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The Times Times 2 - 23 April 2018

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April 23 | 2018
The pleasure gap
The young British woman who wants
equality in sex (as well as pay)
2
1G T
Monday April 23 2018 | the times
times2
Modern sex?
So a bot can build
a flat-pack — what
about the brackets?
Kevin Maher
M
GETTY IMAGES
ovies are such
rubbish. For
years they’ve
been telling us
that robots would
take our jobs,
or that they’d
instigate a
nuclear apocalypse and then go back
in time to shoot someone’s mum (that
was The Terminator, obviously).
Or even that they’d turn us all into
human batteries who are unaware that
we’re living in multi-storey gunk baths
while an entirely fictitious yet strangely
sexy leather-clad reality plays out
inside our benumbed brains (Matrix,
natch). Yet, thanks to scientists from
a university in Singapore, we now
know that robots have come not to
kill us, but to perform the most painful
and humiliating activity known to
(handy)man — assembling flat-packed
Ikea furniture.
Yes, in just under 20 minutes, an
Ikea-loving robot — let’s call him Sven
— was able to gaze through his 3D
camera at a flat-packed kitchen chair,
then process the chair’s instructions
while simultaneously employing his
dexterous arms to niftily knock, tap,
squeeze and screw the thing together.
Scientists at Nanyang Technological
University claim that Sven was
assembled over the course of three
years (presumably from a flat-pack
kit?) and that improvements in
artificial intelligence will (hopefully)
allow him to construct Ikea furniture
from observation alone, without
having to process the manual. Which
makes you want to buy him a beer,
punch him in the shoulder and
welcome him into the club.
I worry, however, that this focuses
too narrowly on Sven’s assembly skills
and ignores several eventualities that
he must overcome to be the perfect
Ikea-bot. What, for example, will Sven
do when he has constructed three Ikea
bookcases and realises he has to attach
them to the wall via those tricky
L-shaped brackets, but he accidentally
uses the wrong drill bit (the one for
wood instead of masonry), which
means that he takes enormous chunks
out of the wall and has to keep moving
along the surface to find a fresh patch,
and even then the Rawlplugs don’t fit
into the plaster and so the screws for
the brackets just spin round hopelessly,
achieving no purchase on the plugs
No, please,
not the
yacht
It’s not often that a gift
worth £346 million is
labelled a “bummer”,
Women get paid less than men — and
they enjoy sex less too. Will a new gizmo
change that, asks Helen Rumbelow
I won’t put
my dog on
Instagram
and turning the bookcases into a
potential child-crushing death trap.
This happened to me two months
ago, and I found that barking the word
“f***” repeatedly for roughly 45
minutes really helped. I wonder, can
you program that into Sven? Maybe
with bonus Dalek delivery? “Point-less
task! Does not com-pute! De-stroy
bookcases! F***! F***! F***! F***!”
And what will Sven do in the Ikea
store? Is he going to get up early to
beat the crowds? Is he going to put his
back out while dragging an unfeasibly
heavy flat-packed chest of drawers on
to one of those ankle-bashing trolleys,
even as he fails to register that the
chest of drawers actually comes in two
unfeasibly heavy boxes, and won’t
realise this until he gets home later and
finds himself secretly punching the air
in triumph because he knows that he’s
just dodged two hours of swear-filled
mayhem? Yep, that was me.
And will Sven reach the tills in the
Ikea store and find himself staring
blankly at the other depressed-looking
Ikea-bots, and will he suddenly reach
out with his sad hydraulic limb to grab
a pack of authentic Swedish cinnamon
buns and start munching his way
glumly through the lot? Me again.
And the car park? Will he go for a
battery-saving nap while he inches
along through the hellish gridlock? Or
will he finally reach his limit, snap, and
disassemble himself right there on the
ground, in front of everyone? That
wasn’t me, by the way. But only just.
yet I couldn’t help but
imagine the whiff of
disappointment that
might have surfaced
when the judge
presiding over a
high-profile divorcesettlement case
between a Russian
billionaire and his
ex-wife announced that
the billionaire, Farkhad
Akhmedov, had to hand
over his multimillionpound yacht (exact
value £346 million).
The ex-wife, Tatiana
Akhmedova, had been
promised a £453 million
divorce settlement, so
the yacht (it originally
belonged to Roman
I am so bored by
Whiskey the
Hungarian Vizsla.
No? Haven’t you heard?
He’s a new four-legged
Instagram star, with
almost 80,000
followers. He lives in
Vancouver and he posts
(or at least his owners
post) daily photogenic
updates of his robust
doggy lifestyle —
hiking across
spectacular mountains,
sitting patiently in
kayaks on gorgeous
glacier lakes, looking
adorable in knitwear
etc. And so, no, I’m not
actually bored by
Whiskey and his
stardom, I’m perplexed
by it, and by his owners.
Why, for instance,
would you ruin a good
dog walk with a
photoshoot? My dog
walks are one of the
few times (perhaps only
time) during the day
when I can truly relax,
switch off and just, you
know, be. The idea of
transforming that into a
social media event is
just crushingly sad.
Also, without
wanting to get too
gushy and needlessly
anthropomorphic
about it, a walk is the
highlight of any dog’s
day. It’s their one tiny
window of absolute
pleasure and attention.
Don’t pimp that out.
Just enjoy it.
Abramovich) is a step
towards that sum.
Nonetheless, well, it’s a
bloody great big yacht.
And it’s not cash, is it? I
picture Ms Akhmedova
stepping aboard and
saying, with a sigh:
“Right. My new yacht.
Great. Hmm. Where to
now? Sainsbury’s?”
W
hen
Stephanie
Alys was 18
she spent a
gap year
working
for the
professional
services network Deloitte in an office
near Soho in central London. On the
way back from lunch, she and her
colleague, a young engineer from
India, would pause by the windows
of the sex shops, which were lined
with mechanical pink plastic penises.
It was like the den of an evil castrator,
full of disembodied male genitals
gathering dust.
The pair, Alys and Soumyadip
Rakshit, were management-consultant
trainees. They spent all day
considering what makes a business
flop, but could not work out why
the vibrator industry was doing its
best to fail. “The window display, it
would never change as there was no
innovation,” she tells me at the
Times office. “So strange.”
By day they would advise some of
the world’s biggest corporations;
off-duty the vibrator paradox would
keep nagging away at them. Who
would buy a grotesque veiny fake
penis, except for a joke? Or rather,
who would sell a product in a way
that showed such wilful
misunderstanding of the customer?
Or even: could they do better?
What started as their private MBA
case study — two market distortions
being shame and a wilful disregard
for female anatomy — quickly turned
into something more. The vibrator
of the future that they kept sketching
out was more than a vibrator. It was
a lightning rod for all that was wrong
with how the sexes treated each
other, all the misunderstandings and
unfairness. No, it was more than that;
it was a seismic confluence of two of
the biggest cultural earthquakes of the
21st century: the rise of technology and
female confidence. Don’t stop there;
let’s picture Alys holding her designer
sex toy aloft as a kind of Statue of
Liberty, welcoming the “huddled
masses” of so many unsatisfied women
“yearning to break free” sexually, as
fireworks burst in the sky behind her.
Phew. Where were we again?
“We talk about a pay gap between
men and women, but there is also a
pleasure gap,” she says. Ah yes. By
this she is referring to the research,
published last year in the Archives of
Sexual Behavior, suggesting that men
nearly always orgasm during sex.
Women having sex with men do so
less than two thirds of the time, a ratio
that is replicated in other studies.
By contrast, women having gay sex
had orgasm rates much closer to those
of men. Like the pay gap, the story is
more complex than those bare
numbers suggest, but this particular
gap was a gap in the market too.
Could it be plugged, like so many
other desires for intimacy in our lives,
by a techy gizmo with a USB charger?
Alys likes to talk about pleasure. Her
title at their sex-product company, the
somewhat 1973-sounding Mystery
Vibe, is “chief pleasure officer”. She
was invited to open the London Stock
Exchange as one of the finalists for
next month’s Veuve Clicquot Business
Woman Awards — “a first for sex
tech” and part of her mission to take
sex products into the realm of
mainstream electronics.
The trouble is, she says, that
whatever is necessary for reproduction
involves male pleasure. Not so for
women. When we teach sexual
education, focusing on reproduction
does a disservice to women. Alys, 28,
is part of an apparently enlightened
generation, yet at her state school in
Sussex this topic was strictly off the
curriculum. “When I had sex
education we were not told where the
clitoris was. It’s only the main source
of women’s sexual pleasure.”
She also says that the pleasure gap is
even greater if you measure how much
women talk about masturbation.
Onanistic men fill stand-up routines,
Philip Roth novels, insults, blockbuster
films and every man’s reliable “would
you believe it, my mother walked in”
story of teenage years. Women, by
contrast, only have three episodes of
experimental American television: the
“rabbit” episode of Sex and the City;
the “Marnie in the bathroom” episode
of Girls; and a few story arcs in Mad
Men. It doesn’t pass for casual female
We were not told
where the clitoris
was when I had
sex education
humour. Why not? “There is such a
huge taboo about it for them. Which is
a real shame,” Alys says.
Would she like teenage girls to be
given vibrators? “Absolutely.” How old
do they have to be to buy one? “I don’t
think there are regulations.”
We are getting ahead of ourselves.
Alys has cherry-red hair and wears an
interesting necklace that I make a note
to examine later. “This is much more
me. The corporate suit wasn’t,” she
says. After a degree in international
relations and an MA in energy policy,
she returned to London as a
consultant. Rakshit had by now
recruited two more enthusiasts for the
idea: his wife, who worked at IBM, and
another engineer who was working at
Nokia. While climbing the corporate
ladder the four spent hours on
Facebook chats considering their
plans. “We thought about it for a very
long time. It kept on being a case of,
‘Well, why isn’t anyone else doing it?’ ”
They took the leap four years ago,
starting with a focus group for women
that confirmed their ideas: they
the times | Monday April 23 2018
3
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times2
It comes with a USB port
The lowdown
Potter’s castle
COVER: GETTY IMAGES. BELOW: SARAH CRESSWELL FOR THE TIMES
wanted “nothing that looks like a
penis”. They were instead interested
in inventing tech that could shape to
the human body. The result: a kind
of prehensile tail cast in silicone
called the Crescendo.
Alys sent me a box of samples in
advance, allowing my colleagues and
me to have plenty of time to play with
them as if they were executive stressrelief gadgets (insert “relief” pun here).
Her team spent two years getting its
bendable “spine” right; it is fitted with
the joints of laptop hinges that crack
like a chiropractor’s clinic when you
shape it. It charges from a USB port.
When turned on (insert “turned on”
pun here), its rhythm can be synced
with a mobile-phone app, which has
been downloaded 250,000 times.
To me it sounds like a phone on
vibrate mode, as if you are getting a
load of really boring text messages:
“Oh no, the Sainsbury’s delivery is
delayed and the Uber’s here already
and you have a dental appointment in
your Google calendar.” I know some
women who would find this arousing.
However, it makes me think how
much crossover there is already with a
phone. I mean, “vibrate mode”? It’s
like it is hiding in plain sight. If Steve
Jobs had been Steph Jobs, the iPhone
would be all over this. We know that
women already feel very attached to
their phones and spend way too
much time with them not to want
nt to
take it to something more serious.
s.
When I start shaping the
Crescendo into a phone, Alys
says I am getting to the heart of
their inspiration. In 2008
Nokia produced a highly
influential video called Morph,
about how nano-technology
would in the near future create
a bendable, stretchable phone
that you could wear around yourr
wrist. “They are still trying to make
ake
bendable computers, but that’s where
we got the idea. A piece of tech that
hat
adapted to your body.”
It is not a revolution: in 2001 Sam
am
Roddick, the daughter of the Body
Shop’s Anita Roddick, founded Coco
de Mer, a designer erotica shop. It sells
Stephanie Alys.
Below: Mystery Vibe’s
Crescendo vibrator
luxury vibrators, including a
£12,000 gold-plated egg for the
woman who has everything.
In Victorian times women with
“hysteria” were often lucky
enough to be cured by
stimulating treatments from
respectable medics using
contraptions from the vanguard of
the Industrial Revolution. The
inventor of a coal-powered vibrating
machine, used by doctors as a
treatment for pelvic disorders, wrote in
1869 that physicians had to be careful
to limit its use because patients
became too eager.
However, during the 1920s vibrators
started to appear in pornography,
undermining their social camouflage
as a medical device, and instigating
their long fallow period in the
20th century, languishing in
dirty-mac shops.
Alys’s product, she says, is mostly
bought by people in their thirties to
fifties from Amazon and is most often
used by couples. A biological problem
has produced a capitalist opportunity,
but how comfortable are humans in
outsourcing sex to machines? If this is
a question of a lazy guy letting a gadget
take the strain, I would say: very.
Alys thinks these questions will
become less common as sex-tech
progresses. Porn is developing
virtual-reality apace and the field will
eventually merge with “products” such
as hers. She talks about how in the
future you could meet your partner in
virtual reality, with a machine
manfully standing in for them. You
could have sex as another gender.
Or, she says, “an alien”. What qualities
would you look for in a date if their
physical form could be shucked off
like a phone case?
“The way we think about robotics
is pretty narrow-minded,” she says.
“If you say ‘sex robot’, the first thing
we think about is something shaped
like a human female. Something
quite seedy.” That is because, I say, we
think of the inventors as men. “Yes.
Who said a sex robot had to be a
woman? Or even human?” It doesn’t
have to be in human form? “Not
at all. I’m really fascinated by the
way sex and tech changes social
constructs, like fidelity and intimacy.
Is sex with a robot cheating?” Would
it be for you? Alys has a partner, but
does not want to reveal more than
that. “I don’t know.”
She knows that female entrepreneurs
entering this market in force.
are ente
“When it comes to tech, most of the
founders
found are men. When you narrow
it down
do to intimacy, mostly
women.” Why? “There have been
wo
such limited options available for
su
so long. We design things we
want to use.”
w
I lean in to take a better look
at that necklace.
““It’s a vulva,” she says.
“It’s
“It’ an issue very close to my
heart
hear now. The more time you
spend
spend talking to people, the more
you get in genuinely trying to
in
invested
make a difference.”
I can’
can’t imagine, I say, how
unacceptable it would be for a
unaccep
businessman of the year to do an
interview with a penis symbol
dangling around his neck. She laughs.
How’s the house-hunting going?
Oh, you know. So-so. I’ve done the
maths and it transpires I’m only
about a million quid short of my
dream home — realistic, I think.
Blimey! What are you looking for?
Ten bedrooms and staff quarters?
Er, no. A two-bed in Brixton with
some outdoor space.
Well, if you’re willing to take out
that many mortgages, may I point
you in the direction of Minneapolis,
USA?
That’s a bit far from Brixton. I was
really only going to stretch
to Camberwell.
Sigh. You’re so small-minded. What
if it were for your dream home?
And I mean actual dream home —
not just 700 sq ft of space with an
open-plan kitchen/living area and
bifold glass doors.
I don’t know what could possibly be
better than that, frankly.
How about a Harry Potter-themed
castle?
I’m listening.
Thought so. The Hogwarts-like
house just came back on to the
market for $2.9 million. The owner
bought it in 2002 and has spent
seven years transforming it into
a wizarding wonderland. It has
three bedrooms, three bathrooms
and a rooftop deck — all in the
style of Potter. Think turrets,
carved furnishings, gothic
references, the lot.
OMG! Sounds riddikulus. Although
I’m not sure what use the members
of Gryffindor would find for a
rooftop deck.
Riddikulus? You mean ridiculous?
No — riddikulus. It’s a spell. Obv.
Oh God, you’re such a saddo.
