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The Times Times 2 — 8 January 2018

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January 8 | 2018
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1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
times2
I didn’t want to
If you’re late by
15 minutes, it’s not
endearing. It’s rude
Hilary Rose
W
hen I was
young and
foolish I
used to
think that
potential
friends were
people you
liked. You bonded over shared
interests. You made each other laugh.
You were interested in what the other
had to say, or you pretended to be, at
least sometimes.
How naive I was. I now realise that
friends are people who turn up on
time. Anything else is a bonus. If you
want to be my friend,
although admittedly
that’s a stretch, then all
it would take is for you
to turn up where we
agreed, when we
agreed. No last-minute
texts, no frantic phone
calls complaining that
you’re stuck on the
bus and the traffic is
terrible, because the
traffic is always
terrible, every day,
everywhere. You
factor the
terribleness of the
traffic into your
journey time, leave
yourself ten
minutes’ wriggle
room in case of
total disaster, and
set off accordingly. Bingo,
ngo you arrive
on time or, even better, five minutes
early. It’s not rocket science.
So I have every sympathy with the
Rev John Corbyn of the Holy Cross
church in Bearsted, Kent, who has
started fining brides £100 if they turn
up late. He says he’s going to add it to
the wedding fee and return it
afterwards with the marriage
certificate if the couple manage to be
punctual. He argues that you would
expect to pay different amounts for
one or two hours at any other venue,
and his point is basically sound,
although I’m not sure the way he
makes it is wise.
At a time of plummeting church
attendance, likening the consecrated
house of God to a function room for
How to
dodge the
latte levy
hire at the local leisure centre doesn’t
seem like a terribly good idea. Having
said that, I never go to churches or
leisure centres, so maybe Corbyn is
right. Anyway, the forfeited money will
be split between all the many people
— vergers, bell ringers, who knows
who else — who give up their time
without pay, often at weekends, to
make a church wedding the lovely
thing that it is.
So good for the Rev Corbyn. I
suspect he would take a dim view of
one serially late friend of mine, who
once called to say, “Don’t set off yet,”
shortly after I’d arrived. Another
fetched up an incredible 45 minutes
late for lunch armed with
only the
sketchiest
of
sk
excuses,
so let
ex
us
u be clear. A
naked
George
n
Clooney
begging
C
you
yo not to leave
is an acceptable
excuse;
Transport
ex
for
fo London is not.
The whole latebride
br thing is a
ridiculous
ri
affectation
anyway.
af
There’s
no
T
suspense,
everyone
su
knows
you’re going
kn
to turn up, so why
the
th childish pretence
for
fo 15 minutes that
you
yo might not? It’s
silly
si and juvenile.
Beyond
people who
B ond the churchyard,
church
are serially late have made a choice to
be so. They must manage to make it to
work appointments on time because
otherwise they would be fired, so why
not an appointment with me?
Anything more than five minutes
late is not endearing scattiness, it’s
rude, and mobile phones have made
the problem much, much worse. Back
in the day you had to make a plan and
stick to it. These days informing me
that you’re going to be 15 minutes late
might salve your guilty conscience, but
it doesn’t make sitting on my own any
more fun for me. So hurray for all the
brides and grooms who make it to the
church on time. I’d happily count any
of them as friends.
It can be a lonely
business being the
only person left in the
country who doesn’t
drink coffee. I tried to
like it for 20 years
because everyone else
seemed to, but in the
end I gave up, defeated
by the simple fact that
I can’t stand the stuff.
Coffee makes me feel
sick. I’m far happier on
my own sofa with a
nice cup of tea than
I ever was on the sofa
in Starbucks. So I’m
entirely relaxed about
the proposed 25p latte
levy on disposable cups.
A friend of mine spends
roughly a tenner a day
chain-drinking flatwhites from Pret, and
while I struggle with
adding up, even I can
work out the horrifying
monthly maths.
As The Times campaigns for a ‘no fault’
divorce law, Stephen Armstrong recalls
how he and his wife struggled to stay
amicable in the face of the legal system
Rom-coms
beat the
dull Bard
Nothing gets people
as agitated as my
admission that I hate
going to the theatre.
I haven’t seen a play
since 2003 and the
last musical I went
to made me want to
weep with boredom.
I regard the hysteria
around Hamilton with
incredulity and stand
firm in my belief that
the only thing worth
seeing on a stage is
classical ballet,
preferably Swan Lake.
So I was thrilled to
read that Shakespeare’s
Globe in London is
to allow audiences
to choose what they
want to see just before
the curtain rises,
but disappointed
that the only
choices will be from
Shakespeare’s plays.
This doesn’t seem
like much of a choice
to me at all, so I have
a suggestion. They
could install a huge
cinema screen and we
could all watch a nice
rom-com instead.
Forget A Midsummer
Night’s Dream,
with all its tedious
puns and mistaken
identities. How about
Love Actually?
Kevin Maher is away
I’m no stranger to
profligacy myself, as a
glance at what I spend
in Itsu would make
clear, but on coffee at
least I can be smug.
You bankrupt
yourself with your
over-priced flat-whites.
I’ll be at home with
a good strong cup
of builder’s. Maybe
it’s because I’m
a northerner.
FAMILY
MATTERS
I
f you’re reading this and you’re
still married, congratulations.
You made it past January 3 —
known as Divorce Day in
family-law circles because it’s
the busiest day of the year for
divorce lawyers. Either people
hold things together for the
family over Christmas or the stress,
anguish, fury and horror that’s at the
heart of the season of goodwill proves
to be the final straw. Either way it’s a
busy time.
My divorce started a little later —
around the spring. It goes without
saying that it wasn’t what we hoped
would happen when we said our vows
or promised to raise our children
together at their christenings. We were
two people who had drifted from being
passionate lovers to good friends.
After some soul-searching and some
ludicrous middle-class behaviour —
we actually booked a session with a
child psychologist to talk about the
effects of a split on our daughters —
we came to the conclusion that the
best way to stay friends and to raise
our children together would not
include being married. It couldn’t have
been simpler. We put the ami- (Latin:
friend, friendly; loveable; goodwill,
cordial; peaceful relations) into
amicable. Then the paperwork started
and nearly ruined everything.
My solicitor was excellent. The first
thing she said when I called in a
fragile emotional state (sure, it was
amicable, but that doesn’t mean it was
happy) was: “I will make sure that you
and your ex dance together at your
children’s weddings.” Those were the
words I needed to hear — staying
good friends was crucial.
She steered me towards a mediator.
We went to a series of meetings with a
kindly, studiously unopinionated man
who encouraged us to hash out our
total household income plus total
household outgoings and work out who
needed to give what to whom to keep
the quality of life as close to what it had
been. After a harrowing first meeting,
things rolled along fairly smoothly,
until we agreed an arrangement, signed
a piece of paper and I briefly thought
we were done.
“So is this our divorce?” I asked.
“No,” the man replied. “It’s not a legal
document. The court will need a
consent order after it accepts your
decree nisi and to get that means
telling the court why the marriage
broke down.”
Under English law marriages can
break down for one of five reasons:
desertion; living separately for two
years with both of you consenting;
living separately for five years
requiring just one of you to consent;
and the two descendants of the
church’s “matrimonial offences”,
adultery and unreasonable behaviour.
Here was where the fun began.
Because we jointly owned a house, we
needed the consent order in place
before we sold the property, but we
couldn’t get the order in a blame-free
fashion unless we had been living
apart for two years. Which we couldn’t
afford to do.
“It is possible to live separate lives in
the same house, but the burden of
proof can be complicated,” explains Sue
Nash, a senior associate at Pinney
Talfourd, the Essex spokeswoman for
Resolution, the national organisation
of family lawyers committed to
non-confrontational divorce, and (full
disclosure) my divorce lawyer. “But it
means things like never sitting down to
a meal as a family and ensuring you
only wash your own clothes.”
If you’re looking for a good
definition for the word “awkward”, try
“sitting down with someone you care
about and deciding which of you will
accuse the other of failure”. Adultery
didn’t apply and neither of us fancied
pretending we had been cheating. So
we went for unreasonable behaviour,
which isn’t enough in itself. In a
special piece of legal torture you have
to give three to five reasons and
examples of such behaviour, which
will be read out in court.
“The whole process actively
encourages perjury,” my divorced
friend Alice explained. “You and your
ex decide who’s going to take the
blame, all of which is just colluding to
present a story to the court. It’s like
someone dying and you having to lie
about how much you hated them in
order to see the will.”
In our case we tossed a coin and
I was the accuser. We spent a tense
evening — “Well, you were late a lot.”
“Late? That won’t impress the judge. I
was only late because you always
bolted the door.” “Are you saying
bolting the door is unreasonable?”
“No, although it is a little bit, but no,
definitely let’s not pick that,” etc. Then
I hauled myself to my solicitor’s office
and we agreed on the most innocuoussounding reasons that would pass
muster. Even so, it included
“withdrawal of affection”, which is a
mean thing to say in front of a judge.
Of course, we didn’t end up in front
of a real judge. The mechanism for
deciding divorces is a kind of
emotional abattoir; the courts were
centralised in 2015, so the 106,000-odd
divorces a year are mainly processed
by hugely overworked assistants. The
courts are so backlogged that they
often chuck out applications if you
don’t fit into every box the law
requires, just to speed things up. In
my case, the first time round I was
rejected because I had made a mistake
in the address of our marriage venue.
Nisi secured, we set about the
tortuous paperwork of the consent
the times | Monday January 8 2018
3
1G T
times2
blame my wife. The law made me
KATIE WILSON FOR THE TIMES; PETER TARRY
What I wish I’d known
by Lucy Cavendish
A
Stephen
Armstrong
We tossed a
coin and I
was the accuser
order and agreed to leave each other’s
pensions alone and generally work out
a reasonable split of the house sale,
child support and maintenance.
Finally, we sent everything off and
waited. And waited. Although a court
has to process your decree absolute on
the day it’s received, the family courts
backlog means that it can take days to
write that up, then more days to
inform your solicitor.
“Which means when I call you
you’ll have already been divorced for
24 hours,” my solicitor warned me.
“It’ll feel weird.” I was sure it wouldn’t,
but I was wrong. When she called it
felt awful. There was a sense of
something arcane and distant grinding
through its blame game, then casually
discarding us without a thought for
how we felt.
“The current system makes the
process arduous and can create
acrimony,” says Nigel Shepherd, the
head of family law at the nationwide
specialist Mills and Reeve and the
national chairman of Resolution.
“The government says it’s trying to
remove acrimony, so why won’t it
accept a no-fault divorce? I think
it’s a fear of a very vocal reaction
from a small minority, which is
neither just nor justified. The key
thing is that we’re not looking to
make divorce easier, we’re looking
to make it kinder.” To which I can
only add: amen to that.
Lucy Cavendish
I didn’t know that
I needed to give
and take
I still recall the exact phrases
he wrote on the divorce form
I split up with my husband
in 2013 and immediately
got a nasty surprise at the
complexity of divorce law.
From watching American
TV, I had the idea you
could use “irreconcilable
differences” as grounds for
divorce. In the UK, however,
unless you wait two years, you
can use only adultery (there’s
even a space to fill in the name
of the person the adultery
was conducted with), or
unreasonable behaviour. And
there is no such thing as “nofault” divorce — one of you has
to petition against the other.
My ex and I were trying
to keep things amicable, so
we talked it over and decided
that he would divorce me for
unreasonable behaviour.
Essentially he would have
to ask the court to let him
divorce me because he could
no longer stand to live with
me. Even though it was
agreed, and there was no
other option, it was still
painful when, a few months
later, the forms arrived in
the post. I sat in my shabby
new rented flat and read
through the terrible things
I had done in the marriage,
my shortcomings and failures,
all squeezed into little boxes
of text in black and white.
The way I always stayed out
too late. That I focused too
much on my career.
I knew there was no anger
behind it, not any more,
but it felt like reliving the
name-calling final months
of our marriage when all
we did was fight and throw
accusations. It was hard not
to cry reading it, and at a time
when I was already at sea it
made things worse.
Almost five years later I can
still recall verbatim phrases
from that form, and whenever
I feel bad about myself they
come back to me. I wonder if
people would think more
carefully about marriage if
they knew just how hard and
upsetting it is to reverse.
Claire McGowan
s January progresses, I find
myself thinking about how
life has changed. Six years
ago, the longest relationship
I have had, with the father
of three of my four children, broke
down. Although I am now happily
married, I look back and wonder
what I could have done to make that
relationship work. I am now a couples
counsellor and this has led me to audit
my behaviour all those years ago.
In fact, the breakdown of that
relationship probably catapulted me
into training as a counsellor. Many
things happened, and I was left feeling
pole-axed by emotions that overtook
me at the time. I owed it to my
children, to any future relationship and
to myself to work out what happened.
I wanted to understand why we do
the things we do, or, more specifically,
why I did the things I did. I could see
patterns in my behaviour that resulted
in hurting those around me. The
only way I was going to have a
more successful relationship
was to work out what my
patterns mean. I decided that
the only way to do this was
to
t train and I have spent the
past
p six years doing that.
I have picked apart my
behaviour
and now I have a better
b
insight
into what goes on between
i
two
tw people. I wish I had known how
to be more compassionate, how to see
things from the other person’s point
of view and feel empathy for their
experiences, rather than through my
Lucy-shaped lenses.
Relationships need to be nurtured
and monitored. They need to be
thought about, mapped out, respected,
given boundaries and, with time, space
and gravitas. They need to involve
intense, sometimes terrifying, intimacy
and vulnerability, yet each person
needs the right sometimes to dance
to their own tune. They have ups and
downs. Sometimes the person who
loves us most seems the one hellbent
on our destruction.
Some people can’t handle these
downs. I have one couple for whom
anything less than perfect spells
disaster. They came to therapy to look
at their one apparent disagreement
(about matching up socks), but soon
a pattern emerged of two people who
weren’t really sure that, first, each
loved the other and, second, whether
they deserved love because they didn’t
feel loveable deep down. The “perfect”
relationship that they were working
so hard to promote wasn’t sustainable,
yet their fear of admitting this was so
huge that the row over socks almost
took them to the divorce courts.
The “you don’t match the socks
properly” led to their admission that,
for him, her apparent refusal to care
about his socks made him feel that she
didn’t care about him. In essence, he
felt unloveable and didn’t believe his
wife’s protestations of genuine love.
I now know that two people in an
intimate relationship are bound to
clash. Sticky emotional issues rear
their heads — gremlins we have
frozen in our past — and start to
defreeze ready to wreak havoc.
It is only now, when I look back
and think of what I could and should
have done, that I realise how deluded
I was. No couple is happy all the time.
If I meet a couple and they tell me
they never argue, I see a red warning
button. Everyone possesses those
feelings we don’t like to own up to. We
all feel anger, rage, shame, jealousy
and fear, and that’s absolutely fine, as
long as we recognise these feelings and
deal with them. Couples who are in
agreement about everything worry me.
Where do all those nasty feelings go?
The other thing I know is that a
couple is made up of two people. That
sounds obvious, but when two people
meet and fall in love, they go through
a period of limerence whereby they
are so happy and obsessed with the
other that they merge into a whole.
It feels deeply romantic and amazing.
However, after the limerence fades
what is left is two people who are not
sure who they are now that they are
no longer joined at the hip.
I am not good at being in a couple.
It’s an effort for me. Part of this is to
do with my childhood. I was brought
up by a single mother. I don’t really
have a role model of how a marriage
works. I’m not really sure what men
do in relationships. My mother subtly
conveyed the notion that, as long as
I was economically independent, all
would be fine. Yes, you may need a
man to father your children, but
above and beyond that . . .
I didn’t know that I needed to give
and take, to compromise, to accept that
not everybody does it the way I do.
This has taken years of learning.
I still find it hard. I am used to doing
everything by myself. I forget I’m
married sometimes. I often find myself
booking holidays forgetting that my
husband is part of this unit. Luckily I’m
married to a man who understands. He
nudges himself daily into our lives and
I have to remember to acknowledge
that. This is the other thing I wish I
had known: praise your partner, be
appreciative, be kind, say thank you.
In essence, I wish I had thought
about who my ex and I were as people,
rather than as a couple or as parents
who threw themselves into their
children’s lives. Children can be used
as the ultimate avoidance strategy.
Couples come to me in crisis.
What I often see is two people
seething with resentment. Each will
describe the pitfalls of the other, yet
most people find it hard to see it in
themselves. It is an adversarial “I’m
right, you’re wrong” system.
My job is to help them to regain
the closeness they had. On a simple
level the best place for us to feel loved
and grow is in a relationship.
