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The Times Times 2 - 29 March 2018

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On Thursday
March 29 | 2018
Macho? Who, me?
Bear Grylls on what it means to be a man
2
1G T
Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
times2
We were seven
I thought Jeremy was
a mensch on a bike —
until I saw the mural
Deborah Ross
A
t first, when
stories of
antisemitism
within the
Labour Party
emerged,
I was not
much exercised,
I admit. If — if — the party had
a problem it will come down to
“a few bad apples”, I thought, and
maybe it wouldn’t even amount
to as much as that.
Likely it was something about
nothing. So I walked the dog,
cooked meals, had the shower
leak fixed (at last) and basically
got on with life. Then further
“stories” emerged and still I didn’t
engage. A smear campaign, I said
to myself. And with that I got
back to getting on with life,
walked the dog some more and
took showers that didn’t drip into
the room below, which made for
a pleasant change.
Then yet more “stories”
emerged and, yes, I ignored those
too. On top of getting on with
life, which can keep you very
busy, Jeremy Corbyn is my MP
(Islington North) and he is widely
regarded as a mensch. He is a
familiar sight on his bike, at local
events and at protests to save
local parks, and obviously cares
about the local community, which
in fact includes a sizeable number
of Jewish constituents.
He is also one of the leading
anti-racists in parliament. He
protested against apartheid while
the Thatcher government was still
defending white-majority rule, for
instance. This man, I thought,
could not and does not have an
antisemitic bone in his body. So I
carried on as per, and walked the
dog some more — it’s neverending, the dog walking — then
I saw “the mural”. And my guts
What I’d
do if a man
cleaned up
Last week the
headmistress of a girls’
school said that the
reason women still
carried most of the
domestic load was
because women
“infantilised” men and
did not trust them to do
anything at home
without leaving “a list”.
This week I read that
the BMJ report saying
that women are twice
flipped. I thought I might vomit,
honestly. I still think I might
vomit, in fact.
I am a secular Jew. I am a
very secular Jew. Days, weeks,
months go by when I don’t think
about my Jewishness at all.
But sometimes something
comes along and there it is,
the 3,500 years of Jew in you.
I have since read what I can find
on the subject and realise that,
if I’m to continue thinking of
Corbyn as a mensch, I will have
to accept the following:
0 I must accept that he only
offered support to the artist who
created “the mural” because “I did
not look more closely at the
image I was commenting on”.
I must accept that if glanced at
as likely to lose interest
in sex than men can be
explained as follows:
feminism has resulted
in men “losing that raw,
masculine edge”, which
is “what turns women
on”. Or to put it another
way, as this particular
writer did: “It’s one
thing to demand
equality in the
boardroom; things
are very different
in the bedroom.”
So in other words
we’ve brought it all on
ourselves. Women!
We’re our own worst
enemies! I am only
hoping and praying that
the men who have lost
quickly it can look like a kitten
playing with a ball of wool.
0 I must accept he is only a
member of various antisemitic
Facebook groups because he did
not look closely at those either
and maybe thought they were
groups for swapping quick and
easy supper ideas. I must accept
that when he saw posts on his
timeline reading, “Auschwitz was
a supposed ‘death’ camp, but
aerial photography by the Allies
showed nothing to support claims
of mass extermination,” it failed to
register, so keen was he to scroll
down to see if there was anything
quick and easy. For supper.
0 I must accept that since his
mother attended the battle of
Cable Street this has to be proof
of his non-antisemitic credentials.
(Although, to be fair, my mother
attended the opening of John
Lewis at Brent Cross and I have
certainly been loyal to the John
Lewis at Brent Cross ever since.)
0 I must accept that if a member
of the party makes remarks along
the lines of Israel being relocated
to the United States — “problem
solved!” — then this is nothing to
get too het up about. I must also
accept that, if you don’t watch
yourself closely enough, there is
always the danger of falling for the
age-old trope of Jews as uniquely
powerful and evil and Israel as
uniquely powerful and evil, which
can happen, especially if there is
nothing good on the telly.
As it stands, I don’t think anyone
can safely say whether Corbyn is
personally antisemitic or not. But
I do think we can say that, as a
rule, he really does not look at
stuff closely enough.
that “raw masculine
edge” are more likely
to, say, unstack the
dishwasher or run out
in their lunch hour to
buy the ingredients for
dinner since that would
be some result, at least.
And rather sexy,
too . . . Wait! Men, you
can claw this back!
Scrub the blackened
roasting dish that’s
been “soaking” by
the sink for weeks
and, I promise you,
my desire will shoot
through the roof.
Or organise our
child’s birthday party
and I’ll do it any way
you want, and that
includes the way I
once said I would never
do, ever. Organise
the party and get the
party bags sorted and
we’ll do the one thing
I said I would never
do . . . twice!
I don’t know. Maybe
carrying most of the
domestic load simply
means we’re too
knackered for sex . . .
Wait! Women, what if
we agree to do it while
we’re unstacking the
dishwasher?
Why haven’t we
thought of this before?
Because we are idiots,
probably, and only have
ourselves to blame . . .
Anna Campbell
was killed fighting
with Kurds. Her
siblings talk to
Katie Gibbons
about their sister
A
s a child she
conjured up fairies
for her siblings in
the Sussex woods
and was determined
never to grow up. At
27 Anna Campbell
became the first
British woman to die in Syria while
fighting alongside Kurdish troops. “To
the world she is Anna the martyr or
Anna the gun-holding fighter. But she
is our sister, she’s our children’s aunt.
She was soft and funny and had so
much love to give,” says Rayne, 40, the
eldest of her siblings.
It’s a week since Anna’s image —
smiling and dressed in army fatigues
— was posthumously published in the
news, and her brother and five sisters
have gathered in a flat in Lewes, East
Sussex, overlooking the local football
club. It belongs to their father, Dirk, a
specialist in ethnic instruments and a
composer with film credits including
Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire and
The Last King of Scotland. He moved
here after his wife, Adrienne, died of
breast cancer in 2012 and the children
grew up and left home.
A banner has been hung in the front
room to celebrate Anna’s sister
Hester’s 38th birthday, but she is in no
mood to celebrate. As the six of them
squeeze together by the piano, the
yoga instructor from Deptford in
London remarks sadly: “There used to
be seven.” Among her dark-haired
siblings, Anna stood out as the only
blonde. Or at least she did until she
dyed her hair black so that she would
be less conspicuous on the front line.
It was last May when Anna travelled
to Syria to join the YPJ, the Kurdish
Women’s Protection Units, to
participate in what she described as
the “revolution of women” in “the
weaponised fight against fascism”. She
was due to return home this month,
but two weeks ago she was killed in a
missile attack at Afrin. She had
persuaded her commanders to let her
join an attack against Turkish troops
who were bombarding the US-backed
militia on the border.
Although she had been preparing
intensely for the YPJ before she left,
physically training and learning
Kurdish, only a few family members
knew of her intention. What she was
doing was illegal — the Kurdish forces
in Syria are not officially recognised
by the British government — and she
was fearful of being arrested on her
return. Anna had adopted the nom de
guerre Helin Qerecox. Her father last
week said that he regretted not having
done more to dissuade her from going.
Anna’s sister Rose, 24, a visual artist
and textile design student at UAL, was
the first to hear of her sister’s plan to
travel 2,500 miles to join the fight
against Isis. “She called me up on the
phone one day while having lunch —
mouth full of food — and said, ‘I think
I’m going to do this thing,’ ” she says. “I
didn’t really understand or realise the
severity of it. When I saw her I’d done
some research and asked if there was
anything I could do to get her not to
go. She just said, ‘There’s no way, my
mind is made up.’ She asked me not to
tell anyone otherwise she could be
arrested. So we had to be really vague
about where she was, so to everyone
else she was in Turkey.”
Anna travelled to Syria from Bristol
with Macer Gifford, 30, a former public
schoolboy from Cambridge who gave
up his job as a currency trader in
London after seeing videos of Isis
beheadings online. The pair were
separated shortly after arriving there.
At first, Anna’s family heard nothing,
but over the past six months she was
regularly in touch. “I got a message
from her five days before she died,”
says her sister Sophia, 28, a forester
and basket maker who lives on an
organic farm in Somerset. “She didn’t
tell anyone she was going to Afrin,” she
adds. “We would never have let her go.
I wanted her to come home. I was
about to have a baby.”
“She never mentioned the fighting
side of things,” says her sister Sara,
35, an actress and singer who lives in
Madrid. “She mainly just said she was
hanging out and drinking tea; she said
it was boring and that she wanted to
be doing more. She told us about her
training, but she never discussed what
she did as a fighter. When she left she
said she was going to fight Isis.”
Anna’s journey from privately
educated Lewes schoolgirl to
gun-toting rebel fighter may seem
extraordinary, but to anyone who
knows the Campbell family it was
almost writ from birth. A feminist,
lesbian and fierce advocate for female
education, Anna was inspired by her
activist mother, who was by her side at
a demonstration in London eight years
ago when women stormed the Houses
of Parliament. Her decision to fight in
a war that in only seven years has
the times | Thursday March 29 2018
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until Anna went to Syria
The lowdown
Namibia
JAMES CLARKE FOR THE TIMES
OMG you’ll never guess
where Harkles are going
on their honeymoon.
I take it that you expect me to know
what a Harkle is?
Duh! Prince Harry and Meghan
Markle! I came up with Harkles
myself, actually. Do you think
it’ll catch on?
Does this look like a face that cares
about honeymoons or Harkles?
Oh do get into the spirit. Didn’t you
apply for a golden ticket invitation?
I’m not sure it was a case of
applying, dear.
Wasn’t it? I thought the process
was a bit like Britain’s Got Talent?
Anyway, their honeymoon
destination has just been
announced. You’ll never guess it.
If it will make you happy: a tiny
speck of sand in the Maldives?
Nope.
How about a five-grand-a-night
resort in the Seychelles? Or that
place Harry likes, Botswana?
Wrong and wrong again. No,
they’ve gone a bit off the royal piste
and chosen Namibia, some lodge
called Hoanib Valley Camp that’s
not even fully built yet.
I’m unsure of what to do with this
information, to be honest.
obliterated a country and caused the
biggest refugee crisis in recent history
was unwavering. “She was brought up
to be an active member of the
community and to demonstrate her
thoughts,” says her brother, Adam, 21,
a musician. “That was the normal way
to be for us. She fought for what she
believed in.”
Born prematurely, Anna “came into
the world early and left early”, he says.
The others remember her as a “very
slight, sickly, sensitive child” whose
physicality was “at total odds with her
inner strength and stubbornness”.
Hester adds: “I always had this
feeling that she decided at one point
that she had to show the world how
strong she was. She wasn’t the big,
tough strong kid.”
Anna spent her early years “running
feral” with her siblings in rural East
Sussex before the family moved to
Lewes, where they were instrumental
in social causes ranging from refugee
resettlement to establishing the Lewes
pound. “Everyone in Lewes knows a
Campbell,” a family friend told me.
At primary age Anna and her
younger siblings were home-schooled
by a group of parents, including their
own. After she began attending the
local comprehensive, this small
operation became the revolutionary
independent Lewes New School.
Rayne, an assistant head teacher from
Isleworth in west London, recalls
Anna’s difficult adjustment to
mainstream education. “She just didn’t
understand why teachers in this school
assumed that children did not want to
learn. She became really disillusioned.”
Once she attended the girls’ school
St Mary’s Hall in Brighton, however,
she flourished. Anna flew through her
GCSEs, gaining A grades despite little
revision, says her brother. She loved
languages — within five months of
joining the YPJ Anna could speak
Kurdish fluently — and literature and
read “every single classic”. Her
favourite author was Edgar Allan Poe.
Yet as an undergraduate at the
University of Sheffield, studying
English literature and French, Anna
felt “embarrassed at just being a
student”, according to her sisters. She
became heavily involved in the
Occupy student movement, fought for
foxes’ rights as a hunt saboteur, then
left during her first year to join the
Dale Farm activists in Essex.
Anna later took a course in
blacksmithing and moved to Bristol,
where she trained as a plumber,
worked at a vegan café in the hipster
area of Stokes Croft and joined the
city’s environmental and anti-capitalist
movements. “She had always been
anti-establishment, but the experience
with riot police at Dale Farm was a bit
of a turning point,” says Hester.
At home Anna was as happy playing
Catan with her brother as she was
building a rope swing for her nieces
and nephews, or raiding supermarket
skips for food to make strange pickles
and jams. In Syria, when not on the
front line she spent her days looking
after stray puppies and growing food
for her comrades on the vegetable
garden she cultivated on their base.
“She was always looking for the best
way to be in the world to help others.
That’s why she was involved in so
many causes,” Sophia says. Rose
interjects: “Although I always joked
that for someone who dedicated her
life to saving animals and people, she
didn’t really like animals or people.”
Above left: Anna
Campbell. Above: her
siblings, Hester, Rose,
Sophia, Adam, Sara
and Rayne Campbell
It’s really
hard to
accept. She
brought
so much
sunshine
Rose says that she and Anna had a
joint future mapped out that now will
never happen. They planned to travel
across America and buy a house in
Bristol, where Anna had a vibrant and
established social circle. “I already
miss the potential future that we were
going to share together. We had so
many plans,” she says. “It’s kind of all
been taken away.”
Hester says: “In my mind I’ll just
always see her arriving at my gate with
her bike, looking so beautiful, with this
big halo around her blond hair. She
would have something that she’d
found, or some food she’d made or a
funny story. She brought so much
sunshine. It’s really, really hard to
accept that she’ll never wheel up to my
front door again.”
For her elder siblings it is the loss of
“Auntie Anna” that will be felt most.
“The influence that she had and that
I knew she was going to have,” Sara
says. “She was the source of so much
information. She bought them books
— Pippi Longstocking. She loved
literature so much and shared that
with the children. She wrote letters
to the kids.”
The last contact she had
was with Sophia. In her
message she revealed that
she had dyed her hair, but
did not explain why. She
asked several times to see a
picture of Sophia’s newborn.
“When I was pregnant I
asked her to come home a few
times, but she was never comingg back
back,””
Sara says. “Anna was a wonderful
letter writer, though, and she wrote to
my unborn daughter before she left.
She will read it when she’s older and
know. She’ll know who Anna was.”
Get this: it’s only £500 a night.
Even a posh yurt at Glastonbury
probably costs more than that!
I have to say I’m dubious.
Meghan looks like a lass who
needs her luxury.
Will they have some privacy, at least?
The lodge is a four-hour drive
from the nearest town. Apparently
Harkles have been advised by
their travel company, Natural
Selection, to book a number of
the lodges to keep their exact
location a secret, but you’ll have
to excuse me, I simply must go.
Where are you off to in
such a hurry?
I have an urgent flight and lodgings
to sort out. I’m booking up the
entire months of May and June.
Please. As if they’d tell the world
where they are honeymooning. This
is bound to be a red herring.
I am not hanging around to find out
Rachael Dove
R
4
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Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
times2
‘Being manly isn’t about banging
Bear Grylls has been accused of peddling a ‘masculinity that is useless’.
Men need more than muscles and bravado to survive, he tells Hilary Rose
M
ost people, when
climbing a
mountain in
Switzerland in
the snow, might
reasonably
conclude they
had enough on
their plate without answering their
phone. Bear Grylls is more concerned
with the direction of travel. “I’m on
the way down, actually, not up,” he
says. “I’ve been paragliding with some
friends and I’m going back down to
meet the family.”
What else would Grylls be doing
on a Monday afternoon but jumping
off a mountain attached to a big kite
and calling it fun? This is the man
who climbed Everest 18 months
after breaking his back. He has
circumnavigated the UK on a jet ski
and made countless TV programmes
about how to survive in the world’s
least hospitable places. He’s made the
actress Courteney Cox cry on screen
and offered President Obama a piece
of salmon that had been recently
chewed by a bear. Climbing up, or
indeed down, a mountain is what
Grylls, 43, does before breakfast.
