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The Times Times 2 3 May 2018

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The Italian author waging war on misogyny
May 3 | 2018
2
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Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
times2
This woman
I’m writing my
misery memoir.
It’s full of horrors
Deborah Ross
I
have decided to make my
own contribution to misery
lit. I think this genre, in its
present form, dates from
Frank McCourt’s Angela’s
Ashes in 1996 and there
hasn’t been a let-up since.
For a while it did all get a bit
out of hand — A Boy Called ShitFace!, The Girl Whose Ears Were
Burnt Off! — but lately I have
read three particularly brilliant,
and brilliantly literary, ones:
Educated by Tara Westover, The
Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
and In Days of Rain by Rebecca
Stott. They have all been, or still
are, on the bestseller lists and, to
put it simply but truthfully, I want
a piece of the action.
You may think my perfectly
happy, perfectly middle-class
childhood does not sound too
promising as a backdrop for a true
story involving abuse, cruelty,
violence and the indomitable
nature of the human spirit, but I
think what I have to say will
surprise you. I have begun writing
it already — not difficult since
once I got started it all came
tumbling out — and here’s where
I’m up to so far:
I grew up in a house where
nobody was safe from stately
home visits, Brownies, regular
dental check-ups and violin
lessons. My siblings and I would
plead for it to stop. We’d plead for
the trips to Blenheim or
Chatsworth or Leeds Castle to
stop. “Not another stately home!
Mummy, Daddy, no!” We’d plead
for the violin lessons to stop.
“Mummy, Daddy, since none of us
shows any aptitude whatsoever
and still can’t tell one end of the
violin from the other after all
these years, it is plainly cruel!”
Yet there were worse cruelties.
One time I hid in the coat
cupboard when the violin teacher
Trump in
his own
words
A 2015 letter from
Donald Trump’s doctor
describing Trump’s
health as “astonishingly
excellent” was dictated
by Trump himself, says
Dr Harold Bornstein,
who signed the note.
Trump made the letter
public on the eve of the
presidential primary
contests to allay
concerns about his
arrived, and my hope was that my
mother would drag me out and
throw me against a wall by my
hair, but instead she just said,
“You’re being very silly,” and,
“Here is an ice cream.” I have to
wonder: did it never cross her
mind that I might wish to write
misery lit one day, yet here she
was, doing absolutely everything
in her power to not help? Here
she was, depriving me? How
much would it have cost her to
call me shit-face or burn my ears
off, really? How much would
it have cost her to join the
Plymouth Brethren (Stott) or
prohibit me from attending school
(Westover)? Did she never look
round and see how other mothers
were supporting their children in
this way? But she couldn’t have
been nicer, the bitch.
My father. He was no better.
“This beef is delicious. New
recipe?” he might say to our
mother. “Good day at school?”
he might say to us. And on and
on it went — “Shall we go to
Hampstead Heath with the
kites?” — when he could have
been coming home violently
drunk and slapping us about or
holding knives to our throats or
fitness, and it states
that “his physical
strength and stamina
are extraordinary”
before concluding with:
“If elected, Mr Trump, I
can state unequivocally,
will be the healthiest
individual ever elected
to the presidency.” And,
fair’s fair, Barack
Obama did always look
sickly in comparison.
Trump is said to have
form in this regard, but
I can’t think of another
example. Drums
fingers. Stares out of
window. Whistles. Oh
yes, it’s coming to me
now — and IT’S ONLY
. . . and now she’s doing the same here.
Paola Diana tells Helen Rumbelow
why women everywhere need her help
forcing us to use lethal farm
machinery (Westover, again). It
beggars belief. It beggars belief
that he never stopped in his
tracks to think: “I’m not giving
any of my kids anything to write
about here.” Thanks, Dad. And
thanks for the large, wellappointed, well-maintained home.
Because, what? You couldn’t face
abject poverty with mould up the
walls and floorboards so rotten
any of us could have fallen
through, breaking our necks?
Wells’s parents did that for her,
unquestioningly, but you? You
were never about making that
kind of sacrifice, were you? You
didn’t even have us toying with
lethal farm machinery the once.
Hours and hours you put in,
teaching us to swim and ride
bikes, but when it came to lethal
farm machinery, you just weren’t
there for us . . .
So this is my story, and it’s only
thanks to our indomitable spirit
that my siblings and I not only
survived, but have all ended up as
functional university-educated
professionals. And one other
thing: we were never allowed
Ribena because it was bad for our
teeth. What bastards, honestly.
GETTY IMAGES
MY FAVOURITE
TRUMP MAYBE
PRETENDING TO
NOT BE TRUMP
LETTER OF ALL
TIME! Thank God I
remembered it.
The letter, which was
published in New York
magazine in 1992
and resurfaced only
recently, was signed by
his “secretary”, Carolin
Gallego. It reads, in full,
because it would be
such a pity otherwise:
“Based on the fact that
I work for Donald
Trump as his secretary
— and therefore know
him well — I think he
treats women with
great respect, contrary
to what Julie Baumgold
implied in her article . . .
I do not believe any
man in America gets
more calls from women
wanting to see him,
meet him or go out
with him. The most
beautiful women, the
most successful women
— all women love
Donald Trump.”
No “Carolin Gallego”
has been traced, from
inside or outside the
Trump organisation.
But, fair’s fair, we do all
have the hots for him.
We must give him that.
H
er father had a rule
when he kicked
and punched his
daughter: she must
not look into his eyes.
“He used to tell me,
‘Look down.’ He
couldn’t bear to see
that I hated him. He couldn’t bear the
fact that he was wrong and I was right.”
Paola Diana grew up in Padua, near
Venice, in what she describes as a
typical Italian household. To the
outside world her country was a stuckin-time Disneyesque resort, home to
glorious pasta and ancient monuments.
From the inside she describes it as a
stuck-in-time male playground, with
men babied or exonerated at the
expense of its economy and progress.
Diana’s late father, a doctor, ruled
with absolute authority — women
were to serve domestically or sexually.
The government was led by men
steeped in what would become the
notorious “bunga bunga” culture. At
the top of the pile was what Diana
calls “the greatest monarchy in the
world”, the Vatican, the power base of
a religion “by men for men”, in which
women are barred from promotion
and cast in servile roles.
A switch flicked in Diana’s head. Her
father did not treat her or her mother
with respect, so why should she
respect him? Just for his maleness? She
would remain defiant for the rest of
her life. Her radical new book, Saving
the World, argues that the treatment of
its women is the only indicator needed
for a society’s worth and that Britain is
the country best placed to be a global
equalities crusader.
We meet on a chilly day in the
luxurious Hyde Park headquarters of
Diana’s several companies, which
serve the super-rich. She sports a
white lace minidress, a deep tan and a
mane of hair that she sweeps out of
the way so we can begin. At 42 she
looks a bit like — and I realise I am
resorting to stereotype here — a
young Nancy Dell’Olio. I say she is
not what I was expecting, and she
sighs. “I hate stereotypes. So in
order to be taken seriously maybe
I should be older, sad, ugly, poor,
from the left?”
Rightly rebuked, I realise that Diana
is one of the most confounding people
I’ve met in years: a high-glamour,
highly political, charming and
combative entrepreneurial polemicist.
“We have lost our ability to become
indignant,” she writes in her book.
She hasn’t. She wants Britain to ban
“sickening” burkas; offer major tax
relief on nannies and cleaners for
working parents; treat domestic
violence as a “social emergency”; and
call out Saudi Arabia for its “medieval”
practices. She says she can’t help but
be bold. Don’t be misled by her
Instagram feed, which drips with
diamonds and bikinis — I left the
interview in awe of her willingness to
say the unsayable, no matter what
trouble it will cause.
Does she feel the pressure of
political correctness? “No, I don’t care.
This is the truth. Someone has to say
it. Speaking the truth is the most
powerful, revolutionary thing to do.”
She says she has been a rebel since
childhood and it cost her dearly. Her
father chased her around the house in
bouts of feverish violence. Her mother
was too terrified to protect her
because she was dependent on her
husband. “Honour killings” carried an
especially light sentence in Italy until
1981. “We were the perfect family from
the outside and he was the perfect
Catholic man.”
Diana remembers looking in the
mirror after one of his beatings and
saying: “ ‘Paola, from now on, you
don’t have a father.’ A girl of eight. It
was heartbreaking.”
She left home as soon as she could
and spent a decade doing battle in
Italy is beautiful
to go to for
holidays, but a
lot has to change
male-dominated Italian politics. Life
was better, but it would not be great
until she left Italy and a husband who
she describes as unsupportive. “That is
not a country for women,” she says.
Her career in Italy was marred by
sexist attitudes from employers. She
was lucky: during graduate work in
political science she was recruited by
a key member of the Romano Prodi
campaign. She went on to lead think
tanks. In 2006 she founded one called
Pari Merito (Equal Merit) that lobbied
government and employers on why
Italy has one of the lowest female
employment records in Europe. It is
the cause more than the effect, she
says, of why the Italian economy has
stagnated for two decades.
During this time she searched for a
British nanny, eventually realising how
many other families wanted the same,
and not just in Italy, but across the
globe. She founded an agency, then
branched out into other agencies for
the super-rich. Five years ago she
moved to London. “London is the
heart of the high-net-worth
community. Especially those from the
Middle East.”
She could not enter Italian politics
(“They don’t want me — I’m too
empowered”). She is an economic
conservative and social liberal and
feels slightly more at home on the
right than the left. Yet, she says, the
right laboured under Berlusconi. All
this added up to a toxic culture for
women, of the kind that Elena
Ferrante, the author of the My Brilliant
Friend series, describes in stories where
domestic violence is ignored and men
are cosseted by their mothers. Italian
women, wrote Ferrante, “have to
the times | Thursday May 3 2018
3
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times2
took on Italy’s sexist men
hold too many things together and
often sacrifice their aspirations in
the name of affections”.
Diana says: “That’s why I took my
daughter out of there.” How would she
feel if her daughter, 16, wanted to
return? She doesn’t want to, Diana
says. “She wants to be free. She wants
to pursue her dreams, have a career.
Italy is beautiful to go to for holidays
but a lot has to change.”
Since Diana’s book became a
bestseller in Italy two years ago she
has returned to lobby for tax breaks
on domestic work and met many
ministers and the president of the
senate. “They all said, ‘My God, it’s a
brilliant idea . . . but of course it’s a
women’s issue,’ and in the end they
don’t care.” She is interested in
becoming active in politics in this
country (“Eventually. I would love it”).
When Diana arrived in London
as a single mother of two she felt
immediate relief. “England is a magic
country . . . Everything is possible,” she
writes. Here she met
other women who
were founding and
leading organisations.
In Italy, she says, senior
businesswomen largely inherit their
positions from male relatives. Diana
believes the Queen was important in
acclimatising a population to a female
ruler, paving the way for Margaret
Thatcher. When will Italy have a
female leader? She snorts sarcastically.
It is partly, she says, a Catholic thing.
She admires the Church of England’s
modern stance on female bishops. The
more Protestant north of Europe does
better because of this egalitarian
attitude. She jokes about funding a
mass exchange between people in
England and Scandinavia and the
southern Italians. “We could take
these people from the north, give them
tax advantages to live in the south of
Italy where they can enjoy the
weather and help us so much . . . It’s
one reason why British culture is more
Top: Paola Diana.
Above: Silvio
Berlusconi
Saving the World by
Paola Diana, published
by Quartet, £12.50
evolved. Thank God you divided the
church at the time of Henry VIII.”
Of course the Vatican gets a kicking.
“It’s so powerful, but it’s an exclusively
male power. The women there are
treated like servants.” Yet all the major
religions, she says, are founded on
similar principles: enshrining the
primacy of husbands and fathers. Few
people, she says, would countenance a
religion in which black people were
not allowed promotion, or forced to sit
at the back of the room, or cover their
faces, but in the case of women we
have become inured.
In the book she describes feeling
“sickened” by seeing women in burkas
in London. Britain, such a “civilised
and enlightened country”, must
protect these women by law, she says.
“Every time I see this scene I feel pity
for the women and contempt for the
men,” she writes. “The man walking in
pride, showing off his caught prey.”
Yes, I say, but what can you do? “It’s
easy. The law of this country, the law
of all countries, should change. You
don’t allow anyone — not just women
— to completely cover their face.
Covering a face is literally killing an
identity. It’s wrong. I would love to see
men covered with burkas, for a few
hours, when it’s hot. Let’s ask them:
‘How are you feeling? Good?’ ”
The same goes for domestic
violence. One or two women are killed
each week by a current or former
partner in England and Wales. If the
roles were reversed, Diana says, “there
would be the highest investigation and
protection: why are all these husbands
being killed? Because it’s women, we’re
brainwashed. That’s why I talk about
the perils of indifference.” If men were
dying, she says, “there would be the
army coming to the house, the SAS,
MI6 — seriously”.
If she were the prime
minister what would she
do? She says that Great
Britain, with its tradition
of female leadership, is
best placed to lead an
alliance of north European
countries, plus America
and the Antipodes, in a
foreign policy based on
women’s rights. “England
should take the lead in
delivering the global
community from the toxic
cloud of tyrannical male
chauvinism,” she writes.
I murmur that this seems
a little narrow, but she has
only just begun. Can’t I see this is the
key to it all? Domestic violence is
associated with terrorism. Women’s
entry into the workplace is shown to
be better for children’s health and
prospects. The United Nations has
reported that when women work,
economies grow. When women are on
the board, companies do better. Where
women can do as well as men, we all
thrive. She should be exhausted after
this speech, but she is more passionate
than ever. “To build democracy in a
country you need the sociological
background to be ready. So you need a
middle class and you need women to
be empowered, that’s the key. There’s
no other way. I don’t understand why
our politicians aren’t talking about it.
They don’t get it. It is all connected.”
The lowdown
Macron
Macron’s turned on the charm and
is flirting again.
What? You mean Trump’s no longer
his number one new bezzie? I still
haven’t got over the pictures of them
as the bromance blossomed — the
one of them playing together
planting that tree. Oh, and that cute
moment when Trump flicks away a
fleck of dandruff . . .
Yeah, yeah, that’s all so last week.
The jet-setting Frenchman is in Oz
now. And he’s got a new twinkle
in his eye.
Not Malcolm Turnbull? Really?
A metropolitan man can never
have too many bromances. You
should know that. But, as it
happens, it’s not Turnbull —
it’s his wife that he’s after.
His wife? Oh là là! The sly fox . . . he
loves an older woman.
Sure does. Although, at 60,
she is five years younger than
Madame Macron.
How do we know this? Has there
been a petit rendezvous down under?
He thinks she’s “delicious”
apparently.
Delicious? I was just a little bit sick in
my mouth. I hope the schoolteacher
gave him a stern look.
I’m sure there will have been words
last night.
And what did poor Lucy Turnbull
have to say about the French
president’s advances?
Apparently it’s a translation error.
Monsieur Macron was thanking the
Turnbulls for their exquisite
hospitality when it seems
he tripped overr
his words. So I
don’t think there
re
are any hard
feelings — even
n if
the audience were
ere
left aghast.
I’m not surprised.
ed.
I’m not going to
o
get “delicious”
out of my head
for a while.
Ben Clatworthyy
4
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Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
times2
I led the Falklands SAS mission
Former captain
Andy Legg on
how a plan to blow
up Argentine jets
armed with Exocet
missiles went awry
I
n April 1982, a few days after
the Argentine invasion of the
Falklands, I was ordered to
report to the SAS camp in
Hereford. I was 28, a captain
in B Squadron, and had spent
five years in the army, two of
them in the SAS in Northern
Ireland and Oman.
