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The Times Times 2 - 5 January 2018

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January 5 | 2018
Hollywood, hashtags and women in
bla
ck
The critic?s guide to
the new awards season
Meryl Streep,
Gal Gadot,
Emma Stone and
Jessica Chastain
2
1G T
Friday January 5 2018 | the times
times2
Caitlin
Moran
Celebrity Watch
10
UP
Kim Kardashian
and Kanye West
Welcome! Welcome back to Celebrity
Watch, as we all tremulously edge our
way into 2018! CW hopes you had a
good Christmas ? its own was very
pleasant (it simply threw all the
Quality Street toffees into the bin at
the beginning of the holiday, thus
removing hours of furious ?riffling
past stupid yellow ones to get to the
sweet-ass purple ones?), but it pales
into insignificance in comparison with
the Christmases of celebrities, which
were predictably weird.
And so to Kim Kardashian and
Kanye West ? the progenitors of
roughly half the world?s celebrity
gossip ? who brought a novel twist to
the gift-buying vibe this year.
Eschewing the usual presents of
jewellery, underwear or a Hoover,
West bought his wife of three years
something not previously considered
as a Yuletide token: shares. More
specifically, �0,000 worth of chunks
of Disney, Netflix, Amazon and Apple.
CW was initially confused. With a
combined worth of $195 million, the
couple?s shares will just add a few more
zeroes to bank accounts so vast that
they are already beyond any rational
conception ? rendering the present
essentially invisible. �0k of
Disney, Netflix, Amazon and
Apple is essentially a posh book
token. Why would West have
done it? Then CW realised ? he
must have panicked on Christmas
Eve, shouted ?Alexa! What
is a classic Christmas
present??, misheard
?socks?, then shouted:
?Alexa! Buy �0,000
worth of stocks.?
9
UP
James Norton
Along with pretty
much every actor in
Britain ? save Joe
7
DOWN
Vicky Pattison
Pasquale ? the Grantchester star
James Norton has been rumoured to
be ?the next James Bond?. Therefore,
CW was amused to note a report in
OK! about Norton?s research for a
current role: attending a marriage
counselling session with his co-star
Imogen Poots to play a troubled
newlywed in the play Belleville.
?It was a great bonding experience,?
Norton said ? perhaps unaware that
many would misread this as ?a great
Bonding experience? and presume
that he had spent the appointment
chatting up every woman in the room
by negging her while playing
blackjack; having sex with each of
them before, one by-one, they got
bumped off with some gold paint,
knife-y shoes or a snake; then floating
off down Edgware Road with the
hottest one in an inflatable life raft
emblazoned with the Union Jack.
8
DOWN
Toby Young
In a political landscape scarcely
lacking in ?WTF?? appointments, a
new clown car has emerged: Young,
whose appointment to the Office for
Students has been roundly criticised
on the basis that he has been the
author of such reasoning as ?Schools
have got to be ?inclusive? these days.
That means wheelchair ramps, the
complete works of Alice Walker in the
school library (though no Mark
Twain) and a special educational
needs department that can cope
with everything from dyslexia to
M黱chausen syndrome by proxy.?
Coming to his defence on Twitter
was Boris Johnson ? his former
editor at The Spectator, about whom
Young, bizarrely, wrote a play,
Who?s the Daddy? in 2005,
celebrating Johnson?s affair
with the journalist Petronella
Wyatt. ?Ridiculous outcry over
Toby Young. He will bring
independence, rigour and
caustic wit. Ideal man
for job,? he wrote.
Now, CW loves
caustic wit as much
as the next person, but
it would point out that
believing ?caustic wit?
is a powerful and
decisive employment
attribute suggests that
you have confused
a) the governmentapproved regulatory
and competition
authority for higher
education with
b) being a contestant
on RuPaul?s Drag Race.
As CW moves through its forties it
is becoming reconciled with its
shift from the traditional
proscriptive role of ?mother? to
that of ?old crone/hag?. CW will
be honest: the notion of dwelling
in a cave, dressed in a sinisterlooking black cowl, surrounded
by cats and doling out wisdoms
to young women while laughing
hysterically at its own jokes
seems increasingly pleasurable.
And so CW is speaking in
full-on Crone Mode when it
addresses the forthcoming
nuptials of Vicky Pattison, who
has been talking to Heat about
her plans. Dismissing concerns
about its organisation, the Geordie
Shore star explained what her true
priorities were: sexy married
shagging. ?I?ll be wearing some pretty
nifty underwear!? she exclaimed.
As a crone, CW is touched by
Pattison?s optimism: her belief that
her big day will end in uxorious
fruity time ? a hornucopia of
world-class pumping for which
nifty underwear will not just be
welcomed, but needed. But also
as a crone, CW feels it must say:
?Those dreams are doomed,
love. If you?re not both pissed,
knackered and bloated by
9pm, it will only be because
you?ve spent hours stopping
relatives from having a
fistfight, stealing furniture
and fixtures from the hotel
or doing a ?disco sick? in
someone else?s handbag.?
6
UP
Gwyneth Paltrow
?Chris to walk Gwyneth down the
aisle?? the headline in Grazia
roared ? marvelling that exes
Paltrow and Martin were to
involve each other in their
nuptials. Having seen Coldplay
live, though, CW isn?t sure if
Martin?s offer is a trifle . . .
attention-seeking. When he
runs down the aisles at, eg,
Wembley, he high-fives
everyone while singing
and triggering glitter
cannons. Paltrow might
want someone a bit more
low-key ? such as Lady
Gaga that time she
arrived at the 2011
Grammys in a gigantic
mother-of-pearl egg.
5
UP
Victoria Beckham
This week?s most intriguing
claim came in Heat, within
a report that the Desperate
Housewives star Eva Longoria is,
delightfully, ?with child?.
?Victoria Beckham is said to have
been a strong support to her friend
whilst she was trying to get pregnant,?
Heat claimed. How? How can you be
a ?strong support? to someone while
they try to get pregnant? Stand
outside the bedroom door shouting
?GO ON! GO ON, MY SON! GET IN
THERE! ABSORB THE SPERM!?
4
DOWN
Darius Danesh
The headline of the
Christmas period was,
?Darius nearly died after
drinking sewage water
from River Thames? in
the NME. Danesh had
been shooting an advert
for the water charity
Fresh2o, but had drunk
river water from a bottle
without a filter.
?He fell into a near-fatal
coma,? the NME said, before
ending the report with the
welcome news that Danesh
had made a full recovery.
However, this story does
mean that, essentially,
Danesh drank poo for
charity ? definitively
raising the stakes for
celebrities on the next
Children in Need.
3
DOWN
George Lucas
For Star Wars fans whose hearts were
crushed like a Vader-squeezed
windpipe by the three George Lucasheavy prequels, a recent headline
about future Star Wars projects will
have caused much dismay and sad
Wookiee ?raaaargle?s.
?George Lucas has 50 hours of
Star Wars TV series on hold,?
the NME said, explaining how
Lucas still had more storytelling
juice in his pot, despite the
current running time of the
Star Wars franchise being
over 22 hours and 28
minutes if you include
Caravan of Courage: An
Ewok Adventure, which
CW certainly does.
Previously CW has
pointed out that the plots
for four of the many Star
Wars films are about the
building of/destruction of
a Death Star.
Therefore, on noting that
Lucas intends the TV series to
be set between the end of
Revenge of the Sith and the
beginning of A New Hope, it
cannot help but cry out, ?Oh
holy Jesus, no, George!
That?s exactly when they
start building the Death
Star! This is going to be a
whole TV series about
building the Death Star! Like Grand
b
Designs, but with lightsabers.?
the times | Friday January 5 2018
3
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times2
2
UP
Prince William
An intriguing snippet
about the wedding of Prince
Harry and Meghan Markle
slipped out this week.
Prince William is to act as best
man ? even though the wedding
clashes with the FA Cup final,
at which, as president of the
Football Association, he is due
1
DOWN
The Trump family
When the world wasn?t busy building
nuclear bunkers in preparation for
approaching Armageddon, it amused
itself with the thematically pertinent
game of ?this week which of the
Trump family looked most worryingly
stupid on Twitter: Donald or Eric??
Eric ? the son whose vibe exudes
?I would totally have bullied you at
high school. I?d have showboated in
the cafeteria by throwing many, many
dishes of noodles at your head?, by way
of contrast to his sibling Donald Trump
Jr?s less obvious ?At high school I would
totally have got some of my father?s
employees to spread misinformation
about you behind your back until you
had a nervous breakdown and
transferred to another school? ? was
the first to attempt stupid gold.
On Monday he took to his account
to blow a scandalous, long-running
conspiracy wide open. Accompanied
by a dramatic screen grab, Eric
tweeted: ?Shocking . . . once again here
are the @Twitter ?suggestions? of who
I should follow. #DeepState?.
The screen grab showed that
Twitter had suggested that he follow
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama,
and Eric ? not being, perhaps, overly
brained ? had twitchily presumed
that Twitter was in league with
the wholly imaginary ?deep
state? and attempting to press
malign left-wing activists into
his cyber mind.
What he clearly did
not know was that
Twitter?s suggestions
for who you follow
are generated by
algorithms based
on your tweets ?
which, given Eric?s
doglike retweeting of
his father?s endless
diatribes against
Clinton and Obama,
had picked up on an
undeniable Trumpfamily-based interest/
obsession with them
and had automatically
generated the response.
This paranoid
ignorance of how
Twitter works would
have been amusing on its
own ? like a mistrustful
William Blake, Eric had
seen a deep-state world in just one
grain of Twitter sand ? but it came
with a kicker: the third celebrity
suggested on the Twitter screen
to present the trophy to
the winners.
The thing is, CW
has seen a lot of
episodes of Don?t
Tell the Bride.
Clearly, William
and Harry have
decided to hold the
wedding at Wembley,
with an FA Cup theme,
as a ?surprise? for
Meghan. Be prepared to get
married wearing an Arsenal strip
and for the ?fun? reception to
feature a John Barnes World In
Motion rap karaoke, Meghan!
grab was the chat show host Ellen
DeGeneres, who he had inadvertently
included as part of his ?#DeepState?
conspiracy. The Trump men are
unafraid to make a hasty supposition,
but the notion that Dory from Finding
Dory is part of a global illuminati
seeking to mind-control the Trump
offspring would in any other week be
the surefire winner of Stupid Gold.
However ? and this is, of course,
the story of his life ? Eric?s chance to
proudly sport the Dimmest Man
medal was crushed by his father who,
as president and Donald Trump,
simply has greater resources for being
worryingly stupid in a public arena.
On Tuesday, struck by new year
back-to-work ennui, Trump livened
things up by taunting the leader of
North Korea, Kim Jong-un, over his
nuclear capacity. F*** it. Why not rile
someone with a massive nuclear
arsenal? CW was also bored by its
return to work and pepped up its day
by buying a �jug on eBay. Are these
not roughly the same things in the end?
?North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un
just stated that the ?Nuclear Button is
on his desk at all times?,? Trump
tweeted. ?Will someone from his
depleted and food starved regime
please inform him that I too have a
Nuclear Button ? but it is a much
bigger & more powerful one than his,
and my Button works!?
By Thursday morning the Tweet
had gathered 462,000 ?likes? ?
200,000 more than the nudie shot
posted by Kim Kardashian cheekily
captioned ?When you?re
like I have nothing to wear
LOL? ? thus making the
escalation of a diplomatic
incident that could
end in the complete
annihilation of life
on Earth totally
worth it. 462,000
likes, dude! There?s
no way that
Trump?s not the
biggest badass in
the world!
Admittedly, it?s
still small beer
compared with
?Charlie bit my
finger? ? which has
over one million likes
? but CW would like
to think that, when all
the acrid smoke and
radioactive dust starts to
settle over the barren
and boiling Earth, an
isotopic miasma will, just
for a fraction of a second,
spell out the phrase
?462,000 likes?, so it is
visible from space. That is
humanity?s obituary:
?462,000 likes?.
The hot list
What to do this weekend
Film
All the Money in the World
Ridley Scott?s best film in years is
a real-life nail-biter about the
1973 kidnapping of John Paul
Getty III. Mark Wahlberg and
Michelle Williams star, while
Christopher Plummer, right,
a last-minute replacement
for Kevin Spacey as the
original JPG, steals the
show. See review page 7.
On general release
Visual art
Charles II: Art and Power
One of the greatest royal art
collectors (surpassed only by his
ill-fated father) is celebrated in
this lovely show featuring Titian,
Bruegel, Veronese, Peter Lely
and more. It paints an image
of a king who clearly knew
the value of a great profile
picture. Queen?s Gallery,
Buckingham Palace, London SW1
(030 3123 7301), today, tomorrow
and Sundayy
Dance
Cinderella
Matthew Bourne?s darkly clever
spin sets the story in London
during the Blitz. Lez
Brotherston?s designs evoke a
vibrant portrait of the capital at
its most imperilled, while the
Prokofiev score is enhanced by
the scary sounds of war.
Sadler?s Wells, London EC1
(020 7863 8000), tonight,
tomorrow and Sunday
Comedy
Mischief Movie Night
The team behind The Play That
Goes Wrong and (most recently)
A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong
return to their improv roots with
these hour-long, off-the-cuff
Theatre
The Jungle
Stephen Daldry and Justin
Martin?s production aims to
plunge the audience straight into
the experience of living in the
refugee camp that used to be in
mock movies, developed from
audience suggestions.
Arts Theatre, London WC2
(020 7836 8463), tonight,
tomorrow and Sunday
Calais. The triumph is that it
goes beyond being just worthy.
An urgent, vivid and witty show
that only becomes more potent.
Young Vic, London SE1
(020 7922 2922), tonight, tomorrow
Pop
The Hunna
Hertfordshire-based indie
band, led by Ryan Potter, left,
who combine pop melody with
high-octane rock in the style of
the Kings of Leon and Queen.
O2 Academy Bristol
(0844 4772000), tonight
Opera
La Boh鑝e
In this stripped-down production
Puccini?s opera is shorn of
four main characters, the chorus
and the entire orchestra except
for a hardworking pianist/
musical director and cellist, but
the essence of his
bittersweet score
is preserved.
Trafalgar Studios,
London SW1 (0844
8717627), tonight,
tomorrow
In Saturday Review tomorrow
Kristin Scott Thomas on playing
Clementine Churchill on screen
Saturday January 6 2018
7-DAY
TV & RADIO
GUIDE
page 23
A kind of magi
Rachel CampbellJohnston on the
Epiphany in art 8
Kristin
Scott
Thomas
on being
Clementine
Churchill
art books theatre film music
television what?s on puzzles
4
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Friday January 5 2018 | the times
cover story
It?s all change for
Hollywood?s awards
post-Weinstein
Or is it? Kevin Maher considers the talent, the speeches and
the possible gaffes ahead of the Golden Globes on Sunday
The contenders
There are only three movie awards
shows that matter: the Golden Globes
(Sunday at the Beverly Hilton, Los
Angeles); the Baftas (February 18
at the Royal Albert Hall in London);
and the Oscars (March 4 at the
Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles).
Everything else (including the
Screen Actors Guild awards, the
Independent Spirit awards and the
Critics? Choice awards) is meaningless
piffle and irksome filler, as a small
coterie of anointed stars and
film-makers, who are carefully primed
by a team of ruthless marketing
strategists, bounce from the boozy
opening hysteria of the Globes to
the mildly stuffy formalism of the
Baftas to the climactic, career-making
yet strangely deadening (last year?s
show was nearly four hours long)
pronouncements of the Oscars.
The hosts
While Bafta has stayed loyal
to its talismanic host Stephen
Fry (12 shows in, and still
appreciated for his loquacious
style and playful wit ?
introducing Penelope
Cruz, for example, as a
Saoirse Ronan (left)
and Sally Hawkins
woman ?so popular that they?ve
even named a beach, park and
leisure activity after her?), the
other ceremonies have struggled.
The Golden Globes have finally
abandoned the abrasive style of
four-time host Ricky Gervais (?I like a
drink as much as the next man. Unless
that man is Mel Gibson!?) for the
anodyne charms of last year?s Jimmy
Fallon and this year?s Seth Meyers.
The Oscars, meanwhile, have been
flailing about with crackpot hosts for
years. The nutty combo of James
Franco and Anne Hathaway was
car-crash bad in 2011. Seth MacFarlane
was witless and crude in 2013 (his
musical number We Saw Your Boobs
was an all-time awards show nadir).
And there?s something slightly
uninspiring about their choice of
Jimmy Kimmel, the incumbent. He
made an OK joke about President
Trump?s bowel movement last year,
but was very soft on the stars and even
orchestrated a needless and gushing
standing ovation for Meryl Streep.
The hashtag
In the 2015 awards season, the actress
Reese Witherspoon took to social
media to remind red-carpet
inquisitors that women know lots
of other things besides the names
of the labels on their party gowns.
She did this via the Twitter hashtag
#AskHerMore. In 2016 the
reaction to the perceived
marginalisation of black screen
talent became #OscarsSoWhite.
And in 2018 there is only one
possible hashtag that speaks
of an industry engulfed
by sexual harassment
allegations: #MeToo. As if to
underscore the obvious mood
shift in movie land, this year?s
Golden Globes ceremony
is being sold as a serious,
newsworthy event, with TV
promos featuring Meyers
Confessions of a posh girl
Sophia Money-Coutts spent five years attending the grandest parties,
mixing with the gentry ? and trying to bag a duke.
Read her diaries exclusively in The Times tomorrow.
the times | Friday January 5 2018
5
1G T
COVER AND BELOW: GETTY IMAGES; ALAMY
cover story
acting.? Or Ken Loach, who
at last year?s
Baftas (where
y
I, Daniel
Blake won best
Da
British
Brit film) announced
that all film-makers are
th
actually
socialists at
a
heart,
noting: ?Despite
h
the
t glitz and glamour
of
o occasions like this,
we?re
with the people.?
w
Really?
Has he seen
R
a Michael Bay movie?
The gaffes
The gaffe
gaffes are great. They?re
the Freudian slips
of every awards
s
season, when th
the truth, suddenly,
season
unexpectedly, is available. It?s Jeremy
Renner, at the Golden Globes in
2015, staring down Jennifer Lopez?s
cleavage and joking, ho-ho, about her
?globes? (I suspect, somehow, we won?t
be seeing a repeat of that gag this
weekend). It?s Jack Nicholson, at the
Globes in 2003, admitting midway
through a rambling acceptance speech
that he was on Valium. Or, best of
all, it?s the envelope mix-up at the
end of last year?s Oscars, where the
bureaucratic establishment seemed
dead set on celebrating La La Land
and reluctant to welcome the left-field
outsider Moonlight into the fold.
The British are coming?
Er, not quite this year. Though
Nolan?s Dunkirk has a lot of British
talent in front of and behind the
camera (Nolan himself has British and
US citizenship), the film?s deliberate
denial of character over action (it?s,
like, a non-chronological tone poem,
yah?) means that it?ll be locked out
of all acting categories at the Oscars.
Instead the strongest British hopes
lie in a best actor face-off between
Daniel Day-Lewis, for his swan-song
performance in Paul Thomas
Anderson?s disturbing Phantom
Thread, and Gary Oldman, for his
mesmerising turn as Churchill in
Joe Wright?s Darkest Hour.
The favourite
(who presents NBC?s politics-based
talk show Late Night with Seth Meyers)
announcing ominously: ?We?ve got a
lot to talk about.? It?s going to be like
Question Time, but with awards and
better dresses.
Top: the Oscars last year and host
Jimmy Kimmel. Above left: Daniel
Kaluuya in Get Out. Above: Dunkirk
is up for three Golden Globes. Above
right: Woody Harrelson and Frances
McDormand in Three Billboards
meanwhile, will demonstrate their
impressive solidarity by reaching into
their closets and swapping that white
shirt that they were going to wear
for the black one beside it. Amazing.
That?s sexual abuse sorted then. Next!
The talent
The glamour: aka
black is the new black
The speeches
So far the heavy hitters are being led
by The Shape of Water, a sci-fi
romance set in the 1950s and featuring
Sally Hawkins as a cleaner who falls
for, and has a fully realised sexual
relationship with, a mutant space alien
fish-man. She?s closely followed by
Frances McDormand as an avenging
mother in Martin McDonagh?s
melancholic thriller Three Billboards
Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Then there?s
Steven Spielberg?s love letter to print
journalism, The Post, starring Tom
Hanks and Meryl Streep; Lady Bird,
the directorial debut of the actress
Greta Gerwig; Dunkirk, Christopher
Nolan?s spectacular, and spectacularly
successful (more than $500 million at
the global box office), war movie; and
Jordan Peele?s critically adored and
groundbreaking horror satire, Get Out.
As a protest against gender
inequality within the movie
business, and against the
institutionalised harassment
and sexual abuse of women,
attendees and nominees at this
year?s Golden Globes are being
encouraged to wear fabulous
black dresses and attractive black
suits. Yep, that?ll show ?em. According
to the Hollywood stylist Ilaria Urbinati
(her clients include Dwayne Johnson
and Tom Hiddleston), there has been
a run on black dresses in Tinseltown;
performers such as Meryl Streep and
Emma Stone are apparently preparing
to demonstrate their defiance in
striking and also very slimming
evening wear. The male attendees,
Seth
S
Se
eth
hM
Meyers
eyer
ey
ers
Seth
Meyers
It?s all about the speeches. Nobody
really cares who wins. Everybody
just wants to see someone go the
full Angelina Jolie ? she began
her 1999 acceptance speech (for
best supporting actress Oscar in
Girl, Interrupted) with the words:
?I?m so in love with my brother
right now. He just held me and
said that he loved me.? Or the
full Hilary Swank, who began
her 2005 Oscars speech (for
best actress in Million Dollar
Baby) with: ?I?m just a girl from
a trailer park who had a dream!?
Or Sean Penn, who (for best actor
in Mystic River at the 2004 Oscars)
declared glumly: ?If there?s one thing
d
that actors know ? other than that
there weren?t any WMDs ? it?s that
there?s no such thing as ?best? in
Industry watchers are not predicting
an awards sweep for any movie, and
it?s unlikely, in a year as politicised and
aware as this, that awards juries are
going to give all the gold to the alien
fish-man sex film. Instead, it may
be time to place some smart money
on rank outsiders (yet nonetheless
deserving) such as Gerwig?s comingof-age tale Lady Bird (best actress for
star Saoirse Ronan?), or the delicate
gay love story Call Me by Your Name
(best actor for Timoth閑 Chalamet?).
The symbolic victory
Christopher Plummer has been
nominated for a best supporting
actor Golden Globe for his role as
Jean Paul Getty in the kidnap drama
All the Money in the World (see review
page 7). He replaced Kevin Spacey
at the last minute, after a slew of
sexual harassment allegations against
the House of Cards star. A win for
Plummer, who gives a gripping and
nuanced turn in the film, would be an
astounding result. It would demonstrate
to the industry that no star, no matter
how huge, is indispensable. It would
be a visible sign of change. And it
would be more credible than social
media hashtags, sombre expressions of
concern and the dubious deployment
of glamorous black evening wear.
6
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Friday January 5 2018 | the times
arts
Richard Morrison the arts column
Birmingham has bid for a silly jamboree while its culture is dying
T
he roof is leaking, you
can?t afford your kids?
music lessons, your
income is half what it
was ten years ago and
you are defaulting on
your mortgage. What
do you do? Why, you
throw a lavish party for thousands of
people you don?t know. Obviously.
It?s obvious, at least, to Birmingham
city council, which last month
won the honour of hosting the
2022 Commonwealth Games. Not
that there was any competition. The
Commonwealth has 52 countries in it,
but no other city was in the running.
I wonder why. Perhaps because
most cities are run by boring types
who think their first duty is to provide
efficient services and balance the
books. Whereas Birmingham is . . . well,
where do you start? This is the council
that has just been castigated by its own
auditor for failing to set and deliver a
proper budget, that had a 49 per cent
budget shortfall in the last financial
year (leading to the resignation of its
chief executive), that couldn?t manage
to empty its residents? bins for months
(it lost its council leader after that)
and that must somehow find a further
� million in savings in 2018-19.
