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The Times Times 2 - 10 May 2018

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On Thursday
May 10 | 2018
Meet the new star of Sunday night TV
The British explorer who goes to war zones
2
1G T
Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
times2
A day of blood,
Wet wipes — what’s
wrong with just
spitting on a tissue?
Deborah Ross
O
h wet wipes.
Oh wet wipes,
wet wipes, wet
wipes. Once
upon a time,
there were no
wet wipes. As
children our
faces would get mucky and our
mothers would be after us with
their spit. It was their spit on a
handkerchief, or their spit on a
flannel, or their spit on whatever
happened to be to hand and we
were scoured with this spit. Our
faces were 6 per cent us, 94 per
cent spit. Sometimes I do wonder
if people grow up with more
allergies because their immune
system was not boosted by
maternal saliva, which over our
early childhood years must have
amounted to a couple of buckets,
maybe a full trough.
Then came wet wipes and the
steady march thereof. They were
invented in 1957 by Arthur Julius,
an American who worked in the
cosmetics industry, but his first
sale was to KFC, which gave them
away to its customers as aftereating clean-ups, even though the
food is said to be finger lickin’
good. The Wet-Nap, as it’s called,
is still going strong and, as KFC’s
marketing chief boasted in 2016,
the fast food chain gives out more
than 30 million Wet-Naps a year.
Over the past 25 years it has
given away nearly a billion,
“enough to reach halfway to the
moon”. I felt a bit ill reading that,
but I’m getting ahead of myself.
So the technology was there,
but it didn’t take off as an item
you might buy until 1990, when
baby wipes were introduced, and
they were a boon, admittedly,
particularly for a baby’s bottom.
You are advised not to use wipes
on a baby’s bottom for two weeks
after the birth, and I don’t know
a new parent who isn’t counting
down the hours, if not minutes,
until they can stop stumbling
Jane shuts
up shop
down there
Jane Fonda has said
that now that she is 80
she has stopped dating
and has “closed up
shop down there”.
Always sad when you
see a shop go to the
wall (I still can’t get
over Woolworths), but
if she wants to switch
round in the middle of the night
wrestling with cotton wool balls
while slopping that warm bowl of
water everywhere. And perhaps
if it had stopped there, fair
enough, but it didn’t. Put “wipe”
into Ocado’s search engine and
more than 200 products are
returned. We’re wipe addicts.
There are the baby wipes. But
also there are toilet wipes and
cosmetic wipes and Vagisil wipes
(“itch relief”) and computer
screen wipes and window wipes
and leather wipes and all the
household cleaning wipes,
including several types of Flash,
depending on how lemony your
mood is today — are you
feeling All Purpose Lemon,
Mediterranean Lemon, or Ultra
Lemon? — as well as Essential
Waitrose anti-bacterial floor
wipes, which may or may not be
as essential as Essential Waitrose
out-of-season cherries. Hard to
call. I would propose a wipe for
cats, but Pet Head is already there
with its Kitty Wipes, as scented
with “yummy pineapple”.
The world has gone crazy for
wipes and the world is breaking.
There are fatbergs gathering in
our sewers, formed by wet wipes
the sign from “open” to
“closed”, I’m guessing
that’s that. And it does
seem quite definite,
particularly since she
didn’t ease herself in
with “Gone for lunch,
back in an hour” or
“Staff training day”.
Shutting up shop
down there; it has to
happen at some point
or other. OK, some will
argue it doesn’t, but the
thought of having to be
sexy for ever (down
there) is just too tiring
for words. You may not
From a jogger collapsed on a country
road to a scene of carnage after a power
tool accident — just an average day for
paramedics, finds Damian Whitworth
adhering to grease. Wet wipes
are accumulating on riverbeds,
changing the course of rivers. Wet
wipes kill marine life (google it if
you want to see a turtle choking
on one). And I have lately been
wondering how Procter &
Gamble and Johnson & Johnson
and all the other companies get
away with it. You’re allowed to
make big profits when you’re
committed to cleaning up
messes . . . apart from your own?
This week the Department for
Environment, Food and Rural
Affairs announced that it would
be looking into wet wipes as part
of its 25-year environment plan,
but, crikey, in 25 years those KFC
wipes will have reached the moon
and be tying themselves into
a bow. Some are biodegradable,
but mostly they’re not, and
“flushable” can mean only that it
will make it round your U-bend,
so the answer is simple, really:
either they are all biodegradable
or they are banned. Either they
are all biodegradable or it’s back
to mops and dusters and Anne
French cleansing milk and lickin’
and spit. Meanwhile, I asked a cat
if it minded not smelling of
pineapple and it said? No.
shut up shop entirely,
but there will come a
time, surely, when the
lights are off and
someone’s going to
have to rattle at the
door for a good old
while before any
movement from within
can be detected.
And then you’ll
crouch in the dark,
hoping they’ll just go
away, a bit like when
the bailiffs call. And
then they’ll go round
the back — round
the back! — and
rattle there until you
whimper: “Who is it?
What do you want?”
Then, finally: “Can’t
you see I’m closed?”
So that’s how it
happens, I think, and,
like I said, it’s always
sad when a shop goes to
the wall (seriously, just
cannot get over
Woolworths) and it’s
even sadder, perhaps,
when it’s a small,
independent one. I’m
still mourning my local
bookshop, but could
see it had had its day.
I
t’s 12.15pm. The ambulance stops
on a long, straight stretch of a
narrow country road that runs
between two dazzling fields of
oilseed rape. A tractor and trailer
block the road and a group of
farm workers in overalls are
standing around a man who is
sitting on the ground with his head
hanging towards his chest.
All that Christine Gill and her fellow
paramedic Simon Edwards had been
told by the control room was that they
were looking for a man with breathing
difficulties. The farm workers, who
called 999, explain that they found
him lying unconscious in the middle
of the road. “I’m so unfit,” he says, his
tongue thick in his mouth. “I was just
trying to get fit. I feel sick.”
The crew help him into the
ambulance and start running tests. He
is John, a chief executive in his fifties.
He is wearing a hoodie and tracksuit
bottoms and says he had been out
for a run. Piecing together his
movements, the paramedics conclude
that he may have been unconscious
for 20 minutes and find a graze
on his head. “My head hurts real bad,”
he says.
There is a knock on the door of the
ambulance. John’s wife has turned up.
Edwards goes out to see her. John
begins to weep gently. “I was just
trying to get fit.”
Edwards reappears. “The wife has
had a little collapse,” he says calmly.
Outside, John’s wife is lying on the
grass verge, her head resting on a
pillow of coats, her body shuddering.
Gill, 50, has served for 34 years in
the ambulance service. Six weeks ago
she officially retired from the West
Midlands Ambulance Service and
today is her first day back working
part-time. She is based in Worcester.
I have been allowed to shadow her
on today’s 12-hour shift, which
started at 10am.
She and Edwards had a couple of
false starts this morning, with calls to
jobs where they eventually weren’t
needed. This call, at 11.54am , triggered
a 20-minute dash, blue light on, siren
wailing down winding country lanes.
A farm worker says that John’s
breathing had been very laboured
when they found him. “I’m sorry, I’m
sorry,” he says as they run tests. He is
helped on to the stretcher and into the
ambulance. “You’re not wasting my
time,” says Gill firmly. “You’re no
trouble at all, my darling. That’s what
we are here for.”
His wife is similarly apologetic. “It’s
just the shock,” she insists. “I’m OK.
I don’t want you to stop doing
something more important.” Edwards
gently explains that she needs to be
treated. A second ambulance arrives
to take care of her. “I’ve had a lot of
stress lately,” she says.
John shows an odd lack of interest
in communicating with her through
the open door of the ambulance. His
speech, which had been slurred at
first, becomes clearer as he rehydrates.
Gill asks if he had been drinking
alcohol. Not a drop, he says. He
discloses that he is on a strict diet of
two protein shakes a day, but skipped
this morning’s breakfast shake. “I’ve
done too much.”
His blood pressure is a little low and
he still feels nauseous as he waits for
an anti-sickness injection to take
effect, but he seems to be rallying. As
the two ambulances make their way at
a sedate speed towards the hospital he
points out the church where he and
his wife married. He will see her at the
hospital, Gill tells him. “Ah,” he says.
When we get to hospital there is a
long queue of trolleys as paramedics
wait to hand their patients over to
hospital staff and the husband and
wife do not see each other before Gill
passes John on to a nurse.
I began this day thinking that
paramedics do a skilled but specific
job: they race to the scene of an
emergency and use their medical
training to assess, treat and stabilise
patients and transfer them as swiftly
as possible to hospital. It is clear that
they do much more than that. They
have to offer reassurance, rapidly read
domestic situations and relationships
and discern if they are getting all the
accurate information they need about
a person. “Our role is to be a bit of a
detective,” says Gill. “You walk into
people’s lives when they are at their
most vulnerable.”
2.40pm. They leave. “You wonder
how that patient got on, but our care is
so transient. When I first came into
the role I found that frustrating, but I
try and give 150 per cent in that short
period and then I don’t need to know
whether they survived because I know
I did my utmost.”
Gill joined the service as a
16-year-old in 1984, first in the
control room answering 999 calls,
then in various roles for 12 years.
One day an ambulance driver’s claim
that his job was harder than hers
prompted her to try a shift on the
road. She became an ambulance
technician, then a paramedic and
emergency-care practitioner.
At first she was petrified of driving
fast. Now I can confirm that she
seems very comfortable driving
“progressively” while bantering with
her partner and checking occasionally
to see if the journalist clinging on in
the back has needed a sick bag.
3.13pm. A call comes from a man
with a history of self-harming who has
You walk into
people’s lives
when they’re
most vulnerable
the times | Thursday May 10 2018
3
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times2
sirens and human frailty
The lowdown
Apartment 1
CHRIS WINTER FOR THE TIMES
a bleeding wound, apparently from
an accident with a power saw. The
incident is listed as a “category 1”,
which means there is a threat to life.
3.38pm. When we arrive at the neat
semi-detached house there is initially
no response to a door knock. Gill goes
to look round the side. “I’ve got a
funny feeling about this,” she says.
Eventually a man opens the door.
He is deathly pale and covered in
blood. He staggers back inside the
house where dogs are barking. The
living room floor is awash with blood
and the paramedics drag him on his
back into the small hall, close the door
on the dogs and start working with
urgency, placing an oxygen mask over
his face, cutting off his clothing and
trying to locate the wound.
“I’ve got a history of self-harm,” he
tells them, but says the injury to his
right foot was not intentional. There is
so much blood that it takes a while to
find the wound and bandage it. He has
stopped bleeding, but has lost an
estimated litre and a half of blood and
is in hypovolemic shock. They cannot
find a radial pulse.
“It didn’t really hurt,” he says
of the wound. He has been drinking,
but insists he has only had “two
halves”. He starts whimpering.
Gill puts a cannula in his arm to give
him sodium chloride and later he has
an injection of tranexamic acid. “Stay
with me,” she commands. “Well
done, my darling.”
A boy on a bike circles in the street,
then catches sight of the desperate
scene inside and wheels away. “Dizzy,”
murmurs the patient. His self-harming
was “years ago” and he is worried
that people will think he has done this
on purpose.
The service’s operations manager
arrives from base, then suddenly there
is a yellow helicopter above us looking
for somewhere to land.
4.18pm. They get the man on
to a stretcher and into the ambulance
and it is decided that he should be
flown to hospital 50 miles away.
He is agitated because his family
are due home and he doesn’t want
them to walk unwarned into a
scene of bloody carnage. A neighbour
makes a call and moments later a
Christine Gill of
the West Midlands
Ambulance Service
Ambulance is on BBC
One at 9pm tonight
car roars up. A young man jumps out
and flies across the car park.
The operations manager holds up
his hands to stop him. “I don’t f***ing
care, I’m seeing my dad,” he says,
swerving past like a winger with the
tryline in sight. “What have you been
doing?” he asks affectionately when he
gets to the stretcher. “It doesn’t matter
about the blood.”
The helicopter departs. The view of
the paramedics is that he’ll be OK.
5pm. Gill cleans blood off her boots.
Time to head back to the station to
replenish the drug supply. Then a tea
break. “When we put somebody in the
back of an ambulance, for us it’s a job,”
Gill says. “For them it can be very
distressing and frightening. We have
to be reassuring and confident.
Communication is 90 per cent of
this job. You might have to break the
news that a husband or wife has died.
For that relative it may be the worst
day of their life.”
Gill is a mentor for students and
offers confidential advice to colleagues
through the staff advice and liaison
team. “People see things that affect
them. Don’t forget we are all human.”
She is married to a retired
paramedic and has two grown-up
children from her first marriage and
a four-year-old granddaughter. She
recalls being particularly affected by a
road traffic accident in which a boy of
12, the same age as her son at the time,
suffered horrific head injuries.
6.50pm. The crew are called to
a woman in her thirties reporting
hallucinations and reduced vision.
“I’m an ex-user and still very
paranoid,” says the haggard woman,
Jo, as she emerges from her house,
wearing an eye patch. In the
ambulance she clarifies her
relationship with drugs tearfully.
“I’m trying to stop.”
A bad experience with a powerful
stimulant left Jo convinced she had
bugs in her eye and she tried to
scratch them out. “I could see them,”
she says. A doctor had given her some
drops to put in her eyes, but she
hasn’t done so. Nor has she eaten
anything today apart from a packet
of crisps for breakfast.
There is a sense of humour under
there. One of her children bought her
the eye patch. “I just need me parrot
now,” she says.
“There you go, my darling,” says
Gill, giving her a blanket. “Let me
pamper you.”
“I might fall asleep,” says Jo, looking
very fragile but relieved to be going
to hospital.
“My dad said to me when I started,
‘If you treat everybody as you’d expect
me or your mum to be treated you
can’t go wrong,’ ” says Gill. “It is a very
satisfying job.”
At the hospital there is another long
queue of trolleys backing up to the
door. Jo’s stoic-looking family arrive,
They don’t give the impression that
being here with Jo is a new experience.
10pm. Back at base. “It’s been a quiet
day,” Gill says. If that’s a quiet day. I’m
not sure I’d be cut out for a busy one.
One thing I am sure of is that if I ever
have need of an ambulance, I’d like
Christine Gill to be driving it.
The names and some details of patients
have been changed
It is not a good time to be an
older royal.
What’s happened? Is someone ill?
I meant from a property perspective.
Really? Are we sympathising with
the royals over property? Spare me!
All those palaces, castles, “cottages”
that are nothing of the kind.
Didn’t you hear about the poor old
Duke and Duchess of Gloucester?
Strangely they don’t find themselves
at the top of my news feed.
Word on the street is that they’ve
been booted out of their 21-room
apartment in Kensington Palace.
Twenty-one room apartment?
Yes, it’s called Apartment 1 and no,
that wouldn’t be my terminology
either. Whatever, they’re out and
a certain royal couple are moving
in, after some sexy renovations.
Any particular source that has
specified these renovations as sexy?
Just me. Wouldn’t it be sad if
Harry and Sparkle didn’t have a
sexy apartment?
True. So what of the oldies?
Downsizing, I gather, to a smaller
apartment in Kensington Palace.
But who cares? There’s more!
Go on.
The apartment happens to be next
door to Kate and William, who were
also given a property post-marriage.
Won’t it be a bit odd for William to
have his younger brother next door?
Nah. Think of the babysitting opps
— far greater than with the
Gloucesters there. And Princess
Eugenie and her fiancé Jack
Brooksbank may be keen too. They
will be in their own pad across the
courtyard oncee they
marry in October.
ber.
So it’s a royal version
ersion of
help to buy.
Exactly.
Featuring
beautiful
young families
and toddlers
galore.
How jolly!
Hannah
Rogers
4
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Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
times2
F
or a short while, Ella
Al-Shamahi explored
convention. She married
at 21 and lived in a
suburban semi in Surrey.
The marriage lasted five
years. At 24 she began to
shut down after an
endless barrage of bad luck.
Depression followed and for two years
she was too frightened to leave the
house. It struck her that if she didn’t
change, it might be like this for the
rest of her life.
Eight years later the 34-year-old is
a National Geographic-sponsored
explorer who works only in unstable,
disputed or hostile territories —
think landmines, hostile tribes and
al-Qaeda hotspots. Shamahi,
a paleoanthropologist who “specialises
in extinct human beings” (as she
cutely explained to Americans at
a TEDx event) is also the presenter
and associate producer of her first
TV series, Neanderthals: Meet Your
Ancestors, which starts on BBC Two
this weekend.
Between hunting for fossils in war
zones across the Middle East and
working towards her PhD in
anthropology at University College
London she gives talks to schools.