My husband and I try to remember
one simple thing: tomorrow is another
day. So tomorrow we try harder, try
better and, in the end, our shared
desire to be married and remain
married is what keeps us together. It is
not easy, but at least now I know that
tricky, difficult and tiring is all good.
4
1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
times2
‘Smash it out. Then show off
Could rugby star James Haskell help a borderline
obese person to get fit in five weeks with his new
fitness plan? Phil Robinson volunteered to find out
I
t is late November and I am on
an industrial estate in
Northamptonshire. The England
rugby player James Haskell
towers over me as I attempt my
first deep squat since a detention
in senior school. A bare-bones
gym filled with old tractor tyres
and fake hay bales, this is an alien
environment to me. Men in sleeveless
Iron Maiden T-shirts attack towering
machines, jerking and clanging and
grunting. There’s only one toilet and,
inconceivably, no showers let alone
a relaxation area to pad about in a
dressing gown and read the
papers. Adding to the abattoir
ambience, Haskell is sporting
a black eye from a club
training session with Wasps,
and tracksuit bottoms
spattered with mud.
I’m 6ft tall but I feel
childlike in his presence —
Haskell’s Marvel comic-book
physique could have been
drawn by Stan Lee. “Straighten
your back, get arse to grass, explode
upwards.” The exertion is a shock to
my system, and I realise that the effort
I’ve been putting into my tennis game
is about the same as David Niven’s
after a couple of scotches.
The aim of this session is for Haskell
to hammer into my brain enough of
the basics of his forthcoming book,
Perfect Fit, for me to embark on its
eight-week programme. I’m to report
on my progress at the start of January.
My key worry is the time of year. What
kind of idiot begins a diet at the end of
November when everyone is about to
barrel into the party season?
I look down at my gut. Two years
ago I lost 2st through Slimming World
and then began to exercise more.
Unfortunately, I seem to be eating far
too much to compensate. It is clear that
I can barely endure another Christmas
sucking up vol-au-vents like a blue
whale in krill season. I need help.
Haskell’s plan combines resistance
and high-intensity exercises (five times
a week in your sitting room) with a
personalised calorie-controlled diet
that aims to help you to lose weight if
you need to, but, more importantly, to
get fit and build muscle. Flicking
through the book I see that he has no
time for the usual fitness bullshit. “You
will never get the results you really
want by going running. Let’s be honest,
it’s boring.” And: “I have never been
overly fat. I don’t know that struggle.”
This is not a book for those seeking
empathy or half measures. If you
follow the plan, you win. If not, you
will for ever remain a disappointment.
Haskell explains that since I am still
a bit fat and need to lose weight I
should focus on HIIT sessions (highintensity interval training). “Everyone
says, ‘I want a six-pack’,” he tells me.
“Well, we all have abs — you’ve just
got to lose the body fat and then you
will reveal them. Once you’ve done
that you can work on those muscles
and then develop them.”
James Haskell with
his girlfriend, Chloe
Madeley, and, right,
with Phil Robinson
If you did
not train
today, it’s
your fault.
Not your
wife’s. Do
not make
excuses
Subscribers can join us
on Wednesday, April 18,
for an evening with
James Haskell and
Phil Robinson to
discuss Haskell’s
training and nutrition
plan. To book tickets,
visit mytimesplus.co.uk
The diet element seems eminently
sensible, with recipes by Omar
Meziane, who cooks for the British
Olympic teams — think spinach pesto
with grilled mackerel, and turkey and
beetroot meatballs with pasta salad.
On starting, you complete some basic
sums to calculate the number of
calories you will need to sustain
yourself during the programme. All
food must be weighed and calories
counted into a phone app such as
MyFitnessPal.
I tell Haskell that I don’t want to use
MyFitnessPal. I have a friend who
uses it and he logs the oxygen he
uses during conversations. I
don’t want to live like that. “Yes,
you are using it.” OK, I say
meekly.
He whips out his phone to
show me some pictures. “This
is me before pre-season and
this is me tracking my food
every day in MyFitnessPal,
doing similar stuff I am asking
you to do.” It’s a maxim of the
modern world that you are not truly
in great shape unless you can show
strangers photographs of yourself
wearing very tiny pants and not feel in
the slightest bit self-conscious.
As a boy Haskell was a county rugby
player, but his conditioning and
strength meant he fell short of
selection for the England under-16s.
Once he started training and eating
properly he was selected for Wasps’
Colts. There he continued to develop
and was part of the vanguard of
players who utilised training, nutrition
and supplements to change rugby into
the muscular, athletic game it is today.
Haskell will humbly tell you that he
isn’t the most talented rugby player or
the fastest or the best in his position,
but he has notched up an astonishing
75 appearances for England and played
for some of the best clubs in the world.
At the age of 32, his body bears the
scars: his hands are crone-like (they
remind me of Skeletor’s) and repeated
surgery on his reconstructed big toe
means that it no longer straightens
properly. The book condenses the
wisdom that Haskell has employed to
survive 16 years in one of the most
brutal sports on the planet. Its basic
tenet is that to succeed you need to put
yourself and your needs first.
“Be selfish. Be ruthless,” says Haskell.
“Don’t tell me you are too busy. Use
the time to exercise that you spend
looking at your phone. Don’t make
excuses. If you didn’t train today, if you
didn’t eat well today, it’s your fault. Not
your boss’s, your wife’s or your kids’.
You have to tailor your diet to what
you are doing, follow the figures. Don’t
be scared of MyFitnessPal — put in
the amount of food you eat, scan the
bar codes, and weigh shit.”
I must look dubious because he
adds, “It’s hard work but what’s the
alternative? Some fad diet? Drinking
cayenne pepper with hot water and
lemon juice, crying, shitting your arse
out and saying, ‘What’s happened to
E:
R
O
F
BE line
Waist
41in
me?’ If you do that eight-week plan
and eat properly you will drop the
weight off like you wouldn’t believe
and, I promise you, within eight weeks
you will be in great mental shape and
wanting to do more not less.”
At the end of the session Haskell’s
girlfriend, Chloe Madeley, arrives. The
30-year-old daughter of Richard
Madeley and Judy Finnigan, she is
superathletic with a fitness book to her
name (The 4-Week Body Blitz), and they
both ping-pong around the place. He
picks her up and throws her effortlessly
into the air. They look like two of the
passengers on the Moonraker shuttle. I
feel like Hugo Drax.
Before starting the programme I
undergo a Bupa medical. The results
are a bucket of cold water tipped over
my ego. I’ve been telling everyone that
I am 14½ stone; I am actually 15½. My
BMI is 29.6, making me borderline
obese. I can’t even claim the weight is
muscle because a body fat scan reveals
that I am 25 per cent fat. Also my
blood pressure is elevated.
On the upside, my HDL cholesterol
is good, as is my general fitness. The
problem is that my body fat puts me
into a high-risk group. “Right now the
risk of diabetes is low,” Dr Luke James,
Bupa’s medical director informs me,
“but in ten years’ time if you are still
carrying the same weight you are at
risk of slipping into type 2 diabetes.”
This is mostly because one’s
metabolism slows with age: “If you do
what you did in your twenties, eating
and drinking and exercise-wise, you’ll
gain a stone in your thirties, and if you
do the same in your forties as you did
in your thirties, you’ll gain another
stone by the time you’re 50. As you get
into your forties, intake in calories is
probably far more important than the
exercise.” A follow-up is scheduled for
the start of January. That should help
to focus my mind while others are
chain-scoffing mince pies.
At home I calculate how many daily
calories I need to keep my weight at
neutral, then cut this number by 200.
If I don’t get a weight-loss result at the
end of the week I will cut by another
100, and then the same again the
following week until I get a result. On
only the second night of the diet I am
at a friend’s birthday and knock back
four sticks of chicken satay, two orders
of soft-shell crab tempura, four slices
of vegetable tempura, a couple of beef
short rib, six California rolls, a confit
duck leg, six fish dumplings and a
small piece of cheesecake. Also, a
whole seabass and four glasses of red.
Two days after that I end up in a sushi
restaurant with my aunt and we bosh
the times | Monday January 8 2018
5
1G T
times2
your rig in budgie-smugglers’
R:
AFTE ine
l
Waist in
38.5
about four flasks of saké between us.
In a panic I try to compensate by
cutting my calories down to 1,300 on
quiet weekdays. I cook the turkey
kofta recipe from Haskell’s book and
after a couple of days in monk mode
feel like I’m back on track.
The workouts are a struggle. While
some sessions are exhausting, others
feel too easy. I either put in too much
effort or not enough and I make the
excuse that I can compensate with
tennis or climbing, which are in my
comfort zone. I drop Haskell a breezy
email telling him that I’ve missed a
few workouts, but everything is fine
because I have managed to lose 4lb.
Part of my brain must be missing.
“Right, what’s your number — I am
calling you now.” He is not in a good
mood. I grimace as I put the phone to
my ear. “Just stop now,” he barks.
“There is no point doing it. I am going
to ask you to stop the programme.”
I’m used to dealing with gym
instructors who understand the idlepunter mindset. Haskell is a different
animal. It’s like asking a wolf to
empathise with a gerbil. I am informed
that I am clueless (true) and had no
right to alter the plan (I had also been
eating low-carb, which is not allowed).
“Dropping down a load of calories is
going to get you results because you are
starving yourself,” he
says. “If for the next five days
you drank lemon juice,
cayenne pepper and
hot water, by the
end of the week
you would look
shredded, but you’d
be horrifically ill
and your body
would be shit. Then
after you stop you’ll
pile weight back on.
We aren’t doing that.
We want to leave you
room to manoeuvre.”
He continues, “If you
are doing my sessions
properly you should be
f***ed and not have
energy left for bloody
tennis. You aren’t doing
them properly. I understand
what you are doing. It is a
human reaction when
something is hell to take the
easy option, but you will not
get in mental shape like that.
Listen to me. If you were
burning that many
calories doing tennis
and climbing you would
already be in the sickest shape known
to man, but you aren’t. Are you?”
No I am not, I say in a small voice.
“These sessions get more intense.
Do them properly and they are rank.
That’s the point. It’s hell, but that’s the
difference. That’s when you’ll be
walking around in f***ing budgiesmugglers with your unbelievable rig
and dominating the tennis. Or you can
do it your way and be a starving
scarecrow who won’t be able to do
anything but a bit of tennis with his
mates. Right? Work it out and let me
know in three days how you get on.
Now smash it out, OK?”
Operating on guilt and cold fear,
I scurry to the back bedroom to do
a HIIT session. Before my ear-lashing
I was speeding through the session in
ten minutes and wondering what all
the fuss was about. Now, because I am
applying myself, I need to use all the
breaks to get my breath back. The
session lasts nearly 25 minutes and I
feel like I’ve been hit by a car. I shower
and collapse on the sofa with pasta in
tomato sauce with chicken and olives.
I summon my last dregs of energy
to log it all into MyFitnessPal and
fall asleep. This is what “smashing
it” feels like.
The next day I start feeding
myself more and start to enjoy
these half-hour HIIT beastings.
My favourite session involves
jjogging on the spot while attempting
to kick your own bum, side-to-side
“skater” hops, then sets of “mountain
climbers”, which, for the uninitiated,
involve pumping your knees up to
your chest by running in a press-up
position. My Fitbit tells me that I have
burnt 362 calories in 35 minutes and
I have no surplus energy for tennis.
Dinner is a large bowl of curried
salmon and pilaf. The serenity
I feel is habit-forming.
At the end of week three I text
Haskell, worried that I haven’t lost
much weight. He says: “Don’t
worry about weight loss because
you’re putting muscle on as well.” He’s
right. I can feel it. I play indoor cricket
at Lord’s and my bowling feels faster.
Thanks to endless squats I take a low
catch that I wouldn’t have made
before. I also feel that I want to
train more, not less.
My biggest obstacle is the
Christmas parties. I am
rigorous about the
training, but the extra
booze calories slow me
down. No week in
December passes without a
substantial session. I hit a
college reunion and a cricket
club party. I attempt to limit the
damage by sticking to gin and red
wine (no beer) and counting it all
into an app. The problem is that I
am using calories on alcohol that I
should be using on food — protein
and good carbs — that build and
protect muscle. I might lose
weight, but the trade-off is that my
fitness will suffer.
On Christmas morning I realise
that my mentality has changed
when I sneak in an HIIT workout
before driving to my mother’s
house for a bacon sandwich and a
glass of buck’s fizz. Even so, there
isn’t much I can do to mitigate
the caloric onslaught. I keep to a
single ration of dinner, two mince
James Haskell’s
training plan
Week one, day one
HIIT exercises
1 Running on the
spot — 20 sec work,
45-60 sec rest, 8 sets
2 Star jumps — 20 sec
work, 45-60 sec rest,
8 sets
3 Mountain climbers
(see description in
story) — 20 sec work,
45-60 sec rest, 8 sets
Day two
Resistance exercises,
tempo 3.1.3*
1 Press-ups (or kneeling
press-ups, or wall
press-ups) — 10 reps,
60-80 sec rest, 3 sets
2 Squats — 10 reps,
60-80 sec rest, 3 sets
3 Walking lunges (or
forward lunges) —
10 reps (5 each side),
60-80 sec rest, 3 sets
Day three — day off
Day four
HIIT exercises
1 Boxing while running
on the spot — 20 sec
work, 45-60 sec rest,
8 sets
2 Side-to-side hops
(both feet together) —
20 sec work, 45-60 sec
rest, 8 sets
3 Body-weight slams —
20 sec work, 45-60 sec
rest, 8 sets
Day five
Resistance exercises,
tempo 3.1.3*
1 Step-ups — 10 reps
(5 each side), 60-80
sec rest, 3 sets
2 Wide-hand placement
press-ups (or kneeling
wide-hand press-ups or
wide-hand placement
wall press-ups) —
10 reps, 60-80 sec
rest, 3 sets
3 Front plank — 20-30
sec hold, 60-80 sec
rest, 4 sets
Day six
HIIT exercises
1 Squat jumps — 20 sec
work, 45-60 sec rest,
8 sets
2 Burpees (or downand-ups) — 20 sec
work, 45-60 sec rest,
8 sets
3 Side-lying opens —
20 sec work, 45-60 sec
rest, 8 sets
Day seven — day off
Remember to warm up
before every workout
* 3 seconds to lower,
1 second pause, 3
seconds to raise again
pies and Christmas pudding with
cream. And I only half hammer the
cheese board. At some point I stop
counting the champagne and red wine.
The next morning I realise that I hit
4,000 calories — God knows what I
used to put away in the past. The rest
of the week is a battle. According to
my fitness-tracker statistics I am
burning on average 3,200 calories a
day, but even so I still manage to gain
a pound. The problem is the booze.
Despite such lapses, the results of
my follow-up medical are good. At the
five-week mark of the plan, my BMI is
down from 29.6 to 28.9 and I have
shaved 6cm off my waistline. My body
fat has also dropped a percentage
point and my blood pressure has
dipped. Overall my cardiovascular risk
is down from 2.6 per cent to 2.4 per
cent and my diabetes risk from 4.1 per
cent to 3.6 per cent. I am also stronger,
scoring higher marks in core strength,
squats and press-ups.
I tell Bupa’s doctor that I think my
booze intake hindered my progress.
“People who are serious about training
cut out all alcohol because it blocks
your ability to train hard, lose fat and
get the results you want,” he says.
Haskell is also pleased with my
progress: “Good to see you were fully
on board with what you were told
instead of going completely off-piste
and starving yourself.”
I explain that I lost my way over
Christmas, especially with the alcohol,
but Haskell is in a forgiving mood. “I
am extremely Christmassy,” he says. “I
love everything that goes with it —
food, alcohol, all that kind of stuff. But
what Chloe and I decided to do was
stay on the wagon until the evening of
the 23rd. Then I smashed the arse out
of it on Christmas Eve, smashed the
arse out of it on Christmas Day —
drank what I want, all the food I could
possibly eat until I was in food coma
and that was it. Then I went fully back
into training and cutting out the
alcohol. There is a bit of Christmas
cake and a few mince pies still lurking
around, but I am trying to work them
into my macros. I can’t abide wasting
the Christmas cake.”
My own mistakes were all part of the
learning curve. “It’s one thing me
telling you in a book, but we often have
to find out the hard way — that short
cuts don’t work, that you only get the
right result if you do the programme
properly. How do you feel?”
I tell him that I have never felt this
fit. My wife says my shape has
changed and my back pain has gone
because my core is much stronger.
“That’s great. Finish the eight-week
plan, lose some more weight, get fitter
and then head on to the 12-week plan
and build muscle. This is going to be a
different mindset for you because you
need to add calories to your diet. And
find yourself eating 2,800 a day,
building lean muscle!”
