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The Times Times 2 - 16 April 2018

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On Monday
April 16 | 2018
I know where
you live.
All of you
Everything you don’t know
about the internet but should
By Hugo Rifkind
2
1G T
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
times2
No, you can’t
Would I cut back the
booze for an extra two
years of life? Hell, no!
Kevin Maher
I
love science, don’t get me wrong.
It was science, in fact, that first
established the phrase “the
tipping point” (used in physics to
describe the moment at which a
balanced object would topple
and fall due to excess weight),
which was then adopted by
mid-20th-century sociologists and
popularised by the writer Malcolm
Gladwell in his bestseller The Tipping
Point: How Little Things Can Make a
Big Difference.
Well, I reached the tipping point last
week, without doubt courtesy of two
infuriating scientific studies. Both
were from respected universities
(Cambridge and California), and were
the kind of studies that, when
absorbed in isolation, are designed to
nudge us towards healthier, more
informed lifestyle choices. Yet taken
together, for me at least, it was simply
game over (or, to stick with the
original metaphor, I toppled and I fell).
The first study, from the University
of Cambridge (together with the
British Heart Foundation) found that
drinking a single extra glass of wine a
week could take as much as two years
off your life. Using as a guideline the
government’s recommended weekly
allowance of 14 units, aka five glasses
of wine (aka four on a Saturday night,
one at Sunday lunch and sheer terror
for the rest of the week), the scientists
found that we “appeared” to lose 15
minutes of life for every modestly
sized 175ml glass of wine that we
consumed above that amount, which
eventually leads to a hefty two years
off the back end of existence (“I’ll have
mine with a dash of Grim Reaper!”).
Naturally, I found this profoundly
annoying. Bloody killjoy scientist
snoopers. Our parents’ generation
didn’t have to deal with this. And they
had ciggies too.
Plus, when you think about
it truthfully, after a brutalising,
stress-inducing work week, when all
those worries and accumulated minor
traumas are finally fading from view
and you’re sitting down with that
lovely bottle of pinot, that cheeky
palliative to all of life’s ills, and you’re
about to absolutely hammer your way
through it, are you really going to stop
yourself and say: “No, wait! When I’m
an incapacitated nonagenarian wreck,
staring at the floor and dribbling over
my wheelchair, I’m going to be so
I prefer
mummy’s
boys
I’m hugely impressed
by the Belgian army’s
plans to allow new
Still as confused about the internet as a
senator at a Mark Zuckerberg grilling?
Relax, Hugo Rifkind can explain it all
thankful that I held back on the booze
for the sake of these two fabulous
years!” Hell, no. Bartender, pour me
another one!
I say this now, of course. At the time
I made a mental note: “Right. Five
glasses it is. Thank you, scientists. I
owe you. You’ve made my life more
wholesome, healthy and rewarding.
Yet again.”
Then the second study struck from
the University of California. This found
that being in a job where you sit at a
desk all day could carry an “increased
risk of dementia”. Brilliant. Thank you,
scientists. That’s just what I needed to
hear. Because, really, in this day and
age, what are the chances of having a
job where you sit at a desk? I know,
mad, eh? Thank God most of the
modern British workforce is made up
GETTY IMAGES
of acrobats, joggers and itinerant farm
labourers. Relief all round.
The big (dementia-riddled)
head-scratcher, though, is the question
of how one is supposed to respond
to this study. How do you tackle the
“sitting at a desk” conundrum, beyond
silly superficial suggestions (“Time for
a handstand break!”). Do you quit your
job and become a decathlete? Do you
insist on a less desk-based workload?
(Aaaaaand hello, toilet cleaning!) Or
do you simply run around with an
iPad taped to your face? Me? I know
what I did. I poured myself a big dirty
glass of wine (Let’s just call it “the
sixer”). Cheers, scientists. See you
on the other side!
recruits to spend nights
at home with their
families instead of with
other soldiers at the
barracks. The move has
been suggested after it
was revealed that one
out of every six recruits
apparently quits the
army after suffering
from homesickness.
Not everyone,
naturally, is a fan of
modernising (read
“feminising”) reforms
— one former
paratrooper who was
interviewed by the
Belgian media scoffed:
“You don’t want to
go to a war zone with
men who miss their
Please
don’t read
my feet
Good to know that
“Britain’s premier foot
reader” (I kid you not)
has examined
photographs of
Meghan Markle’s feet
and decided that the
future princess’s
elongated second toe
means that she’s a
natural leader, while
her short big toe
indicates a born
multi-tasker.
For me, though, this
was “much a-toe about
nothing” — way-hay! —
mainly because I don’t
have a relationship,
as such, with my feet.
They’re very white
(almost blue-y white,
in fact, because of the
veins) and very flat.
They are, in fact, like
soft white flippers.
And what they say
about my personality
is . . . er . . . he’s the kind
of guy who wears his
socks on the beach,
because those bad boys
clearly have never
seen the sun. Although
I am super-paranoid
about them on any
beach and usually
lather them in sun
cream or else sit
patiently with my legs
buried up to my shins
in sand. I burnt them
in France once. It was
awful — they went
from white flippers to
angry red inflatables.
Never again.
mummies.” Which is
curious. Because I want
to go everywhere only
with men who miss
their mummies. Any
man who doesn’t miss
their mummy isn’t
worth knowing. Unless,
of course, she was a
complete nightmare.
But even then . . .
W
e get it, we
really do.
All this
news for the
past month,
all about
technology
and the
internet, and you’ve . . . got a bit left
behind. You definitely understood all
this stuff once, but then you stopped
concentrating for a bit and suddenly
they didn’t even have disk drives any
more and the mice didn’t have balls,
and how does that even work, anyway?
Perhaps you’ve tried asking a
younger person, but they’ve just rolled
their eyes and promised to WhatsApp
you, and you’re not even sure if you’re
on that one, and whether that might
make you a terrorist if you are, and
this bitcoin stuff seemed terribly
important for a bit, but now it doesn’t
and HOLY HELL is that really Mark
Zuckerberg, but he looks so young, he
could be your nephew, and what
actually is Cambridge Analytica and
are people really telling you Donald
Trump got in because you once sent
somebody a video of a cat wearing
shorts? Now dogs are giving Hitler
salutes, and you’re supposed to have a
Fitbit, and Russia is involved and you
just don’t see how it all fits together.
And yes, you’ve tried looking it up on
the internet, and yes, you know that’s
ironic, but it didn’t work because there
has been something weird going on
with your Yahoo! Toolbar since 2003.
Now you’re on the verge of giving up
unless somebody can explain to you,
once and for all, what is going on. So
here we are to try. Kindly. Patiently.
Nobody is going to make you feel
stupid. Relax. You are not alone.
What is Facebook?
Oh f*** off. You’ve got to be kidding
me. You don’t even know what
Facebook is? What are you, an
American senator? Honestly, if this is
going to be your attitude, we’re not
going to get anywhere. Ask your kids,
although if they’re under 30 they
probably don’t use it any more.
How does Facebook make money?
Better. Although not much better.
Jeez, you people. Zuckerberg, the
founder of Facebook, had to answer
this question in front of the US Senate
last Monday. “Senator,” he said,
sniggering a little, “we run ads.” As
basic as this is, “SENATOR, WE RUN
ADS” could actually be the defining
phrase of this whole fuss. Many
people, even those who use Facebook
quite a lot, don’t properly grasp that
the whole enterprise is designed to
harvest their data and use it to target
them with advertisements.
Harvest? Data? Target?
Stop panicking, Grandpa.
Didn’t you promise that
you wouldn’t do this?
Sorry. Your data is the information
you give to Facebook and the stuff you
do on it. So, it starts with your name,
age and location, but rapidly gets more
complicated. Facebook sees who your
friends are and how often you interact
with them. It sees the things you like
reading and which links you are more
or less likely to click on. It sees the
things you “like” and the things you
don’t like. To profit from this, it may
bundle together various things it
knows about you and allow an
advertiser to use them to target you
with an advert for something you
might want to buy.
Such as?
Fancy some tickets to see Isle of Dogs
at the cinema next weekend?
Hey, wow, we were just talking about
going to see that! Creepy.
Not really. You always go to the
cinema at weekends. And you fit the
generic profile of people who go to see
Isle of Dogs. And you searched for Isle
of Dogs, clicked “like” on the Isle of
Dogs Facebook page and just posted
“Hey! Does anybody fancy coming
to see Isle of Dogs?”
I still find it creepy. Maybe I’ll stop
doing stuff like that on Facebook.
Won’t make much difference, I’m
afraid. Facebook follows you around
the rest of the internet too. Have
you heard of cookies?
I’ve got some here. But “biscuits”,
please. We’re British.
I feel you’re trolling me.
I’ve heard of trolls. What are they?
We were talking about cookies.
Sorry, yes, that first.
Roughly, cookies are bits of code
that websites use to identify you. Even
more roughly, some sites also have
bits of code from Facebook on them,
which send information about where
you’ve been online, whether you’ve
logged in lately or not. All of which
is then added to the big treasure
trove advertisers get to exploit.
OK, that definitely is creepy. Is
Facebook the only company that
does this?
Nope. It’s the basic money-making
engine of the supposedly free internet.
Shouldn’t I have known about this
for years?
Yes.
It’s only shopping, though. Right?
No. Over the past few years, political
campaigns have learnt how to do this
too. As in building profiles of voters
and targeting them with adverts
designed to influence their vote.
Come off it. Nobody’s vote could be
influenced by an internet advert.
Both sides in the Brexit referendum
spent millions on internet adverts. In
the US presidential election the Trump
the times | Monday April 16 2018
3
1G T
times2
eat the Facebook cookies
The lowdown
Bleached hair
COVER: REX/SHUTTERSTOCK. BELOW: MARK ZUCKERBERG/FACEBOOK
But I didn’t see any of this stuff.
Yes, I know. That’s the whole point.
Am I right in thinking Russia has
something to do with all of this?
Sort of. These abilities are a gift for
foreign propagandists. In the US
presidential election, state-sponsored
Russian agents are known to have
secretly targeted voters with divisive
adverts in much the same way, but
worse. Most were attacking Hillary
Clinton. Depending on whom they
were targeted at, they either called her
a racist, or unpatriotic. They also set
up Facebook groups for patriots and
black activists and even organised
demonstrations. Most people never
saw any of this, or even knew about it.
Nor were they supposed to, because
they weren’t marginal voters.
Blimey. Did they do anything like
that in Britain?
It’s hard to say. So far Facebook claims
to have found almost no evidence
that it did, but it’s not clear how hard
they’ve been looking. It is known,
however, that Russian trolls were
and are highly active on Twitter.
Sometimes they’re obvious, and
terrible at it. “Birmingham in the
UK literally has no-go zones now,”
tweeted a user called @J2bk_Chelsea
in a famous exchange last year. When
another user replied saying he “lived in
Brum” and it didn’t, the troll retorted:
“You lived in Brum. I was kinda talking
about Birmingham. Look it up.”
Twitter is the one Donald Trump uses?
Yup. Troll paradise.
and Clinton campaigns spent tens of
millions. So you should tell them that.
They could have saved a fortune.
A fool and his money are easily
parted. No advert could ever make
me do anything.
Wow, these biscuits are posh.
I just liked the packet. Although
they actually taste the same as the
cheap ones. Why are you looking
at me like that?
No reason.
How does Cambridge Analytica
fit into this?
Well. CA is a political strategy
company that specialises in political
advertising as described above. What
emerged a few weeks ago was that,
rather than simply paying Facebook
to use the data it holds on people, it
instead paid somebody else —
Aleksandr Kogan, a researcher at the
University of Cambridge — to extract
it and take it away, so it could be used
for other purposes.
What purposes?
Something called “psychographic
profiling”. Don’t worry if you don’t
understand what this means. Nobody
else does either.
Then why should I care?
That’s a good question. Finally.
Well done you. You should care
because what leaked out to them
could have leaked out to anybody.
Basically, Facebook had a flaw that
made it very easy for developers
to harvest data by getting users to
download fun apps and quizzes. Worse
still, it wasn’t just those users whose
data could be taken away, but that of
their friends too. Nobody really knows
yet how much this has happened,
or to how many people, but by some
estimates it was almost everybody.
It’s a privacy nightmare.
So Cambridge Analytica are the
baddies here? And Facebook just
slipped up?
Not quite. The whole business of
political targeting is arguably quite
malign, whoever does it. When you
target voters, you can say different
things to different groups and nobody
except you sees everything.
Got any examples?
Why, yes. During the Brexit
referendum, Vote Leave had very
different advertisements for different
groups. Right-wing voters were
targeted with concerns about
immigration. Left-wing voters,
who may have been repelled by
this, saw completely different
messages, such as a series of
adverts that criticised the EU
for being complicit in things
such as commercial whaling.
Meanwhile, younger voters,
via the offshoot BeLeave,
were targeted with
pro-immigration adverts
that criticised the EU for
limiting opportunities for
people from non-EU nations.
Mark Zuckerberg with
his wife, Priscilla, and
their daughter Maxima
in fancy dress and,
below, with Facebook’s
chief operating officer,
Sheryl Sandberg
You never told me what trolls are.
Sorry. Trolls (n pl) are people online
whose aim is to cause disagreement
and arguments. When you troll (v),
you don’t really mean what you are
saying. You’re just trying to stir,
provoke and pollute.
Is the real problem here that the
internet is being used by bad people?
And the solution is just to find a way
to stop that?
I wish. The more frightening prospect
is that it is turning us all into bad
people. The same mechanisms used
for targeting allow us to bond more
closely with people we like and
ignore people we don’t. Facebook
and Zuckerberg are obsessed
with allowing people to “make
w
connections” outside their normal
“meat-world” experience. In
practice, though, these connections
are usually with people who share
our views, perhaps even more than
our meat-world companions
do. As a result, we’re
d
ggetting angrier, more
iintolerant and more
divided. More stressed.
More radicalised.
Hang on, this is
beginning to sound like
b
it explains almost
everything.
Yes, I keep saying.
Also, why is my printer
so hard to use?
I can’t help you with that
one. They just always are.
Hey dude
dude.
Holy Moses! What on earth has
happened to you? Here, let me get a
snap for Instagram — I’m not letting
this moment pass undocumented.
Well that’s less than charming, it’s
lovely to see you too. Now would
you stop mauling me for a sec,
lower your voice a few octaves and
tell me what the matter is?
Your hair. Did you have an accident
last night with the toilet bleach
or something?
Excuse me, bro. This is my new
look — a conscious style decision,
thank you very much. I believe my
hair colourist calls the shade
“buttery blond”.
I’d say it’s more Legolas mixed with
Boris Johnson, dude.
Legolas was on my Pinterest board,
actually, as was that singer from
Maroon 5 and Ryan Gosling in The
Place Beyond the Pines. You have to
admit that film is his buffest. All
those ripped Metallica T-shirts
and the motorbike skidding.
I do love me some Gosling.
Anyway, you may be laughing now,
but next thing you know you’ll be
sitting in the hairdresser’s chair
reading Hello! with foils in your
hair and the hot sting of bleach
on your scalp.
I don’t think so. I’m pretty zen with
my look, you know, big beard, unkept
hair. It speaks of craft beer, fixie
bikes and being a real man with a
sensitive heart. Don’t make me say
that I’m basically the epitome of the
modern hipster. You know it’s true.
That is where you are wrong, my
friend. Beards are officially out,
bleach is officially in.
Says who?
The women at the hipster bible
Vice. They’ve said that beards are
just a substitute for personality, like
berets or being into weed. Now it’s
all about the bleach, partly thanks
to our man Gosling, partly thanks
to Brad Pitt bleaching his hair in
the Nineties. You know the Nineties
are coming back, or did you miss
that memo too?
