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The Times Times 2 - 27 February 2018

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February 27 | 2018
‘It was a bright cold day in April, and the
clocks were striking thirteen.’
‘Now, what I want is, Facts.’
‘Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley
again.’
The 25 best first lines. Ever.
How many of the novels can you name? Take our quiz
‘It was the afternoon of my
eighty-first birthday, and I was in
bed with my catamite when Ali announced
that the archbishop had come to see me.’
‘Into the face of the young man who sat on
the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at
Cannes there had crept a look of furtive
shame, the shifty, hangdog look which
announces that an Englishman is about to
talk French.’
2
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Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
times2
‘Steph is right:
Dragons’ Den should
never have turned down
my Bobstacle Course
Robert Crampton
I
ALAMY
am not one to claim clairvoyant
abilities, but three stories in the
news make me wonder if I am
in fact possessed of hitherto
undetected psychic powers
of prediction. Read on . . .
First up, my wife has long
encouraged me — I would use
the word “nagged”, but she tells me it’s
sexist — to stop using cash in shops.
Pay with your card instead, she says,
because contactless is quicker and
makes doing the accounts a lot easier.
Much as I love carting around a
wodge of tenners, over the past year
or so I have followed her advice,
while never entirely trusting the
technology involved.
Which is obviously another way of
saying I don’t like her being able to
follow a paper trail of the fags and
booze I buy.
Never mind that, though. A few
days ago Victoria Cleland, the chief
cashier of the Bank of England no less,
revealed that she prefers using cash
for small purchases because she isn’t
convinced that contactless payments
are fully secure. Right on cue, up steps
a boastful — thus far anonymous, but
not, I suspect, for very long — chancer
who idiotically decides to post a
YouTube video detailing how she
found a lost debit card in the street and
went on a spree of sub-£30-per-item
shopping. Why am I not surprised?
Cleland’s signature is on every
banknote in the country. If that
banknote is a fiver, turn it over and
you’ll see an image of Winston
Churchill. And guess what? I was
right about him too. On two counts.
I’ve read a lot about Churchill. His
biographers tend to gloss over his sex
life, saying he had little interest in
pleasures of the flesh. Certainly, the
great man was a loner, often rat-arsed
on bubbly and brandy, and — fair play
— also quite busy saving civilisation.
Even so, call me a cynic, I never
bought the idea that he was a paragon
of marital fidelity, as generally argued.
Now my doubts are confirmed.
Towards the end of his life, John
“Jock” Colville, the former prime
minister’s assistant private secretary,
recorded an interview for the
Churchill archive in Cambridge.
Colville’s recollections were so dull
A Robin
that’s not
so reliant
Campaigners say that
the supposed site of
Robin Hood’s grave,
close to the former
Kirklees Priory in West
Yorkshire, is under
The BBC’s Steph McGovern says that
she is paid less than privately educated
colleagues because of her working-class
roots. Deborah Orr knows how she feels
Wrexham’s
angel of
the north
that for 30-odd years no academic
bothered to listen all the way to the
end of the tape. But now a diligent
researcher, Warren Dockter, has done
just that — and has been rewarded
by Colville’s revelation of his boss’s
long-running affair with one Doris
Castlerosse, the great-aunt of the
model Cara Delevingne.
Hence my second point. Any
interviewer worth his salt knows
that the end of the conversation
is when you get the good stuff.
Finally, about ten years ago I
was charged for an article in this
newspaper with presenting a pitch to
the super-scary hosts of Dragons’ Den.
I duly came up with a project I was
proud to call the Bobstacle Course —
a soft-play meets assault course leisure
dome concept aimed at adults, not
kids. The Dragons eviscerated my
plan. Duncan Bannatyne was
especially unpleasant.
Yet now similar schemes are
springing up everywhere! This May,
I read, Liverpool’s Albert Dock will
feature a water-borne challenge
comprising inflatable slides, rafts,
ramps, trampolines etc. Sounds like
fun. It also sounds — well, a little bit
anyway — like my own moneymaking proposal from a decade ago.
Mock if you will. I’m thinking this
may be an opportune moment to
break the habit of a lifetime and get
down the bookies.
threat from a new
industrial estate.
Legend has it that
the almost certainly
mythical outlaw was
murdered at the priory
and that, as he lay
dying, he loosed a
valedictory arrow to
indicate the spot where
he should be interred.
Some enthusiasts
— although not
many actual scholars —
believe this obvious
guff to be true.
Mind you, nobody
expected to find
Richard III under a
car park in Leicester.
Clearly the correct
course of action is to
delay building work
while an excavation is
carried out.
If Robin’s fan club is
so convinced that their
English hero — as
As temperatures
plummet, a charitable
soul — the so-called
jumper-dumper —
has been distributing
warm clothing to the
homeless in Wrexham.
Woolly pullies have
been popping up
tied to lampposts
around the town
centre, each bearing
the poignant message:
“I am not lost, please
take me.” The identity
of the benefactor is
not known.
I predict that
Wrexham’s guardian
angel is most likely
female and short of
funds herself. Why?
Because I’ve just
witnessed the same
phenomenon not
50 yards from my
house. Trudging home
from the shops on
Sunday, I passed a
female resident on the
nearby council estate
busy securing sweaters
to some railings. “My
son’s grown out of
them,” she explained.
“Maybe someone will
take them.”
The good news — or
sad news, depending on
how you look at it — is
that when I checked
yesterday, the jumpers
had all gone.
immortalised by the
Australian Errol Flynn,
the American Kevin
Costner and the New
Zealander Russell
Crowe doing a weird
Irish accent — is in
that patch of ground,
they should start
digging, right?
Maybe they’ll find the
Holy Grail, some Nazi
gold and Lord Lucan
while they’re at it.
S
teph McGovern has
spoken out, in a strong,
working-class, regional
accent. Unfortunately, due
to her strong, workingclass, regional accent, no
one has a clue what the
lass is saying, although we
know she’s a lass because she’s from
Middlesbrough. From that, if my
experience of having a strong,
working-class, regional accent is
anything to go by, even the most
casual listener will still have been able
to work out quite a bit about who
Steph McGovern may be.
Not so long ago, in a pub, a man
could tell from nothing more than a
brief introduction and my strong
regional accent that I should put my
money away because London prices
could be quite shocking and I was
probably finding it pretty tough in the
big city. He thought he was being
absolutely charming. He was,
obviously, being a patronising,
xenophobic, sexist twonk. I can only
assume, since I’m in my fifties, that he
assumed that middle-aged women
were of no account or means either.
I asked for champagne. Of course.
McGovern is asking for champagne
as well. Sort of. The television
presenter says that her regional accent
has inhibited her ability to earn at
the BBC. Only now, at the age of 35,
has she achieved a six-figure salary,
one that not only men, but also
posher women at the BBC could have
expected with her level of experience
at a much earlier stage. Her
contention is that the BBC not only
has a problem with a gender gap in
pay, but with a class gap in pay as
well. She appears to have been
clobbered by both.
Part of me wishes that the
controversy about the gender pay gap
were not being carried out at such a
rarefied level. I, like most people, don’t
expect to have a six-figure salary for as
long as I live. And I’m cool with that.
Inequality and discrimination are
always ugly. (The BBC has said that it
is more diverse than ever, with 80 per
cent of its workforce educated in state
schools.) Yet there does come a point
when the spectacle of one person
complaining about how arduous their
ascent to silly money has been, only to
be countered by another person
complaining about how they’ve earned
every penny of the clown-shoes-silly
money, just turns everyone off.
Even so, what McGovern is saying
is important to women, working-class
women in particular. The BBC’s
lingua franca is indeed received
pronunciation, reminding people
constantly of how they should ideally
be speaking, with the occasional
and marvellously liberal foray into
the provincial argots serving only as
the exception that proves the rule.
If you have a regional accent you are
always aware that you are deviating
from some supposedly neutral
benchmark of perfection.
My experience of life with a
working-class, regional accent has
been a bit of a “journey”. I was born
and bred in Motherwell, North
Lanarkshire, with a Scottish father
and an English mother. Until I was 17
I was berated daily for the unbearable
pretension of my English accent.
Immediately on arrival at university
I began the pattern of much of my life,
which was to stand around talking
perfectly normally only to be told by
people whose faces were a picture of
incomprehension that they couldn’t
understand a word I was saying, what
with that incredibly strong accent, and
could I please be more clear?
Part of the problem was that I’d
just made a really bad, uninformed
choice. I knew nothing at all about
university except that my grades
meant that I could get into what
seemed to be the “best one”. I’d gone
to St Andrews, unaware that it was
considered a “hurrah” university,
beloved of England’s hunting, shooting
and fishing crowd. I’d never seen
anything like them and they had
never seen anything like me. It was
very confusing and I don’t quite
know how I got through it.
I was aware that
the Motherwell
accent was a
disadvantage
A few years later, in London, when
I bumped up against the Oxbridge
people, a degree from Scotland’s “best
one” meant nothing. They really did
only take other Oxbridge people
seriously. My boss once patiently
explained to me that he had to pay a
new Oxbridge graduate a good chunk
more than me, with my five years’
experience in magazine publishing,
because some other company would
snap him up if he didn’t. Clearly, no
other company would be snapping at
me. They eventually fired me for my
bad attitude. My bad attitude to the
fact that I was patently from a less
rarefied section of society.
I’d been aware, of course, that the
Motherwell accent was a disadvantage.
I just didn’t know I had one. There was
an undertow of shame about accent
among the more aspirational denizens
of Motherwell. There was much
discussion of elocution lessons and
some of the girls in my class attended
them. Early training for the most highflying of secretarial careers or perhaps
even teaching.
My friend Valerie did so well at
elocution lessons that she made
the quarter-finals of the Scottish
championship and I was taken
the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
3
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times2
posh girls get paid more’
The lowdown
Campus dogs
BBC
along to give moral support. It was
excruciating. Who was that girl,
standing there strangling dreadful
verse. “When I hear Muuu-sick, I want
to sing. I want to d-a-a-a-a-nce . . .” The
repeated performance echoes like a
nightmare in my head until this day.
Although I’m sure that Valerie did
very well in life because she was
clever, nice and efficient. The tampeddown Lanarkshire twang was a cherry
that the cake didn’t need. As far as I
know she has never been on the telly.
Has my accent hampered my
career? Probably not that much, give
or take the occasional interview in
which no one understood any of my
answers. I guess the thing is that it
accelerates the careers of others
around you. I have been passed over
for people who were no better than
me, but who just fitted better with
ideas about how a young person
working in journalism looks and
behaves. And I’ve been made to feel
self-conscious about those things
many, many times. Even now, my
strong, working-class, regional accent
will be referred to pointedly by good
people who mean no harm and I’ll feel
obliged to respond with a rousing
round of “Muuuurrrduuur”, in the
manner of Detective Taggart. It’s
either that or a Glasgow kiss.
Not that the Scots can complain
much. As accents go, ours are hardly
low-profile. But I barely know what a
Middlesbrough accent is. When you
hear strong accents in the media they
tend to be familiar ones from the other
cities. Perhaps city people are just
tougher than people from small towns
and more able to navigate the world of
ambition. Or perhaps people simply
feel more comfortable with a regional
accent once it’s “established”.
I also think that people forget how
new, historically, the sounds of
regional accents are to people. Women
particularly didn’t hear much of the
regional accents of others before the
Second World War. My hairdresser,
who started in the 1950s, was told not
to speak to the customers in the salon
where he was apprenticed because his
Bermondsey accent was just too crude
and alarming. He used to practise
saying stock phrases such as: “And how
are you today, madam?” He was 15
years old and believed all he was told
about the way he spoke. Which didn’t
do his confidence a great deal of good.
Even radio was pretty newfangled
and tended to specialise in the very
Steph McGovern
strangled vowels of the aristocracy.
Men heard the accents of others if
they served in the forces, and I think
that was very much the reason why
army officers were expected to speak
with such exaggerated poshness. Posh
accents equalled authority and to a
great extent still do.
I also think, again connected to the
forces, that men tended to encounter
women with accents when they used
sex workers. Sexually, a woman with a
posh accent is still regarded by some
men as being of more worth and
desirability, while a woman with a
regional accent is thought more likely
to be a bit of a slag.
Insiders at the BBC say that the men
who hire and fire there are still in
thrall to the pretty girls with the posh
accents. The McGoverns of this world
they find more intimidating. This
atavistic stuff dies hard, especially
when so many people are so keen to
cling on to it. McGovern, I believe, is
making the right connections, and
deeper, more complex, more sinister
ones than she may know at that.
The war was responsible for my
halfway house of an accent too. My
dad had gone to Essex, exhorted
by his sister, who had married an
Englishman. My dad then met my
mum and married her in a union that
in those days was so exotic that the
local paper reported him as “the
bridegroom from over the border”.
In Essex, my dad used to say, they
were obsessed by his nationality,
always copying his accent, teasing him
about mean Scots and insisting on
calling him Jock. I saw it myself, and
saw the effort he made to act as
though he didn’t mind. Words such as
xenophobia and racism weren’t in
most people’s lexicons back then, but
my dad felt it. It was why he decided to
return home, where my mother and
her daughter in turn got much the
same treatment. Anti-English feeling
was strong in Motherwell. I heard a
few times the accusation that the
English residents took local people’s
jobs. Sometimes I think humans will
always find other humans to “other”,
to blame and to despise.
Which is all a long way from a
delayed six-figure salary. Except that
McGovern’s six-figure salary proclaims
that she has a voice. It is being heard.
Harking back to the war again, I think
it’s important to remember how it was
before it, and how fitting it was that
class constraints broke down so much
in Britain in the decades immediately
after. For a time in Britain it was
ultra-cool to have a working-class
background and a regional accent —
you were a mod, in the same ballpark
as the Beatles. It felt as if there had
been a breakthrough.
All that feels under threat now. That
slippery posh white boy Nigel Farage
has led our whole nation away from
Europe and plurality and back to little
Britain, little England, little Essex and
little Middlesbrough. McGovern’s
observations are a warning that people
like Farage will always find other
people to think they are better than, at
the least excuse, then mocking and
vilifying them for the quaint but
important mistake of being even a tiny
bit different. I stand with McGovern. I
always will.
Where did you go to university?
Oxford.
How did you cope with exam stress?
I sat the exams. The stress ended.
You must regret not going to the
University of Buckingham.
So very, very much.
I thought so. Buckingham is
hoping to be the world’s first
positive university.
Isn’t “good” a better thing for a
university to aim for?
Dreaming spires are so
20th century. Buckingham has
happiness badges and cockapoos.
Cockapoos?
Yes. For the students to stroke and
take for walks. They’re to alleviate
exam stress.
And the happiness badges?
You got one if you took part in a
wellbeing parade.
The words “wellbeing parade” are
making me profoundly unhappy.
Don’t be harsh. Kids today are
under much more pressure than
you were.
Rubbish. Finals have always been
stressful. That’s part of the point.
Well, either way, the effort to
improve the learning environment
is being led by Buckingham’s
creative writing teacher.
Oh yes? And what does she have to
say for herself?
“We’re focused on general
wellbeing and on staying healthy,
and on not falling over the
waterfall.”
Waterfall? What waterfall? Where?
What if the dogs fall over it?
Stop interrupting. She goes on:
“There are plenty of services that
help you when you’re at the bottom
of the waterfall. The idea is stay
buoyant and keep surfing the
wave.”
This woman teaches people how to
write? Has she ever heard of a mixed
metaphor? When was the last time
she surfed a waterfall, or saw a wave
break on one? And what have
waterfalls got to do with exam stress?
You’re scaring me.
Of all the snowflake nonsense, this
may take the top slot. The poor ickle
stressed-out
can’tt
ed out finalists can
cope unless they’ve got a
dog to stroke? Will the
dog have
ave a safe space on
campus,
us, where there’s
no platform
tform for cats?
You are
re not a
nice person.
erson.
Hilaryy
Rose
4
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Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
times2
Think you’re well-read? Do you
GETTY IMAGES; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
Rebecca has a
great opening line
— but does the
rest endure, asks
John Sutherland
R
ebecca has been a
bestseller for 80 years
and has sold millions.
It has never been out
of print. Perennial
bestsellers are rare.
What was the other
top-selling British
novel of 1938? The Citadel by AJ
Cronin. More people nowadays have
read James Joyce’s Finnegans Wake,
which came out a month or so later.
Alfred Hitchcock’s film of Rebecca
helped to keep the novel fresh. But
there is something other in Daphne
du Maurier’s romance, which touches
generation after generation —
particularly, but not exclusively,
women readers. I suspect it’s the
novel’s dark, sensed rather than stated
undercurrents. Rebecca is not a novel
that entertains; it fascinates.