And you Potter-refuseniks are so
dull. Why has Hogwarts come back
on the market, anyway?
Shockingly, its sale fell through.
It was due to be turned into a
brewery, but is available for Potter
geeks to salivate over.
Shame. One more question.
Go on.
Was it a butterbeer brewery?
[*Rolls eyes*] Again — SUCH
a saddo.
Hannah Rogers
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Monday April 23 2018 | the times
times2
From Holmes to Jones:
30 books that define us
VOTE SWINGERS
Stig Abell, the
Times Literary
Supplement editor,
on the novels to
read to understand
how Britain works
I
still feel lucky enough to have
had the opportunity to fall in
love with books, in a way that
— despite their and my efforts
— my children will never have.
Books were a finite resource
for me growing up: there was
a limited number of them, and
no Kindles or implausibly cheap
paperbacks zoomed in by Amazon
to replace them.
One of my favourites was The
Reader’s Encyclopedia, edited by
William Rose Benet. It was essentially
an abbreviated guide to the most
important aspects of world literature
from the beginning of human
memory to 1965 (when my edition
was published). A joyously subjective,
ramshackle selection of information.
If I had thought about it, I would
have thrilled at the use of the
definite article (“The Reader”) and
the placement of that apostrophe;
it was an encyclopaedia for just one
reader: me.
I mention this because it has
provided inspiration for my book,
How Britain Really Works. I was
attracted to the idea of finding a way
of answering many of the nagging
questions that exist when it comes
to Britain. Each chapter covers
a different aspect of that muddled
mess that comprises British life:
the economy, politics, healthcare,
education, the military, law and
order, media old and new, and our
shared sense of national identity.
We are now all growing up in a
maelstrom of detail, without the
opportunity to pause to understand
it. I wanted my book, if possible, to
provide that pause. To be the reader’s
encyclopaedia of Britain for one
reader: for you, for me.
And instead of a bibliography in
the manner of an academic work,
I thought I would suggest some
good fiction to read, which broadly
touches on the areas I covered in the
preceding pages. We all, in the end,
enjoy a good list.
The novels do not provide a
definitive guide to the country, of
course (indeed, some of them come
from other countries, but touch on
universal issues). Taken together,
though, they will, I hope, give you —
as they have me — something else:
joy, fascination, despair, distraction,
grounds for thought. Like all good
books are supposed to do.
A Clockwork Orange (1962)
by Anthony Burgess
Burgess wrote this novel quickly, and
hated how popular it became. It is
written in a vivid dialect, influenced
by Russian, and has lingered because
of its lurid presentation of
“ultra-violence” by the narrator, Alex.
Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949)
by George Orwell
While it also conveyed a sense of
British postwar misery, Nineteen
Eighty-Four has become especially
relevant to the idea of Donald Trump’s
America, dramatising the state’s ability
to weaponise disinformation. Trump is
also capable of asserting that “two and
two made five”, although in his case
you might be forgiven for thinking he
was just unable to do the maths.
IT’S THE ECONOMY, STUPID
Capital (2012)
by John Lanchester
This is the best fictional treatment of
the banking crisis, telling the capacious
tale of its trickle-down effect on a
group of Londoners. Comparisons to
Dickens are not without value here,
but a little trite (so don’t effortfully
make one at a dinner party).
Psmith in the City (1910)
by PG Wodehouse
I love this book’s gentle description of
the tedium of life in a London bank,
filled with toiling clerks and public
schoolboys dreaming of a fortune in
the East. The plot hinges on a cricket
match, so do not read this expecting
anything too startling. Wodehouse’s
character of Psmith is one of the finest
comic creations in British literature.
Vanity Fair (1848)
by William Makepeace Thackeray
This has the subtitle A Novel Without
a Hero, and its beating heart is Becky
Sharp, who marries above her station
and is forced to use her magnetism as
a means of surviving. The novel is
deeply ambiguous about the effect of
that, containing a Victorian sense of
fascinated revulsion at the prospect of
female sexuality.
Making Money (2007)
by Terry Pratchett
Pratchett is Britain’s best
comic writer since
PG Wodehouse. This tells
the story of what happens
when the reformed
conman Moist von
Lipwig takes over the
Royal Bank of the city
of Ankh-Morpork. The
central joke is that, as we
have seen, the concept
of money is effectively a
fantasy, so a fantasy novel
featuring golems and
vampires is the most appropriate
priate
place to discuss it.
Stig Abell. Below:
Reese Witherspoon
in Vanity Fair
The genius
of Fraser
was to play
his hero
fast and
loose
The Prime Minister (1876)
by Anthony Trollope
I’ve picked this one, but all of Trollope’s
parliamentary novels represent the
greatest Victorian investigation into
the Westminster world. Trollope is
probably the big Victorian writer you
have read the least, but as a failed
politician he is rather good at the
failing world of politics.
The Ragged-Trousered
Philanthropists (1914)
by Robert Tressell
Published three years after the death
of the author (an impoverished painter
whose real name was Robert Noonan),
this provides a sobering context for
the rise of the Labour Party at the
beginning of the 20th century and
animates Marx’s critique of capitalism.
Adrian Mole nearly read it: “I haven’t
looked through it yet, but I’m quite
interested in stamp collecting.”
SOME LIFESAVERS
Middlemarch (1872)
by George Eliot
This sprawling Victorian work of
historical fiction (it’s set in the 1830s)
has a notable doctor, Tertius Lydgate,
who seeks to adopt modern ideas of
disease prevention. He is a scientist
who “wanted to pierce the obscurity
of those min
minute processes which
prepare h
human misery and joy”
and so misses out on what it
means
mean to be human.
The
Th English Patient (1992)
by Michael Ondaatje
This
Th is a beautiful treatment
of the impact of war on a
small
sm group of people. It is a
testament
to the power of
te
the
the body to survive and its
relationship
with the power of
rela
the
to remember. On the
the mind
m
first
we are told that Hana,
first page
p
the
th nurse,
th
nur “knows the body well”,
and
goes on to prove it. It
and the book
b
also
“penis is like a sea-horse”,
al says a “p
al
but we’ll mo
move on from that.
The Bell Jar (1963) by Sylvia Plath
This is a beautiful meditation on the
creeping power of depression. As with
Doris Lessing’s The Golden Notebook,
it is striking how the issues of female
suppression (especially sexual) and
mental illness have needed to be
treated together in fiction.
Wide Sargasso Sea (1966) by Jean Rhys
This prequel to Charlotte Brontë’s
Jane Eyre is about the first wife of
Mr Rochester, a Creole woman called
Antoinette Cosway. Removed from
home and family in Jamaica, renamed
“Bertha” and condemned to a
confined life in England, she becomes
the archetypal “madwoman in the
attic”. Again, mental health and
societal health are elided in the story.
TEACHING YOU A LESSON
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1961)
by Muriel Spark
As an 11-year-old girl, Spark met
a teacher called Christina Kay,
“a character in search of an author”.
The latter was keen to impress on her
pupils a full breadth of knowledge,
of things such as the gods of ancient
Greece. She also was something of
a fascist. In Spark’s imagination she
was transmuted into the most
charismatic and unknowable of
teachers in Western fiction.
Tom Brown’s School Days (1857)
by Thomas Hughes
The archetypal tale of public-school
life, telling of bullying and fagging.
the times | Monday April 23 2018
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CHRIS MCANDREW FOR THE TIMES; PRESS ASSOCIATION; SPORTSPHOTO LTD/ALLSTAR; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
the concept of “nerve regeneration”
pioneered by the real-life psychiatrist
WHR Rivers, a man placed in the
morally ambivalent position of having
to treat patients for shell shock simply
to enable them to return to the front.
YOU BE THE JUDGE
Little Dorrit (1857) by Charles Dickens
This is set in and around the
Marshalsea, the great London debtors’
prison, which housed Dickens’s
impecunious father, after he could not
pay a debt of £40 to a baker. Dickens
wrote how his “whole nature was so
penetrated with grief and humiliation”
by the experience of the consequences
of debt, and it never left him. The
novel also features the Circumlocution
Office, a brilliant satire of an
ineffectual government department.
The Complete Sherlock Holmes
(1887-1927) by Arthur Conan Doyle
When I was young and impoverished,
I spent £100 I couldn’t afford on a
hardback version of the Holmes
canon, which was filled with footnotes
examining the stories as if they were
real accounts by Watson, merely
transcribed by Conan Doyle. There is
Holmes: gaunt, brilliant, egotistical,
capable of existing without food or
sleep (but not tobacco). Watson: brave,
devoted, occasionally hot-headed.
Their friendship, scarcely
acknowledged even to themselves, is
one of the greatest in the pantheon.
The tone is preachy, for which Hughes
made no apology: “When a man comes
to my time of life and has his bread to
make, and very little time to spare, is
it likely that he will spend almost the
whole of his yearly vacation in writing
a story just to amuse people?”
Villette (1853) by Charlotte Brontë
I could have picked Jane Eyre, but there
is a respectable argument that Villette is
the greatest of Brontë’s novels. George
Eliot preferred it, saying that there was
something “preternatural in its powers”.
It is a rewrite of Brontë’s first (belatedly
published) novel, The Professor (1857).
There are gothic touches and feminist
cruxes to go alongside the determined
realism throughout.
Possession (1990) by AS Byatt
The heart of this is the investigation
by two English academics into the
unlikely love life of two Victorian
poets (invented by Byatt), Randolph
Henry Ash and Christabel LaMotte.
The book’s attention is split between
the two time periods and is filled
with letters, poems and diaries written
in the Victorian style. A great
achievement of the imagination, as
well as a thoughtful investigation into
the act, and the art, of biography.
BRINGING UP THE BODIES
Aubrey/Maturin series (1969-99)
by Patrick O’Brian
This 20-novel collection can be
considered as one giant super-novel
(indeed, super-naval-novel). It gives us
Captain Jack Aubrey, a flaxen-haired
and blue-eyed hulk of a man, resolute,
obstinate and often lucky in his
leadership during the Napoleonic
Wars. His companion, Stephen
Maturin, is an expert in practical
surgery, languages, botany, zoology
and spying, who self-medicates with
opium. Think Holmes and Watson
(but with intelligence levels reversed).
The Flashman Papers (1969-2005)
by George MacDonald Fraser
The supposed autobiographical pages
of Harry Flashman, last seen as the
caddish bully in Tom Brown’s
Schooldays, who has grown into
a self-confessed coward (good
at only three things: “horses,
languages and fornication”).
The genius of Fraser was to
play his hero fast and loose,
and his history deadly
straight. The Great Game, for
instance, covers the period of the
Indian Mutiny, a seminal
event never mentioned
once to me in 16 years
of education.
Regeneration
(1991) by
Pat Barker
A novel
about life in
Craiglockhart
war hospital,
where Siegfried
Sassoon and Wilfred
Owen were patients.
The title comes from
Benedict Cumberbatch
as Sherlock Holmes.
Below: Colin Firth,
Renée Zellweger
and Hugh Grant in
Bridget Jones: The
Edge of Reason
© Stig Abell 2018
Extracted from How
Britain Really Works,
to be published by
John Murray on
May 3 at £20
Gould’s Book of Fish (2002)
by Richard Flanagan
This is that rare achievement: a
readable postmodern novel. Flanagan
speaks through the historical figure of
a convict, William Buelow Gould,
sentenced to 49 years’ imprisonment
in the penal colony of Sarah Island in
1825. There he painted a series of fish
in watercolours (for “scientifick”
purposes). The novel’s strength lies in
its unforgettable evocation of the man
and his prison surroundings. At one
point Gould is forced to pleasure the
pastor’s wife with a bust of Voltaire,
and that is enough to convince me
that this is literary self-awareness
finally put to good use.
The Rumpole series (1978-2007)
by John Mortimer
Just as reading the James Herriot
books made me want to become a vet,
these stories about a fat, bibulous,
freedom-loving, Wordsworth-quoting
barrister for the defence made me
want to become a lawyer. Mortimer
was a barrister himself and conveys —
amid the laughs and quirks — the
grim process of British justice.
JUST OUR TYPE
Scoop (1938) by Evelyn Waugh
Scoop focuses on an unlikely
central figure, William Boot,
a contributor of nature notes
(“feather-footed
through the plashy
fen passes the
questing vole”
is one of his
immortal
efforts) to
Lord Copper’s
Daily Beast,
who is
mistakenly
sent to cover
“a very
promising
little war” in
Africa. Christopher Hitchens praised it
for its “mirror of satire held up to
catch the Caliban of the press corps”.
The Quiet American (1955)
by Graham Greene
This is rightly seen as a percipient
account of American intervention in
Vietnam before the destructive war
and is based on Greene’s journalism. \
A central character is a British man,
Thomas Fowler, who is the very type
of jaded journalist, compromised by
his own facility of invention and
stripped of all idealism. To Fowler he
is no more than an impartial witness:
“The human condition being what it
was, let them fight, let them love, let
them murder, I would not be
involved.” He is kidding himself.
Bridget Jones’s Diary (1996)
by Helen Fielding
The main thrust of the story is about
female friendship and the comically
brittle nature of urban life. Bridget
Jones’s Diary is also a vigorous nod to
Pride and Prejudice: a couple, one of
whom is called Darcy, despise each
other for their arrogance right up to
falling in love. Elizabeth Bennet
smokes a bit less, though.
SEARCH FOR AN IDENTITY
Orlando (1928) by Virginia Woolf
The story of an Elizabethan poet
who changes sex after a nap in
Constantinople and lives for hundreds
of years, Orlando has excited those
interested in writing about gender
issues ever since. The character is
based on Woolf’s friend and lover Vita
Sackville-West (her diary said of it:
“Vita; only with a change-about from
one sex to another”). The New York
Times called the novel an example of
the “fourth dimension of writing”.
The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole
Aged 13¾ (1982) by Sue Townsend
A slightly pretentious, awkward young
man coming from Leicestershire, you
say? I have no idea why Adrian Mole
resonated with me so much. Adrian’s
authentic voice of angst leaps from his
diary entries: “I have realised I have
never seen a dead body or a real
female nipple. That is what comes of
living in a cul-de-sac.”
Saturday Night and Sunday
Morning (1958) by Alan Sillitoe
One of the best examples of
traditional British “working-class”
fiction. It covers, in realist fashion, the
life of Arthur Seaton, who “sweats his
guts out” in a bicycle factory by day,
but seeks release on Saturday nights
(“the best and bingiest glad time of the
week”) in the local pubs, pursuing
women, including married ones. The
frustrations of young men and the
agentless plight of women (there is a
homemade abortion scene that
graphically makes this point) are
ruggedly, but lyrically, shown.
The Buddha of Suburbia (1990)
by Hanif Kureishi
Ultimately a novel about the angst of
the marginalised and their continued
search for identity, its hero is a mixedrace teenager who wants to get out of
the tedium of suburban life and into
the exciting world of theatrical London
(“bottomless in its temptations”). There,
he seeks to come to terms with issues
of race, sexuality, class and politics. It’s
fun to read, but also important as one
of the first books to deal so explicitly
with life as a plural person in Britain.
6
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Monday April 23 2018 | the times
life
Ask Professor Tanya Byron
I don’t know how to help my distressed daughter-in-law
N
My son and daughterin-law have four
children. We have
always found the
relationship with her
difficult because she
seems intimidated by our family (we
have very different backgrounds),
but lately she barely communicates.
My daughter-in-law is very
introverted and had a difficult
childhood (her mother, for whom
she was a carer, died when she was
young, her father remarried and
drank heavily, and her stepmother
threw her out). She had her first
child with a man who beat her.
She has no friends and is extremely
fearful of everything.
Every time I visit there is a terrible
atmosphere and she barely looks at
me. The children tell me that she
shouts and screams. Recently she
told me that the marriage was
breaking down. My son seems
desperately unhappy, but doesn’t
want to talk to me about it.
