 12.20am Teleshopping
1.50-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather
7.30 The Culture Show: Lego — The Building
Blocks of Architecture. Tom Dyckhoff explores
the toy’s relationship with architecture
8.00 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild Heart.
Exploring the grasslands of east Africa, and a
line of volcanos stretching from Ethiopia to
Tanzania, whose peaks provide a refuge for
many wildlife species. Last in the series (AD)
9.00 Elizabeth I’s Secret Agents. The Earl of
Essex tries to take over Robert Cecil’s spy
network to gain control over the ageing
Elizabeth I and hold the power to choose
the next King of England (AD)
10.00 The Celts: Blood, Iron and Sacrifice with
Alice Roberts and Neil Oliver. Neil and Alice
explore the emergence of the La Tene Iron Age
culture and reveal how its influence
extended as far as central Turkey (AD)
11.00 Putin: The New Tsar. The story of Russian
President Vladimir Putin’s rise to power
12.00 Bombay Railway. Conclusion (AD)
1.00am Top of the Pops: 1983 2.00 The Great
Rift: Africa’s Wild Heart (AD) 3.00-4.00
Elizabeth I’s Secret Agents (AD)
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Farrah confides in Grace (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers. A jukebox cake
8.00 The Goldbergs. Beverly takes up dancing,
but her family are unimpressed (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory. Raj tries to take the
credit for Penny’s astronomical discovery (AD)
9.00 Timeless. A mission accidentally
strands Garcia Flynn in 1934
10.00 Naked Attraction (AD)
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
12.00 Celebrity First Dates (AD) 1.05am
Tattoo Fixers (AD) 2.10 Naked Attraction (AD)
3.05 Timeless 3.55 The Goldbergs (AD)
4.40 Couples Come Dine with Me
8.55am Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A Place in
the Sun: Winter Sun 11.35 Four in a Bed
2.10pm Come Dine with Me 4.50 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun 5.55 Ugly House to Lovely
House with George Clarke (AD)
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. An endangered
black rhino is introduced to new mate (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud heads to a
village in Surrey, where Philip and Andrea Traill
have ambitious plans for their Grade II-listed
Victorian timber-clad barn (4/8) (AD)
9.00 Building the Dream. New series. Charlie
Luxton meets self-building duo Caroline and
Chris in south London, who hope to build
an urban marvel on a very tight plot
10.00 24 Hours in A&E. The lives of patients
facing adversity head-on, including a 61-year-old
former cancer patient now battling an
aggressive ear infection (6/8) (AD)
11.10 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown.
Jon Richardson and Jayde Adams take on
Sean Lock and Joe Wilkinson in the quiz
12.10am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA
1.05 24 Hours in A&E (AD) 2.10 Building the
Dream 3.15-4.00 8 Out of 10 Cats: Best Bits
11.00am Terror in a Texas Town (PG,
1958) Western starring Sterling Hayden (b/w)
12.40pm The Spoilers (12, 1955) Western
starring Anne Baxter (b/w) 2.20 Gun Fury
(U, 1953) Western starring Rock Hudson 3.55
Three Faces West (U, 1940) Drama starring
John Wayne (b/w) 5.30 Hondo (PG, 1953)
Western with John Wayne and Geraldine Page
7.10 Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver
Surfer (PG, 2007) The superhero team faces
a powerful alien sent to prepare Earth for
destruction by its planet-eating master. Sci-fi
adventure sequel starring Ioan Gruffudd (AD)
9.00 The Dressmaker (12, 2015) A fashion
designer returns to her home town in the 1950s,
planning to reconcile with her mother and get
even with her enemies. Drama starring Kate
Winslet, Judy Davis and Hugo Weaving (AD)
11.20 Regression (15, 2015) A detective
finds evidence of a satanic cult when
investigating a case in which a man admits to
sexually abusing his teenage daughter. Thriller
starring Ethan Hawke and Emma Watson
1.30am-3.55 Drowning by Numbers (18,
1988) Black comedy starring Joan Plowright
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale (AD)
8.25 The Cube 9.25 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
10.20 The Bachelorette 12.15pm Emmerdale
(AD) 12.45 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Top 100
Sport Stars 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.50 Take Me Out
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Jenny Harper moves
in with Evelyn and her boyfriend Marty
8.30 Superstore. Amy’s daughter gets a job
at Cloud 9, while Garrett and Dina argue
about who broke up with whom (AD)
9.00 FILM: Hot Fuzz (15, 2007) A zealous
policeman is relocated to a sleepy country
village, where a series of grisly so-called
accidents arouses his suspicions. Action comedy
starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (AD)
11.25 Family Guy. Stewie auditions in drag (AD)
11.55 Family Guy. Stewie clones himself (AD)
12.25am Family Guy (AD) 12.55 American Dad!