“Adventure’s the only thing I’ve ever
been any good at, and I’m not saying
that in a falsely modest way,” he says.
“I was never particularly great at
school, but I always loved adventure.”
He has cornered the market in a
particular sort of adventure reality TV
programme. As a general rule women
fancy him and men dream that he’s
the sort of bloke they could have been
if only they weren’t a middle-aged
accountant. Yet in 2006 Grylls’s wife
had to persuade him that going on TV
was a good idea. He was spotted by a
producer while giving a motivational
talk, but initially declined the chance
of a small-screen career.
“It just wasn’t my kind of thing. I’m
really shy and nervous off camera. I
love snakes and swimming rapids and
jumping off cliffs, but TV was not a
natural place for me. My wife said,
‘We’ve just got married, we’re pretty
broke, why don’t you give it a go?’ ”
So he did, which is how we come to
be talking about the fifth series of The
Island. The premise is simple: maroon
two teams of people on a desert island,
strip them of the comforts of
civilisation, including food and water,
and make them survive on their wits
for six weeks.
“It’s about so much more than
survival,” Grylls says. “In this series we
put a group of high earners with
people who are struggling on the
minimum wage to see if the
importance that society puts on
wealth and status actually counts for
anything. There’s this imaginary
pecking order linked to power and
money that if you were a Martian
you’d think was nuts. What’s
important is how you cope when
you’re really up against it.”
The ones who cope well, he has
found, are the ones who have, or
quickly acquire, three characteristics:
tenacity, humility and kindness. Time
after time, the men arrive full of
testosterone and bravado, only to
realise that unsung kindness will get
you farther. “They think it’s all about
machismo and muscles, but it’s not.”
Some thought it was a bit rich when
the artist Grayson Perry said in 2016
that Grylls celebrated a useless brand
of masculinity. Grylls says: “He’s a
great man, isn’t he? He’s got much
bigger brain cells than me. Being a
man, hopefully, is showing those
qualities of kindness, courage and
humility, and having the tenacity to go
for it in life, to never give up. That’s
the only brand of masculinity I’m ever
trying to promote.”
Part of Grylls’s appeal is probably
that he practises what he preaches. He
and his wife, Shara, have three sons —
Jesse, 14, Marmaduke, 11, and
Huckleberry, 9 — and spend as much
time as they can, and certainly the
whole summer holiday, on a rugged
island off the coast of north Wales. It’s
uninhabited, except by them, and
groceries have to arrive by sea and be
carted up a dirt track. They go quadbiking, abseiling and paragliding, and
whatever else one can do on a remote,
uninhabited island off the coast of
Wales. It sounds like a cross between
Swallows and Amazons and The
Famous Five, all the more remarkable,
Power and money
don’t matter
when you are
up against it
some parents might think, for the fact
that the kids actually do it. How does
he persuade them to look up from
their screens and go outside?
“So much of it is by example. Kids
want to hang out; they want to be
together with you. I’ve never been
very good at saying, ‘Let’s sit down and
play a game.’ I’ve always been much
more, ‘I need to do this or that, come
and help me,’ whether it’s fixing
something or packing up the car. It
doesn’t have to be adventurous. There
are definitely times when we struggle
to get them off their phones — it’s
especially bad after school — but
we’re a pretty normal family.”
On the other hand, nor is he
virulently anti-screen: he loves using
his phone to plan and research cool
things for the family to do and has
spent happy hours with his sons
watching YouTube videos of how to do
a backflip on skis. “It’s about balance.
The boys have grown up surrounded
by nature and they love it, although
they definitely have their moments
when it’s been pouring with rain for
two weeks.”
On the plus side, they are yet to find
their dad cripplingly embarrassing.
“I’m sure that will come. I’m slightly
dreading it, but I’m sure it will come.”
Grylls’s father was a former Royal
Marines commando turned
Conservative politician who
encouraged his son to be adventurous.
Grylls Jr — nicknamed Bear by his
elder sister when he was a week old —
was sent to Eton, where he founded
the school’s first mountaineering club,
before reading Spanish and German at
university. He spent three years as a
trooper in the SAS Reserves,
eventually specialising in survival
techniques, a career that ended when
he broke three vertebrae in a
parachuting accident in 1997. He was,
he says, younger and more reckless
then and becoming a father changed
him. His TV crew told him that prekids he was 120 per cent reckless, but
he has dialled it back to 80 per cent.
“The only thing that matters now is
getting back in one piece,” he says.
Grylls once said that he thinks that
learning to take risks is a vital part of
growing up, and loves how as chief
scout (at 35, he was the youngest to be
appointed to the position) he gets to
horrify some parents. “I say to the
kids, ‘Listen, what we’re going to do
today is going to be dangerous’ — they
have big smiles on their faces and their
parents look nervous — and I say, ‘I’m
going to teach you good judgment and
how to do it safely. We’re going to do it
together and we’re going to look out
for each other.’ I see kids whose
parents totally mollycoddle them.
They say, ‘He can’t go out next
week, he’s got exams, what if he
falls over and can’t write?’ STOP!
Childhood is supposed to be about
adventure and fun, and risk is part
of life.”
Presumably, then, his wife is
entirely relaxed when he tells her
he’s about to take their three sons
abseiling off a cliff. “She’s a great
Above: Bear Grylls and
family at Wimbledon
last year. Right: in his
new series, The Island.
Below: with Barack
Obama in Running Wild
the times | Thursday March 29 2018
5
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your chest’
COVER: GARETH PHILLIPS/SUNDAY TIMES; BELOW: BEAR GRYLLS VENTURES
A bloke’s guide to appropriate bank
holiday activities by Stuart Heritage
1
Bank holidays were created in the
1800s to ease the pressure on a
predominantly male workforce. As
such, the men of this country deserve
to spend the day being as
unapologetically male as possible. For
instance, it might be a good idea to
drink some warm beer while standing
in your kitchen, looking around
wide-eyed as if it’s the first time you’ve
actually seen it.
seconds, and there’ll be bitter
recriminations, and it’ll be just like
every family gathering since 2016.
8
Watch the manliest film you can
think of. Invariably this will be
There Will Be Blood, which you will
watch in the dark in silence. This is the
manliest thing you can do today . . .
9
. . . apart from sending a picture of
your genitals to a woman on the
internet uninvited, but you’re not
going to do that because we’ve been
through this before, haven’t we?
2
There will be sport on television
today. You need to watch this sport,
while intermittently yelling the word
“SPORT” to nobody in particular.
10
Why not venture into town for
the bank holiday sales? I’ll tell
you why not. Because even though the
average British high street has now
become a Cormac McCarthy-level
wasteland of pound shops and burgerwrapper tumbleweed, it’ll still be
jammed with idiots eager to elbow you
in the face to get their hands on an
infinitesimally reduced jumper.
3
If the national anthem is to be
performed before the sport starts,
you must only sing the words, “God
save our gracious Queen,” and the
der-ner-ner-ner bit that comes directly
before “Send her victorious”. However,
you must sing them at terrifying
volume with tears in your eyes.
4
This is a good time to start taking
an interest in your garden again. If
you’re me, this will involve staring
hard at your lawn, wondering how
much it would cost to just get the
bloody thing AstroTurfed, googling
AstroTurf companies, being put off by
the price and then forlornly handing
your garden over to neglect for
another year.
11
To revise: why not buy a jumper
on your phone while you’re hiding
on the toilet from your family, like
everyone else does?
12
Don’t forget the Easter tradition
of complaining that the PC
brigade has banned you from using
the word “Easter” — although there
isn’t one and they haven’t.
5
Celebrate Sir John Lubbock. He
is credited with introducing the
bank holiday in 1871, but he was
also something of a polymath. He
helped to establish archaeology as a
scientific discipline, introduced the
Ancient Monuments Protection Act
and lobbied for Charles Darwin to be
buried at Westminster Abbey. He was
also MP for Maidstone, so the best
way to honour his legacy is to go
to Maidstone, have a quick look
around Maidstone, realise that
Maidstone isn’t very nice and then
get out of Maidstone.
moderator and I think it’s a balance.
She’d definitely agree with the
sentiment that you’ve got to help kids
go for it, but there are also definitely
times when she’s, like, ‘Really? It
seems a little windy . . .’ ”
Even more surprising are the risks
he manages to persuade high achievers
to take. His programme Running Wild
with Bear Grylls takes A-listers into the
middle of nowhere to see what they’re
made of. His first guest on the show
was the actor Will Ferrell and he has
since had Cox, Obama, Kate Hudson
and Kate Winslet. These are people
whose every public utterance is
usually choreographed and manicured
and checked by health and safety to
the nth degree. Why do they sign up
to look like shit and have a horrible
time in the wilderness?
“Because it’s uncontrolled and
I think they like that. They can’t
believe everything isn’t minutely
planned, that we’ve got just a rope
and a small crew. Once they get over
that, they love it. I’m not in it to catch
them out or say nasty things. I’m
generally full of admiration for them.
Courteney Cox: what a great lady.
She did so well. She was scared
a lot of the time, but she kept going.”
A few have become friends, but
mostly not. “I”d love to say I’m
hanging out with Obama, but it’s not
like that.” That particular Running
Wild programme, which Obama asked
to do to highlight climate change, has
been watched by more than a billion
people worldwide. After filming,
Obama invited Grylls to bring the
family to the White House. Grylls
assumed that was something he said
to everyone. An aide put him right.
“He never says that,” she told him, “so
take him up on it. Bring your kids.”
“So we did,” Grylls says. “I was
more nervous being in the Oval
Office with him than I was halfway
up a mountain.”
It’s probably no coincidence, then,
that much of what Grylls says, you
could imagine Obama saying. “I don’t
think being macho is about banging
your chest. It’s a much quieter thing.
What I’m trying to say to people is
that the world is amazing, and you
were made incredible, so take a few
risks. Life is precious. Grab it. And
never give up.”
The Island with Bear Grylls starts on
Channel 4 on Monday at 9pm
6
Bank holidays are for kids too.
Why not reconnect with them by
asking a series of carefully considered
questions that they’ll unblinkingly
grunt away because they’re watching
videos of cats getting run over?
7
If you’re part of the sandwich
generation, with kids and parents to
worry about, you should try to invite
everyone to yours for lunch. You
should do this even though they will
start to argue about Brexit after 30
13
Still, you should probably watch
something suitably religious.
A good choice is Mel Gibson’s The
Passion of the Christ, because nothing
defines masculinity like reading
subtitles over scenes of punishing
violence created by the man who
made famous the term “sugar tits”.
14
Stare hard
at your
lawn and
wonder
how much
it would
cost to
just get
AstroTurf
Don’t forget that Easter was
named after Eostre, the
Germanic goddess of fertility.
Celebrate accordingly — if you live in
a rural area, you are duty bound to go
to the nearest farm, force two animals
to procreate and then cheer wildly.
15
This is forgetting the one Easter
Monday tradition that unifies us
all; finding a supermarket that is open,
loitering in the seasonal goods aisle
until someone starts putting reduced
stickers on the Easter eggs, buying as
many as you can, telling the checkout
person that you have a big family,
driving home and then eating them
one by one in a staggering fit of
self-loathing. We all do that, right?
Not just me? Anyone?
16
Get dragged along to a country
house, or dragged along to a
garden, or dragged along to a park,
or dragged along to any other place
you’d normally rather die than visit.
17
Actually, this is the spring of
2018. That means it won’t be
warm or nice outside — in fact, it
means you’re guaranteed to be
snowed in by lunchtime, so forget
all the outdoorsy stuff I’ve
mentioned. Instead, why not just
bundle up all your possessions
in the middle of your house, set
them alight and huddle round
them for warmth.
6
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Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
the table
Our prawn addiction
doesn’t need to be
such a filthy habit
Why eat crustaceans from a swamp in southern Vietnam when you can
get them from a sustainable source in Lincolnshire, asks Alex Renton
O
nce upon a time the
king of the starters
was the prawn
cocktail. It came,
as a precursor to
a chicken Kiev or
coq au vin, in a
chalice of frosted
glass, where the curls of cold, pink
crustaceans reclined on shredded
iceberg lettuce. This was topped with
a tongue-searing Marie Rose sauce
(three parts salad cream, one part
ketchup). And a cuticle of lemon.
“I thought I was quite something,
eating one of those,” says Scott Ralston,
who got the prawn cocktail habit in his
parents’ restaurant at the age of eight.
Today the 37-year-old chef has
volunteered to cook and taste several
examples of the seafood for The Times
at his own place, the White Horse
Oyster and Seafood Bar in Edinburgh.
We’re doing this because this is not
a simple crustacean any more: the
prawn and its cousins have risen from
their clammy lettuce bed and migrated
everywhere. You can’t miss them in
the supermarket or in the modern
restaurant: fried in tempura, stewed in
garlic for tapas, spatchcocked and
grilled on skewers, spilling out of
granary rolls stuffed with rocket,
bobbing in a myriad of pseudo-Asian
curries. They’re jumbo, king, whitelegged, tiger, freshwater, saltwater:
they hail from the Atlantic, Pacific,
from Ecuador, Thailand or Dublin Bay.
Who can tell them apart?
If you’re bothered about the health
or the sustainability of your seafood as
much as the taste, you may like to.
Because the farmed prawn — and that
is most of them — isn’t necessarily the
innocent, clean product you imagine.
I’ve stood in a seaside swamp in
southern Vietnam, watching the
muddy water of a prawn farm seething
as the larval Litopenaeus vannamei,
the white-legged shrimp commonly
sold as king prawns in Britain, fight for
their fishmeal. In a shed on the bank
were sacks of pesticides ready to tackle
the diseases that are inevitable in such
intensive, unnatural production.
New standards and certification
systems are now policing some of the
worst excesses of tropical prawn
farming. But worrying stories still
surface — of the destruction of
mangrove forest to make way for the
ponds, of slave labour on the boats
that catch fish to make prawn feed.
Processed, the prawns must be frozen
for shipping to Europe, and it may be
as much as two years before they are
thawed out to grace a fish counter
near you. A 2015 study of 342 packs of
Many
people
aren’t even
aware we
have this
species
Asian prawns sold in US shops found
that 60 per cent had harmful bacteria,
including E. coli and salmonella.
Aware of all these complaints, a new
company has started farming L.
vannamei in tanks in untropical rural
Lincolnshire. Set up by British
entrepreneurs, FloGro claims to use
sustainable energy to circulate the
water and a probiotic feed to ensure
that the prawns are healthy. The
Marine Conservation Society — which
is very severe about the harm done by
intensive farming of prawns in the
tropics — has given the new business
its top mark for sustainability.
Meanwhile, there are still wild
prawns to eat. The delicate pink
creatures of the prawn cocktail of
yesteryear — to my mind, far tastier
than anything farmed in the tropics
today — are in supermarket freezers
and on shelves as “coldwater” or
Atlantic prawns. These wild creatures
are usually caught by trawler, and
because this system can be very
wasteful, it’s wise to choose only those
that have a Marine Stewardship
Council (MSC) blue tick. And they are
almost always pre-boiled, so not very
useful in prawn curry or sauced recipes
— reheating will almost inevitably
turn them dry and woody. You can,
however, sometimes buy fresh ones in
Atlantic coastal town fishmongers.
Rick Stein is a fan of Falmouth Bay
prawns when they’re available during
the autumn months, as are the
restaurateurs Rick and Katie Toogood,
whose new cookbook, Prawn on The
Lawn, includes a recipe for them with
sriracha crème fraîche. “Many people
aren’t even aware that we have this
fantastic species,” they say. “Although
not very large, when deep-fried you
can eat the whole thing, head and all.”
So much for the ethics, what about
the eating? For the taste test, our
panel comprised myself, Ralston and
Xa Milne, the author of The
Seaweed Cookbook. As well as
various prawn varieties, we tried
crayfish and langoustines, aka
Dublin Bay prawns (although they’re
more like a mini-lobster). The latter
will be familiar to the prawn cocktail
generation for that other staple of the
1980s bistro experience, scampi in a
basket. Nowadays we’ve learnt to
appreciate them whole, with their
claws on, grilled or steamed: they are
perhaps Britain’s most delicate,
delicious crustacean. Which is why
fresh langoustines, often still alive and
twitching, can be hard to find. As one
Edinburgh fishmonger told me:
“They’re all going to Spain. They
appreciate good seafood there.”