We asked if she was OK and she
said she needed help “to get out of
here”, but I have been constantly
offering to help her over the past
year and she mostly ignores me.
However, a few weeks ago she told
a family friend: “It’s partly my fault.
I can’t let people help me as they
never do it right.”
My husband, a loving family man,
died this year. Now I am grieving my
husband, I just don’t feel I can do
anything else. I don’t know what to do
for her, my son or my grandchildren.
Patricia
Q
N
This must be very
challenging for you
as you grieve for
your husband and
contemplate another
part of your family
in crisis. I can imagine that life feels
precarious and unhappy, and I can
understand that, while you are clearly
concerned about your son and
A
daughter-in-law, you don’t feel you
have the emotional energy to help
them at this time.
Your daughter-in-law sounds
extremely unhappy and perhaps,
from what you describe, clinically
depressed. Mental-health difficulties
affect one in five women, compared
with one in eight men in England,
with 10 per cent of mothers and
6 per cent of fathers in the UK
having mental-health problems.
Depression is different from feeling
very sad or low and makes life a
significant struggle. It isn’t a mood
state that someone can just snap out
of. When your daughter screams at
the children or cuts you off, that is
likely to be her depression acting
out and will leave her feeling even
more wretched.
To recognise vulnerability in
someone who is shut down, cutt off
and displays behaviour that is hostile
and critical is incredibly difficult,
ult, but
it is very common for people who
are depressed to lash out in anger.
ger.
Obviously, however, it is hard for the
children to experience their mother’s
other’s
unhappiness because they become
ome the
targets of her emotional fragility.
ty.
Your daughter-in-law has nott had
an easy life and her childhood
sounds extremely sad and
stressful — she had significant
responsibility for her mother’s
care, lost her while still young
and was rejected by her father
and his new wife. Her ability
to trust people and make
relationships must be fragile,
and it seems that she has
struggled with attachments
in her adult life.
You describe your husband
as a family man and I wonder if
his death was also a significant
loss for your daughter-in-law.
In addition, your son, perhaps
one of the few people your
daughter-in-law feels close to,
understandably will be
struggling with the loss of his
Depressed
people
often lash
out in
anger
father. I wonder if this is a challenge
for her and if she feels lost when her
husband is consumed with his grief.
Such events may have triggered what
seems to be a worsening of her
depression and her sense of
helplessness and wanting to “get out”.
I can understand when she says
that no one can help her because they
never get it right because this belief
is probably embedded in her early
experiences. I suspect she feels utterly
overwhelmed and wants to run away.
It seems that the only way for
things to change would be for
someone to find a way to engage
with your daughter-in-law and
slowly and patiently, through a lot
of compassionate listening and
understanding, help her to recognise
her black mood state and to feel able
to engage
engag with treatment and support.
Your so
son would be the person best
placed to do this. However, he must
feeling a number of emotions,
be feelin
including helplessness, frustration,
fear and sadness, with his own grief
father, and it won’t be easy
for his fa
with her depression.
coping w
begin with it would be useful
To b
to un
understand depression and
how it affects feelings and
function.
Depression drains a
fun
person’s energy, optimism and
pe
motivation and leads to an
m
overwhelming
sense of
o
hopelessness.
A self-feeding
ho
monster,
it is worsened by
m
the
t associated psychological
(despair,
inability to focus) and
(
physical (poor, broken sleep)
symptoms. See: nhs.uk/
conditions/clinical-depression/
c
and
an mentalhealth.org.uk/blog/
supporting-partner-depression.
su
However,
given that your
H
daughter-in-law
has made
daug
comments
about how she feels,
comm
to communicate,
she is willing
w
is how to get more
so the challenge
c
going that leads
of a conversation
conv
towards the support she clearly
her towa
This needs to be done via
needs. Th
compassionate non-judgmental
listening, which will require significant
emotional reserves. You may not feel
able to do this, but you could support
your son to do this for his wife by
helping him to research depression
and understand how to enable his wife
to find the right help.
I also wonder whether the family
friend she made a comment to
might be someone who can be
supportive in this process, since your
daughter-in-law has opened up to
her in a small way.
Enabling a person who is depressed
into treatment can be difficult. Your
daughter-in-law may shut down,
be defensive and even hostile when
this is first broached with her. She
may find the thought of making
an appointment to talk to her GP
daunting and threatening. Given her
mental state, she is clearly thinking
that her situation is hopeless and
so treatment would be pointless,
particularly because she has been let
down so badly in her early life when
formative experiences shape beliefs.
It may also be helpful for your son
to contact the children’s school and
see whether they have access to
pastoral support or counselling. In my
experience once a parent recognises
that their depressed mood is affecting
their children, they feel a sense of
responsibility to try to get help.
The most important thing you can
all do to support your daughter-in-law
is to give your unconditional love and
support, and this involves being
compassionate and patient, which is
not always easy when dealing with
negativity and hostility. Therefore,
when you are with her, try to
understand the toxic environment as
being related to her depression and
not take it personally, and also
remember that recovery from
depression takes time. See nhs.uk
for support groups: bit.ly/2vyzw1L
If you would like Professor Tanya
Byron’s help with a problem, email
proftanyabyron@thetimes.co.uk
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to the Maldives
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the times | Monday April 23 2018
7
1G T
life
I had cancer — so I took up polo
and became a concert pianist
CIRCE HAMILTON FOR THE TIMES
One man got to
recital standard in
six years and still
had time to throw
in a chukka, he
tells Hilary Rose
I
f you were lying in hospital
recovering from cancer surgery,
and it was the third type of
cancer you’d been diagnosed
with in two years, you might
reasonably conclude that you
could cut yourself some slack.
Adrian Goldsmith did not
reach that conclusion. As he lay
there, covered in all the post-surgical
tubes and catheters of a radical
prostatectomy, he decided that he
needed a plan. He wouldn’t just
learn to ride, he’d learn to ride to
professional level, as a polo player. He
wouldn’t just learn to play the piano,
he’d learn to play it so well, and in only
six years, that he could give a recital.
At the time, he could barely sit,
let alone ride, and his piano repertoire
was limited to Chopsticks. Most
people would have dreamt of all the
relaxing holidays they would take.
Goldsmith set to work.
I was really
thinking that life
was against me
“I wanted to have something to look
forward to, something to challenge
me,” he says today, 14 years on,
preparing to play in a concert to raise
money for a urology charity. “I’d
always loved horses, but I’d never
ridden, and I’d always loved music, but
I’d never played the piano. When I do
something I try to do it well.”
He’d had a truly terrible couple of
years. In 2002, at 47, he thought
everything was going well. He had a
successful property company, with its
headquarters in Mayfair, London. He
shared a home with his long-term
girlfriend and her daughters. He was,
or so he thought, fit and healthy and
had breezed through life without any
serious setbacks. Then, within two
years, his relationship fell apart and he
was diagnosed in quick succession
with cancer of the skin, colon and
prostate. Just when he thought he
was out of the woods with one
cancer, another unrelated one came
along. The chances of that happening,
he was told, are vanishingly small.
He underwent three surgeries of
increasing levels of nastiness,
culminating in the prostatectomy.
“I was really thinking that life was
against me,” he says. “Everything
seemed to go wrong at the same time.
I went from being quite upbeat and
never having cared about anything
much in the world to dealing with the
physical and psychological effects of
three cancers in two years. I was a
Adrian Goldsmith
will be performing at
a charity evening
in aid of the Urology
Foundation at Cadogan
Hall, London, on May
23. From £25, cadogan
charityconcert.com
single 47-year-old guy who basically
couldn’t have sex any more. You have
to come to terms with that.”
It was not a straightforwardly
upward curve. As his physical
state recovered, his mental state
deteriorated. He had no support at
home, and his wider family were the
stiff-upper-lip military types who don’t
talk about the big stuff. He says that
his brother’s reaction to his diagnosis
was: “If your number’s up, your
number’s up.” He ended up in
the Priory twice, being treated
for depression, and says that he
underwent the same electric shock
therapy shown in One Flew Over
the Cuckoo’s Nest.
“I went through a horrible patch
of trying to work it all out, the ‘Why
me?’ questions. It was the shock of
going from never having thought
about the future to being told you
might die in three months. If I hadn’t
got help, I might have gone down the
spiral even further, where ultimately
you kill yourself.”
Which is where the challenges
came in — for Goldsmith, they were
reasons to live. “I definitely wouldn’t
have ridden polo ponies unless I’d
been ill,” he says. “I definitely would
not now be the first amateur to play
the Moonlight Sonata in front of
900 people at Cadogan Hall without
having done a piano exam. It truly
was a silver lining.”
Once he was back on his feet he
first spent £25,000 flying round the
world first class and staying in the
best hotels. He had only flown
economy before, and hasn’t flown
economy since. Then he met a concert
pianist at a party and persuaded her to
give him lessons. “I will surprise you,”
he told her. “I will do this.”
He couldn’t read music, let alone
play, but he had a lesson every week
and practised every day, before and
after work. Even so, getting to recital
standard in six years is a tall order, but
he managed to cut a few corners. He
didn’t do any exams and skipped much
of the drudge work of learning the
piano — hour after hour playing
scales, say — which eventually give
you the technical mastery to play
anything well.
“I said to her, ‘Look, I don’t want to
do all the scales, I don’t want to learn
every ABCD, I want to see if I can play
some pieces really well.’ ”
After he had put on his first concert,
in 2013, in aid of the charity Prostate
Cancer UK, he wondered what else
he could do. “So I wrote a piano
concerto.” It was performed later
that year by his teacher (it’s too
difficult for him). And as if that were
not enough, he was learning to ride.
Five years later, he was playing polo
competitively and had his own team.
Now 63, he’s single, and would love
to meet a new woman, but says he’s
unwilling to settle for second best. In
the meantime there’s his horse, Broken
Arrow — a former racehorse he won
in a bet — and his beloved dogs.
“Nice things won’t happen if you
watch TV every night. You have to
make your luck,” he says. “You’ve got
to find out what’s good for you, and
get out there and do it. I’m not going
to die with a million pounds in my
bank account, and I’m not going
to die without attempting the
challenges I’ve set myself.”
8
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Monday April 23 2018 | the times
arts
The actress bringing
a love of Shakespeare
back to the Globe (and
she’s playing Hamlet)
Michelle Terry has taken over as artistic director of the theatre. Having
no directing experience won’t be a problem, she tells Dominic Maxwell
I
t’s one of the biggest jobs in
British theatre, and Michelle
Terry got it almost by accident.
When Emma Rice fell out with
the board of Shakespeare’s Globe
after only one summer as artistic
director, Terry was concerned
and — like everyone else —
confused. She couldn’t figure out what
had gone so wrong at this replica
Elizabethan playhouse on the Thames.
So she got in touch with the Globe’s
chief executive to ask if she could
contribute to the conversation about
what happened next at this theatre she
loved. He said yes — why not apply to
be artistic director? It seemed unlikely.
Having just become a mother, she was
spending all her time looking after her
baby girl, Scout, now 16 months old.
She was a distinctive and successful
stage actress, clocking up leading roles
at the Globe, the RSC, the National
Theatre and, most recently, playing
Henry V at the Open Air Theatre in
Regent’s Park in summer 2016. She
had never directed a play, and didn’t
want to either.
Still, she decided to apply. And in
doing so she started to put together an
idea of what kind of theatre she
wanted the Globe to be. She knew that
it was returning to its low-tech roots
after the controversial innovations
of Rice’s reign; no amplified sound,
only minimal lighting. Yet what
she came up with was a long way
from conservative. Indeed, in her
quiet way she is mounting huge
changes to how theatre is made.
Terry will take being a mother as
a centre of how she operates rather
than as an inconvenient truth. She
doesn’t want heroically long
working hours, for anyone. She will
bring Scout in when she can, and
keep to sensible working days, so on
non-performing days she can take
her home for dinner, bathtime and
In the Night Garden. Even if she then
has to do some work once she has
put her daughter to bed.
For the two plays she is rehearsing
— Hamlet, in which she takes the
lead role, and As You Like It, in
which she plays the small supporting
role of Adam — she has arranged
rehearsals that run from 11am till
5pm. And Globe childcare is handled
by an ad-hoc roster of out-of-work
actors. No crèche? No, she says;
parents didn’t seem to think it was the
right solution.
It is all a work-in-progress. Yet a
necessary one. “The system is built for
you to be a slightly detached parent.
There is a lot of neurosis around it,
there is a lot of drama off stage as well
as on, and it is a neurosis I have
bought into. And now I can’t because I
have to get home and I have to look
after my baby. My marriage [to the
actor Paul Ready] is important to me.
It’s all what makes me creative. Why
should I cut myself off from that?”
She also wanted to change how the
work was made; to move away from
the idea of the director as the
all-seeing visionary. Involve the cast in
many more decisions. She will carry
on using directors at the Globe, but as
one of the decision-makers rather than
the only decision-maker.
She thought that this was the place
to try something new since in this
open-air theatre with its wooden seats,
£5 tickets for those willing to stand
(“groundlings”) and big marble
columns, the “concept” of any
production is always primarily the
space. “So there is no expectation
for a director to come and ‘solve’ the
problem of the play or provide big
production values.
“No matter what your costume is or
what the set is, at some point you will
have an existential crisis as an actor
here because it is just you with 1,600
people that can all see each other. You
are not exposed like that in any other
theatre. There is somewhere to hide
usually. And here there isn’t.”
Can obeying a director’s orders be
infantilising for an actor, then? She
nods. “You treat people like children
and people behave like children.”
The more I talk to Terry, the more I
understand what must have persuaded
the board to take a punt on a 39-yearold with no directing experience and,
she reaffirms, no intention of getting
any. Bespectacled off stage, she talks
quickly and quietly, with concentrated
intelligence and flashes of humour.
The daughter of a teacher and a
radiographer, she was born in
Nuneaton in Warwickshire and raised
iin Weston-super-Mare in Somerset.
She clicked with Shakespeare from a
yyoung age; she remembers joining a
d
drama club when she was six or seven
aand having to perform the Puck
eepilogue from A Midsummer Night’s
D
Dream. “No one had told me yet I
wasn’t supposed to understand it!”
w
From then on she lost any fear of
F
his language — which is not to
h
suggest every last syllable makes
su
perfect sense to her. “I can’t possibly
p
cognitively
understand everything
co
he
h wrote — he was making up words!
We
W know that audiences at the time
wouldn’t
have understood half of it.
w
But
B there is something going on with
Shakespeare
that is above rationality.”
Sh
She chose to open her first season
with
w Hamlet and As You Like It partly
because
they were written at around
b
the times | Monday April 23 2018
9
1G T
ALASTAIR MUIR/REX/SHUTTERSTOCK; SARAH LEE
arts
Left: Michelle Terry in
As You Like It in 2015
and, above, with John
Light in A Midsummer
Night’s Dream in 2013,
both at Shakespeare’s
Globe. Below left: in
the auditorium of the
Globe last week
the time the first Globe was built in
1599. She felt the gloom of Hamlet
needed to be balanced by the release
of As You Like It. She programmed
other plays round the figure of Emilia
Bassano, the English poet who may
have been the “dark lady” of the
sonnets and who may have inspired
Rosalind in As You Like It. There are
Emilias in The Comedy of Errors,
which isn’t being performed, and Two
Noble Kinsmen, The Winter’s Tale and
Othello, which are. Terry asked the
playwright Morgan Lloyd Malcolm to
write a play about her, Emilia, and she
is putting on a play by Matt Hartley
called Eyam, set during the Plague.
