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The Times Times 2 - 14 May 2018

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May 14 | 2018
‘Models are so flirty, you know?’
Photographer Ellen von Unwerth on the politics of sexy shoots
2
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Monday May 14 2018 | the times
times2
Doctors should
Avocado-obsessed
millennials? It’s time
for a reappraisal
Hannah Betts
T
he other day an editor
called because they
needed “someone old”
to explain who the
Duchess of York is for
millennials who have
never heard of her
(which must come as
a relief whenever she consults a new
financial adviser). Not so long ago I
had to write a piece on the Profumo
affair, despite said affair taking place
a decade before I was born. In my
capacity as living history, expect me
shortly to sally forth with memories of
postwar austerity, the Industrial
Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars.
Still, it’s all good dinner party ammo,
obviously. For don’t we love to take
the mick out of millennials, these
avocado-aroused, very flakiest of
snowflakes? A 30-year-old colleague,
who has just bought her first home,
recently inquired whether I knew you
had to pay for water. Reader, I did. A
late fortysomething pal, who is dating
an ardent young socialist, was forced
to explain who George Orwell was.
When she made reference to Stalin,
she was met with equally blank stares.
And a friend in a similar May-toSeptember romance recalls the date
who inquired who the woman on the
£10 note was. His answer: the Queen.
In some ways this is par for the
course — at a Duchess of York level,
less so that of 20th-century dictators. I
remember encountering a Fergie-type
gap myself when my elders referred to
“Princess Alice”. (I mean, who?) And
I once asked the Duke of Kent over
drinks what he did, having mistaken
those curtseying for being drunkenly
unsteady. With infinite charm, our hero
replied: “Well, I suppose I’m president
of the Lifeboat Institution.” “Great!
How did you get to do that?” “Well,
I suppose I was in the military . . .”
Yet we Gen X-ers did at least feel an
obligation to gen up on stuff. There
were facts out there, and facts had to
be grasped, even if merely to back up
our modish opinions. Older people
tended to be the repository for such
information, whether as parents or
teachers. Things weren’t just about
anecdote, experience, or emotions —
the impact on the self. No one really
did the self, pre-Prozac. It was too
dangerous, “self” deemed a shortcut
The truth
about my
mother
to “self-indulgent”. Knowledge was
power — meaning knowledge about
the exterior, not interior world — and
Google searches were not an option.
However, increasingly, I am coming
to consider millennials less as in
possession of green-as-Kermit’s-bum
ignorance, more the proud owners of a
certain “facilitating naivety”. Instead of
constantly taking the piss out of Gen Y,
it is time we acknowledged that there
is much we old codgers could learn.
The Me Too movement has
prompted me and many other
battle-worn feminists to re-evaluate
our entire existences, defamiliarising
behaviour to which we had become so
inured that we no longer really saw it.
What I feel here is not superiority, but
profound and teary gratitude. Not
being constantly plastered (millennials
don’t seem to like alcohol) probably is
a good thing, ditto not considering sex
the be-all and end-all, and being more
open about mental illness. Gender can
be a straitjacket, avocados are brilliant.
Even the dread phrase “self-care”,
much loved by millennials — if it
means staying home and reading a
book in the bath, I’m all for it.
Oppenheimer (some sort of
scientist) once remarked: “There are
children playing in the streets who
could solve some of my top problems
in physics, because they have modes of
sensory perception that I lost long
ago.” Equally, there are millennials in
Shoreditch cereal bars viewing the
world with unjaded eyes and
strategising ways to reshape it.
Many of us are still
feeling the pain of the
woman whose defence
after being found
sleeping in her car with
a bottle of vino was that
she was escaping her
mother. When my
mother died, a host
of mourners informed
me that she was “like
a mother to them”,
to which I could
From Weight Watchers on prescription
to licences for selling snacks: the obesity
tsar has big plans to get us slimmer.
By Rachel Sylvester and Alice Thomson
I’m in Tina
Brown’s
basement!
I read with interest the
statistic that 4,650
basement developments
have been created by
London’s loaded over
the past decade. That’s
1,000 gyms, 380 pools,
785 “large” basements
with two or more floors
and a further 112
“mega basements”
with three-plus storeys.
One Holland Park
residence features an
underground beach.
It is quite difficult
to reconcile such
opulence with my
own cellar-dweller
existence. I’ve certainly
got a nature reserve,
what with the slugs and
exotic moulds (my
cleaner and I were once
reduced to insensible
laughter by the
presence of actual
mushrooms). It is
impossible to say
whether it is my
landlord or letting
agent who boasts the
attitude “take the
money and run”.
However, the upshot is
more Down and Out in
Paris and London than
mining in Mayfair.
I was incredulous
to learn that the flat
once belonged to the
ultra-glam former
Vanity Fair editor Tina
Brown. Presumably
it housed the radiator
to which she chained
her enemies.
Kevin Maher is away
only respond: “I’m
glad she pulled that
off with someone.”
So many memories
come flooding back,
and not even the stuff
that had a former
therapist executing
cartoon double-takes.
I now harbour
nostalgia for the
occasions she accused
me of being “anorexic”
(I have E-cup breasts),
or declared me to be
“pushing 40” at 32. My
favourite was the time
I had to explain that
I hadn’t been in touch
because I’d had
pneumonia and had
nearly come a cropper.
There was a beat’s
pause, then: “I’m really
worried about your
sister’s dog’s foot.”
P
rofessor Susan Jebb
practises what she
preaches. We reach her
office on the top floor
of the building after
climbing several flights
of stairs. “Do you want
to sit or stand? We stand
for internal meetings,” she says, before
offering us a glass of tap water.
Yet even the very lean professor of
diet and population health at the
University of Oxford, who has spent
much of the past decade as the
government’s obesity tsar, admits that
she likes to bake a cake at the weekend
and has the occasional bar of chocolate
late at night at a railway station. “You
can manage your weight without being
puritanical about it,” she says.
With obesity now the biggest
preventable cause of cancer in this
country after smoking, Jebb’s message
is that Britain needs
to go on a diet. “Two
thirds of adults are
overweight. We
are talking about
serious health risks,
and that’s not just a
burden on the NHS,
it’s not good for
people’s quality of
life,” she says.
Jebb, an adviser
on obesity to Public
Health England,
insists that doctors
must do more to
tackle a condition that
can contribute to
diabetes, failing health
and strokes. “Being overweight doesn’t
directly kill you, but it can shorten
your life. It’s a risk factor, like high
blood pressure. We treat that, but
extraordinarily we don’t seem to want
to treat obesity.”
GPs should, she insists, prescribe
weight loss programmes, just as they
give patients blood pressure pills.
“We cannot just blithely go on about
willpower and a bit of prevention.
People who are overweight would
benefit from going on a diet.”
Doctors should offer vouchers for
Weight Watchers or Slimming World
to overweight patients, she says. “We
have finished a trial where we trained
doctors to supportively raise the issue
and offer help . . . 44 per cent of people
said yes and they did lose weight, even
a year later. It was extremely
successful.” Only four of the 1,800
patients who were approached as part
of the programme thought it was
inappropriate for the doctor to raise
the issue of their weight. “Most people
who are overweight know they are,
you aren’t giving them new news.”
Such programmes are “remarkably
cheap”, Jebb says. “It costs the NHS
about £50 for 12 weeks, but that saves
money over 20 years.”
She says the health service should
consider prescribing food replacement
plans — soups and shakes — for eight
weeks before slowly reintroducing
food. At a cost of about £700 for a
six-month programme they are more
expensive than Weight Watchers, but
are nonetheless 20 per cent of the
price of stomach stapling. “We found
in one trial taking people with type 2
diabetes that a year after choosing a
weight-loss programme 45 per cent
were diabetes free. They had lost on
average ten kilos . . . That has been
shown to be an effective intervention
and we should be offering it.”
The received wisdom is that crash
diets don’t work, but according to the
country’s leading obesity expert:
“There is no good evidence that if you
lose weight like this, you just pile it
straight back on . . . Once you have lost
weight you tend to put it back on, but
at the same rate, regardless if you lost
it fast or slowly. So it might be better
to lose it quickly
while you have the
motivation. Even if
you put most of it
back on, your risk
of getting diabetes
is lowered.”
There could be
repeat prescriptions
every few years, she
suggests. “It’s like
managing a chronic
condition. Maybe
going on quite a
tough programme
once every five
years is not that
unreasonable.”
With bookshelves full of Jamie
Oliver and Nigella Lawson cookbooks,
Jebb loves making dinner for family
and friends in her home in Shropshire.
“Food should be fun, enjoyable and
sociable, but I worry that many people
don’t have a good diet. We have this
heightened anxiety now around food
and that makes me very sad.”
The country needs to transform its
relationship with food, she says. Last
week she caused controversy by saying
that people should pay for their petrol
at the pump to avoid going into the
shop where they may be tempted to
buy sweets. Ideally, she’d like to make
unhealthy snacks less accessible. “I
think there’s something to be said for
not having food in non-food shops,”
she says. “We could license some
shops to be food shops. It’s the
ubiquitousness that’s the problem.”
Change is required from individuals,
companies and the government to
What I’d be doing
in coffee shops
and cafés is
calorie labelling
the times | Monday May 14 2018
3
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times2
make patients go on diets
The lowdown
Isabella’s hens
GERAINT LEWIS FOR THE TIMES, HAIR/MAKE UP SARA CLARK; GETTY IMAGES; REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
tackle the obesity crisis, she insists.
“At the moment [everything] nudges
people to the unhealthy option. The
checkouts, the promotions, advertising,
food everywhere, it makes you think
about it the whole time. Even twoyear-olds know they will get cake and
biscuits at a birthday party. I’m not
going to say ban those. Treats are
important, but treats aren’t occasional
any more, they are everyday items.”
Parents have a role to play. “Control
the home environment — buy less
interesting biscuits, or don’t buy
biscuits.” When her son was young,
the family had chocolate after meals at
the weekend, but never during the
week. “Most children love strawberries
and grapes; they lose that because
fruit disappears as a normal thing
people enjoy. We need to get away
from the idea that healthy food is
somehow a punitive thing.”
Families can’t do it on their own,
Jebb says. “What I would be doing in
coffee shops and cafés is calorie
labelling. Size portions are another
issue and multibuy promotions really
don’t help.”
Sadiq Khan, the mayor of London,
intends to ban advertisements for junk
food on the Transport for London
network. Ministers should also ban TV
adverts for unhealthy products before
the watershed, Jebb says. “There is this
ridiculous thing at the moment where
you can’t advertise high-fat calorific
food and snacks during children’s
viewing hours, but often children are
watching family shows. We should at
least get to the nine o’clock watershed
so you can’t have junk food advertising
before then. It’s clear it does shape
children’s food preferences and lots of
adults would benefit.”
The government has already
introduced a tax on fizzy drinks, but
Jebb thinks the Treasury should go
farther and increase tax on fatty and
sugary snacks too. “If the price goes up
people buy less . . . A 10 per cent price
rise on sweet snacks, biscuits, cakes,
chocolate, confectionery . . . would
lead to a 7 or 8 per cent decrease in
purchases. But the crucial thing is
we get far more calories from
snacks than we do from sugary
drinks, so in fact the net effect
would probably be three times
greater. I think it would be a much
more coherent policy.”
This would be about improving
Susan Jebb. Far left:
Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall and,
below, Jamie Oliver
people’s health, not raising money, she
says. “You could say, ‘Let’s reform
VAT,’ so that you get VAT on the less
healthy foods and you don’t get it on
the core foods. The broad principle
that we could use fiscal measures to
shape people’s diets is really important.
We are interfering at the moment. All
we are saying is, ‘Let’s interfere in a
way which boosts health.’ ”
Although people hate the idea of the
“nanny state” telling them how to live
their lives, Jebb says: “When you point
out to people how they are being
influenced to eat more they don’t like
that. I don’t like the phrase ‘nanny
state’ because it has such negative
connotations, whereas rules, if they’re
agreed by society, are fantastically
helpful, they protect.”
There is certainly a vocal lobby
for the kinds of measures she’s
recommending. Earlier this month,
the celebrity chefs Jamie Oliver and
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall appeared
before the health and social care
committee to press for action on
obesity, particularly the “relentless
advertising of high salt, fat, sugar
products to kids”.
The ban on smoking in public places
has been hugely successful, she points
out. “Now people see what this world
without smoke in pubs and restaurants
is like. We almost cannot envisage
what it would be like to be in a world
where we weren’t surrounded by
advertising for junk food and snacks.”
The tax on fizzy drinks has already
prompted manufacturers to
reformulate their products to reduce
the sugar content. “The government
coming in and showing that it is
serious about this and it is prepared
to take tougher action has galvanised
change in the industry. You need
a little bit of carrot and you need a
little bit of stick.”
That’s all very well, but wouldn’t
raising the cost of unhealthy food
discriminate against the poor?
“Obesity is higher in people with
lower incomes so actually they are
the greatest beneficiaries from these
actions,” Jebb says. “Buying a bar of
chocolate is a cheap easy pleasure,
and we have to think how we help
people to find other ways.”
Nobody chooses to be obese, she
points out. “If you have an extra 20
calories a day — that’s one extra bite
— you’re going to have gained a kilo
over the year. Once you are very
overweight your body is trying to
maintain that weight. Clearly at some
point they have overeaten, but very
rarely have people eaten in the way
that the portrayal of greed is.”
Genes also play a role, but what
bothers Jebb is that there is an upward
trend for weight. “We haven’t had a
national collapse in willpower over the
past 20 years, but twice as many
people are obese,” she says. “We have
got to wake up to the world we live in
and think about what’s proportionate,
what’s reasonable and what would
genuinely make our lives easier.
“People need to understand how the
environment is shaping their choices
and stop thinking this is all about
willpower, because none of us has got
an infinite supply of willpower; it’s just
how much it is going to take before you
crack. We need to change the world.”
I need a holiday read. Something
high-calibre. Got any thoughts?
Oh yes, I’ve got just the thing —
Isabella Rossellini’s new book.
She’s written another book? Oh yes,
wonderful. I’ll bet it’s all about her
acting and modelling career — the
glamour, the scandal — having
Ingrid Bergman for a mother,
Roberto Rossellini for a father, her
marriage to Martin Scorsese . . .
It’s not exactly that.
OK, so what’s it about?
Chickens.
Chickens?
Or hens, if you prefer. Yes. It’s called
My Chickens and I. She’s started
keeping them at home and has
written an illustrated ode to them.
Are we talking about the same
Isabella Rossellini?
Yes, what’s the confusion? As she
says on the opening page: “I wanted
chickens, so I ordered them online.
They arrived by mail in this box.”
I bet she has someone else looking
after them.
Absolutely not. When the chicks
arrive, for example, Rossellini spends
hours in the box with them. Bonding.
And she collects their eggs herself to
take to a farmers’ market every week.
So I could buy a dozen eggs from
Isabella Rossellini?
Yes. She’s even pictured in The New
York Times checking on her compost
heap, cheerfully digging her fist into
it. She’s making honey, growing
vegetables. There’s a herd of sheep,
three goats, two pigs. It’s basically
The Good Life on Long Island. She
describes how she is “enchanted” by
the Hamburg chicken’s unusual
green ears. Did you know the
Hamburg chicken had green ears?
No.
Or that Cochin chickens form very
close friendships?
No. I’d rather just remember her
how she was back in the day. Hot.
And glamorous.
Well I think she’s more fabulous than
ever. She’s a woman who has lived
many lives. If you
can’t see that, you’re
more foolish than
Ross from Friends
when he took her
off his “list”. And we
all know the deep
regret that followed.
Emily Sargent
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Monday May 14 2018 | the times
times2
I chose voluptuous girls.
They knew how to have
fun. Now they’re skinny . . .
Ellen von Unwerth
is famed for her
erotic, provocative
images. They are
not sexist, she tells
Andrew Billen
D
ownstairs at a
Mayfair gallery the
distinguished erotic
photographer is
posing for the press
and wondering if
being shot in front of
a portrait of a naked
brunette pinching the nipples of a
pigtailed blonde might not be a little
“provocative”. Well, in these fraught
times (in the history of modelling
and just generally) it might be
provocative were that photographer a
man. She is instead, however,
Ellen von Unwerth, who, the Opera
Gallery emphasises in the second
paragraph of its press release, uses
“the female gaze” to “celebrate the
female form and women’s sensuality”.
