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The Times Times 2 - 21 March 2018

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March 21 | 2018
What to buy
from the
high street
Our fashion editor’s
picks for spring
Silvia dress, £229, available
from late March, hobbs.co.uk
2
1G T
Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
times2
From Russia,
If size 2 clothes make
us anorexic, maybe
XXL will make us fat
Carol Midgley
M
aybe I’m being
thick (no need to
comment), but
why is Asos, the
online clothing
store, being
“slammed” as
“irresponsible”
for stocking size 2 clothes, which
equate to a 22in waist? A Liberal
Democrat MP and former health
minister declared it “dangerous”, as if
the wicked vest tops and shorts came
tooled up with flick knives. Some
customers vowed to boycott Asos until
the items were removed, while a
Conservative MP said that idealising
such small sizes could lead to young
women developing eating disorders.
Hmm. We’ll come back to that. But
what about all those people who
happen to be size 2? Are we saying
that they shouldn’t be allowed
clothing? That providing apparel for
them is too damn risky? Surely it’s
more irresponsible to make these poor
thinnies walk the streets naked,
perhaps swaying alongside you on the
Tube with their pubis in your face,
because others might glimpse an XXS
frock online and be plunged into
serious mental illness. Do we want
people such as slim Keira Knightley,
who once successfully sued a
newspaper that said she had an eating
disorder and suggested she was a bad
role model when she is just naturally
thin like her father, to be forced to
bare their arses in Asda?
I’ll level with you. I doubt that the
mere existence of tiny clothes can
cause people to develop a complex and
potentially deadly psychiatric disorder.
Clothing just can’t be that powerful,
can it? Have you ever felt compelled
to scissor out all your gussets just
because crotchless knickers exist? You
have? Well that’s terrible. Ban
crotchless pants immediately.
It strikes me that in fretting about
excessive thinness we are frying the
smaller fish. Let me be clear: I am
NOT trivialising eating disorders,
which I know are a terrible, often fatal
illness. I am NOT saying advertisers
don’t promote an impossible standard
of thinness so that women will selfloathe and buy more beauty products,
because I know that they do. But this
I forecast
a whole lot
of hot air
The weatherman Bill
Giles says that the BBC’s
new weather forecasts
are “as disappointing as
a downpour in high
summer”. The new
is also the week in which an expert
warned us that we are facing an
“obesity apocalypse” and that
teenagers should undergo weight-loss
surgery such as gastric bands and
stomach stapling on an unprecedented
scale. Fat is a bigger foe than some
shop selling extra-petite leggings.
One in three children is obese by
the time they leave primary school,
which is why school uniform shops
have started selling trousers with 50in
waists. It is the crisis that threatens to
cripple the NHS. So why is no one
protesting outside Marks & Spencer
because it sells XXXL jumpers?
If a small dress encourages thinness,
a huge one must encourage fatness —
no? Of course not. No one spies a pair
of XXL elasticated-waist slacks and
thinks: “Pass me the Mars bars.”
Equally, I have never met a person
with a serious eating disorder who
blamed it squarely on seeing skinny
models in magazines. I won’t deny that
such models make many people feel
bad about their bodies. But if we think
feeling bad about one’s body is the
same as anorexia nervosa, then we
oversimplify a complicated illness.
And a 22in waist didn’t used to be all
that rare. When I was a teenager a
friend — perfectly healthy — had one.
I never “caught” it off her, alas. Which
is a pity. If super-skinny jeans made
people thin, then all the NHS’s
problems could be solved in the
morning by Primark.
graphics highlight
freezing temperatures
with just a thin blue
line, he writes. The UK
is too small on the
screen and you can see
much of Europe.
Bill, mate, this is
nothing compared with
the meaningless chatty
guff with which many
presenters fill their
broadcasts, clearly
auditioning for a spot on
I’m a Celebrity . . . What
does “wintriness” even
mean? What is
“organised rain” as
opposed to a “good
dollop”, and will it
interfere with the
“ribbon of cloud”? Why
do they tell you about
what the weather has
been like already? A
person sitting in Tring
at 6.30pm does not need
to know that at 2pm in
Jana Bakunina has been called a traitor
by her Russian father for criticising the
president in her new memoir. The City
banker tells Mark Smith why she did it
Cold sick
— do some
like it hot?
Scottish Conservatives
have lambasted the
draft transition Brexit
deal on fishing rights,
with one Douglas Ross
declaring that “it would
be easier to get
someone to drink a pint
of cold sick” than sell it
as a success.
Interesting. This
phrase, taken from the
famous playground
rhyme, “Scab and
matter custard green
snot pie/ All mixed
together with a dead
dog’s eye/ Slap it in a
sandwich nice and
thick/ Then swill it all
down with a cup of cold
sick”, has intrigued me
since childhood.
Why does the vomit
being cold make it
more disgusting? I’d
seriously like to know.
If it were still warm,
would that make the
sick more drinkable?
You see I don’t think so.
Perhaps the European
chief negotiator,
Michel Barnier, has a
view? Or maybe some
university could raise
funds to research this
matter. Honestly? I’ve
seen more asinine
academic studies.
Stornoway it was a bit
murky. It’s history. Even
the people in Stornoway
no longer care.
Nothing will beat
Carol Kirkwood
describing rainfall as
“wetter than an otter’s
pocket” (bless her
innocence). That was
when we reached peak
forecast. And anyway —
don’t most people just
look at their phones?
O
n the eve of last
Sunday’s elections
in her native Russia,
Jana Bakunina
received a series
of WhatsApp
messages from her
father, who lives on
the outskirts of Ekaterinburg, 3,000
miles away from her north London flat.
Relations between Sergey Bakunin
and his daughter have been fraught for
years, but there was an air of finality
to this latest paternal tirade. “With
your education and ambitions, you
could have done good for Russia yet
you act against it,” read one missive.
“And if you are against Russia, you are
against your own family.”
In fact, Bakunina, who is 38 and
became a British citizen ten years ago
after attending Oxford University and
working as a banker in the Square
Mile, is on good terms with the rest of
her family in Russia. Her memoir, Bird’s
Milk, is dedicated to her loyal mother,
Tatiana, who once visited London to
cheer her on in the London marathon.
“Whatever disappointments and
pain she encountered in her own life,”
Bakunina writes, “she resolved to help
me celebrate my journey.” For Sergey
Bakunin, it would seem, Jana is the
disappointment. His messages from
Saturday excoriate her as “a traitor”,
urging her to “come to her senses” and
to “vote to help Russia stand up to the
aggressive enemy that is the West”.
Standing up for Russia meant voting
to keep Vladimir Putin in the Kremlin,
just as fingers across Europe and
America were pointing in his direction
after the nerve agent attack that left
former spy Sergei Skripal and his
daughter Yulia fighting for their lives.
Bakunina is in little doubt as to who
is responsible for the poisonings. She
blows out her cheeks in exasperation
as I try to mount alternative
explanations for the sake of argument.
The timing was so brazen, I offer, how
can we be sure the attack wasn’t an
attempt by dissidents to frame Putin?
“It looks to be a provocation, doesn’t
it?” Bakunina replies. “You have to ask
yourself who would benefit from that.
It’s Putin, of course. The Kremlin
provoked a strong reaction from the
West, then wrote the perfect preelection narrative to spread via stateoperated media back in Russia: look
how aggressive Britain is . . . the entire
West is coming together to declare war
on us; we need to defend ourselves
against these enemies, and we need a
strong leader to do that. Vote Putin!”
Bakunina has been galvanised by
the example of Alexei Navalny, the
lawyer and activist whose campaign
to run for president was barred by
the Central Electoral Commission in
December and called for a boycott of
Sunday’s ballot. “That guy has opened
80 regional [opposition] centres, he has
roused all these people to support the
grassroots opposition movement under
very challenging circumstances. That’s
not going to disappear overnight.”
In an interview on BBC Radio 4’s
Today programme last Friday she
speculated about whether she might
go the way of Skripal. “I received a
bunch of flowers yesterday. I couldn’t
see who it was from,” she told the
reporter Sanchia Berg, “and I was
thinking, ‘Is that the Kremlin sending
me some biological weapon?’ Of
course I was laughing, but there
is a sense that no one is safe.”
Bakunina refers to her homeland as
being in the thrall of an “autocratic
dictatorship’’, but says it wasn’t always
like this. “I grew up in a country that
desperately wanted to become a
democracy.” In Bird’s Milk, she recalls
a childhood in Ekaterinburg (then
known as Sverdlovsk) where the
family’s standard-issue Soviet
apartment overlooking a motorway
contrasted with the fruitful cornucopia
of their rural dacha.
The book’s name derives from a
popular Soviet confection (“Even I am
not immune to the sense of nostalgia
for the Soviet Union,” she says,
laughing), but it also recalls a Russian
proverb that warns against the elusive
nature of happiness: “A rich man has
everything but bird’s milk.”
Ironically, after the new hope of
Gorbachev’s perestroika and the
collapse of the USSR in 1991, it was
Bakunina’s father who set her on the
path to becoming what she is today,
a City high-flyer and self-described
amateur anti-Putin pundit.
“He was the one that encouraged
me to study in the West,” says
Bakunina, who as a teenager enrolled
at a German boarding school with
help from her father’s business
contacts. “He had been a rebel in his
youth, refusing to join the Communist
Party,” Bakunina claims. “Suddenly
now he is part of the system.”
Her father’s radical reversal in
worldview is understandable, she says.
A research fellow and lecturer at a
Soviet polytechnic, he tried his hand
at importing industrial and consumer
goods from Germany during the
1990s, but was thwarted by what
Bakunina calls “the rigid bureaucracy
and backwardness of the Russian trade
customs and commercial laws’’.
Her father belongs to a generation
whose entrepreneurial hopes were
dashed in the hardscrabble transition
from communism to capitalism. “They
started their businesses, but they
couldn’t scale, couldn’t break through
all the red tape and the corruption.”
Meanwhile, the oligarchy flourished.
For those like her father, Putin’s
nationalist narrative acts as a salve
for personal frustrations. “These
people are looking back now thinking,
‘Well, I’ve not achieved anything, I’m
disappointed with my life, but never
mind, Crimea is ours,’ ” she says.
the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
3
1G T
times2
with no love for Putin
ZAC FRACKELTON FOR THE TIMES
Left: Jana Bakunina.
Top: with her parents,
Tatiana and Sergey.
Above: Vladimir Putin
Bakunina’s early promise was
recognised by a tutor at her school in
Germany who encouraged her to set
her sights on Oxford. In the book she
recalls sleeping rough in Victoria
station in London on her way to an
interview at St Catherine’s College.
Once she had gained her place,
reading economics and management,
she worked shifts as a dinner lady in
the college canteen and joined the
college rowing team.
On graduation she needed a
well-paid job to settle her student
debts, so went for an interview at the
investment bank Merrill Lynch,
adjusting her blazer to hide the
indelible food stains on her waitressing
shirt. She got the job and the section of
the book recounting her adventures in
the world of mergers and acquisitions
could be dubbed “The Devil Wears
Pravda” were it not so skilfully drawn.
There was champagne deal-making, a
makeover by way of Karen Millen (“a
high street brand I could only have
dreamt of wearing before”) and
dinners with senior bankers in
London’s most fashionable restaurants.
After the privations of Bakunina’s
Soviet childhood, elements of life in
pre-crash London seemed grotesque.
She recounts emerging from her tiny
starter flat in the banker belt of Notting
Hill only to spot a co-worker coming
out of the Starbucks on Westbourne
Grove. Before she could get his
attention, she saw him stop by a dustbin
and dispose of a pocketful of coins.
Throughout this period, Bakunina
says that she continued to “love Russia
from afar”, even as Putin’s audacity
intensified. “I sided with the Russian
version of the story,” she writes of the
poisoning of the Russian defector
Alexander Litvinenko in 2006. “At the
time, it was unthinkable to believe
that Putin himself had ordered to
silence Litvinenko.”
By the time Russia annexed Crimea
in 2014, Bakunina was working as
a freelance corporate finance and
venture capital consultant. Hearing
the news was something of a political
awakening. “It was Putin’s absolute
masterstroke because he fed the
Russians something meaningful,”
she says. “He restored the honour
and self-respect they used to
derive from all those Soviet science
and sporting glories of the past.
“People began to feel like they
were part of a renewed Russia. Now,
in order to remind them of their
gratitude, Putin provokes conflict after
conflict to maintain the narrative that
Russia’s pride is under siege.” Bakunina
started to write her book.
In terms
of Putin’s
enemies,
I think I’m
far from
the top of
the list
Bird’s Milk by Jana
Bakunina is published
by Matador, £10
In the City, Bakunina’s
latest
finance project is
la
running
a million-pound
r
venture
capital fund,
v
Silvergate
Investments 2,
S
with
w the Labour peer
and
a media entrepreneur
Lord
(Waheed) Alli. The
L
company’s
stated aim is to
c
invest
in start-ups by women
in
or
o ethnic minority founders.
The anonymous flowers
Bakunina
received last
B
week
turned out to be from
w
a grateful mentee. “They
were
sent by a female
w
entrepreneur
I agreed to
e
meet
for a coffee,” Bakunina
m
says.
“It’s too early for us
s
to
t invest in her business,
but
b I helped her with some
advice
so she sent me the
a
flowers
as a thank you.”
f
Bakunina is dismissive of
Putin’s
election “landslide”,
P
citing
voter intimidation
c
(“managers
at the post
(
office
offi had to report on their
teams’
voting”), incentives
t
(“they
gave out free food for
(
voters”)
and flagrant ballot
v
stuffing,
footage of which is
s
doing
the rounds on Facebook.
d
I wonder if she isn’t tempted
to
t stop with the punditry now.
Isn’t
she dangerously exposed?
I
“Of
“ course I’m scared because
I’m
I only human. But I’m not
doing
anything at all compared
d
to
t the thousands of super-brave
people
working inside Russia.
p
And
A in terms of Putin’s enemies,
I think
thi k I’m quite far from the top of
the list. You have to remember that
everything Russia does on British
soil is for the benefit of a domestic
audience. I’m not a spy, so I’m not a
great poster girl for them to get rid of.”
She acknowledges that many in
Russia will see her as a slave to western
propaganda, someone who has
subconsciously absorbed values such
as individual freedom, rule of law,
democracy, meritocracy and gay rights.
“And they’d be right,” she says. Many
of her contemporaries from home are
apathetic by comparison. “They feel
that in the past Russians overdosed
on big ideas,” she writes. “They drink
German beer, shop at Ikea and support
Liverpool. They go on holiday to
Turkey or Egypt, concerned only
with the cost and the facilities, not
the political agenda of their choices.”
Surely Putin can’t hold on to power
beyond the six years of this, his final
term in office? Bakunina isn’t
convinced. “To me, the idea of him
retiring to live by a lake in Italy is
stranger than science fiction. I am
an optimist about most things, but
I’m not optimistic about that. Putin’s
immunity, his access to fabulous
wealth and his own personal safety is
entirely conditional on the allegiance
of his vassals in the oligarchy. If that
means staying in power, then he will
never leave. They’ll have to carry him
out of the Kremlin on a stretcher.”
A few hours after our conversation
I check Bakunina’s Twitter feed and
see that she has changed tack. “After
all the drama of Russian elections
I just want to watch Mary Berry baste
a duck. Forever after.”