Choosing what goes on is “the fun
part”. She has already arranged the
winter season for the Sam Wanamaker
Playhouse, the indoor Jacobean
theatre that opened in 2014. She will
be an “actor-manager”, appearing in at
least one show outdoors each season.
Her contract is for three years, with
another two to be negotiated.
This would all be daunting enough,
but meanwhile Terry is getting ready
to play Hamlet, the largest role
Shakespeare wrote. “The closer we get
it is more terrifying,” she says. The
other day she was rehearsing the “to
be or not to be” speech in the theatre
while a guide led a tour party round.
Later, the guide gave her some
feedback: “Interesting choice,
interesting. I went back to the other
guides and I told them what you were
doing, but I said, ‘I think she’s saving it
for when she actually does it.’ ” Terry
makes a face to suggest she was doing
no such thing. “I was reminded that
everyone has an opinion about
Shakespeare in general, but about
Hamlet in particular.” Still, she reasons,
if she is going to be an actor-manager,
it’s best to dive in the deep end now
before she has too many concrete
reasons not to do anything so rash.
Rice introduced the idea of a 50:50
gender split in casting, but it’s Terry
who is making it a firm modus
operandi from now on. For a theatre
that sometimes had all-male “original
practices” casts in its early years, her
Hamlet is a big step. And casting will
go the other way too sometimes: Jack
Laskey, one of the stars of Endeavour
on ITV, is Rosalind in As You Like It.
“As an actor I believe in the power
of transformation. What Shakespeare
writes is amazing human beings. He
deals with the human condition. So
presumably any human can play them.
We don’t have kings playing kings.
And I think we have a responsibility to
do it this way. We are dealing with a
playwright who worked within the
parameters that he was given [using
male actors to play female characters].
We can work within the parameters
that we are given, which is that we can
do anything. I really believe that.”
Playing Henry V made her think
that what is going on in the world
affects an audience’s response to a
play more than whether a woman is
playing a man. “I never approached a
female part by going, ‘What makes her
essentially female?’ I think I have
always approached a part going, ‘What
is the humanity?’ Gender, class, what
your body looks like . . . Shakespeare is
so much bigger than that.”
You treat
people like
children
and people
behave like
children
Hamlet previews at
Shakespeare’s Globe,
SE1 from Wednesday;
As You Like It from
May 2; 020 7401 9919
Her husband is best known for
playing
playi the hopeless dad Kevin in
the BBC sitcom Motherland. So
they are both successful actors.
the
Even so, it must be nice to have
Ev
some regular income coming
so
in? She laughs. “Oh my God!
in
We
W are lucky enough to make a
living
out of acting, but it is still
liv
precarious, it is still hand-topre
mouth.”
The lure of a salary was
mo
not why
w she applied. “But there is
about knowing we are
ssomething
omet
ggoing
oing to get a pay cheque at the end
month. That is a huge relief.”
of the m
She ha
has met all three of her
predecessors. Mark Rylance, who
predeces
Globe from 1995 to 2005, took
ran the G
her to lunch, said he would help
however he could, then offered to play
Iago in Othello. “It’s sort of the greatest
endorsement of the Globe and of
Shakespeare. He could easily be off in
Hollywood making movies, but he
wants to come back.”
Dominic Dromgoole, whose tenure
ran from 2005 to 2016, was robust.
“Dom’s advice for most things is ‘pull
yourself together’. It’s a good one to
remember.” And she has spoken
several times to Rice, whose two-year
reign officially ended only at the
weekend. “She has been extraordinary;
her grace is inspiring. But it’s very
personal, this business, and whatever
went on, Emma feels hurt. So
understandably this has not been
somewhere she wants to spend any
more time in than she has to.”
The circumstances of Rice’s
departure remain murky: did she jump
or was she pushed? Was it her
heretical use of artificial lighting and
amplified sound that turned the board
against her? Or was something else
going on? Terry won’t be the one to
clear things up. “I can’t speak on
Emma’s departure because I wasn’t
around,” she says. “So anything I have
heard is hearsay.”
In an open letter last year Rice
wrote that “the board did not love and
respect me”. Is Terry bothered by the
thought that she could be treated like
that too? “Again, I don’t know how she
was treated. What I do know is,
everything that happened has forced
the organisation to go, ‘Who are we,
what are we, what was that about, and
what do we want to do now?’ So I
came with a very clear job description
and very clear parameters.”
It’s about audience numbers, she
says — the theatre receives no public
subsidy, after all — but also identity.
“Essentially, what can we do in these
theatres that can’t be done anywhere
else? And if the work I do isn’t
bringing in the audiences, then it isn’t
working. You have got to make the
bottom line. That is the business of
show. And if I can’t deliver on that
then I shouldn’t be here.”
Entertainments
Theatres
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10
1G T
Monday April 23 2018 | the times
television & radio
It’s the woman in a white Debenhams nightie
STEFFAN HILL/BBC/ORIGIN PICTURES
Carol
Midgley
TV review
The Woman in White
BBC One
{{{((
The Durrells
ITV
‘L
{{{{(
oud sounds of any kind are
an indescribable torture to
me,” said a flinching Charles
Dance as the hypochondriac
Frederick Fairlie in The
Woman in White. Well, then. He’d
better avoid the soundtrack to this new
BBC costume drama. They didn’t
skimp on the orchestra, did they? Even
as the splendidly awful drama queen
Fairlie described his loathing of noise
there was stringy music playing in the
background. I’m surprised it didn’t
finish him off.
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Imperial Echo
Radio 4, 8pm
What does New Zealand
taste like? According to
this programme on the
Commonwealth, it tastes
like doughnuts. Or that’s
what the New Zealand
delegation brought along
to a recent Commonwealth
lunch party. Jonny
Dymond asks what the
Commonwealth is today: is
it “an organisation that has
a glorious past, but perhaps
a less interesting future?”
The name feels antiquated,
although its vital statistics
less so; this is an organisation
of 2.4 billion people, 60 per
cent of them under 30.
The Essay
Radio 3, 10.45pm
For westerners the idea of
Japan summons up images
of businessmen in suits,
cherry blossom, technology
and tea ceremonies — past
and present intertwined.
Yet, says Christopher
Harding, it wasn’t always
obvious that was how it
would be. At the start of the
20th century, Japan’s stance
towards the westernising
world remained uncertain.
Would it adopt modern
habits? Adapt them? Resist?
Harding explains the
surprisingly conflicted
processes that led to
the Japan we know.
Wilkie Collins’s novel isn’t the
easiest to dramatise and at times this
opening episode felt underpowered. It
was galvanised, however, by strong
performances from Dance, Ben Hardy
as Walter and the always uplifting
Jessie Buckley as Marian, a modern
19th-century woman who played
billiards, wore culottes and sat with
her legs apart like a man-spreader.
Some scenes hit the spot nicely. The
one with Dance recoiling from the
morning light like Nosferatu in a
smoking jacket was my favourite of the
whole hour. The graveyard scene, in
which Walter confronted pale, spectral
Anne Catherick in the mist, finally felt
properly gothic (their initial encounter
on Hampstead Heath felt anaemic).
Yet a couple of scenes were as if
straight from central casting, such as
the boy running from the graveyard
after seeing what he thought was a
ghost “away yonder”, and the man
from the mental asylum who said to a
policeman in a comical northern
accent: “She is der-a-a-a-nged and
escaped from the asy-y-ylum.” They
were crying out for TV Burp.
Olivia Vinall has the hardest job
playing Anne and the drippy Laura
Fairlie, who wears what looks like a
white Debenhams nightie at all times.
Get dressed, woman. You’re not six.
The ballsy Marian injects some
modernity into proceedings. At the
outset she made a speech about the
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James 7.00 Annie
Mac 9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00
Huw Stephens 1.00am Radio 1’s Drum &
Bass Show with René LaVice 3.00 Radio 1’s
Specialist Chart with Phil Taggart 4.00 Radio
1’s Early Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Amol Rajan 7.00 The Blues Show with Paul
Jones 8.00 Jo Whiley 10.00 The Taylors.
Sitcom pilot with Shane Richie and Hannah
Waddingham 10.30 Censored. Game show,
hosted by Julian Clary. With Dane Baptiste,
Rachel Parris and Arlene Phillips 11.00 Jools
Holland. With Kim Wilde 12.00 Johnnie
Walker’s Sounds of the 70s 2.00am Radio
2’s Jazz Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Great
British Songbook 4.00 Radio 2 Playlists:
Hidden Treasures 5.00 Nicki Chapman
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Music, news and the occasional surprise,
presented by Petroc Trelawny
9.00 Essential Classics
Suzy Klein presents the best in classical
music and a quirky slice of cultural history
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Strozzi (1619-1677)
Donald Macleod explores the life and music
of Barbara Strozzi, beginning with an account
of her childhood among the grandest artistic
circles in 17th century Venice. Strozzi
(L’Eraclito amoroso, Op.2 No.14; Le Concert
dAstrée; Hor che Apollo è a Teti in seno, Op.8
No.3; Begli Occhi, Op.3 No.9; Cor donato, Cor
rubbato, Op.3 No.10; Canto de bella bocca,
Op.1 No.2; and Mater Anna, Op.5 No.1) (r)
1.00pm News
1.02 Live Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
The harpsichordist Trevor Pinnock, the
violinists Sophie Gent and Matthew Truscott
and the bass violist and cellist Jonathan
Manson perform. Introduced by Fiona
Talkington from Wigmore Hall. Hacquart
(Harmonia Parnassia Sonatorum); Buxtehude
(Trio Sonata in G minor, BuxWV261);
Froberger (Suite No 12 in C for harpsichord);
and Handel (Trio Sonata in B flat, HWV388)
Olivia Vinall played both Anne Catherick and Laura Fairlie
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Georgia Mann presents a week of
performances by the BBC Scottish Symphony
Orchestra. Today’s programme begins with a
concert the orchestra gave in Glasgow City
Halls. John Wilson conducts an all-American
programme including Bernstein’s Serenade
with the violinist Ning Feng. Plus, the
saxophonist Tommy Smith performs one of
his own works with the conductor Clark
Rundell, and Martyn Brabbins conducts a
work by Tchaikovsky. 2.00 Barber (The
School for Scandal — Overture, Op.5);
Bernstein (Serenade — after Plato’s “The
Symposium” for violin, string orchestra, harp
and percussion); Copland (Appalachian Spring
— suite, 1945 version for orchestra); Harris
(Symphony No.3). 3.25 Tommy Smith
(Jacobite for saxophone and orchestra);
Tchaikovsky (The Tempest — Burya,
symphonic fantasia, Op.18)
4.30 BBC Young Musician 2018
Georgia Mann presents highlights from this
year’s Young Musician brass finalists, ahead
of Friday’s Brass Category Finals on BBC Four
5.00 In Tune
Katie Derham’s guests include the cellist
Daniel Müller-Schott, ahead of his
appearance with the Bournemouth Symphony
Orchestra. Corul Madrigal perform live before
a performance as part of the Europe and the
World Festival at the British Museum
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
Tonight’s edition features excerpts from
Handel’s Acis and Galatea and Bellini’s
Norma, as well as music by the Swedish
nyckelharpa player Eric Sahlström
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Ian Skelly presents the London Symphony
Orchestra conducted by Simon Rattle,
recorded at the Barbican last night, featuring
the final works of Michael Tippett and
Gustav Mahler. Tippett (The Rose Lake)
8.00 Interval Music 8.20 Mahler compl
Cooke (Symphony No.10)
10.00 Music Matters
Tom Service visits Japan in full bloom during
cherry blossom season as part of Radio 3’s
Night Blossoms season, exploring the huge
range of music in the country
10.45 The Essay: Dark Blossoms
Christopher Harding begins his exploration of
Japan’s uneasy embrace of modernity,
exemplified by a controversial 19th-century
building in Tokyo. See Radio Choice
11.00 Jazz Now
Soweto Kinch presents a concert by the
pianist Makiko Hirabayashi and her trio at
London’s Pizza Express Live jazz club in Soho
12.30am Through the Night (r)
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
News headlines and sport, presented by John
Humphrys and Justin Webb
9.00 Start the Week
Tom Sutcliffe is joined by Jesmyn Ward, Kim
Brandstrup, Edith Hall and John Gray
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: Sharp —
The Women Who Made an Art of
Having an Opinion
By Michelle Dean. The social and political
progress of women through the 20th century,
beginning with Dorothy Parker (1/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Discussion and interviews. Including at
10.45 the 15 Minute Drama: The fourth
series of the comedy drama Curious Under
the Stars by Annamaria Murphy (1/20)
11.00 Inherited Fear
11.30 Spike Milligan: Inside Out
A celebration of the comedy writer and
performer’s centenary (2/2)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Home Front
By Sarah Daniels. On this day in 1918, a
general strike was held in Dublin in protest
against plans for Irish conscription
12.15 You and Yours
Consumer and public interest reports
1.00 The World at One
1.45 Chinese Characters
A profile of Zheng He, the sailor who
commanded a fleet of vessels larger than
anything that Europe could manage (11/20)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: An Open Return
By Daniel Thurman. Ian returns to his
childhood home 30 years after he last saw
his mother. Comedy with Vincent Franklin (r)
3.00 Brain of Britain
Competitors from Brighton, Essex, Pontypool
and Sunderland take part (9/17)
3.30 The Food Programme
Is there still a place for salt in cooking? (r)
4.00 The Art of Immersion
Adham Faramawy explores virtual reality’s
dark and fantastical spaces
4.30 Beyond Belief
Robert Beckford in conversation with guests
about what makes a sacred space (4/7)
5.00 PM
Presented by Eddie Mair
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
wickedness of men. “How is it that
men crush women time and time again
and go unpunished?” she said. “If men
were held accountable they’d hang
every hour of the day every day of the
year.” By the end, after a hesitant start,
it was getting into its stride.
“What the hell is wrong with
Gerry?” asked his mother as she
prepared pin the tale on the donkey
and other infants’ games for the poor
lad’s 13th birthday in The Durrells.
Louisa, if you’d looked in his bedroom
you’d have seen that he’s at that tricky
age when a boy can moon over a
photo of a woman’s cleavage in a
swimsuit all day. (I’ve seen more
revealing cleaner’s tabards, but I
suppose in pre-internet porn days they
took what they got.) Gerry is getting
less about mammals, more about
mammaries. Face it.