The exhibition is called Ladyland and
von Unwerth is its queen.
She is a ringlet-haired 64-year-old
former model who, after ten years’
discomfort, strode to the other side
of the camera and by 1998 was listed
by American Photo as one of
photography’s VIPs. To this reporter’s
male gaze her work is a delight,
a gigantically framed edit of
30 years of glossily lit cleavages and
gossamer knickers, many belonging
to the world’s most famously
beautiful women.
It is ironic that the first image
(yours for £24,000) on entering the
gallery is of David Bowie thrusting his
hand at the camera as if to protect
Kate Moss, who has wrapped herself
around him. Normally, supermodels
are all too eager to display themselves
to von Unwerth.
It is, of course, a joke about the
paparazzi, von Unwerth, dressed in
a striped Dior blazer, tells me over tea
a few hours later at Claridge’s. Moss
and Bowie were messing about after a
shoot based on Blow-Up, Michelangelo
Antonioni’s movie set in swinging
London’s swinging photo studios.
Bowie and von Unwerth were
friends, neighbours almost, in
Manhattan, where she lives, having
long since left Germany. Like the rest
of us, however, she had no idea he was
ill. As for Moss, she has taken pictures
of her since she was 16, when she was
struck by the novelty of a Vogue model
Ellen von Unwerth: “People think modelling is glamorous; it’s actually hard”
When we take
pictures it’s more
like girls having
a cushion fight
who was “sweet and grungy” rather
than glamorous. “The first picture, of
course, I made her look glamorous.
We made her look like Lolita.”
Would she dare to do that today?
“I think so. Look at the models on
the runway. How old are they? They’re
16. They’re very young, and skinny. So,
you know, I think there are worse
things.” The Moss picture I like in
Ladyland is of her raiding a fridge. So
much for heroin chic. “Exactly. I
always love to put the woman in very
normal situations and still make them
very glamorous.”
That said, how on earth did she
manage to persuade Naomi Campbell
to pose on a lavatory shaving an
armpit (£48,000)? “Naomi is
rock’n’roll. She will do anything.” Yet
her reputation is for difficulty. “Well,
you know, she’s a big star, but she’s
lovely. Once she’s there, she’s lovely.”
You need to wait about for her? “A
little bit, but it’s worth it.”
I ask if there were any nightmare
shoots. She recalls doing Eva
Herzigova for an American Vogue
Tarzan shoot (she Jane) with a
monkey on the Czech model’s
shoulders. Suddenly Herzigova’s face
panicked into a grimace. “ ‘My God,
what’s happening?’ The monkey had
peed down her back.”
The memories provoked by the
retrospective are, she swears, happy
ones, right back to her first shoot with
Claudia Schiffer in 1989. Looking at
the slides on her lightbox, von
Unwerth realised she had just shot
Brigitte Bardot and became “obsessed”.
It was the start of everything for von
Unwerth, and for Schiffer. Classical
and big-busted, Schiffer may be the
classic von Unwerth model. They just
don’t seem to build them like that any
more, we sigh.
“I chose very voluptuous girls. The
supermodels — Cindy Crawford, all of
them — had great bodies. They were
strong and they looked powerful and
they were also actresses. They knew
how to move and have fun. And now
they’re more and more skinny and I
feel like they’re sucking out the energy
a little bit, you know?”
She says she loves androgynouslooking women, that women should
look how they want, and that she has
also had fun photographing the new
breed of plus-size models, but still . . .
So many designers these days want to
hang their clothes not on bodies, but
on “hangers”.
“They don’t want the girls to be sexy.
They don’t want the girls to shake
when they walk on the runway. They
want them to just look at the clothes.”
She, of course, wants us to look at
the bodies. Is that a problem? Susan
Bright, a British photography curator
and academic, has said that von
Unwerth is one of those women
photographers capable of a “typically
male gaze” in their work. For von
Unwerth’s part, when I ask her how
she knows what turns men on, she
blushes slightly and says she never
thinks about it; everyone has different
reactions to art.
My reaction is that her models seem
to be having too much fun to have
been exploited. Even in bondage gear,
Campbell looks as if she’s larking
about. “That’s it exactly. When we take
pictures it’s more like girls getting
together and having a cushion fight.
It’s almost like a parody, you know?
It’s not really erotic.”
Is there more trust between a female
photographer and a female model, I
ask, thinking about Terry Richardson,
dropped by Condé Nast in October
for alleged sexual harassment,
allegations that he denies. “I don’t
know about trust. It’s just different.
It’s not about seduction, it’s more like
letting them loose.”
If we were to object that her erotica
sometimes flirts with soft porn, her
2012 book The Story of Olga would be
exhibit one. I have not seen the book
since it costs £650 (“Availability: In
Stock”), but there are pictures from it
in the new collection. From what I
gather, it is an erotic fantasy starring
Olga Rodionova, an actress and
former Playboy model who is married
to a Russian banker and publisher.
Von Unwerth says the husband asked
her to create the book, but it seems
to be as much Rodionova’s
sado-masochist imagination at work
as his. At least I hope so. Similarly,
although von Unwerth photographed
Drew Barrymore for Playboy in 1995,
the actress has described this as a
necessary part of her difficult journey
from ET to adulthood.
If anyone, on paper, had a tragic
childhood it is von Unwerth. She was
born in 1954 in Frankfurt to a single
mother, who died, she is not sure how,
Daffodil, Lindsey
Wixson, 2015.
Below: Anonymous,
Anna Ewers and
Keke Lindgard, 2013.
Cover: Big in America
Claudia Schiffer, 1991
the times | Monday May 14 2018
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COVER AND BELOW: ELLEN VON UNWERTH
times2
Eighties’ most politically incorrect
male photographers.
One was Helmut Newton, who, she
thinks, liked her more for her name
(which he read as a pun on her value)
than her looks. “He liked voluptuous
girls and I was skinny. So he made me
pose in really, really, really high heels,
this weird pose, with my nails digging
into my hips.”
The other was Guy Bourdin,
undoubtedly a genius of sorts, but with
an unfortunate penchant for
photographing women in a way that
suggested they were dead. She posed
for him prostrate on a red bed next to
a toy elephant, its trunk raised in
priapic salute. Was she happy with
that? “Super-happy. It’s a piece of art.
I wish I had a print of it.”
Yet, generally, she did not enjoy
modelling and is faintly surprised that
she endured its passivity and lack of
creativity for so long. She could not be
herself. She was told to fix her smile.
The supermodels
had champagne.
Now everyone
is on the phone
Claudia Schiffer, 1990. Below: David Bowie and Kate Moss, 2003
of an illness when she was two. Never
knowing her father, and with her
mother’s family rejecting her as a
“black sheep”, she fell into the German
childcare system, first into an
orphanage, then a foster home, from
which she was handed back after two
years. “I was not what they expected.
I actually got worse when I got older.
I wasn’t what anyone expected.” In
the end she would have three
consecutive stepmothers.
A lot of rejection to survive?
“It is, but on the other hand I had
a sunny, positive character. I’m very
lucky. I became friends with people
who were good for me and who made
me strong.”
In the end the authorities placed her
in a home in the Bavarian mountains,
from which she fled to a commune.
Its conservative neighbours deeply
disapproved. It is typical of von
Unwerth that when she revisited
her Bavarian years in a book called
Heimat (home) last year she produced
neither a photographic misery memoir
nor a pastoral elegy, but a complete
piss-take, heavily influenced by
German porn-comedies of the
Seventies. “I’m not really nostalgic for
my life,” she says.
In a yet more bizarre twist to her
life story, after she moved to Munich
at 17 she joined a circus as a knife
thrower’s assistant. When the daggers
were not whizzing past her ears (the
artist was an unhappy drunk and she
resigned maybe just in time) she
dressed in fishnet stockings and a little
glitter suit to announce the next act.
Her circus days, all four or five months
of them, she confirms, were a big
influence on her work.
On the brink of university she was
picked out on the street and offered
a modelling contract. She moved to
Paris and spent the next decade as
a “successful-ish” photo-model who,
in her time, worked with two of the
Too much gum above the upper teeth.
Draw the top lip down. Hide it.
Eventually her boyfriend at the time,
the photographer Bruno Juminer, gave
her a camera. On a fashion shoot in
Kenya she went to a nearby village
and shot pictures of children. Her
friends told her they were good. In
Paris people were initially puzzled.
“Really? She took a picture? But she’s
a model. She’s stupid.” Soon, though,
her original documentary style was
noticed. The designer Katharine
Hamnett asked her to do a campaign.
Then along came Schiffer-Bardot.
And Juminer? “When I started
to take pictures, we broke up very
quickly.”
Not long after, she met Christian
Fourteau, a music producer, to whom
she has been married for 28 years.
They have a daughter, Rebecca, who
makes videos for American Vogue.
“I’m happy she’s not a model. I was
not super-happy at the time. It’s a lot
of suffering. People think it’s only
glamorous and it’s actually hard.
Psychologically, it’s very hard,
especially now. When I was modelling,
even the supermodels had so much
fun. There was so much chatting and
champagne. Nowadays everybody is
on the phone. Nobody’s talking any
more. It’s like a different time. It’s not
as joyful as it used to be.”
Even she has to act as the “phone
police”, stopping people from
instagramming their shots of her
set-ups and tutting at models taking
selfies. None would ever have cause
to complain about her treatment of
them, but even so she ensures she
creates a “safe” environment. After
all, these models, “they are all so flirty,
you know”. Creating safety in the
studio is a duty these days. In the
work, however? “You cannot control
that. Because it’s art.”
Too right her work is provocative,
complicatedly so in Me Too times.
The joy of the pictures is that the
objects of our gaze — male and female
— seem cheekily determined to keep
it that way.
Ladyland is at the Opera Gallery, 134
New Bond Street, London, to May 18
6
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Monday May 14 2018 | the times
life
I had a funny and clever mother. Dementia
has made her paranoid and aggressive
Ask Professor Tanya Byron
N
My 94-year-old
mother has dementia.
We first noticed
short-term memory
loss six years ago,
although looking
back, other personality changes were
also present. She received a
diagnosis, but wouldn’t engage with
any mental health services. She lives
near by and we are a close family.
Mum was always independent and I
was happy to support her to remain
in her own home. She complained
that she felt lonely and isolated, but
she wouldn’t consider alternatives.
Mum denied that she had problems
— she said it was a conspiracy
between me and the GP. She became
verbally aggressive towards me and
paranoid. She couldn’t use the bath
or shower and she wasn’t eating
properly. The options were to wait for
something terrible to happen, or
consider residential care.
We moved her to a care home.
According to the staff there, Mum is
calm and chatty, but whenever I visit
she shouts that she is a prisoner and
says that I have stolen all her money.
I realise that her symptoms are
common, so try not to take it
personally and use distraction tactics.
She screams that I’m a liar, a thief,
that my children don’t love me and
has threatened to hit me. It’s very
hard to see my loved, admired
mother reduced to this person.
The mental health team are unable
to offer any suggestions. She saw a
psychiatrist a month ago, but we
have received no feedback yet.
I don’t expect that by some miracle
my funny, clever, generous mother
will re-emerge. But what can we do,
between now and her death, to make
her less agitated and fearful, so that
her vitriol doesn’t scar us all?
Samantha
Q
N
I want to start by
empathising with you.
Your letter was very
sad to read because
you eloquently
describe the “loss”
of your mother and the pain of
watching someone so independent and
loving change. You are in a state of
perpetual bereavement, grieving for
the mother you have already lost, and
despair at how your relationship with
her has changed.
Your mother’s behaviour is not
unusual, and research from Lund
University in Sweden showed that
a third of people in its sample with
Alzheimer’s disease or frontotemporal
dementia were aggressive towards
those who cared for them. As you saw
personality changes in your mother
from quite early on I wonder whether
she has frontotemporal dementia,
where the damage begins in the
frontal parts of the brain, the area that
controls empathy, impulse control,
personality and judgment, and so
aggression often manifests earlier than
in those with Alzheimer’s.
While it may not feel particularly
important to know what kind of
dementia your mother has, it can
help to understand behaviour from a
brain-based perspective to enable you
to not take it personally, particularly
given that most of her aggression and
paranoia is directed towards you.
Of course this is easier said than
done, and I can imagine that you can
feel broken by the behaviour. You love
your mother and remember when
your relationship was reciprocally
loving, so to find yourself the target of
her fear and rage is distressing,
particularly given your extraordinary
commitment to her staying in her
home for as long as was possible.
Like adolescents who project their
developmentally normal angst on to
A
those they feel closest to and safest
with (due to developmental changes in
their prefrontal cortex), I believe this
may be, in part, what you are
experiencing with your mother. You
had to make tough decisions about
her moving into a care home because
you could see the decline in a way
that she was unable or unwilling to
see for herself (and who could blame
her?). Despite your actions being
driven by concern, love and a need
for her to be safe, her experience of
this has made you into her jailer.
Her anger and despair are projected
at you, but perhaps this frees her up
to have more balanced relationships
p
with others.
Behavioural and psychological
cal
symptoms of dementia can emerge
merge
in the later stages of the condition:
ition:
aggression, verbal and physical
al abuse,
delusions and hallucinations. First
consider whether there are underlying
nderlying
physical causes that need to be
ruled out, including a urinary tract
infection or uncontrolled pain.
n.
Psychologically these behaviours
ours
may be related to depression or
other untreated mental health
h
problems and sometimes
psychiatrists can assess whether
her
antipsychotic medication can
be used to offer short-term
relief. I advise that you push to
o
meet the psychiatrist who
assessed her and even consider
er
getting a second opinion (see
psychiatry-uk.com/old-age).
While the aggression may
be driven by the dementia,
it also has to be thought aboutt
outside the brain changes
associated with the disease,
ie it could be a reaction and
not only a symptom. The
feelings your mother is
expressing could represent a
significant communication.
Ask if her
needs are
being met
and does
she feel
heard?
Therefore, while you are right to
try to distract yourself from what you
are experiencing, it is also important
to try to consider what else your
mother may be communicating.
I suspect she feels frustrated, even
embarrassed, by the need for others
to care for her intimately. However
well-meaning the carers are, they may
not be able to offer care in the way
that feels completely right. It is worth
considering whether she is being cared
for in the right way for her.
Sometimes we communicate our
distress to those we are closest to and
not to those who are distressing us,
particularly if we feel vulnerable and
p
of causing upset to our carers.
afraid o
questions are: does your
So the q
mother feel threatened and
frightened? Does she feel understood,
frighten
being heard and are her needs
is she b
met? I suggest that you keep a
being m
diary of the aggressive episodes and
look for a pattern, eg time of day,
particular people on shift, whether the
particu
aggression
occurs before or after
aggr
specific tasks are done for her.
spec
In addition, it may be useful to
look at activities you can engage
loo
in with your mother that dilute
the
th intensity of being with her,
eg trips out if possible, the use of
music
or crafting as distraction.
m
There are activities designed
for
f people with dementia that
are relaxing and fun, such as
pet therapy (petsastherapy.org)
and
a singing for the brain (visit
the
th Alzheimer’s Society website
and
a search for “singing”,
alzheimers.org.uk).
Also see
al
support
supp services for people with
dementia
demen and their carers (click on
support” at alzheimers.org.uk).
“get su
I wish you
y both well.
would like Professor
If you w
Byron’s help, email
Tanya B
proftanyabyron@thetimes.co.uk
proftan
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with colour
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the times | Monday May 14 2018
7
1G T
GETTY IMAGES
life
from work and the door slammed,
Nanny would pull me on to her lap, so
my mother would witness our “loving
relationship” when she came upstairs.
I desperately wanted to be sitting on
my mother’s lap, but I stayed where I
was — it was a matter of survival.
My sister and I remained rigidly
silent, scared of the bird and the
recriminations. We sensed that Nanny
was unhinged, but it wasn’t something
we could talk about. One horrifying
night she burst into our bedroom after
dark and beat my sister up for no
reason other than she was probably
very drunk. My poor sister began to
scream. I wanted to shout out, but also
to remain invisible in case she turned
I am perhaps too
vigilant about my
own children’s
wellbeing now
Kate Morris
My childhood nannies were a
nightmare — I lived in dread
Having grown up
tormented by
terrifying nannies,
Kate Morris looks
back on how they
shaped her future
W
hen my
children
were young
I found it
hard to
leave them
in the care
of someone
else, even though I craved time and
space to be someone other than a
mother. I worked at home on purpose.