The lowdown
Oprah’s bath
Hey you’ll never guess what — it
turns out that Oprah and I have the
same hobby. I knew we were cut
from the same cloth.
Oh yeah? What it is? Yoga? Hiking?
Nope, it’s my very favourite:
bathing.
Eh? Like in a swimming pool?
No, dur, like in a bath.
Right . . . That’s not a hobby, though.
That’s just washing.
Ugh, I knew you wouldn’t get it.
Look, as Oprah said this week,
bathing is her favourite hobby
and she takes it “very seriously”.
And I do too.
I guess I can see where she’s coming
from. I do love a good hour of metime. I always light candles. I like a
bath bomb if I’ve had a long day.
Ha! OK. Right. That’s not serious.
Come back to me when you’ve got
a tub that’s been tailor-crafted for
your body.
What?
You heard me. Oprah had a cast
taken of her body that was turned
into a tub chiseled from onyx and
marble to fit her shape perfectly.
I’m saving up for one now.
That’s absolutely obscene. Like a
plaster-of-Paris model?
I guess you could say . . . No, look,
it’s far more glamorous than that.
Where do you even get one of those?
Well they’re not so common right
now, but this is Oprah after all,
so I reckon they’ll be in Ikea by
September.
So let me recap: someone
hand-wrapped Oprah Winfrey
in a plaster cast . . .
The thing is, you just need to
commit at the start. Sometimes
you just gotta drop a bit of cash
with a new hobby. Look at it this
way: you’d never make it as a
professional tennis player without
a good racket.
Bathing is not a hobby!
With that attitude yyou’re never
going to be very
good at it.
Emily
Sargent
4
1G T
Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
fashion
What I’m buying
from the high
street this spring
WHISTLES
Callie wrap dress
£99, whistles.com
Tired of winter clothes? The new collections are arriving.
Hattie Crisell picks the best pieces from the coming season
W
hether you
call it being
helpfully
prescient or
jumping the
gun, the fact
is that the
fashion
industry prefers to live in the future. If
it’s not absorbed with a period a full
season from now, it is at the very least
always convinced that we’re a few
weeks ahead. The result is that when
you go into a high street store this
week, you may well step off an icy
pavement into a world in which
spaghetti straps and swimwear are
unironically present. Think of it as
being in a particularly unambitious
episode of The Twilight Zone.
I think there’s much to welcome
about this state of affairs, though, at
this precise point in March. I don’t
know about you, but I’m bored to tears
with my jumpers and my tights —
chomping at the bit to put on lighter
jackets and perhaps even, occasionally,
as a very special treat, expose a bare
leg. It’s why the spring collections are
being ushered in, encouraging us all to
fantasise about evening drinks in the
garden and Sunday walks for which
neither wellies nor a pac-a-mac are
required. My thoughts have turned to
what I might like to wear when the
weather warms up, and while this
largely means racking my brains to
recall the pieces I shoved to the back
of a cupboard in September, it also
presents the lure of something new.
There is plenty to inspire on the high
street. Here are my highlights.
Warehouse: the pink suit
We are in the midst of a slow-burn
trend for the trouser suit, which has
been dominating catwalks for a few
seasons and will still be going strong
next winter. The idea of having it as a
wardrobe staple is new for many of us,
and yet when we look back and talk
about the defining fashions of the
Teens (what is this decade called,
anyway?), I
suspect it
will be one of them. For the most part
the suits available now are slim-cut
and slightly cropped (although you’ll
also see some theatrical flares out
there); if you have a wedding or a
spring party to attend, I’d consider
Warehouse’s petal pink version, which
will be available by early next week.
It’s £65 for the jacket, which would
also look great with jeans, and £42 for
the trousers (warehouse.co.uk).
Whistles: the perfect wrap dress
Whistles may not be the most
affordable brand on the high street, but
in my experience it is one of the best
for long-lasting quality. This piece is
destined to get a lot of use — a classic
wrap dress in a subtle stripe of navy,
yellow and white (£99, was £169,
whistles.com). Wear it on holiday, wear
it to a party, even wear it to work in
August, if your office air conditioning
isn’t too fierce. One disclaimer: wrap
dresses are very tricky for those with
big busts. If you’re in the small to
moderate range, this one’s for you.
M&S: the cocktail coat
ZARA
Contrasting flatform sneakers
£49.99, zara.com
FRENCH CONNECTION
Ellesmere drape culottes
£65, available from
March 30
On the occasions that I’ve been invited
to do something dressy during the
warmer months, I’ve often found
myself flummoxed two minutes before
lleaving
i the
h house.
h
I have
h
appropriate
i
frocks for such an occasion, but often
not the right smart coat (and it’s rarely
warm enough not to bother with one at
all). So this linen-mix coat in buttercup
yellow, so striking that it will be
admired at least as much as whatever
one wears underneath, may be a wise
What the science editor saw
Orgies in suburbia, orgasm workshops and high-tech sex laboratories...
the Times science editor investigates what really happens inside
Britain’s bedrooms.
All will be revealed in The Times Magazine this Saturday.
the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
5
1G T
ffashion
ashion
KITRI
Jordana blouse
£75
JIGSAW
Portofino jacket
and trousers
£199 and £140,
jigsaw-online.com
WAREHOUSE
Pink suit jacket
and trousers
£65 and £42, available
early next week,
warehouse.co.uk
MIX/TEATUM JONES
Striped tie-waist shirt dress
£175, next.co.uk
investment (£99, marksandspencer.
com, available by the end of the
month). Wear with white or a print.
French Connection: the culottes
This is a momentous occasion: the
first time I’ve been able to see the
appeal of culottes. Previously I found
them baffling beyond belief —
trousers that look like a skirt? Why?
But the creeping ubiquity of modest
hemlines and looser silhouettes in
fashion has clearly broadened my
horizons: suddenly I’m finding French
Connection’s Ellesmere drape culottes
(£65, frenchconnection.com; available
in navy now or black from March 30)
to be incredibly chic and relaxed. This
summer I’d like to be the woman
who’d wear them.
Zara: the pretty big trainer
Zara’s flatform style is the acceptable
face of the present “ugly-trainer”
trend. Leave it to the fashion victims
to don a pair of three-digit sports
shoes this spring; Zara’s version costs
£49.99 (zara.com) and is much more
aesthetically pleasing, while still being
fashionably chunky.
Kitri: the printed blouse
I’ve come to rely on blouses and shirts
more and more to smarten up my
wardrobe over the past year — to
me a slightly masculine, loose
fit is the most contemporary option,
tucked in to create a waistline if you
wish (and I do). As of today, the
li i d di i pieces
limited-edition
i
that
h are usually
ll
less expensive than the designer’s own
brand. It’s not on everyone’s radar yet
and it’s absolutely worth a visit for
something special and unique.
Teatum Jones has made a strong
contribution this season: the perfect
striped shirtdress (£175, next.co.uk),
with satin-effect turquoise and red
stripes. In a month or two (fingers
crossed) you’ll be able to wear it
with bare legs; until then, have
it partly unbuttoned over
trousers or jeans.
online-only brand
Kitri is stocking this
perfect floral version
(£75, kitristudio.com) —
just sheer enough to give
it a je ne sais quoi for evening
and with feminine threequarter-length sleeves.
Hobbs: the head-turning
scarlet frock
So many things to love
about Hobbs’s Ruby dress
(£199, coming soon to
hobbs.co.uk). The allimportant sash waist is
enormously flattering;
the floaty sleeves with
their delicate buttons
are pleasingly
bohemian; the
ankle-swishing
hemline means one
could almost get
away with not
shaving one’s legs.
Most importantly, bold red is an
unparalleled head-turner. Wear
with glitzy earrings and shoes
in a contrasting colour (but not
black — far too boring).
Label/Mix: the shirtdress
Next’s collaborative wing, Label/
Mix, works with interesting
emerging designers to produce
Jigsaw: the check suit
HOBBS
Ruby dress
£199, available
from early April,
hobbs.co.uk
MARKS & SPENCER
Autograph coat
£99, available from
late March.
marksandspencer.com
Yes, it’s another trouser suit, but
different from the previous one in
tone and purpose. These gritty
checks have filtered down from
the world of designer fashion —
predominantly Balenciaga,
although Stella McCartney, Gucci
and Isabel Marant are among
the many, many brands that
have done something similar.
Jigsaw’s suit (jacket £199,
trousers £140, jigsaw.com) offers
a take on workwear that feels
nostalgic in fabric and modern
in style, thanks to those cropped
trousers and sleeves again.
Add a crisp white shirt or a
tucked-in T-shirt. Best of
all, it’s actually a warm wool
blend — so no time travel is
required to make it absolutely
wearable now.
Instagram @hattiecrisell
6
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Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
fashion
I’ve never worn a denim
jacket — until now
I
don’t think I have ever worn a
denim jacket, which half of you
will no doubt find gobsmacking
and the other half will entirely
understand. If I need a top layer,
I wear a proper jacket — for
which read something tailored,
even if only softly — or a knit;
perhaps a cardie, perhaps a crewneck.
The classic denim jacket has never
done me any favours. Every so often I
have tried one on just in case I’m
wrong. But I never have been.
For starters it adds bulk, which
means that even if it adds cool, said
cool is no good to me whatsoever. This
is, after all, an item of clothing that
wasn’t incarnated to flatter cowboys,
but to help them to lasso things.
I don’t do much lassoing, but I do
like to be flattered, sartorially speaking
(and indeed in other ways). So why
would I wear one? And that’s doubly
the case now that I am 46, not 16.
But it’s about more than that. Your
standard denim jacket is, I would
argue, boring. Not good boring, in a
perfect-black-tuxedo way or in a
perfect-little-black-dress way. Or even
in a perfect-pair-of-jeans way.
Perhaps it sounds contradictory that
I think jeans aren’t by definition dull,
but that a jean jacket by definition is. I
am not sure if I can entirely explain
this rationale, but I think it is because
ever-after jeans are usually, in my
book, simple and indeed — like that
tux and LBD — becoming. Whereas
the jean jacket is — if you think about
it — oddly fussy, with all those seams
and rivets. And we have already
covered the not-at-all-flattering angle.
Yet here’s a denim jacket I am
thinking seriously about, from the
small British brand AQ/AQ. Why?
Because, as you can see, it’s so sharp as
to be not so much tailored as
downright orchestrated (£150,
aqaq.com). It’s nothing less than a
denim tux, for heaven’s sake. And
what heaven it is.
Just to be clear, I will not be
flashing my sternum like the model
in this shot. No, I will be wearing a
plain tee underneath, thank you
very much, or perhaps a froth of
cream lace. If you want proof that
denim has come of age this season
like never before, then this jacket is
it. And if you want proof that a
denim jacket can in fact be
flattering, then this jacket is also it.
If, on the other hand, you are
looking for a denim jacket that
facilitates the use of your lasso, it
probably goes without saying that
this jacket is most definitely not it.
My magic mushroom
This is going to be another opinion
divider, I’d wager. That one of the
most exciting things I have bought in
Not usually a fan of bulky, fussy
jackets designed for cowboys,
Anna Murphy has been converted
Below: Bally trainer;
AQ/AQ denim jacket
This is
nothing
less than a
denim tux.
And what
heaven it is
ages is a darning mushroom. Really. I
am an occasional darner of jumpers,
and I always think: “Mmm, this would
be much easier if I had one of those
mushroomy things my mum has.”
Now I have finally acquired a lovely
wooden one from Lantelme that, with
a darning egg (nope, me neither; it’s
for sock heels apparently), cost a
princely £9.69 from Amazon. It is so
oddly happy-making, this functional
yet beautiful object from another age.
And it’s not just me. A fashion stylist
of my acquaintance is similarly excited
by her mushroom, this being a woman
who spends most of her time
conjuring up glamorous magazine
covers. I now know that she
spends at least some of it darning.
How satisfying to once in a blue
moon assiduously tend to a beloved
jumper in the same way that our greatgrandmothers did. As long as one is
not having to do it as often as them, of
course. And as long as one doesn’t
have to go anywhere near sock heels.
Satisfying too to be lengthening the
lifespan of something. If our approach
to fashion is about buying less that’s
better, it’s also about looking after that
less better, and for longer.
I’m fresh dressed in Bally
Who knew? That the stealth luxury
Swiss brand Bally should have been
one of the first labels to be adopted by
the hip-hop scene in the 1980s.
Don’t laugh — OK, laugh — but I
quite like a bit of hip-hop. From Bach
to the Roots, I’m all about the highlow, me. But the whole Bally thing had
completely passed me by. That in 1984
Slick Rick rapped about being “fresh
dressed like a million bucks” in his
“Bally shoes and fly green socks”. And
that two years later Doug E Fresh
asserted: “I love to perform and you
know I got to have my Ballys on.”
The New Competition trainers,
relaunched this month with a range of
other retro styles, date from this era
(£275, bally.co.uk). They represent the
kind of quiet fabulosity that I expect
of Bally; that I would consider to be
sehr/très/molto (delete as cantonappropriate) Swiss; that I would not
expect to appear in a Doug E Fresh
video. In his All the Way to Heaven
there’s a Wild West style shoot-out
between a pair of Ballys and a pair
of Adidas. Yes, really. The Ballys
take out the opposition.
In the real world we know who
ended up Clint in that one. But
there’s something to be said for not
being Clint, I think, about taking
the trainer less travelled. That’s why
I’m fresh dressed in my Ballys.
Although the green socks remain
a watching brief. And you know
what I think about the lasso.
Instagram: @annagmurphy
Joan crop,
£275, J Brand at
selfridges.com
Cropped, frayed
or wide-legged:
the new ways to
wear white jeans
Liz Hurley-style tighty-whiteys are a
thing of the past, says Rachael Dove
D
oes Elizabeth Hurley
still wear white jeans?
Probably not, judging
by her Instagram,
where she seems to
have replaced
trousers of any sort
with bikini bottoms
and a cracking tan. Yet ever since
Hurley’s tight white denim phase in
the early Noughties the two have been
inextricably linked.
I think this entanglement is doing
white jeans a disservice. (That all the
male contestants in last summer’s
Love Island also wore Hurley’s style
of high-suction white skinnies
certainly hasn’t helped.) White jeans
have long moved on beyond the
SW3 postcode. In 2018 they are
a sure fashion win: comfortable yet
sophisticated, casual yet polished.
This is why the front rows were full
of them at the latest merry-go-round
of shows. Witness Amanda Harlech,
Karl Lagerfeld’s long-time muse, in
white raw-hem jeans and a Chanel
bouclé jacket, or Caroline Issa, of Tank
magazine, in a white shirt, trench coat
and Frame’s white Le Crop jeans
(“They are a great base to build an
outfit because they are a neutral colour
and give you a bit of shape,” she says).