At 8am the next day we were told
there would be an undercover SAS
operation by B Squadron to remove
the threat of enemy jets stationed
at Rio Grande on Tierra del Fuego,
off the southern tip of Argentina,
400 miles from the Falklands. The
Argentine Super Étendard jets carried
Exocet missiles and posed a serious
threat to the Royal Navy task force
and the 5,000 troops heading for the
islands. Our job was to destroy them.
The SAS operation I took part in
was ambitious, audacious and,
ultimately, completely ineffective,
proof that the SAS’s reputation for
infallibility can run aground on reality.
Operation Mikado was simple,
echoing the wartime origins of the
regiment when the fledgling Special
Air Service destroyed hundreds of
enemy planes during hit-and-run raids
on north African airfields. Two C-130
Hercules planes with 60 men on board
would make a low-level approach at
night over the sea and land stealthily
at Rio Grande. Land Rovers armed
with heavy machineguns would burst
on to the airfield, fan out, destroy the
enemy aircraft and kill the pilots in
their accommodation blocks. The
squadron would split into small groups
and make their way to the border.
There was no discussion of the plan
— we were on a war footing — but
SAS men are not stupid, and serious
questions were raised. Argentina had
sophisticated radars: how were we
going to land two fully laden RAF
planes without being spotted?
Still, the plan was sanctioned by
Margaret Thatcher and the war
cabinet, and we began training for the
assault in earnest, night and day: longdistance forced marches in Wales,
hours on the rifles ranges, nightnavigation exercises, night-ambush
drills and parachute drops. At Wick
airport in the north of Scotland, with
six inches of snow on the ground, we
practised low-level approaches and
landings by night to test the feasibility
of flying low in off the sea without
being picked up on radar. D and G
Squadrons were sent off to the South
Atlantic; B Squadron was held back.
On May 14, 1982, a week before
British troops were due to land on
the Falklands, we met the director of
the SAS (DSAS), Brigadier Peter de la
Billière, for our final briefing in the
operations centre at Hereford HQ.
De la Billière was a truly iconic
Andy Legg’s SAS
medals, belt and badges
and, below, Legg in
his military days
figure in the regiment, the mostdecorated soldier in the British Army
at the time.
He walked in, informed me I had
passed the junior staff college exams,
then told us that the mission had
changed completely. Instead of a fullscale attack on Rio Grande, I would be
leading a nine-man patrol on a searchand-destroy mission to Rio Grande
codenamed Operation Plum Duff.
Someone asked: “Any other
intelligence on the enemy forces, sir?”
None. When we asked about the
method of insertion into Argentina
the DSAS said: “We think you will be
using a submarine, but we could be
using a fast frigate and a patrol boat,
or we could use a helicopter.
Tomorrow you will be taken to
Ascension Island and then flown down
to the South Atlantic, where you will
parachute into the sea.”
I asked: “If we are going into
Argentina on a helicopter one way,
what happens when they find that
helicopter? You cannot just get rid of
it. It is pretty large.” He basically said:
“It is not your concern.”
I don’t know what action, if any, was
taken to address our concerns.
By the time we reached Ascension
Island, just south of the Equator, I felt
we were on a one-way trip. We had
little intelligence, few maps, no aerial
photographs of Rio Grande and little
idea of any enemy forces. It was going
to be a wing-and-a-prayer job.
After another ten hours flying
down over the South Atlantic, we
rendezvoused with the RFA Fort
Austin, off the Falklands, and
parachuted fully loaded into the sea
with all our kit, hoping to be quickly
fished out by a small boat. It was 20
minutes before they found us and later
took us to HMS Invincible.
The next day we heard we were
going into Argentina aboard a
stripped-down Sea King helicopter,
which would then be abandoned and
blown up by the crew. We had food for
only three days because, as well as
taking our normal kit, weapons and
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We’d been issued with one-man tents,
but because of all the extra stuff we
didn’t have room for the tent poles.
We took off from HMS Invincible in
total darkness. I could see the lights of
an oil rig. Near the Argentine coast
the navigator said we had been
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the times | Thursday May 3 2018
5
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times2
that no one wants to talk about
GETTY IMAGES; EWEN SOUTHBY-TAILYOUR; WOOLLEY & WALLIS, IAN INSKIP
detected on their radar, so we started
to fly at low level, through the fog. The
Royal Marines pilot and the navigator
were using night-vision goggles.
After 15 minutes we reached the
drop-off point northeast of Rio Grande
airbase on the island of Tierra del
Fuego, which shares a border with the
southern tip of Chile near Cape Horn.
One of the patrol had actually got
down off the aircraft and was standing
alone in Argentina when suddenly we
saw lights and a flare going off. We
were clearly compromised, so we
hauled him and his kit back on board
and headed for the secondary drop-off
point, flying at low level.
As we headed towards the border
with Chile, the visibility was awful and
we had to gain altitude to 2,000ft. But
at that height we could be picked up
on radar, so we made a decision to go
on into Chile and land as close to the
border as possible. We would then
cross back into Argentina and
continue the mission.
We landed and headed back towards
Argentina, across fairly rough terrain.
Meanwhile, the helicopter crew flew
on, abandoned their aircraft in the sea
close to Punta Arenas in Chile, blew it
up with demolition charges and went
into hiding.
We established a lying-up position,
tried to work out where we were and
made contact with our SAS base at
Hereford with a state-of-the-art
satellite phone borrowed from US
special forces. Hereford asked for my
wife’s name as proof we
were not being held at
gunpoint because at
that point they
thought we might
actually have been captured.
d I gave
her name and they said: “Right, carry
on — get some eyes on the ground.”
It was bloody awful and much colder
than I imagined it would be. One of
my men was quite ill. He’d been
freezing cold when he was fished out
of the sea only 24 hours before. We
medicated him and let him rest for a
bit. We worked our way eastwards
towards the Argentine frontier, but
was the border just a line on a map, or
was there a barbed-wire fence?
By the third day we were running
out of rations and it became obvious
From top: British
ih
soldiers march towards
Port Stanley; the burnt
out Royal Navy Sea
King helicopter found
at the shoreline of the
Magellan Strait in 1982.
Below: Legg’s patrol
parachuting into the
South Atlantic
we would need to regroup. We talked
to Hereford again. The instructions
were to move west to a position
from where we could give them
our precise location so they could
arrange to pick us up.
They tried to find us, but by now we
were four days into the operation and
still in Chile. The batteries went and
the satellite phone had packed up.
Getting back into Argentina was not
going to happen without a resupply of
food. We could probably manage for
six days on three days’ rations, but
could not hold out for ever. Operation
Plum Duff was running out of time.
I decided to leave the rest of the
guys and go with another man to
locate some support. After several
hours’ walking a Toyota pick-up truck
came along carrying logs. He dropped
us off at Porvenir, which looked like a
western shanty town.
We stood out in our military
uniforms. We carried 9mm pistols.
Using some dollars and Argentine
currency we checked into a guest house
and I telephoned the British Consulate
in Punte Arenas, saying we were British
soldiers, that we had run out of food
and needed support. He didn’t want to
know, saying: “Well, you’re going to
have to give yourselves up.”
When it was dark we wandered
about Porvenir; then something
unbelievable happened. I had noticed
a four-wheel-drive vehicle and looked
through a restaurant
window
and saw three
w
other SAS guys. I had
o
aabsolutely no idea they
were going to be there
w
because no one had told
b
us to go to Porvenir.
u
Using their
U
pick-up truck, we got the
p
rrest of the lads and all our
kit, and holed up in a safe
k
house close to the airstrip
h
near Porvenir, while
n
Hereford decided what to
H
do with us.
d
hoped to get into Argentina
We still ho
and finish the operation, but flew on
a small Chilean air force plane to
Santiago, where we stayed in a safe
house, a big bungalow, for a week,
waiting to see whether Hereford were
going to fly us back south again.
We had our uniforms and kit in
packs and our weaponry with us, and
we were all dressed in civilian clothes.
The days were spent talking and
waiting to see what happened next.
There was reading material and I
played chess with another of the men.
We cleaned our weapons and rested
because we were pretty knackered.
Our expectation was that we were
going to be sent back south.
Then one morning they said: “You
are going back to Hereford.” We went
on a civilian flight, dressed in civilian
clothes. Our kit was moved separately.
A passport was dished out to me just
before we got on the plane. We were
deliberately dotted around the plane
so we didn’t talk to each other, and we
wore assorted borrowed clothes. I had
a cashmere jumper lent by the staff at
the British embassy. We flew to Sao
Paulo, then Lisbon and on to London.
We did not go through passport
control. The next day, at HQ, I
discovered that my squadron boss had
been dismissed after saying that
Operation Mikado was not simply
Our SAS base
asked for proof
we weren’t being
held at gunpoint
foolhardy, but downright unachievable.
It was a view that many members of
B Squadron held. Like the other
blokes, I would like to have returned
home with a better war story to tell.
They probably felt, like me, cheated.
An Intelligence Corps officer
attached to the SAS said: “Just calm
down and deal with it. Keep your
mouth shut because the stakes are so
high on this.” He later told me that
they subsequently discovered that the
Argentine air force was not actually
keeping the planes on the Rio Grande
airfield at all. They were stationed on
the runways on the huge estancias
because they had their own airfields.
De la Billière later blamed the
squadron. “I was dismayed to find that
the attitude of this unit remained
lukewarm,” he wrote in his
autobiography. Speaking of Operation
Mikado, the brigadier said: “I had
to do what I thought was right for
all the people whose lives were going
to be at stake.”
Even though the board of inquiry
exonerated me, I felt I was being
blamed for something. But there
is no way anyone forced me out of
the SAS. I forced myself out. Mike
Rose, my commanding officer, who
was not involved in the operation,
said in a letter: “He decided to
resign for his own reasons.” Every
May, when the anniversary came
around, I always used to feel a
bit down.
Today I have moved on, but I’ve still
got my demons. You don’t really forget
about it. We didn’t blow anything up,
the jets were not even on the target
airfield, and only one of my team set
foot, for a few minutes, in Argentina.
You would have to imagine your men
could walk on water to have had any
chance of succeeding, at least based on
the intelligence we were privy to.
Who dares wins, but proper
planning, reliable information and
back-up always help.
As told to Michael Bilton
6
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Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
the table
Oh, no, not a ham
sandwich again.
The pros and cons
of mono-lunching
The MP Dominic Raab denies eating the same thing
every day, but a surprising number of people do it. Is
being a creature of habit so bad, asks Harry Wallop
E
very day Ned Vaught
leaves his office in Bath
and pops across the road
to Waitrose to buy his
lunch. It consists of a pot
of Itsu chilli miso rice
noodles (£1.75) and a bag
of Propercorn peanutbutter-and-almond popcorn (£1.59).
The 48-year-old, who runs Imp, a
public relations company, says: “I know
it doesn’t sound very exciting, but the
thing with me is that I hate spending
time thinking about what I’m going to
have for lunch. I’d rather just have it.
And spend the rest of the time thinking
about something more exciting.” You’re
never tempted to go wild and maybe
try the Itsu satay rice noodles? “No,” he
says with a laugh. “I don’t know why I
have fixed on that particular flavour.”
A lot of us are creatures of habit, but
how many people can claim to be
devout mono-lunchers? Vaught is
among a group whose midday meal
never varies: the same sandwich, the
same soup or the same flavour of the
same brand of the same rice noodles
every single day. Their lunch is as
fixed as Nelson atop his column.
Light was shed on this curious group
last week when a tabloid sting exposed
an MP’s aide allegedly earning money
on the side as a high-class escort. The
detail that everyone seized on, though,
was not the sex. It was the lunch of the
aide’s boss, Dominic Raab, the housing
minister. Every day he was said to eat
a Pret a Manger chicken caesar and
bacon baguette, a Pret superfruit pot
and a Vitamin Volcano smoothie from
the same chain. “He is so weird. I get
it for him. I go to Pret. That’s how I
know,” the aide revealed to the
reporter. “It’s the Dom Raab special.”
Westminster was ablaze. Previously
the most interesting fact about Raab
was his black belt in karate. Now it is
his lunch. Should a minister in Her
Majesty’s government really be so
monomaniacal? How can he come up
with innovative ways of improving the
Help to Buy scheme if he hasn’t got
the wit to send his secretary, just
occasionally, to Leon for a grilled
halloumi wrap? Raab recognises as
much himself and now claims to
occasionally opt for a spicy Italian
baguette instead. From Subway.
Which is just as well, since Ayela
Spiroof of the British Nutrition
Foundation says: “Variety is a key facet
of healthy eating. We advise a wide
variety of fruit and veg so you can get
as many phytonutrients as possible.”
Ironically, some people eat the same
lunch every day in the belief that it
will make them healthier, or at least
help them to control their weight.
Scientists at the University of Buffalo
in the US a few years ago found that a
group of women who consistently ate
the same meal for lunch consumed
fewer calories over a 24-hour period,
prompting headlines in the media that
eating the same lunch every day could
help people to slim.
In comparison with the carb-heavy
meal that those in the research group
ate (macaroni cheese), Raab’s lunch is
a powerhouse of nutrition. There’s lots
of fruit in there. However, it also totals
821 calories and contains a whopping
51.8g of sugar. In fact, it has more
sugar and calories than you would find
in four Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Putting aside nutritional concerns
about eating the same lunch every day,
is it really so weird to keep plumping
for the same option? Not according to
Vaught. “I thought it was a non-story.
In fact, it makes me feel good that this
is what a government minister would
do. MPs are incredibly busy. If they
spent 20 minutes over their food
choices, I’d find that worrying.”
The story, indeed, highlighted quite
what a revolution Britain’s lunchtimes
have undergone since 1980 when
Marks & Spencer sold the country’s
first packaged sandwiches.
No longer were office workers
limited to their staff canteen or
spending luncheon vouchers at
the local caffs. With each year
another dizzying variety of
pulled-jackfruit wraps, pastrami
on pretzels, sushi handrolls,
burritos and freekeh salads hit the
shelves thanks to the emergence of
Pret, Eat, Leon and all the other lunch
chains. The assumption is that if you
aren’t partaking in this smorgasbord,
there’s something wrong with you.
Vaught and Raab are certainly not
the only ones to reject this tyranny of
choice but it’s tricky to pin down the
exact numbers of mono-lunchers.
I’d find it
worrying
if MPs
spent 20
minutes
over their
food
choices
Dominic Raab
Chicken and bacon
baguette
Every year some company or other
conducts a survey of a few thousand
people and concludes that somewhere
between an eighth and three quarters
of us eat the same thing for lunch
every day — and that the most
common choice is a ham sandwich.
Polls are one thing, but what about
our real buying habits?
Sainsbury’s, which operates the
Nectar loyalty card, is able to track
its customers’ purchases. It took some
time out from launching its mega
merger with Asda to crunch some
numbers for The Times. It looked at all
of its 1.9 million sandwich purchases in
the week between April 13 and 19.
Of those customers who bought its
most popular ham-and-cheese
sandwich, 11 per cent returned on two
further days to buy another, with 3 per
cent buying it every weekday. Cheese
and onion has an even more loyal
following, with 12 per cent buying it
three days across that week and 3 per
cent buying it every working day.
Buyers of Red Leicester ploughman’s
can’t match that level of
commitment. But why? In God’s
name, why would you want a
Sainsbury’s cheese-and-onion
sandwich from Monday to Friday?
Vaught has fixated on his miso
soup and popcorn only for the past
few months, prompted in part by a
stomach condition forcing him to go
gluten-free. Yet his single-lunch
obsession has been going for decades.
