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The Times Times 2 - 11 January 2018

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On Thursday
DOWN WITH NORTH LONDON DINNER PARTIES, UP WITH
CORNISH PASTIES
Tanya Gold
Things you only know if you
live in the country
January 11 | 2018
2
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Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
times2
Bye bye, smog,
Quick, quick, hide!
Middle-aged men are
facing a massacre
Deborah Ross
T
heresa May’s
government
reshuffle has
been described
in some quarters
(Conservative
Home, The Daily
Mail) as “the
massacre of middle-aged men”,
which has to be terrifying.
There you are, a middle-aged
man, probably white, walking
down the road, whistling, thinking
you’re cock of the walk, thinking
you own Westminster, if not the
world, the universe, the cosmos
and every damned thing, and
suddenly . . . massacre!
Suddenly, it’s like
Thessalonica out there!
Quick, quick, run for cover!
I don’t know where you
would be safest, but I suggest
not going back to your office
to peruse porn on your
computer since that’s possibly
the first place they are going to
look. They may even be waiting
by your computer right now.
With massacre in mind. The
Thessalonians, “like ears of wheat,
were alike cut down”. Do you want
to be cut down? Like an ear of
wheat? If not, don’t hide out at the
Garrick Club or Whites, or Pratt’s
either since that is the second
place they are going to look.
This “massacre”, which seems
to be based on May sacking 11
ministers during the reshuffle, 10
of whom were white males, fails
to take account of any of the
promotions, and similarly fails to
take account of the overall
picture, but come on. Would you
be thinking of the overall picture
if you feared being cut down like
an ear of wheat? Or what was
waiting for you at your computer,
aside from a box of Kleenex and
that assistant who buys the sex
toys for you?
A tale of
two airline
seats
A mother who will be
flying British Airways
to America with her
three-year-old son has
been told she will have
to pay £140 if she wishes
to sit next to him.
Joanne Curren, who
visits her parents in
California annually, is
both astonished and
furious, given that no
such charge was made
Would you be thinking about
how the Cabinet is still 77 per cent
white male, or that the average
age has only been reduced from
52 to 51, and it’s even more
privately educated than before?
Would you be thinking that,
while the number of men in
government has been reduced
from 89 to 82 — which
still accounts for nearly
70 per cent of ministers — the
number of women still only
amounts to 32?
But let us not go there. It would
be cruel to deny you this massacre
that didn’t happen, so we had best
pretend that it did. How would
your outrage work otherwise?
How would you spin it so it looks
as if this government has drawn
on fresh, new talents when the
truth is that it’s same old, same
old and business as usual?
Should there
be some kind
of relief effort?
Food, water . . .
last year, but this is
how all airlines work,
turning everything into
a cash opportunity. Air
in the cabin? Shall we
charge for that? How
about no charge for
wearing one shoe, but if
you want to wear a pair
that’ll be £49.99?
This seats business,
though, is a nightmare.
Last time I flew — to
Greece — I did not
book a specific seat
because I was with a
group of adults and if
we sat apart it was no
big deal. We were,
indeed, split up, but my
son got to sit with his
Tired of battling bus drivers and traffic
fumes, Tanya Gold moved to Cornwall
— and had to learn a new set of rules
The Conservative MP Philip
Davies has said that the reshuffle
has raised “a legitimate concern
that some people may feel they
have been hoofed out or not
promoted simply because they
are a white male”.
Strong words. Strong words
about a certain demographic
being needlessly ejected when
they manifestly haven’t, but
again it would be cruel to go
there. We’re talking about victims
here, after all, and if you can’t
feel sorry for the victims of
something that didn’t actually
happen, you might wish to
ask yourself: what kind of
person am I?
So my heart goes out to
these men, most assuredly,
and I’m wondering: would
some kind of relief effort be
appropriate? Food, water,
warm blankets, clothing . . . and
all the other items you might
require when you imagine the
establishment is under attack and
a “massacre” is under way?
Would Coldplay offer to play
in Hyde Park to raise funds?
Would Radio 4 broadcast an
appeal on behalf of all the
middle-aged white men who are
likely to have had that private
education but are the victims of
something that didn’t actually
happen nonetheless, and may be
crouched under a table at the
Garrick, hoping that this will all
go away, even though it never
came? Would that be the way to
go? Would that be the decent
thing? Should I set up a number
you can call?
In the meantime, you can’t say
that May’s attempt to make the
government look “more like the
country it serves” has failed. On
the contrary, it has succeeded
spectacularly. Two words. Unholy.
And: Mess.
girlfriend, which he was
happy about.
But then we all had to
move, as in an elaborate
game of musical chairs,
when it transpired that
some non-booked
parents would be
separated from their
small kids unless we
did. My son was
annoyed at leaving his
girlfriend, and may
have removed his bag
from the overhead
locker a little roughly.
He yanked it from
behind, causing the
case in front to fall on
to the head of an elderly
woman sitting below.
It was awful. There
were tears. Her son
would not accept my
son’s repeated apologies
(“GO AWAY!”).
Although I would later
wind my son up
throughout the holiday
— “I’ve seen the elderly
woman who was on
the plane, she’s in a
wheelchair and her
head is lolling” — she
was, in fact, fine, but
the paramedics had to
be called and we were
stuck on the tarmac for
five hours. Just give
people the seats they
want, freely. It would
save a lot of trouble.
I
am in West Penwith, Cornwall,
the end of the end of the end, the
toe or claw that juts into the
Atlantic Ocean with such
bravado and charisma. I have
been here since Easter and can
no longer pretend I am on
holiday, as I have so many times.
I live here in a granite house where
the wind beats the roof like Facebook
battering print for spite.
I abandoned Camden due to air
pollution, a sad local school and my
husband’s response to parking
restrictions, and because our flat was
so small it looked like a furniture shop
starring a broken dishwasher. Was
there life beyond Queen’s Crescent,
London NW5, and the children
throwing eggs at our window, and the
friendly drug dealer at the bottom of
the stairs? Sometimes my husband
congratulated the children on their
aim, and suggested they form an
egg-throwing cricket team. Were
they grateful? If they were, they only
threw more eggs as tribute; they had
eggs to burn. A consolation was
occasionally bumping into friends at
the farmers’ market on Hampstead
Heath, as was the John Lewis in
Oxford Street that I could no longer
afford to use. So we left.
My husband and I bickered about
where to live. He wanted Wiltshire, a
mystical, airless county, where I would
have got drunk from boredom, but
which was where he grew up, or Skye,
the land of giant-horned cows and
black mountains. I wanted the sea —
not the flat, filthy sea off Sussex or
Kent, the sea that is ashamed to be a
sea, and fairly so, for I would not swim
in it. No, I wanted the sea of my
childhood, and the way it had made
me feel in the long, hot summer of
1976, the first year I remember because
the tops of my ears burnt off: the
Atlantic Ocean.
It was easy to leave London because
it is not a kindly city any more. Not
even the rich can defend themselves
from air pollution, overcrowding and
loveless prep schools preparing the
babies for the vagaries of the financial
markets. It has become an unfriendly
forest and its founding myth — that
you come, like Dick Whittington, and
stand on the crest of a hill, and plot to
make your fortune, and you will — is
ash and people know it.
Aesthetically, it is almost ruined.
A new style of wealth holds the
city in glass and concrete, but it is
multinational and it has no identity of
its own. So London begins to look like
a toilet spat out by the Candy brothers’
joint brain, and I curse them for that.
Pah to celebrity property developers
and their emotional dependence on
the Fendi department in Harrods. The
rest is shrinking and dying. The
London of my childhood — street
markets, cheap cafés, second-hand
book and record shops, a city of
distinctive villages smelted together —
is gone. Part of my leaving was a
search for something more ancient —
I cannot say “English”, not in
Cornwall, for the locals think the
English are German and the Cornish
are Cornish — and real.
One cannot bang on about one’s
childhood for ever, so the things I have
learnt about living in the country will
sound prosaic. They are supposed to
be — or, rather, they are — and they
are the better for it. I have reached
an age when I want to talk about
butchers and buses and Nativity plays.
I will begin with the buses, which are
important to me because I cannot drive
a car. Travelling by bus in London is
exciting because you never know if you
will make it to the end of the journey
without being maimed, stabbed or
traumatised. I am a recovering
alcoholic and, now that I have left,
can see that living in London is an
addiction. It has all the elements of
addiction. It is unpleasant, it is bad for
your health, only the young and strong
can do it well and it requires collusion
with others and a great deal of denial.
“London,” Londoners may say, staring
into the murk, “that is where all life is!”
Then they develop lung complications,
or are killed by a passing cyclist,
or are poisoned by fumes.
I cannot lose my
temper here, for
anger will not
be forgotten
No, it is where the money is, and the
fear. When I was nine months
pregnant I got on the bus at Queen’s
Crescent. I paid, and the driver shot
forward. I did not fall on the bump, but
I might have done. When the baby was
born, the driver’s behaviour changed a
little. He did not let me on the bus with
the buggy because, as the mother of a
young child, I could not possibly be in
a rush. He told me to get the next bus.
In Penwith the bus drivers greet you
— this is not a land of grunts and
furtive, hateful looks — and wait for
you to sit down. If you are
incapacitated — if, for instance, you
are stupid enough to walk the cliff
paths wearing flip-flops after a
rainstorm and you fall and break your
ankle, which is what I did — they will
drop you at your door. If your fouryear-old son is asleep on the bus, they
will drop you at your door. If you ask
to be released between stops, they will
do it. You do not have to pretend you
are going to be sick, right there and
then on the driver’s head, which was
my London strategy for getting out
between stops (it is aggressive, but
effective. Each woman to her own
battlefield, and that was mine).
To expense. In London I once paid,
with bad grace, £110 for a joint of beef
in St John’s Wood High Street, the
playground of nutters whose specialist
shops are women’s underwear and face
the times | Thursday January 11 2018
3
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times2
hello, friendly strangers
COVER: GETTY IMAGE; REX FEATURES. BELOW: GETTY IMAGES; STUART WALLACE
I know what you will say. Go to
Hampstead Heath. Or Richmond
Park. Or Wimbledon Common to look
for the Wombles. (No doubt they have
been priced out of London too, so I
doubt you will find them. They are
probably the Wombles of Luton now.)
Yet why should one get on a bus or a
train for a pleasing walk? Or even a
walk that does not choke you? It does
seem to miss the point of walking, but
that is London. You get public
transport to walk. It’s stupid.
The weather, meanwhile, is mere
stagnant air trapped between ugly sky
palaces that the ordinary Londoner,
lacking the wealth, will never enter. It is
not weather, but waste. Here we have all
the weather that Londoners have lost
in their golden bowl — rainbows are
as common as weeds — and every day
Children don’t
wear neutrals or
speak Mandarin
competitively
paint. It wasn’t even that good a joint,
and I can’t speak for the face paint.
Here in Penzance, or St Just, or
Newlyn, I will pay £40 for the same
joint. I am a restaurant critic and I
know my cows. In the Empire cinema,
Tanya Gold and,
top, Newlyn Harbour
in Penzance
Leicester Square, I paid £23.70 to see a
bad film. At the Newlyn Filmhouse, a
beautiful independent cinema in
Penwith, I will pay £7.50. Membership
of the London Library is £525 a year (I
adore the London Library, which is
one of the best things in London, but
that is an immense sum for many
people). Membership of the Morrab
Library in Penzance is £30 a year —
for two! Londoners may like to call
country people dolts, but that is part of
the collusion, and the denial that is
essential for living in the city; it is
easier to believe that we are stupid.
But we are not paying £23.70 for
cinema tickets and £110 for meat.
Londoners are. In the country
strangers speak to strangers, even if
they do not own dogs. It is not an
indication of serious mental illness.
Where is your weather, London?
Where are your walks? I longed to
walk in London, but Tottenham Court
Road to Warren Street is hardly the
Grand Canal or even St Peter’s to the
Colosseum. The last time I walked
from Oxford Circus to Soho I met a
woman sitting in the road and crying
because she had been hit by a bus.
Buses, again;; they are my obsession.
She had just arrived from Poland and
was sitting, aalone, in the road. I did not
know what tto say, so I said: “Welcome
to London. L
Let me direct you to
University C
College Hospital.”
there is more of it. There is an infinite
supply of dramatic weather, which will
wash your car for you.
Here you can chide, fairly, other
people’s children, and they can chide
yours. I find this very relaxing, for the
London habit of never criticising other
people’s children, even as they stamp
on your innocent child’s head, is more
collusion and denial. I was tired of not
speaking my mind to the evil north
London cashmere dwarfs as they
walked calmly through playgrounds
for fear of muddying their clothes.
Outside the city it is different. Other
people are not threats. They are all
potential babysitters. Children do not
wear neutrals. They do not speak
Mandarin competitively. They fish,
and fall over, and are given free
pastries by bakers who ask: “Are you
hungry/starving/dying?”
There are pitfalls, metaphorical and
literal, and certainly more to come
(Penwith is full of abandoned mines
yet to be transformed into holiday
lets). The former Londoner cannot
lose their temper, for anger will not be
forgotten, although it will probably be
forgiven, for this is a tolerant land if
you do not own a second home. You
may feud, but you must wait for the
right person to feud with; they will
show themselves eventually. The wifi
has a habit of working only every
second day, but the 10p paperbacks
from the charity shops work always.
Cows sometimes charge down
the lanes, as if they know what we
have done to them, and the wise
walker does not wear headphones
for fear of being trampled and it being
reported in The Cornishman. It is
ten miles to the nearest dry cleaners.
It is forty miles to the nearest certified
Apple repair shop. I am aware I sound
like a parody, but I don’t care. I am
the village Londoner and the village
Jew. We worship in a converted
barn near Truro.
Otherwise, it is bliss. It is a country
that I never knew until the denial
slipped from my eyes.
The lowdown
The Game of
Thrones hotel
Winter is coming!
No. It’s here. Has been for some few
months. You’re just confused because
last week you were in the Caribbean.
Well obv. I didn’t get this tan in
Oxfordshire. But, no, seriously —
winter is coming, permanently, for
visitors to Lapland.
Lapland? I think this Lowdown is the
wrong side of Christmas.
Wrong! Lapland is in fact a
year-round destination.
Only for those who want to be cold
on holiday, ie wrong ’uns.
Or big Game of Thrones fans?
Hmm. I didn’t have them
down as skiers. Or liking the
outdoors in general.
Skiing has nothing to do with it.
A Game of Thrones hotel has
opened made entirely of snow
and ice. The rooms have been
designed by sculptors from Russia,
Poland, Latvia and Ukraine. There
is a life-sized iron throne with
swords, a Braavosi Hall of Faces
and a White Walker sculpture.
Do you have any idea what the last
two of those things are?
No. Besides the point. It’s a mega
experience for any GoT fan.
Fine. So hang on, the rooms are
actually made of snow? And people
sleep in them? For fun?
Yep. You get “high-quality thermal
sleeping bags”, with fleece lining,
which make the experience “cosy”.
Unconvinced.
You may have a point, given that
the hotel describes the room
temperatures of minus 2 to minus 5
degrees Celsius as comfortable . . .
And people pay for this?!
Up to €600, yes.
Surely their love of GoT can’t keep
them that warm. They could always
make a fire from copies of the books.
I don’t think anyone willing to freeze
to death to step into their favourite
fantasy world will be burning the
books it is based on any time soon.
Probs not. But like I said —
wrong ’uns.
Hannah Rogers
4
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Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
times2
Women’s bodies and
why the panic about
gender is disturbing
Princess Diana’s therapist, Susie Orbach, talks to Janice Turner about
clean-eating pressures, transgender teenagers and Prince Harry’s grief
W
hy do
women still
hate their
bodies? By
every other
metric —
economic
power,
education, careers — we’ve never had
it so good. Yet satisfaction with our
physical selves has never been lower,
with anxiety and self-loathing popping
up in a myriad of new forms.
