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The Times Times 2 - 8 May 2018

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May 8 | 2018
‘My husband’s so
freaking funny’
Isla Fisher on playing
Sacha Baron Cohen’s ‘straight man’
2
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Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
times2
I have a very
You don’t have to be
young to be stressed
out by voicemail
Robert Crampton
T
he news that young
people struggle to cope
with the stress of
receiving voicemails
and thus want them
banned invites an
obvious response.
Those under 35
apparently regard voicemails as an
“anxiety trigger”. To which revelation,
as someone who left that particular
age cohort behind fully 18 years ago,
I could justifiably reply in an
amusingly ironic, not to say sarcastic,
not to say witheringly critical fashion.
Did these snowflakes never have
to deal with brutal racism, tinned
mandarins and the threat of
imminent nuclear war, as my
generation did when we were their
age? And although, fair play, the
whole imminent nuclear war thing
is back on the agenda, even so you
take my point? Then again, I’m in
a good mood, the sun is shining,
let’s not go down the easy satirical
route on this occasion, eh?
Besides, voicemails stress me out
as well. I don’t get many — the stats
show no one does much any more —
but as and when they arrive, they’re
invariably intrusive, complicated,
dull and pointless. If I knew how
to switch off the voicemail
function on my phone, I would.
I’m down with the kids in
terms of the pressure
brought about by other
communications as
well. Not long ago,
I signed up to
WhatsApp. It
can be very
handy.
It can also
become
rapidly
infuriating, ping ping
ping all day long, please
shut the hell up, whoever
you are.
As regards other
contemporary forms
of stress, there’s no
reason that they
should be confined to
those born in the final
decade of the past
century either. The fluid
— some would say
Brum? No,
I was in
Baghdad
amorphous, some would say nonexistent — nature of the queueing
system at Pret and Leon is a good
example. Say what you like about
Costa or Starbucks, you know
where you stand in the pecking
order as you shuffle along. At many
modern high street chains, it’s a right
gluten-free bunfight.
I wouldn’t want to be 25 and
struggling to remember which
football team I was supposed to
pretend I had always supported.
Nor would I want to have to recall
Jeremy Corbyn is cool when
privately I’d worked out he was a
complete loser. Or have to angst
over whether that Amazon package
will fit through the letterbox. And,
while my generation faced the whole
“yours sincerely” versus “yours
faithfully” dilemma, debating whether
to put a kiss at the end of a text is
surely just as troubling.
And imagine a super-cool hipster
couple cycling up to a junction
and realising they have to stop.
She’s on a retro Edwardian-style
sit up and beg, but knows she can’t for
the life of her control the useless
unwieldy contraption. Her
boyfriend, meanwhile,
imprisoned in the pedal clips
of his fixie, shares the same
concern. As she topples one
way, he topples the other.
She worries her flared Fifties
skirt means passers-by can see
her knickers. He lies
there stroking his
sparse facial hair
and wondering
if he’ll ever be
able to grow a
proper beard.
Modern
concerns
are not
— on this,
the 73rd
anniversary
of VE Day
— up there
with getting
bombed by the
Luftwaffe, but
hey, everything’s
relative. I guess each
generation has its own
cross to bear.
Much as I admire Ben
Fogle, slogging his way
up Everest, I’m
surprised to learn that
before the trip, Fogle
and his wife sat their
kids down and told
them that Daddy might
well die on the
mountain. The kids are
a mere eight and six
years old. Full marks
for honesty — while
reaching the summit of
Everest is getting easier
every year, getting back
down alive still ain’t no
picnic if the weather
turns bad.
In 2007, my children
then aged ten and
eight, I was dispatched
to Baghdad and Basra
for work. And although
by then that particular
debacle was beginning
She’s the A-list actress and author who
once hid her husband’s Ali G costume
up her dress. You can never go too far,
Isla Fisher tells Helena de Bertodano
My son, my
harshest
critic
Ian McEwan says that
having helped his
schoolboy son with an
English literature essay,
he was a bit miffed
when their joint effort
came back marked with
a C+. The point being
that the work McEwan
junior had been tasked
to critique was one of
his dad’s books.
Although occupying
a far lower rung on the
literary food chain as I
do, I still feel a degree
of sympathy with
McEwan senior. For a
media studies project at
GCSE, my son was once
required to assess one
of his father’s columns.
By all accounts the
class ripped it to shreds.
“What did you say?” I
asked my boy. “I agreed
with them,” he said.
I also plead guilty to
helping my daughter
out with a history
question concerning
the origins of the First
World War, a subject I
studied at degree level.
The result was the
lowest grade the girl
ever received.
to calm down a little,
neither city was what
any sensible person
would call safe. Not
only did my wife and
I not tell the kids that
Daddy might not be
coming back, we didn’t
even tell them he was
going to Iraq.
We said I was on a
job in Birmingham, if
memory serves.
W
hen Sacha
Baron
Cohen
asked Isla
Fisher to
smuggle his
Ali G get-up
into the
Oscars a couple of years ago, she was
hesitant. The Academy had invited
Baron Cohen to present the best
picture nominees, but had forbidden
him to appear in character.
“I’m not a rule-breaker,” Fisher says,
“I’m a people-pleaser.” Her husband
is the opposite, the king of shock
comedy whose provocative stunts as
multiple fictional characters — Ali G,
Borat and Brüno — have earned him
lawsuits from across the world.
Fisher did as he asked, stuffing
moustache, glue, hat and glasses into
her Spanx underwear. “I had to stash
them on my person in a ballgown. It
was so nerve-racking. Security
at the Oscars is like the
airport.” Once in,
n, she
helped him to
change in the
bathroom and
hid with him
until he was
called on
stage. “I had
to put on the
glue while
Jennifer
Garner is
knocking on
the door, saying,,
‘Are you comingg
out?’; she was clearly
early
dying to go for a pee.”
The Hollywood
od old guard
tut-tutted at thee appearance of Ali
G berating the Academy for its lack of
racial diversity — “Now check out a
movie about a roomful of white
people” — but the rest of the audience
were delighted. “It was a slam-dunk,”
Fisher says.
Fisher, 42, may not be a rule-breaker,
but in other ways she has a lot in
common with her husband. “I have a
very out-there, puerile sense of
humour too,” she says when we meet
at the Chateau Marmont in Los
Angeles. In a white Mara Hoffman
shirt embroidered with multicoloured
fluorescent birds, black leather
trousers and heels, she blends in
perfectly with the Hollywood crowd.
“The Chateau is so much fun for
people watching,” she says, taking a
corner seat overlooking the room.
Known for her roles in movies such
as Wedding Crashers and Confessions
of a Shopaholic, Fisher also writes
comic children’s stories. The Marge in
Charge series is about a nanny with
rainbow-coloured hair who delights
her young charges by encouraging
them to eat pancakes off the ceiling
and drink apple juice from water
pistols. “She’s an eternal Peter Pan,”
Fisher says. In the latest book, Marge
and the Secret Tunnel, she helps them
to dig a tunnel to Australia and
become detectives in search of a lost
kitten. The books are aimed at five to
eight-year-olds, and Fisher spun the
tales from bedtime stories she told her
three children, Olive, ten, Elula, seven,
and Montgomery, three. “I felt there
was no [reading] material for that
transitional phase. They’re based on
tiny people I love around me.”
The couple, who have houses in LA
and London, but spend most of their
time Stateside, are guarded about their
children, rarely referring to them by
name. “They didn’t choose to be in the
public eye; I just want them to be able
to play on the street with their friends
and feel unselfconscious, like I did
when I was young.”
Fisher, the second of three siblings,
spent most of her childhood in Perth,
Australia. She was born in Oman to
Scottish parents; her father was a
United Nations banker, so the
family moved often in her
early year
years. Her parents
divorced
divorce “amicably”
when she was nine
and she lived
mostly
with her
mo
mother, who
m
was,
w she says,
“the
most chill
“
mom”.
As a
m
result,
Fisher
r
says,
sa she was
not
no rebellious,
“although
I
“alt
definitely
did that
defin
teenage
teenag thing of
wearing 13-hole
cherry Doc Martens and
an AC/DC T-shirt
T-sh and
vomiting in a bush . . .”
Like many Australian actors who
make it to Hollywood, she started out
on the soap Home and Away, playing
Shannon Reed, a bisexual who has an
affair with her brother.
She met Baron Cohen at an awards
party in Sydney when she was 25. Did
he instantly strike her as the man for
her? “One hundred per cent yes.”
There is a persistent rumour that they
got engaged over milk and cookies in
the Chateau Marmont. “Bullshit,”
Fisher says, laughing. “It’s quite an odd
story and it doesn’t make sense. No
offence, but who eats cookies over the
age of . . .” She trails off, then resumes:
“I mean, that’s just calories you can’t
undo, for no good reason.” She shrugs.
“I’ll never tell my engagement story, so
it doesn’t matter what the public
perception of it is.”
Fisher and Baron Cohen had their
first child in 2007, then married in a
small Jewish wedding in Paris in 2010
after Fisher had converted to Judaism.
“We’re from very different
backgrounds. I have a complicated
cultural identity and he comes from a
Jewish north London [background].”
Both went to clown school in France
before they met: Fisher went to
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
3
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times2
puerile sense of humour
The lowdown
Pantashoes
COVER: GETTY IMAGES. BELOW: ELISABETH HOFF/LICKERISH
Isla Fisher and, above
left, with her husband,
Sacha Baron Cohen
I’m not
someone
who
breaks the
rules. I’m
a people
pleaser
Jacques Lecoq (in Paris) and Baron
Cohen studied with Philippe Gaulier
(in nearby Étampes). Both studied
bouffon, white mask and commedia
dell’arte.
Wedding Crashers, in which Fisher
played a “stage 5 clinger” as Vince
Vaughn’s overeager girlfriend, was her
Hollywood breakthrough. People still
sometimes call out, “I’ll find you!”, her
character’s signature line, when they
see her. Since then she has had a
steady stream of work, mostly in
comedies, but also as Myrtle Wilson in
Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby —
probably the role of which she is
proudest. Luhrmann auditioned her
here at Chateau Marmont. “It was on
that red velvet sofa over there,” she
says, pointing to a faded sofa at the
back of the bar area. “And then I didn’t
hear back for three months. I was
ringing my agent every day.”
Of the Me Too movement she says:
“I feel passionately about it. I’m friends
with Reese Witherspoon, so I’ve been
on a ground level privy to the emails
that circulate.” Not that she has
suffered abuse herself. “Obviously I’ve
had inappropriate things said to me on
set, and I’ve experienced that general
frat-boy humour and mentality
towards women where you’re
denigrated based on your gender, but
[nothing more]. What’s been going on
is clearly disgusting and horrific and
the stories have been dumbfounding.”
Fisher is self-deprecating about her
career as an author. “I’m not a writer
by craft.” But one of the attractions of
writing, she says, is having complete
creative control. “I love playing all the
characters, whereas when you’re
acting, even though I’m still creatively
unleashed, it’s somebody else’s vision
and I’m only playing one person.”
In the series Marge teaches
Jemima, the young protagonist, that
if she spends all her time trying to be
perfect she will miss out on the fun.
“It’s a motto I try to live by myself,”
Fisher says. “I tell myself that giving
70 or 80 per cent is sometimes good
enough. One could have a dinner
party and things could be nice, but
they don’t have to be perfect. Instead
of being completely stressed out, it’s
OK to make a cold starter so you
can sit down and chat and have a glass
of wine.”
In that spirit, Fisher says she is
learning to meditate. “I set up a
meditation room in my closet — I’ve
got the pillow and some stones. It
lowers your blood pressure and makes
you much more productive creatively.
I sound like a total LA hippy.” So how
often does she meditate? “Just 20
minutes, twice a day.” She hesitates.
“Actually, I feel like a fraud because so
far I’ve only done it twice. But I’m
going to do it more.”
Does her husband meditate too?
“Yes,” Fisher says enthusiastically. “He
got me on to MindSpace [an app for
practising mindfulness and
meditation]. I’m more of the worrier
of the family, he’s more chill.”
Sometimes she uses her husband
as a sounding board for her books.
“Occasionally I’ll test out some of
Marge’s songs on him. If the eyebrows
go up, I work a little harder.”
Fisher says talks are afoot about
making her books into a television
series. Nevertheless, her fourth book
could be the last. “Everybody in my
house is sick of Marge because she
takes me away. I’ve been missing
little moments like a trip with the
class to the aquarium or a screening
for my husband.”
She appears in two comedy movies
to be released this year: The Beach
Bum, in which she plays the wife of a
rebellious stoner played by Matthew
McConaughey; and Tag, a comedy
with Jeremy Renner and Jon Hamm
about a group of former classmates
who organise an elaborate annual
game of tag. “It’s actually really funny,”
she says, sounding almost surprised.
One day, she says, she would like to
work with her husband again. They
have done so only once, on Grimsby,
the 2016 action comedy film in which
Baron Cohen played Nobby, a football
hooligan, and Fisher a supporting
straight role. “There’s a shorthand at
work because we’ve been together for
17 years.” Yet when he is in character,
Fisher says she forgets that she knows
him: “I totally believe the character.”
Does she ever watch him and think
he’s going too far? “Never,” she says,
fiercely loyal. “I think he’s so freaking
funny.” What about the time he made
a dig at redheads, saying he found it
impressive that Ed Sheeran “chooses
not to have a disabled badge on his
car despite having ginger hair”?
Fisher, who has cascading ginger hair
herself, looks aghast. “That is
outrageous,” she deadpans. “That
really is going too far.”
Marge and the Secret Tunnel is
published on May 17
My name is Olga, my English is
weak, my morals are dubious
and I’d like to become an
oligarch’s wife.
How thrillingly specific of you.
How can I help?
By advising me on appropriate
clothes. I need to look trashy, but
rich trashy.
Pantashoes. You need Balenciaga’s
pantashoes.
Is that a mistranslation?
No. They’re trousers — or pants, as
the Americans so unfortunately call
them — and shoes combined.
Pantashoes. Get it?
Well, you have my attention.
I had no idea that the English
language contained such an ugly
word as pantashoes.
It didn’t. They invented it.
So a French fashion brand invents
a new word for the English
language, using the American for
trousers, and you’re OK with that?
Not really, no, but we are where
we are.
I see. What else should I know
about these pantashoes?
Well, they fulfil the brief you gave me
quite brilliantly. They’re skintight
and scarlet and they have shoes with
4in heels built in. They look vulgar
and preposterous, in a Kardashian
kind of way, and they cost £2,050.
Sold. What do I wear them with?
Why not go for Balenciaga’s whole
look? It’s enchanting. It’s paired with
a peasanty shirt of indeterminate
greenness and a large, plastic-looking
laundry bag. It’s been shot on a
model whose brief for the shoot
appears to have been: “Can you
combine misery with menace?”
And can she?
Yes she can. Really quite brilliantly.
What a marvellous thing it is to
see a model at the height
of her powers.
Indeed. Thank you so
much for your help.
I’ve had the Botox,
I’ve got the trout
pout, I have
rose-gold
commitment
bangles stacked
up my wrists and
now I’ve got the
clothes. My
oligarch awaits.
Do svidaniya.
Hilary Rose
4
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Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
times2
How I solved my
personal housing
crisis — I built
myself a boat
Advertising executive Karen Boswell couldn’t find a
decent place to live. So she left dry land and designed
her own floating home, she tells Nick Curtis
A
ged 35, Karen
Boswell is the proud
owner of a spacious
two-bedroom
property that she
designed herself,
20 minutes by train
from central
London, that cost just £182,000. How?