I suddenly zone out, thinking about
what I could do with 1,000 extra
calories a day. I imagine myself in 12
weeks, booze-free, happily smashing a
wood-fired pizza. Stan Lee, get your
pens ready.
Perfect Fit: The Winning Formula
by James Haskell will be published
by Hodder & Stoughton on
January 17, £20
6
1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
life
Ask Professor Tanya Byron
Our daughter has cut ties with our family
N
My husband and I are
in our seventies and
have a son, who is 40,
and a daughter, who
is 37. I always had a
close relationship
with my daughter when she was
young. This changed when she
went to university and, shortly after
her graduation, she announced that
she was going to America, where
she had never been before and knew
nobody, and we probably wouldn’t
see each other again.
She lives there with her husband
and two-year-old daughter. My
husband has visited them on a few
occasions, while there on business,
and we both visited last Christmas.
We Skype with them regularly and
felt we were enjoying a mutually
loving relationship.
Everything changed recently when
we Skyped on my birthday. When
our granddaughter appeared looking
solemn I said: “She looks sad.” My
daughter immediately replied: “Well
that’s all. Enjoy your birthday,” and
hung up.
My husband sent her an email
expressing our concern, explaining
that if there was a feeling that we
were being critical, nothing could be
farther from the truth. My daughter
replied with a catalogue of
complaints about how we had been
critical during other Skype sessions.
My husband sent a conciliatory reply
and emphasised the pride and love
with which we describe her to our
friends and asked that we draw a
line under this.
Our daughter has now ceased
communication with us and her
brother. My husband has written
to our son-in-law, asking him to help
to resolve the problem, but received
no reply. We are baffled and deeply
upset. How can we retrieve this
awful situation?
Rosemary
Q
N
To be estranged
from a loved one is
incredibly painful.
It is clear that you
feel hurt, rejected
and confused by her
extreme reaction. However, it is
evident that your daughter’s behaviour
has a backstory (from her point of
view), so her reaction to your Skype
comment to her daughter seems to
have been, for her, the last straw.
The frustration and sadness for you
seems to be a lack of understanding
as to why she has taken such a radical
step and cut off all communication.
I suspect that you are experiencing
a mix of feelings, including loss and
grief. While you may be hurt by your
daughter’s behaviour, I am sure that
you miss her and the contact you have
with your grandchild. You describe
cribe an
attempt by your husband to reassure
assure
your daughter that you are proud
oud of
her and that he asked for a linee to be
drawn under the situation. While
hile this
sounds sensible and logical, it’s too
premature in the process for
rebuilding this fractured relationship.
onship.
To begin with, your daughterr
needs to feel heard and understood,
tood,
so to ask her to agree to your
desire to move on misses the point
oint
of her clear communication that
at
she has struggled with what shee
feels are critical comments from
m
you. Indeed, this may explain
why the final event, which mayy
seem trivial — suggesting to
your granddaughter that she
looks sad — is the moment
when she felt that enough was
enough. It wasn’t what you
said, but what it represented
to your daughter: another
critical comment and the one
that tipped her into a place
of rejection.
To address this I suggest thatt
you and your husband engage
in a process of trying to get to
A
She needs
to feel that
you want
to make
amends
If you have a problem
and would like
Professor Tanya Byron’s
help, email proftanya
byron@thetimes.co.uk
the bottom of your daughter’s
longstanding grievances with you.
To do this may become a one-sided
process where you have to be
patient, ask questions and listen
to what your daughter tells you.
You may not agree with what she says,
but to challenge her at this stage of
repairing the relationship would be
counterproductive because your
daughter needs to feel heard.
In emotionally charged
disagreements, truth becomes an issue
that we can spend too much time
arguing over when we need to
recognise that everyone’s truth is
skewed by their personal experience. It
may be that your daughter has a litany
of complaints over the years related to
her feeling judged and criticised by
You may disagree with some or
you. Yo
of what she says and so feel,
most o
understandably, compelled to argue
unders
case based on your interpretation
your ca
of what
wha she describes. The problem is
the detail of what has happened is
that th
important than the reality of the
less im
crisis in your relationship, so to get
lost in detail will derail any possibility
of repairing
and moving forward
re
with a new understanding.
Reflective
practice describes that
R
process
by which we show
pro
someone
who is upset or
so
distressed
that they are being
d
actively
listened to and their
ac
feelings
are being heard. Rather
fe
than
argue specifics, ask open
t
questions
and listen without
q
interjection. Clarify that you
have heard your daughter by
reflecting
back what she has told
r
you,
that what she is describing is
y
an
a example of where she has felt
judged,
criticised or undermined
jud
by yo
you. Whether this was your intent
or not is, at this stage, irrelevant.
As you
y reflect on what you are
hearing it would be useful to express
concern
concer that your words or deeds have
left her feeling as she describes. We
can empathise with another’s feelings
and express remorse that we may have
led them to feel like that without
having to accept their version of
events. If this is an issue of a clash of
personality types then clearly you did
not intend to convey the critical
messages that your daughter
experienced. However, for you to
find a happier and healthier way to
communicate you need to be prepared
to look at how, perhaps inadvertently,
you sound critical or judgmental and
find ways to address that.
Your curiosity will be seen as
caring. Your ability to listen and
not get bogged down in the detail
of past history will be selflessly
understanding. Your stance should
reflect your concern to repair the
relationship and to move on when
your daughter feels ready and able.
You do not need to agree with your
daughter’s perspective on all details,
but showing her you understand
from her point of view will validate
her feelings.
One way to address this might be to
write to your daughter. I suggest that
you begin by acknowledging her
rejection of you both, showing that
you can see it’s because she feels
criticised by you and ask her to
explain more fully how this has come
about. She needs to feel that your
primary concern is to make amends
and you could ask her to suggest how
she feels the relationship could
improve. If you have suggestions,
make them. For example, you could
look at not always commenting on
what you think you see, especially if
that may sound negative.
Overall, family is more important
than anything else in life. To be able to
validate her feelings and show you
want to have her in your life regardless
of whether you agree with what she
feels may seem challenging now, but
will spare you years of pain if you have
to live with an estrangement.
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the times | Monday January 8 2018
7
1G T
times2
‘I was a drunk party girl, out of
control every night of the week’
SARAH CRESSWELL FOR THE TIMES; GALLERY STOCK
Catherine Gray hit
rock bottom at 33.
Now sober, she
tells Hilary Rose
why her life has
never been better
I
f you enjoy a drink, there are
many words you might associate
with sobriety. “Blessed relief”
might be the reaction of anyone
doing dry January after a heavy
Christmas. Your next-door
neighbour may see not drinking
as a boring fate worse than
death, but wherever you are on the
sobriety spectrum, one word you
probably don’t associate with it is “joy”.
So Catherine Gray’s book, The
Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, makes
for, well, sobering reading. Gray, a
recovering alcoholic, wants to offer
hope to those who, like her, are
hopeless drunks. She wants to make
us question our reliance on drink and
the way in which society pushes it on
us. Mainly, though, without being
remotely preachy, she wants to
convince anyone who’ll listen that a
booze-free life isn’t just worth living,
it’s better. Sobriety is an improvement,
she argues. Sobriety is a joy. Which is
quite a turnaround for someone who
says that for 21 years she was the
drunkest girl at every party.
“People who can stop at one or two
drinks find this really hard to
understand,” says Gray, a vision of
clear eyes and glowing skin, at her
home in south London. “If I uncork
that bottle of wine I’m going to drink
it all. Not drinking for a night took the
most superhuman effort and I felt
cheated and pissed off. That’s just
how I am. It’s how I always was.”
So legendary was her drinking that
her friends turned her name into a
byword for drunkenness. “I got Cath’d
last night,” they would say if they went
out on a big night and got hammered.
Yet for Gray, as time wore on every
night was a big night and the
consequences started to mount. There
was the night when she ended up in a
Brixton police cell for being drunk and
disorderly, and the nights when she
woke up in a stranger’s bed, wondering
how she got there. There were all the
times when she called in sick and the
office Christmas party where she
jumped in a hot tub topless, then had
to endure the shame of realising, the
next day, that her boss had heard
about it. There was the day when she
necked a miniature bottle of wine in
the office loos first thing, just so that
her hands would stop shaking enough
for her to type her password.
“There’s a mass societal belief that
the password to fun is booze,” she says.
“As soon as you order a soft drink
people are, like, ‘Don’t be boring!’
There are messages everywhere that
the way to stay sane as a parent is to
drink wine, and how ‘sober’ and ‘so
boring’ sound the same. We need to
start a conversation about addiction.
We need to have people willing to
stand up and say, ‘I’ve been addicted,
I’m not ashamed.’ It’s about people
feeling they can say, ‘Me too.’ ”
Gray was a shy, anxious child. Her
parents divorced when she was ten
years old and her mother moved
to Birmingham, leaving her father
behind in Ireland. At the age of 12
she started drinking with her
friends and at 13 they started
going to clubs.
“I remember thinking that
alcohol was what would embolden
me to get on to dancefloors,” she says.
“It was what I’d been waiting for.”
By the age of 17 she was having her
first blackouts and when she went to
university “the wheels fell off and I
just drank. I’m amazed I got a degree.”
She scraped a 2:1 in English and
media and got a job working as a
journalist at Cosmopolitan magazine.
“You’d get invited to parties every
night. You could fill your boots for
free, but everyone else made it into
work the next day.”
By her late twenties she knew that
her drinking was sliding out of her
grasp. She stopped keeping drink in
the house and tried going to the gym
straight after work. She switched
from wine to cider, “because I thought,
‘It’s wine that’s the problem!’ Not
Posed by models.
Below: Catherine Gray
I’d wake up
in strange
beds with
no idea
how I got
there
drinking.” Suffice to say it wasn’t. She
kept a diary of how many units she
was drinking and dutifully noted in it
all the alcohol-free days she was going
to have each week. The aim was four.
“I think I managed it once. The lowest
number of units was about 40 a week,
but there were weeks when I was
drinking 50 or 60 units.”
In her early thirties she hit rock
bottom several times. She was
dumped by her long-term
boyfriend and started drinking at
home because she was too sad to
go out, but still wanted to get
drunk. She went freelance and
started drinking during the day.
Her parents wrote her letters saying
that they were worried about her
behaviour. She ripped them up. She
moved from wine to spirits because it
got her drunk more quickly. Then one
day, after an argument with her
boyfriend, she googled painless ways
to commit suicide and, as she did this,
realised that she needed help.
There followed five months of failed
attempts at sobriety. She would
manage it for days or weeks, only to
fall off the wagon. She moved back
home to her mum’s, where all the
alcohol was locked in the garage,
which is how, one day, four years ago,
she ended up drinking Listerine. Some
mouthwashes contain alcohol, and
Gray was desperate for the smallest
hit to take the edge off. However,
mouthwash isn’t meant to be
swallowed and if you drink enough
of it, she discovered as her stomach
twisted in knots, it can kill you.
She decided there and then that
enough was enough. That was when
she was 33. Now 37, she has been sober
ever since. She went to Alcoholics
Anonymous meetings for six months
and had weekly sessions with an NHS
addiction counsellor. She kept a diary
of her efforts and spent hours reading
sober blogs and websites, drawing
inspiration from people who outed
themselves as addicts and picking up
tips, not on how to endure sobriety,
but how to enjoy it.
She joined something called a
gratitude group, an idea so hippy she
rolls her eyes as she mentions it, but
it helped: the people in the group
emailed each other, met up and
actively searched for reasons to be
grateful and for all the ways in which
not drinking had made them happier.
She likens sobriety to learning a
new language. What fires her up is
challenging our social and cultural
associations with alcohol. The endless,
lazy association of drinking with fun.
“Alcohol is constantly pushed on
us,” she says, “but in the past four
years I think people have become
less judgmental about non-drinkers.
Millennials are much more likely to go
for brunch at weekends and do a
Spinning class than go and get trashed
like me and my mates used to do. We
could be at a real turning point.”
It wasn’t all plain sailing. She found
dating difficult without the crutch of
a drink and the prospect of sober sex
terrified her. She dreaded moving
into a world where she couldn’t go to
bars or gigs, but has found that she
can and it’s fine.
After 60 days she found that not
drinking was easier and now it’s a
habit. She realised that for years she
had confused a need to relax with a
need for a drink, so these days she
books a massage, or reads a book.
“There are so many different ways
to segue from tense to relaxed, but
the thing is they take a bit longer than
a drink. But the farther away you get
from it the easier it is. I want people
to see that it’s not this dreary
existence that they think it is.”
Mostly, though, she feels relief.
Relief from the treadmill of drinking,
from the craving, the guilt, the selfloathing; relief that her life is under
her control, that she will meet
deadlines and wake up where she
intended. She hauled herself out of
addiction by summoning enough
self-esteem to believe that she was
worth it, then getting help.
“I think of it as an emancipation, not
a deprivation. I love everything about
sobriety: I don’t do mad shit any more.
I don’t get in a hot tub topless. I don’t
wake up in a jail cell. I don’t spend my
last £20 on Jägerbombs instead of
food. My life was not fun. Everything
about my life is better. Everything.
There’s not one exception.”
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
by Catherine Gray is published by
Aster at £8.99
8
1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
Red alert: meet
the new queen
of the West End
Rosalie Craig, joining the cast of The Ferryman, talks
to Nancy Durrant about star-crossed love, being a
parent in the theatre and wooing Stephen Sondheim
T
here’s a moment,
quite early on in Jez
Butterworth’s play
The Ferryman, which
is about to change its
cast to continue a
triumphant West End
run, when it strikes
you that the scene you’ve been
watching between a man and a
woman is not quite what you think.
You realise that they are deeply,
helplessly in love with each other,
but that there isn’t a hope in hell of
them being together.
The woman is Caitlin Carney,
heartrendingly played until recently by
the Outlander actress Laura Donnelly,
but about to be taken over by Rosalie
Craig. Caitlin, says Craig, as we huddle
next to the radiator at a rehearsal
venue in central London on a grey
December day, is one of those parts
that “just don’t come round very often”.
The play is an ensemble
masterpiece, telling with consummate
craft the story of a single day in the
life of a large, rural Northern Irish
family during the Troubles. It was
written by Butterworth partly in
response to an event that happened to
Donnelly’s family (the actress is from
Northern Ireland and is Butterworth’s
partner). Her uncle, Eugene Simons,
was one of the disappeared and his
body, like that of Caitlin’s husband in
the play, was found by chance in a bog
several years after his murder.
“I’ve never done a [role] takeover
before,” says Craig, 37. She is probably
best known for originating the title
role in Tori Amos’s musical The Light
Princess at the National Theatre, for
which she won an Evening Standard
award and an Olivier nomination.
She has also had leading roles in the
National’s As You Like It and in City
of Angels at the Donmar Warehouse.
“I actively have steered clear of it —
where I get my pleasure from this job
normally is to create something, but
when you see this part, it’s . . . [She
pauses.] I hate the phrase ‘it’s a gift of
a role’, but it sort of is. The way that
Jez has written her, his intricacy and
his lightness of touch with characters,
he’s something else. She’s layered, but
without it being banged over your
head. And she’s funny. But her roots
into the world have already grown,
you can just sit in her. She’s formed.”
The Ferryman “feels to me like a play
about what happens to a family when
somebody goes missing”, says Craig.
“How grief sets in over time and how
that manifests itself in terms of how
you operate as a family, and the
knock-on effect of the person who’s
missing not being talked about.”
Butterworth came to speak to the
cast and told them about attending the
funeral, with Donnelly, of two of the
disappeared, says Craig, “and seeing
the body of the missing person, after
20 odd years, but, because they’d been
preserved in a bog, they were frozen
in time, they were still 16 [years old].
Imagine that. So I think it’s about
things being stuck in time. Then at
the heart of it is this extraordinary
love story between two people who,
literally, there is no way they can
be together — except that they
sort of are, and everyone else
is just watching. It’s the
unspoken again.”
Craig, a sunny
presence, quick-witted,
warm and agreeably
sweary, has done many
straight plays before, but she’s
widely celebrated not only
for her acting, but also for
her exceptional voice: witness
The Light Princess, during
which she was barely off stage
and did quite a lot of the singing
tumbling through the air on a
wire, without missing a breath. She
and her husband, the actor and
Caitlin
Carney
is one of
those roles
that just
don’t come
round
very often
Above: Rosalie Craig
and, below, with Rory
Kinnear in The
Threepenny Opera
musician Hadley Fraser, who is
playing the lead in Young Frankenstein
in the West End, have musical
theatre superfans — an intensely
fervent breed who might have been
traumatised at the thought of losing
Craig to a long-running hit play if
it weren’t for the fact that the run
won’t actually be that long.