Such as the clean-eating craze, says
the psychotherapist Susie Orbach. “It’s
another way of managing diet. Like
vegetarianism was years ago — a
means of control; you exclude this or
that. I feel sympathetic to everybody
who’s caught up in it. It’s so tragic and
there’s so much money to be made
from it.”
Or online plastic surgery games
aimed at young children, which
Orbach is campaigning for Apple,
Google and Amazon to remove. The
Liposuction Surgery Game chirpily
asks players to remove a person’s body
fat: “Good news for all the chubby and
fat guys out there!” Another boasts:
“Every girl dreams of a delicate face
and a stunning figure. If make-up can’t
give the beauty you want then come to
join this amazing plastic surgery game!”
I am ostensibly here to talk to
Orbach about the new edition of her
book In Therapy, a series of
fictionalised therapy sessions,
including one with a judge who feels
guilty about hiring prostitutes and
another with a mother who is trying to
control her teenage daughter. It
was inspired by Orbach’s partner,
the novelist Jeanette Winterson,
who wanted to know what goes
on in the consulting room. I am
led to this mysterious place in the
new modern house in Hampstead,
north London — all glass and
steel — that she shares with
Winterson. It is a blandly
comfortable room lined with
books and overlooking a small
garden. There’s no Freudian
couch, just a sofa, an abstract
sculpture and boxes of tissues.
Inevitably we keep drifting back
k
to the interplay between the
female body and mind, between
outward appearance and inner
happiness, which is Orbach’s life
work. Orbach, 71, is warm and
cheerful. When we last met eight
years ago she was far more
watchful and cool, but she still gives
little away, seeking to maintain her
oblique therapist persona.
When she published the classic Fat
is a Feminist Issue in 1978, eating
disorders were a relative rarity. Now
they are a given. “It was the change
from ‘I’m in difficulty with food and
my body, I need help’ to thinking,
‘‘Oh, that’s just a fact of life. Like
gravity, you can’t change it.’ ” In
2009 in Bodies Orbach addressed
the pressure on women (and
increasingly men) not just
to be slender, but to be
“perfect”. Via obsessive
grooming,
diets and the
g
normalisation
of plastic
n
surgery we could mould
ourselves into what has
become
the international
b
female ideal: the bosomy
Barbie doll.
“We have swapped the
body politic for the politics
of the body,” Orbach
wrote. “The right body is
For years
we had to
have a stiff
upper lip
Princess Diana
and Prince Harry
trumpeted
as a way of
t
belonging
in our world today.”
b
Now the physical body is
seen as ever more malleable
and provisional — why stop
at sculpting bigger breasts
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the times | Thursday January 11 2018
5
1G T
DAVID BEBBER FOR THE TIMES; DAFYDD JONES
or a smaller nose? If you feel your
“innate gender” is different to your
outward body, then why not change
that via hormones and surgery? I
wonder what Orbach thinks about
the transgender debate, particularly
the huge spike in girls of about 14
deciding that they are boys. Girls
make up about 70 per cent of youth
gender patients, having been a far
smaller fraction. Trans activists
applaud this as self-realisation, but
feminists (and many clinicians) fear
that trans websites are funnelling
female body self-loathing — more
commonly expressed in anorexia and
self-harm — into gender dysphoria,
the notion that a person is in the
“wrong” body.
In Bodies Orbach compared the
persistent desire of one man to have
his legs amputated with that of trans
women seeking to remove male
genitals. “The fact we can transform
the body,” she wrote, “makes it
a site of dissatisfaction which
can be overcome.”
However, Orbach looks alarmed
when I raise this most incendiary
of topics. “Look, I think people
are uncomfortable with notions of
hyperfemininity and hypermasculinity,”
she says. “In my generation we
thought, ‘Oh, anything a boy wants
to do is fine. Anything a girl wants
to do is fine.’ It doesn’t mean, if you
want to sew, that there’s anything
non-boylike about that. Since the
Nineties we’ve had sort of Barbie and
Ken in such extremis.” So that is why
those who don’t fit these cartoonish
extremes call themselves “nonbinary”? “Well, it’s part of the
response, isn’t it?”
Now she feels that gender dysphoria
is diagnosed rather than allowed to
play itself out. “There are people
saying, ‘I don’t know how to deal with
my discomfort.’ They’ve now got a
name for it. They haven’t lived
through that discomfort of identity
and gone out the other end, which is
what people do through their teenage
years, often their young teenage years
to their twenties.” She stresses that she
no longer treats many girls. “But I
think the very fact we’ve got panic
about gender . . . is disturbing.” She sees
no problem, however, in addressing
people by preferred pronouns such as
Susie Orbach and,
right, with her partner
Jeanette Winterson
times2
“they”. “That bit I don’t mind. It seems
only respectful. It’s no different from
Ms versus Miss in a way.”
It will be harder for therapists to
discuss gender identity. A change
to an NHS “memorandum of
understanding” means that therapists
are forbidden to explore underlying
reasons why a patient may wish to
change gender — they can only affirm
the patient’s decision or face being
guilty of practising “conversion
therapy”, resulting in professional
sanctions. Gender therapists tell me
that they must adopt a questioning
approach “by stealth”. Orbach says,
“Obviously you can’t do therapy if you
operate by stealth. That’s not therapy,
it’s something else.” Maybe the
memorandum doesn’t apply to all
psychotherapists, she muses. I check
later — it does.
The introspection of modern
identity politics, Orbach believes,
has changed how young people see
themselves in the world. “Identity
used to be formed with teenagers
falling in love with a poet or politicos
or rock music — an external identity,”
she says. “It wouldn’t be, ‘This is who
I am,’ and finding via the internet
somebody who’s identical to you,
with your own confusions. And then
people live in those silos. There is
much less interaction between
different sensibilities.”
Orbach was famously the therapist
to Diana, Princess of Wales, and she
is delighted that Prince William and
Prince Harry are striving to raise
awareness about mental health. “I
think it’s quite a tribute to her on their
part. I was surprised and delighted.” I
remark that Prince Harry made himself
particularly vulnerable by discussing
the suppression of his grief. “Yes, and
vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak.
Vulnerable is an aspect of strength.”
To what does she attribute the
rising rates of mental illness? “I think
people have the words in a way they
didn’t before, but part of those words,
of course, have come from the
pharmaceutical companies that have
put that into the public domain.”
So are drug companies preying
upon vulnerable people and trying
to get them to recategorise normal
feelings as conditions requiring
medication? “Do I think
that’s part of pharma’s
role? Certainly in
North America,
yes. You’d be
at a medical
conference and
you’d be given
a pad and it
would say,
‘Does your
patient wake up
early? Do they
have agitated
thoughts?’ If you
ticked more than say
three out of five,
they’re suffering from
depression. ‘You might want
to consider this medication.’ ”
For centuries, she says, we were not
allowed emotions at all. “We were
meant to sort of just get on. Stiff upper
lip and all that. Now you’ve got a
notion that struggle and pain is
somehow unacceptable. Not
unacceptable, it’s treatable. But there’s
a divide, I have to say this, as a
clinician, between somebody who’s
got a broken heart and somebody
whose broken heart means that
they feel irreparable. Between
those people who can manage the
ordinary horrors and difficulties of
daily life and people who find that
just impossible.”
Orbach is surprisingly bracing
about safe spaces and trigger warnings.
“I think you should go to university
and be disturbed. That’s the point of
education. And I think creating safe
spaces is fine, that’s what friendship
circles and little political groupings are
all about, but I think your curriculum
needs to be put in a context. I think we
don’t read to just be soothed. We read
also to have ideas upset.”
Should a lecturer flag up, say, the
rape in Samuel Richardson’s novel
Pamela so it does not upset a real
Safe spaces? I
think you should
go to university
and be disturbed
victim of abuse? “No, I couldn’t go
along with that. The Bible’s got a lot of
violence in it. That is part of human
history. And I think we have to find
ways to talk about what disturbs us.”
She says that the turbulence in
the world works its way into her
consulting room. “After the Brexit
vote and the Trump election there
were a lot of people being outraged.”
As a half-American who studied in
the US, Orbach was particularly
disturbed by Trump. “It’s the idea that
somebody can be such a complete
inventor of facts.”
Yet Orbach is happy and settled.
She is a grandmother and describes
her passions as “cooking and
friendship”. I ask if she thought that
after decades with her ex-partner
Joseph Schwartz, a therapist, that
she’d end up with a woman. “No, I
don’t think so,” she says. “I’ve got very,
very close women friendships that I’ve
had for many years, but no, it wasn’t
something I imagined.” A surprise?
“Exactly so.”
Who does she think has the greater
insight into the human soul, the
novelist or the therapist? “I’m always
trying to step into somebody’s
shoes, feel a version
of what they’re
experiencing. So I
don’t think it’s a
competition. I
just think we
understand
things
differently.”
She adds
that when
writer friends
ask her if
something
is plausible
in a character,
she will always
reply: “Anything’s
plausible. Multiple
contractions are plausible. People
who suddenly have a panic, though
they seemed perfectly calm. Or
people who get stuck in a loop.
Everything surprises me.”
In Therapy: The Unfolding Story
by Susie Orbach is available in
paperback and ebook (Wellcome
Collection and Profile, £9.99).
See Orbach in an improvised
psychotherapy session at the
Wellcome Collection on February 8,
wellcomecollection.org/events/
in-therapy-susie-orbach
6
1G T
Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
the table
You want a table for eight? That’s
From Evelyn’s Table to Tom Kerridge’s Shed, exclusive
micro-restaurants catering to a handful of people are on the
rise. Harry Wallop investigates the new bite-size economy
R
ecently a hoaxer
managed to trick
TripAdvisor, the
online review site, into
believing that he ran the
best-rated restaurant in
London, with more
positive reviews than
the Dorchester or any Gordon Ramsay
enterprise. The restaurant didn’t
exist, but what made the ruse rather
ingenious was that the fictional venue
was located in his garden. He called it
The Shed at Dulwich.
It was all too believable because
tiny restaurants barely big enough to
fit in a lawnmower and a barbecue, let
alone a dozen customers, have become
one of the most fashionable formats
in the relentlessly neophiliac British
restaurant scene.
Micro-restaurants have become
as modish as micro-herbs. There’s
even one called The Shed — Tom
Kerridge’s development kitchen along
the road from his Hand and Flowers
pub in Marlow, Buckinghamshire. It
can accommodate nine diners. Near
the end of last year Simon Rogan, who
made his name at L’Enclume in the
Lake District, opened Aulis in London,
serving only eight guests.
The Table in Edinburgh fits in ten.
Sushi Tetsu has room for even fewer,
a mere seven, which makes Marianne,
set up by the former MasterChef
contestant Marianne Lumb, feel
positively roomy. It can accommodate
12 diners, or 14 at a squash.
What marks out all these
restaurants is their quality — with
the exception of The Shed at Dulwich,
which after topping the rankings
decided to take the hoax to its logical
conclusion by opening for a couple of
nights and serving baffled guests
Iceland ready meals.
The others cook some of the best
food you can find in the country.
That’s certainly what the Michelin
Guide believes. It gave its highest
honour, three stars, to The Araki,
a Japanese restaurant in Mayfair,
London, with nine seats. One star for
every three diners — that’s some ratio.
“It’s like having
someone cook for you
in your own home,” says
Zoë Paskin, explaining why diners
have embraced these tiny spaces. She
and her brother, Layo, are responsible
for opening the latest diddy diner,
Evelyn’s Table, the newest addition
to the Paskins’ expanding empire,
which already includes The Palomar,
The Barbary and Jacob the Angel.
Evelyn’s Table will start serving
11 guests in a basement below a Soho
pub at the start of February. They
will all sit at a counter and watch as
Nacho Pinilla, the chef, rustles up
dishes such as cuttlefish ragout with
It has got a hefty
price tag, but you
are getting some
exquisite food
ink vinaigrette, rabbit and lentils,
or rock salt-baked fillet of beef with
romano peppers and smoked almonds.
“People are more interested in how
food is actually cooked,” Zoë Paskin
says. “The rise of the dinner party
plays a part. Being able to see how
the chef handles certain ingredients
is interesting and engaging.”
For many diners, sitting only
2ft away and watching the chefs slice,
dice and plate up is the attraction. “An
open kitchen is quite a statement for
a chef,” Pinilla says. “You have to cook
twice as carefully. You have to care
not just about the food, but the people
right in front of you.”
At The Araki some of the sushi is
handed across the counter directly
into customers’ hands — which
certainly saves on washing up, but is a
level of customer care that some may
find unnerving. You will, however, be
able to boast that you have enjoyed a
truly personal meal.
“It is the ultimate exclusive
experience,” says Ben McCormack, the
Above left: The Table in Edinburgh
Above: Marianne in west London
editor of Square Meal, the restaurant
guide. “It’s like a very high-end supper
club, with a famous chef cooking your
food. And it gives you those
all-important bragging rights.”
It certainly does. By their very
nature these places are difficult to get
into. Waiting lists are often months
long. At Aulis the element of
exclusivity is ramped up by the fact
that you have to book, handing over
an eye-watering £250 (including wine
and coffee) for a 15-course set meal,
before the “secret” Soho location is
revealed. It’s a tiny ground floor in
St Anne’s Court, where the windows
are blacked out and you are let in
via a video-buzzer.
“It’s exclusive, absolutely,” Rogan
says. “It’s a discreet little place and
there’s a bit of mystery to gaining entry.
But you’re getting two Michelin-starred
chefs cooking for a table of eight. So
the staff ratio is very high. Although it
has got a hefty price tag, we believe you
are getting some exquisite food.”
The £250 price tag is not the highest
around. At The Araki you have to pay
a £300 deposit before you can step
over the threshold. And that doesn’t
include drinks; the cheapest bottle of
wine is £50. Of course, these prices
are, in part, necessary to make the
economics stack up. The rent and
staff costs are pretty much the same
as if you were running a restaurant
serving twice as many diners. And
if a customer fails to turn up, that’s
12 per cent of your evening’s takings
lost, which explains why most of
these places insist on a big deposit.
Marianne, in Notting Hill, west
London, for instance, has six staff on a
standard evening for 12 to 14 diners. Its
set menus — and they are your only
option — range from £65 a head for
lunch to £135 for dinner. “We are not
a cheap restaurant, we are a luxury
Zoë and Layo Paskin
and Nacho Pinilla, at
their pub, the Blue
Posts, in Soho, London
restaurant,” Lumb says. “We have to
do it this way to make it work. But I
think the small size has been the key
to our success. It intrigues everybody.”
It is not — as most of these microvenues are — a counter restaurant.
The kitchen is in the back, while the
customers eat in a space that Lumb
describes as “laughably tiny”. Judicious
use of mirrors and pastel colours helps
to make it feel surprisingly airy, while
padding under the tablecloth and
fabric on the walls prevent the venue
having the acoustics of a bathroom.
It also allows diners to have some
privacy, which is hard to achieve when
they are all lined up along a counter
— an aspect of micro-restaurants that
irritates McCormack.
“One of the things I enjoy about
eating out is the anonymity of being
surrounded by lots of people you don’t
the times | Thursday January 11 2018
7
1G T
the table
the whole place!
KATIE WILSON FOR THE TIMES
have to interact with. I don’t want to
talk to a group of strangers.”
He, though, is in a curmudgeonly
minority. For most, it’s all part of the
new economy. High street retailers
increasingly complain that consumers
are no longer spending their
disposable income on “stuff”, but
rather on experiences. And tiny,
exclusive restaurants in secret
basements contribute to this
experiential economy. The Paskins’
restaurants are like Russian dolls,
with each new iteration becoming
ever more Lilliputian. The counter
at The Barbary has 24 seats, The
Palomar has 16, and now the almost
cabin-like Evelyn’s Table has 11.