I’ll give you a clue: it floats. Fed up
with her inability to get on the
housing ladder despite a six-figure
salary as the head of innovation at
an advertising agency, Boswell
decided to build a houseboat.
After a year finessing the
design — including a king-sized
bed, a bathroom with a double
shower and exposed copper
piping, and poured concrete
countertops in the kitchen —
the boat took four months to
build. Maybe Tomorrow now lies
in a rustic, shabby-chic private
marina off the Grand Union Canal,
in the outskirts of northwest London.
She is within reach of four Tube and
railway stations.
“Four years ago I was renting a flat
just outside Wimbledon village and
trying to get a deposit together to buy
somewhere, but I was always chasing
an inflated price,” Boswell says. At 23
she bought a property in Leeds, where
she started her career, but lost money
when she sold it after moving to
London in 2008. Prices had tanked in
the recession, although in the capital
they continued to soar. “I thought,
‘This is ludicrous,’ ” she says. “Every
time I got another £4,000 prices
would go up £10,000. I could have
afforded a two-bed place in a
not-great area or a studio or one-bed
somewhere I wouldn’t be stabbed
walking home, but I wouldn’t have had
any wiggle room to put a finish on it.”
Boswell always wanted and
ultimately plans to own properties
in town, in the country and abroad,
which she can flit between to live,
entertain and work. As well as her
day job, she recently received
investor backing for a business startup, having “designed a neural network
for virtual reality to help children
overcome fears and challenges”.
Yet for a long time it looked as if
Right: Karen Boswell
and her dog Amber
in Maybe Tomorrow
The first
couple of
months
I woke up
thinking
we were
sinking
somewhere cheap in Spain or Italy
was the best she could afford.
Indeed, she had put in an offer of
€220,000 (£193,000) on a property
outside Barcelona when she became
friends with a work contact, Jessica
Rowley. “Jess mentioned she had built
a houseboat,” Boswell says. “I had
been thinking of all sorts of different
spaces and places — even about
buying a shipping container — but
I had never thought of a boat
because my preconception was
that they were weird and
cramped.” A visit to Rowley’s
spacious, stylish boat disabused
her. Rowley agreed to help
Boswell to design her floating
home, and Boswell moved to a
short-term let in Maida Vale.
“I could walk to work, which
freed up two hours for me to
design my boat every day.”
With a deposit of just under
£50,000, Boswell took out a marine
mortgage, which is repaid at 10 per
cent over a typical bank mortgage
rate, but lasts only five years. The steel
hull was built from scratch.
“You pick options off-plan,” she says.
“You choose your length and your
width; size of engine. For around
£120,000 I got an empty shell with
windows, wiring for electrics, and
they had put the walls and doors in.”
While the boat was being built she
hiked the canals around greater
London, looking for a berth big
enough to take her.
Some construction options decided
themselves. Maybe Tomorrow is 12ft
wide, which is the maximum that will
fit into a London canal lock, and 70ft
long because Boswell wanted decent
entertaining space indoors and on
deck, and a second bedroom/study.
All the ceilings are full height because
when she was designing the boat,
Boswell, who is 5ft 3in, started dating
a chap called Tom who is about 6ft.
They broke up at Christmas. “He’s a
lovely guy, but we weren’t going in the
same direction. The boat was always
my plan, my budget, my design, my
management. It wasn’t his thing.”
(Boswell’s puppy Amber, a spaniel/
poodle cross, also seen in the
programme, is still with her.)
Although Boswell was born in
Bournemouth, her family moved
around because of her father’s job with
Prudential. “We never had the money
to get into boats and yachts, although
I have surfed and kayaked all my life,
and the water is the one thing that
can calm me,” she says.
Boswell wanted a king-size bed — “I
like to sleep star-shaped” — to be built
over an unusually large freshwater
tank in the master bedroom in the
prow. The boat builders initially
demurred, saying no one had done it
before. “I said, ‘But surely it could be
done’,” she says. “You have to tread a
fine line, saying, ‘I appreciate your
craft and your experience, but a water
tank is just six pieces of metal, surely
you can cut it to this size.’ ”
Inevitably there were delays and
setbacks. The boat was three months
late. The “blackwater” tank, which
collects all the bathroom and kitchen
waste and has to be pumped out every
six weeks or so, was the wrong size.
A new one was built, which was also
the wrong size, so Boswell redesigned
her second bedroom around it. The
wrong floor was laid and she paid an
extra £4,000 for a new one to keep
things moving.
She then took out a £20,000 bank
loan to do the interior, all in one go.
“I wanted something that would age
well and suffer wear and tear and that
I wasn’t precious about,” she says. “It’s
a boat, it moves. The theme was
nautical modern chic. The bathroom is
probably an amalgamation of all the
hotel rooms I have stayed in that I like.
I found an image of a towel rail I
wanted and sketched how the copper
pipes might snake around it.”
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
5
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times2
CIRCE HAMILTON FOR THE TIMES
Harassed at work? Talk to the
HR chatbot By Moya Sarner
W
She economised where it wouldn’t
show and bought materials at cost
price where possible. The carcasses of
the kitchen units are from Wickes,
which gave her more to spend on the
poured concrete work surfaces. The
copper-topped breakfast bar expands
to an eight-seat dining table. A
favourite painting provided the
inspiration for the orange feature wall
in the living room and the orange
ribbons on the blinds. The otherwise
muted colour scheme of blues and
greys echoes the exterior.
Once all the constituent parts were
sourced, the completed hull was driven
269 miles by lorry to a dry dock in
Lowestoft to be fitted out by a team
who usually refurbish houses and had
never worked on a boat. Suddenly they
had to cope with curved walls and a
boat that would flex when she was
moved by crane into the canal. “Not a
single tile fell off the wall,” Boswell
says approvingly. The boat was then
driven a further 150 miles to Watford
where she was lowered into the Grand
Union Canal in October. Then Boswell
took the wheel for the first time to
cruise her to her present berth — not
without difficulty. At Boswell’s height
she can’t actually see the prow from
the rear deck.
There were other teething problems.
Initially the heating and water didn’t
work, and the heating packed up again
just as the Beast from the East struck.
Boswell had to go to her neighbours’
boats to shower and keep her wood
stove going all day to stop herself and
Amber freezing. “The first couple of
months I kept waking up thinking the
boat was sinking — horrific dreams of
not being able to save people in time
as it went down,” she says. This soon
passed and she says she feels more
safe than she would in a detached
house in the country; boaties do tend
to look out for each other. She didn’t
even need to acquire sea legs. At about
30 tonnes, with a further 4 tonnes of
ballast in her hull, it would take a
hurricane even to shift the boat.
Then there are the pluses. “The
seasons are fantastic. The sunset here
is beautiful, and I get off that train
after a day in the city and the air
smells different. The birds are amazing.
The swans come by for breakfast most
days. We have herons, a kingfisher and
at night you can hear owls. There are
lots of great pubs and everyone is that
bit nicer when you get out of the city.
People stop and say hello.”
Dock fees are about £8,000 a year
(half the cost of a mooring at King’s
Cross, and a quarter of the fee at
Chelsea Harbour). Her outgoings,
including electricity and a three-yearly
treatment of the hull in dry dock,
average out at about £3,000. “Not
cheap,” she admits, but her mortgage
will be paid off within five years.
Boats hold their value “like classic
cars” and because Boswell designed
her to such a high spec, Maybe
Tomorrow is already worth £30,000
more than she paid for her.
In the meantime she is considering
a smaller investment: a kayak to get
her to the local Tesco or the nearest
pub. “I am already a captain — Maybe
Tomorrow is technically a ship, and is
on the HMS charter,” she says. “If I get
a rowing boat too, that’s a fleet. I think
Admiral Boswell has a ring to it.”
My Floating Home is on More 4,
Tuesdays at 9pm
hen the memory
scientist Julia Shaw
was researching
how to improve
the reporting of
harassment and discrimination at
work, she found a level of denial
that would be funny, were it not so
depressing. “We quickly realised,
talking to the HR departments of
some very big companies, that they
were all saying the same thing: ‘Yes,
harassment is a big problem. Yes,
people should be doing something
about it. But we have a great culture.’
Harassment is always something that
other people do,” she says. “There is
a complete lack of insight into the
fact you and your company might
be affected by this.”
This is hardly surprising, given the
low levels of reporting: one recent
survey of 2,000 people in Britain
found that 58 per cent of women who
had experienced sexual harassment at
work didn’t report it to their company.
That is what drove Shaw and her team
to found Spot, which she hopes will
“shine a spotlight on the dark figures
of harassment and discrimination”.
Spot is an online tool for employees
to record and anonymously report
inappropriate behaviour at work.
Immediately after an incident, the
victim goes to talktospot.com to
correspond with what Shaw calls a
cognitive interview bot, like a text
conversation with a computer. He or
she receives questions that have been
proved to elicit the highest-quality
memory record — the bot follows the
same script used by police forces in
the UK — and the responses are then
turned into a securely time-stamped
PDF that can be shared with an
employer anonymously or kept safe
for a later date. “You turn your memory
into this tangible thing — it’s as good
as you’re going to get with regard to
memory evidence,” Shaw says.
She should know; for the past decade
she has been researching just how
fallible our memories are. In one study
featured in her book, The Memory
Illusion, she implanted false memories
of committing a crime into the minds
of participants, by asking leading
questions and assuming certain
knowledge. Having investigated how
and why memories go bad, she used
that knowledge to design Spot in a
way that avoids those traps. “As an
expert I saw how people don’t write
things down, and overestimate their
memories, so I’ve created something
I wish everybody could use to create
much stronger evidence,” she says.
More than 1,000 people have used
Spot since its soft launch in February,
and about 100 of those decided to
share their anonymous reports with
the team for research — they included
complaints from men and women
about race discrimination, maternity
leave, sexual harassment and sexual
assault, as well as lesbian, gay and
transgender issues.
Shaw’s interest in this is not only
academic. When I ask if she has ever
had occasion to use Spot herself, she
says: “I’ve had this conversation with
lots of friends — have you ever had a
BORIS BREUER
Julia Shaw, co-founder
of talktospot.com
I had
situations
where I
would’ve
loved to
have been
able to say
something
situation where someone harassed
you and did you report it? The answer
from most people is yes to the first
question and no to the second. And
when I think of my own experiences,
exactly the same pattern emerges.
I consider myself a strong woman,
a feminist, someone who stands up for
myself and for others — and yet even
I didn’t report it. That points to a
system that is fundamentally broken.
I definitely have had situations where
I would’ve loved to have been able to
say something, even if it was just an
anonymous tip, that probably would’ve
prevented that person from doing
similar things to other people.”
Shaw says a flaw of the Me Too
movement is that individuals are being
singled out, and that is not enough.
“That is ignoring the fact that these are
systemic, cultural issues. That person
came from a society that allowed that
kind of behaviour to flourish,” she says.
What would she say to HR directors
who told her: “Nothing to see here”?
“If you don’t have an adequate
reporting mechanism, then not having
any reports is meaningless. If a big
organisation says, ‘We have never had
a sexual harassment complaint’, I say
back to them, ‘That’s terrifying. That
means communication between you
and your employees is so poor that
they’re not willing to tell you anything.’
Whenever you have multiple human
beings in one space, inappropriate
things are going to happen — and
you need to deal with it.”
6
1G T
Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
body&soul
Is your fitness
Don’t ignore blood in
your urine — you could
have kidney cancer
Dr Mark Porter
L
ightning isn’t supposed
to strike the same place
twice, but the BBC
presenter Andrew
Marr must be thinking
otherwise this week.
Only five years after
having a stroke, at the
age of 53, he now faces surgery for
cancer of the kidney. While most
strokes occur in older people, the
same cannot be said of his present
illness, which is a textbook case.
Kidney cancer can strike almost
anyone at any age, but white men of
about 60 are the group most at risk.
It may not have the high profile of
other cancers such as lung, prostate,
breast and bowel, but cancer of the
kidney is surprisingly common and
it’s on the increase. Marr, below right,
is one of about 12,500 people in
Britain who will be told they have the
condition this year, almost double the
number diagnosed during the same
period in the early Nineties.
Smoking (past and present) is one
of the main risk factors (carcinogens
in tobacco smoke are excreted in
urine) and while the proportion of the
population who smoke is now lower
than at any time over the past century,
ex-smokers are still facing the legacy
of a habit they may have kicked years
ago. Being overweight is another
important driver for malignant change
in the kidneys and part of the
increasing incidence is due to the
nation’s waistline expanding to fill the
gap left by the decline in smoking.
Add in an ageing population (age
being an important risk factor for most
cancers) and it is little surprise that
kidney tumours have risen up the
ranks to become the seventh most
common type of cancer in the UK.
Caught early, most kidney cancers
can be successfully treated with
surgery alone, giving cure rates of
more than 80 per cent; but more
advanced cases require complex
therapy, including the latest biological
agents, and the five-year survival rate
where there is spread beyond the
organ is often less than 10 per cent. So,
how do you catch the disease early?
Some early tumours are picked up
by serendipity during scans or
investigations for unrelated problems,
but the cardinal telltale sign is blood in
the urine (haematuria). Microscopic
amounts of blood, invisible to the eye
and only picked up by dipstick testing
by your doctor or nurse, are often
caused by more innocent problems
ranging from “leaky” kidneys to stones
or infections. However, obvious blood
is more sinister, particularly if not
accompanied by any pain (stones
and infections tend to cause a lot
of discomfort) and should be assumed
to be due to kidney (or bladder) cancer
until proven otherwise.
Other symptoms tend to be vague
and easily attributed to other
problems. They include fatigue, weight
loss, night sweats, loin discomfort,
back pain (kidney cancer often
spreads to bones), high blood pressure
and thickened blood (the kidneys help
to control blood pressure and red
blood cell production in the marrow).
Indeed, in the absence of obvious
blood in the urine, most cases tend
to present very late, meaning
the disease can only be controlled
rather than cured.
If your GP suspects kidney cancer,
you will be referred urgently to a
urologist for further investigation,
which may involve an ultrasound
and/or a CT scan, and a cystoscopy
to check the lining of the bladder if
you have haematuria and the kidneys
look OK. There is no national
screening programme for kidney
cancer, and Nice against screening
for invisible blood in the urine because
the pick-up rate for underlying serious
disease is so low. However, this
doesn’t mean a positive test should
be dismissed, even if it is just part
of an insurance medical. In most
cases there will be a simple
explanation, but for a small minority
invisible blood can be the first sign
of a serious problem. And obvious
blood is never normal. Please don’t
ignore either.
For more information on the
diagnosis and treatment of kidney
cancer visit cancerresearchuk.org.
And you can listen to me interview a
specialist on investigating haematuria
at bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09rybgf
What you need to know
about bloodstained urine
0 Painless bloodstained urine
(haematuria) always requires urgent
specialist referral
0 If the blood is accompanied by
pain — such as burning when you
pee — and causes such as kidney
stones or infection are suspected,
these must be confirmed with further
testing. If the result comes back
negative, the patient should be
referred for a specialist opinion
to rule out other problems
0 Persistent urine infections
associated with bleeding in
patients over 40 require urgent
investigation too
0 Visit nice.org.uk for the latest
guidance on haematuria
QA
I tried to buy
some Nurofen at
the weekend, but
the pharmacist
said I shouldn’t
take it when she
found out I had
asthma. I have
been taking it
for years and
have never been
asked about my
asthma before.
Is this new?