Whether, however, Rebecca will
survive 2018 — the year of feminism
insurgent and radical rereadings of
texts previously regarded as classic —
is another question.
Consider, in the light of 2018 sexual
politics, the bare outline of du
Maurier’s story. It is the late 1930s.
Britain is recovering from one war and
about to plunge into another. A man’s
man, the owner of a large Cornwall
estate, Manderley, marries a strong
woman. In the event, Rebecca proves
too strong by far for Maximilian de
Winter. His manliness wilts. Although
she is dead over the whole course of
the novel’s real time, the narrative is
dominated by Rebecca’s presence.
What Rebecca looked like we never
know — although we do learn that
she wears silk underwear and smokes.
As did du Maurier. Her father, Gerald,
the most important man in her life,
sold the family name to a tobacco firm.
Daphne was, for her time, advanced
in other ways. From school onwards
— where she had a daring fling with
the French mistress — she was drawn
to other women, while enjoying more
straight sex than all but the most
Rebecca-ish of her generation. She
saw herself as a sexual “half-breed”.
“Life’s no fun,” she said, “unless there’s
a danger in it.” Between the sheets.
Rebecca scorns Max, who is sterile,
the evidence suggests. The marriage
breaks down on the honeymoon. She
takes lovers — first on the list is the
lounge lizard Jack Favell. There are
other warmers of Rebecca’s bed,
including, as queer-theorist critics
argue, the Manderley housekeeper
(and keeper of Rebecca’s flame after
her death), Mrs Danvers, aka “Danny”
(the bi-name is significant).
The multiply-cuckolded Max storms
down one stormy night to the
boathouse (Rebecca’s love nest) by the
Manderley mansion to confront his
tormentor, expecting to surprise her
in flagrante delicto. She is, however,
alone. She venomously taunts him. He
is not merely a cuckold, but a eunuch.
She will not divorce him. Oh no. She is
with child, she tells him. Another
man’s seed will inherit Manderley.
The proverbial red mist falls. Max
shoots her. In the heart, he claims; the
child-bearing stomach is more probable
as I read the episode. In fact, Rebecca
is not pregnant, but dying of some
unnamed cancer. Max, however, will
not know she has tricked him until
much later. “Is it contagious?” asks
Jack, fearing something venereal.
Having shot Rebecca dead, Max
single-handedly takes her three-tonne
yacht, Je Reviens, a few hundred yards
out to sea and sinks it, having locked
the corpse in the cabin, before making
his way back to shore. Doubtless the
Manderley servants will think
midnight dips, fully dressed, gun in
hand, are what toffs do for recreation.
His ex-wife will, Max hopes, be assumed
to have drowned at sea, body unfound.
Hitchcock was not an auteur who
winced at violence to women. Think of
Tippi Hedren being pecked by birds,
Janet Leigh’s bloody shower or the
necktied corpses in Frenzy. But even
Hitch bottled at divorce Manderleystyle. In the film Rebecca falls and
bangs her head fatally.
Strangely, a couple of months later
a decomposed female corpse washes
ashore and is testified by Max to be
Rebecca’s. He’s lying, of course. But
thanks to the lie he’s a free man: he
will not have to wait years until
Rebecca can be declared legally dead.
Daphne du Maurier
in 1947
Rebecca, the 80th
anniversary edition,
is published by Virago,
£14.99
Rebecca
is not a
novel that
entertains;
instead it
fascinates
A fancy-free widower, Max goes
on to propose marriage to a timid
lady’s companion (never forenamed or
surnamed). He does not mince words.
“I’m asking you to marry me, you little
fool,” is his manly declaration.
The little fool does what’s she told.
She will go on to narrate the bulk
of the novel, refracted through her
imperfect understanding of what’s
going on. Her namelessness reflects her
non-stick character. Max, we deduce, is
not going to make the same mistake.
Better a little fool than Medusa.
The second Mrs de Winter discovers
that she cannot replace the black hole
left by the first. It sucks her in. When
Rebecca’s body is found by divers, Max
uses his pull with friendly magistrates
(who guess the truth) to thwart justice.
But he is warned it might be worth
spending a decade or two in
Switzerland. The second Mrs de
Winter, as ever doing what she’s told,
goes abroad with (as she now knows)
the murderer of her predecessor. They
will escape the coming world war. And
again no heir is likely. They have
separate beds, we’re coyly told.
Generically Rebecca belongs in the
line of romance fiction that took off
with Jane Eyre. Maximilian de Winter
is Edward Rochester reborn. Jane
Eyre’s husband is also a first-wife
killer, the evidence of Charlotte
Brontë’s novel strongly suggests. He
pushed, we may suspect, Bertha off
the burning roof of Thornfield, which,
like Manderley, is burnt to the ground
as a final act of woman’s vengeance.
Woman’s romance, so called, became
the staple of Mills & Boon. What did
Sylvia Plath write in her poem Daddy,
“Every woman adores a fascist”? Not
post-Weinstein she doesn’t. It’s hard to
see Rebecca nestling on the bookshelf
alongside Rose McGowan’s Brave.
A case can nonetheless be made for
Rebecca surviving the genderquake of
2018. What renders du Maurier’s effort
different from the run of romantic
fiction is her way of withholding
information that less artful romance
writers would spill out promiscuously.
Du Maurier demands that every
reader does a bit of Sherlocking. The
heroine’s namelessness is an overt
instance, but at a deeper level what
is her background? No answer will
be found in the novel.
Another enigma: whose is the
drowned body that Max identifies
on oath at Edgecoombe, two months
after her disappearance, as that of his
murdered wife, knowing all the while
that Rebecca’s corpse is still lying,
rotting in the cabin of Je Reviens? And
why is there no bullet wound in the
pseudo-Rebecca? This isn’t explained
and it drove Hitchcock crazy.
I’ve heard it suggested, far-fetchedly,
that the second corpse is one of
Rebecca’s lovers that she and Danny
killed and pitched overboard. My
hunch is that du Maurier planted
it as a deliberate dead end, to fox the
reader. And smile at us over the page,
simpletons that we are.
Why in his last encounter with
Rebecca does Max go down with
a loaded side arm? His account to his
second wife, that he wanted to frighten
the life out of Favell, rings hollow. Max
has no solid evidence that his
cuckolder is in the boathouse. A likelier
explanation is that Max resolved to kill
his wife and planned the disposal of
her body in advance. Recall that he’s a
proven liar. On oath, when push
comes to shove.
The biggest enigma is at the end.
After receiving their get-out-jail-free
card, the de Winters drive back to
Manderley. Maxim has been informed
that Mrs Danvers had a trunk phone
call and has packed up and left.
As they approach the great house
the narrator-heroine sees, as she
thinks, the dawn rising in the west.
But it isn’t: “[Max] drove faster,
much faster. We topped the hill
before us and saw Lanyon lying in
a hollow at our feet. There to the
left of us was the silver streak of the
river, widening to the estuary of
Kerrith six miles away. The road to
Manderley lay ahead. There was no
moon. The sky above our heads was
inky black. But the sky on the horizon
was not dark at all. It was shot with
crimson, like a splash of blood. And
the ashes blew towards us with the
salt wind from the sea.”
It’s magnificent — and tantalisingly
enigmatic. Who has perpetrated this
act of arson? We are driven to suppose
it is the woman who has haunted
Manderley throughout. If Thornfield
was burnt down by the madwoman in
the attic, Manderley is burnt down by
the corpse in the cabin. Je Reviens. But
who really believes in ghosts?
Rebecca is a masterpiece of plot and
mystery, but can it live on in our age
of regendered literature? We shall see.
the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
5
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times2
know the 25 best first lines?
Test your literary knowledge by James Marriott
b
b) Sense and Sensibility by
JJane Austen
cc) Wuthering Heights by
E
Emily Brontë
“Last night I dreamt I went
to Manderley again.” Daphne
du Maurier’s Rebecca has
one of the most instantly
recognisable first lines in
literature, but how many of
these opening lines can you
recognise?
119 “Roger, aged seven, and no
lo
longer the youngest of the
fa
family, ran in wide zigzags to
aand fro, across the steep field
th
that sloped up from the lake to
H
Holly Howe, the farm where
th
they were staying for part of the
ssummer holidays.”
a)
a It Shouldn’t Happen to a Vet
by
b James Herriot
b)
b Stig of the Dump by Clive King
cc) Swallows and Amazons by
Arthur
Ransome
A
1 “Once upon a time and a very
good time it was there was a
moocow coming down along the
road and this moocow that was
coming down along the road
met a nicens little boy named
baby tuckoo.”
a) A Portrait of the Artist as
a Young Man by James Joyce
b) Where’s My Cow? by
Terry Pratchett
c) Animal Farm by George Orwell
2 “The artist is the creator of
beautiful things.”
a) The Moon and Sixpence by
W Somerset Maugham
b) The Picture of Dorian Gray by
Oscar Wilde
c) The Story of Art by EH Gombrich
3 “Now, what I want is, Facts.”
a) Hard Times by Charles Dickens
b) A Tale of Two Cities by
Charles Dickens
c) The Small House at Allington
by Anthony Trollope
4 “There were four of us — George
and William Samuel Harris, and
myself, and Montmorency.”
a) The Diary of a Nobody by George
and Weedon Grossmith
b) Five Go to Smuggler’s Top by
Enid Blyton
c) Three Men in a Boat by
Jerome K Jerome
5 “Until he was four years old, James
Henry Trotter had a happy life.”
a) The Magic Mountain by
Thomas Mann
b) James and the Giant Peach by
Roald Dahl
c) White Fang by Jack London
6 “Titus is seven.”
a) Titus Andronicus by William
Shakespeare
b) Gormenghast by Mervyn Peake
c) I, Claudius by Robert Graves
7 “Call me Ishmael.”
a) Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
b) Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
c) The Cat in the Hat by
Doctor Seuss
8 “As I walked through the
wilderness of this world, I lighted
on a certain place, where was
a den; and I laid me down in that
place to sleep; and as I slept
I dreamed a dream.”
a) Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
b) Paradise Lost by John Milton
c) The Pilgrim’s Progress by
John Bunyan
JANE EYRE
20 “The Past is a Foreign
2
Country; they do things
C
differently
there.”
d
a)
a The End of the Affair by
Graham
Greene
G
b)) The Go-Between by LP Hartley
c) The Code of the Woosters by
PG Wodehouse
P
WUTHERING HEIGHTS
9 “ ‘There’s no such thing as a
perfect murder,’ Tom said to
Reeves.”
a) A Study in Scarlet by Arthur
Conan Doyle
b) Ripley’s Game by Patricia
Highsmith
c) The Mysterious Affair at Styles
by Agatha Christie
21 “Into the face of the young man
who sat on the terrace of the Hotel
w
Magnifique at Cannes there had
M
crept a look of furtive shame, the
cr
shifty, hangdog look which
sh
announces that an Englishman is
an
about to talk French.”
ab
a) The Luck of the Bodkins by
PG Wodehouse
P
b) Scoop by Evelyn Waugh
c) The Old Devils by Kingsley Amis
10 “My father had a small
estate in Nottinghamshire;
I was the third of five sons.”
a) Sons and Lovers by
DH Lawrence
b) Little Lord Fauntleroy by
Frances Hodgson Burnett
c) Gulliver’s Travels by
Jonathan Swift
11 “All children, except one, grow up.”
a) Swallows and Amazons by Arthur
Ransome
b) Peter Pan by JM Barrie
c) The Doubtful Guest by
Edward Gorey
12 “It is a truth universally
acknowledged, that a single man
in possession of a good fortune,
must be in want of a wife.”
a) Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
b) Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
c) Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
13 “Stately, plump Buck Mulligan
came from the stairhead, bearing a
bowl of lather on which a mirror and a
razor lay crossed.”
a) Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe
b) The Amber Spyglass by Philip
Pullman
c) Ulysses by James Joyce
14 “The boy with the fair hair lowered
himself down the last few feet of rock
and began to pick his way towards the
lagoon.”
a) Lord of the Flies by William Golding
b) The Prisoner of Zenda by
Anthony Hope
c) Coot Club by Arthur Ransome
15 “It was the afternoon of my
eighty-first birthday, and I was in
bed with my catamite when Ali
announced that the archbishop had
come to see me.”
a) The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson
b) Of Human Bondage by W Somerset
Maugham
c) Earthly Powers by Anthony Burgess
16 “That old bell, presage of a train,
had just sounded through Oxford
Station; and the undergraduates who
were waiting there, gay figures in
tweed or flannel, moved to the margin
of the platform and gazed idly up the
line.”
a) Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn
Waugh
b) Zuleika Dobson by Max Beerbohm
c) Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis
22 “In my younger and more
vulnerable years my father gave me
vu
some advice that I’ve been turning
so
SENSE AND SENSIBILITY ov
over in my mind ever since.”
a) The Great Gatsby by F Scott
Fitzgerald
Above: the choice of
b) My Brilliant Friend by Elena
answers to question
Ferrante
18. Top left: Mia
c) A Visit from the Goon Squad by
Wasikowska as Jane
Jennifer Egan
Eyre. Top right:
Charlotte Riley as
23 “We slept in what had once been
Cathy and Tom Hardy
the gymnasium.”
as Heathcliff. Above:
a) The Loneliness of the Long Distance
Kate Winslet, Emilie
Runner by Alan Sillitoe
François and Emma
b) The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret
Thompson as the
Atwood
Dashwoods
c) The Colour of Magic by Terry
Pratchett
24 “My name is Kathy H. I am
thirty-one years old, and I’ve been
a carer now for over eleven years.”
a) The Woman Who Walked Into Doors
by Roddy Doyle
b) Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
c) The Sense of an Ending by
Julian Barnes
17 “It was a bright cold day in April,
and the clocks were striking thirteen.”
a) Nineteen Eighty-Four, by George
Orwell
b) Northern Lights by Philip Pullman
c) Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
18 “There was no possibility of taking
a walk that day.”
a) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Answers
on page 7
25 “It was a queer sultry summer, the
summer they electrocuted the
Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what
I was doing in New York.”
a) The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
b) On the Road by Jack Kerouac
c) The Very Hungry Caterpillar
by Eric Carle
6
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Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
body&soul
The rise (and
The death of Emma
Chambers is a reminder
of how prevalent heart
disease is among women
Dr Mark Porter
H
eart disease in
women rarely makes
the news, but last
weekend it hit the
headlines when it
was reported that
the Vicar of Dibley
actress Emma
Chambers had died after a suspected
heart attack. She was 53.
The cause of her death is yet to
be confirmed, but if it did involve a
heart attack she will join the 150 or
so women killed by one over the
weekend the UK. Coronary heart
disease kills nearly three times as
many women as breast cancer,
yet while breast awareness is the
norm, most women don’t give their
heart a second thought. After all,
the stereotypical heart attack victim
is an overweight middle-aged man,
not a slim woman — a misconception
that is costing lives.
Until the menopause (average age
51), women are protected against
heart disease when compared with
their male peers — probably due to
the action of the female hormone
oestrogen — but afterwards their
risk starts to rise. Women always
lag behind men — the average
70-year-old woman’s risk of a heart
attack is about that of a 55-year-old
man’s — but it soon becomes one of
the biggest threats to their health.
Heart attacks exact nothing like the
toll they used to. Thanks to falling
smoking rates and better preventive
care (high blood pressure treatment,
aspirin, statins etc) numbers have
plummeted during my career.
Survival rates for those who have
one have changed dramatically too.
When my grandfather had his heart
attack in the 1970s you were lucky if
you survived long enough to leave
hospital. These days you are unlucky
if you don’t.
However, good prevention and
treatment require effort from doctor
and patient, and herein lies an issue.
Not only do women underestimate
the threat from heart disease, but the
medical profession often does too.
Research shows that women are less
likely than their male peers to be
taking or be prescribed preventive
therapies such as statins, and when
they do have a heart attack their
chances of survival are significantly
lower. The modern management of
heart attack is time-critical and
women tend to present later and the
diagnosis is more likely to be missed.
There are a number of factors
behind this discrepancy in survival
— not least the fact that some
diagnostic tests and treatments work
better in men than they do in women
— but delay in seeking help remains
an important one that women can
change themselves. Heart attacks
don’t just happen to men, they happen
to women too, so they should treat
the symptoms seriously and call for
REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
QA
Emma Chambers, who died last week
help. But there is another hurdle —
symptoms of a heart attack in women
can be different from those in men.
Rather than the classic chest pain
that can radiate to the jaw or left
arm, symptoms in women may be
more subtle and include a sense of
pressure in the chest that spreads to
the shoulders, neck and upper back,
accompanied by feelings of anxiety
or fatigue. All of which are easily
confused — by doctor and patient —
with less sinister conditions such as
stress and indigestion.