(AD) 1.50 Two and a Half Men 2.15
Teleshopping 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat 8.00 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.25 Agatha Christie’s Marple (AD) 12.30pm
The Royal 1.35 Heartbeat (AD) 2.40 Classic
Coronation Street 3.45 On the Buses 4.50
You’re Only Young Twice 5.25 George and
Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica travels to
Mexico City on a research trip (AD)
8.00 Endeavour. The discovery of a
2000-year-old body provides Morse and
Thursday with fresh clues in a five-year-old
missing persons case that may be linked to a
pagan ritual to celebrate the harvest (4/4) (AD)
10.00 The Street. When Joe Jennerson’s
identical twin brother chokes on a sweet and
dies, he cannot resist taking on the role of his
sibling. Drama starring David Thewlis (1/6)
11.20 The Street. Eddie agrees to attend a
charity auction in a bid to impress his first love
Pat — unaware it will spark a chain of
unfortunate events. Timothy Spall stars (2/6)
12.45am Agatha Christie’s Marple 2.25
ITV3 Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase 6.50 Pawn Stars 7.30
Ironside 8.30 Quincy ME 9.30 Minder (AD)
10.35 The Saint 11.40 The Avengers 12.45pm
Ironside 1.50 Quincy ME 2.55 Minder (AD)
3.55 The Saint 4.55 The Avengers
6.05 Cash Cowboys. Scott Cozens and Sheldon
Smithens find a rare art deco item
7.00 Pawn Stars. Corey gets a job offer
7.30 Pawn Stars. The guys play miniature golf
7.55 Mr Bean. The bumbling hero tries his level
best to turn a babysitting job into a fun-packed
day at the fair. Rowan Atkinson stars (AD)
8.25 Mr Bean. The hapless hero finds an
ingenious way to bag a bargain (AD)
9.00 The Motorbike Show. Henry and Sam get
the engine in the Harley Bobber restoration
10.00 FILM: Hard Target (18, 1993) An
out-of-work merchant sailor investigates
sadistic hunters who stalk human prey in New
Orleans. John Woo’s action thriller starring
Jean-Claude Van Damme and Yancy Butler (AD)
12.00 The Americans (AD) 1.10am Lethal
Weapon (AD) 2.05 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive
2.55 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Top Gear (AD)
8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage Hunters
10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top Gear (AD)
3.00 Sin City Motors 4.00 Steve Austin’s
Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Room 101. Frank Skinner hosts
6.40 Would I Lie to You? Guests include Keeley
Hawes, Stephen Mangan and Kevin Bridges
7.20 Would I Lie to You? With Ronnie Corbett,
Sarah Millican, Holly Walsh and Julian Clary
8.00 Sin City Motors. Reality television show
following the exploits of a car fabricator (AD)
9.00 Taskmaster. New series. With Alice Levine,
Asim Chaudhry, Liza Tarbuck, Russell Howard
and Tim Vine. See Viewing Guide
10.00 Room 101. With Greg Davies,
Ben Fogle and Janet Street-Porter
10.40 Live at the Apollo. Comedy sets by
Frankie Boyle, Simon Evans and Aisling Bea
11.40 QI XL. Extended edition. With Sarah
Millican, Ross Noble and Colin Lane
12.40am Would I Lie to You? 1.20 Mock the
Week 2.00 QI 2.40 Would I Lie to You? 3.20
Parks and Recreation 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning (AD)
9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Juliet Bravo 11.00
The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20 Are You
Being Served? 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 You Rang, M’Lord? 5.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! Jeffrey stands in for the vicar
6.40 Are You Being Served? The staff have to
attend a conference outside working hours
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Hobbo
tries to establish where he was born
8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe. A clubber is found dead
from a suspected drug overdose — but the
autopsy results reveal an even more disturbing
truth. Bernard Cribbins guests (5&6/8) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. A retired detective arrives to
help reinvestigate one of his original cases when
a missing girl’s DNA is found at the scene of a
petrol station robbery in Clapham, south London.