The show, which is on at the
Gielgud Theatre and has been
extended three times, must give way
eventually to Craig’s next project, also
at the Gielgud, a radical new staging
by the director Marianne Elliott of
Stephen Sondheim’s musical Company.
Craig plays the lead role of Bobbi,
a single woman of 35 who hasn’t
committed to a relationship and
whose married friends can’t quite get
their heads around it. Very much of
the zeitgeist, you might think, but
Company was written in 1970 and
until now Bobby was a man.
It took a while to persuade
Sondheim — the change isn’t just
in the lead role, says Craig, “it has a
knock-on effect”. Bobbi’s girlfriends
are now boyfriends, and some of the
married couples will switch genders
(although not, Craig assures me,
the character of Joanne, already
announced as being played by the
Broadway legend Patti LuPone.
“No, Patti LuPone is not playing
a transgender role.”)
She and Elliott threw around some
ideas with the musical director Joel
Fram, then filmed a workshop
of what they’d created and
sent it to Sondheim. Elliott
went to see him in New York
to hear the verdict. “And there
was just a horrible moment
when they were over there, and
because of the time difference it
was like waiting for a lover to
text you back — please just
f***ing tell me if it’s going to
happen or not,” says Craig.
Although she has been with Fraser
for nearly a decade (they met during
a production of A Christmas Carol
at Birmingham Rep, playing the
Cratchits) and they have been married
for three years, she says that she
and Elliott are passionate about
telling Sondheim’s story from a single
woman’s perspective. “It infuriates me
that there’s pressure put unnecessarily
on people — women specifically — to
be married or to meet someone or
to settle down or have a child by a
certain age. It’s just not something
we say to men.”
The show works, she says, precisely
because “the parts are brilliantly
written for men, so when you switch
it, when you hear those words that
were quite clearly written for a man
spoken by a woman, the power shift
is phenomenal. The balance shifts
completely and it’s like a modern-day
piece. They’re just going, ‘Can you
please go and get the dinner on, can
you shut the kids up,’ and they’re all
going to work.”
Craig was brought up in
Nottingham, the youngest of three
children (her sister, Emily, is a fashion
designer in New York, her brother,
Sam, designs eyewear) of Ray, an
architect, and Jane, a teacher of blind
children. Her Nottingham lilt remains
intact, although while in rehearsals for
The Ferryman she has found herself
talking “in a Northern Irish accent all
the way to work. Just Tube-raging,
‘This is ridiculous, what’s happening.’
I think, ‘My God, what if I actually
saw someone I know?’ ”
She was obsessed with music as
a teenager and developed a love of
theatre through a local governmentrun group, Notts Education Theatre,
which performed shows around
Europe. She then studied on the actormusicianship course at Rose Bruford
College in Kent, where on arrival she
was taken aback to discover that she
the times | Monday January 8 2018
9
1G T
arts
AMIT LENNON FOR THE TIMES; GETTY IMAGES; JOHAN PERSSON; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
was expected not only to compose
music for the shows developed there,
but also perform in them, score
them, orchestrate them and teach
the acting students, some of whom
“had never seen a bit of music”, how
to play in them. She still writes music
occasionally, but says that “when
Hadley and I met I was still writing
quite a lot, then he started writing and
I stopped, because he was really, really
good at it. But I will do it again.”
Craig lives in southeast London
with Fraser and their one-year-old
daughter, Elvie, whose birth was the
inspiration for a workshop production
that Craig wrote and performed in
at the Donmar Warehouse with the
actress (and now artistic director of
Shakespeare’s Globe) Michelle Terry,
herself a very recent mother.
“Josie [Rourke, the artistic director
of the Donmar] just said, ‘You two
should be put in a room together,’
and it was the best thing ever. Because
if nothing else came from that, we
saved each other from actually
wanting to kill ourselves. And
going, ‘Why is this so awful? Why
is this so horrible and hard?’ ”
Eventually they came up with a
show that edited together verbatim
accounts of their two birth stories,
“which sounds so boring, but actually
that’s initially where we felt the
complete change in our lives. It’s
irreversible, that thing that happens
to you. And I sort of didn’t realise
what our own mothers have been
through in order just to get us out
into the world, and how much that
Craig with her husband, Hadley Fraser, and Tom Hiddleston in 2013. Right: in the musical City of Angels in 2014
must have changed them and, as
a consequence, us.”
She says there’s a great deal “that
isn’t talked about, about being
pregnant and having a baby, and
90 per cent of it isn’t positive. You just
don’t know what you’re f***ing doing!
And no one’s telling you! You’ve gone
to all these stupid classes and then you
have to have an emergency c-section
because you’re going to die and the
baby’s going to die. Then you get over
it, but you are for ever changed.”
Craig has been vocal about the need
for the theatre profession to buck its
ideas up around parenthood. “If you
decide to have a kid you just have
to deal with it. And a lot of it you do
have to deal with yourself. But I do
think that there could be help in big
theatres. The National? Where the
f*** is the crèche? Why isn’t it there,
for everybody who works in the
building? Maybe it’s not as simple
as that, but it would enable so many
people to go back to work. So many
people — not men, always women —
give up when they have a kid because
it’s just too expensive and too hard.”
She found out that she was pregnant
weeks before starting work on The
Threepenny Opera at the National.
“I thought I was going to get fired, and
I don’t think it wasn’t on the cards.”
The theatre would have been within
its rights, she says. “They can fire you
if you don’t look the same for that
specific role. I was playing a virgin! But
I just said, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not leaving,’
and luckily Rufus [Norris, who directed
the show] is a very liberal and brilliant
man.” You rather pity him even having
to consider saying no to her.
The Ferryman reopens with a
new cast at the Gielgud Theatre,
London W1, tonight (0844 4825130).
Company opens at the Gielgud on
September 26, booking as above
Entertainments
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10
1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
television & radio
A blistering cop show confronting a dark future
ROBERT VIGLASKY/BBC/EUSTON FILMS
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Hard Sun
BBC One
{{{{(
A Life on Screen
BBC Two
{{{((
I
t would be quite the mind-screw,
wouldn’t it, knowing the world
had exactly five years left to exist?
It’s long enough not to plunge
you into full-on panic mode, but
short enough to render normal life
meaningless. What would be the point
in going to work, doing dry January,
being law-abiding or avoiding Class A
drugs when extinction is guaranteed
pretty soon? In Hard Sun the only
two detectives privy to the classified
government file revealing that the sun
will consume the Earth in five years
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Rutherford & Fry
Radio 4, noon
You didn’t want to be a bat
around the enlightenment
priest Lazzaro Spallanzani.
Curious to see how bats
navigated, he poured boiling
wax into their eyes to blind
them and discovered that
they didn’t use sight to fly —
and probably also that they
didn’t like him much. The
other interesting discovery
here is that the tedious
“banter” directed at Dr
Hannah Fry by her co-host
Adam Rutherford has
waned. Was it fourth-wave
feminism? Did Fry threaten
Rutherford with boiling
wax? Either way, good.
The Cameron Years
Radio 4, 8pm
Why did David Cameron
call the EU referendum
in such a rush? Was it a
carefully thought through
plan? No, suggests the
Conservative MP Ed Vaizey
in this superb programme
on Cameron’s time in
power. It was “like going
to the gym in the morning
— get it out of the way
and get on with the rest of
your day”. Despite this
haphazard approach,
Cameron felt confident.
This episode, the first of
three, analyses the rationale
behind Cameron’s decision
to put the EU to the vote.
ended the first episode by beating the
crap out of each other. Why not, eh?
Agyness Deyn as DI Elaine Renko
is the good cop who wants to give
the flash-drive of doom to the press
(MI5 is prepared to kill to keep it
secret ). Jim Sturgess is DCI Charlie
Hicks, the not-so-good cop who wants
to hand it back to save his family
(for what, though? To be fried alive
in 2023?). It is an unrelentingly bleak,
horribly violent and highly improbable
drama from Neil Cross, the man
behind Luther. I enjoyed it.
It’s true that the opening scene in
which Deyn was stabbed, beaten and
doused in petrol by her mentally ill
son was gratuitously violent. As was
the moment a teenager plunged from
a high-rise block and was speared with
a tree branch. I didn’t entirely buy that
the British government would have
exclusive knowledge of this impending
catastrophe. Wouldn’t America, Russia,
China have an inkling too? Deyn
delivers many of her lines with an
expressionless, beautiful face, although
her character is fairly inscrutable. But
she is easy to watch, as is Sturgess.
This is another cop show, but it
avoids most clichés and moves at
a cracking pace, surprising and
wrong-footing the viewer. Deyn,
the former model with elfin hair, is
dressed anti-sexily in a hoodie and
tracksuit bottoms, presumably to
eliminate any “will-they-won’t-they-
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.00am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00 Annie
Mac 9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00
Huw Stephens 1.00am Radio 1’s Drum &
Bass Show with Rene LaVice 3.00 Radio 1’s
Specialist Chart with Phil Taggart 4.00
Early Breakfast with Jordan North
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Sara Cox 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Amol Rajan 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo 7.00 The Blues Show with Paul
Jones 8.00 Ana Matronic 10.00 Will Young
Essential R&B 11.00 The Russell Davies
Archive 12.00 Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of
the 70s 2.00am Radio 2’s Jazz Playlists
3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Great British
Songbook 4.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Hidden
Treasures 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Music, news and the occasional surprise,
with Petroc Trelawny. Including 7.00, 8.00
News. 7.30, 8.30 News Headlines
9.00 Essential Classics
Suzy Klein presents a selection of classical
music, with guest Sue MacGregor
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schubert (1797-1828)
Donald Macleod presents a week of
programmes about Franz Schubert focusing
on five key years during his life, and features
one of the composer’s string quartets every
day. He begins in 1813 when Schubert was a
shy, bespectacled 16-year-old schoolboy who
was not concentrating on his main studies,
being far too distracted by music, much to
the disappointment of his father. Schubert
(String Quartet No 10, D87). Other music
includes settings of songs by Schiller
and Körner, an opera aria, and
movements from his first symphony
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert (Live)
A recital from London’s Wigmore Hall in
which the violinist Isabelle van Keulen and
the pianist Ronald Brautigam perform.
Beethoven (Violin Sonata in G, No 3);
Szymanowski (The Founatain of
Arethusa — from Myths, Op 30); and
Fauré (Violin Sonata No 1 in A)
Agyness Deyn and Jim Sturgess in the crime thriller Hard Sun
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Tom Redmond presents the first of a week of
programmes featuring concerts by the BBC
Philharmonic. Brett Dean (Testament);
Beethoven (Piano Concerto No 1);
Sally Beamish (City Stanzas — Piano
Concerto No 3); Elgar (Enigma Variations);
Bantock (Thalaba the destroyer);
and Elgar (Cello Concerto)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty guests include choral group
the King’s Singers and period instrument
ensemble the Revolutionary Drawing Room,
who both perform live in the studio.
Including 5.00, 6.00 News
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An imaginative, eclectic mix of music,
featuring favourites together with
lesser-known gems, with a few surprises
thrown in for good measure
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Sakari Oramo and the BBC Symphony
Orchestra conclude their Sibelius symphonic
cycle, featuring Anu Komsi (soprano).
Recorded at the Barbican Hall on Saturday
January 6. Presented by Martin Handley.
Sibelius (Symphony No 7 in C, Op 105; and
Luonnotar, Op 70); Aarre Merikanto (Ekho);
and Sibelius (Symphony No 2 in D, Op 43)
10.00 Music Matters
Tom Service talks to the composer and
conductor Esa-Pekka Salonen, Principal
Conductor of the Philharmonia Orchestra
and Conductor Laureate for the
Los Angeles Philharmonic (r)
10.45 The Essay: Cornerstones
The first of five programmes in which
writers reflect on how a particular rock
shapes people and place, with
Alan Garner discussing how flint
was vital to human civilisation
11.00 Jazz Now
Soweto Kinch presents a recording of
percussionist Marilyn Mazur’s Shamania in
concert at the Clore Ballroom on London’s
South Bank, with the band including the
pianist Makiko Hirabayashi, the drummer
Anna Lund and the saxophonist Lotte Anker.
Plus, Emma Smith meets UK pianist Eliott
Galvin to discuss his latest album
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30-7.30am (LW) Test Match Special
Australia v England. Day five of the Fifth
Ashes Test at the Sydney Cricket Ground
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
7.30 (LW) Today
9.00 Start the Week
With Jane Robinson, Christopher Finlay,
Peter Kennard and Fiona Sampson
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: Auntie’s War
Edward Stourton reads from his account of
the BBC during the Second World War (1/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Discussion and interviews, presented by Jane
Garvey. Including at 10.45 the 15 Minute
Drama: Part six of Shardlake: Heartstone, the
fifth series of CJ Sansom’s Tudor mysteries
11.00 The Untold
Stories of 21st-century Britain (10/16)
11.30 Tom Wrigglesworth’s Hang-Ups
Comedy with Paul Copley (1/6) (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 The Curious Cases
of Rutherford & Fry
A look at how bats use echolocation.
See Radio Choice (1/5)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Conflict and Co-operation:
A History of Trade
Paul Seabright investigates the links
between trade and disease (6/10)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Stone
By Martin Jameson. A body is discovered
when the detective and his team investigate
a fire at a homeless hostel run by charismatic
charity leader. Hugo Speer stars (1/10)
3.00 Round Britain Quiz
The Midlands takes on the North of England
in the quiz. Tom Sutcliffe hosts (8/12)
3.30 The Food Programme (r)
4.00 Copyright or Wrong
The lawyer and author Richard Taylor
explores the history of copyright (r)
4.30 The Infinite Monkey Cage
Professor Brian Cox and Robin Ince present
a discussion on gravitational waves (1/6)
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Museum of Curiosity
New series. John Lloyd and Sally Phillips
invite Joe Lycett, Tom Shakespeare and
Konnie Huq to donate exhibits to their
imaginary museum (1/6)
7.00 The Archers
Brian makes a controversial decision
7.15 Front Row
7.45 Shardlake: Heartstone
By CJ Sansom (6/10)
shag?” vibe. Refreshing. And the scene
in which both were cornered by MI5
agents and began to smash car
windows to summon witnesses to
their plight was extraordinary. I loved
the episode ending to David Bowie’s
Five Years, which inspired Cross to
write Hard Sun. So, yes, I will continue
watching — while braced to become
deeply depressed.
Michael Palin: A Life on Screen was
a deserved celebration of the career of
the ex-Monty Pythoner and all-round
lovely chap. Still, was it entirely
prudent to remind us of Around the
World in 80 Days, quality though it
was, since this spawned the endless
churn of mediocre, pale-imitation
celebrity travelogues that tell us
little about anything other than that
celebrities like all-expenses-paid trips?
But Palin knew not what he would
unleash. And what a range of talent
he has, carrying it with quiet modesty.
This, however, followed the usual
formula of tribute shows — splendid
old clips woven with talking heads
such as John Cleese and Connie Booth
— which meant that at times it felt
somewhat linear and flat. Cleese at
least made the effort to be funny,
dead-panning that, far from being a
lovely gent, Palin was an “ambitious,
ruthless, vicious bastard . . . a sociopath,
really”. Good effort, Cleese, but we
haven’t forgotten the Specsavers advert.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
8.00 Th
he Cameron Years
A look back on David Cameron’s years in
power. See Radio Choice (1/3)
8.30 Crossing Continents
David Baker reports on how black Brazilians
are asserting their identity thanks to a
controversial education law (7/9) (r)
9.00 The Far Future
Helen Keen meets people who try to
prepare for the distant future (r)
9.30 Start the Week
With Jane Robinson, Christopher Finlay,
Peter Kennard and Fiona Sampson (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Ritula Shah
10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Vital
Spark: A Far Cry from Kensington
A war widow’s life is changed beyond
recognition when an author starts to make a
nuisance of himself. Maggie Service reads
from Muriel Spark’s novel (1/10)
11.00 The Strange Case of
Henry James’ Testicles
A medical mystery concerning the writer (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Auntie’s War (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
10.30 Absolute Power. Comedy by Mark
Tavener 10.55 The Comedy Club Interview.
A chat with a guest from the world of
comedy 11.00 The News Quiz Extra.