This episode was about human
unhappiness, but it still managed to be
uplifting and comforting, like televisual
mashed potato. Gerry’s outburst when
he demanded his mother stop treating
him like a child was rewarded with a
strong shandy and being pushed into a
corridor with a 17-year-old girl from
Batley. His attempt at a chat-up line, “I
hear Yorkshire has some stunning
habitats for birds of prey”, went down
like cold sick, though, and before long
she was doing what comes naturally in
a cupboard with Larry. Nice episode.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Unbelievable Truth
With John Finnemore, Henning Wehn,
Lou Sanders and Graeme Garden (4/6)
7.00 The Archers
Peggy discovers the truth
7.15 Front Row
Arts programme
7.45 Curious Under the Stars (1/20) (r)
8.00 Imperial Echo
As the London Heads of Government meeting
ends, Jonny Dymond traces the story of the
Commonwealth from its Empire roots to
1990s successes, but ponders what its
purpose is today. See Radio Choice
8.30 Crossing Continents
How hundreds of Russian jihadi brides and
their children vanished in Iraq (4) (r)
9.00 The Second Genome
New research into manipulating our
microbiome to stay healthy (2/3) (r)
9.30 Start the Week (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
News round-up with Ritula Shah
10.45 Book at Bedtime: Nikesh Shukla
— The One Who Wrote Destiny
By Nikesh Shukla. Laila takes a strange
acting gig, where she meets Raks (6/10)
11.00 Word of Mouth
Michael Rosen is joined by Sarah Hyndman
to discuss typefaces, asking how fonts can
change the meaning of a message (2/7) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
The start of the week’s business
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: Sharp —
The Women Who Made an Art of
Having an Opinion (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Hancock’s Half Hour 8.30 Flywheel,
Shyster and Flywheel 9.00 Just a Minute
9.30 King Street Junior 10.00 The Idiot
11.00 Clown’s Shoes 11.15 From Galway to
Graceland 12.00 Hancock’s Half Hour
12.30pm Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel
1.00 Rogue Justice 1.30 The Taking Part
2.00 Expo 58 2.15 Shakespeare’s Restless
World 2.30 Good News 2.45 Catch Me If You
Can 3.00 The Idiot 4.00 Just a Minute 4.30
King Street Junior 5.00 Millport 5.30 The
Unbelievable Truth 6.00 The Man Who Was
Thursday 6.30 A Good Read 7.00 Hancock’s
Half Hour. Comedy with Tony Hancock 7.30
Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel 8.00 Rogue
Justice. Thriller by Geoffrey Household
8.30 The Taking Part. Tim Franks recalls the
1972 Munich Olympics 9.00 Clown’s Shoes.
By Rebecca F John 9.15 From Galway to
Graceland. With Marcella Riordan 10.00
Comedy Club: State of the Nations. In search
of distinct identities in the four nations of
the UK 10.30 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy: The Secondary Phase. Ford and
Arthur are still stranded 11.00 The News
Quiz Extra. Extended edition 11.45 The
Shuttleworths. John Shuttleworth’s efforts
to find Big City fame do not go to plan
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5
Live Sport. Premier League build-up 8.00 5
Live Sport: Premier League Football 2017-18
— Everton v Newcastle United (Kick-off
8.00) 10.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Football
Social 10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All
Night 5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with Joey Barton 10.00 Jim White, Danny
Murphy and Bob Mills 1.00pm Rushden and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Will Gavin
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Stuart Maconie 4.00 Huey
Morgan 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 6 Music Recommends 1.00am Classic
Albums. With David Gilmour 2.00 Classic
Scottish Albums 2.30 6 Music Live Hour
3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. To celebrate St
George’s Day, Jane Jones presents assorted
English discoveries. Elgar (Pomp and
Circumstance March No.5 in C, Op.39); Jon
Lord (Evening Song); Vaughan Williams
(Oboe Concerto); Marsh (Symphony No.6
in D); Binge (Miss Melanie); and Stanford
(Symphony No.1 in B-flat) 10.00 Smooth
Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Monday April 23 2018
11
1G T
MARILYN KINGWILL
Concert
LPO/Jurowski
Royal Festival Hall
Opera
Salome
Town Hall, Leeds
I
‘H
{{(((
suppose there must come a point
in any single-composer series
when the organisers have to tackle
the odds and ends. In the London
Philharmonic Orchestra’s Changing
Faces: Stravinsky’s Journey, this was it.
The challenge? Build a coherent and
compelling programme round
Stravinsky’s Ode. The result? A flimsy
sequence of memorial pieces, and a
totally unrelated concerto. Baffling.
Granted, the 1943 Ode is not
Stravinsky’s most inspiring work.
This 11-minute memorial was
commissioned by Serge Koussevitzky
in honour of his late wife Natalie; the
central Eclogue was salvaged from the
composer’s discarded score for Orson
Welles’s film of Jane Eyre. Enjoyable
enough, yes, but fairly missable. At the
premiere one of the trumpeters played
everything in the wrong key. I have
some sympathy for Koussevitzky, who
later admitted that he preferred that
cacophonous “original version”.
Yuri Falik’s 1975 Elegiac Music in
memory of Igor Stravinsky, for strings
and four trombones, is a rarity worthy
of the description. Falik traces muted
melancholy, ugly grief and a piercing
clarity. He certainly conveyed more
heartfelt feeling than the evening’s
premiere, Mantra — Elegy (Homage to
Stravinsky). Over six minutes Anders
Hillborg riffed on The Rite of Spring,
conjured some lovely orchestral
effects, and didn’t ever really reach a
point. And that was it for the first half.
I felt as if I had missed something.
“I detest Beethoven,” Stravinsky
once told Proust. A mischievous
choice, then, to end with Beethoven’s
Violin Concerto? I can’t say it made a
lot of musical sense. The beaming and
restless Gil Shaham was the soloist.
Communicative, but frustratingly
idiosyncratic, his performance earned
a standing ovation. The LPO and
Vladimir Jurowski gave their complete
commitment throughout. A shame the
programme was a dud.
Rebecca Franks
Comedy
Michael McIntyre
Manchester Arena
Y
{{{{(
ears ago, before Michael
McIntyre was Mr Saturday
Night, while he was still
playing puny 100-seat
venues, I saw him challenge
an audience member to give him a
topic to be funny about. His premise
was that he could get laughs out of
pretty much anything. Sure enough,
he aced the test.
Now 42, about as successful as any
stand-up comedian can be, McIntyre
is again selling out Britain’s biggest
rooms. And his superpower remains
constant: he can — and will — be
funny about pretty much anything.
His Big World Tour has taken him to
lots of countries; he has a digestible,
adroit three minutes on all them.
Accents? He can — and will — do the
lot: not just cheeking the locals with
sustained acts of Manc-voiced
swagger, but Kiwis, Aussies, cockneys,
Mexicans, Chinese.
artsfirst night
{{{{{
Dua Lipa delivered a straightforward pop set, interspersed every now and then with a real gem
The coolest girl in town
The feelgood
factor was
strong as the
singer sent fans
home happy,
says Will
Hodgkinson
Pop
Dua Lipa
Alexandra Palace,
N22
{{{{(
I
t’s been a while since we have had
a cool pop diva. Adele is relatable,
Rihanna sexy, Lady Gaga
eccentric, Beyoncé superhuman.
Where is the cool one? Enter
Dua Lipa, a 22-year-old EnglishKosovan singer who had one of the
biggest hits of last year with New
Rules, an irresistibly bold self-help
guide to getting over exes, and who is
back at No 1 with the house musictinged One Kiss.
Like most highly successful singers,
Dua Lipa is hardworking. Every
number at this sold-out concert (the
final date on her tour) came with its
own precision-tooled dance routine,
which Dua Lipa somehow managed to
perform while singing in tune. What
makes her stand out is an ability to
build a fanbase round being the
extremely cool and slightly scary girl
at school whom everyone else wanted
to be friends with. No wonder she is
the UK’s most streamed female artist.
Slightly cheesy platitudes such as
“be your most wonderful self” may
have boomed over the speakers while
her silhouette appeared behind a
curtain, but it didn’t take long for the
singer to prove herself a figure set
His chortling, self-mockingly vanilla
stylings conceal one of the great comic
minds of his generation. Do not
underestimate this joker, who makes
entertaining 20,000 strangers look
such a doddle, who might start on on
an old topic — the perils of climbing
into a hot bath, anyone? — but will
end on a twist that takes it from
commonplace to amusing.
For all his gargantuan talent,
“amusing” is often more the word than
“hilarious”. Somehow, his very facility
with funniness, the ease with which he
has relatable fun with his family life,
his sex life, his relationship to
technology, makes him endearing
rather than exhilarating.
Is he, in his welcoming way, light
entertainment’s anthropologist royal,
finding tics and traits and habits and
hang-ups where others only see the
ordinary? He is. I’ve never seen a
comic quite as staggeringly competent
as Michael McIntyre. Mostly that’s a
compliment; partly it’s an appeal for
him to break out screaming about
what really does his nut in. Another
time, maybe. Or another comic,
maybe. This one’s pretty darn good.
Dominic Maxwell
Cabaret
Kathleen Turner
The Other Palace,
SW1
{{{{(
Harry Potter
and the Cursed
Child makes its
Broadway bow
First Night, main paper
apart from her mostly female, teenage
fans. Wearing a white tuxedo over red
bra, hair newly chopped into a bob,
she began with Blow Your Mind
(Mwah), a dance banger with just the
right amount of frosty hauteur.
From there on it was pop of a
straightforward, ruthlessly efficient
variety, interspersed every now and
then with a real gem: Be the One had a
touch of emotional vulnerability not
typical of this most poised performer.
Homesick, a sad ballad performed
while sitting on top of a piano as if
it were 3am in an empty bar,
demonstrated the strength and
character of her voice.
There was a band on stage, with a
drummer and two keyboard players
doubling up on bass and guitar, but
they kept a low profile: this was all
about Dua Lipa and her dancers. And
the big moment, naturally, was saved
for the encore. A title card denouncing
“all the f**kboys who have done you
wrong” heralded the strident IDGAF
and, finally, the all-conquering New
Rules, anthems of empowerment that
sent the fans home feeling good —
and thinking they had just joined the
gang of the coolest girl around.
S
he made her name as a sex
symbol, and today she is still
baring all, figuratively speaking
at least. Kathleen Turner may
have had her share of personal
troubles in recent years — she was
struck down by rheumatoid arthritis
and has had her battles with alcohol
— but there is scarcely a trace of selfpity in this defiant one-woman show.
It hardly matters that she doesn’t
have much of a singing voice. Cabaret
is all about establishing an intimate,
conversational rapport with an
audience. Turner is described as a
“husky alto”. but that doesn’t quite do
justice to vocals that stumble around
in the basement for much of the
evening. A little breathless at times,
she also had to contend with a cough.
Yet she has exquisite taste in
standards, from Cole Porter to
Rodgers and Hart. And after a slightly
hesitant start she holds your attention
through sheer force of personality,
tracing her story from her peripatetic
childhood as the daughter of a
member of the diplomatic service to
her breakthrough in the raunchy
thriller Body Heat and her present
status as a grande dame, teacher and
onesty is the best policy”,
“Goodwill towards men”:
these are a few of the
moral mottos that loom
over the audience inside
Leeds Town Hall. There was no set for
Opera North’s Salome, but this frieze
offers a telling contrast with the
amoral maelstrom unleashed on stage.
Sexual obsession, necrophilia, death:
probably not quite what the good folk
of Victorian Leeds had in mind. I can
imagine they might have had things to
say about Oscar Wilde’s 1891 play and
Richard Strauss’s 1905 opera.
Strauss’s Salome is shocking. In PJ
Harris’s lightly directed concert
staging, our attention is rewardingly
focused on the tumult of emotions and
transgressive desires, with an
outstanding central performance by
Jennifer Holloway. She catches all the
complexities and conflicts of the
Judean princess: at once a petulant
spoilt child and a woman who
mistakes lust and infatuation for love,
weary of being leered at; unable to
interrogate her own destructive urges.
This performance plays with our
imagination. The voyeuristic Dance of
the Seven Veils takes place off stage;
Salome returns shell-shocked. What
has taken place? We can only guess.
But Holloway’s guttural demands for
Jokanaan’s head (which we also don’t
see) are pure revenge, sitting as
happily in her voice as the floated high
notes and ecstatic outpourings.
Robert Hayward’s capacious,
otherworldly bass-baritone couldn’t be
better for the imprisoned prophet,
while Arnold Bezuyen’s Herodes is
fervent and Katarina Karnéus superb
as his exasperated wife. Jamie
Hudson’s lighting is spot-on, moving
from strange moonlight to blood-red.
Strauss wraps it in an orchestral score
of uneasiness, visceral horror and
ravishing beauty, masterfully paced by
the conductor Richard Armstrong.
Rebecca Franks
On tour to May 16; operanorth.co.uk
Planned Parenthood activist. There is
a sprinkling of behind-the-scenes
gossip but otherwise the focus is on
Turner’s quest for the next big
challenge.
Dorothy Fields’s lyrics on Pick
Yourself Up sum up Turner’s approach
to life’s vicissitudes. The lissom looks
have gone, but in her baggy black
blouse and flairs Turner has charisma
to spare. Andy Gale’s direction
imposes a measure of discipline and
structure as the star, wearing a head
mike, paces a set that resembles a
discreet Park Avenue penthouse. The
pianist and musical director Mark
Janas leads an unobtrusive trio and
serves as the foil for some of the
throwaway lines.
Turner isn’t afraid to inject politics
into the proceedings. That weatherbeaten voice is an ideal match for
Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? If the
stories about those twin Texans Molly
Ivins and Ann Richards won’t mean
much to British audiences, Turner’s
clarion call for the merits of voluntary
work strike a universal chord.
Clive Davis
Box office: 020 7087 7900, to May 6,
then touring to May 14
12
1G T
Monday April 23 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Gabriel Tate
Westworld
Sky Atlantic, 9pm
Spearheading
a revival
of HBO as
a creative
dramatic force (Big
Little Lies and The
Deuce followed in its
wake), the first season
of Westworld was
Early
Top
pick
a cerebral treat. It
expanded intelligently
on Michael Crichton’s
novel and film to
explore notions of free
will, memory and the
nature of humanity.
This second season
begins with the theme
park of the title in
bloody disarray, the
android hosts having
taken over and killed in
a massacre most of the
human guests, guards,
scientists and execs
working for Delos, the
corporation running
the park. Anthony
Hopkins’s park founder,
Robert Ford, may be
gone, but he leaves
behind a formidable
ensemble. The twitchy
head of programming,
Bernard Lowe (Jeffrey
Wright), is making his
way through the park
with a ragtag band
of human survivors,
attempting to conceal
his own synthetic
nature; vengeful
Dolores (Evan Rachel
Wood), Ford’s killer,
has tooled up to pick
off any surviving
humans; the steely
android Maeve
(Thandie Newton)
has returned to the
park for her daughter;
and misanthropic
William (Ed Harris)
is relishing the
prospect of some peril.
Meanwhile, outside the
park, armed soldiers
gather to reimpose
some order on
proceedings. It is every
bit as portentous and
enigmatic as the first
season, with enough
humour to avoid
pomposity. Perspectives
and sympathies shift
and the sense of
mounting horror is
expertly handled.
Genius: Picasso
National Geographic, 8pm
Brought back to life as
a newborn by a puff of
cigar smoke? Losing his
virginity to a prostitute
who became his first
muse? Making a pact
with God to abandon
painting in exchange
for the life of his
sister? No one could
accuse this riotously
entertaining ten-part
drama of shunning
the founding myths of
Pablo Picasso (Antonio
Banderas) and it sets
about his life with the
same verve as Picasso
would a canvas.
Leaping around the
decades, this opening
episode incorporates
the philandering, the
politics and the artistic
milestones (tonight,
Guernica), painted in
broad brushstrokes.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Food. New series.
Topical reports and investigations about food and drink
10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Properties in south
Wales, Southampton and east London (r) (AD) 11.00
Heir Hunters. Michael Buerk helps search for heirs to
a substantial estate 11.45 The Housing Enforcers.
A tenant who has become a prisoner in his own bedroom
12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Two teams scour Exeter’s
Westpoint Arena for items (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One;
Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45
Doctors. Sid attends an incident in a car park, while Mrs
Tembe and Daniel continue to be at odds (AD) 2.15 800
Words. The body of Bill’s ex-wife is found (AD) 3.00
Escape to the Country. Jules Hudson helps a couple hoping
to move to Monmouthshire (AD) 3.45 Flipping Profit.
Antiques expert Roo Irvine, market trader Gary Barton
and blacksmith upcycler Kevin Paxton head to St Andrews
to find some bargains they can turn into profit for
Children in Need (AD) 4.30 Flog It! From the Ulster
Folk and Transport Museum in Belfast 5.15 Pointless.