It?s a council that imposed a 34 per
cent overall funding cut last year on its
great cultural organisations, including
the Birmingham Rep, City of
Birmingham Symphony Orchestra
and Birmingham Royal Ballet. It?s
a council that borrowed close to
�0 million to build a new library,
then had to appeal to the public to
donate books and lay off half the
library staff to fund the �million-amonth interest payments on the loan.
Yes, of course Birmingham city
council felt that it could raise
�0 million to host the
Commonwealth Games. After all,
the government had pledged
�0 million, so that left a mere
�0 million for the council to find.
How will it do that? Apparently by
imposing a ?bed tax? ? the first in
Britain ? on the city?s hotels: �per
guest per night. Sounds easy. It?s not.
Unfortunately, most of Birmingham?s
biggest hotels are close to the airport,
which comes under a different local
authority. Anyway, if a bed tax could
raise �0 million for the Games, why
not restore the budgets of the city?s
DANNY LAWSON/PA
Spencer Tunick?s art
work Sea of Hull. The
city made a success of
its year of culture, but
others have fallen short
Crying
celebs
should
head up
north
superb orchestra, ballet, theatre,
libraries and art galleries instead?
I don?t entirely blame Birmingham
for its hubris, because hubris is in
the air. All over Britain, city councils
are launching bids for nonsensical
jamborees while their parks, theatres,
libraries, youth centres and sports
Numerous film and
TV celebrities have
been telling us how
devastated they are
that, after ten years of
planning, the British
Film Institute (BFI)
this week abandoned
the notion of building
a �0 million
?national centre for
film and television? on
the South Bank, near
the London Eye.
Oddly, the
extraordinary cost
and complexity of
facilities are dying for want of a
few thousand quid.
I understand why Coventry is
overjoyed to win the UK City of
Culture accolade for 2021. Hull has
made a spectacular success of its
year in the limelight and Coventry
desperately needs a similar boost. I?ve
the project proved a bit
of a stumbling block.
Hang on, though.
Doesn?t Britain already
have a national centre
for film and TV? Yes it
does. I?ve visited, and
it?s fantastic. Now
renamed the National
Science and Media
Museum, it has three
screens (including an
Imax) showing movies
from all eras, and eight
floors of galleries
covering everything
from the early days of
TV to the latest video
technology. In one
gallery you can even
access 2,500 items
from the BFI archives.
Yet this great
institution has been
forgotten by the
celebs lamenting the
demise of the BFI?s
grandiose South Bank
scheme. Why? Because
the museum is in
Bradford, darling.
Much too far from
the Groucho Club and
Soho House.
just perused the Coventry Telegraph?s
list of ?8 events to get excited about in
2018 in Coventry and Warwickshire?.
It includes a Ronan Keating gig and
a motor-sport festival. Room for
improvement, I think.
What I can?t fathom is why five
other cities ? Dundee, Nottingham,
Leeds, Milton Keynes and Belfast
(aided by Londonderry) ? spent
several million pounds preparing bids
to be European Capital of Culture in
2023 when it was glaringly obvious
that, after Brexit, the EU would
exclude British cities from hosting the
event. (Just for the record, this column
pointed that out last August.)
Those city?s councils are now
apparently demanding compensation
from the government, citing Boris
Johnson?s ludicrous assurance that
the UK would be allowed to continue
taking part ?beyond our exit from
the EU?. I?m not sure what?s dafter,
trusting Boris to give you the facts
about Brexit, or gambling your
taxpayers? money on winning a
meaningless title when you can?t afford
to keep basic cultural facilities open.
Now I see that Newcastle and
Gateshead have been lumbered with
hosting something called the Great
Exhibition of the North, which was
dreamt up by George Osborne while
he was still chancellor and a northern
MP. What?s in it? A big fountain in
the Tyne, apparently, but apart from
that nobody really knows. Not even,
it seems, the people running the
exhibition, who gave a series of
hilariously vague interviews this week.
Yet it will run for two months this
summer and cost � million, of which
�5 million has yet to be raised.
Just to put this in context, Newcastle
council is about to make � million
in cuts to its 2018-19 budget, including
a �0,000 reduction in its grant to
Tyne & Wear Archives & Museums,
while Gateshead has said that it will be
?reshaping council services? (glorious
euphemism) over the next two years
to remedy a � million funding gap
in its budget.
Never mind. The Great Exhibition,
we are assured, will ?transform
perceptions of the north?. That
will undoubtedly be true if those
perceptions include the notion that
northerners are sane, hardworking
people who don?t waste money on
useless frivolities.
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the times | Friday January 5 2018
7
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arts
THE
CRITICS
Ed Potton
finds himself pitying silly old men p9
Will Hodgkinson
meets the teenagers who love jazz p12
Rachel Campbell-Johnston
revels in the splendours of India p13
Hail the back-up billionaire
to find compassion, soul and
transformative power in co-starring,
occasionally minor roles. Here her
character, Gail, begins as a Lady
Macbeth figure who cajoles and jostles
her weak-willed husband, John Paul
Getty II (Andrew Buchan), into
reclaiming his corporate heritage (she
dictates his begging letter to billionaire
pop). Yet gradually, through the trials
of the kidnapping, she becomes the
primal mother, devoid of material
possession (she relinquishes her
interests in her husband?s empire), and
thus an easy match for the imperious
the big film
Replacing Kevin
Spacey at short
notice, Christopher
Plummer is a
revelation, writes
Kevin Maher
F
or at least the first five
or six minutes, the
controversial shadow
of Kevin Spacey hangs
heavy over this new
kidnap thriller from the
veteran director Ridley
Scott. Then, thanks to
a coruscating turn from Christopher
Plummer in a dense and brooding
film about the corrosive power of
riches, it disappears.
Spacey had been hired by Scott to
play the oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty in
the story of the July 1973 kidnapping
of his grandson and corporate heir
John Paul Getty III. After numerous
allegations of sexual harassment were
made against the House of Cards star,
however, Spacey was replaced by
Plummer (allegedly Scott?s original
preference, before studio interference)
at the eleventh hour. The 22 scenes
completed with Spacey were reshot
over nine days in November.
The controversy is mostly irrelevant,
and Plummer proves an effective and
award-worthy antagonist (he has
snagged a best supporting actor
Golden Globe nomination). His Getty
Sr is a fascinating study in tight-fisted
avarice, of a man who stays only in
luxury hotels, but insists on washing
his laundry in the hotel bathroom to
save on housekeeping bills.
?They say that if you can count your
money then you?re not a billionaire,?
he jokes, early on, to a cadre of
chortling sycophantic journalists, in a
scene that establishes Getty as a brittle
classic
film
of the
week
It?s a beautiful
film, gorgeously
directed by a
master stylist
Christopher Plummer is devastating as the oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty in All the Money in the World
All the Money
in the World
15, 132min
{{{{(
3:10 to Yuma
(1957)
12, 92min
{{{{(
egomaniac, surrounded at all times by
flatterers and toadies and occasionally
prone to creepy flights of fancy.
Plummer?s Getty, for instance, from an
intelligent, economical script by David
Scarpa (The Last Castle), believes
himself to be the reincarnation of
the Roman emperor Hadrian.
It helps too that the 88-year-old
looks the part of an octogenarian: the
wrinkles, dry slit mouth and hooded
eyes are employed with devastating
effect. It?s a considerable improvement
on the Spacey incarnation; seen in
pre-release footage, the 58-year-old,
lathered in ?old man? latex make-up,
appeared grossly unrealistic and,
indeed, slightly Statler and Waldorf.
Getty, meanwhile, is duly horrified
when, after his grandson (Charlie
Plummer ? no relation) is kidnapped
in Rome, he is presented with a
G
et yourself in thee
mood for this
week?s
knockout
western
Hostiles with a cowboy
classic from 1957. Regular
straight arrow Glenn Ford
plays entirely, and
deliciously, against type
azy) as the
(slightly camp and very sleazy)
d who
h
quick-draw villain Ben Wade,
$17 million ransom demand. Naturally,
as the ?richest man in the history of
the world?, he refuses to pay and stalls
for time over five long, torturous
months (be warned, shockingly gory
ear-slicing features heavily).
The boy?s mother, Gail (Michelle
Williams, another Golden Globe
nominee), is outraged. The Getty fix-it
man, former CIA operative Fletcher
Chase (Mark Wahlberg, nicely
low-key), plays mediator. The film at
times becomes almost Shakespearean
in structure as it pitches the steely
Gail against the ruthless patriarch and
watches their battles become a clash of
world views. ?I don?t want your
money,? she roars. ?Everybody wants
my money,? he hisses.
As she proved in last year?s
Oscar-winning Manchester by the Sea,
Williams has an unerring ability
b hustled aboard the
must be
epo
eponymous
train before his
gan of marauding outlaws
gang
can
ca wrestle him free from
the
th arms of the law.
There?s just one
pr
problem:
the meek,
ear
earnest
and fantastically
dull farmer
f
dull
protagonist Dan
Ev
(V Heflin, left with
Evans
(Van
F
Fo
ord)
d is the only
on one dumb (and
Ford)
b k ) enough
h to volunteer for the job.
broke)
Getty. Williams delivers in audacious,
award-worthy style.
It?s a beautiful film too. Gorgeously
directed by the master stylist, working
with the cinematographer Dariusz
Wolski (Alien: Covenant), it looks in
places like the dark and inky Vermeer
paintings that Getty collects. It buzzes
with tensions and intriguing
contradictions too ? Scott is a former
ad director and deftly sells you the
glamour, wealth and surface sheen of
high-end luxury living (an opening
Rome-set scene of shiny cars and
fabulous people plays like a perfume
commercial), while ruthlessly
revealing the corruption and moral
decrepitude at the heart of that same
world. It?s one of his best films yet.
The Times Film Show ?
watch Kevin Maher and
Ed Potton discuss Hostiles
thetimes.co.uk/arts
So begins one of the definitive
western race-against-the-clock
narratives (up there with High Noon),
which introduces Wade to Evans?s
family life (much flirting with Ma
Evans, played by Leora Dana, ensues)
and the possibility that personal and
professional redemption lies just
beyond the next shoot-out.
Kevin Maher
3:10 to Yuma is released on Blu-ray
on Monday
8
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Friday January 5 2018 | the times
film reviews
Saddle up for a thrilling ride
are widely afflicted with PTSD (they
call it ?the melancholia?). They talk
relentlessly about the massacres
that they have witnessed and, in
some cases, enjoyed. ?I?ve seen you
butcher women and children,? says
one sinister observer (Ben Foster),
smiling crookedly at Blocker. ?We?re
all guilty of something.?
The trauma doesn?t stop at soldiers
either. Pike?s survivor, Rosalie, is
stricken with grief and is described
by those around her as ?not right?
in the head. She develops a touching
and appropriately sexless relationship
with Blocker, summed up by a single
shot of them lying side by side in
bed, fully clothed, eyes open, faces
blank, with nothing to offer each
other but the suggestion of company
and little romantic one-liners
such as: ?Sometimes I envy the
Christian Bale is
the ideal leading
man for the best
western in years,
says Kevin Maher
Hostiles
I
15, 133min
{{{{(
s there any big-screen
experience more rousing to the
soul and satisfying to the mind
than a bloody good western?
The oldest genre known to
cinema (see The Great Train
Robbery, 1903) has been much
maligned in recent years.
Postmodern pabulum such as The
Dark Tower and the reboot of The
Magnificent Seven have proved illequipped to handle the complexity of
the form. Even much-admired entries
such as Quentin Tarantino?s The
Hateful Eight or Kristian Levring?s The
Salvation are little more than dutiful
works of derivation. And yet, along
comes Scott Cooper?s remarkable
Hostiles and you?re suddenly reminded
of everything that?s thrilling,
provocative and nourishing about
ancient tales of men with guns.
It?s 1892 and we?re in New Mexico
with the Yankee cavalry officer and
embittered, blood-thirsty ?Injun?
hunter Captain Joseph Blocker
(Christian Bale, never better). Charged
with transporting a dying Cheyenne
chief named Yellow Hawk (Wes Studi,
Last of the Mohicans) to his homeland
in Montana (about 1,000 miles away),
Blocker initially refuses on grounds of,
well, racism. ?I hate ?em!? he says of
Native Americans. ?They?re like ants.
They just keep coming.?
After some stern words from his
commanding officer (Stephen Lang)
and the threat of public shaming (the
journey, it transpires, is a media stunt
orchestrated by the government and
the fledgling newspaper industry),
Blocker reluctantly embarks on a
violent and increasingly symbolic
redemptive odyssey ? one that looks
Walk With Me
PG, 94min
{{(((
The father of the modern
?mindfulness? movement,
90-year-old Vietnamese Zen
master Thich Nhat Hanh,
right, is the ostensible subject
of this disappointingly toothless,
soft-focus documentary.
Based, in huge early
chunks, in and around
Nhat Hanh?s monastic
community, Plum
Village, in the
south of France,
the film lathers
itself in Benedict
Cumberbatch?s
dreamy baritone
Other actors, in
another film,
simply couldn?t
carry these lines
directly into the foundational
American moment and sees only
bloodshed, hatred and genocide.
Westerns, at their best, are
allegorical. High Noon, from 1952, is
really about the rise of McCarthyism.
Soldier Blue (1970) was about the
My Lai Massacre during the Vietnam
War. And there?s certainly something
very Trump-era about Hostiles.
Co-written by Cooper (Crazy Heart)
from a manuscript by the screenwriter
Donald Stewart (he wrote The Hunt
for Red October), it?s a film about the
poison of intolerance, that boldly
interrogates the origin myths of an
America that will, inevitably, be
made great again.
The cinematic touchstone is John
Ford?s The Searchers. Like John
voiceover, as he softly intones some
of Nhat Hanh?s greatest hits (?To live
we must die every instant. We must
perish again and again in the
storms that make life possible?).
It dares you not to giggle at
the novice western monks
and nuns doing their very
best to mindfully munch
through some rice cakes
(basically, slowly). The film
goes to New York for a bit,
but it never seems terribly
interested in the lives of
anyone on camera,
least of all Nhat
Hanh himself. No
questions asked.
No answers
given. Which, I
suppose, might
be very Zen.
Wayne?s Ethan Edwards in that classic,
Bale?s Blocker is the bigot in need
of redemption, only here, thankfully,
the transformation isn?t as easy or as
sympathetic. When Blocker meets a
traumatised settler (Rosamund Pike)
who has survived a ruthless
Comanche attack, his kindness and
chivalry (takes off his hat, helps her
bury her children) is substantially
diminished by the fact that, five
minutes earlier, he was spitting at
Chief Yellow Hawk and calling his
two daughters ?bitches?.
Elsewhere, and much like the
soul of Sebastian Barry?s recent
award-winning novel Days Without
End, Cooper tries to inject some
credible psychological reality into the
so-called Indian Wars. Yankee soldiers
Jupiter?s Moon
15, 129min
{{{((
Some virtuoso visual
imagery and poignant
contemporary themes go
searching for a plot and
proper characters in this
hit-and-miss Hungarian
drama about a Syrian
refugee turned mutant
super-being.
With deliberate echoes
of everything from Alfonso
Cuar髇?s Children of Men
to the early Marvel movies,
Jupiter?s Moon begins with an
n
impressive adrenalised flourish
rish and
a bullet-ridden chase through
gh the
border forests of Hungary. Here the
Christian Bale in the
western Hostiles
finality of death.? Other actors, in
another film, simply couldn?t carry
these lines without the hint of an
off-camera snicker.
Yet Hostiles is notable for its
abject refusal to engage with irony.
Everything here is direct and sincere,
as though Ford himself had risen
from the grave and directed one final
western, but with more grit and less
comedy punching. Bale is the ideal
leading man in this situation. He does
the best simmering rage in the business.
He holds entire scenes in wordless
close-ups. You can feel the intensity.
You can sense the self-loathing.
In the end the darkness might
be too much for some. There are
attempts at dramatic uplift in the
closing act, but they never seem quite
as earned as the steely aggression in
Blocker?s eyes when he barks the
names of murdered comrades,
automaton-style, into the face of the
pitifully ill Yellow Hawk. It?s vivid and
uncompromising at best. And at
worst? You might admire it just
slightly more than you enjoy it.
yyoungg and terrified Aryan (Zsombor
Jeger, left) is shot twice in the
which somehow (it?s
stomach, w
not explained)
bestows on
exp
him the
th power of flight and
self-healing
(he?s Wolverine
selfmeets
me Superman). A
corrupt
local doctor,
co
Stern
(Merab Ninidze),
St
manipulates
the boy into
m
a convoluted extortion
scam
involving dying
s
patients
and the promise
p
of Aryan?s healing touch.
It should be better, but
it too
to often gets lost in its
metaphorical
implications
meta
(is Ary
Aryan the new Jesus? Are
Europe?s
Europe?s refugee policies fair?).
Plus,
flying effects, although
P
lus, the fly
too often recall the
initially impressive,
impre
Harry Styles Sign
S of the Times promo.
the times | Friday January 5 2018
9
1G T
radio
Catherine
Nixey
Radio
review
Austin Abrams
and Ben Stiller
in Brad?s Status
50 Years of Just a Minute:
Nicholas Parsons
in Conversation
with Paul Merton
Radio 4, January 1
{{(((
R
Pitiful, petty, but human
M
This portrait of an insecure middle-aged man wins Ed Potton?s heart
any a writer and
director has been
inspired, if that?s
the right word, by
that old line of
Gore Vidal?s ?
?Whenever a
friend succeeds, a
little something in me dies.? Yet
seldom has it so soaked a story as it
does Brad?s Status, a film written and
directed by Mike White that revolves
around a man?s envious glances at
his peers.
Vidal?s truism has probably become
a clich�, but it?s still preferable as a
jumping-off point to the one for
another of White?s recent scripts, the
execrable Emoji Movie, effectively a
feature-length product placement for
kids. This is vastly better and rather
more grown-up: an awkward yet sweet
comedy-drama about a man?s midlife
crisis framed against the triumphs of
his old college buddies and the nascent
success of his teenage son, Troy.
Yes, it involves the kind of saturnine
performance from Ben Stiller that
Renegades
12A, 103min
{{(((
Directed by Steven Quale and
produced by Luc Besson, this action
thriller focuses on a group of US Navy
Seals on duty in war-torn Bosnia in
the Nineties who hatch a plan to
retrieve $500 million worth of gold
stolen by the Nazis during the Second
World War, hidden in a vault that is
submerged when Yugoslav militia
blow up a nearby dam. Phew. That
elaborate set-up turns into a rather
facile heist-cum-war flick ? Ocean?s 11
versus The Dirty Dozen, but without
the charm. Or the jeopardy.
It?s amiable stuff, but rather infantile
? about as hard-bitten and plausible
as an episode of The A-Team, and with
Brad?s Status
15, 102min
{{{{(
a similar standard of
acting. That?s apart from
JK Simmons, who is in
his element as the
commanding officer,
beasting his subordinates
with withering lines such
as: ?Please do not start
waving your tiny little
penises about.?
Sadly, that seems to
mean that there?s no
decent dialogue left for
the rest of the cast,
who include Sullivan
Stapleton (300: Rise of
an Empire, Animal
Kingdom) and Sylvia
Charlie Bewley, Sylvia
Hoeks and Sullivan
Stapleton in Renegades
we?ve seen before, most recently in
The Meyerowitz Stories. But this is
what Stiller does: he?s Woody Allen,
just more defeated, less manic and
without the rumours. Criticising him
for moping, frowning and questioning
his existence is like criticising
Jean-Claude Van Damme for
kicking people in the face.
Brad?s friends are amusingly
calculated to push the buttons of
masculine envy: Michael Sheen as an
arrogant, bestselling writer, Luke
Wilson as a hedge-fund manager with
a private jet, White as a hedonistic
Hollywood mogul, and Jemaine
Clement of Flight of the Conchords as
a billionaire beach bum in a m閚age �
trois with women half his age.
And Brad himself? He?s a former
journalist with a prestigious Peabody
award to his name, running a nonprofit organisation. Not too shabby,
most would think. Surely his envy is
another nauseating example of blithe
white privilege. That?s certainly how a
young Asian-American friend of
Troy?s couches it.
In interviews White has talked
about the trope of ?the self-pitying
white man? and ?seeing if I can find
compassion for him?. That makes
Brad?s Status sound like a piece of
Ukip propaganda, which it certainly
isn?t. Yet as misguided as Brad?s
jealousies and daydreams are (he
muses about ?all the women I?ve never
loved and all the lives I?ve never lived?
like a cross between Jean-Paul Sartre
and Julio Iglesias), they ring true.
They?re human.
The strongest scenes are between
Brad and his son, movingly played by
Austin Abrams. The film is built
around their tour of prospective
colleges for Troy, a talented musician.
We know that Brad?s dreams of the Ivy
League went unfulfilled, so the scene
in which he learns that Troy has a
good shot at Harvard is instructive.
There?s delight on Brad?s face and in
his voice, but buried deeper is envy,
even a trace of resentment. It?s
beautifully played. The self-pitying
white man may not deserve our pity,
but Stiller wins it anyway.
Hoeks (Blade Runner 2049), playing
a Bosnian woman whose presence
is embarrassingly decorative.
The noble Seals, of course,
are ready to donate
their treasure to the
reconstruction of Bosnia.
They also have a couple
of run-ins with the SAS
that leave us in little
doubt as to who the
real men are. The
surprising thing is that
this piece of slightly
icky US propaganda
was produced and
co-written by Besson, a
Frenchman. We knew that
he loved America and that
the land of Donald Trump is
in need of some decent PR,
but this seems a bit desperate.
adio 4 loves a good birthday.
This month alone it will
be celebrating anniversaries
of Frankenstein and the
Spanish flu pandemic ?
happy birthday, H1N1!
So it?s no surprise that it celebrated
Just a Minute?s in style, with a special
archive show and a retrospective with
Paul Merton, Nicholas Parsons and
various panellists, all there to raise a
glass to it being 50 years since the
programme first aired. That little. It
feels like so much longer.
All the panellists talked with
refreshing candour and a sharply
satirical eye. Only joking. Graham
Norton was ?thrilled? at the
celebration. The excellent John Lloyd
popped up to say that the panellists
on Just a Minute had been like
?Greek gods?. Ah yes, Thingybobus,
the Greek god of feeble jokes.
Lloyd?s analogy was a bad one
because what was notable about the
Greek pantheon was how balanced it
was at its apex in terms of gender. But
Just a Minute? Every interviewee here,
bar one, was male. Every single one
was white. Still, this show is a touch
better than its stablemate I?m Sorry
I Haven?t a Clue. The only regular
female on that is ?the lovely
Samantha?, who does the scoring,
never speaks and doesn?t actually
exist. Isn?t it just so funny?
The sole woman who popped up
here was Sheila Hancock. She
promptly injected some of the edge
the programme was entirely lacking by
mentioning its darker side. No, not
Clement Freud ? despite his being
one of its most famous and longstanding panellists, no one mentioned
the disgraced Freud at all, though his
ghost haunted the feast. No, what
Hancock talked about was the
aggression. Kenneth Williams, she
said, had been ?so aggressive [that]
women wouldn?t appear on the show?.
She was pretty much the only woman
on it in those days because others
simply couldn?t bear the bullying.
There were sweet bits in these
programmes, Tony Hawkes was his
usual engaging self and an old clip of
Stephen Fry, heard on the archive
show, gave one of the most amusing
moments. When given the topic of
?Chance? and asked to talk for a
minute, Fry announced that his
favourite kind of chance were
?Gregorian chance? ? then argued
the point elegantly. And as always
Merton had some nice lines. His
affection for Parsons was appealing ?
he mocked him, as always, for his age.