The safest bet is to be deeply
suspicious of chest pain, no matter
how trivial. If you are a woman who
has always suffered from indigestion
or heartburn and your present bout
feels the same, then it probably is.
But if the pain is new and/or different
then treat it as seriously as you would
if it were happening to your partner,
father, brother or son.
Doctors are doing their bit too in the
light of recent research highlighting
problems with diagnostic tests and
therapies that have been largely
developed and refined on male
volunteers, and the odds of surviving a
heart attack have never been higher
for British women. But they need to
play their part too.
For more information on heart
disease, visit bhf.org.uk.
Women and heart attacks
— the essential facts
0 Heart attacks kill three women
every hour in the UK.
0 In the 1960s at least 70 per cent
of heart attacks in the UK were
fatal. Today at least 70 per cent of
sufferers survive.
0 Despite recent advances in
prevention and care, women
still tend to have lower survival
rates than their male peers. This
is not a problem confined to the
NHS — a similar gulf is seen in
other countries.
I think I trod on
something in the
sand during a
recent holiday in
Barbados. Ever
since, I have had
a painful right
heel, particularly
first thing in the
morning when
I get out of bed.
Neither my
husband nor I
can see anything.
Would our GP
be able to scan
the foot?
I obviously can’t make
a diagnosis from here,
but in the absence of
any obvious puncture
wound or visible
foreign body I would
wager that this is
plantar fasciitis — a
kind of “tennis elbow”
of the sole of the foot
where the tissues
attach to the front of
the heel bone.
It’s commonly
triggered by doing a lot
of walking barefoot on
a beach and the classic
story is pain under the
heel that is worse first
thing in the morning or
when putting your heel
to the floor. People also
often describe it as
feeling as if they have a
stone in their shoe.
Your GP will be able
to confirm what is
going on and advise
accordingly. I use a
combination of
stretches, impactabsorbing insoles and
avoiding going
barefoot. Google for
more details on all
these, but be patient —
it often takes weeks to
get better.
If you have a health
problem, email drmark
porter@thetimes.co.uk
Middle-aged Brits
on the piste: there
are more than ever,
says Peta Bee, and
they are a danger
to themselves
S
tanding at the crest of
a vertiginous ski slope,
what is racing through
your mind? The thrill
of anticipation for a
descent that may involve
negotiating icy patches
and moguls at top speed?
Or is it your knees? In all likelihood
your vulnerable joints are increasingly
a factor in deciding whether to
throw yourself down a no-nonsense
black run or to take the more sensible
and well-groomed route back to
your chalet.
In case you haven’t noticed, the once
youthful and exuberant ski set is
ageing rapidly. As millennials struggle
to work out how they can afford to go
skiing or snowboarding for a week by
themselves, let alone bring their
family, the affluent oldies market —
greys on trays, as American
snowboarding companies have taken
to calling them — is booming. A
recent report by Abta, the UK
association for tour operators and
travel agents, estimated that, of the 1.75
million UK travellers heading on a ski
holiday in the next couple of months, a
huge number will be middle-aged.
According to Abta, 238,000 people
aged 55 to 64 went on a snow-sports
holiday in 2016, about double the
number of the previous year.
These figures are supported
by a survey by the website
skiweekends.com, which found that
two thirds of those who contribute to
the UK’s £3 billion ski market are aged
43 to 65. It’s a similar situation in
America, where the US National Ski
Areas Association says that the share
of over-55s hitting the slopes over the
past three decades has more than
doubled, growing from 7 per cent in
1998 to 18 per cent now.
Given this dominance of older age
groups, it is perhaps no surprise that
there is a corresponding rise in
injuries. A report published in last
month’s issue of the Journal of the
American Academy of Orthopaedic
Surgeons stated that the number of
skier and snowboarder injuries is
climbing as, season after season, more
people damage knees, shoulders,
wrists, ankles, pelvises or spines in
reckless or unfortunate accidents. And
the burgeoning brigade of older skiers
seems to be bearing the brunt of it.
A survey found that during the 2016
season 41 to 50-year-olds accounted
for the largest share of injuries across
Nordic ski resorts. Similarly, a 2015
study by orthopaedic surgeons in the
US reported a distinct shift in the age
of those hurt on the slopes between
1996 and 2013, with injuries occurring
more often among 46 to 55-year-olds
than previously.
Your body just
gets fatigued
more quickly as
you get older
Lucy Macdonald, a snow-sports
physiotherapist who works with
members of the Great Britain ski team,
says that while some skiers become
more cautious as they get older,
preferring to “cruise the blues” and
take gentler descents back to the
après-ski bar, many are set in their
ways and convince themselves that
they are impervious to risk. “There is a
tendency for the middle-aged skier to
want to try and maintain what they
achieved in their twenties and thirties,
to try and keep up with their teenage
kids,” she says.
In Macdonald’s experience, middleaged male skiers are more gung-ho
and could learn from their female
counterparts, who focus more on
perfecting technique and taking
regular breaks. “By middle age the
reality is that you are probably not in
the best shape; you have existing
injuries or worn-out joints. You are
just more predisposed to getting hurt.”
With age comes a reduction in
flexibility, balance, muscle mass and
power that leaves you more vulnerable
to falls and injury before you even clip
the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
7
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body&soul
falls) of the silver skier
GETTY IMAGES
trying boarding could be enough to
put you off — and I speak from
experience. Those early falls can
occur with alarming intensity and can
send you off the slopes with, at best,
aches in your wrists, coccyx and
shoulders. There’s no equivalent of
the snowplough on a snowboard
either. You are either up and moving
— at what feels like top speed — or
you are down. Macdonald says that
you can do either (or both) at any
age, but perhaps not with the ferocity
of pace that comes naturally when
you’re younger.
What, then, is age-appropriate
ski advice? In an ideal world the
middle-aged skier would take stock
and slow down. “The best scenario in
middle age would be that you have
learnt to ski well in powder-perfect,
gentle off-piste conditions,”
Macdonald says. “Soft snow is much
kinder to your joints, but skiing in it
is a skill that needs to be perfected
when you are young.”
If you missed that boat, there are
other tips to bear in mind. “Ski well
within your comfort zone, don’t drink
at lunchtime and get the bubble lift
down if you are feeling tired,”
Macdonald says.
That “one last run” mentality can
be hardest to drop in your forties
Skiing in soft
snow needs to be
perfected when
you are young
on your skis. Some of these are
unavoidable, but Dr Brett Owens, the
lead author of the American Academy
of Orthopaedic Surgeons report and a
professor of orthopaedic surgery at the
Warren Alpert Medical School of
Brown University, Rhode Island, says
that “many are caused by skiers and
snowboarders exceeding their comfort
zone in either speed or technical
challenges on the mountain”.
Pushing yourself to youthful
extremes can be futile — and
dangerous. Owens says that snow
sports “are associated with a large
number of injuries”, with skiers most
likely to suffer lower-leg and ankle
injuries, especially to their knees, “due
to the rotational forces on the knee,
despite effective binding releases”.
Snowboarders, on the other hand, are
prone to hurting their arms and wrists
“due to falls on to their hands”.
Recovery takes longer too. “Your
body just gets fatigued more quickly as
you get older,” says John Brewer, a
professor of applied sports science at
St Marys University in Twickenham.
“It means that you are more likely to
get hurt because your body is tired,
but also that recovery from a hard
day’s skiing and from any injuries you
incur will take longer. Your damaged
muscle fibres or joints need extra time
for repair and regeneration.”
Despite the mountain of evidence
stacked against them, the middle-aged
are surprisingly negligent when it
comes to covering themselves for such
eventualities. According to Abta, the
over-55s were most guilty of winging
it, with 38 per cent admitting that they
do not check their travel insurance to
see if it provides full medical support
for ski accidents.
More people wear helmets since
a number of high-profile crashes
on the slopes. The actress Natasha
Richardson died on a Canadian ski
slope, while the Formula One driver
Michael Schumacher hit his head
while skiing in the French Alps and,
despite wearing a helmet, suffered a
severe head injury and has been left in
a coma. Even so, many older people
are reportedly persisting in skiing in
woolly hats or with the wind in their
hair. In a Columbus Direct ski survey
conducted in 2013 almost half of those
aged 55 and over said that they would
not wear a helmet, the most common
reason being simply that they “never
had before”.
Given all of this, is it safer not to ski
past 50? Or, at the very least, to ditch
the idea of taking it up? Surprisingly,
statisticians who have evaluated the
two opposing camps suggest that
snowboarding, for all its heroic and
youthful appeal, may carry less serious
risk. Overall, they say you’re more
likely to finish a week of snowboarding
battered and bruised, but there’s less
danger of coming to serious harm or of
having a fatal collision than when you
have two planks strapped to your feet.
Your knees also take less of a
hammering, although an afternoon of
and later, yet it could prove your
undoing. Research at the University
of Utah shows that most ski injuries
occur after 3.30pm, when muscles
are tired and snow conditions have
deteriorated. “You are asking for
trouble if you ski for too long,”
Macdonald says. “Your ski endurance
is not what it was in your twenties
and your aching legs have to deal with
icy snow in midwinter or slush in
spring at the end of the day when
everyone is coming off the mountain.
It’s a recipe for disaster.”
If your knees are the most troubling,
a brace can offer some protection, but
don’t expect miracles. The only kind
that reduces the risk of anterior
cruciate or medial cruciate ligament
injuries is the ultra-expensive carbonfibre variety, for which you can expect
to pay at least £600. Even they aren’t
fail-safe. “No brace can prevent
rotational movement and knee braces
with metal hinges offer no support,”
Macdonald says. “If you can’t afford a
carbon-fibre brace, opt for a cheap
neoprene one, which will help to
improve sensory feedback and keeps
the knee warm as you ski, which can
be of some benefit.”
Really, though, you should take it
easy. Glide down a green run after
lunch, take off your skis and wait in a
bar at the bottom of the piste for the
calamitous return of the middle-aged
masses. It may not be how you
planned to ski into your twilight years,
but as Madonald says: “Your body will
thank you for it.”
Best first lines
The answers
1 a) A Portrait of the Artist as a
Young Man, Joyce’s first novel
2 b) The Picture of Dorian Gray,
Wilde’s only novel
3 a) The words are spoken by the
utilitarian school board
superintendent Thomas Gradgrind
4 c) Jerome began the book
intending to write a serious
travel guide. He ended up with
a comic novel
5 b) Dahl originally intended to write
about a giant cherry
6 b) Titus Groan becomes the
77th Earl of Groan and Lord of
Gormenghast Castle at the age
of seven
7 a) Melville dedicated his book to
Nathaniel Hawthorne, author of
The Scarlet Letter
8 c) First published in 1678, Bunyan’s
book has never been out of print
9 b) The book is the third in
Highsmith’s series about her elusive
antihero, Tom Ripley
10 c) Swift’s idiosyncratic satirical
style gave the world the term
“Swiftian”
11 b) Peter Pan first appeared in
Barrie’s novel The Little White Bird.
The later chapters of this book
became Peter Pan in Kensington
Gardens
12 a) Austen’s second novel was
published anonymously, by “The
Author of Sense and Sensibility”
13 c) Mulligan is performing a parody
of the Roman Catholic Mass
14 a) Golding’s book was inspired by
his time working as a schoolteacher
15 c) The hero, Kenneth Toomey, is
allegedly loosely based on Somerset
Maugham. No gruffalos feature
16 b) All of Oxford’s undergraduates
fall in love with Zuleika and kill
themselves in her honour
17 a) Orwell’s dystopian novel is set in
Airstrip One, formerly known as
Great Britain
18 a) Charlotte Brontë published
her novel under a male pseudonym,
Currer Bell
19 c) Daddy famously advises his
boating children by telegram:
“BETTER DROWNED THAN
DUFFERS IF NOT DUFFERS
WON’T DROWN”. They did
parenting differently in the 1920s
20 b) Young Leo carries notes
between aristocratic Marian and
rustic Ted. But they’re more than
just friends
21 a) The book’s hero, dapper Monty
Bodkin, is a recurring Wodehouse
character. He first appears as Lord
Emsworth’s secretary in the
Blandings novel Heavy Weather
22 a) And the famous last line: “So
we beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
23 b) Atwood’s novel was adapted for
television by Hulu last year
24 b) Ishiguro won the Nobel prize in
literature last year
25 a) Plath published her only novel
under the pseudonym Victoria Lucas
8
1G T
Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
arts
The Hollywood star
who invented wifi
A new film about the actress Hedy Lamarr uncovers her
wartime inventions in radiowaves, says Larushka Ivan-Zadeh
‘T
he most beautiful
ul
woman in the
world” was the
label that MGM
slapped on Hedyy
Lamarr, one of
the most
ravishing stars
of the Hollywood Golden Age.
The Austrian-American actress
was unimpressed. “Any girl can
look glamorous, all she has to do
is stand still and look stupid,” she
once scoffed. Lamarr was anything
but stupid.
By day she was the ultimate silverrscreen siren, sizzling through the
1940s in “bad girl” roles, most
famously Samson and Delilah (tagline
ne
“No man leaves Delilah”), the 1949
Cecil B DeMille epic that became the
he
highest-grossing film of its year. Yet by
night Lamarr was a secret inventing
genius. Her greatest breakthrough, a
“frequency-hopping” technology that
she invented to secure US torpedoes
during the Second World War, is the
foundation for wifi, Bluetooth and
GPS. The market value for her
invention is estimated at $30 billion.
Although her genius was
disregarded for decades by the male
establishment, Lamarr was
posthumously inducted into the
National Inventors Hall of Fame in
2014. One of the most recognisable
people in the world was finally seen
for who she really was. Since then she
has emerged as a feminist icon. She
was rebranded as “the mother of wifi”
and her sanitised biography is
included in stirring bedtime books for
girls such as Women In Science: 50
Fearless Pioneers.
It’s an empowering story beyond the
wildest dreams of Hollywood, which,
inevitably, ditched Lamarr as soon as
her looks started to fade, abandoning
her to become a cliché of multiple
husbands (six), Tinseltown scandal
(drugs, sex and shoplifting) and
botched plastic surgery. But is it just
too good to be true?
“That was the biggest dilemma for
me when taking this on,” says
Alexandra Dean, the director of the
feature-length documentary
Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story. “I
have trained as an investigative
journalist for over a decade and there
was no way I was going to tell this
story if it wasn’t true. I spoke to many
scientists who said, ‘Look, it’s really
likely that she just stole the ideas from
her husband’s workshop,’ and I had to
gather a huge amount of evidence to
convince myself otherwise.”
For Richard Rhodes, the Pulitzer
prizew
prizewinning author of The Making of
Atomic Bomb and the Lamarr
the At
biogr
biography
Hedy’s Folly, the debate
about
abou whether or not Lamarr’s
ideas
ide were original is simply
“misogynistic”.
He says: “It was not
“m
an
a idea that pre-existed anywhere,
which
I think is indicated by the
w
ffact the US patent office issued a
patent
on it. The idea that she
p
picked
it up at the boring dinners
p
she
sh sat through with her first
husband
is simply not true.”
hu
In 1933 when she was 19, Lamarr,
born Hedwig Kiesler, became the
trophy wife of 33-year-old Fritz Mandl,
multimillionaire munitions dealer
a mult
allied with the Nazis and the thirdrichest man in Austria. The guests at
riches
their ““boring” dinner parties included
Mussolini. Lamarr described her life as
a “gold prison”. Mandl was jealous and
kept her under surveillance.
She escaped at the age of 21 after
employing a lookalike maid, drugging
her, swapping clothes and escaping to
London. There she met the MGM
head Louis B Mayer, who was out to
snap up the cheap European actors
fleeing persecution. Lamarr, however,
drove a hard bargain, making Mayer
increase his standard $120-a-week
contract to $500. It was the first of
their many conflicts. By the time they
arrived on a liner to America, Mayer
had put her on a diet and moulded the
22-year-old Hedwig Kiesler into
“Hedy Lamarr, the most beautiful
woman in the world”.
Dean’s film, unlike most previous
book and TV biographies of Lamarr,
takes great pains to show that she was
a born inventor. Aged five, she
Switzerland, the Matterhorn
Fantastic
break
to
and
the Glacier
Express
Rome and Bologna
TOUR
Hedy Lamarr in the
1949 film Samson and
Delilah. Left: with
blueprints for the
remodelling of her
Bel-Air estate. Far
right: with Clark
Gable in the 1930s
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dismantled then reassembled her
mechanical musical box. An only
child, she adored her father, a wealthy
Austrian banker with an interest in
technology, who loved to explain to
his daughter how everything worked
from trams to printing presses. She
was a keen chemist at school.