The idea of leaving them all day was
not tenable to me. I worried that they
might be subject to some hint of
cruelty. I am the antithesis of a laissezfaire parent and still leap to their
defence if I feel they have been treated
harshly at school. It’s because of my
experience growing up in the late
Sixties and Seventies, when our lives
were dominated by unhappy nannies
who looked after my sister and me.
The first nanny I remember wore a
uniform of green and white striped
dress with a white apron. She was big
and broad and had a wart on her
cheek. Nanny had total control of our
wellbeing and was given only one day
off a week, so our parents had little
input. My parents both worked, so
our world revolved around Nanny and
the secret world on the top floor.
She was probably in her forties or
fifties, but seemed ancient. She had
total control over what we wore, what
we ate and even when we used the
bathroom. She made sure we had a
rest every afternoon, when we would
lie in a darkened room, unable to sleep
and prohibited from reading. Nanny
had obviously been trained to look
after children, but she had no natural
gift and was a cold person who was
irritated by children.
She ruled with the threat of a smack.
I remember once waking in the night
and, finding the dark frightening,
running to the bathroom and
switching on the light. She was
furious and stomped out of her room,
reprimanded me strongly and sent
me back without a word of comfort.
She used to slap me on my legs every
day. I lived in dread of this happening,
so tried to remain good. I didn’t like
her and she wasn’t charmed by me. I
remember one moment, towards the
end of her tenure, when my parents
were entertaining. She told me to be
careful with my fizzy drink, and one of
my father’s more outrageous friends
imitated her whiny voice. I remember
feeling triumphant that she had been
shamed and mocked. It was revenge
for all the times she had favoured my
sister and slapped me on the legs.
Wretched woman. She had no love
life and was probably very lonely. Her
only companions were a hapless crew
of other nannies.
After that nanny left, another
woman came to look after us who had
her own problems, namely alcoholism
and mental-health issues, obviously
She said
I was too
old to sleep
with a
stuffed
bear — I
was seven
hidden during the interview process.
She was ugly as a gnome, with a pasty
face and thinning hair.
Soon after she arrived she banned
me from sleeping with my beloved
stuffed bear. She said I was too old for
bears (I was seven) and made me put
him away in a drawer. I was so
intimidated by her that I didn’t even
dare to peek at my bear, but I worried
that he was suffocating. “Toffee”
stayed in that drawer until she left.
She decided she liked me and not
my sister and manipulated me to do
untoward tasks for her. When we
walked past the off-licence she would
ask me to go in and sign for a bottle of
whisky on my parents’ account. I knew
that what I was doing was wrong, but I
was totally in her thrall because it was
better to remain her favourite than not.
She had terrified us into submission
because she told us that a black bird
followed us everywhere and reported
on us if we behaved badly. We had
been on holiday with our parents and
she had discovered some snippet of
bad behaviour and informed us that
the bird had told her.
It was the stuff of nightmares. At
school I changed from an ebullient
and popular girl into a subdued and
shy one, convinced that if I did
anything wrong the all-seeing black
bird would know. I sometimes looked
out of the window to see if the bird
were there. It never was, but I was still
convinced that it was just out of sight,
even when I was in the basement of
the school eating lunch.
The drinking obviously continued.
I knew that I was being manipulated,
but couldn’t put that feeling into
words. When my mother returned
on me. It was frightening and terrible
and like the end of the world.
A neighbour heard the screams and
knocked on the door. We heard Nanny
saying that my sister had a nightmare.
In fear of the black bird, we didn’t tell
our parents, who were out. We didn’t
even talk about it between ourselves in
case the bird heard us.
That summer when Nanny, my
sister and I went to stay with my
grandmother I went for a walk with
my beloved granny and dared to tell
her about the black bird. I’m not sure
what had turned for me — maybe I
was older, maybe I’d had enough. She
was adamant of course that the black
bird story was not true and I was
shocked, but not entirely convinced.
However, sometime soon after, she
went to investigate Nanny’s bedroom
and found several bottles of alcohol
hidden under her bed.
After we returned to London I heard
that she was leaving, fired by my
parents. I remember her saying: “You
love me. You have to tell your parents
that you want me to stay.” I nodded,
knowing I wouldn’t. It was over, the
black bird didn’t exist and she was
going. I felt my energy returning,
although a small part of me felt sorry
for her, knowing that it would be hard
for her to find another job.
As a result of my upbringing I have
perhaps been a little too vigilant about
my children’s wellbeing (they are
teenagers now), desperate for them not
to suffer in silence and keen for them
to share every detail of their lives.
When my children were young we
employed au pairs. They obviously
had to be enthusiastic about children,
but it was a bonus if they looked good
too. I was seeking to live with the
precise opposite of the nannies that we
had endured growing up.
Our most glamorous au pair could
easily have moonlighted as a model —
one day, when she was lost, she
managed to bring an out-of-service
London bus to a halt and persuade the
driver to drop her home. She had a few
issues, but she loved our son and to
me that was all that mattered.
I think that my intense focus on my
children has been fairly positive, but I
am learning to hold back. Now that
they are older my interest in the
minutiae of their lives can seem a bit
crazy. My son can’t bear it when I ask
him too many questions. I am learning
and I am getting there.
8
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Monday May 14 2018 | the times
arts
Clearing out the
bottom drawer —
the debut plays that
are getting an airing
Mike Bartlett’s first script is now on the
stage but how do other star playwrights
feel about their earliest jottings going
on show? Dominic Maxwell asked them
L
ast year Alan Ayckbourn
gave theatregoers a rare
glimpse — perhaps the
last — of his first play.
He wrote The Square Cat
in 1959, when he was 19,
collaborating with his
first wife, Christine
Roland, under the pseudonym Roland
Allen. This tale of a rock’n’roller and a
housewife had not been seen since
1960. Nor, if Ayckbourn has anything
to do with it, will it ever be seen again.
Still, last September he dug it up as
part of a fundraising gala for the
Stephen Joseph Theatre in
Scarborough alongside extracts from
some of his 80 other plays.
“We read about five minutes of it,”
he says. “I could feel the blush rising
and could see the actors looking at me,
thinking, ‘You want us to read this
out?’ It’s a bit like bringing out your
baby snaps. There was a polite ripple
of applause. I said, ‘And that explains
why that one’s never done now.’ ”
Ayckbourn may not want us looking
at his juvenilia, but there are
increasing numbers of playwrights
whose first tries are getting second
chances. In the past three years alone
British theatres have given us an
Arthur Miller world premiere (his first
play, No Villain, from 1936), Terence
Rattigan’s little-known debut (First
Episode, not seen since 1938) and a
premiere of Harley Granville Barker’s
(Agnes Colander, from 1900). Not long
before that, the Finborough in Earls
Court gave us the first production of
Caryl Churchill’s 1972 first play, The
Hospital at the Time of the Revolution.
Before that it staged the first
production for 80 years of Noël
Coward’s The Rat Trap.
Now 21st-century names are joining
the party. Not Talking, the first play by
Mike Bartlett, is getting its first run at
the Arcola in east London. Bartlett is
celebrated for his television series
Doctor Foster and his play King
Charles III, among other more recent
achievements. Yet this debut feels like
“unfinished business”. He wrote it in
2005, but couldn’t get it staged.
However, when Radio 3 broadcast a
version of it in 2007, it was his first pay
cheque as a playwright.
Part of the reason Bartlett remains
proud of Not Talking is because of
what he had to go through to get it on
air. He had to cut it from 90 minutes
to 60. “That was a real lesson to me.
How could you lose a third and make
it better? I learnt to go over every line
to see what it was doing, whether it
was really needed.” It’s a discipline he
hopes he has retained.
While Ayckbourn shudders at much
of The Square Cat, he is glad it wasn’t
the same as everyone else’s first plays
at the time: “A young man blaming his
mother for all his shortcomings.”
The same goes for Bartlett’s debut,
which is about two characters in their
eighties and two in their teens and is
set against the backdrop of the Iraq
war. For a while he felt that made it
too outdated to resurrect. “Doing it
now, though, it’s a piece of history.” He
has left it as it was. “I wrote it when I
was 23, 24, and its best things come
from being that age.”
Should playwrights tinker with work
they revive? Bryony Lavery, whose
biggest hit, Frozen, has just been
revived in the West End, was once
asked to revive her play Dracula. The
director suggested a couple of tweaks.
She agreed. “And before you know it,”
she says, “I don’t think there was one
line left of the original.” Lavery has
four new plays on this year, but would
be delighted if anyone wanted to
revive her first play, I Was Too Young
at the Time to Understand Why My
Mother Was Crying. Mind you, she
says, they would have to go hunting
for the script in her archive at De
Montfort University in Leicester.
She is not convinced that they
would like what they would find there.
She started staging plays in the 1970s,
but suggests Origin of the Species from
1984 or Her Aching Heart from 1991 as
her first “achieved” plays. Yes, it took
that long. “Play writing is a very rocky
ride.” Given the chance, she would
want to rewrite her early work. “But I
couldn’t because I am no longer that
dewy-eyed, fresh-faced person. When
I wrote My Aching Heart I thought the
worst that can happen to you was a
broken heart. And now I know the
world is harder and darker and
meaner than that.”
What if your first play was a hit?
Nina Raine, whose play Consent opens
in the West End this week after a run
at the National last year, broke
through in 2006 with her full-length
debut, Rabbit. It reached the West End
and New York, had productions
around the world, then, in March this
year, received a low-key production
for a few nights in Walthamstow,
northeast London. She wasn’t sure it
would still make sense. “I thought, ‘It’s
all about sexual politics, and aren’t we
all in a different place now?’ But
actually it was fine. Both sexes were
angry; the women were saying the
only place we have power is in sex so
we are going to use it; the men were
saying they feel oppressed. Nothing
has changed.”
She did wonder why none of her
characters was talking about Tinder,
but they were talking about scratch
cards. Does that mean it’s a period
piece? “No,” she says, “because we
still have scratch cards. It would be
a period piece if they were talking
about My Space.” If it were to
get a bigger revival, though, she is
convinced she would need to give it
more of a rewrite. “It’s amazing how
perishable stuff is.”
Dead playwrights can’t tweak, so
need estates to protect and promote
their work. The literary agent Alan
Brodie, who looks after the estates of
Rattigan and Coward among others, is
happy for directors to look at writers’
earliest works. “Because it shows the
development of the writer.” And
because the productions tend to be
small-scale he feels they can’t damage
the writer’s legacy if they go badly.
If they go well, they can put a play
back in the canon. Rattigan’s 1939 play
After the Dance had rarely been
revived when Benedict Cumberbatch
starred in the National’s production in
I could see
the actors
thinking,
‘You want
us to read
this out?’
Gregory Finnegan and
Catherine Hamilton in
Noël Coward’s The Rat
Trap at the Finborough
Theatre in 2006
2010. Rattigan kept it out of his first
collection of plays, unhappy after the
first production closed early. The
National’s production won four Olivier
awards, which put the play back on the
top table of Rattigan’s output. “Writers
aren’t always the best judges of their
work,” Brodie says. “Rattigan thought
he had failed, whereas really the
production had failed because of
circumstances beyond his control.”
Rediscoveries don’t happen by
accident. The Finborough’s artistic
director, Neil McPherson, reads about
thirty old plays a week, looking for
neglected gems to programme
alongside new writing. He may find
them online or in a second-hand
bookshop. Or he may read about
them, then hunt them down, as when
he read a biography of the writer
Robert Graves. Graves’s only play
for adults, a comedy called But It Still
Goes On, was commissioned by West
End producers in 1930, but never
staged. “It was so outrageous it would
never have got past the Lord
Chamberlain’s Office,” McPherson
says. It will get its world premiere at
the Finborough in July.
Reviving only rare plays gives the
Finborough a selling point, but
McPherson’s rule is to put on only
plays he actively likes, whatever their
provenance. He insists that directors
take the shows seriously, even if some
of the dialogue is quaint. “You can’t
send it up, you have to believe in it.”
And after 19 years running this
50-seater he hopes he has a good
enough track record that “estates trust
us a bit”. In June the Finborough will
mount the British premiere of Arthur
Miller’s final play, from 2004, Finishing
the Picture, which is inspired by his
experiences with Marilyn Monroe
while she was filming The Misfits.
One day, alas, there will be an
Ayckbourn estate. Might it take a
more forgiving attitude to his early
work than he does? “Well, you can’t
control what happens after your
death,” the playwright says, cheerfully,
the times | Monday May 14 2018
9
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MARILYN KINGWILL/ARENAPAL; TIMES PHOTOGRAPHER RICHARD POHLE
arts
Left: Philip Labey,
Gavin Fowler and Molly
Hanson in Terence
Rattigan’s First Episode
at the Jermyn Street
Theatre in 2014. Below:
playwright Nina Raine
Edinburgh comedy awards
competition 2018
D
Not Talking is at the
Arcola, London E8 (020
7503 1646) to June 2.
Alan Ayckbourn opens
his 82nd play, Better Off
Dead, at the Stephen
Joseph Theatre,
Scarborough (01723
370541), September 6 to
October 6. He revives
his 22nd, Joking Apart,
there from July 26 to
October 4
“but I will try to leave pleas for them
to be left alone: ‘Please do not disturb
my bones.’ ” It’s not just play number
one he doesn’t want to bother us with
again. He also refuses to grant licences
for anyone to perform plays number
two to five: Love After All, Dad’s Tale,
Standing Room Only and Christmas v
Mastermind. Fancy reviving play eight,
The Sparrow? Tough, he’s taken
against that one too. And even against
play 56, Virtual Reality, from 2000,
which he could feel was a misfire even
during rehearsals. Which still leaves
about 75 from which to select.
“Because I have got such a large
catalogue now I can afford to be
choosy. Those early years were all
about learning. I feel about them a bit
like an artist with early sketches.” The
Square Cat was written as a kind of
dare when he was a young actor in
Scarborough. He insisted that he could
do better than some of the stuff he was
being asked to perform. His director,
Stephen Joseph, called his bluff. So he
wrote plays with “glossy starring roles”
for himself.
“I was a 19-year-old megalomaniac,”
he says, “but those plays made me a
writer. I was learning that theatre is a
practical craft. If plays are not spoken
by actors and cursed about by stage
managers, they don’t really exist.”
The earliest play he will allow
to be staged is Mr Whatnot, from
1963. A tribute to silent films, it was
his last conscious attempt at being
“experimental”, to react against
the “well-made” plays of Rattigan
and Coward. He went to see its
50th anniversary production in
Northampton in 2013. “I wouldn’t
really want to see it again, though.”
After Mr Whatnot’s critical mauling
in its first London run he accepted
another challenge from Joseph: to
learn the rules so he then knew
how to break them. His next play,
Relatively Speaking, became the first
of many hits.
He is for ever grateful for having
been able to make his early mistakes
in public. He remembers putting on
another writer’s debut while he was
running the Stephen Joseph
Theatre. At the end of the opening
night the writer was punching
the air and saying: “I’ve done it!”
Ayckbourn was thinking: “No,
you’ve just hit one successful
note.” That playwright was
dismayed when his next plays
fared less well.
Ayckbourn chuckles.
“A successful first play
is a curse, really. You’ll live
to regret it.”
o you want to go to the
Edinburgh Festival Fringe
free of charge? Think you
could handle more than
100 hours of comedy in
two weeks? Then you may have
what it takes to be an Edinburgh
comedy awards panellist.
We are offering you the chance
to join the judging panel for the
Edinburgh comedy awards, Britain’s
most important prize for comedy.
You will be deciding the most
outstanding original comedy act
and the best newcomer comedy act
at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
You need to be a regular visitor to
live comedy and have bags of
energy. You will be expected to see
six shows a day; you’ll be feeding
back your opinions of what you’ve
seen and contributing to official
panel meetings and the process of
finding the winners.