It is not new, the
question just isn’t asked
as often as it should be.
We have known for
years that people with
asthma — children as
well as adults — need
to be careful when
taking some types of
painkillers. Aspirin,
ibuprofen (eg Nurofen)
and paracetamol
(including Calpol) can
all trigger coughing,
wheezing, sneezing/
blocked nose and skin
rashes in anyone prone
to asthma.
Aspirin and ibuprofen
(along with other
anti-inflammatories
such as diclofenac and
naproxen) are the
worst in this respect,
affecting the breathing
of as many as one in
five of those who take
them. Reactions to
paracetamol are rarer,
at around one in 100.
These side-effects
tend to be mild in
most cases, but the
drugs can sometimes
trigger severe attacks,
so adults and children
with asthma are
generally advised
to avoid aspirin,
ibuprofen and antiinflammatories and
stick to paracetamol.
Even though
ibuprofen doesn’t
seem to upset you,
the pharmacist was
being thorough and
playing safe.
If you have a health
problem, email
drmarkporter
@thetimes.co.uk
For some people
exercise is a luxury
lifestyle they can’t
do without — but
they also can’t
afford. By Peta Bee
I
f you want to work out in a
walnut-floored boutique studio
with an exclusive handful of
classmates dripping in Lululemon
finery, must be prepared to pay
for the privilege. And it seems
that we are. Our fitness
expenditure is spiralling, not
just in terms of the amount paid for
bespoke classes and personal trainers,
but on the high-end clothing we wear
to them, the £200 running shoes and
the entry fees for ever more glamorous
endurance challenges.
Where once a designer handbag was
an expression of status, now it is your
choice of workout and where you do it.
So when Prince Harry is spotted
heading to the £8,000-a-year KX Gym
in Chelsea, London, those who live to
work out, rather than work out to live,
don’t bat an eyelid. They know how
expensive a luxury gym habit can be.
Charlotte Quesnel, a 38-year-old
database manager from London, says
she made the switch from a regular
gym — where the monthly direct
debit from her account was £60 — to a
boutique studio last year. “It took
some serious rebudgeting as it costs
me about five times more than I was
previously paying, but it’s become part
of my lifestyle rather than something I
fit in when I have time,” she says.
Quesnel is part of a tribe that puts
fitness outlay before all else. Its
members prioritise the pursuit of
wellness and all it promises — perfect
posture, even-keeled emotions and a
hoisted butt — even when it puts
pressure on their bank balances. I
know people who once moaned about
their monthly direct debit to a gym,
but who now reel off a fitness agenda
so extravagant it would rival the
training programme of an elite athlete.
There are twice-weekly visits to a
Pilates teacher, high-intensity interval
training (HIIT) or boxing sessions at a
bespoke gym, runs (often with a
trainer), yoga classes and sports
massage with a physiotherapist to iron
out the inevitable aching muscles.
Fine if they can afford it, but many
can’t. Sue Hayward, a personal finance
and consumer expert, says that
overspending on fitness is common
and an increasing contributor to
personal debt. “A lot of people are
spending too much,” she says.
Among them is Caroline (not her
real name) from Guildford whose gym
spending escalated to the point where
her bank withdrew her debit card. “I
went to a gym where I paid £12 a
session for classes and was going
almost every day,” she says. “As they
were HIIT-style strength classes, I
needed yoga to help my flexibility and
that was £15 a time. Before I knew it I
was racking up almost £400 a month
and was way overdrawn.”
Dynamic Pilates at
Heartcore
£27
Hayward says that it’s far easier to
justify spending a large chunk of your
monthly salary on a barre class or
bespoke boxing session than a
shopping spree. A report by Virgin
Active last month revealed that half of
Londoners see their workout spending
as an investment in their health rather
than a cost. It underlines just how far
some people’s mindsets — and their
spending habits — have shifted. “Our
perspective on exercise has changed,”
Hayward says. “It’s easy to get hooked
on the appeal of luxury fitness trends
and to convince yourself they are
worth paying for. People feel virtuous
about doing anything fitness-related
and convince themselves that
spending huge amounts of money on
it is worthwhile.”
According to the Global Wellness
Institute (GWI), a non-profit research
company, the worldwide wellness
market is worth $372 trillion, but is
expected to grow a further 17 per cent
by the end of 2020. It is an industry
with a growth trajectory “that appears
unstoppable”, GWI’s senior
researchers said, making it “one of the
world’s fastest-growing, most resilient
markets”. There’s certainly no sign of
an imminent downturn in fortune.
David Minton, the managing
director of the market-research
company Leisure DB, who has been
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
7
1G T
body&soul
obsession driving you into debt?
AGGIE SZEKERES; GETTY IMAGES
How fitness
debt stacks up
Entry to NYC
Marathon
£265
Physiotherapy or
posture alignment
session at SixPhysio:
from
£95
Entry to
Tough
Mudder
Boxing class at
Kobox
£139
Work out for nothing
6 Parkrun More than 1.6 million people
take part in these events held at more
than 520 locations around the UK (and
overseas if you fancy some Parkrun
touring). parkrun.org.uk
6 Sweaty Betty The women’s gym
clothing store offers free in-store classes
from yoga to barre. You need to be
quick to grab a place. sweatybetty.com
6 Our Parks This initiative provides free
60-minute classes at a range of parks
across Greater London. Select from
circuit training, abs workout, Box Fit,
bootcamp, etc. ourparks.org.uk
6 Lululemon Offset the cost of those
expensive leggings by booking a free
run club or yoga class. lululemon.co.uk
6 Good Gym Go on a “mission run” to
help a community cause (eg a run to
collect an elderly person’s shopping or
clear litter from a park). goodgym.org
6 Tennis For Free 90-minute sessions
(followed by half an hour of “open”
play) delivered by tennis coaches at
venues around the UK.
tennisforfree.com
£20
tracking UK
consumer fitness
ss
habits for more than
three decades, predicts
that we are entering
ering a
“golden age of fitness” and that
“several milestones are likely to be hit”
this year, including a peak in spending.
Collectively, we spend £4.7 billion on
gym memberships in the UK, a rise
of 6.3 per cent since 2016. That
figure is likely to exceed
£5 billion this year and
doesn’t include the luxury
add-ons that are eating
into our surplus cash.
“Without doubt, there is a
sector of the population that is
spending more and more on fitness,”
Minton says. “A growing number
of people are ditching their £40 to
£60 direct debt to a gym chain and
spending quadruple that amount —
or more — on tailored sessions at
boutique gyms.”
A decade ago it was unthinkable to
have more than one gym payment a
month. Yet Minton says we have
reached the point where paying up to
£30 for a single class is normal and
some think nothing of sweating their
way through double and occasionally
triple workouts on the same day.
It’s not just the healthy, wealthy
silver army who are paying a
2 gym outfits
from Sweaty
Betty
£410
premium to preserve their bodies. In
January the fitness brand Myprotein
surveyed 2,800 UK adults aged 18 to
65 and found that the debt-ridden
millennial generation spend the most
on fitness, averaging £155 monthly on
an array of gym sessions and kit.
Even students, long considered the
group least likely to squander cash
on healthy pursuits, are cutting
back on alcohol and spending up
to four times more on fitness
than they were a decade
ago, according to a recent
survey conducted by the
student letting app SPCE.
““The number and range
of people prepared to pay £20
or £30 just to get sweaty for an hour is
incredible,” Minton says. “There are
now around 600 boutique gyms in
London alone and most are thriving.
The demand and willingness to pay is
there.”
Not that overspending is confined to
weekly workouts — the cost of
entering events also hits the bank
balance. Thousands take part in events
such as the Colour Run, in which you
pay £28 to run 5km while being
splashed with paint, while others will
part with five-figure sums to
participate in global tests of stamina
such as the North Pole Marathon or
the Antarctic Ice Marathon.
Pair of Nike VaporMax Flynit 2
£169.95
Yoga class at Triyoga
£17
Barry’s Bootcamp class
£20
Psycle London spinning class
£20
Weekly deep fascial release
massage session at
Twenty Two Training
£100
Barre class at Frame
£14
AquaFit session at Bulgari Spa
£125
Barrecore ballet-inspired class
£28
Month’s membership
of Third Space
£142-£185
(plus £50 joining fee)
Month’s membership of Equinox
£210
(plus £400 initiation fee)
Personal training
£60-£250 an hour
GPS fitness tracker
£200
Entry to London Triathlon
Olympic Plus event
£135.70
Wattbike smart cycle
£2,250
For those who want to push
themselves farther, signing up for
Iron Man triathlons can cost anything
from £5,000 to £12,000 by the time
you factor in race entry, training
plans, pool subscription and the kit
required for the disciplines.
Meanwhile, the cost for entry to
the Marathon des Sables — the
notoriously gruelling stomp across the
Sahara desert, billed the “toughest
footrace on earth” — is £4,250 this
year. That does include flights, but
not the hundreds more you will
need to spend on “mandatory”
desert-friendly running gear to endure
the six days and 156 miles in searing
heat. I know people who would spend
less on a car, yet have done it not
once, but three or four times.
Where will it end? Minton says
there will inevitably be a tipping point.
“Our gym spending has consistently
risen year on year,” he says. “Most
people can’t sustain a thrice-weekly
boutique gym habit indefinitely.”
On the average budget something
has to give if high levels of gym debt
are to be avoided. Yet Quesnel speaks
for many in saying she has no
intention of cutting back. “It is
super-expensive for me,” she says,
“but just for the benefits and positive
change to my lifestyle I think it’s
worth spending that much on it.”
8
1G T
Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
arts
‘I was in the kiddie nuthouse for
a while — it was a wake-up call’
American jazz singer Hailey Tuck
has had a chequered history, but is now
making the most of her big break —
and Paris, she tells Will Hodgkinson
I
t is not a comparison she
particularly likes, but Hailey
Tuck is something of a
modern-day Sally Bowles. Not
only does this 28-year-old from
Austin, Texas, have the vintage
lace shirt and short bobbed hair
of a Thirties flapper, but she also
has the mix of madcap gaiety and
gamine vulnerability that caused
Liza Minnelli’s character in Cabaret
to jump from one wild adventure to
another in Weimar-era Berlin, which
is exactly what Tuck seems to be
doing in Macron-era Paris.
She has also made a sweet, languid
jazz vocal album called Junk. Versions
of songs by Leonard Cohen, Paul
McCartney and Pulp sit alongside
originals, all themed loosely on what
Bowles would call “divine decadence”
and what we’d call getting wasted.
And what a story Tuck has to tell.
“I bought a one-way ticket to Paris,
because what girl of 18 doesn’t dream
of being here?” she says cheerily over
a roast chicken, although not much
of it gets eaten; she talks so much,
there simply isn’t time. We are in a
corner of a traditional French
restaurant down an alleyway in the
shadow of Notre Dame, and I am
wondering if she has chosen the place
because its art deco façade matches
the emerald green of her nail varnish.
It turns out she is a regular, with
waiters forsaking the usual Parisian
hauteur for star treatment. She has
clearly charmed them. As she fixes
you with her big blue eyes, it is easy to
see why.
“My dad had set up money for my
college education,” she continues,
pausing for a sip of rosé (but not a bite
of chicken). “As soon as it came into
my bank account I said, ‘I’m out of
here.’ I thought Paris would be all
supermodels and champagne, but
actually I was rather lonely. I spent
I was bedridden
while all my
friends had fun
over the summer
each day going to the Tuileries with a
book and a glass of wine, which meant
dealing with creepy old guys all day.
They sniff out American girls in Paris
a mile away.”
That money in the bank was a result
of a terrible accident Tuck had aged
12. She was on a beach at a birthday
party when she was knocked into a
barbecue in the sand, leaving her with
severe burns. “So I was bedridden for
two months while all my friends were
having fun over the summer. There I
am in hospital, I can’t walk, it sucks,
and my dad, who is a lawyer, sues.
And I already loved Paris from afar.
My sister found my teenage diaries
recently and they’re so melodramatic.
One entry says, ‘Someday I’ll leave
this horrible school and move to Paris
and become famous. I’ll show them!’ ”
Two years after the accident Tuck
went through what she refers to as a
tough time. I ask what happened and
she replies: “What do you think
happens to precocious young girls who
go to trailer parks? I was in the kiddie
nuthouse for a while after that and it
was a real wake-up call. There was a
Right: Hailey Tuck and,
above, in performance
Junk by Hailey Tuck
is out on Sony today.
She plays Rich Mix,
London E1 (020 7613
7498), on May 15
Out this weekend.
girl in there who had been raped by
her dad, and I mean . . . I’d experienced
similar things, but not by my father. So
I had to get my sanity together.”
Tuck was duly dispatched to the
same military Baptist boarding school
her father attended. “He sold it to me
as Hogwarts. I thought, ‘Amazing!’ ”
Her face pops with joy. Then it falls
with severity. “In fact, it was a million
times stricter. Our preacher had been
kidnapped as a child, shot in the head
and left to die. He used to whip that
story out at Bible lock-ins, which are
like pub lock-ins but much, much
worse. But I did get the part of
Dorothy in a school production of
The Wizard of Oz and the teacher told
me, ‘Hailey, you are a terrible actress
and it is never going to happen for
you, but I liked the way you sang Over
the Rainbow.’ That started it all, really.”
It might be the rosé, but the
anecdotes are coming so thick and
fast, my head is beginning to reel. I do,
however, follow that Tuck’s Dorothy
moment led to a discovery of jazz,
Ella Fitzgerald in particular, and when
she left school and got a job in Austin’s
only rare book shop she read the silent
movie star vamp Louise Brooks’s
memoir Lulu in Hollywood and a
biography on Duke Ellington’s
songwriting partner Billy Strayhorn
called Lush Life. That sealed her fate.
Arriving in Paris with no idea of
how to be a jazz singer, a chance
meeting with a fellow American on a
bus led to Tuck singing at socialite
parties. That wasn’t enough to sustain
her, even though she lived in a squat,
and when the money ran out she
returned to Austin to sing for four
hours a night at a seafood restaurant.
“It was jazz boot camp,” she says of
the seafood restaurant, as a waiter
removes the abandoned roast chicken.
“I was doing 40 songs a night while
dating the piano player who was twice
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
9
1G T
ROCKY SCHENCK; DANIEL HARRIS
arts
my age, and he was really mean to me
when I got Girl from Ipanema wrong.
I was performing to Texas mums
called Beverley who shouted, ‘Sing
a Norah Jones song!’ and then talked
over it.
“I thought, ‘May as well be poor in
Paris rather than here.’ So I said to
my dad, who held the purse strings,
‘If I work really hard at being a jazz
singer, will you let me go back to
Paris?’ Incredibly he agreed. Then
I had to prove to him I didn’t just
come here to drink champagne . . .
because somebody’s got to pay for
the champagne . . .”
At some point in our conversation
Tuck lets slip that she married an
Englishman — is still married, in fact.
Her career only really got going when
she lived in London with said husband
in 2017, when, after being turned down
by every label going, she wrote to
Larry Klein, the producer who helped
to turn Madeleine Peyroux into one of
the world’s biggest jazz singers.
He wrote back, telling her to look
him up if she was ever in Los Angeles.
So she flew to LA. And the rest is, if
not exactly history, then at least a very
good debut album. There is an
appealingly light-footed rendition of
I have a pet peeve
of successful jazz
singers hopping
over to pop
Leonard Cohen’s That Don’t Make It
Junk, a jazz age take on the Kinks’
Alcohol and Tuck’s own My Chemical
Life, a tale of a pill-popping LA trophy
wife. Which poses the question: why
so many songs about drugs and booze?