On set Lamarr insisted on having an
inventing table in her trailer so she
could tinker between takes — to much
puzzlement. “Three articles came out
at that time which are deeply delicious
because they each try and dance round
the inventing thing,” Dean says. “They
just can’t understand why an actress
would be doing this. Many of them just
list it with her other extracurricular
activities like ‘embroidery, inventing
and singing songs’.”
The inventing table was a gift from
the aviation tycoon Howard Hughes,
pectacular mountain scenery, the
iconic and unmistakeable Matterhorn,
dramatic rides on railways, awe-inspiring
views of glaciers and summits, lush
meadows dotted with cowbells and chalets,
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the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
9
1G T
GETTY IMAGES; ALAMY
whom Lamarr later described as the
worst lover she had had, as well as
“strange, brilliant and misunderstood”
— all words that could apply equally
to her. The two met in the late 1930s.
At the time Hughes was obsessed
with building the fastest aircraft
in the world, but his design had
square wings. “I thought the aeroplane
was too slow,” Lamarr says in
a rare recorded interview in Dean’s
film, “so I bought a book of birds
and a book of fish and connected
the fastest bird with the fastest fish
and I drew it together and showed
it to Howard Hughes. He said,
‘You’re a genius.’ ”
Lamarr always seemed certain of
her abilities. “She just seemed to have
been born with this driving force,”
Dean says. “As an only child she
dominated her parents. She would go
off by herself, instructing them to
leave her alone as she had things to
do. If by a ‘feminist’ we mean
somebody that does not accept any
boundaries to her own life and felt she
could do anything she wanted, then
Hedy was undoubtedly a feminist. Her
tragedy was that she increasingly felt
her power was only in her looks —
though she tried so hard to convince
the world otherwise.”
Lamarr and Hughes worked
together on a minor invention of a
“cola cube” that enabled servicemen to
create the soft drink by adding water.
However, Lamarr’s world-changing
idea was co-engineered not with
Hughes, but George Antheil, an avantgarde composer and polymath who
styled himself the “bad boy of music”.
They met at a dinner party
instigated by Lamarr. Antheil had
written a series of Esquire magazine
articles about glandular development
and Lamarr, self-conscious about her
small breasts thanks to some typically
crude remarks by Mayer, wanted to
ask Antheil about the possibilities of
glandular bust enhancement.
“My eyeballs sizzled. Here,
undoubtedly, was the most beautiful
woman on Earth,” Antheil later wrote,
adding: “Her breasts were fine too.”
When Lamarr left the party she
scrawled her unlisted number, in
lipstick, on Antheil’s car windscreen.
The next time they met, after initial
bust discussion their conversation
turned to the inevitability of America’s
entry into the war raging in Europe.
Lamarr’s family were Jewish, although
MGM told her not to acknowledge her
religion. Her mother had recently fled
Austria to the US with the very
arts
By 1962 US
torpedoes
all had
frequencyhopping
radios.
Lamarr
never
received
a penny
Oscars
prediction night
Join us this Thursday,
March 1 at an exclusive
Times+ event with
our film critics Kevin
Maher and Ed Potton,
who will be discussing
the Academy Awards’
nominated films
and sharing their
predictions. Followed
by a screening of the
Oscar-nominated
Darkest Hour.
To book, go to
mytimesplus.co.uk
conditional help of Mayer, Lamarr’s
very own Weinstein. “I suspect
she had to do some unmentionable
things to get her mother over,”
Dean conjectures.
In 1940 the American submarine
service had the highest casualty rates
of the US navy and the German Uboats seemed likely to swing the Nazis
to victory. Lamarr, still officially an
“alien” on US soil, wanted to do
something for her adoptive country.
Her brain wave was to build a radiocontrolled torpedo that could evade
enemy frequency-jamming. With the
assistance of a physicist from the
California Institute of Technology,
assigned to them by the National
Inventors Council, they created a
viable prototype that included a
miniature pianola scroll. This was due
to Antheil, whose most infamous
composition, Ballet Mécanique, was
orchestrated for 16 synchronised
self-playing pianos. The prototype
adapted the frequency of piano notes
changing to radio waves and a patent
was awarded. When Antheil presented
the idea to the US Navy he was
laughed out of the room with the
response: “What do you want us to
do? Put a player piano in a torpedo?”
The patent lay buried in a US military
vault and eventually expired.
“The truth was that the US navy at
that time was so disorganised about
the operation of submarines and
torpedoes that they couldn’t see the
point,” Rhodes says. “Also it was an
idea ahead of its time. What
subsequently happened is that the
patent was taken out of the safe ten
years after the war and tossed to an
engineering company, who took at
look at it and applied it first to a
sonobuoy and then developed ship-toship communications.” By the time of
the Cuban missile crisis in 1962 the US
torpedoes were all equipped with
frequency-hopping radios. Lamarr
never received a penny for it.
Lamarr knew nothing of this, not
least because it was classified. As Dean
puts it: “She had a long period where
she stopped inventing after her
rejection from the navy. She was really
shocked by it. The reinventing did
eventually emerge, but it was little-oldlady inventions like a fluorescent dog
collar or a box of tissues with a pocket
on the side.” However, there was no
suppressing the urge. “When we
interviewed the older Beverly Hills
plastic surgeons, they said, ‘Hedy was a
legend in plastic surgery,’ ” Dean says.
“Apparently she pioneered hiding scars
for finger lifts and knee lifts.”
Today Lamarr can be seen as an
early martyr of the Me Too and Time’s
Up movements. As an actress she
could hardly have been more
objectified. Ever since she appeared,
naked, in the infamous 1933 CzechAustrian film Ekstase, for which the
director pricked her with pins while
she simulated an orgasm, she was
prized solely for her sex appeal and
belittled for her acting. Her brain
didn’t even enter the equation. “People
have the idea that I am sort of a stupid
thing,” she once said.
She was typecast in a series of harlot
roles in films such as White Cargo and
Lady of the Tropics, but when she
demanded better scripts she was sued
by Mayer and branded as difficult to
work with. In response she assertively
set up her own production company,
the second woman to do this, after
Bette Davis (now every female A-lister
from Angelina Jolie to Rachel Weisz is
at it), but Hollywood wouldn’t
distribute her films.
Lamarr became bankrupt and
addicted to the “vitamins” the studio
had pushed on her to keep her working
a six-day week (at one point she was
making three films at once). She
became erratic and abusive to her
three children and worked her way
through husbands and money. “The
truth was she was a complex woman,”
Rhodes says. “She didn’t treat her
children well.” Eventually she became
a recluse, hiding her face, butchered
by plastic surgery, from the cruel
eyes of the press.
“It was horrific,” Dean says. “A twoheaded goat was born and the press
named one head ‘Hedy’ and the other
‘Lamarr’ because it was so grotesque. It
seems like when someone beautiful
loses their beauty it is almost like we
are blaming them.”
Dean’s film ends with a recording of
Lamarr, near her death in 2000 at the
age of 85, reading a poem that
contains the line: “The biggest people
with the biggest ideas can be shot
down by the smallest people with the
smallest minds. Think big anyway.”
What Lamarr’s beautiful mind gave
the world is bigger than anything that
Hollywood can ever produce.
Bombshell: The Hedy Lamarr Story
is in cinemas from March 9
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1G T
Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
television & radio
A dollop of sauce with your pud? Carry on, Mary
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Classic Mary Berry
BBC One
{{{{(
MasterChef
BBC One
{{(((
‘I
like a little bit of sauce,” said
Mary Berry, batting her
eyelashes. Oh, we noticed, Mary,
we noticed. I remarked recently
in a column that Berry is starting
to rival Nigella Lawson for the
“accidental” double entendres that
penetrate her intercourse (see, we can
all play that game) and last night she
was on fire. She praised the Swedish
chef Niklas Ekstedt’s “perfect little
doughnuts” and, as he knelt to prepare
them, trilled: “It’s a long time since
I’ve had a man on his knees in front
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
The Art of Now
Radio 4, 11.30am
As if Athens hadn’t suffered
enough. Now, as well as
facing financial meltdown,
it has become a magnet for
avant-garde artists from all
over the world. Because
national crises are bad for
business but good for
bohemians; as in New
York in the Eighties the
affluent are moving out
and the painters are
moving in. Here, the critic
Alastair Sooke looks at how
in Greece the “forever
crisis” has led to Athens
becoming the “new Berlin”,
with cheap rents and vast
studio spaces.
The Documentary:
Japan — New Ways
to Grow Old
World Service, 8pm
Every day, in a Honda
dealership in Japan, a
group of men in their sixties
and seventies arrive in a
minibus and begin to wash
the cars. The only unusual
thing you may notice about
this is the men’s joy in their
work. “I feel really satisfied
and refreshed,” says one.
The other difference is less
obvious but significant:
these men all have
dementia and the work
is part of a radical new
Japanese approach to
the care of its elderly.
of me.” Oh, Mary. And pre-watershed
too. Ekstedt seemed thrilled.
Berry is on a roll at the moment, so
we can forgive her being a trifle giddy.
No sooner has she finished presenting
Mary Berry’s Country House Secrets
than she’s back with Classic Mary
Berry, which again is pure comfort
food — with outstanding knitwear.
Last night Berry was in sailor stripes,
her hair a perfect whip of meringue,
inviting us to admire her chocolate
pots. Before long she was singing
Ging Gang Goolie from her Girl Guide
days, which left her Swedish guest
nonplussed. “Is that English?” he
asked before throwing two whole
celeriacs on an open flame and letting
them go black like charred footballs.
Berry was sceptical about the
celeriacs and so was I, but she tucked
in gamely and didn’t even seem to
be faking it when she said it was
delicious. What is consistent about
Berry’s programmes is that they are an
escapist portal into a bubble of “nice”
where all is lovely and just-so with the
world. And they are unpretentious.
Berry confided that she buys small
paintbrushes from hardware shops
because they are cheaper than pastry
brushes and declared that “life is too
short to make your own puff pastry”,
which is exactly what we want to hear.
By the end Berry, who let’s not
forget once said that her “crusty pie
is oozing with delight”, was flirtily
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Greg James
& Adele Roberts 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg
James & Adele Roberts 7.00 Annie Mac 9.00
The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00 Huw
Stephens 1.00am Annie Nightingale
3.00 Radio 1 Comedy: Ed & Lauren Get On
4.00 Early Breakfast with Jordan North
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce. Tunes
by Elvis Presley and the Equals are featured,
as the Stranglers bassist Jean-Jacques
Burnel selects his second pair of Tracks of My
Years 12.00 Jeremy Vine. Topical debate and
music 2.00pm Craig Charles 5.00 Simon
Mayo 7.00 Jamie Cullum. A selection of
classic tracks and new music from the world
of jazz 8.00 Jo Whiley. A mix of new music
and classic tracks 10.00 Bill Kenwright’s
Golden Years. The theatre producer and
Everton chairman shares his passion for the
hits of the late 1950s and early 1960s 11.00
Nigel Ogden: The Organist Entertains. New
and vintage recordings from the organ and
keyboard world 11.30 Listen to the Band.
Frank Renton presents highlights from the
2018 Brass in Concert competition
12.00 Sounds of the 80s (r) 2.00am Radio
2’s Folk Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 90s
Hits 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Wednesday
Workout 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s breakfast
show, with listener requests. Including 7.00,
8.00 News. 7.30, 8.30 News Headlines
9.00 Essential Classics
Suzy Klein with the best in classical
music, and Evelyn Glennie reveals the
cultural influences that have inspired and
shaped her life and career
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Richard Strauss (1864-1949)
Donald Macleod examines Richard Strauss’s
output and his working relationship with the
writer Hugo von Hofmannsthal. Strauss
(Mit deinem blauen Augen, Op 56 No 4; Der
Rosenkavalier — excerpt; Le Bourgeois
Gentilhomme — excerpt; and Ariadne auf
Naxos — excerpt)
1.00pm News
Mary Berry returns to our screens with helpings of comfort food
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Tom Redmond introduces a performance
by the Belcea Quartet from the Aldeburgh
Festival, featuring string quartets by
Haydn and Britten. Haydn (String Quartet in
D, Op 20 No 4); and Britten (String Quartet
No 3, Op 94) (r)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
The BBC Concert Orchestra performs British
and American music in a show recorded last
month at the Watford Colosseum, presented
by Tom McKinney and Ian Skelly. Holst
(A Somerset Rhapsody, Op 21; and Japanese
Suite, Op 33); Britten (The Salley Gardens;
La Belle est au jardin d’amour; O Waly, Waly;
and Fileuse); Copland (Four Dance Episodes
— Rodeo; and El Salón México); Kern/
Hammerstein (Bill — Showboat); Sondheim
(Losing My Mind — Follies); Elgar (From the
Bavarian Highlands); and York Bowen
(Symphonic Fantasia)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty presents a lively mix of chat,
arts news and live performance. Sean’s
guests include a live session by the Doric
String Quartet, ahead of their performance
at Wigmore Hall. Plus, the violinist Sergej
Krylov performs before appearing with the
London Philharmonic Orchestra
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
A mix of music, featuring old favourites
together with lesser-known gems, and a few
surprises thrown in for good measure
7.30 Live Radio 3 in Concert
From Milton Court in London’s Barbican, the
pianist Jeremy Denk and the Britten Sinfonia
play dance-inspired music by Gershwin and
Stravinsky. Presented by Martin Handley.
Byrd/Gesualdo/Monterverdi arr Denk
(Motets); Stravinsky (Concerto for Piano and
Wind Instruments); Nancarrow (Selection of
piano solos); Milhaud (La Création du
Monde); and Gershwin (Rhapsody in Blue
— original jazz band version)
10.00 Free Thinking
Anne McElvoy explores the idea of the
modern state, with guests David Willetts,
Polly Toynbee, Simone Finn, Julia Black
and Adrian Wooldridge
10.45 The Essay:
Are You Paying Attention?
The writer Madeleine Bunting continues her
exploration of the different ways in which
people pay, or fail to pay, attention
11.00 Late Junction
Max Reinhardt takes listeners on an
adventure with music old, new, borrowed
and blue, including psychedelic Romanian
electronics from the late 1970s
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
News headlines and analysis, with Nick
Robinson and Mishal Husain
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 The Life Scientific
From sewage treatment to Crossrail,
engineer Ailie Macadam talks to Jim
Al-Khalili about working on some of the
biggest construction projects in Europe (6/8)
9.30 One to One
Jay Brave speaks to the poet Lawrence Hoo
about his upbringing in Bristol (7/8)
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
The Line Becomes a River
Francsico Cantu recounts how the US/
Mexican border was created (2/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Discussion and interviews, presented by Jane
Garvey. Including at 10.45 the 15 Minute
Drama: The Good Terrorist (7/10)
11.00 The Global Farm
Exploring the role of the shopper (3/3)
11.30 The Art of Now: Greek Revival
Young artists leading a new creative moment
in Athens. See Radio Choice
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 The Curious Cases
of Rutherford & Fry
Investigating unusual sexual unions across
the natural world (2/5)
12.15 Call You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 British Socialism: The Grand Tour
Rival traditions of British socialism amid the
crises of the 1930s (7)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Louis B Mayer
and the Bolshevik Beast
Comedy by Stephen Sheridan (r)
3.00 Short Cuts
Stories about colour (3/8)
3.30 Costing the Earth
Marine biologist Ellen Husain meets people
fighting to save the Great Barrier Reef
4.00 Law in Action
Legal developments (1/4)
4.30 A Good Read
The scientist Mark Miodownik and the food
writer Diana Henry discuss their favourite
books with Harriett Gilbert (5/9)
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
discussing the Nordic practice of
whipping people in saunas with
tree branches. “I think I’m coming
to Sweden,” twinkled Berry. A new
series called A Hot Thrashing From
Mary Berry? I’d watch it.
On Berry’s heels was yet another
cookery show (if you don’t like food
programmes BBC One was a barren
place for you last night). MasterChef is
back doing exactly what it has always
done, with no surprises but a solid,
comfy format that always delivers.
So comfy, in fact, that John Torode,
wearing a zippy cardigan and a
T-shirt, seemed to have forgotten to
get dressed, having clearly come
straight from tinkering in his garage.
The first episode of a new series is
always a bit “meh” since you know
that there are so many more
contestants to come that it’s hard to
engage. The cooks made the usual
mistakes, such as running out of time
or presenting dishes that resembled
my old school’s pig bin, although the
Welsh mum Louise did want to give
Gregg Wallace a cwtch (cuddle).
Steady on — that’s Berry’s territory.
However, Torode and Wallace do
their best to inject drama and jeopardy
with a few “That’s about as chewy as
a rubber boot” and “I don’t see any
reason to chargrill a banana” remarks.