Quiz hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 Heir Hunters. The
team uncovers a family secret (r) 7.15 Health: Truth or
Scare. Angela Rippon examines the best way to treat a
headache. Last in the series (r) 8.00 Sign Zone: Hugh’s
Wild West. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall explores the
Somerset Levels (r) (AD, SL) 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire
10.00 Live Snooker: The World Championship. The first
round on day three at the Crucible Theatre, featuring the
conclusion of Mark Allen v Liam Highfield, while Barry
Hawkins begins his campaign against Stuart Carrington
12.00 Daily Politics. Parliamentary proceedings
interspersed with discussions, interviews and reports
from correspondents around the country 1.00pm Live
Snooker: The World Championship. Coverage of the second
session on day three at the Crucible Theatre in Sheffield,
featuring Shaun Murphy and Ding Junhui in action against
two qualifiers. Presented by Hazel Irvine 6.00 Eggheads.
Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine (r) 6.30 Britain in
Bloom. Chris Bavin helps volunteers in Lytham,
Lancashire, with their entry as they aim to decorate 50
per cent of their seaside town with flowers and create a
garden with a musical theme
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news, as well
as showbiz stories, cooking and gossip 9.25 The Jeremy
Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip
Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and lifestyle
features, including a look at the stories making the
newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen. Including
Local Weather 12.30pm Loose Women. The Coronation
Street star Helen Flanagan joins the panel for more
topical studio discussion from a female perspective 1.30
ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Robert Rinder
takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00
Tenable. Five Hartlepool United fans answer questions
about top 10 lists, then try to score a perfect 10 in the
final round. Warwick Davis hosts 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben
Shephard hosts the arcade-themed quiz show in which
contestants drop tokens down a choice of four chutes in
the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase.
Bradley Walsh presents as contestants answer general
knowledge questions and work as a team to take on
ruthless quiz genius the Chaser and secure a cash prize
6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Hotel Hell. A hotel in Minnesota where
staff are on the brink of revolt (r) (AD) 11.00 Undercover
Boss USA. The CEO of PostNet goes undercover (r) 12.00
Channel 4 News Summary 12.05pm Coast vs Country.
A couple keen to relocate to Cornwall from London (r)
(AD) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. A bus-load of antiques and
a watch once owned by Saddam Hussein (r) 2.10
Countdown. With Pasha Kovalev in Dictionary Corner 3.00
A Place in the Sun: Home or Away. Choosing between
Teignmouth in Devon and Nerja on Spain’s Costa del Sol
(r) 4.00 Escape to the Chateau: DIY. Billy and Gwendoline
want to hire their chateau out for weddings, but things
are not going to plan (AD) 5.00 Four in a Bed. The
competition starts at the Water’s Edge Guest House in
Stratford-upon-Avon (r) 5.30 Buy It Now. Twin
entrepreneurs from York demonstrate their leisure
product 6.00 The Simpsons. Homer is fed up with the
price of movies, so he starts illegally downloading films
and opens his own cinema in the back yard (r) (AD) 6.30
Hollyoaks. Sienna receives a terrifying message (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Journalist
and broadcaster Matthew Wright is joined by a panel of
guests and a studio audience to debate the issues of the
day 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! Paul Bohill and
Steve and Ben Pinner face their biggest eviction yet, as
they take on squatters in a central London office block (r)
12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Gadget Show.
Jon Bentley plugs in the latest ear buds that can translate
in real time, while the G Team assists a boxer looking to
reach the next level with the help of the latest gear (r)
1.10 Access 1.15 Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours
(AD) 2.15 NCIS. The team suspects a serial killer is on
the loose when a Navy lieutenant dies of overhydration
and another body is found nearby, and Ducky introduces
Gibbs to his new girlfriend (r) (AD) 3.15 FILM: Social
Nightmare (12, TVM, 2013) A talented student-to-be
is targeted by a hacker who begins posting inappropriate
content on her social network accounts. Mystery thriller
starring Kirsten Prout 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours.
David fails to show up at Aaron’s birthday party (r) (AD)
6.00 Home and Away. Robbo’s first counselling session
goes badly (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
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7.00 The One Show With Matt Baker
7.00 The Secret Helpers A single father
struggling to care for his son after his
wife died seeks advice, as does a
woman about to start working as a
nurse. Last in the series (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Ross breaks into the
veterinary surgery (AD)
8.00 EastEnders A mystery woman seeks
Arshad’s help — but it becomes clear
she has a secret agenda (AD)
8.00 Only Connect The second semi-final
8.30 Gangsters’ Dirty Money Exposed:
Panorama A report on a violent
Ukrainian criminal gang using offshore
companies to hide wealth in the UK
9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build Nick
Knowles and the team, together with
the assistance of South Yorkshire
volunteers and suppliers, help create a
new home for a Rotherham man who
suffered a brain injury (r) (AD)
Late
11PM
10PM
9PM
8PM
7.30 Nightmare Pets SOS The experts try
to help a couple who are under attack
from an unsociable rabbit (2/2) (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 MotoGP Highlights The MotoGP
Grand Prix of the Americas. Action
from the third round of the season at
Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas
8.00 Give It a Year A former Royal Marine
who started a woodland adventure
business (2/12) (AD)
8.00 Holidays Unpacked New series.
Morland Sanders and Lucy Hedges road
test travel destinations (1/4) (AD)
8.30 University Challenge St John’s
College, Cambridge, take on Merton
College, Oxford, in the final.
Last in the series
8.30 Coronation Street Maria finds Emma
in a state of undress with David (AD)
8.30 Travel Man: 48 Hours on the Cote
d’Azur Richard Ayoade and Shazia
Mirza visit the French Riviera.
Last in the series (AD)
8.00 Police Interceptors Damien and
Mark take action against a suspect on
New Year’s Eve, and officers race to
stop a drink-driver who is heading the
wrong way up the M6 (8/12) (r)
9.00 Secret Agent Selection: WW2 The
students are dropped off in the middle
of a remote part of the Highlands,
where they learn the survival skills
required for life as an SOE operative.
See Viewing Guide (3/5) (AD)
9.00 The Real Camilla: HRH the
Duchess of Cornwall Documentary
following a year in the life of the
Duchess of Cornwall, with family
members, friends and the people who
know her best talking candidly about
her. See Viewing Guide
9.00 The Island with Bear Grylls The
two teams put their differences aside
to go on a joint hunting expedition,
while Phil and Laura’s romance
blossoms despite squalid conditions,
hunger and sandfly bites (4/6) (AD)
9.00 Paddington Station 24/7 A broken
down train causes major disruption
during the morning rush hour, while
staff have to deal with a series of
medical emergencies at the station
10.00 Kiss Me First Adrian closes Red Pill
down, sowing the first seeds of doubt
about Leila’s character among the other
members of the community (4/6) (AD)
10.00 Fergie vs Wenger: The Feud A look
at the rivalry between the former
Manchester United boss Alex Ferguson
and the Arsenal manager Arsene
Wenger, which dominated the
landscape of English football from the
mid-1990s. See Viewing Guide
11.00 999: What’s Your Emergency?
Wiltshire police deal with young
drivers, from those whose excitement
at recently passing their tests has
made them forget the Highway Code to
14-year-old joyriders (r) (AD)
11.05 Criminals Caught on Camera An
acid attack carried out by a 17-year-old
is caught on CCTV footage, and Nick
Wallis also reports on the youth who
brought terror to a seaside resort
whilst brandishing a weapon (3/10) (r)
12.05am First Dates (r) (AD) 1.00 Lee and Dean (r)
(AD) 1.30 I Don’t Like Mondays (r) 2.25 Hidden
Restaurants with Michel Roux Jr (r) (AD) 3.20 Come Dine
Champion of Champions (r) 4.15 Building the Dream (r)
(AD) 5.10 Steph and Dom’s One Star to Five Star (r)
5.40-6.00 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (r)
12.05am America’s Toughest Prisons Life inside the
Yukon Kuskokwim Correctional Centre, located in the
remote town of Bethal, Alaska (r) 1.00 SuperCasino 3.10
Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain (r) 4.00 Tattoo
Disasters UK (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10
Wildlife SOS (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 House Doctor (r) (SL)
7.30 Coronation Street Gary tries to help
David, and Alya has a bad day when
Summer spots a miscalculation in her
Underworld figures (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 QI With guests Sara Pascoe, Colin Lane
and Jimmy Carr (r)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Evan Davis
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Have I Got a Bit More News for
You Lee Mack hosts an extended
edition of the satirical quiz, with Janet
Street-Porter and Sara Pascoe joining
Ian Hislop and Paul Merton (3/9)
11.30 The Graham Norton Show The host
is joined by the Avengers: Infinity War
actor Benedict Cumberbatch, the
Episodes star Matt LeBlanc, the Funny
Cow actress Maxine Peake, and
Britain’s Best Cook’s Mary Berry and
Claudia Winkleman. Plus, Calvin Harris
and Dua Lipa perform (3/13) (r)
12.20am-6.00 BBC News
11.15 Snooker: The World Championship
Jason Mohammad presents the
conclusion of day three, featuring
Barry Hawkins v Stuart Carrington and
Luca Brecel v Ricky Walden
in first-round matches at the
Crucible Theatre
12.05am Snooker: World Championship Extra
Extended highlights of matches from the first round on
the third day 2.05 Sign Zone: Countryfile. Matt Baker and
Anita Rani present the show from Cumbria (r) (SL) 3.00
My Dad, the Peace Deal and Me (r) (AD, SL) 4.00-4.45
Murder, Mystery and My Family (r) (AD, SL)
10.45 The Investigator: A British Crime
Story Mark Williams-Thomas uncovers
a murder that bears the hallmarks of
the same killer and wonders whether
the wrong man got convicted.
Last in the series (r) (AD)
11.45 Last Laugh in Vegas There is just a
week to go until the gig, but nothing is
going to plan (3/5) (r) (AD)
12.40am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of
their sofas 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show. The host invites
guests to air their differences over family and
relationship issues (r) (SL) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen
5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
the times | Monday April 23 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Secret Agent
Selection: WW2
BBC Two, 9pm
We are at the midway
point of the selection
process in this reality
series and the recruits
are dispatched to the
Scottish Highlands for
three more days of
rigorous tests and
training. Watching them
perform the “leopard
crawl”, clamber up a
sheer rockface or
negotiate a cold loch is
passably entertaining,
but, unlike in the series
Astronauts: Do You
Have What It Takes?,
the stakes feel on the
low side. The action
sequences are padded
with historical material
(this week, efforts to
combat Hitler’s nuclear
ambitions in Norway)
that could sustain a
series in its own right.
The Real Camilla
ITV, 9pm
In the wake of Tom
Bower’s explosive
biography of the Prince
of Wales, it’s hard to
think of a member of
the royal family whose
reputation might be
more in need of
rehabilitation than the
Duchess of Cornwall
(apart, perhaps, from
her husband). Long the
scheming villain to
Diana’s flawed heroine,
the duchess receives
a useful reappraisal,
courtesy of this
documentary from
Jane Treays. The
behind-the-scenes
footage is interesting
and the duchess comes
across well, meeting
children and doing her
charitable work. What
is never in doubt is her
bond with Charles.
Fergie vs Wenger:
The Feud
Channel 5, 10pm
Talking to many key
players inside and
outside the Manchester
United and Arsenal
dressing rooms
(although not to the
managers themselves),
this lively slagfest
makes it clear how
deep the enmity was
between Alex Ferguson
and Arsène Wenger in
their years at the top.
One was a splenetic
motivator and player of
mind games, the other
is a stubborn details
man; at their peak,
their brilliance was
matched only by their
tendency to hold
grudges. Expect
hyperbole, gossipy
insights and a reminder
of how much they did to
change English football.
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, 10am
The Barcelona Open
gets under way today
on the clay courts at
the Real Club de Tenis
Barcelona. Rafael
Nadal has won the
men’s singles title a
record ten times and
is the defending
champion after beating
Dominic Thiem 6-4,
6-1 in last year’s final.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) (AD) 7.00 Meerkat
Manor (r) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00
Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 10.00 Road Wars (r)
11.00 Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r)
5.00 The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Supergirl. Winn has to team up with his
estranged mum when a copycat Toyman strikes
9.00 FILM: The Sum of All Fears (12,
2002) CIA agent Jack Ryan uncovers a terrorist
plan to attack America with a nuclear bomb.
Action thriller, based on Tom Clancy’s novel,
starring Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman
11.20 The Force: North East (r)
12.20am Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK. Police
officers tackle street crime (r) 1.15 Ross Kemp:
Extreme World (r) 2.10 Most Shocking (r) 3.05
Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (r) (AD) 4.00 The Real
A&E (r) (AD) 5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am Urban Secrets (r) 7.00 Richard E
Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD) 8.00 Storm City
(r) (AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House
(r) 1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Making
David Attenborough’s Flying Monsters (r) 3.00
The West Wing (r) 5.00 House (r)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. A former
chief of detectives is murdered (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Erin recruits Danny to provide
security for a witness (r) (AD)
9.00 Westworld. The sci-fi drama inspired by
Michael Crichton’s 1973 film returns for a second
series. See Viewing Guide (1/10)
10.20 West:Word. New series. Companion show
to the sci-fi drama Westworld
10.50 Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
A satirical look at news and pop culture
11.25 The Circus: Inside the Wildest
Political Show on Earth (r)
12.00 Westworld (r) 1.20am Divorce (r) 1.55
Crashing (r) (AD) 2.30 Animals (r) 3.05 Here
and Now (r) 4.10 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.00
Highway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.30 Border Patrol (r)
8.00 Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
(AD) 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
11.00 Cold Case (r) 12.00 Children’s Hospital
(r) (AD) 1.00pm Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
2.00 Send in the Dogs (r) 3.00 Nothing to
Declare. Back-to-back episodes (r) 5.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
6.30 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
7.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
7.30 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
9.00 Criminal Minds
10.00 Blindspot. The agents face a deadly threat
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Britain’s Most Evil Killers (r) 2.00 How
to Get Away with Murder (r) 3.00 Criminal
Minds (r) 4.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD) 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00am Eras of Music History (AD) 7.00 Lang
Lang: Live in Versailles 8.50 At-Issue 9.00
Watercolour Challenge 9.30 The Adventurers of
Modern Art 10.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD)
11.00 Trailblazers: Gothic Rock 12.00 The
Seventies (AD) 1.00pm Discovering: Ingrid
Bergman (AD) 2.00 Watercolour Challenge 2.30
The Adventurers of Modern Art 3.30 Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 4.00 Trailblazers: Pop
Videos 5.00 The Seventies (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Ginger Rogers (AD)
7.00 Auction. The sale of Salvator Mundi
7.30 Discovering: The Eagles
8.00 Landscape Artist of the Year 2017
9.00 André Rieu: How It All Began
10.00 Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks
11.00 The South Bank Show Originals
12.00 Hard Beauty: Helaine Blumenfeld. A
profile of the American sculptor 1.05am Monty
Python: Almost the Truth 2.20 Psychob*****s
2.45 Joan Baez: How Sweet the Sound 4.30
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Live ATP
Tennis: The Barcelona Open. Coverage of the
opening day in the clay-court tournament at the
Real Club de Tenis Barcelona, featuring
first-round matches 3.00pm Live Indian Premier
League: Delhi Daredevils v Kings XI Punjab.
Coverage of the latest match taking place at
Feroz Shah Kotla in Delhi
7.00 Live MNF: Everton v Newcastle United
(Kick-off 8.00). Coverage of the Premier League
encounter at Goodison Park, featuring two sides
placed in the mid-table positions. While Magpies
fans will be pleased to see their top-flight
status all-but secure, Toffees fans will perhaps
be disappointed by their club’s season
11.00 Sky Sports News. The day’s talking points
12.00 Sky Sports News 1.00am Live WWE Late
Night Raw. Wrestling action from the States
with the over-the-top stars, featuring the likes
of Seth Rollins and Finn Balor 4.15 WWE from
the Vault 5.00 Sky Sports News
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Home
Ground. New series. Gavin Andrews and Jo
Scott return with the magazine show 10.40
Keepin ’er Country. The 50th anniversary
staging of the Clonmany Festival, the
longest-running country music event in Ireland
11.10 Have I Got a Bit More News for You
11.55 The Graham Norton Show (r)
12.40am-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Landward.