“In lots of different ways, everything
is available in the world,” Layo Paskin
says. “People are attracted to the
idea that they have a little corner
Small size
has been
the key
to our
success. It
intrigues
everybody
that they can navigate. Getting tickets
to a certain show or a table in a
difficult-to-get-into restaurant — I can
see why people like that. There are
seven billion people in the world and
everybody is sharing everything with
everyone on social media.” To be able
to say they ate at Evelyn’s Table or at
Marianne has social currency.
It is a far cry from the 1990s, when
Terence Conran’s often cavernous
venues dominated the restaurant
scene, with Quaglino’s able to
accommodate 240 covers. Conran’s
watchword was “democratic” dining
— anyone could come and eat at his
restaurants. These micro-restaurants
are surely anti-democratic.
Layo Paskin insists that Evelyn’s
Table will not be elitist. “From our
point of view we don’t set out to be
exclusive in that way,” he says. Very
unusually there is not a set menu at
Evelyn’s Table. Most of the other tiny
venues argue that that’s the only
feasible option to avoid waste. Also,
the cost of the dishes will range from
£8 to £19, with Paskin estimating that
the price per head will average
between £50 and £60.
The economics are greatly helped
by the fact that the Paskins own the
pub above the restaurant, the Blue
Posts, an old Soho boozer that has
been restored to its original Georgian
simplicity. And on the first floor is The
Mulwray, a gem of a cocktail bar that
has the feel of a private club, with
deep, velvet-upholstered seats and
some vintage 1920s and 1960s porn
framed on the wall — a nod to Soho’s
seedy side that is rapidly disappearing
thanks in part to the arrival of, well,
gentrified micro-restaurants.
The kitchen in the basement will
also cook bar food for The Mulwray,
helping to spread the cost of staff
and cutting down on waste. Paskin
says that being so small gives them
the flexibility to buy interesting
ingredients and use tiny suppliers.
“Because we’re small, if a wine
supplier says, ‘I’ve got a great wine,
but only 12 bottles’ — that’s great, we
can take it. And that’s exciting because
we’re continually moving.”
And although it may be difficult to
secure a berth at the counter, it is as
unstuffy a venue as you can find. The
Paskins, who started their careers
running the hugely successful West
End nightclub The End in the 1990s
and 2000s, have a reputation for
creating relaxed-verging-on-raucous
vibes in their restaurants. The food at
Evelyn’s Table will move away from
the North African and Israeliinfluenced cuisine that you can find
at The Barbary and The Palomar
respectively, but the owners want to
recreate the buzz of these venues.
“I think a lot of what we try to do
with our spaces is to make you feel
uplifted,” Zoë Paskin says. “Obviously
you want the food to be excellent
when you go out, but so much of your
evening is determined by how you
were made to feel. And that is so much
easier to control in a small space.”
The Shed at Dulwich may have
lasted just a couple of days, but there
are likely to be plenty of real huts,
shacks, storerooms and cellars opening
soon. Just don’t expect to secure a
booking with any ease.
A still from Cooking With Your Mouth, a video by Nathan Ceddia
Why using a knife
for chopping your
carrots is so last year
Tony Turnbull on the viral video
that recommends chewing instead
S
o let’s start with the
good news. Chopping
up food with your teeth
before spitting it into
your mixing bowl is not
going to be the big food trend
of 2018. For a while, though, it
was touch and go.
When a video appeared at
the beginning of the year
showing a woman preparing
the ingredients for Christmas
turkey stuffing with her mouth
it picked up more than a
million views in a matter of
days. There she was, gamely
dicing garlic, onion, carrot
and celery with her incisors,
grinding spices with her
molars and whisking eggs
and softening butter with her
tongue, before regurgitating it
all into a bowl to be mixed and
stuffed into the waiting turkey.
“Completely disgusting,
have you not heard of a food
processor? You can cook
without knives and without
sharing your spit with
everyone,” ran a typically
outraged comment, but it
wasn’t long before others
were predicting that “cooking
with your mouth” would sit
alongside veganism and mezcal
as the latest fad in the food
world. It was only a matter of
time before all recipes would
begin, “First, rinse your
mouth,” and Listerine could
be found on the food aisles.
Except, of course, the clip
was a spoof, the work of the
29-year-old Berlin-based video
artist Nathan Ceddia, who
specialises in surreal expositions
of the relationship between food
and sex. Look on his website
and you’ll find Man vs Gut, a
juxtaposition of the sounds of
mastication and a gurgling
stomach, and Cake Holes, a
series of photographs of naked
behinds sitting on beautifully
piped cakes and jellies.
Food and fetishism are old
bedfellows, and covering your
body in food for pleasure even
has its own name, sploshing. No
one went on to eat the cakes on
film, although I dare say there
is a dungeon club somewhere
on the Reeperbahn that’s happy
to take any leftovers.
It’s not quite clear what
the instagrammer behind
Breadfaceblog does with her
leftovers either. Every day she
sends her 185,000 followers
clips of herself burying her face
in different baked goods, from
pillowy brioche to rather more
painful-looking crusty loaves
of sourdough. Why do it?
“I thought it would feel good . . .
and I was right,” is all the
explanation she can give.
And before we laugh too
hard at those who thought
“mouth cooking” really could
take off, is it any weirder than
kopi luwak, the world’s most
expensive coffee beans,
harvested from the faeces of
civets that forage amid the
coffee plantations of Indonesia?
The coffee sells for about
£400 a kilo — just think how
much saliva-drooled vegetarian
stuffing you could buy for that.
8
1G T
Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
arts
‘Being a funny
woman can really
affect your sex
life quite a lot’
The comedy writer and actress Michaela Coel talks to
Dominic Maxwell about her roles in Black Mirror and
Chewing Gum — and why men dislike female comics
B
eing a funny woman has
had an unexpected sideeffect for Michaela Coel.
“It can really affect your
sex life quite a lot,” the
30-year-old says, in the
kind of judiciously
outsized, conspiratorial
stage whisper that wouldn’t be out of
place on her internationally successful
Channel 4 sitcom, Chewing Gum.
“It’s a weird thing. Because once
you’re funny . . .” She trails off. Has
she found that men feel threatened
by her, then? She laughs. “It’s not
threatened. It’s unattracted.”
There was a time, she says —
actually, no, hang on, there still very
much is a time — when women in
comedy tended to be “incredibly
sexual” beings, clumsily lusted after
by “goofy guys”. In her two seasons of
Chewing Gum Coel has done her best
to tilt that axis. Her character, Tracey,
is a goofy woman in her mid-twenties
who takes 12 frank, frisky episodes
to lose her virginity. In the course of
that, we will see her several postcodes
away from the usual tropes of sitcom
protagonist and rom-com heroine.
Did we ever see even Bridget Jones
being sick on her chest while failing to
have full sex with a man in a disabled
toilet? That’s the kind of thing that
happens to Tracey. “The waify, perfect,
commercially beautiful woman,” she
says, “it’s so boring.”
Chewing Gum established Coel
as a writer and performer. The first
series won her a Bafta for best female
comedy performance. It also won her
a breakthrough-talent Bafta for her
scripts. During her acceptance speech,
Right: Michaela Coel
and, above, as Tracey
in Chewing Gum
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the times | Thursday January 11 2018
9
1G T
DAVID BEBBER FOR THE TIMES
arts
My film
sets are not
peaceful.
I run around
like a
headless
chicken
in May 2016, she urged “anyone out
there who looks like me” never to
undervalue themselves. Now she is
a face, a name, who has spent the
past year simply acting.
She has a role in the latest series of
Charlie Brooker’s satirical sci-fi series,
Black Mirror. She has a starring role
in a London-set musical, Been So Long,
that will be on Netflix this year. If you
didn’t blink, you will have caught her
three-word cameo on board a rebel
spaceship in the latest Star Wars film
(“They’ve found us!”). And once she’s
got some other big-deal project out of
the way — she can’t tell me what it is,
she says apologetically, although it
took up a lot of 2017 — she will start
work on a third series of Chewing Gum.
So she barely has time for a
relationship, even if she hadn’t found
dating so disastrous of late. “I can’t be
bothered. Being a woman, it’s just a bit
weird, mate, sometimes.” Even as a girl
she was never one for the fairytale
idea of a prince who would come to
sweep her off her feet. She mimes
being a girl getting big eyes at the
sight of a princess — something she
never did. “And I think women are
preferred in that kind of way.”
Instead she and a group of friends
have decided they want to get rid of
the old version of happily-ever-after.
“We have all made a pact that we will
just live in a big house and have girlie
nights all the time, and work, and we
will invite a man, and we will sample
him, and we will bond with him, all
of that, but we don’t want to do the
whole marriage thing. But I do need
sex. We do need sex, so we need to
find a way to have the sex.”
This, she concedes, is more a
utopian dream than a new year’s
resolution. It is of a piece, though,
with what she is trying to do in her
work. To jigger with the idea of what’s
the “normal” way for a young woman.
For the past year or so she has had
close-cropped hair, after chopping off
her locks for Been So Long. “I wanted
to be strong as well as vulnerable, I
wanted to go against the grain, provide
something different for young people
to aspire to be.”
She shot it shortly after her role in
USS Callister, the Black Mirror episode
that pastiches the original Star Trek
Coel and the rest of
the cast of Black
Mirror: USS Callister
Meet The Times
chief arts critics
Disagree with our film
critics? Got a burning
question on pop music?
Join us on Wednesday,
January 31 for an
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arts critics at the Royal
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mytimesplus.co.uk
series. She plays the heavily coiffed
communications officer, so, yes, she
took the original show’s Lieutenant
Uhura as her reference point. Only
after a bit of research, mind. Until she
got the role she had never seen an
episode of Star Trek. Still hasn’t seen
a Harry Potter film, a Twilight film
or a Twilight Zone.
“I am not very sci-fi,” she says. She
puts that down to growing up in a
“very religious, all-female household”
on a council estate in Whitechapel,
east London, with her elder sister and
her Ghana-born mother.
Hard as she worked in 2017, it felt
like a bit of a holiday compared with
looking after her own series. “I think
acting is a lot easier than doing the
writing and the production.” Chewing
Gum has given her a global profile
after it went on Netflix outside Britain.
“It’s very touching — people write to
me from all over the world.”
When she starts on the third season
this year, though, things in it will
change a bit. For a start, Tracey has
finally lost her virginity. She will still
be naive, suggests Coel, but in new
ways. And Coel, who wrote each of the
first 12 episodes alone, plans to bring
in other writers. “Because I don’t want
to die. My sets are not peaceful. It’s a
beautiful catastrophe. I am running
around like a headless chicken. I don’t
sleep. It’s manic. I love it — I don’t
know if I would want it any other way,
but I’ve learnt from working with
proper people like Charlie; they
really prepare in advance.”
Is she a bit of a control freak? For
her own show, absolutely. She’s known
to rewrite it even as they shoot. “You
can always make it better, can’t you?
Other people draw a line and I can’t.”
She lives in a shared house in
Hackney, not too far from where her
mother still lives in Whitechapel. If
there was no Captain Kirk in her
childhood, there weren’t many other
men around either. Which may have
been part of why it was only four years
ago that she started thinking seriously
about the sort of gender issues that
preoccupy her. She appeared in
Blurred Lines, a play about sexism,
at the National Theatre in 2014.
“Suddenly the last 24 years of your
life unravel. I was so busy being black
that I didn’t even clock the whole
woman thing. And suddenly it was
like, ‘Whoa!’ It wasn’t important
growing up. I went to a girls’ school;
I didn’t see the difference at all.”
She was a cradle Catholic, but not a
devout one. Then, from the age of 18,
she became involved in Pentecostalism
for five years. Looking back at it, she
thinks it was subconsciously because
she had dropped out of college early
and her friends had gone into
investment banking or were pregnant
or in prison. “None of those options
appealed to me.” Then a girl in the
year above her at college, a dancer,
invited her along to the Christian
Union. Before she knew it she was
running to the altar in tears.
During that time she performed
her religious poetry, including at the
Hackney Empire, where one night she
was spotted by the playwright and
director Ché Walker, the writer of
Been So Long. He invited her to come
along to his acting workshops free
of charge. She did, then took a degree
in acting at Guildhall that led her to
drop religion. By that time, though,
she had brought her family and
boyfriend at the time into the fold.
They are still devout; she is not.
Which has its downsides: she had an
“existential crisis” last summer and
saw a therapist, who advised her to
“embrace the uncertainty” of her life.
She’s working on it.
We’re sitting in a posh London
hotel suite; Coel is wearing an elegant
green trouser suit, dolled up for a
screening of Black Mirror later. She
looks amazing, but she insists it’s not
the real her. “We live in a world where
women are very much not into their
absolute selves. We are told to put
on a thing, that is why I have tons of
make-up on now. I spent 25 minutes
ironing this outfit and I don’t iron!”
So although her career is, if nothing
else, more lucrative than it was
when Chewing Gum started life as a
one-woman play called Chewing Gum
Dreams — and before that a 15-minute
graduation project — she plays down
the gap between her life before and
after success. “Even when I was a
poet and I was driving a Fiat Punto
to gigs and getting paid the fuel
fare, to me I was a success. So when
people go, ‘Oh my God, you’ve made
it!’ I go, ‘I made it back when I was
driving a Fiat Punto.’
“I mean, I am grateful. I put my life
and soul into writing this story and
actually people heard it. People write
scripts and nobody ever sees or hears
them. And I have never written a
script that people haven’t seen. I try to
give advice to others too, even though
I’m still in a sense thinking, ‘What’s
going on?’ I think I am quite alienated
by the idea of what is going on in my
life right now. It’s all quite strange.”
So fans of Chewing Gum need not
worry, she says: the emotional and
romantic misadventures that she
mined for the series are carrying on
unabated, never mind her high profile.
“Surprisingly, my life hasn’t got any
less embarrassing. My friends are
always, like, ‘Why is this always
happening to you?’ So I haven’t run
out of material.” She laughs. “Sadly.”
Black Mirror: USS Callister is
available on Netflix now. Been So
Long will be on Netflix later this
year. Chewing Gum is on 4OD
Entertainments
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Mon-Sat 7.30, Tues & Thu 3, Sat 4
www.the-mousetrap.co.uk
QUEEN'S
0844 482 5160
The Musical Phenomenon
LES MISÉRABLES
Eves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30
www.LesMis.com
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42nd STREET
020 7087 7760
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10
1G T
Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
television & radio
Another Lancashire masterclass in bleak drama
GARY MOYES/CHANNEL 4
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Kiri
Channel 4
{{{{(
Britain’s Brightest Family
ITV
{{(((
W
ill the day ever come
when Sarah Lancashire
turns in a poor
performance? She
might at least consider
delivering a so-so one now and then to
give others a look-in. She was brilliant
as a bereaved, downtrodden cop in
Happy Valley and she nails it again in
Kiri as Miriam, a bereaved, eccentric
social worker who goes everywhere
with a hip flask and her flatulent dog.
Like Happy Valley, Kiri is bleak. It
was hideously brutal when Kiri, an
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
From the Steppes
to the Stage
Radio 4, 11.30am
If you’ve never heard
Mongolian music this
programme will be a
revelation. Mongolia
has become an unlikely
quarry for the world’s next
generation of opera stars.
Last year Ariunbaatar
Ganbaatar, a singer from
the Mongolian steppe,
was the joint winner of
Cardiff Singer of the World.
People in Mongolia put
his greatness down to
geography: you need a big,
wide sound to be heard
across the steppe and fulfil
the demands of traditional
Mongolian singing.
Longsong, a traditional
Mongolian form that is
heard here, has arias that
last longer than any in
western music.