Oh rats. It’s taken me years to grow
my beard past the 3mm mark. But if
that’s what women want. Can you give
me the name of your hair colourist?
I have to warn you, looking this
good doesn’t come cheap. My new
’do cost me 70 quid.
Toilet bleach it is, then.
Rachael Dove
4
1G T
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
times2
‘As soon as the door
of No 10 closes, she
breaks down and
starts sobbing . . .’
As the private secretary at No 10, Caroline Slocock witnessed
the end of Margaret Thatcher’s prime ministership. In her
new book, she reveals the real story of her resignation
N
ovember 22, 1990,
9am As the prime
minister comes down
the stairs, there is a
strange silence. Her
cabinet colleagues
stand back against
the walls, trying to
look as invisible as possible. As she
goes through the double doors into the
cabinet room, they file in after her,
silently and sheepishly.
It’s an awful scene. The coffin-shaped
table with all of her male colleagues
seated around it and her, the only
woman in the room apart from me.
The private secretaries line up on a row
of seats at one end, looking on, taking
notes, me amongst them. She has been
doing this every Thursday morning for
eleven and a half years and, normally,
she would be in complete control.
Today, she only really has to do one
thing. Read out her resignation
statement. The words are there but
she is unable to speak them. Her voice
— always a pressure point for her
in moments of stress, but normally
resolute when things get tough
— breaks down as she starts to sob.
“There’s no need for you to read it
out. One of us can do that for you,
Margaret,” says Cecil Parkinson,
solicitously. But that isn’t going to
happen, oh no. They are going to hear
how she feels, they are going to feel the
hurt they have inflicted on her, and she
is never, ever, going to start something
and then not finish it.
It is absolute torture to hear her and
I suspect everyone in the room wishes
that they were not there. When she
finally manages to get to the end of
the statement, she says: “I doubt you
all heard that, so I will read it again.”
And she does, with the same emotion.
“Having consulted widely among my
colleagues, I have concluded that the
unity of the party and the prospects
of victory in a general election would
be better served if I stood down to
enable cabinet colleagues to enter the
ballot for the leadership. I should like
to thank all those in the cabinet and
outside who have given me such
dedicated support.”
In her autobiography, she places the
full text of her statement in her
account of that cabinet meeting
without recording the considerable
difficulty with which she articulated
the words. She does admit to giving
way to tears when the lord chancellor,
Lord Mackay, reads out his tribute to
her — “your place is already assured in
history” — and says that she feared she
might lose her composure entirely
when Kenneth Baker says, “The party
love you. You are the greatest prime
minister this century,” and Douglas
Hurd adds, “The hardest thing of all is
the hurt this has caused you.” Perhaps
out of modesty, she does not record in
her autobiography what they say. Nor
does she appear to notice that others in
the room, including her colleagues, are
crying too. David Waddington is wiping
his tears with a handkerchief. Dominic
Morris starts looking up at the ceiling
so that his tears do not show.
A sense of betrayal hangs in the air
and the men look guilty. It is the raw
hurt, anger and shock in her voice that
really registers with me — that, and
her loss of dignity and the sorrow felt
by everyone in the room that things
should end in this appalling way. It
reduces me to unexpected tears, then,
as I try to fight them back, even
sobbing, as I leave the room.
I have an immediate job to do, and
quickly, before the official statement of
her resignation is released. So I calm
myself down, and try to get hold of
Paddy Ashdown. “Switch” puts his
office through but it turns out he is on
a plane so I tell his private secretary to
pass the news on immediately he lands.
Margaret Thatcher’s personal
assistant, Amanda Ponsonby, and I
start looking at appointments to see
what she might drop in the days that
remain for her in No 10 and, beyond
that, dividing them up between
personal engagements that she would
keep and those that would transfer to
the new prime minister. When we look
at the diary, we see how much of her
time has been allocated to minor
engagements with foreign dignitaries,
with relatively little time devoted
to domestic, parliamentary or
political concerns.
9.25am The prime minister, who has
started working on her resignation
speech, breaks off for a brief audience
with the Queen. In the process, she has
to brave the grandstand of cameramen
outside No 10. On the television, she
looks OK but as soon she is back inside
and the door is closed, she breaks
down and starts sobbing in front of
everyone there, the custodians and
the detectives. Everyone is horribly
shocked. Not knowing what to do, they
call Amanda, who runs down the long
corridor from the private office to the
front door, puts her arms around her
and takes her up to the flat.
In the space of a few hours, barriers
that had once seemed insuperable
are now falling away and the normal
working routines and hierarchies
of No 10 are crumbling.
Her doctor, Dr Henderson, arrives
after her return from the audience.
We’d called him before she left, as
Margaret Thatcher had told the head
of No 10, Andrew Turnbull, while they
were working on the speech that she
wanted some help to get through the
day. He gives her a B12 injection,
which seems to get her back on track.
2pm The moment arrives for Prime
Minister’s Questions. We are in the
officials’ box and, exceptionally,
Amanda comes too, just in case
Margaret Thatcher breaks down in the
chamber. The PM does brilliantly in
Questions, to everyone’s astonishment.
Even her own.
“But they were so nice,” she says
in the short break between Prime
Minister’s Questions and the debate
on Labour’s motion of no confidence
in the government. “It’s easy when
they are nice.” Just before she goes
back to the chamber, she is presented
with a piece of text written by Alan
Clark, who is a defence minister and
one of her favourites. His script is
very defensive and personal. “I can’t
say this,” she says. “Not now. I
will break down and that will
embarrass everyone.”
The speech itself is not a great
one, being a long list of what she
sees as her achievements, from home
ownership, to the creation of the
single European market, to the end
of the Cold War. At first the men on
her own front bench look nervous.
But as she gets going, she starts to
come alive. When she is asked if she
is going to continue her fight against
‘I can’t say
this,’ she
says. ‘I
will break
down and
that will
embarrass
everyone’
Caroline Slocock
a single European currency and an
independent central bank, Dennis
Skinner (who is famous for his razorsharp quips) says: “No, she’s going to
become the governor.” She brightens
and says: “What a good idea! I hadn’t
thought of it!” Suddenly, everyone is
laughing and, after another witty
remark from an MP, even applauding.
“But if I were . . . ” Playing with Dennis
Skinner’s suggestion that she be
appointed governor, she goes on to set
out her conditions for a healthy
Europe. “I’m enjoying this,” she says,
and then, turning round to her
backbenchers, repeats the same phrase
to them with even more conviction.
Her performance is amazing in its
bravado, and the atmosphere in the
House is electrifying. MPs are lined up
against the officials’ box. One keeps
leaning over to us, saying how brilliant
she is: “How could we have given
her up!” He sees my tears and covers
his own eyes. The leader of the
opposition, Neil Kinnock, also looks
over to us. Perhaps he hates us as well
as Margaret Thatcher, but more likely
he is wondering how we really feel. He
knows that, as civil servants, we could
be working for him were he to become
prime minister and would have to give
him the same loyalty. It might be a
trick of my imagination but he seems
to look closely at me. Perhaps he can
see that I am moved. I wish I could
explain to him that it is not that I
agree with Margaret Thatcher or
think it is wrong that she has
resigned or even that I want her to
stay. It is just that I feel the pain
she is experiencing — and her
courage — so greatly.
Afterwards, in her room in the
House of Commons, she says to us: “It
H
would have been different if I hadn’t
the times | Monday April 16 2018
5
1G T
CIRCE HAMILTON FOR THE TIMES; KEN LENNOX/ NEWS GROUP NEWSPAPERS LTD; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; PRESS ASSOCIATION; GETTY IMAGES
times2
The night she
prayed with
a Labour MP
N
Left: Margaret Thatcher
leaving No 10 in tears in 1990
have said I’d resign. I see now that
debate would have been impossible.”
And then she says with a smile: “I
almost added, ‘I think I’ll stay on!’
after ‘I’m enjoying this!’ ”
As we leave her room to go back to
No 10, a personal phone call comes
through. She takes it in front of all of
us. She says: “I can’t believe it even
now. It hasn’t sunk in.”
Later, she invites us up to the flat for
drinks. I don’t think any of us really
want to go, because of the pain of it.
But we know she needs company.
The flat is full of flowers. We have
champagne, “the very champagne I’d
bought to celebrate my election
victory!” she says. She is happy and
relaxed — she’s passed her personal
test and done her duty and that is
more important than anything else.
We joke about making Dennis Skinner
Sir Dennis Skinner or the Duke of
Bolsover in her dissolution honours list.
President Reagan phones. She
speaks to Nancy Reagan first. She tells
them both: “You must teach me how
to cope.” She says she can’t understand
how she’s lost when she’d got the
majority of the votes. Afterwards she
comments: “Ronnie’s getting old . . .
I have to be careful what I say when
Denis [who is over ten years older
than her] is around, but he is.”
As we go, she invites us all to take
some of the bouquets in the flat home,
as there are so very many. She doesn’t
want them to be wasted. And we do,
putting them inside black plastic bags
when we leave so that they will not be
seen by the press outside.
When I go to the women’s toilet at
No 10 that night, there is no toilet
paper to be found, even though there
would normally be at least five spare
rolls. Other women have been crying,
Above: at the Ideal Home Show,
with Slocock in the background
not just me, I conclude, and had come
to work, like me, unprepared with
tissues or handkerchiefs, not expecting
to be overcome with emotion.
November 23-28, 1990 The last days
of Margaret Thatcher’s No 10 are
extraordinary. The normal rules and
ways of doing things break down.
No 10 is transformed — no longer the
well-oiled machine, it becomes much
more like the stage of an opera or the
setting for a grand funeral. More and
more flowers arrive, and as quickly as
everyone in No 10 takes them home,
new ones arrive to fill the corridors.
The otherworldly atmosphere they
create at No 10 and in our homes
starts to infiltrate our private lives.
For the first time ever, Margaret
Thatcher stops doing all her boxes and
lets things slide. Time seems to stretch
out, and there is a sadness and
growing unreality in the air. A huge
number of letters arrive and swamp
the Correspondence Unit and the staff
in the Garden Rooms. At one point,
she goes down to the Garden Rooms
with Peter Morrison to see the letters
and sits with the other women on the
floor along with boxes and boxes of
letters, helping to sort through them
and picking out a few she would like
to reply to directly herself.
Removal men are in evidence and
there is much activity. The Thatchers’
removal company give us all toy
models of their original, vintage van.
When Margaret Thatcher comes down
to the private office, she sees mine on
my desk. I wish I hadn’t left it visible.
I set about getting a present for
Margaret Thatcher from No 10, which
is a heavy responsibility. William
Rees-Mogg eventually finds the gift: a
very beautiful first edition of Kipling’s
Her doctor
gives her
a B12
injection.
It seems
to get
her back
on track
© Caroline Slocock
2018. Extracted from
People Like Us —
Margaret Thatcher
and Me to be published
by Biteback on
Thursday at £20
Below: at the Conservative
Party conference in 1990
collected verse, bound in pale blue
morocco leather with the first letter of
each verse in pale blue. It is sent down
on a train from Lincolnshire, the
county in which Margaret Thatcher
was born, and costs £320 (around £500
today). We also plan to give her a
short-wave radio (which in the event
the BBC gives free), so that, as Andrew
Turnbull was to put it in his parting
speech, she could get angry with the
BBC wherever she was in the world.
On November 28 Margaret and
Denis Thatcher walk down the stairs
with their son, Mark, with the
photographs of previous prime
ministers watching them. They have
come down early to spend a few
minutes with the private secretaries
before walking out into Downing
Street. Denis is wearing a new suit,
which he had mentioned the night
before, “to see the Queen”. They will
be going for an audience to formally
tender her resignation after they leave.
Her first words to us are: “We’ll throw
a party, when you are all a little less
busy.” She looks down the well of the
staircase to the basement and the great
globe that President Mitterrand gave
her, which sits there in the entrance to
the No 10 garden. It is too big for them
to take away. “It would only fit in the
Royal Albert Hall,” Denis says.
They each shake our hands, and we
are all in tears. She says, “I’ll go quickly,
Andrew,” referring to the crowds of
staff lining the long hallway from the
cabinet room to the door. It’s too much
for her. As she walks down the hallway,
the flashlights outside begin to go off,
the light coming through the windows
above the No 10 door.
About an hour and a half later,
John Major arrives and the scene is
played in reverse.
ovember 21, 1990, 8.10pm
When we hear the buzzer
that signals Margaret
Thatcher is approaching
No 10 we go down to the
front hall. She says: “Oh, a welcoming
committee. How nice.” It is sincere,
but she also knows that we know.
While she is upstairs with Denis,
Andrew Turnbull shows Bernard
Ingham the draft resignation
statement. Andrew says to him:
“Don’t let her say that they wouldn’t
support her. She says they wouldn’t
but that’s not right. They simply said
she wouldn’t win but that they would
support her if she wanted to go on.”
Bernard looks loyal and matter of
fact. Kent in King Lear, I think.
She comes downstairs at 8.30
and goes into the inner office. I stay
outside, hovering. I hear her say:
“I won’t make a decision now. I’ll
sleep on it.”
They resume work on the speech
for the next day. John Gummer and
Norman Tebbit come to help, and at
about 8.45, Bernard goes into the
cabinet room. She tells him tearfully
that her support is draining away.
In an emotional moment, Bernard
grips her arm and tells her that,
whatever others felt, “We in No 10
are with you.”
Out of the blue, Frank Field, below,
a very independent-minded Labour
MP, arrives at No 10 and asks to see
her. He is prepared to wait for as long
as it takes, he says. Half an hour
later, Margaret Thatcher leaves the
cabinet room to see him. He tells her
more frankly than anyone else has
just how bad things are: Michael
Heseltine is hoovering up votes. It is
as if a virus is spreading throughout
the House. Later, Dominic Morris
pops in with a message and sees
them on their knees, praying. When
the prime minister comes back to the
cabinet room, she says she thinks
Heseltine is exercising “a strange
witch-like quality” over the party.
TOMORROW
“I don’t want people
to think I am trying to
copy Princess Diana”
— Thatcher’s secret trip
6
1G T
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
life
Ask Professor Tanya Byron
My husband’s accusers have stolen our last good years
N
My husband was
diagnosed with
Alzheimer’s in 2014
and he is now a
sad person with a
poor attention span.
During 2016 and 2017 we suffered
police attention because he became
embroiled in a criminal investigation.
Following false accusations, he
was arrested at 8am one morning.
Despite the police officers being
told that he had Alzheimer’s, he was
placed in a cell on his own. He was
given food but couldn’t consume it
because he had to go for questioning.
This dragged on and I suffered
stress-related health issues, including
a bout of pneumonia when he was
charged in March 2016.
Our solicitor eventually arranged
for psychiatrists to establish that my
husband was not fit to plead. A year
later a date was set for a trial of facts
at a crown court and, at this point,
the accuser withdrew their evidence.
This has cost us thousands.
I am still angry with the accuser
and the police, who clearly thought
he was guilty. I am told I should put
it behind me, but how can I when we
lost the last two “good” years of our
lives, wasted on the investigation?
I frequently wake and cry in the
morning and struggle to get to sleep
at night. As our son says, we have
suffered a form of bereavement,
but I am failing to cope.
Somehow I have to find closure.
Deborah
Q
N
Your experience
sounds extremely
stressful and disturbing
and must have
engendered a sense of
extreme helplessness.
Your mental state indicates that
you are now suffering the aftershocks
of a traumatic life event that has left
emotional and psychological damage.
Trauma can occur for many reasons,
related less to the objective facts of the
A
event, more to subjective experience.
Generally it comes from experiences
that we are unprepared for, leaving a
sense of powerlessness and shattering
a sense of safety and trust.