Gyles Brandreth, a former long-time
guest of the show, and usually a very
amusing man, turned up too and told
a lengthy anecdote during which he
hinted, obliquely, that Parsons?s penis
must be smaller than his own. It felt
uncomfortably like a metaphor for the
spirit of the whole show.
the times | Friday January 5 2018
11
1G T
music reviews
Pure pop done with pathos
with more emphasis on melody, and
with something of the stillness and
calm of Erik Satie. With its ability to
put the listener into a subtly altered
state, there could not be a better disc
to help to ease the pain of January.
pop
The debut of a
Mexican-Cuban
star is a surprise
success, says
Will Hodgkinson
NERD
No One Ever Really Dies
C
amila Cabello?s Havana
appeared, seemingly
out of nowhere, in
September and made
the 20-year-old
Mexican-Cuban singer
a star. With a minorkey melody and a
sultry Latin mood, the song is redolent
of good times and suffused with a
wistful sense of loss, in ways that only
a composition about feeling as if you
belong in Havana while fancying a boy
from Atlanta can be. Barack Obama
included it in his favourite tracks of
2017. Now arrives Cabello?s solo debut
album and, like the hit that made her
name, it is rather unexpected.
Cabello comes from pure pop
pedigree. Having moved with her
family from Havana to Mexico to
Miami in early childhood, in 2012 she
auditioned for the US X Factor and
ended up in Fifth Harmony, one of
those singing groups that the show
forms as a way of shunting together
a bunch of contestants it doesn?t
otherwise know what to do with.
Cabello left in late 2016 amid
accusations of jealousy, although she
gave her own, wonderfully showbiz
reason for jumping ship: the girl band
?wasn?t the maximum expression of
me individually?. We can assume that
a self-titled album featuring a picture
of her on the cover is the maximum
expression of her individually, and
it turns out to be a charming, rather
modest, surprisingly reflective pop
album to welcome in 2018.
At this early point in Cabello?s career
you would expect her album to be
filled with high-octane pop bangers.
Instead she has gone the other way,
taking a leaf out of Justin Bieber?s
book and using acoustic guitars and
sparse production to frame songs
RCA
{{{((
The US X Factor alumna Camila Cabello has made a charming, rather modest and reflective album
Camila Cabello
Camila
Syco
{{{{(
about love and longing. ?Hesitation,
awkward conversation, expectation,?
she sings on the sad piano ballad
Consequences, listing the side-effects of
heartbreak. It sounds like an unlikely
cross between Mariah Carey and
Joni Mitchell, and it is rather lovely.
Treated vocal harmonies give a
dreamy, disembodied air to All These
Years, on which Cabello asks, ?Does
she kiss you like I kiss you?? with
touching pathos, while on Real Friends
she weighs up the price of ambition
as she realises that she is surrounded
by people interested in her status,
not her character. ?I think I?ll stay in
tonight, skip the conversations and the
?Oh, I?m fines,? ? she sings to herself.
There are touches of the Latin pop
that you would expect from the singer
of Havana, particularly on the skittish
Inside Out, while Into It is the kind of
heavily suggestive song about sex that
every album by a young, good-looking
female pop star seems contractually
obliged to feature, even in these
days of feminist awakening.
But the surprise is how intimate and
natural Cabello?s debut sounds, and
how she has succeeded in making
an album that is personal without
resorting to the revelation of private
details. It really is the maximum
expression of her, individually.
Always the outsider?s hip-hop act of
choice, NERD were derailed for a while
by their founder member Pharrell
Williams?s solo success. Now the trio
return with the frenetic, funk-tinged
panoply of styles with which they made
their name, with more famous names
and political engagement.
Sometimes it works: Lemon features
Rihanna sounding like a cool,
laid-back street kid rapping off the
top of her head; Don?t Don?t Do It! is a
soul-inflected treatise on the killings
of unarmed black men by US police
that features a captivating rap from
Kendrick Lamar. The computerised
effects become irritating, but the
open-minded eclecticism and fizzy
creativity is rather inspiring.
Eminem
Revival
Polydor
{((((
Hiroshi Yoshimura
Music for Nine Postcards
Empire of Signs
{{{{(
The Japanese ambient pioneer Hiroshi
Yoshimura wrote music that engaged
with the physical environment and
changed the listener?s experience of it:
pieces for prefabricated houses, train
stations and fashion shows were all
among his roster. This 1982 debut is a
serene collection of nine instrumentals
played on a Fender Rhodes piano and
augmented by atmospheric keyboard
effects. Yoshimura intended it as
background music for Tokyo?s Hara
Museum of Contemporary Art, after
he was taken with the symmetry of the
architecture and trees in its courtyard.
The obvious comparison is Brian
Eno?s Ambient 1: Music for Airports, but
Crawling out quietly at the end of 2017,
the latest album by Eminem could
have been a brave, revealing look at
what happens when your star fades.
?Sales decline, the curtain?s drawn,
they?re closing the set, I?m still poking
my head from out behind,? he rages
on Walk on Water, but the fact that
he is rapping over a cheesy ballad with
an emoting guest spot from Beyonc�
reveals a craven bid for commercial
appeal that weakens the message.
Eminem flips between anger and
wit with versatility, but the music
? from the dated rock-rap of
Untouchable and Remind Me to the
weedy River, which features Ed
Sheeran in maximum croak mode ?
is horrible. Writing about self-doubt is
one thing, but displaying it by jumping
on trends and people-pleasing social
issues is something else entirely.
A canter through the hits of the Norse warhorse
classical
Edward Gardner
Grieg
Chandos
{{{{(
W
hen the Bergen
Philharmonic goes
on tour it?s virtually
contractually obliged
to play Edvard Grieg,
and that invariably means the Piano
Concerto or at least one part of the
Peer Gynt suite. Now the orchestra,
which the composer directed for two
years, has revisited these touchstone
works in a recording conducted by its
music director, Edward Gardner, left,
with the pianist Jean-Efflam Bavouzet
the soloist for the concerto.
The meeting of Norwegian players
and singers (there are five, count ?em,
native choruses on hand for just a few
snippets in Peer Gynt) with a British
conductor and French pianist is
refreshing: tried and tested repertoire
given fresh lustre.
The Piano Concerto may be
considered a warhorse, but Bavouzet
keeps it cantering nimbly along with
a featherlight touch, crisp, nimble
passagework and a first-movement
cadenza that hovers on the edge of
wistfulness, capturing the music?s
lyricism and evanescence. This mood
is reinforced in a tenderly confessional
slow movement before a nicely volatile
finale. The orchestra doesn?t wallow
under Gardner?s spry tempos, but the
strings ? the Philharmonic?s best
feature ? show off stylish portamenti
and carefully varied dynamics.
Grieg?s music for Peer Gynt, at
least in the UK, is most often heard
in a short suite of some of the
chestnuts (Hall of the Mountain King,
Morning Mood), yet when attempts are
made to thread Ibsen?s enigmatic
drama with more of the score the
result isn?t much more elucidating.
Here the Bergen Philharmonic play
all 26 numbers, some not much more
than a minute long, and it?s a highly
satisfying journey. The lesser-known
movements add to the overall flavour,
and if you don?t get a narrative you
can still follow Gynt?s travails ? his
romances, his scrapes with trolls, his
strange sojourn in the Sahara ? and
get a more palpable sense of the
drama?s rich strangeness and its
undercurrent of bitter regret. Gynt
returns to his valley no better or
cleverer a man for his adventures.
Gardner steers it all authoritatively.
The strings pulse moodily in The
Death of Ase, the cleansing Morning
Mood is impeccable, and with excitable
girls? and boys? choruses contributing
to the accelerando bedlam of the
Mountain King, all the ?hits? are
done justice. Norway?s new star
soprano, Lise Davidsen, contributes
a commanding Anitra, while
Ann-Helen Moen sings Solveig?s Song
with eloquent longing. One listen and
you?ll be pining for the fjords too.
Neil Fisher
12
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Friday January 5 2018 | the times
music
Daddio, meet the new
hepcats on the beat
It?s long been the preserve of piano-doodling dads in turtlenecks,
but now teenagers are turning to jazz, says Will Hodgkinson
I
n November a strange thing
happened. My son Otto asked if
I could take him to the Barbican
for an evening of music not
generally associated with your
average rebellious 16-year-old:
jazz. At A Concert For John and
Alice Coltrane, a two-and-a-halfhour tribute to the husband-and-wife
pioneers of spiritual jazz, the main
draw was the 77-year-old saxophonist
Pharoah Sanders, who took as long to
shuffle across the stage as he did to get
through one of his remarkable solos.
Otto was not the only young person in
the crowd. The place was full of them.
In America it has been happening
for a while. Kendrick Lamar hired the
saxophonist Kamasi Washington and
the pianist Robert Glasper for his
2015 hip-hop masterpiece To Pimp a
Butterfly, while in the same year David
Bowie made Blackstar, with the cream
of musicians culled from New York?s
downtown scene. Now British jazz, a
world that brings with it clich閟 of
ageing bohemians sporting complex
facial hair arrangements whose
natural habitat is an attic in Stoke
Newington, is having its moment.
?Without wishing to sound too
cosmic,? says Moses Boyd, a
25-year-old drummer and composer
from Catford, southeast London,
?it feels like this kind of music has
something the world needs right now.
You can see how Spotify, YouTube and
all those things have opened people up
to jazz by making it accessible, but it
goes deeper than that. Jazz has a sense
of liberation to it.?
Like many children growing up in
London?s inner suburbs, Boyd, who is
fast becoming one of the brightest
lights in British jazz, spent his early
years immersed in hip-hop and grime,
but after a music teacher at his school
in Lewisham introduced him to jazz at
the age of 13, a love affair began.
?It started as a bit of a secret:
listening to grime artists like Dizzee
Rascal and Wiley with friends at school
and sneaking off to see Sonny Rollins
and James Moody in the evenings,?
Boyd says. ?I was an oddball in that
respect. At first it was cool to have
something nobody else did, and slowly
it took over my life. I was practising all
the time. I would talk my way into
Ronnie Scott?s and the Jazz Cafe and
ask as many questions as I could of the
older musicians I met there. And as
a second-generation West Indian it is
instilled that you must stand on your
own two feet, so I worked hard to build
everything up independently. The ball
started rolling from there.?
I first heard Boyd?s Rye Lane Shuffle,
a freewheeling instrumental, on the
DJ Gilles Peterson?s Worldwide show
in late 2016. It was inspired by the
drummer catching the No 171 bus from
his home in Catford and watching
from the top deck the constant flow of
Drummer Moses Boyd. Below: saxophonist Shabaka Hutchings
people amid the butchers and
greengrocers lining Rye Lane in
Peckham. Peterson has long been
jazz?s earthy representative in
Britain and Rye Lane Shuffle?s blend
of Afrobeat rhythms, fluttering
tenor saxophones and a guitar
solo that could have come from
Carlos Santana fit into his world.
Then I saw the band the Moses
Boyd Exodus at the Green Man,
a festival in the Brecon Beacons
dominated by indie and folk. With
the grime artist Jme proclaiming
the jazz quartet the Ezra Collective
as his favourite new act, and the
cult southeast London singer King
Krule evoking the ghost of Chet Baker
ker
in his smoky, late-night 2017 album
The Ooz, it seems a jazz revolution
really is afoot.
?Audiences are getting younger by
the month,? says Justin McKenzie of
Jazz Re:freshed, which has been
putting on weekly nights at the Mau
Mau Bar in west London since 2003
and will be staging a British jazz
takeover at the music industry mecca
SXSW in Austin, Texas, in March, in
partnership with British Underground
and supported by Arts Council
England. ?And they?re getting a
lot bigger than we expected.?
McKenzie and Adam Moses started
Jazz Re:freshed, which has expanded
into a record label and agency, after
getting frustrated by the more elitist
side of the British jazz scene. ?In the
mid-2000s most jazz was quite safe
and not open to outside influences,?
says McKenzie, who was working as a
DJ at the time. ?If you can?t allow jazz
to develop beyond bebop, it will be
stuck in the past and no longer
relevant. In the early Seventies Herbie
Hancock got dissed hard for using
electronic instruments. People
thought Miles Davis had gone mad
when he incorporated rock and funk.
It started
as a secret:
listening to
grime with
friends, but
sneaking
off to see
Sonny
Rollins
Yet that fusion era is heralded as one
of the most exciting in jazz. We?re in
a similar period today.?
How did Jazz Re:freshed find the
audiences other promoters could not
reach? ?We didn?t go to the obvious
places,? McKenzie says. ?We handed
out flyers at raves, grime clubs, reggae
nights. You work at it for years and
then suddenly people get interested.
The challenge is to keep them
interested once the hype dies down.?
Hip-hop has always been connected
with jazz. Nas, one of the most revered
rappers in America and the son of the
cornetist and singer Olu Dara, says:
?My music is the child of [his father?s]
music.? The rapper and producer
J Dilla sampled everyone from the
harpist Dorothy Ashby to the Parisian
vocal group the Swingle Singers. Now
a generation that has grown up on
hip-hop as the dominant force in pop
music is looking towards its roots.
?To Pimp a Butterfly changed
everything,? says the British
saxophonist Nubya Garcia. ?Having
such a seminal hip-hop album made by
the times | Friday January 5 2018
13
1G T
exhibition
CHRIS DAWES; ANDY SHEPPARD/GETTY IMAGES; TOM BARNES
If we do
something
accessible
to the
average
listener,
the pure
jazz is not
so scary
Left: Nubya
Garcia
The Comet is Coming
are at the Electric
Brixton, London SW2,
on January 13
jazz musicians alerted a wider audience
to what was going on at a time when
social media made it easy to get your
message out. I got started by telling my
friends what I was doing, they told their
friends, and it spread from there. It?s
mad to think that jazz?s shift into the
mainstream has actually happened.?
Garcia?s debut EP, Nubya?s 5ive,
features an interpretation of the
post-bop pianist McCoy Tyner?s
Contemplation, alongside her own
pieces Lost Kingdoms and Fly Free,
on which the playing skill is matched
only by the free-flowing expression.
You have to wonder how a fashionable
25-year-old Londoner went down
this path.
?I played classical viola as a child and
my God that bloody viola was never
going to chime with me,? she says. ?But
with jazz you have a voice, and I loved
that. There was something about the
intensity of focus, the journey you go
on in a tune that can be 4 minutes
or 24 minutes, which appealed. It felt
like I could tell my story.?
It?s not exactly pop, though. ?It
used to be,? Garcia counters. ?In
the Thirties and Forties jazz
borrowed from other genres,
and ever since then other
genres have been borrowing
ffrom jazz. We have reached a
point in history where these styles
p
can exist at the same time.?
ca
All roads on Britain?s contemporary
jazz scene seem to lead to the 33-yearold saxophonist and clarinettist
Shabaka Hutchings. He is a member
of the Mercury prize-nominated
psychedelic trio the Comet is Coming,
the two drummer-led Sons of Kemet,
and the Afrobeat-infused Shabaka and
the Ancestors, which he formed with
members of Johannesburg?s jazz scene.
?I first noticed a younger audience
while playing with [the punk-jazz
band] Melt Yourself Down,? says
Hutchings, who left Barbados for
Britain aged 16 and went on to study
clarinet at the Guildhall music college
in London. ?Most people in the crowd
were between 18 and 25, I think
because the music was so exciting. For
a long time the zeitgeist told young
people that jazz was not for them. It
was something your dad listened to
on a Sunday lunchtime in the back
room of a pub. Then you see Pharoah
Sanders looking cool on the cover of
[the 1969 masterpiece] Karma and the
stigma is broken down.?
As a Barbadian teenager, Hutchings
grew up on hip-hop, calypso and
reggae. It was only after the Guildhall
that he saw the possibilities that wild,
skronking, out-there jazz had to offer.
?You need a way in. My favourite thing
with the Comet is Coming is to settle
into a simple groove that everyone can
dance to, and then go batshit crazy
with free improvisation on the
saxophone. If we do something
accessible to the average listener, the
pure jazz stuff is not so scary. It?s that
kind of fusion that has a lot to do with
jazz becoming popular again.?
Of course, this style of music is not
for everyone. Otto recently played
John Coltrane?s A Love Supreme to a
friend who came round to his house.
The friend begged Otto to turn it off.
But with the world?s biggest rappers
using jazz musicians, nights such as
east London?s Church of Sound
becoming hot tickets and Shabaka
Hutchings, Moses Boyd and other
forward-thinking virtuosos stretching
the possibilities of what jazz can be, the
world?s most misunderstood musical
genre is coming in from the cold.
I went to India and all
I got was this golden fish
The lavish gifts received by the future Edward VII on his trip
to the sub-continent amaze Rachel Campbell-Johnston
M
ost people return from
India with an armful of
jangly bangles, a pair of
baggy pyjamas and
perhaps a stick-on
bindi as a souvenir. Not
Edward VII. In October 1875,
while still Prince of Wales,
he set off on the royal
equivalent of the gap-year
trip. For four months he
toured the land over
which, one day, he would
preside as emperor. He
returned with the most
splendid array of regal gifts,
and it is a selection of several
dozen of the finest of these
that are on display at the
Queen?s Gallery in the Palace
of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh
(the show will transfer to
Buckingham Palace in June).
Visitors to Splendours of the
Sub-continent: A Prince?s Tour of
India 1875-6 will find an eclectic mix
of souvenirs. There is an array of
weaponry, the decorative elaborations
of which do little to disguise their
savage purpose. There are turban
adornments and rose-water sprinklers;
an antimony holder and an astrolabe.
Highlights include such extravagant
confections as a jewel-studded walking
stick, which when unscrewed and
extended reveals a secondary function
as a gun; an ivory workbox made
to look like the palace that stands on
the banks of the Ganges at Benares;
a strange bud-shaped stand, the four
sections of which unfurl like sepals
to reveal perfume bottles nestling
within it like the seeds of a plant;
and a miniature model peacockprowed boat that ? obviously ?
doubles as a desktop inkstand.
Most of the items here are
more boastfully decorative than
domestically useful. It?s hard to
imagine that the Prince of Wales
would have found any use for a bottle
of antimony ? used as an eyeliner in
certain parts of India ? even if it did
come in the form of a tiny articulated
goldfish, with a stopper-cumapplicator inserted in its mouth.
And he would certainly have
found himself robbed and lying
in a ditch before he had time to
transform his gold walking cane
into a more deadly weapon
(although the pair of ferocious
punch daggers displayed near
by look rather more efficient).
What makes these gifts
interesting is that they
are more about the givers
than the recipient. As the
prince proceeded on his
way across south Asia,
travelling 10,000 miles or so
by land and sea, visiting more
than 90 rulers in 21 regions (they
encompassed modern-day India,
Sri Lanka, Pakistan and Nepal) and
strengthening ties between local
rulers and the British Crown, he
ROYAL COLLECTION TRUST/HER MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH II
Gold plate and perfume holder
presented by the Maharaja of Jaipur.
Below: gold turban ornament. Below
left: ornamental gold articulated fish
was presented with objects
that were very much
intended to show off the
superlative creativity and
craftsmanship of the places
from which they came. It is
the magnificence and diversity
of this craftsmanship that
this show reveals.
The future
Edward VII was
certainly impressed.
Your own stick-on bindi
was probably removed (with
merited embarrassment) not
long after you touched down at
Heathrow. Those cotton pyjamas
have no doubt long since (and also
rather embarrassingly) split at the
seams. But the treasures that the
Prince of Wales accumulated went
on display at a succession of venues
in Britain, Paris and Copenhagen.
An opening exhibition at the
South Kensington Museum
(later renamed the Victoria and
Albert Museum) attracted almost
30,000 visitors in the first week. The
looker would ?probably feel absolutely
dazzled by the splendour of the
scene?, said one awestruck
contemporary; ?and it was not
until this feeling had
time to wear off, and
he had leisure to realise
that
he was not dreaming
t
of a scene from the Arabian
Nights? that he would
be able to settle down
?to the contemplation of
the individual objects?.
Newspapers published
weekly features
discussing these. By 1883 more
than two million people in Britain had
seen it. The art of India had entered
our cultural consciousness.
It is easy to see why it
captured the imagination.
It must have looked so
extravagantly exotic,
so fascinatingly foreign.
A pair of peacock-feather
fans with which flapping
courtiers would have
cooled the prince as,
mounted on an elephant,
he entered Jaipur certainly
entranced viewers. The
addition of gems and
enamel to the feathers was
like ?adding another hue to
the rainbow?, declared one
admirer. And it was not just
art lovers and scholars who
turned up to study the skills of
the sub-continental craftsmen
? to marvel at the enamelling
of a salver, for instance, which
(according to one report) must have
been ?put ten times into the fire?, or
b
to ogle at the skills of lapidaries, the
extraordinary size of their gems and
the refinements of the metalworkers.
British companies, keen to capitalise
on the popularity of this exotic
aesthetic, immediately started to
mimic it. Liberty of London began
to stock dinner services displaying
scrolling foliage similar to that
seen on the scabbard of a sword
presented to the prince by Rao
of Cutch. The Birmingham-based
firm Elkington & Co, which had
developed the process of
silver-plating, began
to manufacture
copies of Indian
silver. Meanwhile,
the prince, funded
in part by money raised
from the display of his gifts, sent
an emissary to India to acquire
art to expand British collections.
As you look at this display, it may
feel a little familiar. You will have seen
plenty of stuff that looks much the
same ? even if their raw materials are
rather less precious, the red stones not
rubies and the pearls plastic fakes. But
that is precisely because these gifts
made south Asian culture so popular
in this country, which is what the
Prince of Wales, who firmly insisted
that his presents should be shown in
Bethnal Green so that the ?industrious
classes? of east London could examine
them properly, had wanted.
What this exhibition loses by being
shown close to 150 years after the
prince embarked on his trip it gains
by revealing a transformative moment
in our cultural imagination.
Splendours of the Sub-continent:
A Prince?s Tour of India 1875-6
is at the Queen?s Gallery, Palace
of Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh,
to April 22, and at the Queen?s
Gallery, Buckingham Palace,
London SW1, from June 8
14
1G T
Friday January 5 2018 | the times
television & radio
An ego-free Who Do You Think You Are?
DANIEL LEITCH
Carol
Midgley
TV review
A House Through Time
BBC Two
{{{{(
Death in Paradise
BBC One
{{{((
W
ho Do You Think You
Are?, I think we can
agree, is an inspired
premise for a TV
programme. However
? and this won?t be a popular view ?
it sometimes gets right on my nerves.
Maybe it?s me, but some celebrities
seem to enjoy the attention and selfindulgence a bit too much, which
irritates. A House Through Time
solved that problem. It was the
historical backstory of a property, not
a person, thus it was Who Do You
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
The Vital Spark
Radio 4, 2.15pm
It?s the height of the Second
World War. Bombs are
falling on London and
everyone is hurrying to get
out of the city or, if they are
in the city, to get into an
air-raid shelter. Or rather,
not quite everyone. As the
bombs fall one young
woman simply stays put.
Muriel Spark has no desire
to make herself safe ? she
has come to London to
?experience the war? and
when the siren sounds she
stays in her hotel room. She
later explains, ?I thought I?d
take a chance.? This play by
Sarah Wooley feels utterly
plausibly Sparkish.
The News Quiz
Radio 4, 6.30pm
New year, new News Quiz.
The host, Miles Jupp, has
said that he would love to
play a Bond villain, and in
a way you can imagine
it from how he is on this.
That combination of initial
affability with something a
touch harder. Initially Jupp
seems as though he is all
corduroy, the sort of man
who might say, ?How de
ye do?? and enjoy a fine
claret. Then, like a Bond
baddie pressing the button
and allowing his guests
to slide into the piranha
tank, he can be lethal.
Think You Are? without ego. That is
the best of both worlds. Plus, I should
say, I?m from Liverpool and the lovely
1840s house it featured on Falkner
Street is one with which I?m familiar.
There are so many history
programmes, but here, with an
articulate presenter in David Olusoga,
was a fresh, original telling of social
history through the prism of lives not
found in the history books. The finer
detail of the lots of individuals all
occupying at different times the
same house gave vivid context to the
bigger social and political picture.