When we meet in her agent’s
London club, it’s hard not to be
dazzled. Shamahi strides in, a
statuesque 5ft 10in, in tight black jeans
and heeled boots. She’s warm, erudite
and funny. She also does stand-up
comedy and has taken three shows to
Edinburgh. Comedy
helps people to engage
with science, she
explains. “It’s a great
way to communicate
ideas. Comics are the
truth-tellers in so many
ways.” It also helps her
mental health.
She has just returned
from leading a
reconnaissance
expedition to Socotra,
a remote archipelago in
the turquoise Arabian
Sea. A territory of
war-ravaged Yemen, it’s
also a Unesco world
heritage site — mythic,
beautiful and teeming
with endemic species such
as the dragon’s blood tree.
“Their resin is red,” she
says, “but I like to say,
‘They bleed red’, because
it sounds sexier.”
The scientific theory
behind this project is that
the journey that humanity took out of
Africa, via Sinai and Egypt, may have
also been via Yemen. The question is:
when did they turn up in Socotra?
Some inhabitants of Socotra still live
in caves. And if people still live in
caves, maybe their ancestors lived in
caves. And caves are perfect for
preservation, of bones, for example.
The team were there to take a
“health check” of the island; its botany
and archaeology. Yet it’s clear from
Shamahi’s Instagram feed that this felt
more like a pilgrimage. She was raised
in Birmingham, “a Yemeni pan-Arab
broader-Muslim upbringing”. Her
parents came to England from Yemen,
initially for her father’s master’s
degree, and stayed. Her cousins and
aunts still live in Yemen.
Places such as this are abandoned by
science, Shamahi says, when the adults
and children who live there need
science the most. “The concern is that
Somali pirates?
I was more
freaked out by
the cockroaches
Explorer Ella Al-Shamahi tells Anna Maxted why she left
her suburban life to dodge danger in the Middle East
When I
talk to my
aunts on
the phone
I can hear
the bombs
going off
people look up at
the end of a war
and not only is
there incredible
devastation, but
there’s also these
world heritage
sites, which are a
fragment of what
they were. I feel
like that’s on us.”
She means on
her. “Finally I
got to Yemen.
I’ve been trying
to get there
since the
beginning
of the war.”
She wrote
on Instagram:
“When I first
set eyes on
Socotra, I
thought I
would cry. I didn’t.” I quote her
comment that this expedition was an
“ode to guilt”. “Yeah,” she says. Her
voice trembles. For a moment she
can’t speak. “You’re going to make me
cry. Sorry.”
She composes herself. “Growing up
here, my only real experience of war
had been my Nan — who is white
English from Liverpool — talking
about World War Two. And the thing
about the World War Two stories,
they’ve got to the point where they’re
stories of legend.
“And then I specialised in unstable
territories and I learnt to disassociate,
and I’m sure people thought I was
a horrible person because people
would tell me things and I’d be
empathetic, but I would make sure
to hold a little bit of myself back
emotionally because you can’t work
in these places if you’re 100 per cent
emotionally in; you just lose it.”
It’s different, however, when your
family are the ones being bombed.
“I’ve had to talk to my aunts and ask
them how the bombing’s going and
they go quiet. ‘Ah hold on, the bombs
are going off right now.’ And you can
hear them in the background. When
it’s your own flesh and blood you just
can’t be impartial.”
Her cousins have learnt to keep
their windows ajar. “If a bomb goes off
near by the windows blast, whereas if
the windows are never fully shut the
pressure is released.” Her voice rises.
“Nobody should know that.”
She feels lucky. She has such passion
and purpose that it’s hard to imagine
her at her lowest. “Getting out of the
depression was so, so tough, but it was
hitting rock bottom,” she says. “It was
identifying what I needed to do. Get
out of the house. Get therapy. Put a
plan in place for the rest of my life.
Because at that point I felt like I’d
wasted my life.”
The actual words in her head were:
“I’m not going down without a fight.”
She tried to identify what made her
lucky. She’s close to her four siblings,
and recognised that she was never
going to starve.
“I knew that my family would never
let me live without a roof over my
head. And I realised I had a good
brain on me.”
And the programme? “That was part
of the life plan,” she says. “I was
interested in film and TV. I’m
obviously interested in science. Just
like education’s your ticket out of here,
knowledge is also your ticket out.”
Having started a master’s degree in
film, she approached her mentor, a
director and producer, and declared
her interest in a project about
Neanderthals, these incredible
creatures that we suppose to be
knuckle-dragging apemen. He knew
the actor Andy Serkis.
“That was a massive deal,” she says
excitedly. “Suddenly we had the guy
who played Gollum and King Kong
and he was going to help us bring
a Neanderthal to life. And that’s all I
really wanted. Instead of a science
show where we look at these bones,
and these bones are from the past, let’s
put a Neanderthal on the Tube. Let’s
have fun with this.”
She’s determined to win over people
who find science boring. There are
targeted funding cuts in science, which
is ludicrous, she says, because you
can’t predict where critical discoveries
will be made. “The only way every bit
of science is going to be funded is if
the general public care about science.”
Neanderthals features some great
tips for Paleo dieters. “When they
killed the mammoth they ate every bit
of that mammoth,” Shamahi says.
“They would have squeezed the
intestines and got out that goodness
because the mammoths would have
been walking the landscape and eating
all this green stuff and digesting it.
“If you’re in an environment where
nutrients are low, you’re not going to
throw away bits of an animal. So if
you’re going to follow the real Paleo
diet, you’re going to eat everything.”
She considered launching a restaurant
in north London called the Real Paleo
Diet. She laughs uproariously, which
she does a lot.
She has a replica 70,000-year-old
spear that she brought to the Times
photoshoot by Uber rather than on the
Underground. She keeps it in her
bedroom, along with a bullet-riddled
silhouette target “to scare the crap out
of anyone. I do have a little bit of pride
in the fact that I’m a decent shot.”
Shamahi’s work requires extensive
research, risk assessment, security
protocols, hostile-environment
training, an excellent network, good
fixers and people skills — “If everyone
the times | Thursday May 10 2018
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SARAH CRESSWELL FOR THE TIMES; MAKE-UP & HAIR BY MIRA PARMAR USING BOBBI BROWN AND GOLDEN-CURL
times2
go to sport classes because boys
shouldn’t see you running around as
your boobs might be bobbing.”
However, her parents, she says
gratefully, were “the liberals of that
bunch”. Her father believed that “you
get a degree, you get a second degree
and you get a third degree. I was lucky
and privileged in that sense.”
Meanwhile, in Socotra, she consoled
herself that merely being a woman of
Arab descent challenged everyone. “It
challenges young girls, women; it
challenges the men. Suddenly, they’re,
like, ‘You’re in charge.’ It challenges
everyone because I’m not a whitewhite woman. They think, ‘She’s white
adjacent, but she’s also one of us.’ ”
The basic humanity of knowing that
these people are not “other” is crucial.
She says: “I am really troubled by how
many explorer/scientist/adventurer
I do have a little
bit of pride in
the fact that I
am a decent shot
hates you, you’re going
to get kidnapped.”
Getting to Socotra
was difficult and
dangerous. Shamahi
and her three-man
team eventually made
it using a cockroachinfested wooden
cement-cargo ship.
Political difficulties
and Somali pirate
incident reports didn’t
faze her. Cockroaches,
however — “Aaah,
I was freaking out.
‘I’ll tell the boys that
I’ll go via mainland
Yemen, I don’t mind!’ ”
They made it —
and she says there’s
no feeling like it. “To
turn up somewhere
and look up at the
mountains and think,
‘Nobody’s been here for 50-odd years
doing this kind of research’, and there’s
a whiff of a tiny possibility that we
might discover something that could
inform our knowledge of human
history. It gives you goosebumps.”
Shamahi introduced local boys to
the concept of fist-bumping and
conducted an impromptu archaeology
lesson by “excavating” a hairband. She
was glad that the sparky village girls
trusted her — “I speak the lingo” —
although it depressed her that their
first question was: “Are you married?”
It echoed her own experience
growing up. “In the community as a
whole a lot of us girls were fighting —
and are still fighting. We would have
discussions among our friend groups if
cycling was OK because it broke your
virginity, apparently. Physical exercise
is not encouraged. We’re not
adventurers, we’re not explorers. Half
the time we’re not even encouraged to
Top: Ella Al-Shamahi
and, left and above,
on her expedition
to Socotra, a Yemeni
territory in the
Arabian Sea
types turn up to countries and show a
level of disrespect that I can’t believe
still exists in 2018. I emphatically feel
that if you are using local guides, local
knowledge, local researchers, you
should be celebrating them. It should
not look like white people on tour.”
Yet, apologising for wanting to be
precise, she says
we must be careful
not to over-correct
when we talk about
colonialism and
neocolonialism.
Where one stands
on Indiana Jones is
a case in point.
“Indiana Jones is
highly problematic.
Just as an
archaeologist he’s
problematic —
shooting up
archaeological sites,
didn’t seem to care
about provenance.
He’s clearly
misogynist,
neocolonial, but
some social-justice
warriors do seem
quite comfortable
saying, ‘Those
who admire Indiana
Jones are racist.’
No. You need to
be really careful with that.”
It exasperates her that sometimes
some of her white colleagues feel that
they can’t speak. “I’m in a weird
position because I’m an archaeologist
of colour and I can say, ‘Actually, can
we have some nuance?’ People have
tried to shout me down: ‘You people
have done terrible things.’ My
response: ‘Sweetheart, I’m Syrian and
Yemeni, my heritage has been
absolutely decimated. There’s enough
pain to go round.’ ”
It all spurs her on to keep places
such as Yemen at the front line of
scientific exploration. “You do feel
guilt-ridden knowing we’re so lucky
we’re English. People are, like, ‘Are
you proud to be British?’ I’m lucky as
f*** to be British, that’s what. It’s just
the most incredible blessing.”
Neanderthals: Meet Your Ancestors
starts on BBC Two on Sunday, 10pm
My 3pm obsession with
the daily quizzers’ app
by Ben Machell
I
t’s five to three on a Wednesday
afternoon, my heart is pounding
and I’m clutching my phone in a
pair of increasingly sweaty hands.
I feel nervous, but also incredibly
excited. Almost a little giddy. I have
just downloaded HQ Trivia, a quiz
app that launched in the UK at the
start of this year and has quickly
achieved enormous popularity.
The premise is simple. Twice a day
— at 3pm and 9pm — users log on
and a watch as a quizmaster poses 12
multiple-choice questions that you
must answer within ten seconds.
Answer incorrectly and you’re out.
Select the right answer and you
progress, with the prospect of a cash
prize awaiting any player who makes
it through all 12 rounds undefeated.
Think Who Wants to be a
Millionaire?, only with tens of
thousands of people playing
simultaneously. I stare at my phone
screen as 3pm gets closer and closer.
Pumping, upbeat music plays and a
countdown begins. Time to focus.
“I’m going to win,” I mouth silently.
“I’m going to win this quiz.”
I like quizzes. Everyone likes
quizzes, don’t they? Establishing
yourself as cleverer than other
people in a highly public and
formalised fashion is one of life’s
great pleasures. The success of HQ
Trivia only seems to underline this. It
was launched in the US last August
by the co-founders of Vine, the app
that let you share six-second videos.
HQ Trivia already has more than
two million players in the US and
more than 200,000 in the UK. A
huge part of its appeal is that while
pretty much everything online is
perennial — from bottomless socialmedia feeds to the ability to watch
any film or listen to any song any
time you choose — these twice-daily
quizzes feel like events.
If you want to play you have to tune
in. And if you miss it you just have to
wait until the next one. Friends and
family members — from teenage
boys to grandmothers — will text to
remind each other that it’s almost
3pm and time to quiz. Because
everyone likes quizzes.
Anyway, it begins. A presenter
appears on my screen.
Her name is Sharon
Carpenter and she is
broadcasting live,
doing a bit of warmup patter and
reciting catchphrases
(“Use your head to
earn that bread”).
She tells the 118,000
players — of which I
am one — that there
is a prize pot of £550
to be divided among
however many
players answer all 12
questions correctly.
You don’t have to
pay anything to sign
up, so these cash
prizes are just to
entice users and
boost numbers
before the platform attempts to
monetise itself, possibly through ingame advertising. I’m not in this for
money, though. I’m in it for glory.
Between the music and chatter I feel
like a contestant on a TV quiz show.
And in typical TV-quiz-show
fashion the first of the 12 questions
(which are listed below) is easy. A
joke question. So is the second,
although I notice that already a few
thousand players have already
crashed out. I breeze through the
third question without pause or
hesitation, but make a wild, flukey
guess for the fourth. This rattles me
and by the fifth question I’m all over
the place. I can barely focus. It’s
something about the value of bank
notes in Zimbabwe. I stab randomly
at my phone. Wrong answer. I’m out.
Still, I watch on as the quiz reaches
its climax and the active players
drops to fewer than 100. Ultimately,
there are 12 winners who split the
prize money, giving them £45.84
each. Far better than that, though,
their faces float across my screen.
Heroes all. That will be me one day,
I tell myself. That will be me.
Some of the questions
What holiday is celebrated in the
UK on December 26?
a) Tickling Day
b) Pinching Day
c) Boxing Day
Which of these is the national sport
of Turkey?
a) Moon frisbee
b) Oil wrestling
c) Ice rugby
Members of the music act Joy
Division went on to form which
band?
a) Oasis
b) New Order
c) The Beatles
In which series of English hills would
you find Snake Pass?
a) Pennines
b) Mendips
c) Cheviots
Which of these was the highest value
bank note ever issued in Zimbabwe?
a) $100 million
b) $100 billion
c) $100 trillion
Which of these breeds
is NOT used as guide
dogs in the UK?
a) Labradoodle
b) Maltipoo
c) Goldador
Which of these British
televisual events
happened first?
a) First colour
broadcast
b) First Match of
the Day
c) Launch of BBC2
Which of the following
was once called
“Nottingham House”?
a) Kensington Palace
b) St James’s Palace
c) Clarence House
6
1G T
Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
arts
Revision notes — 40 top tunes
PETER MAZEL/REX FEATURES; GETTY IMAGES
Study playlists are
booming for exam
season — but
whose music gets
the best results,
asks Lisa Verrico
F
or the past two months
I’ve shared my home
with Ed Sheeran. I hear
him late into the night,
endlessly strumming his
guitar. At weekends he
hangs around the house
until my daughter goes
out or RuPaul’s Drag Race comes on.
But for the next six weeks I wouldn’t
be without him.
Because when I hear a Sheeran
song, I know what my 16-year-old is
doing — studying for her GCSEs. His
saccharine songs have become her
study buddy. They have replaced her
usual playlists of Instagram rap, My
Chemical Romance and what she
stubbornly calls pop-punk. They have
helped to erase the tears that arrived
with her awful mock results and to
focus her mind on remembering stuff
about the subjects she has no interest
in. And without music my teenager
wouldn’t revise. She doesn’t care if it
comes through her headphones, her
laptop or the Bluetooth speaker that
carelessly blares it over two floors.
She shoots me a withering look
when I tell her that academics
recommend studying in silence. And
I don’t blame her. I barely remember
sitting my exams in the mid-Eighties,
but I’ve never forgotten what I listened
to while I revised for them. Japan’s
Tin Drum kept me calm enough to
get a B in maths — a fortnight later
I’d forgotten every trigonometry
formula that David Sylvian’s
soothing voice had
somehow seared into
my mind.
I listened so
obsessively to Aztec
Camera’s second
album, Knife, that
I based my English
composition essay on its
lyrics — and got an A. I can still
recite the layers of the rainforest
that I managed to set to REM’s
Second Guessing.
David Bowie and,
below left, Kate Bush
Back then it was considered strange
to study to music. My teachers told me
not to and when my Walkman was
confiscated for a day, I didn’t dare
bring it back into school. Only one of
my friends agreed that it was a good
idea, so we studied together and she
— thank you, Karen — turned me
on to Tin Drum.
Today it’s different.
Streaming services such
as Spotify and
YouTube host tens of
thousands of study
playlists. There are
online radio stations
devoted to helping
students to focus or
relax: Brain.fm promises
“noticeable results with 15 minutes or
less” and carries an endorsement from
an Olympics coach. In chat rooms and
on websites students share tips on
what’s best to listen to while revising.
You can even alter your study
location without leaving the library.
Coffitivity.com is among several
websites that offer ambient sounds
that supposedly boost creativity.
Morning Murmur, Lunchtime Lounge
and “the scholarly sounds of a campus
café” are among the free options. If
you prefer Paris Paradise or “the
musical chatter of a Brazilian
coffeehouse”, you’ll have to pay.