The prawn
taste test
0 Welch Fishmonger langoustines
(£4.80 for 150g, fresh, creel-caught
West of Scotland, sold loose by the
Edinburgh fishmonger)
These langoustines (above) are
sustainably caught in baskets rather
than bottom-trawled, which is a
technique widely considered to be
environmentally disastrous. Most
production is now snapped up on the
Continent, but last week Morrisons
supermarket was selling whole, cooked
langoustines at £14 a kilogram, much
the same as its peeled tropical prawns.
Ralston serves them whole, split down
the centre line, like a lobster and very
briefly chargrilled. “That’s better than
a lobster’s ever going to be . . .” says
Milne after her first taste. “Simply
great,” says the chef. {{{{{
0 FloGro
large king
prawns
(£7 for a portion
of 4-5 fresh,
shell-on prawns,
farmed in
Lincolnshire,
sold through the food-box company
MindfulChef.com)
Fried for 90 seconds or so in garlicky
butter, heads and shells on, these are
extremely good — gently flavoured,
with a natural texture and a lovely
orange-pink colour. “Certainly up
there with the best we get in the
restaurant,” says Ralston. It may seem
absurd to pay a premium for prawns
that have travelled from Lincolnshire
rather than the Bay of Bengal, but
FloGro’s prawns are not frozen,
are fed cleanly and are farmed in a
sustainable way, having been given the
thumbs-up by the Global Aquaculture
Alliance and Marine Conservation
Society. {{{{{
0 Waitrose
extra-large
king prawns
(£3.74 for for
160g, cooked
shell-on from
Ecuador)
These carry the
label of the Aquaculture Stewardship
Council (ASC), which promises a
responsible approach to the
environment and social impact of
prawn farming. We like the taste and
the texture. “There’s a nice crunch,”
says Ralston. “Keeping the shell on
seems to preserve flavour.” Milne
agrees: “Really good, sweet and the
right amount of salt. They could be
Atlantic prawns.” As with most
pre-cooked seafood, Waitrose has
added salt and a preservative, sodium
metabisulphite. That is common in
products from shampoo to wine, but
it has been associated with allergic
problems, including asthma.
{{{{(
0 Waitrose
tiger prawns
(£4.99 for 140g,
shelled and
cooked, farmed
in Madagascar)
Tiger prawns
are distinctive
because of the black stripes on their
shells. These are tasty, but they have
been over-boiled. “Far too much
crunch,” says Ralston. For comparison,
the times | Thursday March 29 2018
7
1G T
STEVEN JOYCE; TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER JAMES GLOSSOP
the table
Szechuan prawns
Serves 4
Ingredients
For the Szechuan salt
1 tbsp Szechuan pepper
2 tbsp black peppercorns
4 tbsp Chinese five spice
9 tbsp table salt
For the prawns
Olive oil, for frying
12 raw tiger prawns (jumbo shrimp)
2 limes, halved
Method
1 To make the Szechuan salt, heat a
frying pan (skillet) over a medium
heat and toast the Szechuan pepper
and black peppercorns for about 1 min.
2 Transfer to a spice grinder and blitz
thoroughly. Alternatively, crush as
finely as possible with a pestle and
mortar. Finally, combine with the
Chinese five spice in a non-reactive
(glass, ceramic or stainless steel) bowl.
3 Add the table salt to the frying pan,
increase the heat to high and cook for
about 2-3 min, stirring occasionally,
until it turns slightly grey (a colour
change is not essential). Tip the hot
salt into the bowl with the rest of the
spices and mix, to fuse the flavours.
Set aside and allow to cool. Kept in an
airtight container, this salt will keep
for about 6 months.
4 Bring the frying pan back down to a
medium heat and drizzle in a little oil.
Place the prawns in the pan, drizzle a
little more oil over them and sprinkle
about 2-3 tbsp of the flavoured salt
over the prawns. Cook for about 2 min,
until the prawns have changed from
their natural grey colour to pink on
the underside, then flip them, sprinkle
with a little more Szechuan salt and
cook for a further 2 min. Transfer to a
serving platter. Garnish with the limes.
From Prawn on the Lawn by Katie
and Rick Toogood (Pavilion Books)
Katie and Rick Toogood
of Prawn on the Lawn
he sautés some huge raw tiger prawns
in garlic butter for a couple of minutes,
until the shells are beginning to crack.
We pull them apart with our fingers.
They are delicious, and make the
Waitrose ones seem awfully drab:
Spam versus steak. The tiger prawns
are farmed, like Litopenaeus vannamei,
in seaside ponds, and huge amounts of
mangrove forest are reported to have
been destroyed in tropical countries
for the industry. The Waitrose ones
have no sustainability certification.
{{{((
0 Sainsbury’s
large king
prawns
(£3 for 155g,
shell-on, cooked,
“responsibly
sourced” from
Thailand)
These unshelled prawns are tastier
than some we tested. “Most fish are
better cooked with skin or shell on.
And I think peeling your prawn is part
of the fun, the ritual,” says Ralston.
There is sodium metabisulphite in the
Sainsbury’s brine. Information to
support the “responsibly sourced”
claim doesn’t appear on the packet —
or on the retailer’s website — which is
worrying because some of the nastier
complaints about prawn farming,
including illegal fishing for their feed,
have been reported from Thailand.
A call to the Sainsbury’s head office
reveals that it follows the guidance of
If your
eyes were
closed you
wouldn’t
know it
was a
prawn
The Seaweed Cookbook
by Xa Milne is
published by
Penguin, £16.99
the industry’s Sustainable Seafood
Coalition at all the prawn farms it
uses. {{{((
0 Waitrose
extra-large
raw shelled
king prawns
(£4.49 for 180g,
Thailand, ASC
labelled)
These, simply
sautéed
é for a minute in butter with a
touch of garlic, are far better than the
pre-cooked king prawns from Lidl
(below), but still not as good as the
shell-on ones. The ASC labelling
certifies their “responsible”
production. We all agree that if you
cooked them for the two to three
minutes the Waitrose packet suggests,
they would be horrible. “You need to
be careful when cooking shellfish,”
says Ralston. “But generally
professionals cook it for much less
time than you see advised on packets
or in recipes.” {{{((
0 Welch
Fishmonger
Crayfish tails
(£3.90 for
150g, wild,
shelled and
cooked, China,
sold loose)
Classic sandwich material — we are all
looking forward to these, the bodies of
freshwater crayfish, also known as
mudbugs or crawdads. The market is
dominated by China, where these
mini-lobsters are trapped and farmed.
They look good, with fire-engine-red
splotches on their bodies, and the
texture is excellent. “But far too
sweet,” says Milne. “Get the lemon and
mayo out!” Ralston says: “These are
sold in brine, and that will mean salt,
water and sugar — and they’ve
overdone it. A good sandwich-filler,
though, with a peppery salad like
rocket, lemon juice — you could make
a lobster roll with these, at half the
cost.” No ingredient information from
the fishmonger, but Big & Juicy, a
brand sold in Morrisons and other
supermarkets, lists salt, flavouring and
five E numbers as “stabilisers” and
“preservatives”. {{(((
0 Lidl coldwater
prawns
(£1.85 for 150g,
cooked, shelled,
“trawled, northwest Atlantic”
w
MSC labelled)
We all are fans of
the traditional Atlantic prawn that
used to come in a pint mug at the
seaside, with a hunk of bread and
some mayonnaise, but we are
disappointed by these. “Very small, a
bit anaemic and tasteless,” says Milne.
Trawled prawns are boiled and frozen
on the ship while at sea, but Ralston
wonders how carefully it’s done.
“People make a mistake when they
boil fish — if you don’t put some
onion, celery, bay leaves in the water,
you’ll tend to destroy the fish flavour,”
he says. We thought these weren’t
good enough for a traditional prawn
cocktail — they would need a lot of
sauce. At least Marine Stewardship
Council labelling means they were
caught in an environmentally sensitive
way. In the past, crude prawn trawling
in the Atlantic has resulted in up to
90 per cent of the fish in the net
being discarded. {{(((
0 Lidl king
prawns
(Lidl, £1.99 for
150g, shelled
and cooked, from
India, Thailand
and Vietnam)
These are deathly
pale, flavourless and tough to bite.
“Ugh,” says Ralston. “Slimy, tasteless:
if your eyes were closed you wouldn’t
know it was a prawn,” says Milne.
Ralston says you could use them for a
curry — “that’s all about texture, you
don’t need any taste, but it is not what
I would do”. He would prefer to use
raw prawns in any cooked dish. Lidl’s
king prawns have no environmental
certification and we are disappointed
to see that, although shelled, some still
had the faeces-filled alimentary tract
visible as a vein running down their
body. Salt has been added, but not
sodium metabisulphite. {((((
whitehorseoysterbar.co.uk
8
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Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
arts
‘I deleted my Instagram because m
Olivia Cooke talks to Ed Potton about her role in
Steven Spielberg’s virtual-reality film Ready Player One
and her wariness of social media and ‘curated lives’
O
livia Cooke is
talking about the
moment when she
was offered the
female lead in a
Steven Spielberg
film, the
$175 million
virtual-reality epic Ready Player One,
adapted from Ernest Cline’s novel. A
life-changing event, you would think,
for a vivid and versatile but relatively
unheralded young actress from
Oldham, best known until then for her
role in the Psycho spin-off TV series
Bates Motel and for playing a cancer
victim in the comedy-drama movie Me
and Earl and the Dying Girl.
So did Cooke sense that things
would never be the same again?
“A little bit,” she says with a wonky
smile. Her honest reaction, though,
was “immediate dread. Oh my God,
I’m 22, have I peaked? Is it all downhill
from here?” Cooke has been living in
New York for several years, but her
time in America has diluted neither
her accent nor her northern outlook.
She is funny, self-deprecating and
bracingly unfiltered.
The role was certainly a double
cracker. Samantha is a sardonic
cyber-activist whose digital alter ego
in the Oasis, the simulated gaming
universe of Ready Player One, is a
huge-eyed, motorbike-riding,
somersaulting ass kicker called
Artemis. And even if she was
quaking inside when she heard the
news, Cooke managed to project
an air of bulletproof confidence.
That, Spielberg later told her, was one
of the reasons he cast her.
Plus, when she heard the news she
was about to go on holiday to Mexico.
“Oh my God, it was the best holiday,”
she says, beaming. “I was drunk the
Steven Spielberg
undercuts your
nerves with
his passion
Right: Olivia Cooke
and, above, with
Tye Sheridan in
Ready Player One
entire time, on the beach just
celebrating. Got food poisoning
halfway through and spent the rest of
the week on the toilet, but apart from
that it was the best holiday ever.”
This is colourful chat for Claridge’s,
the grand hotel in central London,
which Cooke, now 24, hasn’t visited
before (“I love it, it feels very
decadent”). Visually she fits right in,
looking every bit the dazzling ingenue
in a two-piece silk frock (top half
Pompeii, Capri and
Fantastic
break to
the
Bay of Naples
Rome and Bologna
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the times | Thursday March 29 2018
9
1G T
arts
m mental health can’t handle it’
my
rust-coloured, bottom half
aquamarine) with her hair teased
into red-carpet curls. She can
shape-change, like Becky Sharp,
whom she will shortly play in a TV
adaptation of Vanity Fair. It’s not long,
though, before she veers off message
once more. You can take the girl
out of Oldham . . .
Talk has turned to one of her first
days on set for Ready Player One,
shooting with Spielberg and Tye
Sheridan, who plays Wade Watts, the
film’s protagonist and Samantha’s love
interest. During a break Sheridan
collared Spielberg. “He said to Steven,
‘I just wanna say that I’ve been such a
fan of your work for the longest time,
you have shaped my childhood in the
best way possible, it’s such an honour
to be here.’ And I’m looking at him,
like, you absolute lickarse!”
No such toadying for Cooke. She
talks about seeing an early computer
mock-up of Artemis and being
shocked at her thinness. “So I went to
Steven and said, ‘Artemis is looking a
little bit too skinny.’ Spielberg replied
that she had seen a very crude image
and took her into his on-set editing
tent to show her a more complete one.
“It pops into life and you see all my
expressions, all my idiosyncrasies and
she’s strong and she’s like a warrior.
And I was completely bowled over.” I
tell her that I’m impressed that she
stood up to the world’s biggest
director. “Well, I didn’t stand up to
him; I was just a little bit worried. I
wanted Artemis’s body shape to look
like mine.”
That’s all relative, of course; Cooke
is hardly a bloater. It’s patently
ridiculous that her character expects
Watts to be disappointed by her
real-life self after meeting her first as
Artemis. For the Oasis scenes, which
take up 60 per cent of the movie,
Cooke had to wear a figure-hugging
motion-capture suit. “Not much left to
the imagination,” she says. “Nowhere
to hide — if you’ve had a big meal you
can tell.” They filmed in a huge white
space full of sensors called the Volume,
which itself sounds like something
from science fiction. “We really
became like kids again because we
were in our own imagination.”
The CGI sequences are often
eye-popping. There’s one in which
the characters are dropped into a
sequence from The Shining and
another in which they race through a
ravishing cityscape pursued by
wrecking balls, a tyrannosaurus and
an agitated King Kong. Did Cooke get
all the pop-cultural references in the
movie, from Silent Running to Fast
Times at Ridgemont High, Duran
Duran to Van Halen, Space Invaders to
Dungeons & Dragons? Some of them,
she says, “but I’m from Oldham so
news travels a bit slower”.
She was on firmer ground, although
not literally, for another
stand-out scene: an
airborne dance
sequence set to
Stayin’ Alive. Cooke
was in her element,
having taken discodancing lessons from
the age of four, doing
routines to the Nolans,
Sean Paul and Sophie
Ellis-Bextor. For the
scene in the film she
and Sheridan had three
weeks of dance
rehearsals. “We got very
close very quickly. All
inhibitions were left at the
door.” Then they had to do their
frisky zero-gravity boogie in
front of the whole crew,
“which was pretty
mortifying”.
So there’s no shortage of
spectacle in Ready Player One.
Yet some reviews have been
sniffy, and there’s an edge of
trepidation in Cooke’s voice
when she asks me what I
thought of the film. I really
enjoyed it, I say. “Really?” she
says. Sure, as long as you don’t
dig too deep. There is satire,
mainly in the form of Ben
Mendelsohn’s corporate
villain, who has traces of
Steve Jobs, Mark
Zuckerberg and Donald
Trump. But there’s not
much in the way of a
challenge to the idea of
Did I get
all the
film’s
references?
I’m from
Oldham
so news
travels a
bit slower
Below: Cooke with Tom
Bateman in Vanity Fair.
Right: with Sheridan
in Ready Player One
most of the planet spending most of
their time in a virtual world. “I think
it’s good that Steven doesn’t bash you
over the head. It’s up to audience what
they take away, but all the themes, all
the warnings are there.”
Cooke’s online presence is modest,
just a Pinterest board. “I had a private
Instagram, but I deleted it about
a year and a half ago because it’s
just insidious and my mental health
can’t handle it.” We’re talking in the
week of the revelations about
Facebook and Cambridge Analytica.
“It feels quite lawless, and it homes
in on people’s insecurities and I’m
sick of seeing a curated life. Especially
for girls, these ideals of beauty
that are so unobtainable cos they’ve
been airbrushed.”
Which brings us back to
her character, Samantha,
mantha,
which was criticised
sed
in one review as
being rather
neutered for the
Time’s Up era.
“I disagree
with that
massively,”
Cooke says.
“I thought that
I had the best
arc of the whole
story.” She’s
certainly more
savvy than
Sheridan’s character,
cter,
who can err towards
ards the
gormless. “I try and stay away
from the manic pixie d
dream girls
l as
much as I can,” she says.