As you describe, unresolved trauma
can result in long-term psychological
difficulties including anxiety and
depression maintained by intrusive
thoughts and memories. I imagine
that as you lived through the
distressing events you were in a
constant state of anxiety,
hypervigilance and stress. Such a
prolonged and heightened emotional
state results in our limbic system
(the part of the brain that deals with
emotions, memories and arousal)
being constantly activated, putting
us always on red alert.
Over time this heightened state of
arousal becomes “normal” functioning
and that is why, even when traumatic
events are over, the emotional and
psychological systems remain stuck
uck in
emotional overdrive. Therefore, the
legacy of trauma can result in shock
ock
and confusion, flashbacks and
unwanted memories of trauma events,
vents,
sadness, irritability, anger and mood
ood
swings, insomnia, problems
concentrating, hopelessness and self
isolation, which can lead to clinical
cal
anxiety and depression.
Everyone recovers at their own
n
pace, but from what you describee
you are still living the pain of thee
trauma, as if those that persecuted
ed
you are still attacking you.
To find closure you will need to
o
process, accept and resolve the
unpleasant feelings and memories,
es,
and readjust your limbic system
— your ability to regulate
emotion. However, it can feel
impossible to find acceptance
when, having gone through a
life experience that feels unjust,
there is no sense of retribution,
or acknowledgment of the
injustice by those involved.
The goal is to live again in
the present without being
The legacy
of trauma
can result
in shock
and anger
overwhelmed by the thoughts and
feelings of the past. I advise that you
speak to your GP, who can assess
your mood and sleep and refer you
for counselling or therapy: either
cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT),
where you will process, evaluate and
learn to manage your thoughts and
feelings about what you have
experienced, or evidence-based eye
movement desensitisation and
reprocessing (EMDR), where CBT
techniques are used along with
rhythmic, left-right brain stimulation
(see: goodtherapy.org/learn-abouttherapy/issues/ptsd).
From a self-help perspective, you
need to focus on returning your limbic
system (at present frozen in a state of
anxiety) to a normal state. The advice
I am going to give you may seem like
common sense, but taking little steps
away from the pain will eventually
free you from the trauma.
To b
begin with, take a look at
daily function and assess how
your d
much time you are engaged in
activities that are self-caring and
activit
stimulating. Being mindful, ie living
stimu
in the moment, can counteract the
of the past.
pull o
One
On way to practise feeling more
grounded in the present is to sit still
groun
and focus on the bodily feeling of
sitting. Focus on the sounds you
sitti
hear around you and notice how
he
your breathing becomes more
yo
sslow and steady and then focus
on breaths in groups of ten,
o
imagining air entering and leaving
im
yyour lungs. When we are anxious
our breath becomes fast and
o
shallow, so place one hand on
yyour chest, the other on your
diaphragm and make sure the
d
lower hand rises and falls as you
lo
breathe, while the other stays still.
b
To counteract the effects of the
adrenaline and cortisol that have been
adren
pumping around your body, try to
pump
engage in small periods of exercise
engag
increase your heart rate, eg two
that in
three brisk ten-minute walks every
or thr
day. Listen to music or a podcast, or
just focus on your breathing and
imagine that every out breath is
releasing the toxicity of the trauma.
Remain connected to others. Given
your husband’s dementia, I can
imagine that you have to be his carer,
which in and of itself is stressful and
perhaps at times lonely. Try to find
time to see others and engage with life
to give you respite from the memories
of the events you went through. To
arrange support for your husband
see Alzheimer’s Research UK at
bit.ly/2IRn6ne.
Make sure you sleep at least seven
hours a night, avoid alcohol, which can
worsen trauma symptoms, and eat a
healthy diet including mood-boosting
omega-3 fats. Take time to engage
your creativity — singing is mood
boosting, so why not join a choir (see
bigbigsing.org/find-me-a-choir/)?
The process of recovery must be one
that is empowering for you, where you
decide how to heal yourself and take
back control of how you think and
feel. As you reconnect with life and
find support for your grief, remember
that there will be good and bad days.
When the dark clouds are overhead,
acknowledge the pain associated with
them and recognise that they will pass.
In the darker moments reach out to
a loved one who can listen and
validate those feelings based on what
you have been through. Another
technique, derived from bereavement
therapy, would be to write about the
traumatic events so that you can
process the emotions you are
experiencing by connecting the
rational part of your brain with the
emotional. Some people I have worked
with also write to those who have
treated them badly and explain the
impact of their behaviour, but don’t
send the letter and instead burn or
bury it as a symbolic way to set
themselves free.
If you would like Professor Tanya
Byron’s help with a problem, email
proftanyabyron@thetimes.co.uk
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the times | Monday April 16 2018
7
1G T
life
My life as a very anxious man
MARC HAYDEN FOR THE TIMES
Aaron Gillies used
to fear going to the
pub. Male anxiety
is no joke, the
comedy writer tells
Damian Whitworth
A
aron Gillies is a
lovely, polite fellow,
but it doesn’t take
long to work out
that he’d rather be
anywhere else than
in this café talking
to me about himself.
“In an ideal world I’d probably be sat
at home, not going outside, covered in
crisps watching Netflix,” he admits.
“But I need to push myself into new
things. This subject is a lot bigger
than me and needs to be discussed.”
The subject in question is anxiety,
something that Gillies, a 31-year-old
comedy writer, knows a lot about.
He has made a name for himself
on Twitter as @TechnicallyRon,
talking, and being funny about,
his own struggles with an array of
sweat-drenching, teeth-gnashing,
knuckle-gnawing anxieties. Now he
has written a guide for fellow sufferers:
How to Survive the End of the World
(WhenIt’s in Your Own Head).
One thing that tends to trigger
Gillies’s panic attacks is being in places
where he can’t control what happens
next, or make an easy escape. He
assures me that here in the café of
the Wellcome Collection in London
he is fine. “I know this café. I know
the ways out. This is absolutely ideal.”
First rule of being an anxious person
in public: know your exits.
Gillies, who describes himself
cheerfully as “mad”, “bananas” and
“straight up bonkers”, was depressed as
a teenager, but not diagnosed until he
was in his early twenties. At one point
he contemplated suicide.
About four years ago, when with
the help of medicine and therapy he
felt that he was finally getting the
depression under control, the anxiety
burst out. He believes it had always
been lurking, but he had tried to
suppress it. Now it arrived in a
full-blown panic attack, triggered
by dropping a mug in his kitchen.
“The problem with mental health
disorders is that usually it’s buy one
get one free. I was so focused on
solving one issue that I very much
ignored the other. I was using
avoidance behaviours. I either drank
too much or worked too much.
“I was putting it off and putting it off
and then one little thing flipped and it
broke. The simple dropping of a mug is
ridiculous, but that’s how the human
brain works sometimes. All these
chemicals in your body say, ‘This is
the only reaction we have left.’ ”
He ended up lying wheezing on the
floor. “I honestly thought I was dying,
but without the whole life-flashingbefore-your-eyes thing. More like
looking at a grubby kitchen in north
London. For days I didn’t want to get
out of bed, didn’t want to shower,
didn’t want to eat, couldn’t sleep.”
Gillies reports that 13 per cent of
Britons will suffer from anxiety. If that
seems low, he explains that there is a
difference between the anxiety that
evolution has bequeathed us and
which helps us to survive a job
interview, or run away from danger,
and the “crippling fear of everything to
the point where it affects your lifestyle
and your relationships. That 13 per
cent of people don’t have that filter.”
Twice the number of women as men
will suffer from anxiety, but Gillies
suspects that men aren’t talking about
their anxiety, or seeking treatment for
it. The conversation around men and
depression has made great advances,
but the issue of anxiety has been left
behind because of preconceptions.
“Anxiety can be seen as a very
feminine mental health disorder
because it’s worrying and being afraid,
which are things that men aren’t
supposed to do,” he says. “You are not
going to go down the pub with mates
and say, ‘Oh, I’ve had really bad
anxiety today.’ If it’s affecting you so
much that you need to address it, you
should be able to say this without this
stigma of ‘you are acting a bit like a
girl’. No, you are not, you are acting
like a human being with a chemical
imbalance in their brain.”
Men still suffer from gender
stereotypes. “The idea that a man
must provide and bring home the
Aaron Gillies
Even as an
adult, he
would run
away at the
sight of
Moomins
bread and all this sort of nonsense
stops young men from wanting to
speak openly. People bottle it up and
that leads to alcoholism and domestic
violence, which can all be attributed
to health disorders that have been
suppressed by generations of men just
saying, ‘Boys don’t cry.’ Boys do cry.”
In what Gillies calls the “anxiety
sweepstakes” he has been quite the
winner. He has experienced GAD
(general anxiety disorder), social
anxiety, separation anxiety, insomnia,
dermatophagia (ripping the skin off
your fingers) and a fear of Moomins.
This last one was once so bad that he
would, as an adult, run away at the
sight of the characters from Tove
Jansson’s books.
The social anxiety that arrived a few
years ago robbed him of his ability to
operate confidently in an office and
made him avoid going out with friends
to the pub. “Social anxiety usually
stems from a complete lack of
self-confidence and self-worth, which
I have in spades because I suffer with
imposter syndrome — that constant
feeling of imagining what other people
are saying or thinking about you.”
He is a fluent talker, has won awards
for his agency work, written a previous
book (a lighthearted A to Z of modern
life) and has been happily married, to
Lex, for five years. Where does this
social anxiety come from? “There’s no
logic. It is just your own brain turning
on you and going, ‘Yeah, you’ve done
all this, but you are still shit, aren’t
you?’ You end up in a position where
the self-loathing has overtaken a lot of
the positive aspects of your life.”
He has had panic attacks at airports
where a five-minute delay will prompt
the reaction: “Oh God, we are never
going to get anywhere. We live in the
airport now.”
His wife, who has had to endure
these airport meltdowns, has been
there through some difficult times,
including his first proper meeting with
her parents, when her mother asked
Gillies what he was working on and he
responded with a manic, supervillain
laugh. “I panic-laughed,” he writes.
“Who the f*** panic-laughs?”
Gillies documents his record of
inappropriate responses. He is still
haunted by the memory of a massage
some years ago. When the masseuse
found exactly the right spot in his back
he inexplicably and enthusiastically
informed her: “That’s the badger!”
Different therapies and therapists
and medicine and a variety of
strategies have helped to deal with
his anxieties. Cognitive behavioural
therapy (CBT) has worked well for
him — he gradually re-immersed
himself in pub evenings.
Mocking his anxiety has helped
hugely. “Because if you can laugh
at something you can take control
over it, or at least that’s how I feel.”
Gillies grew up in Hereford, where
he failed his A levels, took a music
course and worked as a sound
technician in a local theatre. During
panto season he went into autopilot
during shows and found himself
writing his own jokes. He opened a
Twitter account and started posting
gags. A few years ago he moved to
London to be with Lex and got a job
with an advertising agency. He has
140,000 followers on Twitter and finds
posting about his anxiety therapeutic
— he has deep discussions with other
people that are helpful.
Isn’t Twitter, infested as it is
with horrible trolls, the worst possible
place for someone with anxiety? He
says that he tries not to read the
comments. “I mean, I already hate
myself enough without having to read
how much other people hate me.”
Medicine and therapy have brought
him to “a nice stage of coping. I am
never going to say ‘I’m healed, it’s
a miracle!’ I can now get on a train
without having a panic attack. I can
go to work and go into meetings and
speak in front of people and not feel
like I am going to run away.
“I can get through a day and at the
moment that’s the best I can do and
I am proud of that.”
It is time for him to have his
photograph taken. “I really hate
my own face. Perhaps we can get
a stand-in for the whole book tour
who can pretend to be me,” he says,
hopefully. “There are pictures of me
and my wife at our wedding and I am
bright red, covered in sweat.”
He gets up to leave. “Has this been
OK?” he asks. I assure him that it has
been great. “Are you sure?”
How to Survive the End of the
World (When It’s in Your Own Head)
is published on Thursday by
Two Roads (£14.99)
8
1G T
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
arts
Still out of this world? How
Netflix updated Lost in Space
The 1960s series about earthlings sent
to colonise a distant planet has been
remade for 2018. Andrew Billen reports
B
etween Yuri Gagarin
and Neil Armstrong
stretched the golden age
of sci-fi TV. Doctor Who
materialised in 1963.
Thunderbirds were go
the year after. Lost in
Space followed
mockingly in 1965. Finally, in 1966,
boldly went Star Trek. Now, with
tomorrow’s launch of Netflix’s
high-budget reboot of Lost in Space
— a ten-parter crewed by Toby
Stephens, Molly Parker and Parker
Posey — each series is back, revamped
for our wider if not bolder screens.
It is surely not controversial to say
that of the four, the original Lost in
Space, a series about a modern-day
Swiss Family Robinson sent to
colonise a distant planet but blown
into uncharted space by a saboteur,
was the least of these achievements.
Trekkies like to repeat the possibly
apocryphal story that when Gene
Roddenberry pitched Star Trek to
CBS, the American network turned
it down saying it already had a
superior version in preparation,
and this was Lost in Space.
Oh, the ignorance of comparing
Roddenberry’s allegorical masterpiece
with kids’ hokum from Irwin Allen, a
former showbiz columnist whose only
unarguably towering achievement was
The Towering Inferno! Yes, Star Trek
had its scaly-backed extras in monster
suits too. Never, never, never, however,
was the Starship Enterprise’s crew
captured by a giant carrot or Bones
McCoy transformed into a celery stick
— the fate of the Robinsons and their
faithless stowaway, Dr Zachary Smith.
To watch Lost in Space’s series three
episode, The Great Vegetable Rebellion,
is still not quite to believe it.
Yet Lost in Space occupies a cosy
place in viewers’ memories. Posey,
who plays the gender-reassigned
Dr Smith in the new version, tells
me on the phone from New York that
as a six-year-old she would wake up at
6am to watch reruns. “I wanted Dr
Smith to be my friend when I grew
up,” she says. When instead she
partnered with the mischievous indie
film-makers Richard Linklater and
Christopher Guest, her parents must
have been relieved.
As a child watching the original
outings, I loved Jonathan Harris’s
arcane performance as the perfidious,
cowardly, egocentric Smith too. We all
did. Some say this was the problem: in
this small universe, Harris’s comedy
burnt supernova bright and the rest of
the cast, who played things straight,
became dwarf stars. Harris, it is
alleged, dislodged Lost in Space from
its orbit of serious intent — assuming
Irwin Allen was capable of such a
thing. The show became an exercise in
camp: almost a textbook exercise, if
camp means, as Susan Sontag wrote,
being frivolous about the serious (the
end of the world) and serious about
the frivolous (Dr Smith’s bad back).
“I think he did unbalance it,” says
Zack Estrin, the new series’ showrunner. “As the show went on and he
became more of a focal point the tone
shifted somewhat, although Parker
channels 10 per cent of Jonathan in
her performance — that little hint
of delicious villainy that he had in
his early years.”
In the first half of the first season,
Smith, the stowaway-saboteur, was
figuratively at least kept in his corner
aboard the Jupiter 2 spacecraft, despite
having been responsible for diverting
it from its mission to Alpha Centauri.
Watching episode one again (55 years
later) I was struck by its solemnity, the
intensity of the launch sequence and
its grandiose theme of finding
mankind a new home.
“We were very inspired by those first
six episodes and they were more in
keeping with what our show is,” Estrin
continues from Los Angeles. “Then
Batman came out and Lost in Space
was bent a bit out of shape in response
to that shift in popular culture —
hopefully there will not be a super
campy show out now that people like!
We have met the original cast of the
The new family
Robinson: Molly
Parker and Toby
Stephens in
the front seats
The show
became an
exercise
in camp:
almost a
textbook
exercise
show and one of the things they said,
watching ours, was that it felt like
the show they signed up to do in that
first season, and they felt it was what
Irwin Allen would have made if he
was alive today.”