There was Richard Glenton, the first
occupier, living a gentleman?s life on a
clerk?s wage until he was disinherited
and moved to less grand Everton;
James Orr, a butler who, through
making the right connections and
investing in property, became a wealthy
man, showing the power of Victorian
social mobility; and Wilfred Steele,
a cotton broker who went bankrupt
and was a bit of a shit for leaving his
stepdaughters in the workhouse while
he went to America in 1862. These
were all enlightening narratives.
Huge research had been done for
this first episode alone (it?s one of four)
and ended with Olusoga on a Virginia
battlefield where Steele had fought in
the American Civil War for the Union
army. This pleasantly surprised
Olusoga since here was a man who
had got rich on the back of slave
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show
with Scott and Chris 10.00 Jordan North
12.45pm Newsbeat 1.00 Cel and Katie
4.00 The Of?cial Chart with MistaJam
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 BBC Radio 1?s Dance
Anthems with MistaJam. The best dance
tunes for the weekend 7.00 Annie Mac 9.00
Pete Tong 11.00 Danny Howard 1.00am
B.Traits 4.00 Radio 1?s Essential Mix
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Mark Goodier 9.30 Ken Bruce. Clem
Cattini shares his ?nal two Tracks of My
Years 12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve
Wright 5.00 Simon Mayo 7.00 Tony
Blackburn?s Golden Hour 8.00 Friday Night Is
Music Night. Clark Rundle conducts the BBC
Philharmonic as they perform a concert of
musical fairy tales. Louise Minchin presents
Hannah Waddingham and Joseph Shovelton
in songs from Into the Woods, Pinocchio,
Brigadoon and Wicked, and there is ballet
music by Proko?ev and Tchaikovsky (r)
10.00 Sounds of the 80s. Sara Cox goes back
to 1988 with a massive Megamix 12.00
Anneka Rice: The Happening 2.00am Radio
2?s Funky Soul Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist:
New to 2 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 21st Century
Songs 5.00 Huey on Saturday
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Music, news and the occasional surprise,
presented by Petroc Trelawny
9.00 Essential Classics
Classical music, cultural history, and the
composer Harrison Birtwistle talks about
more of the things that have inspired and
in?uenced him throughout his life and career
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Colin Matthews
The contemporary composer joins Donald
Macleod to discuss the in?uences of past
music upon his own works. Although he
doesn?t see himself as part of any musical
school or tradition, he does acknowledge that
for him the most important period in musical
history is the ?rst two decades of the 20th
century, and that the likes of Schoenberg,
Berg, Debussy, Stravinsky, Mahler and
Britten have all had an impact upon his
music. Debussy Arr Colin Matthews
(Minstrels ? Preludes Book 1 No 12); Colin
Matthews (No Man?s Land; Traces Remain)
Presenter David Olusoga outside the house in Falkner Street
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Ian Skelly presents highlights of the
Schubertiade last June. The cellist Sol
Gabetta and the pianist Lauma Skride play
Brahms, and the baritone Christian Gerhaher
and the pianist Gerold Huber perform
Schumann. Brahms (Sonata No 1 in E minor,
Op 38); and Schumann (Seven Songs, Op 90)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Esa-Pekka Salonen and the Los Angeles
Philharmonic Orchestra perform Arvo P鋜t,
the violinist Pekka Kuusisto plays
Beethoven, and the Finnish Radio Symphony
Orchestra and conductor Leonidas Kavakos
play Dvor醟. Arvo Part (Symphony No 4 ?
Los Angeles); 2.35 Beethoven (Violin
Concerto in D, Op 61) 3.20 Dvor醟
(Symphony No 7 in D minor, Op 70)
5.00 In Tune
Katie Derham with a lively mix of chat,
arts news and live performance
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An imaginative, eclectic mix of music,
featuring favourites together with
lesser-known gems, with a few surprises
thrown in for good measure
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Recorded at Milton Court, London, the BBC
Singers and the conductor Nicholas Chalmers
perform music by Esa-Pekka Salonen and
Rautavaara. Plus a concert given at the Total
Immersion day, with musicians from the
Guildhall School of Music and Drama
platforming Salonen?s smaller-scale
instrumental works. Esa-Pekka Salonen (Two
Songs from Kalender R鰀; Dona Nobis Pacem;
Iri da iri; Dichotomie for piano; Second
Meeting for oboe and piano; YTA1 for solo
alto ?ute; Memoria for wind quintet); and
Rautavaara (Our Joyful?st; Missa a Capella)
10.00 The Verb
The programme welcomes January?s fresh
starts and clear-outs with poems on empty
drawers and new beginnings. Ron Padgett,
Hollie McNish, Laurie Bolger, Lennox Cato
and Harry Giles join Ian McMillan
10.45 The Essay:
Brick, Stone, Steel, Glass
Nikesh Shukla re?ects on Bristol?s crossartform venue and producer Watershed, and
how it helped him fall in love with the city
11.00 World on 3
Lopa Kothari presents more music from
Womex ?17, the annual gathering of the
world music industry, held in Katowice,
Poland. It features highlights from the
showcase concerts and events, always in
search of new sounds from across the globe
1.00am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30-7.30 (LW) Test Match Special:
Australia v England Commentary on the
second day of the ?fth Ashes Test
5.30 News Brie?ng
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
7.30 (LW) Today
9.00 Her Story Made History
With the President of Liberia, Ellen Johnson
Sirleaf. Last in the series (5/5)
9.30 The Ideas That Make Us
Changing ideas about narcissism (3/5) (r)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: The Vital Spark
? Appointment in Arezzo
By Alan Taylor. The writer and journalist?s
memoir about his friendship with Muriel
Spark. Read by Paul Higgins (5/5)
10.00 Woman?s Hour
Including at 10.45 the 15 Minute Drama:
Part ?ve of Shardlake: Heartstone, the ?fth
series of CJ Sansom?s Tudor mysteries
11.00 My Father?s Israel (r)
11.30 The Pale Horse
By Agatha Christie (1/3) (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Home Front
By Katie Hims. Last in the series
12.15 You and Yours
Consumer and public interest reports
1.00 The World at One
Presented by Mark Mardell
1.45 Con?ict and Co-operation:
A History of Trade
Paul Seabright and the historian Sheilagh
Ogilvie explore what the guilds did for trade
in medieval and early modern Europe (5/10)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: The Vital Spark ?
Intelligence
Sarah Wooley?s drama based on Muriel
Spark?s work in the ?black propaganda?
department of MI6. See Radio Choice
3.00 Gardeners? Question Time
Experts answer listeners? queries in Essex
3.45 From Fact to Fiction
A ?ctional response to the week?s news
4.00 Last Word
Obituaries presented by Matthew Bannister
4.30 A Good Read
With John Niven and Sali Hughes (8/8) (r)
4.55 The Listening Project
A look back on a youngster?s upbringing
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
plantations. It was an instructive hour
that reminded us that we never really
?own? bricks and mortar, we are
merely souls passing through.
As soon as the spoilt little rich
girl Pearl started speaking like a
caricature Sloane, saying ?totes? and
?whatevs? every five minutes, we knew
she was a wrong ?un. Death in
Paradise doesn?t go big on subtlety
or nuance: it goes more for the
cheerful-caper-through-tragedy vibe
and makes no apology for that. Why
should it? It is this safe, comforting
formula that keeps viewers watching.
It?s in its seventh series, with Ardal
O?Hanlon having taken over from Kris
Marshall. O?Hanlon plays Jack Mooney,
the new sharper-than-he-looks
detective on the Caribbean island
of Saint Marie. This week a woman
apparently jumped from a hotel
balcony on the eve of her wedding due
to a muck-raking story (in the Daily
Express, not The Times, let?s be clear).
But Jack, surely the least intimidating
TV detective ever, smelt a rat because
she had painted only one fingernail
(I know: we just had to go with it).
In the end, of course, it was all neatly
tied up (it was those pesky kids fearing
for their inheritance wot pushed her)
without a shred of forensic evidence.
But, as in Scooby-Doo, that?s not what
the viewers are here for. They want
escapism and they got it.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
6.00 Six O?Clock News
6.30 The News Quiz
Miles Jupp returns with a new series of the
panel game. See Radio Choice (1/8)
7.00 The Archers
Pip prepares for a big night
7.15 Front Row
A round-up of arts news and reviews
7.45 Shardlake: Heartstone (5/10) (r)
8.00 The Listening Project in Hull
Fi Glover and guests re?ect on Hull?s year as
UK City of Culture. Guests include Ko?
Smiles, the BBC?s Face of Hull 2017 (r)
8.50 A Point of View
Re?ections on a topical issue
9.00 Home Front Omnibus
By Katie Hims. Last in the series
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
How to Stop Time
By Matt Haig, abridged by Jeremy Osbourne.
The identity of the woman Tom Hazard is
holding at gunpoint is unclear. Abridged by
Jeremy Osborne and read by Tom Hollander
11.00-7.30 (LW) Test Match Special:
Australia v England Commentary on the
third day of the ?fth Ashes Test in Sydney
11.00 Great Lives
Helen Arney chooses the pioneer physicist
Hertha Ayrton as a great life (5/9) (r)
11.30 Her Story Made History (5/5) (r)
11.55 The Listening Project (r)
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: The Vital
Spark ? Appointment in Arezzo
By Alan Taylor (5/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am I?m Sorry I?ll Read That Again 8.30
Albert and Me 9.00 The Motion Show 9.30
After Henry 10.00 Far From the Madding
Crowd 11.00 Writing Lives 11.15 Take Me
to the North Laine 12.00 I?m Sorry I?ll Read
That Again 12.30pm Albert and Me 1.00 Dr
Finlay: The Adventures of a Black Bag 1.30
Looking for Ripley 2.00 Animal Farm 2.15
Five Hundred Years of Friendship 2.30 Tales
of the City 2.45 The Examined Life 3.00 Far
From the Madding Crowd 4.00 The Motion
Show 4.30 After Henry 5.00 The Leopard in
Autumn 5.30 Just William ? Live! 6.00 I
Am Legend 6.30 Soul Music 7.00 I?m Sorry
I?ll Read That Again. Comedy 7.30 Albert and
Me 8.00 Dr Finlay: The Adventures of a Black
Bag. The Wife of a Hero. Dramatisation of AJ
Cronin?s story, with John Gordon Sinclair
8.30 Looking for Ripley. Mark Billingham?s
fascination with Patricia Highsmith?s Tom
Ripley 9.00 Writing Lives. Swimming
Lessons. By Victoria Field 9.15 Take Me to
the North Laine. By Ed Harris 10.00 Comedy
Club: Hey Hey We?re the Monks. Comedy
starring Bill Bailey 10.30 On the Hour. Spoof
news programme with Chris Morris 10.55
The Comedy Club Interview 11.00 The
Harpoon. Spoof boys? magazine with Alistair
McGowan 11.30 Life: An Idiot?s Guide. With
Fred MacAulay, Angela Barnes, Greg Proops
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 5 Live Daily
with Chris Warburton 1.00pm The Friday
Sports Panel 2.00 Kermode and Mayo?s Film
Review 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport:
The Friday Football Social. Darren Fletcher is
joined by Jermaine Jenas 10.00 Adrian
Goldberg 1.00am Up All Night 5.00 5 Live
Boxing with Costello & Bunce 5.30 5 Live
Sport: The Friday Football Social (r)
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Max Rushden 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Danny Kelly and Darren Gough
7.00 Kick-off 10.00 The Two Mikes 1.00am
Extra Time with Tom Latchem
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Mary Anne
Hobbs 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe 4.00 Steve
Lamacq 7.00 Iggy Pop 9.00 Tom Ravenscroft
12.00 Erol Alkan 2.00am 6 Music Classic
Concert 3.00 6 Music Live Hour
4.00 The First Time with Wilko Johnson
5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. Catherine Bott pays
tribute to the work of George Gershwin.
Gershwin (Strike up the Band ? Overture;
Rhapsody in Blue; Someone to Watch Over
Me; Porgy and Bess ? Symphonic Suite;
Summertime; Variations on ?I Got Rhythm?;
3 Preludes; An American in George Gershwin
? Paris piano roll; Embraceable You; and
Lullaby) 10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am
Katie Breathwick 4.00 Emma Nelson
the times | Friday January 5 2018
15
1G T
first night
The dancing is Strictly Come
Entrancing and, yes, Clifton can
sing too. She plays Dale Tremont, a
model who is famous for being
famous. The plot (wafer-thin) hinges
on a case of mistaken identity: she falls
for a man named Jerry Travers, whom
she thinks is a man named Horace
Hardwick, who happens to be
married to her friend Madge. Cue
door-slamming, face-slapping,
bedroom-swapping.
Joshua Lay is our man Travers.
He too can twirl and swirl, and his
dancing, especially with Clifton, is
balletic, although the tap is not
tip-tap-top. As a couple, Clifton
and Lay have too much of the
professional dancer about them to
be seen as star-struck lovers, but their
swoops and lifts (Chris Whittaker
choreographs) are impressive.
Comedy
Dad?s Army Radio Hour
Crazy Coqs, W1
W
{{{((
hat a feat of mimicry.
Two character comics
play 25 characters as
they recreate three
episodes of the radio
version of Dad?s Army. David Benson,
who has scored Edinburgh Fringe
hits with shows about outsized
entertainers such as Kenneth
Williams, Frankie Howerd and Boris
Johnson, takes particular relish in
recreating John Le Mesurier?s languid
politesse as Sergeant Wilson. Right
down to little chuckles within lines.
And, although there is little by way
of staging in Owen Lewis?s production
? the two men stand in olive-green
army clobber, behind two
microphones, two music stands
holding their scripts and an electric
sign reading ?On air? ? if you closed
your eyes you would miss Benson?s
half-smiles and dabs of the forehead.
Jack Lane, who had a hit with his
one-man Norman Wisdom show,
Wisdom of a Fool, complements
Benson beautifully. Lane looks too
fresh-faced to give a good Arthur
Lowe, but he fixes his lips and out
squeeze clipped admonishments
that are pure Captain Mainwaring.
The two men flit without pause
between their various characters.
Benson excels as the small-bladdered
Private Godfrey and the spivvy Private
Walker. Lane has a lark with Private
Pike, but doesn?t quite get the timbre
right for the combustible Corporal
Jones. The same could be said of
Benson?s Warden Hodges (less of
a presence). Beyond that, they?re
pretty much perfect at what they do.
And what they do is mostly
impressive, evocative and gently
amusing rather than laugh-out-loud
funny. If you?ve turned up to this, you
probably know not only the characters
back to front, but possibly also the
stories: the one with the American
colonel; the one with the balloon;
the one with the captured Germans
(?Don?t tell him, Pike!?). Three
episodes, too, make it the Dad?s Army
Radio Hour-and-a-half, which is
stretching the conceit a bit far. It
started as two episodes on the Fringe
last summer, and that?s the ideal dose.
This is not a show for newcomers,
or even for oldcomers to get a new
perspective on the show they love.
It is what it is: a deluxe fan event. It
doesn?t prompt gales of laughter, yet
it uses wild skill to make us feel a
warming, fond reverie.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 020 7734 4888, to Jan 21
This show is all
about escapism
in January
Joanne Clifton and Joshua Lay make the most of a small space
Over the top
and strictly
entrancing
A dazzling Irving Berlin musical with a
Strictly Come Dancing star is a great way
to banish the blues, says Ann Treneman
Theatre
Top Hat
Upstairs at the
Gatehouse, N6
{{{{(
I
t?s quite something to see Joanne
Clifton, the professional winner
of Strictly Come Dancing in 2016,
puttin? on the Ritz at quarters
quite as close as this. As she
dances through this 1935 Irving Berlin
classic, her legs flash, the hips slink,
the smile dazzles. The posture is
teacup-balance correct and the
pinkie (actually every finger) is in
perfectly trained place.
Their precision is much appreciated
by the front row, which is a bit too
close to the action.
It?s a feelgood show on a traverse
stage, and even by the interval that
runway felt as if it had more take-offs
than Heathrow at rush hour. The
designer Emily Bestow has done her
best with a space that estate agents
would call ?bijou?: one end is a small
raised stage with an art deco backdrop
that has the added feature (as estate
agents would say) of a drop-down
bed that immediately makes it into
a hotel bridal suite.
John Plews directs and, at 2 hours
and 30 minutes the night I saw it, it is
a touch long. The cast are still dancing
up a storm as they take their bows.
It?s all a bit OTT (if you can have an
OTT Top Hat). The script, by Matthew
White and Howard Jacques, is from the
version seen in the West End in 2012,
but still some of the jokes are mouldy.
Yet in other ways this delivers.
Clifton and Lay convince, and Darren
Benedict as Horace Hardwick and
Ellen Verenieks as the unflappable
Madge shine. It?s all about escapism:
it?s January, so why not face the music
(the band are superb) and dance?
Box office: 020 8340 3488, to Jan 28
A superhero comedy: read
Ann Treneman?s review of
Bananaman the Musical
First Night in the main paper
Theatre
White Fang
Park Theatre, N4
J
{{{{(
ack London?s 1906 classic is
a novel red in tooth and claw,
the tale of a wolf-dog torn
between the savagery of the
wild and a scarcely less violent
human civilisation. It?s not so much
a basis as a leaping-off point for
this play by the Cornish writer and
director Jethro Compton, borrowing
some of the book?s themes and raw,
frontierland atmosphere, but spinning
a radically different story.
While White Fang still bounds,
howls and snarls through the
narrative, at its heart is a young
Native Canadian woman fighting
for her birthright and freedom in a
hostile, exploitative society. Writing
and production are rough-hewn, yet
they have a lyrical loveliness.
Lyzbet Scott (a smouldering Mariska
Ariya) lives in Canada?s harsh Yukon
territory with Weedon, a whiskysoaked hunter she calls grandfather.
He rescued her as a baby, when her
parents were slaughtered in a raid by
white settlers. Yet among people who
regard her as an outsider, her closest
ally is her loyal wolf. There?s gold in
them thar hills, where they hunt
together, and along with crows
of ill omen, vultures ? of the
non-feathered variety ? are circling.
Compton?s set and Adrin Puente?s
costumes are rich in texture ? all
weathered wood and snow drifts,
bone, fur and leather. There?s
captivating puppetry too: a playful
wolf pup and, later, the fully grown
White Fang, who with his shaggy
fur and fantastical markings
combines convincing lupine
ferocity with the otherworldliness
of a spirit animal.
The play has resonances not just
of historical colonialism, but of racism
and misogyny. It?s overreliant on
stereotype and the dialogue can be
declamatory. Lyzbet?s stormy fervour
is thrilling, though, and the tenderness
that blossoms between her and a
wistful settler woman, Curly (the
poignantly besotted Bebe Sanders),
is beautifully drawn.
With plaintive, folksy music by
Jonny Sims and Gavin Whitworth,
this is a sort of poetic, feminist
western: a drama of survival, identity
and independence retold by a spiky
heroine who resolutely refuses to stay
by the fireside. A warming blaze of
political passions and mythic intensity
for a winter?s night.
Sam Marlowe
Box office: 020 7870 6876. The
production runs to Jan 13
Entertainments
Entertainment
HER MAJESTY'S 020 7087 7762
THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL
THE PHANTOM OF
THE OPERA
Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30
www.ThePhantonOfTheOpera.com
Book your advertisement or
announcement now at:
thetimes.co.uk/ advertise
St Martin's
020 7836 1443
66th year of Agatha Christie's
THE MOUSETRAP
Mon-Sat 7.30, Tues & Thu 3, Sat 4
www.the-mousetrap.co.uk
QUEEN'S
0844 482 5160
The Musical Phenomenon
LES MIS蒖ABLES
Eves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30
www.LesMis.com
Theatre Royal Drury Lane
42nd STREET
020 7087 7760
Please be adv
calls to 084
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can cost up to
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provider?s cos
16
1G T
Friday January 5 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
James Jackson
Rome Unpacked
BBC Two, 9pm
These Italy
Unpacked
adventures
remain an
interesting mix of
genres buoyed by two
excellent presenters:
the chef Giorgio
Locatelli and the art
Early
Top
pick
historian Andrew
Graham-Dixon.
The latest series
(their fifth together)
has them exploring
Rome and tasting
traditional recipes
beloved by the Romans,
while ?plunging their
forks? into the culture
and looking at the
great works of art
and architecture. It?s
a highbrow culinary
travelogue, based on
the idea that ?those
who rule only rule with
the collaboration of the
people of Rome . . . the
mob?. As they zoom
about on a moped,
Graham-Dixon is the
suited, well-spoken
Englishman, presenting
with his usual empathic
style, not to camera,
but to Locatelli, the
passionate Italian, who
feeds back his expertise
in response. As such,
you feel that you?re
getting under the
skin of a city?s people.
They start their journey
at the Trevi Fountain,
immortalised in
Fellini?s satirical 1960
film La Dolce Vita, with
Graham-Dixon giving
a quick explanation of
its 17th-century origins.
Then they meet an
extra who appeared in
the film for a non-event
of an interview.
There are pitstops
at Garbatella, Italy?s
first ?garden suburb?,
which is full of market
stalls, and at the
Cerasi Chapel for
Graham-Dixon to give
a mini-masterclass on
Caravaggio?s finest.
Locatelli, meanwhile,
insists on showing his
erudite sidekick how
spaghetti carbonara
should be made. ?Add
cream and I?ll kill you.?
Match of the Day
Live: The FA Cup
BBC One, 7.30pm
A Merseyside derby live
on the BBC is a rarity,
so those without digital
subscriptions have a
Friday night treat in
store. The fixture is
often a thriller ?
who can forget that
1991 4-4 match that
heralded the end for
Liverpool?s boss Kenny
Dalglish? He resigned
the next day. Only
three weeks ago, the
Scouser and lifelong
Evertonian Wayne
Rooney equalised in a
tensely fought 1-1 draw.
Liverpool should have
won that one and will
be out to get revenge
on their neighbours in
their 230th meeting.
Yet with redoubtable
Rooney on the pitch,
you never know.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Holidays. The
different ways in which airlines treat passengers with
an allergy to nuts 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer.
Property renovations in Kent, southeast London and
Stoke-on-Trent (r) (AD) 11.00 Wanted Down Under.
Dagenham family the Fearons sample life in Australia
11.45 Close Calls: On Camera. A British diver lost at sea
off the Australian coast for more than 22 hours 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt. From Sawbridgeworth, Hertfordshire (AD)
1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. As events spiral out of
control, Ruhma struggles to protect Besa (AD) 2.15
Father Brown. The Roman Catholic priest spies trouble
when Lady Felicia returns to Kembleford (AD) 3.00 I
Escaped to the Country. Alistair Appleton revisits house
buyers in Norfolk and Cumbria 3.45 The Farmers? Country
Showdown. A battle of the clans at Killin Agricultural
Show in Scotland 4.30 Antiques Road Trip. Charlie Ross
and James Braxton explore Somerset, travelling from
Glastonbury to Frome via Exmoor 5.15 Pointless. Quiz
show hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News at
Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 The Farmers?
Country Showdown (r) 7.15 Antiques Road Trip (r) 8.00
Sign Zone: MasterChef: The Professionals (r) (AD, SL)
9.00 BBC Newsroom Live 11.00 Westminster in Review
12.00 Coast 12.10pm FILM: Triple Cross (PG, 1966)
Fact-based Second World War spy adventure about a
bank robber who became a British double agent in
German-occupied Jersey. With Christopher Plummer,
Trevor Howard and Yul Brynner 2.15 Dolphins ? Spy in
the Pod. First of a two-part documentary taking an
intimate look at the secret world of the marine mammal,
using camcorders attached to fast-moving submersibles
to record life in the oceans (r) (AD) 4.15 Planet Earth II.
Animals that live in deserts, including swarms of locusts,
desert lions hunting giraffes, sand grouse ?ying to gather
water, and a tiny bat defending itself against a scorpion
(r) (AD) 5.15 Antiques Road Trip. Charlie Ross and James
Braxton head through Somerset, Devon and Dorset in
search of bargain, before they face their ?nal auction in
Dorchester and the winner is declared (r) 6.00 Eggheads.
Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine 6.30 Great British
Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo explores Dorset (AD)
6.00am Good Morning Britain. Will.i.am talks about the
return of The Voice UK and future plans for the Black Eyed
Peas 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current affairs and
fashion news, as well as showbiz stories, cooking and
celebrity gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat
show 10.30 This Morning. Celebrity chat and lifestyle
features, including a look at the stories making the
newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen.
Presented by Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford
12.30pm Loose Women. Celebrity interviews and topical
debate from a female perspective 1.30 ITV News;
Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders. A masterpiece by a
landscape artist is auctioned for �0,000 after a ?erce
bidding war ? and hours later, its former owner is
tortured and killed. David Bamber guest stars (r) 4.00
Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-themed
quiz show in which contestants drop tokens down a choice
of four chutes in the hope of winning a �,000 jackpot
(r) 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh presents as four
contestants pit their wits against the Chaser, adding
money to the jackpot for the ?nal chase 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.20am 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) (AD) 7.35 Everybody
Loves Raymond (r) (AD) 8.30 Frasier (r) 10.05 Ramsay?s
Kitchen Nightmares USA. A Baltimore restaurant owner
who has upset the locals (r) 11.00 Sun, Sea and Selling
Houses. A former London cab driver and his wife have
been holidaying in Spain for decades and now they want
to set up home there (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Couples Come Dine with Me. Three couples
from East Anglia try to prove they are the best at
throwing a dinner party, with highlights including an
Indian buffet and a breakfast-themed evening (r) 1.05
Posh Pawn. A client?s Porsche is taken for a test drive (r)
2.10 Countdown. With Richard Arnold 3.00 The Secret
Life of the Zoo. An elephant calf is born at Chester Zoo (r)
(AD) 4.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun. Searching for a
holiday home on Florida?s southern Gulf Coast 5.00 Come
Dine with Me. Sarah, Fran, Ricardo and Ian compete in
Belfast, with Sarah hoping her self-con?dence and
home-made meal will see her romp across the ?nishing
line 6.00 The Simpsons. Three Hallowe?en-themed tales
(r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. James is thrilled when Harry
offers to be his date to a work event (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
(r) 9.40 FILM: Igor (PG, 2008) The assistant of a mad
scientist tries to prove his worth as an evil genius by
creating a monster. Animated comedy with the voices of
John Cusack and Eddie Izzard 11.15 Animals Make You
Laugh Out Loud (r) 11.45 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (r)
(AD) 12.40pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.45 The Hotel
Inspector. Alex Polizzi heads for a 15th-century inn in
Derbyshire?s Peak District that is struggling to attract
customers at weekends due to its dated interior design
(r) 1.35 FILM: Family Secrets (PG, TVM, 2016) A
Californian woman inherits a ranch in the small town of
Valentine, Nebraska and spends the summer there to
learn more about her family. Drama starring Michaela
McManus 3.20 FILM: Deadly Paradise (TVM, 2016)
A millionaire treats her friends to an all-expenses-paid
holiday in Hawaii. But when her money is stolen, she sets
out for revenge. Thriller starring Boti Bliss 5.00 5 News
at 5 5.35 Barging Loving Celebs. Boating companions
Nigel Havers, Debbie McGee, Simon Callow and Lorraine
Chase conclude their odyssey on the Llangollen Canal.
Last in the series (r) 6.30 5 News Tonight
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7.00 Celebrity Mastermind Dane
Baptiste, Grace Victory, Annie Wallace
and Martin Bell compete (8/10)
7.30 Live Match of the Day: The FA Cup
? Liverpool v Everton Coverage of
the third-round ?xture at An?eld, as
the Merseyside rivals face each other
with a place in the fourth round at
stake. In one of his ?rst interviews
after being appointed Toffees manager,
Sam Allardyce made it clear that he
believes his club should be targeting a
place in European club competitions, as
well as aiming to reach the domestic
cup ?nals, but if he is to deliver on
that proclamation in his ?rst season
he must ?rst steer his charges past
their cross-city rivals. (Kick-off 7.55)
See Viewing Guide
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather;
followed by National Lottery Update
10.35 Graham Norton?s Good Guest
Guide The host presents his very own
guide on how to be a ?good guest? with
a set of easy-to-remember rules for
any star thinking about appearing on
his chat show (AD)
11.25 Enterprice Comedy starring Daniel
Ezra and Kayode Ewumi
11.50 Shanghai Noon (12, 2000)
A 19th-century imperial guard to the
Emperor of China is ?ung into the Wild
West on a mission to rescue a princess.
Comedy Western starring Jackie Chan,
Owen Wilson and Lucy Liu (AD)
1.40am-6.00 BBC News
7.00 Natural World David Attenborough
tells the story of two physically
identical species of ant that live in the
same area in the foothills of the Swiss
Alps, but have two very different
strategies to survive the harsh
environment (r) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Reality hits home for one
resident, and Cain is livid (AD)
8.00 Mastermind Specialist subjects
include The Royle Family and William
Lamb ? 2nd Viscount Melbourne
8.00 River Monsters New series.
A ?shing community being
terrorised in the Paci?c Ring of Fire.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
8.30 Christmas University Challenge
2017 The ?nal of the academic quiz.
Last in the series (10/10)
8.30 Coronation Street Phelan clashes
with Luke, and Sean loses his job at
the medical centre (AD)
9.00 Rome Unpacked The chef Giorgio
Locatelli and the art critic Andrew
Graham-Dixon explore Italy?s
capital, appreciating both its
culture and gastronomy.
See Viewing Guide (1/2) (AD)
9.00 The Big Soap Quiz: Coronation
Street v Emmerdale Stars from the
soaps are tested on the biggest events
and the funniest moments in the
Yorkshire Dales and on the cobbles
during 2017. Stephen Mulhern hosts
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 Newsnight With Emily Maitlis
10.30 Regional News
10.40 Guess the Star Game show in which
Jonathan Ross challenges three teams
of celebrities to guess the true identity
of various famous faces, who are
disguised as their musical heroes (r)
12.00 Deep Water Tensions rise between Tori and Nick
after the fatal shooting, while another body is found
12.55am Sign Zone: Darcey Bussell ? Looking for Fred
Astaire (r) (AD, SL) 1.55 Judi Dench: My Passion for
Trees (r) (AD, SL) 2.55-4.05 Saturday Night Fever ? The
Ultimate Disco Movie (r) (AD, SL)
7.00 Greatest Celebrity Wind-Ups
Ever! Joe Pasquale narrates a special
documentary celebrating some of the
greatest pranks celebrities have
managed to play on each other (r)
8.00 Jamie and Jimmy?s Friday Night
Feast Jamie Oliver prepares a Welsh
lamb kebab, while Greg Davies learns
how to master a Thai green curry.
Jimmy tries to make food for camping
a bit more interesting (7/12) (AD)
8.00 Costa Del Celebrity New series.
Anne Diamond, Nick Owen, Ainsley
Harriott, Christine Hamilton and Vicki
Michelle travel to Spain to sample life
on the Costa Blanca (1/4)
9.00 The Beatles: Eight Days a Week
? The Touring Years (12, 2016)
Director Ron Howard?s documentary
charting the period the Beatles spent
on the road. Their ?rst gigs with the
classic line-up took place around
Liverpool in 1961 and their last concert
took place in San Francisco in 1966.
During that brief span, they helped to
forge a global pop culture. This ?lm
incorporates restored footage from live
shows, and includes several of the
songs in their entirety. Contributors
include Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr,
Elvis Costello, Richard Curtis, Whoopi
Goldberg, Eddie Izzard, Howard Goodall
and Malcolm Gladwell (AD)
9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Full House
Live Emma Willis presents the ?rst of
two programmes tonight which sees
the eight women joined by the male
housemates. Plus, all the action from
yesterday. Continues at 10.30
7.30 Coronation Street Luke attempts to
?nd out what happened to Andy (AD)
10.00 QI With Josh Widdicombe, Susan
Calman and Rich Hall
11.05 Deep Water New series. A
policewoman relocates from the
country to her childhood suburb of
Bondi and is assigned to investigate
the murder of a young man. Australian
drama starring Yael Stone. Previously
shown on BBC Four (1/4)
7.00 Channel 4 News
11.40 Take Me Out Celebrity Special
James Argent, Melvin Odoom and Nile
Wilson try to impress 30 single women
and win a date ? but must get the
females to keep their lights on as a
sign of approval (10/10) (r)
12.30am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming 3.00 Alphabetical.
Quiz with Jeff Stelling (r) 3.50-6.00 ITV Nightscreen
11.10 The Bourne Legacy (12, 2012)
A government assassin goes on the run
when his employers try to bury their
dark secrets by having him killed. Spy
thriller sequel with Jeremy Renner,
Rachel Weisz and Edward Norton (AD)
1.40am FILM: Piranha 3DD (18, 2012) Man-eating
?sh start feasting on the visitors at a water park. Comedy
horror sequel starring Danielle Panabaker (AD) 3.05
Prince: Last Year of a Legend (r) (AD, SL) 4.00 Ramsay?s
Kitchen Nightmares USA (r) 4.50 Location, Location,
Location (r) (SL) 5.45-6.05 Kirstie?s Vintage Gems (r)
10.00 Will & Grace New series. The US
sitcom returns after an 11-year break.
See Viewing Guide
10.30 Celebrity Big Brother The second of
two programmes which sees the eight
women joined by the male housemates
11.05 Celebrity Big Brother?s Bit on the
Side Rylan Clark-Neal asks his guests?
and his studio panel for their thoughts
on the new male housemates and how
the women will get along with them
12.00 SuperCasino Viewers get the chance to take part
in live interactive gaming 3.10am GPs: Behind Closed
Doors. The doctors must deal with the subject of
bereavement (r) (AD) 4.00 My Mum?s Hotter Than Me!
(r) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
5.35 Chinese Food in Minutes (r) 5.50-6.00 Access
the times | Friday January 5 2018
17
1G T
television & radio
River Monsters
ITV, 8pm
The intrepid subaquatic
investigator Jeremy
Wade is back, this time
on a volcanic island
in the Pacific Ring of
Fire (called, amusingly,
New Britain), where
an ancient fishing
community is being
terrorised by something
in the water that?s
leaving a trail of
bloodied victims.
The only clue they
have to the attacker?s
identity are the large
puncture wounds
that remain. Yes,
this is overblown and
slightly ridiculous,
but great fun with it
as Wade explores the
local folklore, dons an
oxygen tank and gets
up close and personal
with the mysterious
fanged culprit.
Top of the Pops:
The Story of 1985
BBC Four, 9pm
As BBC Four?s repeats
of old Top of the Pops
episodes roll into 1985,
this curtain-raising
clip show reminds us
how, by that year,
TOTP had come to
reflect Thatcher?s
Britain. Shoulder pads
were in, hair was big
and competition
between bands was rife.
Videos were also more
than half of the show ?
A-ha talk about their
pioneering video Take
on Me (22,000 single
drawings) ? and
electronic samples were
everywhere, not least in
that ubiquitous No 1
about the Vietnam
War, Paul Hardcastle?s
19. Ner-ner-nineteen.
Band Aid and Bonnie
Tyler also feature.
Will & Grace
Channel 5, 10pm
Here?s a throwback
to the 1990s when
New York sitcoms
had good-looking
characters bickering
wittily as audience
laughter threatened to
shatter the screen. Will
& Grace is back after
11 years. Why? Because
the US presidency is
ripe for some camp,
zingy indignation from
the quartet of clean-cut
careerists, along with
the usual repartee
between gay Will and
his straight pal Grace.
The first episode ends
in the Oval Office, with
lines such as: ?That?s
where Joe Biden and
Barack Obama used
to hold hands and talk
about their dreams.?
It?s brief, cheerful
and inessential.
Sport Choice
Sky Sports Cricket, 8.30am
South Africa and India
clash at Newlands
Cricket Ground in Cape
Town in the first of
three Tests. The focus
will be on the seamers.
The tourists can call
on Umesh Yadav,
Mohammed Shami and
Bhuvneshwar Kumar,
while Dale Steyn could
be fit for South Africa.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Futurama (r) (AD) 7.00 The Simpsons
(r) 7.30 Football?s Funniest Moments (r) 8.00
Micro Monsters with David Attenborough (r)
9.00 Dogs: An Amazing Animal Family (r) (AD)
10.00 Modern Family (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00 Modern Family (r)
5.00 The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r)
6.00 Futurama. The friends uncover a secret
about Leonardo da Vinci (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Back-to-back episodes (r)
8.30 Modern Family. The Pritchett-DunphyTuckers look back at run-ins with celebrities
9.00 Delicious. A vengeful Gina sets out to give
Sam a 40th birthday she will never forget (2/4)
10.00 A League of Their Own. James Corden
hosts the sports quiz (r) (AD)
11.00 The Simpsons. Double bill (r)
12.00 The Force: North East (r) 1.00am Air
Ambulance ER. A roofer picks up a leg fracture
(r) (AD) 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (r) 4.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 5.00 Stop, Search, Seize (r)
6.00am Fish Town (r) 7.00 The Guest Wing (r)
(AD) 8.00 Richard E Grant?s Hotel Secrets (r)
(AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r)
(AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Blue
Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00
House. The team treats a homeless girl (r)
6.00 House. A violent incident has serious
consequences for a member of the team (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. A woman is
found cruci?ed in a church (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Danny and Baez are
determined to get justice for a traumatised
woman who was held hostage (r) (AD)
9.00 Game of Thrones. The Night?s Watch
stands behind Alliser Thorne (r) (AD)
10.00 Game of Thrones. While Daenerys meets
her future, Bran meets the past (r) (AD)
11.00 Game of Thrones. Jorah and Daario
undertake a dif?cult task (r) (AD)
12.10am War Dog: A Soldier?s Best Friend (r)
1.35 Dexter. Rita?s ex-husband is paroled (r)
2.45 Banshee (r) (AD) 4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00am 60 Minute Makeover (r) 7.00 Obese: A
Year to Save My Life (AD) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 11.00
The Biggest Loser: Australia 12.00 UK Border
Force (r) 1.00pm Stop, Search, Seize (r) (AD)
2.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD) 4.00 CSI:
Crime Scene Investigation (r) 5.00 Criminal
Minds. The team tracks a kidnapper (r)
6.00 Criminal Minds. A girl disappears (r)
7.00 Children?s Hospital (11/12) (r) (AD)
7.30 Children?s Hospital (12/12) (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary. A driver for a ride-sharing
company is hit by a city cab (r) (AD)
9.00 The Good Doctor. A young doctor puts one
of the team in an awkward position (r)
10.00 Bones. The team investigates a killer who
keeps his victims? bodies for months (r) (AD)
11.00 Bones. Brennan testi?es at an FBI
hearing regarding an alleged assault (r) (AD)
12.00 Bones (r) (AD) 1.00am Criminal Minds
3.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r) 4.00
Elementary (r) 5.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD)
6.00am Turandot on Sydney Harbour 8.00
Portrait Artist of the Year 2017 9.00 Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 9.30 50 Years with Peter,
Paul and Mary 10.45 Paul Simon: Live at Hyde
Park 12.00 The Women Who Run Hollywood
1.00pm Discovering: Judy Garland (AD) 2.00
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 2.30 Discovering:
Roy Orbison 3.00 The Shadows: The Final Tour
6.00 Discovering: David Niven (AD)
7.00 The Summer of Love. The story of the
cultural, social and political changes of 1967
8.00 Live from the Artists Den. Jason Mraz and
the folk-rock band Raining Jane perform
9.00 Breaking a Monster. The rise of New York
heavy metal band Unlocking the Truth
10.45 Liam Gallagher: Live in New York. The
singer performs at Manhattan?s McKittrick Hotel
12.00 Sex Pistols: There?ll Always Be an
England 1.30am The History of Comedy (AD)
2.30 Breaking a Monster 4.15 Love Bite: Laurie
Lipton and Her Disturbing Black & White
Drawings 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.30 Live Test
Cricket: South Africa v India. Coverage of day
one in the ?rst Test of the three-match series,
taking place at Newlands in Cape Town. The
hosts have an impressive one-day record at this
venue, winning 28 of their 33 contests, but India
were victorious when the sides last met here in
this format, in 2011. See Viewing Guide
3.45pm Best of Sky Cricket 4.00 Sky Sports
News 5.00 Sky Sports News at 5
6.00 Sky Sports News at 6. News and updates
7.00 Transfer Centre. The latest football
transfer developments
7.30 Sky Sports Tonight. Leading sports stories
10.00 The Debate. Premier League discussion
11.00 Live One-Day International Cricket: New
Zealand v Pakistan. Coverage of the match at
Basin Reserve in Wellington. This is the ?rst in
a ?ve-game one-day series between the sides,
which will be followed by three Twenty20
matches at the end of the month
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 7.00pm Mastermind 7.30
Live Scrum V: Scarlets v Dragons. Coverage of
the match in the 13th round of PRO14 ?xtures,
which takes place at Parc y Scarlets (Kick-off
7.35). With analysis from Jonathan Davies,
Martyn Williams and Phil Davies 9.30-10.30
Rome Unpacked. See Viewing Guide (AD) 11.05
QI 11.35 Deep Water 12.30am Deep Water
1.25-1.55 Coast. Nick Crane visits the hilltop
monastery Mont St Michel (r)
ITV Wales
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 The Strait. New
series. Following a year in the life of the people
whose lives turn around the Menai Strait, the
stretch of sea that separates the isle of
Anglesey from mainland Wales. The series
captures the beauty of all four seasons, and
records the challenges of life on the most
incredible saltwater river in Britain
STV
As ITV except: 12.30am Teleshopping 1.30
After Midnight 3.00 ITV Nightscreen
5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
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Don?t miss out, our sale ends January 31, 2018.
UTV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 UTV Life. Pamela
Ballantine eases viewers into the weekend
with an entertaining and eclectic mix of stories
and studio guests 12.30am Teleshopping
2.00-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
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BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm World News Today; Weather
7.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys. (2/2)
Michael Portillo continues his travels through
Italy from Turin to Venice (r) (AD)
8.00 Only Yesterday: The Carpenters? Story. The
lives of the 1970s pop duo Richard and Karen
Carpenter, whose wholesome brother-and-sister
image hid a destructive secret (r)
9.00 Top of the Pops: The Story of 1985.
Recalling the year that saw Top of the Pops
become a barometer for the state of the nation.
See Viewing Guide
10.00 Top of the Pops: 1985 Big Hits.
Memorable hits of Live Aid year, featuring
Wham!, the Smiths, a-ha, Eurythmics,
the Cure, Dead or Alive, Bonnie Tyler,
Tears for Fears, Jennifer Rush and
Doug E Fresh. See Viewing Guide
11.00 Radio 2 in Concert: Tears for Fears.
Highlights of a performance by the 1980s band
at the BBC Radio Theatre in London
12.00 TOTP2: 80s Special (r) 1.00am Top of the
Pops: The Story of 1985 (r) 2.00 Top of the
Pops: 1985 Big Hits (r) 3.00-4.00 Only
Yesterday: The Carpenters? Story (r)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 6.30 Streetmate (r)
7.00 Charmed (r) 9.00 FILM: The Rugrats
Movie (U, 1999) Animated comedy, with the
voice of Elizabeth Daily 10.35 Rude(ish) Tube
(r) 11.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 12.00 How I
Met Your Mother (r) (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang
Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 Melissa & Joey (r) (AD)
3.00 Baby Daddy (r) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
(r) (AD) 5.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Tony gets an ultimatum (AD)
7.30 Hollyoaks: Gay Dads Forever. Kieron
Richardson prepares for the arrival of twins
8.00 The Crystal Maze: Celebrity Special. Steve
Jones, Scarlett Moffatt, David Coulthard, Joey
Essex and Jodie Kidd compete (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Fast & Furious 6 (12, 2013)
Action thriller sequel with Vin Diesel (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.00 The Big Bang Theory. Penny?s dad pays a
visit (r) (AD) 12.30am Gogglebox (r) 1.25 Rude
Tube (r) 2.25 Tattoo Fixers (r) (AD) 3.20 The
Crystal Maze: Celebrity Special (r) (AD) 4.15
Rude(ish) Tube (r) 4.40 Charmed (r) (SL)
8.55am A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (r) 9.55
Food Unwrapped (r) (AD) 10.30 How to Lose
Weight Well (r) (AD) 11.30 A Place in the Sun:
Home or Away (r) 1.40pm Come Dine with Me
(r) 4.20 Four in a Bed (r)
6.25 Four in a Bed. The winner is announced (r)
6.55 The Supervet. Noel Fitzpatrick tries to help
a cat walk again. Last in the series (r)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud follows a
former blacksmith who has devised his own way
of building a house, which should allow him to
assemble his home in just seven days (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Pride & Prejudice (U, 2005) One
of ?ve sisters forms an unlikely romantic
attachment to an aloof gentleman. Period drama
based on Jane Austen?s novel, with Keira
Knightley, Matthew Macfadyen and Judi Dench
11.35 It Was Alright in the 1960s. Matt Lucas
narrates another look back at television shows
from past decades, revisiting the changing social
attitudes re?ected on the small screen (r)
12.40am Ramsay?s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
Flamangos restaurant in Whitehouse, New
Jersey (r) 1.40 Ramsay?s Hotel Hell (r) (AD)
2.35-3.40 Grand Designs (r) (AD)
11.00am The House of Magic (U, 2013)
Animated adventure 12.40pm Krull (PG,
1983) Fantasy adventure 3.00 The Seeker:
The Dark Is Rising (12, 2007) Fantasy
adventure starring Alexander Ludwig
5.00 The Rewrite (12, 2014) Romantic
comedy with Hugh Grant and Marisa Tomei
7.10 Chronicle (12, 2012) Three teenagers
develop superhuman abilities, but one of them is
corrupted by his new-found power. Sci-? thriller
starring Dane DeHaan and Alex Russell (AD)
8.50 Three Billboards Interview Special
9.00 Red 2 (12, 2013) An ex-CIA agent
reassembles his team of retired operatives to
recover an advanced weapon that has gone
missing. Action thriller sequel with Bruce Willis,
Helen Mirren and John Malkovich (AD)
11.15 Insidious (15, 2010) A family driven
from their house by a haunting discover the
spirits have followed them to their new home
and put their son into a coma. Horror with
Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne (AD)
1.20am-3.30 Insidious: Chapter 2 (15,
2013) Horror sequel starring Patrick Wilson,
Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins and Lin Shaye
6.00am Totally Bonkers Guinness World
Records (r) 6.55 Dress to Impress (r) 7.45
Emmerdale (r) (AD) 8.50 Coronation Street (r)
(AD) 9.25 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.10
Who?s Doing the Dishes? (r) 11.10 Dress to
Impress (r) 12.10pm Emmerdale (r) (AD) 1.15
Coronation Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show (r) 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show
(r) 5.50 Take Me Out (r)
7.00 You?ve Been Framed! Gold Top 100
Holidays. Vacation-themed calamities (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden attends a
party with Jenny and her attractive friends
8.30 Superstore. Everyone becomes obsessed
with a mannequin that looks like Jonah (AD)
9.00 FILM: Bridesmaids (15, 2011) A
disorganised woman takes charge of her best
friend?s bridal party, but the wife of the groom?s
boss causes problems. Comedy with Kristen
Wiig, Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy (AD)
11.35 Family Guy. Peter loses his job (r) (AD)
12.05am Family Guy. Vladimir Putin visits (r)
(AD) 12.35 American Dad! (r) (AD) 1.30 Two
and a Half Men (r) 2.00 Superstore (r) (AD)
2.25 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.55
Judge Judy (r) 7.20 Heartbeat (r) (AD) 8.20
The Royal (r) 9.25 Judge Judy (r) 10.50 FILM:
The Belles of St Trinian?s (U, 1954) Comedy
starring Alastair Sim (b/w) 12.35pm The Royal
(r) 1.40 Heartbeat (r) (AD) 2.40 Classic
Coronation Street (r) 3.50 Agatha Christie?s
Marple (r) 5.55 Heartbeat (r) (AD)
6.55 Murder, She Wrote. A jeweller is murdered
and a famous actress?s tiara is stolen (r) (AD)
8.00 Rosemary & Thyme. A murder takes place
at a monastery where the amateur sleuths are
working to restore a herb garden (r)
9.00 Rosemary & Thyme. The duo reorganise a
family?s seed museum ? but it is not long
before a man is found dead in the garden (r)
10.00 Foyle?s War. American GIs arrive in
Hastings, and a barmaid?s involvement with a
visiting soldier leads to murder (1/4) (r)
12.05am Inspector Morse. Murder shatters the
peace of a college (r) (SL) 2.10 Love and
Marriage (r) (AD) 3.05 Agatha Christie?s Marple
(r) (AD) 4.45 Richard Wilson on the Road (r)
5.10 Judge Judy (r) 5.35 ITV3 Nightscreen
6.00am The Chase (r) 6.50 Pawn Stars (r) 7.35
Ironside (r) (AD) 8.35 Quincy ME (r) 9.40
Minder (r) (AD) 10.45 The Sweeney (r) 11.50
The Professionals (r) (AD) 12.55pm Ironside (r)
1.55 Quincy ME (r) 3.00 Minder (r) (AD) 4.05
The Sweeney (r) 5.10 The Professionals (r) (AD)
6.10 Snooker v Darts. Short sports ?lm (r)
6.20 Storage Wars: Texas. Jenny brings her
mother to an auction, and Moe annoys Mary (r)
6.50 Pawn Stars. A picture of the Rolling Stones
signed by all ?ve band members (r)
7.15 Pawn Stars. The guys examine some sex
education records from 1948 (r)
7.45 Hornblower. The young Hornblower
experiences seasickness before leaving Spithead
as he begins his Navy career. First episode of the
drama based on CS Forester?s tales (1/8)
10.00 FILM: GoodFellas (18, 1990) An
Irish-Italian boy is taken under the wing of a
mobster and rises through the ranks of the
Ma?a. Martin Scorsese?s crime drama starring
Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci (AD)
12.55am The Sweeney (r) (SL) 2.00 Fifth Gear
(r) 2.45 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 4.00 Ice
Road Truckers 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. With guest Hugh Grant (AD)
7.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Documentary
series following the work of the Staffordshire
Police force. Rookie cop Ash is in the thick of it
during a late night brawl in Stoke-on-Trent
8.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Complaints by
neighbours about anti-social behaviour leads to
a raid on a suspected drugs den in Burton
9.00 Live at the Apollo. The Mock the Week host
Dara O Briain joins Frankie Boyle to perform
stand-up comedy at the Hammersmith Apollo
10.00 Taskmaster. The contestants must hand
an item of clothing to a cyclist
11.00 QI. Jo Brand, Vic Reeves and Clive
Anderson face questions on espionage
11.40 QI. With Jimmy Carr and Phill Jupitus
12.20am Mock the Week 1.00 QI 2.20 Mock
the Week 3.00 Dynamo: Magician Impossible
(AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London?s Burning 9.00
Casualty 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00
The Duchess of Duke Street 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine (AD) 1.40 Steptoe and Son (b/w)
2.20 Birds of a Feather 3.00 London?s Burning
4.00 New Tricks (AD) 5.00 The Duchess of Duke
Street. Louisa runs her hotel alone
6.00 One Foot in the Grave. Victor and Margaret
are trapped in the shed by a swarm of bees
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. Ivy receives an
anonymous love letter (AD)
7.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. Ron persuades Gary
to make a pro?table trip back to 1940
8.00 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. The
murder of a famous cricketer presents Lynley
with a fresh challenge, and forces him to break
the rules to lure the killer into the open (1/4)
10.00 New Tricks. The team investigates the
murder of a vicar (3/10) (AD)
11.20 Taggart. Two skulls are found during the
construction of a new bypass, and the case may
be linked to the theft of poisonous snakes (2/3)
2.15am Birds of a Feather 2.45 The Bill 3.35
Garden Hopping 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Wartime Crime
(AD) 11.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (AD)
12.00 Time Team 1.00pm Human Planet (AD)
2.00 Atlantic: The Wildest Ocean on Earth 3.00
Coast (AD) 4.00 Slow Train Through Africa with
Griff Rhys Jones 5.00 The Nazis: A Warning
from History. The occupation of Poland (AD)
6.00 Battleplan. Highlighting the bene?ts of
launching a military attack from the sea
7.00 Wartime Crime. Criminals in Britain during
the Second World War (AD)
8.00 Who Do You Think You Are? The actress
Una Stubbs learns about her grandparents (AD)
9.00 Men Behaving Badly. Tony regrets joining a
keep-?t class to impress Deborah
9.40 Men Behaving Badly. Gary searches for a
24-hour chemist to cure Dorothy?s indigestion
10.20 Blackadder II. Edmund is appointed Lord
High Executioner by the Queen (AD)