Alex Caven, one of our 2017 public
panellists, says of her experience:
“As a judge for the Edinburgh
comedy awards, I felt like all my
Christmases and birthdays had
I felt like all my
Christmases and
birthdays had
come at once
come at once. As a massive comedy
fan, I entered the competition and
was over the moon to be selected. I
lived the dream. I watched 124 of
the best and worst that Edinburgh
Fringe had to offer. I met some
great people and had an experience
I will never be able replicate or
forget. It can be tiring, it can be
thrilling and, as it is Edinburgh in
the summer, it can also be very wet,
but it was amazing to be part of an
award institution that I have
followed for many years.”
So show us your credentials. We
are looking for real punters who
know and care about comedy. The
winners must be available to stay in
Edinburgh from August 8-26. In
return, the Edinburgh comedy
awards will provide you with
accommodation, travel, show tickets
and invitations to the best parties.
The 2017 comedy award winners,
Hannah Gadsby and John Robins
How to enter
1 Tell us in approximately 350 words
why you are the best candidate.
2 Write three short reviews, no
more than 150 words each, of your
three favourite live comedy acts.
3 Entries must reach us by May 25
at noon. If you are shortlisted, you
will be required to attend an
informal interview in London on
June 14 or 15. Travel expenses will
be reimbursed. Send your entry to
assistant@comedyawards.co.uk, or
Edinburgh Comedy Awards
Panellist, 1st Floor, 44 Maiden Lane,
London, WC2E 7LN.
4 The winners will be announced
at the end of June.
Terms and conditions
1 Entrants must be 18 or over and
resident in the UK.
2 Entrants must be available
full-time and able to reside in
Edinburgh from August 8-26.
3 The competition is not open
to employees of the Festival
Fringe Society or anyone
connected professionally
with the comedy business.
4 The prize is a position on the
Edinburgh comedy awards judging
panel for the Edinburgh Festival
Fringe 2018. The winners must
attend approximately six shows a
day, possibly more, and provide
short reviews for all shows attended.
5 Only one entry per person.
6 The winners will be chosen by the
awards director, Nica Burns, and
the decision is final.
7 The prize is non-transferable.
There will be no cash prize.
8 No responsibility will be taken for
entries lost, delayed or incomplete.
9 All costs incurred by the
winners other than travel and
accommodation are at their
expense.
Entertainments
Entertainment
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10
1G T
Monday May 14 2018 | the times
television & radio
Benedict on a bender has never been better
Carol
Midgley
TV review
Patrick Melrose
Sky Atlantic
{{{{{
Midsomer Murders
ITV
{{{((
P
atrick Melrose was apparently
one of only two roles on
Benedict Cumberbatch’s
bucket list (the other was
Hamlet). After seeing his
gobsmacking performance last night
it is obvious why. It was as if he were
meant for this part, as if he had been
storing up a special tank of energy for
years to play it. I was already a fan —
a “Cumberbitch”, I’m told — but this
surpassed anything I’ve seen him do.
As the portrayal of a screwed-up
posh boy’s descent into gurning,
Radio Choice
Chris Bennion
Chris Hawkins
6 Music, 5am
To mark Mental Health
Awareness Week the DJ
Chris Hawkins is bravely
appearing, today and
tomorrow, in Doctors (BBC
One, 1.45pm). Throughout
this week the TV soap will
be dealing with the subject
of mental health, with
Hawkins taking on a small
role as a doctor. During his
day job, however, Hawkins
will be discussing why
musicians can be prone to
mental illness with the
neuropsychologist
Dr Catherine Loveday.
Hawkins is in the early slot
so, for later risers, the show
will be on the BBC radio
iPlayer straight afterwards.
The Conversation
World Service, 11.30am
In March Andria Zafirakou
of Brent, northwest London,
was named the best teacher
in the world. The arts
and textiles teacher from
Alperton Community
School became the first
British winner of the annual
Varkey Foundation’s Global
Teacher award. Zafirakou
talks to Kim Chakanetsa
about working in a heavily
deprived area, where
130 languages are spoken,
and on becoming a friend,
confidante and protector
to her pupils.
hallucinatory, drug-fuelled insanity it
was superb. But Cumberbatch also
made it funny, which, when you’re
having to factor in bereavement,
addiction, an abusive pig of a father
and an obvious case of post-traumatic
stress disorder, isn’t easy to do. Yet he
did it, with knobs on, shifting from
tragic to slapstick in seconds, each
equally convincing. His character in
this adaptation of Edward St Aubyn’s
novels was like Withnail on acid,
which is ironic since acid was about
the only drug Melrose didn’t shove
down his neck, up his nose or into his
bloodied arm. Heroin, of course, was
his first choice, the “cavalry”.
Cumberbatch had all the heavy
lifting to do, playing a Chinese buffet
of parts as he mimicked his dead
father and all the voices in his head,
while also having to be theatrically
physical, doing stupid walks, hurling
objects around his luxury New York
hotel suite and “beating up” his
father’s ashes. In an earlier scene he
had stood over his father’s coffin and
asked whether he had been scared of
dying, adding: “Christ, I hope so.”
The funniest moment was when the
Quaaludes kicked in while he necked
martinis with a family friend and
tried to keep his upper-class veneer
of respectability — “Excuse me” —
while staggering and squirming like
a drunken snake to the bathroom
for a sharpening kiss of cocaine.
Radio 1
FM: 96.7-99.8 MHz
6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with
Scott Mills 10.00 Adele Roberts 12.45pm
Newsbeat 1.00 Matt and Mollie 4.00 Greg
James 5.45 Newsbeat 6.00 Greg James
7.00 Clara Amfo 9.00 The 8th with Charlie
Sloth 11.00 Huw Stephens 1.00am Radio
1’s Drum & Bass Show with Rene LaVice 3.00
Radio 1’s Specialist Chart with Phil Taggart
4.00 Early Breakfast with Adele Roberts
Radio 2
FM: 88-90.2 MHz
6.30am Chris Evans. Music, entertainment
and guests 9.30 Ken Bruce. Including John
Motson’s opening Tracks of My Years,
featuring songs by Glen Campbell and Paul
Simon 12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve
Wright 5.00 Jo Whiley & Simon Mayo 8.00
The Cerys Matthews Blues Show. The
presenter is joined by Tom Jones to chat
about their shared love of the blues 9.00
Jools Holland. Elkie Brooks chats about her
career and plays a selection of her favourite
music. 10.00 Sara Cox. Music and chat
12.00 OJ Borg 3.00am Johnnie Walker’s
Sounds of the 70s 5.00 Vanessa Feltz
Radio 3
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
Georgia Mann presents Radio 3’s classical
breakfast show. Including 7.00, 8.00 News.
7.30, 8.30 News Headlines
9.00 Essential Classics
Ian Skelly introduces the best in classical
music and is joined by a well-known guest
12.00 Composer of the Week:
Brahms (1833-1897)
Donald Macleod explores the friendship
between Brahms and the violin virtuoso
Joseph Joachim, and the music of genius that
resulted. Brahms (Scherzo in C Minor —
”FAE” Sonata; Hymn To The Veneration of
the Great Joachim; Scherzo in E Flat Minor,
Op 4; Piano Sonata No 3 — 2nd mvt: Andante
espressivo; and Violin Concerto D Major,
Op 77 — 1st mvt)
1.00pm News
1.02 Live Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert
From Wigmore Hall, London, the Schumann
Quartet of Germany — three Schumann
brothers, Mark, Erik and Ken, and the
violist Liisa Randalu perform. Shostakovich
(String Quartet No 7 in F sharp minor);
and Schubert (String Quartet in A minor,
D804 “Rosamunde”)
Benedict Cumberbatch as the drug-addicted Patrick Melrose
2.00 Afternoon Concert
A week of performances by the BBC Scottish
Symphony Orchestra, beginning today with a
concert the orchestra gave in Perth Concert
Hall. Smetana (Ma vlast/My country —
Vltava & Sarka); Chopin (Piano concerto no 2
in F minor Op 21); Dvorák (Symphony no 4 in
D minor Op 13); Haydn (Symphony no. 88 in
G major H188); Britten (Four Sea Interludes
from Peter Grimes Op 33a); and Brahms
(Violin Concerto in D major Op 77)
5.00 In Tune
Sean Rafferty presents, with guests
including the early music conductor Reinhard
Goebel, and the recorder quartet Palisander,
who perform live in the studio.
Plus, the violinist Michael Foyle
7.00 In Tune Mixtape
An eclectic non-stop mix of music,
featuring romantic clarinet music by Scriabin,
Ravel’s delicate Tombeau de Couperin and
sensuous Monteverdi. Plus, Handel’s
majestic water music, a dance from Phlip
Glass’s opera Akhnaten, 17th century lute
music by Francois Dufault and a rousing
peasant dance by Gustav Mahler
7.30 Radio 3 in Concert
Andrew McGregor presents highlights of
Wednesday night’s ceremony at The Brewery
in London, at which the winners of the 2018
Awards from the Royal Philharmonic Society
were announced by Georgia Mann and
Petroc Trelawny. The awards honour a broad
sweep of live music-making, including
categories for performers, composers,
inspirational arts organisations learning,
participation and engagement
10.00 Music Matters
Tom Service talks to the Venezuelan pianist
Gabriela Montero about her life in music and
society. Known not just for her acclaimed
performances on the classical concert stage
she is also fiercely political and outspoken
against the government in Venezuela (r)
10.45 The Essay: To the Barricades!
The books and films that anticipated and
shaped the response to the student
explosions in Paris, Prague, London and New
York in 1968. Michael Goldfarb remembers
the books he and his contemporaries read
and the films they watched. He traces the
way ideas in literature and cinema are
absorbed into the mind and heart and
become shapers of action. In this episode, he
focuses on Joseph Heller’s Catch 22
11.00 Jazz Now
Soweto Kinch presents a concert by the
Christian McBride Big Band from the 2018
Cheltenham Jazz Festival
12.30am Through the Night
Radio 4
FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
5.43 Prayer for the Day
5.45 Farming Today
5.58 Tweet of the Day (r)
6.00 Today
With Justin Webb and Martha Kearney
9.00 Start the Week
With Jordan Peterson, Louise O’Neill, Hashi
Mohamed and Lawrence Wright
9.45 (LW) Daily Service
9.45 Book of the Week: The Book —
A Cover-to-Cover Exploration of the
Most Powerful Object of Our Time
By Keith Houston. The author explores
what goes into the making of a book.
Read by Deborah Findlay (1/5)
10.00 Woman’s Hour
Discussion and interviews presented by Jane
Garvey. Including at 10.45 the 15 Minute
Drama: Part one of Rachel Joyce’s adaptation
of Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights
11.00 The Untold
A feminist politician trying to win a
seat on Worcester council (2/13)
11.30 The Break
The return of the comedy, by Ian Brown and
James Hendrie, starring Tom Palmer (1/6)
12.01pm (LW) Shipping Forecast
12.04 Dr Broks’ Casebook
Neuropsychologist Paul Broks investigates
the notion of the self (1/5) (r)
12.15 You and Yours
1.00 The World at One
1.45 The Assassination
The death of Benazir Bhutto (6/10)
2.00 The Archers (r)
2.15 Drama: Wild West
By Emmet Kirwan. After her son is murdered
by a gang in Dublin, Helen is forced to take
the law into her own hands
3.00 Brain of Britain
Competitors from Liverpool and
Stockton-on-Tees take part (12/17)
3.30 The Food Programme
A guide to Japanese whisky (r)
4.00 With Great Pleasure
The former rower Katherine Grainger selects
her favourite poetry and prose (1/4)
4.30 Beyond Belief
Ernie Rea and guests discuss the religious
content of Jane Eyre (7/7)
5.00 PM
5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
6.00 Six O’Clock News
6.30 Just a Minute
With Paul Merton, Sheila Hancock, Fern
Britton and Graham Norton (1/6)
At the end, shaking and filled with
chemicals, he phoned a friend to say
he was kicking drugs. It was the reply,
“So what are you going to do instead?”
that broke him and he sobbed.
Because who actually is he without
them? The void of the privileged
smack addict’s life was laid bare. It was
an extraordinary, hypnotic hour and
Cumberbatch’s finest.
Midsomer Murders had a Jane
Austen theme, which was nice to look
at, but at first seemed superfluous. So I
assumed it was an excuse to do a
costume drama without all the bother
of removing telegraph poles and
double yellow lines; two for the price
of one, so to speak. Plus we got to see
DCI Barnaby in britches and a
cummerbund, which was nice.
It was a highly improbable murder
plot, but a sophisticated one, and
featured as a central “character” a
drone that flew round the idyllic
village spying on people like a
high-tech Hedwig the owl from the
Harry Potter books. Although I doubt
that Hedwig would have stabbed
someone through the heart as the
drone did, more’s the pity.
However, considering some themes
in this modern mystery — convenient
marriages, reputation, hidden love —
you could argue that they were rather
Austenesque. Quite clever, that. Didn’t
buy the motive to kill though.
carol.midgley@thetimes.co.uk
7.00 The Archers
Susan has concerns
7.15 Front Row
Arts programme
7.45 Wuthering Heights
By Emily Brontë (1/10) (r)
8.00 A Church in Crisis
The decline of the Catholic Church in Ireland
8.30 Crossing Continents
Exploring how China is using football to
create a sense of national pride and
to relieve poverty (7/8) (r)
9.00 Is Eating Plants Wrong?
The botanist James Wong asks if it
is wrong to eat plants (r)
9.30 Start the Week
With Jordan Peterson, Louise O’Neill, Hashi
Mohamed and Lawrence Wright (r)
10.00 The World Tonight
News round-up with Ritula Shah
10.45 Book at Bedtime:
The Female Persuasion
By Meg Wolitzer, abridged by Jill Waters and
Isobel Creed. A disturbing incident alters the
whole way a college student looks at her life.
Read by Tanya Moodie (1/10)
11.00 Word of Mouth
Michael Rosen and Laura Wright talk to Sally
Bayley about that words that saved her (r)
11.30 Today in Parliament
12.00 News and Weather
12.30am Book of the Week: The Book:
A Cover-to-Cover Exploration of the
Most Powerful Object of Our Time (r)
12.48 Shipping Forecast
1.00 As BBC World Service
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
8.00am Hancock’s Half Hour 8.30 Flywheel,
Shyster and Flywheel 9.00 Just a Minute
9.30 Bangers and Mash 10.00 The Mill on
the Floss 11.00 Short Works: A Season of
Murder, Mystery and Suspense 11.15
Birthday Shoes 12.00 Hancock’s Half Hour
12.30pm Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel
1.00 High Table, Lower Orders 1.30 John
Barry: The Lost Tapes 2.00 The Secret
History 2.15 Britain on the Bottle: Alcohol
and the State 2.30 Gillespie and I 2.45
Falling Upwards 3.00 The Mill on the Floss
4.00 Just a Minute 4.30 Bangers and Mash
5.00 Winston in Europe 5.30 The
Unbelievable Truth 6.00 2001: A Space
Odyssey 6.15 The Book of Strange New
Things 6.30 A Good Read 7.00 Hancock’s
Half Hour 7.30 Flywheel, Shyster and
Flywheel. Comedy 8.00 High Table, Lower
Orders. Comedy drama by Mark Tavener
8.30 John Barry: The Lost Tapes. An
interview with the composer 9.00 Short
Works: A Season of Murder, Mystery and
Suspense. Nobody Move by Sophie Hannah
9.15 Birthday Shoes. By Pat Davis 10.00
Comedy Club: The Unbelievable Truth. With
Arthur Smith, Jack Dee, Lucy Porter and
Lloyd Langford 10.30 The Hitchhiker’s Guide
to the Galaxy Tertiary Phase 11.00 The
News Quiz Extra 11.45 A Stuggy Pren
Radio 5 Live
MW: 693, 909
6.00am 5 Live Breakfast 10.00 The Emma
Barnett Show with Anna Foster 1.00pm
Afternoon Edition 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00
5 Live Sport: The Monday Night Club. A
review of this year’s Premier League season
9.00 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers and Vaughan
Cricket Show. Cricket discussion 10.30
Phil Williams 1.00am Up All Night 5.00
Reports 5.15 Wake Up to Money
talkSPORT
MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
6.00am The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast
10.00 Jim White 1.00pm Hawksbee and
Jacobs 4.00 Adrian Durham and Darren
Gough 7.00 Kick-off 10.00 Sports Bar
1.00am Extra Time with Will Gavin
6 Music
Digital only
7.00am Shaun Keaveny 10.00 Lauren
Laverne 1.00pm Mark Radcliffe 4.00 Steve
Lamacq 7.00 Marc Riley 9.00 Gideon Coe
12.00 6 Music Recommends with Lauren
Laverne 1.00am Hitsville USA: The Story of
Motown 2.00 Parklife: The Blur Story
2.30 6 Music Live Hour 3.30 6 Music’s
Jukebox 5.00 Chris Hawkins
Classic FM
FM: 100-102 MHz
6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00 John
Suchet 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall 5.00
Classic FM Drive 7.00 Smooth Classics 8.00
The Full Works Concert. Jane Jones presents
the first of two concerts devoted to
successful musical pairings. Jay Ungar (The
Ashokan Farewell); Mendelssohn (Concerto
for Two Pianos and Orchestra in E); Strauss
Jr (Die Fledermaus — Trio — arranged for
three clarinets); Gerswhin (3 Preludes);
Rachmaninov (Trio Elagiaque No.1 in
G minor); Mozart (Clarinet Concerto in
A major); and Schubert (Notturno) 10.00
Smooth Classics 1.00am Sam Pittis
the times | Monday May 14 2018
11
1G T
MANUAL HARLAN
Concert
Pierre-Laurent Aimard
Queen Elizabeth Hall
Film
The Image Book
Cannes Film Festival
L
I
{{{{{
igeti in Wonderland is what
the Southbank Centre called
this weekend mini-festival,
and in its opening concert that
title proved to be far more
than wishful thinking. Everything —
the music, the playing, even the size
and response of the audience —
induced a sense of wonder. And for
that one should acclaim the pianist at
the centre of it: Pierre-Laurent
Aimard.