Of course, Parisians have long
known the virtues of a pair of white
denim jeans. France’s fashionable holy
trinity of Emmanuelle Alt, Inès de la
Fressange and Caroline de Maigret
wear them like a uniform, while Isabel
Marant always includes a pair or two
in her catwalk collections. The cut is
the key to looking more like the editor
of French Vogue and less like the type
of woman who dresses her dogs; the
the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
7
1G T
GETTY IMAGES, REX FEATURES
fashion
Resin earrings:
spring’s best buy
£18,
oliverbonas.com
from April
£245,
dinosaurdesigns.
co.uk
£48, Mars at
jeryco-store.com
£12.99,
zara.com
Net-a-Porter
fashion director
Lisa Aiken
Model Caroline
de Maigret
Margot
culottes, £175,
donnaida.com
£49,
Alexandrine at
foundbath.co.uk
£35,
Machete at
atterley.com
Blogger
Darja Barannik
Hustler ankle fray,
£150, motherdenim.com
moment for Hurley’s tighty-whiteys
has officially passed, and instead this
season’s look is what Erin Fridja, the
owner of the jeans specialist store Bad
Denim in east London, describes as
“less Miami Beach, more Tokyo”.
“Stay away from anything tight and
look for jeans with a high waist and a
column leg,” she says. Her top pick is
Rachel Comey’s voluminous Monterey
style, which were so popular that
they’ve now sold out. Try instead
Comey’s Legion wide-leg style that
comes in two lengths and has a snug
high rise (£325, matchesfashion.com).
“Loose white denim looks cooler,”
says Chloe Lonsdale, the founder and
chief creative officer of Mih Jeans,
who advocates a crop that shows off
the ankles. “It will immediately make
any outfit feel up to date.” The brand’s
Lou jeans are short enough to graze
the top of a pair of ankle boots and are
a firm favourite among fashion editors
(£235, mih-jeans.com). Ticking the
right boxes on the high street is
Weekday’s straight leg Voyage style
(£30, www.weekday.com) and the
London brand Waven’s Fenn jeans,
which have a flattering high-rise waist
and a very slight flare (£37.80, was £54,
waven.co.uk). Yours should fit
smoothly across the bum and hips
(you should be able to get your hands
in the front pockets easily), but never
feel tight on the thighs.
The good news is that the lowermaintenance shades of ecru and
clotted cream are the new alternatives
to dazzling brilliant white, according to
Ellie Pithers, the fashion features
editor at Vogue — plus they go better
with the tonal beige wardrobe that the
catwalk says we will be wearing until
further notice. “I have a great pair of
cream high-waisted Lemaire jeans
that I shove on with oatmeal or
sand-coloured tops, ” Pithers says.
“I also have a wide-legged pair from
Raey, which I wear with a cream
hoodie on days I am feeling
confidently accident-immune.”
I rate Raey’s straight-leg jeans that
come in a beige that verges on pink
because they mask most
light spills and go in the
washing machine (£140,
matchesfashion.com). Also try
the straight-leg style
in ecru by Arket, in my
opinion the best denim
you’ll find on the high street
(£55, arket.com),
or Donna Ida’s denim
culottes in milk (£175,
donnaida.com).
Lastly, a word on styling.
Avoid anything nautical,
such as Breton tops or boat
shoes — unless, of course,
you are actually going sailing.
Denim jackets get
a tick (see Anna Murphy, left).
So too do loafers, as long as
they are backless or metallic
and therefore look ironic.
I’d stick with ankle boots until
it gets warmer. Then, if you
want, you could swap your
jeans for bikini bottoms and
work on your deep tan.
£150,
ejingzhang.com
£30,
jigsaw-online.com
£12.99,
mango.com
£8,
asos.com
£30,
aweatheredpenny.
co.uk
£48,
freepeople.com
8
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Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
arts
I wanted to be Madonna. I prefer
Lissie tells Will Hodgkinson how retiring to the country to
fulfil her bee-keeping hobby has made her a better musician
A
little under a decade
ago Lissie Maurus
was discovering
what it is like to be
the new kid in town.
The Illinois-born,
California-based
singer had a voice
like Stevie Nicks’s, a freckly, freshfaced beauty and a talent for writing
folk and country-tinged pop songs
that dealt with emotional themes in
straightforward but poetic language.
She was a name on everyone’s lips.
Then in 2015, after two well-received
albums on Columbia Records, she was
dropped, had an in-studio crisis and
moved by herself to a 50-acre farm in
the wilds of northwest Ohio. Now she
has a very different buzz around her.
“I have six beehives on my
property,” says Lissie, 35, from a
remarkable Airbnb apartment in
central London where the living room
has a ladder leading up to a
clocktower). “My neighbour’s uncle
Jerry is the beekeeper and he’s
teaching me because you have to
know what you’re doing. Right now
the varroa mite is killing off the bees.
Some people apply chemicals. Another
school of thought is that pesticides
and seeds pre-treated with chemicals
are hurting bees. Some say you must
cross-fertilise with African bees
because they are mite-resistant. We’re
going to have GM bees soon. A lot of
the bees died last month because we
were minus 15C in Ohio, but I’m
learning. I’ve been getting the wax and
making lip balm and candles out of it.”
This certainly makes a change from
the “I like to let my music speak for
itself” school of pop-star interview.
With Lissie being slight and pretty,
and with a natural and understated
sense of style that matches her
unfussy music, it is easy to picture
her on stage. It is harder to imagine
her in a beekeeper’s outfit. “Actually,
we don’t put suits on and I haven’t got
stung yet. If you’re not scared, they
don’t bug ya.”
All of this doesn’t seem like your
average pop-star activity, but the more
I talk to Lissie the more I feel so many
others who are working in the tense
and insecure world of music could
benefit from a touch of the rustic life.
Lissie was living in Ojai, a desert town
an hour outside Los Angeles, in 2015
Right: singer-songwriter Lissie and, above, in concert in Austin, Texas
when she resolved to make her third
album independently. After a week in
the studio she suffered a series of
heart murmurs. They turned out to be
a product of debilitating panic attacks.
“That was when I realised I was
super-unhappy,” she says. “I had
melted down a bit in front of my band
and concluded that this was no longer
fun for me. I didn’t like this. My family
was in the Midwest, I didn’t have
I melted down
a bit in front of
my band. I was
super-unhappy
a boyfriend, I was getting older,
the clock was ticking . . .”
Isn’t being a successful singer — not
Beyoncé, perhaps, but popular, lauded,
respected with a faithful following —
everybody’s dream?
“There was a time when I wanted to
be Adele,” says Lissie. “I wanted to be
Madonna. When I was a little kid I
wanted to be a supermodel and cool
and beautiful, but coming into my
thirties I thought, ‘Do I actually want
to sit in hair and make-up for three
hours?’ So I had to redefine success.
After I bought the farm [with money
made from publishing royalties],
I knew that even if I had to drive
around with an acoustic guitar to gigs,
I wasn’t going to starve to death. And
then I made another album and
everything was OK.”
Bizarrely, when Lissie decided to get
out of the game, the game caught up
with her. David Lynch, an early fan
whom she had met through the world
of transcendental meditation (he does
two 20-minute sessions each day
without fail; she has . . . tried), cast her
to sing at the Roadhouse for the
return of Twin Peaks. The 2015 album
My Wild West, which she released
independently after getting dropped,
was a Top 20 hit. And now — between
planting trees, renting her tillable
land to a neighbouring farmer and
keeping those bees — she has
made her best album yet. Castles,
so named because it portrays the
castles of her mind, is an exploration
of what the single, rural life means
after a love affair with what sounds
like a particularly feckless fellow
left Lissie wondering what she
wanted out of life.
Lissie, who is single, runs through
the inspiration for the songs on the
album and they tend to feature a
familiar theme: growing up, taking
stock of life and working out what you
really want from a lover. Somewhere
is about the “dweeby guy” she has
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the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
9
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arts
r being a farmer
Rock stars and their hobbies
GRETCHEN ROBINETTE; GETTY IMAGES
and f***s with my head, and cheats
with me even though we’re not really
together because he can’t figure out
what he needs, which is totally his
prerogative . . . not talking about
anyone specific . . .”
Rural responsibilities have changed
Lissie’s approach to music as well as
men. Her closest neighbour at the
farm is an hour away, so much of her
day is spent composting, growing
vegetables, canning and planting fruit
trees and finding other ways to be
self-sustaining. “When I’m not doing
all of that I’m usually painting dorky
watercolours that are really bad, or
I want a real-life
man, not some
guitar player who
can’t commit
recently split from; Blood and Muscle
is about finding someone more solid
and reliable than said dweeb. From the
sound of it, Lissie has reached an age
where she no longer finds herself
drawn to self-obsessed, city-dwelling,
hipster musicians. She wants a real
man. Or at least someone who can
change the wheel on a truck.
“I don’t want some goofy guy
hanging out, wasting my time any
more,” she elaborates. “I want
someone who will show up and be
there from day to day. I want someone
solid and self-assured who won’t play
games. I want a real-life man, not a
guitar player from New York who isn’t
sure what he wants, and can’t commit,
Castles by
Lissie is
out on
Cooking
Vinyl on
Friday
knitting. Music is the last thing I do.
Songs come much more naturally
now, usually when I’m doing the
dishes or walking the dog. It’s making
me a better writer.”
She cites the example of Sand,
another song from Castles. In 2017 Bill
Reynolds from the country rockers
Band of Horses visited Lissie at a time
when she was feeling particularly
down about her former boyfriend.
“I kept crying in front of Bill, going,
‘I’m just so sad,’ ” she says, sounding
appropriately sad. “I was also planting
trees, which needed 40 gallons of sand
each because the roots are sensitive to
air. Bill was helping me to get all this
sand in there with a shovel, which was
really hard because my muscles are
non-existent. While I was thinking
about how bummed I was about this
guy, I started singing, ‘It’s like carrying
sand, it slips out of my hand . . .’ Bill
recorded it on a laptop and my crappy
microphone that afternoon and,
boom, we had Sand.”
On the evening after the interview
Lissie does an impromptu gig at her
Airbnb in front of a handful of friends,
fans and journalists. Included in the
set is a version of Fleetwood Mac’s
Dreams, which seems apposite: Stevie
Nicks’s classic kiss-off to her departing
boyfriend, Lindsey Buckingham, is
suited to Lissie’s situation. The next
morning Lissie has to fly to Norway
for a gig — she is a big star in
Scandinavia — but before leaving
she offers a reflection on balancing
a career in music with the realities
of life, love and beekeeping.
“I’m more realistic about what will
happen now,” she tells me when the
in-flat concert comes to an end. “I’m
the youngest of four kids and I’m
pretty sure I started singing as a way
of saying, ‘Listen to me!’ But then
music started to make me miserable
because creative people are hard on
themselves and whatever you do is
never good enough. Now I want to
keep my ego in check and enjoy life.
Anybody that wants to be the best of
the best, or wants to be president of
the United States, is probably not very
healthy anyway.”
She may have a point.
Connect Four fans Beyoncé and Kanye West. Below: Kelley Deal; Rod Stewart; Alice Cooper
Model trains
The only centrefolds that
Rod Stewart sneaks into
his hotel these days are the
ones in Model Railroader
magazine. The former
singer of the Faces and solo
star of Maggie May and
Da Ya Think I’m Sexy? loves
his model trains so much
that he books a separate
hotel room for them when
he goes on tour, not to
mention keeping a train set
the size of a tennis court in
his Beverly Hills home.
Neil Young loved the American
model train brand Lionel so
much that he bought the company
— 20 per cent of it, at least.
Young also built a 700ft train
set in the barn of his Broken
Arrow ranch in California and
developed a special controller
for his son Ben, who has
cerebral palsy.
Taxidermy and upholstery
Before he found fame with the
White Stripes, Jack White was
playing in Detroit garage bands
while making a living as an
upholsterer. He took an
apprenticeship aged 15, then went
on to found a shop, Third Man
Upholstery. He has since gone
back to his first craft: in 2016 he
upholstered a leather couch at
the Sam Phillips Recording
studio in Memphis. He also
collects and repairs taxidermy.
Alannah Currie, of the 1980s
pop weirdos Thompson Twins,
combines the two: she has
made a chaise longue with a
stuffed swan as an arm rest
and a velvet armchair with
two foxes in its back.
Knitting
K
K
Knitting is an excellent
h
hobby
for any rock star: it
h
helps those long hours on
the
t tour bus to pass by.
Weezer’s Undone — The
W
Sweater
Song was inspired
S
by their singer Rivers
b
Cuomo’s passion for
C
knitting,
while Kelley Deal
k
of
o the Breeders went one
farther
and published Bags
f
That
Rock: Knitting on the
T
Road
With Kelley Deal. “We
R
grew
up around all kinds of
g
sewing and
an quilting,” says Deal, who
is in the Breeders with her twin
sister, Kim, and has a sideline in
making and selling scarves. “It was
never looked down on as crafty, even
though it sometimes involved
toilet-seat covers and stuff.”
Golfing
The president of the
United States is not the
only narcissistic
fame junkie who
likes to spend time out on the links.
It is also a popular pastime for
former hell-raising rockers. Alice
Cooper is king of the rock golfers,
having taken up the sport to help
him to give up drinking, and plays
up to six games a week. Roger
Waters, Meat Loaf, Eddie Van
Halen, Rush’s Alex Lifeson and
Judas Priest’s KK Downing are
also keen golfers. Mick Jagger is
more of a cricket man.
Board games
Kylie Minogue is not only a
beloved pop queen. She is also
a Scrabble enthusiast with an
uncanny ability to land a sevenletter word on triple-word
scores. Beyoncé is more partial
tto Connect Four — one evening in
her husband Jay-Z’s Las Vegas
h
nightclub she beat an infuriated
n
Kanye West nine times in a row.
K
Chess has an entire rock fanbase of
C
iits own. David Bowie was said to be
vvery good, as is Flea of the Red Hot
Chili Peppers, while RZA of the WuC
Tang Clan has reached tournament
T
level. A member of the Hip-Hop
le
Chess Federation, RZA devoted
C
a chapter of the band biography
The Wu-Tang Manual to chess.
T
Will Hodgkinson
W
10
1G T
Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
television & radio
The fluff is in ITV’s schedule, not on the pets
ITV
James
Jackson
TV review
The World’s Ugliest Pets
ITV
{{(((
Great Indian Railway
Journeys
BBC Two
{{{{(
I
t no doubt depends on your outlook
on animals, on our nationhood and
on life itself as to whether you’d
happily sit down to watch a show
titled The World’s Ugliest Pets
and find yourself chortling along, or
whether you’d ignore it as simply the
latest example of pet-based TV fodder.
Happily for ITV, most of us fall in the
former camp because we are “a
nation of animal lovers”, or so we’re
constantly told by shows such as this.
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Tommies
Radio 4, 2.15pm
What possessed the BBC to
give the ghastly Home Front
so many episodes and this
breathtaking series about
the First World War so few?
The Great War is hardly illdocumented by drama, but
in every episode of Tommies
— all based on real
accounts — you’re likely to
hear something new, and
newly horrible, that you
didn’t know. In this episode
a gassed military outpost
looks as though it has been
carpeted, so thickly do the
dead rats lie on the floor.
Lent Talks: The
Silence of the Lamb
Radio 4, 8.45pm
Not an easy listen, this,
but a brilliant one. When
Dr Katie Edwards, now a
lecturer in biblical studies,
was a young teen she liked
ice skating. While she and
her friends were at the rink,
a gang of men used to chat
to them and invited them to
a party. The girls were given
powerful drinks, then raped.
Edwards was so scared she
was unable to drink, so they
broke her arm. Schooled
by church and home in
the virtues of stoic silence
(Jesus didn’t complain so
why should you?), she kept
quiet. Women everywhere
will recognise her silence.