The daughter of a policeman and a
saleswoman, Cooke started acting at
school and left before A levels to star
with Christopher Eccleston in
Blackout, the BBC drama. Her first
important role was as a possessed
teenager opposite Jared Harris and
Sam Claflin in the kitsch 2014
Hammer horror The Quiet Ones,
which called for her to flit between
vampish, scary, playful and vulnerable.
Or, as Cooke puts it: “I was 18 and got
to play five characters, running
around barefoot, screaming.”
Around the same time she
was cast in Bates Motel as
Emma Decody, a friend of
the young Norman Bates.
The show put her on
the map in America
and she moved to
New York, where
she still lives.
Thanks to
her accent,
“everyone
thinks I’m
the most
intelligent
charming person
on Earth. I’m, like,
‘‘You have no idea.’ ”
She has a boyfriend,
rumoured to be the
American actor
Christopher Abbott,
but prefers not to talk
about him.
Bates Motel was followed
by another horror, Ouija,
and she admits that she was
briefly worried about “being
a scream queen for the rest of
my life”. Then, in 2015, she won the
part in Me and Earl and the Dying Girl,
which allowed her to flex her acting
muscles: an American accent, a
terminal illness and a shaved
chemotherapy head.
“Such a big, round head,” she says,
giggling. “What’s weird is putting your
head on the pillow for the first time
when it’s been Bic’d and it’s just skin.”
The role, she says, “was really
liberating. At 20 it felt like I was being
a proper actress and committing to a
role.” The film won two awards at
Sundance and alerted Spielberg to her
talents. “I think he loved the film and
must have liked my performance.”
Of her final audition for Ready
Player One at Spielberg’s offices,
though, she says: “I’ve never been
more nervous in my life.
Because you
yo get put
in a room with
Spielbergian
Spielb
memorabilia
mem
before
you go in.
bef
His
H Oscars! I’m
just,
ju like, ‘Jesus
f***ing
Christ.’
f*
I was dying
inside.
Later I
in
asked
Steven
a
and
an he said,
‘No,
‘No you seemed
so confident,
c
that’s one of the
reasons I cast you.’ ”
She’s a ffan, obviously,
although her favourite
film
f
of his is Hook, not on
one of his most
l
d When
h she
h mentioned it to
acclaimed.
some colleagues, “there was bit of a
silence, like I’ve got the worst taste
ever”. She’s sticking to her guns,
though. Hook “really jet-started my
imagination. I wanted to be a Lost
Boy. I wanted Robin Williams to be
my dad.”
Actually being directed by Spielberg
was “very intimidating”, she says. “But
he undercuts your nerves with his
passion. He’s just the biggest child and
he brings out your inner child as well.
Sometimes he’s right there in the
action, narrating every moment: ‘OK,
Olivia, keep looking at Tye. Tye, keep
looking at Olivia. Put your hand on his
chest, oh this is so great.’ ”
Has being cast in a Spielberg film
opened doors? “Yep! Yep! Yep! There
are certain things I’ve been offered
that I would have had to campaign
and audition several times for. I’m just,
like, ‘Are you sure?’ ”
She’ll be seen soon in
Thoroughbreds, an American thriller,
then Life Itself, in which she plays, in
flashforward, the daughter of Oscar
Isaac and Olivia Wilde. Then there’s
Vanity Fair, which comes to ITV this
year. Becky Sharp is a peach of a role,
she says, a proto-feminist and then
some. “She’s so manipulative,
charming, intelligent; she has the art
of fakery down to a T.”
So Ready Player One really has
changed Cooke’s life, although don’t
expect her to start gushing. “The
whole idea of being a female lead in a
Steven Spielberg film is about value, in
a sense, so I’m a bit cynical.” She does
a mock sob. “They don’t really want
me, they just want my value!”
Ready Player One is released
tomorrow
10
1G T
Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
television & radio
Rethinking what we know about being autistic
MARK JOHNSON/CHANNEL 4
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Are You Autistic?
Channel 4
{{{((
Grenfell Tower:
Minute by Minute
Channel 5
{{{{(
A
re you autistic, asked
Channel 4, and at one
point thousands of Are You
Autistic’s viewers may well
have replied: “Er, possibly,
yes.” Specifically when Jo, a mother of
three with Asperger’s, said that she
hated small talk about the weather as
it was “not interesting” and “pointless”.
Surely everyone thinks weather small
talk is not interesting and pointless?
Ditto any chit-chat about phones,
home wifi strength or traffic. Even the
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
The Long View
Radio 4, 9am
As Brexit approaches and
we prepare to wrench
ourselves from the EU,
Jonathan Freedland looks
at other moments when our
island nation has looked
at other parts of the world
with a suspicious eye. Such
as when Churchill looked
across the Channel in May
1940 and realised that what
lay ahead might not be
much fun. Or 1776, when
the Americans decided to
tear themselves from British
rule in the American War
of Independence.
The Art of Now:
Guantanamo
Radio 4, 11.30am
This programme about
Guantanamo Bay, from
the brilliant Falling Tree
company, doesn’t dwell on
the usual “Gitmo” horrors;
the physical abuses; the
human rights violations.
Instead it talks about the
small things: how the
prisoners, who were
forbidden pens, etched
flowers on Styrofoam cups.
Each night the cups were
scrutinised for illicit
messages. All they contained
was art. As a former
prisoner, Mansoor Adayfi
talks about his life in prison,
how he longed for coffee
and the sea. Quietly superb.
(non-autistic) co-presenter Anna
Richardson said she hated it.
If that were the criterion to being
autistic, however, we could count in
most of the country. But obviously it
isn’t, as autistic contributors explained.
Many have heightened senses, so, for
example, JP can “hear” electricity (this
rather blows the mind). Or they may
avoid eye contact, not understand
why someone would say something
ironically or have to retreat to a dark,
quiet room due to sensory overload.
Two young autistic women also
fronted the programme, which made
a nice change from being patronised
by some D-list celebrity. But why
didn’t we hear more about their lives,
their journeys through childhood and
the problems they’ve suffered?
Women are underdiagnosed,
probably because they’re more adept
at “social masking” than men. This
was demonstrated through a silly
speed-date experiment in which
young women with autism “hid” their
condition from the men across the
table, a skill acquired largely through
practice and force of will. I know that
television loves a contrived situation,
but couldn’t the women have just told
us — perhaps using examples from
their lives? Real life is always more
affecting than a TV set-up. We were
told that autism is the most costly
condition in the UK, at £32 billion, but
not why or how that figure broke down.
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Scott Mills 4.00 Jordan
North 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Jordan North
7.00 Annie Mac 9.00 The 8th with Charlie
Sloth 11.00 BBC Radio 1’s Residency:
Maida Vale Special 1.00am Toddla T 3.00
Radio 1 Comedy: Ray Moss No Stone
Unturned 4.00 Radio 1’s Early Breakfast
Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Simon Mayo 7.00 Bob Harris Country 8.00
Jo Whiley 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts Show with
Anneka Rice 12.00 The Craig Charles House
Party (r) 2.00am Radio 2’s Tracks of My
Years Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Have
A Great Weekend 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist:
Feelgood Friday 5.00 Nicki Chapman
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show, featuring listener requests
9.00 Essential Classics
Suzy Klein presents the best in classical
music and the children’s author Judith Kerr
reveals her cultural inspirations
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Gesualdo (1566-1613)
Donald Macleod continues the story of the
Prince of Venosa. Gesualdo becomes
embroiled in a dangerous witch trial and
works on some of his most beautiful sacred
music. Gesualdo (Languisce alfin che de la
vita parte; Merce grido piangendo; Tu
m’uccidi, o crudelel, Poiche l’avida sete; Ma
tu, cagion — Fifth Book of Madrigals; Sana
me Domine; Discedite a me omens; Da pacem
Domine — Sacrae Cantiones, Book 2; Tristis
est anima mea; Ecce vidimus eum; Tenebrae
factae sunt; and Animam meam dilectam
tradidi — Tenebrae Responsories)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
The pianist Malcolm Martineau continues
this series A Life in Song, today joined by the
German soprano Dorothea Roschmann to
perform at the RCS in Glasgow. Mahler
(Ruckert Lieder); Schumann (Maria Stuarda
Lieder); Wagner (Wesendonck Lieder); and
Liszt (Es muss ein wunderbares sein)
Anna Richardson co-presented last night’s look at the condition
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Marc Albrecht conducts Alban Berg’s
Wozzeck from Dutch National Opera, with
the baritone Christopher Maltman in the title
role, the soprano Eva-Maria Westbroek as
Marie and the bass Willard White as the
Doctor. Georgia Mann introduces this 2017
setting of Buchner’s opera examining the
complexities of the human soul. With the
Dutch National Chorus, the New Amsterdam
Children’s Choir and the Netherlands
Philharmonic Orchestra, featuring the boy
soprano and treble Jacob Jutte, the tenors
Marcel Beekman, Frank van Aken and Jason
Bridges, the mezzo Ursula Hesse von den
Steinen, the bass Scott Wilde, and the
baritone Morschi Franz. Berg (Wozzeck)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty presents
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
In Tune’s specially curated playlist: including
music by Swedish composer Lars-Erik
Larsson, Alfred Brendel playing Beethoven
and Jennifer Higdon’s Pale Yellow
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
The conductor Jeffrey Skidmore and his
acclaimed ensemble Ex Cathedra present a
sequence of Lenten music entitled Harmonic
Spiritual Theatre: Sacrifice, Betrayal,
Passion. Presented by Martin Handley from
St John’s, Smith Square, London. Anerio
(Rispondi, Abramo; Sedea lasso Gesù — from
Teatro armonico spirituale di madrigal);
Monteverdi/Coppini (O infelix recessus;
O Jesu mea vita; Stabat Virgo Maria; Ure me,
Domine; Maria, quid ploras?; Gloria tua;
Plagas tuas); Gesualdo (Sparge la morte);
Palestrina (Novella aurora); Bouzignac
(O Mors, ero mors tua); Charpentier (Le
reniement de St Pierre); Carissimi (Jepthe)
10.00 Free Thinking Festival
The writer Erica Wagner, the engineer Sean
Wilkinson and the architect Simon Roberts
discuss the vision and practicalities involved
in bridge-building. Chaired by Rana Mitter
10.45 The Essay:
Is Music a Civilising Force?
Jameela Siddiqi remembers her relatively
late discovery of the power of Indian classical
music as a sustaining and civilising force, and
the particular impact it has had on her life
11.00 Exposure
Verity Sharp travels to Neuadd Ogwen in the
Welsh town of Bethesda, with sets by Sweet
Baboo, Hopewell Ink and Accretion Entropy
12.00 Late Junction
The musician, unorthodox folk singer and
champion of traditional song Alasdair
Roberts crafts a Late Junction mixtape
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day
6.00 Today
8.31 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 The Long View
Jonathan Freedland considers historical
scenarios when Britons faced a new and
uncertain direction. See Radio Choice
9.42 Voicemail
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 The Channel
Renaud Morieux examines where England
ends and France begins (4/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Presented by Jenni Murray. Including at
10.45 the 15 Minute Drama: Part four of
Lucy Gannon’s drama Judas starring Damien
Molony and Jimmy Akingbola
11.00 Crossing Continents
Current affairs reports from around the world
11.30 The Art of Now: Guantanamo
An exhibition of artworks created by inmates
of Guantanamo Bay. See Radio Choice
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Home Front
By Katie Hims. Ivy Monk is praying
everything runs smoothly at an Easter
service at the Pleasure Gardens Theatre
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.57 Voicemail
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: My Son the Doctor
By Saleyha Ahsan and Sudha Bhuchar. A
mother travels to Syria to search for her son,
an orthopaedic surgeon who went missing
while treating victims of the conflict
3.00 Ramblings
Clare Balding walks along the banks of the
Severn with the travel writer Christopher
Somerville. Last in the series
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal
On behalf of Epilepsy Research UK (r)
3.30 Open Book
Uzodinma Iweala talks about his book Speak
No Evil, and Abir Mukherjee takes fellow
crime writers Val McDermid and Graeme
Macrae Burnet on a tour of Kolkata (r)
4.00 The Film Programme
Steven Spielberg talks about Ready Player
One, and Julie Delpy reveals how she has
never lost an argument with her husband
4.30 The Brexit Lab
How Britain could change after Brexit (r)
4.57 Voicemail
Mostly, though, it was an intelligent
look at a condition thought to affect 1
in 100 in the UK. And it was poignant
too when, on getting her Asperger’s
diagnosis, Jo said a weight had been
lifted. “I know who I am now.”
Grenfell Tower: Minute by Minute
looked as if it may be a mawkish, even
prurient reliving of our worst national
disaster since Hillsborough. It wasn’t.
The tone was quiet and respectful,
reinforced by the lack of narrator: its
voices were those living in and around
the tower or those who saw others die.
There were real, agonising phone
recordings, with emergency workers
screaming at those who were trapped
to keep fighting: “Keep your head out
of the window. Don’t give up on me.
What is your f***ing door number?”
It was hard to forget any of those
who gave personal accounts, their
PTSD raw on the screen, but the
broken, weeping grief of Francis,
who had spoken to his friend
Zanaib while she was trapped on
the 14th floor with her two-year-old
son, Jeremiah, telling her he loved
her was heartrending.
The fire service’s heroics were best
summarised by Antonio, who was
trapped for five hours, but brought
down the stairs in thick smoke by two
firefighters. At the bottom he turned
to thank them, “but they had already
gone back up”. Remarkable.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy: Hexagonal Phase
Dirk Maggs’ adaptation of Eoin Colfer’s novel
And Another Thing (4/6)
6.28 Voicemail
7.00 The Archers
Kate is furious
7.15 Front Row
Arts programme with Stig Abell
7.45 Judas (4/5) (r)
8.00 The EU After Brexit
The Bottom Line and The Briefing Room
come together to examine the economic and
political future of the EU once Britain leaves
8.57 Voicemail
9.00 BBC Inside Science
9.30 The Long View (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
10.30-5.30am (LW) Live Test Match
Special: New Zealand v England
Commentatry on the opening day of the
second Test at the Hagley Oval, Christchurch
10.43 Voicemail
10.45 Book at Bedtime: Reservoir 13
By Jon McGregor, abridged by Sara Davies.
Nine years on, suspicion still hangs over
some villagers. Read by Lee Ingleby (9/10)
11.00 It’s Jocelyn
The comedian talks about family (4/4) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am The Channel (4/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
5.20 Shipping Forecast
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Marriage Lines 8.30 The Goon Show
9.00 Listomania 9.30 HR 10.00 Sons and
Lovers 11.00 Man About the House 11.15
Quartet 12.00 Marriage Lines 12.30pm The
Goon Show 1.00 The Unpleasantness at the
Bellona Club 1.30 Words, Words, Words
2.00 The Norfolk Mystery 2.15 Laurence
Llewelyn-Bowen’s History of Home 2.30 The
Old Curiosity Shop 2.45 Hellhound on His
Trail 3.00 Sons and Lovers 4.00 Listomania
4.30 HR 5.00 North by Northamptonshire
5.30 The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:
Hexagonal Phase 6.00 The Willows 6.30
Great Lives 7.00 Marriage Lines 7.30 The
Goon Show 8.00 The Unpleasantness at the
Bellona Club 8.30 Words, Words, Words.
Exploring the house of Dr Johnson
9.00 Man About the House. Paul Copley
reads The Top Back by Andrew Martin 9.15
Quartet. By Donna Franceschild 10.00
Comedy Club: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy: Hexagonal Phase. Dirk Maggs’
adaptation of Eoin Colfer’s novel And
Another Thing 10.30 Sketchorama. The
rising stars of the comedy circuit show off
their imagination 11.00 Masala FM. Comedy
with Meera Syal 11.30 Bleak Expectations.