11.00 The Nazis: A Warning from History.
Germany?s occupation of Poland (4/6) (AD)
12.00 Battleplan 2.00am Pointless. Quiz with
Alexander Armstrong 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm P郿raig Post: SDS (Postman Pat: SDS)
5.15 Zack & Quack (r) 5.35 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy?s Zoo) (r) 5.40 Seonaidh (Shaun
the Sheep) (r) 5.50 Alvinnn agus na Chipmunks
(r) 6.10 Fior Bhall-coise (Extreme Football) (r)
6.35 Machair (r) 7.00 An L� (News) 7.25 Live
PRO14 Rugby Union: Edinburgh v Southern
Kings. Coverage of the match from the 13th
round of ?xtures, which takes place at
Myreside Stadium (Kick-off 7.35) 9.30 Kerry is
Kirsty: A?Chomraich. Kerry and Kirsty MacPhee
mountain bike through the Applecross glen (r)
10.00 Nathan Carter. Concert special with the
country music star on-stage, playing some of
his greatest hits. Introduced by Anne Sinclair
(r) 11.25-3.25 Skipinnish agus Caraidean.
From Glasgow Barrowland Ballroom (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r) 6.15 Cwpwrdd
Cadi (r) 6.30 Blero yn Mynd i Ocido (r) 6.40
Tomos a?i Ffrindiau (r) 6.50 Meripwsan (r)
7.00 Rapsgaliwn (r) 7.15 Digbi Draig (r) 7.30
Twm Tisian (r) 7.35 Jen a Jim a?r Cywiadur (r)
7.50 Sara a Cwac (r) 8.00 Octonots (r) 8.15 Ty
Mel (r) 8.20 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 8.30 Guto
Gwningen (r) 8.45 Marcaroni (r) 9.00 Popi?r
Gath (r) 9.10 Stiw (r) 9.25 Ben a Mali a?u Byd
Bach O Hud (r) 9.35 Holi Hana (r) 9.45 Bach a
Mawr (r) 10.00 Hafod Haul (r) 10.15
Chwedlau Tinga Tinga (r) 10.30 Blero yn Mynd
i Ocido (r) 10.40 Sam T鈔 (r) 10.55
Meripwsan (r) 11.00 Jen a Jim a?r Cywiadur (r)
11.15 Olobobs (r) 11.25 Digbi Draig (r) 11.35
Rapsgaliwn (r) 11.50 Sara a Cwac (r) 12.00
News S4C a?r Tywydd 12.05pm Pobol
Porthgain (r) 12.30 Iolo: Dei?o yn y Barrier
Reef (r) 1.30 Chwaraeon y Dyn Bach (r) (AD)
2.00 News S4C a?r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da
3.00 News S4C a?r Tywydd 3.05 Pengelli (r)
3.30 Byd Pws (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh:
Larfa (r) 5.05 Stwnsh: Goreuon Ysgol Jac (r)
5.35 Stwnsh: Cog1nio (r) 6.00 News S4C a?r
Tywydd 6.05 Cwpwrdd Dillad (r) 6.30 Darren
Drws Nesa. Debbie and her new family return
from their holiday to France (r) 7.00 Heno.
Magazine programme 8.00 Pobol y Cwm.
Things get heated in the garage, while Mathew
seems willing to go quite far to get Dani to
agree to his request (AD) 8.25 Ar y Dibyn. New
series. Ten amateur adventurers compete to
win an adventure package worth �,000. They
begin by completing a terrifying forward abseil
and a lung busting ?tness course 9.00 News 9
a?r Tywydd 9.30 Cerys Matthews a?r Goeden
Faled. The musician explores the history behind
the old-favourite All Through the Night, or Ar
Hyd y Nos. She then moves onto the story
behind the song Pererin Wyf, or Amazing Grace
10.00-12.00am Siwan. Film adaptation of one
of Saunders Lewis? most powerful plays, about
a Welsh princess and daughter of the King of
England. With Iola Gregory (r)
18
Friday January 5 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
times2 Crossword No 7541
1
2
3
4
Codeword No 3225
5
6
7
18
1
13
21
8
9
10
9
25
13
M
12
11
P
5
1
14
5
13
14
15
16
15
21
1
2
21
9
12
25
4
11
5
18
18
19
12
1
19
4
10
19
14
19
21
1
6
24
1
10
10
11
16
15
1
3
6
4
5
2
4
5
21
11
4
9
A
O
10
25
4
2
14
24
11
25
Train Tracks No 299
5
7
9
3
5
3
15
21
1
3
1
2
19
6
21
1
9
3
14
1
17
26
18
4
9
23
4
4
8
9
25
19
15
4
25
21
2
9
21
25
9
21
10
1
1
11
5
1
18
11
2
5
1
11
B
20
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
23
18
1 Character of a place (8)
5 High temperature (4)
8 Moorland shrub (5)
9 Blow up (7)
11 Consume (3)
12 Drugs (9)
13 City in Devon (6)
15 Outdoor meal (6)
Solution to Crossword 7540
F A
D
FO
R
ON
E
RD
S T
I
OD
A
E L
I
L
L
A
UP
D
E
V I CAR
I
A
F
S SURE
E S C
D I EN T
18 Female dancer (9)
19 Fastener; skittle (3)
20 Guest (7)
21 Part of book's jacket (5)
22 Evergreen conifer (4)
23 Candour (8)
Down
1
2
3
4
6
7
10
14
16
17
18
19
Accomplish (7)
Explosion (5)
Improvement (11)
Happy, optimistic (6)
Strong feeling (7)
Lock of hair (5)
Wanderer returned (8,3)
Make more cheerful (7)
Transports, carries (7)
Yield (4,2)
Small airship (5)
Rights of Man author (5)
11
18
15
1
18
4
19
25
17
10
1
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
12
13
25
26
O
M
P
Numbers are substituted for letters in the crossword grid. Below the grid is the
key. Some letters are solved. When you have completed your first word or
phrase you will have the clues to more letters. Enter them in the key grid and
the main grid and check the letters on the alphabet list as you complete them.
Yesterday?s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or text
TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company?s network access
charge. Texts cost �plus your standard network charge. For the full solution call
0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company?s network access
charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica
No 4079
S
No 4080
O
B
O
I
F
S
O
L
D
R
O
Need help with today?s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company?s
network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
S
B
E
F
L
A
E
E
A
T
E
I
M
O
W
G
D
N
D
I
H
R
O
L
G
B
C
E
L
W
E
A
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Difficult No 4217
Futoshiki No 3080
� 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
<
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line ?block?, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
>
23
2
?
What are your favourite
puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
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the digits 1 to 6
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English Dictionary
& Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle
and text in the
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Kakuro No 2039
26
7
16
?
� PUZZLER MEDIA
Across
HEM I AN
O U B
A P SODY
R
I
U
D I C CO
A
T
GG L E H
R B H
T R EMO L O
O M X R
WE L L
PRE
E
I
O
DONE GRA
17
21
12
BO
E
RH
G
ME
A
N I
22
6
22
6
3
18
6
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?
11
26
>
12
11
34
>
<
10
3
4
39
?
30
8
15
17
34
4
19
12
35
13
6
17
36
17
Fill the grid so that
each block adds up
to the total of the
block above or to
the left. You can
only use digits 1-9
and you must not
use the digit twice
in one block. The
same digit may
occur more than
once in a row or
column, but must
be in a separate
block.
14
23
3
Fill the blank squares so that each row and column contains
all the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Use the given numbers and
the symbols that tell you if a number in the square is larger
(>) or smaller (<) than the number next to it.
28
16
20
24
22
23
16
12
� PUZZLER MEDIA
20
22
18
19
the times | Friday January 5 2018
19
1G T
MindGames
White: Vladimir Kramnik
Black: Garry Kasparov
World Championship (Game 2),
London 2000
Gr黱feld Defence
1 d4 Nf6 2 c4 g6 3 Nc3 d5 4 cxd5
Nxd5 5 e4 Nxc3 6 bxc3 Bg7 7
Nf3 c5 8 Be3 Qa5 9 Qd2 Bg4 10
Rb1 a6 11 Rxb7
This capture was not thought
to lead anywhere but Kramnik
had looked deeply into the position in his home preparation.
11 ... Bxf3 12 gxf3 Nc6 13 Bc4 0-0
14 0-0 cxd4 15 cxd4 Bxd4 16 Bd5
This is a key move for White.
16 ... Bc3
Simpler was 16 ... Qxd2 17 Bxd2
Rfc8, although White retains some
initiative after 18 Kg2.
17 Qc1 Nd4
Best was 17 ... Rac8. After 18
Bb6 Qb4 19 a3 Qb2 20 Qxb2
Bxb2 21 a4, it appears that Black
________
� D D 4kD]
鄃 D DpDp]
遬D D DpD]
�DBD D ]
� D DP) D]
蹹 D D D ]
跴D D ) )]
贒 ! DRI ]
谅媚牌侨
White has the advantage here,
not so much because of the extra
pawn but because the bishop on
d5 is much better than Black?s on
a7. White also has a natural plan
to advance the kingside pawns.
21 ... Qd8 22 Qc3 Bb8 23 Qf3
Qh4 24 e5 g5
Trying to simplify the position.
25 Re1 Qxf4 26 Qxf4 gxf4 27 e6
fxe6 28 Rxe6 Kg7 29 Rxa6 Rf5
30 Be4 Re5
Black plans to blockade the
dangerous a-pawn by ... Re5-e7-a7.
31 f3 Re7 32 a4 Ra7 33 Rb6 Be5
34 Rb4 Rd7
This is the decisive mistake. 34
... Bd6 35 Rc4 Ra5 gave hopes for
a successful defence.
35 Kg2 Rd2+ 36 Kh3 h5 37 Rb5
Kf6 38 a5 Ra2 39 Rb6+ Ke7
A blunder. However, after 39 ...
Kg7 White wins with 40 a6 Bd4
41 Rg6+ Kf8 42 Bb7 Ra5 43 Rd6
Bg1 44 Rd1 Be3 45 Rd5 Rxd5 46
Bxd5 Kg7 47 Kg2 Kf6 48 h4.
40 Bd5 Black resigns
White threatens the rook and
41 Re6+.
________
� D 4 DkD] Winning Move
郉 DrgpDp]
� D Dp0 D] White to play. This position is from
London 2017.
轉 D D D ] Ojas-Woong,
White?s next move set up a clever
� h )PDND] combination that had a powerful sting in
蹹 DbDN) ] the tail. Can you spot the continuation and
� D D )B)] the key move at the end of the sequence?
贒R$ D I ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
谅媚牌侨 my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
On the overcalling side, you expect
the opponents can make the higher
contract. So make it difficult for
them: cramp their space, steal from
them, push them overboard.
Analysis shows that when you
can support partner?s overcall, the
right level, combining boldness
with sanity, is to ?bid to the level of
the fit?. In other words, work out
how many cards your partnership
hold, and bid for that number of
tricks. If your partnership have an
eight-card fit, bid for eight tricks ie
Two. If your partnership have a
nine-card fit, bid for nine tricks ie
Three.
Exercise: You are East:
S
W
N
E
1?
1?
1?
?
(i)
(ii)
(iii)
?A 9 8 2
?6 3
?J 7 4 3 2
?A 3 2
?8 2
?Q 9 8 2
?8 4
?J 9 8 4 3
?2
?QJ982 ?642
?432
2?
3?
4?
Note point-count is largely irrelevant, because you are primarily
bidding to spoil. Indeed, the fewer
points you have, the more likely
the opponents can make a high
contract of their own.
However, if you are vulnerable
(undertricks cost 100 ? more if
doubled), be prudent. I?d bid 4?
with (iii) both non-vulnerable or vulnerable. But take away my singleton
diamond (eg make a small spade
into a small diamond) and I?d
probably settle for 3? (one fewer
than the level of the fit) if vulnerable.
18 + 9 x 2 ? 12
MEDIUM
152 + 95 x 3 + 89
HARDER
?7 3
N
?K 8 5 4 W E
?K 9 8 4
S
?10 7 2 ? KQ 9 8 4
?J 10 7
?J 2
?A K 5
S
W
+ 1/4
OF IT
70%
OF IT
OF IT
80%
OF IT
1/2
+9
+7
x3
+7
75%
OF IT
? 84
4/5
+ 36
+ 1/2
OF IT
? 795
OF IT
? 92
x 3 + 344
OF IT
1/2
OF IT
+ 989
4
10
6
22
10
13
5
9
22
3
13
7
14
10min
21
24
14
14
19
29
4
13
6
10
10
6
4
16
11
13
17
5
Killer Deadly No 5804
19
13
27
10
56min
22
10
N
E
1?
1?
2?
4? (1) Dbl(2)
End
(1) Bidding to the (ten-card) level of the
spade fit. North does not think 4? will
make but does expect it to go down less
than the value of E-W?s making game; or to
push E-W to 5?, which might not make.
(2) Sensibly decides not to bid on to 5?, and
doubles to increase the size of the penalty.
18
20
21
22
22
7
15
4 3 1
6 1 2
3
6 1 5
9 2 7
8 7 9
4 8
1 3
2 5 1
6 3
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
7
5
8
3
6
2
9
5
4
7
1
4
5
9
2
1
6
7
8
3
10
1
7
5
8
3
4
2
9
6
2
9
4
1
7
6
8
3
5
8
2
1
7
3
5
6
9
4
3
7
6
4
8
9
5
2
1
5
1
3
6
4
9
7
8
2
2
4
7
3
5
1
9
6
8
3
5 6
3
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
-
�
7
=
21
+
=3
=
1
=
3
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
MA
S
C
WA T
A
E
MOD
P
E N S
D Q
BU
O
E
P I A
U
K
SOY
3 1
4 1 2 3
2
5 1
5 7
1 7 9 2
3 9 8 4
4 6 1
1 3
4 2 1 9
2 1 3 7
4
3
J E
X
CH
I
E L
A
UR
A
S T
I
NO
N
A
Train Tracks 298
S T
H
E R
I
F
T
E
R
L E
B
U
K
R E
Y
R
F
N
C
Sudoku 9571
7
8
9
3
5
2
6
1
4
6
4
2
7
1
8
9
5
3
9
2
1
5
6
7
3
4
8
3
6
7
4
8
1
5
2
9
4
5
8
9
2
3
1
6
7
5
6
8
9
4
2
3
1
7
1
9
3
8
6
7
2
4
5
9
1
2
5
7
8
4
3
6
7
8
4
6
2
3
1
5
9
6
3
5
1
9
4
8
7
2
2
4
3
5
6
8
7
1
9
9
6
8
2
7
1
5
4
3
5
7
1
9
3
4
8
6
2
1
3
9
8
2
6
4
7
5
1
6
7
3
8
9
2
5
4
3
5
4
6
7
2
8
9
1
9
2
8
1
5
4
7
6
3
7
3
2
5
9
1
4
8
6
4
8
7
1
9
5
3
2
6
3
1
6
4
8
9
2
5
7
8
5
2
6
1
7
9
3
4
7
9
4
3
5
2
6
8
1
5
8
9
4
3
6
1
7
2
6
4
1
7
2
8
9
3
5
8
9
5
2
4
3
6
1
7
4
1
3
8
6
7
5
2
9
2
7
6
9
1
5
3
4
8
1 < 4
5
2
4
?
2
9
7
2
4
+
-
3 > 2
?
5
3
4 > 1
1
6
x
x
+
�
2
8
4
5
3
+
-
5
-
4
x
1
3
3
5
3
4
2
5
4
3
4
2
4
2
A
6
1
B
Suko 2126
7
3
8
5
2
4
6
9
1
5
9
4
6
8
1
2
7
3
1
2
6
7
3
9
8
4
5
4
8
2
9
5
6
1
3
7
6
1
9
8
7
3
5
2
4
3
5
7
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8
2
7
1
4
9
5
3
8
6
8
6
3
2
1
7
4
5
9
9
4
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3
6
8
7
1
2
B
B
R
I
G
Y
C
I
R
H
T
U
N
L
O
A
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G
H
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Lexica 4078
5
2 < 3
1
?
4
3
1
2
Set Square 2041
4 2
9
2
U
N
D
E
S
E
R
V AG
E
R
DO I
L
L
Y C L
AB
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Lexica 4077
Futoshiki 3079
1
S C
I
O T
I
N Z
E
NN
Sudoku 9572
6
2
5
7
4
3
1
9
8
Killer 5802
3 < 5
2
17
=1
Codeword 3224
2 5
4 3
1
1
1 2
1 3
3
7
7 9
1 2
3
8
9
Cell Blocks 3107
25
+
-
used in this
grid, but only
once. Can you
work out their
positions in the
grid so that
each of the six
different sums
works? We?ve
put 2 numbers
in to help you.
Do the sums
left to right and
top to bottom
�
-
Kakuro 2038
21
9
= 30 from 1-9 are
Solutions
15
Contract: 4? (doubled), Opening Lead: ? 4
East won ?4 lead with ?A.
Looking at dummy?s diamond
weakness, at trick two he switched
to ?A, then ?5 to ?K. Declarer
ruffed the third diamond and led
? K. East won ? A and declarer
could claim the remainder. Down
one, East?s double increasing the
penalty from 50 to 100.
However, (as the expression
goes) ?down one is good bridge?.
E-W would make 4? and 120
below-the-line points (420 at
duplicate) is far more valuable
than 100 above-the-line points.
The best E-W could do was 100
above the line though, for 5?
loses ?AKQ ? down one.
Divide the grid
into blocks.
Each block
must be square
or rectangular
and must
contain the
number of
cells indicated
by the number
inside it.
All the digits
+
+
18
6
15
3
9
+
4
KenKen 4216
11
20
6
+
Killer 5801
?A
?AQ 9 6 2
?AQ 6 5
?J 8 3
2
x
Sudoku 9570
12
2
4
Set Square No 2042
Killer Moderate No 5803
6
2
2
Yesterday?s answers amen, ament,
amine, anime, emit, imine, imitate,
inmate, intima, intimate, item, main,
mane, mate, matt, matte, mean, meat,
mien, mine, mini, mint, mite, mitt,
mitten, name, taimen, tame, team, time
11
5
2 2 6
From these letters, make words of
four or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 15 words, average;
20, good; 25, very good; 31, excellent
Dealer: East, Vulnerability: Neither
? J 10 6 5 2
?3
?10 7 5
?Q 9 6 4
174 x 8
5/6
Polygon
6
Bridge Andrew Robson
Beginner Corner 37
Supporting an overcall ?
bidding to the level of the fit
EASY
� PUZZLER MEDIA
Garry Kasparov finally surrendered his world title in London in
2000 when he succumbed to the
new Russian star, Vladimir Kramnik. It seems Kramnik had made
a profound psychological study of
Kasparov?s style and reached the
conclusion that the path to victory was based on an early simplification to minimise Kasparov?s
attacking genius. This game is a
case in point, as also was Kramnik?s reliance on the main line of
the Berlin Defence (1 e4 e5 2 Nf3
Nc6 3 Bb5 Nf6), which also leads
to a speedy trade of queens in the
main line after 4 0-0 Nxe4 5 d4
Nd6 6 Bxc6 dxc6 7 dxe5 Nf5 8
Qxd8+ Kxd8.
is struggling but 21 ... Ba3 22 Rd1
Nb4 would give good chances of a
successful defence.