Suffice to say, this hour of fluff (or
lack of it) had modest ambitions: raise
a smile on a cold weekday evening,
make some money out of Pedigree
Chum and remind us that it’s not just
cuddly pets that deserve love. Indeed,
it took less than a minute for the host
Caroline Quentin to declare that
“beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.
The animals weren’t all “ugly” per se
(the tarantulas were probably very
handsome on their terms), but it’s
fortunate that the adage about owners
looking like their pets isn’t a hard and
fast rule. Bev, the owner of the Chinese
crested dog Mugly — “widely seen as
the ugliest dog of all time!” — turned
out not to have a bald, bat-eared head
and scrawny, wizened features. Those
looks wouldn’t have made Bev the star
that Mugly was. Aside from winning a
World’s Ugliest Dog contest, Mugly
also lit up ITV’s Britain’s Favourite Dogs
a month ago, testament to a good agent
perhaps (since filming, sadly, dear
Mugly has shuffled off this mortal coil).
“Ugly” pets shouldn’t be
discriminated against by potential
owners, the show told us. But after we
had seen naked cats and a diseased,
featherless bird, Quentin’s closing
rallying cry that “for me there are no
ugly pets” felt hollow, given that she’d
said earlier she found rats repulsive
and that she wouldn’t “choose a bald
moggy as a pet”. But, hair-splitting
aside, you got her point. Apparently
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00 Phil
Taggart 9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth
11.00 Huw Stephens 1.00am Benji B
3.00 Radio 1 Comedy: Niki and Sammy’s
Peachy Podcast 4.00 Radio 1’s Early
Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo 7.00 The Folk Show with Mark
Radcliffe 8.00 Jo Whiley. Music and chat
10.00 Carla Bruni’s C’est La Vie. The former
First Lady of France chooses songs on the
subject of joie de vivre 11.00 Old Grey
Whistle Test 40. With Debbie Harry, Greg
Lake, Judy Tzuke and Steve Hackett (r)
12.00 Pick of the Pops (r) 2.00am Radio 2
Playlists: Country Playlist 3.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Easy 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist:
Radio 2 Rocks 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show. Including 7.00, 8.00 News.
7.30, 8.30 News Headlines
9.00 Essential Classics
The author and playwright Kate Mosse
reveals the cultural influences that have
inspired and shaped her life and career
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Debussy (1862-1918)
Donald Macleod explores a traumatic period
in Debussy’s life when Parisian society, and
many of his close friends, turned against the
composer for abandoning his wife to run off
with a woman of the world, the rich wife
of a banker. Debussy (Masques; Estampes;
Trois Chansons de France; L’Isle Joyeuse;
Reflets dans l’eau — Images; and
Dialogue du vent et de la mer — La Mer)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Fiona Talkington presents a series of
concerts from LSO St Luke’s in London. The
French pianist Cédric Tiberghien is joined by
the young cellist Camille Thomas. Debussy
(Étude No 8, pour les agréments; La sérénade
interrompue — Préludes, Book 1; and
Cello Sonata); and Pizzetti (Cello Sonata)
Caroline Quentin with a World’s Ugliest Dog contestant
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Penny Gore showcases some of the Ulster
Orchestra’s most recent recordings. Dukas
(The Sorcerer’s Apprentice); Dutilleux
(Tout un monde lointain); Debussy
(La mer); and Ravel (La valse)
3.30 Choral Evensong
An archive service from the Roman Catholic
Metropolitan Cathedral of Christ the King,
Liverpool (first broadcast 3 April 1974).
Introit: The Lamentation of a Sinner
(Dowland). Responses: Philip Duffy. Psalm
50 (Plainsong). The Lamentation (Bairstow).
First Lesson: Isaiah 52 vv 13-53. Office
Hymn: The Royal Banners Forward Go
(Angel’s Song). Canticles: Faux bourdon
Service (Tallis). Second Lesson: Mark 10 vv
32-45. Anthem: Cast Me Not Away (Wesley).
Hymn: When I Survey the Wondrous Cross
(Rockingham). Master of the Music: Philip
Duffy. Organist: Terence Duffy (r)
4.30 New Generation Artists
Romanian-born Andrei Ionita plays Bach’s
Cello Suite No 3 in C major in a recording
made a few weeks ago at the BBC’s studios
5.00 In Tune
With live music by Jacqui Dankworth and
Butterfly’s Wing. Including 5.00, 6.00 News
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
A concerto for four guitars by Rodrigo
7.30 Live Radio 3 in Concert
From Barbican Hall in London,
Sakari Oramo conducts the BBC Symphony
Orchestra, with the soloist Vilde Frang.
Presented by Martin Handley. Anna Clyne
(This Midnight Hour); Britten (Violin
Concerto, Op 15); and Beethoven
(Symphony No 6 in F, Op 68 “Pastoral”)
10.00 Free Thinking Festival
From Brighton Rock and Goodfellas to the
streets of Glasgow, London’s East End and
Chicago, what’s it really like to be part of a
gang and do gangs lead to organised crime?
10.45 The Free Thinking Essay
The Renaissance historian and New
Generation Thinker Dr Joanne Paul on satire,
flattery and document leaks in the 16th
and 17th centuries and the relevance of
strategies for telling truth to those who
hold power over us now. Recorded with an
audience at Sage Gateshead as part of
BBC Radio 3’s Free Thinking Festival
11.00 Late Junction
Nick Luscombe plays a soundtrack
to a cult French cartoon, a new-age
classic and an encounter between
Renaissance music and algorithms
12.30am Through the Night Including
Mozart’s Piano Concerto No 23, Schubert’s
Symphony No 9, and Brahms Violin Sonata
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
With Mishal Husain and Justin Webb
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 Only Artists
Two artists discuss creative questions (4/5)
9.30 You’re Doing it Wrong
Adam Buxton examines muddled ideas about
environmentalism (4/5)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Keywords for Our Time
The writer and GP Farrah Jarral examines
the word “resilience” (3/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Discussion and interviews with Jenni Murray.
Including at 10.41 the 15 Minute Drama:
Part three of Delphine de Vigan’s
psychological thriller Based on a True Story
10.56 The Listening Project
A couple who have unlocked untold riches
11.00 On and Off the Valley Lines
Stories of the people who live along the
South Wales Valleys rail network (2/3)
11.30 Boswell’s Lives
Comedy series written by Jon Canter (3/4)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Home Front
By Katie Hims
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Book of the Week: The Wood
By John Lewis-Stempel. The lifeforce of the
wood is unstoppable (3/5)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Tommies
Drama illustrating the events of a real day at
war, exactly 100 years ago to the day, based
on eyewitness accounts of the action.
See Radio Choice (1/4)
3.00 Money Box Live
3.30 Inside Health (r)
4.00 Thinking Allowed
4.30 The Media Show
The latest news from the media world
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 It’s Not What You Know
With guests Melanie Chisholm, Kerry
Godliman and Jack Carroll (3/4)
7.00 The Archers
Alistair fails to make sense of recent events
7.15 Front Row
With Stig Abell
even snails make good pets if you
choose to see them for their serene
qualities. That’s the sort of thing you
can learn from primetime ITV these
days — by Christmas, expect pet
documentaries to be wall-to-wall.
BBC Two, by contrast, is now Portillo
central. It’s getting hard to keep up with
his cross-continent trips. Great Indian
Railway Journeys’ showstopper had
him dancing like an inebriated monkey
to bhangra, the goof, while at the
Golden Temple he looked, for once,
almost dashing in an orange bandana
(if not matching the hipness that Justin
Trudeau achieved in the same gear).
In this edition, though, the historical
insight had a particular draw. The
bullet holes in an Amritsar wall from
General Dyer’s massacre of 1919 were
an indelible scar from that deplorable
event, one that galvanised the case for
independence. Later, Portillo rode the
train from Lahore to Delhi that was
the scene of atrocities in 1947. It added
up to an ambivalence rather than
romanticism about the British
involvement in India, underlined when
a local expert told him of the continuing
“sense of incomprehension and betrayal
at Britain’s handling of Partition”.
Portillo on the history of the Raj and
its devastating end is a fascinating line
of inquiry — is it really so necessary to
make a prat of himself too, for the sake
of light entertainment?
james.jackson@thetimes.co.uk
7.45 Based on a True Story
By Delphine de Vigan (3/5)
8.00 The Moral Maze
Michael Buerk discusses growing tensions
between the UK and Russia (7/8)
8.45 Lent Talks
Dr Katie Edwards finds the portrayal of
Jesus’ silence before Pilate unhelpful.
See Radio Choice (5/6)
9.00 Costing the Earth
Examining a potential industrial revolution
based on trees and plants (r)
9.30 Only Artists
Artists discuss creative questions (4/5) (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: Reservoir 13
By Jon McGregor (3/10)
11.00 Sophie Willan’s
Guide to Normality
The comedian looks at what it is to be
“normal”, beginning with parenting (1/4)
11.15 The John Moloney Show
The beauty of language (2/4) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00-5.20am (LW) Test Match Special:
New Zealand v England
Commentary on the opening day of
the first Test at Eden Park, Auckland
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: The Wood
By John Lewis-Stempel (3/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Navy Lark 8.30 Round the
Horne 9.00 Many a Slip 9.30 The Right Time
10.00 The Raj Quartet 11.00 Short Works:
The World of Somerset Maugham 11.15 The
Tyger Hunt 12.00 The Navy Lark 12.30pm
Round the Horne 1.00 A Charles Paris
Mystery: An Amateur Corpse 1.30 The Big B
at 70 2.00 The Norfolk Mystery 2.15
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen’s History of Home
2.30 The Old Curiosity Shop 2.45 The North
(and Almost Everything in It) 3.00 The Raj
Quartet 4.00 Many a Slip 4.30 The Right
Time 5.00 The Architects 5.30 It’s Not What
You Know 6.00 The Destruction Factor 6.30
The Tingle Factor 7.00 The Navy Lark.
Troutbridge’s crew help to commission a
foreign frigate 7.30 Round the Horne.
Kenneth Horne, Master Spy probes a robot
plot, while Julian and Sandy tackle his patio
8.00 A Charles Paris Mystery: An Amateur
Corpse. Based on the novel by Simon Brett.
Dramatised by Jeremy Front 8.30 The Big B
at 70. The Bollywood star Amitabh Bachchan
9.00 Short Works: The World of Somerset
Maugham. A successful businessman has
everything he wants, yet something haunts
him 9.15 The Tyger Hunt. By Lavinia Murray
10.00 Comedy Club: It’s Not What You Know.
With Gyles Brandreth, Sarah Kendall and Phil
Wang 10.30 The Secret World. The private
lives of public people 10.55 The Comedy Club
Interview 11.00 As Told to Craig Brown
11.30 The Remains of Foley and McColl
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport 7.30 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers
and Vaughan Cricket Show. The First Test
between England and New Zealand 8.30
5 Live Sport. A round-up of the day’s sports
news 10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All
Night 5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with David Ginola 10.00 Jim White, Tony
Cascarino and Bob Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee
and Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne. With a live session by Tune-Yards
1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie
4.00 Steve Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00
Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music Recommends
with Mary Anne Hobbs 1.00am Goth
Lyrics with Murray Lachlan Young 2.00
The Ocean 2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30
6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Aled Jones 5.00 Classic FM
Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00 The Full
Works Concert. Showcasing the work of the
Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra. Debussy
(Prelude a l’apres midi d’un faune); Gershwin
(Rhapsody in Blue); John Williams (Star
Wars: Suite); Karl Goldmark (Violin Concerto
in A minor Op 28); JS Bach (Fantasia and
Fugue in C minor — arranged for orchestra);
and Verdi (“La donna e mobile”) 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
11
1G T
artsfirst night
MARK DOUET; MARILYN KINGWILL
Comedy
Paul Sinha
Leicester Square Theatre,
WC2
Opera
Acis and Galatea
St John’s Smith Square, SW1
I
{{(((
P
{{{{(
aul Sinha is a triple threat:
a GP turned stand-up comic
and professional quizzer. It’s
the last of these guises that
has brought him the most
fame, as the Sinnerman, one of the
“chasers” on the ITV quiz show
The Chase. He is, he tells us, ranked
sixth in the UK at quizzing. Here,
though, in his latest show, Shout Out
To My Ex, he reminds us that he is
one of our most thoughtful and
enjoyable comedians too.
It’s a break-up tale, or at least that’s
its starting point. In the summer of
2015 Sinha takes a show to the
Edinburgh Fringe in which he
proclaims how, after two decades as
a singleton, he is finally in a happy
relationship. The day he gets home,
his boyfriend dumps him.
It starts him on a bad year. He
makes an unwise, drunken pass at a
fellow quizzer. He suffers racism and
online jibes about his appearance. He
falls out with two old friends, one of
them the comedian Lee Hurst, after
criticising them online. He becomes
a tabloid story after being pictured
visiting a student party in
Birmingham. His father has a heart
attack. Plus, he mentions in passing,
Donald Trump gets elected and we’re
all doomed.
The outline sounds gloomy, but in
the running jokes and knowing
nerdiness he threads through his
stories, Sinha keeps the mood buoyant
and humane; wise, but gossipy. Yes, he
remains a self-conscious performer.
He comes across as if he’s giving a
really good speech rather than offering
the illusion of one-to-one intimacy
you get from the greatest stand-ups.
Yet at the age of 47 he has relaxed
into his unrelaxed manner. He trusts
the material that he has assembled so
nimbly and never leaves us too far
from the next good payoff. Like many
comics, he delves deep into his psyche
— or as deep as he can make funny.
Unlike some comics, Sinha makes
sure to look outside his head too. It’s
a show full of insight and delight.
Dominic Maxwell
Touring to June 1, paulsinha.com
Outstanding duo: Kirsty Rider as Hanako and Kae Alexander as her sister Reiko head an excellent cast
Thrills and chills in Japan
This clever new
mystery will
bowl you over
when you least
expect it, says
Ann Treneman
Theatre
The Great Wave
Dorfman, SE1
{{{{(
Steven Spielberg’s new
film, Ready Player One
First Night in the main paper
Pop
Jonathan
Wilson
Omeara, SE1
{{{{(
J
onathan Wilson imbued the
early 1970s, ecology-aware
Laurel Canyon mood so fully
on his 2011 breakthrough album,
Gentle Spirit, that you could
almost smell the sycamore and
marijuana. He has since claimed that
he never wanted to be thought of as
a guitar-strumming California folkie.
Although titles such as Mulholland
Queen and Sunset Blvd won’t be doing
him any favours in that regard, he has
moved towards a slicker, more
progressive sound on the new album
Rare Birds, no doubt bolstered by
spending much of last year as Roger
Waters’s tour guitarist. Granolamunching hippy or not, Wilson did
prove to be a brilliant musician at this
O
n the west coast of
America, where the
towering Pacific breakers
crash with a deafening
roar, everyone knows that
you must never turn your back on the
ocean because, every once in a while,
there is a sneaker wave that will arrive
when you least expect it and bowl you
over. This play, by Francis Turnly, is
the theatrical equivalent of that
sneaker wave.