“We-ell, it’s about what I’ve heard,”
she replies, with a trilling laugh.
“Actually, because I grew up so
quickly, Larry thought a Weimarthemed album would work, which
I was worried about because I’ve
worked hard not to be considered
cabaret. I certainly don’t want to do
cabaret for the rest of my life. So we
ended up with modern songs with a
touch of darkness and no self-pity.
They are about emotions we all carry.”
Now Tuck, separated from her
husband, is back in Paris after three
months on tour. It appears to be her
spiritual home; jazz her music.
“I have a pet peeve of jazz singers
becoming successful and hopping
over into pop,” she says, before
toasting the end of the interview with
a Campari and soda. “I hope I don’t
live to regret saying this . . . but I’m
sticking with jazz.”
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10
1G T
Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
television & radio
Don and Dan get to the heart of Isis barbarism
NEIL BONNER
Carol
Midgley
TV review
The Road to Palmyra
BBC Four
{{{{(
Genderquake
Channel 4
{{{((
‘I
am in an old man’s body with
a young man’s eyes,” said the
war photographer Don McCullin
in a vulnerable moment as he
stumbled and flailed, while
younger men dragged him on to a
flimsy roof in the bombed ruins of
Homs. “I’ve lost my dignity a bit
really . . . terrible thing, old age.” In fact
The Road to Palmyra showed that, at
82, McCullin’s instincts are razor-sharp
as he embarked, with the architectural
historian Dan Cruickshank, on a
Syrian adventure at which people 30
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Is Eating Plants
Wrong?
Radio 4, 11am
If you were feeling pleased
with yourself because you
have just turned vegetarian,
or flexitarian, or vegan,
then stop. Because
according to this
programme, presented by
James Wong, you have no
right to be. Yes, you might
not be eating sloe-eyed cows
or fluffy little lambs, but you
are doubtless still eating
plants. You brute. Because
plants can “not only sense
the world around them,”
says Wong, but some think
they also “can learn, can
remember, make decisions
and even engage in complex
communication with the
species around them”. Pea
plants, it turns out, can be
trained to respond to sound
just as Pavlov’s dogs did:
Pavlov’s peas. It’s at once
amazing and dispiriting.
In the Studio
World Service, 11.30am
Dragonese, the language
spoken by dragons in the
How to Train Your Dragon
series, takes its inspiration
from a combination of Old
Norse, Latin and French.
Cressida Cowell, who
created this language and
these books, talks to Michael
Rosen about the invention
of these worlds and words.
years younger might have paled. But
when they reached Palmyra, the
ancient, beautiful city largely
destroyed by Islamic State in an act of
cultural barbarism, it was the courage
of another octogenarian that took the
breath away.
Khaled-al-Asaad, 83, an antiquities
scholar and the curator of Palmyra’s
museum, was taken by Isis and, when
he refused to reveal where its hidden
treasures were, dragged off to be
executed. How must it have felt for
his sons to point at that exact spot for
the camera, to recount how their
father had refused to kneel for his
public beheading? “I only kneel to
God,” he had said. “I die standing like
[Palmyra’s] columns.” Afterwards Isis
crucified his body and left it tied to
a pillar for three days. Later his sons
managed to retrieve their father’s
glasses for which, heartbreakingly,
they were grateful. “He was born near
the Temple of Bel,” his son said. “In
83 years those stones did not hurt him
nor did he hurt them.”
There were two documentaries in
tandem here: the human and cultural
cost of the savagery in Syria, but also
the strangely charming road trip of
Don and Dan, two gentlemen veterans
(Cruickshank is 68); one suffering
from arthritis, but stoically sleeping
rough on the floor of a former Isis
outpost, the other visibly grief-stricken
at the wanton destruction of the
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 The Matt Edmondson Show
4.00 Greg James 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg
James 7.00 Dan from Bastille and Grimmy
9.00 The 8th with Charlie Sloth 11.00 Huw
Stephens 1.00am Annie Nightingale 3.00
Movies That Made Me: Gary Oldman and
Steven Speilberg 4.00 Radio 1’s Early
Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Amol Rajan 7.00 Jamie Cullum 8.00 Ana
Matronic 10.00 Kylie Minogue From A to Z.
The singer talks to Graham Norton about her
relationship with the media, and explains
why she still chases the top slot 11.00 Nigel
Ogden: The Organist Entertains. Nigel Ogden
is the featured organist for the final edition,
as the show reaches the end of its 49-year
run on Radio 2 11.30 Listen to the Band.
Frank Renton presents the last-ever edition
12.00 Sounds of the 80s (r) 2.00am Radio
2’s Folk Playlist 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 90s
Hits 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Wednesday
Workout 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show, featuring listener requests
9.00 Essential Classics
Ian Skelly with the best in classical music,
and Dr Christian Jessen talks about the
cultural inspirations that have inspired
and shaped his career
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Boulanger (1893-1918)
Lili Boulanger was destined for a career in
music from birth. Her father and her elder
sister Nadia were accomplished professional
musicians, her mother had studied voice.
Living in the centre of Paris, the family
household was frequented by some of the
most prominent names in France’s musical
establishment, with regular soirees providing
the perfect opportunity for young Lili to try
out her compositions. Presented by Donald
Macleod. Boulanger (Attente; Reflets; Theme
and Variations for piano; Sous-Bois; Pendant
La tempête; La Source; D’un soir triste; D’un
matin de printemps; and Le retour)
Don McCullin and Dan Cruickshank on their Syrian road trip
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Clemency Burton-Hill presents Mozart. Plus,
with music performed by the flautist Adam
Walker and the pianist James Baillieu,
recorded at St Mary’s Church, Hay-on-Wye,
during the 2017 Hay Festival. CPE Bach
(Flute Sonata in G, H564 — Hamburg);
Mozart (Andante in C, K315; Rondo in D,
K184 Anh); and Schubert (Introduction and
Variations on Trockne Blumen, D802) (r)
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Jonathan Swain introduces recordings from
last year’s St Gallen and Meiringen music
festivals in Switzerland. Otto Tausk conducts
the soprano Elena Rossi, the contralto
Alessandra Volpe, the tenor Derek Taylor, the
bass Levente Pall, the Feldkirch Chamber
Chorus, the Prague Philharmonic Chorus, and
the St Gallen Symphony Orchestra in
Bruckner and Catalani. The Ernen Festival
Ensemble play Tartini, Lekeu, Turina and
Chausson, and Stefano Barneschi conducts
the soprano Nuria Rial and the Basel
Chamber Orchestra in a sequence of rare
baroque opera arias. Bruckner orch
Skrowaczewski (Adagio — String Quintet);
Catalani (Mass in E minor); Tartini (Devil’s
Trill Sonata); Lekeu (Adagio, Op 3; Turina
(Escena andaluza, Op 7); Chausson (Concert,
Op 21). Plus, opera arias by Albinoni,
Scarlatti, Vivaldi and Vinci
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty presents music, studio guests
and a round-up of news from the arts world
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An eclectic mix of music to assist studying,
including pieces by Bach, Mozart and Ravel
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
The violinist Tasmin Little joins the BBC
National Orchestra of Wales for Bruch’s
Violin Concerto No 1. Plus, Joseph Swensen
conducts the orchestra in Bruckner.
Presented by Nicola Heywood Thomas,
recorded at the Brangwyn Hall, Swansea.
Bruch (Violin Concerto No 1 in G minor); and
Bruckner (Symphony No 7 in E, WAB107)
10.00 Free Thinking
The former army officer Dr Mike Martin on
why people fight. Plus, contributions from
Dafydd Mills Daniel. Anne McElvoy presents
10.45 The Essay: The Migrants
The musician, broadcaster and birdwatcher
Tom McKinney reads Adventure, the next in
his series of essays on bird migration
11.00 Late Junction
A programme made up of music for children,
by children. Featuring 10-year-old Denardo
Coleman drumming with his father Ornette
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30 News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
With Justin Webb and Mishal Husain
9.00 The Life Scientific
Abandoning the concept of time
9.30 One to One
Soumaya Keynes talks to Stephen Machin
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: The Language
of Kindness
Christie Watson’s account of her nursing
career revisits her student days when
she cared for a teenager in need of a new
heart and lungs (2/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Including at 10.45 the 15 Minute Drama:
Linda Marshall Griffiths’ adaptation of Henry
James’ The Wings of the Dove (7/10)
11.00 Is Eating Plants Wrong?
James Wong asks if it is wrong to eat
plants. See Radio Choice
11.30 Instrument Makers
Andy Cutting and Katie Howson meet the
accordion maker Emmanuel Pariselle (2/4)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Four Thought
Sam Edwards explains his opinion on war
memorials, and the way other major events
in the nation’s history are remembered (r)
12.15 Call You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 The Assassination
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Rumpole and the Official
Secret
Horace defends in a dubious espionage trial
and gets embroiled in a dodgy wine fraud.
Starring Julian Rhind-Tutt and Jasmine Hyde.
Adapted by Richard Stoneman (2/3)
3.00 The Kitchen Cabinet
Jay Rayner presents the from the end of
Cromer Pier, with Annie Gray, Andi Oliver,
Jordan Bourke and Paula McIntyre (5/6) (r)
3.30 Costing the Earth
Peter Hadfield reports on a surprising threat
to the Australian outback — camels
4.00 Word of Mouth
Michael Rosen talks to Sally Bayley about
that words that saved her
4.30 Great Lives
Simon Callow tells Matthew Parris why
Orson Welles gets his vote
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
buildings he has spent a lifetime
studying. McCullin said he would
probably never return here. If this was
his swansong, it was a fine one.
When I saw the blurb for
Genderquake, a reality TV show that
put a collection of young people across
the gender spectrum in a house
together, I sighed, assuming it would
be the same old Big Brother shtick:
manipulated conflict, tears, drama.
And indeed it was all of those things.
Yet it was also hugely moving and
educational television about the pain,
bullying and trauma suffered by
people who feel they have been born
in the wrong body.
The elderly men in the pub told
them it was just a “fashion”, but,
seriously, who would put themselves
through this to be on trend?
Obviously there were defensive rows,
such as Cambell, a beautiful trans
woman, effectively saying to Filomena,
a heterosexual woman: “So you’re
saying I’m not a woman because
I don’t have a womb?”
Yet it was Romario, a trans man
outed by another housemate who
wanted to know when he could stop
using the word “trans” and just be a
man, who provided the show’s
narrative spine. On a lighter note a
shout-out to lesbian Howie who said
Cambell gave her “fanny flutters”.
Excellent phrase. It’s in my jotter.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Thanks a Lot, Milton Jones!
Comedy (2/6)
7.00 The Archers
Olwen puts her foot down
7.15 Front Row
Arts programme
7.45 Love Henry James: The Wings of
the Dove (7/10) (r)
8.00 The Art of Money
8.40 In Touch
News for blind or partially sighted people
9.00 All in the Mind
The limits and potential of the human minds
9.30 The Life Scientific (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Chris Mason
10.45 Book at Bedtime: The Valley at
the Centre of the World
By Malachy Tallack, abridged by
Robin Brooks. Sandy remembers his
indiscretion with Jo (7/10)
11.00 Talking to Strangers
Comic monologues in which a range of
individuals talk to strangers (1/4) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
Political round-up
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
The Language of Kindness (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
9.00 Short Works: A Season of Murder,
Mystery and Suspense. A woman’s simple
tube journey is thrown into confusion 9.15
Galbraith and the King of Diamonds. By
Robert Barr. Starring Bernard Hepton.
Originally broadcast in 1975 10.00 Comedy
Club: Thanks a Lot, Milton Jones! The return
of the comedy 10.30 Tom Wrigglesworth’s
Hang-Ups. Tom rings his parents while they
are on holiday 11.00 Lewis Macleod Is Not
Himself. Comedy sketch show starring the
impressionist 11.30 52 First Impressions
with David Quantick. The writer shares the
first impressions people have made on him
Radio 4 Extra
6 Music
Digital only
8.00am As Time Goes By 8.30 The Men
from the Ministry 9.00 The News Quiz Extra
9.45 Helen Keen’s It Is Rocket Science 10.00
Two on a Tower 11.00 Short Works: A
Season of Murder, Mystery and Suspense
11.15 Galbraith and the King of Diamonds
12.00 As Time Goes By 12.30pm The Men
from the Ministry 1.00 High Table, Lower
Orders 1.30 Rosa and Leos 2.00 The Secret
History 2.15 Shakespeare’s Restless World
2.30 Gillespie and I 2.45 Michael Palin
Diaries: The Python Years 3.00 Two on a
Tower 4.00 It’s Not What You Know 4.30
The Wordsmiths at Gorsemere 5.00
Stockport, So Good They Named It Once 5.30
Thanks a Lot, Milton Jones! 6.00 Night
Watch 6.30 The Palace of Laughter 7.00 As
Time Goes By. Lionel and Jean plan a trip to
Paris 7.30 The Men from the Ministry. The
idle duo are helping to collect VAT 8.00 High
Table, Lower Orders. Comedy drama by Mark
Tavener, with Geoffrey Palmer and Samuel
West 8.30 Rosa and Leos. The story of the
1920s music critic Rosa Newmarch
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5
Live Sport. Football debate and sports news
10.30 Phil Williams 1.00am Up All Night
5.00 Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Jim White 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Adam Catterall
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart
Maconie 4.00 Tom Ravenscroft 7.00 Marc
Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music
Recommends with Tom Ravenscroft 1.00am
Hitsville USA: The Story of Motown 2.00
Street Corner Soul 2.30 6 Music Live Hour
3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Aled Jones 5.00 Classic FM
Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00 The Full
Works Concert. Jane Jones presents music
ideal for studying. Butterworth (The Banks
of the Green Willow); Einaudi (I Giorni); Ola
Gjeilo (Serenity — O Magnum Mysterium);
JS Bach (Goldberg Variations); Jules
Massenet (Thais — Meditation); Elgar
(Variations on an Original Theme, Op 36);
and Johann Johannsson (The Theory of
Everything — A Model of the Universe)
10.00 Smooth Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
11
1G T
SIMON ANNAND
Jazz
Cheltenham Festival
Various venues
Comedy
Richard Herring
Queen Elizabeth Hall
‘J
‘I
{{{((
azz is not dead, it just smells
funny.” Frank Zappa’s wry
one-liner was one of the
slogans adorning the grounds.
Like most festivals nowadays,
Cheltenham has to walk a fine line
between choosing acts that appeal
to fans of bop and beyond and pop
names that are guaranteed to put
bums on seats. It carries off the
trick more stylishly than most.
One bona fide jazzer who had
no trouble selling tickets was the
American bass player Christian
McBride ({{(((), who brought
his big band to the Town Hall. Sadly,
this was a tepid display of what you
could think of as “campus jazz” —
decorous and intricate, yet oddly
bloodless. McBride is a powerful
player in a small group setting, but
there is often a hint of double-breasted
complacency in his concerts. It’s all
very well to announce how you like
to challenge yourself by setting a
standard in an awkward key for a
string player, but not when the result
is as bland as his bowed version of In
the Wee Small Hours of the Morning.
Rushing between stages, I was
able to linger for only a short time at
Arun Ghosh’s set at the Parabola Arts
Centre ({{{{(). I wish I could
have stayed much longer. The clarinet
doesn’t exactly enjoy ultra-hip status,
but in Ghosh’s hands it becomes
a multiculti bridge between East and
West, rock and jazz, giving us
a glimpse of new vistas.