Denis Lawson joins the cast (4/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon seems to be
losing Chris, and the ownership of the cafe
12.00 The Bill 1.00am London’s Burning (AD)
2.00 The Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Scotland’s Murder Mysteries 7.10
Pointless 8.00 Time Team 9.00 Coast (AD)
10.00 Murder Maps 11.00 Abandoned
Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time Team 1.00pm
Planet Earth (AD) 2.00 The Blue Planet (AD)
3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Murder Maps 5.00
Abandoned Engineering (AD)
6.00 The World at War. The French army’s
defeat in 1940. Narrated by Laurence Olivier
7.00 A Tale of Two Sisters. The relationships
between female historical figures and their
sisters, beginning with the story of Amelia
Earhart and her sibling Grace Muriel (AD)
8.00 Secrets of Britain. Charting the
history of subterranean London
9.00 Porridge. A midday cuppa causes a stir
9.40 Porridge. Fletcher finds three is a crowd
10.20 Porridge. The inmates stage a mock trial
11.00 dinnerladies. Work experience day leads
to chaos. Starring Victoria Wood (AD)
11.40 dinnerladies. Jean gets angry with the
customers and Petula has interesting news (AD)
12.20am dinnerladies (AD) 1.00 The World at
War 2.00 Mummies Alive 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm Peppa (r) 5.10 Oran le Fiona (r) 5.15
Creag nam Buthaidean (Puffin Rock) (r) 5.25
Ben & Hoilidh san Rioghachd Bhig (Ben &
Holly’s Little Kingdom) (r) 5.50 Seonaidh
(Shaun the Sheep) 6.00 Sràid nan Sgread
(Scream Street) (r) 6.15 Dragonan: Reis chun
an iomaill (Dragons: Race to the Edge) (r) 6.35
Donnie Murdo (Danger Mouse) (r) 7.00
Stoidhle (The Dressing Up Box) (r) 7.30
Speaking Our Language (r) 7.55 Fraochy Bay
(r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Leugh Mi
(Book Show) (r) 9.00 Ceum Air Cheum
(First Steps) (r) 10.00 Seòid a’ Chidsin: The
Kitchen Coves 10.30 Port (r) 11.00-12.00
Baby Killer? Sgeulachd Jessie King (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r) 6.15 Bobi Jac (r)
6.25 Guto Gwningen (r) 6.40 Tomos a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 6.50 Ty Mel (r) 7.00 Boj (r) 7.15
Heini (r) 7.30 Wibli Sochyn y Mochyn (r) 7.40
Bing (r) 7.50 Teulu Mewn Bacpac (r) 8.00
Cymylaubychain (r) 8.10 Byd Begw Bwt (r)
8.15 Y Teulu Mawr (r) 8.30 Cled (r) 8.40 Meic
y Marchog (r) 8.55 Dwylo’r Enfys (r) 9.10 Stiw
(r) 9.25 Oli Dan y Don (r) 9.35 Nodi (r) 9.45
Tecwyn y Tractor (r) 10.00 Hafod Haul (r)
10.15 Bobi Jac (r) 10.25 Guto Gwningen (r)
10.40 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r) 10.50 Ty Mel (r)
11.00 Dysgu Gyda Cyw: 123 (r) 11.10 Dysgu
Gyda Cyw: Mwnci’n Dweud Mwnci’n Gwneud (r)
11.20 Dysgu Gyda Cyw: Dwylo’r Enfys (r)
11.35 Dysgu Gyda Cyw: Da ’Di Dona (r) 11.45
Dysgu Gyda Cyw: Sbarc (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 12.05pm Crwydro (r) 12.30 Y Ty Arian
(r) 1.30 Garddio a Mwy (r) 2.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30 Tro Breizh Lyn
Ebenezer (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil
5.05 Stwnsh: Boom! 5.15 Stwnsh: Dennis a
Dannedd (r) 5.25 Stwnsh: Lois yn Erbyn Anni
(r) 5.35 Stwnsh: Llond Ceg (r) 6.00 News S4C
a’r Tywydd 6.05 Her yr Hinsawdd. Professor
Siwan Davies continues her journey around
California (r) (AD) 6.30 Mwy o Sgorio.