This world premiere at the National
Theatre is about the abduction in the
1970s of Japanese citizens who were
just walking the shoreline near where
they lived. In 1979 Hanako was
a teenager who had headed for the
beach during a terrible storm on
a dare from a boy named Tetsuo.
She’d had a row with her sister. Why
not defy everyone and have a little
fun too?
Hanako disappeared. Her mother,
Etsuko, and her sister, Reiko, were
desperate. We see their search, their
pain, their frustration. Then Tetsuo
wonders if there may not be something
more sinister afoot here. After all,
Hanako was not the only Japanese
citizen to disappear. Could she have
been kidnapped? Even more bizarrely,
could North Korea be involved?
Indhu Rubasingham directs what is
a mystery thriller with a political slant
surprisingly rowdy Monday night gig.
You had to wonder if Wilson was
catering his set list to British tastes. He
began with Trafalgar Square, which,
with its crunchy guitar solo and glam
stomp, sounded more like Slade than
Crosby, Stills and Nash. “This is about
one of London’s finest,” he said of the
1960s psychedelic pop-tinged Miriam
Montague, a tribute to a groovy flower
child whom Wilson likened to the rays
of sun in a garden in Twickenham. He
also recalled happy memories of going
to “Al’s Café in Bermondsey”. “Caff!”
shouted audience members, correcting
the American’s pronunciation.
Wilson, right, sailed into cheesy
waters every now and then and he got
in Dire Straits during the soft-rocking
that is thrillingly international. I did
feel, at one point, that James Bond
would be jealous, not least because
Kim Jong-il is the archetypal baddie.
Turnly does his best to put us at ease
with so much that is foreign here.
Much of what should be spoken in
Japanese is in English, allowing us
to concentrate on what is, at its core,
a deeply emotional story about
grief and hope.
There is also an insight into the
mysterious daily world of North
Koreans (“Hail the Dear Leader!”) and
what they must do to survive. Here is
the personal story that lurks at the
centre of so many diplomatic tangles.
The cast is excellent, but there is an
occasional stilted moment. Kirsty
Rider, as Hanako, is especially good
and also outstanding are Kae
Alexander and Rosalind Chao as her
sister and mother respectively.
The set, by Tom Piper, is a sort of
genius: a revolving cube with squares
that alternate between a Japanese
home, a diplomat’s office (complete
with irritating bonsai tree) and various
North Korean scenes.
Occasional video projections (by
Luke Halls) make us part of the
weather, not to mention the ocean.
You’d better watch out or this play
may just bowl you over too.
Box office: 020 7452 3000, to April 14
t was when the green balloons
started bursting, fortissimo e
staccato, during the poignant final
minutes of Handel’s opera that
I finally lost patience with this
semi-staging. The balloons had first
appeared tied to the orchestra’s music
stands. Then dozens more were
dropped from the galleries by the
chorus and knocked around by the
cast. That they would burst at the
most inappropriate moments was an
accident waiting to happen.
Earlier, my unconditional love for
what is surely the best music ever
written in Stanmore, Middlesex, had
inclined me to give the benefit of the
doubt to a production that seemed
rooted in the kind of olde-Englande
pageants popular in elementary
schools in the 1950s. The postwar era
was evoked in other ways too. So
much “atmospheric” smoke was
wafted around that we seemed to be
wrapped in an old London smog.
The director Martin Parr’s other
brilliant ideas included sending a
barefoot chorus of nymphs and swains
outside into sub-zero temperatures to
make melodramatic entries into the
church. That entailed having the doors
flung open so that blasts of freezing air
swept across the stalls. Still, the music
was stylishly played by the London
Handel Orchestra under Laurence
Cummings, who was also required to
What a pity
Handel had such
a limp staging
leap from the harpsichord stool and
make “witty” forays into the action.
Credit to the chamber choir Pegasus,
too, not just for having soles of steel,
but also for performing from memory
with delicate precision. Among the
engaging soloists, Nick Pritchard was
especially impressive, singing Acis
with sweetness and power.
What a pity, though, that the
300th anniversary of Handel’s first
English-language drama was marked
by such a limp staging. Let’s hope that
the other four operas being offered
in this year’s London Handel Festival
are presented more effectively.
Richard Morrison
Box office: 020 7222 1061, tonight
AOR of Loving You, but hippy rock is
his default setting and he is a good
enough player to pull it off. Rare Birds
showed how Wilson must have picked
up tips from Waters on how to get the
Pink Floyd sound, while the Laurel
Canyon spirit returned on Can We
Really Party Today?, which questions
the 1970s-style escapism that this
laid-back, long-haired dude could
reasonably be accused of.
Wilson is too self-aware and
sophisticated to do pastiche, but he
has a deep feeling for music from
a mellower time and shouldn’t feel the
need to apologise for that. His gentle
spirit is a tonic, even if it is at odds
with the mood of 21st-century life.
Will Hodgkinson
12
1G T
Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
The Secret
Helpers
BBC Two, 8pm
“Imagine if,
during one of
the toughest
weeks of your
life, you could have
the support of wise
strangers from around
the world.” So runs the
Early
Top
pick
intro to this new reality
series in which people
are guided through
tough times by overseas
mentors. The
participants’ homes are
rigged with cameras,
they wear an earpiece
and, at random
intervals, life coaches
babble advice at them.
Also, their friends
and family don’t know
that they are being
tutored via earpiece
(presumably they think
they’ve had an accident
with superglue and
a Bluetooth headset).
It’s a fairly naked
attempt to tug at the
heartstrings. The two
mentees tonight
include a father with
premature newborn
twins and a bridegroom
who is recovering from
a double stroke and
resulting chronic
tiredness. Cue plenty of
footage of mentors
being overwhelmed
by heartfelt moments:
a Scandinavian
nutritionist bawls along
to a bridal march, while
a pair of tough-guy
New York ex-cops coo,
“Look how small!” at
the babies. It’s a light,
upbeat watch where
you suspect that the
coaches get almost
as much out of the
experience as their
students. One thing: is
it just coincidence that
this feelgood show has
a soundtrack that is
so indistinguishable
from that of Channel
4’s First Dates that you
constantly expect
Fred Sirieix to wander
on screen? And if so,
how come they also
have nigh-on identical
outro updates on
participants’ lives since
filming? Alexi Duggins
Zoë Ball’s Hardest
Road Home
BBC One, 9pm
Last May Zoë Ball’s
partner, Billy Yates,
a 40-year-old
cameraman, committed
suicide after struggling
for years with
depression. Now the
Strictly: It Takes Two
presenter and Radio 2
DJ is trying to raise
awareness of mental-
health issues as part of
Sport Relief — cycling
the 300 miles from her
birthplace of Blackpool
to her home town of
Brighton. The cameras
follow novice cyclist
Ball on her gruelling
journey as she battles
physical fatigue and
the scale of the task
she has undertaken,
with the odd surprise
cycling companion and
tumble along the way.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Holding Back the Years. Fiona
Phillips meets people going through divorce in later life
(AD) 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Properties in
Cornwall, the Midlands and Shropshire (r) 11.00 The
Sheriffs Are Coming. The sheriffs visit an insurance
company that failed to pay-out to a young father 11.45
Caught Red Handed. A jeweller must act fast when armed
men attack his shop (r) (AD) 12.15pm Bargain Hunt.
Teams seek items in Brackley, Northamptonshire (r) (AD)
1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Ruhma helps Ashley’s wife
Helen deal with a crisis, and Valerie is still reeling after
yesterday’s shocking revelation when Ashley turns up on
her doorstep (AD) 2.15 A Place to Call Home. Douglas
passes away suddenly after a party in the ground of Ash
Park 3.10 Escape to the Country. Sonali Shah goes house
hunting in Cheshire (r) (AD) 3.45 Money for Nothing.
Sarah Moore transforms three items from the Witley
Recycling Centre in Surrey 4.30 Flog It! Some of the best
unseen finds from the show’s valuation days (r) 5.15
Pointless. Hosted by Alexander Armstrong (r) 6.00 BBC
News at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am The Repair Shop (r) 6.30 Holding Back the Years
(r) (AD) 7.15 The Sheriffs Are Coming (r) 8.00 Sign
Zone: Great British Railway Journeys (r) (AD, SL) 8.30
Classic Mary Berry (r) (AD, SL) 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire
11.00 BBC Newsroom Live 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm
Lifeline (r) 1.10 Coast (r) 1.30 Yes Chef. With the
Michelin-starred chef Ryan Simpson (r) 2.15 Monty Halls’
Great Irish Escape. Monty Halls researches whales in Irish
waters (r) (AD) 3.15 Planet Earth. Varied species in
tropical rainforests, observing the courtship rituals of
birds of paradise, a chimpanzee group defending its
territory and a flying-frog mating orgy (r) (AD) 4.15 Spy
in the Wild. How animals rely upon each other, from arctic
wolves banding together to survive and hippos being
cleaned by fish to prairie dogs and owls warning of
impending danger (r) (AD) 5.15 Put Your Money Where
Your Mouth Is. Eric Knowles goes head-to-head with
Ochuko Ojiri at an auction in Colchester. Eric tries his luck
with a Victorian item, while Ochuko attempts to impress
with expensive jewellery (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show
hosted by Jeremy Vine 6.30 The Repair Shop. A clock
made from the propeller of a World War One plane
6.00am Good Morning Britain. A lively mix of news and
current affairs, plus health, entertainment and lifestyle
features 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current affairs
and fashion news, as well as showbiz stories, cooking and
gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning.
Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and
lifestyle features, including a look at the stories making
the newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen
12.30pm Loose Women. Another helping of topical
studio discussion from a female perspective 1.30 ITV
News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Cameras follow the
criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he takes on real-life
cases in a studio courtroom 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal.
David Dickinson and the team head to Oxford, where
David Ford is tested by a 14-year-old, Jon O’Marah tries
to buy an Islamic dagger and Tim Hogarth puts a bid
in for one of his favourite things (r) 4.00 Tipping Point.
Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-themed quiz show, in
which contestants drop tokens down a choice of four
chutes in the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot
5.00 The Chase. Quiz show hosted by Bradley 6.00
Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
(AD) 10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. Gordon
Ramsay heads to Italian restaurant Pantaleone’s in
Denver, Colorado (r) 11.00 Undercover Boss USA. The
Mayor of Pittsburgh goes incognito among his workforce
(r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary 12.05pm Come Dine
with Me. Four hosts in Bath compete to throw the best
dinner party (r) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. Sheffield
pawnbroker Dan and his team deal with a bone china
dinner service, and an 18 carat gold bracelet (r) 2.10
Countdown. With Len Goodman in Dictionary Corner
3.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away. Two friends join
forces to buy their ultimate dream (r) 4.00 A New Life in
the Sun. The owner of a Spanish dive school waits for
important news about his Gibraltar license 5.00 Four in
a Bed. The third visit of the week is to the Angel Guest
House in Devon (r) 5.30 Star Boot Sale. Made in Chelsea
star Sam Thompson sells his unwanted items for charity
6.00 The Simpsons. Homer is recruited to be a deacon
by the trendy new reverend (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Darren and Nancy continue to have difficulties (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Matthew
Wright and his guests talk about the issues of the day
11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away. Paul and Steve call
for urgent police back-up after opening a locked wooden
case they find while carrying out an eviction notice at a
flat in London (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15
GPs: Behind Closed Doors. A woman talks about her
unconventional life with her partner, who recently died of
lung cancer, while an alcoholic gives a vivid account of a
lifetime of heavy drinking (r) (AD) 1.10 Access 1.15
Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 NCIS.
The agents investigate the private life of a Navy captain
whose actions may have led to his murder, while McGee
finds a love interest on the internet (r) (AD) 3.15 FILM:
McBride — The Chameleon Murder (PG, TVM,
2005) The lawyer investigates a hitch-hiker accused of
killing a woman — but the victim turns out to have a
plethora of identities. Crime drama starring John
Larroquette 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours. Mishti
forces Rafael to admit he was involved in Leo’s accident
(r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Maggie awaits her biopsy
results (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
No time
to lose.
7PM
7.00 Saving Lives at Sea As the summer
sun comes out, so do the funseekers,
and in Southend a family of five,
sightseeing a mile off shore, are
caught out by the tide. The Shoreham
crew are paged in the early hours after
a drunken festival-goer jumps in
the river (10/12) (r) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Joe makes another
enemy, while Liv’s problems go from
bad to worse when she receives
life-changing news (AD)
7.30 Coronation Street Fiz is horrified
when Tyrone smacks Ruby, while David
tells a hurt Sean to keep the details
of his love life to himself (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 MotoGP Highlights: The MotoGP
Grand Prix of Qatar Action from the
opening round of the season at Losail
International Circuit in Doha
8.00 MasterChef The last group of seven
amateur cooks are challenged to invent
a dish using a choice of lamb loin,
chicken thighs, scallops, salmon fillets
and prawns, with three contestants
being sent straight home (AD)
8.00 The Secret Helpers New series. Ten
people welcome the support and advice
of strangers from all over the world
through a secret in-ear device. In the
first episode, Dan, who was left blind
after suffering two strokes, seeks help
as he prepares for his wedding day.
See Viewing Guide (1/5) (AD)
8.00 Britain’s Brightest Family
Two families compete in the second
of the quarter-finals (AD)
8.00 The Supervet Professor Noel
Fitzpatrick treats a Labrador puppy
with an elbow disease, a one-year-old
cat is brought in suffering from a
crushed pelvis and a broken tail after
a road traffic accident, and a Russian
Black Terrier with a cancerous growth
is at risk of losing his leg (4/6) (AD)
8.00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors Husband
and wife Telisha and Mark bring in
their baby boy for a post-natal
check-up, and a man whose skin
and eyes have turned yellow is
treated by Dr Farida Ahmad (AD)
9.00 One Born Every Minute
Ashley, who’s 35, is determined to
right the wrongs he faced in his own
childhood with a family of his own.
He and his 30-year-old partner Gemma
are expecting their fourth child
together (3/10) (AD)
9.00 A Walk Among the Tombstones
(15, 2014) An ex cop working as an
unlicensed private eye is hired by a
drug trafficker to find the men who
murdered his wife. As the detective
investigates the case, he discovers the
men he is tracking have killed many
times before and takes desperate
measures to stop them claiming
another victim. Crime thriller based on
Lawrence Block’s novel, starring Liam
Neeson and Dan Stevens (AD)
10PM
9PM
7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex
Jones present the magazine show
featuring reports from around the UK
and famous guests in the studio
8PM
Offer ends March 26, 2018. UK residents aged 18 or over only. Offer open to new and existing subscribers. 12 month minimum term. Existing subscribers will need to recontract. Subject to availability. Discount over 3 months, followed by standard pricing. Terms and conditions apply. Visit store.thetimes.co.uk for full T&Cs.