Similar claims are constantly
being made for Kamasi Washington
({{(((), of course, although much
of the music in his set at the Big Top
sounded like an ultra-bombastic
rehash of Sixties-era psychedelia
and protest politics. Best surprise
of the day was PP Arnold’s captivating
soul session at the Jazz Arena
({{{{(). Half a century after
The First Cut is the Deepest the
American singer demonstrated why
her comeback has been attracting
so much attention. The songs, old
and new, were immaculate, and while
her voice has lost a little of its sheen,
she struck up a winning partnership
with her impeccable backing singer,
Coco Malone. They built their own
compact wall of sound on River Deep
— Mountain High.
Clive Davis
N
ow in its 15th year, this
annual international
hip-hop dance theatre
festival is like some rowdy
yet sensitive and essentially
friendly adolescent. To quote Jonzi D,
the festival’s founder and tireless host:
“Real hip-hop is all of us.” That “us”
is important given the festival
audience’s wide age range and
their enthusiastically vocal and
knowing response to the stream of
performances and acts — more than
a dozen daily over the three-day
festival, plus workshops, graffiti artists
and an abundance of pre-show
programmes spread around the venue.
It’s nothing less than a hip-hop
takeover. And when Jonzi exhorts us
to “Make some noise”, as he does after
almost every act, the public willingly
complies. There were performances
artsfirst night
{{(((
see him acting. Settling into the “fatguy wheelchair” that his sardonically
protective friend Liz has found for
him, he inhabits his padded form with
expert discomfort. In the chummily
professorial manner he uses with his
students, in the “I deserve this” way
in which he absorbs his daughter’s 128
barbs a minute, he sells us on Charlie
as a self-destructive yet self-aware guy.
Partly because he doesn’t believe
in God, Charlie believes in people.
His ex-wife (Teresa Banham) calls
their daughter “awful”. He says she
has “a strong personality”. Rosie
Sheehy excels as the snark machine
in question, with each of her lines a
thoroughly lifelike little dagger.
The scene in which she forces Elder
Thomas (Oscar Batterham) to smoke
dope is funny and harsh. The one in
which she almost drops her guard
with her father is incredibly tender
but never gooey. Hunter knows that
dropping guards and saying fine
sentences are things that fictional
characters are better at doing
than characters in real life, so
rations such moments accordingly.
What might sound like an exercise
in extremity is instead something
enlivening and unsentimental. Sure,
the answers to some of these questions
don’t always end up as interesting as
the workings-out. Nonetheless, these
two hours glow with a forensic,
funny, forgiving sense of humanity.
Box office: 01225 448844, to June 2
can’t belieeeve I’m 50!” Richard
Herring shouts at the start of
his latest show, Oh Frig, I’m 50!
Ten years ago, he did a show
called Oh F***, I’m 40!, a kind
of humblebrag for his Indian summer
of sleeping around and doing what
he pleased. In this sequel he is
married, a father of two young kids,
his profile raised enough to be playing
the Southbank for a night. Even if,
he notes jovially, his former double-act
partner Stewart Lee recently did
three nights at the larger Festival Hall
next door.
There are clever and enjoyable
moments in Oh Frig, I’m 50! but there
are more in which Herring fails to find
much new to say about middle age.
He is an intelligent comedian, no
question, but also a brittle and shouty
stage presence. He bridles against
a man who emailed him after a
previous show to accuse him of being
“a nearly 50-year-old-man unable
to act his age”. Why yes, he says, that’s
no criticism: that’s him, that’s his act.
Yet here Herring appears to know that
his shtick is getting old but is still
trading on it anyway.
He goes on for too long about the
emailing complainer. He tells us about
fancying a CBeebies presenter, and
indeed a CBeebies puppet. He brings
out a cheap toy of penguins on a
looped track: suggesting we are as
trapped in our existence as these
plastic birds. He contrasts the story
he told in his earlier show, about a
fight in a nightclub, with a story about
a row with a postman that illuminates
his present life.
He ends up tying his stories together
with the idea that, as a parent, as an
adult, you realise you are no longer
the centre of the universe. Yet not only
is he a little late to this party, it is also
hard to take from such a strategically
ungenerous stage persona. His
approach works best when he has
something tangible against which to
pit his finely honed facetiousness: his
Hitler Moustache show about racism,
say, or his show about religion, Christ
on a Bike. Here, notwithstanding the
carpe diem conclusion and a good
whack of laughs from the Herring
faithful, it can feel like a lecture in
selflessness from a narcissist.
Dominic Maxwell
Touring to June 3. richardherring.com
eight zoot-suited men and women in
an upbeat display of fast, syncopated
rhythm; the effortless, almost reckless
muscular agility of the all-male
Dutch crew the Ruggeds; the cool
sensuality of French female
soloist Mufasa’s duet with
the cello-wielding vocalist
Ayanna Witter-Johnson;
and a pulsating riot of
full-blown, beat-led
motion by nearly 30
supremely well-marshalled
members of Boy Blue
Entertainment that,
alas, tipped over into
wearying excess.
If, inevitably, some
acts were more
palatable than
others, the
festival still
provides an amazingly varied roster of
artists and works. For me the absolute
highlight was New School, a quietly
breathtaking work by the French
choreographer Amala Dianor,
performed with mesmerising and
individualised meticulousness by
Link Berthomieux, Sandrine
Lescourant and Admir Mirena. There
were further examples of hip-hop as
something more than a series of
showy, exuberant tricks, addressing
such subjects as racism and mental
illness, as well as a healthy dose of
work by female artists or companies,
such as the UK-based Jade Hackett,
Kloé Dean, Elsabet Yonas, House
of Absolute and, from LA, three
style-conscious poppers called Femme
Fatale, left. The party that is Breakin’
Convention remains pertinent.
Donald Hutera
Shuler Hensley as Charlie and Ruth Gemmell as Liz in the British debut of Samuel D Hunter’s play
Little gem, big ideas
This drama of
self-destruction
on a large scale
is done with
a light touch,
says Dominic
Maxwell
Theatre
The Whale
Ustinov, Bath
{{{{(
C
harlie is 40st, short of
breath and close to death.
How, his permanently
furious teenage daughter
asks as they meet for the first
time in 15 years, did it come to this?
How did he get too big to get through
his front door as he eats, sleeps and
teaches English over the internet, all
from the safety of his sofa? And why,
when a visiting Mormon sees him in
dire distress, does he demand that this
callow missionary read him a student
essay about Moby-Dick instead of
calling an ambulance? Why did the
boyfriend for whom he left his family
will himself to an early grave?
With issues like that flying around
an Idaho apartment that the set
designer Tom Piper surrounds with a
moat of discarded soft-drink bottles,
Samuel D Hunter’s play could easily
be as heavy as its protagonist. Yet in
this little beauty of a drama, the
characters and ideas are marshalled
with a bewitchingly light touch. Not
that Laurence Boswell’s sharp but
sympathetic production is a comedy,
exactly. Yet as we get to know all
five well-drawn misfits here, Charlie
becomes a beacon of human empathy
as well as guilt and the need to believe
in something bigger than yourself.
The exchanges crackle with wit,
rancour and unresolved tensions.
The American actor Shuler Hensley
repeats his role from New York. He is
outstanding. So good you almost don’t
worth our whoops and cheers.
Consider Extreme Pushers: like
puppies let off the leash, these
four Jamaican b-boys brought
a sassy, buoyant dancehall
energy to a crowd-pleasing
cascade of deceptively
loose-limbed, crazily
limber acrobatic stunts.
You couldn’t not
indulge them.
Even more impressive was
a sustained second-act
extravaganza featuring the
15-piece Jazz Re:freshed
Sonic Orchestra playing a
blazingly fine commissioned
score by the saxophonist
and band leader Jason
Yarde. Among the
dance talent on offer
were the Locksmiths,
Dance
Breakin’
Convention
Sadler’s Wells
{{{{(
12
1G T
Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Gabriel Tate
The Split
BBC One, 9pm
The midpoint
of Abi
Morgan’s
series brings
the strongest episode to
date, as the cast get the
chance to show us their
class and the personal
dilemmas become ever
Early
Top
pick
more absorbing.
The case of the week
— this time a bitter,
expensive divorce
involving fertility law,
frozen embryos and yet
more men behaving
very badly — still feels
a little tacked on and
individual incidents
stretch credibility
at times (there are
not one, but two
inappropriate advances
this week), but the
fundamental dynamics
of family relationships
feel absolutely right.
A Gallic family dinner
party for Hannah
(Nicola Walker),
Nathan (Stephen
Mangan) and their
children is a small
miracle of unforced,
naturalistic hilarity,
while the standout
scene once again
focuses on the four
Defoe women, with a
climactic revelation
that wrenches hard at
the heartstrings. We
await with interest a
redeeming feature for
Stephen Tompkinson’s
venal and shifty
sportswear mogul,
Davey McKenzie: this
week Goldie (Meera
Syal) uncovers another
appalling secret that
makes an amicable
settlement both an
impossibility and an
imperative. Oscar
(Anthony Head) ups
the ante in his efforts to
inveigle his way into the
lives of his daughters by
bringing some heavy
artillery for the Stern
kids, and Nathan finds
the quips drying up in
the face of advancing
doubts about his own
marriage. This is finely
honed, unapologetically
mainstream
entertainment.
Back to the Land
BBC Two, 7pm
From freediving for
seaweed to foraging for
ingredients to brew
beer, there are some
rum ways to make a
living out there these
days. Yet the four
Cornish enterprises
visited by Kate Humble
in the first of this
12-part series indicate
that these are not easy
livings: the freedivers
had to persevere for
years before turning
a profit. There are
a lot of beards and
perhaps insufficient
acknowledgement
of the sheer capital
required to undertake
and sustain these dicey
enterprises in Britain’s
poorest county, but
Humble’s sunny
optimism is shared
by those she meets.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Food.
Investigating raw meat packaging at supermarkets (r)
10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Featuring properties in
Cheshire, Lanarkshire, and Norfolk 11.00 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road. Police have to clear a road after a bin lorry
overturns (AD) 11.45 The Housing Enforcers. A single
mother facing eviction from a house 12.15pm Bargain
Hunt. From Weth=erby racecourse, West Yorkshire (r)
(AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Something in the post has
a strange effect on Zara (AD) 2.15 800 Words. George
tries to warn everyone not to get too involved in his
brother’s schemes (AD) 3.00 Escape to the Country.
Ginny Buckley helps a couple hoping to move to
Lincolnshire (AD) 3.45 Flipping Profit. Charles Hanson,
Melissa Downhill and Anthony Devine look for bargains in
Kendal (AD) 4.30 Flog It! Previously unseen finds from
the show’s travels to Margam Country Park in south
Wales, Highcliffe Castle in Dorset, Sandon Hall in
Staffordshire and Powderham Castle in Devon (r) 5.15
Pointless. Quiz, hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC
News at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road (r) (AD) 7.15 Flipping Profit (r) (AD) 8.00
Sign Zone: Top of the Shop with Tom Kerridge (r) (AD, SL)
9.00 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live
11.30 The Week in Parliament 12.00 Daily Politics
1.00pm The Super League Show. Action from the latest
Super League matches, including Leeds Rhinos v
Warrington Wolves 1.45 Home Away from Home. A
mother and daughter from West Sussex swap homes with
a couple from South Gloucestershire (r) 2.30 Going Back,
Giving Back. A former Land Girl helps a veteran and his
family struggling with the effects of war (r) 3.15 Digging
for Britain. Archaeological digs being carried out in the
west of Britain (r) (AD) 4.15 Tudor Monastery Farm.
Ruth Goodman, Peter Ginn and Tom Pinfold run a farm as
it would have been done in 1500 (r) (AD) 5.15 Money for
Nothing. Sarah Moore and her team revamp a collection of
1980s dining room chairs, a set of carpentry moulding
planes and an old tin chest in the hope of making a profit
(r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine (r)
6.30 Great British Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo
travels from Greenock to Larkhall (r) (AD)
6.00am Good Morning Britain. News, current affairs and
lifestyle features 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment, current
affairs and fashion news, as well as showbiz stories,
cooking and gossip 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio
chat show 10.30 This Morning. Phillip Schofield and Holly
Willoughby present chat and lifestyle features, including
a look at the stories making the newspaper headlines and
a recipe in the kitchen 12.30pm Loose Women. More
interviews and topical debate from a female perspective
1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Cameras
follow the criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he takes on
real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00 Tenable. Quiz
hosted by Warwick Davis. Five teachers from Birmingham,
answer questions about top 10 lists, then tries to score a
perfect 10 in the final round 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben
Shephard hosts the arcade-themed quiz show in which
contestants drop tokens down a choice of four chutes in
the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot 5.00 The Chase.
Bradley Walsh presents as four contestants answer
general knowledge questions and work as a team to take
on the Chaser and secure a cash prize 6.00 Regional
News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. The conclusion
of Gordon Ramsay’s visit to La Galleria 33 in Boston,
Massachusetts (r) 11.00 Undercover Boss USA. The CEO
of the frozen yoghurt chain Menchie’s visits his own
stores (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary 12.05pm
Coast vs Country. The experts help a couple looking for a
property in Essex (r) (AD) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. Dan
takes his sister to test drive a monster truck (r) 2.10
Countdown. With Dr Phil Hammond in Dictionary Corner
3.00 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun. Two London
barristers seek a holiday home on the Spanish Costa del
Sol (r) 4.00 The £100k Drop. Two friends from Ireland
compete 5.00 Four in a Bed. The second visit is to
Duxford Lodge in Cambridgeshire (r) 5.30 Buy It Now.
Featuring an invention so small it can be hidden it behind
a human ear 6.00 The Simpsons. Homer wakes up to find
he and the world around him are made of Lego (r) (AD)
6.30 Hollyoaks. An education welfare officer confronts
Misbah and organises a home visit. Elsewhere, Diane and
Tony prepare to get Dee Dee’s results back (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Matthew
Wright and guests talk about the issues of the day, with
viewers calling in to offer their opinions 11.15 Can’t Pay?
We’ll Take It Away! Paul Bohill and Phil Short must deal
with a negligent tenant who fled upon their arrival, while
Brian O’Shaughnessy and Kevin Stokes chase a debt of
£5,000 (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 GPs:
Behind Closed Doors. A man in his sixties is encouraged
to cut back on the 60-hour weeks he regularly works, and
a teenager whose mother has been diagnosed with
terminal cancer receives support (r) (AD) 1.10 Access
1.15 Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15
The Yorkshire Vet Casebook. Favourite stories and unseen
footage from the series, following Julian Norton, Peter
Wright and their team (r) 3.15 FILM: Snatched At
Birth (PG, TVM, 2017) A woman develops an obsession
with having a child. When her friend gives birth, and then
dies in an accident, the newborn goes missing. Thriller
starring Kaitlyn Black 5.00 5 News at 5 (r) 5.30
Neighbours. Elly breaks things off with Liam (r) (AD)
6.00 Home and Away. Ash is served with a summons to
testify as a witness (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
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7.00 The One Show Nationwide reports
and live studio-based chat hosted by
Matt Baker and Alex Jones
7.00 Emmerdale Charity tries to move on,
Noah holds a secret and Laurel does
her best to stay strong (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 MotoGP Highlights The Spanish
Grand Prix. Action from the fourth
round of the season, which took place
at Circuito de Jerez in Andalusia
8.00 Holby City As the pressure builds
from all sides, Gaskell takes a huge
risk to save his trial. An unwelcome
discovery threatens Dom’s career and
his relationship with Lofty. Elsewhere,
an angry relative puts Fletch’s
professionalism to the test (AD)
8.00 Top of the Shop with Tom
Kerridge Producers making baked
goods fight it out for a place in the
final. They include Phoebe, a youth
worker from London who makes freefrom chocolate brownies (7/8) (AD)
8.00 This Time Next Year Davina McCall
meets a meningitis survivor hoping to
finally have hands, and a young couple
with fertility complications who dream
of starting a family (5/6) (AD)
8.00 The Secret Life of 5 Year Olds
Dr Elizabeth Kilbey and the educational
neuroscientist Professor Paul
Howard-Jones reveal how children
learn the difference between right and
wrong. See Viewing Guide (1/2) (AD)
8.00 The Yorkshire Vet Julian Norton is
called out to a much-loved trekking
llama who has an excruciatingly painful
problem, and the team also tries to
save an orphaned kitten (4/8) (AD)
9.00 The Split Hannah finds herself caught
in the middle when Nathan and
Christie clash on a highly charged
divorce case involving fertility law and
the ownership of frozen embryos.