Extended edition of the comedy panel show
hosted by Miles Jupp 11.45 Hearing with
Hegley. Comic verse with John Hegley
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart
Maconie. With Django Django 4.00 Steve
Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 6 Music Recommends with Lauren
Laverne 1.00am The First Time with Trent
Reznor 2.00 Golden Years — The David
Bowie Story 2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30
6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Digital only
8.00am Hancock’s Half Hour 8.30 Dad’s
Army 9.00 The 99p Challenge 9.30 The Party
Line 10.00 To the Ends of the Earth: Journey
to the Centre of the Earth 11.00 Writing
Lives 11.15 Devonia 12.00 Hancock’s Half
Hour 12.30pm Dad’s Army 1.00 Dr Finlay:
The Adventures of a Black Bag 1.30 The
Qatar Philharmonic 2.00 In Siberia 2.15 Five
Hundred Years of Friendship 2.30 More Tales
of the City 2.45 Speaking for Themselves
3.00 To the Ends of the Earth: Journey to the
Centre of the Earth 4.00 The 99p Challenge
4.30 The Party Line 5.00 Millport 5.30 I’m
Dave Podmore, Get Me Out There 6.00 I Am
Legend 6.30 A Good Read 7.00 Hancock’s
Half Hour. Comedy 7.30 Dad’s Army. The
platoon must pave the way for a convoy
8.00 Dr Finlay: The Adventures of a Black
Bag. The Sisters Scobie. By AJ Cronin 8.30
The Qatar Philharmonic. The Gulf state’s first
Western symphony orchestra 9.00 Writing
Lives. Slum Songs in the Sun. By Jane
Campion Hoye 9.15 Devonia. The Beano.
By Andy Rashleigh 10.00 Comedy Club:
I’m Dave Podmore, Get Me Out There.
Comedy starring Christopher Douglas
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show 1.00pm Afternoon Edition
4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport: The
Monday Night Club. Football discussion and
reaction to the FA Cup fourth round draw
10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All Night
5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Max Rushden 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off: Brighton & Hove Albion
v Crystal Palace (Kick-off 7.45). Commentary
on the FA Cup third-round fixture, held
at the AMEX Stadium 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Will Gavin
6 Music
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics
8.00 The Full Works Concert. Jane Jones
champions the work of Ralph Vaughan
Williams. Williams (English Folksongs Suite;
Fantasia on Greensleeves; Oboe Concerto;
Prelude Founded on the Welsh Hymn Tune
“Rhosymedre”; Silent Noon; The 49th
Parallel — Prelude; Fantasia on a Theme by
Thomas Tallis; “All people that on earth do
dwell”; 5 Variants of “Dives and Lazarus”;
The Running Set; Tuba Concerto in F minor;
and Norfolk Rhapsody No.1) 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Monday January 8 2018
11
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SCOTT RYLANDER
Concert
András Schiff
Wigmore Hall
{{{((
E
verything András Schiff does
is carefully measured. His
Bösendorfer piano is placed
at a precise angle to his
audience. He leaves only
enough time between pieces for the
silence to tell, not long enough for
applause. And each piece in this recital
illuminated the next, in a masterfully
choreographed sequence.
At its heart was late Brahms, three
groups of Intermezzos that contain
music of yearning restlessness and
tender melancholy. Yet the programme
was also a musing on the art of
farewell. Perhaps too it was a
meditation on E flat major. This rich,
warm key was where we started and
finished, with Schumann and
Beethoven. It’s also where Brahms
chose to begin and end his
Intermezzos, although in the Op 119
Rhapsodie the triumphant major
transforms into wild E flat minor.
In short, there was plenty to think
about. Now 64, the Hungarian-born
British pianist has cultivated a serious
manner — serene at the piano,
acknowledging his listeners with neat
little bows.
At points, though, contemplative
introspection simply became rather
matter-of-fact. Schumann dreamt of
heavenly music when he wrote his
valedictory Ghost Variations, but here
Schiff was poised rather than
transcendent. His Bach B minor
Prelude and Fugue was as austere as
granite. Throughout the Brahms,
Schiff’s voicing, his ability to make
every line speak, was a revelation. Yet
did the Lullaby of Op 117 really sing?
Could the Romanze of Op 118 have
been more like a benediction?
The alchemy instead took place
elsewhere. Silvery, crisp Mozart (the
Rondo in A minor K 511), and bright,
raw, brilliant Beethoven. The final
movement of the Les Adieux Sonata is
titled “Reunion”, and here Schiff
finally seemed to be at home.
Rebecca Franks
Theatre
De Profundis
Vaudeville, WC2
{{{{(
N
ow this is immersive
theatre: or, rather, was,
because Simon Callow’s
extraordinary performance
of Oscar Wilde’s long love
letter to his former lover has already
completed its four-day run. Frank
McGuinness’s adaptation made a
cameo appearance as part of this
theatre’s year-long Wilde season, but
it’s hard to imagine that De Profundis
won’t appear again at some point.
It certainly deserves to. For 90
minutes Callow threw himself into
all the rich but contradictory emotions
in a letter that is by turns bitter
and loving, accepting and defiant,
self-aware and self-praising, blinkered
and wise. He plunged us deep into
one man’s mind as the great writer
composes his thoughts over several
months in Reading Gaol in 1897.
De Profundis is the letter Wilde
addressed to Lord Alfred Douglas,
Timothy Knightley and Elizabeth Chan try to unravel the layers
Tangled up
in tragedy
There are too many threads in this
ambitious but clunky play about the
Nanking massacre, says Ann Treneman
Theatre
Into the
Numbers
Finborough,
SW10
{{(((
T
his is the European premiere
of a new play by the awardwinning Christopher Chen,
a 35-year-old Chinese
American playwright who
hails from San Francisco. His plays are
multi-layered, complicated affairs and
this one tells the story of Iris Chang,
author and atrocity expert, who killed
herself in 2004, seven years after the
publication of her bestselling book,
The Rape of Nanking.
or “Bosie” as he was known, the
younger lover whose father accused
Wilde of corrupting his son. Wilde’s
subsequent court case (“my absurd
legal action against your father”) led
to his incarceration. And Callow’s
Wilde showed a fury that ranged
between the righteous and the prissy
for the way Bosie took advantage of
him and neglected him.
This was not just a “tua culpa”,
though. Callow and his director, Mark
Rosenblatt, brought out all the
emotions in here by not trying to find
a neat solution to their contradictions.
Callow’s Wilde was sometimes raging,
sometimes suffocated by sorrow — at
his surroundings, at separation from
his family. We felt his genius in the
manner he wrote his way through his
confusion to moments of beauty,
grace, wit and clarity.
Callow celebrated the articulacy
and made vivid the isolation with such
fluency and feeling that there was no
separation between the author and the
actor. This was an immersion into the
head of a man who can’t let go of love,
even as he tangles with hurt and
desolation. An intense experience.
Dominic Maxwell
Pop
Black Country
Communion
Eventim Apollo,
W6
{{{{(
artsfirst night
Into the Numbers begins as if we
are at a literary festival, with an
MC introducing Chang to us. She
then embarks on a mini-lecture on
the horrors of Nanking, where
300,000 Chinese were killed by the
Japanese in 1937 over a six-week
period. Chang, in classic lit-fest attire
of smart trousers and “interesting”
scarlet jacket, uses language that is
as red in tooth and claw as her top,
freely mixing the tabloid with the
more academic.
It’s informative, if just a bit dull,
but soon things get more interesting if
not confusing. Ghosts (or are they?)
appear, some even in the audience.
Her interviewer morphs into her
husband, who hovers protectively as
she wrestles with what seems to be
a mini-breakdown. The action
bounces from doctor’s surgery to lit
fest to nightmare and then back again.
Chang is played by Elizabeth Chan
with almost unnerving stillness.
Timothy Knightley is robust as her
husband/interviewer/doctor, but the
roles are not entirely distinct, perhaps
on purpose. Soon the stage gets more
crowded as the Devil arrives.
Chen has written a Rubik’s Cube
puzzle of a play that features many
layers of reality, but none, except the
rather tedious lecture scenario, offers
much to hold on to. The scenes shift
from past to present, mixing historical
fact with psychological terror. Yet
many of the links are clunky, the
scenarios themselves too varied to
flow well.
It is directed by Georgie Staight,
who should have tried to untangle
some of the threads. The set, by
Isabella Van Braeckel, is simple but
sophisticated and the structure of the
play aims to mirror that. But instead
it comes over as either too factual
(those lectures!) or too weird (“I saw
the Devil eat God alive,” says one
ghost). It’s shape-shifting, but not in
a good way.
Throughout, the subject of numbers
keeps coming up like bingo on a bad
day. How many died here? And there?
And, by the way, what’s the time? It’s
an accounting and a countdown. But,
like so much here, it really doesn’t
add up.
Box office: 0844 8471652, to Jan 27
T
aking up jogging or quitting
the booze may work for
some, but at Hammersmith’s
home of rock last Thursday,
heavy-duty riffola proved
every bit as effective in shaking off
new year torpor. The classic-rock
tribes were out in force for a rare
outing by the intermittent supergroup
boasting the line-up of vocalist
Glenn Hughes (ex-Deep Purple),
drummer Jason Bonham (son of Led
Zep’s John) and blues guitar superstar
Joe Bonamassa, not forgetting the
well-regarded keyboardist Dennis
Sherinian — an unusual prospect
perhaps in being a vintage-rock gig
not reliant simply on nostalgic hits.
Walking on stage to dry ice and an
air-raid siren, the band burst into Sway,
a track that was for all intents and
purposes a machine-gun volley aimed
at blowing the back doors off the
venue. It set a tone for one thunderous,
full-force anthem after another, the
66-year-old Hughes showing his
soulful shriek to be as spookily
well-preserved as his lustrous mane.
The focus, however, was as much on
the superb standard of musical
interplay. On the regal strut of Save
Concert
BBC SO/Oramo
Barbican
{{{{{
O
ne lady in the stalls came
with a Finnish flag to wave,
and wave it she did. I’m
just surprised she was the
only one. Here we were,
a packed, eager audience, holding our
breaths for two hours as jewels of
Finnish music, familiar and unfamiliar,
shone before us. Sakari Oramo was
the masterful Finn at the helm, stirring
the BBC Symphony Orchestra to a
lethal degree of precision and passion.
Anu Komsi was the piercing Finnish
soprano in the bright red dress,
soaring high into the sky in Sibelius’s
pocket creation saga Luonnotar —
once heard, never forgotten.
Yet in this final instalment of the
BBC’s Sibelius symphony cycle the
performances that really scorched the
ears were those of the symphonies.
We began with the last, No 7: cryptic
music in constant mutation, wriggling
through changing shapes and moods
with astonishing finesse. Oramo led
us through the metamorphoses with
powerful authority and ease, helped
by the orchestra’s suave instrumental
colours, from burbling winds and
burnished trombones to the sweet
song of prayerful strings.
The conviction and clarity shown in
No 7 only increased in the emotional
battleground of Symphony No 2.
I can’t remember when the work’s
pressing and easing of tension points
hit me so hard in the solar plexus. Two
movements were particular triumphs:
the adagio for its stretches of dark
intensity; the finale for Oramo’s
calibration of textures and dynamics,
ensuring that each spin round its
swinging victory theme packed more
of a punch than the last.
Along with the cries and whispers
of Luonnotar, navigated with fierce
control, Komsi delivered the UK
premiere of Aarre Merikanto’s
compelling, highly charged Ekho (1922).
After all this, I needed revival from
another Finnish wonder: the sauna.
Geoff Brown
Me, Bonham’s cavernous thump filled
the space of the main guitar part with
such power and swing that it showed
some things can only be passed on via
DNA. While there was a thrill in seeing
the tall, suited Bonamassa going pedalto-the-floor with furious fretboard
athletics, his playing expanded most
impressively when given room to
breathe, such as on the slower eightminute odyssey, Song of Yesterday.
As the wall-of-rock sonics built
towards the tight-but-loose heaviosity
of Collide and Faithless, Hughes and
Bonamassa made much of their
renewed friendship (the latter
graciously taking the rap for the band’s
five-year split), even embracing at the
start of a magisterial closing cover of
Deep Purple’s Mistreated, which also
included some call-and-response fun
between Hughes’s top-D wail and
Bonamassa’s smokin’ fingers, and was
perhaps the number where you felt
most transported by the confluence of
musical spontaneity. Above all, this
full-blooded show reminded that
virtuosity channelled through the
heavy-rock idiom is still, in the right
hands, a mightily potent tool.
James Jackson
12
1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Chris Bennion
Next of Kin
ITV, 9pm
Fancy some
page-turning
TV to get
you through
the January blues?
Next of Kin is just
the job. Written by
Paul Rutman (Indian
Summers, Vera) and
Early
Top
pick
Natasha Narayan, this
hot-button six-part
thriller stars Archie
Panjabi and Jack
Davenport as well-to-do
couple Mona and Guy
Harcourt. Their cosy
family life in London is
torn apart when Mona’s
brother, Kareem, is
kidnapped in Pakistan.
She is a terrifically
wonderful GP (we
see her tending to
picturesque children
and being super-nice
to kindly old people),
while he is a high-flying
political lobbyist who
has just secured a big
fancy deal on a nuclear
power plant (my
paperback thrillerreading senses tingled
at this). Both were very
much looking forward
to the family party in
honour of Kareem, a
saintly doctor doing
charity work in Lahore.
Kareem, however, does
not make it out of the
city before he’s kneeling
down in front of gun
and cameraphonewielding Isis fighters.
To compound the
feelings of paranoia,
Islamaphobia and
constant surveillance, a
terror attack in London
leaves four people dead
— an event the drama
smartly handles by
showing how blasé the
Harcourt family have
become to attacks
on their doorstep.
Suspicion for Kareem’s
abduction falls on
his estranged son,
Danny, who has also,
conveniently, fallen off
the map. It is a taut and
well-handled thriller
that could blossom into
something exciting,
provided that it swerves
cliché and melodrama
(so far, so good).
Silent Witness
BBC One, 9pm
Nikki (Emilia Fox)
is back from her
travels, but rather
understandably is on
gardening leave as she
deals with the PTSD
caused by the traumatic
events that unfolded in
Mexico at the end of
the last series. It’s not
long, however, before
she’s back on the dead
horse. When a friend
and fellow psychologist
goes missing, Nikki is
asked to — hang on
in there — hire the
chief suspect, also a
pathologist, so the
police can keep an
eye on him. Textbook
policing. The man in
question is David, a
leather jacket-wearing
creep played with
smarmy authority
by Julian Rhind-Tutt.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Holidays. Bogus
lawyers claiming to help with timeshare problems 10.00
Homes Under the Hammer. A Victorian terrace in London
is sold at auction (r) (AD) 11.00 Wanted Down Under. A
couple and their two children sample life in Melbourne for
a week 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera. A motorist risks
her own life to save a family 12.15pm Bargain Hunt.
Hunting for antiques in Oswestry, Shropshire (AD) 1.00
BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News;
Weather 1.45 Doctors. Rob starts to investigate Ruhma’s
connection to Besa (AD) 2.15 Father Brown. A senior
police officer is murdered at a bowls match (AD) 3.00 I
Escaped to the Country. A couple who moved from a
suburban town to rural Dorset 3.45 The Farmers’ Country
Showdown. A pig farmer competes at Edenbridge and
Oxted Agricultural Show in Surrey 4.30 Antiques Road
Trip. The antiques experts Anita Manning and Charles
Hanson travel round the west of Scotland searching for
treasures and competing to make the most money at
auction 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show hosted by Alexander
Armstrong and Richard Osman 6.00 BBC News at Six;
Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 The Farmers’
Country Showdown (r) 7.15 Antiques Road Trip (r) 8.00
Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow (r) (SL) 9.00 Victoria
Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live 12.00 Daily
Politics 1.00pm Coast. The team explores Ireland’s
Atlantic coast (r) 1.15 Brazil with Michael Palin. The
seasoned traveller explores the South American country,
beginning in the northeast (r) (AD) 2.15 Himalaya with
Michael Palin. The intrepid traveller embarks on a journey
from the Khyber Pass to the Bay of Bengal (r) 3.15 The
Great British Winter. Ellie Harrison explores Britain’s
most extreme winter landscapes, beginning with
mountain terrain (r) 4.15 Planet Earth II. Wildlife that
inhabit the world’s grasslands, exploring how animals
adapt to survive in areas that endure some of the most
dramatic seasonal changes seen in the world (r) (AD)
5.15 Flog It! A collection of previously unseen finds from
the show’s travels round the country, visiting St. Albans
Cathedral, Wolverhampton Art Gallery, and Packwood
House in Warwickshire (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show
with Jeremy Vine 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys.