9.00 Zoe Ball’s Hardest Road Home The
presenter embarks on a cycle ride from
Blackpool, the place of her birth, all the
way to her home town of Brighton. Her
aim is to raise money for Sport Relief
and highlight how the charity’s cash
helps support mental health projects
across the UK. See Viewing Guide
10.00 BBC News at Ten
Late
11PM
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather;
followed by National Lottery Update
10.45 A Question of Sport Guests include
Rebecca Adlington and Mark Selby
11.15 Film 2018 Reviews of the much
anticipated blockbuster A Wrinkle in
Time, psychological thriller Unsane,
and Pacific Rim Uprising (4/5)
11.45 Short Term 12 (15, 2013)
A counsellor at a foster care centre
deals with her own troubled past while
helping the residents face an uncertain
future. Drama starring Brie Larson,
John Gallagher Jr, Stephanie Beatriz,
Rami Malek and Alex Calloway
1.20am-6.00 BBC News
9.00 The Assassination of Gianni
Versace: American Crime Story
Andrew Cunanan lures former
acquaintance Jeff Trail to the
loft-apartment of his current lover,
where he bludgeons him to death.
See Viewing Guide (4/9) (AD)
9.55 Live at the Apollo Katherine Ryan
compères an evening of stand-up at
London’s Hammersmith Apollo,
performing and introducing
routines by guests Henning Wehn
and James Acaster (5/7) (r)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events presented by Emily Maitlis
8.30 Coronation Street Fiz confesses to
Tyrone that Hope has been causing the
recent problems, while David’s trauma
causes issues with Shona (AD)
9.00 Benidorm Joyce is furious with Monty
after a chaotic evening of magic, while
Callum decides to go up-market and
sets his sights on an older professional
lady. Elsewhere, Liam and Kenneth
are not impressed with Jacqueline’s
latest old school business venture
for Blow & Go (4/9) (AD)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.00 Damned It is an awkward start
to the day when Rose and Dennis wake
up in bed in Denise’s house (5/6) (AD)
10.30 Regional News
10.35 Damned Rose is smitten with
Dennis, but struggles with the idea
of dating the boss’s brother.
See Viewing Guide (6/6) (AD)
11.15 Famously Unfit for Sport Relief
The entertainer Les Dennis, the
presenter Susannah Constantine,
the actress Tameka Empson and the
comedian Miles Jupp embark on
a muscle-grinding mission to
regain their fitness (r) (AD)
10.45 easyJet: Inside the Cockpit
Documentary following new recruits as
they train to become fully qualified
pilots, tracking the candidates from the
classroom to the simulator and
eventually to their first flight
with hundreds of paying passengers
(1/2) (r) (AD)
11.45 Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest
Airport Heavy fog throws Heathrow
into turmoil (1/3) (r) (AD)
12.15am David Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities
Whether animals and plants have developed an awareness
of mathematics (r) (AD) 12.45 Sign Zone: MasterChef.
Seven more amateur cooks are put to the test (r) (AD,
SL) 1.45-2.45 The World’s Most Extraordinary Homes.
Extraordinary homes in Switzerland (r) (AD, SL)
12.35am Stuck on You: The Football Sticker Story
Documentary about the founding of a multi-billion pound
industry (r) 1.25 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming 3.00
Tenable. Quiz hosted by Warwick Davis (r) (SL) 3.50
ITV Nightscreen. Text-based information service
5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Talk show (r) (SL)
11.05 24 Hours in Police Custody
Cameras follow as police search for
a couple who they believe have
exploited a vulnerable woman by
taking over her flat in order to use
it as a drugs base (r) (AD)
12.05am 999: On the Frontline 1.00 Pokerstars
Championship Cash Challenge 1.55 FILM: Love & Other
Drugs (15, 2010) Romantic comedy drama with Jake
Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway (AD, SL) 3.50 Coast vs
Country (r) 4.45 Location, Location, Location (r) (SL)
5.40 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (r)
11.20 The Equalizer (15, 2014)
An ex-secret agent fights to bring
down a crime syndicate after coming
to the aid of an abused prostitute.
Action thriller with Denzel Washington
and Chloë Grace Moretz (AD)
1.45am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming 3.10
Secrets of the National Trust with Alan Titchmarsh (r)
(AD) 4.00 Tribal Teens. Two British teenagers are sent to
live with Kenya’s Samburu tribe. Last in the series (r)
(SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 House Busters (r)
(SL) 5.35-6.00 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
The Assassination
of Gianni Versace
BBC Two, 9pm
Tonight we see the start
of Andrew Cunanan’s
murder spree. Cunanan
is staying with David
Madson, a former lover
who has rejected his
marriage proposal.
Cunanan believes a
friend, Jeff Trail, is the
reason. So far we have
only seen Cunanan in
full fantasist serial
killer mode, but in
this episode Darren
Criss shows more
of his character’s
vulnerability —
although Trail’s murder
is savage. No one
knows for sure what
happened next, so the
writer Tom Rob Smith
decides to end with the
one thing we do know:
Madson was Cunanan’s
second victim.
Make! Craft
Britain
BBC Four, 9pm
In our digitally
dominated world, crafts
have never been so
necessary or popular.
After a one-off in 2016,
Martha Kearney
presents the first of
a gentle three-part
series celebrating all
things handmade.
Each episode features
two workshops, starting
with Heather Ritchie
helping six novices
to get to grips with
hooky rug-making,
while the typographer
Kelvyn Smith gives
five students a
masterclass in
letterpress printmaking.
There’s also something
for viewers to try
at home as Sam Tsang
shows you how to
make an origami lily.
Damned
Channel 4, 10.35pm
It’s the final visit to Elm
Heath Social Services
for this series and there
are a few surprises, not
least for the 14-year-old
girl who ends up giving
birth in the school
toilets. Rose gets
a shock when she
finds out that the girl’s
mum is a “legendary
nightmare” whom she
helped to put behind
bars. Meanwhile, Al
is planning on handing
in his notice to manage
holiday cottages on
a Scottish island. And
— the biggest surprise
of all — Rose is happy
with Dennis. “It’s so
nice spending time
with someone and
not wanting to rip
off their scrotum
and create a collage
with it,” she says.
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, midnight
England’s cricketers
take on New Zealand at
Eden Park, Auckland,
in the first of two Test
matches. England’s last
outing was the 4-0 loss
to Australia, so Joe
Root’s side will be
looking to bounce
back against a talented
Black Caps side, led
by Kane Williamson.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Monkey Life (r) (AD) 7.00 RSPCA
Animal Rescue (r) (AD) 8.00 Motorway Patrol
(r) (AD) 9.00 Road Wars (r) 10.00 Warehouse
13 (r) 11.00 Forever (r) (AD) 12.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r)
5.00 The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r)
6.00 Futurama. Fry can hear thoughts (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 DC’s Legends of Tomorrow.
Damien and Nora Darhk kidnap Ray
9.00 A League of Their Own. With Joe Hart,
Kevin Pietersen and Josh Widdicombe (r) (AD)
10.00 Bliss. Andrew realises Kris is about
to start a job at his other house (6/6)
10.30 A League of Their Own: Unseen (r) (AD)
11.00 The Force: Essex (r) (AD)
12.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (r) (AD)
1.00am Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (r) (AD)
2.00 Most Shocking (r) 3.00 The Force: Essex
(r) (AD) 4.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r) 4.30
It’s Me or the Dog (r) 5.00 Futurama (r)
6.00am The Guest Wing (r) (AD) 7.00 Storm
City (r) (AD) 8.00 Richard E Grant’s Hotel
Secrets (r) (AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r)
11.00 House (r) (AD) 1.00pm Without a
Trace (r) 2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00
The West Wing (r) 5.00 House (r) (AD)
6.00 House. Treating a 16-year-old girl (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
A deaf man dies in an apparent car accident (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. A dangerous convict
strikes a deal with Danny (r) (AD)
9.00 Save Me. A recording of a 999 call from
Jody is traced to Streatham (4/6) (AD)
10.00 SMILF. Nelson persuades Bridgette to use
visualisation techniques to improve her life
10.35 SMILF. Rafi and Tutu baptise Larry
without Bridgette’s consent
11.10 Here and Now. Farid is troubled by
his connection to Ramon (5/10) (r)
12.20am Save Me. A 999 call is traced (r) (AD)
1.20 Britannia (r) (AD) 2.20 Dexter (r) 3.25
Girls (r) (AD) 4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) 7.00 Highway
Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00 UK Border
Force (r) (AD) 9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 10.00
Cold Case (r) 11.00 The Biggest Loser: Australia
12.00 Obese: A Year to Save My Life USA (r)
1.00pm The Real A&E (r) (AD) 1.30 The Real
A&E (r) (AD) 2.00 Stop, Search, Seize (r) (AD)
3.00 Nothing to Declare UK (r) 4.00 Nothing to
Declare (r) (AD) 5.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 6.00 Air Rescue (r)
7.00 The Real A&E (r) (AD)
7.30 The Real A&E (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary. Joan and Kitty look
into a string of murders (r) (AD)
9.00 Grey’s Anatomy. Maggie’s relationship
with Clive starts to progress
10.00 The Good Doctor (r)
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Cold Case (r) 2.00 Scandal (r) (AD)
3.00 Criminal Minds (r) 4.00 Nothing to Declare
UK (r) 5.00 The Biggest Loser: Australia (r)
6.00am Darbar Festival 2017 7.00 Anne-Sophie
Mutter Plays Sibelius & Shostakovich 9.00 Tales
of the Unexpected 9.30 Master of Photography
(AD) 10.30 Video Killed the Radio Star (AD)
11.00 The Seventies (AD) 12.00 Soundbreaking
(AD) 1.00pm Discovering: Yul Brynner (AD)
2.00 Tales of the Unexpected 2.30 Landscape
Artist of the Year 2016 3.30 Video Killed
the Radio Star (AD) 4.00 The Seventies
(AD) 5.00 Soundbreaking (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Claude Rains (AD)
7.00 Portrait Artist of the Year 2018. The three
remaining artists compete in the final
8.00 National Treasures: The Art of Collecting
9.00 Discovering: Alec Guinness. A profile
10.00 Hollywood: No Sex, Please (AD)
11.00 Black Sabbath: The End of the End.
Documentary charting the band’s last gig (AD)
1.00am Shane MacGowan: A Wreck Reborn.
Documentary 2.00 Saxon at Wacken 2014.
The perform 3.15 30 Degrees in February
4.30 Tales of the Unexpected 5.00 Auction
6.00am Live International Netball: Jamaica v
Fiji (Centre-pass 5.10) 7.10 Live International
Netball: New Zealand v Malawi (Centre-pass
7.10). Coverage of the second match of the Taini
Jamison Trophy, held at North Shore Events
Centre in Auckland, New Zealand 8.55 Live ICC
Cricket World Cup Qualifier: West Indies v
Scotland. Coverage of the Super Six stage of the
qualifying tournament for the 2019 World Cup,
taking place at Harare Sports Club in Zimbabwe
3.30pm Live World Golf Championships: The
WGC-Dell Match Play Championship. Coverage of
the first day’s play at Austin Country Club in
Texas, featuring the opening group matches
6.00 Live World Golf Championships: The
WGC-Dell Match Play Championship. Coverage of
the first day’s play at Austin Country Club in
Texas, featuring the opening group matches
12.00 Live Test Cricket: New Zealand v England.
Coverage of the opening day of the first Test at
Eden Park in Auckland, where the two-match
series gets under way
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm Nolan Live.
Lively debate on issues affecting Northern
Ireland 11.40 A Question of Sport. Guests
include Rebecca Adlington and Mark Selby
12.10am Film 2018. Reviews of A Wrinkle in
Time, Unsane, and Pacific Rim Uprising 12.40
FILM: Short Term 12 (2013) Drama starring
Brie Larson 2.10-6.00 BBC News
Sale
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months free.
Subscribe now. Call 0800 092 2706
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BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 9.00pm-10.00 Sport
Relief: The Big TRY-Athlon. A host of famous
faces take part in a special triathlon event
10.45 Zoe Ball’s Hardest Road Home. A cycle
ride from Blackpool to Brighton. See Viewing
Guide 11.45 A Question of Sport. Guests
include Rebecca Adlington and Mark Selby
12.15am Film 2018 12.45 FILM: Short Term
12 (2013) Drama 2.15 Weather for the Week
Ahead 2.20-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 9.00pm-10.00 Gareth
Thomas’ Silver Skydivers for Sport Relief. The
rugby veteran faces his fear of heights with a
charity sky-dive 10.40 Zoe Ball’s Hardest Road
Home. The presenter embarks on a cycle ride
from Blackpool to Brighton. See Viewing Guide
11.40 A Question of Sport 12.10am Film 2018
12.45 FILM: Short Term 12 (2013) Drama
starring Brie Larson 2.15 Weather for the
Week Ahead 2.20-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two N Ireland
As BBC Two except: 9.55pm Spotlight. Social
and political issues (r) 10.25-10.30 The
Archiveologists. Spoof film on what to do at
a business meeting 11.15-12.15am Gareth
Thomas’ Silver Skydivers for Sport Relief
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days. News and analysis
7.30 Secret Knowledge: The Private Life of a
Dolls’ House. The author and illustrator Lauren
Child explores the history of dolls’ houses (r)
8.00 Metalworks! — The Golden Age of Silver.
In the first of three films exploring the
importance of metals in British history, Dan
Cruickshank charts the popularity of silver
during the 18th and 19th centuries (1/3) (r)