Young Pip is betrayed. From November 2009
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Sam Walker 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport. Eleanor Oldroyd presents the
day’s sports news 7.30 5 Live Boxing with
Costello & Bunce 8.30 5 Live Sport: 5 Live
Golf. Mark Chapman looks ahead to The
Masters 10.00 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All
Night 5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast with
Darren Campbell 10.00 Jim White, Simon
Jordan and Bob Mills 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Tom Latchem
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart
Maconie 4.00 Steve Lamacq 6.00 Steve
Lamacq’s Roundtable 7.00 Marc Riley. A
session by Shonen Knife 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 6 Music Recommends with Steve
Lamacq 1.00am You’ll Never Be 16 Again
2.00 The Upsetter: Lee “Scratch” Perry in
His Own Words 2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30
6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. Celebrating the
sound of the New York Philharmonic
Orchestra. Gershwin (Cuban Overture);
Tchaikovsky (Piano Concerto No.2 in G, Op
44); Bernstein (Fancy Free); Copland (Clarinet
Concerto); and Ives (Variations on America)
10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am Jane Jones
the times | Thursday March 29 2018
11
1G T
artsfirst night
ALASTAIR MUIR
Theatre
A Spoonful of Sherman
Greenwich Theatre, SE10
Theatre
Beginners
Unicorn, SE1
I
L
{{(((
f you believe there’s nothing that
can’t be cured by a cheesy grin and
a chirpy tune, then this revue of
songs by the brothers Richard M
and Robert B Sherman is for you.
After all, as its perky five-strong
ensemble point out, without a flicker
of irony, what could be more soothing
“in an era of heightened global
tensions” than to cut capers with Mary
Poppins, share honey with Winniethe-Pooh, or take flight with Chitty
Chitty Bang Bang?
Never mind a mere Spoonful of
Sugar, this show delivers the stuff by
the sackload. Stewart Nicholls directs
and choreographs a simple staging
that is neatly executed and well sung,
accompanied by two of the cast on a
pair of pianos. It’s unabashed feelgood
nostalgia, but it’s so relentlessly
anodyne that its sentimental charms
swiftly become cloying.
You can probably hum lots of
numbers by the Shermans; their
output, for Disney in particular, is
inescapably familiar. What’s less well
known is that their father, Al
Sherman, was a Tin Pan Alley
hitmaker. Robert J Sherman, son of
Robert B, is a composer-lyricist too,
and he’s responsible for this show’s
book, a whistle-stop tour of the
Sherman careers wrapped in softfocus family history. “It’s not as if the
Depression were depressing or
anything — not if you were Al
Sherman’s kids!” we are told early on,
an attitude that is surely less glasshalf-full than downright delusional.
Of course, it’s just window-dressing
for the songs, which are constructed
according to Papa Al’s three-S recipe:
“Singable, sellable and sincere.”
Without dramatic context they are
monotonously bland. Still, the
performers give them all they’ve got,
which is sometimes more than we
need. Sophie-Louise Dann has a fine
voice, but her diva-ish mannerisms are
uncomfortably forced; Jenna Innes is
fresh and appealing; while Glen Facey
serves up acrobatic monkey magic for
The Jungle Book’s I Wan’na Be Like You.
Mark Read and the musical director,
Ben Stock, man the keyboards,
popping out for turns as the cheery
cockney chimney sweep Bert or Pooh’s
bouncy pal Tigger. It’s strenuous fun,
and winsome enough for a while.
Ultimately, though, two and a half
hours of unadulterated syrup just
leaves you with toothache.
Sam Marlowe
Box office: 020 8858 7755, to March
30, then touring to June 3
{{(((
Jason Gardiner, Anya Evans and Kim Maresca star in this stereotyped all-female character musical
Ruthless but relentless
It’s flimsy,
fun and full
of theatre
in-jokes, but
in the end
this glittering
spoof wearies
Ann Treneman
R
Theatre
Ruthless!
The Musical
Arts Theatre,
WC2
{{(((
uthless? It seems that’s
what is required here. This
is a revival of a 1992
off-Broadway show that is
as camp as a tent and so
stuffed full of theatrical in-jokes that
it’s like a whoopee cushion that
explodes with triple kisses and shouts:
“Darling, you were wonderful!” Sadly,
not that wonderful, though.
It stars an eight-year-old girl named
Tina who dresses like Shirley Temple
and loves the limelight a little too
much. She sings and dances, tap and
ballet. She’s Annie on steroids. Did
I mention she does the splits? Of
course she does. She thinks she’s
going to be the lead in her school
production of Pippi Longstocking the
Musical (needs an exclamation mark,
actually). When another girl gets the
part she explodes. “Are you f***ing
kidding me?” she shouts.
I did laugh at that one. Anya Evans
plays Tina with what can only be
called a maniacal glint in her eye,
her bunches as bouncy as the moon
on a trampoline. Her mother,
Judy Denmark, is the perfect stage
mom, played by Kim Maresca with
a 1950s housewife blankness that
works at first, but eventually makes
you feel tired.
This musical, by Marvin Laird and
Joel Paley, is a spoof of a pastiche of
a parody. It aspires to be a theatrical
version of This is Spinal Tap, but never
gets even halfway there. It’s fun, but
after a while the relentlessness of the
satire that hardly counts as such any
more grinds you down. Would you
kill for a part? Looking at Tina, you
already know the answer.
Richard Fitch directs an all-female
character musical that is as
stereotyped as can be. There’s the
childless child manager Sylvia St Croix
(played in glorious drag by Jason
Gardiner). Harriet Thorpe is Myrna,
a wildly am-dram drama teacher in a
primary school. Then there’s Tracie
Bennett as Lita Encore, the theatre
critic who lives to kill shows. Bennett
overplays her as a staggering drunk,
her poison pen forever primed. Her big
song is about how she hates musicals
that go on and on. As does she.
It’s fun and flimsy, this revival, but
in the end it just doesn’t hold together
and, at times, it is positively laboured.
The set, by Morgan Large, is bouncy
and bright, but the whole thing feels
like a theatrical party that you’ve
crashed, but wonder, halfway through,
why you bothered.
Box office: 020 7836 8463, to June 23
ike a Narnia story without a
magic wardrobe to perk things
up, Tim Crouch’s new play
takes us on a rain-sodden
holiday in Cornwall with four
unsettled and frustrated children. The
holiday is a constant, an annual event,
but the families have changed. There
have been deaths, new partners,
illness. The children must amuse
themselves in the basement while it
rains (sound effects so vivid that you
find yourself wondering if you’ve
packed your cagoule), and the
grown-ups smoke and drink upstairs.
Crouch, the creator of experimental
treasures for grown-ups such as
An Oak Tree and the likeable Jeramee,
Hartleby and Oooglemore for young
audiences, is tilting the form again
with this show for grown-ups and
children aged nine-plus. The kids are
played by grown-ups. It takes a while,
as they wander in with their plastic
babies and toy stethoscopes, aping
their mamas and papas, to figure this
out. Why does a pile of towels thud on
to the floor from nowhere? By the
time a packet of Haribos does the
same thing a bit later, it’s clear: they
are kids, dependent on these grownups for sustenance as well as stability.
There are some adorable moments.
Crouch is good on how sharp these
children can be on the games of
adulthood. Bart (Rob Das), who is
Dutch, and the leaderlike Lucy
(Pandora Colin) get the first inklings
of mutual attraction. Later, the uptight
Nigel (Neil D’Souza) and the freakedout Joy (Jacqui Dubois) will morph
into their parents.
The acting is terrific, including from
the four child actors who stealthily
take over the child roles. As is often
the way with shows depicting torpor,
however, too little actually happens.
The dullness is too persuasive. OK, I
suppose there is a kind of magic
wardrobe — the musical the kids put
on at the end in which Chloe Lamford
and Camilla Clarke’s set suddenly
sprouts giant props and glitter, in
which all the kids’ concerns and
conversations reappear as art. Yet that
transformation doesn’t feel dramatic
enough to help to sustain an
overgenerous 90-minute running time.
Crouch stages it knowingly and
nimbly, with wit and tenderness
and a few nice surprises. Yet without
more plot, I was itching for the
holiday to be over long before the
bittersweet big finale.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 020 7645 0560, to April 15
Ektertaikmekts
Theatres
HER MAJESTY'S 020 7087 7762
THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL
Please be adv
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66th year of Agatha Christie's
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Mon-Sat 7.30, Tues & Thu 3, Sat 4
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Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Thu & Sat 2.30
Classicspring.co.uk
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12
1G T
Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
Indian Summer
School
Channel 4, 9pm
White
working-class
boys perform
the worst in
British education. In a
new three-part series,
five teenagers who
failed to get their core
elements are the boys.
Jack, 18, is from Hull
and is the only one to
pass a GCSE, getting a
C in maths. Harry, 17,
put popularity ahead
of academic success.
Alfie, 17, is being bribed
to do it by his mum
(he’ll get a car if he
lasts the distance).
Ethan, 17, is gay and
was bullied, so never
settled at school. Jake,
18, is a party-loving
skateboarder who
rarely went to lessons.
“It looks like a prison,”
Ethan says as they
arrive at Doon. It’s
not that bad, but it is
a huge culture shock.
Also alcohol and
phones are banned —
boys at Doon work
hard and don’t play.
It’s not long before
they are all in the
headmaster’s study.
“It’s intense,” Jake says.
Civilisations
BBC Two, 9pm
During the 15th and
16th centuries, domes
of “compulsive
grandeur” were the
crowning achievement
of the Renaissance, a
“moment of supreme,
almost sacrilegious
creative confidence”.
However, Simon
Schama says, perhaps
addressing Kenneth
Clark’s 1969 series,
Civilisation, this wasn’t
confined to the West —
the great Islamic
empires also had a
cultural flowering.
East and West were
aware of each other
and competing.
Schama travels from
Papal Rome and
Ottoman Turkey to
Mughal Lahore and
Agra to reveal these
links and rivalries.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
Early
The headmaster,
Matthew Raggett
(a Brit), believes that
he can turn the five
British boys’ lives
around in six months,
when they will resit
their failed exams.
“It’s an interesting
experiment,” he says.
“It’s my hope that the
experience will be
magical and will
transform their
success.” The rogue
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Holding Back the Years. The fake
news concerning health in old age (r) (AD) 10.00 Homes
Under the Hammer. Properties in London, Kent and
Salford (r) (AD) 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming. The
enforcement officers deal with squatters (r) 11.45
Claimed and Shamed. A caravan owner concocts an
elaborate story about a non-existent theft 12.15pm
Bargain Hunt. Two teams compete at Wetherby
Racecourse, West Yorkshire (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45
Doctors. Daniel is determined to learn the truth about
Lou but makes things worse after getting Joni alone (AD)
2.15 Moving On. An 18-year-old living in foster care has
his application to remain in the UK declined and faces
deportation back to Afghanistan. Drama starring Antonio
Aakeel (r) (AD) 3.00 Escape to the Country. A couple
search for a large Devon home for £1.25million (AD) 3.45
Money for Nothing. Restoring coat hooks, a table and an
art deco chair 4.30 Flog It! Interesting finds from the
show’s travels around the country (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz
show hosted by Alexander Armstrong (r) 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am The Repair Shop (r) 6.25 Money for Nothing (r)
7.15 Coast (r) (AD) 8.00 Sign Zone: DIY SOS: The Big
Build (r) (AD, SL) 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC
Newsroom Live 12.00 Daily Politics 1.00pm FILM:
Black Narcissus (U, 1947) British nuns succumb to
loneliness and jealousy as they try to found a school and
hospital in the Himalayas. Powell and Pressburger’s
drama with Deborah Kerr 2.40 Blitz Cities. John
Humphrys explores the effect the Blitz had on Cardiff and
Swansea (r) (AD) 3.10 Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve.
The adventurer’s journey takes him spearfishing on
Madagascar, through the slums of Mauritius and on
to the Seychelles, where he visits the world’s smallest
national park (r) 4.10 Indian Ocean with Simon Reeve.
The adventurer joins a Ugandan peace-keeping force in
Mogadishu, the capital of war-torn Somalia (r) 5.10 Put
Your Money Where Your Mouth Is. Christina Trevanion
and Mark Stacey head to Belgium for the collectibles
contest (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy
Vine 6.30 The Repair Shop. The team tackles a faded pub
sign from a much-loved local, a treasured majolica vase
and a toy spaceship in need of a relaunch
6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news, as well
as showbiz stories, cooking and gossip 9.25 The Jeremy
Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip
Schofield and Holly Willoughby present chat and lifestyle
features, including a look at the stories making the
newspaper headlines and a recipe in the kitchen 12.30pm
Loose Women. The panel puts the world to rights once
more and chats with Christine McGuinness, the wife of
the Take Me Out presenter Paddy 1.30 ITV News;
Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. The criminal barrister Robert
Rinder takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00
Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson and his team of
experts arrive in Widnes, Cheshire, where items include
Royal Dux figurines, a card case and a wind-measuring
instrument (r) 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts
the arcade-themed quiz show in which contestants drop
tokens down a choice of four chutes in the hope of
winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh
presents as four contestants pit their wits against the
Chaser, adding money to the jackpot for the final chase
6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. A failing
Italian restaurant in Easton, Pennsylvania (r) 11.00
Undercover Boss USA. The CEO of Forman Mills goes
incognito among his staff (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News
Summary 12.05pm Come Dine with Me. Four contestants
compete in Oxford (r) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. An
unusual mechanical calculator turns up in Kent (r) 2.10
Countdown. With Jay Rayner in Dictionary Corner 3.00 A
Place in the Sun: Summer Sun. Searching for a retirement
home in the Dordogne region of France (r) 4.00 A New
Life in the Sun. Two Scots launch a boat business in
Spain, a reviewer checks out an Essex couple’s French
fishing lake and a Kent couple search for French members
for their lawn bowls club 5.00 Four in a Bed. The guests’
final night is in medieval Ware Hall in Norfolk (r) 5.30
Star Boot Sale. The DJ Sarah-Jane Crawford tries to
offload items including signed Ed Sheeran artwork, a
self-help book and a painting by her mum 6.00 The
Simpsons. Marge buys a tandem (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks.
Ryan panics about the decision regarding Tegan (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. The day’s
news comes under scrutiny from Matthew Wright and the
panel, with viewers and the studio audience invited to
share their opinions 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away.
The agents have an explosive run-in with a debtor as they
try to retrieve £1,800 owed by a car dealership (r)
12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 GPs: Behind Closed
Doors. A patient offers an insight into his ongoing battle
with alcoholism, and a woman who became paralysed
after an accident shares her story (r) (AD) 1.10 Access
1.15 Home and Away: Buried Alive (AD) 1.45 Neighbours
(AD) 2.15 NCIS: Catching a Serial Killer. CIA agent Trent
Kort returns to track down a dangerous criminal, and
Gibbs is forced to put his personal feelings aside to assist
in the investigation (r) (AD) 3.15 FILM: Buried
Secrets (12, TVM, 2014) A former cop begins a career
as a novelist, but ends up in trouble when her first book’s
plot mirrors a real murder case. Thriller starring Sarah
Carter 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours. Clive offers
Karl a job (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away: Buried Alive.
Brody and Mason initiate a search when Alf and Roo’s
absence is finally noticed (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
7PM
Top
pick
GCSEs (maths, English
and science) are given
a second chance —
at the Doon School,
100 miles north of
Delhi in the foothills of
the Himalayas. It was
founded in 1935 by
masters from Eton and
Harrow and is the most
prestigious boarding
school in India.
Competition is fierce
and it has an exam pass
rate of 100 per cent.
7.00 The One Show Alex Jones and Amol
Rajan present the live magazine
7.00 Mountain: Life at the Extreme The
final episode focuses on life on the
longest mountain range in the world,
the Andes, home to hidden worlds, and
extraordinary animals and people.