Michael Portillo travels from Whitland to Swansea
6.00am Good Morning Britain. A lively mix of news and
current affairs, plus health, entertainment and lifestyle
features 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current affairs
and fashion news, as well as showbiz stories, cooking and
celebrity gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat
show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip Schofield and Holly
Willoughby present celebrity chat and lifestyle features,
including a look at the stories making the newspaper
headlines and a recipe in the kitchen. Including Local
Weather 12.30pm Loose Women. Celebrity interviews
and topical studio discussion from a female perspective
1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Robert
Rinder takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom
3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson presents a
selection of highlights from the show, including Alison
Chapman haggling for a good price on a record player
found at a car boot sale 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard
hosts the arcade-themed quiz show 5.00 The Chase.
Bradley Walsh presents as Pete, Elisabeth, Brad and Tess
answer general knowledge questions and work as a team
to take on a quiz genius and secure a cash prize (r)
6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.20am 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) (AD) 7.05 Everybody
Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r) 10.05 Ramsay’s
Kitchen Nightmares USA. Gordon Ramsay helps at a
struggling Italian restaurant in Philadelphia (r) 11.00
Sun, Sea and Selling Houses. Sharon and Steve have three
properties to show Andy and Jo Green for their 100,000
euro budget, but are put on the back foot when the couple
change their brief halfway through (r) 12.00 Channel 4
News Summary 12.05pm Live Darts: BDO Lakeside
World Professional Championships. Rob Walker presents
coverage of the afternoon session on the third day of the
tournament staged at Lakeside Country Club in Frimley
Green, featuring matches in the first round of the men’s
and ladies’ competitions 5.00 Come Dine with Me.
Dinner parties in Glasgow (r) 6.00 The Simpsons. Bart,
Milhouse, Nelson and Ralph are “discovered” by record
producer LT Smash and recruited as singers in a boy band.
With the voices of ‘N Sync (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Diane is not happy when Tony says he wants Harry to
move back in with them, so she gives him an ultimatum.
Meanwhile, Peri and Leela are at each other’s throats,
and Yasmine skips school to go drinking with Lily (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Matthew
Wright is joined by a panel of guests and a studio
audience to debate the issues of the day 11.15 GPs:
Behind Closed Doors. The doctors must deal with a
series of emergency situations, including a potentially
life-threatening blood clot and a patient with suspected
stomach cancer (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15
The Hotel Inspector. Alex Polizzi heads to Kent to rein in
a hotelier whose idiosyncratic tastes are at odds with the
hotel’s countryside setting (r) 1.10 Access 1.15 Home
and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 NCIS. A
blogger who accused the NCIS of a cover-up is found dead,
and Gibbs and his team are forced to reopen a closed case
to find the killer (r) (AD) 3.15 FILM: Killer Mom
(PG, TVM, 2017) A teenager’s father dies in a plane
crash and her birth mother turns up at the funeral,
intent on controlling her daughter’s inheritance. Thriller
starring Karen Cliché 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours.
Everyone joins in the search for Gabe, but Mark gets a
phone call from the abductor (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and
Away. The Astonis have an unwelcome visitor when
Maggie’s mother turns up (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
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7.00 The One Show Presented by Matt
Baker and Michelle Ackerley
7.00 MOTD: FA Cup Fourth-Round
Draw Mark Chapman presents live
coverage of the fourth-round draw
7.00 Emmerdale Bob sees Brenda in a new
light after she handles a fight between
Heath and Arthur over his affair (AD)
7.30 Boots: Pharmacists Under
Pressure? An Inside Out Special
New series. Patient safety at the
high-street chain’s pharmacies (1/9)
7.30 Kate Humble: Off the Beaten
Track Kate and her Welsh sheepdog
Teg explore Carmarthenshire. Last in
the series (4/4)
7.30 Coronation Street Sophie is gutted
when she finds out about Kate’s
relationship with Rana (AD)
8.00 EastEnders Whitney ponders her
future in the Square (AD)
8.00 Only Connect The Dandies and the
Arrowheads return for one final chance
to stay in the competition
8.00 Britain’s Best Walks with Julia
Bradbury The presenter heads to
Old Harry Rocks in Dorset (1/6) (r)
8.30 Millionaire Bankrupts Exposed The
methods used to hide assets and retain
wealth of those declared bankrupt
8.30 University Challenge Two more
teams battle it out for a place in the
quarter-finals. Jeremy Paxman hosts
8.30 Coronation Street Rana begs Kate
not to leave for Devon, and Seb begins
to have doubts about Phelan (AD)
9.00 Silent Witness New series. (1/2)
A pathologist disappears and Nikki is
asked by a National Crime Agency
investigator to help his enquiry by
employing the chief suspect.
See Viewing Guide (1/10) (AD)
9.00 Surgeons: At the Edge of Life
New series. Following surgeons,
anaesthetists, theatre staff and
patients at the Queen Elizabeth
Hospital Birmingham’s surgical unit,
where 700 operations are carried out
weekly. See Viewing Guide (1/3) (AD)
9.00 Next of Kin New series. A GP’s
brother is kidnapped on his way home
to the UK from his clinic in Lahore, and
a counterterrorism unit is anxious to
trace his son. Thriller, with Archie
Panjabi. See Viewing Guide (1/6) (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 Insert Name Here With guests Miles
Jupp, Kate Williams, Sally Phillips and
Roisin Conaty (6/8)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Evan Davis
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories Caitlyn
Jenner opens up about her feud with
her ex-wife and stepchildren, and
reflects on winning gold while battling
gender issues (2/4) (r)
10.45 Have I Got Old News for You
Patrick Stewart hosts an edition from
April 2017, with guests Richard Osman
and Camilla Long (1/9) (r)
11.15 Miriam’s Big American Adventure
Miriam Margolyes embarks on an epic
road trip through Middle America to
learn more about the people who are
reshaping the nation (1/3) (r) (AD)
11.15 Robot Wars Special 2017: The
World Series The second of two
specials pitting past champions against
rivals from other countries, featuring
contenders from Russia, the USA,
Canada and the Netherlands (2/2) (r)
12.15am Graham Norton’s Good Guest Guide The
host presents his very own guide on how to be a ‘good
guest’ with a set of easy-to-remember rules for any star
thinking about appearing on his chat show. Graham uses
classic clips from his back catalogue of stars to illustrate
his advice (r) (AD) 1.10-6.00 BBC News
12.15am Sign Zone: Natural World David
Attenborough tells the story of two physically identical
species of ant that have two very different strategies to
survive the harsh environment of the Swiss Alps (r) (AD,
SL) 1.15-2.35 Joe Orton Laid Bare. Exploring the 1960s
playwright and author’s meteoric rise to fame (r) (AD, SL)
11.40 Killer Women with Piers Morgan
The broadcaster meets Jennifer Mee,
who in 2013 was sentenced to life
without parole for her part in the
murder of a man (3/5) (r) (AD)
12.35am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of
their sofas 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL) 3.55 ITV
Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 Car Crash TV Events caught on film
by dashboard-mounted cameras, from
freak accidents and amazing escapes
to racehorses on the loose (7/10)
8.00 How to Lose Weight Well New
series. Xand van Tulleken and Hala
El-Shafie help more people attempt
the most written about diets on the
market today, and road test extreme
weight-loss methods (1/4) (AD)
8.00 Police Interceptors An arrest
snowballs into a firearms stand-off
for Damo, while Spike uncovers a stash
of cannabis stored with shotguns and
police dog Ronnie lands right on top
of a wanted man (8/12)
9.00 The Undateables New series. Return
of the programme following disabled
people as they search for romance,
with the first edition featuring a chef
from Hull with Tourette’s syndrome.
See Viewing Guide (1/4) (AD)
9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Marcus
Bentley narrates as the housemates
lie in their beds, chat on the sofas
and argue in the kitchen — all for the
enjoyment of the viewing public
10.00 First Dates Hotel New series. The
spin-off returns as Fred and his team
head to a luxury hotel in Italy to
welcome singletons, including an
87-year-old exercise fanatic (AD)
10.00 Not So Sweet Sixteen Documentary
following teenagers in the build-up to
a birthday party or prom, with one
event descending into chaos when a
drunken guest causes mayhem (1/2)
11.05 Derry Girls Comedy set against the
Troubles in Northern Ireland starring
Saoirse-Monica Jackson (1/6) (r) (AD)
11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the
Side Rylan Clark-Neal presents the
CBB companion show, including guests’
thoughts on the latest developments
and behind-the-scenes insights
11.40 Hunted Following a dramatic launch in
Manchester, nine British fugitives are
pursued across the UK (1/6) (r) (AD)
12.40am SAS: Who Dares Wins Recruits are put
through their paces in Morocco’s Atlas Mountains (r) (AD)
1.40 Flat Pack Mansions (r) (AD) 2.35 Cabins in the Wild
with Dick Strawbridge (r) (AD) 3.30 Coast vs Country (r)
(AD) 4.25 Location, Location, Location (r) 5.20 Four in a
Bed (r) 5.45-6.10 Extreme Cake Makers (r)
12.05am Celebrity Botched Up Bodies Surgeons
repair household names damaged by cosmetic surgery,
beginning with Danniella Westbrook (r) 1.00 SuperCasino
3.10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors (r) (AD) 4.00 Now That’s
Funny! (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife
SOS (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 Nick’s Quest (r) (SL)
the times | Monday January 8 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Surgeons
BBC Two, 9pm
Warning: this new
series about cuttingedge surgery at Queen
Elizabeth Hospital
Birmingham is not
for the squeamish.
However, if you are
OK with blood (and
the rest), you will be
rewarded with some
astonishing feats of
medical ingenuity.
Tonight we see Teresa,
53, whose “toothache”
turned out to be a
massive tumour in her
face — without radical
surgery she will be
dead within weeks. “It’s
terrifying,” says the
surgeon. We also see
50-year-old Donna as
she undergoes a double
mastectomy. Surgeons
will be building new
breasts for Donna
out of her tummy.
The Undateables
Channel 4, 9pm
This programme is on
its eighth series, which
speaks for itself —
we’re all big softies at
heart. Tonight we meet
three more singletons.
Bookseller Sam, who
has Asperger’s, would
like to meet someone
with a GSOH (“Good
sense of hygiene . . . very
good.”); 4ft 7in Becky,
who has scoliosis (a
spine with a sideways
curve) has exhausted
the dating pool in
Farnham, Surrey,
and has moved on to
London; and rugby
player Luke is held
back in the dating
game by his Tourette’s.
“Don’t eat my cat!”
he says to his date.
He follows that with:
“So . . . do you have any
pets?” Nicely done.
My Astonishing
Self
BBC Four, 9pm
It only takes about
two minutes of this
documentary on
George Bernard Shaw
by Gabriel Byrne to
realise that you are
about to watch
something very good
indeed. The actor,
marvelling at a puppet
of the playwright,
quotes one of Shaw’s
self-aggrandising
statements with wicked
relish. Byrne is terrific
company as he gets
the measure of “the
forgotten man of Irish
literature”. He’s a
fascinating, slippery
character — Shaw
called “GBS” “the most
fictitious character
I have ever created”
— and Byrne’s passion
radiates off the screen.
Sport Choice
BT Sport 2, 7pm
The third round of
the FA Cup has thrown
up a match between the
unlikely adversaries
Brighton & Hove
Albion and Crystal
Palace (kick-off
7.45pm). The sides met
at the Amex Stadium in
November — the first
top-flight game between
the sides in 36 years.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Futurama (r) 7.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD)
8.00 Meerkat Manor (r) 9.00 Road Wars (r)
10.00 Stargate Atlantis (r) 11.00 MacGyver (r)
12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii
Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00
Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The Simpsons (r)
6.00 Futurama. Bender discovers he has a
mortal manufacturing defect (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 David Attenborough’s Galapagos. Exploring
the Pacific archipelago (1/3) (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible (PG, 1996)
A secret agent is accused of betraying his fellow
spies, and sets out on a mission to clear his
name. Action thriller based on the 1960s
television series, with Tom Cruise
11.00 The Force: North East. A suspected drink
driver passes a breathalyser test (r)
12.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World. Rio de
Janeiro’s drug epidemic (r) 1.00am Hawaii
Five-0 (r) 3.00 The Blacklist (r) (AD) 4.00 Stop,
Search, Seize (r) 5.00 The Dog Whisperer (r)
6.00am Fish Town (r) 7.00 The Guest Wing (r)
(AD) 8.00 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r)
(AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r)
1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Blue Bloods
(r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00 House.
Chase returns to the hospital (r) (AD)
6.00 House. Dominika and House try to convince
immigration their marriage is genuine (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. The team
looks into the disappearance of two boys (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Danny and Frank look
to get justice for a colleague (r) (AD)
9.00 Game of Thrones. Jon organises the
defence of the North (1/7) (r)
10.10 Game of Thrones. Daenerys receives an
unexpected visitor, Jon faces a revolt, and Tyrion
plans the conquest of Westeros (2/7) (r) (AD)
11.20 Game of Thrones. Daenerys holds court
and Cersei returns a gift (3/7) (r) (AD)
12.30am Dexter (r) 2.35 Banshee (r) (AD)
3.30 Blue Bloods. A key witness in Danny’s case
is killed (r) (AD) 4.20 The West Wing (r)
6.00am 60 Minute Makeover (r) 7.00 Obese: A
Year to Save My Life (AD) 9.00 Criminal Minds
(r) 10.00 Cold Case (r) 11.00 The Biggest Loser:
Australia 12.00 House Hunters International (r)
1.00pm To Catch a Smuggler: JFK Airport (r)
2.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 4.00 Chicago Fire (r)
5.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
6.00 The Chef’s Line 6.30 The Real A&E (r) (AD)
7.00 Criminal Minds. Rossi returns to the
30-year-old case of a serial killer (r)
8.00 Elementary. Holmes and Watson find
themselves drawn into a digital war (r)
9.00 Britain’s Most Evil Killers. The case of Levi
Bellfield, who was found guilty of the 2002
murder of schoolgirl Milly Dowler
10.00 Britain’s Most Evil Killers. Beverley Allitt
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Cold Case. Rush reopens a 30-year-old
inquiry (r) 2.00 Bones (r) (AD) 3.00 Scandal (r)
(AD) 4.00 The Chef’s Line (r) 4.30 The Real A&E
(r) (AD) 5.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD)
6.00am Prokofiev: Alexander Nevsky 6.45 La
Traviata on Sydney Harbour 9.00 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 9.30 Faberge: A Life of Its
Own 11.00 Blondie: Song by Song (AD) 1.00pm
Discovering: David Niven (AD) 2.00 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 2.30 Hollywood: Singing and
Dancing (AD) 3.45 Monty Python’s Personal
Best 5.00 Too Young to Die (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Gary Cooper. A portrait of the
Hollywood icon Gary Cooper (AD)
7.00 Frank Sinatra: In Concert at the Royal
Festival Hall. A 1970 performance by the singer
8.00 Andre Rieu. The Dutch violinist performs in
this home town, with the concert featuring
romantic favourites such as My Heart Will Go On
11.00 Elvis ’56 Special. Documentary capturing
the sights and sounds of a pivotal year in Elvis
Presley’s journey to become the king of rock ’n’
roll, featuring rare footage and photos (AD)
12.15am The Moody Blues Live at the Isle of
Wight 1.45 Heimat 4.00 Dean Martin: A Legend
in Concert 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.30 Live Test
Cricket: South Africa v India. Coverage of day
four in the First Test of the three-match series,
taking place at Newlands in Cape Town 3.45pm
Best of Sky Cricket 4.00 Sky Sports News
7.00 Transfer Centre. The latest developments
7.30 La Liga Greatest Games. Barcelona v Real
Madrid. Action from the 2015/16 season
7.40 La Liga Greatest Games. Real Madrid v
Barcelona from the 2007/08 season
7.55 Live La Liga Football: Malaga v Espanyol
(Kick-off 8.00). Coverage of the Spanish
top-flight match at the Estadio La Rosaleda.
The last time these two sides met in the league
was February 2017 when Espanyol secured an
1-0 away win thanks to a goal from the
Argentinian winger Pablo Piatti
10.00 Live One-Day International Cricket:
New Zealand v Pakistan. Coverage of the
second match of the five-game series,
held at the Saxton Oval in Nelson
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Getaways.
New series. Return of the programme exploring
holiday destinations that can be travelled to
directly from Ireland. Vogue Williams and
Tommy Bowe visit the Côte d’Azur 10.4511.15 Boots: Pharmacists Under Pressure?
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 The Forest.