9.00 Make! Craft Britain. New series.
A programme celebrating all things handmade,
following ordinary people as they learn new
skills taught and take part in craft workshops
led by inspirational teachers. See Viewing Guide
10.00 Carved with Love: The Genius of British
Woodwork. A profile of the furniture
designer Thomas Chippendale (1/3) (r)
11.00 Britain’s Outlaws: Highwaymen, Pirates
and Rogues. Sam Willis examines piracy
during the early 18th century (r) (AD)
12.00 Treasures of Ancient Greece (r) (AD)
1.00am Top of the Pops: 1982 (r) 2.00
A History of Art in Three Colours (r) (AD)
3.00-4.00 Britain’s Outlaws: Highwaymen,
Pirates and Rogues (r) (AD, SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Rules of
Engagement (r) 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (r)
(AD) 9.00 New Girl (r) (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls
(r) (AD) 11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD)
12.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 1.00pm The Big
Bang Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 How I Met Your
Mother (r) (AD) 3.00 New Girl (r) (AD) 4.00
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD) 5.00 The Goldbergs
(r) (AD) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Brody and Buster clash (AD)
7.30 My Hotter Half. Partners compete
8.00 The Goldbergs. Adam and Murray fall out
over Adam pursuing a comedy career (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
9.00 Don’t Tell the Bride. A groom organises a
ceremony on the theme of royal Africa (5/6)
10.00 Five Star Hotel. The famous
faces host a 21st birthday party
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
11.55 First Dates (7/9) (r) (AD)
1.00am Five Star Hotel (r) 2.00 Tattoo Fixers
on Holiday (r) (AD) 2.55 Don’t Tell the Bride (r)
3.45 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 4.10 Rules of
Engagement (r) 4.50 Rude(ish) Tube (r)
8.55am Food Unwrapped (r) 9.30 A Place in the
Sun: Home or Away (r) 11.35 Four in a Bed (r)
2.10pm Come Dine with Me (r) 4.50 A Place
in the Sun: Home or Away. Double bill (r)
6.55 The Supervet. A Great Dane comes to the
clinic needing major spinal surgery (r) (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud revisits one
of the programme’s first projects, in which a
couple tried to convert a water tower into a
seven-storey bedroom wing (r) (AD)
9.00 Vet on the Hill. An English bull terrier is
put on a weight loss regime
10.00 Britain’s Polar Bear Cub. Cameras go
behind the scenes at the Highland Wildlife Park
in Inverness-shire, following efforts to breed the
nation’s first polar bear cub for 25 years (r)
11.05 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Jimmy
Carr hosts the words-and-numbers panel game,
which sees Sean Lock and Seann Walsh taking
on guest captain Joe Wilkinson and Danny Dyer,
with Bill Bailey in Dictionary Corner (r)
12.10am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
From Plainfield, New Jersey (r) 1.05 Vet on the
Hill (r) 2.10 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown
(r) 3.10-3.50 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut (r)
11.00am Run for Cover (U, 1955) Nicholas
Ray’s Western starring James Cagney 12.50pm
The Quick Gun (PG, 1964) Western starring
Audie Murphy 2.40 The War Wagon
(U, 1967) Western starring John Wayne and
Kirk Douglas 4.45 The Great Sioux Massacre
(U, 1965) Western starring Philip Carey
6.55 About a Boy (12, 2002) A womaniser
who poses as a father to meet single women
changes his ways after befriending a lonely
youngster. Romantic comedy starring Hugh
Grant, Toni Collette and Nicholas Hoult
9.00 The Wolverine (12, 2013) The former
member of the X-Men protects a tycoon’s
granddaughter from assassins. Superhero
adventure spin-off with Hugh Jackman (AD)
11.25 RoboCop (12, 2014) A critically injured
police officer is rebuilt as a crime-fighting
cyborg, but struggles to retain free will. Sci-fi
thriller remake starring Joel Kinnaman (AD)
1.40am-3.35 Eyes Without a Face (15,
1960) A guilt-ridden surgeon turns to crime as
he tries to rebuild the face of his daughter, left
disfigured after an accident he caused. French
horror starring Pierre Brasseur (b/w)
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals (r) 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r)
7.10 Who’s Doing the Dishes? (r) (AD) 7.55
Emmerdale (r) (AD) 8.20 The Cube (r) 9.25 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.20 The Bachelor
(r) 12.15pm Emmerdale (r) (AD) 12.45 You’ve
Been Framed! Gold (r) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 4.50
Judge Rinder (r) 5.50 Take Me Out (r)
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden attends a
singles’ night with friends from high school (r)
8.30 Two and a Half Men. Alan and
Walden have a disagreement (r)
9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA. There is an immediate
fallout after Josh and Robyn switch teams
10.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA. The chefs go
head-to-head creating pizzas
10.55 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.25 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.55 Family Guy (r) (AD) 12.25am American
Dad! (r) (AD) 1.20 Two and a Half Men (r) 2.15
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r)
2.25 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.50
Heartbeat (r) 7.55 The Royal (r) (AD) 8.55
Judge Judy (r) 10.15 Inspector Morse (r)
12.35pm The Royal (r) (AD) 1.35 Heartbeat (r)
2.40 Classic Coronation Street (r) 3.45 On the
Buses (r) 4.50 You’re Only Young Twice (r) 5.25
Rising Damp (r) 5.55 Heartbeat (r)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. A fan assumes
Jessica’s identity to investigate goings-on at
a dog show. Angela Lansbury stars (r) (AD)
8.00 Endeavour. The detective discovers dark
secrets in a family-run supermarket, as he
investigates a possible connection to a
mysterious fire that killed an artist who was
involved with political activists (2/4) (r) (AD)
10.00 Law & Order: UK. Ronnie and Joe find a
skeleton that has been hidden inside the boot
of a car in the River Thames, and discover the
man’s death dates back to the 1980s Brixton
riots. Bradley Walsh stars (3/8) (r) (AD)
11.00 Law & Order: UK. Natalie Chandler’s
father is accused of murder (4/8) (r) (AD)
12.05am Unforgotten (r) (AD, SL) 2.00
ITV3 Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase (r) 8.00 Ironside (r) 9.00
Quincy ME (r) 10.05 Minder (r) (AD) 11.10 The
Saint (r) 12.15pm Storage Wars (r) 12.45 Live
Snooker: Players Championship. Coverage of the
afternoon session on day three, featuring the
concluding two first-round matches from Venue
Cymru, Llandudno 5.00 Barcelona’s European
Glory. A short film looking at Barcelona’s
triumphs in Europe (r) 5.15 The Avengers.
A peace conference is thrown into chaos (r)
6.15 Storage Wars. Dan Dotson returns to
the auctions in Costa Mesa, California (r)
6.45 Live Snooker: Players Championship.
Coverage of the evening session on day three,
featuring the opening best-of-11-frames
quarter-final from Venue Cymru, Llandudno
11.00 Lethal Weapon. Murtaugh and Riggs
are called to a homicide only to find the
victim is an old friend — Diego (r) (AD)
11.55 Hornblower. Newly promoted Captain
Hornblower sets out to make his mark — but
the end of the war leaves him down and out.
Drama starring Ioan Gruffudd (1/2) (r)
2.00am Quincy ME (r) 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters UK 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm
Top Gear (AD) 3.00 Impossible Engineering (AD)
4.00 World’s Most Dangerous Roads 5.00 Top
Gear. The Lamborghini Murcielago (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. Test-driving the Aston Martin
V8 Vantage. With guest Trevor Eve (AD)
7.00 World’s Most Dangerous Roads. Ben Fogle
and Hugh Dennis undertake a perilous journey
through the Peruvian Andes (3/3)
8.00 Sin City Motors. Reality television show
following the exploits of master fabricator Steve
Darnell, who invites cameras into his workshop
as he builds customised cars from junk (AD)
9.00 Live at the Apollo. Al Murray hosts the
stand-up show, with Chris Addison and Tim Vine
10.00 Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish.
Dave Gorman asks just how gullible people are
11.00 Unspun XL with Matt Forde. Extended
version of the political comedy chat show
12.00 QI XL. Sandi Toksvig’s debut as host
1.00am QI 1.40 Would I Lie to You? 2.15 Mock
the Week 2.55 Suits (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning (AD)
9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The
Bill 12.00 Death in Paradise 1.00pm Last of the
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Feather 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 Death in Paradise 5.00 Bergerac
6.00 Steptoe and Son. Harold’s bride-to-be has
second thoughts about their marriage (b/w)
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. Billy and Alvin
learn Truly’s ex-wife is trying to find him
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Clegg, Truly,
Alvin and Billy helps a man realise his dream.
Tommy Cannon and Bobby Ball guest star
8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe. The discovery of a man’s
body in a disused mineshaft reawakens villagers’
suspicions over a girl’s death (1 & 2/8) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. The squad reinvestigates the
case of a political activist who disappeared after
waging a campaign against a controversial
comedian. Guest starring Phil Daniels (6/8) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Christmas special from
1989 starring Pauline Quirke and Linda Robson
12.00 The Bill 1.00am Ashes to Ashes 3.00
Crocodile Shoes 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Who Do You Think
You Are? (AD) 11.00 Impossible Railways (AD)
12.00 Time Team 1.00pm Galapagos 2.00
Planet Earth 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Medieval
Murder Mysteries 5.00 Impossible Railways.
Crossing valleys, canyons and waterways (AD)
6.00 The Great Escape: Revealed.
The true story of the famous PoW breakout
7.00 Full Steam Ahead. Peter Ginn and
Alex Langlands work as navvies
8.00 The Day When Stalin Won the War.
Exploring Stalin’s work consolidating his power
base following the Second World War
9.00 The Best of Tommy Cooper. Highlights
9.30 The Best of Tommy Cooper. The funnyman
demonstrates his cooking prowess
10.00 The Best of Tommy Cooper. Tommy
shares memories with his guest Eric Sykes
10.30 The Best of Tommy Cooper
11.00 The Two Ronnies. With Randy Crawford
11.55 The Two Ronnies 12.45am The Two
Ronnies 1.35 Tales of Irish Castles 2.25 Sounds
of the Seventies 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 1.30pm Monty Halls’
Great Irish Escape (r) (AD) 2.30 Politics
Scotland 3.15 Yes Chef (r) 4.00 Planet Earth.
Varied species in the world’s tropical rainforests
(r) (AD) 5.00-6.00 Spy in the Wild. How
animals rely upon each other (r) (AD)
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Sunday Night at the Palladium.
Alexander Armstrong presents André Rieu,
Josh Groban, Meghan Trainor and Lee Nelson
(r) 12.05am Teleshopping 1.05 After Midnight
2.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle
Show (r) 5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Rare Breed:
A Farming Year. The McGovern family faces an
anxious wait 10.45 Love Your Garden.
Transforming gardens (AD) 11.15-11.45
Britain’s Brightest Family (AD) 1.25am
Teleshopping 2.55-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Peppa (r) 5.10 Creag nam Buthaidean
(Puffin Rock) (r) 5.25 Oran le Fiona (r) 5.28
Ben & Hoilidh san Rioghachd Bhig (Ben &
Holly’s Little Kingdom) (r) 5.50 Seonaidh
(Shaun the Sheep) 5.55 Fitheach (Raven)
6.10 Dragonan: Reis chun an iomaill (Dragons:
Race to the Edge) 6.30 Dè a-nis? (What Now?)
7.00 Caistealan Alba (r) 7.25 Fraochy Bay (r)
7.35 Speaking Our Language (r) 8.00 An Là
(News) 8.30 Leugh Mi (Book Show) (r) 9.00
Opry an Iúir (r) 10.00 Mach a Seo! 10.30
Cuirm @ Celtic: Julie Fowlis (r) 11.00 DIY le
Donnie (r) 11.45-12.00midnight Piobairean
Bhoirnis (Pipers of Bornish) (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw 11.00 Dysgu Gyda Cyw 12.00
News S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm Crwydro (r)
12.30 Cefn Gwlad (r) (AD) 1.30 Mamwlad
gyda Ffion Hague (r) 2.00 News S4C 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C 3.05 Pengelli (r)
3.30 Pobol y Glannau (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00
Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Boom! 5.15 Dennis a
Dannedd (r) 5.25 Dewi a’r Ditectifs Gwyllt (r)
5.35 Fi yw’r Bos (r) 6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
6.05 Her yr Hinsawdd (r) (AD) 6.30 Mwy o
Sgorio 7.00 Heno 8.00 Pobol y Cwm (AD) 8.25
Celwydd Noeth 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30
Ar Werth 10.00 Camu O’r Cysgodion: Louise
Weiss 10.30 Y Ditectif (r) (AD) 11.00-11.35
999: Ambiwlans Awyr Cymru (r) (AD)
14
1G T
Wednesday March 21 2018 | the times
MindGames
1
2
3
4
5
Codeword No 3289
6
7
6
5
8
16
8
9
3
24
11
5
24
10
11
12
14
15
20
13
18
19
10
23
12
5
20
26
12
1
16
7
5
1
6
11
16
20
8
12
12
5
26
12
16
18
19
17
21
1
2
12
12
12
11
1
11
19
17
20
9
19
8
1
3
1
6
3
3
26
17
12
25
22
2
20
A
7
17
19
19
8
6
26
12
26
3
20
4
11
5
9
19
20
1
20
1
10
5
22
5
20
18
4
12
12
1
1
5
15
20
21
19
11
23
11
12
9
17
20
19
16
17
B
B
1
25
11
1
5
8
9
10
12
13
15
Partition; monitor (6)
Even; without jerks (6)
Commotion; ado (4)
Mixed drink (8)
God be praised (8)
Quick look (4)
Put through a sieve (6)
Reddish brown (6)
Solution to Crossword 7604
S
E
C
U
R
I
T
Y
E T
E
OR
R
A I
E
UR
A S
R T
ARE
I
A
NUM
UP B A
E U
S A I R
C
I
S E AN
L
NER T
L
A
T ERN
V
T
NA
I C
T C
B ERS
R
A
V
I
O
L
I
S
P
E
E
D
RAGE
T D
I S T A
E M
RA K
E
T L E S
O C
AUNA
S R
B ERG
U O
E POT
16
20
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
L
20
Across
5
23
6
24
5
20
16
21
8
20
20
14
17
9
4
11
13
12
Train Tracks No 361
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7605
17 Singing voice (4)
19 Part of Canada; dog (8)
21 Source of annoyance (8)
23 Leave out (4)
24 Waterless area (6)
25 Relating to dogs (6)
Down
2 Two lines of verse (7)
3 Follow on (5)
4 Active at night (9)
5 Distended membrane (3)
6 Eight-armed creature (7)
7 Strong string (5)
11 Gymnastically agile (9)
14 Poisonous plant (7)
16 Strong feeling (7)
18 Very big (5)
20 Oak seed (5)
22 Suitable (3)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
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26
4
11
13
3
8
20
18
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
5
6
15
16
17
18
19
L
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
B
14
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
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Lexica No 4185
T
G
A
A
H
M
L
O
R
U
S
T
G
O
C
N
O
S
A
S
I
H
T
H
T
O
A
N
Y
Y
M
S
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
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Y
See today’s News section
5
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O
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Medium No 4281
Futoshiki No 3133
Kakuro No 2092
<
7
23
30
16
6
19
12
28
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
8
10
16
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
34
>
∧
∨
3
∧
∧
11
17
10
17
30
18
16
34
16
27
16
11
16
31
13
26
27
11
12
∧
3
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
16
16
24
16
4
14
3
19
21
23
4
7
19
13
4
16
21
© PUZZLER MEDIA
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
<
the times | Wednesday March 21 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
Four of the contestants in the
FIDE World Chess Candidates
tournament currently in progress
in Berlin, decided to give their
little grey cells a workout in the
Tal Memorial Rapidplay and Blitz
tournaments staged in Moscow
immediately before the start of
the Berlin event. In spite of the
presence of four candidates, the
winner of the Tal Rapidplay was
former world champion Viswanathan Anand who is not present in
Berlin, although his absence is a
great loss to that qualifier.
White: Viswanathan Anand
Black: Alexander Grischuk
Tal Memorial Rapidplay,
Moscow 2018
Sicilian Defence
1 e4 c5 2 Nf3 Nc6 3 Bb5 g6 4
Bxc6 dxc6 5 d3 Bg7 6 h3 Nf6 7
Nc3 0-0 8 Be3 b6 9 Qd2 e5 10
Bh6 Qd6 11 0-0-0
The kings are stationed on opposite wings. When this happens it is
often the case, as indeed happens
here, that strategic niceties go out
of the window in favour of a
straightforward attacking race.
11 ... a5 12 g4 a4 13 Kb1 Be6 14
Ne2 b5 15 Ng3 Rfd8 16 Bxg7
Kxg7 17 Qg5
Threatening e5 and creating
the possibility of Nf5+, leading to
a useful opening of lines.
17 ... Nd7 18 Nf5+ Bxf5 19 gxf5 a3
20 b3 h6
This unnecessarily weakens g6.
Better is to press on with 20 ... c4
and, after 21 dxc4 Qb4, Black has
serious play on the queenside.
21 Qg3 Kh7 22 Rhg1 Qf6 23 h4
gxf5 24 Qh3 f4 25 Rg5 Qe6 26
Rf5 Rg8
A blunder allowing a beautiful
finish. 26 ... f6 was better.