Some artists’ streams spike around
exam time, among them the pianist
Ludovico Einaudi, who has more
Spotify followers than Mozart and
who the Radio 1 DJ Greg James swore
helped him to pass his university
exams, and the German electronic
musician Nils Frahm, whose
classical-tinged tunes crop up on lots
of playlists with “intense” in the title.
A quick scan through YouTube study
playlists suggests that these are boom
times for Claude Debussy and the
Icelandic producer Ólafur Arnalds,
best known in Britain for his
Bafta-winning Broadchurch score.
On Spotify this year’s study playlist
favourites include Frahm, the
soundtrack composer Ramin Djawadi
(Game of Thrones, Iron Man), the
indie-folkster Bon Iver and Adele.
In Britain two of Spotify’s most
streamed study playlists are Peaceful
Piano and Music For Concentration.
Last week the mental-health clinic
Smart TMS published advice on
revision playlists. While new research
suggests that music can increase
concentration, if it is too high-tempo,
they say, it can be psychologically
arousing and in turn induce feelings
of anxiety. “Avoid rap and
heavy rock,” advises
the Smart TMS
technician Chloe Ward,
who has found that
playing music in her sessions helps
teenagers in particular to relax much
faster. “Choose instrumentals, which
are less distracting.
“Classical music is widely considered
to be best, but if you don’t enjoy
classical music go for pop. It’s
important to stick with the genres you
enjoy, then tweak your choices to suit
studying. The music shouldn’t make
you want to get up and dance, but it
has to keep you going. Too dreamy and
it can make you drowsy.”
To be fair, today’s teenagers are too
well connected to need telling. A straw
poll of my daughter’s friends reveals
that fans of Arctic Monkeys are
studying to Acoustic 15, a collection of
acoustic versions of the band’s hits. An
acoustic Catfish and the Bottlemen
album is another favourite. All of them
swear by headphones.
“For studying, I’d say avoid using
headphones, but of course that
depends on your environment,” Ward
says. “As a way to block out the noise
in a computer room, for example,
they’re great. But remember, it’s not
just the music you study to that can
make a big difference. What you
choose to get you motivated to start
studying or to help you get to sleep at
night is as important. Anything that
makes you calmer is good.”
To access our playlists, search
on Spotify for The Times and
The Sunday Times
Entertainments
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the times | Thursday May 10 2018
7
1G T
arts
to get you top grades
Top 10 for
A-level students
Light of the Seven Ramin Djawadi
The German-Iranian composer’s piano
and choral piece provides reflective
familiarity — it featured on his
soundtrack to Game of Thrones —
without the distraction of actually
watching Game of Thrones. Scenes of
barbarity and incest not being the ideal
study aids.
5:23 Global Communication
You’re too young to have heard this
chiming Nineties ambient gem first time
round, but its invigorating melodies
helped some of their parents through
some hardcore Chaucer cramming.
Hallelujah Junction John Adams
The American minimalist’s cascading
piano duet found a new audience
when it featured in Call Me By Your
Name. The 2017 movie told of young
love over a languorous
Italian summer — which
could be yours if you
pull your finger out with
that vocab revision.
Sleep Sound Jamie xx
Don’t worry, it doesn’t live up to
its name. This largely
instrumental track from the xx
DJ’s solo album is less soporific,
more gently stimulating.
Top 10 for
uni finals
I Giorni Ludovico Einaudi
This haunting piano piece by the Italian
minimalist was cited by Greg James, the
Radio 1 DJ, as the track that helped to
get him through his finals.
St Elmo’s Fire Brian Eno
From the pop boffin’s 1975 album
masterpiece Another Green
World. The perfect blend of
intelligence and gentleness.
The Dance No 1 Laraaji
Evolves through repetition,
perfectly illustrating the
point of revision.
Emerald Rush Jon Hopkins
Electronic modulations from
an ayahuasca-chomping digital
pioneer. Popular with science students.
Desire Kamasi Washington
Nobody ever got bad marks from
Top 10 for
mature students
Rattlesnakes Lloyd Cole and the
Commotions (1984)
Simone de Beauvoir receives a
namecheck on the consciously
highbrow title track of the band’s
debut album.
Flower of the Mountain Kate Bush
(2011)
For the title track of 1989’s The Sensual
World, Bush sought permission from
James Joyce’s estate to quote Molly
Bloom’s soliloquy in Ulysses and got a
When We Were Young Adele
The siren of Tottenham has shepherded
a generation through the lowest ebbs of
heartbreak. So A-level angst? Piece of
cake, darlin’.
Ambre Nils Frahm
An unobtrusive but sophisticated piano
piece from Germany’s neoclassical cult
star, demanding just the right level of
mental engagement to encourage
revision without getting in its way.
Confirmation Westerman
Headphones on for a gently
empowering slice of Eighties-style
smoothness and dreamy synthesizers.
The Girl with the Flaxen Hair
Claude Debussy
Doubly helpful to the imminent
school-leaver — it makes a delicate
accompaniment to revision and you can
drop it casually into conversation to
sound sophisticated.
Top 10 for GCSE
schoolchildren
an acoustic love song about a holiday
romance, offering hope for that wild
summer once exams finally come
to a merciful end.
Humungous Declan
McKenna
An accurate capturing of
the teenage mindset from
this politically aware,
acoustic heart-throb.
Lovely Billie Eilish & Khalid
With melancholic strings,
ideal for feeling sorry for
yourself when faced with
fiendishly difficult
trigonometry, this is a
classic alone-in-yourbedroom teen tearjerker.
Tenerife Sea Ed Sheeran
The very things Sheeran is
criticised for — blandness,
sentimentality, being boring
— make him a boon as
revision music because
nothing gets in the way of
concentration. And this tune is
undeniably pretty.
2002 Anne-Marie
A karate world champion
turned pop star reminisces on
the trouble-free joy of being a
kid, which you will need when you
are dealing with big problems like a
summer of exams.
Glasgow Catfish and the Bottlemen
Undemanding, upbeat indie-rockers sing
To Live a Life First Aid Kit
An uplifting ballad from the
Swedish folk sisters that will
convince you that maybe,
just maybe, you won’t be
defeated by that looming
physics paper.
Above: Ed Sheeran.
Left: Anne-Marie.
Far left: Adele.
Below left: Kamasi
Washington
Michicant Bon Iver
A bittersweet blend of
electronica and acoustic.
Poignant enough to pep you
up, soothing enough to
quash any hopes of skiving.
I Thought the World of You Lewis
Gossamer-light gem from a mysterious
1980s pop star/hustler.
Only Love Ben Howard
This gap-year-friendly acoustic
campfire singalong from a Devonian
surfer boy is soothing and uplifting
enough to make those chemistry
conundrums worth conquering.
Hurricane Halsey
When the
pressure builds,
this tale of
youthful sexual
misadventure from
a singer who has
become a
spokeswoman
for suicide
prevention
and assault
advocacy is
here to say that you
are not alone.
Silurian Blue Floating Points
Who better to listen to for academic
inspiration than a neuroscientist turned
electronic composer?
Aquarius Boards of Canada
An ambient dance classic by a
Scottish duo.
Slush Puppy King Krule
“Nothing is working with
me,” moans
twentysomething Archy
Marshall. This does the
trick when it is 4am and the
Pro Plus has run out.
Crying Lightning Arctic Monkeys
The Sheffield band inspire not only with
the simple thrill of indie rock, but also
through the sophistication of Alex
Turner’s lyrics — get through English
lang and lit and you’ll be able to wax
lyrical on “the café outside the cracker
factory” too.
Hallelujah Leonard Cohen
All getting on top of you? This
perennial masterpiece really does get to
the heart of the human — not to
mention university student — condition.
no. Years later she tried again, got lucky
and updated the recording.
allusion), as indie music’s miserabalists
get their teeth into George W Bush.
There She Goes My Beautiful World
Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds (2004)
Marx, Larkin, Dylan Thomas, Nabokov:
that’s a lot of lit-ref for one song, but the
Bard of Brighton pulled it off.
Don’t Stand So Close to Me
The Police (1980)
“Just like the old man in that book by
Nabokov,” sang Sting, a former
schoolteacher, on a song about a
schoolteacher’s inappropriate
relationship with a pupil. Ahem.
2+2=5 (The Lukewarm) Radiohead
(2003)
Orwell again (and a vague Dante
Gotta Get Up Kali Uchis
A touch of laid-back pop from the
American-Colombian singer, who
announces: “I wanna spend the day in
bed, but I gotta get up.” Yes you do,
lazy teen with a mountain of revision
to get through.
Oh, Ms Believer Twenty One Pilots
Gently soothing romantic pop with a
gospel feel from a well-meaning
Christian emo duo from
Columbus, Ohio. Ideal for
moments when it all feels
too much.
grooving on a bit of jazz and this sax
workout is wonderfully calming.
1984 David Bowie (1974)
The Dame had planned a musical
adaptation of George Orwell’s novel, but
his widow refused, so Bowie recorded
the semi-conceptual Diamond Dogs
album instead.
YOUR
CUT OUT
AND KEEP
GUIDE
Compiled by
Lisa Verrico,
Will Hodgkinson
and Ed Potton
Killing an Arab The Cure (1978)
Albert Camus’s The Stranger was
Robert Smith’s chief inspiration for this
early single.
Handsome Devil The Smiths (1983)
Back when Morrissey was all literary
lyrics and gladioli, he adapted a
line from Kurt Vonnegut’s
Slaughterhouse-Five: “There is more
to life than what you read in books.”
Le Pastie de la Bourgeoisie Belle and
Sebastian (1997)
Stuart Murdoch marked his egghead
card on the band’s third EP, squeezing
Salinger, Kerouac and Judy Blume into
this song about a “mousy girl on the
end pew”.
Prisoners Regina Spektor (2002)
“If Hans Christian Andersen could’ve
had his way with me/ Then none of
this shit would have ever gone down,”
Spektor sang, without quite spelling out
what the shit entailed.
8
1G T
Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
the table
Will kung fu make you faster at
The boss of the Leon chain thinks that the way to dominate Starbucks and
Pret is to teach your baristas to be like Bruce Lee. Harry Wallop has a go
I
n 1913 Henry Ford realised that
by applying the methods of
Chicago meat-packing factories
to his Model T car he would
radically increase production.
Thus the assembly line was born,
which slashed the price of the
automobile and kick-started the
20th century’s consumer boom.
In the 21st, we have John Vincent.
His Model T is a Moroccan Meatballs
Hot Box, and instead of using the
blueprint of a meat-packing factory to
transform his company, he is creating
a business edge with kung fu.
Vincent, 46, is the co-founder of
Leon, the trendy chain that is billed as
“Naturally Fast Food” and sells salad
boxes and vegan burgers. By using
wing tsun, an ancient Chinese martial
art that was practised by Bruce Lee, he
believes that the boxes will be filled
more efficiently, the drinks will be
served more swiftly and his staff will
be fitter, happier and more productive.
Vincent is also convinced that if his
managers can spend an hour a week
learning the yee ji kim yeung ma, or
“goat riding stance”, qigong breathing
and punching with their knuckles,
Leon can take on chains such as
Pret a Manger or McDonald’s.
“It’s like the Crusades, when the
knights with the massive swords
were outfought by people with
little swords,” he says.
Which sounds barking, but it
goes some way to explaining
why I am in a kwoon — “that’s
Chinese for ‘training hall’, ”
Vincent says — in a studio above
a Leon in central London being
punched very, very hard by the
boss, who is 6ft 2in and 16st 5lb. At
one point he sends me flying across
the room and gleefully checks with
the Times photographer to ensure that
the moment has been captured. “Shall
I do it again? Let’s do it again!”
The class is led by Julian Hitch, 34, a
former barrister and now a si-fu — or
master — whose job title is head of
wellbeing at Leon. Over the past year
he has been running courses for Leon
baristas to help them to use wing tsun
to slow their breathing and make the
coffee quicker. “Most people when
they punch they pull back, turn, swing
and try to hit. That’s a very longwinded way of trying to hit someone,”
he explains to me. “Now think of that
in terms of coffee. One step, one
motion, straight line. It’s about being
more efficient. In wing tsun we talk
about the centre-line theory. It’s the
shortest line between opponents.”
Leon baristas have knocked 30
seconds off the time it takes to make
six perfect coffees, their heart rates
have fallen and they feel less stressed,
he claims. His next mission is how to
get staff to make the wraps quicker.
Hitch is also Vincent’s personal wing
tsun master, and he goes to his house
in Haywards Heath, West Sussex,
every Sunday morning to put him
through his paces. Vincent has
converted a barn into his own kwoon,
decked out with an arsenal of swords
and shaolin training spears, and they
are writing a business book together
entitled Winning, not Fighting.
Vincent’s wife, Katie Derham, the
television presenter and former
Strictly Come Dancing contestant,
has been given lessons by Hitch, as
have their daughters, Eleanor and
Natasha. Vincent shows me a video
on his phone of Eleanor, 13, sparring
with Hitch. She looks useful, I say.
“No one is going to mess with her,”
says Vincent. “There was this boy at
school who put her in a headlock.
And she said, ‘Oh, don’t worry, Daddy,
I punched him in the bollocks.’ ” He
guffaws loudly at this anecdote.
Vincent is an odd mixture of publicschool confidence — back-slapping
bonhomie and super-friendly
politeness — and business-school
Who Moved My Cheese? faux-wisdom.
Interspersed with lots of guffawing.
Making your personal trainer the
head of wellbeing at your company
may seem a bit cosy, but Leon is a
family affair. It was founded in 2004
by Vincent and Henry Dimbleby, the
son of David, the broadcaster. They
had worked together at the
management consultancy Bain. They
brought on board the chef Allegra
McEvedy, who had been schoolfriends
with Dimbleby’s sister. McEvedy left
in 2009 and Dimbleby stopped being
involved in the business last year,
when a private equity firm bought a
large stake. However, McEvedy and
the Dimblebys — Henry and David —
remain shareholders, along with
Alexander Armstrong, the comedian.
“He was mates with Henry, but he also
knew my wife. Xander is a very funny
and lovely supporter,” Vincent says.
“Gabby Logan [the TV presenter] is
also a shareholder. Katie was doing the
news and Gabby would do the sports
on a Saturday.” This was when the two
women were at ITV.
Leon is named after Vincent’s father,
who died in March, aged 81. “It was
awful. We didn’t think he was going to
die. He went into hospital for an
operation and a series of things went
wrong. It was terrible.
“The values we have at Leon —
touch wood — are high integrity with
a little bit of rascal in us. My dad
definitely had that. That’s what I am
trying to instil in the company.”
Although Vincent Sr was not
involved in the company, he would
come to what Leon calls its wellbeing
events, hosted at Vincent’s house.
“Twice a year, winter and summer, all
the managers and head office come to
my house and have two days of this
type of thing. For two whole days.
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the times | Thursday May 10 2018
9
1G T
the table
pouring a latte?
CHRIS MCANDREW FOR THE TIMES
Shouldn’t it be “feed your dolphin”?
After all the dolphins are eating the
fish. “Ah, yes, you’re right. Someone
hasn’t thought that through. You’re
absolutely right.” He guffaws again.
Aren’t these wolf packs and kung fu
dolphins just a little bit David Brent? “I
think we are probably a little bit cooler
than David Brent, but who knows?”
Leon is certainly doing far better
than Wernham Hogg. There are now
53 outlets and it is rapidly expanding,
recently opening in the Netherlands;
its first US branch will launch this year.
And last week Vincent ventured into
a completely different cuisine: Thai.
The company’s first Tuk Shop opened
on Shaftesbury Avenue in Soho,
London, serving £6.95 green chicken
curry, £7.45 mussaman beef curry and
£5.45 roasted aubergine salad.
“It’s McDonald’s. You’ve had a bad
dream — or is it a good dream? — and
you wake up and it’s Thai,” he says,
trying and failing to explain the
concept. Then he drags me along to
try it. The decor is bright and the food
is delicious, with freshly made curry
paste and salads that have been
drenched in fresh mint and lime.
Vincent may give the impression of
being a bit of a BTech Richard
Branson with his business-school
Leon, first and
foremost, is a
family, a tribe,
a wolf pack
They sleep in the house, on the floor.”
That’s about 120 people doing wing
tsun, yoga and breathing exercises in
the Derham/Vincent back garden.
You must have a pretty large house?
“It’s reasonably large, but it’s in the
country, so it can afford to be.” He
insists that his family love the
invasion. “My wife embraces it.’’
He warms to his theme.
“Competitors think of Leon as a
company,” he continues. “And it is. But
first and foremost it’s genuinely a
family, a tribe, a wolf pack. It’s a very
tight-knit family. When I go into a
restaurant and I see the manager, I’m
not scary-boss John. I’m John, the guy
whose house they’ve been to, whose
family they know.”