See Viewing Guide (3/6) (AD)
9.00 Secret Agent Selection: WW2
Eight of the original 14 students have
fallen by the wayside, leaving just six
survivors to undertake the Special
Operations Executive’s Final Scheme.
Last in the series (AD)
9.00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Jeremy Clarkson hosts the revived quiz
as six new contestants try to win a
chance to sit in the hot seat (4/7)
9.00 Genderquake As the exploration of
gender-fluidity in the UK continues, a
feud simmers between Markus and
gender-traditionalist Romario. Plus,
Cambell, Brooke and Charlie escape the
tension with a return to Brooke’s old
school (2/2) (AD)
9.00 British Airways: 100 Years in the
Sky Charting the airline from its birth
in 1974 to the end of Concorde, and
problems with Heathrow’s state-ofthe-art baggage system (2/2)
Late
11PM
10PM
8PM
7.30 Devon and Cornwall Cops Prince
William visits one of the region’s
fishing ports (3/4) (r) (AD)
9PM
7.30 EastEnders A suspicious car is
spotted in the Square (AD)
7.00 Back to the Land with Kate
Humble New series. Return of the
show in which the presenter champions
the UK’s most inspirational rural
entrepreneurs, beginning with two
seaweed farmers in Cornwall.
See Viewing Guide (1/12) (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 Later Live: with Jools Holland
New series. Featuring Snow Patrol, and
Plan B. See Viewing Guide (1/6)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather;
followed by National Lottery Update
10.45 Back to School with Mum and Dad
Documentary following three children
and their families at the Family School.
Here they give excluded children a
second chance, and ask parents to
come to school with their kids in the
hope it will improve behaviour
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Kirsty Wark
10.30 Regional News
11.40 Prince Harry & Meghan Markle:
The Engagement Interview
Another chance to see the couple in
conversation with Mishal Husain at
Kensington Palace on the day their
engagement was announced, sharing
details of how their romance began
12.05am-6.00 BBC News
10.45 Heathrow: Britain’s Busiest
Airport The passenger experience
manager Demi deals with some
disgruntled passengers (1/6) (r) (AD)
11.15 Love in the Countryside Sara Cox
goes back to her farming roots as she
meets eight singletons living in the
countryside as they begin their journey
to find love (1/6) (r) (AD)
11.15 Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal
Weddings Documentary charting the
Prince’s journey, from a childhood
touched by grief through active service
as a soldier and his charity work to his
upcoming wedding (r) (AD)
12.15am Sign Zone: Stephen — The Murder That
Changed a Nation The second police investigation
reveals surveillance footage of the gang alleged to have
killed Stephen (r) (AD, SL) 1.15-2.15 Secret Agent
Selection: WW2. The students learn survival skills in a
remote part of the Highlands (r) (AD, SL)
12.10am The Durrells The family meets a travelling
circus. Larry falls in love with a contortionist, while Margo
takes to the ring in person to perform a very dangerous
act (r) (AD) 1.00 Jackpot247. Viewers participate in live
interactive gaming 3.00 Loose Women (r) 3.45 ITV
Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
10.00 Genderquake: The Debate A panel
of guests discuss what gender means
in 2018, with topics including “Should
it be easier to change gender?”
10.00 Our Secret World: Circus Kids
Documentary following the lives of
children performing in circuses,
offering an honest insight into their
closely guarded world (1/3) (r)
11.00 Flight HS13 Alex tells Liv that Simon
had an affair with an Iranian woman.
Liv is angry with Haje, but keeps
searching for clues to Simon’s
disappearance. In Dutch (3/10)
11.05 Our Secret World: Gypsy Kids
Tensions run high for nine-year-old
Margaret and her cousins in
Birmingham as they are being evicted
by bailiffs every seven days (1/7) (r)
12.00 First Dates A reiki healer dates a children’s
entertainer (r) (AD) 1.00am One Born Every Minute (r)
(AD) 1.55 Our Wildest Dreams (r) (AD) 2.50 The
Channel: The World’s Busiest Waterway (r) 3.45 Gok’s Fill
Your House for Free (r) (AD) 4.40 Steph and Dom’s One
Star to Five Star (r) 5.10-6.00 Fifteen to One (r)
12.05am Celeb Trolls: We’re Coming to Get You
Zahida Allen, who was targeted by trolls after appearing
on Geordie Shore (r) 1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 GPs: Behind
Closed Doors (r) 4.00 Tribal Teens: Here Comes Trouble
(r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (r)
(SL) 5.35-6.00 Nick’s Quest (r) (SL)
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
The Secret Life
of 5 Year Olds
Channel 4, 8pm
Couching this
two-parter as a
special on morality is
a bit of a con; more or
less every episode of
this still-engaging
concept pivots on
notions of right and
wrong as interpreted
by children. There’s
also a sense of recycling
old experiments, as
children are left in a
room with bowls of
sweets or asked to set
aside personal gain for
the good of the group.
The guileless charm of
the kids ensures that it
remains tremendously
watchable, while
namechecks for Donald
Trump and Theresa
May underscore the
morality angle
and bring big laughs.
Abandoned
Engineering
Yesterday, 8pm
This second series of
hectic documentaries
is a whistle-stop
tour of impressive
structures couched
in cobbled-together
mysteries to be solved
in ten minutes, but the
quartet of buildings
featured here pass
the time engagingly
enough. Alongside a
Detroit ammunition
tower and a Danish
lighthouse is a Cold
War listening post
turned graffiti gallery
in Berlin and a Nazi
fuel plant built to turn
coal into oil in Poland,
only to be bombed
by the Allies. If you
can make it past the
excitable production
values, there are
insights to be found.
Later Live
BBC Two, 10pm
Aficionados of
boogie-woogie piano
should cancel all
engagements for the
next few Tuesday nights
as Jools Holland lays his
licks across any number
of popular songs,
however inappropriate
the adornments. Lazy
jibes aside, however, the
erstwhile host of The
Tube deserves
considerable credit for
keeping a live-music
show on air for a full
26 years. Tonight
brings soul belter
Bettye Lavette and
her scintillating Dylan
covers, the returning
Plan B on a ragga tip,
veteran soul-funk crew
Tower of Power, hotly
tipped south London
rockers Shame and old
favourites Snow Patrol.
Live Football
Sky Main Event, 7.30pm
Tonight’s match at
the Liberty Stadium
between Swansea City
and Southampton
could go some way to
deciding who beats the
drop (kick-off 7.45pm).
The Swans looked a
good bet to stay up, but
have tailed off after a
strong start under new
boss Carlos Carvalhal.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) 7.00 Meerkat Manor (r)
(AD) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00 Motorway
Patrol (r) 10.00 Road Wars (r) 11.00
Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00 The
Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 The Flash. The gang teams up with Gypsy
as they try to thwart the Thinker’s plan
9.00 The Blacklist. Liz gets information from a
surprising source, while Red initiates a bold plan
to get back that mysterious bag of bones
10.00 The Late Late Show with James Corden:
Best of the Week. Highlights of the talk show
11.00 The Force: Manchester (r) (AD)
12.00 Brit Cops: Rapid Response (r) (AD)
1.00am Ross Kemp: Extreme World (r) (AD)
2.00 Most Shocking (r) (AD) 3.00 Duck Quacks
Don’t Echo (r) (AD) 4.00 Highway Patrol (r)
5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
7.00 The British (r) (AD) 8.00 David
Attenborough’s Conquest of the Skies (r) (AD)
11.00 House (r) 1.00pm Without a Trace (r)
2.00 Blue Bloods (r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing
(r) 5.00 House (r) (AD)
6.00 House. The team treats a homeless girl (r)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. An autopsy
is brought to a dramatic conclusion (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Frank tries to help a Turkish
woman avoid persecution (r) (AD)
9.00 FILM: The Wizard of Lies (2017) A
feature-length account of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi
scheme, one of the biggest cases of financial
fraud in US history. Drama starring Robert De
Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer and Hank Azaria (r)
11.30 The Circus: Inside the Wildest Political
Show on Earth. A look at some of the most
fascinating political events in America’s history
12.05am Westworld 1.15 West:Word (r) 1.45
The Sopranos (r) 3.00 High Maintenance (r)
3.35 Happyish (r) 4.10 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 7.00
Highway Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) 9.00
Elementary (r) (AD) 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r) 12.00
Children’s Hospital (r) (AD) 1.00pm Medical
Emergency (r) (AD) 2.00 Send in the Dogs (r)
(AD) 3.00 Nothing to Declare 5.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r) (AD)
7.00 Children’s Accident & Emergency (r)
8.00 Elementary (r) (AD)
9.00 Chicago Fire
10.00 Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez
Murders. Drama about the double killing (r)
11.00 Criminal Minds (r)
12.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r)
1.00am Murders That Shocked the Nation: John
Christie — 10 Rillington Place. With Fred
Dinenage (r) (AD) 2.00 Grey’s Anatomy (r) 3.00
Station 19 (r) 4.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00am Anne-Sophie Mutter: The Club Concert
7.35 Sir Simon Rattle: Beethoven Symphonies
9.00 Watercolour Challenge 9.30 The Art Show
(AD) 10.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 11.00
Classic Albums (AD) 12.00 The Eighties (AD)
1.00pm Discovering: Bing Crosby (AD) 2.00
Watercolour Challenge 2.30 The Art Show (AD)
3.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 4.00 Classic
Albums 5.00 The Eighties (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Vivien Leigh (AD)
7.00 The Nineties. A look at terrorism during
the decade, including the Unabomber
8.00 Portrait Artist of the Year 2017
9.00 Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks
10.00 Discovering: Jack Palance
11.00 Urban Myths: Alice Cooper and Salvador
Dali. Comedy starring Noel Fielding (AD)
11.30 Passions. The comedian Harry Hill pays
homage to his idol Damien Hirst (AD)
12.30am Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks 1.30
The Shadows: The Final Tour 4.30 Tales of the
Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Premier
League Daily 11.00 Live ATP Masters Tennis:
The Mutua Madrid Open. Coverage of day two of
the tournament from the Caja Magica, featuring
matches from the first and second rounds
3.00pm Live Indian Premier League. Rajasthan
Royals v Kings XI Punjab. Coverage of the match
from Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur
7.30 Live Premier League: Swansea City v
Southampton (Kick-off 7.45). Coverage of the
top-flight fixture, which takes place at the
Liberty Stadium. Both teams have struggled for
much of the season and this match could have a
bearing on who gets relegated
10.15 The Debate. Premier League news
11.15 Premier League Highlights
11.45 PL Greatest Games
12.00 Sky Sports News 1.00am Live WWE Late
Night Smackdown. Wrestling action with the
over-the-top stars of the States
3.00 Sky Sports News
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm Spotlight. The
murder of Castlewellan teenager Francis Rice
11.10 Back to School with Mum and Dad
12.05am Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The
Engagement Interview 12.25-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 8.00pm-9.00 River City.
Scarlett is free from prison, but not everyone is
happy to see her 10.45 Holby City (AD) 11.45
Back to School with Mum and Dad 12.45am
Prince Harry & Meghan Markle: The
Engagement Interview 1.05 Weather for the
Week Ahead 1.10-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Wales
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The Wedding
Guru. Onkar Singh Purewal travels to Leicester
to take on a wedding where his wife’s sister is
the bride 11.10 Back to School with Mum and
Dad 12.05am Prince Harry & Meghan Markle:
The Engagement Interview 12.30 Weather for
the Week Ahead 12.35-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 1.45pm First Minister’s
Questions. Full coverage of AMs’ questions to
the First Minister 2.35 Home Away from Home
(r) 3.20 Digging for Britain (r) (AD) 4.20 Tudor
Monastery Farm (r) (AD) 5.20-6.00 Coast (r)
To subscribe visit tlssubs.imbmsubs.com/SPRINGCW
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ITV Wales
As ITV except: 10.45pm-11.15 Give It a Year.
Karren Brady meets a man who wants to start
a private bin-collection service (r) (AD)
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather
7.30 Danceworks: Street to Stage. A profile of
the street dancer Dickson Mbi as he starts to
choreograph and perform his first contemporary
dance solo under the watchful eyes of Akram
Khan’s producer, Farooq Chaudhry
8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2018. Rylan
Clark-Neal and Scott Mills host the first
semi-final from Lisbon, Portugal, as 19 acts take
to the stage, performing for one of the coveted
places in Saturday’s final
10.00 Extinct: A Horizon Guide to Dinosaurs.
Dallas Campbell explores how scientific
understanding of dinosaurs has developed since
the 1970s, and traces modern birds’ genetic links
to the prehistoric creatures
11.00 Timeshift: Penny Blacks & Twopenny
Blues — How Britain Got Stuck on Stamps. The
evolution of British postage stamps, looking at
how they became a national obsession, iconic
examples and famous collectors (3/5)
12.00 Crash Test Dummies: A Smashing History
1.00am Top of the Pops: 1983 2.05
Danceworks: Street to Stage 2.35-3.35 Extinct:
A Horizon Guide to Dinosaurs (SL)
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
6.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks (AD)
7.30 Black-ish. Rainbow is feeling overwhelmed
after the birth of DeVante (AD)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
8.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
9.00 Gotham. Nygma uses Butch to regain
power and identity (AD)
10.00 Supernatural
11.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
11.30 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
12.00 Tattoo Fixers (AD) 1.00am Gotham (AD)
2.00 Supernatural 2.45 First Dates (AD) 3.40
First Dates Abroad. From Canada (AD) 4.05 2
Broke Girls (AD) 4.25 How I Met Your Mother
(AD) 4.50 Couples Come Dine with Me
8.55am Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A Place in
the Sun: Winter Sun 11.35 Four in a Bed
2.10pm Come Dine with Me 4.50 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun 5.55 A New Life in the Sun
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. Four Sumatran
orang-utans escape from their quarters
7.55 Grand Designs. A Royal Marine who was
seriously injured in Afghanistan begins a project
to build a specially adapted home with a
cutting-edge design (4/11) (AD)
9.00 My Floating Home. A London-based woman
decides to design and construct a houseboat to
moor near the Grand Union Canal, but space
becomes a problem for the build team (AD)
10.05 Inside Out Homes. New series. Return of
the design show with Zac Monro. He is in west
London, where he hopes to prove that concrete
is the perfect material for inside-out living
11.05 24 Hours in A&E. A girl needs urgent
treatment after being kicked in the head by a
horse, and a man with epilepsy seeks help after
falling face-first onto the pavement (AD)
12.10am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA
1.05 My Floating Home (AD) 2.10 24 Hours in
A&E (AD) 3.15-3.55 8 Out of 10 Cats Uncut
11.00am The Black Knight (U, 1954)
Swashbuckling adventure with Alan Ladd (AD)
12.45pm We’re No Angels (PG, 1955)
Comedy starring Humphrey Bogart 2.55 Three
Faces West (U, 1940) Drama starring John
Wayne (b/w) 4.30 The War Wagon (U,
1967) Western starring John Wayne
6.35 Iron Man 2 (12, 2010) The superhero
battles a vengeful new foe, but finds the armour
he created to fight evil is slowly killing him.