I write pianist, but he was far more
than that in this show. He set the
first metronome ticking in Gyorgy
Ligeti’s jokey but compelling and
strangely elegiac Poème symphonique
for 100 metronomes — the little
machines uncannily resembling tiny
tombstones, gradually ticking their
way to eternal silence.
Alongside the inspirational
percussion virtuoso Daniel Ciampolini,
Laurent executed an impressively
precise performance of Steve Reich’s
Clapping Music. And later he led
Ciampolini and his usual piano-duo
partner Tamara Stefanovich in
two dazzlingly fleet-fingered
improvisations on Ligeti’s music.
Between all that he did his day job:
providing one of the piano parts in
Ligeti’s stupendously challenging
Three Pieces for Two Pianos and in
two transcriptions of Conlon
Nancarrow’s metrically fiendish Piano
Players Studies, as well as joining the
equally supercharged violinist Patricia
Kopatchinskaja and the natural horn
player Marie-Luise Neunecker in a
thrilling and, at the end, ethereally
haunting performance of Ligeti’s late
Horn Trio (Hommage à Brahms).
That sounds like a ramshackle
assembly of disparate music, but the
evening’s other source of wonder was
that the pieces not only flowed
perfectly out of each other, but also
reflected different facets of the
maverick Hungarian’s personality —
even those not written by him. Ligeti’s
delight in coaxing music out of
seemingly mechanistic processes and
actual machines; his wit and mischief,
so unexpected in the avant-garde
world; and the sudden eruptions of
power when it seems as if he is staring
into some dark pit of terror: you could
hear all this, if only in miniature, in
this superb chamber concert.
Richard Morrison
World music
Ladysmith Black
Mambazo
Forum, Bath
{{(((
{((((
The cast of Generations, which depicts the lives of three generations of a South African family
Match made in heaven
I
{{{{(
t’s hard to evoke an absence on
stage: to make an audience feel,
deeply, what is no longer there.
The playwright Debbie Tucker
Green does it two times over here,
in the director Tinuke Craig’s
outstanding revival of two of her short
plays. Both are about families coping
with premature deaths. One of them,
Random, which centres on the gang
murder of a south London teen, is
horribly relevant so soon after the
real-life shooting there of 17-year-old
Rhyhiem Barton. Really, though,
writing and performing this good will
always be timely.
Generations, from 2005, comes first
— preceded and punctuated by
performances from the eight-strong
South African Cultural Choir. It
depicts a meal in which three
generations of a South African family
sit around the cooker, bantering about
cookery and coupledom. The scene
then repeats itself. And again. Each
time, more family members disappear,
the tone gets sadder, until it’s just
Grandad (Okon Jones) and Nana
(Cleo Sylvestre) left. No one mentions
the nation’s Aids epidemic. “This
thing,” they say instead, “this dying
thing . . .” And an elliptical 30-minute
play leaves you with a sense of sorrow
that cuts deeper than logic. Superb.
Random, from 2010, is even better.
Petra Letang paces around Alex
Lowde’s rectangular set, surrounded
by a bright blue floor and wall. She
relays an ordinary day in an ordinary
black household in south London. She
describes birdsong, getting out of bed;
provides voices, too, for her huffy
brother, imperious mum, gruff dad.
It’s only during her lunch break that
she finds out it’s the day on which her
brother gets killed. Mum texts, telling
her to get home. The truth comes out
gradually. There is no spurious
wisdom, no bogus emoting. Instead,
we get an accumulation of small,
sharp, indelible observations. Mum’s
annoyance at the way the police don’t
take off their boots in her living room;
how they offer her tea in her own
home. The smallness of the bullet hole
in the brother’s body. Daughter
transfixed by how embarrassed Dad
is by it all, both at the police station
and during the silent drive home.
The day ends with the local dog
“still barking the s*** out of the
neighbourhood”, with her brother’s
room still smelling of his sweat. It’s
like a dot painting of loss.
Tucker writes with pithy poeticism,
and Letang rises to the challenge with
tender virtuosity. Acing the mimicry,
emotional but never earnest, her eyes
turn wet but her voice stays controlled.
As the daughter gets on with things —
what else do you do, after all? —
she makes us feel the outlandish
ordinariness of death, of sudden loss.
It’s a sensational performance in
a perfectly paired evening. Go see.
Box office: 01243 781312, to June 2
hey won a standing ovation
at the end of their Bath
Festival concert, but not for
the first time a concert by
South Africa’s most famous
vocal group left you with the nagging
feeling that their stage show is long
overdue for an overhaul.
There’s no question that Ladysmith
Black Mambazo are a force for good;
they are, after all, the singers who
provided the soundtrack for the birth
of Nelson Mandela’s rainbow nation.
But Mandela is no longer with us, and
the group’s founder, Joseph Shabalala,
has retired, although several of his
sons help to carry on his legacy.
There were still flashes of inspiration
in this concert – over the years LBM
have crafted an absolutely distinctive
a cappella sound, masculine yet
surprisingly tender. At its best, the
music growls and rumbles like a
distant train rolling across the veld.
Still, if anyone thought their
much-praised participation in the
contemporary dance production, Inala,
four years ago might have prompted
a rethink about presentation, they
would have been disappointed. There’s
something to be said for a homespun
approach that eschews slickness and
lorryloads of lights left over from the
Eurovision Song Contest, but the
ponderous pacing, the hokey comedy
routines and the repetitive displays of
high kicking soon grew wearying.
Members take turns with the lead
vocals, yet it would also surely be
worth varying the scale of the settings
simply to add a basic element of
contrast. Why not the occasional
quartet or trio? And while Amazing
Grace made its familiar appearance at
the close, there must be other hymns
that would draw an English-speaking
audience closer to the heart of the
tradition.
A change of tunic at half-time was
the one concession to showbiz values,
heralding an-all-too brief version of
that vintage Graceland song Diamonds
on the Soles of Her Shoes. After that,
though, the show fell back into its
familiar plodding rhythm. Call me
a cynic, but that standing ovation felt
dangerously close to a well-meaning
pat on the head.
Clive Davis
Touring to May 18. The Bath Festival
continues until May 27
T
artsfirst night
Two short
plays by Debbie
Tucker Green
shine in this
fine revival,
says Dominic
Maxwell
Theatre
Random/
Generations
Minerva,
Chichester
More reviews from the
Cannes Film Festival
First Night in the main paper
t’s not often that a film provokes
a spontaneous round of applause
before it even begins (especially
here in Cannes, home of the
world’s most vociferous critics).
And yet such is the depth of love and
respect for the 87-year-old French
maestro Jean-Luc Godard that his new
film, The Image Book, in this year’s
Cannes competition, almost brought
the house down before the first frame
of film had flickered into life. Which is
nice. Because everything after that was
close to unmitigated agony (the phrase
“Please! Somebody! Make it stop!” was
never far from my mind).
The film, as is the frequent form of
late-era Godard, is a deliberate and
conspicuous rejection of any narrative
forms that are considered normative,
coherent and traditional, aka
bourgeois — Boooo! Boooo! Down
with the bourgeois! Yep, it’s that kind
of film, like we’re right back to the
spirit of May 1968, but in a very
po-faced and humourless way. I won’t
be spoiling anything to say that the
film ends with a shot of a bourgeois
buffoon in a tuxedo, and the words
“there must be a revolution”. Which,
doubtless, will appeal to the hundreds
of bourgeois buffoons in tuxedos who
Godard rejects
all conventional
narrative
nightly throng the festival’s many
exclusive champagne-soaked parties.
Back to the film. It’s essentially one
totalising montage — a jaunty Marxist
megamix — 85 minutes long that is
gathered under various catchy
headings such as “Remakes”, “Archive
and Moral” and, my favourite, “Secret
and Law”. Intriguing. I wonder what
“Secret and Law” will be about? As it
happens, it’s not really “about”
anything (that’s soooooo bourgeois!
“About”? I mean, really!).
Instead, the film is actually grouped
into clip categories that, despite the
funky titles, are mostly described by
the words, “Hands” “Trains” (the
train section is a killer) and
“War-Mongering Western Imperialist
Bastards”. In the latter section we get
shots of movies (everything from
Bunuel’s Un Chien Andalou to John
Ford’s Young Mr Lincoln) interspersed
with documentary clips from the
Vietnam war and shots of Hitler, and
finally, just to bring it up to date,
internet footage of Isis executions.
There’s a meta message, possibly, in
here somewhere about the moral
equivalence of all contemporary
imagery in the digital age, but I’m not
even sure that Godard was attempting
to make that point.
Worse still, the film’s greatest flaw,
besides its inability to make a single
coherent political statement, is its
refusal to acknowledge that there is
nothing in this entire supposedly
prestigious Cannes competition entry
that could not have been cooked up by
a moribund teenager with a speedy
internet connection and a couple of
hours to kill in front of YouTube.
Kevin Maher
12
1G T
Monday May 14 2018 | the times
television & radio
Viewing Guide
Gabriel Tate
Innocent
ITV, 9pm
Acquitted on
a technicality
after serving
seven years
of a life sentence for
killing his wife, David
Collins (Lee Ingleby)
is in no mood to slip
quietly back into
Early
Top
pick
society. Convinced he
has been stitched up by
lazy/corrupt coppers
and friends and family
with axes to grind, he
wants to clear his name
and find the real killer,
while also reclaiming
custody of the children
who not only hardly
know him, but fear him
for what he is alleged
to have done. While
it’s a pleasure to see
the dependable Ingleby,
with his long track
record of characters
existing somewhere on
the spectrum of affable
to shifty, being given a
rare lead role, Innocent
never feels distinctive
enough. It’s hard to
pick out a single new
twist, but perhaps
that’s inevitable in
the crowded field of
murder mysteries.
It doesn’t help that
almost everyone in
the stellar cast has
done something similar
before (Hermione
Norris in A Mother’s
Son; Nigel Lindsay in
Safe; Adrian Rawlins in
Mayday; Angel Coulby
in The Tunnel, and so
on). The performances
are rock solid
throughout, while the
series creator, Chris
Lang (co-writing with
the Silent Witness
veteran Matthew
Arlidge) has a fine
pedigree, including
Unforgotten and Dark
Heart. It’s no surprise
that Innocent is put
together efficiently,
drip-feeding the tension
and spreading the
suspicion, packing a
punch when it needs to.
This high-class hokum
is broadcast at the
same time every night
until Thursday, so won’t
outstay its welcome.
Heart Transplant:
A Chance to Live
BBC Two, 9pm
Fifty years on from
the first British heart
transplant there is a
shortage of suitable
organs being donated,
with fewer families
consenting. Last year
more than 30 people
died waiting for
a new heart. With
unprecedented access
to the cardiothoracic
surgeons from the
Freeman Hospital’s
Institute of
Transplantation in
Newcastle, James W
Newton’s intensely
emotive film meets the
patients on the waiting
list as well as capturing
on camera for the first
time an extraordinary
new surgical process
that could provide a
breakthrough. Joe Clay
BBC One
BBC Two
ITV
Channel 4
Channel 5
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Ill Gotten Gains. New series.
Angellica Bell and Rav Wilding return to follow units
tracking down and seizing criminals’ assets, beginning
with City of London police on the trail of a fraudster
10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. Lucy Alexander, Martin
Roberts and Dion Dublin visit three terraced properties (r)
(AD) 11.00 A1: Britain’s Longest Road. Police are called
to a major pile-up which threatens to close the road (r)
(AD) 11.45 The Housing Enforcers. An OAP faces up to
losing his home 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. From Greyabbey
in Co Down (AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30
BBC Regional News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Zara is
determined to get back to normal (AD) 2.15 The Doctor
Blake Mysteries. New series. The return of the Australian
detective drama starring Craig McLachlan (AD) 3.15
Escape to the Country. A couple search for a property in
rural Wiltshire (r) (AD) 3.45 Royal Recipes: Wedding
Special. New series. Michael Buerk celebrates food served
at royal weddings past and present 4.30 Hardball. New
series. Quiz hosted by Ore Oduba 5.15 Pointless. Quiz
hosted by Alexander Armstrong 6.00 BBC News at Six;
Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather
6.00am Flog It! Trade Secrets (r) 6.30 A1: Britain’s
Longest Road (r) (AD) 7.15 Flipping Profit (r) (AD) 8.00
Sign Zone: Gardeners’ World (r) (SL) 9.00 Victoria
Derbyshire 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live 11.30 The Week in
Parliament 12.00 Daily Politics 1.00pm Perfection (r)
1.45 Going Back, Giving Back (r) 2.30 Digging for Britain.
Alice Roberts visits archaeological digs in the north of
Britain, where finds include evidence for the first Roman
siege in the UK (r) (AD) 3.30 Tudor Monastery Farm. The
team restores a room in the monastery that would have
been granted to an elderly worker as a form of pension
and also helps the abbot prepare a feast to entertain a
patron (r) (AD) 4.30 Street Auction. Paul Martin and
Danny Sebastian collect donated items to sell to raise
money for a Cardiff woman who uses her own experience
of tragedy to help others (r) 5.15 Antiques Road Trip.
Kate Bliss and Paul Laidlaw start in south-west Wales
before heading to Somerset for auction, but some fake
currency and a leg of mutton could cause them problems
(r) 6.00 Eggheads. Quiz show hosted by Jeremy Vine (r)
6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys. Michael Portillo
travels through Ukraine, beginning in the capital Kiev
6.00am Good Morning Britain. Phillip Schofield and Holly
Willoughby chat about the This Morning Live shopping
festival at Birmingham NEC later this week 8.30 Lorraine.
Entertainment, current affairs and fashion news, as well
as showbiz stories, cooking and gossip. Presented by
Lorraine Kelly 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Studio chat
show 10.30 This Morning. A mix of chat, lifestyle
features, advice and competitions. Including Local
Weather 12.30pm Loose Women. Claire Richards of
Steps and Blue’s Simon Webbe join the panel for more
topical studio discussion from a female perspective 1.30
ITV News; Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder’s Crime Stories.