“Twenty years ago I was a travel agent
at Trailfinders and I had the same
lunch for five years. Free lunch was
one of the perks. It was a baguette
with cheese and horseradish.”
Cheddar? “No, it was Jarlsberg.
I realised I was spending too long
figuring out what to have every day.
And eventually I could just say, ‘Ned’s
special’, and they knew what it was.”
A desire to free up not just time but
“brain space” was Vaught’s primary
reason. However, he was also
encouraged by reading an interview
with David Lynch, the Twin Peaks
director, who comes from the same
town in Montana where Vaught spent
his childhood. Lynch admitted going
to Bob’s Big Boy Diner in Los Angeles
and having the same meal every day
for seven years: a thick chocolate
milkshake, followed by about six
coffees with lots of sugar. Lynch said
that it helped him to be creative. “To
find out that there was this huge star
who came from the same place that I
did, who ate just like me, made me
think it was OK,” says Vaught.
This is the image of mono-lunchers:
obsessive, possibly creative oddballs.
Steve Jobs, the former boss of Apple,
was famous for wearing the same Issey
Miyake black polo neck every day, but
he also went through phases of
mono-lunching. For months at a time,
according to his biographer Walter
Isaacson, the vegan would eat nothing
but apples and carrots until his skin
took on a strange carotene hue.
Then there was J Edgar Hoover, the
founding director of the FBI, who was
as obsessive about lunch as he was
about finding reds under the bed. He
had the same lunch every day for 20
years: chicken soup, white toast, half a
grapefruit, and cottage cheese with
lettuce. Yum. Meanwhile, Anna
Wintour, the editor of American Vogue,
supposedly always lunches on a steak
or a bunless burger with salad, a choice
that does nothing to dispel her image
as the fashion industry’s Nosferatu.
the times | Thursday May 3 2018
7
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GETTY IMAGES
the table
What the celebs mono-lunch on
Why Britain’s best cooks
won’t be massaging kale
by Lucy Holden
I had the
same
lunch for
five years:
a baguette
with
cheese
Jennifer Aniston
Cobb salad
Anna Wintour
Steak and salad
Chrissy Teigen
Seabass
Andy Murray
Grilled salmon
Sadiq Khan
Fruit salad
Gwyneth Paltrow
Chicken salad
Mariah Carey
Norwegian salmon and capers
David Lynch
Chocolate milkshake
The female cast members of Friends,
Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and
Lisa Kudrow, shared the same lunch
every day they were on set making
Generation X’s most popular sitcom.
It was a Cobb salad, which is a sort of
American salade niçoise, which has all
the finesse and lightness you’d expect
from a country that looked at cricket
and came up with baseball. Eggs,
cheese and bacon feature heavily.
Worse, Aniston personalised it. “It was
a Cobb salad that Jennifer doctored up
with turkey bacon and garbanzo beans
and I don’t know what,” Cox said in an
interview. “She has a way with food.”
Salads are also the thing that Sadiq
Khan and Gwyneth Paltrow reach for
at lunch, although the actress prefers a
grilled chicken one, while the London
mayor reaches for a fruit selection.
Then there are the habitual fish eaters.
Last year, the American model Chrissy
Teigen tweeted that she eats sea bass
daily (“I have a garlic-covered whole
branzino a day. Sometimes two . . . I
can’t stop”), while pop diva Mariah
Carey proclaimed: “All I eat is
Norwegian salmon and capers every
day.” Salmon is, apparently, also the
default choice for Andy Murray.
So it is a mistake to think that eating
the same lunch every day is the
reserve of misfits, says Jessamy
Hibberd, a clinical psychologist. A lot
of daily processes are undertaken
without any decision-making, she says,
so why should it be any different when
it comes to deciding what to have for
lunch? “With so many decisions to
make each day, it’s just nice not to
have to think about it. I don’t think it
is weird at all.”
Hibberd also warns against labelling
this behaviour as OCD. “It’s not OCD.
Because OCD would be: ‘If I don’t
have that lunch something bad will
happen — my family will die.’ It’s an
obsessive nature, but not OCD.”
It is possibly autistic, however, says
Dr Pat Frankish, who is not only a
psychologist and a psychiatrist, but
also a mono-luncher. Every day for the
past “two to three years” she has had a
cheese salad sandwich, on brown, with
no butter, no mayo and no onions,
fetched by her receptionist, who gets it
from the local baker in Kirton-inLindsey, north Lincolnshire. She says:
“If you are on the edge of the autism
spectrum, it needs to be the same. If
it’s not the same, it causes anxiety.”
Hibberd says that she was a fan of
Steve Jobs and his ability to focus on
creating new gadgets rather than
worrying about what he was going to
wear or eat.
Isn’t it boring having the same thing
day after day? “Oh, I can’t be bothered
with it. It’s a waste of time. There are
more interesting things in the world,
aren’t there?” says Hibberd.
I tell her that few things give me
greater pleasure than fantasising about
what I am going to rustle up for my
lunch. “You obviously don’t work very
hard, do you?” is her reply. Touché.
I assumed that mono-lunchers don’t
actually like food. But Vaught, who
briefly was a professional cook, says
that’s not true. He enjoys food when
he goes out in the evening. And
indeed, if anything, his insistence on
the same meal for every lunch is in
part because he knows he will enjoy it.
“When you know you like something,
eating it every day is reliable.” Trying
something new risks a sharp pang of
disappointment. “It’s annoying. You feel
like you’ve wasted a hunger,” he says.
K
evin Bacon once said: “A
day without kale is like a
day without sunshine.” The
actor also outed his wife,
Kyra Sedgwick, as a “kalea-holic” and admitted to massaging
the leaves of his kale to increase its
flavour. Surely this is a joke, right?
Twice at lunch and dinner parties
in the past six months I’ve been
served “massaged kale”, which is
kinder to the teeth after it has been
relaxed, but as pretentious as kobe
beef. It does make it more edible
(anything would), but “massaged” is
a misnomer: “pummelled” would be
more accurate, with the main
advantage being a bit of stress release
through your fists. Kale “chips” are
everywhere too, but are possibly the
most disappointing invention yet,
given that the experience is akin to
eating the flaky scraps of dry
seaweed that encase sushi.
Hand on heart, does anyone truly
like kale? No, didn’t think so. And the
backlash against the tough
cruciferous curls, for so long beloved
of the fashionably healthy brigade,
has finally begun in earnest. Yes,
Mary Berry has spoken and kale, she
says, is well past its sell-by date.
The home-cooking connoisseur
has reassured viewers of her new
BBC series, Britain’s Best Home
Cook, which starts tonight, that kale
will be nowhere near the screen.
“You’ll notice that there’s not much
kale in the show,” she said,
pleasingly. “It’s the fashionable thing
at the moment. Four years ago it was
given to horses. Now it’s everywhere,
but I think it will pass.”
Since kale has been the most
fashionable thing this side of the
Hadid sisters for the past five years,
Berry may have been a little slow
on the uptake. Its big moment was
2014, when Emmett, the UK’s biggest
kale grower, peaked at weekly sales
of 72 tonnes, more than triple the
amount in 2008. Sales of sprouts,
beans and broccoli were up too,
but kale was the runaway success,
and supermarkets from Asda and
Tesco reported a rise in sales of up
to 90 per cent.
Hooked to the clean-eating trend,
kale was an easy sell. It is, after all,
packed with omega-3 fatty acids,
vitamins A, C and K, and has more
calcium, gram for gram, than milk.
It also has more iron than beef if
Beyoncé, above, and Mary Berry, right
you can bear to gnaw your way
relentlessly through 600g of it
instead of ordering a burger, and
without feeling like a cow chewing
the cud. Perhaps that’s what was on
Gwyneth Paltrow’s mind when the
actress and guru of the lifestyle
website Goop recommended
pureeing a bunch of kale with lemon
juice, agave nectar and half a cup of
cold water, to make a “sort of grassy
lemonade”. The juicer may need
some time and “a shove” to get it
going, she warned, but better the
juicer than our digestive systems,
I suppose.
Trendy ingredients, though, come
with connotations, and there has
always been something overly worthy
and smug about kale. If it were
personified, you wouldn’t want to
sit next to it at a dinner party,
knowing it would be an insufferable
bore and a bit preachy and definitely
wouldn’t drink. A bit like how some
people might envisage Paltrow.
And while last year Waitrose
reported that it was still selling a
pack of cavolo nero, chard or kale
every second, it was cavolo nero’s
increasingly cool status that was
thought to be partly behind it, while
curly leaf kale was this year removed
from lists of ingredients touted as
catwalk cool. Of course, cavolo nero
is actually a form of bumpy leaf kale
— it’s also known as Tuscan kale or
hipster kale — so don’t expect it to
slip into obscurity overnight.
However, opinions about the plant
are polarised. On one side are the
refuseniks, such as Berry, who has
imposed a de facto ban on Britain’s
Best Home Cook and overlooks it in
her cookbooks (there isn’t a single
entry for the stuff in her book Classic
Mary Berry). On the other side of the
divide are those such as Oprah
Winfrey, whose favourite soup is
apparently tomato and Tuscan kale,
and Melissa Hemsley, who steadfastly
includes 17 entries for kale in her
latest cookery book, Eat Happy. “For
a warmer day, kale is delicious raw,”
she insists in a recipe for Californiastyle kale salad with avocado
dressing. “The vinegar and salt in the
avocado dressing softens the sliced
leaves, which marinates the kale and
also makes it easier to digest.”
I’m with Berry on this one. Let it
be horse feed. Choose your side: the
kale wars have begun.
8
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Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
arts
Casa Verdi, where
Italy’s opera divas
retire (and plot
over their pasta)
Once they sang with Maria Callas. Now they are residents of
a remarkable Milanese institution. Tom Kington gets a tour
O
ne of the most
feared critics in
Italian opera is
padding around
her bedroom in a
Milan retirement
home, apologising
for accepting
visitors in stockinged feet.
Luisa Mandelli, 95, moves nimbly,
speaks fast and has crystal-clear
memories of her days as a soprano,
singing alongside Maria Callas in
Giuseppe Verdi’s La traviata at La
Scala in 1955. “I challenge anyone to
do 17 Traviata recitals in a season like
Callas could — she was the greatest,
she governed her voice,” she recalls.
For the past 16 years Mandelli has
lived at Casa Verdi, the elegant and
spacious home for retired and needy
musicians built by Verdi before his
death in 1901. But she is nowhere near
retiring. Two or three times a week
she rides the Milan metro to La Scala
to take her place
in the gods among the feared
loggionisti, the hardcore opera
fans whose booing has sent divas
storming from the stage, and who
“frighten to death” visiting stars,
according to the theatre’s chief
executive, Alexander Pereira.
And that is what makes her so
feared. “La Mandelli”, as she is known
at La Scala, is an undiscussed leader
of the loggionisti — her word is law
among them.
“I’m not the boss, but they do call
me the queen — many watch me to
see if I applaud,” says Mandelli,
dressed in a simple sweater and a
pleated skirt.
In 2013 a nervous director even sent
her flowers before staging a modern
version of Verdi’s A Masked Ball that
risked Mandelli’s wrath. Unimpressed,
she and the loggionisti hurled pieces of
paper from the gods that night with
the message “Enough with this
sacrilege”. The way La Mandelli sees
it, she is taking care of Verdi because
he is looking after her.
A haven of art nouveau friezes, dark
wood furnishings and Murano glass,
the retirement home was considered
by Verdi to be his greatest work, but as
a sign of his humbleness he ordered
that the opening be delayed until after
his death, so no one could thank him.
Today the home pays its annual
costs of €5 million with rents from
properties it bought with Verdi’s
royalties before they expired in 1962,
and 60 musicians, many of them divas
in their day, call it home.
“We do get a few rows over whether
to have the air conditioning on, and
how long the pasta should be cooked,
but it’s the usual things,” says the
home’s manager, Roberto Ruozi.
“I can be difficult,” Mandelli admits
with a twinkly smile.
Two floors down from her bedroom,
in a brightly lit music room, Lina
Vasta, 86, takes off her 1960s-style
white-framed sunglasses and starts to
play the piano before singing a
window-rattling snatch from Puccini’s
There are strong
characters here
and it’s not easy
to keep the peace
Above: Casa Verdi
in Milan. Above left:
Claudio Giombi and
Virginia Cattinelli
at the sanctuary
Gianni Schicchi. “There is nowhere
better than here,” says the soprano,
who performed regularly in Japan
and still receives Japanese students
at the home. Her housemates have
accused her of breaking into song too
often at dinner, but she claims she
only sings on request.
Farther down the corridor that
runs round a sunlit courtyard, the
pianist Raimondo Campisi, 70, has
donned a baseball cap and is
practising a piece by Verdi that he
plans to submit to the TV programme
Italia’s Got Talent. A classical pianist
who veered into jazz during his career,
Campisi once put a piano on a yacht
he moored in the Côte d’Azur and
gave concerts on deck. “There are
strong characters here and sometimes
it’s not easy to keep the peace,” he said.
“Music gives you adrenaline [that] it’s
hard to control.”
Entertainments
Theatres
HER MAJESTY'S 020 7087 7762
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THE PHANTOM OF
THE OPERA
Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30
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the times | Thursday May 3 2018
9
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arts
ALESSANDRO GRASSANI/NEW YORK TIMES/REDUX/EYEVINE
Upstairs, members of the public are
arriving for a recital by a young trio in
the concert room where the front row
is taken by residents of the home
ready to act as a jury.
One absence is Mandelli, who has
declared that she will not show up and
accuses the jurors of being rimbabiti,
which roughly translates as “senile”.
Among them is the tenor Angelo
Loforese, at 98 the eldest resident,
who is dressed in a smart tweed jacket
and tie and shows no sign of senility,
instead offering a clear opinion about
why opera singers, at least at the Casa
Verdi, appear to live for ever.
“Ours is almost an athlete’s life,” he
says. “You rehearse for 20 days before
a performance, and you really need
your health. One bad meal and your
voice will suffer, let alone a cold. That’s
why we live longer.”
Alongside him in the front row Bissy
Roman, a spritely 93, admits that she
dedicated herself exclusively to music
during her career coaching opera
singers in her native Romania. “The
Soviet Union was great because of the
music it produced — I ignored all the
politics,” she says.
It is a cast of characters worthy of
the 2012 film Quartet, which Casa
Verdi helped to inspire and starred
Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay and
Billy Connolly as residents of a
fictional home for retired musicians
in England.
Casa Verdi, however, is more than
just an old folks’ home. It also puts up
16 young music students, charging
them little, but asking them to dine
with the retirees.
In the sitting room overlooking the
piazza outside the home, where a large
statue of Verdi stands, the 79-year-old
baritone Lorenzo Saccomani is talking
conductors with the composer Marco
Infantino, 23.
“I worked with Claudio Abbado,
who could conduct from memory,”
marvels Saccomani, who made a name
for himself singing the role of Rodrigo
in Verdi’s Don Carlo during his career
at La Scala.
“Abbado even did Lux Aeterna
from memory!” replies Infantino,
citing the ethereal 1966 choral piece
by György Ligeti.
Soon to join the conversation is the
late conductor’s brother, the pianist
Marcello Abbado, 91, who is due to
check in to the house.
Sitting with the group, Livia Lanno,
20, a resident and trainee soprano at
Milan Conservatory, says that she is
bowled over by Mandelli’s charisma.
“She checks the lights are off at night,
makes sure people arrive for dinner on
time and closes the piano lids before
bed,” she says. “And at La Scala no one
in the gods applauds unless she says
so, even the young.”