John Finnemore’s
Souvenir Programme
Radio 4, 6.30pm
To recount a comedian’s
jokes to someone who
hasn’t heard them is to veer
into pub-bore territory,
so I will spare you the blowby-blow account of what
Finnemore says this week.
Suffice to say his routines
are eccentric. Included is a
tour of Dracula’s house and
a skit about Shakespearean
pronunciation.
adorable nine-year-old girl up for
adoption, was found murdered,
her body a little broken heap in the
woods, after Miriam encouraged an
unsupervised visit to her biological
grandparents (although the term is
“birth” because “biological makes
them sound like washing powder”).
Unbeknown to Miriam, they had let
Kiri’s violent drug-dealer father meet
the child. Soon afterwards she is dead.
Because Kiri is black (the middle-class
couple adopting her is white) the
media, in full witch-hunt mode, want
to know whether Miriam put the
child’s cultural needs above her safety
by allowing the visit. Did she turn a
blind eye to safety to “tick lefty boxes”?
It is a raw and politically spiky
subject for a drama, which the writer
Jack Thorne based partly on his
mother, who was a devoted carer,
while injecting it with moments of
grim humour. It paints no one as
perfect, not even dedicated Miriam,
who drives when she’s drunk to the
point of vomiting, her face like a
beaten pudding.
Julie, her manager at social services,
was in flint-eyed self-preservation
mode (“Poor girl,” said Miriam. “Poor
us. Poor you,” said Julie. “You know
how much this could f*** us?”). Kiri’s
grandfather, wonderfully played by
Lucian Msamati, stupidly allowed his
ex-con son illegal access to Kiri (why
isn’t he being carpeted by the police,
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00 Annie
Mac 9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00
BBC Radio 1’s Residency: Black Madonna
12.00 BBC Radio 1’s Residency: Bradley Zero
1.00am Toddla T 3.00 Radio 1’s Artist
Takeover with 4.00 Radio 1’s Early Breakfast
Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Amol Rajan 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo 7.00 Bob Harris Country. The
broadcaster introduces a performance by
Carly Pearce, fresh from the release of her
debut single Every Little Thing 8.00 Ana
Matronic 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts Show with
Anneka Rice. A lively look at the latest films,
plays, dance events, books and exhibitions,
alongside an eclectic selection of music
12.00 The Craig Charles House Party (r)
2.00am Radio 2 Playlists 3.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Have A Great Weekend 4.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Feelgood Friday 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show, featuring listener requests
9.00 Essential Classics
The writer and broadcaster Sue MacGregor
reveals the things that have inspired and
influenced her throughout her life and career
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Schubert (1797-1828)
This week of programmes about Franz
Schubert focus on five years through his
short life, and feature one of his string
quartets every day. Here Donald Macleod
takes a look at the year of 1824. Aged 27,
Schubert was suffering from symptoms of
syphilis, as well as episodes of despair and
depression. His father encouraged him to
persevere through his suffering, and
Schubert was able to put the sorrow and
melancholy he was feeling into his music
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
The Endellion String Quartet play quartets by
Haydn and Beethoven, and Carolyn Sampson
sings Schubert lieder, recorded at the
Dartington and Two Moors Festivals
Kiri (Felicia Mukasa) and Miriam (Sarah Lancashire) in Kiri
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Tom Redmond presents today’s Opera
Matinee — a performance of Beethoven’s
Fidelio performed by this week’s orchestra,
the BBC Philharmonic on tour in San
Sebastian, Spain. Beethoven (Fidelio); Elgar
(Three Songs Op 59); Honegger (Pacific 231);
and Copland (Symphony No 3)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty presents, with guests
including the Elias String Quartet
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
In Tune’s specially curated playlist: an
eclectic mix of music, featuring favourites
together with lesser-known gems, with a
few surprises thrown in for good measure.
The perfect way to usher in the evening
7.30 Live Radio 3 in Concert
From Wigmore Hall in London, the contralto
Sonia Prina and the Akademie für Alte
Musik, Berlin, perform works by Handel,
Ferrandini, Bach, Locatelli and Vivaldi. Handel
(Concerto Grosso in F major); Ferrandini
(Cantata — Il pianto di Maria); Bach (Cantata
— Widerstehe doch der Sünde, BWV54);
Locatelli (Concerto Grosso in E flat, Op 7 No
6 — Il Pianto d’Arianna); and Vivaldi (Motet
— Longe mala, umbrae, terrores, RV629)
10.00 Free Thinking
Matthew Sweet discusses protests like the
1968 uprising at Columbia University and
1985’s Battle of the Beanfield, plus illegal
clubbing in warehouses in the 1980s with
guests including the DJ Norman Jay, the
novelist Tony White, the film-maker Paul
Cronin and the writer Tessa DeCarlo
10.45 The Essay: Cornerstones
The artist and archaeologist Rose Ferraby
gets to grips with something that is always
around us, but which we almost never stop
to consider: gypsum, the chief constituent of
the plaster on the walls around us. It’s part
of this week’s series of Cornerstones —
nature writing about how rock, place and
landscape affects us. Gypsum’s use dates
back to at least the ancient pyramids of
Egypt. Rose explains how gypsum, being
highly soluble, is responsible for the
notorious sink holes around the city of Ripon,
frequently causing subsidence and damage to
homes. She also considers alabaster, a soft,
luminous stone composed of gypsum, and
which was used to stunning effect for
medieval memorials and sometimes even
in place of stained glass in windows
11.00 Late Junction
Concluding a week of shows from Oslo, Anne
Hilde pays tribute to Morton Feldman and
takes a tour of the city with Jana Winderen
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
With Nick Robinson and Carrie Gracie
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 In Our Time
The fierce contest for Malta between the
Ottomans and the Knights Hospitaler
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: Auntie’s War
By Edward Stourton (4/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Lively discussion and interviews. At 10.45
the 15 Minute Drama: Shardlake —
Heartstone by CJ Sansom (9/10)
11.00 Crossing Continents
Lucy Ash meets the staff and customers of
a bakery in war-torn east Ukraine (8/9)
11.30 From the Steppes to the Stage
Kate Molleson examines how Mongolia rose
to become an opera superpower, with
nomadic herders and horsemen being trained
to sing in the capital Ulan Bator.
See Radio Choice (1/2)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 The Curious Cases of
Rutherford & Fry
Asking whether machines are better than
humans at identifying faces (4/5)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Conflict and Co-operation:
A History of Trade
The role of slave labour in the expansion of
global trade (9/10)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Stone
By Richard Monks. Stone’s investigation into
a victim’s final movements shines a spotlight
on several new suspects (4/10)
3.00 Open Country
Helen Mark meets fossil finders on Dorset’s
Jurassic Coast (12/16)
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal
On behalf of Opportunity International UK (r)
3.30 Bookclub
James Naughtie talks to the travel writer
Colin Thubron (r)
4.00 The Film Programme
With the writer-director Martin McDonagh
4.30 BBC Inside Science
Presented by Adam Rutherford
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
by the way?) and Kiri’s would-be
adoptive parents are strangely cold.
It was skilfully set up, not just as a
mystery, but as an exploration of the
problems faced by foster carers and
social services, with Lancashire, who
acts with every inch of her face and
body, as a woman doing an unenviable
job taking the rap. I can’t think of
anyone who could portray it better.
Groucho Marx said he wouldn’t
belong to any club that would have
him as a member. I feel similarly about
quiz shows: if I can answer more than
four questions I stop watching since
this must mean they are a doddle. I
had high hopes for Britain’s Brightest
Family, fondly remembering Ask the
Family, in which families called the
Clutterbucks, in stiff shirts and ties,
would answer questions from Robert
Robinson such as, “If an LP lasts 30
minutes how many times will it
revolve while being played?” and
Robinson would say: “Well done,
young Clutterbuck.”
But in this quiz, presented by Anne
Hegerty (the Governess in The Chase),
the families, though undoubtedly
clever, sat in comfy armchairs and faced
far easier questions, such as being
shown pictures of Florence and asked:
“What city is this?” It’s nice to have a
proper family quiz show, though. And
to be fair I couldn’t answer the maths
ones. But then, I never can.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
6.30 Joh
hn Finnemore’’s
Souvenir Programme
The comedy writer delivers more fast-paced
sketches, including news of the world’s least
popular invention and an exciting wedding
venue. With Margaret Cabourn-Smith and
Simon Kane. See Radio Choice (2/6)
7.00 The Archers
Adam is outmanoeuvred
7.15 Front Row
7.45 Shardlake: Heartstone (9/10) (r)
8.00 The Briefing Room
Presented by David Aaronovitch
8.30 In Business
Whether electric cars could replace petrol and
diesel vehicles in a motoring revolution (7/9)
9.00 BBC Inside Science
Presented by Adam Rutherford (r)
9.30 In Our Time (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Daisy McAndrew
10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Vital Spark
— A Far Cry from Kensington
By Muriel Spark (4/10)
11.00 The Brig Society
Marcus Brigstocke tries his hand at becoming
a diplomat (3/6) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
Political round-up
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Auntie’s War (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Not in Front of the Children 8.30
The Goon Show 9.00 The Unbelievable Truth
9.30 King Street Junior 10.00 Lost Horizon
11.00 Behind the Screen 11.15 Good
Evening 12.00 Not in Front of the Children
12.30pm The Goon Show 1.00 Secret
Agent: X9 1.30 Lifeboats on the Thames
2.00 In Siberia 2.15 Five Hundred Years of
Friendship 2.30 More Tales of the City 2.45
Speaking for Themselves 3.00 Lost Horizon
4.00 The Unbelievable Truth 4.30 King
Street Junior 5.00 Fat Chance 5.30 John
Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme 6.00 I Am
Legend 6.30 Great Lives 7.00 Not in Front of
the Children. Jen plans a cosy family occasion
7.30 The Goon Show. Comedy with Spike
Milligan 8.00 Secret Agent: X9. Thriller by
Dashiell Hammett 8.30 Lifeboats on the
Thames. Horatio Clare joins crews at
Chiswick and Teddington (2/2) 9.00 Behind
the Screen. Out, Damned Spot. By Dorothy L
Sayers 9.15 Good Evening. By Roy Smiles
10.00 Comedy Club: John Finnemore’s
Souvenir Programme. Sketch show starring
John Finnemore 10.30 Sketchorama. Three
comedy sketch groups show off their wit and
imagination 11.00 Start/Stop. Comedy
written by and starring Jack Docherty 11.30
Facts and Fancies. Humorous essays 11.45
For One Horrible Moment. Memoirs of a boy
growing up in 1970s Cambridgeshire
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show 1.00pm Afternoon Edition
4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live Sport. Eleanor
Oldroyd presents the day’s sports news
10.00 Question Time Extra Time
1.00am Up All Night. With Tom Green
5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Jim White 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart
Maconie 4.00 Steve Lamacq 6.00 Steve
Lamacq’s Roundtable 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00
Gideon Coe. Archive sessions 12.00 6 Music
Recommends with Steve Lamacq 1.00am
The First Time with Ben Folds. Matt Everitt
talks to the American singer-songwriter Ben
Folds about the musical moments that
shaped his life and career 2.00 One Nation
Under a Groove: The Story of George Clinton
and P-Funk 2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30 6
Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. Paying tribute to the
work of the Norwegian composer Edvard
Grieg. Grieg (Peer Gynt Suite No 1; Piano
Concerto in A minor Op 16; Holberg Suite,
Opus 40; Wedding Day at Troldhaugen, Opus
65 No 6; Ave Maris Stella; Norwegian
Dances, Opus 35; Intermezzo for Cello and
Piano in A minor; and The Last Spring, Op 34)
10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am Jane Jones
the times | Thursday January 11 2018
11
1G T
artsfirst night
MARILYN KINGWILL
Theatre
The Ladykillers of
Humber Doucy
Sir John Mills Theatre,
Ipswich
Comedy
Rob Newman
Soho Theatre, W1
R
{{{{(
After the interval we turned the
clock back 180 years to enter the
mindset of the great Danish
choreographer August Bournonville.
This La Sylphide, a candy-coated
production by the Royal Danish
Theatre in Copenhagen, showcases
the hallmarks of his style — the
precise, fleet footwork, the soft,
rounded arms, the easy flow of mime,
the wonderfully buoyant jumps.
It’s the story of the Scottish farmer
James, who, on the eve of his wedding
to Effy, is lured away by a mysterious
Sylph. Love between a mortal and a
sprite? No way is that going to work,
especially when a malicious witch
decides to meddle. There are ebullient
and vigorous dances for the kilted
wedding guests in Act I, and feminine,
frolicsome ones for the Sylphides in
the enchanted glade of Act II.
Jurgita Dronina is a right little minx
as the first-cast Sylph — playful, pesky,
pretty. As the besotted groom James,
Isaac Hernández has the big moves to
thrill an audience and the handsome
persona of a leading man, but he’s not
quite up to the mark when it comes to
living a tragic ending.
Daniel Kraus impresses as Gurn,
the man who does get the girl, while
Jane Haworth has fun as the witch
Madge, the villain of the piece.
Next week, La Sylphide will be
paired with Roland Petit’s Le Jeune
homme et la Mort.
Box office: 020 7845 9300, to Jan 27
ob Newman’s latest hour of
intellectually charged
comedy is adorably
ambitious. Twenty-five years
on from his arena-playing
heyday as half of Newman and
Baddiel, the 53-year-old Newman
presents himself as a sort of
professorial pin-up in his three-piece
suit and bow tie, defiant and diffident
as he offers to take us through “two
and a half thousand years of good and
bad ideas” to explain how we have
reached the desperate state we’re in.
Which particular desperate state,
you may wonder. The state in which
so many of us are so unhappy because
we have separated mind from body,
intelligence from environment, the
possible from the imaginable.
Which particular good and bad
ideas? He starts with an attack on
selective education — citing the dodgy
postwar data of Sir Cyril Burt that
gave it intellectual ballast — before
zipping back to the mind-body
separatism of René Descartes in 1630s
Paris. Granted, dissing Descartes is
nothing new: philosophers have been
doing it for centuries. Yet they haven’t
linked Cartesian dualism with
Pythagoras, with cameos for Paul
McCartney, Bobby Gillespie from
Primal Scream, Pavlov’s dogs and
PG Wodehouse, quite like this.
Yes, Newman’s show, Total Eclipse
of Descartes, should sink under the
weight of its highfalutin ideas. Yet as
its Bonnie Tyler-inspired title suggests,
it has a salving sense of mischief.
Although Newman’s comedy lecture
is never far from another big
intellectual assertion, it’s also never far
from another quip, another gag. He
knows we won’t think if we don’t also
laugh. And although he is palpably
irked by what he sees as the “macho”
science that favours competition over
co-operation, his apparent
nervousness as he conveys some of
these ideas is more disarming than
distracting. And when he does an
impression or a funny voice, he’s
thoroughly at ease.
Newman makes plenty of assertions
that he doesn’t have time to back up,
but then if he did, he’d have to keep
us here all night. Total Eclipse of
Descartes is a concentrated dose
of brain food all right, but it’s a
delightfully digestible one.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 020 7478 0100, to Jan 20
I fou
found that evasion quite irritating.
Warden
Ward is clearly furious, at her mum
and Moron, but mostly at the cult,
and
an I certainly wanted to know
more
about how Heal Thyself
m
worked. Her story moves from
w
Somerset to Canada when
S
Moron
and her mum move
M
there to open a new branch
th
of the cult. This infuriates Girl,
although
surely moving countries
alth
is ha
hardly the worst thing that
can ha
happen.