New series. Barrister Robert Rinder examines real-life
cases, looking at the events leading up to crimes, going
through the police investigations and summing up the
trials 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal. David Dickinson and the
team are in Uxbridge, West London, where David Ford
spots a silver compact, Karen Dalmeny meets a
determined seller, and Jan Keyne finds some old bagpipes
(r) 4.00 Tipping Point. Game show hosted by Ben
Shephard 5.00 The Chase. Quiz show with Bradley Walsh
6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather
6.00am Countdown (r) 6.45 3rd Rock from the Sun (r)
(AD) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (r) 8.30 Frasier (r)
10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. A stubborn
restaurant owner in Massachusetts (r) 11.00 Undercover
Boss USA. Eric Casaburi, a former undercover boss, invites
six other employers who also appeared on the show to
talk about their experiences of the programme at a
restaurant (r) 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary 12.05pm
Coast vs Country. A couple hoping to buy a property in
East Sussex (r) (AD) 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers. A
fourth-century statue worth tens of thousands of pounds
and a rare grandfather clock (r) 2.10 Countdown. With
Adrian Chiles in Dictionary Corner 3.00 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun. A couple search for a second home on
Barbados (r) 4.00 The £100k Drop. A mother and son, and
two friends take part 5.00 Four in a Bed. The competition
starts at the Poacher Inn in South Warnborough,
Hampshire (r) 5.30 Buy It Now. A father and son share
their product to improve posture 6.00 The Simpsons.
Marge, Bart and Lisa taste success in the world of food
blogging. With the voice of Gordon Ramsay (r) (AD) 6.30
Hollyoaks. Damon and Zack try to win Holly back (r) (AD)
6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff. Debate on
issues of the day 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away!
Agents Stewart and Elmore face the most challenging
eviction of their careers, while Brian and Del chase £2,000
worth of debt owed by a business based in Kent (r)
12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Gadget Show.
In a special edition dedicated to the fastest tech in the
world, Ortis Deley dons a jetpack body suit, while Jon
Bentley looks into high-speed computer processing in the
cloud (r) 1.10 Access. Showbiz news and gossip 1.15
Home and Away (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD) 2.15 The
Yorkshire Vet Casebook. Julian Norton helps a sick calf,
and Peter Wright tends to a two-day-old lamb that has
problems with its eyes and a dog that needs major
surgery (r) 3.20 FILM: Murder, She Baked — A
Peach Cobbler Mystery (PG, TVM, 2016) Hannah
discovers the dead body of one of the owners of a rival
bakery and finds herself under suspicion of murder.
Whodunit starring Alison Sweeney 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30
Neighbours. Xanthe administers first aid, but Karl falls
unconscious (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Roo tries to
bring her parents together (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight
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7.00 The One Show The first visit of the
week to the One Show studio, where
Matt Baker presents the usual
mix of topical stories and chat
7.30 Fake Britain The fairy lights that
almost killed someone, counterfeit
jewellery and a new generation of
high-end pirated DVDs (10/10)
7.00 Back to the Land with Kate
Humble The broadcaster meets a
father and son whose caviar farm
harvests sturgeon eggs ethically
and humanely, as well as a family
farming hemp and a jeweller working
with Whitby jet (5/12) (AD)
7.00 Emmerdale Gerry unwittingly
exposes Belle and Lachlan’s secret
plan, while Daz and Kerry search for
the missing DNA test results (AD)
7.30 Coronation Street Johnny suffers a
panic attack, Gail suggests to Emma
that she moves out, and Adam orders
Daniel to get rid of Flora (AD)
7.00 Channel 4 News
8.00 EastEnders Hayley turns up selling
items on the market, while Phil
puts pressure on Robbie to get
information on Max and Rainie (AD)
8.30 Panorama Current affairs report
covering a story behind the headlines
8.00 Inside the Factory Gregg Wallace
investigates the production of sauces
in the Netherlands. Meanwhile,
Cherry Healey lends a hand with
making the glass jars needed for
mayonnaise, and Ruth Goodman
discovers how Brits first fell in love
with mayo in the 1960s (5/6) (r) (AD)
8.00 Give It a Year Karren Brady meets a
couple escaping the rat race for a life
in the country (5/12) (AD)
8.00 Holidays Unpacked Lucy Hedges
visits Cambodia and Morland Sanders
heads to Iceland (4/4) (AD)
8.30 Coronation Street Robert is taken
aback when Michelle shows him
Aidan’s will, while Shona implores
David to tell Imran about the rape (AD)
8.30 Tricks of the Restaurant Trade
Simon Rimmer calls on expert help to
reveal how it is possible to eat out at a
fraction of the price (3/6) (AD)
9.00 Peter Kay’s Car Share Kayleigh
is now travelling to work on her
own, and is tempted to call her
old friend John (1/4) (r) (AD)
9.30 Mrs Brown’s Boys Agnes tries to
make friends with Dermot’s
mother-in-law Hillary (6/6) (r)
9.00 Heart Transplant: A Chance to
Live Documentary following a group of
seven patients at Newcastle’s Freeman
Hospital who range in age from eight
months to 56 years old and who are
all in desperate need of a new heart.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
9.00 Innocent New series. A man is
acquitted after serving seven years for
the murder of his wife. On the steps of
the court, he vows to bring to book
those who lied at his trial, to see the
real killer jailed and to regain custody
of his children. Drama starring Lee
Ingleby. See Viewing Guide (1/4) (AD)
9.00 Catching a Killer: A Knock at the
Door Cameras follow Thames Valley
Police’s investigation into the murder
of 64-year-old Hang Yin Leung, who
died after being assaulted during a
burglary at her Milton Keynes home.
See Viewing Guide (AD)
10.00 BBC News at Ten
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather
10.45 Have I Got a Bit More News for
You Alexander Armstrong hosts the
satirical quiz, with the comedian
Sindhu Vee and Labour MP Jess
Phillips joining team captains Ian
Hislop and Paul Merton (6/9)
11.30 The Graham Norton Show Ryan
Reynolds and Josh Brolin discuss their
irreverent superhero sequel Deadpool
2, while the sporting icon and Unicef
ambassador David Beckham also
appears (6/13) (r)
12.20am-6.00 BBC News
7.55 The Political Slot The SNP’s
view on the introduction of a
minimum unit price for alcohol
10.00 ITV News at Ten
10.30 Newsnight Presented by Evan Davis
11.25 Burma with Simon Reeve
Documentary exploring the country in
the aftermath of the humanitarian
crisis in which thousands of Rohingya
Muslims were driven from their homes
by the military (1/2) (r) (AD)
12.25am Versailles Princess Palatine gets a cold
reception from Philippe (r) (AD) 1.20 Versailles. King
Louis XIV plans to send an army into the Netherlands (r)
(AD) 2.10 Sign Zone: Countryfile (r) (SL) 3.10 Britain’s
Fat Fight with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (r) (AD, SL)
4.10-4.45 Murder, Mystery and My Family (r) (AD, SL)
10.30 Regional News
10.45 On Assignment New series.
The return of the current affairs
programme, featuring reports on white
farmers in South Africa, families
divided by the Korean War and
women’s rights in Albania
11.20 Killer Women with Piers Morgan
The journalist and broadcaster Piers
Morgan travels across the USA to meet
some of America’s most notorious
female killers in a quest to discover
what drives women to kill (1/2) (r)
12.15am Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to
participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort
of their sofas 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show. Guests air
their differences (r) (SL) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen.
Text-based information service 5.05-6.00 The Jeremy
Kyle Show. Guests air their differences (r) (SL)
10.20 Myanmar’s Killing Fields Evan
Williams reports on alleged atrocities
committed by the Myanmar authorities
against the Rohingya people, with
secret filming showing evidence of
acts repression, violence and mass
murder. See Viewing Guide (AD)
11.20 999: What’s Your Emergency?
A family has a brick thrown through its
window by a cannabis dealer and a
mother is assaulted by her son,
thought to be suffering from
cannabis psychosis (r) (AD)
12.25am The Secret Life of the Zoo Documentary
about the animals of Chester Zoo (r) (AD) 1.20 The
Supervet (r) 2.15 Extreme Cake Makers: Royal Wedding
Special (r) 3.10 Gok’s Fill Your House for Free (r)
(AD) 4.05 Best Laid Plans (r) (AD) 5.00 Jamie’s
Comfort Food Bites (r) 5.10-6.00 Fifteen to One (r)
7.00 World’s Fastest Train Exploring four
historic engineering breakthroughs
that paved the way for France’s
high-speed TGV, which has reached
speeds of nearly 360mph in testing (r)
8.00 Police Interceptors Paul “Jacko”
Jackson is forced to draw his Taser,
while dog handler Mo pursues two
stolen cars through the streets of
Middlesbrough. Steve runs after an
uninsured driver who has ditched
his car, and Hallowe’en turns from
fright night to fight night (3/10)
9.00 Paddington Station 24/7 Staff in
Paddington prepare themselves for the
thousands of extra passengers who
will descend on the station to make
the trip to the Cheltenham Festival
10.00 Cocaine: Can’t Stop Using A look at
how smuggling is feeding the UK’s drug
habits and a consequent addiction
epidemic, weighing up the cost to the
general population and public
resources. A man recalls how finding a
consignment of cocaine on a beach
turned his life upside down (3/3)
11.05 Criminals Caught on Camera
Footage captures a collection of
troubling violent assaults on police
officers, plus an investigation into the
operations of an armed gang working
in the North East of England (6/10) (r)
12.05am America’s Toughest Prisons Life inside
Detroit’s Wayne County Jail (r) 1.00 SuperCasino
3.10 Portillo’s Hidden History of Britain. Visiting the
uninhabited village of Imber in Wiltshire (4/4) (r)
4.00 Get Your Tatts Out: Kavos Ink (r) (SL) 4.45
House Doctor (r) (SL) 5.10-6.00 Wildlif e SOS (r) (SL)
the times | Monday May 14 2018
13
1G T
television & radio
Catching a Killer
Channel 4, 9pm
On January 31, 2017,
64-year-old Hang Yin
Leung was alone at
home when she opened
her front door to what
she thought was a
salesman on a cold call.
Six men burst in and
ransacked the property
that she shared with
her husband, who
was working at their
takeaway business
in Milton Keynes.
It became a murder
case when she died
11 days later of injuries
sustained during the
burglary, sparking one
of the “most difficult
homicides” Thames
Valley Police detectives
have investigated.
It’s captured here
in another riveting
episode of the
real-life policier. JC
Lucifer
Fox, 9pm
It’s season two of the
drama and, for reasons
too complicated to
explain, the titular Lord
of Hell (the deliciously
wry Tom Ellis) is the
partner of an LAPD
detective, Chloe
Decker (Lauren
German), using his
unique set of skills to
bust miscreants. We
rejoin the pair as
Chloe faces a personal
crisis and Lucifer is
concerned by news that
his mother has escaped
from Hell, while the
murder of an actress
provides the case of
the week. Everything
except the premise
is pretty routine
odd-couple procedural
fare, but Lucifer has
a full sense of its
ludicrousness. GT
Myanmar’s
Killing Fields
Channel 4, 10.20pm
Last night on BBC Two
Simon Reeve visited
the refugee camp for
Rohingya people
fleeing violence and
mass murder by the
Burmese authorities.
Here, the Dispatches
team get hold of
footage from an
undercover network of
Rohingya activists who
for the past five years
have been risking their
lives to secretly film
evidence of years of
repression. The first
interview with the
network provides an
account of how ethnic
tension degenerated
into what some are
calling state-sanctioned
genocide. Should the
country’s leaders be
held accountable? JC
Sport Choice
Sky Main Event, 10am
The Italian Open (also
known as the Rome
Masters) gets under
way today at the Foro
Italico in Rome. The
gifted young German
Alexander Zverev won
the tournament last
year, defeating Novak
Djokovic in the final,
to pick up his first
Masters 1000 title.
Sky One
Sky Atlantic
Sky Living
Sky Arts
Sky Main Event
Variations
6.00am Animal 999 (r) 7.00 Meerkat Manor (r)
(AD) 8.00 Monkey Business (r) (AD) 9.00
Motorway Patrol (r) (AD) 10.00 Road Wars (r)
11.00 Warehouse 13 (r) 12.00 NCIS: Los
Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (r) 3.00
NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (r)
5.00 The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Futurama (r) (AD)
6.00 Futurama. Leela has a second eye grafted
on to her face, and Bender adopts 12 children (r)
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r)
8.00 Supergirl. Kara braces herself for an
almighty battle against all three Worldkillers
9.00 FILM: Saving Private Ryan (15, 1998)
American soldiers scour the battlefields of
France in search of a missing infantryman.
Steven Spielberg’s Second World War drama
starring Tom Hanks and Matt Damon
12.05am Brit Cops: Rapid Response.
Documentary series (r) (AD) 1.00 Ross Kemp:
Extreme World (r) (AD) 2.00 Bulletproof
3.00 Jamestown (r) (AD) 4.00 Highway Patrol
(r) (AD) 5.00 It’s Me or the Dog (r)
6.00am Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD)
7.00 The British (r) (AD) 8.00 The Guest Wing
(AD) 9.00 The West Wing (r) 11.00 House (r)
(AD) 1.00pm Without a Trace 2.00 The British
(r) (AD) 3.00 The West Wing (r) 5.00 House.
A choking nightmares become a reality (r) (AD)
6.00 House. Jessica Collins guest stars (r) (AD)
7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
A fatal car crash poses questions for Sara (r)
8.00 Blue Bloods. Frank helps an old friend
come to terms with his alcoholism (r) (AD)
9.00 Westworld. Sci-fi drama starring Evan
Rachel Wood and Ed Harris (4/10)
10.20 West:Word. Lauren Laverne and guests
discuss the second season of Westworld
10.50 Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
11.25 Real Time with Bill Maher. The comedian
and guests discuss the week’s events (r)
12.35am The Circus: Inside the Wildest Political
Show on Earth (r) 1.10 Westworld (r) 2.30
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r) 3.40 High
Maintenance (r) 4.15 The West Wing (r)
6.00am Motorway Patrol (r) 7.00 Highway
Patrol (r) 7.30 Border Patrol (r) 8.00 Border
Security: Canada’s Front Line (r) 9.00
Elementary (r) (AD) 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation (r) 11.00 Cold Case (r) 12.00
Children’s Accident & Emergency (r) (AD)
1.00pm Medical Emergency (r) 2.00 The Real
A&E (r) (AD) 3.00 Nothing to Declare (r) 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00 Medical Emergency (r)
7.00 Children’s Accident & Emergency (r) (AD)
8.00 Elementary. Holmes tackles a equation
linked to a mathematician’s murder (r) (AD)
9.00 Criminal Minds. Part two of two. A former
agent is found locked inside a storage unit
10.00 Blindspot. Jane is forced to
recruit someone from her past
11.00 Criminal Minds (r) 12.00 CSI: Crime
Scene Investigation (r) 1.00am Murders That
Shocked the Nation (r) (AD) 2.00 Cold Case
(r) 3.00 Nothing to Declare (r) (AD) 5.00
Border Security: Canada’s Front Line (r)
6.00am Eras of Music History (AD) 7.00
Mariinsky Ballet: Cinderella 9.00 Watercolour
Challenge 9.30 Art of the Portrait (AD) 10.00
The South Bank Show Originals 10.30 Tales of
the Unexpected (AD) 11.00 Classic Albums
12.00 The Eighties (AD) 1.00pm Discovering:
Charlton Heston (AD) 2.00 Watercolour
Challenge 2.30 Art of the Portrait (AD)
3.00 The South Bank Show Originals 3.30
Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 4.00 Classic
Albums 5.00 Too Young to Die (AD)
6.00 Discovering: Judy Garland (AD)
7.00 Auction. A selection of Hollywood star
Audrey Hepburn’s possessions come up for sale
7.30 Discovering: The Monkees
8.00 Landscape Artist of the Year 2017
9.00 André Rieu: European Dream
10.00 Tate Britain’s Great Art Walks
11.00 Passions 12.00 Mystery of the Lost
Paintings 1.00am Hollywood: No Sex, Please
(AD) 2.00 Sex & the Silver Screen 4.30 The
South Bank Show Originals 5.00 Auction
6.00am Total Goals 10.00 Live ATP Tennis:
The Italian Open. Coverage of day one of the ATP
World Tour 1000 event from the Foro Italico in
Rome, featuring matches from the first round
3.00pm Live Indian Premier League:
Kings XI Punjab v Royal Challengers Bangalore.