A special programme previewing the final of
the JD Welsh Cup 7.00 Heno 8.00 Pobol y
Cwm. Non receives bad news from the college,
and Iolo is frightened when he realises that
Sion has been left in Wendy’s care by Greta
(AD) 8.25 Wil ac Aeron: Taith Rwmania. Wil
Hendreseifion and Aeron Pugh join a billionaire
family who run a modern farm 9.00 News 9 a’r
Tywydd 9.30 Elis James: Cic Lan Yr Archif.
Comedian Elis James goes in search of
characters in Welsh film and television 10.00
Dim Byd/Mwy. A new police officer walks the
beat in the town of Nefyn in Gwynedd (r) (AD)
10.30 Galw Nain Nain Nain (r) 11.05-11.40
Cadw Cwmni gyda John Hardy (r)
14
Wednesday May 2 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
1
2
3
4
Codeword No 3325
5
6
22
7
11
6
7
26
10
Train Tracks No 397
4
23
3
3
20
16
11
18
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7641
18
19
6
X
8
7
24
24
11
7
17
12
3
8
13
16
14
7
11
20
3
6
14
6
13
17
8
26
13
19
13
5
3
4
6
3
2
3
3
4
6
H
9
10
23
1
24
5
5
4
11
4
15
22
6
22
6
24
8
4
13
13
6
16
3
16
4
15
7
2
20
15
6
23
3
26
24
19
2
19
1
3
24
14
8
A
11
3
16
9
24
4
4
16
11
25
13
8
1
3
13
1
17
11
23
21
19
6
12
15
3
3
25
21
21
11
16
B
20
26
9
7
24
3
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
21
6
Across
1
7
8
9
10
12
13
16 Control, supervise (8)
17 Former Spanish currency (6)
18 Unthinkingly eager (4,2)
20 Fit to be eaten (6)
21 Waking signal (8)
A power of 1 Down (8)
Wild cat (6)
Serviette (6)
Nerve cell (6)
Equestrian (8)
A power of 1 Down (7)
A power of 1 Down (7)
A
D
Z
U
K
I
B
E
A
N
GE
Q
EU
I
AN
E
Y
A
ND
A
AG
I
CO
N
T H
A
S OD
S
J
DWH I
A
C L OC
L
H
FORA
W R
N I
A
N D
NGRE
13
4
3
16
22
13
8
1
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
X
Down
Solution to Crossword 7640
CO L L
A U
RAM
O B
B L AC
G
B L OB
L
ONCE
S O
S I V A
O E
MARS
5
OR
A
I N
G
T E
R
K S
L L
A
S S
T
S S
1
2
3
4
5
6
10
11
14
15
19
Number (3)
Exploiting openings (13)
Narrow sharp fragment (6)
Arabian spirit (6)
Protecting spirit (8,5)
Maker's product title (5,4)
Fast (4-5)
Organic compound (5)
Rubber (6)
Time still to come (6)
Lowest number (3)
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answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
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Try our new word puzzle
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Lexica No 4245
U
H
B
E
No 4246
P
A
U
F
B
T
M
J
L
C
A
O
I
C
C
B
T
U
D
I
E
L
G
Y
T
A
M
See today’s News section
U
R
S
H
R
B
N
A
Z
K
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Medium No 4317
Futoshiki No 3163
5
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
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O
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4
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Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
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37
22
3
6
23
4
22
4
11
35
11
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
12
8
<
>
>
4
38
4
11
29
23
4
15
7
34
∨
∨
3
14
6
12
16
33
30
14
4
16
24
35
9
5
8
13
21
17
4
34
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
28
16
17
3
16
© PUZZLER MEDIA
18
the times | Wednesday May 2 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
The opening rounds of the Vugar
Gashimov Memorial tournament
in Shamkir, Azerbaijan resembled
more an international peace conference than a grandmaster chess
tournament. Today’s game was
the sole decisive encounter from
the first four rounds, while after
the fifth round there had been
just three wins from the first 25
games. For Magnus Carlsen’s
contribution to the somewhat
belated spirit of bellicosity see
today’s Winning Move. Today’s
game shows a resurgent Veselin
Topalov in action.