Last in the series (r) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Pete and Rhona discover
that Ross is missing, and launch a
frantic search for him (AD)
8.00 MasterChef The second group of six
hopefuls try their hand at professional
service, preparing lunch at Sartoria in
London’s Mayfair, before making a dish
to be evaluated by Nathan Outlaw (AD)
8.00 Big Cats About the House Giles
Clark is feeling overwhelmed by the
enormity of the task he has taken on,
and while seven-week-old Maya the
jaguar begins to explore the house her
health is still in question (2/3) (AD)
8.00 Emmerdale Pete discovers where
Ross has gone, but he has overdosed
and his life hangs in the balance (AD)
9.00 Not Going Out Lee and Lucy get a
family pet in an attempt to teach the
children to be more responsible (4/7)
9.00 Civilisations Simon Schama examines
how the role of artists from the
different traditions of east and west
developed in the years following the
Renaissances, and how they were open
to influences flowing both ways.
See Viewing Guide (5/9) (AD)
9.00 The Real Full Monty: Ladies’ Night
Ashley Banjo coaches eight women to
perform a striptease in Sheffield to
raise awareness of breast cancer.
Those taking part are Loose Women’s
Coleen Nolan, the broadcaster Victoria
Derbyshire, Emmerdale’s Sally Dexter,
the reality TV star Megan McKenna,
the singer Michelle Heaton, the
comedian Helen Lederer, the actress
Ruth Madoc and the DJ Sarah-Jane
Crawford. See Viewing Guide
9PM
8PM
7.30 EastEnders The locals are still angry
about what has happened and take out
their anger on Stacey, who asks them
to the pub so she can fully explain (AD)
Late
11PM
10PM
9.30 Still Game Jack and Victor persuade
a reluctant Navid to lend them his
caravan for one night only (4/6) (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 MOTD: The Premier League Show
Gabby Logan presents the magazine
programme featuring news and action
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Evan Davis
10.45 Unsolved: The Man with No Alibi
The journalist Bronagh Munro
examines the case of a heroin addict
who was convicted of the murder of a
Korean student in 2002 (1/2)
11.45 This Week Andrew Neil introduces a
round-table chat, in which he, Michael
Portillo and other guests take a look
back at the past seven days’ political
and parliamentary developments
12.35am-6.00 BBC News
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 The Yorkshire Vet: A Five Legged
Lamb & Other Curious Creatures
The staff of Skeldale Veterinary Centre
have to deal with a lamb born with five
fully formed legs, and a peacock which
is on the loose at a housing estate
8.00 Location, Location, Location Kirstie
Allsopp and Phil Spencer travel to
Wales, where one couple are searching
for a home in Barry and the other want
a country house in the Wye Valley
8.00 Goodbye Bargain-Loving Brits in
the Sun Drag act Wayne and his
husband Des host a charity fun day,
and local heavy metal star Jonny
Hellraiser introduces a massive
breakfast to his diner in a bid to attract
custom. Last in the series
9.00 Indian Summer School New series.
Five British boys who have failed their
core GCSEs prepare to re-sit their
exams at an Indian boarding school,
which has an exam pass rate of 100 per
cent. See Viewing Guide (1/3) (AD)
9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away
Gary and Cona are in west London to
recover almost £1,800 in unpaid
parking fines, while Matt and Garry are
in Birmingham, trying to get back more
than £6,500 for nursery childcare
7.30 Can Brexit Fix Britain? Tonight
Robert Peston asks people whether
they will be better off post-Brexit
8.30 Coronation Street Gary and Seb’s
hunt for Phelan’s gun is halted when
the police arrest them (AD)
10.30 ITV News at Ten
11.00 Regional News
11.15 Top Gear Matt LeBlanc test drives the
Ferrari 812 Superfast, while Rory Reid
travels to the US in search of a muscle
car that is illegal in Europe. With the
actress Vicky McClure (5/6) (r)
11.15 Kingpin (12, 1996) A one-handed
former 10-pin bowling champion tries
to persuade a talented Amish man to
take up the sport to cash in on his
winnings. Comedy starring Woody
Harrelson and Randy Quaid (AD)
12.15am Sign Zone: MasterChef The week’s best
amateurs are challenged to make their best comfort food
dish (r) (AD, SL) 12.45 Saving the British Bulldog.
Catherine Tate investigates the health problems affecting
the British bulldog and what people can do to save it (r)
(AD, SL) 1.45-2.45 Back in Time for Tea (r) (AD, SL)
1.15am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of
their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively
chat from the presenting team 3.00 Can Brexit Fix
Britain? Tonight (r) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The
Jeremy Kyle Show. Guests air their differences (r) (SL)
10.00 20 Kids and Counting Documentary
following Britain’s biggest family, the
Radfords, as Sue and Noel prepare for
the arrival of baby number 20, and plan
a family trip to Florida (r) (AD)
10.00 Do the Right Thing with Eamonn
& Ruth Ways to prevents carbon
monoxide poisoning, an update on
the campaign to combat elderly
loneliness, and a look at the new
craze for singletons — speed-dating
in a taxi. Last in the series
11.05 Gogglebox Reviews of Seven Year
Switch, the Winter Paralympics, Jane
McDonald & Friends, The Andrew Marr
Show, The World’s Ugliest Pets and
MAKE! Craft Britain (r) (AD)
11.05 Undercover Benefits Cheat The
investigative reporter Paul Connolly
goes undercover to expose and
confront people who falsely claim
benefits and those who help them
cheat the system (1/4) (r)
12.05am One Born Every Minute (r) (AD) 1.00 The
Supervet (r) (AD) 1.55 Are You Autistic? (r) (AD, SL)
2.50 Who Speaks for British Muslims? Dispatches (r)
(AD, SL) 3.20 Thrifty Ways to: Summer Holiday (r) (AD,
SL) 3.45 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces (r) (AD) 4.40
Coast vs Country (r) 5.35-6.00 Streetmate (r)
12.00 SuperCasino 3.10am GPs: Behind Closed Doors.
A man with cancer reflects on his progress, and a young
man suffering from Guillain-Barré syndrome discusses
dealing with the condition (r) (AD) 4.00 Britain’s
Greatest Bridges (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10
Great Artists (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL)
the times | Thursday March 29 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Real Full Monty:
Ladies’ Night
ITV, 9pm
After the bravura
efforts of the men last
night, the women now
have a chance to get
their kit off (tastefully)
to raise awareness of
breast cancer. Coleen
Nolan is in charge,
joined by a game
group that includes
the broadcaster
Victoria Derbyshire,
the actress Ruth Madoc
and the Liberty X
singer Michelle Heaton.
Ashley Banjo is
seconded from the
men’s camp to make
sure the women’s
routine is polished. It’s
all about the women
overcoming nerves
and inhibitions and
“learning to love their
bodies” so they can
bare all for the cause.
Billions
Sky Atlantic, 9pm
It’s season three of the
high-stakes financial
thriller and the federal
prosecutor Chuck
Rhoades (Paul
Giamatti) has finally
got his man, with
the financial genius
Bobby “Axe” Axelrod
arrested at the end of
season two. However,
Chuck sacrificed a
small fortune — and
relationships with his
father and best friend
— to take down his
nemesis. “Worth it,”
he said to Axe before
the credits rolled, but
now Axe is out on bail.
Whose side will Wendy,
Chuck’s wife and Axe’s
in-house psychiatrist,
be on? John Malkovich
joins the party to play
the Russian billionaire
Grigor Andolov.
In the Long Run
Sky One, 10pm
Actor, kickboxer,
musician, DJ, rally
driver . . . next up for the
renaissance man Idris
Elba is a triumph of a
sitcom. It’s 1985 and
Walter Easmon (Elba),
an émigré from Sierra
Leone, has made a life
for himself in London
with his wife and
son. Then his unruly
younger brother,
Valentine (Jimmy
Akingbola), a DJ, is
sent to live with them
in their tower block
and life livens up for
the factory worker and
his family. Bill Bailey
also stars as Walter’s
neighbour, Bagpipes.
The world that Elba
has created crackles
with energy, warmth
and humour. Cracking
soundtrack too.
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, 1.30pm
The resurgent Tiger
Woods and Rory
McIlroy have decided
to sit out the Houston
Open to prepare for
next week’s Masters
at Augusta. However,
there will still be a
strong field taking
to the fairways at
the Golf Club of
Houston in Texas.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am The Dog Whisperer (r) 7.00 RSPCA
Animal Rescue (r) (AD) 8.00 Motorway Patrol
(r) (AD) 9.00 Road Wars (r) 10.00 Warehouse
13 (r) 11.00 David Attenborough’s Conquest of
the Skies (r) (AD) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00
The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r)
6.00 Futurama (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Arrow. Oliver, Diggle and Felicity
clash with Rene, Curtis and Dinah
9.00 SEAL Team. The unit is dispatched to Syria
10.00 In the Long Run. New series. Comedy set
in a tower block in 1980s London, with Idris Elba
10.30 In the Long Run. Walter arranges a job
interview for Valentine. See Viewing Guide
11.00 Jamestown. Last in the series (r)
12.00 The Force: North East (r) 1.00am
Ross Kemp: Extreme World (r) 2.00 Brit Cops:
Law & Disorder (r) 3.00 Most Shocking (r) 4.00
It’s Me or the Dog (r) 5.00 Futurama (r)
6.00am The British (r) (AD) 7.00 Urban Secrets
(r) 8.00 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r) (AD)
1.00pm Without a Trace (r) 2.00 Blue Bloods
(r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00 House.
The team faces an ethical dilemma (r) (AD)
6.00 House. The medic tries to diagnose a
ballerina whose lungs collapsed (r)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. The Reagans debate how far
theyy would go to protect their familyy (r) (AD)
9.00 Billions. New series. Chuck gets a mandate
from a new boss. See Viewing Guide (1/12)
10.10 Our Cartoon President. The President
tries to boost public perception of his net worth
10.45 The Putin Interviews. The Russian
President Vladimir Putin speaks to the Oscarwinning writer and director Oliver Stone (r)
11.55 The Putin Interviews (r)
1.05am Dexter. The vigilante considers killing
Saxon (r) 2.15 Blue Bloods (r) 3.10 Divorce (r)
3.45 SMILF (r) 4.20 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) 7.00 Highway
Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) (AD) 8.00 UK
Border Force (r) 9.00 Criminal Minds (r) 10.00
Cold Case (r) 11.00 The Biggest Loser: Australia
12.00 The Real A&E (r) (AD) 12.30pm The Real
A&E (r) (AD) 1.00 Air Rescue (r) (AD) 2.00
Stop, Search, Seize (r) (AD) 3.00 Nothing to
Declare (r) 5.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
A casino worker is raped (r)
6.00 Air Rescue (r) (AD)
6.30 Air Rescue (r) (AD)
7.00 The Real A&E (r) (AD)
7.30 The Real A&E (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
9.00 Conviction. Hayes’ father, the former
president, helps with a case (r) (AD)
10.00 Scandal. Olivia gets an unexpected visit
11.00 How to Get Away with Murder
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Elementary (r) (AD) 2.00 The Good
Doctor (r) 3.00 Nashville (r) 4.00 Nothing to
Declare (r) 5.00 The Biggest Loser: Australia (r)
6.00am The Glyndebourne Opera Cup 9.00
Tales of the Unexpected 9.30 Landscape Artist
of the Year 2016 10.30 Video Killed the Radio
Star (AD) 11.00 The Eighties (AD) 12.00
Treasures of the British Library (AD) 1.00pm
Discovering: Ernest Borgnine (AD) 2.00 Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 2.30 Landscape Artist of
the Year 2016 3.30 Video Killed the Radio Star
(AD) 4.00 The Eighties (AD) 5.00 Treasures of
the British Library (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Laurence Olivier (AD)
7.00 André Rieu: Magic of Maastricht
8.00 Laurel and Hardy: Their Lives and Magic.
The friendship between the duo (AD)
9.45 Chaplin: The Birth of the Tramp. Charting
Charlie Chaplin’s rise to stardom (AD)
11.00 Portrait Artist of the Year 2018:
The Winner’s Story. Last in the series
12.00 National Treasures: The Art of Collecting
1.00am FILM: Fanarchy 2.55 Prokofiev: Piano
Concertos 3.15 30 Degrees in February 4.30
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Live NRL:
North Queensland Cowboys v Penrith Panthers
(Kick-off 9.50) 11.45 My Icon: Keegan Hirst
12.00 Sky Sports News 1.30pm Live PGA Tour
Golf: The Houston Open. The opening day at the
Golf Club of Houston in Humble, Texas, which
was won by Russell Henley last year 5.00 Live
LPGA Tour Golf: The ANA Inspiration. Coverage
of the first day’s play of the Major, at Mission
Hills Country Club in Rancho Mirage, California
7.30 Live EFL: Blackburn Rovers v Bradford City
(Kick-off 7.45). Coverage of the League One
encounter, held at Ewood Park
9.45 Live Premier League Darts. Coverage of the
eighth round of the season, which takes place at
SSE Arena, Belfast, with fixtures including
Raymond van Barneveld v Michael van Gerwen
10.00 Live Test Cricket. New Zealand v
England. Coverage of the first day of the
second Test in the two-match series, taking
place at Hagley Oval in Christchurch
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The View. Mark
Carruthers reviews the week’s political news
11.15 Unsolved: The Man with No Alibi
12.15am This Week 1.00-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 7.00pm-7.30 50 Years of
Reporting Scotland: The News Where We
Are. As the nightly news reaches its 50th
birthday, Jackie Bird talks to presenters
and journalists past and present
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 9.30pm-10.00 Rhod
Gilbert’s Work Experience. The comedian is
challenged to feed the punters at a festival
BBC Two N Ireland
As BBC Two except: 10.00pm-10.30 The Arts
Show. Sam McCready talks about the writer
Robert Harbison 11.15 MOTD: The Premier
League Show 11.45-12.15am Mock the Week.
With James Acaster, Angela Barnes, Kerry
Godliman, Nish Kumar and Glenn Moore (r)
BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 12.00-1.00pm First
Minister’s Questions. Nicola Sturgeon answers
questions in the Scottish Parliament 7.00 Mind
the Gap: Are Scotland’s Trains Fit for the 21st
Century? Ian Hamilton investigates Scotland’s
urban and rural rail services (r) 7.30-8.00
Timeline. Thought-provoking stories
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 3.40pm-4.10 Blitz Cities.
The effect on Liverpool (r) (AD) 10.00-10.30
Still Game (AD) 11.15 MOTD: The Premier
League Show 11.45-12.45am Top Gear (r)
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather. News and
analysis from Washington DC and London
7.30 Top of the Pops: 1985. Performers include
Madonna, Feargal Sharkey and the Cure (r)
8.00 Timeshift: Hurricanes and Heatwaves —
The Highs and Lows of British Weather.