Coverage of the Twenty20 match at the
Holkar Cricket Stadium, Indore
7.30 Live EFL: Fulham v Derby County (Kick-off
7.45). Coverage of the Championship play-off
semi-final second-leg clash at Craven Cottage
10.15 Fight Night. Tony Bellew v David Haye.
A chance to see the heavyweight rematch
between the heated rivals, which took place
at the O2 in London
11.45 Sky Sports Boxing Gold. Floyd
Mayweather Jr v Ricky Hatton. Action from the
WBC Welterweight title bout at the MGM Grand
in Las Vegas, which took place in 2007
12.00 Sky Sports News. A round-up of the day’s
talking points and a look ahead to the events
that are likely to make the news tomorrow
BBC One N Ireland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Home
Ground. Ruth Sanderson helps restock a Co
Antrim river with salmon. Last in the series
10.40 Bikes! Cookstown 100. Highlights of the
road race 11.20 Community Life. Featuring a
report on charity Parenting NI (r) 11.30 Have
I Got a Bit More News for You. Alexander
Armstrong hosts, with guests Sindhu Vee and
Jess Phillips 12.15am The Graham Norton
Show (r) 1.05-6.00 BBC News
BBC One Scotland
As BBC One except: 7.30pm-8.00 Landward.
Euan McIlwraith assesses the future of sheep
farming post-Brexit 10.45 Beyond the Asylum.
A look at 30 years of community care 11.15
Have I Got a Bit More News for You. Alexander
Armstrong hosts 12.00 The Graham Norton
Show. With guests David Beckham, Ryan
Reynolds and Josh Brolin (r) 12.45am Weather
for the Week Ahead 12.50-6.00 BBC News
BBC Two Wales
As BBC Two except: 11.25pm Versailles.
A high-profile poisoning leaves a coveted
vacancy (r) (AD) 12.20am Versailles. The
King’s adultery is attacked by the Catholic
clergy (r) (AD) 1.15-2.10 Versailles (r) (AD)
To subscribe visit tlssubs.imbmsubs.com/SPRINGCW
Or call 01293 312178 and quote code SPRINGCW
ITV Wales
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 Wales This
Week. Young Welsh people who have eating
disorders 10.45 Sharp End. Political discussion
presented by Adrian Masters 11.15 On
Assignment. New series. The return of the
current affairs programme 11.45-12.15am
Love Your Garden. Transforming a
Gloucestershire garden (AD)
BBC Four
E4
More4
Film4
ITV2
7.00pm Beyond 100 Days; Weather
7.30 Civilisations Stories: The Remains of
Slavery. The poet Miles Chambers explores the
history of the slave trade in Bristol and Bath
8.00 The Sky at Night. Stephen Hawking
shares his thoughts on black holes
8.30 Hawking. Drama recounting the story of
Stephen Hawking’s years as a PhD student at
Cambridge, which saw the start of his research
into the beginning of time and the onset
of motor neurone disease (AD)
10.00 Horizon: The Hawking Paradox.
Documentary from 2005 following Stephen
Hawking as he struggles to finish writing a
scientific paper, a year after he had to admit his
most controversial theory was incorrect (AD)
10.50 The Search for a New Earth. Stephen
Hawking is joined by the engineering expert
Danielle George and former student Christophe
Galfard to examine the possibility of
humans inhabiting other planets (AD)
12.20am The French Revolution: Tearing Up
History (AD) 1.20 Top of the Pops: 1983
2.15 Plastic: How It Works 3.15-3.45
Civilisations Stories: The Remains of Slavery
6.00am Hollyoaks (AD) 7.00 Couples Come
Dine with Me 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD)
9.00 New Girl (AD) 10.00 2 Broke Girls (AD)
11.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (AD) 12.00 The
Goldbergs (AD) 1.00pm The Big Bang Theory
(AD) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother (AD) 3.00
New Girl (AD) 4.00 Black-ish (r) 5.00 The
Goldbergs. Comedy with Sean Giambrone (AD)
6.00 The Big Bang Theory (AD)
7.00 Hollyoaks. Sienna is manic (AD)
7.30 Black-ish. Dre challenges Andre Jr
to a game of basketball (AD)
8.00 The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon and Leonard
wrangle a reluctant wedding guest (AD)
8.30 Young Sheldon. The youngster decides he
needs a computer. Iain Armitage stars (AD)
9.00 Made in Chelsea. Jamie introduces his new
girlfriend Ell to the group
10.00 Body Fixers. Dr Esho helps fix a man’s
shockingly deep forehead crease
11.05 The Big Bang Theory (AD) 12.05am
Tattoo Fixers (AD) 1.10 Made in Chelsea 2.10
First Dates (AD) 3.05 First Dates Abroad (r)
(AD) 3.30 Body Fixers 4.25 Rude(ish) Tube
(r) 4.50 Couples Come Dine with Me
8.55am Food Unwrapped (AD) 9.30 A Place in
the Sun: Winter Sun 11.35 Four in a Bed
2.10pm Come Dine with Me 4.50 A Place in the
Sun: Winter Sun 5.55 A New Life in the Sun
6.55 The Secret Life of the Zoo. An elephant calf
is born at Chester Zoo (AD)
7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud follows the
progress of a teacher and an architect, who want
to restore and transform a 100-year-old
blacksmiths in Co Antrim (5/9) (AD)
9.00 Building Giants: Super Stadium.
Behind the scenes with the team building the
Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta (AD)
10.00 Big Ben: Saving the World’s Most Famous
Clock. Documentary about restoration work on
the iconic clock tower, with contributions from
the clockmakers taking the mechanism apart
for the first time since it was built (AD)
11.40 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Jon
Richardson and Cariad Lloyd take on guest
captain Alan Carr and Kevin Bridges
12.45am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA.
A Danish restaurant in Florida 1.45 Building
Giants: Super Stadium (AD) 2.50 8 Out of 10
Cats 3.30-3.55 8 Out of 10 Cats: Best Bits
11.00am The Victors (12, 1963) Second
World War drama starring George Peppard and
Albert Finney (b/w) (AD) 2.05pm Crash Dive
(PG, 1943) Romantic wartime drama starring
Tyrone Power and Anne Baxter 4.20 Attack!
(PG, 1956) Second World War drama starring
Jack Palance and Eddie Albert (b/w)
6.30 The Fault in Our Stars (12, 2014)
Two American teenagers bond at a cancer
support group and go on a literary pilgrimage to
Amsterdam. Romantic drama starring
Shailene Woodley and Ansel Elgort (AD)
9.00 Captain America: The First Avenger
(12, 2011) A frail volunteer is transformed into
the ultimate soldier and fights for his country
during the Second World War. Superhero
adventure starring Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving,
Hayley Atwell and Tommy Lee Jones (AD)
11.25 Ted (15, 2012) A boy’s magical living
teddy remains his friend into adulthood, creating
tension with his girlfriend. Comedy starring
Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis, directed by and
featuring the voice of Seth MacFarlane (AD)
1.30am-3.25 The Sessions (15, 2012)
Comedy drama starring John Hawkes
6.00am The Planet’s Funniest Animals 6.20
Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 7.10
Who’s Doing the Dishes? 7.55 Emmerdale (AD)
8.25 Coronation Street (AD) 9.25 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show 10.20 The Bachelorette 11.15
You’ve Been Framed! Gold 12.15pm Emmerdale
(AD) 12.45 Coronation Street (AD) 1.45 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle
Show 6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold
8.00 Two and a Half Men. Walden has
a date with an accident-prone model
8.30 Superstore. Cheyenne accidentally agrees
to be a surrogate for Glenn and his wife (AD)
9.00 Family Guy (AD)
9.30 Family Guy (AD)
10.00 Plebs. Marcus tries to find an accountant
when the Crown and Toga is hit by a tax bill (AD)
10.30 Family Guy (AD)
11.00 American Dad! (AD)
12.05am The Cleveland Show (AD) 12.35 Two
and a Half Men 1.05 Superstore (AD) 1.30
Through the Keyhole 2.30 Teleshopping
ITV3
ITV4
Dave
Drama
Yesterday
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 6.55
Heartbeat (AD) 7.55 The Royal 9.00 Judge Judy
10.20 A Touch of Frost 12.30pm The Royal
1.35 Heartbeat (AD) 2.40 Classic Coronation
Street 3.45 On the Buses (b/w) 4.50 You’re
Only Young Twice 5.20 George and Mildred 5.55
Heartbeat. Guest starring Hannah Gordon (AD)
7.00 Murder, She Wrote. Jessica teams up with
a Native American sheriff to investigate the
murder of a Wild West showman (AD)
8.00 Invitation to a Royal Wedding. Behind the
scenes on past royal weddings (AD)
9.00 Prince Harry’s Story: Four Royal Weddings.
Documentary charting important moments
in the young royal’s life (AD)
10.00 DCI Banks. Part one of two. When the
body of a student is found, the investigation
into his stabbing reveals surprising details about
his extracurricular activities (5/6) (AD)
11.00 DCI Banks. Part two of two. Hexton
kidnaps lap-dancer Melanie (6/6) (AD)
12.05am Scott & Bailey (AD, SL) 1.05
On the Buses 1.35 George and Mildred 2.00
ITV3 Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping
6.00am The Chase 6.50 Pawn Stars Christmas
Special 7.10 Pawn Stars 7.30 Cash Cowboys
8.25 Quincy ME 9.30 Minder (AD) 10.35 The
Saint 11.35 The Avengers 12.45pm Ironside
(AD) 1.50 Quincy ME 2.50 Minder (AD)
3.50 The Saint 4.55 The Avengers
6.00 Cash Cowboys. Giant totem poles
7.00 Pawn Stars. An original Picasso
7.30 Pawn Stars. A 1950s pedal tractor
7.55 Mr Bean. The clumsy hero lives up to his
reputation during a visit to a school (AD)
8.30 Mr Bean. The hapless fool treats himself
to a chaotic game of crazy golf (AD)
9.00 FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (12,
2004) The amnesiac assassin is framed for a
botched CIA operation and faces a fight for
survival as he tries to uncover his past. Action
thriller sequel starring Matt Damon (AD)
11.10 FILM: RoboCop 3 (18, 1993) The
cyborg joins rebel forces fighting against a
corporation’s sinister plans for the city of
Detroit. Sci-fi thriller sequel with Robert Burke
1.20am Motorsport UK 2.15 The Protectors
2.45 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping
6.00am Home Shopping 7.00 Trawlermen (AD)
8.10 American Pickers 9.00 Storage Hunters
10.00 American Pickers 1.00pm QI XL 2.00 Top
Gear (AD) 3.00 Deadly 60 4.00 Steve Austin’s
Broken Skull Challenge 5.00 Top Gear (AD)
6.00 Taskmaster. With Dave Gorman, Al Murray,
Rob Beckett, Sara Pascoe and Paul Chowdhry
7.00 QI XL. Nina Conti, Sean Lock, Bill Bailey
and Alan Davies answer questions posed by the
host Stephen Fry on the topic of inventiveness
8.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. Following the
work of the Staffordshire Police Force as officers
respond to all manner of emergency calls
9.00 Live at the Apollo. Comedy sets by
Danny Bhoy, Miles Jupp and Lee Nelson
10.00 Have I Got a Bit More News for You.
Martin Clunes chairs the quiz, with Jennifer
Saunders and Bernard Cribbins
11.00 QI XL. Extended edition. With Josh
Widdicombe, Jo Brand and Phill Jupitus
12.00 QI. With Rob Brydon, Gyles Brandreth and
Rich Hall 12.40am Mock the Week 2.00 QI
2.40 The Last Man on Earth (AD) 3.30 The
Indestructibles 4.00 Home Shopping
7.10am The Pinkertons (AD) 8.00 London’s
Burning (AD) 9.00 Casualty (AD) 10.00 Juliet
Bravo 11.00 The Bill 12.00 Lovejoy 1.00pm
Last of the Summer Wine 1.40 Hi-de-Hi!
2.20 Are You Being Served? 3.00
London’s Burning (AD) 4.00 Lovejoy
6.00 Hi-de-Hi! Joe Maplin commissions a statue
6.40 Are You Being Served? Mr Rumbold installs
a CCTV camera to tackle shoplifting
7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. Hobbo, Alvin
and Entwistle try to bury a friend’s pet
8.00 Murdoch Mysteries. Murdoch investigates
a supposed sighting of Butch Cassidy and
the Sundance Kid in New York
9.00 New Tricks. Brian believes his days with
Ucos are numbered (3/10) (AD)
10.00 New Tricks. Following his dismissal,
Brian agrees to help Esther’s friend Margaret
find her missing brother (4/10) (AD)
11.10 Birds of a Feather. Dorien’s life
story looks set to be published
11.50 The Bill. Beech and Boyden clash
12.55am Juliet Bravo 1.55 Emma 2.55
The Pinkertons (AD) 4.00 Home Shopping
6.00am Coast (AD) 7.10 Who Do You Think You
Are? (AD) 8.00 Time Team 9.00 Coast (AD)
10.00 Cash in the Attic 11.00 Impossible
Engineering (AD) 12.00 Time Team 1.00pm
Planet Earth (AD) 2.00 Frozen Planet (AD) 3.00
Coast (AD) 4.00 Medieval Dead 5.00 Impossible
Engineering. An American football stadium (AD)
6.00 The World at War. How German U-boats
were used to try to starve Britain in the
battle for control of the Atlantic
7.00 Forbidden History. Investigating the
conflicting accounts of the killing of Italian
dictator Benito Mussolini in 1945 (6/6) (AD)
8.00 Forbidden History. Investigating the truth
behind the legend of King Arthur (6/6) (AD)
9.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. Oz falls in love
10.00 Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. Dennis’s wife Vera
announces she is coming across to Germany
11.00 Open All Hours. Grumpy grocer Arkwright
buys a dog to keep away potential burglars
11.40 Open All Hours. Arkwright attends
a former customer’s funeral
12.20am Open All Hours 1.00 The World at
War 2.00 Black Ops (AD) 3.00 Home Shopping
STV
As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 The People’s
History Show. The only female Scottish
swimmer to win a gold at the Olympic 10.30
Scotland Tonight 11.05 On Assignment. New
series. The return of the current affairs
programme 11.40 easyJet: Inside the Cockpit.
A newly qualified pilot conducts his first
night landing in Paris (r) (AD) 12.35am
Teleshopping 2.35 After Midnight 4.05 The
Jeremy Kyle Show (r) 5.00-6.00 Teleshopping
UTV
As ITV except: 10.45pm View from Stormont.
Current affairs and political analysis 11.45
On Assignment. New series. The return of the
current affairs programme 12.15am
Teleshopping 1.45-3.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC Alba
5.00pm Pàdraig Post: SDS (Postman Pat: SDS)
(r) 5.15 Zack & Quack (r) 5.35 Su Shiusaidh
(Little Suzy’s Zoo) (r) 5.40 Charlie is Lola
(Charlie and Lola) (r) 5.50 Bruno (r) 5.53
Seonaidh (Shaun the Sheep) (r) 6.00 Alvinnn
agus na Chipmunks (r) 6.25 Sràid nan Sgread
(Scream Street) (r) 6.35 Fior Bhall-coise
(Extreme Football) (r) 7.00 Stoidhle (The
Dressing Up Box) (r) 7.30 Aithne air
Ainmhidhean (All About Animals) (r) 7.55
Earrann Eachdraidh (History Shorts) (r) 8.00
An Là (News) 8.30 Dealbhan Fraoich 9.00
Trusadh — Pudar ’s Peant (Why Wear
Make-up?) 10.00 Port (r) 10.30 Tèarmann
(Home from Home) (r) 11.35-12.00
Belladrum 2017: Milburn (r)
S4C
6.00am Cyw 12.00 News S4C a’r Tywydd
12.05pm Teithiau Tramor Iolo (r) 12.30 Wil ac
Aeron: Taith Rwmania (r) 1.00 Ar y Bysus (r)
1.30 Llanifeiliaid (r) (AD) 2.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 2.05 Prynhawn Da 3.00 News S4C a’r
Tywydd 3.05 Pengelli (r) 3.30 Byd Pws (r)
4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh: Ffeil 5.05 Mwy o
Stwnsh Sadwrn 5.25 Gogs (r) 5.30
Pengwiniaid Madagascar (r) 5.40 Sgorio 6.00
News S4C a’r Tywydd 6.05 Y Ty Arian. A
Caerphilly family takes on the financial
challenge (r) 7.00 Heno 8.00 Pobol y Cwm.