New series. Mark Bonnar narrates a
documentary following the people who live and
work in Galloway Forest Park, where 600,000
tons of timber is produced every year
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 The
River Wye with Will Millard. New series. Writer
and angler Will Millard sets out on a journey
down the Wye from the Cambrian Mountains,
going in search of the river’s source on the
slopes of Plynlimon 10.45-11.15 Boots:
Pharmacists Under Pressure?
ITV Wales
As ITV except: 10.45pm Sharp End. Political
discussion with Adrian Masters and guests
11.10-11.40 River Monsters. New series.
An ancient fishing community being
terrorised in the Pacific Ring of Fire
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Don’t miss out, our sale ends January 31, 2018.
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories (r) 12.05am
Teleshopping 1.05 After Midnight 2.35
Alphabetical 3.25-5.05 ITV Nightscreen
To subscribe visit tlssubs.imbmsubs.com/JS Or call 01293 312178 and quote code JS
UTV
As ITV except: 12.35am Teleshopping
2.05-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days. News and analysis
7.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys. (2/2)
Michael Portillo concludes his journey through
Italy, visiting Verona and Venice (4/10) (r) (AD)
8.00 Highlands: Scotland’s Wild Heart. The
course of the seasons, beginning with spring,
which sees the hills on fire as the annual
muirburn takes place in the Cairngorms.
Narrated by Ewan McGregor (1/4) (r)
9.00 My Astonishing Self: Gabriel Byrne on
George Bernard Shaw. The actor explores the
life, works and passions of the playwright,
examining Shaw’s radical and unapologetic
political thinking and ability to charm and
satirise the establishment. See Viewing Guide
10.00 Workers or Shirkers? Ian Hislop’s
Victorian Benefits. Ian Hislop explores the
history behind welfare (r) (AD)
11.00 The Victorians. Jeremy Paxman employs
19th-century paintings to explore the urban
expansion of Victorian Britain (r) (AD)
12.00 Top of the Pops: 1981 (r) 12.40am Top of
the Pops: 1981 (r) 1.20 Highlands: Scotland’s
Wild Heart (r) 2.20-3.20 My Astonishing Self:
Gabriel Byrne on George Bernard Shaw (r) (SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me (r) 8.00 Charmed (r) 9.00 Melissa
& Joey (r) 10.00 Baby Daddy (r) 11.00 Brooklyn
Nine-Nine (r) (AD) 12.00 The Goldbergs (r)
(AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
2.00 Melissa & Joey (r) (AD) 3.00 Baby Daddy
(r) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs. Double bill (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Misbah plans a family cricket
match, but disaster strikes (AD)
7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Tenerife (AD)
8.00 FILM: Life of Pi (PG, 2012) A man
recounts the story of how he survived adrift at
sea following a shipwreck, his only companion a
tiger. Adventure starring Suraj Sharma (AD)
10.35 Gogglebox. Viewers’ reactions to The
Voice, and Saturday Night Takeaway (r)
11.40 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.10am The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD) 12.35
Tattoo Fixers (r) (AD) 1.40 Rude Tube: Ultimate
Stunts (r) 2.40 First Dates (r) (AD, SL) 3.35
Celebs Go Dating (r) (AD) 4.30 Rude(ish) Tube
(r) 4.55 Charmed (r) (SL)
8.55am Best of Food Unwrapped (r) (AD) 9.30
A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (r) 10.30
Four in a Bed (r) 1.05pm Come Dine with Me (r)
3.50 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (r)
5.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo (r) (AD)
6.55 The Supervet. A cat has a shattered
thighbone after being hit by a car (r) (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud meets a
couple transforming 5,000 sq ft of derelict
basement in west London — but without
proper architects’ drawings, confusion kicks
in almost from the start (6/12) (r) (AD)
9.00 Car SOS. New series. Tim Shaw and Fuzz
Townshend restore a 1971 Fiat Dino (AD)
10.00 Inside Rolls-Royce. Behind the scenes at
the car manufacturer’s Goodwood factory, as the
team builds the Celestial Phantom (r) (AD)
11.00 24 Hours in A&E. A father and son
arrive with life-threatening injuries caused
when they were attacked at a family birthday
party by gatecrashers, one of whom was
armed with a samurai sword (r) (AD)
12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (r)
1.00 Car SOS (r) (AD) 2.00 Grand Designs (r)
(AD) 3.05-3.45 8 Out of 10 Cats (r)
11.00am Earth vs the Flying Saucers
(U, 1956) Sci-fi drama starring Hugh Marlowe
(b/w) 12.45pm Winchester ’73 (U, 1950)
Western starring James Stewart (b/w) 2.35
Robinson Crusoe on Mars (U, 1964)
Sci-fi drama starring Paul Mantee 4.45
Support Your Local Gunfighter (U, 1971)
Comedy Western starring James Garner
6.35 Gallipoli (PG, 1981) Two Australians join
the army to fight during the First World War,
but their youthful idealism is eroded by the
reality of the conflict. Drama with Mel Gibson
8.50 Darkest Hour Interview Special
9.00 Non-Stop (12, 2014) An air marshal on
a transatlantic flight searches for a terrorist
threatening to kill the passengers one by one.
Action thriller starring Liam Neeson (AD)
11.05 Bram Stoker’s Dracula (18, 1992)
The vampire count travels to London to find the
reincarnation of his dead bride. Francis Ford
Coppola’s horror starring Gary Oldman
1.40am-3.40 Ivan’s Childhood (PG, 1962)
A youngster becomes a spy for the Red Army
after he is orphaned when the Germans raze his
village. Drama with Kolya Burlyayev (b/w)
6.00am Totally Bonkers Guinness World
Records (r) 6.55 Dress to Impress (r) 7.45
Emmerdale (r) (AD) 8.20 Coronation Street (r)
(AD) 9.25 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? (r) 11.10 Dress to
Impress (r) 12.10pm Emmerdale (r) (AD)
12.45 Coronation Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
5.50 Take Me Out (r)
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Superstore (AD)
9.00 Family Guy (r) (AD)
9.30 Family Guy (r) (AD)
10.00 American Dad! (r) (AD)
10.30 American Dad! (r) (AD)
11.00 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.30 The Cleveland Show. Rallo displays a
natural gift for a sheep-riding sport (r) (AD)
12.05am The Cleveland Show (r) (AD) 12.30
Timewasters (r) (AD) 1.00 Two and a Half Men
(r) 1.30 Superstore (r) (AD) 2.00 Totally
Bonkers Guinness World Records (r) 2.20
Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.55
Heartbeat (r) (AD) 7.55 The Royal (r) 9.00
Judge Judy (r) 10.20 Love Your Garden (r)
11.25 The Darling Buds of May (r) 12.35pm
The Royal (r) 1.40 Heartbeat (r) (AD) 2.40
Classic Coronation Street (r) 3.50 On the Buses
(r) 4.55 Rising Damp (r) 5.25 George and
Mildred. The Ropers move to suburbia (r)
6.00 Heartbeat. A boy vows revenge on a
teacher who put him in hospital (r) (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. A perfectly preserved
plane is discovered in an Alaskan ice field — but
investigators believe it was the scene of a crime
committed by Jessica’s late husband (r) (AD)
8.00 Lewis. The inspector and his sidekick DS
Hathaway investigate the murder of a talented
maths student, and the prime suspect
is the victim’s ex-boyfriend (r) (AD)
10.00 Foyle’s War. Foyle investigates a
corpse found on the beach, bringing him into
conflict with attempts to secure American
aid for the war effort (1/4) (r) (AD)
12.15am Inspector Morse (r) (SL) 2.10
ITV3 Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase (r) 6.50 Pawn Stars (r) 7.35
Ironside (r) 8.35 Quincy ME (r) 9.40 Minder (r)
(AD) 10.40 The Sweeney (r) 11.45 The
Professionals (r) (AD) 12.50pm Ironside (r)
(AD) 1.55 Quincy ME (r) 2.55 Minder (r) (AD)
4.00 The Sweeney (r) 5.05 The Professionals.
A burglar is killed (r) (AD)
6.05 Storage Wars: Texas (r)
6.35 Storage Wars: Texas (r)
7.00 Pawn Stars. Corey gets financial advice (r)
7.30 Pawn Stars. Tensions mount between
Chumlee and the Old Man (r)
8.00 Parking Wars The uproar caused by new
parking meters in Sandbanks, Dorset (1/3) (r)
9.00 River Monsters. A mystery sea
monster washes up on a UK beach
10.05 FILM: Wanted (18, 2008) A man joins
a secret society of superpowered assassins that
kills people destined to commit acts of evil.
Action adventure starring James McAvoy (AD)
12.15am FILM: The Book of Eli (15, 2010)
Action adventure starring Denzel Washington
(AD) 2.30 The Protectors (r) 2.55 ITV4
Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 Deadly 60 on a Mission 4.00 Ice
Road Truckers 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. The team looks at the
Lamborghini Murcielago (AD)
7.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Documentary
series following the work of the Staffordshire
Police force, as their bodycams prove crucial for
gathering evidence and nailing criminals
8.00 James May’s Cars of the People. The
former Top Gear presenter examines how the car
industry in Germany and Japan blossomed
following the Second World War (1/3)
9.00 Live at the Apollo. Lenny Henry hosts
another session of stand-up, then Andy
Parsons and Ed Byrne each take the stage
10.00 Taskmaster. The series’ winner is chosen
11.00 QI. Children in Need edition of the quiz
11.40 QI. With Sean Lock and Phill Jupitus
12.20am Mock the Week. With Kevin Bridges
and Ed Byrne 1.00 QI 2.20 Mock the Week
3.00 Live at the Apollo 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am Crusoe 8.00 London’s Burning 9.00
Casualty 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00
The Duchess of Duke Street 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine 1.40 Steptoe and Son (b/w) 2.20
Birds of a Feather 3.00 London’s Burning 4.00
New Tricks (AD) 5.00 The Duchess of Duke
Street. Louisa becomes the toast of London
6.00 One Foot in the Grave
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine
7.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary is concerned
when Yvonne decides she wants to move house
8.00 Ashes to Ashes. A policeman is found dead
in a Soho strip club (1/8)
9.00 Death in Paradise. A plantation owner is
killed during a seance (1/8)
10.20 New Tricks. Ted investigates the apparent
suicide of a city trader (4/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather
12.00 The Bill 1.00am Bergerac 2.15 FILM:
Let It Snow (12, TVM, 2013) A cynical
executive falls for the son of a ski lodge’s former
owners. Romantic drama starring Candace
Cameron Bure and Jesse Hutch 3.30 Garden
Hopping 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 David Starkey’s
Monarchy (AD) 11.00 Royal Murder Mysteries
12.00 Time Team 1.00pm Human Planet (AD)
2.00 Atlantic: The Wildest Ocean on Earth 3.00
Coast (AD) 4.00 Slow Train Through Africa with
Griff Rhys Jones 5.00 The Nazis: A Warning
from History. The Holocaust (AD)
6.00 Battleplan. Incisive counter-attacks
7.00 David Starkey’s Monarchy. The tumultuous
evolution of the British monarchy (1/6) (AD)
8.00 Royal Murder Mysteries. The mysterious
death of the Duke of Kent in a 1942 plane crash
9.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. First episode of the
comedy starring Nicholas Lyndhurst
9.40 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary gets himself
suited and booted for a date with Phoebe
10.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary warns
Phoebe and Eric of an impending air raid
11.00 Porridge. The inmates face a day of hard
labour digging drains on a stretch of moorland
11.40 Porridge. Fletch tries to shirk his duties
12.20am Porridge 1.00 Diamond Decades
2.00 Pointless 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm Pàdraig Post: SDS (Postman Pat: SDS)
(r) 5.15 Zack & Quack (r) 5.35 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.40 Charlie is Lola
(Charlie and Lola) (r) 5.50 Seonaidh (Shaun the
Sheep) (r) 6.00 Alvinnn agus na Chipmunks (r)
6.25 Donnie Murdo (Danger Mouse) (r) 6.40
Fior Bhall-coise (Extreme Football) (r) 7.00 An
Lot (The Croft) (r) 7.30 Speaking Our Language
(r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Kerry is Kirsty:
Stafainn 9.00 Sulaisgeir 10.00 Port (r) 10.30
A’ Suathadh Ri Iomadh Rubha (r) 11.30-12.00
Feis Chiuil Thiriodh (Tiree Music Festival) (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r) 6.15 Cwpwrdd
Cadi (r) 6.25 Blero yn Mynd i Ocido (r) 6.40
Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r) 6.50 Meripwsan (r)
7.00 Da ’Di Dona 7.10 Straeon Ty Pen (r) 7.25
Sara a Cwac (r) 7.35 Sam Tân (r) 7.45 Dwylo’r
Enfys (r) 8.00 Octonots (r) 8.15 Sali Mali (r)
8.20 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 8.30 Guto
Gwningen (r) 8.45 Marcaroni (r) 9.00 Popi’r
Gath (r) 9.10 Stiw (r) 9.25 Ben a Mali a’u Byd
Bach O Hud (r) 9.35 Holi Hana (r) 9.45 Bach a
Mawr (r) 10.00 Hafod Haul (r) 10.15 Cwpwrdd
Cadi (r) 10.25 Blero yn Mynd i Ocido (r) 10.40
Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r) 10.50 Meripwsan (r)
11.00 Da ’Di Dona (r) 11.10 Straeon Ty Pen (r)
11.25 Sara a Cwac (r) 11.35 Sam Tân (r)
11.45 Dwylo’r Enfys (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 12.05pm Ar y Lein (r) (AD) 12.30 Ar
Frig y Don (r) 1.30 Ar y Dibyn (r) 2.00 News
S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News
S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30 Bywyd y
Fet (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05
Stwnsh: Ci Da (r) 5.25 Stwnsh: Pengwiniaid
Madagascar (r) 5.35 Stwnsh: Sgorio 6.00
News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05 Iolo: Deifio yn y
Barrier Reef. Iolo Williams examines the health
of wildlife in the waters of the Great Barrier
Reef in Australia. He begins by diving down to
swim with barracudas and green turtles (r)
7.00 Heno 8.00 Pobol y Cwm. Dani has no
choice but to agree to Mathew’s demands,
leaving the two lovers at risk of being caught
out (AD) 8.25 Ward Plant. New series. The
return of the programme following patients and
staff at Ysbyty Gwynedd, Bangor, beginning by
charting the fortunes of twins born two weeks
early 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30 Ffermio.
Magazine programme 10.00 Cynefin. Heledd
Cynwal, Iestyn Jones and Siôn Tomos Owen
explore the history and legends of Bro
Ffestiniog. They begin by discovering a very
special mode of transport (r) 11.00-11.35
Chwaraeon y Dyn Bach (r) (AD)
14
1G T
Monday January 8 2018 | the times
MindGames
times2 Crossword No 7543
1
2
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4
Codeword No 3227
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6
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Train Tracks No 300
10
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17
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B
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Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
25
10
Across
1
5
9
10
11
13
15
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20
Grammatical mistake (8)
Metallic element (4)
Imprisonment (13)
Singing voice (4)
Maker (7)
Become firm and solid (6)
Vitamin (6)
Catches fire (7)
Solution to Crossword 7542
A T OM I
S N
S T EM
I
L
S T I F F
T N E
E S
S T RU T
T
O
A
F O
S T AGN
I
T
E
S T E AD
C S T RE
R
O A
A T Y P I C
N
D H
ENER
O A T B
T R AW A
T
E N
T H E RW I
V
S
A T E S T
N
E
Y S TOR
S S
U
A L
T
R
A Y
B
S E
T
AR
A
E Y
20 Boot; stimulant effect (4)
23 Demoralising (13)
24 Feel dejected and
listless (4)
25 Unit of pronunciation (8)
11
25
15
20
15
3
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
7
8
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
13
I
C
Miss out (4)
One's nearest pub (5)
Gradually eat away (7)
Outline drawing (6)
Stupid, foolish (7)
Face up to (8)
Ignoble; starting point (4)
Arab chief's territory (8)
Phones (5,2)
Pot for writing fluid (7)
Bird of prey (6)
Branching diagram (4)
Ascend (5)
Lecherous look (4)
4
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Down
1
2
3
4
6
7
8
12
14
16
17
19
21
22
10
© PUZZLER MEDIA
24
3
20
26
L
Numbers are substituted for letters in the crossword grid. Below the grid is the
key. Some letters are solved. When you have completed your first word or
phrase you will have the clues to more letters. Enter them in the key grid and
the main grid and check the letters on the alphabet list as you complete them.