Estrin’s show certainly has a budget
that Allen, a master at re-using library
footage and old props, would have
died for. Whereas the planet on which
the Sixties Jupiter first landed, and
subsequent ones too, were basically
sandpits with distant hills, the present
Jupiter crashes into a Cinderella planet
with two distinct ecosystems of forest
and ice, Earth-like in all but its fauna.
“We are doing a kind of science
fiction that is still fiction, but which
is based on the science that Nasa is
doing when it talks of exoplanets,”
says Estrin.
That said, the show assumes
unlikely technological progress in the
30 years between now and the future
in which it is set. The robot that
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the times | Monday April 16 2018
9
1G T
ALAMY; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; COURTESY OF NETFLIX
arts
dinosaurs (and perhaps because they
are), will learn to be a family again.
Mom and dad Robinson are not
getting on, mainly because John
Robinson — a soldier rather than the
scientist of the original — prefers,
we learn in flashbacks, war zones
to family Christmases.
This, Toby Stephens tells me from a
press junket for the show in Dubai, is
a deliberate contrast to the “apple-pie”
family of the original series (the new
Robinsons are also less white, more
blended, although not much is made
of it). “The emotional life is just too
difficult for him. I like that in the
beginning he relates to his family like
a platoon. He is throwing orders
around and expecting them to react
per their training rather than treating
them as his children. One of the things
I find quite moving in the piece is that
I think family
dysfunction
lies in the DNA
of Lost in Space
befriends the Robinsons’ son, Will, is
no longer a charming retool of Robby
the Robot from Forbidden Planet, but a
huge thing with Hasbro Transformers
tendencies and a lava lamp for a face.
The flash gadgets may be part of the
show’s optimism, which is the quality
that Erin and the show’s co-creators,
Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless, keep
stressing to me during our conference
call, perhaps aware that two of Netflix’s
previous attempts at capturing the
coveted family audience, A Series of
Unfortunate Events and a grimsville
version of Anne of Green Gables, might
best be summed up as “pessimistic”.
Here, planet Earth may be war-torn
and it may soon be uninhabitable, but
man’s ingenuity will find a brave new
world on which to thrive/mess up. On
a micro-level, the Robinsons, although
attacked by fuel-guzzling snakes and
Guy Williams,
lliams,
ckhart, Marta
June Lockhart,
Kristen and Mark
Goddard with, front,
Angela Cartwright and
Bill Mumy in Lost in
Space (1965). Above
right: Jonathan Harris
as Dr Zachary Smith
and Mumy as Will
he has the humility to see that he
needs to change to find a way back
into his family.”
I would argue that family
dysfunction lies in Lost in Space’s
DNA. The original John Robinson,
played by Guy Williams, was not
much of a father to his brood either.
In the episode Wish Upon a Star, John
delivers a lecture to his younger
daughter: “I am very disappointed in
you, Judy. You sacrificed your moral
principles for material gain” — the
material gain being, in this case,
tapes of classical
classi music
conjured into
existence
i
by a wishing
cap.
wis
No wonder
w
Will,
Will her younger
brother,
finds
brot
the robot and
Zachary
Smith
Zac
better
bet alternative
fathers. In the
fath
not very good
11998
998 film of Lost
iin
n Space,
Spa there is
familial discord,
aalso
lso fam
particularly
p
articular between
and their
the parents an
th
daughter. Before
punkish younger dau
the yellow aliens and gia
giant spiders
take over, its John Robinson, played by
William Hurt, is saddened by what he
sees: “Maybe it does no good to save a
whole world of families if we can’t
save our own.”
“One of the relationships I thought
was really quite clever,” says Stephens
— Williams and Hurt’s successor
— “is not between Will and the robot,
but between John and the robot. The
fact is the son chooses the company
and protection of the robot above
his own father.”
Even Dr Smith has a role to play
in this fractured family dynamic, not
simply as a small boy’s unworthy
confidant, but as a loner who is half
attracted and half appalled by the
family unit to which he is now
semi-attached. The official line on
Posey’s casting is that it would be
impossible for any male actor to
surpass Harris in the role (and Gary
Oldman in the film adds weight to
the argument), but Posey utterly
understands his/her part in
the domestic drama. Harris’s
vaudeville-theatrical chops brought
an outsider quality to his Smith. He
spoke lines (many written by himself)
that sounded like no one else’s on TV:
“A great weariness seems to have
taken possession of my body” or,
“You irk me, Major.” Posey’s
improvisational, indie experience
takes similar liberties with the role.
I say she makes Smith’s cynicism
attractive, and she thanks me, but thinks
that Smith is “exhausted”, not cynical.
Like the Robinsons, Smith has to work
out what she must do to survive: “How
not to lose your marbles and when
losing your marbles might help.”
“Her family on Earth is her struggle.
She believes that her sister is favoured
by her father. I think she has had a
fantasy her whole life that she could
belong in a family, then the Robinsons
appear and she kind of goes in and
out of thinking, ‘Oh my God my
fantasy is coming true’, and then
pushing against it.”
“We have plans for a great journey
for the Robinsons,” says Sharpless, the
co-creator. “Let’s just say it is not
called Found in Space.”
Let us hope there are further
seasons. Early reviews are mixed.
As an action-adventure it certainly
succeeds. Posey says she enjoys the
Irwin Allen rock’n’roll of it — by
which she means his patented
technique for simulating chaos: telling
his cast to rush to the right of the set
as he jolted his camera to the left.
Perhaps because of where I was
coming from (1965-68), I wanted more
silliness from the first five episodes. I
tell the writers that when I last spoke
to Stephens he was about to be Mr
Rochester in the BBC’s Jane Eyre. Now
I have just watched him adjudicate
a fight between a robot and an alien
dinosaur. They laugh and say they
have finally brought the great classical
actor down to their level. That’s the
spirit. As Posey says of Dr Smith,
perhaps Lost in Space needs to
work out when losing your marbles
could help.
Lost in Space is on Netflix now
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10
1G T
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
television & radio
I relished this murderous family and its secrets
JAMES FISHER
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Ordeal by Innocence
BBC One
{{{{(
My Year with the Tribe
BBC Two
{{{{(
O
K, I won’t lie: that was
unexpected. Not the big
reveal of the killer’s
identity, who we knew was
going to be different to the
one in Agatha Christie’s book (stop
reading now if you haven’t yet
watched the episode). Had you sussed
it? Leo had been suspiciously more
concerned with calming the screaming
housemaid than he was about his
wife’s stoved-in skull, or how much
1001 dry foam would be needed on
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Spike Milligan:
Inside Out
Radio 4, 11.30am
Michael Palin speaks
to Spike Milligan’s
daughter Jane about
some never-before-heard
recordings that were made
by Milligan’s biographer
Pauline Scudamore.
Scudamore used to turn up
in the Milligan family home
in Barnet, switch on the
tape recorder and the
conversation between
them would begin. Their
chats would range from
everything from the cat
to far deeper matters.
As Jane says here, Spike
“opened up in a way
I don’t think he’d really
ever opened up before’’.
Discovery
World Service, 8.30pm
In 1935 the physicist Erwin
Schrödinger devised one of
the most famous thought
experiments to date.
Imagine, he wrote, “a cat
is penned up in a steel
chamber. . .” Schrödinger’s
Cat was born (then died . . .
or didn’t . . . then did). As
Roland Pease explains, the
cat was used to explain how
bizarre the subatomic world
really is: particles can be in
two states simultaneously.
Subatomic computing is
about to blow the world
of online security apart.
that carpet). No, I mean the final twist,
that last crazy scene in Ordeal by
Innocence that had Leo (Billy Nighy)
locked in a nuclear bunker by smirking
Kirsten (Morven Christie).
Honestly? I thought it overboiled an
otherwise outstanding episode. Would
the mild-mannered maid really do
that? Could we assume the Argyll
children were in on it, or did they
think he’d drowned in the lake? Would
Leo be kept there as Kirsten’s gimp, or
slowly starve? Too many unknowns
for an “Agatha” in which satisfaction
comes from loose ends neatly tied.
Aside from those final
shark-jumping moments, I relished
every other dark, delicious thing that
the writer Sarah Phelps did to the
story — and I’m a lifelong Christie fan.
Some purists argue she took too many
liberties, and if she thinks she can do
better than the Queen of Crime, why
doesn’t she write her own? I disagree.
It revitalised and thrilled-up a story I
thought I knew and, let’s remember,
had the Christie estate’s blessing.
If the idea was to lure younger
viewers to Agatha, having watched it
with a rapt teenager, it worked. The
self-harming, the “rape” of Kirsten by
dirty old goat Leo producing baby Jack
— all showed that you can modernise,
while staying true to spirit. It was a
beautifully orchestrated finale as the
ghastly sociopath Rachel (Anna
Chancellor) saw a) how much her kids
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00 Annie
Mac 9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00
Huw Stephens 1.00am Radio 1’s Drum &
Bass Show with Rene LaVice 3.00 Radio 1’s
Specialist Chart with Phil Taggart 4.00 Radio
1’s Early Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo 7.00 The Blues Show with Paul
Jones. A selection of music from the blues
scene, featuring the best of the new releases
as well as classic tracks from the archives
8.00 Jo Whiley. A mix of new music and
classic album tracks, with guests dropping in
to the studio to chat 10.00 Mike Batt: By
Arrangement 11.00 Jools Holland. Leading
artists join the entertainer and his Rhythm
and Blues Orchestra, chatting about their
careers and playing a selection of their
favourite music 12.00 Johnnie Walker’s
Sounds of the 70s 2.00am Radio 2’s Jazz
Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Great British
Songbook 4.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Hidden
Treasures 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents. Including 7.00,
8.00 News. 7.30, 8.30 News Headlines
9.00 Essential Classics
Each day this week the historian, author and
broadcaster Lucy Worsley talks about the
cultural influences that have inspired and
shaped her life and career
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Verdi (1813-1901)
Donald Macleod explores Verdi’s youth and
early musical experiences in Busetto, his
marriage to Margherita Barezzi, and the
early operas he produced for Milan which
made his name. Verdi (La Forza del Destino
— Overture; Tantum Ergo in G; Deh, pietoso,
oh Addolorata; Simon Boccanegra — Act 1
— Orfanella il tetto umile m’accogliea d’una
meschina; Figlia! A tal nome io palpito;
Oberto, Conte di San Bonifacio — Act 2 —
Eccolo!; Vili all’armi a donne eroi; and
Nabucco — Act 2 — Chi s’avanza)
1.00pm News
Bill Nighy as Leo Argyll and Anna Chancellor as Rachel Argyll
1.02 Live Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
From Wigmore Hall, London. The tenor
Christoph Prégardien is joined by his regular
song partner Julius Drake in a programme of
German Romantic song. Their programme
begins with two ballads by Karl Loewe, “the
Schubert of North Germany”, and ends with
Schumann’s settings of poems by the great
Romantic poet, Eichendorff. Carl Loewe (Der
Nöck Op. 129 No 2 and Erlkönig Op. 1 No. 3);
Schumann (Belsazar Op. 57; and Liederkreis
Op. 39); and Liszt (Die Loreley S273)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Tom Redmond introduces the first of a week
of programmes featuring recordings by the
BBC Philharmonic, including music by Rebel,
Richard Strauss, Thomas Adès and Ravel.
Rebel (Les élémens — selection); Richard
Strauss (Divertimento — Les tours de
passe-passe); Thomas Adès (Three Studies
from Couperin); Ravel (Le tombeau de
Couperin); Harrison Birtwistle (Carmen
arcadiae mechanicae perpetuum); Debussy
(Ibéria); Mica Levi (Everlast — UK premiere);
Saint-Saëns (Cello Concerto No 1); and
Dvorák (Silent Woods Roussel — Suite in F)
4.30 BBC Young Musician 2018
Highlights of performances by the woodwind
finalists, ahead of Friday’s category finals
5.00 In Tune
Sarah Walker with music and news from the
arts world, including artists shortlisted for
the RPS Awards
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An eclectic non-stop mix of music,
featuring old favourites together with
lesser-known gems, and a few surprises
thrown in for good measure
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Aurora Orchestra performs pieces by Martin
Suckling, Mozart and Beethoven. Martin
Suckling (Candlebird); Mozart (Piano
Concerto No 16 in D, KV. 451); and Beethoven
(Symphony No 4 in B flat, Op 60)
10.00 Music Matters
Tom Service meets the American composer,
musician and director Laurie Anderson (r)
10.45 The Essay: Secret Admirers
Penny Gore celebrates a composer whose
music is particularly important to her, the
Moravian Leos Janacek
11.00 Jazz Now
Soweto Kinch introduces a concert by Ivo
Neame’s Quartet at the 2018 Bristol Jazz
Festival, with Ivo on keyboards, George
Crowley on saxophones, Tom Farmer on bass
and James Maddren on drums. Plus, Emma
Smith finds out about two new albums
featuring UK vibraphone stars
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
9.00 Start the Week
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
Dearest Squirrel
By Peter Whitebrook (1/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Discussion and interviews.
Including at 10.45 the 15 Minute Drama:
She Said/He Said by Eileen Horne (1/5)
11.00 The Escape Room
The growing popularity of the
physical adventure game
11.30 Spike Milligan: Inside Out
Archive recordings of the comedy writer.
See Radio Choice (1/2)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Home Front
By Lucy Catherine
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Chinese Characters
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Spike and the Elfin Oak
David Threlfall stars in Ian Billings’ comic
fantasy inspired by the story of Spike
Milligan’s attempts in the mid-1960s to
preserve the Elfin Oak sculpture in
Kensington Gardens, while also
performing in the West End run of his play
The Bedsitting Room
3.00 Brain of Britain
Competitors from Farnham, Leatherhead,
Didcot and Corby take part (8/17)
3.30 The Food Programme (r)
4.00 Natalie Haynes Stands Up
for the Classics
A light-hearted look at the Roman satirist
Juvenal. Last in the series
4.30 Beyond Belief
Ernie Rea and guests discussion religion and
transgender issues (3/7)
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Unbelievable Truth
Comedy panel show, with Arthur Smith, Jack
Dee, Lucy Porter and Lloyd Langford (3/6)
7.00 The Archers
Elizabeth offers comfort
7.15 Front Row
7.45 She Said/He Said
Written by Eileen Horne (r)
hated her and b) her husband being
straddled by blowsy secretary Gwenda,
producing the killer line: “You ordinary
bitch. Put your cheap knickers on and
get out of my house.” Ditto Jack
warning his disgusting father from
prison: “I will drink from your
hollowed skull.” TV heaven. Still a
shame about the baddie in the bunker.
Whistleblower’s gong, please, for Will
Millard for delivering that TV rarity: a
documentary that tells the whole truth
(er, we think) and snitches on other TV
crews for faking it. We know
manipulation happens for, say, wildlife
programmes and most of us are grownup enough to cope (time/budgets/life’s
too short). But in My Year with the
Tribe he exposed that previous TV
crews in Papua New Guinea had faked
scenes of Korowai people in treehouses,
getting locals to build unfeasibly high
huts, then pretend to live in them for
the cameras (the BBC admits this
occurred in Human Planet in 2011).
They also stripped naked at the first
whiff of a TV fixer, because they had
grown wise to the fact that breasts
and genitals are what western whiteys
expect to see — and charged £5 a photo.