White: Veselin Topalov
Black: Shakhriyar Mamedyarov
Vugar Gashimov Memorial,
Shamkir 2018
Ruy Lopez
1 e4 e5 2 Nf3 Nc6 3 Bb5 a6 4 Ba4
Nf6 5 0-0 Nxe4
This is the Open Variation of
the Ruy Lopez. It was a favourite
of Dr Siegbert Tarrasch and Viktor Korchnoi, both world title
challengers in their day.
6 d4 b5 7 Bb3 d5 8 dxe5 Be6 9 Be3
The Open Variation is noted
for its long theoretical analyses.
In this position a heavily analysed
alternative is 9 Nbd2 Nc5 10 c3 d4
11 Ng5.
9 ... Be7 10 c3 0-0 11 Nbd2 Nxd2
12 Qxd2 Na5 13 Bc2 Nc4 14 Qd3
g6 15 Bh6 Nxb2 16 Qe2 Re8 17
Nd4 Bd7
Black has grabbed a pawn
while White hopes to attack on
the kingside. In this extensively
investigated variation, Black’s 17th
is a new try. Usual is 17 ... Qd7.
18 f4 c5 19 Nf3 Qb6 20 Qf2 d4 21
Bg5 dxc3 22 Qh4 c4+ 23 Kh1 Bf8
24 f5
________
árD DrgkD]
àD DbDpDp]
ßp1 D DpD]
ÞDpD )PG ]
Ý DpD D !]
ÜD 0 DND ]
ÛPhBD DP)]
Ú$ D DRDK]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
White has given up most of his
queenside in order to hurl his
forces into action against the
black king.
24 ... Nd3 25 e6 Bxe6 26 fxe6
Rxe6
Black has defended correctly.
With four pawns for his sacrificed
piece he now stands better.
27 Rad1 Rae8 28 Bxd3 cxd3 29
Rxd3 Re4 30 Bf4 Be7 31 Qg3 b4
32 Ng5 Bxg5 33 Bxg5 Qe6 34 h3
Qe5
Trading queens is incorrect.
True, complete annihilation of
White’s queenside by means of 34
... Qxa2 permits the dangerous
riposte 35 Rd7. However, the coup
juste is 34 ... Re5 35 Bh6 a5, focussing on the gradual advance of his
queenside pawn phalanx.
35 Kh2 Qxg3+ 36 Kxg3 h6
An inexplicable blunder. After
36 ... a5 Black is well in the game.
37 Bxh6 Re1 38 Rf6 R1e6 39 Rf2
Re2 40 Rd5 Rxf2 41 Kxf2 f6 42
Be3 Black resigns
Although Black still has two
pawns for the piece he now has
no way of mobilising his queenside pawns.
________
á DrDkD D] Winning Move
àDb1 gp0r]
ßpDn0pD D] White to play. This position is from
Shamkir 2018.
ÞDpD D D ] Carlsen-Wojtaszek,
The world champion played the inferior 1
Ý D DP) 0] g4 here and won only after Black made
ÜDPH D D ] subsequent errors. How could Carlsen
ÛPGP!BDP)] have won with a classic Sicilian thrust?
ÚDKDR$ D ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
EASY
17 + 4
x 3 – 12
MEDIUM
13
+ 68 x 2 – 75
HARDER
SQUARE
IT
84 x 6 + 986
♣62
♣2
♣Your strategy is the same with all
three — you’ll pass whatever reply
partner makes to your 2♣. The
worst-case scenario is a 5-2 diamond
fit (if, holding a 3♠ 3♥2♦5♣ shape,
partner responds 2♦) or a 4-3
major fit (with the second or third
hand) but, given your club
weakness, a 4-3 fit 2♥ /♠ will
probably play better than 1NT.
There’s one other weak hand to
consider — a hand wishing to
make a weakness take-out into
clubs. No longer able to bid 2♣ as
a weakness take-out, it is best to
pass 1NT unless you have six clubs.