Not the most exciting TV at this stage,
but it’s reliable and it works.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Sara Pascoe: The Modern Monkey
The comedian examines jealousy (2/4)
7.00 The Archers
Alice feels guilty
7.15 Front Row
7.45 Riot Girls: The Good Terrorist (r)
8.00 File on 4
How disclosures of evidence failures are
affecting justice (7/10)
8.40 In Touch
9.00 Inside Health
Separating medical fact from fiction
9.30 The Life Scientific (6/8) (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.45 Book at Bedtime: A Portrait of
the Artist as a Young Man
By James Joyce (7/10)
11.00 Tim Key’s Late Night
Poetry Programme
The comic poet takes a comic look at the
concept of cuisine (2/4)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
The Line Becomes a River (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00-5.20 (LW) Live Test Match
Special: New Zealand v England
Commentary on the second of five ODIs,
held at the Bay Oval in Mount Maunganui
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am The Ken Dodd Show 8.30 The Men
from the Ministry 9.00 The News Quiz Extra
9.45 Creme de la Crime 10.00 Home Front
Omnibus 11.00 The Interview 11.15 Depth
of Field 12.00 The Ken Dodd Show 12.30pm
The Men from the Ministry 1.00 Burnt 1.30
Really Happening! 2.00 Biggles Flies North
2.15 A History of the Future 2.30 Tales of
the City: The Days of Anna Madrigal 2.45 A
Confession 3.00 Home Front Omnibus 4.00
Jest a Minute 4.30 Such Rotten Luck 5.00
Stockport, So Good They Named It Once 5.30
Sara Pascoe: The Modern Monkey 6.00
Orbiter X 6.30 And the Academy Award Goes
To 7.00 The Ken Dodd Show. The king of
Knotty Ash examines black magic and lands
a part in a horror movie 7.30 The Men from
the Ministry. Whitehall gets worried. From
June 1974 8.00 Burnt. Thriller starring
Dennis Waterman 8.30 Really Happening!
The new generation of artists who are
revisiting classic ‘Happenings’ — art events
that became part of popular culture during
the 1960s. Presented by Bob Dickinson
9.00 The Interview. The Last Comeback by
Sian Preece. From 2006 9.15 Depth of Field.
By Matthew Dunster 10.00 Comedy Club:
Sara Pascoe — The Modern Monkey.
Stand-up comedy exploring the modern social
world 10.30 Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the
Nation. The comedian reflects on the nature
of being a man 11.00 Warhorses of Letters.
Comedy starring Stephen Fry and Daniel
Rigby 11.15 Poets’ Tree. Comedy with Kevin
Eldon 11.30 The Mel and Sue Thing.
Nonsensical debate with Lovejoy and
Bergerac. First aired in 2002
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport. Mark Pougatch presents sports
news and features 10.30 Sam Walker.
Sitting in for Phil Williams 1.00am Up All
Night 5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
with Max Rushden and Micky Quinn 10.00
Jim White 1.00pm Hawksbee and Delaney
4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren Gough 7.00
Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar 1.00am Extra
Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Nemone 10.00 Lauren Laverne
1.00pm Mark Radcliffe 4.00 Steve Lamacq
7.00 Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00
6 Music Recommends with Tom Ravenscroft
1.00am The First Time with Ricky Gervais
2.00 Classic Singles 2.30 6 Music Live Hour
3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics
8.00 The Full Works Concert. Jane Jones
celebrates the 170th birthday composer
Charles Hubert Hastings Parry. Parry (I Was
Glad; Symphony No 1 in G major; Jerusalem;
and Lady Radnor’s Suite); JS Bach (Concerto
in D minor for 2 Violins BWV 1043); William
Sterndale Bennett (The Wood Nymphs:
Overture); and Brahms (Intermezzo in B-flat
minor Opus 117 No 2) 10.00 Smooth
Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
11
1G T
DARREN BELL
Pop
Erasure
Eventim Apollo, W6
Pop
Seal
London Palladium
S
R
{{{{(
eeing Vince Clarke, the
instrumental half of Erasure,
dressed in sharp suit and tie,
the casual observer may have
wondered for a moment if the
synth-pop duo, now in their fifties, had
abandoned their pneumatic hedonism
in favour of a more age-appropriate
approach. Then they would have
noticed that Clarke was playing his
keyboards on top of a tower of
gleaming neon. And below him they
would have seen Andy Bell, his singer
partner, dressed in only a sheer body
stocking covered with hieroglyphics
and gyrating as if he were in a Soho
fleshpot circa 1985. Ageing gracefully?
Where’s the fun in that?
Bell is no longer as svelte as he was in
his glory days, but there was something
magnificent about the way he paraded
his tummy and derriere. “You know
you sometimes have nightmares about
wearing no trousers?” he said. “Just
don’t wear any. Won’t be a nightmare
any more, will it?”
You can see why Bell would be at
ease; he and Clarke have a glittering
back catalogue on which to draw. Few
bands can muster pop songs of such
melody, momentum and concision as
Stop!, Oh L’Amour and Blue Savannah.
There was also a positively ecstatic
cover of Blondie’s Atomic. When they
lowered the tempo, the plangent Ship
of Fools apart, they weren’t quite as
compelling. Erasure have always been
better at being urgent and sincere
than they are at slow and schmaltzy.
Love You to the Sky had a faint air
of Eurovision; Sweet Summer Loving
evoked cruise liners and function
rooms in provincial hotels.
Yet even on the weaker songs Bell’s
voice sounded bigger and more
emotionally rich than it did in his
youth. Bolstered by two imperious
backing singers, it was like a velvet
cavern on Always, whose theme of
devotion was a poignant counterpoint
to the erotic fickleness of Sometimes,
the band’s breakthrough hit of 1986.
The encore was perfect: their most
transcendent hit, A Little Respect,
performed with gusto by Bell, joined
at ground level by Clarke on acoustic
guitar and sung to the rafters by
a room of very happy people.
Ed Potton
Opera
Don Giovanni
Millennium Centre, Cardiff
N
{{{{(
ow we know where the
Wales rugby team practise
their scrummaging. Clearly
the forwards are shoving
round the massive blocks
of scenery designed by John Napier
for John Caird’s very dark production
of Mozart’s very dark opera.
And these foreboding black chunks
of fake mausoleum masonry certainly
are pushed around — if not by
international rugby players, then by
equally muscly stagehands. Respect!
If I seem overly obsessed by the
peripatetic scenery, that’s because it
sets the whole tone of Caird’s 2011
production, revived by Caroline
artsfirst night
{{{{(
Bill Milner as Harold and Sheila Hancock as Maude in Thom Southerland’s too whimsical production
A failed relationship
This stage
version of the
film struggles
to find the
right tone,
says Dominic
Maxwell
Theatre
Harold and
Maude
Charing Cross
Theatre, WC2
{{(((
All Too Human
Subscribers can join us
on Tuesday, March 27
for an evening private
view of All Too Human:
Bacon, Freud and a
Century of Painting
Life at Tate Britain.
To book, go to
mytimesplus.co.uk
‘D
ear me,” says Maude, the
free-thinking 79-year-old
whose close friendship
with a 19-year-old boy
becomes a kind of
romance, “the world does love a cage.”
How you get on with Colin Higgins’s
stage version of his screenplay from
the cult 1971 film may depend on how
you cope with its welter of these sorts
of life lessons. Maude twinklingly
dishes out a fair few to her young,
privileged, directionless friend, who
seeks attention from his mother by
faking his death. “Try something new
every day, that’s my motto.” Or: “The
world doesn’t need any more walls.
What we’ve got to do is go out and
build some bridges.”
The film wraps them up in black
comedy and an emotional charge
between the two that is communicated
in the close-ups as much as by the
lines themselves. Thom Southerland’s
British premiere of a play first seen
in 1974 struggles valiantly but
unsuccessfully to find the right tone
in which to sell us on these characters.
Its whimsy never quite dances with
its pain. Its wisdom too readily turns
to schmaltz.
There’s a charismatic lead turn from
Sheila Hancock, who lends Maude an
Chaney for Welsh National
Opera with a very strong cast.
Funereal, sinister and
enhanced by faceless hooded
monks (or perhaps
Grim Reapers) who
come to life as the
Commendatore’s statue
does, the design roots
the staging in a Hammer
horror world where yokels
are prancingly rustic,
peasant girls swoon when
touched up by randy
aristocrats, swords clash
convincingly in the
fights and Hell really
does spout flames and
smoke. The only surprise
is that the villain is
merely Don Giovanni,
not Count Dracula.
Such a staging affects how
the music is presented and the cast
David Stout,
Elizabeth Watts and
Anitra Blaxhall
unfazed air of seize-the-day. Hancock
has huge stage presence, a consistent
Germanic accent (Maude left Vienna
for America after the war) and is
a dab hand at the sort of light comedy
required in, say, the scene in which
Harold’s starchy mother takes tea
with her.
Yet it is hard, despite a gamely
repressed performance from Bill
Milner as Harold, to believe this pair
have a connection. And while you can
see what Southerland is going for with
the supporting cast — who linger on
stage throughout playing instruments,
singing, dancing, yodelling or
screaming — there isn’t enough
emotion to stop this artful whimsy
from feeling pasted on. Not everyone
in the cast looks comfortable up there.
The first half is inventive yet stilted.
The second half majors on the life
lessons, and it all starts to feel a bit
Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Devoted
Hancockians get to feed off her energy
and poise; everyone will get something
out of Jonathan Lipman’s 1970s
costumes and the blue-sky-and-clouds
ceiling on Francis O’Connor’s set.
Yet when black comedy and romance
collide, the result here is cuteness.
The film remains a better bet.
Box office: 08444 930650, to March 31
perform. The conductor James
Southall opts for brooding,
weighty orchestral textures
that resemble Schumann or
even early Wagner. Fair
enough, especially with the
WNO band on cracking
form, although I wish
Southall would run the
recitatives into the arias
rather than opting for
old-fashioned breaks.
It’s the singers,
however, who live
and breathe the
melodramatic spirit
of Caird’s conception.
Yes, there are larks from
David Stout’s robustly
portrayed Leporello —
who
w for once gets
a servant girl of his own
to
t seduce rather than
being
merely his master’s
b
eheating and touring an
album of jazz and swing
standards may be as clichéd
as the songs themselves, but
it takes no small amount of
chutzpah to pitch oneself against
Sinatra. And as he displayed at the
Palladium, Seal has every right to
believe in his voice, which is a velvety
smoked instrument, as smooth and
mature as well-burnished mahogany.
The dreadlocked London charttopper of the early 1990s has long
since moved upmarket into a world of
Beverly Hills comfort and supermodel
marriage and divorce, and while it
will never be possible to see him as
a louche, Rat Pack-style roué (he
thankfully resisted the undone dickie
bow look), his husky tones confidently
ignited Luck Be a Lady and I’ve Got
You Under My Skin during an opening
run of eight standards. As Seal’s fivestrong brass section added the ritz to
I Put a Spell on You and That’s Life, he
shimmied around the stage to suggest
a genuine love for the finger-clickin’
classics. It may not be fashionable, but
frankly this stuff works.
Seal, 55, seemed surprisingly downto-earth and “London” in his intimate
ramblings about life, children and the
passing of time with a certain rueful
sincerity that informed an exquisitely
autumnal It Was a Very Good Year.
And such an understanding of his
audience allowed for a seamless
transition into his own back catalogue,
ranging from an elegant Kiss from
a Rose (the 1990s megahit, which, he
explained, he thought was “shite”
when he wrote it) to an energetic
home run for a gently raving crowd.
The latter took in Curtis Mayfield’s
Move On Up, an encore of Crazy and
a Stormzy-style foray into the stalls
during a brilliantly banging Killer.
The oldies are the goodies, they say,
but only when done with soul, warmth
and spirited showmanship.
James Jackson
All Too Human, the new
show at Tate Britain
First Night in the main paper
pervy procurer — but Gavan Ring’s
dangerous Giovanni is no comic
figure. And what a fine prospect
the rising Irish baritone is: not
quite uncorking the fizz in an
underpaced Champagne Aria, but
producing seductively mellow
singing elsewhere.
The three women are keenly
characterised too. Elizabeth Watts,
kitted up like a perpetually horrified
Queen Victoria, is mesmerisingly
volatile as Elvira; Emily Birsan
cooler, but vibrant as Anna; Katie
Bray chirpy and assertive as a far
from naive Zerlina. Add Benjamin
Hulett’s nobly sung Ottavio, Miklos
Sebestyen’s sepulchral Commendatore
and Gareth Brynmor John’s bullish
Masetto, and this revival will give
audiences much old-fashioned
pleasure on its travels around the UK.
Richard Morrison
Touring to April 19, wno.org.uk
12
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Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Chris Bennion
Divorce
Sky Atlantic, 10.10pm
Sharon
Horgan’s
comedy
drama is
back and, although
Frances and Robert
(Sarah Jessica Parker
and Thomas Haden
Church) have signed
7PM
Early
Top
pick
the divorce papers, the
battle is far from over
in leafy Hastings-onHudson. The show has
experienced a divorce
of its own in between
series, with the
showrunner Paul
Simms leaving over
“artistic differences”
(surely that should be
“irreconcilable
differences”). He is
replaced by the
screenwriter Jenny
8PM
9PM
10PM
11PM
and trying to work out
their next steps. For
Frances, that’s crippling
insomnia and desperate
attempts to be a cool
mum to her teenagers.
Robert, meanwhile, is
still sleeping in his
half-built “flip-house”.
Frances’s waspish
friends, Dallas and
Diane (Talia Balsam
and Molly Shannon),
are back too, with the
latter experiencing a
rare moment of wedded
bliss with Nick (whom,
if you recall the very
first episode, she shot
at her 50th birthday
party). Their secret?
They are allowed to say
only positive things to
each other. So they live
in silence. And they
love it. A lighter tone?
Perhaps, but it’s the
equivalent of putting
half a spoon of sugar in
your double espresso.
Live Match of the
Day: The FA Cup
BBC One, 8pm
Gary Lineker presents
as Swansea City take
on Sheffield Wednesday
in a fifth-round replay
in the FA Cup. In the
first match, which
ended 0-0, the Swansea
manager Carlos
Carvalhal returned to
the side that sacked
him in December 2017.
The FA Cup run is a
distraction from the
main business of
staying in the Premier
League, but Carvalhal
would no doubt be
delighted to put one
over on his former
employers. The winner
of tonight’s match will
face a home quarterfinal against either
Rochdale or Tottenham
Hotspur, who play
tomorrow. Joe Clay
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Murder, Mystery and My Family.
The case of Edward Devlin and Alfred Burns (AD) 10.00
Homes Under the Hammer. Properties about to be
auctioned in Strood, Alvaston and Caterham 11.00
Wanted Down Under Revisited. Nicki Chapman catches up
with the Andrews family, who sampled life in Perth 11.45
Caught Red Handed. A couple who own a sports club find
out why a family friend has been stealing from them, and
an antique thief takes some expensive lamps 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt. From the East of England Showground in
Peterborough (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather
1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Valerie
gets excited after attending a meeting (AD) 2.15
Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators. Frank
and Luella investigate the death of a care home worker
(AD) 3.00 Escape to the Country. A couple seek a country
property close to the Norfolk Broads (AD) 3.45 Get Away
for Winter. A Scottish duo look for a rental home on
Madeira (AD) 4.30 Antiques Road Trip. Natasha Raskin
and fellow expert Paul Laidlaw search for rare items in
Cumbria (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show (r) 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Caught Red Handed (r) 6.30 Get Away for
Winter (r) (AD) 7.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited (r)
8.00 Sign Zone: Celebrity Antiques Road Trip (r) (SL)
9.00 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live
12.00 Daily Politics 1.00pm The Super League Show.
Tanya Arnold presents action from the latest round of
fixtures, which included Warrington Wolves v Wigan
Warriors 1.50 Plan It, Build It (r) (AD) 2.20 Yes Chef (r)
3.00 A Place to Call Home. Sarah confronts Regina about
her suspicions regarding the death of Milly Davis (r) 3.55
More Creatures Great and Small. Adam deals with a
life-saving emergency when a dog is hit by a train (r)
4.25 Caribbean with Simon Reeve. Simon visits Barbados
and St Vincent, before examining the mismanagement of
Venezuela’s natural resources and spending time with the
Kogi people in Colombia (r) (AD) 5.25 Flog It! Claire
Rawle and James Lewis visit Coventry’s Transport
Museum in search of more potentially valuable items,
while Paul Martin explores the city’s architecture (r)
6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show presented by Jeremy Vine (r)
6.30 Great British Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo
travels to Manchester and Silkstone Common (r) (AD)
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine. Jennifer
Lawrence talks to the host about her new thriller, Red
Sparrow. Presented by Lorraine Kelly 9.25 The Jeremy
Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip Schofield and
Holly Willoughby present chat and lifestyle features,
including a look at the stories making the newspaper
headlines and a recipe in the kitchen 12.30pm Loose
Women. More interviews and topical debate from a
female perspective 1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 James
Martin’s American Adventure. The chef visits Louisiana,
cooks in the historic Houmas House, and samples local
speciality gumbo, courtesy of the resident cook (AD) 3.00
Tenable. Five friends from Newcastle answer questions
about top 10 lists, then try to score a perfect 10 in the
final round 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the
arcade-themed quiz show in which contestants drop
tokens down a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh
presents as contestants answer general knowledge
questions and work as a team to take on quiz genius the
Chaser and secure a cash prize 6.00 Regional News;
Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) (AD) 8.30
Frasier (r) (AD) 10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA
(r) 11.00 Undercover Boss USA (r) 12.00 Channel 4
News Summary 12.05pm Come Dine with Me. Four
contestants from Leicestershire compete (r) 1.05 Posh
Pawnbrokers. Items include a vintage fairground slide and
a rare antique watch (r) 2.10 Countdown. With Dictionary
Corner guest Myleene Klass 3.00 A Place in the Sun:
Summer Sun. Searching Portugal’s Eastern Algarve (r)
4.00 A New Life in the Sun. A couple of expats attempt
to open their dive school in Spain 5.00 Four in a Bed. The
second visit is to Gretna Green, Scotland, where the
owners of The Hazeldene are proud of the marital
importance of their hotel 5.30 Extreme Cake Makers.