________
árD D DrD]
àD DnDpDk]
ß DpDqD 0]
ÞDp0 0RD ]
Ý D DP0 )]
Ü0PDPDNDQ]
ÛPDPD ) D]
ÚDKDRD D ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
41 x 2
EASY
MEDIUM
HARDER
–8
137 x 5 – 76
254 + 698
+ 1/2
OF IT
Anand
Mamedyarov
Karjakin
Nakamura
Gelfand
Grischuk
Dubov
Kramnik
Svidler
Nepomniachtchi
1
*
1
½
0
½
0
0
½
½
0
2
0
*
½
½
½
½
1
½
0
½
3
½
½
*
½
½
½
½
0
½
½
5
½
½
½
1
*
½
0
½
½
½
6
1
½
½
½
½
*
½
0
½
½
7
1
0
½
0
1
½
*
1
½
½
8
½
½
1
1
½
1
0
*
0
½
9
½
1
½
½
½
½
½
1
*
½
10
1
½
½
1
½
½
½
½
½
*
Bridge Andrew Robson
The Next Level
the old-fashioned flat 19, you’d
1. Basic opener strategy
have to rebid 3♦, worried partner
(ii) Modern Notrump rebid ranges
will pass with 3NT makeable.
(B). Two-over-One. To respond
(A). One-over-One. The unopposed
auction has begun (say) 1♥-1♠ . in a new suit at the two-level, partTraditionally, the notrump rebid ner has a minimum of about ten
point ranges have been 1NT 15-16, points (perhaps a tad less with a
2NT 17-18 and 3NT 19. There are longish suit); if you are rebidding
several good reasons for preferring notrumps, you have at least 15.
With 25 combined points, it
the 1NT rebid to be 15-17 and the
2NT rebid to be 18-19 (you can makes sense to play (say) 1♥-2♣upgrade a good 17).
2NT as forcing to game. You do not
In modern bridge, responses are need to restrict the point count of
frequently made with fewer than 2NT and can make it 15-19 — to
the traditional six points — to keep allow room for exploration. You can
the bidding open for partner and to play the jump to 3NT as anything
steal from the opponents. Jumping you want, my suggestion being a
to 2NT with 17 points often takes balanced hand with a fit for partner.
the partnership overboard.
Dealer: North ♠ A 4 2
♥A J
The lower the notrump rebid,
the more room there is for mean- Vul: Neither ♦AQ 6 4 2
♣K J 2
ingful conversation to find the cor♠K 9
♠ Q 10 8
N
rect contract. In particular, 1♥♥10 8 6 5 W E ♥9 7 3
1♠ -3NT is extremely unwieldy
♦10 9 5
♦K J 8 7
S
(with a balanced 19-count).
♣Q 10 9 8♠ J 7 6 5 3 ♣A 7 4
Playing the 1NT rebid as 15-17
♥KQ 4 2
and 2NT as 18-19 frees up the jump
♦3
to 3NT to mean something com♣6 5 3
pletely different. Best is a gambling
S
W
N
E
hand, based on a trick source.
1♦
Pass
Exercise: What do you rebid
1♠
Pass
2NT(1) Pass
with these, after opening 1♦ and
3♥ (2) Pass
4♠
End
hearing a 1♠ response?
(1) 18-19 in the modern style. After an old♠J 2
♠
Q
♠A J 3
fashioned jump to 3NT, South would be
♥K 10
♥K 2
♦A K J 4 2 ♦A K J 9 5 3 2
– 75
+ 1/2
OF IT
11 /
12
+ 898
+ 1/2
OF IT
– 44
+ 543 x 3 + 777
80%
OF IT
2/
3
OF IT
+ 58
OF IT
OF IT
75%
OF IT
2
4 3 6
2
4
9
Polygon
3
4
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
2
2
2
6
Set Square No 2095
© PUZZLER MEDIA
From these letters, make words of four
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 9 words, average;
13, good; 19, very good; 25, excellent
x
-
= 16 the numbers
x
+
+
5
+
x
-
7
=
1
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
= 15 We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
sum should be
= 14 calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
+
+
Yesterday’s answers
ale, alee, auld, ave, dal, dale, deal, deva,
devalue, dual, evade, lad, lade, laud, lav,
lave, lea, lead, leave, leaved, udal, uvea,
uveal, vale, value, veal
Enter each of
+
÷
=
9
=
10
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
6
5
5
5
4½
4½
4
4
3½
3½
________
á D D i D] Winning Move
à0 D D D ]
ß D D )BD] Black to play. This position is from
Moscow 2018.
ÞD DnDPHb] Nakamura-Andreikin,
Here Black, threatened with mate on e8,
Ý D 4 D )] panicked and played 1 ... Ne3 which got
ÜD D D D ] him mated after 2 Ne6+. What should he
ÛPDpD D D] have done instead to save the game?
ÚD D $ I ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
♥K 6 3
♦AQ 8 2
75%
OF IT
–5
OF IT
27 Ng5+! hxg5 28 Rxf7+! Qxf7 29
hxg5+ Kg7 30 Qh6 mate
4
1
½
½
*
0
½
1
0
½
0
÷3
SQUARE
IT
+5
Tal Memorial Rapidplay, Moscow 2018
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
–9
1/
3
1/
2
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Sign of four
Cell Blocks No 3172
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
stymied into passing. Even 2NT would go
down on a recommended passive heart lead.
♣AK32
♣AJ7
♣K62
(2) 5♠ -4♥ .
West led ♣10, covered by ♣J and
With the first, rebid 1NT, showing 15-17. Why struggle in 2NT, ♣A. Declarer won ♣7 return with
facing a five or six-count?
♣K. He cashed ♥AJ and ♦A, ruffed
With the second, rebid 2NT. ♦2, cashed ♥K throwing ♣2 and
Now partner has the room to ruffed ♣6. He cashed ♠ A and led
investigate for a 5-3 spade fit.
♠ 4. The defence could win ♠ KQ
With the third, rebid 3NT, the but that was ten tricks and game
perfect bid for the hand. If 3NT is made. andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
Killer Tricky No 5920
16
8
23
25
10
15min
20
Quick Cryptic 1051
20
18
17
23
8
10
13
Solutions
12
11
H A T C HWA
H
I
B
I
S
S L OOP
U
P
E
S
GROUN
H
C
T
P
A S T E RN
A
C
R
T E A S T R A
I
G
E
N
CUR T S E Y
E
O
L
I N
E D E N
Y
O
D
L
I
T
Sudoku 9740
8
12
9
7
6
22
16
13
7
17
11
8
11
7
17
8
7
2
3
6
9
5
4
1
1
3
6
8
5
4
9
2
7
9
5
4
7
1
2
8
3
6
7
2
9
4
8
3
6
1
5
5
4
8
6
7
1
2
9
3
I F
I
E D
D
L L
I
E N
G
A G
S
UN J U S T
G
L
U
QU I P
P
L
I
HA Z ARD
R
C
ACCO
V
R
B
F O R EWO
W D
I
R EM I S S
L
T
T
V
GE
A
A L
Set Square 2094
3
6
1
2
9
5
4
7
8
2
8
7
9
3
6
1
5
4
6
9
5
1
4
7
3
8
2
4
1
3
5
2
8
7
6
9
4
x
Killer Deadly No 5921
22
18
16
16
17
19
x
9
x
-
24
22
7
25
28
10
17
11
+
11
12
23
32
15
7
8
1
9
4
7
6
3
5
2
7
3
5
9
2
1
8
6
4
9
6
1
7
8
4
2
3
5
3
7
8
2
5
9
1
4
6
4
5
2
1
6
3
9
7
8
2
4
3
6
1
7
5
8
9
1
8
6
3
9
5
4
2
7
5
9
7
8
4
2
6
1
3
2
8
6
5
4
1
9
3
7
5
7
4
3
2
9
6
1
8
1
9
3
8
6
7
2
5
4
6
3
5
2
8
4
7
9
1
8
2
1
7
9
5
3
4
6
7
4
9
6
1
3
8
2
5
9
5
7
4
3
6
1
8
2
3
6
2
1
5
8
4
7
9
4
1
8
9
7
2
5
6
3
8
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
2
1
9
8
6
7
4
3
5
8
5
6
4
9
3
1
2
7
7
4
3
2
1
5
9
8
6
6
7
2
1
8
9
5
4
3
5
3
1
7
4
6
2
9
8
9
8
4
5
3
2
6
7
1
4
9
7
3
5
1
8
6
2
1
2
8
6
7
4
3
5
9
3
6
5
9
2
8
7
1
4
4
6
1
3
7
9
8
5
2
5
3
9
8
2
4
6
1
7
9
1
3
4
8
7
5
2
6
1 2 7
3 1 9
8
2 3 4
1 5
7 9
7 9 8
9 8 6
5 2
8 6
N
O
E
L
Y
5
7
8 7 6
6 9
1
7
3 4 2
8 6
5 6
7
1
8 4 3
9 7
9
1
5
2
6 8 9
1 6 8
9 7
9
5
8 5 6
4 2
2 1 7
1 3 9
x
9
7
9
8
Train Tracks 360
1
Quintagram
1 Zoo
2 Nike
3 Britten
4 Prophecy
5 Invincible
4
2
5
2
7
2
4
3
2
4
4
4
A
4
+
8
8
5
7
9
5
1
6
I
M
P
O
M
O
T
B
S
S
R
T
A
V
I
B
C
N
R
P
5
4
1
4
5
2
∧
2 < 3
1
∧
4 > 2
4 < 5
∨
3 > 1
KenKen 4280
H
A
G
Y
3
O
R
O
3
5
A
I
O
S
P
T
1 < 2
∧
3 < 5
2
O
S
C
Futoshiki 3132
1
∧
3
I
C
G
E
Cell Blocks 3171
Lexica 4184
H
K
C
E
E
4
4
4
6
3
5 5 4
2 2
5
2
Suko 2190
Word watch
Brain Trainer
Smur (c) Misty
rain (Scots, also
“smir”)
Sowlegrove (a)
The month of
February
(Wiltshire dialect)
Sindon (c) In
India, a fine cloth
used as a shroud
4
Easy 24
Medium 621
Harder 4,353
Chess
1 ... Rg4+! 2 Kf2
(2 Kh2 Rxh4+
3 Kg2 Rg4+ and
4 ... Rxg5 wins for
Black) 2 ... Rf4+
3 Kg3 Rg4+ leads
to a perpetual
check draw
Quiz
Killer 5919
2
7
8
1
6
5
4
9
3
B
A
L
UN S E E
R
S M
E E KABO
A
I
N
OU S L Y
E
U
MMOD A T
E
I
RD
F I L
D O
I
L A X I T
E
Y
Y
B
Killer 5918
18
+
+
1
5
x
2
A
Sudoku 9742
29
+
Lexica 4183
55min
5
3
x
Sudoku 9741
6
2
4
5
3
8
7
9
1
Kakuro 2091
Codeword 3288
WA
M
F A B
A
L
SWE
H
I CH
O
A
N E R
A
R
B E I
L
E
EGR
7
8
4
2
5
6
9
3
1
6
5
2
9
1
3
7
8
4
3
4
5
6
9
2
1
7
8
1
2
7
5
4
8
3
6
9
8
9
6
7
3
1
2
4
5
1 Copper 2 David Cameron 3 Macbeth 4 Sir Isaac
Newton 5 Latin 6 Running 7 Burberry 8 Kimchi
9 Léon Theremin. He gave his name to the theremin
(or thereminvox) 10 In the skin or, more specifically,
epidermis (the outer layer of the skin) 11 Battle of
Quiberon Bay 12 Pépé le Moko 13 The Poor Poet. Ulay
continued this piece of performance art by hanging
the painting in the living room of a Turkish
immigrant family 14 Stevie Wonder 15 Natterjack toad
21.03.18
MindGames
Difficult No 9743
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Fiendish No 9744
9
1
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
5 6
3 2
6
4
Smur
a A promontory
b To undermine a
colleague
c A type of rain
2 3
1 8
Sowlegrove
a A winter month
b To dig out
c An isolated woodland
8 2
2 3
9
9
2
3
Sindon
a A tiny amount
b A fantastical land
c A shroud
Answers on page 15
1
7
3 4
3
9 7 2
2
9 7
2
4
5
1
4
2
Super fiendish No 9745
8
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
9
3
4
5
9 3
1 6
4
3
5
9
4
5 7
6 8
2
5
4
9
6
8
1
2 6
3 4
5
8
4
3
4
3 5
2 9
1
4
8
9
7
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2190
ALAMY
1 A US nickel coin
is 25 per cent nickel
and 75 per cent
what metal?
French at which
November 20, 1759 battle?
12 Jean Gabin played
the titular gangster
in which 1937 Julien
Duvivier film?
2 Who succeeded
Shaun Woodward as
the Conservative MP
for Witney in 2001?
15
3 Which Shakespeare
title character is the
only person who sees
Banquo’s ghost at a
banquet in Act III?
6 Haruki Murakami
wrote the memoir What
I Talk About When I Talk
About… what?
4 Which English
scientist published his
theory of universal
gravitation in 1686?
5 The Vulgar form
of which language
developed into the
Romance languages
(eg Italian and French)?
7 Which British luxury
fashion house has made
Riccardo Tisci its new
chief creative officer?
8 Gimjang is the Korean
tradition of making which
pickled vegetable dish?
9 In 1928, which Soviet
inventor patented an
electronic musical
instrument that could
be played without
being touched?
10 Merkel cells are oval
mechanoreceptors found
where in the body?
11 Admiral Sir Edward
Hawke defeated the
13 In 1976, the artist
Ulay stole which Carl
Spitzweg painting —
Hitler’s favourite —
from Berlin’s Neue
Nationalgalerie?
14 Which musician, born
Stevland Hardaway
Judkins, gave the
basketball star Darryl
Dawkins the nickname
“Chocolate Thunder”?
15 Which toad with
the Latin name Bufo
calamita is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1052 by Hawthorn
1
2
3
4
5
8
7
9
10
12
6
11
13
14
15
16
17
18
20
23
21
22
24
19
Across
1 Poet’s residence by river (5)
4 Drifting wreckage seen as half
of family lost at sea (7)
8 Cleric leaving one place of
worship (7)
9 Ate some shortbread in
Edinburgh (5)
10 Comedian keeping end of
jokes clean is matter of space
(6,4)
14 Definitely not embracing king
and country (6)
15 New throne for queen, perhaps
(6)
17 Rhyming couplet that has four
sprightly feet? (5,5)
20 Book a woman’s back
treatment (5)
22 Bard’s beginning revision of
woeful epic poem (7)
23 A loud cry after wife’s total
failure (7)
24 The same detective returned
over the top (5)
Down
1 Bad smell linked to papa? It’s a
hunch (4)
2
3
4
5
6
7
11
12
13
16
18
19
21
Fix blokes drinks at the
outset… (4)
… A justification to share out
beer? (9)
Discussion groups university
introduced to classes (6)
Former heads of our legal
department (3)
Fruity buns turn scorched on
the outside? (8)
Contemplate friend consuming
awful diet (8)
Bridge news: a much-loved
part of The Times (9)
Wear thin, possibly becoming
bare (2,3,3)
Game in which St Helens
initially defend after turnover
(8)
Fight Club follows The Big
Sleep (final cut) (6)
Cambridge boat’s gamble (4)
Mop of hair caught up in
extractor fan (4)
Expression of dissent
forbidden? No thanks! (3)
Yesterday’s solution on page 15
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