He has also introduced a “feed-yourfish programme” at Leon. “Fish are
what make dolphins jump out of the
water. So the metaphor is everyone
has different fish, as in everyone has
something peculiar to them that will
make them want to jump out of the
water. It could be playing the violin
or being an artist. The manager is
constantly feeding that fish, giving
them things in line with that dream.”
Wing tsun master
Julian Hitch and Harry
Wallop. Left: Leon’s
John Vincent and his
wife, Katie Derham
aphorisms, even dressing up in drag as
an air hostess for a Leon event called
“Learning to Fly”. He shows me a
picture on his phone: he’s tottering in
high heels, fishnet tights and a blond
wig. “I’ve got good legs, haven’t I?”
Yet there is a ruthlessness to him.
Tuk Shop is opening during a diningout downturn, but he believes that
there is still a demand for “hot” Asian
food. By this he means that sushi
chains are losing customers to chains
that offer curry or noodles, which are
“more of a comfort factor”.
I ask whether it wouldn’t be easier,
instead of all the wing tsun and free
yoga classes, just to pay his staff more
(Leon’s frontline staff earn £8.70 an
hour versus the national living wage of
£7.83). “Our economic model is that we
cannot simply pay people more,” he
says, then adds: “People are not coinoperated. We respond to camaraderie,
we like to be well, we like our actual
day jobs to make us feel more vital.”
He may be right. When Leon first
opened, people queried whether it
could become mainstream with its
brown rice, quinoa and gluten-free
brownies. Vincent joked that Leon was
“a bit of a Guardian-reading lesbian
brand”. Is it still? “My argument is that
everyone is a Guardian-reading lesbian
now,” he says with a laugh.
In terms of eating habits, at least, he
has a point. So it’s not beyond the
realms of possibility that Vincent is on
to something with his management
techniques. Maybe it’s only a matter of
time before we are all practising wing
tsun in the workplace.
Baked eggs
and awarma flatbread
at the Lebanese Bakery
The rise and rise of
Lebanese flatbread
by Lucy Holden
M
anousheh. No that’s not
Arabic for “hello”. It
could in fact be your
new favourite food —
and I’d not heard of it
until yesterday either. Up until now
the Lebanese “pizza” has been
more or less unheralded in the UK
despite some of the best restaurants
in Paris and New York scribbling it
on to their menus with permanent
marker pens.
Britain, though, has finally caught
on. Tomorrow, the Lebanese Bakery,
which will be dedicated almost
entirely to Beirut’s most popular
street-food snack, will open in
Covent Garden, London, and you
can expect queues for two reasons:
first, manousheh is a flatbread,
which from Pret to M&S to Asda
we can’t get enough of, and second,
Middle Eastern cuisine remains as
cool as ever. Last year we were
obsessed with the spice za’atar —
now it’s time for us to fall in love
with the flatbreads it is often found
slathered on in Lebanon.
The sister establishment to a
bakery launched two years ago in the
upmarket Achrafieh area of Beirut,
the Lebanese Bakery has about 15
manousheh on the menu. Most are
authentically Middle Eastern; its
signature flatbread is topped with a
spice blend made of dried thyme,
sumac and sesame seeds and strewn
with fresh, citrussy Lebanese thyme.
However, some have been adapted
for British tastes, including an “allday breakfast” for those who can’t
live without eggs on toast.
Samer Chamoun, 36, who set up
the company with his brother
Bassam, is well versed in our
predilections, having worked for
eight years in London for Zaha
Hadid Architects, during which time
he set up an outpost of ZHA in
China. “Working in Beijing was
amazing,” he says. “We were
designing Galaxy Soho, a mega
commercial project. And I went all
around the world: Dubai and Abu
Dhabi, Montpellier . . . Most recently
I helped design a huge department
store in Beirut, which is under
construction now. The projects are
slow to go up, but amazing to watch
being built, brick by brick.”
Unsurprisingly, Chamoun is also
responsible for the minimalist design
of the London bakery, which echoes
the modernity of its produce.
“Middle Eastern bakeries are often
old-fashioned, family-owned places
where not much care or attention is
given to the food and we wanted to
modernise that,” he says. “You can
put practically anything on them, so
we invented a dozen different
options. We’re food geeks, but really
there’s nothing sophisticated about
them. People love them because
they’re authentic, comforting
without being heavy and use very
fresh ingredients.” Those ingredients
range from halloumi and basil to
strawberries and pistachios sprinkled
over a sweet tahini-style sauce.
For the calorie-conscious, the good
news is that you can think of them as
slimline pizzas (with an average of
350 to 500 calories), and they are just
as satisfying, if not more so because
you don’t leave looking six months’
pregnant after working your way
through a few of the temptations on
the restaurant’s blackboard menu.
You can also eat them at any time of
day; they are a breakfast staple in
Beirut, but Chamoun, who while
studying for his degree spent six
years of sleepless nights “in the
craziest underground clubs”, thinks
they make great “after-party food”.
Don’t be surprised, though, if the
Lebanese Bakery is soon up against
competitors. Yotam Ottolenghi, who
is often seen as the man who put a
taste for Middle Eastern cuisine on
our tongues, likes to make similar
flatbreads; they are “ideal vehicles
for countless spreads, toppings and
fillings”, he says. Meanwhile, Tony
Kitous, the owner of the Comptoir
Libanais chain, says that he is
“obsessed” with manousheh and has
considered opening a bakery himself.
“It was always a Middle Eastern
favourite of mothers and
grandmothers, but it’s becoming
more and more popular,” he says.
His restaurant sells a halloumi and
za’atar version for £8.95. “I eat it on
an almost daily basis,” he says.
10
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Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
television & radio
All you need is footage for these sexy retro riots
POPPERFOTO/GETTY IMAGES
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Vive la Revolution!
BBC Four
{{{{(
Britain’s Fat Fight
BBC One
{{{{(
I
s it possible to make a bad
documentary about the 1960s?
You’d really have to put the graft in
to turn out a stinker because it’s all
there: the music, politics, fashion
and sexy retro news clips of young
people looking hippyish, beautiful and
thin, partly because of their endless
smoking and partly because people
didn’t yet live on Greggs pasties.
Joan Bakewell, herself a Sixties
beauty (hence Frank Muir’s never
forgotten phrase “thinking man’s
crumpet”) and at the time one of the
Radio Choice
Catherine Nixey
Question Time
Extra Time
Radio 5 Live, 10pm
Adrian Chiles takes on the
role of warm-up act to the
rock star David Dimbleby
in this programme made to
tee up the TV debate. Each
week Chiles will introduce
the speakers and test the
audience waters. Radio 5
Live suggests we should
“think of it as Question
Time’s cheeky younger
sibling”, but with Chiles
at the helm. Perhaps the
BBC has finally run out of
Dimbleby siblings to pass
political debates on to.
Assignment: China’s
World Cup Dreams
World Service, 10.06pm
President Xi Jinping of
China likes a spot of
football. In 2011 he said
he had three dreams: he
wanted China to qualify for,
host and win a World Cup.
Just that then. Xi has put
football on the curriculum
and his ambitions might
receive help from an
unexpected quarter. Mass
migration of adults to the
cities means that millions
of children live among
extended families, without
their parents. A school is
offering these “left-behind
children” occupation,
attention and purpose by
drilling them in football.
few female TV presenters, took us
meticulously through the events of
1968 in Vive la Revolution! It mainly
covered the student uprising in
France, but also world turmoil
including Vietnam (with a lovely clip
of Muhammad Ali refusing the draft)
and the Civil Rights movement.
Bakewell is well placed to comment
given that she presented Late Night
Line-Up, on which many of the
intellectuals agitating for change were
interviewed. Some didn’t like it and
told David Attenborough, who was the
controller of BBC Two, to clamp down.
He replied: “Leave them alone: they
are my gorillas.” Bit rude to Joan that,
David. Oh, I see — “guerrillas”. My
bad. “We were invading the television
territory and stirring things up,”
Bakewell said. She quoted Wordsworth
on that other French revolution: “To
be young was very heaven,” she said,
“and in 1968 it certainly was.”
Some of it was jaw-dropping. One of
the chants shouted by supporters of
Charles de Gaulle in Paris, about the
Jewish student Daniel Cohn-Bendit,
who sparked the student protests, was
“Send Cohn-Bendit to Dachau.”
Occasionally it felt like a linear
lecture because, aside from Bakewell’s
commentary, it wasn’t broken up with
current interviews, just acres of old
footage. Yet given that it was such
a glamorous era, made for TV (hard to
imagine, say, the English riots of 2011
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Nick Grimshaw 10.00 Clara Amfo 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 The Matt Edmondson Show
4.00 Greg James 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg
James 7.00 Nick Grimshaw 9.00 The 8th
with Charlie Sloth 11.00 BBC Radio 1’s
Residency: The Black Madonna 12.00 BBC
Radio 1’s Residency: Bradley Zero 1.00am
Toddla T 3.00 Radio 1 Comedy: Birthday
Girls House Party 4.00 Radio 1’s Early
Breakfast Show with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Bruce 12.00
Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve Wright 5.00
Amol Rajan 7.00 Bob Harris Country 8.00
Ana Matronic. The Scissor Sisters singer sits
in for Jo Whiley 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts
Show with Anneka Rice. A lively look at the
latest films, plays, dance events, books and
exhibitions. Last in the series 12.00 The
Craig Charles House Party (r) 2.00am Radio
2’s Tracks of My Years Playlist 3.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Have A Great Weekend 4.00 Radio 2
Playlist: Feelgood Friday 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Petroc Trelawny presents
9.00 Essential Classics
Ian Skelly introduces another selection of
classical music, with guest Christian Jessen
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Boulanger (1893-1918)
Donald Macleod follows Lili Boulanger’s
activities during the First World War, when
her music-making possibilities were
restricted. Too frail to undertake any physical
occupation, but determined to make a
contribution, she explored other ways to
support the war effort. Boulanger (Pie Jesu
for voice, string quartet, harp and organ;
Pour les funérailles d’un soldat; Dans
l’immense tristesse; and Psaume 130:
Du fond de l’abime)
1.00pm News
1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
Clemency Burton-Hill presents music by the
Amatis Trio: Lea Hausmann, Samuel
Shepherd, Mengjie Han — recorded at
St Mary’s Church, Hay-on-Wye, during the
2017 Hay Festival. Mozart (Piano Trio in
B flat, K502); and Mendelssohn
(Piano Trio No 2 in C minor, Op 66) (r)
Paris 1968 — probably the most photogenic uprising there’s been
2.00 Afternoon Concert
Jonathan Swain presents a Vespers service
recorded at last year’s Zurich Early Music
Festival. Monteverdi and Gabrieli (Venetian
Vespers); Vivaldi (Concerto in G minor
for two cellos, RV 531); Dvorak
(Waldesruh’, Op 68; and Rondo, Op 94);
and Schoeck (Cello Concerto, Op 61)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty’s guests include Michael
Collins, performing live in the studio and
talking about upcoming projects. The pianist
Kirill Gerstein talks to us down the line from
Glasgow ahead of concerts with the Royal
Scottish National Orchestra. Guy Johnston
and Tom Poster perform together before they
perform at Highclere Castle as part of
Newbury Festival. Including 5.00, 6.00 News
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
In Tune’s specially curated playlist: an
eclectic mix of music, featuring favourites,
lesser-known gems, and a few surprises. The
perfect way to usher in your evening
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
The acclaimed Russian pianist Pavel
Kolesnikov plays a programme spanning
three centuries of keyboard pieces. Recorded
last week at Wigmore Hall and presented by
Sarah Walker. Helmut Lachenmann
(Schattentanz — Ein Kinderspiel); Debussy
(Dr. Gradus ad Parnassum; Jimbo’s Lullaby
— Children’s Corner); Lachenmann (Akiko
— Ein Kinderspiel); Debussy (Serenade for
the Doll — Children’s Corner); Chopin
(Mazurka in C sharp minor, Op. 30, No 4; and
Étude, Op 25, No 2); Debussy (The Snow is
Dancing — Children’s Corner Suite); Liszt
(La Campanella); Debussy (The Little
Shepherd — Children’s Corner); JS Bach
(Prelude in C sharp — The Well Tempered
Clavier, Book II); Debussy (Golliwog’s
Cakewalk — Children’s Corner); Lachenmann
(Filter-Schaukel — Ein Kinderspiel); Debussy
(Feux d’artifice — Préludes, Book II No 12);
Louis Couperin (Tombeau de Mr Blancrocher);
and Schumann (Fantasie in C, Op 17)
10.00 Free Thinking
Matthew Sweet discusses talking, speech
and having a voice, with guests including the
professor of acoustic engineering Trevor Cox
and the philosopher Rebecca Roache
10.45 The Essay: The Migrants
Tom McKinney discusses how his
birdwatching hobby has become a lifestyle
11.00 Late Junction
Electro-acoustic composer Cee Haines —
aka Chaines — presents a 30-minute mix,
and there is also music by Sharon
Van Etten and Anna and Elizabeth
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
With John Humphrys and Nick Robinson
8.30 (LW) Yesterday in Parliament
9.00 In Our Time
The history of ideas
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week:
The Language of Kindness
By Christie Watson (4/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Presented by Jenni Murray. Including at
10.45 the 15 Minute Drama: Part nine of
Linda Marshall Griffiths’ adaptation of
Henry James’ The Wings of the Dove
11.00 Crossing Continents
How China is using football to create a sense
of national pride and to relieve poverty (7)
11.30 The Intimate Art of Tattoo
The exponential rise in tattooing (1/2) (r)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Four Thought
Questioning the value of success (r)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 The Assassination
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Foreign Bodies —
Keeping the Wolf Out
By Philip Palmer. Soviet investigators are
determined to find a mole in the Ministry,
and Franciska finds herself in their sights as
her detective husband investigates a murder.
Starring Leo Bill and Clare Corbett (2/2) (r)
3.00 Open Country
Celebrating the 175th anniversary of the
birth of the garden designer, horticulturist,
artist and writer Gertrude Jekyll (6/6)
3.27 Radio 4 Appeal
On behalf of Butterfly Conservation (r)
3.30 Bookclub
Jo Nesbo discusses The Snowman (r)
4.00 The Film Programme
Cinema magazine
4.30 BBC Inside Science
The latest scientific research
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Alone
By Moray Hunter. Will tries to help Louisa
film a scene for a casting (3/6)
7.00 The Archers
Freddie is feeling suspicious
looking quite so moody and chichi in
50 years’ time), it was mesmerising.
In the final part of Britain’s Fat
Fight Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s
patience was running thin. Not with
the folk who needed to lose weight
and with whom he built quite a sweet
rapport, but with the weaselly
Department of Health, especially
Jeremy Hunt, the health secretary,
who refused to speak about the NHS’s
biggest crisis, making him look feeble.
All Fearnley-Whittingstall wanted
was to ask a few questions about food
labelling and junk food advertising,
but Hunt ducked at the Tory party
conference, where his keynote speech
didn’t mention obesity.
Fearnley-Whittingstall spluttered
that the conference was sponsored
by Tate & Lyle. Irony klaxon! So the
government sent a lame statement,
declining to put anyone up for
interview, but declaring that “obesity
is one of our biggest public health
challenges” (“No shit,” FearnleyWhittingstall said) and that it had “the
most ambitious policy in the world”.
So ambitious that the health secretary
won’t talk about it on a programme
that showed us a man with his limb
amputated due to type 2 diabetes. This
series, in which Fearnley-Whittingstall
shrank by a stone, turned out to be
quite hard-hitting. Hunt is probably
raising a glass that it’s over.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
7.15 Front Row
Arts programme
7.45 Love Henry James:
The Wings of the Dove
Dramatised by Linda Marshall Griffiths (9)
8.00 A Celebration for Ascension Day
Live from St Martin-in-the-Fields, London
9.00 BBC Inside Science
The latest scientific research (r)
9.30 In Our Time
The history of ideas (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
With Aleem Maqbool
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
The Valley at the Centre of the World
By Malachy Tallack (9/10)
11.00 John Finnemore’s Double Acts
Comedy two-hander starring Alison
Steadman and Isy Suttie (2/6) (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week:
The Language of Kindness (4/5) (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am J Kingston Platt’s Showbiz
Handbook 8.30 The Goon Show 9.00
Listomania 9.30 Alison and Maud 10.00
Father and Son 11.00 Short Works: A Season
of Murder, Mystery and Suspense 11.15 IOU
12.00 J Kingston Platt’s Showbiz Handbook
12.30pm The Goon Show 1.00 High Table,
Lower Orders 1.30 The Parrot Sketch 2.00
The Secret History 2.15 Shakespeare’s
Restless World 2.30 Gillespie and I 2.45
Michael Palin Diaries: The Python Years 3.00
Father and Son 4.00 Listomania 4.30 Alison
and Maud 5.00 Hopes and Desires 5.30
Alone 6.00 Night Watch 6.30 Great Lives.