Action adventure sequel with Robert Downey Jr,
Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle (AD)
9.00 Captain America: The First Avenger
(12, 2011) A frail volunteer is transformed into
the ultimate soldier and fights for his country
during the Second World War. Superhero
adventure starring Chris Evans (AD)
11.25 Killing Them Softly (18, 2012) A Mob
hitman is sent to kill two petty crooks, but
jeopardises the job by involving a washed-up old
friend. Crime thriller starring Brad Pitt
1.15am-3.55 Nostalgia (15, 1983) A Russian
poet travels through Italy researching the life of
a composer. Andrei Tarkovsky’s drama starring
Oleg Yankovskiy. In Russian and Italian
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale (AD)
8.25 Coronation Street (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 10.20 The Bachelorette
12.15pm Emmerdale (AD) 12.45 Coronation
Street (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show
6.00 Take Me Out. Hosted by Paddy McGuinness
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold. Featuring a
woman using stairs as a slide
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden encourages
Jenny to take her acting career more seriously
8.30 Superstore. Amy and Jonah offer an
alternative health insurance plan (AD)
9.00 FILM: Hot Fuzz (15, 2007) A policeman
is relocated to a country village, where a series
of so-called accidents arouses his suspicions.
Action comedy starring Simon Pegg (AD)
11.25 Family Guy. A storm hits Quahog (AD)
11.55 Family Guy. Peter decides to become a
member of the paparazzi (AD)
12.25am American Dad! (AD) 1.20 Celebrity
Juice. With Joey Essex and Anne-Marie 2.00
Two and a Half Men 2.30 Teleshopping
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat (AD) 8.00 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.20 A Touch of Frost 12.30pm The Royal
1.35 Heartbeat (AD) 2.40 Classic Coronation
Street 3.45 On the Buses 4.55 You’re Only
Young Twice 5.25 George and Mildred
6.00 Heartbeat. A new recruit reports for his
first day of work at the police station (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. A former student of
Jessica’s, now working as a reporter, brings the
writer new evidence on a 30-year-old scandal
involving Cabot Cove’s founding families (AD)
8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot. The sleuth is
reunited with Captain Hastings, Miss Lemon and
Inspector Japp in a case that plunges him into
the world of global espionage (AD)
10.00 Scott & Bailey. The warring detectives
reunite when Gill is abducted (8/8) (AD)
11.00 Scott & Bailey. When a vulnerable young
man goes missing, the police suspect he may
have been killed after a photo of him bound and
gagged in a car boot appears online (1/8) (AD)
12.05am The Street. Drama with David Thewlis
2.25 ITV3 Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am Tommy Cooper (AD, SL) 6.25 The Chase
(AD) 7.10 Pawn Stars 7.30 Ironside (AD) 8.30
Quincy ME 9.35 Minder (AD) 10.35 The Saint
11.35 The Avengers 12.45pm Ironside 1.50
Quincy ME 2.50 Minder (AD) 3.50 The Saint
4.55 The Avengers. A modern-day Jack the
Ripper targets important diplomats
6.00 Cash Cowboys. Scott Cozens and Sheldon
Smithens explore a basement of horrors
7.00 Pawn Stars. Corey gives Rick an ultimatum
7.30 Pawn Stars. The guys come across a pair of
slippers that belonged to a former pope
8.00 River Monsters. A mystery sea monster
washes up on a UK beach
9.00 FILM: Executive Decision (15, 1996)
Intelligence experts must foil hijackers armed
with lethal nerve gas who have taken over an
airliner. Action thriller with Kurt Russell (AD)
11.45 FILM: Swordfish (15, 2001) A team of
crack intelligence experts must foil hijackers
armed with lethal nerve gas who have taken
over an airliner. Action thriller with Kurt Russell
1.40am Ax Men (SL) 2.30 The Protectors. A
witness is given protection 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.05 James May’s Cars
of the People (AD) 8.10 American Pickers 9.00
Storage Hunters 10.00 American Pickers
1.00pm QI XL 2.00 Top Gear (AD) 3.00 World’s
Most Dangerous Roads 4.00 Steve Austin’s
Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Taskmaster
7.00 QI XL. With Jack Dee, David Mitchell, Bill
Bailey and Alan Davies. Stephen Fry hosts
8.00 Scrappers: Back in the Yard. The Walkers
plan a shopping trip to Italy (5/6)
8.30 Scrappers: Back in the Yard (6/6)
9.00 Mock the Week. A 2009 edition with Sarah
Millican, John Bishop and Chris Addison
9.40 Mock the Week. With Stewart Francis,
Andrew Maxwell and Andi Osho. From 2009
10.20 Mock the Week. A 2011 edition with Greg
Davies, Simon Evans and Micky Flanagan
11.00 Taskmaster. Greg Davies sets Alice
Levine, Asim Chaudhry, Liza Tarbuck, Russell
Howard and Tim Vine bewildering tasks
12.00 QI 12.40am Mock the Week 2.00 QI
2.40 The Last Man on Earth (AD) 3.25 Mock the
Week 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Pinkertons (AD) 8.00 London’s
Burning (AD) 9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Juliet
Bravo 11.00 The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm
Last of the Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20
Are You Being Served? 3.00 London’s Burning
(AD) 4.00 You Rang, M’Lord? 5.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! Ted thwarts Joe Maplin’s plans
6.40 Are You Being Served? A wealthy customer
loses a valuable diamond in the store
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Hobbo decides
to find a suitor for Stella
8.00 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries. Lynley
searches for a red-haired woman in connection
with the disappearance of a diabetic schoolgirl
and a youngster found drowned in a lake (2/2)
10.00 New Tricks. The establishment of a new
Ucos section takes Gerry and Steve to Glasgow,
where they assist the investigation into the
1993 unsolved murder of a bookie (10/10) (AD)
11.20 Birds of a Feather. Sharon decides to give
the cafe a complete overhaul and cut all
connections with the Greek community
12.00 The Bill 1.00am Juliet Bravo 2.00 The
Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Tales of Irish Castles 7.10 Who Do You
Think You Are? (AD) 8.00 Time Team 9.00
Coast (AD) 10.00 Medieval Dead 11.00
Abandoned Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time Team
1.00pm Planet Earth (AD) 2.00 The Blue Planet
(AD) 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Medieval Dead 5.00
Abandoned Engineering (AD)
6.00 The World at War. Rvents leading up to the
Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour in 1941
7.00 Impossible Railways. Exploring unusual rail
networks from around the world, beginning with
a look at trains in cities, including an inverted
monorail in Wuppertal, Germany (1/6) (AD)
8.00 Abandoned Engineering. New series. A fuel
plant in Poland built to make Nazi Germany
self-sufficient. See Viewing Guide (1/8) (AD)
9.00 Open All Hours. The tight-fisted
shopkeeper Arkwright buys fire-damaged stock
9.40 Open All Hours. Arkwright buys a van
10.20 Open All Hours. Arkwright feigns illness
11.00 Porridge. The parole board gathers
11.40 Porridge. Godber revises for an exam
12.20am Porridge 1.00 The World at War 2.00
Black Ops (AD) 3.00 Home Shopping
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal
Weddings (r) (AD) 12.05am Teleshopping
2.05 After Midnight. News and conversation
3.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle
Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 10.45pm UTV Up Close. Current
affairs series 11.45 Prince Harry’s Story: Four
Royal Weddings (r) (AD) 12.40am The Durrells
(r) (AD) 1.30-3.00 Teleshopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r) 5.20 Igam Ogam (r)
5.30 Flapair is a Charaidean (Flapper and
Friends) (r) 5.40 Su Shiusaidh (Little Suzy’s
Zoo) (r) 5.45 Na Floogals (r) 5.55 Botannan
Araid Uilleim (William’s Wish Wellingtons) (r)
6.00 Seoc (Jack) (r) 6.15 Am Prionnsa Beag
(The Little Prince) (r) 6.40 Tree Fu Tom (r)
7.00 Bailtean Alba (Scotland’s Towns) (r)
7.25 Aithne air Ainmhidhean (All About
Animals) (r) 7.50 Horo Gheallaidh Shorts
(Celtic Music Shorts) (r) 8.00 An Là (News)
8.30 Puirt-adhair (Highland Airports) (r)
9.00 Tèarmann (Home from Home) (r)
10.00-12.00midnight Scottish
Premiership Football
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Yr Ysgol (r) 6.15 Blero yn Mynd i
Ocido (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r) 6.35 Igam Ogam (r)
6.50 Sam Tân (r) 7.00 Chwedlau Tinga Tinga
(r) 7.10 Sbarc (r) 7.25 Dip Dap (r) 7.30 Patrôl
Pawennau 7.45 Dona Direidi (r) 8.00 Syrcas
Deithiol Dewi (r) 8.10 Pingu (r) 8.15 Boj (r)
8.30 Abadas (r) 8.40 Bla Bla Blewog (r) 8.55
Ben a Mali a’u Byd Bach O Hud (r) 9.05 Sbridiri
(r) 9.25 Meripwsan (r) 9.30 Straeon Ty Pen (r)
9.45 Pentre Bach (r) 10.00 Yr Ysgol (r) 10.15
Blero yn Mynd i Ocido (r) 10.25 Halibalw (r)
10.35 Igam Ogam (r) 10.50 Sam Tân (r) 11.00
Chwedlau Tinga Tinga (r) 11.10 Sbarc (r)
11.25 Dip Dap (r) 11.30 Patrôl Pawennau (r)
11.45 Dona Direidi (r) 12.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 12.05pm Y Ty Cymreig (r) 12.30
Cwymp yr Ymerodraethau (r) 1.30 Only Men
Aloud (r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05
Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05
Yr Ocsiwniar (r) 3.30 Gwyllt ar Grwydr (r) 4.00
Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh:
Pigo Dy Drwyn (r) 5.30 Stwnsh: Gwboi a Twm
Twm (r) 5.45 Stwnsh: #Fi (r) 6.00 News S4C
a’r Tywydd 6.05 04 Wal (r) 6.30 Rownd a
Rownd (AD) 7.00 Heno 7.30 Pobol y Cwm (AD)
8.00 Ffit Cymru 9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30
Y Ditectif. The death of Connor Marshall (AD)
10.00 Wil ac Aeron: Taith Rwmania (r)
10.30-11.35 Cyfrinachau’r Meirw (r)
14
1G T
Tuesday May 8 2018 | the times
MindGames
1
2
3
Codeword No 3330
4
5
6
7
3
22
7
8
20
9
10
5
9
10
12
23
23
1
8
19
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7
18
11
Train Tracks No 402
10
20
16
12
12
24
14
15
15
22
19
18
7
23
24
6
5
23
4
5
13
7
25
22
7
5
20
21
18
2
1
5
18
7
1
1
12
13
24
25
9
7
13
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7646
22
18
19
1
5
1
3
4
6
5
2
4
13
4
7
12
13
5
9
13
2
14
3
16
10
17
18
13
20
13
8
18
21
15
2
22
19
7
17
13
10
26
R
21
13
13
3
2
21
J
23
13
A
14
O
21
6
1
24
22
11
24
19
20
15
26
12
14
14
13
10
B
23
13
21
24
22
23
5
21
18
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
24
10
1
7
8
9
10
11
13
14
Junior associate (8)
Stop (5)
Large hairy spider (9)
Unit of information (3)
500 sheets of paper (4)
Scarcely, barely (6)
Portion of meat (6)
Stinging plant (6)
Solution to Crossword 7645
T A
R
SC
H
P A
I
C
GA
G
P A
T
S E
LMUD S E
A
I
A
AN SO L I
N C T
RA SO L
C
V A
OF F E E BR
U R R
B L E POS
S C G
NORAMA
M K
T
RENE E A
A
C
T
U
A
T
E
T
A
S
K
S
NCE
U
ARY
V
ME L
A K
N
BOX
W
L A B
L
I L Y
17 Grammatical structure (6)
18 Manager; stud (4)
20 Decompose (3)
22 Seller of paper, pens, etc (9)
23 Rotates (5)
24 Tonic (4-2-2)
Down
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
12
13
15
16
17
19
21
Woodland god (5)
Sleeping (7)
Sort; gentle (4)
Puma (6)
Grey or brownish cat (5)
Risky undertaking (7)
Wax lights (7)
Inflamed appearance (7)
Help to the needy (7)
Heavily defeat (7)
Italian sausage (6)
Severe looking; naked (5)
Sugar solution (5)
Moment; bloodsucker (4)
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Try our new word puzzle
If you enjoy the times2 Crossword, you’ll
love Quintagram, our new and exclusive
clue-solving challenge
24
23
5
18
24
19
1
23
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
11
12
13
24
25
26
R
O
J
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Lexica No 4253
D
I
I
V
No 4254
E
R
H
E
I
K
A
A
F
A
H
D
R
E
I
U
A
R
N
T
N
D
T
N
A
B
U
R
W
R
T
A
C
A
Y
M
Futoshiki No 3167
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
O
T
L
O
E
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
by midnight. Leave your three answer numbers (in any
order) and your contact details.
Calls cost £1.00 (ROI €1.50) plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard
network charge. Winners will be picked at random from all
correct answers received. One draw per week. Lines close at
midnight tonight. If you call or text after this time you will not
be entered but will still be charged. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390
(Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
What are your favourite
puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
Kakuro No 2126
2
∧
4
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
KenKen Medium No 4322
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
14
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
M
See today’s News section
19
6
22
38
6
19
22
8
27
3
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
21
3
14
<
25
>
33
12
17
23
9
4
>
∧
<
22
21
16
32
∨
4
22
24
28
20
27
4
8
6
18
8
16
23
16
1
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
24
33
13
35
16
16
21
17
16
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Across
the times | Tuesday May 8 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
Grandmaster Samuel Shankland
has secured the greatest success
of his life with outright victory in
this year’s US Chess Championship. This result was enhanced by
the fact that he finished ahead of
the current world title challenger,
Fabiano Caruana. Shankland had
to win today’s last-round game to
assure himself of overall victory in
the event.
White: Samuel Shankland
Black: Awonder Liang
US Chess Championship,
St Louis 2018
Caro-Kann Defence
1 e4 c6 2 d4 d5 3 exd5 cxd5 4
Bd3 Nc6 5 c3 Nf6 6 Bf4 Bg4 7
Qb3 e5
A dramatic thrust. If 8 dxe5
then 8 ... Nh5 grants decent play.
8 h3 exf4 9 hxg4 Qe7+ 10 Kf1 0-0-0
Dangerous is 10 ... Nxg4 11 Nd2
with the threat of Re1.
11 Nd2 g6 12 Re1 Qc7 13 g5 Nh5
14 Be2 Ng7 15 Ngf3 Ne6 16 Bb5
Bg7 17 Qa4 Rd6 18 Nb3 b6
Hideously weakening. 18 ... a6
would maintain the balance.