“This is artifice,” Millard said. “This
place has been built by my people for
the purpose of telling stories about
theirs.” Ironically, it made more gripping
TV than if he had found the real thing
straight off. Funny how life works out.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
8.00 The Turban Bus Dispute
Sathnam Sanghera examines the battle for
the right to wear a turban at work
8.30 Crossing Continents
A woman’s mission to reunite families amid
the rubble of Mosul (r)
9.00 The Second Genome
New research into manipulating our
microbiome to stay healthy and beat chronic
disease (1/3) (r)
9.30 Start the Week
With Agnes Poirier, Richard Vinen and
Roger Scruton (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: Nikesh Shukla
— The One Who Wrote Destiny
By Nikesh Shukla. The story of three
generations of the same family, riven by
feuds and falling-outs and united by fates
and fortunes (1/10)
11.00 Word of Mouth
Michael Rosen asks whether we are
living through a crisis of language in public
debate (1/7) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
Dearest Squirrel (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Hancock’s Half Hour 8.30 Flywheel,
Shyster and Flywheel 9.00 Just a Minute
9.30 King Street Junior 10.00 Jude the
Obscure 11.00 Clown’s Shoes 11.15 The
New Look (r) 12.00 Hancock’s Half Hour
12.30pm Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel
1.00 An Illustration of Modern Science 1.30
Knutas on Britain 2.00 Expo 58 2.15
Shakespeare’s Restless World 2.30 Tristram
Shandy 2.45 The Love and Wars of Lina
Prokofiev 3.00 Jude the Obscure 4.00 Just a
Minute 4.30 King Street Junior 5.00
Millport 5.30 The Unbelievable Truth 6.00
The Man Who Was Thursday 6.30 A Good
Read 7.00 Hancock’s Half Hour. Comedy with
Tony Hancock 7.30 Flywheel, Shyster and
Flywheel. Comedy with Michael Roberts 8.00
An Illustration of Modern Science. Thriller by
Richard Marsh 8.30 Knutas on Britain.
A Finnish view of the UK. First aired in 2004
9.00 Clown’s Shoes. Bullet Catch by Rebecca
F John 9.15 The New Look. By Juliet Ace (r)
10.00 Comedy Club: The Unbelievable Truth.
With Richard Osman, Elis James, Sindhu Vee
and Alan Davies 10.30 The Hitchhiker’s
Guide to the Galaxy: The Primary Phase
11.00 The News Quiz Extra. Extended
edition of the comedy panel show 11.45
Helen Keen’s It Is Rocket Science
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5
Live Sport. Premier League build-up to West
Ham United v Stoke City 8.00 5 Live Sport:
Premier League Football 2017-18 — West
Ham United v Stoke City (Kick-off 8.00)
10.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Football Social
10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All Night
5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with Max Rushden and Joey Barton
10.00 Danny Murphy and Bob Mills
1.00pm Hawksbee and Jacobs 4.00 Adrian
Durham and Darren Gough
7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am
Extra Time with Will Gavin
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe. With
singer-songwriter Charlotte Hatherley 4.00
Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon
Coe 12.00 6 Music Recommends with Lauren
Laverne 1.00am Classic Albums 2.00 Classic
Scottish Albums (r) 2.30 6 Music Live Hour
3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast
9.00 John Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie
Minhall 5.00 Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth
Classics 8.00 The Full Works Concert. Four
miles and 514 yards, 30 fences, 2 laps — that
array of seemingly disjointed numbers can
mean only one thing: the Grand National. On
Saturday, 40 horses and their jockeys
competed to become the 2018 winner of the
event — and tonight, Jane Jones presents a
concert filled with music about or inspired by
horses. Rossini (William Tell — Overture);
Mozart (A Musical Joke, K.522); Carl Davis
(Champions — Main Theme); Copland
(Appalachian Spring); Suppe (Light Cavalry
— Overture); and Haydn (Symphony No.73 in
D — The Hunt) 10.00 Smooth Classics
1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Monday April 16 2018
11
1G T
JOHAN PERSSON; MARILYN KINGWILL
Concert
The Gender Agenda
Queen Elizabeth Hall
Cabaret
John Barrowman
Leicester Square Theatre,
WC2
T
{{(((
he most saddening thing
about the glamorous Queen
Elizabeth Hall refit? The loss
of the original seating, which
on good days made whoopee
cushion noises when you sat down.
The sounds would have been perfect
additions to the London Sinfonietta’s
contribution to the building’s present
festivities, The Gender Agenda, a crazy
creation from the hot British
composer Philip Venables.
The genre, I guess, is music theatre.
Although that seems too dainty a tag
for this hour-long, video-layered
plunge into the witches’ brew of sexual
politics, shaped in the form of a TV
game show hosted by the cabaret
legend David Hoyle. Typically for a
game show, music played a minor role,
limited to tiny cues heralding a new
round or longer bursts for the
commercial breaks, notably featuring
ads for ASS (anti-sexist spray). The
Sinfonietta, the conductor Jessica
Cottis and Venables’s exuberantly
abrasive talents deserved more.
We needed extra imagination, too,
in the way that Venables and the
director Ted Huffman used the TV
format. Audience warm-up; picking
the teams; the rounds; the adverts; the
winners anointed: all so predictable.
The only disruptive element came
from a female heckler in the audience,
who rightly complained that the eight
contestants included only one woman,
until she increased it to two. Through
it all, sashaying in pink, brusque
make-up and glorious high heels,
Hoyle wended his star-studded way,
working the audience with aplomb.
But I still felt like Oliver saying,
“Please, sir”, holding out my bowl.
More finally came with a revival
of Venables’s previous Hoyle
collaboration, Illusions: musically
packed with juddering and rampaging
rhythms, fierce with Hoyle’s video
rant on life and politics of all kinds.
Disturbing, invigorating, screaming
with life, this was everything that
The Gender Agenda reached for,
but missed.
Geoff Brown
Dance
Voices of
America
Sadler’s Wells
{{{{(
E
artsfirst night
T
{{{{{
Mark Bonnar, left, and Jane Horrocks as parents who order a DIY kit version of their son (Brian Vernel)
Building a better boy
This play about
the trials of
parenthood is
deft, funny and
poignant, says
Ann Treneman
Theatre
Instructions
for Correct
Assembly
Royal Court
Jerwood
Downstairs, SW1
{{{{(
nglish National Ballet’s
programme of neo-classical
ballet, North American style,
ends with a total knockout.
It’s a premiere from William
Forsythe, who hasn’t made a ballet in
the UK for more than 20 years, and
what a way to announce his return.
Playlist (Track 1, 2), above, is a stunning
piece for 12 men set to a couple of
great American pop songs (Surely
Shorty by Peven Everett and Lion
Babe’s Impossible, the Jax Jones remix).
Forsythe may be 68, but he
I
t starts, like so many dicey retail
decisions, with an enticing blurb in
a catalogue. Harry points at a
picture and says to his wife, Max:
“I thought we could have a go at it
together. You know like we did the
upstairs bed?” Max looks pleased
and Harry nods: “You had natural
flat-pack talent.” Max looks even
more pleased: “You said I was the
Susan Boyle of DIY.”
It soon becomes clear that this
particular DIY assembly is a little
more complicated. “Where is the
shin?” Harry asks at one point. They
search about for the toes, fingers,
elbows. Max and Harry are building
a boy, named Jan, who looks virtually
identical to their son, Nick.
This new play by Thomas
Eccleshare revolves around the
question of how parents deal with a
child who has gone off the rails. It is
deftly done and is both funny and, at
times, heart-achingly sad. It unfolds
in a series of scenes that we first see
through a long oblong window and
then through a larger frame, backed
by a luxurious green wall.
Jane Horrocks plays Max or, as she
urges her DIY boy to call her, Mum.
Harry is played by Mark Bonnar. All
parents will see parts of themselves in
this couple, so hopeful for their son as
he heads off to uni, so determinedly
upbeat when it all starts to go wrong.
The whole saga is almost unbearably
poignant at times.
Brian Vernel plays Jan and Nick in
what is a brilliant performance. At
times we see only his head (the DIY
boy needs weekly maintenance).
Sometimes it is hard to figure out if we
are watching Nick or Jan — except, of
course, it becomes clear when Max or
Harry reaches for the remote control
to change his settings.
Hamish Pirie directs and it is one
hour and 45 minutes, straight through.
The set, by Cai Dyfan, is particularly
engaging, as it shifts from room to
room. (The DIY workbench is
fascinating in itself.)
The ending is not quite right and it
is clear, from the difference between
what we saw and the script, that
Instructions for Correct Assembly is
evolving. Still, no one expects a flatpack assembly to be exactly right the
first time.
“Maybe turn down the opinionated
dial?” Max suggests at one point as
Jan emits an expletive-filled rant.
Harry reaches for the zapper. If only
life were that easy.
Box office: 020 7565 5000, to May 19
choreographs like a young man, so
peppy, carefree and upbeat is this
creation. Yet its delirious impetuosity
is underpinned by astonishing
craftsmanship and the most
sophisticated — and seamless — of
structures. And for all its festive,
free-wheeling fun, the language of
the dance is rigorously classical as
Forsythe sends his cast on a joyride of
virtuosic academic steps: fizzing jumps,
dazzling pirouettes, electrifying beats.
The men of English National Ballet
respond by dancing their socks off —
I have never seen them better.
Playlist (Track 1, 2) is a companion
piece to Jerome Robbins’s The Cage
(1951). Where Forsythe uses a cast of
12 men, Robbins has an ensemble of
12 women in what amounts to a
bonkers female revenge fantasy (music
Stravinsky). It posits a colony of lady
insects who practise a bizarre mating
ritual in which they copulate with and
then kill any male who wanders into
their world. Made in the age of
Martha Graham, the choreography is
full of expressionist declamations and
spidery, angular moves. Jurgita
Dronina is remarkable, feral and
alluring, as the Novice who learns how
to be a female predator.
The programme also includes a
revival of Fantastic Beings, by the
Canadian Aszure Barton. It’s a kind of
moonlight rendezvous for 20 strange
beasts inspired by Mason Bates’s score,
Anthology of Fantastic Zoology. It’s well
performed but the novelty of the
choreography quickly wears off.
Completing the bill is Forsythe’s
Approximate Sonata 2016, a series of
pas de deux with a distinctly rehearsal
vibe. There are five duets that play
with neo-classicism, seemingly casual
yet tightly constructed, sensuous too.
Alina Cojocaru is sensational in the
first and fifth pas de deux (with Joseph
Caley) — she commands the stage
with an exhilarating confidence and
obvious pleasure. Precious Adams and
Aaron Robison make a great team too,
but clearly this is a programme that
has invigorated the whole company.
Debra Craine
Box office: 020 7863 8000, to April 21
his would be an evening
for groupies only, surely?
They were certainly out in
force. All I can say is that
I have never been a member
of John Barrowman’s fan club, and
haven’t even watched an entire
episode of Doctor Who since the days
of Jon Pertwee. Yet this idiosyncratic
mix of music and chat with the
actor, singer and television star (still
perhaps best known as Captain Jack
Harkness) was nonetheless a
captivating experience.
The intimate show — part of the
compere-pianist Seth Rudetsky’s
occasional “Broadway” series — was
the antithesis of a schmaltzy,
over-choreographed West End night.
Instead Barrowman arrived on stage
in T-shirt mode, ready to submit
himself to Rudetsky’s waspish brand
of interviewing. And although they
had prepared a list of songs, there was
no telling what other numbers the
mischievous host — a show tune
obsessive — might spring on him.
“I’m shitting myself,” Barrowman
admitted. Yet you soon realised that
he was in his element, delivering
assured versions of Joni Mitchell’s Both
Sides Now and Stephen Sondheim’s
Marry Me a Little — the latter a
memento of his role in Company. We
The idiosyncratic
mix of music
and chat was
captivating
also heard a triumphant Don’t Rain on
My Parade, which served as a rebuke
to the singing teacher who had once
warned Barrowman never to tackle a
woman’s song.
His sexuality loomed large
throughout. Rudetsky is a classically
camp New Yorker. The Scottish-born
Barrowman, by contrast, is a matinee
idol who can still do a tough-guy
Glasgow accent. (He also delivered a
haunting Loch Lomond.) So his
anecdote about how he was told that
coming out would damage his career
had all the more force.
His verdict on showbiz powersthat-be was damning: “The biggest
homophobes are gay men and
women.” He also recalled how,
on the verge of making his big
announcement, he was struck down
by an illness that, in a state of panic,
he assumed was HIV (it wasn’t).
Not that this was all some sombre
confessional — the two men were
intent on having fun. Even those of
us who will always be allergic to
Andrew Lloyd Webber could not fail
to enjoy the moment when Anita
Louise Combe, one of Barrowman’s
former colleagues in Sunset Boulevard,
clambered over the heads of fellow
audience members to join in an
impromptu duet on that show’s Too
Much in Love to Care. They sometimes
had to peep at the lyrics on Rudetsky’s
piano, but we didn’t mind at all. A
mad, mad, exhilarating evening.
Clive Davis
12
1G T
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
The Queen’s
Green Planet
ITV, 9pm
We all know
about the
Queen’s
passion for
horses and corgis, but
less well known is
her love of trees.
The Commonwealth
Early
Top
pick
Canopy is an ambitious
project that aims
to create a global
network of protected
forests spanning the
53 countries of the
Commonwealth. At
the heart of this
landmark documentary
exploring the project is
a conversation between
the Queen and Sir
David Attenborough,
filmed in the gardens
of Buckingham Palace
last summer. In a
warm and humorous
exchange, the Queen
reveals how the
gardens’ history is
intertwined with that
of her family. She also
makes a reference to
her own mortality.
As they inspect the
array of plants given
to the royal family,
Attenborough points
out: “I suppose,
actually, the trees
with which you will be
presented are going to
change as our climate
changes and there will
be all kinds of different
trees growing here in
another 50 years’ time.”
“Yes,” the Queen
responds. “I won’t be
here, though.” The film
follows members of the
royal family involved
in making the Queen’s
Commonwealth Canopy
a reality, including
Prince Harry, planting
trees in the Caribbean.
“I think I’m closing in
on my half-century
of trees planted,” he
says. “But I reckon
the Queen is up in the
thousands.” There’s also
a dash of Hollywood
glamour as Angelina
Jolie and her family are
shown working with the
Namibian government
on a project to plant
trees in the desert.
Britain in Bloom
BBC Two, 6.30pm
While Her Maj is
busy planting trees,
her loyal subjects are
bringing swathes
of colour to their
communities for the
RHS’s annual floral
competition, Britain
in Bloom. It started
half a century ago as
a way of prettifying
the nation’s villages
and towns, and in this
new series cameras
follow communities
as they prepare for the
arrival of the judges.
In the first of five
episodes, shown across
the week, Chris Bavin
travels to Usk in
Monmouthshire,
known as the Welsh
“Town of Flowers”.
One for fans of any
series prefixed by
“Great British . . .”
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Health: Truth or Scare. New
series. Kevin Duala investigates whether man flu really
exists 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Properties in
Staffordshire, Derby and London (r) 11.00 Heir Hunters.
New series. An unexpected discovery in the case of a
postman leads to a potential windfall 11.45 Dom on the
Spot. Manchester traffic cop Matt Picton is called to a
serious road traffic collision 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Eric
Knowles presents from the Westpoint Arena in Exeter
(AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Valerie has a plan to deal
with her insomnia (AD) 2.15 800 Words. A statue of
Weld’s celebrated founder has been desecrated (AD) 3.00
Escape to the Country. A couple looking to move from
Brussels to the Scottish Borders (AD) 3.45 Flipping
Profit. New series. Three experts battle it out to make the
most money for BBC Children in Need (AD) 4.30
Flog It! Paul Martin presents from Belfast 5.15
Pointless. Quiz show in which contestants try to score
the fewest points possible by giving the least obvious
correct answers to questions 6.00 BBC News at Six;
Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 Escape to the
Country (r) 7.15 Flog It! (r) 8.00 Sign Zone: Hugh’s Wild
West (r) (AD, SL) 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC
Newsroom Live 12.00 Daily Politics 1.00pm Perfection
(r) 1.45 Home Away from Home (r) 2.30 Going Back,
Giving Back. Aled Jones returns with the programme in
which people use their own experiences to help others (r)
3.15 Trust Me, I’m a Doctor. The truth behind health
claims, asking whether acupuncture has a scientific basis
and the benefits of high-intensity exercise. Plus, new
guidelines on concussion (r) 4.15 Tigers About the House.