Katharine Whitehorn champions the work of
the journalist Mary Stott 7.00 J Kingston
Platt’s Showbiz Handbook. Comedy with
Peter Jones 7.30 The Goon Show. Comedy
with Spike Milligan 8.00 High Table, Lower
Orders. Comedy drama by Mark Tavener.
From 2005 8.30 The Parrot Sketch. Tony
Hawks hears from some talkative parrots
and the people who choose to live with them.
Originally broadcast in 2003 9.00 Short
Works: A Season of Murder, Mystery and
Suspense. The Birthday Treat by Sophie
Hannah 9.15 IOU. By Jaden Clarke 10.00
Comedy Club: Alone. By Moray Hunter.
Outrageous noises from upstairs keep Mitch
and Will awake 10.30 Ross Noble Goes
Global. The comedian visits Adelaide
11.00 Arthur Smith’s Balham Bash. With
guests Katie Melua, Roisin Conaty, Alun
Cochrane and Nick Helm 11.30 The Odd Half
Hour. Sketch show looking at the pains of
modern life. From 2010
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport. Premier League updates from
West Ham United v Manchester United
10.00 Question Time Extra Time. Adrian
Chiles and Chris Mason introduce coverage of
Question Time. See Radio Choice
1.00am Up All Night 5.00 Reports
5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Jim White 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off: West Ham United v
Manchester United (Kick-off 7.45).
Commentary on the Premier League match
from The London Stadium 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Adam Catterall
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe and Stuart
Maconie 4.00 Tom Ravenscroft 6.00 Tom
Ravenscroft’s Roundtable 7.00 Marc Riley
9.00 Gideon Coe 12.00 6 Music
Recommends with Steve Lamacq 1.00am
Hitsville USA: The Story of Motown 2.00
Street Corner Soul 2.30 6 Music Live Hour
3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Aled Jones 5.00 Classic FM
Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00 The Full
Works Concert. Catherine Bott explores
music by composers who were born in the
same year. Schubert (Symphony No.5 in
B-flat); Donizetti (Andante for Oboe and
Strings); JS Bach (Keyboard Concerto in
A major); Handel (“Ombra mai fu”);
Nielsen (Bohemian-Danish Folk Tune);
Sibelius (2 Serenades Op 69); Schumann
(Kinderszenen Op 15); and Chopin (Andante
Spianato & Grande Polonaise Op 22) 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Jane Jones
the times | Thursday May 10 2018
11
1G T
MANUEL HARLAN; MARILYN KINGWILL; GETTY IMAGES
Concert
City of London
Sinfonia/Dean
Queen Elizabeth Hall
Pop
Florence and the Machine
Royal Festival Hall
{{{{{
{{{{(
A
I
n the past, if asked to describe the
City of London Sinfonia, I would
have called it a decent if timid
chamber orchestra in need of
a stronger, more individual profile.
So far it’s not clear that one has been
found, although the search is definitely
under way. For its opening gig at
the refurbished Queen Elizabeth
Hall it brought to the table an
overarching theme (hero worship),
a history professor, Powerpoint
images, and Beethoven’s Eroica
Symphony quixotically directed from
the viola. It also, where possible,
played standing up — always a help
when trying to infuse music with zest
and ginger.
The notional heroes of the night
were Beethoven and Napoleon, the
symphony’s original dedicatee. Yet
the eminence in the flesh was the
Australian Brett Dean, who was
featured as composer, instrumentalist
and conductor. Playing the viola in
the Eroica didn’t stop him from
gesturing sharply with his right hand,
keeping the show on the road. As
an interpretation this performance
remained ordinary, yet its febrile
intensity and sonorous beauty still
made it something special. I loved the
orchestra’s flawless French horns.
Dean also deserved applause for his
composition Testament, a response to
Beethoven’s Heiligenstadt letter in
which the composer reflected on his
worsening hearing. Some of Dean’s
pieces are so dominated by their
conceptual stimuli that they almost
resemble programme notes set to
music. Not so here, especially once the
whispered, wispy opening sounds gave
way to positive bustle; the sounds of
Beethoven not giving in.
As for the professor, Christopher
Clark’s opening talk was lively,
threading an interesting path through
Beethoven, Napoleon, history and
deafness with musical examples,
although the slight aura of a university
lecture remained. And the City of
London Sinfonia? Not quite there yet,
but it has certainly discovered gusto.
Geoff Brown
Theatre
Life and Fate
Theatre Royal
Haymarket, SW1
{{{{(
Carey Mulligan
shines at the
Cannes Festival
First Night, main paper
I
artsfirst night
Claire Skinner as Jenny and Sion Daniel Young as her wimpy son, Ryan, in Barney Norris’s rural drama
A yawn on the lawn
A bewildering
new play about
grief and loss
down on the
farm leaves
Ann Treneman
in the dark
Theatre
Nightfall
The Bridge, SE1
{{(((
s this three-and-a-half-hour
Russian-language depiction of the
horrors of the Second World War
a doddle to sit through? It is not.
Is it worth the effort? It is.
So hang on in there. At the interval
of the Maly Theatre of St Petersburg’s
surtitled adaptation of Vasily
Grossman’s novel about a Jewish
family in Stalinist wartime Russia,
I looked on enviously as a pair of
fellow theatregoers stepped outside to
hail a cab. It took the adapter and
director Lev Dodin three years to
rehearse this play, with his huge and
talented cast, and I couldn’t help
thinking they had fallen too much in
love with the material in the process.
Some parts of the story, as we meet
the atomic physicist Viktor Shtrum
and his threatened family, are talked
through at wearying length. Some
parts are glossed over. If you haven’t
read Grossman’s novel, a Doctor
Zhivago-like saga, you may struggle
with who is related to whom here.
Memo to the couple in the cab,
T
his new play by Barney
Norris is set on an English
farm, but this is no pastoral
idyll. Indeed, Norris goes out
of his way to make sure that
we see this as the modern-day version
of hardscrabble (grim, but with
sauvignon blanc). It starts with Ryan,
who has just inherited the running of
the farm after his father died, and his
best friend, Pete, deciding to drill a
hole into a giant oil pipeline that
crosses their back garden.
Ugly? Just a little bit. Dangerous?
I am under the impression that
welding, with sparks so high they
could be fireworks, near such a thing
is not a great idea. The siphon hose
looks wonky, then, confusingly, when
Ryan opens a tap in their siphon tank,
something that looks like water and
not oil trickles out.
As you can tell, I was frustrated by
the practicalities of this play. There are
no farming rhythms and, indeed, Ryan
seems to spend his time shooting
crows, protecting ducklings, drinking
wine, or doing some dodgy bricklaying.
His mum, Jenny, and sister, Lou, are
no help, wandering round the pipeline
back garden with the air of tourists just
arrived on an Airbnb farm.
Laurie Sansom directs a play that is
uneven and, in the first half, drifts into
being lackadaisical. Wimpy Ryan (Sion
Daniel Young) appears to have the
common sense of a gnat. Lou (a very
good Ophelia Lovibond), fancies her
old boyfriend, Pete (a believable
Ukweli Roach), even though he’s been
in jail. Claire Skinner plays Jenny, who
may be grieving, but is also deeply
manipulative. She spends much of the
first half drinking white wine and
dancing to Fleetwood Mac. “Enough
already,” I thought.
There’s gentle and intimate and
then there’s just tedious; Jenny doing
mum dancing (like dad dancing, but
with more arm movement) can only
be interesting for so long. Is this play
about land, family, grief, pilfering or
the North Star? (Rae Smith has
created a fantastic sky set behind that
pipeline back garden.) Some in the
audience did not care enough to find
out and left at the interval.
It did spark into life in the second
half, although thankfully without the
fire department being called, as the
subject of grief and loss became more
explicit. Yet it never felt convincing
in terms of its setting and the people.
I cannot see one farmer in Britain
going to this play and feeling anything
other than bewilderment.
Box office: 0333 320 0051, to May 26.
This ran in some editions yesterday
though: you missed a big payoff. With
the legwork of the first half done, Life
and Fate picks up pace and immerses
us in a complex and vivid world of
repression, murder, divided loyalties,
warped idealism and morally fatigued
compromise. Sergey Kuryshev is
outstanding as Viktor, who goes from
persecuted to fêted after a phone call
from Comrade Stalin.
The private agonies of Viktor and
his family coexist with other
characters who appear at the
same time on Alexey
Poray-Koshits’s cloggedup set, which is
dominated by a
volleyball net that
represents the
fences keeping men
imprisoned at a
Soviet labour camp,
then a Nazi
concentration camp.
In one blackly comical scene the
colonel rendered humane by his new
love for Viktor’s sister-in-law delays
the tanks at the Battle of Stalingrad.
He saves lives and ruins his name.
And as more such telling details
amass, the moments of mess or
oversell are subsumed by the sheer
sense of compromised, cramped,
questing life that this extraordinary
ensemble so unshowily exhibits.
“I don’t believe in Universal Good,”
says one character, “I believe in
kindness.” You’ll nod your
head to that. And catch
your breath at a finale
that features a team of
young men marching
into a gas chamber
as they play brass
instruments. A slow,
testing start; by the
end, I’d happily have
sat for another hour.
Dominic Maxwell
Box office: 020 7930
8800, to May 20
Life and Fate is based on
Vasily Grossman’s novel
mood of pagan magic,
a stage decorated with
flowers and trees and,
flitting between them,
a barefoot sprite in peach
satin and chiffon, tracing symbols in
the air. Going out on a limb, I’d guess
that Florence Welch has seen a few
productions of A Midsummer Night’s
Dream in her time. Welch is 31, a Brit
and Ivor Novello winner, yet she still
has flashes of those girls at school who
sprinkled their homework with glitter
and spent breaktime spinning around
with their eyes closed.
What stopped this show from edging
into pretentious am-dram — what
made it, in fact, one of the most
thrilling of the year — was that the
south Londoner was fierce as well as
floaty. It was there in her energy: wild
pogoes as well as winsome pirouettes.
In the way she urged the seated crowd
to their feet for Queen of Peace and
sprinted up the aisles during Delilah,
leaving security guards puffing in
her wake like rhinos lumbering after
a gazelle. And in her voice, a willowy
contralto wail that did anguish, ecstasy
and everything in between. With her
elemental reveries and red-headed
chutzpah, she’s basically the love child
of Kate Bush and Bianca from
EastEnders.
Backed by an eight-piece band of
sexy young things, Welch played
Florence Welch was fierce as well
as floaty in an outstanding gig
a clutch of new tracks from her
forthcoming album, High as Hope,
including 100 Years, a wintry
folk-rocker; Patricia, a harp-dappled
ode to a friend who would think it
“quite weird” to know it was about
her; and Hunger, a windswept torch
song that opened with the line: “At 17,
I started to starve myself.’’ Welch
has never been afraid to share her
struggles with depression, alcohol
and heartbreak — if this was a new
confession, it only made her seem
stronger.
Yes, she sometimes seemed to be
losing control — during Only If for
a Night her eyes rolled disconcertingly
back into her head — but a soothing
firmness always prevailed.
During her big hit Dog Days Are
Over, she smilingly ordered the
audience to down their phones.
“This moment will only happen once
and we won’t save it.” It did, and we
didn’t. And bravo for that.
Ed Potton
London Stadium, May 25
12
1G T
Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Joe Clay
Great Art
ITV, 10.45pm
ITV’s
remarkable
highbrow
arts series
(remarkable for being
a highbrow arts series
on ITV, but also good
value) returns with
a film about David
Early
Top
pick
Hockney. The focus is
on his two most recent
exhibitions at the
Royal Academy, in 2012
and 2016. The first, A
Bigger Picture, a series
of landscape paintings,
iPad prints and
multi-camera images,
was extraordinarily
successful. Afterwards,
he left his native East
Yorkshire to return to
the Los Angeles of his
first artistic heyday
and the medium of
portraiture. The
resulting exhibition —
82 Portraits and
1 Still-Life — was also
hailed as a triumph,
with Rachel
Campbell-Johnston,
the art critic of
The Times, saying that
it “requires us to study
our intrinsic human
nature. That’s about as
deeply traditional and
yet as utterly individual
as the work of an artist
can get. Who can help
but be moved by a
project so simply
profound?” The
exhibitions brought in
750,000 visitors to the
Royal Academy, proof
of his enduring
popularity. Compelling
interviews with
Hockney at the shows
complement the wider
analysis of his career
and lingering shots of
his canvases. There
are also erudite
contributions from
curators and art critics,
including Jonathan
Jones and Edith
Devaney. “There’s a
simple honesty and
bravery,” says Jones of
Hockney’s paintings,
but he could also be
talking about this
admirably focused and
no-frills approach to
arts programming.
Britain’s Best
Home Cook
BBC One, 8pm
If you still have an
appetite for competitive
cookery competitions,
the BBC’s latest
offering is like a bowl of
mashed potato —
comfortingly familiar,
but a bit stodgy. There
are nine cooks left and
the challenges tonight
include cooking their
“ultimate” fish dish
and an invention test
based on one ingredient
— this time it’s squash.
The least successful
then face a tense
cook-off. The
contestants’ characters
are starting to come
through and since they
all have a different
culinary heritage, it is
fun to watch the
contrasting approaches
to the same brief.
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain: Food.
Protein-enhanced versions of familiar products 10.00
Homes Under the Hammer. Properties in Cheshire,
Merseyside and Hertfordshire (AD) 11.00 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road. Police race to a lorry engulfed in flames,
and a super-sized blowout goes from bad to worse (AD)
11.45 The Housing Enforcers. Officers investigate a
dangerous property in Tendring, Essex 12.15pm Bargain
Hunt. Charles Hanson hosts as the hunt for bargains
heads to Oswestry, Shropshire (r) (AD) 1.00 BBC News at
One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45
Doctors. Zara is desperate to conquer her demons and
Emma fights Valerie’s corner (AD) 2.15 800 Words.
George’s article about the restaurant causes outrage in
town. Last in the series (AD) 3.00 Escape to the Country.
A couple who wish to relocate from Hertfordshire to
Northamptonshire (r) (AD) 3.45 Flipping Profit. Catherine
Southon, Gary Barton and Micaela Sharp search the
Sussex town of Lewes (AD) 4.30 Flog It! Highlights of
the best finds (r) 5.15 Pointless. Quiz show hosted by
Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman 6.00 BBC News
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road (r) (AD) 7.15 Flipping Profit (r) (AD) 8.00
Sign Zone: David Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities (r)
(AD, SL) 8.30 Kate Humble: Off the Beaten Track (r) (SL)
9.00 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live
12.00 Daily Politics 1.00pm Perfection (r) 1.45 Home
Away from Home (r) 2.30 Going Back, Giving Back. Aled
Jones heads to Paddington Station in London to revisit
the story of “The Lady in the Mask” (r) 3.15 Digging for
Britain. Archaeological finds across the North of Britain
including clues to Scotland’s first kingdoms and a hoard of
Viking treasure unearthed by metal detectorists (r) (AD)
4.15 Tudor Monastery Farm. The team joins fellow
parishioners in a traditional ceremony to pray for a good
harvest and Peter Ginn and Tom Pinfold assist farmer
Neal Careswell as he weans the piglets (r) (AD) 5.15
Money for Nothing. Sarah Moore takes an old card table
to furniture designer Norman Wilkinson to give it a new
top, a wardrobe is transformed and a bag of vintage
clothes is re-used (r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted
by Jeremy Vine (r) 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys.
Michael Portillo travels from Stirling to Pitlochry (r) (AD)
6.00am Good Morning Britain. An interview with Andrew
Flintoff and Lethal Bizzle about their new extreme motor
racing show Carnage 8.30 Lorraine. Entertainment,
current affairs and fashion news, as well as showbiz
stories, cooking and gossip. Presented by Lorraine Kelly
9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat show 10.30 This
Morning. Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present
chat and lifestyle features, including a look at the stories
making the newspaper headlines and a recipe in the
kitchen 12.30pm Loose Women. The ladies put the world
to rights once more and chat to The One Show presenter
Alex Jones 1.30 ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder.