Angelo Bonamore, 80, says that
he is an outsider, given his background
as a nightclub pianist and a huge
fan of Frank Sinatra. “I was told
when I moved in [that] they were
looking for other types of musician,”
he says. “About 10 per cent here are
like me, and there is a slight snobbery
towards us.”
Another member of the nonclassical minority, the jazz drummer
Leonello Bionda, 82, who played with
Above, from left:
former mezzo-soprano
Irena Domowicz; jazz
drummer Leonello
Bionda. Top, from left:
Luisa Mandelli with
Maria Callas in La
traviata in 1955 and in
her room at Casa Verdi
Chet Baker in Milan in the 1960s, says
the mix is important. “I think Verdi
would be happy to have us jazz
musicians here because we’re
different,” he says.
A glance at the characters Verdi
wrote into his operas — an eclectic
mix of nobles, gypsies and prostitutes
— suggests that Bionda is right. The
composer keenly depicted all of
society as he championed Italy’s
drive towards unification in the
19th century, becoming a national
hero in the process.
Her housemates
have accused her
of breaking into
song at dinner
Before he died in 1901, aged 87,
Verdi insisted on a simple funeral at
Milan’s municipal cemetery, without
music. But when his body was later
transferred to a tomb in the courtyard
at Casa Verdi it was accompanied by a
choir of 850, conducted by Arturo
Toscanini, which sang Va, pensiero,
his famous chorus from Nabucco.
An adoring crowd of 300,000 watched
the procession.
Today, above his coffin, an
epitaph states: “He wept and loved
for all of us.”
Donations from musicians to the
retirement home followed, but have
dried up in recent years, Ruozi says,
with the exception of the €6 million
bequeathed in the late 1990s by
Toscanini’s daughter and her husband,
the pianist Vladimir Horowitz.
The home’s investments cover costs,
and residents pay a small fee
depending on their income. The
regional authority pays a top-up for
the 20 residents who have no income.
“There is no longer that solidarity
among musicians that once meant
poor musicians were looked after,”
says Ruozi. “Today they don’t know
each other. Performers at La Scala
come from ten different countries and
come and go without even knowing
Casa Verdi exists.”
But not everyone has forgotten
Luisa Mandelli. Three years ago the
conductor Daniel Barenboim invited
her to Berlin to reprise the role of
Annina that she played in La traviata
with Callas. “I got to Berlin, but
the stairs on the stage were too
steep for me to climb, so I came
home,” she says.
She is still determined to travel,
and when The Times visits she is
packing her bags for a trip to Turin
to see a performance by a favourite
opera singer, Alex Esposito, whom
she has coached. “My Alex is a born
artist,” she purrs, adding that she had
packed two gifts for him: a half kilo
of coffee and a bottle of good
amaro liqueur.
Through her bedroom window
Mandelli catches a glimpse of the
Verdi statue in the piazza. “Verdi gives
me exuberance, and I thank God for
giving me this passion for music,” she
says. “Music keeps you young.”
10
1G T
Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
television & radio
Down on the farm it’s hard to find l’amour
PETE DADDS/BOUNDLESS/FREMANTLE MEDIA LTD/BBC
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Love in the Countryside
BBC Two
{{{((
Rich House, Poor House
Channel 5
{{{((
D
ating shows are television’s
cheeky Nando’s: cheap(ish)
cheerful (unless you’re a
chicken) and reliable in
a dull sort of way. The
worst are those in which the
participants are knowing, spout
rehearsed lines and have strops
so that they get all the airtime.
Love in the Countryside, a modern
twist on Farmer Wants a Wife from
2001, is higher quality in that most of
the contestants are middle-aged, shy,
lonely farmers in wellies working
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
American Art: From
the Outside In
Radio 4, 11.30am
Have you heard of Horace
Pippin? Almost certainly
the answer will be “no”, but
look him up: his pictures
are wonderful. They have
an LS Lowry feel, showing
people who are at once at
home in a humdrum place
and also at odds with that
place. Pippin was an
African-American artist
who attended segregated
schools, then left education
at 14 to look after his ill
mother. Not the sort of life to
which the art establishment
has paid much attention.
Now, as Alvin Hall explains,
that is changing with
exhibitions such as Outliers
and American Vanguard
Art in Washington’s
National Gallery of Art.
Duel
Radio 4 Extra, 6pm
“At 11.32am, Mann passed
the truck.” So begins
Richard Matheson’s short
story, read here by Nathan
Osgood. Mann thinks little
of the truck as he passes it
the first time; he’s on his
way to San Francisco. He
notices the truck more
when it overtakes him in
turn. Then a little more
when he overtakes it . . .
It remains a splendidly
creepy tale.
12-hour days and possibly wearing
yesterday’s undies. I don’t know what
this show is doing on BBC Two, which
I’m sure used to be all clever-clever,
but it did feature nice countryside and
a not-always-appreciated truth that
many people out in the sticks in these
kinds of jobs struggle to find l’amour.
The usual formula kicked in: the
contestants vetted the hopeful suitors
via awkward interviews, then rejected
some on camera so we could watch
their faces fall. Then they invited
the winners back to live at their
house/farm for a few days to see
if they could hack it.
Pete, a jovial Yorkshire dairy farmer
in a stained jumper, picked Helen,
Caroline and Francesca to come home
with him, although Francesca, 16 years
his junior with pouty lips and 6in
shellac nails, looked like she was on
the wrong show and should have been
on Blind Date. You could virtually see
the chemistry crackling between Pete
and Helen so I hope Sara Cox, the
presenter and a farmer’s daughter, will
soon be buying a hat. I don’t hold out
much hope for Francesca’s chances.
How could anyone date a grown
woman who calls cows “mooeys”?
Dammit. I hate it when my carefully
hardened crust of professional
cynicism cracks and I shed a tear at a
reality TV show. It’s easier all round
when you can be sneery. Yet it’s hard
to sneer at Rich House, Poor House,
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00
Dotty. New music 9.00 The 8th with Charlie
Sloth 11.00 BBC Radio 1’s Residency: TQD
12.00 BBC Radio 1’s Residency: Jubilee
1.00am Toddla T 3.00 Radio 1 Comedy:
Birthday Girls House Party 4.00 Radio 1’s
Early Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo. Nigel Barden creates one-tray
roast beef and potatoes 7.00 Bob Harris
Country 8.00 Jo Whiley 10.00 The Radio 2
Arts Show with Anneka Rice 12.00 The Craig
Charles House Party (r) 2.00am Radio 2’s
Tracks of My Years Playlist 3.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Have A Great Weekend 4.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Feelgood Friday 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show, featuring listener requests
9.00 Essential Classics
Ian Skelly presents the best in classical
music and the author Bernard MacLaverty
talks about his cultural inspirations
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Copland (1900-1990)
Exploring Aaron Copland’s life and music
against the background of events from the
20th century, recounting the struggles that
Copland endured through the 1950s as he
found himself persecuted by Senator Joseph
McCarthy for alleged communist activities.
Copland (Clarinet Concerto; The Tender Land
— The Promise of Living; Lincoln Portrait;
and Canticle of Freedom)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Sarah Walker continues the week of
Lunchtime Concerts recorded last year at the
Verbier Festival, with the Pavel Haas Quartet
performing Martinu, before being joined by
the violist Lars Anders Tomter for music by
Dvorák, followed by a Chopin mazurka
performed by the pianist Nikolai Lugansky.
Martinu (String Quartet No 3); Dvorák
(String Quintet in E flat Op 97); and Chopin
(Mazurka, Op 50, No 3 in C sharp minor)
Sara Cox, presenter of the dating show Love in the Countryside
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Penny Gore presents some of the best
operatic music never heard. Productions of
Weber’s fantasy Oberon are rare because the
plot is more crazy than most in opera —
there is too much talking and Weber died
young before he could replace the spoken
dialogue with music. But for this broadcast
of a lively new production from the
Bavarian State Opera the talking has been
minimised to show off the music that Weber
did compose. Ivor Bolton conducts the
Bavarian State Opera Chorus and Orchestra,
with the tenors Julian Prégardien and
Brenden Gunnell, the mezzos Alyona
Abramowa, Rachael Wilson and Anna
El-Khashem, the soprano Annette Dasch,
and the baritone Johannes Kammler
4.30 BBC Young Musician 2018
Performances from the annual contest
5.00 In Tune
Music, chat and arts news, presented by
Sean Rafferty. His guests include the
Hungarian trumpet player Tamás Pálfalvi,
who performs live ahead of a lunchtime
concert in LSO St Luke’s tomorrow
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
A specially curated playlist featuring music
Mozart, Orlando Gibbons and Malcolm Arnold
7.30 Live Radio 3 in Concert
Clark Rundell conducts the Royal Liverpool
Philharmonic Orchestra, the saxophonist Iain
Ballamy and the Julian Joseph Trio — the
jazz pianist Julian Joseph with the drummer
Mark Mondesir and Mark Hodgson on
acoustic bass — in a night of swinging,
sparkling, toe-tapping jazz live from
Philharmonic Hall, Liverpool. Ellington (Night
Creature); Gary Carpenter (Set for Saxophone
and Orchestra); Gershwin (Rhapsody in
Blue); Julian Joseph (Symphonic Stories,
Suite for Piano and Orchestra — includes UK
Premiere of new movement)
10.00 Free Thinking
Pauline Dakin compares notes with Sally
Bayley about a childhood on the run and
reading. Plus, New Generation Thinker Iain
Smith discusses his research into the history
of a film known as the Turkish Star Wars
10.45 The Essay: My Life in Music
The oboist George Caird considers the effect
that Orlando Gibbons’ The Silver Swan has
had on his life as he wonders if he has the
courage for a swansong of his own
11.00 Late Junction
Verity Sharp presents another selection of
music, including 1930s Zamibian kalimba
players, the experimental recorder of Sylvia
Hinz and the piano music of Richard Moult
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
With Martha Kearney and Nick Robinson
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 In Our Time
A discussion about one of the
great empires of the Islamic west
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: The Life and
Rhymes of Benjamin Zephaniah
The poet moves to London (4/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Including at 10.45 the Drama: Part four
of Linda Marshall Griffiths’ adaptation of
Henry James’ The Wings of the Dove
11.00 Crossing Continents
Lucy Ash explores the global success of the
Minsk Tractor Works in Belarus
11.30 American Art:
From the Outside In
The lack of recognition received by
African-American self-taught artists by US
institutions. See Radio Choice
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Four Thought
The novelist and poet Joe Dunthorne argues
lessons can be learned from mosh pits (r)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Chinese Characters
A profile of the martial arts star Bruce Lee
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Foreign Bodies —
Keeping the Wolf Out
By Philip Palmer. A former member of the
despised secret police has been found
brutally murdered and a special investigator
must find his killer (1/2) (r)
3.00 Open Country
Helen Mark explores the site of the
former copperworks near Swansea
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal
On behalf of Maternity Worldwide (r)
3.30 Open Book
John Harvey discusses his latest novel (r)
4.00 The Film Programme
Andrew Haigh discusses Lean on Pete
4.30 BBC Inside Science
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Alone
By Moray Hunter. Outrageous noises from
upstairs keep Mitch and Will awake (2/6)
which, yes, played us like cheap
violins, but it worked.
The premise is that an impoverished
family swaps homes and budgets with
a wealthy family, and we see what
each learns in different shoes. Yet the
killer ingredient was the families —
both lovely, although most of our
sympathies naturally went towards
Sarah and Ross who worked punishing
hours for their two young children yet
were still on the breadline, partly
through servicing a credit-card debt
that had grown through putting food
on the table. It was heartbreaking, but
they remained un-self-pitying, which
made it even worse. Colin’s tearful
empathy for Ross and his thoughtful
riffs on inequality and the poverty trap
made for quite profound TV, which
you can’t often say for this genre.
And what about that final twist?
Colin and Lizzy, both vets, paid off
the bulk of the other couple’s £11,000
credit-card bill and set up a joint
savings plan towards a deposit for
them to buy a house. I was already on
my second tissue when the cameras
showed the gasps of relief on Ross and
Sarah’s faces as the black cloud of
money-worry visibly lifted, and I had
to reach for a third. What lovely
people, what a testament to humanity,
but tough on the heartstrings. So
much easier when reality TV is
lightweight tosh.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
7.00 The Archers
Harrison is stunned
7.15 Front Row
Arts programme
7.45 Love Henry James: The Wings of
the Dove (4/10) (r)
8.00 The Briefing Room
Discussion of big issues in the news
8.30 In Business
Investigating the mobile labour force (5/8)
9.00 BBC Inside Science (r)
9.30 In Our Time (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Razia Iqbal
10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Valley at
the Centre of the World
By Malachy Tallack (4/10)
11.00 John Finnemore’s Double Acts
A Flock of Tigers. Two-hander comedy
written by John Finnemore (1/6) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
Political round-up
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: The Life
and Rhymes of Benjamin Zephaniah (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am J Kingston Platt’s Showbiz
Handbook 8.30 The Goon Show 9.00
Listomania 9.30 HR 10.00 The Master of
Ballantrae 11.00 Figs 11.15 Galbraith and
the King of Diamonds 12.00 J Kingston
Platt’s Showbiz Handbook 12.30pm The
Goon Show 1.00 John Mortimer Presents
The Trials of Marshall Hall 1.30 Non Stop
Party People 2.00 The Secret History 2.15
Shakespeare’s Restless World 2.30 The
Enchanted April 2.45 Sissinghurst: An
Unfinished History 3.00 The Master of
Ballantrae 4.00 Listomania 4.30 HR 5.00
Hopes and Desires. Toad Squad 5.30 Alone
6.00 Duel. Nathan Osgood reads the thriller
by Richard Matheson. See Radio Choice
6.30 Great Lives 7.00 J Kingston Platt’s
Showbiz Handbook 7.30 The Goon Show
8.00 John Mortimer Presents The Trials of
Marshall Hall. An ex-soldier is accused of
murder 8.30 Non Stop Party People. The
appeal of James Last 9.00 Figs. A man on a
coach dreams of figs 9.15 Galbraith and the
King of Diamonds. By Robert Barr. Starring
Bernard Hepton. Originally broadcast in 1975
10.00 Comedy Club: Alone. By Moray Hunter.
Mitch tries to avoid his sister-in-law 10.30
Ross Noble Goes Global. The comedian visits
Belgium 10.55 The Comedy Club Interview
11.00 Wondermentalist Cabaret. With Les
Barker, Pete Hunter and Jude Simpson 11.30
The Odd Half Hour. Sketch show
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport. With Eleanor Oldroyd 10.00
Question Time Extra Time 1.00am Up All
Night 5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with Lawrence Dallaglio 10.00 Jim White,
Ray Parlour and Bob Mills 1.00pm
Hawksbee and Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham
and Darren Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00
Sports Bar 1.00am Adam Catterall
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Nemone 10.00 Lauren Laverne
1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie
4.00 Steve Lamacq 6.00 Steve Lamacq’s
Roundtable 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 6 Music Recommends with Steve
Lamacq 1.00am From Mento to Lovers Rock
2.00 Classic Scottish Albums. Franz
Ferdinand 2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30
6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Nicholas Owen 5.00 Classic
FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00 The Full
Works Concert. Exploring soundtracks to
Oscar-winning pictures. Gershwin (An
American in Paris); Bernstein (West Side
Story — Symphonic Dances); Maurice Jarre
(Lawrence of Arabia — Main Titles); Richard
Rodgers (The Sound of Music — Main Titles);
Nino Rota (The Godfather — Love Theme);
Vangelis (Chariots of Fire — Theme); John
Barry (Out of Africa — Main Title); John
Williams (3 Pieces from Schindler’s List);
James Horner (Braveheart — For the Love of
a Princess); Thomas Newman (American
Beauty — Any Other Name); Hans Zimmer
(Gladiator — Earth); Howard Shore (Lord of
the Rings: Return of the King — Return of
the King); Alexandre Desplat (The King’s
Speech — Main Theme); Nicholas Britell
(Moonlight — End Credits Suite) 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Jane Jones
the times | Thursday May 3 2018
11
1G T
HELEN MURRAY
artsfirst night
Theatre
Not Talking
Arcola, E8
Theatre
Creditors
Lyceum, Edinburgh
B
A
{{{((
efore the hit play King Charles
III and the torrid TV thriller
Doctor Foster was this shrewd
little drama that was the 2006
professional debut of the
writer Mike Bartlett. A cool, neat
examination of the politics of power,
abuse, the price of silence and the
ethics of intervention, it has Bartlett’s
customary intelligence, but it’s the
work of an author finding his voice.