A Cornwall-based husband and wife produce a five-foot
long lemon and elderflower cake designed to look like a
leaping fish (r) 6.00 The Simpsons. Bart heads to New
York to find ex-girlfriend Mary Spuckler (r) (AD) 6.30
Hollyoaks. Darren and Mandy make excuses about where
they both spent the previous night, and an old friend
returns with a present for Tony (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Matthew
Wright and guests talk about the issues of the day 11.15
Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away. The officers try to recover
£13,000 owed by a high-performance car dealer in
Birmingham, and in Wolverhampton the agents chase
nearly £2,000 owed to a car hire company (r) 12.10pm
5 News Lunchtime 12.15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors. Dr
Previna Chana meets a young girl who was involved in a
baking accident six months ago, which caused a large
chunk of her hair to be ripped out by the roots (r) (AD)
1.10 Access 1.15 Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours
(AD) 2.15 NCIS: Conspiracy to Murder. Gibbs sends
DiNozzo and Ziva on a decoy mission to retrieve
top-secret information from a secure military base (r)
(AD) 3.15 FILM: Killer Collector (12, TVM, 2015)
Two women at an auction unwittingly purchase a storage
locker belonging to a serial killer that contains evidence
of his crimes. Thriller starring Casper Van Dien 5.00
5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours. Tyler accepts transfer to a
prison in Adelaide and bids farewell to his brothers (r)
(AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Tori puts Ash on the spot
about his dealings with Kat (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
7.00 Sea Cities: Brighton
The importance of the summer season
to Brighton, and how traditional
favourites such as Punch & Judy are
faring against new attractions like
British Airways’ i360 (3/3)
7.00 Emmerdale Chas decides to have an
abortion and is shocked that Paddy
wants her to have the baby (AD)
8.00 Back in Time for Tea The Ellises
sample life in the 1970s, an age of
power cuts and strikes, but also a
golden era for working class families.
They enjoy rare time together helped
with the advent of their first record
player and car. Sara Cox and Polly
Russell present (4/6) (AD)
9.00 Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond the
Lobby New series. Return of the
strand exploring extraordinary
hostelries. Giles Coren and Monica
Galetti explore one of the world’s most
luxurious eco-resorts on the small
island of Tetiaroa in French Polynesia.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
7.00 The One Show Topical reports with
Matt Baker and Alex Jones
7.30 EastEnders Linda is alarmed to
discover what has been going on when
she makes a surprise return home (AD)
Late
Bicks and she has
promised a lighter tone
for season two. Don’t
worry, though: Horgan
— who doesn’t do light
— is still involved and
the show is the bitter
treat it always was. If
season one was the
explosion, Bicks has
said, season two is the
aftermath. In tonight’s
opener we find Frances
and Robert picking
through the wreckage
8.00 Live Match of the Day: The FA Cup
— Swansea City v Sheffield
Wednesday (Kick-off 8.05). Coverage
of the fifth-round replay, which takes
place at Liberty Stadium. The original
tie at Hillsborough ended in 0-0 draw,
meaning the Swans face a third
consecutive replay in this season’s
competition, having also needed
two attempts to progress past
Wolverhampton Wanderers and Notts
County respectively. The winner of this
tie will earn a sixth-round home match
against the winners of tomorrow’s
replay between Tottenham Hotpur and
Rochdale. Subsequent programmes are
subject to change. See Viewing Guide
10.00 BBC News at Ten; followed by
BBC Regional News, Weather and
National Lottery Update
10.45 Acid Attack: My Story
Using archive footage and
reconstructions, this documentary
examines one of the most shocking
acid attacks of recent years (AD)
11.30 Miranda Hart: My What I Call Live
Show A filmed performance from the
comedian’s nationwide stand-up tour,
combining stand-up comedy, sketches,
songs and dance and featuring
anecdotes ranging from flatulent first
dates to socially inept children (r)
12.35am-6.00 BBC News
10.00 Mum Subtle family comedy.
See Viewing Guide (2/6) (AD)
10.25 The Archiveologists Spoof 1960s
documentary (2/6)
10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s
events presented by Evan Davis
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 Loch Lomond: A Year in the Wild
Documentary following the impact of
the seasons on the diverse array of
wildlife living in Loch Lomond and
the Trossachs National Park,
focusing on spring (1/4) (r)
8.00 What Would Your Kid Do? Children
are filmed in a school specially rigged
with hidden cameras. In the studio, the
host Jason Manford challenges parents
to predict what their child will do in
each situation, providing an insight
into the developing minds of five to
seven year-olds (4/6) (AD)
8.00 How to Get Fit Fast Anna
Richardson and Amar Latif separate
fact from fiction when it comes to
exercise, helping viewers find the
workout that is right for them.
Amar tries out a muddy endurance
obstacle course to get to the bottom
of their huge surge in popularity
8.00 Secrets of the National Trust with
Alan Titchmarsh New series. The
host visits 16th-century Derbyshire
mansion Hardwick Hall, once the home
of Elizabeth Talbot, Countess of
Shrewsbury, commonly known as
Bess of Hardwick (1/12) (AD)
9.00 100 Years Younger in 21 Days
New series. Eight famous faces,
including actors June Brown, Claire
King, Sid Owen and Sherrie Hewson,
are subjected to scientific testing to
discover how well, or badly, they are
ageing. See Viewing Guide (1/4) (AD)
9.00 24 Hours in A&E Cameras follow
54-year-old Richard, who arrives at St
George’s hospital suffering symptoms
of a suspected stroke. Meanwhile,
76-year-old Peter turns up in A&E with
a severe head injury, but it is not clear
what happened to him (AD)
9.00 Elizabeth: Our Queen —
The Crown Under Attack
How the Queen faced both a hostile
nation and scandal within her family
during the 1970s which threatened the
popularity of the monarchy itself (4/8)
10.00 The FGM Detectives Documentary
examining the issue of female genital
mutilation, or FGM, which involves the
partial or total removal of external
female genitalia. It is estimated that
some 137,000 women and girls are
affected by FGM in England and Wales
10.00 Ben Fogle: Return to the Wild The
host retraces his steps to India to call
on Steve, a former fighter pilot who
turned his back on Indian high society
for a simple life in the foothills of the
Himalayas on the Jilling estate, a piece
of land bought by his mother (4/4)
11.00 Before We Die The net is starting
to close on Christian, and Davor is
informed by his police source that
there might be an infiltrator within the
Mimicas’ organisation. Swedish thriller
starring Marie Richardson (7/10) (AD)
11.05 Sinkholes: Sucked to Death The
documentary examining the underlying
forces behind sinkholes looks at an
incident in which 53 houses in St
Albans were effectively cut off from
the rest of the city. Plus, the case of
how a developing sinkhole in Somerset
opened under a horse (3/3) (r)
12.15am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon
Ramsay revisits three of his most difficult American
cases (r) 1.00 World of Weird (r) (AD) 1.55 The Supervet
(r) (AD) 2.50 The Question Jury (r) 3.45 Coast vs
Country (r) (AD) 4.40 Location, Location, Location (r)
5.35-6.00 Superfoods: The Real Story (r) (AD)
12.05am Weather Terror: No Escape Accounts of
British tourists battling the elements abroad (r) 1.00
SuperCasino 3.10 Cowboy Builders A Halifax couple
whose home is plagued by dated decor (r) 4.00 My Mum’s
Hotter Than Me! (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10
Divine Designs (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
7.30 100 Year Old Driving School
Britain’s oldest drivers take part in a
mature driving assessment (2/6) (AD)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Through the Keyhole
Keith Lemon challenges Jonathan Ross,
Melanie Sykes and Ashley Banjo to
guess which famous abodes he has
invaded this week (8/8) (r)
11.15 An Island Parish: After the
Hurricane Cameras return to the
Caribbean island of Anguilla in the
aftermath of Hurricane Irma, which
struck in September 2017, to see
how the island and its people
have been affected (r) (AD)
11.45 Sunday Night at the Palladium
Alexander Armstrong presents the
variety show (2/5) (r)
12.15am Sign Zone: Generation Gifted Part one of
two. Documentary following children from low income
families over three critical years, exploring the challenges
they face as they progress from ages 13 to 16 (r) (AD, SL)
1.20-2.00 Royal Recipes. Michael Buerk and Paul
Ainsworth recreate a Persian-inspired dish (r) (AD, SL)
12.35am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women. More
interviews and topical debate from a female perspective
(r) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle
Show. The host invites guests to air their differences over
family and relationship issues, and provides them with
his own brand of no-nonsense advice (r) (SL)
the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Amazing Hotels
BBC Two, 9pm
The mother of all
celebrity jollies returns
for a second series as
Giles Coren and
Monica Galetti visit five
more of the world’s
most incredible hotels.
Tonight they are guests
of the Brando, the
eco-resort founded by
Marlon Brando on the
Polynesian paradise
atoll of Tetiaroa, in
the middle of the
Pacific Ocean. Guests?
Actually Coren and
Galetti are here to
work in, not enjoy,
the £11,000-a-night
luxury resort. So,
Coren shifts some
crates, Galetti lays
some tables, but mainly
they have a terrific
time, diving with
whales and paddling
in the azure waters.
100 Years Younger
Experiment
ITV, 9pm
Eight “well-known,
well-worn” faces head
to an “experimental
rejuvenation clinic”
to see if they can
collectively lose 100
years from their brains
and bodies in 21 days.
There is a practical
message — most of us
are unaware of the
damage the modern,
sedentary lifestyle does
to us — and the group
are encouraged to eat
and exercise sensibly.
However, what we’re
really here for is to see
the actress June Brown
with snails crawling all
over her face or the
game show host Roy
Walker receiving a
coffee enema. Spurious
pseudo-science, with
spurious pseudo-celebs.
Mum
BBC Two, 10pm
It’s Easter Sunday in the
Essex suburbs and
Cathy (Lesley Manville)
and Michael (Peter
Mullan) are planning to
clear the front room to
make way for a new
carpet. However, with
Jason and Kelly
desperate to “save”
Cathy from Michael,
their exquisitely glacial
romance hits another
obstacle. A malevolent,
Mini Egg-crunching
Pauline (Dorothy
Atkinson, Bafta please)
steals the show when
she tries to impress/
outdo Lin, an old flame
of Derek’s. On hearing
that Lin works in a
library she says proudly:
“I once read a book
that was a thousand
pages long. It took me
a year.” Majestic.
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, 12.30am
Ben Stokes’s return
to the England fold
almost overshadowed a
cracking New Zealand
victory in Hamilton in
the first ODI of the
five-match series on
Sunday. The sides meet
again tonight at the
stunning Bay Oval
ground in Mount
Maunganui.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Monkey Life (r) (AD) 7.00 RSPCA
Animal Rescue (r) 8.00 Send in the Dogs (r)
9.00 Road Wars (r) 10.00 Warehouse 13 (r)
11.00 Forever (r) (AD) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles
(r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The
Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 The Flash. Barry goes on trial for the
murder of Devoe
9.00 The Blacklist. Liz abandons her old life for
a new start in the Alaskan wilderness
10.00 Football’s Funniest Moments (r)
10.30 Harry Hill’s Tea-Time (r)
11.00 The Force: Essex. A woman is shocked
after she is burgled by her own grandson (r)
12.00 The Force: Manchester (r) 1.00am Brit
Cops: Frontline Crime UK (r) 2.00 Most Shocking
(r) 3.00 The Blacklist: Redemption (r) (AD) 4.00
It’s Me or the Dog. Double bill (r) (AD) 5.00
Futurama. Double bill of the comedy (r) (AD)
6.00am Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
7.00 Urban Secrets (r) 8.00 The Guest Wing (r)
(AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House.
Double bill (r) (AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace (r)
2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing.
Double bill (r) 5.00 House (r) (AD)
6.00 House. A child suffers a stroke (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. A reality television star dies
during a fashion show (r) (AD)
9.00 Here and Now. Ashley and Kristen run
afoul of the law (2/10)
10.10 Divorce. New series. The comedy starring
Sarah Jessica Parker returns. See Viewing Guide
10.45 Bright Lights: Starring Carrie Fisher and
Debbie Reynolds. Charting the relationship
between the entertainer Debbie Reynolds and
her daughter Carrie Fisher, who died within a
day of each other in December 2016 (AD)
12.35am Black Panther: Special 1.05 Gomorrah
(r) 2.00 Save Me (AD) 3.00 Gomorrah (r) 4.00
The West Wing. Double bill (r)
6.00am 60 Minute Makeover (r) 7.00 The Real
A&E (r) (AD) 8.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 10.00 Cold Case (r)
11.00 The Biggest Loser: Australia 12.00
Obese: A Year to Save My Life USA (r) 1.00pm
The Chef’s Line 2.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD)
4.00 Border Security: America’s Front Line (r)
5.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
6.00 Criminal Minds (r)
7.00 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
7.30 Children’s Hospital (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary. A deadly serial bomber returns
to New York (r) (AD)
9.00 World’s Most Evil Killers. The murders of
Chicago killer John Wayne Gacy (r)
10.00 How to Get Away with Murder
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Cold Case (r) 2.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
3.00 Border Security: America’s Front Line (r)
4.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD) 5.00 The
Biggest Loser: Australia (r)
6.00am André Rieu: Behind the Music 7.00
Hollywood in Vienna: The Sound of Space &
Alexandre Desplat 9.00 Tales of the Unexpected
9.30 Artists in Love (AD) 10.30 Video Killed
the Radio Star 11.00 The Sixties (AD) 12.00
Trailblazers: Electronic Music 1.00pm
Discovering: Olivia de Havilland (AD) 2.00 Tales
of the Unexpected 2.30 Artists in Love (AD)
3.30 Video Killed the Radio Star 4.00 The
Sixties (AD) 5.00 Trailblazers: Madchester
6.00 Discovering: William Holden (AD)
7.00 The Eighties (AD)
8.00 Portrait Artist of the Year 2018
9.00 Clint Eastwood: A Life In Film. The actor
discusses his life and career
10.50 24x36: A Movie About Movie Posters.
Documentary exploring the world of illustrated
film posters (AD)
12.25am Portrait Artist of the Year 2018 1.25
The Adventurers of Modern Art 2.25 50 Years
Legal (AD) 4.00 Dag 4.30 Tales of the
Unexpected 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Live
ATP Tennis: The Dubai Duty Free Tennis
Championships 1.30pm ATP Tour Classic
Matches 2.00 Sky Sports News 3.00 Live ATP
Tennis: The Dubai Duty Free Tennis
Championships. Further coverage of the second
day’s play of the tournament from Aviation Club
Tennis Centre in Dubai
6.30 Sky Sports News at 6
7.00 Sky Sports Tonight
7.30 Live Checkatrade Trophy:
Shrewsbury Town v Yeovil Town (Kick-off 7.45).