Documentary following zookeeper Giles Clark as he
hand-rears Sumatran tiger cubs Spot and Stripe in his
home in the suburbs of Queensland (r) (AD) 5.15 Put
Your Money Where Your Mouth Is. James Braxton takes
on Kate Bliss at an auction house in Kent, with the pair
bidding on items including a dog bed and ocular objets
d’art (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine
6.30 Britain in Bloom. New series. Chris Bavin follows
15 communities taking part in the annual floral
competition, beginning with Usk in Monmouthshire,
the Welsh “Town of Flowers”. See Viewing Guide
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news 9.25 The
Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This Morning.
Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and
lifestyle features, including a look at the stories making
the newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen.
Including Local Weather 12.30pm Loose Women.
Interviews and topical studio discussion from a female
perspective 1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder.
Cameras follow the criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he
takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00
Tenable. Quiz hosted by Warwick Davis in which five
neighbours from Lancashire answers questions about
top 10 lists, then tries to score a perfect 10 in the final
round 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the
arcade-themed quiz show, in which contestants drop
tokens down a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh
presents as four more contestants answer general
knowledge questions and work as a team to take on
ruthless quiz genius the Chaser and secure a cash prize
6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Hotel Hell (r) (AD) 11.00 Undercover
Boss USA (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Come Dine with Me (r) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers.
Inflatable water-walking balls and a large collection of
gold (r) 2.10 Countdown. With Jimmy Osmond in
Dictionary Corner 3.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun.
A Birmingham couple looking for a holiday home on the
Costa Blanca (r) 4.00 Escape to the Château: DIY. A
couple make plans to enhance their property by building a
swimming pool (AD) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The competition
starts at the Shoes in Durham (r) 5.30 Buy It Now. New
series. Inventors, creators and sellers of new products
have just 90 seconds to demonstrate their item to real
shoppers in the hope of securing an order 6.00 The
Simpsons. Following the death of a friend, Homer, Marge,
Kent Brockman and Mr Burns address the biggest regrets
of their lives so far (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Leela is
shocked by the arrival of a new face in the village, and
Damon is angered by Brody’s new plans. Meanwhile,
Mandy is left feeling jealous on Luke’s birthday (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Journalist
and broadcaster Matthew Wright is joined by a panel of
guests and a studio audience to debate the issues of the
day 11.15 Traffic Cops. The police in Bradford pursue a
team of suspected car thieves, and North Yorkshire’s Road
Crime Team track down a stolen Land Rover Defender (r)
12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Gadget Show.
A family’s internet security is put to the test by a hacker,
who discovers how easy it is to gain access to their
gadgets. Plus, tips on how people can protect themselves
online (r) 1.10 Access. Showbiz news and gossip
1.15 Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD)
2.20 NCIS. Tony tries to piece together the chain of
events that led to him being shot and suspicion falls on
his ex-lover EJ Barrett (r) (AD) 3.20 FILM: Deadly
Duplicate (PG, TVM, 2018) A single mother in the
midst of a fierce custody battle is framed for the murder
of her wealthy father by her ambitious identical twin
sister. Thriller with Jen Lilley 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30
Neighbours. Terese is overjoyed when Gary agrees to
marry her (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Robbo is
released on bail (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
7PM
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7.00 The One Show Presented by
Matt Baker and Alex Jones
7.00 The Secret Helpers Lesley, a
70-year-old widow, and restaurant
owner Lauren, seek advice from
strangers across the world as
they deal with challenging
moments in their personal and
professional lives (4/5) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Judgment is passed on
Gabby and Liv (AD)
8.00 EastEnders Vincent turns police
informant in his desperation
to make money (AD)
8.00 Only Connect The first semi-final
8.00 Give It a Year New series. Karren
Brady meets people who have decided
to start a new business (1/12) (AD)
8.30 North Korea’s Secret Slave Gangs:
Panorama A report on North Koreans
being sent abroad to earn money for
the cash-strapped regime
8.30 University Challenge Merton College
takes on Newcastle in the second
semi-final
8.30 Coronation Street Alya is stunned to
realise Rana is gay (AD)
9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build The team
helps Scott Jones, a young disabled
athlete in Cheltenham, who is eager to
become more self-sufficient at home,
with the challenge including added side
and rear extensions (3/7) (r) (AD)
9.00 Secret Agent Selection: WW2
Training begins in earnest, as the
students are schooled in guns,
explosives and silent killing
techniques. Narrated by
Douglas Henshall.
See Viewing Guide (2/5) (AD)
9.00 The Queen’s Green Planet
Documentary following Her Majesty
the Queen and an ambitious legacy
project to create a global network of
protected forests, spanning the 53
countries of the Commonwealth.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
Late
11PM
10PM
9PM
8PM
7.30 Nightmare Pets SOS How to live in
harmony with their unruly pets. A
couple reveal how their beloved pet
has been terrorising them (1/2) (AD)
10.00 QI With Romesh Ranganathan,
Matt Lucas and Liza Tarbuck (r)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.45 Have I Got a Bit More News for
You Victoria Coren Mitchell hosts an
extended edition of the satirical quiz,
with Richard Osman and Val McDermid
joining team captains Ian Hislop and
Paul Merton (2/9)
10.30 Newsnight With Emily Maitlis
10.30 Regional News
11.15 Gettys: The World’s Richest Art
Dynasty The story behind the
world’s richest art dynasty (r) (AD)
10.50 The Investigator: A British Crime
Story Mark Williams-Thomas’s trail
brings him to three women who
were killed in similar circumstances
within four months of each other in
Glasgow in 1977 — and a new prime
suspect (2/3) (r) (AD)
12.20am-6.00 BBC News
11.50 Last Laugh in Vegas (2/5) (r) (AD)
12.30am Sign Zone: Countryfile Sean Fletcher and
Naomi Wilkinson present the show from Loch Ness (r)
(SL) 1.25 Attenborough’s Wonder of Eggs. David
Attenborough reveals the secrets of birds’ eggs from
creation to hatching (r) (AD, SL) 2.25-3.10 Murder,
Mystery and My Family. Documentary (r) (AD, SL)
7.00 Aviva Premiership Rugby
Highlights Mark Durden-Smith and
David Flatman present action from the
20th round of matches, including
Newcastle Falcons v Sale Sharks,
Leicester Tigers v Northampton Saints,
and Saracens v Bath
8.00 The True Cost of Green Energy:
Channel 4 Dispatches Investigating
a subsidised renewable energy industry
that turns trees into fuel
8.30 Travel Man: 48 Hours in Madeira
Richard Ayoade and Robert Webb
explore the island (3/4) (AD)
8.00 Police Interceptors Liam and his dog
Vader bring down a fleeing suspect,
while Kev and Spike rescue a man
trapped in an overturned car after a
spectacular crash (7/12) (r)
9.00 The Island with Bear Grylls In the
hope of finding much-needed food,
Barnes decides to risk strong currents
and riptides on a journey by raft to a
nearby island, as both camps remain
resolved to live apart (3/5) (AD)
9.00 Paddington Station 24/7
News of a major incident comes
through to Swindon control room, with
a fatality on the line at Slough station
leading to a line closure to allow for
the emergency services
10.00 Kiss Me First Leila suspects Denier,
the youngest member of Red Pill,
might be Adrian’s next target and is
determined to save him,
but her doubts about Adrian are
causing friction with Tess (3/6) (AD)
10.00 Waco Inferno: The Untold Story
Memories of the longest stand-off in
American history, which ended in
tragedy with the death of 75 people in
an apocalyptic fire at the Mount
Carmel compound in Waco, Texas.
See Viewing Guide
11.00 Indian Summer School
Ethan ruffles a few feathers with a
controversial article in the school
newspaper, Jack goes on a trek into the
Himalayas and all the boys retake their
GCSEs. Last in the series (r) (AD)
11.05 Criminals Caught on Camera
Journalist Nick Wallis follows a Flying
Squad investigation into a ruthless
gang who blew apart 27 ATMs in and
around the city of London (2/10)
12.05am First Dates Charity worker Freddie goes on a
date with fashion buyer Rebecca (r) (AD) 1.00 Lee and
Dean (r) (AD) 1.30 My Online Nightmare (r) 2.25 I Don’t
Like Mondays (r) 3.20 Hidden Restaurants with Michel
Roux Jr (r) (AD) 4.15 Building the Dream (r) (AD)
5.10-6.00 The Question Jury (r)
12.05am America’s Toughest Prisons A Colorado
jail whose inmates are mainly sex offenders (r)
1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 Restless Legs Syndrome: Can’t
Stop Twitching (r) 4.00 My Mum’s Hotter Than Me! (r)
(SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Divine Designs (r)
(SL) 5.35-6.00 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
7.30 Coronation Street Concerned
about Robert, Carla asks Ali about
steroid abuse (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
11.30 The Graham Norton Show
The host catches up with stars of
Rampage, Dwayne Johnson and
Naomie Harris. Martin Freeman
discusses horror anthology Ghost
Stories, while Roger Daltrey performs
his new single (2/13) (r)
7.00 Channel 4 News
12.40am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of
their sofas 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show. The host invites
guests to air their differences over family and
relationship issues (r) (SL) 3.55 ITV Nightscreen
5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
the times | Monday April 16 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Secret Agent
Selection: WW2
BBC Two, 9pm
Having made it through
the selection process,
ten students start
Special Operations
Executive training.
Officially known as
the paramilitary
syllabus, their training
will equip them to fight
a war of sabotage and
subterfuge. They are
taught how to work
with weapons, handle
explosives and even kill
with their bare hands.
If all the skills come
together, they will be
ready to recreate one of
the Second World War’s
most daring missions.
However, in a group that
includes teachers and
doctors, it’s no surprise
that not everyone is cut
out for a world in which
it’s kill or be killed.
Beirut: An Art
Lovers’ Guide
BBC Four, 9pm
Lebanon’s capital,
Beirut, is the most
diverse city in the Arab
world. It was known as
“the Paris of the East”
during the mid-20th
century, but its
diversity turned to
division in 1975 when
the city became
embroiled in a 15-year
civil war. In a place
of so many identities,
art plays an important
role, as Janina Ramirez
and Alastair Sooke
discover. During their
trip they observe
the traditional (the
Christian Cathedral
of the Maronite
Church) and the
contemporary (a bulletridden house that has
been transformed
into a war memorial).
Waco Inferno:
The Untold Story
Channel 5, 10pm
David Koresh, a
charismatic 33-year-old
Texan, was the founder
of Branch Davidian,
a cult that resided in
a community near
the city of Waco in
Texas. Koresh and
his followers were
suspected by the FBI
of weapons violations
and drug dealing, and
in the spring of 1993
a bloody gun battle
between agents and
cult members broke
out. The ensuing 51-day
siege ended in tragedy
as scores of the sect’s
followers, including
children, were killed.
This documentary
recalls the events,
with testimony from
five of Koresh’s
“true believers”.
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, 7pm
Recent results have
given West Ham United
breathing space in their
fight against relegation.
No such luck for Stoke
City, who are still in the
bottom three despite a
string of improved
performances under
Paul Lambert. The
sides meet tonight at
the London Stadium.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am RSPCA Animal Rescue (r) 7.00 Meerkat
Manor (r) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00
Motorway Patrol (r) 10.00 Road Wars (r) 11.00
Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The
Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama. Bender develops the ability to
predict the future (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Supergirl. The DEO captures a second
Worldkiller and Kara and Alex use different
methods to try to get her to talk
9.00 FILM: Transformers — Revenge of
the Fallen (12, 2009) The shape-changing
robots fight for control of a machine hidden
somewhere on Earth with the power to destroy
planets. Sci-fi adventure starring Shia LaBeouf
11.50 Air Ambulance ER (3/6) (r)
12.55am Brit Cops: War on Crime (r) 2.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00 The Real A&E (r)
5.00 The Dog Whisperer (r)
6.00am Fish Town (r) 7.00 Richard E Grant’s
Hotel Secrets (r) (AD) 8.00 The British (r) (AD)
9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r)
1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Making of
David Attenborough’s Bachelor King (r)
3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00 House (r) (AD)
6.00 House. Cuddy and House take a sick day (r)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. A domestic abuse case is
linked to one of Frank’s friends (r)
9.00 Hotspots: On the Frontline. Alex Crawford
goes on the trail with an American trophy hunter
10.00 Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
A satirical look at news and pop culture
10.35 Beware The Slenderman. Documentary
exploring how the legend of The Slenderman,
a figure born from internet memes, became a
focal point in an attempted murder investigation
involving two 12-year-old girls (r)
12.50am Real Time with Bill Maher (r)
2.00 Crashing (r) 2.35 Divorce (r) 3.10 Here
and Now (r) 4.20 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.00
Highway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.30 Border Patrol (r)
8.00 Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
(AD) 9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 10.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r)
12.00 The Real A&E 1.00pm Air Rescue (r)
2.00 Send in the Dogs (r) 3.00 Nothing to
Declare (r) (AD) 5.00 Border Security: Canada’s
Front Line (r) (AD)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
6.30 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
7.00 The Real A&E
7.30 The Real A&E
8.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
9.00 Criminal Minds
10.00 Blindspot
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Criminal Minds (r) 2.00 How to Get
Away with Murder (r) 3.00 Criminal Minds (r)
4.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 5.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) (AD)
6.00am Ballet 422 (AD) 7.30 Paavo Jarvi
Conducts Orchestre de Paris 9.00 Watercolour
Challenge 9.30 Landscape Artist of the Year
2015 10.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD)
11.00 Trailblazers: Acid House 12.00 The
Sixties (AD) 1.00pm Discovering: Julie Andrews
(AD) 2.00 Watercolour Challenge 2.30
Landscape Artist of the Year 2015 4.00
Trailblazers: 80s Pop 5.00 The Sixties (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Marlene Dietrich (AD)
7.00 Auction. Bidders scramble for a painting
7.30 The Queen’s 90th Birthday Concert: Crown
Imperial. From the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane
9.00 Katherine Jenkins Featuring Collabro
11.00 The South Bank Show Originals
11.30 The South Bank Show Originals
12.00 Discovering: Robert Taylor 1.00am
Monty Python’s Personal Best 2.15
Psychob*****s (AD) 2.45 Hollywood: Singing
and Dancing (AD) 4.00 Spielberg and Williams:
The Adventure Continues 4.30 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Live ATP
Masters Tennis: The Monte-Carlo Masters. The
opening day’s play at the Monte-Carlo Country
Club in Monaco, featuring matches from the first
round 3.00pm Live Indian Premier League:
Kolkata Knight Riders v Delhi Daredevils
7.00 Live MNF: West Ham United v Stoke City
(Kick-off 8.00). Coverage of the Premier League
clash from London Stadium
11.00 Sky Sports News. A round-up of the day’s
talking points and a look ahead to the events
that are likely to make the news tomorrow,
featuring previews and interviews
12.00 Sky Sports News 1.00am Live WWE Late
Night Raw. Wrestling action from the States
with the over-the-top stars, featuring the likes
of Seth Rollins and Finn Balor. Presented by
Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Jonathan
Coachman 4.15 My Icon: Rachel Yankey
4.30 My Icon: Linford Christie 4.45 My Icon:
Keegan Hirst 5.00 Sky Sports News
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm Keepin ’er
Country 11.10 Have I Got a Bit More News for
You 11.55 The Graham Norton Show (r)
12.40am-6.00 BBC News
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and big ideas, across all platfor ms.