Cameras follow criminal barrister Robert Rinder as he
takes on real-life cases in a studio courtroom 3.00
Tenable. Five school friends from east London answer
questions on lists from the realms of pop culture and
general knowledge. Quiz hosted by Warwick Davis 4.00
Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the arcade-themed
quiz show in which contestants drop tokens down a choice
of four chutes in the hope of winning a £10,000 jackpot
5.00 The Chase. Quiz show hosted by Bradley Walsh 6.00
Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. Gordon
Ramsay heads to Wilkinsburg in Pennsylvania (r) 11.00
Undercover Boss USA. Mike Bloom, president and COO of
discount retail chain Family Dollar, goes incognito within
the organisation (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary
12.05pm Coast vs Country. A retired engineer and his
partner search for a property in Suffolk, on a budget of
£425,000 (r) (AD) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. Nathan and
Debb test-drive an unusual motorcycle simulator, while
Larry and Neil look to complete a deal involving a drum kit
(r) 2.10 Countdown. With Adrian Chiles joining Susie
Dent in Dictionary Corner 3.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter
Sun. A mother and daughter look for a holiday home in
Spain (r) 4.00 The £100k Drop. Contestants from South
Shields and Epsom take part 5.00 Four in a Bed. The final
visit is to Gate Hangs High in Hook Norton, Oxfordshire
(r) 5.30 Buy It Now. A Durham entrepreneur shows off
his vanity product 6.00 The Simpsons. Bart betrays
Milhouse during their school sports day (r) (AD) 6.30
Hollyoaks. Yasmine confronts Diane and Tony (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. The day’s
news comes under scrutiny from Matthew Wright and the
panel 11.15 The Yorkshire Vet. Julian Norton is called out
to a much-loved trekking llama who has an excruciatingly
painful problem, and the team also tries to save an
orphaned kitten (r) 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15
GPs: Behind Closed Doors. The doctors treat patients with
mental health problems, including a pregnant woman
afraid she is developing depression and a boy who
struggles to control his anger (r) (AD) 1.10 Access 1.15
Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 The
Yorkshire Vet Casebook. Julian Norton has problems with
a highland cow called Hilda and Peter Wright performs
life-changing surgery on a pug named Bramble (r) 3.15
FILM: Sinister Stepmother (12, TVM, 2017)
A divorcée is surprised to learn her ex-husband has
married a younger woman — and even more surprised to
discover her dark past. Thriller with Annie Wersching
5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours. Poppy is sent home
from the camping trip, while Kirsha and Susan get lost
in the bush (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Maggie tells
Ben her bad news (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
7PM
Celebrating 30 years of the filthy rich
7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex
Jones present the live magazine,
featuring chat and stories of interest
7.00 Back to the Land with Kate
Humble Kate visits an arable farming
couple who have starting raising male
goats for meat, a family making their
own award-winning wine and a
botanist who has launched an
organic skincare range (3/12) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale The day of Bob and
Brenda’s wedding arrives, and Ross
asks questions about Simon (AD)
8.00 Britain’s Best Home Cook Claudia
Winkleman presents week two, which
sees the cooks create their ultimate
fish dish displaying their individual
home cooking style. They must then
invent a sweet or savoury meal with
squash or rice as the key ingredient.
See Viewing Guide (2/8) (AD)
8.00 The World’s Most Extraordinary
Homes Piers Taylor and Caroline
Quentin explore four bold and
extraordinary homes in Spain, a
country renowned for experimental
and fearless architecture (5/8) (AD)
8.00 Emmerdale Charity receives support
from an unlikely source, and Bob and
Brenda are set to tie the knot (AD)
9.00 Ambulance Specialist trauma team
Pete and Matt are called to the victim
of a knife attack, carrying out urgent
medical intervention at the scene.
Paramedics Christine and Chris start
their day shift with a man who has
collapsed in Worcester town centre
after a suspected drug overdose
9.00 Red Ape: Saving the Orangutan
The story of how a team of medics
has been fighting to save Borneo’s
endangered orangutans, giving medical
care, rehabilitating and releasing the
healthiest ones back into the wild.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
9.00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?
Jeremy Clarkson takes the driving seat
in the penultimate edition of the quiz
revival, as more contestants try to
answer the 15 questions that will bag
them the £1 million jackpot (6/7)
Late
11PM
10PM
9PM
8PM
7.30 EastEnders Phil gives Kim some
home truths, Billy hopes to win Honey
round with a romantic picnic and Rainie
starts flirting with Robbie (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
7.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next
Door A Devon woman finds herself
spending a night in the cells after a
dispute with a neighbour who just
happens to be a policeman, while
a York man gets an unexpected
soaking after an argument with the
person next door (5/6) (r) (AD)
8.00 Food Unwrapped: China Special
The team reveals the secrets of food in
China, including the traditional way of
making noodles, the world of soy sauce
and the origins of fortune cookies.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
8.00 Bad Tenants, Rogue Landlords
The story of a Mansfield woman who
rented her house to a friend, who then
stopped paying any money — and to
add insult to injury, ruined the property
by keeping too many dogs there
9.00 999: What’s Your Emergency?
A family has a brick thrown through its
window by a cannabis dealer and a
mother is assaulted by her son,
thought to be suffering from
cannabis psychosis (AD)
9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away!
Stewart and Iain confront a woman in
Cheshire refusing to pay a veterinary
practice, claiming her dog was
misdiagnosed. Paul and Max collect
£5,000 owed by a banned company
director in east London accused of
mis-selling assets on the stock market
10.45 Great Art The work of David Hockney,
featuring interviews spread out over
five years and focusing on his 2012 and
2016 exhibitions at the Royal Academy
of Arts in London. Presented by Tim
Marlow. See Viewing Guide (AD)
10.00 Riot Girls Hidden-camera prank show
in which four female comedians
highlight the inequalities and
prejudices that women still face (AD)
10.30 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown
Jimmy Carr hosts the comical
words-and-numbers quiz, with Alan
Carr and Josh Widdicombe taking on
Joe Wilkinson and Sara Pascoe. Bill
Bailey joins Susie Dent in Dictionary
Corner, while Rachel Riley looks after
the numbers and letters (3/4) (r)
10.00 Undercover: Nailing the
Fraudsters Paul Connolly investigates
the fraudulent schemes targeting
motorists on high premiums with
discounted insurance products that
turn out to be worth nothing (6/6)
11.50 Give It a Year A private bin-collection
service (4/12) (r) (AD)
11.30 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
USA Meeting the stubborn owner of
Italian restaurant Pantaleone’s in
Denver, Colorado (1/10) (r)
12.15am Lethal Weapon Murtaugh and Riggs
investigate a jewellery heist (r) (AD) 1.00 Jackpot247.
Interactive gaming 3.00 Russia’s World Cup Gangs:
Tonight. Inside the world of Russian football hooliganism
(r) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen. Text-based information
service 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (r) (SL)
12.25am The Real Football Fan Show 12.55
Genderquake (r) (AD, SL) 1.50 Genderquake: The Debate
(r) (AD, SL) 2.45 Holidays Unpacked (r) (AD) 3.15 Tricks
of the Restaurant Trade (r) (AD) 3.40 Gok’s Fill Your
House for Free (r) 4.35 One Star to Five Star (r) 5.05
Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (r) 5.10-6.00 Fifteen to One (r)
7.30 Russia’s World Cup Gangs:
Tonight Jonathan Maitland
investigates the root causes of
football hooliganism in Russia
8.30 Paul O’Grady: For the Love
of Dogs — India Paul helps a
traumatised dog that desperately
needs to find a home (3/4) (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.00 QI With Jason Manford, Jimmy Carr
and Victoria Coren Mitchell (r)
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Evan Davis
10.30 Regional News
10.45 Question Time David Dimbleby
chairs the debate from Kettering,
Northamptonshire, with a panel of
politicians and other guests facing
topical questions from the audience
11.45 This Week Andrew Neil introduces a
round-table chat, in which he, Michael
Portillo and other guests take a look
back at the past seven days’ political
and parliamentary developments
12.35am-6.00 BBC News
11.15 Dara and Ed’s Great Big Adventure
The comedians Ed Byrne and Dara
O Briain retrace a journey taken by
three men from Detroit during the
1940s, embarking on a 4,000-mile
pan-American adventure (1/3) (r) (AD)
12.15am Versailles Period drama starring George
Blagden (r) (AD) 2.05 Sign Zone: The Truth About
Obesity. Chris Bavin seeks out the latest scientific
research into the problem (r) (AD, SL) 3.05-4.05
The Secret Helpers. This time, Lesley and Lauren seek
advice from worldly-wise strangers (r) (AD, SL)
11.05 Where There’s Blame, There’s
a Claim A couple whose lives were
turned upside down when the
rollercoaster ride they were on crashed
into an empty carriage, leaving the pair
with life-changing injuries (1/3) (r)
12.00 SuperCasino 3.10am GPs: Behind Closed Doors.
The doctors treat patients with mental health problems
4.00 Get Your Tatts Out: Kavos Ink. Dodos loses patience
with a client (r) (SL) 4.45 House Doctor. A country
cottage in Northamptonshire (r) (SL) 5.10 Wildlife
SOS (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 Nick’s Quest (r) (SL)
the times | Thursday May 10 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Food Unwrapped:
China Special
Channel 4, 8pm
Jimmy Doherty and
Matt Tebbutt are off to
China to reveal the
secrets behind the
country’s best-known
dishes. It feeds its
1.4 billion citizens using
a mixture of ancient
farming techniques and
commercial production
on an epic scale.
Tebbutt visits the
country’s largest
processing base and
reveals the effect
the demand for garlic
has had on rural
communities. Doherty
watches the residents
of a remote village
making noodles and
meets a soy sauce
brewer. Back in
Blighty, Kate Quilton
seeks out the origin of
fortune cookies.
Red Ape: Saving
the Orangutan
BBC Two, 9pm
For decades the BBC
has been highlighting
the plight of Borneo’s
critically endangered
orangutans. It is
dispiriting that this sort
of film still needs to be
made, but your soul will
be stirred by the tireless
efforts of the good folk
at International Animal
Rescue. They save apes
from devastated areas
of jungle and from the
clutches of animal
traffickers, providing
emergency care and
rehabilitation before
releasing the healthiest
orangutans back into
the wild. Dramatic and
upsetting footage from
rescue teams is
combined with bleak
warning messages.
Time is running out.
Urban Myths
Sky Arts, 9pm
Another true-ish tale,
this time a low-key
offering, recounting
how, in 1964, struggling
musicians David Jones
(Luke Treadaway) and
Mark Feld (Jack
Whitehall) spent the
afternoon painting
their shady manager
Les Conn’s office in lieu
of money owed. The
Sixties are refusing to
swing for the artists
who would become
David Bowie and Marc
Bolan and, purportedly,
this afternoon was the
springboard for their
friendship. In these
formative stages it’s all
passive-aggressive
bonhomie and chippy
one-upmanship. “Selfdoubt, it ain’t groovy,”
Feld says. “Explains the
hair,” Jones retorts.
Live Golf
Sky Sports The Players,
12.30pm/6pm
The Players
Championship gets
under way today at
TPC Sawgrass, Florida.
Last year’s champion,
Kim Si-woo, was the
youngest winner, aged
21. He is back to defend
the title, joined by the
two-time Players
champion Tiger Woods.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) 7.00 Meerkat Manor (r)
(AD) 8.00 Monkey Life (r) (AD) 9.00 Motorway
Patrol (r) 10.00 Road Wars (r) 11.00
Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r)
1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 5.00
The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r)
6.00 Futurama. The gang finds a planet
inhabited by giant women (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Arrow. Rene returns from hospital. Oliver
turns to an old friend for help in stopping Diaz
9.00 SEAL Team. Jason and the team carry
out a prisoner exchange with the Taliban
10.00 Golf’s Funniest Moments. The sport’s
most amusing moments (r) (AD)
11.00 The Force: Manchester (r) (AD)
12.00 Brit Cops: Rapid Response (r) (AD)
1.00am Ross Kemp: Extreme World (r) (AD)
2.00 Most Shocking (r) (AD) 3.00 Duck Quacks
Don’t Echo (r) (AD) 4.00 Highway Patrol (r)
(AD) 5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
7.00 The British (r) (AD) 8.00 The Guest Wing
(AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r)
(AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace 2.00 Blue Bloods
(r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00 House.
A relationship counsellor collapses (r) (AD)
6.00 House. Billy Connolly guest stars (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Catherine investigates a peeping Tom (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Danny must track down
Bonnie and Clyde-style thieves (r)
9.00 Billions. Taylor questions Wendy’s
motivations at Axe Capital (7/12)
10.10 Silicon Valley. Richard decides to give
Laurie a helping hand. Dinesh relishes a rare win
10.45 Barry. Barry fulfils an obligation
11.20 Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (r)
11.55 Mike Judge Presents: Tales from the Tour
Bus. The adventures of songwriting great Billy
Joe Shaver (5/8) 12.30am The Sopranos
(r) 1.45 Blue Bloods (r) 2.45 High
Maintenance (r) 4.00 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) 7.00 Highway
Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) 9.00
Elementary (r) (AD) 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r) 12.00
Children’s Accident & Emergency (r) 1.00pm
Medical Emergency (r) 2.00 Customs UK (r)
3.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 5.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r)
7.00 Children’s Accident & Emergency (r)
7.30 Children’s Accident & Emergency (r)
8.00 Elementary. With Natalie Dormer (r) (AD)
9.00 Madam Secretary. Security talks in South
America are complicated by a kidnapping
10.00 Scandal. Last in the series
11.00 Criminal Minds (r) 12.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 1.00am Murders That
Shocked The Nation: Derek Bentley — Let Him
Have It! (r) (AD) 2.00 World’s Most Evil Killers
(r) 3.00 Cold Case (r) 4.00 Nothing to Declare
(r) 5.00 Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00am Entity 7.05 Celtic Woman: Destiny
— Live in Concert 9.00 Watercolour Challenge
9.30 Art of the Portrait 10.00 The South Bank
Show Originals 10.30 Tales of the Unexpected
(AD) 11.00 Classic Albums 12.00 The Eighties
(AD) 1.00pm Discovering: James Cagney (AD)
2.00 Watercolour Challenge 2.30 Art of the
Portrait (AD) 3.00 The South Bank Show
Originals 3.30 Tales of the Unexpected (AD)
4.00 Classic Albums 5.00 The Eighties (AD)
6.00 Discovering: John Wayne (AD)
7.00 Mystery of the Lost Paintings
8.00 The Nineties. Terrorism during the decade
9.00 Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc Bolan.
Comedy. See Viewing Guide (AD)
9.30 Bowie, Prince & Music Legends We Lost in
2016. A tribute to great performing artists
11.00 The Making of Marc Bolan (AD)
12.00 Urban Myths: David Bowie and Marc
Bolan (AD) 12.30am A Technicolor Dream
2.30 The Beatles, Hippies & Hells Angels 4.30
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.00 Auction
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans Bitesize
7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 10.00 Premier
League Daily. Updates from the top flight 11.00
Live ATP Masters Tennis. The Mutua Madrid
Open. Coverage of third-round matches on day
four of the clay-court tournament from the
Caja Magica 12.30pm Live PGA Tour Golf.
The Players Championship. Coverage of the
first day of what is widely regarded as the
unofficial fifth Major, as the players take on the
TPC at Sawgrass in Florida 3.00 Live Indian
Premier League: Delhi Daredevils v Sunrisers
Hyderabad. Coverage of the Twenty20
match from the Feroz Shah Kotla Ground
7.30 Live Premier League: West Ham United
v Manchester United (Kick-off 7.45).
Coverage of the match from London Stadium
10.00 Live PGA Tour Golf. The Players
Championship. The first day of what is widely
regarded as the unofficial fifth Major, as the
players take on the TPC at Sawgrass in Florida
12.00 Sky Sports News
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 10.40pm The View.
News, comment and analysis from Stormont
and Westminster 11.15 Question Time. Topical
debate from Kettering, Northamptonshire,
chaired by David Dimbleby 12.15am This
Week. The past seven days in politics, with
Andrew Neil 1.00-6.00 BBC News
Out this weekend.
BBC Two N Ireland
As BBC Two except: 11.15pm-12.15am
Syria: The World’s War. How a peaceful uprising
against the president of Syria seven years ago
has turned into a civil war, resulting in the
deaths of 350,000 people (2/2) (r)
BBC Two Scotland
As BBC Two except: 12.00-1.00pm First
Minister’s Questions. Nicola Sturgeon answers
questions in the Scottish Parliament 7.00
The Beechgrove Garden. Jim McColl plants
vegetables using the no-dig method 7.30-8.00
Timeline. Thought-provoking stories and
analysis from across the country (r)
STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm Scotland Tonight
11.05 Lethal Weapon. Murtaugh and Riggs
investigate a jewellery heist. Meanwhile, Riggs
battles with his drinking habit, while Murtaugh
is plagued by his insecurities (r) (AD) 12.00
Teleshopping 2.00am-3.00 After Midnight
3.25 ITV Nightscreen 4.05 The Jeremy Kyle
Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 1.00am Teleshopping
2.30-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather
7.30 Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion.