Action from the semi-final at New Meadow
10.00 The Debate. Premier League news
11.00 Sky Sports News. A round-up of the day’s
talking points and a look ahead to the events
that are likely to make the news tomorrow
12.00 Revista De La Liga
12.30am Live One-Day International Cricket:
New Zealand v England. Coverage of the second
ODI of the five-match series, taking place at Bay
Oval in Mount Maunganui. See Viewing Guide
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm Spotlight. Social
and political issues 11.10 Acid Attack: My
Story. Examining one of the most bizarre acid
attacks of recent years (AD) 11.55 Miranda
Hart: My What I Call Live Show. A filmed
performance of stand-up comedy, sketches,
songs and dance, from the comedian’s
nationwide tour (r) 12.55am-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 12.35am Weather for the
Week Ahead 12.40-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 1.00pm Live Snooker: The
Welsh Open. Coverage of the afternoon session
on day two in Cardiff 4.30 First Minister’s
Questions 5.20 Hands on Nature (r)
5.25-6.00 X-Ray (r) 7.00-8.00 Live Snooker:
The Welsh Open. Coverage of the evening
session on day two in Cardiff 11.15 Snooker:
The Welsh Open 12.05am The Super League
Show 12.55-1.20 Coast (r)
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Through the Keyhole. With panellists
Jonathan Ross, Melanie Sykes and Ashley
Banjo (r) 12.05am Teleshopping 1.05 After
Midnight 2.35-5.05 ITV Nightscreen
UTV
As ITV except: 12.35am Teleshopping
2.05-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days. News and analysis
7.30 Handmade on the Silk Road. Exploring
traditional crafts along the ancient trade route
of the Silk Road (2/3) (r) (AD)
8.00 Pedalling Dreams: The Raleigh Story.
Documentary telling the tale of the ups and
downs of Raleigh bikes, using personal
testimony and rare and previously unseen
archive film (r) (AD)
9.00 The Mafia’s Secret Bunkers. John Dickie
investigates the ’Ndrangheta crime syndicate,
visiting the bunkers the gangsters use as
hideouts and learning how the Italian authorities
are fighting back (r) (AD)
10.00 Byzantium: A Tale of Three Cities. Simon
Sebag Montefiore explores the last centuries of
Christian Constantinople (2/3) (r)
11.00 Dreaming the Impossible: Unbuilt Britain.
A look at how Scotland was almost cut in half to
create a warship canal (r)
12.00 Je t’aime: The Story of French Song with
Petula Clark. The story of the French chanson (r)
1.00am Top of the Pops: 1982 (r) 2.15
Pedalling Dreams: The Raleigh Story (r) (AD)
3.15-3.45 Handmade on the Silk Road (r) (AD)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Coach Trip:
Road to Tenerife (r) (AD) 7.30 How I Met Your
Mother (r) (AD) 8.00 Baby Daddy (r) 9.00
Melissa & Joey (r) 10.00 How I Met Your
Mother (r) (AD) 11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r)
(AD) 12.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 1.00pm The
Big Bang Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 Melissa & Joey
(r) 3.00 Baby Daddy (r) 4.00 Brooklyn
Nine-Nine (r) (AD) 5.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Coach Trip: Road to Tenerife (AD)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
9.00 Celebs Go Dating (AD)
10.00 Tattoo Fixers. The team tries to salvage
Sannah’s inked disaster (r) (AD)
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.00 First Dates. Dating show (r) (AD)
1.10am Celebs Go Dating (r) (AD) 2.15 Tattoo
Fixers (r) (AD) 3.05 First Dates (r) (AD) 4.00
Rude Tube (r) 4.25 Rude(ish) Tube (r) 4.45
How I Met Your Mother (r) (AD)
8.55am Food Unwrapped (r) 9.30 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun (r) 11.30 Four in a Bed (r)
2.10pm Come Dine with Me (r) 4.50 A Place in
the Sun: Winter Sun (r)
6.55 The Supervet. A papillon dog undergoes a
double knee replacement (r) (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. A couple build a modernist
home in Bath, opting for an environmentally
friendly prefabricated German kit house, but
first they have to prepare the site — an
extremely steep hill (6/8) (r) (AD)
9.00 The First Brit: Secrets of the 10,000 Year
Old Man. Documentary following scientists
studying Britain’s oldest human remains, as
palaeontological model makers try to put a face
to this 10,000-year-old skeleton (r) (AD)
10.00 Iceman Murder Mystery. Scientists
perform an autopsy on the preserved corpse of
“Otzi”, a Neolithic man found frozen in a glacier
in the Alps in 1991, hoping to learn more about
life 5,000 years ago (r) (AD)
11.05 24 Hours in A&E (r) (AD)
12.05am 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (r)
2.15 Grand Designs (r) (AD) 3.15-4.00 8 Out of
10 Cats. With Heston Blumenthal (r)
11.00am Thunder Over Arizona (U, 1956)
Western starring Skip Homeier 12.35pm
Destry Rides Again (U, 1939) Comedy
western starring James Stewart and Marlene
Dietrich (b/w) 2.25 Charade (PG, 1963)
Romantic thriller with Audrey Hepburn and Cary
Grant 4.45 Sink the Bismarck! (U, 1960)
Fact-based Second World War drama starring
Kenneth More (b/w) (AD)
6.45 Tomorrow, When the War Began (12,
2010) Adventure with Caitlin Stasey (AD)
8.50 Prometheus Interview Special. With Ridley
Scott, Charlize Theron and Noomi Rapace (r)
9.00 Prometheus (15, 2012) A spacecraft
travels to another world in search of aliens that
may have created the human race. Sci-fi thriller
starring Michael Fassbender (AD)
11.25 Black Swan (15, 2010) A repressed
ballet dancer is encouraged by a director to
explore her darker impulses, to improve her art
at the risk of her sanity. Drama starring Natalie
Portman and Mila Kunis (AD)
1.35am-4.00 No Home Movie (PG, 2015)
Chantal Akerman’s video portrait of her mother
Natalia, an Auschwitz survivor
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals (r) 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r) 7.10
Dress to Impress (r) 7.55 Emmerdale (r) (AD)
8.20 Coronation Street (r) (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show (r) 10.15 Who’s Doing the
Dishes? (r) (AD) 11.10 Dress to Impress (r)
12.15pm Emmerdale (r) (AD) 12.50 Coronation
Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 5.50 Take Me
Out. Contestants from the Wirral, Blackpool,
London and Brighton enter the Love Lift (r)
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men (r)
8.30 Two and a Half Men (r)
9.00 Survival of the Fittest
10.00 Celebrity Juice (r)
10.50 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.15 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.40 American Dad! (r) (AD)
12.10am American Dad! (r) (AD) 12.40 The
Cleveland Show (r) (AD) 1.10 Two and a Half
Men (r) 2.05 Totally Bonkers Guinness World
Records. With Matt Edmondson (r) 2.15
Teleshopping 5.45 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Coronation Street (r) 6.55 Heartbeat
(r) (AD) 8.00 The Royal (r) (AD) 9.05 Judge
Judy (r) 10.25 The Cruise (r) 11.25 Love Your
Garden (r) 12.30pm The Royal (r) (AD) 1.35
Heartbeat (r) (AD) 2.40 Coronation Street (r)
3.50 On the Buses (r) 4.55 You’re Only Young
Twice (r) 5.25 George and Mildred (r)
6.00 Heartbeat. The village is plagued by a
spate of burglaries (r) (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. A bridegroom-to-be is
murdered (r) (AD)
8.00 Midsomer Murders. The discovery of a
book dealer’s body sparks an investigation, and
a second grisly find brings more panic to the
English countryside. Drama starring John
Nettles and Daniel Casey (r) (AD)
10.00 Scott & Bailey. A man acquitted of rape
and murder is found dead (3/6) (r) (AD)
11.00 Scott & Bailey. Three weeks after
reporting her husband missing, a porn star is
arrested on suspicion of his murder, while
Janet’s affair is exposed (4/6) (r) (AD)
12.05am A Touch of Frost (r) 2.00 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Protectors (r) 6.35 Pawn Stars (r)
7.30 Ironside (r) (AD) 8.30 Quincy ME (r) 9.30
Minder (r) (AD) 10.35 The Sweeney (r) 11.40
The Avengers (r) 12.50pm Ironside (r) 1.50
Quincy ME (r) 2.55 Minder (r) (AD) 4.00 The
Sweeney (r) 5.05 The Avengers (r)
6.05 Storage Wars (r)
6.35 Storage Wars (r)
7.05 Pawn Stars (r)
7.35 Pawn Stars (r)
8.00 World Superbike Highlights. Action from
the opening round, which took place at Phillip
Island Grand Prix Circuit in Victoria, Australia
9.00 Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest Airport.
Behind-the-scenes documentary (1/3) (r) (AD)
10.00 FILM: Game of Death (18, 2011)
A government agent protects a hospitalised
diplomat when the hitmen who tried to kill him
return to finish him off. Action thriller starring
Wesley Snipes and Zoe Bell (AD)
12.05am FILM: On Deadly Ground (15,
1994) Ecological thriller starring Steven Seagal,
Michael Caine and Joan Chen (AD) 2.10 The
Americans (r) (AD) 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters UK 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm
Top Gear (AD) 3.00 The Hurting 4.00 Road Cops
5.00 Top Gear. With guest Terry Wogan (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. With Rowan Atkinson (AD)
7.00 Road Cops. Pandemonium by the roadside
exposes some illegal paraphernalia
7.30 Road Cops. A mysterious missing tattoo
lands a motorist in trouble with the police
8.00 Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish.
The comedian devises an experiment to discover
whether people’s behaviour is the same in the
real world as it is online
9.00 Room 101. With Ross Noble and Jamelia
9.40 Room 101. With John Prescott, Rebecca
Front and Micky Flanagan
10.20 Room 101. With Nick Hewer, Carol
Vorderman and Rhod Gilbert
11.00 Live at the Apollo. Lee Mack hosts the
stand up show, with guest Sean Lock
12.00 QI XL. With Sue Perkins and Bill Bailey
1.00am QI 1.40 Would I Lie to You? 2.20 Mock
the Week 3.00 QI XL 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning 9.00
Casualty 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The Bill 12.00
New Tricks (AD) 1.00pm Last of the Summer
Wine 1.40 Bread 2.20 Birds of a Feather 3.00
London’s Burning 4.00 New Tricks (AD) 5.00
Bergerac. A criminal targets Jim’s family
6.00 Steptoe and Son. Harold seeks help
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. A solicitor’s
letter terrifies Tom
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Barry’s
promotion causes problems
8.00 Death in Paradise. A prisoner is killed while
in police custody (8/8) (AD)
9.00 New Tricks. The publication of a biography
reopens an old case (2/8) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. A deathbed confession leads
the team to investigate the suicide of a 1970s
rock star, while Brian persuades Jack to rejoin
Ucos. Roger Lloyd Pack guest stars (4/8) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon develops a
disturbing aversion to work
12.00 The Bill. A bomb is found at Sun Hill
1.00am Life on Mars 2.00 London’s Burning
2.50 Crocodile Shoes 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.20 Pointless 8.10 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Impossible
Engineering (AD) 11.00 History’s Greatest
Hoaxes 12.00 Time Team 1.00pm Hunters of
the South Seas 2.00 South Pacific (AD) 3.00
Coast (AD) 4.00 History’s Greatest Hoaxes 5.00
Murder Maps. The serial killer George Chapman
6.00 Nazi Hunters
7.00 Impossible Engineering. A look at the
Shanghai Tower (AD)
8.00 Impossible Railways. The drive to make
trains faster (6/6) (AD)
9.00 Ripping Yarns. A dashing British hero
suffers a conflict of loyalties
9.40 Ripping Yarns. Comedy about an obsessive
football fan. Starring Michael Palin
10.20 Ripping Yarns. Roger Bartlesham
experiences a sexual awakening in colonial India
11.00 Open All Hours. Miserly grocer Arkwright
advertises for a live-in housekeeper
11.40 Open All Hours. Granville tries to impress
a local beauty by having a makeover
12.20am Open All Hours 1.00 Battleplan
2.00 Time Team 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda 5.20 Ag Ionnsachadh le
Blàrag (Learning with Connie) (r) 5.25 Pincidh
Dincidh Dù (Pinky Dinky Doo) (r) 5.35 Su
Shiusaidh (Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.40 Na
Floogals (r) 5.50 Srath Sona (Happy Valley) (r)
5.55 Oran le Fiona (r) 6.00 Seoc (Jack) (r)
6.10 Am Prionnsa Beag (The Little Prince) (r)
6.35 Sealgairean Spòrsail (History Hunters) (r)
7.00 Eileanan Fraoich — Lismore (r) 7.30
Speaking Our Language (r) 7.55 Binneas — Na
Trads (r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Leugh Mi
(Book Show) 9.00 A’ Ghaidhealtachd
(Highlands) As autumn storms hit, seal pups
fight for their lives against all odds (r)
10.00-12midnight Scottish Premiership
Football. Hearts v Kilmarnock. A chance to see
the top-flight encounter at Tynecastle
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Dona Direidi (r) 6.15 Tili a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r) 6.35 Igam
Ogam (r) 6.45 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 7.00 Meic y
Marchog (r) 7.15 Sbarc (r) 7.30 Mwnci’n
Dweud Mwnci’n Gwneud (r) 7.35 Ahoi 7.55
Peppa (r) 8.00 Holi Hana (r) 8.10 Amser Stori
8.15 Boj (r) 8.30 Abadas (r) 8.40 Bla Bla
Blewog (r) 8.55 Ben a Mali a’u Byd Bach O Hud
(r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r) 9.25 Meripwsan (r) 9.30
Straeon Ty Pen (r) 9.45 Pentre Bach (r) 10.00
Dona Direidi (r) 10.15 Tili a’i Ffrindiau (r)
10.25 Halibalw (r) 10.35 Igam Ogam (r)
10.45 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 11.00 Meic y Marchog
(r) 11.15 Sbarc (r) 11.30 Mwnci’n Dweud
Mwnci’n Gwneud (r) 11.35 Ahoi (r) 11.55
Peppa (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
12.05pm Dudley ar Daith (r) (AD) 12.30
Cynefin (r) 1.30 Ward Plant (r) 2.00 News S4C
a’r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C
a’r Tywydd 3.05 John Ac Alun (r) 3.30 Dathlu
(r) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05
Stwnsh: Dreigiau — Marchogion Berc (r) 5.25
Stwnsh: Pat a Stan (r) 5.35 Stwnsh: Pwy Geith
y Gig? The panel choose the members of the
new band (r) 6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05
Prosiect Z 6.30 Rownd a Rownd. It is Jason’s
birthday and Erin is looking forward to
celebrating with him, but unfortunately things
do not go according to plan (AD) 7.00 Heno
7.30 Pobol y Cwm. Kath sneaks a peak at
Debbie’s medical records, and Dani is not happy
about the Deri’s new barmaid (AD) 8.00 Cefn
Gwlad. New series. Dai Llanilar meets Ifan
Lodge, Garej Ceiri, Llanaelhaearn, and Mari
Lovgreen admires the enterprise of fellow
farmers’ wives (AD) 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd
9.30 Y Byd ar Bedwar. International current
affairs reports 10.00 Wil ac Aeron: Taith yr
Alban. Wil and Aeron cross the sea to the
Hebrides and the Isle of Uist (r) 10.30-11.35
Noson Lawen. An evening of entertainment at
Llanfair Caereinion. Last in the series (r)
14
1G T
Tuesday February 27 2018 | the times
MindGames
times2 Crossword No 7586
1
2
3
4
5
Codeword No 3270
6
7
21
14
7
8
9
23
5
22
10
11
12
21
2
15
24
9
14
14
15
15
19
16
3
5
18
21
7
15
15
21
5
10
14
13
2
18
5
8
23
15
21
9
13
5
Train Tracks No 342
16
16
26
1
12
20
14
15
9
23
11
24
5
1
24
6
2
3
6
2
A
6
24
23
21
11
4
10
24
16
3
3
5
14
5
4
9
15
2
3
9
4
22
1
25
5
5
1
16
21
18
9
5
14
14
19
9
5
24
22
20
21
15
12
9
23
22
17
22
21
9
16
22
7
23
23
14
14
21
20
24
16
18
7
9
9
21
C
9
B
R
9
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
24
14
Across
1
5
8
9
10
12
13
14
17
U
Fast train (7)
Long-barrelled gun (5)
Word and picture puzzle (5)
Feral American horse (7)
Mischievous 17 across (9)
Life force; Greek letter (3)
Lacking ventilation (6)
Make wealthy (6)
Small sprite (3)
Solution to Crossword 7585
S G S K
A SCENS I OND
B R O K E
P O D I U M K OW T
V B
I
I
K E R B COMP R E
L
I
DOME S T I C C I
R
I
A H
AC T I ON N I MB
H R S D O
D I SOB ED I ENC
D N
L
D D
C
A Y
N
OW
E
S S
T Y
R
US
C
E
18 Typically 7 down dish (5,4)
20 Folded sheet for an
informal letter (7)
21 Beaver-like rodent (5)
23 Mistake (5)
24 Communication (7)
7
11
13
15
16
18
19
22
Our planet (5)
Alehouse (3)
Gradually slacken (4,3)
Representative portion (6)
Gone up (5)
The right to vote in
elections (9)
Language (7)
Flag showing ship is about
to leave (4,5)
Eg, physics or biology (7)
Sees (7)
Small chicken (6)
Straight edge; monarch (5)
Wind instrument (5)
Affirmative answer (3)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
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21
6
20
4
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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
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Down
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U
© PUZZLER MEDIA
23
23
24
R
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or text
TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access
charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution call
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charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica
No 4153
O
No 4154
L
O
D
U
M
S
U
U
L
S
N
R
U
A
M
U
E
A
I
N
R
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U
D
B
T
S
E
V
S
I
E
L
E
B
D
I
E
N
P
P
L
A
U
T
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a
completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Medium No 4262
Futoshiki No 3117
>
30
15
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
6Winners will
receive a Collins
English Dictionary
& Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle
and text in the
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17
24
22
∧
∧
7
36
22
8
15
24
29
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Kakuro No 2076
3 >
>
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Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
34
16
8
12
39
42
10
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4
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29
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34
<
∨
∧
12
23
7
11
4
13
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it. The
same number may
occur more than
once in a row or
column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
23
1
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
17
29
12
14
22
28
28
14
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© PUZZLER MEDIA
17
the times | Tuesday February 27 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
To some commentators the increasing popularity of chess960 (the
“960” refers to the number of
possible starting positions) is anathema. Indeed, some chess news
websites have declined to report
the recent Carlsen-Nakamura
“world championship” at all. My
feelings concerning such tampering with traditional chess are decidedly mixed. However, it cannot
be denied that the contest created
enormous interest in this subvariation of normal chess and may,
therefore, have promoted the game
as we conventionally know it.