Saturday’s solution, right
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TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access
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charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica
No 4081
B
No 4082
R
N
C
A
L
L
D
N
T
R
G
E
B
U
I
A
Y
T
P
M
E
H
E
G
E
O
Y
H
O
I
M
A
U
D
O
R
A
E
I
G
A
E
E
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Easy No 4219
Futoshiki No 3081
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
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Kakuro No 2040
1
∨
1
What are your favourite
puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
23
35
10
20
35
12
>
>
Fill the blank squares so that each row and column contains
all the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Use the given numbers and
the symbols that tell you if a number in the square is larger
(>) or smaller (<) than the number next to it.
16
6
6
14
3
10
7
17
32
4
∧
17
20
35
38
∨
7
34
34
4
>
23
16
13
24
∧
13
16
12
37
29
11
23
16
13
7
15
14
Fill the grid so that
each block adds up
to the total of the
block above or to
the left. You can
only use digits 1-9
and you must not
use the digit twice
in one block. The
same digit may
occur more than
once in a row or
column, but must
be in a separate
block.
32
12
39
8
32
4
© PUZZLER MEDIA
20
14
the times | Monday January 8 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
White: Magnus Carlsen
Black: Sergei Karjakin
World Blitz Championship,
Riyadh 2017
Ruy Lopez
1 e4 e5 2 Nf3 Nc6 3 Bb5 Nf6 4 d3
Bc5 5 Bxc6
This unforced exchange of
bishop for knight has proved to be
remarkably effective against the
Berlin Defence.
5 ... dxc6 6 Nc3 0-0 7 Be3
White invites a doubling of his
pawns that would give him the
open f-file as a launch pad for a
future attack.
7 ... Bd6 8 Bg5
Now that Black’s bishop has
voluntarily retreated, White places
his own bishop on a more aggressive square.
8 ... Re8 9 h3 c5 10 Nd5 Be7 11
Nxe7+ Qxe7 12 0-0 h6 13 Be3
Nd7 14 Nd2 Nb8 15 f4 exf4 16
Rxf4 Nc6 17 Qh5 b6 18 Raf1
White’s main chance for victory against the defending world
blitz champion is to mass his
pieces against the black king.
________
árD D 4kD]
à0 0 1 0 ]
ß 0nDb0Q0]
ÞD 0 D D ]
Ý D DPD $]
ÜD DPGNDP]
ÛP)PD DPD]
ÚD D DRI ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
21 ... Qf7
Correct is 21 ... Bf7 22 Qg3 Kh7,
shoring up his defences. As played,
Black embarks on a wild adventure that neglects his own king’s
safety.
22 Qg3 Nb4 23 Bxh6 Nxc2 24
Ne5 fxe5
Black has to jettison the queen
as 24 ... Qe7 runs into 25 Ng6 with
a winning fork.
25 Rxf7 Rxf7 26 Qg6 Bxa2 27
Bg5 Rff8 28 Rh7 Rf7 29 Bf6
Black resigns
EASY
MEDIUM
HARDER
24 x 3
+9
2/3
OF IT
114 – 75 x 4 + 98
158 x 7 + 96
+ 1/2
OF IT
– 12
+ 1/2
OF IT
+ 932
50%
OF IT
+ 11 x 2
+8
– 79
+ 1/2
75%
OF IT
+ 1/5
OF IT
________
áqD DrD 4] Winning Move
àD D Dpi ]
ßpDN! gpD] White to play. This position is from
Riyadh 2017.
ÞDpDPDbD ] Inarkiev-Dobrov,
Here White finished off the game with a
Ý D D D D] combination reminiscent of one once
ÜD D G D ] played by the Armenian world champion
ÛP)P$ D D] Tigran Petrosian. Can you see it?
ÚDKD DRD ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
+ 898
90%
OF IT
OF IT
x3
+ 664 x 2
14
4 2
2
Killer Gentle No 5806
26
5
11
16
12
9
14
3
4
4
17
10
Bridge Andrew Robson
I’m pleased to say my team
(Allfrey) won the 2017 English
Premier League event, retaining
our trophy. My favourite deal from
the last weekend at the West
Midlands Bridge Club in Solihull is
a relatively quiet part-score.
West led out the ace-king of
clubs v 3♥ and the tall declarer
ruffed. At trick three, he led the
ten of hearts (choosing the ten so
that, if West covered with the king,
declarer could read him for a singleton king and perhaps run
dummy’s eight on the second
round).
East won the king of hearts and
led the queen of clubs (a spade
switch would have worked better
but East didn’t see the danger lurking). Declarer ruffed but with the
jack of hearts, not a low one. He
then led the queen of hearts.
When West followed with the
nine, he overtook with dummy’s
ace. East, from his ♥63 remaining,
followed enthusiastically with the
six as a suit preference signal for
spades, a move he would soon
regret.
Declarer now led dummy’s
fourth club. If East had retained
the six of hearts, he could have
ruffed in, beating declarer’s four.
Declarer would have discarded a
spade but the defence would still
have cashed two spades and
declarer would be one down. As it
was, East could ruff only with the
three (and knowing that was
pointless, he discarded a spade).
Declarer ruffed dummy’s fourth
club with his four of hearts and the
dummy reversal was complete. He
could now cross to the king of dia-
Teams
♠Q 7 5
♥A 8 7
♦K 9 6
♣10 7 6 5
♠A 4 3
♠ K J 10 2
N
♥9 5
♥K 6 3
W E
♦8 4 2
♦10 7 5
S
♣A K J 9 2♠ 9 8 6
♣Q 4 3
♥Q J 10 4 2
♦AQ J 3
♣8
S
W
N
E
1♥ (1) Dbl(2)
2♥
2♠
3♥
End
(1) Featherlight but South likes his shape
and loves having all his honours in the long
suits. That ten of hearts is worth about two
extra points, solidifying the queen-jack
sequence.
(2) Close between double and 2♣ but I like
West’s double. It’s far more flexible than
2♣, enabling a spade fit to be located.
Furthermore, if you bid 2♣ and it’s doubled,
you do feel sick as a parrot. If North holds
♣Q10xxx, you’re surely headed for -800.
22
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
=
24
6
3
8
Suko 2128
Futoshiki 3080
5
2
3 > 1
4
∧
1
2
5
4 > 3
∧
∨
5 > 3 < 4
2
1
1
3
5
Chess 1 Qxf6+! leads to a
winning king hunt after 1 ... Kxf6
2 Bd4+, eg, 2 ... Kg5 3 Rg2+ Bg4
4 Bf6+ Kh6 5 Rxg4 and Rh1
mate inevitably follows
10
11min
21
18
9 7
4
6 8 9 2
8 9 7 1
2 1
3 7
8 4
9
6 7
5
9 8
6
7 9 8 4
6 9 8
15
4
8
x
3
-
5
9
-
7
20
13
+
6
÷
18
11
13
6
20
23
13
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
6
6
5
7
1
8
4
3
9
2
9
8
3
2
5
6
4
7
1
KenKen 4218
4
2
1
9
3
7
6
8
5
1
6
8
3
2
5
9
4
7
2
4
5
6
7
9
1
3
8
7
3
9
4
1
8
5
2
6
B
S
A
L
÷
O
1
N
6
O
Lexica 4080
B
+
3 4
2
8
7
4
5
6
3
2
1
9
E
2
S
T
O
O
D
O
I
B
2
3
2
7
5
9
6
3
2
8
1
4
F
E
G
E
6
4
3
8
9
1
5
2
7
2
1
8
4
7
5
3
9
6
1
8
7
9
5
6
2
4
3
L
S
O
E
F
W
I
W
E
H
R
A
E
L
M
A
I
L
G
C
Killer 5805
3
6
3
1
6
8
9
2
7
5
4
R
+
-
3
3
6
5
9
2
7
4
1
8
6
3
Lexica 4079
+
+
23
Sudoku 9576
3 1 2
5 2 4 1
4
8 2
1
3 5
2
1 3
7 6
9 7
9 3 1 7
4 1 2 9
7
4 8
Set Square 2042
+
10
2
1
3 2
3
4 1
8 5
1
2 8
6
9
Cell Blocks 3109
11
=
15
2
Contract: 3♥ , Opening Lead: ♣A
monds, cash the eight of hearts,
drawing (a slightly sheepish) East’s
three and cross to his ace-queenjack of diamonds, discarding a
spade from dummy. Nine tricks
made.
Note declarer’s play of ruffing
the third club with the jack of
hearts then overtaking the queen
of hearts with the ace, necessary to
gain the extra entry for the
dummy reversal. His other alternative of finessing dummy’s nine
of diamonds would not have
worked, East holding the ten.
=
38
4
16
16
10
x
3
11
11
23
x
Solutions
8
17
+
14
20
11
-
-
1
23
Killer Tricky No 5807
9
8
3 < 4
∧
2
5
20
14
13
x
14
11
Dealer: South, Vulnerability: East-West
+
8
3
=9
+
3
10
17
x
9
All the digits
from 1-9 are
used in this
grid, but only
once. Can you
out their
= 15 work
positions in the
grid so that
each of the six
different sums
= 126 works? We’ve
put 2 numbers
in to help you.
Do the sums
left to right and
top to bottom
+
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Kakuro 2039
11
÷
Tredoku 1507
18
7
7
5min
13
17
6 5
x
Saturday’s answers abase, abseil, aisle,
alas, alias, assai, assail, assailable, baas,
balsa, basal, base, basil, basis, bass, bias,
blasé, bless, bliss, isle, lase, lass, lassi,
lassie, less, lias, lisle, sable, sail, sailable,
salable, salal, sale, salsa, seal, sell, sill,
sisal, slab, sleb
13
2
2
2
2
2
Divide the grid
into blocks.
Each block
must be square
or rectangular
and must
contain the
number of
cells indicated
by the number
inside it.
Set Square No 2043
From these letters, make words of three
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 13 words, average;
18, good; 23, very good; 28, excellent
4
2
4
Polygon
The World Blitz Championship
was won by Magnus Carlsen with
16/21 ahead of Sergei Karjakin
and Viswanathan Anand who
both scored 14½. In the parallel
women’s event, Nana Dzagnidze
won with 16½/21 ahead of Valentina Gunina who scored 16.
The leading blitz players in the
world on the latest rating list are:
Magnus Carlsen 2965, Sergei Karjakin 2868, Hikaru Nakamura
2853, Alexander Grischuk 2846 and
Maxime Vachier-Lagrave 2839. Top
English players are Gawain Jones
2702 and Luke McShane 2660.
– 89
OF IT
5/6
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Carrying a prize fund of $2 million, the King Salman World
Rapid and Blitz Chess Championships have been concluded in
Saudi Arabia. Some controversy
arose concerning the issuing of
visas for which see the article,
“Saudi Arabia bans Israelis from
world chess contest”, published in
The Times on December 27. In
spite of this, the event attracted a
stellar field including Magnus
Carlsen and Sergei Karjakin, the
protagonists of today’s game.
18 ... Rf8 19 Nf3 Be6 20 Rh4 f6
21 Qg6
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
World Blitz
Cell Blocks No 3110
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
D
D
Codeword 3226
4
9
5
3
2
7
6
8
1
3
6
2
1
4
8
7
5
9
5
2
1
7
6
4
9
3
8
8
3
6
5
1
9
4
7
2
1 1861 2 Parrot 3 Hugh Everett III. He termed
it his “relative state” formulation 4 In an oven
5 Giulio Andreotti 6 Pete Townshend
7 John William Polidori 8 Neil Marshall
9 Somerset 10 La La Land 11 Art deco
12 Curzio Malaparte 13 Synthesizer
14 Italy 15 Katharine, Duchess of Kent
9
7
4
2
8
3
1
6
5
P Y T HON
O
E W
T OX I N
B
A
T
E
E
S K I DD E D
H
L
A
EMB E Z
P
E
Z
H E A V E
L
O
T
F
E
B U L L I E D
I
A
E
A B S UR D
A P
R
L E
Q
U
E
Z L
EG
U
A
V
J A
EMA N
U
U
S S E D
I
G
N C L E
D
E R
U
D
I B L E
B M
G I L E
N
A
RGON
Word Watch
Tael (c) An old Chinese
silver coin
Talbot (b) An ancient
breed of large hound
Tolu (b) An aromatic
balsam
Brain Trainer
Easy 60; Medium 819;
Harder 8,852
08.01.18
MindGames
Easy No 9577
Fill the grid so that
every column, every
row and every 3x3
box contains the
digits 1 to 9.
Difficult No 9578
4
6
7
5 2
8 3
4 9
7 3
8
9
6
7
2 5
8
5 4
2 5
3 1
3
9
Word watch
by Josephine
Balmer
Tael
a A fee
b A saga
c A coin
Talbot
a A fish
b A dog
c A toll house
Tolu
a A cloth
b A scented plant
c A farewell
For interactive
Sudoku puzzles, visit
thetimes.co.uk/puzzles
Answers on page 15
Fiendish No 9579
1
3 8
2
3
6
9
4
6
5
8
6
1 2
9
3 5
8
12 Which Italian
author wrote the
Second World War
novels Kaputt and
The Skin?
15
6 Which member
of the Who had a
US Top 10 hit with
Let My Love Open
the Door?
episodes “Blackwater”
and “The Watchers
on the Wall”?
7 Who wrote The
Vampyre (1819), the
first published vampire
story in English?
8 Which English
filmmaker directed
the Game of Thrones
4
8
9 Named after the
River Chew, the Chew
Valley is in which
English county?
10 Which film features
the songs City of Stars,
Another Day of Sun
and Audition (The
Fools Who Dream)?
13 Introduced in 1981,
what sort of musical
instrument is the
Roland Jupiter-8?
Friday’s
Quick
Cryptic
solution
No 999
14 The second [1934]
FIFA World Cup
was hosted by
which country?
15 Which duchess
is pictured?
Answers on page 15
5
6
10
7
11
12
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
23
22
24
CO L L A P S
A W C
A
R AMB L E R
P
I
L
GR E A T B
E
C
E
CO YO T E
R G
A
S T ON EWA
S
R
S
U
C
I NDU S
E
E
H
U
S P E
S I R
E D
D
I
R
SWA
M M
R I T A
S
OS I R
A
A
L L E R
E
A P A B
O
I
C T A T
AM
O
RM
E
I N
T
I S
S
H
L E
A
OR
Follow The Times Crossword
Editor @timescrosswords
by Des
9
13
1
The Times MindGames: Word
Puzzles & Conundrums and
Number & Logic Puzzles are
out now. To order copies visit
timesbooks.co.uk or call
0844 576 8120. Also available
from all good bookshops.
11 The Polish
artist Tamara de
Lempicka famously
painted portraits in
which style?
3
6 5 7 8
by Olav Bjortomt Times MindGames books
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1000
2
3 9 7
1 3
7
4
1
1
5 6
7
4 1
8
to receive four clues for any of today’s puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
2 What sort of
bird is a black lory
(Chalcopsitta atra)?
1
4
2
6
3
4
5
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight
1 The American
Civil War began in
which year?
5 In 1989, which
controversial Italian
politician was sworn
in as prime minister
for the third time?
1
6
REX
4 The Italian term
“al forno” refers
to food that is
prepared how?
7
5
9
6
3
3 9 4 7 2
1
The Times Daily Quiz
3 Which US
physicist (1930-82)
first proposed
the many-worlds
interpretation (MWI)
of quantum physics?
8
7
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
Across
1 Newspaper’s connected to
underworld — they deflect the
heat? (9)
6 Brick carrier, note, returned (3)
8 Fools grandmothers (5)
9 Girl, initially not available,
almost caught (7)
10 They receive an unfinished
banknote outside front of
ATM (8)
11 Ignore informal parade ground
command (4)
13 Stands on odd roundabout
giving advice (3,3,5)
17 Could be Hazel’s crazy! (4)
18 House, not unexpectedly,
eclipsed (8)
21 Teacher fixed equipment for
language lab? (7)
22 Getting article on the day is
the very devil! (5)
23 Small girl’s point (3)
24 Thrown out unused, being far
from reliable (9)
Down
1 Ice in the second half of the
weekend, we hear (6)
2 Piece contributing to
compilation one thousand (5)
3 Stockings girl’s heard about
leading to exclamations of
praise (8)
4 Finished off dad’s untended
patio, finally rebuilt (4,3,6)
5 Dispatched exhausted, having
lost power (4)
6 Piping filmed for expert (7)
7 Lastly, had you take on an
extra governess (6)
12 Minded accommodation for
someone in South Sea resort
(5-3)
14 Way to serve cheese, perhaps,
and one short health drink?
(2,5)
15 Hudson runs around barefoot
(6)
16 Fellow’s keeping odd bits of
non-fat dyes (6)
19 Best to expose swindle (5)
20 Biblical brother cheated in
games, audaciously (4)
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The Times, journal
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