Documentary about the evolution of the weather
forecast, from print via radio to television and
beyond, featuring archive footage and a look at
the changing weather itself (6/7) (r)
9.00 The Secret Science of Pop. Evolutionary
biologist Professor Armand Leroi gathers a team
of scientists and researchers to analyse more
than 50 years of UK chart music (r) (AD)
10.00 Britpop at the BBC. A look back at the
form of indie music known as Britpop (r)
11.00 Sings the Great American Songbook.
With Shirley Bassey, Bryan Ferry, Jamie
Cullum and Florence and the Machine (r)
12.00 Top of the Pops: 1985 (r) 12.30am
Treasures of Ancient Egypt (r) 1.30 Timeshift:
Hurricanes and Heatwaves — The Highs and
Lows of British Weather (r) 2.30 The Beauty of
Anatomy (r) (AD) 3.00-4.00 The Witness for
the Prosecution (r) (AD)
6.00am Hollyoaks (r) (AD) 7.00 Rules of
Engagement (r) 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (r)
(AD) 9.00 New Girl (r) (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls
(r) (AD) 11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD)
12.00 The Goldbergs (r) (AD) 1.00pm The Big
Bang Theory (r) (AD) 2.00 How I Met Your
Mother (r) (AD) 3.00 New Girl (r) (AD)
4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD) 5.00 The
Goldbergs. Double bill (r) (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Extreme Cake Makers (r)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
8.30 Young Sheldon (AD)
9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
9.30 Derry Girls (r) (AD)
10.00 Five Star Hotel. Inspectors visit the hotel,
and James’s double role is revealed
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
11.35 The Big Bang Theory (r) (AD)
12.05am First Dates (r) (AD) 1.10 Five Star
Hotel (r) 2.10 Tattoo Fixers (r) 3.05 Gogglebox
(r) (SL) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (r) (AD)
4.20 Rules of Engagement (r)
8.55am Food Unwrapped (r) 9.30 A Place in the
Sun: Home or Away (r) 11.35 Four in a Bed (r)
2.10pm Come Dine with Me (r) 4.50 A Place in
the Sun: Home or Away (r) 5.55 Kirstie and
Phil’s Love It or List It (r)
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. A pregnant
babirusa is being disturbed by a couple of
mischievous otters (r) (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. A couple plan to build a
spectacular split-level home cascading down an
almost vertical Belfast hillside (5/7) (r) (AD)
9.00 The Good Fight. Reddick, Boseman and
Lockhart represent a woman who was assaulted
while appearing on a reality dating show. Diane
fears she might be the killer’s next target (AD)
10.05 999: What’s Your Emergency? How rising
levels of stress and anxiety in the workplace are
creating problems that Wiltshire’s emergency
services have to deal with (r) (AD)
11.10 24 Hours in A&E. A man is brought in
after falling down the stairs (3/7) (r) (AD)
12.15am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. In
southern California (r) 1.15 The Good Fight (r)
(AD) 2.15 999: What’s Your Emergency? (r)
(AD) 3.15-3.55 8 Out of 10 Cats (r)
11.00am Flight of the Navigator (U, 1986)
Sci-fi adventure starring Joey Cramer 12.50pm
Anna and the King (12, 1999) Period drama
with Jodie Foster and Chow Yun-Fat 3.45 Hugo
(U, 2011) Adventure with Asa Butterfield (AD)
6.20 Oblivion (12, 2013) A repairman
salvaging resources from a devastated Earth
discovers a secret that threatens the human
race. Sci-fi adventure starring Tom Cruise (AD)
8.50 Free Fire Interview Special
9.00 Die Hard (18, 1988) A New York cop
battles armed men who have taken over a
Los Angeles skyscraper where his wife is
working on Christmas Eve. Action thriller
starring Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman (AD)
11.40 Anchorman: The Legend of Ron
Burgundy (12, 2004) A chauvinistic
newsreader faces a battle of the sexes when an
ambitious female reporter threatens his status.
Comedy set in the 1970s starring Will Ferrell
and Christina Applegate (AD)
1.30am-3.25 Metallica: Through the Never
(15, 2013) A roadie for the heavy metal band is
sent on an errand that turns into a surreal
adventure. Thriller starring Dane DeHaan
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals (r) 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r) 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? (r) (AD) 7.55
Emmerdale (r) (AD) 8.20 Coronation Street (r)
(AD) 9.25 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (r) 10.15
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (r)
10.30 FILM: Spy Kids 3-D — Game Over
(U, 2003) Adventure sequel starring Daryl
Sabara (AD) 12.15pm Emmerdale (r) (AD)
12.45 Coronation Street (r) (AD) 1.45 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r)
4.50 Judge Rinder (r) 5.50 Take Me Out (r)
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (r)
8.00 Two and a Half Men (r)
8.30 Two and a Half Men (r)
9.00 Family Guy (r) (AD)
9.30 Family Guy (r) (AD)
10.00 Celebrity Juice: Easter Special
10.50 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.20 Family Guy (r) (AD)
11.45 American Dad! (r) (AD)
12.15am American Dad! (r) (AD) 12.40 Two
and a Half Men (r) 1.35 Totally Bonkers
Guinness World Records (r) 2.20 Teleshopping
5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street (r) 6.50
Heartbeat (r) 7.55 The Royal (r) (AD) 8.55
Judge Judy (r) 10.15 Inspector Morse (r)
12.35pm The Royal (r) (AD) 1.35 Heartbeat (r)
2.40 Classic Coronation Street (r) 3.45 On the
Buses (r) 4.50 You’re Only Young Twice (r)
5.25 Rising Damp (r) 5.55 Heartbeat (r)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica visits Amish
country, where she finds herself embroiled in yet
another murder investigation (r) (AD)
8.00 Vera. A murder at a remote cottage in
Northumberland takes DCI Vera Stanhope back
to a place full of childhood memories and
reminds her of an unsolved case from earlier in
her career (3/4) (r) (AD)
10.00 Unforgotten. Cassie investigates whether
the suspects could have been victims of abuse.
Marion is questioned over allegations that David
could have been an IRA target (5/6) (r) (AD)
11.00 Unforgotten. Cassie is unconvinced by
Sara’s alibi and investigates the possibility of a
wider plan. Last in the series (6/6) (r) (AD)
12.05am DCI Banks (r) (AD) 2.00 ITV3
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase (r) 6.45 Pawn Stars (r) 7.30
Ironside (r) 8.30 Quincy ME (r) 9.35 Minder (r)
(AD) 10.40 The Saint (r) 11.45 The Avengers
(r) 12.50pm Ironside (r) 1.50 Quincy ME (r)
2.55 Minder (r) (AD) 4.00 The Saint. Templar
poses as a jailbird (r) 5.05 The Avengers (r)
6.10 Storage Wars (r)
6.40 Storage Wars (r)
7.05 Pawn Stars. Autographed memoirs of the
Duke and Duchess of Windsor (r)
7.30 Pawn Stars. The pawnbrokers value
hand-made Pinocchio dolls and a harmonica (r)
8.00 The Big Fish Off. New series. The boxer
Tony Bellew and his coach Dave Coldwell join Ali
Hamidi and Dean Macey on the fishing show
9.00 When English Football Ruled Europe.
A look at the period between 1977 and 1980
10.00 FILM: Diamonds Are Forever (PG,
1971) James Bond must stop arch-enemy
Blofeld from constructing a doomsday weapon.
Spy adventure starring Sean Connery (AD)
12.40am FILM: Fire Down Below (18,
1997) Action adventure starring Steven Seagal
(AD) 2.35 Fishing Allstars (r) 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Scrapheap
Challenge 8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage
Hunters 10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm The
Best of Top Gear (AD) 3.00 Impossible
Engineering (AD) 4.00 World’s Most Dangerous
Roads 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Top Gear. Jeremy, Richard and James visit
Albania to test three luxury vehicles (AD)
7.00 Cop Car Workshop. John Heussi and his
team redesign the vehicles that transport the
dog units, turning a Ford Mondeo into a Dog Van
8.00 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. With John
Thomson and Natalie Cassidy
9.00 QI XL. With Lucy Beaumont, Jason Manford
and Rhod Gilbert. Sandi Toksvig hosts
10.00 Not Going Out. Lee and his father have
relationship counselling with Lucy
10.40 Not Going Out. Lee poses as Lucy’s
husband at a trade conference
11.20 QI XL. With Jo Brand, Ben Goldacre and
Andy Hamilton. Stephen Fry hosts
12.20am Mock the Week 1.00 QI 1.40 Would I
Lie to You? The Unseen Bits 2.20 Mock the
Week 3.00 Suits (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning (AD)
9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Bergerac 11.00 The
Bill 12.00 Death in Paradise 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine 1.40 Bread 2.20 Birds of a
Feather 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 Death in Paradise 5.00 Bergerac
6.00 Steptoe and Son. Harold and Albert visit
the First World War battlefields in France (b/w)
6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. Truly is
intrigued by a bottle with a message inside
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. The arrival of
Clegg’s cousin threatens the gang’s gentle walks
8.00 A Place to Call Home. Sarah agrees to
marry George. When Elizabeth finds out, she
realises her threat to disinherit him backfired
— so she decides to take a different approach
9.00 Miss Marple. Feature-length episode. An
unpopular colonel is found dead in the vicarage
of St Mary Mead and investigations reveal no
shortage of suspects. Joan Hickson stars (AD)
11.15 Birds of a Feather. Sharon foils a mugger
12.00 The Bill. Quinnan tries to help a friend
1.00am London’s Burning 2.00 Crocodile Shoes
3.10 Crusoe 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Pointless 8.00 Time
Team 9.00 Coast (AD) 10.00 Scotland’s Murder
Mysteries 11.00 Castle Builders 12.00 Time
Team 1.00pm Countdown to Life: The
Extraordinary Making of You (AD) 2.00 Planet
Earth (AD) 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Scotland’s
Murder Mysteries 5.00 Castle Builders
6.00 Hidden Traces. The downfall of Imperial
Japan and the first use of an atomic bomb (AD)
7.00 John Surtees: One of a Kind. The life of the
motor sport icon, who is the only man to reach
the pinnacle on both two wheels and four
8.00 After Hitler. Documentary about the
aftermath of the Second World War (1/2)
9.00 The Two Ronnies. Clodagh Rodgers
performs Heartache in the studio
9.55 The Two Ronnies. With Leslie Ash
10.45 The Two Ronnies. With a musical
performance by Stephanie Lawrence
11.40 Steptoe and Son. Albert’s long-running
tax fiddle comes to light
12.20am Steptoe and Son 1.40 The Flying
Scotsman: A Rail Romance 2.30 Sounds of the
Seventies 3.00 Home Shopping
STV
As ITV except: 11.05pm Scotland Tonight
11.40 Heathrow: Inside Britain’s Busiest
Airport. A royal guest pays a flying visit to
the airport (r) 12.35am Teleshopping 1.35
After Midnight 3.05 Can Brexit Fix Britain?
Tonight (r) 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 5.30-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 1.15am Teleshopping
2.45-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r) 5.20 Pincidh
Dincidh Dù (Pinky Dinky Doo) (r) 5.33 Bruno
(r) 5.35 Na Floogals (r) 5.45 Srath Sona
(Happy Valley) 5.50 Oran le Fiona (r) 5.55
Seoc (Jack) 6.05 Tree Fu Tom (r) 6.30 Dè
a-nis? (What Now?) (r) 7.00 Turas a’ Bhradain
(The Salmon’s Journey) (r) 7.30 Speaking Our
Language (r) 8.00 An Là (News) 8.30 Eòrpa
(European Current Affairs) 9.00 Dubhlan an
Data 10.00 Belladrum 2017: Sister Sledge.
A set by the disco group 10.35 Luingean
Lannsaireachd (Surgery Ships) 11.20 Binneas:
Na Trads (r) 11.25-12.00 Mach a Seo! (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Dona Direidi (r) 6.15 Tili a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r) 6.35 Igam
Ogam (r) 6.45 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 7.00 Meic y
Marchog (r) 7.15 Y Diwrnod Mawr (r) 7.30
Mwnci’n Dweud Mwnci’n Gwneud (r) 7.40
Peppa (r) 7.45 Cacamwnci 8.00 Holi Hana (r)
8.10 Amser Stori 8.15 Boj (r) 8.30 Abadas (r)
8.40 Bla Bla Blewog (r) 8.55 Ben a Mali a’u
Byd Bach O Hud (r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r) 9.25
Meripwsan (r) 9.30 Straeon Ty Pen (r) 9.45 Cei
Bach (r) 10.00 Dona Direidi (r) 10.15 Tili a’i
Ffrindiau (r) 10.25 Halibalw (r) 10.35 Igam
Ogam (r) 10.45 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 11.00 Meic
y Marchog (r) 11.15 Y Diwrnod Mawr (r) 11.30
Mwnci’n Dweud Mwnci’n Gwneud (r) 11.40
Peppa (r) 11.45 Cacamwnci (r) 12.00 News
S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm Darn Bach o Hanes
(r) (AD) 12.30 Ysgol Gerdd Ceredigion Yn
Cyflwyno Cario’r Groes (r) 1.30 Sion a Siân (r)
2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da
3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05 Yr Ynys (r)
4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Hendre
Hurt (r) 5.15 Tref a Tryst 5.45 Edi Wyn (r)
6.00 News 6.05 Ar Werth (r) 6.30 Rownd a
Rownd (AD) 7.00 Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm (AD)
8.00 Gwaith/Cartref (AD) 9.00 News 9.30
Rhodri Morgan: Ysbiwr yn y Teulu 10.30 Hansh
11.00-11.35 Mwy o Sgorio (r)
14
Thursday March 29 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
1
2
3
4
Codeword No 3296
5
6
7
16
6
A
23
8
9
11
3
5
20
24
16
2
13
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16
24
7
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25
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V
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19
D
Train Tracks No 368
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7612
18
22
26
14
24
22
1
3
3
4
8
11
24
11
19
3
18
25
26
4
3
4
6
3
2
5
2
3
A
1
18
3
10
9
25
1
23
1
10
4
16
5
22
5
26
1
17
6
18
19
16
3
22
6
26
16
22
3
18
24
11
3
24
12
15
26
2
3
17
17
24
22
22
22
20
18
16
23
12
12
12
23
1
16
1
19
18
24
B
22
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
24
14
Across
1
5
8
9
11
12
13
15
17
Sevenfold (8)
Low platform (4)
Betrayer, deserter (8)
Drug taker (4)
Ornamental head band (5)
Royal family official (7)
Plant; more insane (6)
Worse (slang) (6)
Solution to Crossword 7611
L I GH T
O A O
UN L I T
R
L
A
D I S L
U
I
R EMO T
I
A
G U TWR
H O
I
TORNA
E U N
RE S T
ER
T E
E
F
L
SU I T I
I
R T
ODGEME
E
F
E M I RR
O G
I
ENCH I N
E
T G
DO
I G L
F N E
F I GH T
S T
I
NG
H
N T
E
OR
G
F
OO
U
ER
18 Citrus fruit (7)
19 Mode of expression (5)
21 Gen (4)
22 Summation (8)
23 Entrance area (4)
24 Keep; jam (8)
22
1
2
3
4
5
6
14
15
16
17
18
19
A
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
24
25
14
25
1
24
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
V
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica No 4197
P
R
A
E
C
D
L
O
B
O
F
R
E
N
A
O
Y
O
N
D
O
T
O
G
X
I
V
E
E
R
F
F
T
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
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order) and your contact details.
No 4198
F
See today’s News section
D
A
E
A
R
T
D
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What are your favourite
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Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
D
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Difficult No 4288
Futoshiki No 3139
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
Kakuro No 2098
4
∨
3 <
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
16
D
1 Rock layer (7)
2 Bamboo eater (5)
3 Thankless (10)
4 Climbing structure (6)
6 Confident (7)
7 Wander (5)
10 Non-scientific studies (10)
14 Conscientious (7)
16 Group of languages (7)
17 Less happy (6)
18 Worker in metal (5)
20 More chilly (5)
If you enjoy the times2 Crossword, you’ll
love Quintagram, our new and exclusive
clue-solving challenge
21
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Down
Solve our new word puzzle
3
17
36
12
16
3
13
33
6
4
18
7
32
11
28
23
34
17
3
∧
∧
9
>
∧
25
27
6
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
34
17
29
12
16
6
3
16
28
9
7
30
23
8
>
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
7
6
24
27
17
13
23
16
39
16
24
14
© PUZZLER MEDIA
21
16
20
the times | Thursday March 29 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
The Armenian grandmaster Lev
Aronian is widely known for his
attractive and aggressive style. In
the FIDE World Chess Candidates Tournament in Berlin, however, his opponents permitted him
little latitude for tactical fireworks. Today’s win for him came
after a long defensive battle that
turned on the exploitation of a
single extra pawn.
White: Sergei Karjakin
Black: Lev Aronian
FIDE Candidates, Berlin 2018
Queen’s Gambit Declined
1 d4 Nf6 2 c4 e6 3 Nf3 d5 4 Nc3
Bb4 5 Bg5 dxc4 6 e4 c5 7 Bxc4
cxd4 8 Nxd4 Bxc3+ 9 bxc3 Qa5
10 Bb5+ Nbd7 11 Bxf6 Qxc3+
This is a popular and complex
variation where White sacrifices a
pawn in order to deprive the
black king of immediate shelter.