However, if you do have six clubs,
+ 2/5
OF IT
– 14 ÷ 7
2/
3
+68
+ 1/2
OF IT
+ 65
+779
+ 1/2
OF IT
OF IT
x 3 – 447
5/
6
OF IT
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
+ 1/2
OF IT
+593
2
4
4
5
3
8
6
4
3
4
3
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
3
Set Square No 2125
From these letters, make words of four
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 12 words, average;
16, good; 22, very good; 28, excellent
x
Enter each of
-
-
= 20 the numbers
+
3
+
= 14
-
÷
+
÷
=
36
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
sum should be
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
+
+
x
Yesterday’s answers
etui, let, lit, lite, liter, litre, lute, quiet,
quilt, quilter, quirt, quit, quite, ret, rite,
rut, rutile, tie, tier, tile, tiler, tire, true,
tui, tule, ute, utile
2
=
8
=5
=
7
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Killer Tricky No 5986
11
4
13
17
25
12min
22
10
9
16
17
12
20
39
17
13
20
Solutions
Quick Cryptic 1081
Codeword 3324
D
O
G
F
I
G
H
T
CON J UG
R
I
G
ANGE L
F
H
Y
T U T S
B
L
A
S P Y I NG
W
T
EMB L A Z
R
U
C
V I C T I M
E
K
D
S A S H
P
I S HWA
I
A
I R A F F
E
ZM I R
E
O T A I R
O C
O F F E R
F
L
E
CH I N A
C
N
H
D I
OW E
T
H
E
D
A
M
B
U
S
T
E
R
S
E R
S I P
A
I
R
GE N I E
D G
Y
NOR A K
L
L
U
A L L OON
N
F
T I GE R
I
E
V A S I V E
R
D
Z
P A R AGE
Sudoku 9836
6
17
20
18
10
3
9
11
11
19
1
6
7
3
9
2
8
5
4
9
4
3
8
5
1
7
6
2
8
2
5
7
6
4
3
1
9
7
9
4
6
8
5
1
2
3
2
8
6
1
3
7
9
4
5
Set Square 2124
3
5
1
4
2
9
6
8
7
5
3
9
2
1
6
4
7
8
4
1
2
9
7
8
5
3
6
6
7
8
5
4
3
2
9
1
Killer Deadly No 5987
15
34
51min
36
11
15
19
29
23
9
17
13
32
20
11
25
+
÷
+
9
-
x
x
6
+
1
+
4
-
7
2
1
5
6
4
3
9
7
8
7
4
9
5
1
8
6
2
3
6
8
3
9
7
2
4
1
5
5
7
2
8
3
4
1
6
9
1
6
4
7
9
5
8
3
2
3
9
8
2
6
1
7
5
4
8
2
1
4
5
7
3
9
6
4
3
6
1
2
9
5
8
7
9
5
7
3
8
6
2
4
1
24
8
4
2
1
5
7
9
6
3
6
9
7
4
3
2
8
5
1
1
3
5
8
9
6
2
4
7
5
2
1
6
7
9
4
3
8
4
8
9
3
1
5
7
2
6
7
6
3
2
8
4
5
1
9
2
1
8
9
4
3
6
7
5
3
5
4
7
6
8
1
9
2
9
7
6
5
2
1
3
8
4
15
24
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
5
8
2
9
6
1
7
4
3
6
7
4
2
8
3
9
5
1
1
3
9
7
4
5
2
6
8
4
1
7
3
2
6
5
8
9
9
2
8
5
1
4
6
3
7
3
6
5
8
7
9
4
1
2
8
9
6
4
3
2
1
7
5
2
4
3
1
5
7
8
9
6
7
5
1
6
9
8
3
2
4
8
4
3
1
5
7
2
9
6
2
1
9
3
4
6
5
7
8
4
8
5
7
2
3
9
6
1
3
7
1
9
6
8
4
5
2
9
6
2
4
1
5
7
8
3
5
3
7
2
8
1
6
4
9
6
2
4
5
3
9
8
1
7
1
9
8
6
7
4
3
2
5
2
5
3
1
8
7
1
2
3
3 4
1 5
8 9
7 9
6 4 7 9 8
2 5
9 8 6
4 7 3
5 7
1
9 7
1 2
1
9 7
3 6 4
3 1 2
5 2
9 7 1 2 4 5 3
8 9 6 4
2 1
1 2
3 1
4
5
3
2
1
7
8
3
1
1
3
5
2
Train Tracks 396
1
Quintagram