A crofter taking hip-hop to the Highlands
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Sam &
Shauna’s Big Cook Out. The barbecue chefs visit
Cefn Hengoed, near Caerphilly 8.30-9.00 The
Crash Detectives. The forensic collision
investigators examine a single-vehicle crash on
the M4 10.40 Gangsters’ Dirty Money Exposed:
Panorama 11.10 Have I Got a Bit More News
for You 12.00 The Graham Norton Show (r)
12.50am Weather for the Week Ahead
12.55-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two N Ireland
As BBC Two except: 10.00pm-10.30
Cumhacht an Cheoil. Neil Martin begins
rehearsals for his new musical project (r)
To subscribe visit tlssubs.imbmsubs.com/SPRINGCW
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ITV Wales
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Wales This
Week. People diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in
their forties 10.45 Sharp End 11.45-12.40am
The Investigator: A British Crime Story (r) (AD)
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days. News and analysis
from Washington DC and London
7.30 Nature’s Microworlds. Steve Backshall
explores America’s Yellowstone National Park
8.00 Turkey with Simon Reeve. Simon travels
along the Black Sea Coast to the capital
of Ankara, and witnesses first hand the
aftermath of fighting in Kurdish areas before
returning to Istanbul (2/2) (AD)
9.00 Baku: An Art Lovers’ Guide. Janina Ramirez
and Alastair Sooke explore the capital of
Azerbaijan, which offers a mix of the ancient
and modern in a country where cultural life is
tightly controlled. Last in the series (AD)
10.00 The Ottomans: Europe’s Muslim
Emperors. Rageh Omaar compares the golden
age of Suleiman the Magnificent in the 16th
century with the reign of Abdul Hamid II in the
late 19th and early 20th centuries (2/3) (AD)
11.00 Dan Cruickshank: At Home with the
British. The 19-storey Lincoln estate in Bow,
east London. Last in the series (AD)
12.00 Turkey with Simon Reeve. Simon travels
to Ankara 1.00am Top of the Pops: 1983
2.05-3.05 Baku: An Art Lovers’ Guide (AD, SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Rules of
Engagement 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
8.30 Young Sheldon. The young genius has to
teach his brother for a test (AD)
9.00 Made in Chelsea. Liv finds herself
questioning her relationship with Digb
10.00 Don’t Tell the Bride Ireland. A 1980s
Valentine’s disco-themed wedding (7/8)
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
12.05am Tattoo Fixers (AD) 1.10 Made in
Chelsea 2.10 Don’t Tell the Bride Ireland 3.05
First Dates (AD) 4.00 How I Met Your Mother
(AD) 4.20 Rules of Engagement (SL)
8.55am Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A Place in
the Sun: Summer Sun 11.35 Four in a Bed
2.10pm Come Dine with Me 4.50 A Place in the
Sun: Summer Sun 5.50 Ugly House to Lovely
House with George Clarke (AD)
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. Cameras follow
nocturnal animals at Chester Zoo, including
Koos, an aardvark, and the mouse-deer Una
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud returns to
view the result of a couple’s project to convert a
traditional farmhouse into an eight-bedroom
chalet in the ski resort of Les Gets (10/11) (AD)
9.00 Building Giants: World’s Tallest Church.
Attempts to raise the six central towers of
Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia (AD)
10.00 Car SOS. Tim Shaw and Fuzz Townshend
travel to Hartlepool, where they restore a 1971
classic Volkswagen bay-window camper van
11.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Richard
Ayoade is joined by Rob Beckett, going up
against Jon Richardson and Claudia Winkleman
12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA
1.00 Building Giants: World’s Tallest Church
(AD) 2.05 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown
3.10-3.50 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut
11.00am The Mouse That Roared (U,
1959) Comedy starring Peter Sellers 12.40pm
Angel and the Badman (U, 1947) Western
starring John Wayne (b/w) 2.45 The Night of
the Grizzly (U, 1966) Western starring Clint
Walker 4.50 The Hound of the Baskervilles
(PG, 1959) Sherlock Holmes mystery starring
Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee (AD)
6.30 The Book Thief (12, 2013) A girl
growing up in Nazi Germany tries to save books
from being burned. Second World War drama
starring Sophie Nelisse (AD)
9.00 Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation
(12, 2015) The agents of the Impossible
Mission Force become fugitives in order to bring
down a shadowy society of assassins. Spy
thriller sequel starring Tom Cruise (AD)
11.35 Middle Men (18, 2009) Three men
form an internet porn company, but have to deal
with the FBI, gangsters and corrupt politicians.
Fact-based comedy drama with Luke Wilson
1.45am-4.00 Arbitrage (15, 2012)
A businessman selling his company desperately
tries to keep his past crimes a secret from his
family and the police. Thriller with Richard Gere
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? (AD) 7.55 Emmerdale
(AD) 8.20 Coronation Street (AD) 9.25 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show 10.20 The Bachelor
12.15pm Emmerdale (AD) 12.45 Coronation
Street (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.50 Take Me Out
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden decides to tell
Kate the truth, so flies to New York to meet her
8.30 Two and a Half Men. Lyndsey threatens to
end her relationship with Alan
9.00 Family Guy. The show is re-imagined as a
series that has been on air for 60 years (AD)
9.30 American Dad! (AD)
10.00 Plebs. The boys launch a cabaret night
when Marcus dates a popular satirist (AD)
10.30 Family Guy (AD)
11.00 Family Guy (AD)
11.30 American Dad! (AD)
12.00 The Cleveland Show (AD) 12.30am Two
and a Half Men 1.25 Release the Hounds 2.25
Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat 8.00 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.25 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Sparkling
Cyanide (12, TVM, 2003) Murder mystery
starring Pauline Collins and Oliver Ford Davies
12.30pm The Royal 1.35 Heartbeat 2.40
Classic Coronation Street 3.45 On the Buses
4.55 You’re Only Young Twice 5.20 George and
Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica stops off
to see an old friend who owns a luxurious
Monte Carlo hotel, but it is not long before a
murderer checks in (AD)
8.00 Lewis. The detective investigates
when an American female bishop visiting St
Gerard’s College is found dead after drinking
poisoned wine (2/4) (AD)
10.00 DCI Banks. (1/2) Helen leads a firearms
team to get a gun from a teenager’s bedroom,
but the operation goes wrong (5/6) (AD)
11.00 DCI Banks. (2/2) Al offers to help Banks
get his abducted daughter back (6/6) (AD)
12.05am Scott & Bailey (AD, SL) 2.00 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase 6.45 Pawn Stars 7.30
Ironside 8.25 Quincy ME 9.30 Minder (AD)
10.35 The Saint 11.40 The Avengers 12.45pm
Ironside (AD) 1.50 Quincy ME 2.50 Minder (AD)
3.50 The Saint 4.55 The Avengers
6.00 Cash Cowboys. A search for rare finds
7.00 Pawn Stars. The guys value an oil can
7.30 Pawn Stars. A copy of the 34th US
president Dwight D Eisenhower’s war memoirs
7.55 Merry Christmas Mr Bean. Christmas
slapstick starring Rowan Atkinson (AD)
8.30 Mr Bean. The bungling buffoon gives his
hotel room a makeover (AD)
9.00 FILM: Jaws 2 (PG, 1978) A man-eating
shark menaces teenagers adrift off a seaside
resort, while the police chief tries to alert the
community. Thriller starring Roy Scheider (AD)
11.20 FILM: Maximum Conviction (15,
2012) Two special forces agents transporting a
pair of female convicts to prison come under
attack from mercenaries. Action adventure
starring Steven Seagal and Steve Austin (AD)
1.25am Motorsport UK 2.20 The Protectors
2.50 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 Sin City Motors 4.00 Steve
Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear.
Racing with motor homes (AD)
6.00 Room 101. Gabby Logan, Richard Ayoade
and Alun Cochrane discuss their pet hates
6.40 Would I Lie to You? With Danny Dyer, Jon
Richardson, Moira Stuart and Joe Lycett
7.20 Would I Lie to You? With Sean Lock,
Richard Hammond, Judy Murray and Trevor Noah
8.00 Cop Car Workshop. John Heussi and his
team work on a high-performance BMW 330
9.00 Live at the Apollo. Greg Davies hosts
stand-up by Hal Cruttenden and Simon Evans
10.00 The Best of Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. The
best moments from the first two series
11.00 Taskmaster. Doc Brown, Richard Osman,
Jon Richardson, Katherine Ryan and Joe
Wilkinson accept a potato-throwing challenge
12.00 QI 1.20am Mock the Week 2.00 QI
3.15 Parks and Recreation 3.35 The
Indestructibles 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Pinkertons (AD) 8.00 London’s
Burning (AD) 9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00
Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm
Last of the Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20
Birds of a Feather 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 You Rang, M’Lord? 5.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! The staff make themselves heard
6.40 Keeping Up Appearances. Hyacinth attends
an exclusive auction (AD)
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Barry tries to
help his lonely neighbour to find love
8.00 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates.
The Mayor’s daughter goes missing
9.00 New Tricks. A skeleton is uncovered in the
foundations of a swimming pool (8/10) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. The team probes the mystery
of a missing scientist, who disappeared in 2004
while working on a revolutionary project that
had attracted the interest of many large
organisations (7/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Dorien bumps into
Chris on a prison visit to the Isle of Wight
12.00 The Bill 1.00am London’s Burning (AD)
2.15 The Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Murder Maps
11.00 Impossible Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time
Team 1.00pm Mega-Tsunami: Wave of
Destruction 2.00 Attenborough and the Giant
Dinosaur (AD) 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Murder
Maps 5.00 Impossible Engineering (AD)
6.00 Churchill’s Bodyguard. The prime minister
falls ill and stops breathing
7.00 Forbidden History. The theory that Nazis
were engaged in building spacecraft before the
outbreak of the Second World War (5/6) (AD)
8.00 Forbidden History. Jamie Theakston looks
at the life of inventor Nikola Tesla, investigating
conspiracy theories that the scientific
establishment covered up his work (6/6) (AD)
9.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. Bomber learns his
daughter has run away, and flies home
10.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. A leather-clad
German girl accuses Neville of assaulting her
11.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook
12.00 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook
1.00am Black Ops (AD) 2.00 Sounds of the
Seventies 3.00 Home Shopping
STV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 The People’s
History Show. One of Scotland’s worst storms
10.30 Scotland Tonight 11.05 The
Investigator: A British Crime Story (r) (AD)
12.05am Teleshopping 1.05 After Midnight
2.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle
Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Paul and Nick’s
Big Food Trip New Zealand 10.45 View from
Stormont 11.45 The Investigator: A British
Crime Story (r) (AD) 12.40am Teleshopping
2.10-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Pàdraig Post: SDS (Postman Pat: SDS)
(r) 5.15 Zack & Quack (r) 5.35 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.40 Charlie is Lola
(Charlie and Lola) (r) 5.51 Bruno (r) 5.53
Seonaidh (Shaun the Sheep) (r) 6.00 Alvinnn
agus na Chipmunks (r) 6.25 Sràid nan Sgread
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(Extreme Football) (r) 7.00 Innsean an Iar:
Hebrides (r) 7.30 Speaking Our Language (r)
8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Dealbhan Fraoich 9.00
Trusadh (Compelling Stories) (r) 10.00 Port (r)
10.30 Cluinneam! (The Switch On) (r)
11.30-12.00midnight Fonn Fonn Fonn (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Hafod Haul (r) 6.15 Bobi Jac (r)
6.25 Guto Gwningen (r) 6.40 Tomos a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 6.50 Ty Mel (r) 7.00 Boj (r) 7.15
Jen a Jim Pob Dim (r) 7.30 Peppa (r) 7.35 Bing
(r) 7.45 ASRA 8.00 Cymylaubychain (r) 8.10
Sali Mali (r) 8.15 Y Teulu Mawr (r) 8.30 Cled
(r) 8.40 Meic y Marchog (r) 8.55 Dwylo’r Enfys
(r) 9.10 Stiw (r) 9.25 Oli Dan y Don (r) 9.35
Nodi (r) 9.45 Sbarc (r) 10.00 Hafod Haul (r)
10.15 Y Dywysoges Fach (r) 10.25 Guto
Gwningen (r) 10.40 Tomos a’i Ffrindiau (r)
10.50 Ty Mel (r) 11.00 Meic y Marchog (r)
11.15 Jen a Jim Pob Dim (r) 11.30 Nico Nôg
(r) 11.40 Sam Tân (r) 11.50 Sblij a Sbloj (r)
12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm Teithiau
Tramor Iolo (r) 12.30 Ar Werth (r) 1.00
Celwydd Noeth (r) 1.30 Codi Hwyl (r) 2.00
News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00
News S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30
Byd Pws (r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil
5.05 Stwnsh: Mabinogi-Ogi (r) 5.30 Stwnsh:
Bernard (r) 5.35 Stwnsh: Sgorio 6.00 News
S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05 Y Ty Arian (r) 7.00 Heno
8.00 Pobol y Cwm. Eileen realises she should
make an appointment with the doctor (AD)
8.25 Garddio a Mwy 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd
9.30 Ffermio 10.00 Ffit Cymru (r) 11.0011.35 Mike Phillips a’r Senghenydd Sirens (r)
14
Monday April 23 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
2
3
4
6
7
5
18
8
16
1
21
2
Train Tracks No 389
19
26
3
7
8
21
4
9
1
23
10
10
15
O
23
9
13
1
7
1
17
10
1
16
21
13
23
25
11
1
2
25
21
4
18
22
16
14
A
4
5
14
19
20
7
8
21
1
4
6
7
5
23
13
26
25
23
24
13
12
12
14
2
1
1
24
3
13
25
23
2
2
21
15
2
8
7
8
25
23
11
7
8
26
10
15
25
1
7
21
B
19
12
10
8
8
7
18
23
10
1
6
25
23
24
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
7
Across
16 US native language (6)
6
8
9
10
11
12
15
18 Focussing glass (4)
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
19 Status, reputation (8)
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
Shape changer (8)
Variety of agate (4)
Without success (2,4)
Spring-flowering plant (5)
Large birds of prey (6,6)
State of New England (3,9)
Kitchen protector (5)
Solution to Crossword 7632
D I GE
N N
ON N
I
U
ENC I
G
SWA
A
T HY
W
ERAN
R
N DR
4
17
13
T A
W
NK T
W
AG
R
NDA
L
E A L
A E
S G
E R
L MO
2
2
24
11
1
13
15
A S
P
L A
R
I E
P
GA
R
S T
A
P L U
E
S A
3
14
7
P
O
P
U
L
O
U
S
2
17
8
7
13
18
7
5
H
13
13
3
D
10
12
5
S T
R
E A
P
E S
X
T H
R
AD
D
I U
T
E A
Down
13
24
25
26
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
D
H
1 Very long period (4)
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Saturday’s solution, right
2 Happen to (6)
3 Declares invalid (12)
5 Viewing end of a
microscope (8)
D
E
F
O
R
M
E
D
12
O
4 Sharp bend (6)
T
11
7 Relatives by marriage (7-2-3)
11 Ill-defined region (4,4)
13 Unorthodox belief (6)
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica No 4231
14 Enter intrusively (6)
17 Bringer of bad luck (4)
F
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
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M
E
G
U
P
U
O
L
O
D
R
C
C
R
G
N
M
E
G
I
A
M
L
D
R
N
E
M
T
A
A
See today’s News section
N
A
R
A
A
D
I
L
C
K
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W
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Easy No 4309
Futoshiki No 3156
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
∨
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
V
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
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order) and your contact details.