Warden
said she started writing
War
with n
no particular idea of what the
outcome
outcom would be, and was thrilled
when Vicky Featherstone, the
Royal Court’s artistic director, offered
her the chance to have it staged
there. Indeed, Featherstone and
Jude Christian direct and should have
known that this is too long. The set,
by Chloe Lamford, is wonderfully
bright and breezy, a girl’s bedroom in
popsicle colours with dreams (not to
mention trolls) on show.
It’s an exposed place in which to
debut a play, especially one that is so
obviously therapy as theatre. Warden
has a nice turn of phrase, and loves
her music, but the emphasis is wrong.
We need less Girl, more cult. I was far
more interested in Heal Thyself than
the fact that her mum left a teenager
alone one Christmas.
You know those emails of outrage
and fury that you write at midnight,
then never send? Well, that’s this.
Ann Treneman
Box office: 020 7565 5000, to Jan 20
{{{((
T
his isn’t the first time the
oddball gang of crooks from
the classic 1955 Ealing
comedy The Ladykillers have
trodden the boards. In this
freewheeling new touring version by
Eastern Angles, though, the lags are
well and truly bitten by the thespian
bug. They mount an eccentric staging
of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of
Being Earnest as a cover for their
nefarious activities and become
intoxicated by the whiff of greasepaint.
In collaboration with creatives from
fellow touring companies Little Bulb
and Shanty, the director Laura Keefe
dishes up a rather ragged, irrepressibly
good-natured frolic. It’s a little too
authentically am-dram: to be properly
funny, pratfalls need precision and
pace. Still, the audience lap up the
daffy shenanigans and even when the
show ends up chaotically chasing its
own tail, it’s impossible not to warm to
its puppyish appeal.
Sean Turner’s set cleverly crams in
two slices of a residential street — a
respectable front door and an interior,
doll’s-house view of the home of the
frisky old theatrical landlady Binkie
Blaine (played by Emma Barclay), an
amateur sleuth, devotee of the novels
of Patricia Cornwell and superfan of
the dimple-cheeked musicals star
Michael Ball. Binkie is only too
delighted to accommodate five shifty
actors while they polish their
aphorisms and plot a chain of
burglaries. Yet art — not to mention
Binkie’s steaming lapsang souchong —
is potent stuff, and for these dopey
crims, redemption is only a cuppa, a
tap dance and a show tune away.
While Harry Long’s script induces
almost as many groans as giggles, the
songs, by Dominic Conway, keep the
action bouncing along. Performances
are uneven but enthusiastic, and the
cast are all crack musicians: standout
turns come from Todd Heppenstall as
mean-minded ringleader Left Eye and
from Barclay, doubling as Binkie and
as Cow Crusher, the bespectacled
brains behind the criminal operation.
It hardly amounts to comic brilliance,
yet it’s undeniably benign fun.
Sam Marlowe
Seckford Theatre, Woodbridge, to
Jan 20; Key Theatre, Peterborough,
Jan 23-27
Theatre
My Mum’s a Twat
Royal Court Jerwood
Upstairs, SW1
I
{{(((
t’s a funny beast this play, part
teenage angst, part docu-drama,
the tale of a girl who, at the age
of ten, was faced with the fact that
her mum had sold her soul first
to a boyfriend (who is identified here
only as Moron), then to a cult called
the Heal Thyself Centre for SelfRealisation and Transcendence in
North Barrow in Somerset.
This is a monologue, one hour and
20 minutes long, told by Girl (as she is
The English National Ballet stars Jurgita Dronina and Isaac Hernández leading the cast of La Sylphide
A dance of two halves
One of these is
a hit, the other
is a miss, in
this English
National Ballet
double bill, says
Debra Craine
Dance
Song of
the Earth
{{(((
La Sylphide
{{{{(
London Coliseum
I
t would be hard to find two ballets
more incompatible than Song of the
Earth and La Sylphide, so you have
to wonder why Tamara Rojo, the
artistic director of English National
Ballet, thought it a good idea to put
them on the same evening. Kenneth
MacMillan’s heavy-duty Song of the
Earth (1965) is a philosophical
celebration of life and an embrace of
death set to Mahler’s profound song
cycle. La Sylphide, one of the earliest
ballets in the canon, is a charming
example of 19th-century romantic
fantasy, as light as air. Their contrasting
moods are so antithetical that it’s hard
to reconcile the differences.
In any case, on opening night we
got off to a bad start with a limp and
half-hearted rendering of Song of the
Earth. The dancers made hard work of
MacMillan’s deeply felt choreography,
while the ENB Philharmonic (Gavin
Sutherland conducting) delivered a
ponderous account of the score
(although the contralto Rhonda
Browne was a noteworthy soloist).
As the Man, Joseph Caley was dull
and lacked projection, while Fernando
Carratalá Coloma, a last-minute
replacement as the Messenger of
Death (bravo), danced with great
technical aplomb, but not enough
authority. Only Rojo as the Woman
found a way into the joy and drama
within the choreography, but her
performance simply highlighted how
deficient were those around her.
called) that takes us from when she is
8 to 18. Patsy Ferran, elfin and
engaging, delivers it, roaming the
stage as her character explains how
her mum was so distracted that
she didn’t even notice that her
daughter was surviving mainly on
cat food (this was only discovered
when someone else noted that
she smelt of Whiskas).
This is the debut play by
Anoushka Warden, who is the head
of press and publicity at the Royal
Court. It is autobiographical, but thee
he
details are smudged (the name of the
)
cult, for example, has been changed).
Or, as the intro to the play text puts it,
“An unreliable version of a true story
filtered through a hazy memory and
vivid imagination.”
Patsy Ferran, elfin
and engaging, delivers
Anoushka Warden’s
monologue
12
1G T
Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
Big Cats
BBC One, 8pm
This
magnificent
three-parter
from the
BBC’s Natural History
Unit is being described
as the definitive
portrait of the cat
family. “We wanted to
Early
Top
pick
give an overview of all
wild cats, not just those
we know the most,” the
series producer Gavin
Boyland told BBC
Wildlife magazine.
So, as well as featuring
the big-hitters — lions,
tigers, cheetahs,
jaguars and leopards
— we get some of the
33 species of small
cats, including servals,
margays and ocelots. In
tonight’s opener there
are some stunning
glimpses of Siberian
tigers, while a camera
mounted on a buggy
provides a prey’s-eye
view of being chased by
a cheetah. There’s also
an adrenaline-pumping
sequence featuring
African lions hunting
a giraffe and a section
on “the world’s most
lonesome cat”, the
snow leopard, looking
for a mate on the sheer
cliffs of the Himalayas.
However, stealing
the show is the rusty
spotted cat, the world’s
smallest feline. A fully
grown male would
comfortably fit in the
palm of your hand, and
watching one prowling
through its forest home
in Sri Lanka is akin
to seeing a domestic
kitten transported from
your front room. As
well as the incredible
photography, the
voiceover (from the
Doctor Foster actor
Bertie Carvel) is full of
interesting facts, making
the series nourishment
for mind and soul.
In keeping with the
tradition of the BBC’s
landmark wildlife
series Planet Earth and
Blue Planet, the third
episode will focus
on the conservation
issues facing cats.
George Clarke’s
Amazing Spaces
Channel 4, 8pm
There is no end to
the imagination and
ingenuity of the
do-it-your-selfer. In the
first episode of a new
series the architect
George Clarke meets
a young couple who
realise a childhood
dream when they
convert a “well-loved”
(ie knackered) 1975
canal boat into their
dream home. There’s a
series first as a couple
from West Yorkshire
spend £10,000 on
converting a cattle
trailer into a high-end
portable abode fit for
glamping, with its own
pizza oven. Also in this
series Clarke travels to
Japan to look at smallspace designs, starting
in the suburbs of Tokyo.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Holidays. A
surprising exclusion from many travel insurance policies
10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Properties about to be
auctioned in Kent, Wales and Warwickshire (AD) 11.00
Wanted Down Under. A nurse wants to move from
Glasgow to Australia’s Sunshine Coast 11.45 Close Calls:
On Camera. A worker whose dumper truck toppled and
rolled on top of him 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Two teams
test their antiques knowledge in Oswestry, Shropshire (r)
(AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. A meeting with Al leads
Emma and Jimmi to share their experiences of living
alone, while in Liverpool, a young nurse apprentice has an
emotional day before making a call for help (AD) 2.15
Father Brown. A body is discovered on a golf course 3.00
I Escaped to the Country. Revisiting a retired couple who
are now settled in their Somerset home 3.45 The
Farmers’ Country Showdown 4.30 Antiques Road Trip.
Charles Hanson and Anita Manning travel to an auction
via Edinburgh, Melrose and Kelso 5.15 Pointless. Quiz
show hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 The Farmers’
Country Showdown (r) 7.15 Antiques Road Trip (r) 8.00
Sign Zone: MasterChef — The Professionals (r) (AD, SL)
9.00 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live
12.00 Daily Politics 1.00pm Coast (r) 1.15 Brazil with
Michael Palin (r) (AD) 2.15 Himalaya with Michael Palin.
The traveller moves on to Tibet, where he discovers an
increasing Chinese influence, then continues his journey
with a family of nomads heading to a horse festival in
Yushu (r) 3.15 The Great British Winter. Ellie Harrison
visits Britain’s largest estuarine habitat in Morecambe
Bay to discover the best-kept secrets of the winter
landscape (r) 4.15 Great Barrier Reef with David
Attenborough. Using the latest technology, the naturalist
explores the shark-infested waters of Osprey Reef, before
tracking dwarf minke whales to discover their reasons for
returning (r) (AD) 5.15 Flog It! In Morecambe,
Lancashire, Charles Hanson and Catherine Southon find
treasures to take to auction including a vintage Rolex
watch (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy
Vine 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys. Michael
Portillo travels between Taunton and Newton Abbot
6.00am Good Morning Britain. A lively mix of news and
current affairs, plus health, entertainment and lifestyle
features 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current affairs
and fashion news, as well as showbiz stories, cooking and
gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat show
10.30 This Morning. Chat and lifestyle features, including
a look at the stories making the newspaper headlines and
a recipe in the kitchen 12.30pm Loose Women. The
ladies put the world to rights once more and invite a
guest to chat about what they are up to 1.30 ITV News;
Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Cameras follow the criminal
barrister Robert Rinder as he takes on real-life cases in a
studio courtroom 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal. Highlights
from the show, featuring a bowl that is thought to be
genuine Worcester, a collection of vintage puppets, an old
sword and an Amethyst pendant 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben
Shephard hosts the quiz show in which contestants drop
tokens down a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh
presents as four contestants work as a team to take on
ruthless quiz genius the Chaser and secure a cash prize
6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.20am 3rd Rock from the Sun (r) (AD) 7.10 Everybody
Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r) 10.05 Ramsay’s
Kitchen Nightmares USA (r) 11.00 Sun, Sea and Selling
Houses. Looking round properties in Alicante and Almeria
(r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary 12.05pm Live Darts:
BDO Lakeside World Professional Championships. Rob
Walker presents coverage of the afternoon session on
the sixth day of the tournament staged at Lakeside
Country Club in Frimley Green, featuring matches in the
second round of the men’s competition and the
quarter-finals of the ladies’ competition. Plus, a look at
the future of darts with the final of the Youth World
Championship 5.00 Come Dine with Me. Four competing
cooks from Hertfordshire battle it out, and first to host is
a furniture installer and self-professed comedian, who
plans to wow his guests with Thai food (r) 6.00 The
Simpsons. Homer takes Fat Tony’s place as head of the
local Mafia, dragging the rest of the Simpson family
into Springfield’s criminal underworld (r) (AD) 6.30
Hollyoaks. Brody goes with Maggie to the hospital, but
when Scott sees them he misreads the situation and
assumes that the pair are on a date (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. The day’s
news comes under scrutiny from Matthew Wright and the
panel, with viewers invited to share their opinions 11.15
GPs: Behind Closed Doors. The doctors deal with a series
of surprises, including the victim of a road traffic accident,
who staggers into the surgery, and a young patient who
has noticed blood in her stools (r) (AD) 12.10pm 5 News
Lunchtime 12.15 The Hotel Inspector. Alex Polizzi visits
a hotel and nightclub in Essex run by a family who spend
more time arguing than looking after their customers’
needs (r) 1.10 Access 1.15 Home and Away (AD)
1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 NCIS. The bodies of two
dishonourably discharged officers are found on board a
boat belonging to Gibbs — and subsequent inquiries cast
suspicion on his mentor Mike Franks (r) (AD) 3.15
FILM: Dear Diary, I Died (PG, 2016) When a college
student appears to have committed suicide, her sister
tries to uncover the secrets behind her death. Thriller
starring Katherine Kelly Lang 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30
Neighbours. Mark finds the apartment where Gabe was
being held (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Ash drives
Mick deep into the Bush (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
Sale. Get 3 months for the price of 1.
It’s going to be another busy year. Stay well informed on the stories that matter.
7PM
Offer ends February 5, 2018. UK residents aged 18 or over only. Offer open to new and existing subscribers. 12 month minimum term. Existing subscribers will need to recontract. Offer is for access to our Classic 7 day pack only. Subject to availability. Discount over 3 months, followed by standard pricing of £34.67 per month. Terms and conditions apply. Visit store.thetimes.co.uk for full T&Cs.
7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and
Michelle Ackerley present the live
magazine, featuring stories of interest
7.00 Rick Stein’s Road to Mexico The
chef heads across one of the busiest
border crossings in the world — San
Diego to Tijuana — for the start of his
adventures. He follows the Pacific
coastline to Ensenada, and visits the
Valle de Guadalupe — Mexico’s best
kept secret for wines (3/7) (r) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Robert and Victoria hatch
a plan to prevent the Whites from
leaving the country (AD)
8.00 Big Cats New series. Documentary
following ultimate cat species from
around the world, from the lions of
Tanzania — the only cat species to live
in groups — to the tiny rusty spotted
cat of Sri Lanka, 200 times smaller
than a lion but just as curious.
See Viewing Guide (1/3) (AD)
8.00 The Hairy Bikers’ Mediterranean
Adventure Si King and Dave Myers
explore the culinary delights of
Sardinia, including almond and orange
cakes, sheep’s black pudding and stew
served by the “King” (2/6) (AD)
8.00 Emmerdale Harriet watches Cain and
Moira bond over parenthood (AD)
9.00 Death in Paradise DI Mooney and
the team enter the high-stakes world
of poker when a finalist is poisoned
during the Caribbean Masters
tournament and the only suspects are
those sat around the table (2/8) (AD)
9.00 A House Through Time David
Olusoga focuses on the 1850s to the
1890s, revealing how a widow changed
the Liverpool dwelling into a boarding
house, and uncovering stories of
infidelity and murder. See Viewing
Guide (2/4) (AD)
9.00 Transformation Street New series.
Following people born into the wrong
body through the highs and lows of
life-changing gender reassignment
surgery. Filmed over 12 months, the
first film introduces Lucas as he begins
the transition from female to male.
See Viewing Guide (1/3)
Late
7.00 The Wonderful World of Puppies
Documentary charting the first few
months of a dog’s life, following
different breeds as they take the
first steps on their own unique
developmental journey (1/6) (r) (AD)
8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces
New series. The architect visits a canal
boat conversion in Dudley, a cattle
trailer in Yorkshire being turned into
a luxury holiday camper and an
open-plan space in Japan.
See Viewing Guide (1/8) (AD)
8.00 Big Family Values: More Kids
Than Cash A family of 10 from Essex
receive some troubling financial news
and a home-schooling single mum of
seven has to hold down two part-time
jobs to make ends meet (3/4)
9.00 Hunted Things look bleak for Bob and
Alex Ayling when they are tracked to
a remote church in Cheshire, and the
hunters get a lead on former policeman
Jamie Clark when he withdraws cash
from an ATM (2/6) (AD)
9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Highlights of
another day with the famous residents,
revealing who is playing up for the
benefit of the cameras and who is
taking a more laid-back approach
7.30 Divorce Wars: Tonight Investigating
the growing trend for quickie divorces
around the world, and asks whether
they could work in the UK
8.30 The Cruise: Return to the
Mediterranean New series.