Documentary following Carlos Pons Guerra as he
choreographs pieces that explore questions of
gender and sexual identity, including a
children’s production. Last in the series
8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2018. Rylan
Clark-Neal and Scott Mills return for the second
semi-final from Lisbon, Portugal, as 18 more
acts perform knowing only 10 of them
will make it through to Saturday’s final
10.00 The Engine That Powers the World:
Timeshift. Looking at the story of the diesel
engine — a 19th-century invention that is the
hidden powerhouse behind the globalised
world and is now indispensable (3/6)
11.00 The Magic of Mushrooms. Richard Fortey
explores the world of fungi, including the story
of their evolution, their mysterious life cycles
and their value to both the planet and humanity
12.00 Tankies: Tank Heroes of World War II
(AD) 1.00am The Trains That Time Forgot:
Britain’s Lost Railway Journeys (AD) 2.00
Danceworks: Prejudice and Passion 2.30-3.30
The Mystery of Van Gogh’s Ear (AD)
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
5.00 The Goldbergs (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory. Two shows (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Milo receives threats (AD)
7.30 Black-ish. A family game night (AD)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon and Leonard
make a road trip to wrangle a guest (AD)
8.30 Young Sheldon. The youngster decides
that he needs a computer (AD)
9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
9.30 Let’s Get Physical (AD)
10.00 The Inbetweeners (AD) 10.35 Friday
Night Dinner (AD) 11.05 The Windsors (AD)
11.40 The Big Bang Theory (AD) 12.35am First
Dates (AD) 1.40 Tattoo Fixers (AD) 2.35 The
Inbetweeners (AD, SL) 3.05 Friday Night Dinner
(AD) 3.30 The Windsors (AD) 4.00 Let’s Get
Physical (AD) 4.20 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD)
4.45 Couples Come Dine with Me
8.55am Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A Place
in the Sun: Winter Sun 11.35 Four in a Bed
2.10pm Come Dine with Me 4.50 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun 5.55 A New Life in the Sun
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. A giraffe gives
birth at Chester Zoo, while penguin chicks
are about to join the main pool (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. A couple build a shed-like
family home and workspace at an old milk yard
in south-east London, using unconventional,
industrial-style materials (5/10) (AD)
9.00 The Good Fight. A Russian student asks
Diane to protect her from deportation, in a case
that goes right up to the White House (AD)
10.05 Emergency Helicopter Medics. Paramedics
use pain relief on a footballer with a dislocated
knee, but it has unexpected side-effects (AD)
11.05 24 Hours in A&E. Cameras follow
Lawrence, 26, who is rushed to St George’s after
being hit by a car while crossing the road
on a night out in Eastbourne (AD)
12.10am 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown.
With Joe Lycett, Michelle Wolf and Adam Riches
1.15 The Good Fight (AD) 2.15 24 Hours
in A&E (AD) 3.15-3.55 8 Out of 10 Cats
11.00am Man in the Saddle (U, 1951)
Western starring Randolph Scott 12.45pm
Rage at Dawn (U, 1955) Western starring
Randolph Scott (AD) 2.35 Buchanan Rides
Alone (U, 1958) Western starring Randolph
Scott 4.15 Pimpernel Smith (U, 1941)
Second World War adventure directed by
and starring Leslie Howard (b/w)
6.40 The Day After Tomorrow (12, 2004)
A climatologist races across America to rescue
his son as freak weather conditions cause
devastation around the world. Disaster thriller
starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Dennis Quaid (AD)
9.00 Pitch Perfect (12, 2012) A new student
joins an a cappella singing group made up of
social misfits to compete in campus music
competitions. Comedy starring Anna Kendrick,
Rebel Wilson and Elizabeth Banks (AD)
11.15 The Diary of a Teenage Girl (18,
2015) A girl growing up in 1970s San Francisco
seeks solace from her uncertain life in an affair
with her mother’s boyfriend. Drama starring
Bel Powley and Alexander Skarsgård
1.20am-3.25 The Breakfast Club (15,
1985) Drama starring Emilio Estevez
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale (AD)
8.25 Coronation Street (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 10.20 The Bachelorette
12.15pm Emmerdale (AD) 12.45 Coronation
Street (AD) 1.45 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show
6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men
8.30 Superstore. Glenn suspects Mateo is guilty
of fraud and a controversial video is posted (AD)
9.00 Family Guy (AD)
9.30 Family Guy (AD)
10.00 Celebrity Juice. With Dermot O’Leary,
Nick Grimshaw and Paddy McGuinness
10.50 Family Guy (AD)
11.45 American Dad! (AD) 12.15am American
Dad! (AD) 12.40 Plebs (AD) 1.15 Two and a
Half Men 1.40 Superstore (AD) 2.10 Totally
Bonkers Guinness World Records 2.20
Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat (AD) 7.55 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.20 A Touch of Frost 12.30pm The Royal
1.35 Heartbeat (AD) 2.40 Classic Coronation
Street 3.45 On the Buses (b/w) 4.50 You’re
Only Young Twice (AD) 5.20 George and Mildred
5.55 Heartbeat. A thief steals a police car (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica investigates
foul play in Ireland. Angela Lansbury stars (AD)
8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot. The sleuth falls
victim to depression after failing to prevent the
murder of a society girl, but the search for a
missing maid offers him the opportunity for
redemption. David Suchet stars (AD)
10.00 The Widower. Fact-based drama starring
Reece Shearsmith. Mild-mannered nurse
Malcolm Webster sets about poisoning and
murdering his first wife, before moving on to
a new bride. With Sheridan Smith (1/3) (AD)
11.00 The Widower. Malcolm’s financial
problems begin to mount (2/3) (AD)
12.00 Appropriate Adult. Drama about Fred and
Rosemary West (AD) 1.30am On the Buses (SL)
2.00 ITV3 Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase 6.45 Pawn Stars 7.30 Cash
Cowboys 8.35 Quincy ME 9.40 Minder (AD)
10.40 The Saint 11.50 The Avengers 12.55pm
The Protectors 1.30 Live ITV Racing from
Chester. Ed Chamberlin and Francesca Cumani
introduce coverage of the second day of the May
Festival, featuring races at 1.50, 2.25, 3.00 and
3.35. Analysis by Jason Weaver 4.00 Snooker v
Darts 4.05 The Saint 5.10 The Avengers
6.15 Pawn Stars. Chumlee makes a film
6.45 Live Uefa European U17 Championship:
Switzerland v England (Kick-off 7.00). Coverage
of both teams’ third match in Group A,
staged at Rotherham United Stadium
9.00 FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (12,
2004) The amnesiac assassin is framed for a
botched CIA operation and faces a fight for
survival as he tries to uncover his past. Action
thriller sequel starring Matt Damon (AD)
11.10 FILM: The Bank Job (15, 2008)
Fact-based crime thriller starring Jason Statham
1.30am River Monsters. Investigating a 20ft
Canadian lake monster (SL) 2.30 The Protectors
2.55 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.10 Top Gear (AD)
8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage Hunters
10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm QI XL 2.00 Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 World’s Most Dangerous Roads
4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge 5.00
Top Gear. Testing the updated Fiat Panda (AD)
6.00 Taskmaster. With Doc Brown, Richard
Osman, Jon Richardson and Katherine Ryan
7.00 QI XL. Stephen Fry hosts, with Phill
Jupitus, Rich Hall, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies
8.00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You.
Victoria Coren Mitchell hosts, with Jacob
Rees-Mogg and Hal Cruttenden
9.00 Live at the Apollo. Comedy sets by Hal
Cruttenden, Justin Moorhouse and Tom Stade
10.00 Room 101. With Brendan O’Carroll,
Bob Mortimer and Rachel Riley
10.40 Mock the Week. With Kevin Bridges,
Ed Byrne and Chris Addison
11.20 Mock the Week. With guests Milton
Jones, Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh
12.00 QI 12.40am Mock the Week 2.00
QI 2.40 The Last Man on Earth 3.35 The
Indestructibles 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Bill 8.00 London’s Burning (AD)
9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Juliet Bravo 11.00
The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm Last of the
Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi! 2.20 Are You
Being Served? 3.00 London’s Burning (AD)
4.00 Lovejoy. Joanna Lumley guest stars
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! The Yellowcoats fight to save
Fred’s horses from the glue factory
6.40 Are You Being Served? The staff start
feeling the cold thanks the cost cutting
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Hobbo learns
that Howard and Toby are unhappy with their
love lives, and sets out to help them
8.00 Death in Paradise. Humphrey investigates
the shooting of a politician (5/8) (AD)
9.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. A migrant
worker dies in an apparent industrial accident
at Patrick Tyneman’s shoe factory (6/10)
10.00 New Tricks. (1/2) Brian is suspended
after assaulting a Met officer (1/10) (AD)
11.15 Birds of a Feather. Garth becomes
a champion pancake tosser
12.00 The Bill 1.00am Juliet Bravo 2.15
Oliver Twist (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Tales of Irish Castles 7.10 Who Do You
Think You Are? (AD) 8.00 Time Team 9.00
Coast (AD) 10.00 Cash in the Attic 11.00
Impossible Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time Team
1.00pm Planet Earth (AD) 2.00 The Blue
Planet (AD) 3.00 Coast (AD) 4.00 Medieval
Dead 5.00 Impossible Engineering (AD)
6.00 The World at War
7.00 Private Lives of the Tudors. Tracy Borman
examines the reign of Henry VIII
8.00 The Stuarts: A Bloody Reign. Professor
Kate Williams examines the Wynn family’s
return to favour during the Reformation (AD)
9.00 dinnerladies. Bren has a bad day when a
convict escapes in the fog near the factory (AD)
9.40 dinnerladies. Bren’s past catches up with
her, while Stan is furious with Philippa (AD)
10.20 dinnerladies. Twinkle and Stan spoil
Petula’s Christmas plans (AD)
11.05 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?
11.45 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?
12.25am Whatever Happened to the
Likely Lads? 1.00 The World at War 2.00
Black Ops (AD) 3.00 Home Shopping
BBC Alba
5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r) 5.20 Bruno (r) 5.25
Igam Ogam (r) 5.35 Flapair is a Charaidean
(Flapper and Friends) (r) 5.43 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.45 Na Floogals (r)
5.55 Botannan Araid Uilleim (William’s Wish
Wellingtons) (r) 6.00 Seoc (Jack) (r) 6.15 Tree
Fu Tom (r) 6.40 Am Prionnsa Beag (The Little
Prince) (r) 7.00 Bailtean Alba (Scotland’s
Towns) (r) 7.25 Aithne air Ainmhidhean (All
About Animals) (r) 7.55 Horo Gheallaidh
Shorts (Celtic Music Shorts) (r) 8.00 An Là
(News) 8.30 Fianais 9.00 Gothenburg ’83 (r)
10.00 Belladrum 2017: Milburn 10.25
Impireachd Banrigh Bhictoria (Queen Victoria’s
Empire) 11.10 Sgeul Seirbheis (r) 11.2512.00 Seòid a’ Chidsin: The Kitchen Coves (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw: Rapsgaliwn (r) 6.15 Blero yn
Mynd i Ocido (r) 6.25 Halibalw (r) 6.35 Igam
Ogam (r) 6.50 Sam Tân (r) 7.00 Chwedlau
Tinga Tinga (r) 7.10 Yn yr Ardd (r) 7.25 Dip
Dap (r) 7.30 Patrôl Pawennau (r) 7.45
Cacamwnci 8.00 Syrcas Deithiol Dewi (r) 8.10
Pingu (r) 8.15 Boj (r) 8.30 Abadas (r) 8.40 Bla
Bla Blewog (r) 8.55 Ben a Mali a’u Byd Bach O
Hud (r) 9.05 Sbridiri (r) 9.25 Meripwsan (r)
9.30 Straeon Ty Pen (r) 9.45 Cei Bach (r)
10.00 Rapsgaliwn (r) 10.15 Blero yn Mynd i
Ocido (r) 10.25 Halibalw (r) 10.35 Igam Ogam
(r) 10.50 Sam Tân (r) 11.00 Chwedlau Tinga
Tinga (r) 11.10 Yn yr Ardd (r) 11.25 Dip Dap
(r) 11.30 Patrôl Pawennau 11.45 Cacamwnci
12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 12.05pm Straeon
y Ffin (r) 12.30 Ffit Cymru (r) 1.30 Sion a Siân
(r) 2.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn
Da 3.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 3.05 O Gymru
Fach (r) (AD) 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh:
Ffeil 5.05 Stwnsh: Y Barf (r) 5.30 Stwnsh:
Sbargo (r) 5.35 Stwnsh: Kung Fu Panda (r)
6.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05 ’Sgota gyda
Julian Lewis Jones. Julian Lewis Jones and
Rhys Llywelyn are joined by Phil John (r) (AD)
6.30 Rownd a Rownd. Things are fragile
between Meical and Michelle (AD) 7.00 Heno
7.30 Pobol y Cwm. Dani goes to extremes to
stop Garry’s dodgy dealing after he refuses to
listen to sense. Britt comes to an agreement
with Chester (AD) 8.00 Y Ty Arian. A Caerphilly
family take on the financial challenge
9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30 Cwymp yr
Ymerodraethau. Historian Hywel Williams uses
moments in history to account for the fall of
the French Empire 10.30 Mwy o Sgorio.
Featuring the stories of two Welsh players
making an impact in the United States (r)
11.00-11.35 Ar y Bysus. Clive Edwards takes
40 choir members to the Isle of Man (r)
14
Thursday May 10 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
2
3
4
5
6
7
11
8
3
9
8
9
10
12
10
13
7
16
12
16
14
9
11
5
14
15
16
2
22
10
4
14
18
16
11
6
13
16
4
15
16
6
5
11
19
1
1
20
10
17
11
11
Train Tracks No 404
4
16
5
11
15
17
2
18
19
1
20
10
17
10
22
17
24
16
11
19
15
14
15
6
25
5
21
2
22
1
23
15
6
15
4
15
1
Believe; good reputation (6)
Crush noisily (6)
Warm coastal district (7)
Gulf emirate (5)
Parts of eggs (5)
Ornamental fish (3,4)
Dandy (3)
Fight, disagreement (3-2)
Solution to Crossword 7647
GAMB
G A
P A S S
I
I
UNC L
S
S T RO
B
DA I S
Z C
VUVU
R R
F E T E
O L
A
D
Y
E S
S
L L
I
P
P
Z E
R
I
A
U
L
O
L
D
M
A
N
S
B
E
A
R
D
A
R
A T
I
C
L
E E
L SO
E
ORY
V
R EW
L I
S
S
U
RE
N
D L
E
CA
T
OH
E
AR
E
O
Y
5
1
5
5
4
3
15
2
16
4
11
A
22
1
5
3
25
T
Z
2
3
11
15
15
6
21
5
6
14
1
15
17
26
4
26
16
10
5
B
11
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
25
Across
1
4
9
10
11
13
14
15
7
1
26
17
14
4
23
17
24
11
1
20
8
21
6
14
26
21
4
26
4
L
17
4
16 Small cake or roll (3)
17 Nonsense; plant (7)
19 Small firework (5)
21 Check on accounts (5)
22 Turkish; seat (7)
24 Control, supervise (6)
25 Means of entry (6)
6
19
14
1
6
1
11
11
22
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
L
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
Z
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Yesterday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica No 4257
H
U
I
T
R
H
C
R
P
E
L
G
O
N
G
I
U
Y
I
S
N
A
P
G
I
I
E
N
N
G
R
E
S
D
S
O
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
by midnight. Leave your three answer numbers (in any
order) and your contact details.
No 4258
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Futoshiki No 3169
<
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
15
T
14
1 Transport; transmit (5)
2 Wrap up, cover (7)
3 Frozen water (3)
5 Very large stars (3,6)
6 Area of Egypt/Sudan (5)
7 Fastener for tresses (7)
8 Recorded volume (7,4)
12 Mockingly ironic (9)
14 Onward (7)
16 Birmingham person (7)
18 Cow's milk gland (5)
20 Curves (5)
23 Convulsive spasm (3)
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
26
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Down
KenKen Difficult No 4324
14
Kakuro No 2128
<
∧
5
24
23
13
17
3
4
∧
7
19
17
21
12
7
3
7
24
16
6
24
16
14
5
10
15
7
6
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
23
23
16
21
21
5
24
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
23
26
>
<
16
8
11
17
∧
24
23
28
3
23
13
24
4
17
© PUZZLER MEDIA
1
Codeword No 3332
© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7648
the times | Thursday May 10 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
The Vugar Gashimov Memorial
tournament, which concluded in
Shamkir, Azerbaijan towards the
end of last month (for the full
crosstable see this column of May
7), featured numerous draws. For
example, there was only one
decisive game out of the 20 contested in the first four rounds,
while one player, Teimour Radjabov, once noted for his extreme
bellicosity, drew all of his games.