No 4232
Kakuro No 2115
3
3
∨
4
29
4
6
11
4
13
9
4
6
6
16
31
4
21
<
∨
<
∨
2
∧
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
23
23
13
7
∧
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
15
10
3
23
7
13
6
22
7
6
16
17
4
26
7
12
23
6
25
7
4
26
20
4
3
17
© PUZZLER MEDIA
1
Codeword No 3317
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7633
the times | Monday April 23 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
Fabiano Caruana wrapped up the
Grenke Chess Classic with an
accomplished victory against the
hitherto undefeated Nikita Vitiugov. Caruana finished a clear point
ahead of world champion Magnus
Carlsen, an excellent omen for his
prospects in the world championship contest set for London in
November. See the article of April
16 for the Grenke crosstable.
For his final-round game Caruana once again employed the
Petroff Defence, widely regarded
as a blatant attempt by Black to
achieve equality. However, in
Caruana’s hands the Petroff has
become a weapon that enables him
to strive for victory with Black, as
was also seen in his final-round win
against Alexander Grischuk from
the FIDE World Chess Candidates
tournament in Berlin, published in
this column on April 9.
White: Nikita Vitiugov
Black: Fabiano Caruana
Grenke Chess Classic,
Karlsruhe/Baden Baden 2018
Petroff Defence
1 e4 e5 2 Nf3 Nf6 3 d4 Nxe4 4
dxe5 d5 5 Nbd2 Qd7
White’s threat had been to
trade on e4 and d8 followed by
Ng5. There are various conventional ways of defusing this threat,
namely 5 ... Nxd2, 5 ... Nc5 and 5 ...
Be7. Caruana’s fifth move is not
only unusual, it is an innovation.
6 Bd3 Nc5
Thus Black has improved his
prospects in comparison with the
immediate 5 ... Nc5 as White must
now lose a tempo with his king’s
bishop rather than cede Black the
bishop pair at such an early stage.
7 Be2 g6 8 Nb3 Ne6 9 Be3 c5 10
Ng5 b6 11 Nxe6 fxe6 12 a4 Bb7 13
0-0 Nc6 14 f4 Bh6 15 a5 Ne7
Caruana prefers to maintain
the tension rather than go down
the simplifying route with 15 ...
Nxe5 16 axb6 axb6 17 Rxa8+ Bxa8
18 Bxc5 bxc5 19 fxe5.
16 Bg4 d4 17 Bc1 0-0 18 Qd3
Threatening a fork with 19 Qh3.
18 ... Bd5 19 Qh3 Bg7 20 Nd2 Nf5
21 c4 dxc3 22 bxc3 Rad8 23 axb6
axb6 24 Re1 b5 25 Ne4 Qe7 26
Ng5 h6 27 Nf3 Bc6 28 Bxf5 gxf5
________
á D 4 4kD]
àD D 1 g ]
ß DbDpD 0]
ÞDp0 )pD ]
Ý D D ) D]
ÜD ) DNDQ]
Û D D DP)]
Ú$ G $ I ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
29 Be3
Although plausible, the redevelopment of the bishop permits
Black to invade with his rook.
White should retrench with 29
Nd2 followed by Nf1 in order to
repel boarders, as 29 Nd2 c4 fails
to 30 Ba3, the main reason to
retain the bishop on c1.
29 ... Rd3 30 Rac1 Ra8 31 Qh4
Qxh4 32 Nxh4 c4 33 Kf2 Bf8 34
Nf3 Bd5 35 Nd4 Bc5 36 Nxf5
A desperate attempt to break
free from Black’s grip but Caruana brushes it aside.
36 ... Ba3 37 Nxh6+ Kg7 38 f5
Bxc1 39 Bxc1 Rxc3 40 f6+ Kg6
White resigns
________
á DrD i D] Winning Move
àD D DpDp]
ßpD Dp! D] White to play. This position is from
Pro League 2018.
ÞDp1bDpD ] Swiercz-Manukyan,
Black is trying to keep the white major
Ý D D D D] pieces at bay by erecting a barrier across
ÜD D D D ] the fifth rank. White’s next destroyed this
ÛPD D )P)] barrier and won quickly. What did he play?
ÚD DR$ I ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
Bridge Andrew Robson
How do you play this trump suit? Dealer: South, Vulnerability: Neither
Dummy
Rubber
♠7 6 2
♠ 762
♥A KQ 8 7
---♦Q 7
Declarer
♣9 6 4
♠ AKJ984
♠3
♠ Q 10 5
N
The odds narrowly favour the
♥6 3
♥J 10 9 5
W E
drop (cashing the ace-king).
♦K J 4 2
♦10 9 6 5
S
♣A K J 8 3 2♠ A K J 9 8 4 ♣10 7
However, the expression, “eight
ever, nine never” (meaning if
♥4 2
you’re missing the queen and have
♦A 8 3
eight cards, you should finesse;
♣Q 5
with nine cards, you should drop)
S
W
N
E
is not my favourite.
1♠
2♣
2♥
Pass
Why do I not like “eight ever,
2♠
Pass
3♠
Pass
nine never”? First of all, when you
4♠
End
have a nine-card fit (as above), the
odds are incredibly close: the deciContract: 4♠ , Opening Lead: ♣A
sion is always on a knife-edge.
Second, other factors relating to
the rest of the hand must always
Jack. Finessing put declarer in a
be taken into consideration. The
expression implies a certainty, win-win position. If the jack lost to
West’s queen, declarer would sucwhereas, in reality none exists.
The answer to the question ceed provided hearts were not 5-1.
“How do you play the above trump He would win West’s (say) heart
suit?” is, “I don’t know without return in dummy, cash the third
high heart, discarding a diamond.
seeing the rest of the hand.”
On our featured 4♠ deal, West Assuming a 4-2 heart split, he
led out the ace-king of clubs, would ruff a fourth heart (not with
felling declarer’s queen, and con- the four) then lead the precious
tinued safely with the jack of clubs, four of spades to dummy, and cash
East discarding a diamond. the fifth heart, discarding his other
Declarer ruffed the third club but low diamond. Game made.
As it happened, the jack of
was careful to retain the four of
spades, which he may have needed spades won as West discarded.
to get to dummy’s third spade. He Declarer cashed the king of
spades, drawing East’s queen and
ruffed with the eight.
At trick five, declarer cashed the crossed to the two remaining top
ace of spades in case something hearts. The suit did not split 3-3, so
interesting happened. It did not — he had to lose a diamond at the
both opponents followed low. He end but that was ten tricks and
then crossed to a high heart in game made.
Heads I win, tails you lose.
dummy and led a second spade to
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
East’s ten and his...?
EASY
39 + 9
x 2 – 12
50%
OF IT
–8
–6
50%
OF IT
–9
+1/2
OF IT
x 4 + 28
25%
OF IT
+ 76 x 3 + 98
50%
OF IT
+ 76
+1/2
OF IT
+ 818 x 2
– 573
75%
OF IT
62
MEDIUM
141 + 477
HARDER
+1/6
OF IT
+ 737
x2
90%
OF IT
2
2
4 2
2 4
4
6
4 10
Polygon
5
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Fabulous finale
Cell Blocks No 3200
Brain Trainer
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Chess Raymond Keene
2
2
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
Set Square No 2118
© PUZZLER MEDIA
From these letters, make words of
three or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 12 words, average;
17, good; 23, very good; 29, excellent
x
x
= 14 the numbers
+
9
x
+
6
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
= 56 We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
should be
= 3 sum
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
+
-
-
Saturday’s answers
flog, flout, foul, ghoul, golf, goth, gout,
holt, hough, loft, loth, lough, lout,
ought, thou, though, thought,
thoughtful, toft, tofu, tolu, tough, tout
Enter each of
+
-
+
-
=
30
=
9
=
1
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Killer Gentle No 5971
7
15
16
9
5
6
4
11
17
8
20
14
15
13
17
11
12
4min
8
4
7
16
Solutions
Quick Cryptic 1074
Codeword 3316
O
S W P
J
H
R
A L AMO
S E T F A I R
R G
I
C
I
A
L
SQU A R E D
O L I V E
N
O
Z
D
U
Z OOMS
L EGS P I N
O
E
I
E
O
R E S CU E R
N E V E R
E
P
O
N
G
WA RDO F F
A D I OS
O
I
W
J
S
I
A
A B A D EGG
V E NU S
A
E
R
R
X
H
E
S K
H
ON
W
NA
6
12
14
16
12
9
12
11
15
14
16
17
10
3
1
5
2
9
8
3
7
6
4
9
7
4
2
1
6
5
8
3
3
6
8
7
4
5
1
9
2
2
1
9
6
5
4
3
7
8
4
8
5
3
7
1
6
2
9
RM
O
E T
H
E
B
GE
R
H T
H
R E
D
Y
6
3
7
8
2
9
4
5
1
5
9
6
1
3
8
2
4
7
8
2
3
4
6
7
9
1
5
7
4
1
5
9
2
8
3
6
6
÷
3
x
x
7
x
8
+
x
4
-
x
5
+
9
+
2
+
Killer Tricky No 5972
12
16
10
4
7
11
18
22
8
4
21
13
3
6
14min
9
14
10
1
6
3
5
4
9
7
2
8
9
2
1
6
8
5
4
3
7
6
4
8
7
3
1
2
9
5
5
3
7
4
9
2
8
1
6
3
5
6
9
2
8
1
7
4
8
7
9
1
5
4
3
6
2
2
1
4
3
6
7
5
8
9
Suko 2218
14
12
3
Brain Trainer
17
9
10
18
17
22
1 2
3 1
9
7
6
1 3
4 2
4 6 2 1
9 8
7
7 9
8
4
2
1
8
9
4
2
1
3
9
7
3
1
8 4
9 2
5
5
3
9
2 5 6
1 3
4 8 9
6 8
1 9 7
3
3 7 5
1
5
8 9 7
2
9 5 6
1
5
4
3
5
4
2
4
5
4
2
5
3
A
3
1
B
B
R
O
G
O
A
Y
M
O
T
K
H
E
W
C
L
A
R
U
S
W
Y
3
3 < 4
∧
1
5
2
3
2
1
O
I
Y
R
S
R
E
5
S
P
I
D
E
4 > 2
P
R
Futoshiki 3155
5
Cell Blocks 3199
Lexica 4230
6
2
I
E
L
N
A
A
L
9
3
2
2
3 6
5
6
Tredoku 1522
5
1
1
∧
4 > 3
∨
1
2
∧
5
4
5
2
4
3
KenKen 4308
12
Word watch
17
9
3
18
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
Taxonomy (b) A
classification
Twibil (a) A doublebladed battle-axe
Tchick (c) To make a
noise with the tongue,
usually to urge on horses
Quiz
Chess
1 Rxd5! leads to 1 ...exd5
2 Qh8 mate or 1 ... Qxd5
2 Qh8+ and White
emerges a rook up
7
9
1
2
3
3
Easy 22
Medium 389
Harder 3,627
7
9
8
7
Train Tracks 388
Quintagram
1 Harp
2 Excel
3 Granite
4 Mollusc
5 Pink Floyd
D
7
22
J
L A
N
G I
T
CO
R
L
A
G
O
NG
ACR E
L
Q
T E AU
A
A
ONA L
L
L ON Y
R
S I NG
G
L
L A Z E
M A
O I SM
1
Lexica 4229
4
9
2
8
7
3
6
5
1
H
-
Killer 5970
7
8
5
2
1
6
9
4
3
Kakuro 2114
I S
U
P
P
R E
R
D
M
F U
E
S S
L
J I
Set Square 2117
Sudoku 9816
3
I
N
S
I
P
I
F UD
E
R I G
V
A
E X P
N
E
T I D
1 Money: A Suicide Note 2 Turin Shroud 3 Madonna
4 Question Time 5 George HW Bush 6 Plato 7 Slugs
8 Moonpig. He is the founder of Moonpig.com
9 Peter Mark Roget 10 Pompey the Great
11 Baruch de Spinoza aka Benedict de Spinoza
12 Friedrich Miescher 13 Byron Nelson. The
device’s action is modelled after Nelson’s swing
14 Red and yellow 15 Natalie Imbruglia
23.04.18
MindGames
Easy No 9817
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Difficult No 9818
3
1
Taxonomy
a The science of stuffing
b A classification
c An economic system
Twibil
a An axe
b A scold
c A tree house
Tchick
a A computer debug
b A young mongoose
c To make a noise
Fiendish No 9819
3
9
8
1
8
7
2 1
3 8
8 9
7
1 6
7 6
2 4
1 3
8 2
5
8
2
3
4 9
7 5
1
5
2
1
3
9 2 7
1
5
5
4
6
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
8
4
6
9 5
1
9 6
8 7
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Answers on page 15
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2218
GETTY IMAGES
11 Ethics (1677) is
the magnum opus
of which Dutch
philosopher of Sephardi/
Portuguese origin?
1 Which 1984 Martin Amis
novel is narrated by the
advert director John Self?
2 Sindonology is the
study of which Italybased religious artefact?
12 Which Swiss scientist
isolated nucleic acid
(DNA) in 1869?
3 In 1984, which US pop
icon had her first UK
hit with Holiday?
4 Which programme
began in 1979, chaired
by Robin Day, as a TV
version of Radio 4’s Any
Questions? ?
15
to which Greek
philosopher’s Academy?
7 Limacology is a
branch of zoology that
studies which shell-less
gastropod molluscs?
5 Which future US
president became
director of the CIA in
January 1976?
6 “Let no one untrained
in geometry enter” was
a motto at the entrance
13 Used to test clubs
and balls, the Iron
Byron is a device
named after which
US golfer?
8 What was the school
nickname of online
greetings card company
founder Nick Jenkins?
9 Which English
physician is
remembered for
his Thesaurus of
English Words and
Phrases (1852)?
14 In association
croquet, which
coloured balls are
partnered against blue
and black?
10 Which general’s 63BC
conquest of Jerusalem
led to Judaea’s
incorporation into the
Roman Republic?
15 Which former
Neighbours star is
pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1075 by Orpheus
1
2
3
4
5
7
8
9
10
13
11
14
12
15
16
17
20
23
18
21
19
22
6
Across
1 Popular chap I invited out and
bullied (11)
8 In court, youngster takes in
many at first — very many! (7)
9 Start the day in distinctive
clothing? (3-2)
10 Lawyer thus allowed into bar
at last (9)
12 Organ used in Baroque arias
(3)
13 Further showing of broadcast
about fuel (6)
15 Old cab, reportedly wellproportioned (6)
17 Friend knocking drink back (3)
18 Deportation excludes ex — it’s
the custom (9)
20 Improper to take forty winks
in it (5)
22 Flowering plant, one carried
by teacher’s favourite girl (7)
23 Politician introducing more
obese-sounding tradesman (11)
Down
1 Drive mischief-maker over
English lake (5)
2
3
4
5
6
7
11
14
16
19
21
Keen worker at bottom of
ditch (9)
Tiny child receiving letter in
Greece (6)
Appreciate archaeologists’
undertaking (3)
Walks unsteadily, beginning to
track river creatures (7)
Plan mattered awfully, like
some stores (12)
Away working in sort of club,
excelling (12)
Pragmatic about girl’s nervous
affliction (9)
Loot obtained by convict
breaking into stately home (7)
More affected holiday-maker
(6)
Daughter misses meal — it’s
part of the target (5)
Heavyweight initially training
cricket side (3)
Friday’s solution on page 15
8
3 9
6 4
2
7
8
6
8
5 1 9
7
6 3
4 1 5
5 4
7
2
3
6
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