Life on board luxury cruise ship
the Royal Princess (1/6)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 Live at the Apollo With Angela
Barnes and Geoff Norcott (7/7)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.00 Derry Girls Sister Michael announces
a school trip to Paris (2/6) (AD)
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.45 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs
the debate from Islington, with a panel
of politicians and other guests facing
topical questions from the audience
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events presented by Emily Maitlis
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Great Art Tim Marlow explores the
legacy of the 19th-century Parisian art
collector Paul Durand-Ruel, whose
exhibition in New York in 1886 brought
impressionism to the mainstream.
See Viewing Guide (2/5) (AD)
10.35 The Undateables Documentary
following disabled people as they try to
search for romance, and experience the
delights and pitfalls of blind dates,
matchmaking and speed dating. In the
first edition, those seeking a partner
include a chef from Hull, who has
Tourette’s syndrome (1/4) (r) (AD)
11PM
10PM
9PM
8PM
7.30 EastEnders Mel Owen returns to
Walford after 16 years, heading to the
cafe to see ex-husband Ian (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
11.45 This Week Andrew Neil introduces a
round-table chat, in which he, Michael
Portillo and other guests take a look
back at the past seven days’ political
and parliamentary developments
12.35am-6.00 BBC News
11.15 Michael Palin: A Life on Screen
The actor and writer looks back on his
varied career in television and film,
featuring archive clips and
contributions from collaborators
John Cleese, David Jason and
Armando Iannucci (r) (AD)
12.15am Sign Zone: Labour — The Summer That
Changed Everything (r) (SL) 1.15-2.20 Imagine:
Rachel Whiteread — Ghosts in the Room. A profile of
Rachel Whiteread, from the controversy surrounding her
1993 Turner Prize-winning piece House, to the acclaim
she achieved for Vienna’s Holocaust Memorial (r) (SL)
11.45 Joanna Lumley’s Postcards The
actress recalls her journey through
China and Mongolia (5/6) (r) (AD)
12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 Divorce Wars: Tonight. Julie
Etchingham investigates the growing trend for quickie
divorces around the world, and asks whether they could
work in the UK (r) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The
Jeremy Kyle Show. The host invites guests to air their
differences over family and relationship issues (r) (SL)
11.35 Working Class White Men
Exploring life in modern Britain for
working-class men (1/2) (r) (AD)
12.35am The Secret Life of the Zoo A power struggle
emerges among the female chimpanzees (r) (AD) 1.30
Food Unwrapped Diet Special (r) (AD) 2.30 How to Retire
at 40 (r) (AD) 3.00 Grand Designs Australia (r) 3.55
Coast vs Country (r) (AD) 4.50 Location, Location,
Location (r) (SL) 5.45-6.15 Extreme Cake Makers (r)
10.00 Celebrity 100 Per Cent Hotter The
pop duo Jedward ask for a makeover,
and the reality star Charlotte Dawson
wants to tone down her look, so the
stylists strip everything back to give
her a sizzling new image (2/4)
11.05 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit on the
Side Rylan Clark-Neal presents the
CBB companion show, featuring gossip,
chat and features from the house. He
and his famous guests look ahead to
tomorrow night’s eviction, debate
other burning issues and share their
thoughts on the latest developments
12.00 SuperCasino 3.10am GPs: Behind Closed Doors.
The victim of a road traffic accident arrives in the surgery
(r) (AD) 4.00 Now That’s Funny! Internet-sourced videos
(r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor. Creating the illusion of space
in a cramped cottage (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife SOS.
Documentary (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 Nick’s Quest (r) (SL)
the times | Thursday January 11 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
A House
Through Time
BBC Two, 9pm
The factual series pays
another visit to 62
Falkner Street in
Liverpool. The historian
David Olusoga uses the
Victorian equivalent
of the Yellow Pages
to identify a former
resident, John Bowes, a
brewer’s agent charged
with convincing pubs to
buy more booze.
Liverpool in the 1850s
had a reputation for
heavy drinking, so
Bowes was a man on
the rise, but then he
seems to have just
disappeared. There is
also a tale of domestic
violence that ends in
the divorce courts, and
an unidentified body
dragged from the River
Mersey has a surprising
link to the house.
Transformation
Street
ITV, 9pm
It is estimated that in
Britain today there are
about 130,000 people
united by their desire
to change gender.
Whether on the
NHS or privately,
the number of adults
seeking medical
intervention to change
their identity has more
than doubled in the
past five years. This
colourful three-part
fly-on-the-wall series
was filmed over
12 months at a private
clinic on Wimpole
Street in London run
by the plastic surgeon
Christopher Inglefield.
It profiles some of
those undergoing
the complex and
emotional process
of transitioning.
Great Art
ITV, 10.45pm
The second part of a
new five-part series
exploring the life and
work of the world’s
most celebrated artists
is concentrating on the
impressionists and
the man credited with
keeping the movement
alive at a time when it
faced complete failure:
the 19th-century
Parisian art collector
Paul Durand-Ruel.
“Without Durand-Ruel
we would have died of
starvation,” said Claude
Monet. “We owe him
everything.” After
a brief introduction
from the art historian
Tim Marlow, we go
behind the scenes of an
exhibition that draws
on Durand-Ruel’s
collection of
impressionist canvases.
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, midnight
The Waialae Country
Club in Honolulu,
Hawaii, is the venue for
the Sony Open, the first
event of the calendar
year. Last year Justin
Thomas enjoyed a
record-breaking week,
bettering the previous
best 72-hole score on
the PGA Tour to claim
a seven-shot victory.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Futurama (r) 7.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD)
8.00 Meerkat Manor (r) 9.00 Road Wars (r)
10.00 Stargate Atlantis (r) 11.00 MacGyver (r)
12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii
Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00
Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The Simpsons (r)
6.00 Futurama (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo. Lee Mack is joined
by Rob Brydon, Emma Bunton, Carol Vorderman,
whose favourite facts are tested to see if they
are scientifically accurate (r)
9.00 A League of Their Own. With Ashley Cole,
Noel Fielding and Aisling Bea (r) (AD)
10.00 Delicious. Gina sets out to give Sam a
40th birthday she will never forget (2/4)
11.00 The Force: North East. Northumbria Police
answer a flood of 999 calls (r)
12.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (r) 1.00am
Hawaii Five-0. Double bill (r) 3.00 The Blacklist
(r) (AD) 4.00 Stop, Search, Seize. Documentary
(r) 5.00 The Dog Whisperer (r)
6.00am Fish Town (r) 7.00 The British (r) (AD)
8.00 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r) (AD)
1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Blue Bloods
(r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00 House (r)
6.00 House. Medical drama (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. After a woman tells Danny
and Baez she’s concerned about her abusive
ex-boyfriend, she becomes the prime suspect
when he is murdered (r) (AD)
9.00 The Tunnel: Vengeance. Karl makes a
worrying discovery at Elise’s apartment (5/6)
10.00 The Tunnel: Vengeance. Karl and Elise
face a showdown with the Pied Piper (6/6)
11.00 Risky Drinking. Produced with The
National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and
Alcoholism, this documentary highlights the
epidemic of alcohol abuse in America (r)
12.35am The Tunnel: Vengeance. Double bill (r)
2.25 Dexter (r) 3.25 Banshee (r) (AD) 4.20 The
West Wing. Two back-to-back episodes (r)
6.00am 60 Minute Makeover (r) 7.00 Obese: A
Year to Save My Life USA 8.00 Chicago Fire (r)
9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 10.00 Cold Case (r)
11.00 The Biggest Loser: Australia 12.00 House
Hunters International (r) 1.00pm To Catch a
Smuggler: JFK Airport (r) (AD) 2.00 Nothing to
Declare (r) 4.00 Chicago Fire (r) 5.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r)
6.00 The Chef’s Line
6.30 The Real A&E (r) (AD)
7.00 Criminal Minds. A killer strikes during a
pre-Hallowe’en celebration (r)
8.00 Elementary. Holmes joins the hunt for an
escaped convict (r)
9.00 Conviction (r) (AD)
10.00 Madam Secretary
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Cold Case (r) 2.00 The Good Doctor (r)
3.00 Scandal (r) (AD) 4.00 The Chef’s Line (r)
4.30 The Real A&E (r) (AD) 5.00 The Best of
Nothing to Declare. Double bill (r)
6.00am Beethoven, Brahms & Chopin 7.00
Rachmaninov: Rhapsody/The Two Pigeons 9.00
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 9.30 Hollywood:
Singing and Dancing (AD) 10.45 Monty Python’s
Personal Best 12.00 Too Young to Die (AD)
1.00pm Discovering: Spencer Tracy (AD) 2.00
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 2.30 Hollywood:
Singing and Dancing (AD) 3.45 Monty Python’s
Personal Best 5.00 Too Young to Die (AD)
6.00 Discovering: James Mason. The life and
career of the Huddersfield-born actor (AD)
7.00 Chaplin in Bali. Documentary film about
Charlie Chaplin’s trip to Bali in 1932
8.00 Gene Tierney: A Forgotten Star
9.00 FILM: Chocolat (12, 2000) A woman
and her daughter offend the strict moral code of
a French village when they open a chocolate shop
during Lent. Drama starring Juliette Binoche
11.15 Faberge: A Life of Its Own. Documentary
examining the history of the jewellery firm
12.45am Tina Turner: Live in Rio. A 1988
concert 2.15 Heimat 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Live
European Tour Golf: The BMW SA Open 10.00
Premier League Daily 11.00 Transfer Centre
11.30 Sky Sports Daily 12.00 Live European
Tour Golf: The BMW SA Open. Further coverage
of the opening day’s play at the City of
Ekurhuleni in Gauteng, South Africa, where
England’s Graeme Storm was the winner last
year 3.00pm Transfer Centre 3.30 Sky Sports
News 5.00 Sky Sports News at 5
6.00 Sky Sports News at 6
7.00 Transfer Centre
7.30 Sky Sports Tonight
8.00 Sky Sports Tonight
9.00 Sky Sports Tonight
10.00 The Debate
11.00 Sky Sports News
12.00 Live PGA Tour Golf: The Sony Open in
Hawaii. Coverage of the opening day from the
Waialae Country Club. See Viewing Guide
3.30am Live EurAsia Cup Golf.
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The View 11.15
Question Time. Topical debate from Islington
12.15am This Week 1.00-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 8.00pm-9.00 The Miners
Who Made Us. Lucy Owen and Will Millard
celebrate the history of coal mining in Wales
BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 12.00midday-1.00pm
First Minister’s Questions 2.15-3.15 Himalaya
with Michael Palin (r) 7.00 Boots: Pharmacists
Under Pressure? Workload pressure and patient
safety at the high-street chain’s pharmacies
7.30-8.00 Timeline 9.00-10.00 The Family
Doctors. New series. Documentary going behind
the scenes of Elgin Medical Centre. The practice
welcomes newly qualified Dr Cattanach — but
two of the senior doctors are planning to retire
11.15-12.15am A House Through Time. David
Olusoga focuses on the 1850s to the 1890s.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
Subscribe from only £2 a week.
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 3.15pm-4.15 The Great
British Winter. Ellie Harrison explores British
forests during the coldest months (r)
thetimes.co.uk/wintersale
0800 158 2890
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Great Art. Tim Marlow explores the
legacy of the 19th-century art collector Paul
Durand-Ruel, whose landmark exhibition in
New York in 1886 brought impressionism to the
mainstream. See Viewing Guide (AD) 12.10am
Teleshopping 1.10 After Midnight 2.40 Divorce
Wars: Tonight. Julie Etchingham investigates
the growing trend for quickie divorces around
the world, and asks whether they could work in
the UK (r) 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.05-6.00
The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days. News and analysis
from Washington DC and London
7.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys.
Michael Portillo explores Scandinavia (r) (AD)
8.00 Bloody Queens: Elizabeth and Mary. A
dramatisation based on the exchange of letters
between Mary Queen of Scots and her cousin
Elizabeth I, detailing the hatred and obsession in
their bitter rivalry (r) (AD)
9.00 England’s Forgotten Queen: The Life and
Death of Lady Jane Grey. Helen Castor reveals
how Jane’s nine-day reign came to an end (AD)
10.00 Fit to Rule: How Royal Illness Changed
History. The difficult relationship between
Victoria and her son Edward (r) (AD)
11.00 Lost Land of the Volcano. Scientists and
wildlife film-makers led by Steve Backshall,
George McGavin and Gordon Buchanan explore a
giant extinct volcano covered by rainforest in
New Guinea (r) (AD)
12.00 Top of the Pops: 1981 (r) 12.40am
Bloody Queens: Elizabeth and Mary (r) (AD)
1.40 England’s Forgotten Queen: The Life
and Death of Lady Jane Grey (r) (AD)
2.40-3.40 Peaky Blinders (r) (AD)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Coach Trip:
Road to Tenerife (r) (AD) 7.30 Streetmate (r)
8.00 Charmed (r) 9.00 Melissa & Joey (r) (AD)
10.00 Baby Daddy (r) 11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine
(r) (AD) 12.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 1.00pm
The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 Melissa &
Joey (r) (AD) 3.00 Baby Daddy (r) 4.00
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD) 5.00 The
Goldbergs. Double bill (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Tenerife (AD)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
9.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
9.30 2 Broke Girls (AD)
10.00 The Inbetweeners (r) (AD)
10.30 The Inbetweeners (r) (AD)
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.05am Gogglebox (r) 1.10 Rude Tube:
Extreme Rides (r) 2.15 2 Broke Girls (r) (AD)
3.05 Rude Tube (r) 3.30 Celebs Go Dating (r)
(AD) 4.25 Rude(ish) Tube (r) 4.45 Charmed (r)
8.55am Food Unwrapped (r) 9.30 A Place in the
Sun: Home or Away (r) 10.30 Four in a Bed (r)
1.05pm Come Dine with Me (r) 3.50 A Place in
the Sun: Home or Away (r) 5.55 The Secret Life
of the Zoo (r) (AD)
6.55 The Supervet (r)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud revisits
Mimi and Andre da Costa, who set out to
construct a sustainable two-storey timber house
in the Kent countryside (12/12) (r) (AD)
9.00 Walks with My Dog. New series.
Caroline Quentin follows the Helford estuary in
Cornwall, Dom Joly is on Hadrian’s Wall and the
former rugby captain Gareth Thomas explores
the Brecon Beacons (AD)
10.00 The Yorkshire Dales and the Lakes.
Cameras follow people who live and work in the
national parks, beginning with the residents of
Bleak Bank Farm in the Dales (r) (AD)
11.05 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown.