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BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Landward
8.30-9.00 Help Save My Child: BBC Scotland
Investigates 10.45 North Korea’s Secret Slave
Gangs: Panorama 11.15 Have I Got a Bit More
News for You 12.00 The Graham Norton Show
(r) 12.50am Weather for the Week Ahead
12.55-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Sam &
Shauna’s Big Cook Out 8.30-9.00 The Crash
Detectives 10.40 The Hour 11.40 North
Korea’s Secret Slave Gangs: Panorama
12.10am Have I Got a Bit More News for You
12.55 Weather for the Week Ahead
1.00-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two N Ireland
As BBC Two except: 10.00pm-10.30
Cumhacht an Cheoil (r)
BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 7.00pm-8.00
Antiques Road Trip
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 11.15pm New Voices
from Wales: A Hidden Portrait (r) 11.30
Gettys: The World’s Richest Art Dynasty (r)
(AD) 12.45am-1.25 Coast (r)
To subscribe visit tlssubs.imbmsubs.com/SUB6000 or call 01293 312178 and quote code SUB6000
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather
7.30 Nature’s Microworlds. The ecosystem of
Canada’s coastal forests (r)
8.00 Turkey with Simon Reeve. The first of two
programmes in which the presenter explores the
country that lies at the crossroads between
Europe and Asia, and discovers the dramatic
changes it is undergoing (1/2) (r) (AD)
9.00 Beirut: An Art Lovers’ Guide. Janina
Ramirez and Alastair Sooke explore the capital
of Lebanon, which has rebuilt its reputation as a
cosmopolitan city since the ending of the
country’s civil war. See Viewing Guide (AD)
10.00 The Ottomans: Europe’s Muslim
Emperors. Rageh Omaar traces the history
of the Islamic empire that encompassed
European, Arab and north African lands,
beginning by examining its origins in
modern-day Turkey (1/3) (r) (AD)
11.00 Dan Cruickshank: At Home with the
British. The historian explores Britain’s love
affair with the terrace (2/3) (r) (AD)
12.00 The Toilet: An Unspoken History (r)
1.00am Top of the Pops: 1983 (r) 2.15-3.15
Beirut: An Art Lovers’ Guide (r) (AD, SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Rules of
Engagement (r) 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (r)
(AD) 9.00 New Girl (r) (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls
(r) (AD) 11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD)
12.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 1.00pm The Big
Bang Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 How I Met Your
Mother (r) (AD) 3.00 New Girl (r) (AD) 4.00
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD) 5.00 The
Goldbergs. Double bill (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Damon turns to Buster for help
to try and find Brody (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers (r)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
8.30 Young Sheldon (r) (AD)
9.00 Made in Chelsea
10.00 Don’t Tell the Bride Ireland (6/8)
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.00 Tattoo Fixers. Documentary (r) (SL)
1.05am Made in Chelsea (r) (AD) 2.05 Don’t
Tell the Bride Ireland (r) 3.00 First Dates (r)
(AD) 3.55 How I Met Your Mother (r) (AD)
4.15 Rules of Engagement (r)
8.55am Food Unwrapped (r) (AD) 9.30 A Place
in the Sun: Summer Sun (r) 11.35 Four in a Bed
(r) 2.10pm Come Dine with Me (r) 4.50 A Place
in the Sun: Summer Sun (r) 5.55 Kirstie and
Phil’s Love It or List It (r) (AD)
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo.
The keepers try to work out why male red panda
Jung is losing weight (r) (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. A couple passionate about
art deco decide to re-create its glamour in their
Surrey home, travelling to Miami to research
eco-friendly building materials (6/8) (r) (AD)
9.00 Building Giants: Venice Sea Wall. New
series. The race to build the world’s next
generation of engineering wonders (AD)
10.00 Car SOS. A Porsche 911 suffering
from almost terminal rust (r)
11.00 24 Hours in A&E. Patients include a tree
surgeon who fell 40ft to the ground, hitting
several branches on the way down and landing
head-first onto concrete (r) (AD)
12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
A restaurant in New Jersey (r) 1.00 Building
Giants: Venice Sea Wall (r) (AD) 2.05 24 Hours
in A&E (r) (AD) 3.10-3.50 8 Out of 10 Cats (r)
11.00am Holiday Inn (U, 1942) Musical
starring Bing Crosby (b/w) 1.00pm Support
Your Local Sheriff! (PG, 1969) Comedy
Western starring James Garner 2.50 The
Mouse That Roared (U, 1959) Comedy
starring Peter Sellers 4.30 Damn the
Defiant! (PG, 1962) Maritime drama
6.35 Super 8 (12, 2011) Sci-fi thriller
starring Joel Courtney (AD)
8.50 Journeyman Interview Special
9.00 Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol
(12, 2011) The secret agent team is falsely
implicated in a bombing, and pursues the real
terrorist around the globe. Action adventure
sequel starring Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner,
Simon Pegg and Paula Patton (AD)
11.35 Priest (12, 2011) A holy man in a
post-apocalyptic future breaks his vows to the
church and sets out to rescue his niece from
vampires. Fantasy thriller with Paul Bettany
1.20am-3.45 Howl’s Moving Castle (U,
2004) A girl is turned into an old woman by a
witch’s curse and finds a new home and refuge
in a wizard’s castle. Animated fantasy with the
voices of Chieko Baisho and Takuya Kimura
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals (r) 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r) 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? (r) 7.55 Emmerdale (r)
8.20 Coronation Street (r) (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show (r) 10.20 The Bachelor (r)
12.15pm Emmerdale (r) (AD) 12.45 Coronation
Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 4.55 Judge
Rinder. Real cases (r)
6.00 Take Me Out (r)
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold. Comical clips,
narrated by Harry Hill (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden has a
breakdown when he and Zoey split up (r)
8.30 Two and a Half Men. Walden’s friend’s
daughter Missi pays a visit (r)
9.00 Family Guy (AD)
9.30 American Dad! (AD)
10.00 Plebs
10.30 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.00 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.30 American Dad! (r) (AD)
12.00 The Cleveland Show (r) 12.30am Two
and a Half Men (r) 1.20 Release the Hounds (r)
2.20 Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r)
6.55 Heartbeat (r) 7.55 The Royal (r) (AD)
9.00 Judge Judy (r) 10.20 Inspector Morse (r)
(AD) 12.35pm The Royal (r) (AD) 1.35
Heartbeat (r) 2.40 Classic Coronation Street (r)
3.50 On the Buses (r) 4.55 You’re Only Young
Twice (r) 5.30 Rising Damp (r)
6.00 Heartbeat. Vernon gets a nasty surprise (r)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica investigates
the murder of a Las Vegas casino manager
and sets out to prove a friend’s partner is not
guilty of the crime (r) (AD)
8.00 Lewis. Hathaway and Lewis uncover a
web of lies, jealousy and madness while
investigating a student’s death during a clinical
trial for an antidepressant (3/4) (r) (AD)
10.00 DCI Banks. An investigative journalist is
found dead (3/6) (r) (AD)
11.00 DCI Banks. The detective races to find a
mysterious tape recording that appears
to link Matt Barber’s father Jack with rock band
the Crystal Kiss (4/6) (r) (AD)
12.05am Scott & Bailey (r) (AD, SL) 2.00 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase (r) 6.45 Pawn Stars (r) 7.30
Ironside (r) 8.30 Quincy ME (r) 9.30 Minder (r)
(AD) 10.35 The Saint (r) 11.40 The Avengers
(r) 12.45pm Ironside (r) (AD) 1.50 Quincy ME
(r) 2.50 Minder (r) (AD) 3.55 The Saint (r)
4.55 The Avengers (r)
6.05 Storage Wars: Texas (r)
6.30 Storage Wars: Texas (r)
7.00 Pawn Stars (r)
7.30 Pawn Stars (r)
7.55 Mr Bean (r) (AD)
8.30 Mr Bean (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: Rambo III (18, 1988) Vietnam
veteran John Rambo heads for Afghanistan on a
quest to rescue his old boss Colonel Trautman
from prison. Action adventure sequel with
Sylvester Stallone and Richard Crenna (AD)
11.05 FILM: Assassins (15, 1995) A hitman
on the verge of retirement spares his last target
and protects her from a ruthless younger rival.
Thriller starring Sylvester Stallone, Antonio
Banderas and Julianne Moore (AD)
1.45am Fifth Gear (r) 2.35 The Protectors (r)
(SL) 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers
9.00 Storage Hunters 10.00 American Pickers
1.00pm Top Gear (AD) 3.00 Sin City Motors
4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge
5.00 Top Gear. Motoring magazine (AD)
6.00 Room 101. Guests vent their spleen
6.40 Would I Lie to You? At Christmas
7.20 Would I Lie to You? The Unseen Bits.
Rob Brydon, David Mitchell and Lee Mack return
with previously unseen material from the ninth
series of the comedy panel show, featuring a
stellar cast of showbiz guests
8.00 Cop Car Workshop. John, Dave and Ros get
an excuse to show off their knowledge of the
second-hand police car market
9.00 Live at the Apollo. With Lee Nelson,
Stewart Francis and Paul Chowdhry
10.00 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. With Simon
Gregson and Jayde Adams. Last in the series
11.00 Taskmaster. Challenges set for the
contestants include playing golf with eggs
12.00 QI 1.20am Mock the Week 2.00 QI 3.20
Parks and Recreation 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Pinkertons (AD) 8.00 London’s
Burning (AD) 9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00
Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm
Last of the Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20
Birds of a Feather 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 You Rang, M’Lord? 5.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! Ted is hired as a late replacement
at an uptown show for a fellow comedian
6.40 Keeping Up Appearances.
Hyacinth helps with an OAP day-trip (AD)
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine.
Howard tries to assume another identity
8.00 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates.
Singers begin to lose their voices
9.00 New Tricks. UCOS looks into the murder of
a private investigator (7/10) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. The investigators reopen
the 15-year-old case of a vagrant who was
strangled on a train, when DNA tests on a
suspected robber reveal the man to be the
victim’s son (2/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather
12.00 The Bill 1.00am London’s Burning (AD)
2.10 The Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Private Lives of
the Monarchs (AD) 11.00 The World’s Weirdest
Weapons (AD) 12.00 Time Team 1.00pm The
Hunt (AD) 2.00 Life in Cold Blood 3.00 Coast
(AD) 4.00 Private Lives of the Monarchs (AD)
5.00 The World’s Weirdest Weapons (AD)
6.00 Churchill’s Bodyguard
7.00 Forbidden History. A look at the secretive
Rosicrucian Order (3/6)
8.00 Forbidden History. Jamie Theakston
investigates oracles (4/6) (AD)
9.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary’s double life
catches up with him
9.40 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary is captured
by the Germans
10.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. Gary crams two
assignations into a hectic day
11.00 The Two Ronnies. The duo have fun in
spoof adventure Tinker Tailor Smiley Doyle
11.55 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook. An insight
into a remarkable comedy career
1.10am Scotland’s Murder Mysteries 2.05
Black Ops (AD) 3.00 Home Shopping
ITV Wales
As ITV except: 8.00-8.30pm Wales This
Week. Families struggling to make ends meet
in Swansea 10.50 Sharp End. Political
discussion presented by Adrian Masters
11.15-11.50 Give It a Year (AD)
STV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 The People’s
History Show 10.30 Scotland Tonight 11.05
The Investigator: A British Crime Story (r) (AD)
12.05am Teleshopping 1.05 After Midnight
2.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle
Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Paul and Nick’s
Big Food Trip New Zealand 10.50-11.50 View
from Stormont 12.40am Teleshopping
2.10-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Pàdraig Post: SDS (Postman Pat: SDS)
(r) 5.15 Zack & Quack (r) 5.35 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.40 Charlie is Lola
(Charlie and Lola) (r) 5.50 Bruno (r)
5.53 Seonaidh (Shaun the Sheep) (r) 6.00
Alvinnn agus na Chipmunks (r) 6.25 Sràid nan
Sgread (Scream Street) (r) 6.35 Fior
Bhall-coise (Extreme Football) (r) 7.00 Innsean
an Iar: Hebrides (r) 7.30 Speaking Our
Language (r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30
Dealbhan Fraoich 9.00 Trusadh: Tha Aonarachd
Gar Marbhadh (Loneliness Is Killing Us)
10.00 Port (r) 10.30 Gladys (r) 11.30-12.00
Fonn Fonn Fonn (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw 12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
12.05pm Teithiau Tramor Iolo (r) 12.30 Ar
Werth (r) 1.00 Celwydd Noeth (r) 1.30 Codi
Hwyl (r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05
Pengelli (r) 3.30 Byd Pws (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr
5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh: Mabinogi-Ogi
(r) 5.30 Stwnsh: Bernard (r) 5.35 Stwnsh:
Sgorio 6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05
Gwaith/Cartref (r) (AD) 7.00 Heno 8.00 Pobol
y Cwm. Garry sees an opportunity to take
advantage of Eifion, while Eileen hopes to have
a happy birthday. (AD) 8.25 Garddio a Mwy.
Sioned attempts to rebuild the willow fence
around the children’s play area 9.00 News 9 a’r
Tywydd 9.30 Ffermio 10.00 Ffit Cymru.
Cameras follow five people who want to live a
healthier life (r) 11.00-11.35 Mike Phillips a’r
Senghenydd Sirens. The Sirens make it through
to the semi-finals of the Swalec Cup Plate
competition, and Mike calls on two experts to
help strengthen the team (r)
14
Monday April 16 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
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Codeword No 3311
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Train Tracks No 383
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© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7627
24
L
18
3
12
1
3
4
5
3
6
2
3
5
23
2
13
18
9
23
6
14
2
16
1
5
1
13
7
A
9
6
16
18
17
18
1
18
7
14
23
14
21
19
23
7
2
20
13
1
23
18
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4
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22
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19
9
11
1
13
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25
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13
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13
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4
18
9
23
19
14
B
26
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
24
1
Across
1 Predatory insect (7,6)
8 Body of supporting
musical instruments (7)
9 Jargon (5)
10 Deception (3)
11 Empty spaces (8)
13 Turn to bone (6)
14 Small stone (6)
17 Type of painting (8)
Solution to Crossword 7626
C R OWN C E
O P O O
UN I T T RU S
R N E P
T H I N CON
O L
N
P ENC I L
B
U
B A
NUMERA T E
C O E W
H I T
T ROU
E
I
T R
SU F FO L K
N T RA L
O O O
T
ARC
I
S K
F E T T I
I
N
EDBUG
D O
L OT S
A
Z
A
S S E AU
I
U C
A P P L E
23
6
23
19
13
9
9
23
7
19 River of Wensleydale (3)
21 Not dead (5)
22 Eager to learn; strange (7)
24 Army rank (5,8)
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
Down
14
15
16
17
1
2
3
4
5
Slice from a pig's rib (4,4)
Adds to the end (7)
Frozen water (3)
Long narrow cut (6)
Rented plot for
gardening (9)
6 Colour slightly (5)
7 Demonstrate (4)
11 Coffee pot (9)
12 Change in direction (8)
15 Woman's bedroom (7)
16 South American cowboy (6)
18 Bulb used in cooking (5)
20 Dance; sphere (4)
23 Tear (3)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Solve our new word puzzle
If you enjoy the times2 Crossword, you’ll
love Quintagram, our new and exclusive
clue-solving challenge
7
8
9
18
19
20
21
22
10
11
12
13
23
24
25
26
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
T
F
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Saturday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica No 4221
Q
O
A
E
R
H
U
S
T
N
C
U
E
A
E
N
O
P
L
N
A
E
L
U
C
W
L
V
A
D
A
K
G
T
L
L
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
by midnight. Leave your three answer numbers (in any
order) and your contact details.