12 Kf1 gxf6 13 h4 Qb4 14 Rb1
Qd6 15 Rh3 a6 16 Be2 Nc5
________
árDbDkD 4]
àDpD DpDp]
ßpD 1p0 D]
ÞD h D D ]
Ý D HPD )]
ÜD D D DR]
ÛPD DB)PD]
ÚDRDQDKD ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
Logical but apparently new with
16 ... Ne5 and 16 ... 0-0 having
been played previously. Unsurprisingly, computer evaluation already
favours Black in this situation.
17 Rc3 Nxe4 18 Rd3 0-0 19 Qc1
Qe5 20 Bf3 f5 21 Qh6 Qf6 22
Qxf6 Nxf6 23 Bxb7 Bxb7 24
Rxb7 Rac8
Black is simply far better here.
The only precaution he must take
is to avoid falling into any tactical
pitfall. For example, the apparently powerful 24 ... Nd5, trying to
close all aggressive avenues to
White, would allow the riposte 25
Nxf5 when White can survive.
25 Rg3+ Kh8 26 Rgb3 Ne4 27
Rb2 Rfd8 28 Nb3 Rd1+ 29 Ke2
Nc3+ 30 Ke3 Kg7 31 g3 Kf6 32
Ra7 Rc6 33 Kf3 Nb5 34 Ra8 e5
35 Kg2 e4 36 a4 Na3 37 Rd2
Rxd2 38 Nxd2 e3
A key breakthrough. 39 fxe3 is
impossible on account of 39 ... Rc2
pinning and winning the white
knight. Black now hoovers up
White’s kingside pawns.
39 Nf3 Rc2 40 Rxa6+ Kg7 41
Nd4 Rxf2+ 42 Kg1 Nc2 43 Nxc2
Rxc2 44 Kf1 Rf2+ 45 Ke1 Rg2 46
Rb6 Rxg3 47 Rb4 Rg2 48 Rf4
Kg6 49 Rf3 Rg4 50 Rxe3 Rxa4
51 Kf2 Rxh4
A rook endgame where one
side has an extra h- and f-pawn
can often be drawn if the weaker
side defends accurately. Here,
however, the presence of an extra
f-pawn guarantees the win as it
gives the black king shelter from
checks by the white rook.
52 Re8 Rg4 53 Kf3 Kg7 54 Re5
Kf6 55 Re8 h5 56 Rh8 Kg6 57
Kf2 Rg5 58 Kf3 Kg7 59 Ra8 h4
60 Kf2 h3 61 Ra3 Rh5 62 Kg1
Kg6 63 Kh2 f4 64 Ra7 f3
If Black did not have the f7pawn then White could draw by
checking laterally with his rook.
65 Ra1 f2 66 Rf1 Rf5 67 Kxh3
Kg5 68 Kg3 Rf4 White resigns
________
á D D DrD] Winning Move
à0qD hpi ]
ß 0 DpDpD] White to play. This position is from
Reykjavik 2018.
ÞD DpH ) ] Vaibhav-Bick,
All White’s pieces are well placed for the
Ý D )nH D] attack and he also has an open h-file to
ÜDPD ) D ] operate on. How did he now finish off with
ÛPD D )KD] a quick flourish?
ÚD D D !R] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
♠ J 10
♥A K 9
♦♣-
♠6 5
♥Q 10 7 W N E
♦S
♣♠ AQ 3
♥5
♦♣Q (led)
♠K 9 7
♥J 4
♦♣-
West is squeezed down to a singleton spade. Dummy also throws a
spade and East throws a heart
(although a spade is less revealing
as he does not then show out on the
second heart). Declarer crosses to
the ace-king of hearts, East throwing a spade and, at trick 12 leads the
jack of spades, East following.
Finesse or drop? Declarer
knows he has squeezed West down
9
MEDIUM
76 x 3 + 38
HARDER
♠ J 10 8 4
♥A K 9 8 2
♦Q 7
♣J 2
152 + 273
+ 13 ÷ 2
20%
OF IT
+ 1/2
OF IT
+8
+ 63
x 5 + 777
4/
5
OF IT
1/
2
OF IT
+ 1/2
OF IT
–6
x2
+ 78 x 2
x 2 + 978
1/
2
OF IT
2/
3
OF IT
50%
OF IT
S
W
N
E
2♣(1) Pass
2♥ (2) Pass
3♦
Pass
3♠
Pass
3NT
Pass
4♦(3) Pass
4NT(4) Pass
5♦(5) Pass
5♥ (6) Pass
7♦
End
(1) Any hand with 23+ pts (or an upgrade).
(2) Positive with five hearts.
(3) Good bid. ♦Qx has to be gold-dust.
(4) Roman Key Card Blackwood agreeing
diamonds.
(5) One (or four) of “five aces” incl ♦K.
(6) Asking for ♦Q — for Seven. South for
Wei is prepared to gamble — he thinks he’s
losing the match.
Contract: 7♦, Opening Lead: ♦3
to a singleton spade. The big question: is it the king?
Declarer has a perfect count
and knows West began with just
two spades to East’s four.
Therefore, the odds of East holding the king are 2-1. You would
think declarer finessed.
However, declarer was sure he
was losing the match after the two
earlier grand slam disasters. He
rose with the ace and went down.
And, yes, his team would have won
the match if he’d finessed.
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
– 77
x3
3
3
3
4
12
2
6
2
4
4
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
6
Set Square No 2101
From these letters, make words of four
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 13 words, average;
18, good; 21, very good; 24, excellent
Killer Gentle No 5933
8
10
13
16
12
16
3
5
7
6min
16
11
4
14
18
7
7
23
3
16
7
17
12
L
B
E P ROV
L
N
D AGE
T
T E AM I
I
S T
A P
S
C
D I AMON
L
U
O
WOM A N
S
T
N
9
3
8
10
17
11
16
11
6
10
6
21
9
29
24
13
19
32
12
22
21
4
5
1
7
3
6
9
2
8
4
5
1
2
6
7
9
3
8
4
7
8
1
6
2
9
3
5
17
4
-
18
21
6
28
6
+
B
S
H E A P
H
R
B I T Y
N
D A B
A
SME N
A
I
A K E S
E
H
S UME
P
D
14
10
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
+
7
x
=
3
8
6
2
4
5
9
7
1
3
3
7
9
2
8
1
6
5
4
1
8
4
6
7
3
5
9
2
9
2
6
8
4
5
3
7
1
S
P
A
T
U
L
A
=
13
Set Square 2100
7
3
5
9
1
2
4
8
6
5
1
8
3
9
4
2
6
7
3
8
2
9
1
4
7
5
6
7
9
6
5
8
3
2
4
1
6
7
8
4
9
2
3
1
5
5
3
9
8
7
1
4
6
2
6
4
7
5
2
8
1
3
9
2
9
3
1
6
7
8
4
5
7
x
5
x
-
2
x
6
-
+
1
-
+
3
-
9
-
8
6
7
1
4
9
5
2
3
9
4
5
3
2
6
1
8
7
2
1
3
7
5
8
6
9
4
3
1
5
8
9
4
2
7
6
9
6
2
5
7
3
8
1
4
8
3
9
2
5
7
4
6
1
7
5
1
9
4
6
3
2
8
2
4
6
3
1
8
7
5
9
6
8
7
4
2
1
5
9
3
1
9
4
7
3
5
6
8
2
5
2
3
6
8
9
1
4
7
5
6
9
3
8
2
4
1
7
3
1
7
5
4
9
6
2
8
2
8
4
7
1
6
3
5
9
7
3
5
4
2
8
9
6
1
6
2
8
9
5
1
7
4
3
4
9
1
6
3
7
5
8
2
8
7
6
2
9
5
1
3
4
9
4
2
1
6
3
8
7
5
1
5
3
8
7
4
2
9
6
6
5
8
7
2
3
9
1
4
3
7
4
9
8
1
5
2
6
2
6
3
1
4
8
7
9
5
7
8
9
2
3
5
6
4
1
1
4
5
6
7
9
2
3
8
4
2
7
8
1
6
3
5
9
8
9
1
3
5
7
4
6
2
5
3
6
4
9
2
1
8
7
4 2
6 2 1
8 1 3
9 8 6
7 5
4
2 7
3 1
4 5 2
3 4
x
7
9 7
9
9
7 6
2
4
1 3
2 1
7 8 9 5
9 6 8 7
6
9
8
4 8
4 2 1
1 3 5
1
2 4
3 1 9 7
3 8 9
6 8
5
8
1
2
4
Train Tracks 367
1
Quintagram
1 Dye
2 Ghana
3 Protein
4 Imitate
5 Binoculars
3
1
4
6
3
4
4
4
3
2
5
4
2
A
5
8
1
B
L
O
C
O
C
A
D
U
S
S
T
R
U
K
G
Y
O
W
3 8
N
L
D
2
5 > 4
5
1 < 2
4
3
5
1 < 3
∧
3
4
∨
2
1
3 < 4
1
5
2
1 < 2 < 3 < 4
5
H
A
O
U
2
4 5 6
O
E
S
S
E
2 2
F
A
Futoshiki 3138
KenKen 4287
A
P
E
D
Cell Blocks 3178
Lexica 4196
T
N
R
K
T
4
6
3
2
2
Suko 2197
Word watch
Brain Trainer
Kipp (c) A
laboratory
apparatus for
producing a gas
Kaluga (b) A
type of sturgeon
Yacker (a) Hard
work (Australian
or NZ slang, also
spelt “yakka”)
Easy 32
Medium 335
Harder 6,876
Chess
Killer 5932
9
1
2
5
6
4
8
7
3
P I QU E
E
U
N
V E RAC T
L
S
E
Y
CHAR
N
E
BON S A I
C
N
S TWA R D
U
D
E
R EM I X
N
I
E
J E C T E D
x
4
G
1
2
4
6
3
5
8
7
9
Kakuro 2097
OU S I NG
S M H
X I OM O
N
U
U
RGE N T L
I
S
S S E T S
E
Y
B
O I L Y WE
X
T
F
C
BA Z OOKA
O
E
B M
WO R M S
E
Killer 5931
22
-
Codeword 3295
T
S
C
E
M R
P RO
E
U
RON
G
A T E
B
R
D
U
U
CON
T
T
Sudoku 9761
21
-
Lexica 4195
24min
14
+
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Sudoku 9760
Killer Tough No 5934
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
= 2 We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
should be
= 54 sum
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
+
Solutions
A
R
K
A
N
S
A
S
12
= 69 the numbers
+
=
38
Sudoku 9759
13
Enter each of
-
x
Quick Cryptic 1057
7
28
4
x
2
Yesterday’s answers
adult, auld, dale, date, daunt, deal,
dean, delta, dent, dental, dual, duel,
duet, dune, dunt, eland, lade, laden,
land, laud, lead, lend, nude, tend,
tendu, udal, undue, undulate, unlade
Advanced
♠6 5
♠K 9 7 2
N
♥Q 10 7 6 3 W E ♥J 4
♦9 6 3
♦5 2
S
♣10 9 5 ♠ AQ 3 ♣8 7 6 4 3
♥5
♦A K J 10 8 4
♣A KQ
–9
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Dealer: South, Vulnerability: Neither
Teams
SQUARE
IT
Polygon
11
Bridge Andrew Robson
There was an epic finish to the
Michael Seamon United States
Bridge Championships USA2 final.
It was the story of three grand
slams.
With the scores almost level and
15 boards to play, on the second
board, Team Wei conceded 7NT
doubled when the opening leader
failed to find his partner’s ace. On
the fourth board, Team Wei went
one down in 7♠ on a finesse.
We fast-forward to the last
board, with Team Wei (NorthSouth) thinking they need a big
swing to win in the light of the two
earlier disasters. It appears their
gamble to play 7♦ will pay off —
as the spade finesse succeeds.
Declarer won the passive diamond lead and rattled off nine
minor-suit winners. Here is the
ending as the last of those, the
queen of clubs, is led:
EASY
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Dour defence
Cell Blocks No 3179
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
1 Rh7+! Kxh7
2 Qh1+ Kg7
3 Qh6 mate
Quiz
1 Agatha Christie 2 Passionfruit 3 Aboriginal — from
“ab origine” 4 Cattle 5 Robert Frost 6 Heart 7 Lech
Walesa — in 1990 8 Somalia 9 A type of sarong, worn
around the waist 10 Soviet Union 11 Alexander
Litvinenko 12 The Church 13 Sea of Azov 14 Lennox
Lewis 15 Antony Worrall Thompson
29.03.18
MindGames
Mild No 9762
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
6
9
2 3 6
2
6
9
7
5
Answers on page 15
1
2
3
6
3
1 3
1 2
5 8
6
7
3
7
7
Yacker
a Hard toil
b Chatty
c Incompetent
Super fiendish No 9764
8
2
Kipp
a The leader
b To smoke
c A gas generator
Kaluga
a A priest’s cloak
b A fish
c Precious
Fiendish No 9763
9
4
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
4
7
2
3 6
9
3 4
8
1 7
8
7 6
2
4
1
7
4 8
3
7
1
4
4
9
5
2
8
6 9
7 2
3
1 3
8
5 8
3
7
6
4
6
9
4
5
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2197
ALAMY
1 Which English crime
novelist (1890-1976)
created Parker Pyne
and Mr Harley Quin?
11 Which former FSB
officer and defector
co-wrote the 2002
book Blowing Up Russia:
Terror from Within?
15
2 Which fruit gives
the title of a 2017
UK top-three single
by Drake?
3 Which term, used for
first peoples in Australia
and Canada, comes
from “from the
beginning” in Latin?
4 Red Angus, Charolais,
gelbvieh and dexter
are breeds of which
farm animal?
5 Which American poet
wrote Stopping by
Woods on a Snowy
Evening and The Road
Not Taken?
12 Which Australian
band is known for the
1988 song Under the
Milky Way?
6 Herz is the German
word for which part of
the body?
declared autonomous
regions of Puntland
and Galmudug?
7 Which trade
unionist (b 1943)
was Poland’s first
president elected by
popular vote?
9 Worn by Bangladeshi
men, what is a lungi?
10 In 1976, which
country’s government
began developing the
satellite navigation
system Glonass?
8 In which African
country are the self-
13 Located in eastern
Europe, what is the
shallowest sea in
the world?
14 Which Londonborn heavyweight
boxing world champion
was knocked out by
Hasim Rahman in a
2001 upset?
15 Which creator of
Snickers pie is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1058 by Rongo
1
2
3
7
4
5
8
9
10
11
13
6
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
23
24
12
22
Across
1 Simple vehicle cut sharp
moves (8)
5 General sense that a lot of
people studying science end
with! (4)
7 Bird’s carefree frolic (4)
8 Ma, create fantastic meal with
scones (5,3)
9 Ecstasy widespread after a
number arriving at Spanish
island (8)
11 Bravo for flamenco in East
End pit? (3)
13 Get bigger Detective Inspector
in front of deceased (6)
16 Shouts encouragement in
board game with centre hidden
(6)
18 Support stage for Journey (3)
19 Air simple kind of shirt
covering jeans (8)
20 Reversing cap, one polite chap
is hard-working (8)
22 Grand, in the style of festive
event (4)
23 Tory puffed out air in speech
(4)
Yesterday’s solution on page 15
24 European among bidders
wasted chicken feed, perhaps
(8)
Down
1 Guided holy man from Sodom
before heartless end (7)
2 Throttle holy man with right
point of view (8)
3 Designer is part of circle to
beat English court (9)
4 Article appearing in Echo after
Thursday (3)
5 Maybe Sam Spade sticks with
another tool for gardener (7)
6 Refinery melts ore, somehow
extracting oxygen (7)
10 Endless series of steps to get to
the next level (9)
12 Vegetative lump partly turned
to rise, unsupported (8)
14 Perhaps Shakespeare under
the weather provides Iago’s
motivation? (3,4)
15 Iago’s end almost excited
worry (7)
17 Supervisor to attract aliens
northward (7)
21 Decline eastern bishop twice
(3)
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