With Sean Lock, Victoria Coren Mitchell, Lee
Mack and Bob Mortimer (r)
12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (r)
1.05 Walks with My Dog (r) (AD) 2.05 Grand
Designs (r) (AD) 3.10-3.50 8 Out of 10 Cats (r)
11.00am Dark Command (U, 1940)
American Civil War-era Western starring John
Wayne (b/w) 12.50pm The File on Thelma
Jordan (12, 1950) Film noir starring Barbara
Stanwyck and Wendell Corey (b/w) 2.55 Drums
Along the Mohawk (PG, 1939) John Ford’s
historical drama starring Henry Fonda 5.00 The
Enemy Below (PG, 1957) War thriller
starring Robert Mitchum and Curt Jurgens
7.00 The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (12,
2007) A teenager embarks on a perilous quest
to prevent dark forces seizing the six parts of a
mystical artefact. Fantasy adventure starring
Alexander Ludwig and Christopher Eccleston
9.00 Red 2 (12, 2013) An ex-CIA agent
reassembles his team of retired operatives to
recover an advanced weapon that has gone
missing. Action thriller with Bruce Willis (AD)
11.15 Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (15, 2011)
A former intelligence operative is brought out of
retirement to uncover a Soviet mole in a
high-ranking position in MI6. Cold War thriller
starring Gary Oldman and Colin Firth (AD)
1.50am-3.40 The Pact (15, 2012) Horror
starring Caity Lotz and Casper Van Dien
6.00am Totally Bonkers Guinness World
Records (r) 6.55 Dress to Impress (r) 7.45
Emmerdale (r) (AD) 8.20 Coronation Street (r)
(AD) 9.25 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? (r) 11.10 Dress to
Impress (r) 12.10pm Emmerdale (r) (AD)
12.45 Coronation Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
5.50 Take Me Out (r)
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold. Comical clips
narrated by Harry Hill (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Superstore (AD)
9.00 Release the Hounds: Love Island. New
series. Horror game show, hosted by Matt
Edmondson, beginning with a Love Island special
which sees Chloe Crowhurst, Marcel Somerville
and Gabby Allen entering the forest
10.00 Celebrity Juice. With Jimmy Carr, Hayley
Tamaddon, Kelly Brook and Louis Walsh (r)
10.50 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.45 American Dad! (r) (AD)
12.15am American Dad! (r) (AD) 12.40 Two
and a Half Men (r) 1.10 Superstore (r) (AD)
1.35 Ibiza Weekender (r) 2.30 Teleshopping
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.55
Heartbeat (r) (AD) 7.55 The Royal (r) 9.00
Judge Judy (r) 10.25 The Darling Buds of May
(r) 12.35pm The Royal (r) 1.40 Heartbeat (r)
(AD) 2.40 Classic Coronation Street. Double bill
(r) 4.20 On the Buses (r) 4.55 Rising Damp (r)
5.25 George and Mildred. Mildred becomes
broody and starts to dream of motherhood,
much to George’s dismay (r)
6.00 Heartbeat. A village newcomer is found
battered to death (r) (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica attends a New
York party where she meets a fellow Cabot Cove
citizen leading a double life (r) (AD)
8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple. The sleuth helps
an old friend find refuge at a country house, but
a murderer soon targets the strange building’s
various inhabitants (r) (AD)
10.00 Foyle’s War. As Foyle and his team search
for a missing boy, their investigation leads them
to a less than inviting hotel — and a grim
discovery in the nearby woods (4/4) (r) (AD)
12.15am Inspector Morse (r) 2.10 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase (r) 6.50 Pawn Stars (r) 7.35
Ironside (r) 8.35 Quincy ME (r) 9.40 Minder (r)
(AD) 10.45 The Sweeney (r) 11.50 The
Professionals (r) (AD, SL) 12.50pm Ironside (r)
1.55 Quincy ME (r) 2.55 Minder (r) (AD) 4.00
The Sweeney (r) 5.05 The Professionals (r) (AD)
6.05 The Car Chasers (r) (AD)
7.05 Pawn Stars (r)
7.30 Pawn Stars (r)
8.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special. With Dr
Christian Jessen, JB Gill, Helen Lederer and
Stephen Hendry. Bradley Walsh presents (r)
9.00 FILM: From Russia with Love (PG,
1963) James Bond is sent to steal a top-secret
Soviet decoding machine — but the mission is a
trap set by crime syndicate Spectre. Spy thriller
with Sean Connery and Robert Shaw (AD)
11.25 FILM: GoodFellas (18, 1990) An
Irish-Italian boy is taken under the wing of a
mobster and rises through the ranks of the
Mafia. Martin Scorsese’s crime drama starring
Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci (AD)
2.20 Tommy Cooper (r) (AD, SL) 2.45 ITV4
Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Best
of Top Gear (AD) 2.00 Top Gear (AD) 3.00
Deadly 60. Double bill 4.00 Ice Road Truckers
5.00 Best of Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. The presenters attempt a
Channel crossing in their amphibious cars (AD)
7.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Hard-hitting
mixture of bodycam and observational footage,
reflecting the challenges of combating crime as a
member of the Staffordshire Police force
8.00 QI XL. With Jo Brand, David Mitchell and
Phill Jupitus. Presented by Stephen Fry
9.00 Live at the Apollo. With Rob Brydon, Sarah
Millican and Jason Byrne
10.00 Taskmaster. The show’s comedians don
camouflage to hide from Greg Davies
11.00 QI. With Bill Bailey, Rich Hall and Jeremy
Hardy. Presented by Stephen Fry
11.40 QI. With Jeremy Hardy and Dave Gorman
12.20am Mock the Week. With Jack Whitehall
1.00 QI 2.20 Mock the Week 3.00 Live at the
Apollo 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning 9.00
Casualty 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00
The Duchess of Duke Street 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine (AD) 1.40 Steptoe and Son (b/w)
2.20 Birds of a Feather 3.00 London’s Burning
4.00 New Tricks (AD) 5.00 The Duchess of Duke
Street. Starr receives a visitor from his past
6.00 One Foot in the Grave
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine (AD)
7.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary realises life in
the 1990s does not hold much for him
8.00 A Place to Call Home. Romantic drama
starring Marta Dusseldorp
9.00 The White Queen. Epic historical drama
set against the backdrop of the Wars of the
Roses. King Edward IV causes controversy by
marrying a commoner (1/10)
10.20 New Tricks. A skeleton is uncovered in
the foundations of a swimming pool (8/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon and Tracey fear
Dorien has committed murder
12.00 The Bill 1.00am Bergerac 2.15 Crocodile
Shoes 3.10 A Fine Romance 3.30 Garden
Hopping 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Hunting Down the
Nazis (AD) 11.00 The Golden Age of Steam
Railways (AD) 12.00 Time Team 1.00pm
Human Universe (AD) 2.00 Yellowstone 3.00
Coast (AD) 4.00 The Golden Age of Steam
Railways (AD) 5.00 The World’s Weirdest
Weapons. The proposed use of jetpacks (AD)
6.00 Battleplan. Military fleets (AD)
7.00 Hunting Down the Nazis. Documentary
about Simon Wiesenthal, a survivor of the
Holocaust who dedicated his life to tracking
down Nazi war criminals who had escaped
justice (2/2) (AD)
8.00 Wartime Crime. A mass murderer in
Nazi-occupied France (AD)
9.00 The Two Ronnies. Vintage comedy
10.00 The Two Ronnies. Classic sketches
11.00 Men Behaving Badly. Gary and Dorothy
take a weekend break at a country hotel
11.40 Men Behaving Badly. Tony’s efforts to
make Deborah jealous meet with little success
12.20am Men Behaving Badly 1.00 Museum
Secrets 2.00 Pointless 3.00 Home Shopping
UTV
As ITV except: 12.10am Teleshopping
1.40-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r) 5.20 Na
Bleigeardan (Little Monsters) (r) 5.25 Pincidh
Dincidh Dù (Pinky Dinky Doo) (r) 5.40 Na
Floogals (r) 5.50 Srath Sona (Happy Valley) (r)
5.55 Seoc (Jack) (r) 6.10 Te Bheag a’ Ghruffalo
(The Gruffalo’s Child) (r) 6.35 Sealgairean
Spòrsail (History Hunters) (r) 7.00 Eileanan
Fraoich: Isle of Rum (r) 7.30 Speaking Our
Language (r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Balaich
a’ Bhiobaill (Bible Boys) (r) 9.00 DIY le Donnie
(r) 9.45 Torcuil’s Guide to Being a Gael (r)
10.00 Feis Chiuil Thiriodh (Tiree Music
Festival) (r) 10.30 Fleasgaich an Iasgaich (King
Fishers) 11.15 Belladrum 2016: Cridhe Tartan
— Gruff Rhys (r) 11.25-12midnight Air an
Rathad (On the Road) (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Do Re Mi Dona (r) 6.15 Abadas
(r) 6.30 Halibalw (r) 6.40 Syrcas Deithiol Dewi
(r) 6.50 Bing (r) 7.00 Meic y Marchog (r) 7.10
Y Diwrnod Mawr (r) 7.25 Ynys Broc Môr Lili (r)
7.35 Tipini 7.50 Peppa (r) 8.00 Octonots (r)
8.15 Byd Begw Bwt (r) 8.20 Y Dywysoges Fach
(r) 8.30 Tili a’i Ffrindiau (r) 8.45 Twt (r) 8.55
Nodi (r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r) 9.25 Pingu (r) 9.30
Bobi Jac (r) 9.45 Cei Bach (r) 10.00 Do Re Mi
Dona (r) 10.15 Abadas (r) 10.30 Halibalw (r)
10.40 Syrcas Deithiol Dewi (r) 10.50 Bing (r)
11.00 Meic y Marchog (r) 11.10 Y Diwrnod
Mawr (r) 11.25 Ynys Broc Môr Lili (r) 11.35
Tipini (r) 11.50 Peppa (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 12.05pm Perthyn (r) (AD) 12.30
Noson Lawen (r) 1.30 Adre (r) 2.00 News S4C
a’r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C
a’r Tywydd 3.05 Bois Parc Nest (r) 4.00 Awr
Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh:
Chwarter Call 5.20 Stwnsh: Kung Fu Panda (r)
5.45 Stwnsh: Rygbi Pawb 6.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 6.05 04 Wal (r) 6.30 Rownd a Rownd
(AD) 7.00 Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm. Garry is
worried about Dani and her erratic behaviour
(AD) 8.00 Iolo: Deifio yn y Barrier Reef. Iolo
Williams dives down to a shipwreck that has
been transformed into an artificial reef, and
discovers the importance of the reef to the
tourist industry 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.35
Nel. Drama with Beryl Williams (r) (AD) 11.05
Hansh 11.35-12.10am Mwy o Sgorio (r)
14
Thursday January 11 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
times2 Crossword No 7546
1
2
6
Codeword No 3230
3
4
5
7
21
7
9
5
8
6
9
7
11
10
12
11
17
13
26
13
16
13
2
7
4
9
18
25
9
19
19
25
7
6
4
5
20
4
7
10
7
26
6
5
6
10
26
4
6
3
6
3
3
2
18
3
18
7
26
22
1
20
5
6
6
19
17
19
3
19
23
19
22
1
5
5
17
6
19
15
25
3
22
10
26
26
22
26
20
18
7
26
17
14
15
9
Train Tracks No 303
20
18
A
21
3
19
23
13
H
20
25
Y
26
7
19
26
20
24
4
22
23
4
7
1
G
7
5
18
7
19
9
20
25
7
21
14
4
26
20
8
7
19
7
4
7
B
22
11
7
16
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
23
7
2
6
8
9
10
12
16
18
Appearing at intervals (8)
Winter hanger (6)
Waste trimming (6)
Sound of a wood fire (7)
Yearn for (5)
Separate, disconnect (10)
Absurd (10)
Pre-conquest Mexican (5)
Solution to Crossword 7545
G
CA V
M
I MP
O
AN T
R E
R E
OU T
G O
AN T
N A
T A L
D U L T I MA T A
ERN
M D M
B H
L A T V I A
A L A
G O R
T
P M I SCUE
E P
N A
T
CYC L E A
T
O
E OT TO
I NG E R E
C
WH I N N Y
L ER A E D
R
RANGER
EN T ED T R
20 Barrier; sport (7)
21 Late baroque style (6)
22 Give rise to (6)
23 Aircraft carrier launcher
(8)
3
1
26
6
13
12
7
6
22
7
13
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
Y
H
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Across
G
Down
1
2
3
4
5
7
11
13
14
15
17
19
Sharp, forthright (7)
Translucently clear (8)
Taint with disease (6)
Russian country house (5)
Portion of meat (6)
Arrogantly confident (8)
Put back in position (8)
Accept as true (8)
Very hot place (7)
Knitted or woven fabric (6)
Polar region (3,3)
Implicitly understood (5)
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or text
TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access
charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution call
0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s network access
charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
6Winners will
receive a Collins
English Dictionary
& Thesaurus
Lexica
E
Solve the puzzle
and text in the
numbers in the
three shaded
boxes. Text
TIMES followed
by a space, then your three
numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your
name, address and postcode to
84901 (UK only), by midnight.
Or enter by phone. Call 09012
925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
by midnight. Leave your three
answer numbers (in any order)
and your contact details.
No 4088
I
S
T
O
O
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge.
SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Numbers are substituted for letters in the crossword grid. Below the grid is the
key. Some letters are solved. When you have completed your first word or
phrase you will have the clues to more letters. Enter them in the key grid and
the main grid and check the letters on the alphabet list as you complete them.
Yesterday’s solution, right
No 4087
N
O
U
S
I
N
L
I
I
H
R
S
D
K
I
F
T
M
V
U
M
E
A
L
N
L
S
N
O
P
E
U
C
A
L
Calls cost £1.00 (ROI €1.50) plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge.
Winners will be picked at random from all correct answers received.
One draw per week. Lines close at midnight tonight.
If you call or text after this time you will not be entered but will still be
charged. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
S
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Difficult No 4222
Futoshiki No 3084
Kakuro No 2043
24
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
∨
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
∧
∧
>
What are your favourite
puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
23
14
7
15
4
20
23
13
∧
<
23
23
6
∧
23
16
14
4
4
3
14
23
16
15
7
4
13
∧
Fill the blank squares so that each row and column contains
all the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Use the given numbers and
the symbols that tell you if a number in the square is larger
(>) or smaller (<) than the number next to it.
16
23
16
23
4
10
17
24
2 >
24
23
7
Fill the grid so that
each block adds up
to the total of the
block above or to
the left. You can
only use digits 1-9
and you must not
use the digit twice
in one block. The
same digit may
occur more than
once in a row or
column, but must
be in a separate
block.
26
23
13
7
16
6
11
14
34
23
15
17
7
© PUZZLER MEDIA
4
the times | Thursday January 11 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
White: Sergey Volkov
Black: Peter Svidler
Russian Championship,
St Petersburg 2017
Grünfeld Defence
1 d4 Nf6 2 c4 g6 3 Nc3 d5 4 Nf3
Bg7 5 Qb3 dxc4 6 Qxc4 Be6 7
Qa4+
The real test of Black’s opening
idea arises after 7 Qb5+ Bd7 8
Qxb7 Nc6, when Black has compensation for the sacrificed pawn.
7 ... Bd7 8 Qb3 c5 9 d5 b5
A clever move, planning to
meet 10 Nxb5 with 10 ... Qa5+ 11
Nc3 Nxd5! 12 Qxd5 Bxc3+.
10 e4 b4 11 e5 bxc3 12 exf6 Bxf6
13 bxc3 0-0 14 Bh6 Re8 15 Bc4
Bg4 16 Nd2 Nd7 17 h3 Rb8 18
________
á D 1rDkD]
à0rD DpDp]
ß D gpDpD]
ÞD 0PDbD ]
Ý DBD )PD]
Ü! ) D DP]
ÛPD H D D]
Ú$ D DRI ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
7
EASY
MEDIUM
HARDER
SQUARE
IT
+ 11 ÷ 3
54 x 7 + 48
128 + 822
70%
OF IT
+ 1/2
OF IT
–8
SQUARE 1/9
OF IT
IT
OF IT
1/2
+8
x6
+ 89 ÷ 2 – 16 x 3 – 62
50%
OF IT
x 2 + 682
+ 1/2
OF IT
Vitiugov
Svidler
Dubov
Fedoseev
Malakhov
Tomashevsky
Riazantsev
Sjugirov
Inarkiev
Matlakov
Romanov
Volkov
1
*
½
½
0
½
½
½
½
½
½
0
0
2
½
*
1
0
0
½
½
½
½
½
0
0
3
½
0
*
½
1
1
½
½
0
½
0
0
4
1
1
½
*
1
0
0
0
½
0
½
0
5
½
1
0
0
*
½
½
1
½
½
½
0
7
½
½
½
1
½
½
*
0
½
½
½
0
8
½
½
½
1
0
½
1
*
½
½
0
1
9
½
½
1
½
½
½
½
½
*
½
½
½
10
½
½
½
1
½
½
½
½
½
*
½
1
11
1
1
1
½
½
½
½
1
½
½
*
½
12
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
0
½
0
½
*
7
7
6½
6½
6
6
6
5
5
4½
3½
3
________
á D D 4kD] Winning Move
àD D 0pDp]
ßpD DbDpD] Black to play. This position is from
St Petersburg 2017.