No 4222
K
C
E
M
P
E
Calls cost £1.00 (ROI €1.50) plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard
network charge. Winners will be picked at random from all
correct answers received. One draw per week. Lines close at
midnight tonight. If you call or text after this time you will not
be entered but will still be charged. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390
(Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
What are your favourite
puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
D
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Easy No 4303
Futoshiki No 3151
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
2
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
6
L
H
See today’s News section
5
∧
Kakuro No 2110
<
∧
∧
4
24
6
>
>
35
3
16
8
3
∧
8
7
6
16
24
10
20
4
21
23
12
11
29
22
16
25
23
4
6
31
23
33
>
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
23
6
24
3
13
10
7
>
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
4
9
27
4
9
6
4
4
22
6
4
3
© PUZZLER MEDIA
21
the times | Monday April 16 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
Fabiano Caruana is clearly tired
of waiting. Last month he won the
FIDE World Chess Candidates
tournament in Berlin and thus
secured the right to challenge
Magnus Carlsen for his world
title. Almost immediately after, in
an astonishing display of resilience, Caruana swept to victory in
the Grenke Chess Classic where
play was split between Karlsruhe
and Baden Baden. Today I give
the tournament crosstable and
Caruana’s most exciting display.
White: Georg Meier
Black: Fabiano Caruana
Grenke Chess Classic,
Karlsruhe/Baden Baden 2018
________
á DrDkD 4]
àDpD g D ]
ßpD Db0 1]
ÞD D D 0 ]
Ý D DPDnD]
ÜD G DNH ]
ÛPD ! )PD]
Ú$ DRD I ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
24 ... Kf7
This is very good for Black but
Caruana misses the chance for a
beautiful finish with 24 ... Nh2.
After the natural reply 25 Nd4,
Black has the amazing 25 ... Nf1!!
with the idea 26 Kxf1 Bc4+ 27 Ke1
Qh1+! 28 Nxh1 Rxh1 mate.
25 Rac1 Rc4 26 Bd4 b5 27 Qa5
White inadvisedly wanders off
piste with his queen. 27 Rxc4
Bxc4 28 Rc1 was better.
27 ... Nh2 28 Qxa6
Losing. After this White’s kingside is wrecked and he has no
chance to resist. He had to try 28
Ne1.
28 ... Nxf3+ 29 gxf3 g4 30 f4
Qxf4 31 Rxc4 bxc4 32 Be3 Qf3
33 Rd6 Rh3
33 ... Bxd6 is also good enough
but Caruana continues thematically with his kingside attack.
34 Rxe6 Rxg3+ 35 fxg3 Qxe3+ 36
Kh2 Qf2+ 37 Kh1 Qf1+ White
resigns
After 38 Kh2 Qh3+ 39 Kg1 Bc5
is mate.
EASY
15 – 6
MEDIUM
42
+ 1/2
OF IT
126 + 477
HARDER
SQUARE
IT
+ 14
x 4 + 27
+ 1/3
OF IT
4/
5
–8
50%
OF IT
+6
7/
9
x 3 – 78 x 2 – 98
5/
8
OF IT
OF IT
+ 739 x 2 – 818 x 3 – 558
Caruana
Carlsen
Aronian
Vitiugov
Vachier-Lagrave
Bluebaum
Anand
Hou
Naiditsch
Meier
1
*
½
½
0
0
½
½
½
0
0
2
½
*
½
½
½
½
½
0
0
½
4
1
½
½
*
½
0
½
½
½
0
5
1
½
½
½
*
½
0
0
½
½
6
½
½
½
1
½
*
0
½
½
½
7
½
½
½
½
1
1
*
½
½
½
8
½
1
½
½
1
½
½
*
½
½
9
1
1
1
½
½
½
½
½
*
0
10
1
½
½
1
½
½
½
½
1
*
6½
5½
5
5
5
4½
3½
3½
3½
3
________
árD Dkgn4] Winning Move
àDp0 1 0p]
ßpDn0 D D] White to play. This position is from
Grenke 2018.
ÞD DPDbD ] Rafiee-Lampert,
White is a piece down but threatens the
ÝBD D D D] black bishop on f5 and also has a powerful
ÜD ) DQD ] pin against the black knight. How should
ÛP) D )P)] he meet the check?
Ú$NG I DR] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
It’s not often you bid and make a Dealer: West, Vulnerability: East-West
grand slam after an opponent
♠ KQ 10 5
opens 1NT. It happened in the Teams
♥K 10 7 4 3
Young Chelsea Bridge Club Pivot
♦8 5
Teams in January.
♣A 7
West wisely refrained from
♠J 8 7 3
♠9 6 2
N
leading the ace of hearts v the
♥AQ J W E ♥9 8 6 5 2
grand slam — surely South held a
♦K J 10 4 S
♦7 6 3
♣9 2 ♠ A 4
♣8 6
void heart for his raise to 7♣. He
led a passive club.
♥Declarer proceeded to run off
♦AQ 9 2
all his clubs. Here is the ending as
♣KQ J 10 5 4 3
the last club was led:
♠ KQ 10 5
♥K 10
♦8
♣-
♠J 8 7 3
N
♥A
W E
♦K J
S
♣♠A 4
♥♦AQ 9 2
♣4 (led)
Declarer knew West held everything — he had 28 combined highcard points, so West presumably
held the remaining 12. West would
be in dire straights.
Choosing his poison, West
elected to let go a spade on the last
club. Declarer cashed the ace of
spades and followed with a spade
to dummy’s king-queen. West’s
jack was felled and, in the threecard ending across, declarer led
dummy’s promoted ten of spades,
throwing the nine of diamonds.
If West threw the ace of hearts,
dummy’s king would be promoted.
If he threw the jack of diamonds,
declarer could lead to his ace,
felling the king, and enjoy the
queen. At the table, West threw (in)
the towel. Grand slam made.
Killer Gentle No 5960
9
17
4
♠♥A
♦K J
♣-
8
4
14
4min
17
13
9
5
16
14
6
13
3
E
♠♥♦AQ 9
♣-
4 12
2
27
16
+
8
7
16
9
9
17
3
6
15
18
7
3
7
24
12
7
25
22
7
11
7
12
30
20
10
20
+
-
16
x
=
12
=
84
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Solutions
L E T S D
A
A
O
CON S I
A
T
S
L ORR Y
U
C
D I MS U
T
E
S T A R T
N
E
P
A D V E R
I
I
RO L E
OWN
R
D E R
N
CO
H
M P
G
L E
N
T I S
A
F L A
2
1
9
4
7
8
5
3
6
6
3
4
2
5
9
7
8
1
5
7
8
1
6
3
4
9
2
7
9
2
5
8
6
1
4
3
3
6
5
9
1
4
2
7
8
J U S T L
O
E
O
V E X
A
I
T
M
ABU T
L
P
A
L UB
A
E
H
CA T HO
T
R
I N T E R
N O
E
GR E E D
Y
CQ
U
RA
L
R I
F
L I
E
P R
Y
Set Square 2112
8
4
1
7
3
2
6
5
9
9
5
3
6
4
1
8
2
7
6
7
9
2
3
1
5
4
8
5
8
2
4
7
6
9
3
1
1
4
3
9
8
5
2
6
7
2
3
7
6
5
4
8
1
9
4
2
6
8
9
7
3
1
5
1
8
7
3
2
5
9
6
4
6
x
5
÷
-
7
+
2
+
÷
8
+
÷
+
9
x
1
4
9
5
8
1
7
6
2
3
3
2
4
7
6
8
1
9
5
9
5
8
1
4
2
3
7
6
7
1
6
5
9
3
4
8
2
Suko 2212
U PWA
R
S
U I E S
M
V E NO
V
R
CAN T
L
H
C
SO
S
D
E T
O
U
X
E N Z Y
RD
R
C E
S
U S
Y
6 2
9 4
8 3 1
1 2
9 5 4
7 6
8 9
1
9 8 2
7 9
C
L O
C
AK
L
ME
x
3 1
1 2
2
6
3
1
4
5
7
6
9
8
3
1
2
Train Tracks 382
1
Quintagram
1 Pale
2 Kiosk
3 Galley
4 One-liner
5 On the ball
5
2
4
6
3
2
3
3
4
5
4
2
3
A
+
4
9 7 5
4 8 9 6 7
2
8 9
1 3
2 1 3 7
4 2 5 9 1
1 3
4
3
1 2
5 3 1 4
7 1 2
4
3
1
B
S
8
6
1
3
2
9
7
5
4
Kakuro 2109
Codeword 3310
OP U S
R
I
A T I ON
R O C
T E R I E
H
R
UR S U E
R O
S E T U P
S
H
E
EME N T
A
R
T
T T E R Y
Q
U
G
S
H
B
O
I
I
O
D
T
A
E
Cell Blocks 3193
Lexica 4220
A
U
L
N
Y
L
R
O
U
E
S
T
W
E
O
R
Y
U
O
P
Futoshiki 3150
A
R
2
B
I
E
P
D
O
N
3 4
2
3
2
3
4
2 5 5
14
Tredoku 1521
5
2
3
1
4
1
4
2
5
3
4
1
∨
3 < 5
∨
2
3
15
9
x
3
=
160
Brain Trainer
22
x
x
23
19
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
= 28 We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
sum should be
= 6 calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
x
-
Lexica 4219
13min
= 15 the numbers
x
5
Killer 5959
Killer Tricky No 5961
Enter each of
-
x
Sudoku 9800
5 > 3
2
∨
4
2 > 1
1
4 < 5
KenKen 4302
Easy 20
Medium 655
Harder 3,209
10
23
13
10
4
Word watch
16
S
2
2
Quick Cryptic 1069
6
(led)
N
W
11
9
11
Contract: 7♣, Opening Lead: ♣2
♠ 10
♥K
♦8
♣-
4
From these letters, make words of three
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 15 words, average;
21, good; 25, very good; 29, excellent
Saturday’s answers akee, arak, awake,
bake, baker, bark, barker, beak, beaker,
berk, betake, brake, break, breaker,
breakwater, kara, karat, karate, kart,
kata, kerb, rake, raker, reek, retake,
taka, take, taker, teak, trek, tweak,
tweaker, wake, waker, weak, week,
weka, wreak, wreaker
S
♠9 6 2
♥9
♦7 6 3
♣-
W
N
E
1NT
Pass(1) 2♦(2)
5♣
Pass
6♣(3) Pass
7♣(4) End
(1) I must say, I’d have bid a Landy 2♣,
showing 5-4 in the majors. Perhaps N-S
were using a different defence to 1NT.
(2) Transfer to hearts. As you see, a transfer does not promise any strength.
(3) Guesses partner for a void heart, in
which case he has a really fine hand.
(4) “You can raise to Six and I have THIS.”
4
Set Square No 2113
12
Bridge Andrew Robson
– 955
3
5
3 3
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
© PUZZLER MEDIA
A curious factor in Caruana’s
success was his dominance with
the black pieces, with which he
scored 75 per cent of his wins.
3
½
½
*
½
½
½
½
½
0
½
2/
3
OF IT
OF IT
5
Polygon
Grenke Chess Classic, Karlsruhe/Baden Baden 2018
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
–6
÷2
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Cunctator no more
Cell Blocks No 3194
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
9
20
25
♠♥♦7 6 3
♣-
Note, if North had bid a Landy
2♣ and therefore declared the club
slam from his side, an opening diamond lead would have broken up
the squeeze and held him to 12
tricks. Thank you to second-placed
Angus Simpson for showing me the
deal. andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
Estacade (c) A defensive
arrangement of stakes
Estaminet (a) A small
café, bar, or bistro, esp a
shabby one
Estafette (b) A military
courier
Chess
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
White played 1 Be3 but
after 1 ... Be4 2 Qd1 b5
ended up a piece down.
1 Kd1! introduces the
additional threat of 2 Re1.
After 1 ... Be4 2 Qh3! Bxd5
3 Re1 Be4 (note that
White’s 2 Qh3! was played
to prevent 3 ... Be6) 4 Nd2
White will regain the
piece and is very much
in the game.
Quiz
1 Eyes 2 David Mitchell and Robert Webb 3 Peppa Pig
4 Tomato 5 Bridget Jones 6 Adventures of Huckleberry
Finn 7 Zubin Mehta 8 Poland 9 Dario Fo 10 MO
11 Philippines 12 Philip Guston 13 Dragon Ball
14 Real Madrid 15 Jacob Rees-Mogg
16.04.18
MindGames
Easy No 9801
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Estacade
a A savoury flan
b A stage in logical
reasoning
c A defensive fence
Estaminet
a A bar
b A small tower
c A musical timing
Estafette
a A pasta dish
b A courier
c A lace veil
Answers on page 15
Difficult No 9802
6
5
9
2 6
5 9
4
5 6 8 3
2
2 5
7 1
3
4 9 5 6
7
2 8
5 7
4
3
5
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
Fiendish No 9803
8
8
9 3 2
7
8
6
4
9
1
6
2
5 9 8
7
4
9
3 1
8 2
5 6
1
6
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2212
PRESS ASSOCIATION
1 Optometry is a health
care profession that
involves the examination
of which sensory organs?
11 Mount Mayon is the
most active volcano in
which Asian country?
12 In 1969, which
American artist painted
the KKK-themed works
The Studio, City Limits
and Edge of Town?
2 The 2007 film
Magicians stars which
Peep Show duo?
3 Lily Snowden-Fine,
Cecily Bloom and Harley
Bird have all voiced
which TV show’s porcine
title character?
4 Beefsteak, oxheart,
campari and plum are
varieties of which fruit of
Solanum lycopersicum?
5 Mark Darcy is the
“true love” of which
fictional diary writer?
15
based on which 1884
novel by Mark Twain?
7 Which Indian
conductor became
music director of the Los
Angeles Philharmonic in
1962, aged 26?
8 TVP is which EU
country’s only public TV
broadcaster?
6 Roger Miller’s 1984
musical Big River is
9 Which Italian wrote
the plays Mistero Buffo
(1969) and Johan Padan
and the Discovery of the
Americas (1992)?
10 What is the two-letter
stage name of Danish
electropop singer
Karen Marie Aagaard
Orsted Andersen
(b 1988)?
13 A member of the
Saiyan race, Goku
becomes Earth’s
mightiest warrior in
which manga, created by
Akira Toriyama?
14 Which football
club has won the most
European Cup or
Champions League
titles (12)?
15 Which politician is
pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1070 by Joker
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
15
14
16
19
17
20
21
22
18
Across
1 Exhibit concern for the world
of entertainment (4,8)
8 Partner’s after child one
hundred per cent (7)
9 Vehicle run for freight (5)
10 Sudden attack of fright is small
worry (5)
11 Family member has no right to
show great happiness (7)
12 Greek for top of a house? (5)
14 Impossible illusion having to
strike artist (7)
15 Rage at English being selfrestrained (9)
17 Source of heat regularly
delivered by H-bombs (3)
19 What signals set
unapproachable limit? (6,7)
21 American artist’s
representation of Harlow (6)
22 Bishop having not as much to
ask God’s favour for (5)
Down
1 As it’s undergoing
restructuring, plant is good
enough (12)
2
3
4
5
6
7
13
14
16
18
20
Reject unfashionable shed (7)
Anger about the start of
Germany’s nonsense (5)
Some nasty lefty type (5)
Fruit — a number outside
broken crate (9)
What could be mass stampede
for an addition to the menu?
(7,6)
Cornet finally replaced by a
part for an organ (6)
Renowned runner of EC
getting involved with Heath (7)
Part of church left following
risk (7)
Snake heads for me and my
black Airedale (5)
Alarms in British
measurements that are
outdated (5)
Cake rising in central point (3)
Friday’s solution on page 15
3 4
1
7 2 6
2 5
7
4 8 5 1
5 9 3 4
2
7 8
4 7 5
8
4 9
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