The four boldly sketched characters
lack texture and the themes are
overdeliberately arrayed. It’s a
construction of interlocking
narratives, intimate and meticulous,
and not — despite James Hillier’s deft,
sensitively acted production —
especially dynamic. Yet tension builds
intriguingly and each segment of
Bartlett’s elegant puzzle slots into
place to form a final picture that,
pleasingly, is not one we expect.
Amy Cook’s design encases the
action in a box and the floor is
patterned by shifting squares of light,
like the neat geometry that Bartlett’s
isolated quartet attempt to impose
upon the mess of their lives. They
speak, but not to each other; they
share memories, but seldom from the
same perspective.
Elderly James (David Horovitch)
bears the guilt of a wartime affair and
was a conscientious objector. To his
wounded wife, Lucy (Kika Markham),
his refusal to fight was a stigma, to his
lover a badge of courage. Lucy and
James are also marked by the grief of
miscarriage. Mark (Lawrence Walker),
a young squaddie due to be stationed
in Iraq, is among a leering gang of
witnesses to the rape of another
soldier, Amanda (Gemma Lawrence).
She’s ordered to keep her mouth shut.
The secrecy that all four use to
defend themselves could, instead,
destroy them. The play remains
startlingly pertinent, calling to mind
not just the appalling Deepcut
scandal, but the dam-burst of Me Too.
A welcome opportunity to see a
striking early-career curio.
Sam Marlowe
Box office: 020 7503 1646 to June 2
Theatre
Romeo and Juliet
RST, Stratford
{{{{(
V
erona is a tangibly troubled
place to be in this
fast-moving and engaging
new Royal Shakespeare
Company revival of the
playwright’s great love story. Bally
Gill as Romeo is a bit of a bloke, a
bit of a laugh, but keeps sticking his
blade in where it doesn’t belong.
Charlotte Josephine as his mate
Mercutio is so wired that you
reach in vain for a remote control
to turn her down a bit.
Yes, her: Erica Whyman’s
production swaps a couple of
genders, takes a couple of liberties,
bridges the gap between ancient and
contemporary aided by a soundtrack
(by Sophie Cotton) that mixes dance
music with classical, that brings rock
guitars on during the ball scene.
{{{{(
Nine Night feels like a genius sitcom in the making, although it has its spiritual moments too
A wonderfully rum do
The first play
from Natasha
Gordon is an
assured comedy
about ritual
and grief, says
Ann Treneman
Theatre
Nine Night
Dorfman, SE1
{{{{(
Doomed lovers: Karen
Fishwick and Bally Gill
T
his play is about a funeral
and wake, Jamaican-style,
but in London. “It’s going on
for days,” cries Anita, who, at
24, is the granddaughter of
the deceased, Gloria. Nine days to be
exact. Her mum, Lorraine, looks
world-weary as she says that she has
learnt not to interfere with some
Jamaican traditions — and this is one
of them.
It’s hard to believe that this assured,
multilayered comic play about grief
and ritual is the debut effort of
Natasha Gordon, the actress turned
playwright. Roy Alexander Weise
directs a production that is funny and
heartbreaking, but that is funerals for
you, and this one is a doozy. Nine
days! How to get through it? Well,
there’s rum (and more rum) and, of
course, food (there is a goat curry
recipe in the programme).
The Dorfman is on a roll. This is the
latest in a string of hits and this one is
blessed with being topical. The
Windrush generation, 70 years on, is
in the news and our Gloria (RIP) was
one of them. She came, but in the end
her eldest daughter, Trudy, stayed in
Jamaica. We watch as her other
children, Lorraine and Robert, Britishborn, try to navigate the choppy
waters of what it all means.
“Gloria will need a new wig for the
funeral. Her hair was like a bird’s nest,”
cries Auntie Maggie, played by Cecilia
Noble as a force of nature. She arrives,
like a battleship, to occupy the kitchen,
perfectly detailed by the designer
Rajha Shakiry, down to the hanging
spider plant and fridge magnets. She is
accompanied by Uncle Vince, small
but solid, played by Ricky Fearon.
This play feels like a genius sitcom
in the making, although it has its
spiritual moments too. Gordon has at
least one too many plotlines crammed
into her hour and 50 minutes, and it
does feel a bit rushed. However, there
is superb acting, with Franc Ashman
as Lorraine and Oliver Alvin-Wilson
as Robert. Michelle Greenidge owns
the stage in flamboyant style as Trudy,
who arrives from Jamaica bearing
gifts, most involving, of course, rum.
Box office: 020 7452 3000, to May 26.
This ran in some editions yesterday
Is Michael Hodgson’s Capulet
psychologically disturbed when he
tells his daughter, with staccato rage,
that she must marry Paris? He’s
certainly hopping mad. Mariam
Haque, as Lady Capulet, looks the
very definition of long-suffering.
The children of these anxious
households carry knives around for
posturing and protection. And Karen
Fishwick’s Juliet is 13 going on 30, as
a lot of 13-year-olds are. “My only
love is sprung from my only hate,”
she says, with a bone-deep sense
of irony that adds relish rather
than any sense of catastrophe to
her new-found romantic rapture.
Romeo and Juliet is a young person’s
play. And here, although Gill and
Fishwick are in their twenties, they
feel properly young. The show feels
just grown up: it bustles and charms
and chances its arm and sometimes
gets a bit louder or larkier than it
should. It’s traditional for Juliet to nick
the show — it’s the better part — but
even so Fishwick is a serious delight as
a girl-woman raised by love rather
than distorted by it. She is flanked
by a gorgeous performance by
Ishia Bennison as a northern nurse
whose comic timing conceals a rare
dose of unconditional love in this
city of honour codes, feuds and
absentee parents.
There’s a slightly fuzzy line between
what’s the bumptiousness of Romeo
and what’s overkill from Gill. Yet
he finds a different gear to go into as
he opens up to Juliet. Josephine is a
joy, once you tune into her, as the
much-too-much Mercutio. We’ve all
had friends like this: part life-and-soul,
part liability.
The violence is efficiently done,
as characters move in and on top of
the hollow cuboid structure at the
centre of a stylishly simple set, by
Tom Piper, that helps Whyman to
keep up a cracking pace. And as
the dead return to the stage, a
bustling show ends up a persuasively
plangent one.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 01789 403493, to Sept 21;
Barbican, London EC2, Nov 2 to Jan 1
ugust Strindberg wrote
Creditors in 1888 as part
of the creative torrent that
also produced his most
famous work, Miss Julie.
Both plays exhibit the visceral
dialogue and intense exploration of
shifts in power within relationships
for which the prolific and influential
Swedish playwright is known, while
also giving vent to his mordant and
rather contradictory view of women.
He was known to refer to Siri von
Essen, the first of his three wives, as
“the vampire”, although he also
maintained that “the presence of
women tends to elevate men”.
In fact, Tekla, the female protagonist
of Creditors, emerges as the most fully
rounded human being in David Greig’s
version of the play, while all three
characters are revealed at various
points as emotional bloodsuckers.
In the elaborately written opening
scene of this enjoyable production,
Stuart McQuarrie as Gustav in a new
staging of Strindberg’s Creditors
directed by Stewart Laing for the
Lyceum, we watch as Gustav (Stuart
McQuarrie), the enigmatic stranger
and new friend of Adolph (Edward
Franklin), toys with his young
acquaintance like a cat with a mouse,
gradually poisoning the besotted
sculptor’s mind against his worldly
novelist wife. Adolph, played by
Franklin with childlike ardour, appears
to diminish in size and stature as his
vivacity and assurance are sucked
from him.
In the light of Gustav’s venomous
primer it comes almost as a shock to
discover that Tekla, played by Adura
Onashile in three vibrant dimensions,
is warm, witty and caring, if
uncompromising and not a little
manipulative. We are made to wait for
Onashile’s arrival, but she brings great
vitality to the scenes that follow.
Her skill and subtlety (as well as
Gustav’s quiet menace) are shown off
to hypnotic effect in her two-hander
with McQuarrie, in which Laing uses
live film to show us the encounter in
close-up and from the eavesdropper
Adolph’s point of view. The effect is
unnerving, the stark black-and-white
photography and close framing of
faces recalling images from the work
of that other great Swedish artist
Ingmar Bergman.
Throughout, Laing (who also
designs the cartoon-perfect lakeside
scenery) creates a winning balance
between melodrama and dark comedy,
giving due weight to the humour in
Greig’s version. Rarely has a play
about misogyny, hatred and revenge
been so entertaining.
Allan Radcliffe
Box office: 0131 248 4848, to May 12
12
1G T
Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
Britain’s Best
Home Cook
BBC One, 8pm
The Beeb
has another
crack at
finding its
successor to The Great
British Bake Off and
makes a better fist of it
after the blandfest that
Early
Top
pick
was The Big Family
Cooking Showdown.
Mary Berry reprises
her judging role, this
time joined by Dan
Doherty, the chef
director at the London
restaurant Duck and
Waffle, and “the king
of produce”, Chris
Bavin (essentially
Gregg Wallace with
hair). Claudia
Winkleman has
relinquished her role as
host of The Great
British Sewing Bee to
front this eight-part
series, bringing energy,
wit and just enough
silliness. Each week ten
passionate home cooks,
carefully selected to
have contrasting
cookery heritage
and bags of quirky
personality, take on two
challenges. Tonight,
they must serve their
“ultimate” burger and
an improvised
dish based on a single
ingredient — nuts.
Winkleman is
remarkably restrained.
To decide who leaves,
the weakest four cooks
face an elimination test
in which they try to
make a perfect plate
of asparagus with
hollandaise sauce
and a poached egg
on sourdough bread.
Cooking Showdown
tried too hard to
pretend it wasn’t a Bake
Off clone, but this time
there’s no attempt to
avoid comparisons, and
the show is stronger for
it. However, for some
reason the contestants
are forced to share
a house for the
competition. It’s a
gimmick that adds
little apart from
awkward scenes of
forced bonhomie.
Syria: The
World’s War
BBC Two, 9pm
The brutal civil war in
Syria is into its seventh
year and has become
one of the biggest
humanitarian crises
of our age. The BBC
journalist Lyse Doucet
has reported on the
war from the start
and presents this
comprehensive and
hard-hitting two-part
series that reveals how
a peaceful movement
for change has spiralled
into a savage conflict
with half a million dead
and the country in
ruins. Doucet hears
from Syrians as well as
key figures of the West,
including the former
foreign secretary
William Hague and
the former CIA chief
David Petraeus.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Food. Why it can
cost more to buy fruit and vegetables loose than
pre-packed 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Including
properties in Walthamstow and Blaenau Ffestiniog (AD)
11.00 A1: Britain’s Longest Road. Patrol officers launch a
high-speed pursuit to catch a reckless motorist (AD)
11.45 The Housing Enforcers. Housing officer Joe carries
out five evictions in one day 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Two
teams test their antiques knowledge in Oswestry,
Shropshire (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30
BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Jimmi wants
answers from Amanda (AD) 2.15 800 Words. Arlo is
desperate to go into catering and gives up his major
school subjects (AD) 3.00 Escape to the Country. Nicki
Chapman helps a buyer find her ideal country home in
north Wales (r) (AD) 3.45 Flipping Profit. Philip Serrell,
Tony Wong and Micaela Sharp search for items in
Stratford-upon-Avon (AD) 4.30 Flog It! From Highcliffe
Castle in Dorset, where items include a 1960s coat by
Biba (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show hosted by Alexander
Armstrong and Richard Osman 6.00 BBC News at Six;
Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road (r) (AD) 7.15 Rip Off Britain: Food (r) 8.00
Sign Zone: David Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities (r)
(AD, SL) 8.30 Kate Humble: Off the Beaten Track. The
disparity between what farmers get for their sheep and
what consumers pay (r) (SL) 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire.
News and current affairs 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live
12.00 Daily Politics. Jo Coburn and her guests discuss the
latest parliamentary proceedings and what has been
happening in politics 1.00pm Live Snooker: The World
Championship. Jason Mohammad presents coverage from
the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield, where the first
semi-final gets under way, with eight frames scheduled
to take place. This is always a symbolic moment of the
championship, as the dividing wall is brought down and
just one table left to occupy the arena, with the remaining
four players needing to win 17 frames to progress to the
showpiece final 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by
Jeremy Vine (r) 6.30 Britain in Bloom. A group of
gardeners in Goring-on-Thames, Oxfordshire, who aim to
transform the train station, brighten up the pathway to
the high street and fill the village with hanging baskets
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news, as well
as showbiz stories, cooking and gossip 9.25 The Jeremy
Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip
Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and lifestyle
features, including a look at the stories making the
newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen 12.30pm
Loose Women. The ladies put the world to rights once
more and meet the journalist Angela Levin, talking about
her book about Prince Harry, and the author Chris Hughes
1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Robert
Rinder takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00
Tenable. Five friends from Bristol University answer
questions on lists from the realms of pop culture and
general knowledge. Quiz hosted by Warwick Davis 4.00
Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-themed
quiz show in which contestants drop tokens down a choice
of four chutes in the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot
5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh presents as four
contestants pit their wits against the Chaser, adding
money to the jackpot for the final chase 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Hotel Hell. A Florida hotel owner whose
inexperience is threatening the business (r) (AD) 11.00
Undercover Boss USA. Jane Grote Abell, the Chairwoman
of Donatos Pizza, goes incognito (r) 12.00 Channel 4
News Summary 12.05pm Coast vs Country. A couple
search Sussex for their first home together (r) (AD) 1.05
Posh Pawnbrokers. A couple want big money for a
collection of crystals (r) 2.10 Countdown. With Dr Phil
Hammond 3.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away.