ÞD DND H ] Volkov-Riazantsev,
The black pieces are crawling all over the
Ý 0 gP) 1] white king and he now wins quickly. Can
ÜD D D D ] you spot the preliminary move and the
ÛP)rDBDK)] combination that this sets up?
Ú$ D ! DR] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
This 5♦, the first board of the last
weekend of the English Premier
League in Solihull, is a fascinating
study in trump control. West leads
the three of spades, to dummy’s
four and East’s seven. You ruff.
Needing to make something of
your hearts, and expecting East to
hold the king for his stronger bidding, you cash the ace, discarding a
spade from dummy, and ruff a
heart. At trick four, you lead a club
toward your pictures.
East rises with the ace of clubs
(best) to lead a second spade. You
ruff and ruff a third heart, bringing
down East’s king. You now hold
only two trumps in each hand
while East holds three. Trump
control is distinctly precarious.
You cross to your king of clubs
and lead the promoted queen of
hearts, discarding dummy’s last
spade. If East ruffs he is sunk, for
his spade return (or diamond) can
be ruffed with dummy’s queen, the
low diamond returned for a finesse
of the jack, followed by the ace of
diamonds (drawing the last two
diamonds) and the two winning
hearts. So East discards on the
queen of hearts.
If you now lead a fifth winning
heart at the next trick, West can
defeat you by ruffing from his doubleton. Instead, you must revert to
leading the queen of clubs. East
cannot ruff or you claim by drawing his trumps (via a finesse) as
above. So he again discards.
Now, however, with just four
cards remaining, you can afford to
lead the fifth heart. West ruffs
(best) and you overruff in dummy
(from ♦Q10). East in turn has to
♠Q 9 6 4
♥♦Q 10 8 7
♣10 8 7 6 2
Killer Gentle No 5812
14
6
W
20
4
16
17
15
11
5min
5
26
14
7
10
3
17
13
16
5
3
8
8
8
14
17
7
16
16
23
13
9
12
Advanced
N
Killer Tough No 5813
16
Pass
1♠ (1)
2♥ (2) 3♠ (3)
Pass
Pass
Dbl(4) Pass
4♣
Pass
4♥
Pass
4NT(5) Pass
5♦
End
(1) Some may open 1NT to avoid the rebid
problem (guilty).
(2) Bidding 2♥ then doubling for take-out
describes the hand better (and more economically) than doubling for take-out then
bidding hearts.
(3) Pre-emptive. West would bid 3♥ to
show a good spade raise.
(4) Take-out. As planned.
(5) North should not table a void trump. His
4NT bid logically shows 4♦-5♣.
28min
25
20
10
26
E
12
23
11
21
8
8
7
18
7
22
5 9
9 8
6 7 5
1
5 2 3
1 3
5 3
7 1 2
9 7
8 9
21
12
5
1
3
2
6
18
8
3
7
5
1
6
9
2
4
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
6
7
3
2
8
1
9
5
4
=1
x
-
=4
=
8
=
63
1 6
2 4 6
2 1
9 1 3
7 3 5
2
6
4
3
9
8
1
5
7
9
5
1
7
4
2
3
8
6
6
1
9
4
2
5
8
7
3
1
2
9
4
3
5
8
7
6
8
5
4
6
9
7
1
2
3
5
3
2
1
6
8
7
4
9
A V
S
A
CAN
O
I
WA L
L
L
BA
P
E X C
A O
COR
H G
V I
1
2
4
8
9
7
8
9
Train Tracks 302
O I D
A S I
G W E
A L
AN X I
O
L
T
KOU T
A P
Z
N
N J O
S T I
O
E
E L
MARQ
L
B
A
N I C E
BA
T
D
B
N Y L
F I B
Sudoku 9584
5
2
3
8
6
7
4
9
1
7
4
8
1
3
9
2
6
5
1
7
6
2
8
3
5
4
9
4
8
5
9
7
1
6
3
2
3
9
2
6
5
4
7
1
8
7
6
1
9
5
4
3
8
2
4
9
8
7
2
3
6
1
5
3
4
5
8
1
9
2
6
7
9
8
6
5
7
2
4
3
1
2
1
7
3
4
6
5
9
8
7
6
8
1
2
4
5
9
3
1
9
3
6
8
5
2
4
7
5
2
4
3
9
7
1
8
6
6
3
9
7
5
8
4
2
1
2
4
5
9
3
1
6
7
8
3
8
2
5
1
9
7
6
4
9
5
7
4
6
3
8
1
2
4
1
6
8
7
2
3
5
9
1
9
4
2
6
5
3
7
8
3
7
5
8
9
1
6
4
2
7
6
8
1
2
9
4
5
3
9
4
3
6
5
8
2
1
7
5
1
2
7
4
3
8
6
9
Killer 5811
4
2
7
9
8
6
5
3
1
8
5
1
4
3
7
9
2
6
6
3
9
5
1
2
7
8
4
2
8
6
3
7
4
1
9
5
1
2
5
3
7
6
2 6
2
3 2
7
x
x
5
2
∧
5
5
4
4
3
4
2
6
x
-
x
4
9
1
+
+
+
+
1
3
7
3
4
4
4
2
A
5
6
4
1
3
1
B
Suko 2131
2
8
6
7
3
9
1
4
5
5
1
3
6
4
8
9
7
2
7
4
9
1
2
5
6
8
3
6
7
8
3
5
2
4
1
9
4
3
2
9
7
1
8
5
6
9
5
1
4
8
6
3
2
7
1
2
5
8
9
3
7
6
4
8
9
4
5
6
7
2
3
1
3
6
7
2
1
4
5
9
8
C
R
I
S
I
S
O
O
L
B
R
A
W
I
D
E
L
Y
T
C
H
R
O
W
U
E
E
B
Lexica 4086
5 > 4
1 < 2
∨
4
3
2
1
∨
4
2
1 < 3
5
Set Square 2045
2 2
3
Lexica 4085
Futoshiki 3083
3
1
D E
R
P
OU S
O A
P A L
M
F F
O N
U E E
N
V
DGE
E
R
R E
Sudoku 9585
8
7
1
2
4
6
9
3
5
3
∧
5
3
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
÷
+
3
1
9 8
3 4 6
1
9
2 7
9 1
8 3 5
6
6
8
7
22
2
=
8
used in this
grid, but only
once. Can you
work out their
positions in the
grid so that
each of the six
different sums
works? We’ve
put 2 numbers
in to help you.
Do the sums
left to right and
top to bottom
+
+
1
∧
2
14
= 32 from 1-9 are
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
9
7
8
12
All the digits
x
Codeword 3229
8
6 3
8 9
9 7
12
6
9
3
Solutions
KenKen 4221
Contract: 5♦, Opening Lead: ♠ 3
overruff with the king but if he
returns a diamond, you win the
ace-jack and enjoy the long heart;
while if he returns a spade, you
score the last three tricks on a high
cross-ruff. Beautiful.
So what actually happened?
South was left to languish in 4♥
and drifted two down after losing
trump control on a low spade lead.
Interestingly, at another table West
chose the king of spades lead,
whereupon 4♥ could not be beaten.
2
+
x
Cell Blocks 3112
20
4
2
1
÷
Killer 5810
10
6
8
-
Sudoku 9583
12
2
4
+
Kakuro 2042
10
5
♠K J 5 3
♠ A 10 8 7 2
N
♥8 7 6 3 W E ♥K 9 2
♦9 2
♦K 5 3
S
♣J 9 3 ♠ ♣A 5
♥AQ J 10 5 4
♦A J 6 4
♣KQ 4
S
OF IT
Yesterday’s answers
alder, alee, dale, deal, dealer, deferral,
dele, earl, elder, fale, fardel, farl,
federal, feel, feral, flare, flared, flea,
flee, fleer, lade, lard, larder, lead,
leader, leaf, leer, rale, real, reel
Dealer: North, Vulnerability: Neither
Teams
+ 1/2
From these letters, make words of
four or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 12 words, average;
17, good; 21, very good; 26, excellent
5
Bridge Andrew Robson
– 732
6
Divide the grid
into blocks.
Each block
must be square
or rectangular
and must
contain the
number of
cells indicated
by the number
inside it.
Set Square No 2046
23 ... Bd7 was quite acceptable
but this is an excellent sacrifice.
24 gxf5 exd5 25 Ba6
If 25 Bxd5 c4, Black will continue
26 ... Bc5+, regaining the piece.
25 ... c4 26 Qa4 Rb2 27 Nf3 Ree2
White’s extra piece is irrelevant. His pieces are scattered and
his king is horribly exposed.
28 Qc6 Qe7 29 Qa8+ Bb8 30
Qxd5 Bxf4 31 Rfe1 Qe3+ 32 Kh1
Rh2+ White resigns
6
½
½
0
1
½
*
½
½
½
½
½
0
+1/3
OF IT
6
2
2
Polygon
Russian Championship, St Petersburg 2017
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
– 897
2
© PUZZLER MEDIA
The Russian grandmaster Peter
Svidler has won the Russian
Chess Championship Superfinal
(after a play-off) for an astonishing eighth time. The game I have
chosen shows a creative counterattack initiated by Black’s piece
sacrifice on move 23.
Qa3 Bf5 19 0-0 Ne5 20 Bf4 Rb7
21 Bxe5
This exchange, along with the
follow-up, is misguided. 21 Rad1
was about equal.
21 ... Bxe5 22 f4 Bd6 23 g4 e6
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Pieces of eight
Cell Blocks No 3113
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
8
x
-
3
Quiz 1 Classic FM 2 New Scotland Yard — the HQ
of the Metropolitan Police Service 3 County Mayo
4 Single malt Scotch whisky 5 Get Out 6 Measure
for Measure 7 Sarah Lucas 8 Doctor Strange aka
Stephen Strange 9 New Song 10 Nguyen dynasty —
the last dynasty of Vietnam before conquest by
France 11 William F Buckley Jr 12 Sofia, Bulgaria
13 Callisto 14 Bjorn Borg 15 [Arctic] skua or
parasitic jaeger (Stercorarius parasiticus)
G
F
L
A
E
T
T
D
A
A
V
I
R
T
Word watch
Rooty (c) Bread, from
Indian “roti” (British
Army slang)
Anzac soup (a) Shell-hole
water polluted by a
corpse (Australian, First
World War)
Blighty one (b) A slight
wound that would get a
soldier repatriated (British
Army slang)
Brain Trainer
Easy 72; Medium 491;
Harder 3,144
Chess 1 ... Qg4+! 2 Kf1
Qh3+! 3 Nxh3 Bxh3 mate
11.01.18
MindGames
Sudoku
Mild No 9586
Fill the grid so that
every column, every
row and every 3x3
box contains the
digits 1 to 9.
Fiendish No 9587
Super fiendish No 9588
Word watch
by Josephine
Balmer
7
5
9
Rooty
a Uptight
b Detailed
c Bread
Anzac soup
a Polluted water
b Lumpy porridge
c A fly swarm
6
Blighty one
a Morse code
b A slight wound
c A small number
6
9 1
7 2 3 1
9 5
4
2
9
2
4 8
5
5 9 7 8
2
5
6
For interactive
Sudoku puzzles, visit
thetimes.co.uk/puzzles
Answers on page 15
2
PUZZLER MEDIA
7
7 5 3 9
5
6 3
3 2
9
6
5
9
8
6
2
1
2 4
1
7 9 3
1
6
4 8
to receive four clues for any of today’s puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
by Olav Bjortomt Times MindGames books
GETTY
1 John Suchet
is the 9am-1pm
weekday host on
which radio station?
15
6 The duke,
Vincentio, disguises
himself as Friar
Lodowick in which
Shakespeare play?
which comic book
“Sorcerer Supreme”?
7 Human Toilet
Revisited is a 1998
photographic selfportrait by which
Young British Artist?
5 The English actor,
Daniel Kaluuya,
played the
photographer Chris
Washington in
which 2017 film?
8 Wong is the
sidekick and valet of
9 Which 1983 Howard
Jones hit features the
lyric: “Throw off your
mental chains”?
10 The Catholic priest
Pierre-Joseph-Georges
Pigneau de Béhaine
helped Vietnamese
emperor Gia Long
found which dynasty?
The Times MindGames: Word
Puzzles & Conundrums and
Number & Logic Puzzles are
out now. To order copies visit
timesbooks.co.uk or call
0844 576 8120. Also available
from all good bookshops.
11 Which conservative
commentator wrote
novels about the CIA
agent Blackford Oakes?
12 Which European
capital is home
to the Nu Boyana
Film Studios?
2 The Black Museum
is a collection of
criminal memorabilia
kept where in London?
4 Fettercairn Fior,
Glenglassaugh and
Balvenie are brands
of what spirit?
13 What is the secondlargest moon of Jupiter,
after Ganymede?
Yesterday’s
Quick
Cryptic
solution
No 1002
14 Which Swedish
tennis star lost the
US Open men’s
singles final in 1976,
1978, 1980 and 1981?
15 The Arctic
species of which bird
is pictured?
Answers on page 15
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1003
1
2
3
4
5
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
20
19
21
23
22
S
O
M
E
B
O
D
Y
P
O
O
P
I L K
T
I
A N AGE
D
E
R A I N T
D
A L L A S
U
R
COME
I
E
F F E R
E
I
A RME S
I P S T A
N
E
D
S MOV
T
I
E
E A S E R
P
K
S
C I N E
S
L
T O L I G
R
E
R
A ND SO
T
A
I N
A N
F F
A
E R
E
W
MA
N
H T
O
ON
L
K Y
Follow The Times Crossword
Editor @timescrosswords
by Hurley
6
7
3 6
5
8 5
7
8 1 6 7
6
2
9 7 2 3
7
1 5
8
7 3
2
4
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight
The Times Daily Quiz
3 Castlebar is the
county town of which
Irish county?
9
Across
1 Paris money once I study for
friar (10)
7 Revolving component in car
maybe unchanged on reversal
(5)
8 Go North after Sarah
uncovered region of Spain (6)
10 Journey ultimately with no
stop (3)
12 Popular building material?
About right for something
added on (9)
13 British directive for march (6)
14 Note duke getting in ale for
drinking bout (6)
17 Orderly fit to sail? (9)
19 Italian writer represented by
English firm (3)
20 Desire often extremely
unrestrained (6)
21 Happy suggestions at end of
day (5)
23 Sense to protect flying eagle
from Africa (10)
Down
1 Defensive position he based
on famous footballer having
good intentions (3,3,4)
2 Insect in pants? (3)
3 Explosive line on site after
leader leaves (7)
4 Ascent transformed attitude
(6)
5 Oddly ignored Zambian seen
as lower in rank (5)
6 Extremely lazy, lie on bed
possibly (4-4)
9 Sadly see poet try overused
idea (10)
11 Quiet craftsman, biased (8)
15 Choose artist — complex
woman (7)
16 Spotted in Amritsar — niece’s
snack perhaps (6)
18 Composer from South — a
draw (5)
22 Initially praised one excellent
US writer (3)
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