As evidence of the interest,
there was prize money of 1.5 million Norwegian krone (approximately £135,000) split 60-40 in
favour of the winner. The championship was opened by the Norwegian prime minister, Erna Solberg
and, in Norway at least, there was
wall-to-wall television coverage.
White: Hikaru Nakamura
Black: Magnus Carlsen
Fischer Random (Game 6),
Baerum 2018
This game started from the following position.
________
á 1 DrDk4]
à0 D gp0 ]
ß h 0bD D]
ÞDpD D Dp]
Ý Dp)P) )]
ÜD DPH D ]
ÛP) D DBD]
ÚDQG $ IR]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
Nakamura has built up a strong
centre and should continue 13 f5
Bd7 14 dxc4 bxc4 with an edge for
White as the black c-pawn is
weak.
13 d5 Bd7 14 d4
White is relying on his huge
centre to compensate for the
impending loss of his h-pawn and
general kingside weaknesses. However, the doubled d-pawns mean
that his big centre is more static
than dynamic.
14 ... Qd8 15 Bd2 Bxh4 16 Rf1
Bg3 17 e5 h4 18 Rf3 Bc8 19 Nf1
Now the white rook gets into
trouble. Better was 19 Qe4, aiming
to consolidate the central structure
19 ... Bg4 20 Ra3 b4 21 Rxa7 Qb8
22 Ra6 Qb7 23 Nxg3
This is rather desperate but 23
Ra5 is met by 23 ... c3 24 bxc3 Nc4,
when White quickly falls apart.
23 ... Qxa6 24 Ne4 c3 25 bxc3
Nc4 26 Bf1 Nxd2 27 Nxd2 Qc8
28 Rh2 bxc3 29 Nc4 Bf3 30 Ne3
dxe5 31 fxe5 Qd8 32 Qf5 Bxd5 33
Qf4 Be6 34 Bh3 Rh6 35 Bxe6
fxe6 36 Ng4 Rg6 37 Rg2 Rf8 38
Qe4 Rf5 39 Nf6+ Rfxf6 White
resigns
________
án1bhrgk4]
à0p0p0p0p]
ß D D d D]
ÞD D d D ]
Ý D D D D]
ÜD D D D ]
ÛP)P)P)P)]
ÚHQGN$BIR]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
________
á D D ! D] Winning Move
àD D DbD ]
ßpD D 1k0] Black to play. This position is from
German Bundesliga 2018.
ÞDp$ D 0 ] Lindgren-Graf,
Black’s king appears to be exposed but the
Ý D Dp0 D] queen and bishop provide good cover.
ÜDPD D ) ] These pieces also helped with the winning
ÛPD D ) )] tactic sequence. How did Black continue?
ÚD DrDBI ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
♠♥♦7 4
♣8 4
♠N
♥Q J 7 5 W E
♦S
♣♠J
♥K 9 6
♦♣-
Dealer: East, Vulnerability: North-South
Pairs
6
MEDIUM
HARDER
Declarer knew West’s last four
cards were trumps. She led the
jack of spades. West ruffed (with
the five) and led the queen.
Declarer ducked (crucially) and
now West had to lead from jackseven round to declarer’s kingnine. Ten tricks and game made.
One North (reasonably) bid 3♠
over South’s 3♦ Michaels and
declared the 5-2 fit 4♠ . East
(fatally) led the ace of diamonds
DOUBLE
IT
♠A 8
♥10 8
♦KQ 7 4
♣A 8 4 3 2
1/3
OF IT
DOUBLE
IT
157
+ 88 + 1/2 – 75
11 SQUARE
IT
x 8 + 3/4 – 259
OF IT
OF IT
x 4 + 12 ÷ 10
SQUARE
IT
–9
÷4
TREBLE
IT
x5
HALF OF 5/6
IT
OF IT
6/7
OF IT
+ 472 HALF OF – 136
IT
4/5
OF IT
3 3
3
From these letters, make words of
three or more letters, always
including the central letter. Answers
must be in the Concise Oxford
Dictionary, excluding capitalised
words, plurals, conjugated verbs (past
tense etc), adverbs ending in LY,
comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 15 words, average;
20, good; 24, very good; 29, excellent
Killer Moderate No 5885
14
3
6
13
11
30
6min
11
22
12
17
4
16
19
4
13
20
6
3
11
16
10
16
14
15
4
10
10
N
Killer Tough No 5886
21
E
2♦(1)
3♦(2) Pass
3NT
Pass
4♥ (3) End(4)
(1) Weak Two — I like to play Three Weak
Twos — 2♦ as well as 2♥ and 2♠ .
(2) Michaels — showing 5-5 in the majors.
(3) Doesn’t look right to leave 3NT given
the 11th major-suit card. Indeed, 3NT
shouldn’t make.
and switched to a club.
Declarer won the ace, ruffed a
club and ran the queen of spades.
He crossed to the ace, cashed the
king of diamonds, ruffed a third
club and exited with a third spade.
West won the king and exited with
the queen of hearts (his last five
cards were ♥QJ752).
Dummy’s last five cards were
♥AK964. Declarer won dummy’s
king and led a low heart. If West
won the jack, he’d have to lead
from ♥ 752 round to dummy’s
♥ A96. But when he ducked,
declarer could win the ten and give
up a club to East, winning East’s
diamond return with the queen
and cashing the fifth club. Game
made. andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
9
21
14
21
25min
20
23
15
6
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L
O
I NBO
Q
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UN E
O C
E RA T E
S
U F F
F
I
E X E D
I
A
U N WO
G N
6
2
3
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1
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2
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S
O
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1
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2
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3
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5
4
1
2
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4
7
x
x
-
-
1
3
9
-
+
-
4
3
3
1
7
3
5
2
4
5
3
2
A
4
1
B
Suko No 2171
6
8
2
9
1
4
7
5
3
7
5
4
2
8
3
1
6
9
9
3
1
7
6
5
2
8
4
8
4
9
3
5
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2
1
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2
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8
9
1
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1
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2
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3
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3
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2
8
1
6
2
6
8
1
3
9
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4
7
5
1
7
6
4
8
3
9
2
P
O
U
E
T
T
L
A
C
H
O
O
R
U
W
R
R
Y
O
Y
T
Lexica 4152
Set Square 2078
x
4
Lexica 4151
1
2
∧
2 < 3
∧
5
4
2
B
T
L AWS
I
E
GGE T
H
Z
S T E E P
R
DD I S H
I
A S HA Y
O W
DWO R K
N
Y
Sudoku 9691
4
1
7
6
2
8
9
5
3
Futoshiki 3116
3
1
O
X
E
NU
Killer 5884
1
3
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
9
3
5
2
1
4
6
8
7
3 < 4
∨
2
3
3
Train Tracks 341
D
BRA
A
I MM
8
4 1
9 4
7 2
6
Sudoku 9690
2
9
8
4
6
1
5
3
7
4
19
=
11
Codeword 3269
9
7
2 3 6
4 1
1
5
7 1
4 2
8 1 3 9
7 2 1 5
9 8 6
3 5
16
13
8
=
59
4
22
+
+
=
1
Kakuro 2075
18
7
+
x
Enter each of
the numbers
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so that
the six sums
work. We’ve
= 9 placed two
numbers to get
you started.
Each sum
should be
= 28 calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Cell Blocks 3152
3
5
2
2
=8
x
÷
3
20
÷
+
5
8
6
x
3
KenKen 4261
28
8
2
2
6
-
Sudoku 9689
6
3
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
Solutions
7
1
2
3
6
22
21
9
3
+
Yesterday’s answers
hoot, hoots, host, hot, hotshot, oho,
ooh, otto, shoo, shoot, shot, soh, soot,
sooth, sot, stot, tho, too, toot, tooth,
tosh, tot
9
5
Set Square No 2079
Killer 5883
♠K 3 2
♠ 10 6 4
N
♥Q J 7 5 2 W E ♥♦5 3
♦A J 9 8 6 2
S
♣K J 10 ♠ Q J 9 7 5 ♣Q 9 7 5
♥A K 9 6 4 3
♦10
♣6
S(Macdougall) W
–5
Polygon
Contract: 4♥ , Opening Lead: ♦5
♠♥♦J 9 8
♣Q
+7
11
Bridge Andrew Robson
On this 4♥ from a duplicate at my
club, Bridget Macdougall played
very nicely to survive the lousy
trump split. West led partner’s diamonds, East beating dummy’s queen
with the ace and switching at trick
two to a club (as good as anything).
Winning dummy’s ace of clubs,
declarer led a heart and saw East
discard. Undeterred, she won the
ace and led the queen of spades,
West refraining from covering (best)
in case declarer held ♠ QJ10xx.
Declarer led a second spade to
the ace, cashed the king of diamonds discarding a spade, and
ruffed a club. She ruffed a third
spade, pleased to see the 3-3 split
and ruffed a third club.
We have reached this ending,
with declarer needing two of the
last four tricks:
EASY
© PUZZLER MEDIA
After 12 moves, this was the
position on the board.
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Heresy
Cell Blocks No 3153
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
8
x
+
5
Quiz 1 New York City 2 Very low temperatures
or deep-freezing 3 Titanic. The eventual survivor
rang the bridge to say: “Iceberg, right ahead!”
4 CNN 5 Five 6 Thursday 7 Elizabeth Tower,
commonly called Big Ben 8 Karl Lagerfeld 9 Billy
Idol 10 Church of Scientology 11 Carole Lombard
12 Federico Mompou 13 Mechanical rabbit or
hare 14 Muttiah Muralitharan 15 Segway PT
W
E
A
D
T
E
E
I
O
E
S
L
O
D
D
A
U
M
O
P
R
T
E
Word watch
Gore (a) A triangular
piece of material for a
skirt or umbrella
Talon (b) The pile of cards
left after dealing
Mazer (c) A large maple
drinking bowl
Brain Trainer
Easy 7; Medium 825;
Harder 572
Chess After 1 ... Rxf1+!
2 Kxf1 Bc4+ the white
queen is lost
27.02.18
MindGames
Mild No 9692
Fill the grid so that
every column, every
row and every 3x3
box contains the
digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
by Josephine
Balmer
Gore
a A piece of material
b To oppose
c Squeamish
1
Answers on page 15
5
2
6 1 7
7
9
5 4
9 4
8 2
6 4
9 8
4
1
7 3 6
8
1
5
For interactive
Sudoku puzzles, visit
thetimes.co.uk/puzzles
6
Super fiendish No 9694
2
5
3 1
Talon
a Grateful
b A group of cards
c A genius
Mazer
a A hedge-trimmer
b A sci-fi enthusiast
c A bowl
Difficult No 9693
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
3
8 1
2
8
2 3
6
6
7
5
5
2
8
1
4
3
8
9
6 3
4
2
8 9
5
2
actress wife of Clark
Gable was killed in a
1942 plane crash?
2 Cryonics is a means
of preserving human
bodies via what means?
12 Which Catalan
composer wrote
Variations on a Theme
of Chopin for solo
piano (1938-57)?
6 Ascension Day
is traditionally
2
3
15
9 Which former
Generation X member
is known for the songs
Rebel Yell, White Wedding
and Cradle of Love?
celebrated on
which weekday?
7 Installed in 1885,
the Ayrton Light
is the lantern at
the top of which
clock tower?
10 From 1959 to 1967,
Saint Hill Manor in
East Grinstead was the
global HQ of which
new religion?
8 Located at 7 rue
de Lille, Paris, the 7L
Bookshop was created
by which German
fashion designer?
4
5
8
11 Born Jane Alice
Peters, which American
12
21
7
14
16
19
6
11
13
5
1
2
5 7
9
6
1
3
7
13 Which greyhound
racetrack device was
invented in 1912 by
Owen Patrick Smith?
Yesterday’s
Quick
Cryptic
solution
No 1035
14 Which Sri Lankan
spinner took 16 for
220 v England in a
one-off Test, at the
Oval, in 1998?
15 Which two-wheeled,
self-balancing scooter
is pictured?
Answers on page 15
15
17
18
20
22
S
E
A
T
T
L
E
R
E
C
A
P
E A S C A
C
U
BOU T
R
T
H I
I N
E
N T I C E
O
A
UN S C A
S
K
OU P L E
R
E
H
I E R
P E
C L U
U
C
A
P E A K I N
I
R
D
L L B I L L
O O
S H OWU
Y
E E
R E D
A
R
I
AGGR
T
I
T
H
ON E S T L
B
U
G
G
Y
P
I
L
L
O
R
Y
Follow The Times Crossword
Editor @timescrosswords
by Orpheus
9
10
1 5
4
9
5
9
2
The Times MindGames: Word
Puzzles & Conundrums and
Number & Logic Puzzles are
out now. To order copies visit
timesbooks.co.uk or call
0844 576 8120. Also available
from all good bookshops.
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1036
1
1
4 8
by Olav Bjortomt Times MindGames books
1 Rikers Island is the
main jail complex of
which US city?
5 How many arms
do most species of
starfish have?
9
6
7
6
to receive four clues for any of today’s puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
PRESS ASSOCIATION
4 Larry King hosted a
nightly TV talk show,
from 1985 to 2010, on
which news channel?
2
8
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight
The Times Daily Quiz
3 The lookout Fred
Fleet was not using
binoculars when he
sighted the cause of
which ship’s demise?
3
Across
1 Cry lustily, audibly, getting
wherewithal for game (4)
4 Important requirement for
making clothes (8)
8 Weapon made by man, a
belligerent politician (8)
9 Social misfit runs away from
native of Athens, perhaps (4)
10 Ways to adopt old quality
arousing pity (6)
11 Exclusive group providing
local anaesthetic? (6)
12 Unfeeling nature of cardplayer short of a suit? (13)
16 Absentee? Mostly loyal worker
(6)
17 Reportedly pursued, though
virtuously abstinent (6)
19 Lack of approval for shelter (4)
20 One politician allowed to bring
up rear? That’s understood (8)
21 A few sensible words
pronounced by the judge? (8)
22 Require key to get into flipping
study! (4)
Down
2 Scent found in a Continental
capital (5)
3 Burrowing larva familiar to
bikers? (13)
4 Intends to find method (5)
5 Thanks college for income (7)
6 Disciplined treatment working
men get in a riot (13)
7 Developed sea legs, apparently
never growing old (7)
10 Expression of disgust father
heard (3)
13 Nobleman given award for
making part of organ (3,4)
14 European coming from Eilat
via Novgorod (7)
15 Visit Home Counties around
end of June (3)
17 Police officers beginning to
explore wooded area (5)
18 Stomach lining of ox? Rubbish!
(5)
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