A Carlisle couple choose between Central Scotland and
Murcia, Spain (r) 4.00 Escape to the Chateau: DIY. Dick
and Angel need to rescue a children’s trampoline from
their moat (AD) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The final visit is to
the R Inn in Desborough (r) 5.30 Buy It Now. A London
designer demonstrates his creative solution for keeping
children occupied and a man from Hampshire brings in a
universal gadget 6.00 The Simpsons. Lisa starts dating a
layabout (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Farrah confides in Grace
about her plan to help Ryan. Meanwhile, Harry suggests a
camping trip with Ste and the children (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. The day’s
news comes under scrutiny from Matthew Wright and the
panel 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet. Peter Wright battles to
save a young cow in labour, a hamster needs help with an
ugly skin condition, and a rescue dog needs surgery for a
growing lump (r) (AD) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime
12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors. A young man suffering
from psoriasis comes to the surgery, and later a woman
trying for a baby informs doctors she wishes to travel to
Mexico, despite the Zika virus epidemic (r) (AD) 1.10
Access 1.15 Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD)
2.15 NCIS. Gibbs finds himself staring down the barrel of
a gun while he is at his favourite diner, forcing him to
question choices he has made in the past and present (r)
(AD) 3.15 FILM: Murder She Baked — A Deadly
Recipe (PG, TVM, 2016) A small-town Minnesota
baker turns amateur sleuth when the local sheriff is
murdered — and her brother-in-law is accused of the
crime. Mystery starring Alison Sweeney 5.00 5 News at 5
5.30 Neighbours. Terese is furious on learning of Toadie’s
eviction (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Ziggy and Ava
immediately hit it off (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
Subscribe and get your first
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Closes May 8, 2018. UK residents only, aged 18 or over. The offer is subject to availability. Open to new and existing subscribers. 12 month minimum term. For full T&C’s, visit store.thetimes.co.uk
7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex
Jones present the live magazine
7.00 Live Snooker: The World
Championship Hazel Irvine presents
coverage from the Crucible Theatre in
Sheffield, featuring the first eight
frames in the second semi-final
7.00 Emmerdale Joe has to confront his
fears when Noah asks if they can visit
places he went with their father (AD)
8.00 Britain’s Best Home Cook New
series. Domestic cooking contest,
hosted by Claudia Winkleman, with
Mary Berry, Dan Doherty and Chris
Bavin judging the efforts of 10 home
cooks as they make the ultimate
burger. See Viewing Guide (1/8) (AD)
8.00 The World’s Most Extraordinary
Homes Piers Taylor and Caroline
Quentin head to Florida, to see how
this hotbed of modernism has
delivered some of the most glamorous
and beautifully designed homes they
have ever seen (4/8) (AD)
8.00 Emmerdale A villager battles for
survival, Belle is plagued by confusion,
and Priya fears repercussions (AD)
9.00 Ambulance Specialist trauma team
Matt and Ian attend a stabbing and a
machete attack, a domestic abuse
victim takes an overdose and a team is
called out to a baby that has stopped
breathing. See Viewing Guide
9.00 Syria: The World’s War
Lyse Doucet presents the documentary
revealing how a peaceful uprising
against the president of Syria seven
years ago has turned into a full-scale
civil war. See Viewing Guide (1/2)
9.00 Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal
Weddings Documentary charting
Prince Harry’s journey, from a
childhood touched by grief through
active service as a soldier and his
charity work to his upcoming wedding.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
Late
11PM
10PM
9PM
8PM
7.30 EastEnders Mel throws a surprise
birthday party for Billy (AD)
8.30 Paul O’Grady: For the Love of
Dogs — India A boisterous Labrador
with behavioural problems (2/4) (AD)
10.00 MOTD: The Premier League Show
Magazine programme
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Kirsty Wark
10.30 Regional News
11.45-6.00am Election 2018 Huw Edwards
presents as votes are counted in the
English local council elections. BBC
reporters will be at the key districts
and boroughs as the results come in,
Professor John Curtice analyses the
changes and Laura Kuenssberg
assesses the impact they will have
11.15 Snooker: The World Championship
Hazel Irvine presents action from day
13 in Sheffield, where the semi-finals
got under way, with eight frames
scheduled to take place in each match
12.05am Secret Agent Selection: WW2 The students
attend a re-creation of the SOE finishing school at a
British stately home (r) (AD) 1.05 Josh Widdicombe:
What Do I Do Now (r) 2.05 Sign Zone: MasterChef — The
Final (r) (AD, SL) 3.05 The Secret Helpers (r) (AD, SL)
4.05-4.50 Murder, Mystery and My Family (r) (AD, SL)
7.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next
Door A dispute with a neighbour
descends into violence, while an elderly
couple who feel they are the victims of
noise from next door receive a visit
from the police (4/6) (r) (AD)
8.00 Location, Location, Location
Catching up with first-time buyers
Charlie and Hayley, who were terrified
of making the wrong decision, and
Nicki and Rob, who wanted somewhere
big enough to start a family
8.00 Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords
A doctor calls in an eviction lawyer
when his tenant, who owes thousands
of pounds, refuses to leave. Brent
council officers find more than 30 men
living in a single, unsafe house
9.00 999: What’s Your Emergency?
Wiltshire’s emergency services deal
with people who live alone, including
an elderly woman who has suffered a
fall but is longing for a chat (AD)
9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away!
Matt and Garry try to recover more
than £6,000 owed in nursery fees in
Warwickshire, while Gary and Cona
head to West Sussex, chasing £11,000
owed by a businessman
10.00 True Horror The horror anthology
presents the tale of two prankobsessed teenagers who dare each
other to spend the night in a haunted
wood, where they are surrounded by
apparitions. See Viewing Guide (AD)
10.00 Undercover: Nailing the
Fraudsters Paul Connolly investigates
the world of fake slimming pills, many
of which are illegal, unlicensed and
dangerous, with some containing
banned substances or pesticides (5/6)
11.05 Gogglebox Reviewed shows include
The Button, The Queen’s Birthday
Party, Britain’s Got Talent, University
Challenge, This Morning, The Real
Camilla: HRH The Duchess of Cornwall,
and Top of the Shop (r) (AD)
11.05 Burned Alive: Countdown to
Murder Charting the events leading
up to the killing of Stacey Mackie in
2012 by Terrence Armer, who gained
entry to her flat, doused her in white
spirit and set her alight (4/8) (r)
12.00 The Real Football Fan Show 12.35am The
Island with Bear Grylls (r) (SL) 1.30 Surviving the Island
with Bear Grylls (r) 2.25 Class of Mum and Dad (r) 3.20
Tricks of the Restaurant Trade (r) (AD) 3.45 Come Dine
Champion of Champions (r) 4.40 Steph and Dom’s One
Star to Five Star (r) 5.10-6.00 Fifteen to One (r)
12.00 SuperCasino 3.10am GPs: Behind Closed Doors.
A young man suffering from psoriasis comes to the
surgery (r) (AD) 4.00 My Mum’s Hotter Than Me! Parents
determined to look better than their children (r) (SL)
4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
5.35-6.00 House Doctor (r) (SL)
7.30 Google, Facebook & You: What
They Know — Tonight The gathering
and sharing of users’ personal
information by popular apps
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.45 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs
the debate from St Albans,
Hertfordshire, with a panel of
politicians and other guests facing
topical questions from the audience
7.00 Channel 4 News
10.45 Uefa Europa League Highlights
Mark Pougatch presents action from
the semi-final second-leg matches,
featuring Atletico Madrid v Arsenal
and FC Red Bull Salzburg v Marseille
11.45 Lethal Weapon Bailey’s sister runs
into trouble with the law (r) (AD)
12.40am Give It a Year Karren Brady meets a former
Manchester United trainee who quit to become a solicitor,
but has given that up to embark on a new venture (r)
(AD) 1.05 Jackpot247 3.00 Google, Facebook & You:
What They Know — Tonight (r) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen
5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
the times | Thursday May 3 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Prince Harry’s
Story
ITV, 9pm
ITV’s week of royal
programming
concludes with a film
eulogising Prince
Harry. We hear from
a Gurkha commander,
a royal butler and the
chief executive of the
Invictus Games, all of
whom have well-earned
praise for the 33-year-
old prince. His
rebellious streak is
touched on in
an interview with the
guitarist of a band
who played at the pub
near Highgrove where
Harry imbibed his
first underage pints
(and was later caught
smoking cannabis).
Yet this is mostly about
Harry’s transformation
into a respected pillar
of the establishment.
Let’s Get Physical
E4, 9.30pm
There are echoes of
Blades of Glory in this
US sitcom starring
Matt Jones (bumbling
Badger in Breaking
Bad) as Joe Force, a
40-year-old wannabe
rock star who inherits
his parents’ aerobics
studio. To get to his
inheritance he will
have to embrace the
world of competitive
aerobics he abandoned
as a teenager, bringing
him back into contact
with his former
childhood sweetheart.
It’s a fun premise,
elevated by the
presence of Jane
Seymour as Joe’s
mum. “I thought rock
stars were skinny —
because of the drugs,”
she says. “Doughnuts
are a drug,” Joe replies.
True Horror
Channel 4, 10pm
Teenagers Stephen and
Todd get more than
they bargained for
when they dare each
other to spend the night
in a haunted wood near
Horsham, West Sussex,
the site of a mass grave.
They find themselves
in a Blair Witch-style
situation, surrounded
by spooky apparitions
and noises, as their
torches and phones
stop working. The pair
were in a suggestible
state, so it’s easy to
dismiss their terrors,
but what happens next
is harder to explain.
A week later, a
petrified Stephen
becomes convinced
that something has
followed him home and
calls in some experts
in the paranormal.
Sport Choice
Sky Sports Golf, noon
The Wells Fargo
Championship gets
under way today at
the Quail Hollow Club
in Charlotte, North
Carolina. Last year
Brian Harman stole
the show, finishing
his final round with
two birdies to edge
out Dustin Johnson
and Jon Rahm.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) 7.00 Meerkat Manor (r)
(AD) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00 Motorway
Patrol (r) 10.00 Road Wars (r) 11.00
Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The
Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama. Fry meets a mermaid (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Arrow. Diaz and Laurel meet with a
coalition of families who run organised crime
9.00 SEAL Team. Jason and the team head to
Brazil to try to rescue a kidnapped CIA agent
10.00 Rugby’s Funniest Moments. The sport’s
most amusing events (r) (AD)
11.00 The Force: Manchester (r) (AD)
12.00 Bellew v Haye: The Gloves Are Off 2
12.30am Road Wars (r) 1.00 Ross Kemp:
Extreme World (r) (AD) 2.00 Most Shocking (r)
(AD) 3.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (r) (AD)
4.00 The Real A&E (r) 4.30 Motorway Patrol (r)
5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am The British (r) (AD) 7.00 Storm City (r)
(AD) 8.00 Fish Town (r) 9.00 The West Wing (r)
11.00 House (r) (AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace
(r) 2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West
Wing (r) 5.00 House (r)
6.00 House. Medical drama (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. An investigation leads Danny
to a powerful socialite (r) (AD)
9.00 Billions. Axe tracks down a critical piece of
evidence that could destroy him (6/12)
10.10 Silicon Valley. Gilfoyle worries about an
artificial-intelligence partner
10.45 Barry. Barry faces a dilemma
11.20 Mike Judge Presents: Tales from the Tour
Bus. How George Jones and Tammy Wynette
survived their turbulent breakup (4/8)
11.55 Blue Bloods. Danny and Baez try to
prevent an outbreak of violence (r)
12.55am The Sopranos (r) 2.10 Togetherness
(r) 2.50 House of Lies (r) 3.25 Happyish (r)
4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.00
Highway Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
9.00 Elementary (r) (AD) 10.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r)
12.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD) 1.00pm
Medical Emergency (r) (AD) 2.00 Send in the
Dogs (r) (AD) 3.00 Nothing to Declare 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
6.30 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
7.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
7.30 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
9.00 Madam Secretary. Senator Morejon puts
Elizabeth’s arms deal in jeopardy
10.00 Scandal. The penultimate episode
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am The Teacup Poisoner (r) (AD) 2.00
Nashville (r) 3.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00am The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My
Life 6.45 Turandot 9.00 Watercolour Challenge
9.30 The Art Show (AD) 10.30 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 11.00 Classic Albums (AD)
12.00 The Eighties (AD) 1.00pm Discovering:
Henry Fonda (AD) 2.00 Watercolour Challenge
2.30 The Art Show (AD) 3.30 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 4.00 Classic Albums (AD) 5.00
The Eighties. The rise of the music video (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Charlie Chaplin (AD)
7.00 Mystery of the Lost Paintings
8.00 The Nineties. Politics during the decade
9.00 Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador
Dali. Comedy starring Noel Fielding and
David Suchet, with Paul Kaye (AD)
9.30 Super Duper Alice Cooper. Documentary
11.15 Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador
Dali. Comedy starring Noel Fielding (AD)
11.45 Artists in Love (AD) 12.45am Inside the
Mind of Leonardo 2.25 The Mona Lisa Myth
4.15 South Bank Masterclasses: Paul Noble
4.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Premier
League Daily 11.00 Sky Sports Daily 12.00 Live
PGA Tour Golf: The Wells Fargo Championship.
Coverage of the featured groups on day one at
the Quail Hollow Club in Charlotte, North
Carolina, where the American Brian Harman was
the winner last year 3.00pm Live Indian
Premier League: Kolkata Knight Riders v Chennai
Super Kings. All the action from the match,
which is taking place at Eden Gardens in Kolkata
7.00 Live Premier League Darts. Coverage of the
14th week of the season from Arena
Birmingham, where the penultimate round gets
under way. Tonight’s matches are Peter Wright v
Simon Whitlock, Daryl Gurney v Michael Smith,
Rob Cross v Michael van Gerwen and Gary
Anderson v Raymond van Barneveld
10.00 Bellew v Haye Countdown. Preview of the
fight between Tony Bellew and David Haye
10.30-6.00am Sky Sports News. The day’s
talking points and a look ahead to tomorrow
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The View. Mark
Carruthers presents a review of the week’s
political news, comment and analysis from
Stormont and Westminster 11.15 Question
Time 12.15am-6.00 Election 2018
BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 12.00midday-1.00pm
First Minister’s Questions. Live coverage of
questions to First Minister Nicola Sturgeon in
the Scottish Parliament 7.00 The Beechgrove
Garden. Jim McColl plants a selection of red
vegetables with the show’s ruby anniversary in
mind. He also begins looking at tall but thin
trees ideal for small gardens 7.25-8.00
Timeline. Thought-provoking stories and
analysis from across the country (r)
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Uefa Europa League Highlights
12.05am Lethal Weapon (r) (AD) 12.55
Teleshopping 2.55 After Midnight. News and
conversation 3.40 Google, Facebook & You:
What They Know — Tonight (r) 4.05 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 1.05am Teleshopping
2.35-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
Ends in 6 days.