18 Bxd4 Bxd4 19 Rxe7 Ra7 20
Rxa7 Bxa7 21 f4
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Superb technique
Cell Blocks No 3108
Brain Trainer
� PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
-
Quiz 1 Group Captain Peter Townsend
2 James Nesbitt 3 Tamaulipas 4 Iain Duncan
Smith 5 Hidden Figures 6 Geneva 7 Pigment
(melanin) 8 Percy Bysshe Shelley 9 JT Rogers
10 Silver. Its symbol is Ag 11 George III of the
United Kingdom 12 The Human League
13 Bristol 14 Long course 100m breaststroke
15 Scafell Pike
S
T
O
H
H
E
O
R
O
O
P
A
E
T
O
K
N
E
W
Word watch
Frumenty (a) A porridge
made from hulled wheat
boiled with wheat
Fimis (c) A fuss or state
of excitement (Scots)
Frumple (b) To crease
or crumple
Brain Trainer
Easy 94; Medium 312;
Harder 3,590
Chess After 1 Rxb4! Bxb4
2 Nxf6+ Kg7 3 Nxd7 Rxd7
Black seems to be holding
on but 4 Ne5! forks the
rook and bishop
05.01.18
MindGames
Mild No 9573
Fill the grid so that
every column, every
row and every 3x3
box contains the
digits 1 to 9.
Difficult No 9574
5
9
7
8
1
2
6 5
9
1
6
7 2 6
8 5 4
4
5
3
5 6
1
4
5
3
4
9
Word watch
by Josephine
Balmer
Frumenty
a Porridge
b Pulped
c Saucy
Fimis
a A wild cat
b A boundary
c A fuss
Frumple
a A dance move
b To crease
c A piece of headgear
For interactive
Sudoku puzzles, visit
thetimes.co.uk/puzzles
Answers on page 15
Fiendish No 9575
7
9
6
8
2
9
1
2 3
7
5
9 2
3
8
12 Don?t You Want
Me? was a 1981
No 1 for which
Sheffield group?
6 The League of
Nations was based in
which Swiss city?
4 Who stood
down as leader of
the Conservatives in
November 2003?
7 Vitiligo is a long-term
condition characterised
by patches of skin
losing their what?
5 Which film is about
the Nasa employees
Katherine Johnson,
Dorothy Vaughan and
Mary Jackson?
8 Berthold
Goldschmidt?s opera
Beatrice Cenci is based
on which poet?s 1819
play The Cenci?
9 Which US dramatist
won the 2017 Tony
award for best play
for Oslo?
10 Which metallic
element derives
its symbol from
the Latin word
argentum?
11 Who was
proclaimed king
of Hanover at the
13 The Environment
Agency has its HQ
in Horizon House
on Deanery Road
in which city?
Yesterday?s
Quick
Cryptic
solution
No 998
14 The Russian
swimmer Roman
Sludnov was the
first person to swim
which event in under
one minute?
15 Name the highest
peak in the picture.
Answers on page 15
3
4
5
8
6
7
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
20
19
22
23
21
A RR A S
B
O C A R
L
P I L A U O
L
B W
H
A B S T A I N
O
I
T
E
M U
A N TWE R P
R
M O
S H A R P E I
L
I
N
H
A XM I N S T
A
G
S
L
T
P
L
T HOR S E
R O
A
HOP P E R
U
N
NGR A T E
H
B
R
R
N S T AGE
P
S
V
UN I T E
V
N
E R
S T E N T
by Izetti
9
10
9
Follow The Times Crossword
Editor @timescrosswords
The Times Quick Cryptic No 999
2
5
The Times MindGames: Word
Puzzles & Conundrums and
Number & Logic Puzzles are
out now. To order copies visit
timesbooks.co.uk or call
0844 576 8120. Also available
from all good bookshops.
Congress of Vienna
in 1814?
15
Across
1 Army of?cer no longer having
faith fell down (9)
6 Mother very angry rolling
round (3)
8 Walker who keeps talking
incoherently? (7)
9 Son getting somewhat hot in
crowd (5)
10 Nation a bit angrier possibly?
Time to probe that (5,7)
12 Canine mammal you spotted
without tail entering animal
shelter (6)
13 Seaman meets girl, a god (6)
16 Well, senators could be such
obstructive people! (12)
19 Home established ?nally by
American river (5)
20 Competent old man tethered
by rope (7)
22 Knight maybe is returning
with king (3)
23 Publication one found at
sports event (9)
Down
1 Man in vehicle, one learning to
drive (4)
8
2
3
4
5
6
7
11
12
14
15
17
18
21
Aquatic creature hit hard,
animal killed by another (7)
Device making holes
everybody heard (3)
Writer in bed in the Home
Counties (6)
Rejection upset boy ? is
young lady hiding? (9)
Emotional episode when
doctor meets an old woman (5)
Important times exciting most
men (7)
Sees cast in action,
having taken on board right
performers (9)
Conservative idiot is hanging
around university, a plotter (7)
Unusual coin found in food (7)
Georgia, university
revolutionary lacking social
graces (6)
Group of monks giving
command (5)
Try Bach?s ?nal piece on organ
(4)
Grass from peak, looking up
(3)
7
9 8
2
4
6
9
5 9
7
by Olav Bjortomt Times MindGames books
3 Nuevo Laredo,
Reynosa and Tampico
are cities in which
Mexican state?
1
5 1
3
to receive four clues for any of today?s puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company?s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
1 Which RAF officer
served as equerry to
George VI from 1944
to 1952?
1
1
GETTY
2 Which Northern
Irish actor plays Adam
Williams in the ITV
series Cold Feet?
3 2
6
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight
The Times Daily Quiz
5
3 4
2 6
5 1
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
6
3
6
9
8
3 1
Legend 6.30 Soul Music 7.00 I?m Sorry
I?ll Read That Again. Comedy 7.30 Albert and
Me 8.00 Dr Finlay: The Adventures of a Black
Bag. The Wife of a Hero. Dramatisation of AJ
Cronin?s story, with John Gordon Sinclair
8.30 Looking for Ripley. Mark Billingham?s
fascination with Patricia Highsmith?s Tom
Ripley 9.00 Writing Lives. Swimming
Lessons. By Victoria Field 9.15 Take Me to
the North Laine. By Ed Harris 10.00 Comedy
Club: Hey Hey We?re the Monks. Comedy
starring Bill Bailey 10.30 On the Hour. Spoof
news programme with Chris Morris 10.55
The Comedy Club Interview 11.00 The
Harpoon. Spoof boys? magazine with Alistair
McGowan 11.30 Life: An Idiot?s Guide. With
Fred MacAulay, Angela Barnes, Greg Proops
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 5 Live Daily
with Chris Warburton 1.00pm The Friday
Sports Panel 2.00 Kermode and Mayo?s Film
Review 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport:
The Friday Football Social. Darren Fletcher is
joined by Jermaine Jenas 10.00 Adrian
Goldberg 1.00am Up All Night 5.00 5 Live
Boxing with Costello & Bunce 5.30 5 Live
Sport: The Friday Football Social (r)
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Max Rushden 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Danny Kelly and Darren Gough
7.00 Kick-off 10.00 The Two Mikes 1.00am
Extra Time with Tom Latchem
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Mary Anne
Hobbs 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe 4.00 Steve
Lamacq 7.00 Iggy Pop 9.00 Tom Ravenscroft
12.00 Erol Alkan 2.00am 6 Music Classic
Concert 3.00 6 Music Live Hour
4.00 The First Time with Wilko Johnson
5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. Catherine Bott pays
tribute to the work of George Gershwin.
Gershwin (Strike up the Band ? Overture;
Rhapsody in Blue; Someone to Watch Over
Me; Porgy and Bess ? Symphonic Suite;
Summertime; Variations on ?I Got Rhythm?;
3 Preludes; An American in George Gershwin
? Paris piano roll; Embraceable You; and
Lullaby) 10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am
Katie Breathwick 4.00 Emma Nelson
the times | Friday January 5 2018
15
1G T
first night
The dancing is Strictly Come
Entrancing and, yes, Clifton can
sing too. She plays Dale Tremont, a
model who is famous for being
famous. The plot (wafer-thin) hinges
on a case of mistaken identity: she falls
for a man named Jerry Travers, whom
she thinks is a man named Horace
Hardwick, who happens to be
married to her friend Madge. Cue
door-slamming, face-slapping,
bedroom-swapping.
Joshua Lay is our man Travers.
He too can twirl and swirl, and his
dancing, especially with Clifton, is
balletic, although the tap is not
tip-tap-top. As a couple, Clifton
and Lay have too much of the
professional dancer about them to
be seen as star-struck lovers, but their
swoops and lifts (Chris Whittaker
choreographs) are impressive.
Comedy
Dad?s Army Radio Hour
Crazy Coqs, W1
W
{{{((
hat a feat of mimicry.
Two character comics
play 25 characters as
they recreate three
episodes of the radio
version of Dad?s Army. David Benson,
who has scored Edinburgh Fringe
hits with shows about outsized
entertainers such as Kenneth
Williams, Frankie Howerd and Boris
Johnson, takes particular relish in
recreating John Le Mesurier?s languid
politesse as Sergeant Wilson. Right
down to little chuckles within lines.
And, although there is little by way
of staging in Owen Lewis?s production
? the two men stand in olive-green
army clobber, behind two
microphones, two music stands
holding their scripts and an electric
sign reading ?On air? ? if you closed
your eyes you would miss Benson?s
half-smiles and dabs of the forehead.
Jack Lane, who had a hit with his
one-man Norman Wisdom show,
Wisdom of a Fool, complements
Benson beautifully. Lane looks too
fresh-faced to give a good Arthur
Lowe, but he fixes his lips and out
squeeze clipped admonishments
that are pure Captain Mainwaring.
The two men flit without pause
between their various characters.
Benson excels as the small-bladdered
Private Godfrey and the spivvy Private
Walker. Lane has a lark with Private
Pike, but doesn?t quite get the timbre
right for the combustible Corporal
Jones. The same could be said of
Benson?s Warden Hodges (less of
a presence). Beyond that, they?re
pretty much perfect at what they do.
And what they do is mostly
impressive, evocative and gently
amusing rather than laugh-out-loud
funny. If you?ve turned up to this, you
probably know not only the characters
back to front, but possibly also the
stories: the one with the American
colonel; the one with the balloon;
the one with the captured Germans
(?Don?t tell him, Pike!?). Three
episodes, too, make it the Dad?s Army
Radio Hour-and-a-half, which is
stretching the conceit a bit far. It
started as two episodes on the Fringe
last summer, and that?s the ideal dose.
This is not a show for newcomers,
or even for oldcomers to get a new
perspective on the show they love.
It is what it is: a deluxe fan event. It
doesn?t prompt gales of laughter, yet
it uses wild skill to make us feel a
warming, fond reverie.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 020 7734 4888, to Jan 21
This show is all
about escapism
in January
Joanne Clifton and Joshua Lay make the most of a small space
Over the top
and strictly
entrancing
A dazzling Irving Berlin musical with a
Strictly Come Dancing star is a great way
to banish the blues, says Ann Treneman
Theatre
Top Hat
Upstairs at the
Gatehouse, N6
{{{{(
I
t?s quite something to see Joanne
Clifton, the professional winner
of Strictly Come Dancing in 2016,
puttin? on the Ritz at quarters
quite as close as this. As she
dances through this 1935 Irving Berlin
classic, her legs flash, the hips slink,
the smile dazzles. The posture is
teacup-balance correct and the
pinkie (actually every finger) is in
perfectly trained place.
Their precision is much appreciated
by the front row, which is a bit too
close to the action.
It?s a feelgood show on a traverse
stage, and even by the interval that
runway felt as if it had more take-offs
than Heathrow at rush hour. The
designer Emily Bestow has done her
best with a space that estate agents
would call ?bijou?: one end is a small
raised stage with an art deco backdrop
that has the added feature (as estate
agents would say) of a drop-down
bed that immediately makes it into
a hotel bridal suite.
John Plews directs and, at 2 hours
and 30 minutes the night I saw it, it is
a touch long. The cast are still dancing
up a storm as they take their bows.
It?s all a bit OTT (if you can have an
OTT Top Hat). The script, by Matthew
White and Howard Jacques, is from the
version seen in the West End in 2012,
but still some of the jokes are mouldy.
Yet in other ways this delivers.
Clifton and Lay convince, and Darren
Benedict as Horace Hardwick and
Ellen Verenieks as the unflappable
Madge shine. It?s all about escapism:
it?s January, so why not face the music
(the band are superb) and dance?
Box office: 020 8340 3488, to Jan 28
A superhero comedy: read
Ann Treneman?s review of
Bananaman the Musical
First Night in the main paper
Theatre
White Fang
Park Theatre, N4
J
{{{{(
ack London?s 1906 classic is
a novel red in tooth and claw,
the tale of a wolf-dog torn
between the savagery of the
wild and a scarcely less violent
human civilisation. It?s not so much
a basis as a leaping-off point for
this play by the Cornish writer and
director Jethro Compton, borrowing
some of the book?s themes and raw,
frontierland atmosphere, but spinning
a radically different story.
While White Fang still bounds,
howls and snarls through the
narrative, at its heart is a young
Native Canadian woman fighting
for her birthright and freedom in a
hostile, exploitative society. Writing
and production are rough-hewn, yet
they have a lyrical loveliness.
Lyzbet Scott (a smouldering Mariska
Ariya) lives in Canada?s harsh Yukon
territory with Weedon, a whiskysoaked hunter she calls grandfather.
He rescued her as a baby, when her
parents were slaughtered in a raid by
white settlers. Yet among people who
regard her as an outsider, her closest
ally is her loyal wolf. There?s gold in
them thar hills, where they hunt
together, and along with crows
of ill omen, vultures ? of the
non-feathered variety ? are circling.
Compton?s set and Adrin Puente?s
costumes are rich in texture ? all
weathered wood and snow drifts,
bone, fur and leather. There?s
captivating puppetry too: a playful
wolf pup and, later, the fully grown
White Fang, who with his shaggy
fur and fantastical markings
combines convincing lupine
ferocity with the otherworldliness
of a spirit animal.
The play has resonances not just
of historical colonialism, but of racism
and misogyny. It?s overreliant on
stereotype and the dialogue can be
declamatory. Lyzbet?s stormy fervour
is thrilling, though, and the tenderness
that blossoms between her and a
wistful settler woman, Curly (the
poignantly besotted Bebe Sanders),
is beautifully drawn.
With plaintive, folksy music by
Jonny Sims and Gavin Whitworth,
this is a sort of poetic, feminist
western: a drama of survival, identity
and independence retold by a spiky
heroine who resolutely refuses to stay
by the fireside. A warming blaze of
political passions and mythic intensity
for a winter?s night.
Sam Marlowe
Box office: 020 7870 6876. The
production runs to Jan 13
Entertainments
Entertainment
HER MAJESTY'S 020 7087 7762
THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL
THE PHANTOM OF
THE OPERA
Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30
www.ThePhantonOfTheOpera.com
Book your advertisement or
announcement now at:
thetimes.co.uk/ advertise
St Martin's
020 7836 1443
66th year of Agatha Christie's
THE MOUSETRAP
Mon-Sat 7.30, Tues & Thu 3, Sat 4
www.the-mousetrap.co.uk
QUEEN'S
0844 482 5160
The Musical Phenomenon
LES MIS蒖ABLES
Eves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30
www.LesMis.com
Theatre Royal Drury Lane
42nd STREET
020 7087 7760
Please be adv
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provider?s cos
16
1G T
Friday January 5 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
James Jackson
Rome Unpacked
BBC Two, 9pm
These Italy
Unpacked
adventures
remain an
interesting mix of
genres buoyed by two
excellent presenters:
the chef Giorgio
Locatelli and the art
Early
Top
pick
historian Andrew
Graham-Dixon.
The latest series
(their fifth together)
has them exploring
Rome and tasting
traditional recipes
beloved by the Romans,
while ?plunging their
forks? into the culture
and looking at the
great works of art
and architecture. It?s
a highbrow culinary
travelogue, based on
the idea that ?those
who rule only rule with
the collaboration of the
people of Rome . . . the
mob?. As they zoom
about on a moped,
Graham-Dixon is the
suited, well-spoken
Englishman, presenting
with his usual empathic
style, not to camera,
but to Locatelli, the
passionate Italian, who
feeds back his expertise
in response. As such,
you feel that you?re
getting under the
skin of a city?s people.
They start their journey
at the Trevi Fountain,
immortalised in
Fellini?s satirical 1960
film La Dolce Vita, with
Graham-Dixon giving
a quick explanation of
its 17th-century origins.
Then they meet an
extra who appeared in
the film for a non-event
of an interview.
There are pitstops
at Garbatella, Italy?s
first ?garden suburb?,
which is full of market
stalls, and at the
Cerasi Chapel for
Graham-Dixon to give
a mini-masterclass on
Caravaggio?s finest.
Locatelli, meanwhile,
insists on showing his
erudite sidekick how
spaghetti carbonara
should be made. ?Add
cream and I?ll kill you.?
Match of the Day
Live: The FA Cup
BBC One, 7.30pm
A Merseyside derby live
on the BBC is a rarity,
so those without digital
subscriptions have a
Friday night treat in
store. The fixture is
often a thriller ?
who can forget that
1991 4-4 match that
heralded the end for
Liverpool?s boss Kenny
Dalglish? He resigned
the next day. Only
three weeks ago, the
Scouser and lifelong
Evertonian Wayne
Rooney equalised in a
tensely fought 1-1 draw.
Liverpool should have
won that one and will
be out to get revenge
on their neighbours in
their 230th meeting.
Yet with redoubtable
Rooney on the pitch,
you never know.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Holidays. The
different ways in which airlines treat passengers with
an allergy to nuts 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer.
Property renovations in Kent, southeast London and
Stoke-on-Trent (r) (AD) 11.00 Wanted Down Under.
Dagenham family the Fearons sample life in Australia
11.45 Close Calls: On Camera. A British diver lost at sea
off the Australian coast for more than 22 hours 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt. From Sawbridgeworth, Hertfordshire (AD)
1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. As events spiral out of
control, Ruhma struggles to protect Besa (AD) 2.15
Father Brown. The Roman Catholic priest spies trouble
when Lady Felicia returns to Kembleford (AD) 3.00 I
Escaped to the Country. Alistair Appleton revisits house
buyers in Norfolk and Cumbria 3.45 The Farmers? Country
Showdown. A battle of the clans at Killin Agricultural
Show in Scotland 4.30 Antiques Road Trip. Charlie Ross
and James Braxton explore Somerset, travelling from
Glastonbury to Frome via Exmoor 5.15 Pointless. Quiz
show hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News at
Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 The Farmers?
Country Showdown (r) 7.15 Antiques Road Trip (r) 8.00
Sign Zone: MasterChef: The Professionals (r) (AD, SL)
9.00 BBC Newsroom Live 11.00 Westminster in Review
12.00 Coast 12.10pm FILM: Triple Cross (PG, 1966)
Fact-based Second World War spy adventure about a
bank robber who became a British double agent in
German-occupied Jersey. With Christopher Plummer,
Trevor Howard and Yul Brynner 2.15 Dolphins ? Spy in
the Pod. First of a two-part documentary taking an
intimate look at the secret world of the marine mammal,
using camcorders attached to fast-moving submersibles
to record life in the oceans (r) (AD) 4.15 Planet Earth II.
Animals that live in deserts, including swarms of locusts,
desert lions hunting giraffes, sand grouse ?ying to gather
water, and a tiny bat defending itself against a scorpion
(r) (AD) 5.15 Antiques Road Trip. Charlie Ross and James
Braxton head through Somerset, Devon and Dorset in
search of bargain, before they face their ?nal auction in
Dorchester and the winner is declared (r) 6.00 Eggheads.
Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine 6.30 Great British
Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo explores Dorset (AD)
6.00am Good Morning Britain. Will.i.am talks about the
return of The Voice UK and future plans for the Black Eyed
Peas 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current affairs and
fashion news, as well as showbiz stories, cooking and
celebrity gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat
show 10.30 This Morning. Celebrity chat and lifestyle
features, including a look at the stories making the
newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen.
Presented by Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford
12.30pm Loose Women. Celebrity interviews and topical
debate from a female perspective 1.30 ITV News;
Weather 2.00 Midsomer Murders. A masterpiece by a
landscape artist is auctioned for �0,000 after a ?erce
bidding war ? and hours later, its former owner is
tortured and killed. David Bamber guest stars (r) 4.00
Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-themed
quiz show in which contestants drop tokens down a choice
of four chutes in the hope of winning a �,000 jackpot
(r) 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh presents as four
contestants pit their wits against the Chaser, adding
money to the jackpot for the ?nal chase 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.20am 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) (AD) 7.35 Everybody
Loves Raymond (r) (AD) 8.30 Frasier (r) 10.05 Ramsay?s
Kitchen Nightmares USA. A Baltimore restaurant owner
who has upset the locals (r) 11.00 Sun, Sea and Selling
Houses. A former London cab driver and his wife have
been holidaying in Spain for decades and now they want
to set up home there (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Couples Come Dine with Me. Three couples
from East Anglia try to prove they are the best at
throwing a dinner party, with highlights including an
Indian buffet and a breakfast-themed evening (r) 1.05
Posh Pawn. A client?s Porsche is taken for a test drive (r)
2.10 Countdown. With Richard Arnold 3.00 The Secret
Life of the Zoo. An elephant calf is born at Chester Zoo (r)
(AD) 4.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun. Searching for a
holiday home on Florida?s southern Gulf Coast 5.00 Come
Dine with Me. Sarah, Fran, Ricardo and Ian compete in
Belfast, with Sarah hoping her self-con?dence and
home-made meal will see her romp across the ?nishing
line 6.00 The Simpsons. Three Hallowe?en-themed tales
(r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. James is thrilled when Harry
offers to be his date to a work event (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
(r) 9.40 FILM: Igor (PG, 2008) The assistant of a mad
scientist tries to prove his worth as an evil genius by
creating a monster. Animated comedy with the voices of
John Cusack and Eddie Izzard 11.15 Animals Make You
Laugh Out Loud (r) 11.45 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (r)
(AD) 12.40pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.45 The Hotel
Inspector. Alex Polizzi heads for a 15th-century inn in
Derbyshire?s Peak District that is struggling to attract
customers at weekends due to its dated interior design
(r) 1.35 FILM: Family Secrets (PG, TVM, 2016) A
Californian woman inherits a ranch in the small town of
Valentine, Nebraska and spends the summer there to
learn more about her family. Drama starring Michaela
McManus 3.20 FILM: Deadly Paradise (TVM, 2016)
A millionaire treats her friends to an all-expenses-paid
holiday in Hawaii. But when her money is stolen, she sets
out for revenge. Thriller starring Boti Bliss 5.00 5 News
at 5 5.35 Barging Loving Celebs. Boating companions
Nigel Havers, Debbie McGee, Simon Callow and Lorraine
Chase conclude their odyssey on the Llangollen Canal.
Last in the series (r) 6.30 5 News Tonight
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7.00 Celebrity Mastermind Dane
Baptiste, Grace Victory, Annie Wallace
and Martin Bell compete (8/10)
7.30 Live Match of the Day: The FA Cup
? Liverpool v Everton Coverage of
the third-round ?xture at An?eld, as
the Merseyside rivals face each other
with a place in the fourth round at
stake. In one of his ?rst interviews
after being appointed Toffees manager,
Sam Allardyce made it clear that he
believes his club should be targeting a
place in European club competitions, as
well as aiming to reach the domestic
cup ?nals, but if he is to deliver on
that proclamation in his ?rst season
he must ?rst steer his charges past
their cross-city rivals. (Kick-off 7.55)
See Viewing Guide
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.25 BBC Regional News and Weather;
followed by National Lottery Update
10.35 Graham Norton?s Good Guest
Guide The host presents his very own
guide on how to be a ?good guest? with
a set of easy-to-remember rules for
any star thinking about appearing on
his chat show (AD)
11.25 Enterprice Comedy starring Daniel
Ezra and Kayode Ewumi
11.50 Shanghai Noon (12, 2000)
A 19th-century imperial guard to the
Emperor of China is ?ung into the Wild
West on a mission to rescue a princess.