1 Cork
2 Orion
3 Spanner
4 Bombard
5 Raspberry
5
1
5
1
5
5
4
3
2
6
A
4
3
3
+
3
-
5
1
2
A
C
O
W
U
O
O
L
V
E
T
P
S
A
G
S
A
T
P
O
O
O
L
I
5
4
2
1
2
∨
1
3
1
4
∨
3
2 < 3
∨
1
5
4
∨
3 > 2
∧
5
1
KenKen 4316
2
I
P
N
T
A
2
I
N
V
E
S
Futoshiki 3162
5 > 4
D
E
R
E
P
Cell Blocks 3207
Lexica 4244
K
T
O
A
K
E
4
2
6
2
5
3
6
7
5
Suko 2226
Word watch
Brain Trainer
Gimp (b) A tapelike trimming
of silk, wool,
or cotton
Graip (b) A longhandled fork for
digging dung
Guan (b) A large
American
arboreal game bird
3
∧
5
4
2
2
3
Easy 36
Medium 849
Harder 5,114
Chess
Killer 5985
7
5
6
8
9
2
1
3
4
Kakuro 2121
A L
S T OP
F
N
A
R
F R I AB L E
R
C O
T
ACKBON E
Y
E
X
C L OS E T
B
S
O
ON
A J AR
N
B O
E
S
EQUA L
A
A
R
A
I QUANC Y
B
Killer 5984
14
5
+
B
Sudoku 9838
19
8
Lexica 4243
Sudoku 9837
2♥ (as a weakness take-out).
Neither 1NT nor 2♥ would have
made; 2♠ , reached only because of
Weak Stayman, handled nicely.
Declarer let West’s ♣K lead win
the first trick, beat the ♣Q that
followed with ♣A and returned
♣10,
cutting
defensive
communications.
West won ♣J and switched to
♠ Q. Winning ♠ A, declarer led
♦4 to void dummy. East won ♦J
and led ♠ 9 to ♠ J and ♠ K.
Declarer finessed ♥Q, cashed ♥A,
ruffed ♦6, ruffed ♥5, ruffed ♦8
and ruffed ♥8. She gave up the
last trick to East’s ♠ 10 but that was
nine tricks and 2♠ made plus one.
SQUARE
IT
© PUZZLER MEDIA
16
The Next Level
the solution (if you are not playing
2. Stayman
Transfers) is to bid 2♣ then, over
(iv) Weak Stayman
partner’s response, follow with 3♣,
Normally, you’ll use Stayman which partner must pass. This is
when you have game-going values called “Phoney Stayman”. If you
with a precisely four-card major. are playing Transfers (our next
However, you can also use topic), bid 2♠ as a weak hand with
Stayman as a rescue bid — to a six-card minor. Partner has to
improve the part-score.
bid 3♣ and you’ll pass.
The clearest shape (facing part- Dealer: South ♠ K 8 4 2
ner’s 1NT opener) with which to per♥10 8 5 4 2
form a Weak Stayman (“Garbage” in Vul: Neither ♦2
♣7 6 3
the USA) is a hand with five cards in
♠Q J
♠ 10 9 7
N
one major and four cards in the
♥7 3
♥K J 9 6
W E
other. If partner responds 2♥/♠ ,
♦K 9 7 5 3 S
♦AQ J
you’ll pass; if partner responds 2♦
♣KQ J 9 ♠ A 6 5 3 ♣8 4 2
(no four-card major) you’ll correct
♥AQ
to Two of your five-card major,
♦10 8 6 4
which partner will pass.
♣A 10 5
Restricting yourself to 5-4 in the
majors is not being creative
S
W
N
E
enough, though. Here are three
1NT
Pass
2♣(1) Pass
other hands that can bid 2♣ over
End
2♠
partner’s 1NT (12-14).