Call 0800 028 2105 or visit thetimes.co.uk/aprilsale
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather
7.30 Top of the Pops: 1985. With Amii Stewart,
Huey Lewis and the News, Marillion, Maria
Vidal, Mai Tai, and David Bowie and Mick Jagger
8.00 Secrets of the Super Elements. In the first
BBC documentary to be filmed entirely on
smartphones, Professor Mark Miodownik reveals
the super elements and materials that have
driven some of the greatest technological
advances of the 21st century (AD)
9.00 Jumbo: The Plane That Changed the World.
Documentary examining the origins and
development of the Boeing 747, the wide-bodied
commercial airliner that revolutionised air travel
after coming into service in 1970 (AD)
10.00 The Celts: Blood, Iron and Sacrifice with
Alice Roberts and Neil Oliver. The revolt against
the Romans that was led by Boudicca (AD)
11.00 Law and Order. The drama, originally
broadcast in 1978, concludes by switching focus
to the prison system. Last in the series
12.25am Top of the Pops: 1985 12.55 The
Somme: Secret Tunnel Wars 1.55 Jumbo: The
Plane That Changed the World (AD) 2.55-3.55
Secrets of the Super Elements (AD, SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
8.30 Young Sheldon (AD)
9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
9.30 Let’s Get Physical. See Viewing Guide (AD)
10.00 The Inbetweeners (AD)
10.35 The Windsors (AD)
11.10 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
11.40 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
12.05am First Dates (AD) 1.10 Tattoo Fixers
(AD, SL) 2.10 The Inbetweeners (AD, SL) 2.40
The Windsors (AD) 3.05 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
(AD) 3.30 Let’s Get Physical (AD) 3.50 2 Broke
Girls (AD) 4.35 The Goldbergs (AD) 5.00
Couples Come Dine with Me
8.55am Best of Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A
Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 11.35 Four in a
Bed (AD) 2.10pm Come Dine with Me (AD)
4.50 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun 5.55 Ugly
House to Lovely House with George Clarke (AD)
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. A pregnant
babirusa is being disturbed by a couple of
mischievous otters (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Colin Mackinnon and Marta
Briongos take on an ambitious project to build a
bespoke metal home next to an airfield runway,
but their plans are hit by bad weather (5/11)
9.00 The Good Fight. The firm represents an
undercover cop who was left with life-changing
injuries after being shot in the line of duty (AD)
10.05 Emergency Helicopter Medics. A boating
accident leaves a woman with a partially
amputated foot (AD)
11.05 24 Hours in A&E. A man is admitted after
sustaining a head wound during a 10-foot fall,
and an arm injury threatens to leave a father
unable to use his right hand (5/8) (AD)
12.15am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA
1.10 The Good Fight (AD) 2.15 24 Hours in A&E
(AD) 3.15-3.55 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut (AD)
11.00am Moonrise (PG, 1948) Drama
starring Dane Clark (b/w) 12.50pm Retreat,
Hell! (PG, 1952) Korean War drama starring
Frank Lovejoy (b/w) 2.45 Man in the Saddle
(U, 1951) Western starring Randolph Scott
4.30 True Grit (PG, 1969) Western starring
John Wayne, Jeff Corey and Kim Darby
7.10 Chronicle (12, 2012) Three teenagers
develop superhuman abilities, but one of them is
corrupted by his new-found power. Sci-fi thriller
starring Dane DeHaan and Alex Russell (AD)
9.00 Iron Man 2 (12, 2010) The superhero
battles a vengeful new foe, but finds the armour
he created to fight evil is slowly killing him.
Adventure sequel starring Robert Downey Jr,
Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle (AD)
11.25 Project Almanac (12, 2015)
A teenager and his friends build a time machine
based on his dead father’s designs, and embark
on an adventure into the past. Sci-fi thriller with
Jonny Weston and Sofia Black-D’Elia (AD)
1.35am-3.45 Theeb (15, 2014) A Bedouin
boy guides a British officer through a desert, and
learns more about the world around him. First
World War drama starring Jacir Eid Al-Hwietat
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale (AD)
8.25 Coronation Street (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 10.20 The Bachelorette
12.15pm Emmerdale (AD) 12.45 Coronation
Street (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.50 Take Me Out
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Superstore. An attempted robbery causes
headaches for the employees (AD)
9.00 Family Guy (AD)
9.30 Family Guy (AD)
10.00 Celebrity Juice. Comedy quiz with
guests Joey Essex, Anne-Marie, Ricky Wilson,
Chris Kamara and Rochelle Humes
10.50 Family Guy (AD)
11.15 Family Guy (AD)
11.40 American Dad! (AD)
12.10am American Dad! (AD) 12.35 Plebs.
Marcus is asked out (AD) 1.10 Two and a Half
Men 1.35 Superstore (AD) 2.05 Totally Bonkers
Guinness World Records 2.30 Teleshopping
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat (AD) 7.55 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.25 Agatha Christie’s Marple 12.30pm The
Royal 1.35 Heartbeat (AD) 2.40 Classic
Coronation Street 3.50 On the Buses 4.55
You’re Only Young Twice 5.25 George and
Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat. Merton faces a race
against time to stop a saboteur when
Aidensfield hosts a car hill-climb (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica devises
a board game with a murderous theme —
and it is not long before life starts imitating art
in deadly fashion (AD)
8.00 Vera. The detective investigates a
suspicious death in an army barracks that was
designed to look like suicide, and uncovers an
event nobody wants to talk about (4/4) (AD)
10.00 Lewis. The inspector and his sidekick DS
Hathaway investigate the murder of a talented
maths student, and the prime suspect is the
victim’s ex-boyfriend, who is convinced his
uncle has set him up (AD)
12.05am Agatha Christie’s Marple 2.00 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase 6.50 Pawn Stars 7.30
Ironside 8.30 Live Cycling: Tour de Yorkshire.
The opening stage of the women’s race
12.45pm Cash Cowboys 1.45 Live Cycling: Tour
de Yorkshire. Coverage of the opening stage of
the men’s race from Beverley to Doncaster
6.45 World Cup Top Goalscorers
7.00 Pawn Stars. Corey makes a bet that he can
pull off a deal in return for a stake in the shop
7.30 Pawn Stars. A rare baseball card
8.00 Cycling: Tour de Yorkshire. Action from the
opening stage of the men’s and women’s races
9.00 FILM: For Your Eyes Only (PG, 1981)
James Bond has to locate a missing weapons
system before it falls into the wrong hands, but
a woman out for revenge threatens his mission.
Spy thriller with Roger Moore and Topol (AD)
11.40 FILM: Swordfish (15, 2001)
A computer hacker is recruited by a former
anti-terrorist agent to embezzle millions of
dollars from the US government. Thriller with
John Travolta, Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry
1.45am River Monsters (SL) 2.40 ITV4
Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Top Gear (AD)
8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage Hunters
10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top Gear (AD)
3.00 Sin City Motors 4.00 Steve Austin’s
Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Room 101. With Claudia Winkleman
6.40 Would I Lie to You?
7.20 Would I Lie to You? With Hugh Dennis, Ben
Fogle, Kate Silverton and Craig Revel Horwood
8.00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You.
Extended edition. David Tennant hosts with
Grayson Perry and Katherine Ryan
9.00 Live at the Apollo. Comedy sets by Frankie
Boyle, Simon Evans and Aisling Bea
10.00 Room 101. With Claudia Winkleman,
John Humphrys and Russell Kane
10.40 Mock the Week. Dara O Briain presents a
compilation featuring highlights and out-takes
11.20 Mock the Week. With Seann Walsh,
Milton Jones, Miles Jupp and Josh Widdicombe
12.00 QI. With Vic Reeves and Roger McGough
12.40am Would I Lie to You? 1.20 Mock the
Week 2.00 QI 2.40 Would I Lie to You? 3.20
Parks and Recreation 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning (AD)
9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Juliet Bravo 11.00
The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20 Are You
Being Served? 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 You Rang, M’Lord? 5.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! The Yellowcoat competition gets
under way, with a Caribbean holiday up for grabs
6.40 Are You Being Served? The staff of Grace
Brothers spend the night in the store
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Hobbo becomes
a master of disguise to deceive his enemies
8.00 Death in Paradise. A flight attendant is
poisoned at a hotel (4/8) (AD)
9.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. Lucien is
appointed to the judging panel for the Begonia
Festival — but one of his fellow adjudicators is
soon found dead in his greenhouse (5/10)
10.00 New Tricks. The body of a missing
computer expert turns up (5/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon joins a video
dating agency and shoots a rehearsal tape
12.00 The Bill 1.00am London’s Burning (AD)
2.10 The Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Murder Maps
11.00 Abandoned Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time
Team 1.00pm Planet Earth (AD) 2.00 The Blue
Planet (AD) 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Murder Maps
5.00 Abandoned Engineering (AD)
6.00 The World at War. The drop in morale of
Churchill’s forces following the fall of France to
Nazi forces during the Second World War
7.00 Private Lives of the Tudors. The habits,
rituals and routines in the Tudor court
8.00 The Stuarts: A Bloody Reign. The Wynn
family’s lives during the reign of Charles I (AD)
9.00 dinnerladies. A ladder in front of the
cooker cases chaos on work experience day (AD)
9.40 dinnerladies. Jean gets angry (AD)
10.20 dinnerladies. Bren gets excited (AD)
11.00 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?
Bob flouts tradition on the eve of his wedding
11.40 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?
Terry wreaks havoc on his neighbours
12.20am Whatever Happened to the Likely
Lads? 1.00 The World at War 2.00 Mummies
Alive 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r) 5.20 Bruno (r) 5.22
Igam Ogam (r) 5.30 Flapair is a Charaidean
(Flapper and Friends) (r) 5.40 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.45 Na Floogals (r)
5.55 Botannan Araid Uilleim (William’s Wish
Wellingtons) (r) 6.00 Seoc (Jack) (r) 6.15 Tree
Fu Tom (r) 6.35 Am Prionnsa Beag (The Little
Prince) (r) 7.00 Bailtean Alba (Scotland’s
Towns) (r) 7.25 Horo Gheallaidh Shorts (Celtic
Music Shorts) (r) 7.30 Speaking Our Language
(r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Fianais. John
Morrison talks to Pat Ballantyne about the
Piper Alpha disaster of 1988 9.00 A gu U: Na
Thadhail Thu? Exploring the topic of visitors to
the Scottish islands (r) 10.00 Belladrum 2017:
Frank Carter & the Rattlesnakes. Fiona
MacKenzie and Niall Iain Macdonald present
highlights of session by the hardcore punk band
10.30 Luingean Lannsaireachd (Surgery Ships).
A mother-of-three has a tumour removed from
her neck in a marathon nine-hour surgery. Last
in the series 11.15 Sgeul Seirbheis. Gaels
reflect on their experience of National Service
in the 1950s (r) 11.30-12.00midnight Seòid
a’ Chidsin: The Kitchen Coves. The lads are
hungover and in need of comfort food (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Rapsgaliwn (r) 6.15 Blero yn
Mynd i Ocido (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r) 6.35 Igam
Ogam (r) 6.50 Sam Tân (r) 7.00 Chwedlau
Tinga Tinga (r) 7.10 Yn yr Ardd (r) 7.25 Dip
Dap (r) 7.30 Patrôl Pawennau 7.45 Cacamwnci
8.00 Syrcas Deithiol Dewi (r) 8.10 Pingu (r)
8.15 Boj (r) 8.30 Abadas (r) 8.40 Bla Bla
Blewog (r) 8.55 Ben a Mali a’u Byd Bach O Hud
(r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r) 9.25 Meripwsan (r) 9.30
Straeon Ty Pen (r) 9.45 Cei Bach (r) 10.00
Rapsgaliwn (r) 10.15 Blero yn Mynd i Ocido (r)
10.25 Halibalw (r) 10.35 Igam Ogam (r)
10.50 Sam Tân (r) 11.00 Chwedlau Tinga
Tinga (r) 11.10 Yn yr Ardd (r) 11.25 Dip Dap
(r) 11.30 Patrôl Pawennau (r) 11.45
Cacamwnci (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
12.05pm Straeon y Ffin (r) 12.30 Ffit Cymru
(r) 1.30 Sion a Siân (r) 2.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 3.05 O Gymru Fach (r) (AD) 4.00 Awr
Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh: Y Barf
(r) 5.30 Stwnsh: Sbargo (r) 5.35 Stwnsh: Kung
Fu Panda (r) 6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05
’Sgota gyda Julian Lewis Jones. Rhys and Julian
try to catch sea bass and tope (r) (AD) 6.30
Rownd a Rownd. Jac’s resignation leaves Philip
with a double problem (AD) 7.00 Heno 7.30
Pobol y Cwm. Eileen is emotional after her
doctor’s appointment (AD) 8.00 Y Ty Arian.
An Aberystwyth family take on the financial
challenge 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30 Cwymp
yr Ymerodraethau. The downfall of the Dutch
Empire 10.30 Mwy o Sgorio. Dylan Ebenezer
presents a special programme previewing the
final of the JD Welsh Cup (r) 11.00-11.35 Ar y
Bysus. Following three family-run bus
companies in west Wales (r)
14
Thursday May 3 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
1
2
3
4
5
Codeword No 3326
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7
17
18
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5
22
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A
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1
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1
3
19
4
5
22
14
18
25
8
12
6
14
Train Tracks No 398
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7642
24
3
21
26
3
16
3
13
4
14
15
2
3
7
3
10
12
12
1
14
4
21
1
17
18
21
2
22
19
18
19
20
3
10
18
20
13
24
21
4
13
9
6
14
14
12
5
21
6
24
8
13
12
24
19
12
21
15
B
P
20
22
Across
Munch noisily; winner (5)
Surreptitious action (7)
Dark cherry (7)
Iranian language (5)
Like a retentive memory (12)
Mediterranean island (6)
Strengthening insert (6)
Copy of an artwork (12)
Solution to Crossword 7641
T HOU
E P
NA P K
O
HORS
I
T
G U
HUND
S
I
P E S E
E
T
ED I B
D C
S AND
L
J
I N
I
V
N
EMAN
R M I
I
RED
REG
T A
S A
L E
RE V
G
AGU
A
EUR
D
L L I
A
B N
U L A
N N
DAG
L
E
E I L
B
AR
A
ON
D
ON
A
M
T E
I O
N
L E
18 Adult form of insect (5)
20 Rocket's first stage (7)
22 Military aircraft (7)
23 Closely packed (5)
24
Welsh valley (3)
Gas-filled craft (7)
Former USSR rulers (9)
Cake; invertebrate (6)
Supernatural being (3)
Coniferous tree (5)
Style of coiffure (7)
Full maturity (9)
Capital of Wales (7)
Truncate (7)
Bridge playing period (6)
Crash (5)
Frequently (3)
Bitterly regret (3)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
1
22
13
19
13
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
Try our new word puzzle
If you enjoy the times2 Crossword, you’ll
love Quintagram, our new and exclusive
clue-solving challenge
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
B
14
4
20
21
9
10
11
12
13
22
23
24
25
26
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
P
U
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
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Lexica No 4247
T
N
E
L
P
Y
X
F
G
T
B
T
D
B
R
T
O
R
A
F
A
E
A
U
L
O
N
L
E
O
S
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
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three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
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No 4248
T
L
See today’s News section
6
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M
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Difficult No 4318
Futoshiki No 3164
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
<
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
24
B
14
Down
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
11
12
14
15
17
19
21
19
U
23
5
1
4
8
9
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22
Kakuro No 2123
7
∧
∧
∨
>
15
23
4
28
28
10
17
16
22
11
24
10
16
16
3
24
8
6
4
17
19
15
4
∨
30
10
22
31
3
16
4
4
8
<
<
<
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
26
18
17
23
17
20
26
14
20
16
9
19
16
© PUZZLER MEDIA
16
the times | Thursday May 3 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
After a most unexpected setback
against Zviad Izoria, the (at the
time) back marker in the US
Championship, Fabiano Caruana
decided to bet the house in a
subsequent game. His win today
against Ray Robson involves a
speculative pawn sacrifice and a
further, even more speculative,
pawn offer, doubtless in his opponent’s time trouble. The game was
concluded by a ruthless hunt of
the white king on an open board.
White: Ray Robson
Black: Fabiano Caruana
US Championship, St Louis 2018
Petroff Defence
1 e4 e5 2 Nf3 Nf6 3 Nxe5 d6 4
Nf3 Nxe4 5 Nc3
The Nimzowitsch favourite used
by Sergei Karjakin to defeat Caruana in the recently concluded
FIDE World Chess Candidates
tournament in Berlin, published
in this column on March 31.
5 ... Nxc3 6 dxc3 Be7
Caruana varies his entire strategy from that used in his loss to
Karjakin, where he played 6 ...
Nc6 and aimed to find shelter for
his king on the queenside.
7 Be3 0-0 8 Qd2 Nd7 9 0-0-0 c6
10 Kb1 d5 11 c4 Nb6 12 cxd5
Nxd5 13 Bc4 Bf5
A clever way to complicate the
game. Black gives up a pawn to
acquire the bishop pair and gain
some traction against the white
king.