19 Nc1 Nb8 20 Nd3 Kb7 21 Nb4
Qd8 22 Ne5
________
á h 1 D 4]
à0kD Dpgp]
ß 0 4nDpD]
ÞDBDpH ) ]
ÝQH ) 0 D]
ÜD ) D D ]
ÛP) D )PD]
ÚD D $KDR]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
White’s grip on the position is
now palpable. His forfeiture of
castling on move 10 has had absolutely no ill effects on his prospects.
22 ... Qc7 23 Qb3 Rhd8 24 Rxh7
a6 25 Bd3 Ka7 26 Qa4 a5 27 Bb5
Kb7 28 Nbd3 Rg8 29 Nf3 Rh8 30
Rxh8 Bxh8 31 a3 Nc6 32 Bxc6+
Rxc6 33 Nde5 Bxe5 34 Nxe5 Rd6
35 Qe8 Rd8 36 Qxf7 Nxg5 37
Qxc7+ Kxc7 38 Nxg6 f3 39 Nf4
Kc6 40 gxf3 Nxf3 41 Re6+ Kb5 42
Ke2 Ng1+ 43 Kd3 Black resigns
EASY
29 x 3 – 9
MEDIUM
121 x 3 – 78
HARDER
1/
2
–6
+1/5
OF IT
+ 72
103 + 873 x 4 – 176
75%
OF IT
OF IT
2/
3
+9
x 2 + 16
+1/2
OF IT
– 33
+ 3/4
OF IT
– 99
+ 584
90%
OF IT
– 676
50%
OF IT
OF IT
Shankland
Caruana
So
Nakamura
Lenderman
Robson
Izoria
Xiong
Liang
Zherebukh
Akobian
Onischuk
1
*
½
½
½
½
0
0
½
0
0
0
0
2
½
*
½
½
0
0
1
0
½
0
0
0
3
½
½
*
½
½
½
½
½
½
0
½
0
4
½
½
½
*
½
½
1
½
½
½
0
½
5
½
1
½
½
*
½
½
1
0
½
½
0
6
1
1
½
½
½
*
0
0
½
1
0
½
7
1
0
½
0
½
1
*
½
1
½
½
½
8
½
1
½
½
0
1
½
*
½
½
½
½
9
1
½
½
½
1
½
0
½
*
½
1
½
10
1
1
1
½
½
0
½
½
½
*
½
½
11
1
1
½
1
½
1
½
½
0
½
*
0
12
1
1
1
½
1
½
½
½
½
½
1
*
8½
8
6½
5½
5½
5½
5
5
4½
4½
4½
3
________
á D D Dri] Winning Move
àDp0 D Dr]
ß g DQ0 D] Black to play. This position is from
St Louis 2018.
Þ0 D DNDq] Xiong-Robson,
White is the exchange down but is relying
ÝPD ) D D] on the strength of his knight outpost on f5.
ÜD D ) D ] However, this piece proved to be of little
Û ) D IPD] help in what followed. Can you see why?
ÚDBD $ D ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
How do you play this suit for no Dealer: West, Vulnerability: Neither
loser?
Pairs
♠A 7 6 2
Dummy
♥Q J 9
♠ A762
♦K 7 4
West ----East
♣J 7 4
Declarer
♠K
♠ 10 9 5
N
♠ QJ843
♥A K 10 7 W E ♥8 4 3 2
♦A 9 5 3 2 S
♦10 8
♣9 8 5 ♠ Q J 8 4 3 ♣10 6 3 2
♥6 5
♦Q J 6
♣A KQ
The best a priori odds by far are to
run the queen, hoping West holds
the king and the suit splits 2-2.
My friend Malcolm Harris
looked deeper on this 4♠ from the
N
E
S(Harris) W
ocean — he was running the
1♦
Pass
Pass
bridge on a cruise ship. West
1♠
Pass
2♦(1) Pass
cashed the ace-king of hearts then
4♠
End
led out ace and other diamond,
declarer winning in hand.
(1) Unassuming cue bid, showing a good
Declarer counted just 14 missing spade raise.
high-card points. He reconstructed
some hands for West where it was
Contract: 4♠ , Opening Lead: ♥ A
possible to pick up trumps for no
loser.
♠K 9 ♠K 9 ♠K 9
♥A K 10 ♥A K 10 7 ♥A K 10 7
♦A 9 5 3 2 ♦A 9 5 3 ♦A 9 5 3 2
♣9 8 5 ♣9 8 5 ♣8 5
♠K
♥A K 10 7
♦A 9 5 3 2
♣9 8 5
With three of the hands favouring the percentage play of running
the queen, it may seem a no-brainer
to make that play. As you see, leading the queen would not pick up
the suit, for after queen, king, ace
and back to the (nine and) jack,
East’s ten would be promoted.
The key point is this: West
would have opened a Weak
Notrump if he had held a balanced
hand and 12-14 points. The first
two example hands above were
not possible. Harris also considered the third hand unlikely —
many Wests would open that hand
1NT too, avoiding the need for a
rebid (after, say 1♦-1♠ ).
That left the fourth hand as the
most likely. At trick five, declarer
led a low spade out of his hand
(key play) not the normal queen.
West’s singleton king popped up,
so he could win dummy’s ace,
cross back to his queen-jack, drawing East’s nine-ten, and claim his
game.
It’s a very useful negative inference that if an opponent (who had
the opportunity to open) had 12-14
points, he’d have opened 1NT
(assuming Weak) when he had a
balanced hand. Say he opened
One-of-a-suit. If he is known to
have 12-14 points, he is not balanced. Alternatively, if he is known
to be balanced, he does not have
12-14 points.
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
OF IT
40%
OF IT
+ 765
4
14 4
4
2
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
6
6
Set Square No 2129
© PUZZLER MEDIA
From these letters, make words of
three or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 15 words, average;
20, good; 24, very good; 28, excellent
+
= 54
+
1
Enter each of
the numbers
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
=8
We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
= 288 sum should be
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
x
÷
x
x
+
+
5
+
x
Yesterday’s answers
cede, cedi, cider, cred, creed, decide,
decider, deed, deer, deride, dice, diced,
dicer, die, dire, dree, dried, eider, iced,
ide, red, redd, rede, reed, rid, ride
x
=
10
=
14
=
21
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Killer Moderate No 5995
24
9
7
8
10
8
10
3
6min
13
14
4
5
17
B
U
N
F
I
G
H
T
7
11
3
15
8
Solutions
Quick Cryptic 1085
22
22
E
D
A
M
20
I GD I P
E
N
U T C A S
N
R A T E
N
ONOUR
O
P
J UDGE
N
R
A CH A
E
D
E A
A R
P
R
E
P
O
S
S
E
S
S
I
N
G
14
12
15
16
3
4
12
8
5
9
19
17
14
11
2
9
4
7
8
3
6
5
1
3
1
7
9
6
5
4
8
2
8
5
6
1
2
4
9
7
3
1
7
3
6
5
9
8
2
4
6
2
5
4
7
8
3
1
9
7
3
2
8
9
1
5
4
6
5
6
9
2
4
7
1
3
8
4
8
1
5
3
6
2
9
7
18
16
20
23
28min
15
33
8
24
21
14
19
23
21
23
27
12
9
x
-
7
+
3
+
-
1
-
-
2
-
6
-
6
4
8
3
9
2
1
7
5
5
1
9
7
4
8
3
2
6
2
7
3
6
5
1
9
4
8
3
6
1
4
2
5
7
8
9
7
2
5
9
8
3
6
1
4
9
8
4
1
6
7
5
3
2
4
3
2
5
1
9
8
6
7
8
5
7
2
3
6
4
9
1
1
9
6
8
7
4
2
5
3
1
8
9
2
5
4
7
6
3
6
3
4
1
7
9
2
5
8
2
7
5
3
6
8
9
4
1
8
5
2
7
1
6
3
9
4
D
12
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
6
5
2
3
1
7
9
4
8
4
7
1
8
9
2
6
3
5
8
9
3
5
6
4
7
2
1
1
8
7
2
3
5
4
9
6
7
9
3
5
4
2
8
1
6
9
4
6
8
2
7
1
3
5
3
1
8
4
9
5
6
7
2
5
2
7
6
3
1
4
8
9
3
6
9
4
8
1
5
7
2
5
2
4
6
7
9
8
1
3
7
4
6
1
5
3
2
8
9
2
3
8
9
4
6
1
5
7
9
1
5
7
2
8
3
6
4
9
6
4
1
7
3
8
2
5
3
1
2
4
8
5
6
7
9
8
4
3
5
6
2
9
1
7
5
7
9
3
1
8
4
6
2
6
2
1
7
4
9
3
5
8
2
9
5
6
3
4
7
8
1
4
3
7
8
5
1
2
9
6
1
8
6
2
9
7
5
4
3
4 5 9
2 3 6
7 8
9 8
7 6 9
7
8 3
4 7 1
8 9 6
1 3
2
1
4 1
2
8
5 9
1 7
2
4 5
3 1
9 5
7 8 9
9 7
3 6 5
1 4 2
7 1
2
4 6 1
9 4
8 2
9 7
6 3
2 1
1
4
2
3
6
1
x
8
3
Train Tracks 401
1
Quintagram
1 Quit
2 Pecan
3 Frenzy
4 Foliage
5 Enid Blyton
5
3
2
3
6
3
3
4
5
4
4
3
A
1
x
4
3
1
4
5
1
V
B
I
D
N
V
H
F
Cell Blocks 3212
Lexica 4252
J
E
O
E
X
M
E
A
C
D
H
L
I
Y
P
Futoshiki 3166
3
5
1
5 > 4 > 2
1
∧
3
5
1 < 4
∨
1
3 < 4
2
∧
2
1
5 > 3
3
KenKen 4321
A
A
S
M
E
O
G
R
T
L
3
V
A
O
T
E
2
3
4 2
5
2
4
Suko 2231
Word watch
Brain Trainer
Rund (a) A hem
or border of
different
coloured cloth
Rort (c) A
rowdy party or
celebration
Respeak (c)
To echo
(Shakespearean)
2
5
∨
4
9
9
I
I
6
K
Easy 39
Medium 372
Harder 1,948
Chess
Killer 5994
7
5
8
9
2
6
1
3
4
I
4 > 2
4
6
1
9
8
3
5
2
7
I Z
N
A
GE D
O O
T OR
N
RK
O C
B L Y
O C
T O L
I
E
CK
B
Killer 5993
22
x
B
Sudoku 9851
23
F A I R QU
B
E
U
DO WH I N
V
I
N
L EON
T U
D
E
MP H
S T O
E
D
E R
AM I A
J
H
N
T U A L
E X
R
I
R
L Y
A T T A
Lexica 4251
20
11
P
ROV
I
E
V I R
Y
S
R E
8
Sudoku 9850
Killer Tough No 5996
C
O
U
G
H
A F
A
U T
A
A L
L
N Y
Set Square 2128
9
4
8
3
1
2
7
6
5
Kakuro 2125
Codeword 3329
E R
CU B
O O
E
S I NC E
E
U
F
U T I NG
T
D
B
D EGR E E
U
A
D EMUR
E
A
NC I SOR
O
E M
E RN E S S
Sudoku 9849
6
Bridge Andrew Robson
1/
2
Polygon
US Chess Championship, St Louis 2018
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
4
2 3
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Shankland supreme
Cell Blocks No 3213
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
1 ... Rxg2+! 2 Kxg2
Qg4+ and now 3
Kf2 Rh2+ and 3
Kf1 Qf3+ both
lead to mate next
move, while 3 Ng3
is not much of an
improvement as it
drops the queen
to 3 ... Qxe6
Quiz
1 The Joker 2 Kylie Minogue 3 15th birthday
4 Nicaragua 5 Sea turtle 6 Islam 7 BMW 8 Sweden
9 Chess 10 Paddington 11 14th century 12 Garage
13 Equatorial Guinea 14 Björn Borg 15 George Orwell
08.05.18
MindGames
Mild No 9852
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Rund
a A cloth border
b Weak
c To get nowhere
Rort
a A cutting implement
b Intricate
c A party
Respeak
a A lull
b A secondary mountain
c To echo
Answers on page 15
5
Difficult No 9853
Super fiendish No 9854
8
4
1
3
4
1
5 4
6
8
1 3 2
4
4 2 1 6
3
1
8 4 7
3 2
3 2 8
7
9
4
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
4
9
3 4 7
5
9 5
2 6
3
1
4
7
3 9
4
5 1
2
6
2
9 5
1
3
8
7
2
1 4 5
9 8 3
1 6
6
6
2 7
1 8 3
5 8 6
8
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2231
GETTY IMAGES
1 Which Batman villain
is known as “the Clown
Prince of Crime”?
11 Guillaume de
Machaut is viewed
as the most
important composer
of which century?
2 Golden (2018) is the 14th
studio album by which
Australian pop star?
3 In Latin American
countries, a quinceañera
is a celebration of a
girl’s what?
4 The social security
reforms of President
Daniel Ortega have
prompted protests in
which Central
American country?
5 Kemp’s ridley, olive
ridley, loggerhead,
leatherback, hawksbill,
flatback and green
are the seven living
species of what?
12 Dasha Zhukova,
the wife of Roman
Abramovich, founded
which art and fashion
magazine in 2011?
15
6 What is Brunei’s
national religion?
7 Which carmaker
launched its successor
to the 02 Series, the 3
Series luxury car, in 1975?
8 The fishing village
of Smygehuk is the
southernmost point of
which Nordic country?
9 A 1985 No 1 for
Elaine Paige and
Barbara Dickson, I
Know Him So Well is a
duet in which musical?
10 Which Giovanni
Morelli-designed
Chloé handbag
shares its name with
a London railway
terminus?
13 What is the only
sovereign African state
in which Spanish is an
official language?
14 Which Swede’s
141-16 record (89.8
win percentage) is the
best in men’s open era
grand-slam tennis?
15 Which English writer
(1903-50) is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1086 by Orpheus
1
2
3
7
4
5
8
9
10
11
13
6
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
23
24
12
22
Across
1 Appreciative, having this
amount of coal? (8)
5 Inferior work accepted by
railway (4)
7 Latvian allowed to broadcast
on radio (4)
8 Jogger, one tearing across
motorway? (8)
9 Liliaceous plant in yacht
manoeuvring by hotel (8)
11 Bill, finally cast in section of
play (3)
13 Longing, we hear, to be
colouring clothes? (6)
16 Month preceding border chaos
(6)
18 Slip made by Queen
introducing Republican (3)
19 Clever chap entering gallery
with daughter (8)
20 Fellow protégé, extremely lowkey and faint-hearted (8)
22 Part of Sabbath used in this
way (4)
23 English composer’s year in the
outskirts of Bradford (4)
24 Government department’s test
on small cars (8)
Down
1 Festival deceived Arthurian
knight (7)
2 Article on new teen art — it
takes in the workers (8)
3 Reportedly battled with 1 dn,
say, for some days (9)
4 Thrash young farm animal
endlessly (3)
5 Fugitive originally arrested in
part of airport (7)
6 Pair dined with the Spanish
church dignitary (7)
10 Mountain-dweller’s greeting to
native of Kuala Lumpur? (9)
12 Gossip about to strike tabby,
say, outside hospital (8)
14 Cry out in pain, ultimately say
a little jaundiced? (7)
15 Anger youth displayed about
northern part of British Isles
(7)
17 Way animal enclosure shows
lack of pretentiousness (7)
21 Title of Catholic dignitary
sixties youth upset (3)
Yesterday’s solution on page 15
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