Comedy Western starring Jackie Chan,
Owen Wilson and Lucy Liu (AD)
1.40am-6.00 BBC News
7.00 Natural World David Attenborough
tells the story of two physically
identical species of ant that live in the
same area in the foothills of the Swiss
Alps, but have two very different
strategies to survive the harsh
environment (r) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Reality hits home for one
resident, and Cain is livid (AD)
8.00 Mastermind Specialist subjects
include The Royle Family and William
Lamb ? 2nd Viscount Melbourne
8.00 River Monsters New series.
A ?shing community being
terrorised in the Paci?c Ring of Fire.
See Viewing Guide (1/6)
8.30 Christmas University Challenge
2017 The ?nal of the academic quiz.
Last in the series (10/10)
8.30 Coronation Street Phelan clashes
with Luke, and Sean loses his job at
the medical centre (AD)
9.00 Rome Unpacked The chef Giorgio
Locatelli and the art critic Andrew
Graham-Dixon explore Italy?s
capital, appreciating both its
culture and gastronomy.
See Viewing Guide (1/2) (AD)
9.00 The Big Soap Quiz: Coronation
Street v Emmerdale Stars from the
soaps are tested on the biggest events
and the funniest moments in the
Yorkshire Dales and on the cobbles
during 2017. Stephen Mulhern hosts
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 Newsnight With Emily Maitlis
10.30 Regional News
10.40 Guess the Star Game show in which
Jonathan Ross challenges three teams
of celebrities to guess the true identity
of various famous faces, who are
disguised as their musical heroes (r)
12.00 Deep Water Tensions rise between Tori and Nick
after the fatal shooting, while another body is found
12.55am Sign Zone: Darcey Bussell ? Looking for Fred
Astaire (r) (AD, SL) 1.55 Judi Dench: My Passion for
Trees (r) (AD, SL) 2.55-4.05 Saturday Night Fever ? The
Ultimate Disco Movie (r) (AD, SL)
7.00 Greatest Celebrity Wind-Ups
Ever! Joe Pasquale narrates a special
documentary celebrating some of the
greatest pranks celebrities have
managed to play on each other (r)
8.00 Jamie and Jimmy?s Friday Night
Feast Jamie Oliver prepares a Welsh
lamb kebab, while Greg Davies learns
how to master a Thai green curry.
Jimmy tries to make food for camping
a bit more interesting (7/12) (AD)
8.00 Costa Del Celebrity New series.
Anne Diamond, Nick Owen, Ainsley
Harriott, Christine Hamilton and Vicki
Michelle travel to Spain to sample life
on the Costa Blanca (1/4)
9.00 The Beatles: Eight Days a Week
? The Touring Years (12, 2016)
Director Ron Howard?s documentary
charting the period the Beatles spent
on the road. Their ?rst gigs with the
classic line-up took place around
Liverpool in 1961 and their last concert
took place in San Francisco in 1966.
During that brief span, they helped to
forge a global pop culture. This ?lm
incorporates restored footage from live
shows, and includes several of the
songs in their entirety. Contributors
include Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr,
Elvis Costello, Richard Curtis, Whoopi
Goldberg, Eddie Izzard, Howard Goodall
and Malcolm Gladwell (AD)
9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Full House
Live Emma Willis presents the ?rst of
two programmes tonight which sees
the eight women joined by the male
housemates. Plus, all the action from
yesterday. Continues at 10.30
7.30 Coronation Street Luke attempts to
?nd out what happened to Andy (AD)
10.00 QI With Josh Widdicombe, Susan
Calman and Rich Hall
11.05 Deep Water New series. A
policewoman relocates from the
country to her childhood suburb of
Bondi and is assigned to investigate
the murder of a young man. Australian
drama starring Yael Stone. Previously
shown on BBC Four (1/4)
7.00 Channel 4 News
11.40 Take Me Out Celebrity Special
James Argent, Melvin Odoom and Nile
Wilson try to impress 30 single women
and win a date ? but must get the
females to keep their lights on as a
sign of approval (10/10) (r)
12.30am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming 3.00 Alphabetical.
Quiz with Jeff Stelling (r) 3.50-6.00 ITV Nightscreen
11.10 The Bourne Legacy (12, 2012)
A government assassin goes on the run
when his employers try to bury their
dark secrets by having him killed. Spy
thriller sequel with Jeremy Renner,
Rachel Weisz and Edward Norton (AD)
1.40am FILM: Piranha 3DD (18, 2012) Man-eating
?sh start feasting on the visitors at a water park. Comedy
horror sequel starring Danielle Panabaker (AD) 3.05
Prince: Last Year of a Legend (r) (AD, SL) 4.00 Ramsay?s
Kitchen Nightmares USA (r) 4.50 Location, Location,
Location (r) (SL) 5.45-6.05 Kirstie?s Vintage Gems (r)
10.00 Will & Grace New series. The US
sitcom returns after an 11-year break.
See Viewing Guide
10.30 Celebrity Big Brother The second of
two programmes which sees the eight
women joined by the male housemates
11.05 Celebrity Big Brother?s Bit on the
Side Rylan Clark-Neal asks his guests?
and his studio panel for their thoughts
on the new male housemates and how
the women will get along with them
12.00 SuperCasino Viewers get the chance to take part
in live interactive gaming 3.10am GPs: Behind Closed
Doors. The doctors must deal with the subject of
bereavement (r) (AD) 4.00 My Mum?s Hotter Than Me!
(r) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
5.35 Chinese Food in Minutes (r) 5.50-6.00 Access
the times | Friday January 5 2018
17
1G T
television & radio
River Monsters
ITV, 8pm
The intrepid subaquatic
investigator Jeremy
Wade is back, this time
on a volcanic island
in the Pacific Ring of
Fire (called, amusingly,
New Britain), where
an ancient fishing
community is being
terrorised by something
in the water that?s
leaving a trail of
bloodied victims.
The only clue they
have to the attacker?s
identity are the large
puncture wounds
that remain. Yes,
this is overblown and
slightly ridiculous,
but great fun with it
as Wade explores the
local folklore, dons an
oxygen tank and gets
up close and personal
with the mysterious
fanged culprit.
Top of the Pops:
The Story of 1985
BBC Four, 9pm
As BBC Four?s repeats
of old Top of the Pops
episodes roll into 1985,
this curtain-raising
clip show reminds us
how, by that year,
TOTP had come to
reflect Thatcher?s
Britain. Shoulder pads
were in, hair was big
and competition
between bands was rife.
Videos were also more
than half of the show ?
A-ha talk about their
pioneering video Take
on Me (22,000 single
drawings) ? and
electronic samples were
everywhere, not least in
that ubiquitous No 1
about the Vietnam
War, Paul Hardcastle?s
19. Ner-ner-nineteen.
Band Aid and Bonnie
Tyler also feature.
Will & Grace
Channel 5, 10pm
Here?s a throwback
to the 1990s when
New York sitcoms
had good-looking
characters bickering
wittily as audience
laughter threatened to
shatter the screen. Will
& Grace is back after
11 years. Why? Because
the US presidency is
ripe for some camp,
zingy indignation from
the quartet of clean-cut
careerists, along with
the usual repartee
between gay Will and
his straight pal Grace.
The first episode ends
in the Oval Office, with
lines such as: ?That?s
where Joe Biden and
Barack Obama used
to hold hands and talk
about their dreams.?
It?s brief, cheerful
and inessential.
Sport Choice
Sky Sports Cricket, 8.30am
South Africa and India
clash at Newlands
Cricket Ground in Cape
Town in the first of
three Tests. The focus
will be on the seamers.
The tourists can call
on Umesh Yadav,
Mohammed Shami and
Bhuvneshwar Kumar,
while Dale Steyn could
be fit for South Africa.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Futurama (r) (AD) 7.00 The Simpsons
(r) 7.30 Football?s Funniest Moments (r) 8.00
Micro Monsters with David Attenborough (r)
9.00 Dogs: An Amazing Animal Family (r) (AD)
10.00 Modern Family (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00 Modern Family (r)
5.00 The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r)
6.00 Futurama. The friends uncover a secret
about Leonardo da Vinci (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Back-to-back episodes (r)
8.30 Modern Family. The Pritchett-DunphyTuckers look back at run-ins with celebrities
9.00 Delicious. A vengeful Gina sets out to give
Sam a 40th birthday she will never forget (2/4)
10.00 A League of Their Own. James Corden
hosts the sports quiz (r) (AD)
11.00 The Simpsons. Double bill (r)
12.00 The Force: North East (r) 1.00am Air
Ambulance ER. A roofer picks up a leg fracture
(r) (AD) 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (r) 4.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 5.00 Stop, Search, Seize (r)
6.00am Fish Town (r) 7.00 The Guest Wing (r)
(AD) 8.00 Richard E Grant?s Hotel Secrets (r)
(AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r)
(AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Blue
Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00
House. The team treats a homeless girl (r)
6.00 House. A violent incident has serious
consequences for a member of the team (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. A woman is
found cruci?ed in a church (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Danny and Baez are
determined to get justice for a traumatised
woman who was held hostage (r) (AD)
9.00 Game of Thrones. The Night?s Watch
stands behind Alliser Thorne (r) (AD)
10.00 Game of Thrones. While Daenerys meets
her future, Bran meets the past (r) (AD)
11.00 Game of Thrones. Jorah and Daario
undertake a dif?cult task (r) (AD)
12.10am War Dog: A Soldier?s Best Friend (r)
1.35 Dexter. Rita?s ex-husband is paroled (r)
2.45 Banshee (r) (AD) 4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00am 60 Minute Makeover (r) 7.00 Obese: A
Year to Save My Life (AD) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 11.00
The Biggest Loser: Australia 12.00 UK Border
Force (r) 1.00pm Stop, Search, Seize (r) (AD)
2.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD) 4.00 CSI:
Crime Scene Investigation (r) 5.00 Criminal
Minds. The team tracks a kidnapper (r)
6.00 Criminal Minds. A girl disappears (r)
7.00 Children?s Hospital (11/12) (r) (AD)
7.30 Children?s Hospital (12/12) (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary. A driver for a ride-sharing
company is hit by a city cab (r) (AD)
9.00 The Good Doctor. A young doctor puts one
of the team in an awkward position (r)
10.00 Bones. The team investigates a killer who
keeps his victims? bodies for months (r) (AD)
11.00 Bones. Brennan testi?es at an FBI
hearing regarding an alleged assault (r) (AD)
12.00 Bones (r) (AD) 1.00am Criminal Minds
3.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r) 4.00
Elementary (r) 5.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD)
6.00am Turandot on Sydney Harbour 8.00
Portrait Artist of the Year 2017 9.00 Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 9.30 50 Years with Peter,
Paul and Mary 10.45 Paul Simon: Live at Hyde
Park 12.00 The Women Who Run Hollywood
1.00pm Discovering: Judy Garland (AD) 2.00
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 2.30 Discovering:
Roy Orbison 3.00 The Shadows: The Final Tour
6.00 Discovering: David Niven (AD)
7.00 The Summer of Love. The story of the
cultural, social and political changes of 1967
8.00 Live from the Artists Den. Jason Mraz and
the folk-rock band Raining Jane perform
9.00 Breaking a Monster. The rise of New York
heavy metal band Unlocking the Truth
10.45 Liam Gallagher: Live in New York. The
singer performs at Manhattan?s McKittrick Hotel
12.00 Sex Pistols: There?ll Always Be an
England 1.30am The History of Comedy (AD)
2.30 Breaking a Monster 4.15 Love Bite: Laurie
Lipton and Her Disturbing Black & White
Drawings 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.30 Live Test
Cricket: South Africa v India. Coverage of day
one in the ?rst Test of the three-match series,
taking place at Newlands in Cape Town. The
hosts have an impressive one-day record at this
venue, winning 28 of their 33 contests, but India
were victorious when the sides last met here in
this format, in 2011. See Viewing Guide
3.45pm Best of Sky Cricket 4.00 Sky Sports
News 5.00 Sky Sports News at 5
6.00 Sky Sports News at 6. News and updates
7.00 Transfer Centre. The latest football
transfer developments
7.30 Sky Sports Tonight. Leading sports stories
10.00 The Debate. Premier League discussion
11.00 Live One-Day International Cricket: New
Zealand v Pakistan. Coverage of the match at
Basin Reserve in Wellington. This is the ?rst in
a ?ve-game one-day series between the sides,
which will be followed by three Twenty20
matches at the end of the month
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 7.00pm Mastermind 7.30
Live Scrum V: Scarlets v Dragons. Coverage of
the match in the 13th round of PRO14 ?xtures,
which takes place at Parc y Scarlets (Kick-off
7.35). With analysis from Jonathan Davies,
Martyn Williams and Phil Davies 9.30-10.30
Rome Unpacked. See Viewing Guide (AD) 11.05
QI 11.35 Deep Water 12.30am Deep Water
1.25-1.55 Coast. Nick Crane visits the hilltop
monastery Mont St Michel (r)
ITV Wales
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 The Strait. New
series. Following a year in the life of the people
whose lives turn around the Menai Strait, the
stretch of sea that separates the isle of
Anglesey from mainland Wales. The series
captures the beauty of all four seasons, and
records the challenges of life on the most
incredible saltwater river in Britain
STV
As ITV except: 12.30am Teleshopping 1.30
After Midnight 3.00 ITV Nightscreen
5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
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Don?t miss out, our sale ends January 31, 2018.
UTV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 UTV Life. Pamela
Ballantine eases viewers into the weekend
with an entertaining and eclectic mix of stories
and studio guests 12.30am Teleshopping
2.00-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
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BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm World News Today; Weather
7.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys. (2/2)
Michael Portillo continues his travels through
Italy from Turin to Venice (r) (AD)
8.00 Only Yesterday: The Carpenters? Story. The
lives of the 1970s pop duo Richard and Karen
Carpenter, whose wholesome brother-and-sister
image hid a destructive secret (r)
9.00 Top of the Pops: The Story of 1985.
Recalling the year that saw Top of the Pops
become a barometer for the state of the nation.
See Viewing Guide
10.00 Top of the Pops: 1985 Big Hits.
Memorable hits of Live Aid year, featuring
Wham!, the Smiths, a-ha, Eurythmics,
the Cure, Dead or Alive, Bonnie Tyler,
Tears for Fears, Jennifer Rush and
Doug E Fresh. See Viewing Guide
11.00 Radio 2 in Concert: Tears for Fears.
Highlights of a performance by the 1980s band
at the BBC Radio Theatre in London
12.00 TOTP2: 80s Special (r) 1.00am Top of the
Pops: The Story of 1985 (r) 2.00 Top of the
Pops: 1985 Big Hits (r) 3.00-4.00 Only
Yesterday: The Carpenters? Story (r)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 6.30 Streetmate (r)
7.00 Charmed (r) 9.00 FILM: The Rugrats
Movie (U, 1999) Animated comedy, with the
voice of Elizabeth Daily 10.35 Rude(ish) Tube
(r) 11.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 12.00 How I
Met Your Mother (r) (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang
Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 Melissa & Joey (r) (AD)
3.00 Baby Daddy (r) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
(r) (AD) 5.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Tony gets an ultimatum (AD)
7.30 Hollyoaks: Gay Dads Forever. Kieron
Richardson prepares for the arrival of twins
8.00 The Crystal Maze: Celebrity Special. Steve
Jones, Scarlett Moffatt, David Coulthard, Joey
Essex and Jodie Kidd compete (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Fast & Furious 6 (12, 2013)
Action thriller sequel with Vin Diesel (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.00 The Big Bang Theory. Penny?s dad pays a
visit (r) (AD) 12.30am Gogglebox (r) 1.25 Rude
Tube (r) 2.25 Tattoo Fixers (r) (AD) 3.20 The
Crystal Maze: Celebrity Special (r) (AD) 4.15
Rude(ish) Tube (r) 4.40 Charmed (r) (SL)
8.55am A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (r) 9.55
Food Unwrapped (r) (AD) 10.30 How to Lose
Weight Well (r) (AD) 11.30 A Place in the Sun:
Home or Away (r) 1.40pm Come Dine with Me
(r) 4.20 Four in a Bed (r)
6.25 Four in a Bed. The winner is announced (r)
6.55 The Supervet. Noel Fitzpatrick tries to help
a cat walk again. Last in the series (r)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud follows a
former blacksmith who has devised his own way
of building a house, which should allow him to
assemble his home in just seven days (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Pride & Prejudice (U, 2005) One
of ?ve sisters forms an unlikely romantic
attachment to an aloof gentleman. Period drama
based on Jane Austen?s novel, with Keira
Knightley, Matthew Macfadyen and Judi Dench
11.35 It Was Alright in the 1960s. Matt Lucas
narrates another look back at television shows
from past decades, revisiting the changing social
attitudes re?ected on the small screen (r)
12.40am Ramsay?s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
Flamangos restaurant in Whitehouse, New
Jersey (r) 1.40 Ramsay?s Hotel Hell (r) (AD)
2.35-3.40 Grand Designs (r) (AD)
11.00am The House of Magic (U, 2013)
Animated adventure 12.40pm Krull (PG,
1983) Fantasy adventure 3.00 The Seeker:
The Dark Is Rising (12, 2007) Fantasy
adventure starring Alexander Ludwig
5.00 The Rewrite (12, 2014) Romantic
comedy with Hugh Grant and Marisa Tomei
7.10 Chronicle (12, 2012) Three teenagers
develop superhuman abilities, but one of them is
corrupted by his new-found power. Sci-? thriller
starring Dane DeHaan and Alex Russell (AD)
8.50 Three Billboards Interview Special
9.00 Red 2 (12, 2013) An ex-CIA agent
reassembles his team of retired operatives to
recover an advanced weapon that has gone
missing. Action thriller sequel with Bruce Willis,
Helen Mirren and John Malkovich (AD)
11.15 Insidious (15, 2010) A family driven
from their house by a haunting discover the
spirits have followed them to their new home
and put their son into a coma. Horror with
Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne (AD)
1.20am-3.30 Insidious: Chapter 2 (15,
2013) Horror sequel starring Patrick Wilson,
Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins and Lin Shaye
6.00am Totally Bonkers Guinness World
Records (r) 6.55 Dress to Impress (r) 7.45
Emmerdale (r) (AD) 8.50 Coronation Street (r)
(AD) 9.25 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.10
Who?s Doing the Dishes? (r) 11.10 Dress to
Impress (r) 12.10pm Emmerdale (r) (AD) 1.15
Coronation Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show (r) 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show
(r) 5.50 Take Me Out (r)
7.00 You?ve Been Framed! Gold Top 100
Holidays. Vacation-themed calamities (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden attends a
party with Jenny and her attractive friends
8.30 Superstore. Everyone becomes obsessed
with a mannequin that looks like Jonah (AD)
9.00 FILM: Bridesmaids (15, 2011) A
disorganised woman takes charge of her best
friend?s bridal party, but the wife of the groom?s
boss causes problems. Comedy with Kristen
Wiig, Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy (AD)
11.35 Family Guy. Peter loses his job (r) (AD)
12.05am Family Guy. Vladimir Putin visits (r)
(AD) 12.35 American Dad! (r) (AD) 1.30 Two
and a Half Men (r) 2.00 Superstore (r) (AD)
2.25 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.55
Judge Judy (r) 7.20 Heartbeat (r) (AD) 8.20
The Royal (r) 9.25 Judge Judy (r) 10.50 FILM:
The Belles of St Trinian?s (U, 1954) Comedy
starring Alastair Sim (b/w) 12.35pm The Royal
(r) 1.40 Heartbeat (r) (AD) 2.40 Classic
Coronation Street (r) 3.50 Agatha Christie?s
Marple (r) 5.55 Heartbeat (r) (AD)
6.55 Murder, She Wrote. A jeweller is murdered
and a famous actress?s tiara is stolen (r) (AD)
8.00 Rosemary & Thyme. A murder takes place
at a monastery where the amateur sleuths are
working to restore a herb garden (r)
9.00 Rosemary & Thyme. The duo reorganise a
family?s seed museum ? but it is not long
before a man is found dead in the garden (r)
10.00 Foyle?s War. American GIs arrive in
Hastings, and a barmaid?s involvement with a
visiting soldier leads to murder (1/4) (r)
12.05am Inspector Morse. Murder shatters the
peace of a college (r) (SL) 2.10 Love and
Marriage (r) (AD) 3.05 Agatha Christie?s Marple
(r) (AD) 4.45 Richard Wilson on the Road (r)
5.10 Judge Judy (r) 5.35 ITV3 Nightscreen
6.00am The Chase (r) 6.50 Pawn Stars (r) 7.35
Ironside (r) (AD) 8.35 Quincy ME (r) 9.40
Minder (r) (AD) 10.45 The Sweeney (r) 11.50
The Professionals (r) (AD) 12.55pm Ironside (r)
1.55 Quincy ME (r) 3.00 Minder (r) (AD) 4.05
The Sweeney (r) 5.10 The Professionals (r) (AD)
6.10 Snooker v Darts. Short sports ?lm (r)
6.20 Storage Wars: Texas. Jenny brings her
mother to an auction, and Moe annoys Mary (r)
6.50 Pawn Stars. A picture of the Rolling Stones
signed by all ?ve band members (r)
7.15 Pawn Stars. The guys examine some sex
education records from 1948 (r)
7.45 Hornblower. The young Hornblower
experiences seasickness before leaving Spithead
as he begins his Navy career. First episode of the
drama based on CS Forester?s tales (1/8)
10.00 FILM: GoodFellas (18, 1990) An
Irish-Italian boy is taken under the wing of a
mobster and rises through the ranks of the
Ma?a. Martin Scorsese?s crime drama starring
Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci (AD)
12.55am The Sweeney (r) (SL) 2.00 Fifth Gear
(r) 2.45 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 4.00 Ice
Road Truckers 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. With guest Hugh Grant (AD)
7.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Documentary
series following the work of the Staffordshire
Police force. Rookie cop Ash is in the thick of it
during a late night brawl in Stoke-on-Trent
8.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Complaints by
neighbours about anti-social behaviour leads to
a raid on a suspected drugs den in Burton
9.00 Live at the Apollo. The Mock the Week host
Dara O Briain joins Frankie Boyle to perform
stand-up comedy at the Hammersmith Apollo
10.00 Taskmaster. The contestants must hand
an item of clothing to a cyclist
11.00 QI. Jo Brand, Vic Reeves and Clive
Anderson face questions on espionage
11.40 QI. With Jimmy Carr and Phill Jupitus
12.20am Mock the Week 1.00 QI 2.20 Mock
the Week 3.00 Dynamo: Magician Impossible
(AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London?s Burning 9.00
Casualty 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00
The Duchess of Duke Street 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine (AD) 1.40 Steptoe and Son (b/w)
2.20 Birds of a Feather 3.00 London?s Burning
4.00 New Tricks (AD) 5.00 The Duchess of Duke
Street. Louisa runs her hotel alone
6.00 One Foot in the Grave. Victor and Margaret
are trapped in the shed by a swarm of bees
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. Ivy receives an
anonymous love letter (AD)
7.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. Ron persuades Gary
to make a pro?table trip back to 1940
8.00 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. The
murder of a famous cricketer presents Lynley
with a fresh challenge, and forces him to break
the rules to lure the killer into the open (1/4)
10.00 New Tricks. The team investigates the
murder of a vicar (3/10) (AD)
11.20 Taggart. Two skulls are found during the
construction of a new bypass, and the case may
be linked to the theft of poisonous snakes (2/3)
2.15am Birds of a Feather 2.45 The Bill 3.35
Garden Hopping 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Wartime Crime
(AD) 11.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (AD)
12.00 Time Team 1.00pm Human Planet (AD)
2.00 Atlantic: The Wildest Ocean on Earth 3.00
Coast (AD) 4.00 Slow Train Through Africa with
Griff Rhys Jones 5.00 The Nazis: A Warning
from History. The occupation of Poland (AD)
6.00 Battleplan. 
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