(1) Weak Stayman. If partner responds
♠
K
J
2
♠
A
J
3
2
♥
/
♠
,
you’ll
pass; you’ll correct 2♦ to
♠J 9 8 2
OF IT
+6
Polygon
Bridge Andrew Robson
♥J 5 3 2 ♥J 7 6 2 ♥Q J 3
♦Q J 8 3 2 ♦K J 4 3 2 ♦10 9 8 4 2
70%
OF IT
2/
3
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Shamkir
Cell Blocks No 3208
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
1 Nd5! exd5 2 exd5 is overwhelming
as White regains the piece with a
winning attack. If Black tries to retain
the piece he will be crushed with a
typical variation being 2 ... Nb8 3 Bd3
g6 4 Bf6 winning
Quiz
1 Westminster Abbey 2 The Muppet Christmas Carol
3 Derek Jacobi 4 First Gulf War or 1991 Gulf War
5 Charles I 6 Roberto Calvi 7 Beetles 8 Uranus
9 South Korea 10 Cecil Beaton. He detailed his life
at the house in the 1949 book Ashcombe: The Story of
a Fifteen-Year Lease 11 Elbert Hubbard 12 Loriot
13 Nikolai Kardashev — as in the Kardashev scale
14 Steve Cram 15 Volkswagen Beetle
02.05.18
MindGames
Difficult No 9839
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Gimp
a To hobble
b Trimming on a
garment
c One lacking willpower
Graip
a A crowbar
b A digging implement
c A wrestling hold
Guan
a Dung
b A game bird
c A sunhat
Answers on page 15
Fiendish No 9840
1
Super fiendish No 9841
5
5
8
4
2
4
3 7
9 8 2
9
6 3
5 3
1
8
1
9 4
9 8
2
7
2 3 5
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
7
6
2 1 4 9 3
4
5
3
6
1
6 4
8
2 7
7
9 1
6 3
2 8 1
5
9
5
4
7
4 7 3
7
5
9
2
7
4
3
2 1
8 7
1 6
8
9
3
5
9
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2226
ALAMY
RMS Lusitania, wrote
the 1899 essay A
Message to Garcia?
1 In 1695, the composer
Henry Purcell was buried
in the north choir aisle
at which London church?
12 What was the oneword stage name of
the German comedian
Vicco von Bülow
(1923-2011)?
2 Michael Caine played
Ebenezer Scrooge in
which 1992 film?
3 Who played the title
roles in the TV dramas
I, Claudius (1976) and
Cadfael (1994-98)?
4 Andy McNab wrote
Bravo Two Zero about
a compromised SAS
patrol in which war?
5 While living in
England, the painter
Anthony van Dyck was
knighted by which king?
6 Which Italian banker,
chairman of Banco
15
Ambrosiano, was found
hanged under Blackfriars
Bridge in 1982?
7 Which insects are
studied by a coleopterist?
8 Which planet is
named after the
personification of
heaven in Greek
mythology?
9 Jeju is which Asian
country’s biggest island?
10 In 1930, which
English photographer
and designer leased
Ashcombe House
in Wiltshire for £50
a year?
11 Which US author, who
died on the torpedoed
13 Which Russian
astrophysicist proposed
a scale to measure
a civilisation’s level
of technological
advancement?
14 Which British
athlete was the first
man to run 1,500m in
under 3 minutes, 30
seconds (in 1985)?
15 Which German car
is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1082 by Hurley
1
2
3
4
5
8
11
12
19
22
7
9
10
16
6
13
14
17
15
18
20
21
23
Across
1 Frank old writer (4)
4 Some swell night? Almost (44)
8 Like distinguished lady from
Tyrol man upset (8)
9 Novice that you rule out
initially (4)
10 Cut with sharp instrument
making you tetchy, avoiding
outsiders (4)
11 Rep I mess about in place of
business? (8)
12 We hear ship’s company do
needlework for castaway (6)
14 Adjusted in advance — Peter’s
arranged for it (6)
16 Make assessment of camp
regularly — commendation
follows (8)
18 Manager back in harness, so
busy (4)
19 Display behind Medical
Officer, working (4)
20 Permitted to back one
politician? It’s suggested, but
not stated (8)
Yesterday’s solution on page 15
22 English soldiers in canvas
shelter or another building? (8)
23 Bird he’s introduced to artist
(4)
Down
2 Colonizer pupil at first learnt
about (7)
3 Direction from minor thane
(5)
4 White end falls off magic rod
(3)
5 A ploy Peel developed for
experts? No (9)
6 Similar to some fruit teachers
find agreeable (7)
7 Shrub — small, covered by red
stuff (5)
11 Price changed, price not right?
Precarious situation! (9)
13 Street cooker — that’s odd! (7)
15 Like bathrooms maybe, enamel
originally, executive used in
northeast (2,5)
17 Verify quietly on ramble (5)
18 Pipe from Rhode Island
displayed in pub (5)
21 Letter-perfect postman (3)
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