However the paradox of the event
was that those games that did end
decisively were imbued with a
spirit of violent aggression, as can
be seen from the clash today in a
super-sharp variation of the
Grünfeld Defence. This argues that
defensive technique has become so
highly polished among the elite
that they are able to navigate a
safe path even when danger
threatens from all sides. Sadly for
him, grandmaster David Navara
failed in that task in this game.
White: Shakhriyar Mamedyarov
Black: David Navara
Vugar Gashimov Memorial,
Shamkir 2018
Grünfeld Defence
1 d4 Nf6 2 c4 g6 3 Nc3 d5 4 Nf3
Bg7 5 h4
A relatively new try against the
Grünfeld Defence.
5 ... dxc4 6 e4 c5 7 d5 b5 8 h5 0-0
The point of 8 h5 is to deflect
Black’s knight from the centre so
8 ... Nxh5 is met by 9 Nxb5, when
Black’s knight no longer attacks
the e4-pawn. Mamedyarov is a
specialist in this line and has
already played it twice against the
powerful French grandmaster Maxime Vachier-Lagrave.
9 hxg6 fxg6 10 d6
A new move with 10 e5 having
been seen before.
10 ... exd6 11 Nxb5 d5 12 Nc3 Re8
13 Be3 d4 14 e5
________
árhb1rDkD]
à0 D D gp]
ß D D hpD]
ÞD 0 ) D ]
Ý Dp0 D D]
ÜD H GND ]
ÛP) D )PD]
Ú$ DQIBDR]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
14 ... Ba6
A step in the wrong direction
in this hideously complex position. The correct move is 14 ...
Nc6, when Black’s chances would
have remained no worse.
15 Qa4 Qd7 16 Bxc4+ Bxc4 17
Qxc4+ Qe6 18 Qxe6+ Rxe6 19
exf6 Bxf6 20 Nd5 Bd8 21 0-0-0
dxe3 22 Nxe3 Nc6
After the storm has died down
White has emerged with clearly
the superior prospects.
23 Rd7 Be7
Allowing a tactical blow but
Black’s position is already teetering on the brink of collapse.
24 Rxh7 Rb8
The neat point is that 24 ...
Kxh7 is refuted by 25 Ng5+.
25 Rc7 Bf6 26 Rb7 Nb4 27 Rxb8+
Kxh7 28 Rb7+ Kg8 29 Rxa7 Nd3+
30 Kb1 Bxb2 31 a4 Bd4 32 Kc2
Nb4+ 33 Kd2 Bxe3+ 34 fxe3 Nd5 35
a5 c4 36 Rd7 Nf6 37 Rd8+ Kg7 38
Kc3 Rc6 39 Ne5 Ne4+ 40 Kd4 c3 41
Kxe4 Rc4+ 42 Kf3 Black resigns
________
á D D DkD] Winning Move
à0 DrD 4 ]
ß 0qD D D] White to play. This position is from
Ordu 2018.
ÞD D D D ] Abasov-Morozov,
In this complex position with all the major
Ý D DpD D] pieces on the board White found a clever
ÜD D DP$Q] way to simplify down to a winning
ÛPD D D )] endgame. How did he continue?
ÚD D D $K] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
EASY
East has advertised the ace-jack
of hearts and presumably the king
of clubs as well as the queen (for
his failure to continue clubs). As
East is a passed hand, West must
hold the king of spades; West also
has to hold the eight of spades (or
East would have overruffed
dummy’s five with that card).
Knowing West holds the king
and eight of spades, you find the
wonderful (and only winning) play
of leading the queen of spades out
of your hand. West covers with the
king and you win dummy’s ace.
You ruff a club back to hand and
now ruff a fourth diamond (with
the two). East overruffs with the
jack but you ruff his heart/club
return, cash the nine of spades,
drawing West’s eight, and enjoy
the fifth diamond. Ten tricks and
game made. Very well played
Jonathan.
It appears declarer can also succeed in the seven-card ending by
ruffing a fourth diamond with the
ace then leading a spade to the
nine. However, East discards his
last heart on that trick. After beating the nine of spades with the
king, West promptly leads his
heart and East ruffs with the jack
of spades, a fatal uppercut.
Declarer may overruff with the
queen but West’s eight is promoted
— down one.
andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
2/
5
OF IT
+1/2
OF IT
50%
OF IT
+ 11 x 2
+8
+1/2
OF IT
– 79
+1/2
OF IT
+ 89
80%
OF IT
+ 932
+1/5
OF IT
+ 898
75%
OF IT
– 12
5/
6
3
OF IT
x2
+ 664 x 2
2
4
10
2
3
4
4 3
4
4
4
Polygon
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
2
Set Square No 2131
© PUZZLER MEDIA
From these letters, make words of four
or more letters, always including the
central letter. Answers must be in the
Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending in
LY, comparatives and superlatives.
How you rate 12 words, average;
16, good; 23, very good; 30, excellent
Killer Gentle No 5999
3
18
9
9
8
17
5
23
16
14
3
16
12
9
7
6
21
11
22
16
10
7
13
4
15
9
15
23
5
13
8
5
9
18
27
21
x
12
21
11
3
11
19
21
10
25
23
6
19
13
15
SW
H
BO
L
P E
S
P A
L
L E
A N L A K E
Y
B
V
I L
DR E
O O N
NN AME S
E
R K I N SO
I
P
A D
H I P
N
A
O
MO L A S S E S
L
P
T
E
OD E S
E ND
÷
7
13
11
7
+
20
=7
=
14
=
1
S T
A
P
E
OR
1
4
7
8
9
2
5
6
3
6
2
5
4
3
1
8
7
9
9
8
3
6
5
7
1
4
2
3
5
8
7
1
6
2
9
4
2
9
6
3
4
5
7
8
1
A R T
I
AGE
B
R
A
I
S
E
D
U Z Z I N
E M
L B UM
R
U
T AGNA
I
E P U T Y
E
Y
AWR Y
C
M
F
S
AQUA T I
S M U
S H E E N
GR E
E
L AW
R
E R S
A
I N K
G
S E D
Set Square 2130
7
1
4
9
2
8
6
3
5
4
6
1
2
7
9
3
5
8
5
3
9
4
1
2
6
7
8
2
1
6
8
9
7
3
4
5
8
7
4
6
3
5
2
9
1
7
5
2
9
6
4
1
8
3
9
8
3
5
2
1
4
6
7
8
3
2
5
6
4
9
1
7
5
7
9
1
8
3
4
2
6
4
x
6
x
+
7
x
1
x
x
9
x
+
5
-
3
x
1
9
8
7
4
3
5
2
6
3
6
7
2
5
9
8
1
4
4
2
5
1
8
6
7
3
9
6
4
7
1
9
5
2
8
3
3
2
9
7
8
4
5
6
1
4
5
8
6
1
3
7
2
9
2
9
6
8
4
7
3
1
5
9
8
4
5
7
6
1
3
2
1
6
2
9
3
8
4
5
7
5
7
3
4
2
1
6
9
8
9 7 4
6 8 1 5
8 9 2 7
9
7 9
8
6 8 9 4
4 2 1
8 6
5 9 6
9 8 7
I O
V
GE
R
AB
I
E D
9 8
7 9
7
7
9
3
1
9
5 4
1 3
4
3
8 1
6 2
9 8
4
2
1 2
3 1
3
5 1
1 2
1
2 6
3 1
4 9
2 8
1 6
Train Tracks 403
1
Quintagram
1 Nod
2 Copper
3 Pontoon
4 Kalahari
5 One by one
4
1
3
6
2
5
4
4
2
A
4
5
3
4
8
-
3
2
1
B
B
A
T
R
A
U
T
S
Cell Blocks 3214
Lexica 4256
L
L
S
P
M
L
O
O
O
D
S
F
F
I
M
S
E
T
S
A
E
W
2 < 3
T
E
R
R
B
E
G
Suko 2233
4
1
4 < 5
∨
1
3
∧
3 < 4
2
1 < 3
2 > 1
4 > 3 < 5
5 > 2
4
1
2
KenKen 4323
E
V
B
E
Futoshiki 3168
5
7
3
1
2
5
9
8
4
6
S S
H
H Y
L
R Y
x
W
6
4
1
3
7
8
9
5
2
Kakuro 2127
G DR E
R
I
X
A T ROP
I
K O
N T
J U
Y
A
N
S T UD
C
T
L E A V A
O C M
C
K E B
H
E
E
E NDUR
5
Brain Trainer
Easy 45
Medium 1,112
Harder 7,922
3
2
4 3
3
2
4
2
12
2
7
5
Word watch
Dunnart (c) A
mouse-like
marsupial from
Australia and
New Guinea
Dudeen (c) A
short-stemmed
clay pipe
Dubitate (a) To
doubt
Chess
8
6
-
Codeword 3331
C
U
S S
T
O
M
N S
Killer 5997
12
= 10
Solutions
8
1
5
3
6
2
9
7
4
8
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
sum should be
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
Sudoku 9857
17
+
Lexica 4255
32min
= 71 the numbers
-
+
Sudoku 9856
Killer Tough No 6000
Enter each of
8
x
=
135
Sudoku 9855
4
+
x
Quick Cryptic 1087
8
4
8
10
5min
x
-
Yesterday’s answers
ahem, amen, haem, helm, helmsman,
hemal, lame, leman, lemma, male,
malm, mane, manse, mash, meal,
mean, mela, mesa, mesh, name, same,
seam, sham, shame, slam
Contract: 4♠ , Opening Lead: ♣7
♠J 4
♥10
♦♣K 8 5 3
175 x 7 + 97
HARDER
4
My investment analyst friend Dealer: East, Vulnerability: Neither
Jonathan Davis from Oxford
Advanced
♠A 5 2
played a blinder on this tricky 4♠ Rubber
♥9 6 5 3 2
— at £30 a hundred. Trick one
♦
J8
proceeds ♣7, ♣10, ♣Q, ♣A. At
♣J 10 4
tricks two and three, you cash the
♠K 8
♠ J 10 4
N
ace-king of diamonds then ruff a
♥Q 8 4 W E ♥A J 10
diamond. However, you do not
♦Q 10 5 4 S
♦9 2
♣9 7 6 2 ♠ Q 9 7 6 3 ♣KQ 8 5 3
casually ruff low (which would
have been fatal), rather with the
♥K 7
five.
♦A K 7 6 3
East overruffs dummy’s five of
♣A
spades with the ten and, after a
S
(Davis)
W
N
E
brief cogitation, cashes the ace of
Pass
hearts and continues with the ten
1♠
Pass
2♠ (1) Pass
(he cannot play clubs, or dummy’s
4♠
End
jack is promoted). You win the
king and consider your next move (1) Preferable to 1NT — though 1♠ could
be four cards.
in this position:
♠K 8
N
♥Q
W E
♦Q
S
♣9 6 2 ♠ Q 9 7 6 3
♥♦7 6
♣-
+8
131 – 75 x 4 + 98
MEDIUM
Bridge Andrew Robson
♠A 2
♥9 6 5
♦♣J 4
41 x 2
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Paradox
Cell Blocks No 3215
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
12
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
3
4
2
9
8
6
5
7
1
5
9
7
3
1
4
8
6
2
6
8
1
7
2
5
4
3
9
7
2
3
4
9
8
6
1
5
1
5
8
6
3
2
9
4
7
4
6
9
1
5
7
2
8
3
8
3
6
5
7
9
1
2
4
9
7
4
2
6
1
3
5
8
2
1
5
8
4
3
7
9
6
Quiz
1
8
7
9
6
2
5
3
4
1 Danish 2 12th century (c 1118-1170) 3 India 4 Iron
Maiden 5 Camel 6 Nigeria 7 November. This year it
will be on Saturday, November 10 8 Herman Melville
9 Jean-Honoré Fragonard 10 Darien Scheme —
named after the Gulf of Darién 11 Gaia 12 Venezuela.
She was born as María Carolina Josefina Pacanins y
Niño in Caracas 13 An ideal or idealised gas 14 Sir Viv
Richards. He scored 114 hundreds 15 Portugal.
Located in Lisbon, it is titled Padrão dos
Descobrimentos (Monument of the Discoveries)
Killer 5998
5
7
1
6
4
3
2
8
9
8
3
2
5
7
9
1
4
6
6
9
4
2
8
1
3
5
7
4
1
6
3
9
5
8
7
2
7
2
3
4
1
8
9
6
5
9
5
8
7
2
6
4
1
3
2
6
5
1
3
4
7
9
8
3
4
9
8
5
7
6
2
1
1 Qxd7! Qxd7 2
Rxg7+ Qxg7 3
fxe4 b5 4 Rxg7+
Kxg7 5 Kg2 and
the pawn
endgame is
winning for
White as his king
can deal with
Black’s outside
passed pawn
10.05.18
MindGames
Mild No 9858
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Fiendish No 9859
5
2 8
3 4
5
Dubitate
a To doubt
b To name
c To waterproof
6
7
3
4 1
4
4
7
4 8
1
9
2
6
9
7 2 5
3
9
1
Dudeen
a A young gent
b A tunic
c A clay pipe
Super fiendish No 9860
6
2 1
6
8
9
2
5
7 6
4 3
Dunnart
a Pale brown
b A debtor
c A mouse
4
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
6
1 3
3
3 5
9
6
8
2 4
5
7 3
7
3 1
2 9
5
9
1 3
7
1 9
6
2
4
8
5 3 7
3 1 9 8 6
7
3
4
8
7
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
Answers on page 15
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2233
GETTY IMAGES
1 What nationality
are the actors Mads
Mikkelsen, Nikolaj
Coster-Waldau and
Ulrich Thomsen?
mythical personification
of the Earth?
12 In 1939, the fashion
designer Carolina
Herrera was born
in which South
American country?
2 Archbishop of
Canterbury, St
Thomas Becket, lived
in which century?
3 Which Asian country’s
29 states include Haryana,
Himachal Pradesh,
Manipur and Tripura?
4 In 1991, which heavy
metal band had its
first No 1 single with
Bring Your Daughter …
to the Slaughter?
15
6 In 2014, which
country overtook South
Africa to become Africa’s
largest economy?
9 Which French Rococo
artist (1732-1806)
painted Blind-Man’s Buff
and The Stolen Kiss?
7 In which month is the
Lord Mayor’s Show held
in London?
10 Which “scheme” saw
Scotland try to found a
colony on the Isthmus
of Panama in the 1690s?
8 Typee (1846) was
which US author’s first
and bestselling novel
during his lifetime?
5 The wild Bactrian is
a critically endangered
species of which eventoed ungulate?
11 Launched in 2013, which
ESA space observatory
is named after a
13 The MaxwellBoltzmann distribution
shows how the speeds
of molecules or particles
are distributed in what?
14 Who is the only West
Indian batsman to score
more than 100 centuries
in first-class cricket?
15 The pictured
monument celebrates
which country’s Age of
Discovery explorers?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1088 by Mara
1
2
3
4
8
5
6
7
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
23
22
24
Across
1 Dash after fresh paper (9)
6 Fruit in vogue (3)
8 Knock back burgundy, one
with cold drink (5)
9 Small pebbles fractured leg,
bone alongside (7)
10 Drunken pirate providing
small drink (8)
11 Having run into infant, jog (4)
13 Belgians had turned Asian (11)
17 However, those may be evens!
(4)
18 Old fogy making fresh inroads
around university (8)
21 Bird finding cold front in
Norway (7)
22 Cove in film alongside lake (5)
23 Jack cheers Romeo (3)
24 One crying loudly, getting
lift finally installed for tall
building (4,5)
Down
1 Sweet liquid Cretan stirred (6)
2 Club where wife is on the
brink (5)
3 Breakfast time (8)
4 Iranian plot is surprisingly
uplifting (13)
5 Work taking little time, slick
stuff? (4)
6 Keep to yourself: painting hard
for painter (7)
7 Quite insignificant about first
of results (6)
12 Fellow into crime, pleasureseeker (8)
14 One studying another’s books?
(7)
15 Group circling the globe to
find frozen dessert (6)
16 Speaker welcomed by senator,
a Tory (6)
19 Let everyone down at the
centre (5)
20 Rosemary, say, in another bed
(4)
DIGITAL RADIO • APP
VIRGINRADIO.CO.UK
Yesterday’s solution on page 15
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