14 Bxd5 cxd5 15 Qxd5 Qc8 16
Nd4 Bg6 17 Ka1 Re8 18 Rhe1 Bf6
19 c3 Re5 20 Qb3 a6 21 Bf4 Rxe1
22 Rxe1 Qd7 23 Be5 Re8 24 f4
Bd8 25 a4 h6 26 Rd1 Qg4 27 Rd2
b5
Black has sufficient play for his
pawn but no more than that.
With the text, Caruana gambles
with a second pawn sacrifice.
28 axb5 axb5
________
á D grDkD]
àD D Dp0 ]
ß D D Db0]
ÞDpD G D ]
Ý D H )qD]
ÜDQ) D D ]
Û ) $ DP)]
ÚI D D D ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
29 Qd1
Pusillanimous. In fact, far better is the bold 29 Qxb5 and after
29 ... f6 30 Bd6, Black’s compensation for a two pawn deficit has
become more than nebulous. Allowing Black to retain the b-pawn is a
bad mistake as it can potentially
act as a further lever to open the
white king position.
29 ... Qd7 30 f5
White suddenly realises that
the scything action of the black
queen’s bishop combined with the
possibility of Black moving his
queen and rook to the a-file will
become deadly. Black’s next move
exposes all the fault lines in
White’s position. Superior, but
unattractive, was the retreat 30
Nc2, when 30 ... Qa7+ 31 Na3 Be7
is highly unpalatable for White.
30 ... Bg5 31 Rd3 Bxf5 32 Nxf5
Qxf5 33 Bg3 Ra8+ 34 Kb1 Rd8
35 Kc2 b4 36 cxb4 Rc8+ 37 Kb3
Qe6+ 38 Rd5 Rd8 39 Kc4 Qc6+
White resigns
________
á D 4 D D] Winning Move
à0 D Dpi ]
ß 0 D gpD] Black to play. This position is from
Bundesliga 2018.
ÞD D D D ] Kalinitschew-Kramer,
The white king is badly gummed up. With
Ý DpD ) D] the aid of various tactical devices Black
ÜD ) D ) ] now manoeuvred very efficiently to
ÛPDQDPGqD] complete the rout. Can you see how?
ÚD D IRD ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
EASY
31 x 2
–8
50%
OF IT
MEDIUM
20 x 7
80%
OF IT
x 3 +78
98 x 4 + 688
HARDER
♠7 4
♥A J 8
♦A K 6
♣K J 7 5 3
Teams
♠ KQ 6 3
N
♥K 10 4 W E
♦10 8 7 3 S
♣A 4 ♠ 10 9 8 2
♥Q 3 2
♦9 5 4 2
♣10 6
S(Cooper)
W
x 2 +958
+1/2
OF IT
+366
+ 42 ÷ 5
2/
3
OF IT
– 875
4
3
Yesterday’s answers
askew, casework, cower, craw, crew,
crow, escrow, scow, screw, serow, skew,
sower, swear, wack, wacke, wacko,
wake, waker, ware, weak, wear, weka,
work, wors, worse, wrack, wreak, wreck
Killer Gentle No 5988
13
8
11
16
13
8
16
3
4
9
8
5min
17
18
8
6
24
3
15
12
5
3
17
11
17
13
11
17
12
16
16
5
14
8
20
+
28min
6
21
21
+
23
9
10
9
28
18
21
20
20
20
11
9
13
20
7
x
÷
12
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
= 88
x
1
x
+
7
=
10
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
sum should be
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
+
+
-
=5
=
105
=
19
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Codeword 3325
Y ACH
S
V
E
C R OWN
O C
C
WE AK E
L
D
SOP P
S
R
MO T T O
A
R
J
SQU E E
H M C
S P I T
A P
R
MO
V
T E
E N WE
O
A
T RON L
T
CH
P R
R
U SOE
T
C
P R A I S
A
P
ON
I M
G C
N EME N
L L N I GH
A
U O
Y
T Y RO
P
L
S
EM I S E S
O
K
P R E S E T
L
N
E
BOS S
R
U
P L I C I T
A
A
T
T
RH E A
5
9
2
3
4
6
8
1
7
4
1
6
7
8
5
2
3
9
7
5
8
6
2
3
1
9
4
1
3
9
4
5
7
6
8
2
T
2
6
4
9
1
8
7
5
3
6
4
1
8
7
9
3
2
5
3
8
5
2
6
4
9
7
1
9
2
7
5
3
1
4
6
8
7
x
4
-
-
8
+
3
+
+
5
x
+
6
-
9
+
4
3
5
2
1
8
7
9
6
8
7
2
9
5
6
4
1
3
6
9
1
4
7
3
5
8
2
1
6
4
7
2
9
3
5
8
7
8
9
5
3
4
6
2
1
7
8
1
3
9
4
2
5
6
3
2
9
8
6
5
4
7
1
6
5
4
7
1
2
9
8
3
5
6
3
9
8
1
7
4
2
7
1
3
6
5
4
8
9
2
4
9
2
8
3
1
7
5
6
5
6
8
7
9
2
3
1
4
8
2
7
3
1
9
6
4
5
2
4
8
3
6
5
9
1
7
1
9
6
4
7
2
3
8
5
7
6
3
9
5
8
1
2
4
L A X
B
S
I B I T
O
I
N T I L
L
UCK
H
A
Z I NG
F
I
F F A L
O
E
I NG
5
2
3
8
6
1
9
7
4
9
5
8
3
4
2
1
6
7
2
4
6
1
9
7
8
3
5
3
1
7
6
8
5
2
4
9
1 2
3 1
7
5 4
8 6
9 8
7 9
3
4
3 1
1 2
5
6 7
8
3 1
8 9 7 2
5 8 9 6
1
÷
6 2 1
9 7 3
8 9
1 4
6 3 2
5
1
8 9 6
9 7 5
4
8
2
9
3
8
2
1
3
5
9
7
5
3
4
6
3
2
3
3
6
6
3
2
3
A
÷
1
1
5 2
6
3
1
9
7
4
1 3
1
Train Tracks 397
Quintagram
1 Fun
2 Kerb
3 Larynx
4 Patriotic
5 Bleak House
3
1
2
B
C
U
T
H
F
B
L
C
I
R
U
M
U
O
A
T
S
R
P
G
N
C
I
D
K
L
U
B
A
A
Z
Y
E
T
Suko 2227
1
3
∧
2 < 5
2
4 > 3 > 2
∨
2
4
1
5
∨
3
1
3
1
2
1
O
A
E
J
B
B
H
Futoshiki 3163
5
Cell Blocks 3208
Lexica 4246
M
4
2
3
4
4
5
6
3
8
3
4
3
Word watch
Elater (a) In
some fungi, a
spirally thickened
filament for
dispersing spores
Ettin (a) A giant
Estanciero (c) A
cattle farmer
4
4 > 3
8
9
2
4
7
6
1
3
5
1
4
7
2
5
3
6
9
8
2
7
6
5
4
8
3
1
9
9
3
8
1
2
7
5
6
4
4
1
5
6
3
9
8
2
7
1
3
6
5
4
8
2
7
9
9
5
4
2
7
6
1
3
8
6
7
5
4
2
3
9
8
1
3
8
9
1
6
5
4
2
7
2
4
1
9
8
7
5
6
3
Quiz
6
2
4
5
9
7
8
3
1
1 Raúl Castro 2 Mockingbird 3 Imelda Marcos 4 Uruguay
5 Roses 6 Stirling prize — named after James Stirling
7 Harriet Harman. She was first elected to the
Commons in the 1982 Peckham by-election 8 His liver
— which regenerated every night (in some versions, a
vulture eats it) 9 The Last Tycoon aka The Love of the
Last Tycoon 10 Pea soup 11 On the moon 12 Steely Dan.
They recorded the song Deacon Blues 13 William Orpen
14 1948 London Olympics. He won three golds, a silver
and a bronze. The athlete Fanny Blankers-Koen won
the most golds (four) 15 Elizabeth Olsen
5
4
KenKen 4317
5
Brain Trainer
Easy 7
Medium 31
Harder 2,271
Chess
Killer 5987
3
5
7
1
8
9
6
4
2
Kakuro 2122
R E
X
NH
A
U
S
S T
K
I
T
S T
Y
Y
E
B L A
B G
Z E
O
D
N
E
L Y
Set Square 2125
Killer 5986
Contract: 2♣ Rdbled, Opening Lead: ♦3
= 63 the numbers
x
OP
L
MA
N
E T
E
CR
Sudoku 9841
25
Enter each of
x
Lexica 4245
22
E
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
4
3
Quick Cryptic 1082
8
7
3
1
9
2
5
4
6
16
11
23
Reading the ending beautifully,
Cooper now exited with a low diamond (key play). East won the
bare queen but his forced heart
return gave declarer three heart
tricks (♥7, ♥2, ♥10, ♥J; ♥A, ♥5,
♥3, ♥K; ♥8, ♥9, ♥Q, ♠ K) and
her redoubled contract — +760.
2
4
Solutions
Sudoku 9839
Killer Tough No 5989
♠♥9 7 6 5
♦Q
♣9
3
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
Set Square No 2126
Sudoku 9840
♠A J 5
♥9 7 6 5
♦Q J
♣Q 9 8 2
7
5
7
7
From these letters, make words of four
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 12 words, average;
16, good; 22, very good; 28, excellent
14
1♣(1)
1NT
Dbl
2♣(2) Pass
Pass
Dbl
Redbl(3)Pass
Pass(4) Pass
(1) Phoney Club — playing Strong Notrump,
and opening 1♣ with all other balanced
hands without a five-card major.
(2) Doesn’t fancy tabling her dummy to 1NT
doubled, so begins a rescue operation.
(3) “Get me out of here.”
(4) But North has nowhere to go.
♠K
♥K 10 4 W N E
♦10 8
S
♣♠ 10
♥Q 3 2
♦9 5
♣-
– 56
20%
OF IT
Advanced
N(McGrath)
♠♥A J 8
♦A 6
♣J (led)
+1/2
OF IT
OF IT
+ 11 ÷ 6
© PUZZLER MEDIA
4
Dealer: West, Vulnerability: Both
–6
Polygon
Bridge Andrew Robson
When you pick up a hand as bad as
South’s, you mentally sit back for a
backseat role. Renee Cooper from
Perth, Australia had to adjust her
mental seating position as she
found herself declaring 2♣ redoubled, vulnerable to boot. Only if
she could garner an unlikely eight
tricks would she and partner
Francesca McGrath win the
3rd/4th-place playoff and make
the Australian youth team for the
World Youth Championships.
West led a passive diamond, the
young declarer winning dummy’s
king and, at trick two, trying a
spade to the eight. This was a
mature play — when you don’t
know what to do, lose the lead and
let the opponents mess up.
West beat the eight of spades
with the queen and made the mistake of leading ace and another
club, costing the defence their natural third club trick. Declarer
ducked the second club to East’s
queen and East cashed the ace of
spades and followed with the jack
(again not best defence).
Declarer ruffed the third spade
in dummy and cashed the kingjack of clubs. Look at West’s dilemma (across) as that jack of clubs is
led, declarer throwing the ten of
spades from hand.
West had to keep two diamonds
to prevent declarer’s third diamond
from winning. He had to keep the
king of spades, or declarer could
play ace and another diamond,
endplaying him to lead from
♥K104 and enable declarer to score
all three hearts by running the lead
to her queen and finessing dummy’s
jack. So West threw a heart.
90%
OF IT
1/
3
x3
+6
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Betting the house
Cell Blocks No 3209
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
4
8
2
7
1
6
5
9
3
5
1
9
2
4
3
7
6
8
8
7
1
6
3
4
2
5
9
9
3
5
8
2
1
4
7
6
1 ... Qe4! 2 Qc1 (2 Qxe4 Bxc3 is mate
and 2 Qb2 Qb1+! forces mate) 2 ... Re8
(not 2 ... Bxc3+ as 3 Qxc3+ is CHECK;
2 ... Qb1 is possible but White can
struggle on with 3 Be3) 3 e3 (3 Qb2 is
met the same way) 3 ... Qd3 and White
caves in
03.05.18
MindGames
Mild No 9842
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Elater
a Part of a fungus
b A bringer of joy
c Afterwards
Ettin
a A giant
b As well as
c Horse food
Estanciero
a A Spanish dance
b A supporting bracket
c A cattle farmer
Fiendish No 9843
5
Super fiendish No 9844
6
4 2 5
3
2
9
4
8 6
1
9
1 4
5
1 2
3
8
7
1
5 8 3
2
1
1
7
5 6
4
9
4
6 2
9 7
7 9
2
1
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
9
1 5
9 6 8 3
4
8
7 1
1 5
3
8
6 9 1
4
4
1
8
6 4
7 3
7
9
5 8 2
9
4
3
5
1
9
7
1
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Answers on page 15
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2227
ASSOCIATED PRESS
1 Who has Miguel DíazCanel succeeded as
president of Cuba?
11 Project A119 was a
secret US air force plan
to detonate a nuclear
bomb where?
2 The second line of the
Mother Goose rhyme
“Hush little baby, don’t
say a word” mentions
which bird?
3 Here Lies Love is
David Byrne and Fatboy
Slim’s musical about
which infamous Filipina
first lady?
4 Fray Bentos Industrial
Landscape is a Unesco
world heritage site
in which South
American country?
5 Harry Wheatcroft
(1898-1977) was a
grower of which
flowers?
12 The Scottish band
Deacon Blue took their
name from a song by
which US rock group?
15
6 Which prize for
architecture is named
after the Scot who
designed Harvard’s
Arthur M Sackler
Museum?
7 In 2016, which
Labour politician
became the longest
continuously serving
female MP in the
Commons?
8 In Greek myth, an
eagle was sent daily to
feast on which part of a
bound Prometheus?
9 Monroe Stahr is the
title character of which
unfinished novel by
F Scott Fitzgerald?
10 Crème Ninon is
a French version of
which soup?
13 Winston Churchill
described which Irish
painter’s 1916 portrait of
him as “the picture of a
man’s soul”?
14 The Finnish gymnast
Veikko Huhtanen
won the most
individual medals at
which Olympics?
15 Which American
actress is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1083 by Izetti
1
2
3
4
8
9
10
11
12
5
7
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
6
Across
1 Material the old man’s going
over as a soldier (6)
4 One could get you having less
hair maybe around front of
bonce (6)
8 See about eating food brought
back amidst hurrays — this
fast food? (13)
10 Friendly disposition of little
woman hugging Italian (5)
11 Cleric gets sanction by
journalist overturned (7)
12 Unfortunate lad ending up in
place where fire broke out (7,4)
16 Moans of lots losing love
including word of prayer (7)
17 Generous bit to try out, not
the first (5)
18 I am frailest pa, struggling as
head of the tribe (13)
19 Power demonstrated by singer
— who wiggled this (6)
20 Oxford college chaps full of
silly rot (6)
Down
1 I also worried about
Conservative Party (6)
2 Valuable material in place
moisture ruined (8,5)
3 Try to produce written work
for tutor? (5)
5 Coming of a king and one who
would like to overthrow him?
(7)
6 Silly ego trip in bank when
situation gets critical (8,5)
7 Live presidentially, somewhat
(6)
9 Swimming bears in eg water
off Alaska (6,3)
13 Money once obtainable from
raid in Egypt’s capital (7)
14 Revolutionary friends at
university like a good meal (42)
15 A boy? Quite possibly! (6)
17 A team not taken into account
(5)
20
Yesterday’s solution on page 15
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