Britt tries to persuade Dani to tell Garry the
truth (AD) 8.25 Garddio a Mwy. Iwan Edwards
plants the green roof on the summer house
9.00 News 9 a’r Tywydd 9.30 Ffermio 10.00
Ffit Cymru. Lisa Gwilym visits a nursery in
Brithdir (r) 11.00-11.35 Corff Cymru. Dr
Anwen Rees uses an MRI scanner to find out
how the brain works (r)
14
Monday May 14 2018 | the times
1G T
MindGames
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Codeword No 3335
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Train Tracks No 407
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© PUZZLER MEDIA
times2 Crossword No 7651
17
26
18
24
4
26
12
1
12
1
21
1
10
9
9
12
25
18
3
21
4
5
22
23
20
7
10
15
25
6
Road division (4)
Eg, Leo (4,4)
Whitehall monument (8)
Skin condition (4)
Hidden store (5)
Grow, advance (7)
Garden tool (6)
Biblical prophet (6)
Solution to Crossword 7650
T
E
N
T
E
R
H
O
O
K
20
6
20
2
10
18
26
21
1
10
4
25
7
7
25
26
20
22
B
7
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to
village B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail
go in each row and column. There are only straight rails
and curved rails. The track cannot cross itself.
26
Across
1
4
8
9
10
11
13
15
25
24
F L E A B
U R A
NGROS S
U D
I
HERE I N
G
EC I P E
O O A
T T ER V
T
T
A
NA V E
T
G N A
T ENDER
I T
U
T
O
R
E
AD
T E
P
H I
S
OT
L
V E
AR I A
O D
ADPO
E P
FOOT
N
GH
A
OR
D
RB
I
N T
T
L E
N
18 Waste away (7)
20 Fall from faith (5)
23 Gardener's basket (4)
24 Wrist band (8)
25 Joined again (8)
26 Dissolute man (4)
26
26
19
15
3
20
15
18
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
H
Last Greek letter (5)
Expertise (4-3)
Fraud (4)
Physically strong and fit (8)
Black card (5)
Venetian boat (7)
Domestic animal (3)
Set of letters (8)
One no longer working (7)
Non-professional (7)
Garden tool (3)
Church instrument (5)
Say something (5)
Traditional poet (4)
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number
from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use
the letters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter
letters in the main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.
Saturday’s solution, right
Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 322 5000 or
text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network
access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
call 0907 181 1055. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
Lexica No 4261
S
U
R
A
G
M
N
S
V
B
N
U
O
E
N
B
S
R
O
U
B
O
P
EXCITING NEWS FOR BRIDGE FANS
N
I
L
E
We have teamed up with Arena Travel to offer you the bridge player's
holiday of a lifetime. Your destination will be the flower-filled island of
Madeira where, for seven nights, you can play duplicate bridge and
improve your skills in five-star luxury.
E
L
L
S
F
S
L
H
D
I
R
T
O
E
Calls cost £1.00 (ROI €1.50) plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard
network charge. Winners will be picked at random from all
correct answers received. One draw per week. Lines close at
midnight tonight. If you call or text after this time you will not
be entered but will still be charged. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390
(Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
What are your favourite
puzzles in MindGames?
Email: puzzles@thetimes.co.uk
D
Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce
a completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters
To book call 0330 160 8572 or visit thetimes.co.uk/bridge-tour.
Futoshiki No 3171
Kakuro No 2130
4
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM
Winners will receive a Collins English Dictionary & Thesaurus
Solve the puzzle and text in the numbers in the three
shaded boxes. Text TIMES followed by a space, then your
three numbers, eg, TIMES 123, plus your name, address
and postcode to 84901 (UK only), by midnight. Or enter
by phone. Call 09012 925274 (ROI 1516 303 501)
by midnight. Leave your three answer numbers (in any
order) and your contact details.
No 4262
P
All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top lefthand corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the
block, using the operation indicated by the symbol.
Fill the grid so
that every
column, every
row and every
3x2 box contains
the digits 1 to 6
A
A
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0906 757 7188 to check the
answers. Calls cost 80p per minute plus your telephone company’s
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
KenKen Easy No 4327
Win a Dictionary & Thesaurus
C
14
Down
2
3
4
5
6
7
10
12
14
16
17
19
21
22
2
7
∨
32
18
4
7
36
23
7
16
Fill the grid using
the numbers 1 to 9
only. The numbers
in each horizontal
or vertical run of
white squares add
up to the total in
the triangle to its
left or above it.
The same number
may occur more
than once in a row
or column, but not
within the same
run of white
squares.
31
17
16
7
4
36
14
∨
>
33
38
∨
∨
11
∧
15
24
17
>
< 4
18
4
16
10
7
24
∨
Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.
29
15
30
8
11
7
7
32
4
24
8
3
4
12
© PUZZLER MEDIA
23
the times | Monday May 14 2018
15
1G T
MindGames
________
á D D D D]
à)QD D D ]
ß DpD D D]
ÞD D D D ]
Ý DpD D D]
Ü0q0BG D ]
ÛpDRDPD I]
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ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
This is your reminder to enter
the Winton Capital British Chess
Solving Championship. White is
to force mate in two moves
against any defence. There is no
entry fee. The competition is open
to British residents only.
Competitors need only send
White’s first move. Postal entries to:
Nigel Dennis, Boundary House, 230
Greys Road, Henley-on-Thames,
Oxon RG9 1QY. Email entries to
winton@theproblemist.org.
All entries must be postmarked
or emailed no later than July 31
and must give the entrant’s name
and home address. Juniors under
the age of 18 on July 31 must give
their date of birth.
Successful competitors will
then receive the postal round,
containing eight more difficult
and varied problems.
Times readers have been very
successful in past competitions, so
remember to mention you are
entering via The Times.
Women’s Championship
The Women’s World Championship Match is at its mid-way point.
The defending champion suffered
the following debacle earlier on.
White: Ju Wenjun
Black: Tan Zhongyi
Women’s World Championship,
Shanghai/Chongqing 2018
Catalan Opening
1 d4 d5 2 c4 e6 3 Nf3 Nf6 4 g3
dxc4 5 Bg2 Nc6 6 0-0 Rb8
This is a standard line where
the idea is to advance with ... b5
without running into problems
along the h1-a8 diagonal.
7 Nc3 b5 8 Ne5 Nxe5 9 dxe5 Nd7
10 Qc2 Bb7
10 ... Nxe5 11 Be3 leaves the b8rook vulnerable to a future Bxa7.
11 Bxb7 Rxb7 12 Rd1 Be7 13 Qe4
Qc8 14 Qg4 g5?
________
á DqDkD 4]
à0r0ngpDp]
ß D DpD D]
ÞDpD ) 0 ]
Ý DpD DQD]
ÜD H D ) ]
ÛP) DP) )]
Ú$ GRD I ]
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ
An extraordinary move. If it
looks horrendously weakening that
is because it is. Although 14 ... Bf8
looks retrograde it is playable as
White will lose time dealing with
the threat to the e-pawn.
15 Qh5 Nc5 16 Bxg5 c6
Black is catastrophically weak
on the dark squares.
17 Rd4 Rd7 18 Bxe7 Kxe7 19
Qh4+ Ke8 20 Rad1 Qd8 21 Qf4
Quicker is 21 Qxd8+ Kxd8 and
now see today’s Winning Move.
21 ... Rxd4 22 Rxd4 Qb6 23 Rd6
Rf8 24 Ne4 Nxe4 25 Qxe4 Qb7 26
Rxc6 Kd7 27 Qd4+ Black resigns
________
á D i D 4] Winning Move
à0 DrDpDp]
ß DpDpD D] White to play. This position is a
from today’s game Ju-Tan,
ÞDph ) D ] variation
Shanghai/Chongqing 2018.
Ý Dp$ D D] Although the queen exchange may have
ÜD H D ) ] appeared to help Black, she will now be
ÛP) DP) )] destroyed by a tactical thrust. How?
ÚD DRD I ] For up-to-the-minute information, follow
ÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈ my tweets on twitter.com/times_chess.
SQUARE
IT
+ 11 ÷ 2
71 x 7 + 48
MEDIUM
145 + 825
HARDER
70%
OF IT
80%
OF IT
♠ AQ 9 4
♠N
♥A 6 2 W E ♥Q J 10 9
♦10 3
♦9 6 5 4
S
♣9 8 4 3 ♠ K J 7 6 3 2 ♣AQ 7 6 2
♥K 8
♦A KQ 2
♣K
S
W
N
OF IT
11/25
OF IT
+1/2
OF IT
x3
+8
÷5
+9
– 16 x 3 – 62 x 2
+ 897
+1/3
OF IT
– 732
6
+1/2
OF IT
E
1♠
Pass
Pass
Dbl(1)
2♠ (2) Dbl(3)
End
(1) Clear to make this reopening double on
nine points, given the ideal shape.
(2) Put me down for 2♦ to create an second option.
(3) For penalty, “I don’t think 2♠ will make.”
Divide the grid
into square or
rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
digit only.
Every block
must contain
the number of
cells indicated
by the digit
inside it.
8
4 4
4
7
Set Square No 2133
© PUZZLER MEDIA
From these letters, make words of
three or more letters, always including
the central letter. Answers must be in
the Concise Oxford Dictionary,
excluding capitalised words, plurals,
conjugated verbs (past tense etc),
adverbs ending in LY, comparatives
and superlatives.
How you rate 15 words, average;
20, good; 25, very good; 30, excellent
x
Killer Gentle No 6004
9
13
15
9
12
8
14
14
Solutions
3
Quick Cryptic 1089
23
5
9
15
4min
4
16
16
17
3
15
F
U
R
T
H
E
R
K
E
R
B
12
RU I
N
E T I
R
OU S
S
A T I
W
CON
R
A T E
H
A YO
16
3
8
8
17
14
8
12
16
20
18
1
9
4
6
8
7
5
3
2
6
3
8
2
5
4
7
9
1
2
7
5
9
1
3
6
8
4
9
4
6
3
7
1
8
2
5
=
40
Killer Tricky No 6005
24
19
19
13min
11
3
8
10
24
5
7
3
6
1
8
9
2
4
2
9
8
7
4
3
5
1
6
1
4
5
9
8
6
2
3
7
D
E
L
I
QUORUM
U
B
P
A L L
OV
R
I
N
ROV E
S
Y
I
I
OWN E
H
U
F
E C S T A T
L
M
P E T RO L
E
O U
D R OWS Y
H
O
N
E
S
T
Y
5
2
7
8
9
6
4
1
3
8
1
3
4
2
5
9
6
7
5
x
10
8
3
2
4
5
7
1
6
9
3
2
9
1
6
5
7
4
8
6
5
4
8
7
2
3
9
1
7
8
1
3
9
4
6
5
2
14
Suko 2236
22
21
17
3
+
x
8
+
2
x
x
7
-
+
4
x
19
17
Brain Trainer
21
9
17
9
Kakuro 2129
6
x
E
X
P
E
R
T
I
S
E
J O
U
R T
R
L I
G
S H
T
C
O
UM
E
E N
T T E R
A
E
H R OW
O
N T E R
Y
D
I P
I
K
AC H E
A
T
L I T
L
L
Z YME
2 4 1 3
1 2 3 5
3 1
2
3 1
1 2 4
3 1 2
5 1
2 4
2
1 2 4 3
3 1 2 5
5 3 1 2
3 1 2 4
3 5 1
3 1
7 2 4 5
6 8 9
8 9 7
2 7 4 9
5 3 1
2 4
3 4 1 2
5 2 3 1
Train Tracks 406
1
Quintagram
1 Noon
2 Sharp
3 Haggle
4 Electron
5 Cleopatra
3
2
4
3
5
5
3
5
3
5
3
A
5
1
+
9
x
3
1
1
B
D
A
E
E
P
D
U
G
D
I
M
E
P
N
N
E
O
W
A
R
C
O
A
L
I
F
I
F
U
A
R
T
L
3
U
T
M
Futoshiki 3170
T
E
S
S
E
6 3
3
4
2 2 3
4
3
6
2
2
6
Tredoku 1525
4
2
5
1
∧
2
4
3
∨
3 > 1
2
1
3 < 5
3
4
5
5
∨
4
M
I
3
∨
2
Cell Blocks 3217
Lexica 4260
M
9
6
7
2
3
1
4
8
5
=
16
Please note, BODMAS does not apply
1
12
=
80
Lexica 4259
4
1
6
5
2
9
8
7
3
+
x
Set Square 2132
7
6
9
1
4
2
3
5
8
6
x
+
B EMU S E
E
O
E
P E R I
E D
B
E
HU S B A ND
G
E
D
N
E NR I C
W G
P
T I T U T I O
T
R
T
H E I NOU
N
U
I
O U
N A S T
N E T
4
8
2
5
3
9
1
7
6
+
Codeword 3334
T
O
R
P
E
D
O
E
S
3
5
1
7
6
8
2
4
9
+
-
x
Sudoku 9864
13
=5
+
5
Enter each of
the numbers
from 1 to 9 in
the grid, so
that the six
sums work.
= 8 We’ve placed
two numbers
to get you
started. Each
should be
= 12 sum
calculated left
to right or top
to bottom.
-
x
Saturday’s answers
isle, islet, less, lest, lisp, lisper, list, lister,
lite, liter, litre, pelt, peril, pile, pistil,
pitiless, plié, plissé, riel, rile, silt, slip,
slit, spelt, spiel, spile, spiritless, split,
stile, tile, tiler, triple
Contract: 2♠ Dbled, Opening Lead: ♦10
second diamond. Declarer wins the
king in hand and leads a low spade.
West does best to play low but,
mindful of West’s penalty double,
declarer finesses the eight, East (as
expected) discarding.
Declarer next leads dummy’s
ten of spades, West winning the
queen and leading a third heart.
Declarer ruffs and leads the king
of spades. West wins the ace and
may try a club but you ruff away
East’s queen, cash the jack of
spades drawing West’s nine, and
(depending whether East has
retained two diamonds) cross to
the jack of diamonds to cash the
winning club, or cash the queentwo of diamonds. Doubled game
made. Thank you to Simon
Stocken of Yorkshire for the
details. andrew.robson@thetimes.co.uk
3 3
4 3 3
Killer 6003
♠ 10 8 5
♥7 5 4 3
♦J 8 7
♣J 10 5
Pairs
+ 89
1/
2
Polygon
13
Dealer: South, Vulnerability: Neither
–8
x 2 + 682
7
Bridge Andrew Robson
Look at this instructive doubled
part-score from the Harrogate
Spring Congress Swiss Pairs
(“Spring” may be optimistic as it
took place in mid-February). Can
declarer succeed after West leads
the ten of diamonds, sensibly aiming for ruffs?
At the table, declarer won the
diamond lead with dummy’s jack
and led a spade to the jack, East
discarding an encouraging seven
of clubs. West won the queen and
led his second diamond. Declarer
won in hand and led a low spade.
West won the ace and switched to
the nine of clubs. East won the ace
(felling declarer’s king) and correctly switched to the queen of
hearts. Declarer ducked (best) but
East now reverted to a third diamond. West ruffed and cashed the
ace of hearts — down one.
Declarer needs to avoid the diamond ruff. He must sever the
defensive communications (in
clubs) before West has had a
chance to lead his second diamond. The only winning play after
winning the diamond (in either
hand but it feels more natural to
win in his own hand — say with
the ace — to retain the dummy
entry) is the king of clubs.
East wins the ace of clubs and
switches to the queen of hearts
(best). Declarer must duck this —
cover with the king and West can
win the ace and lead his second
diamond, East now holding a heart
entry for the diamond ruff.
The queen of hearts wins and
the defence are powerless. Say East
continues with the jack of hearts to
the king and ace, West leading his
9
EASY
ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER
Solving championship qualifier
Cell Blocks No 3218
Brain Trainer
© PUZZLER MEDIA
Chess Raymond Keene
1
5
4
∨
2
KenKen 4326
Easy 22
Medium 1,166
Harder 6,816
9
Word watch
7
17
15
8
8
19
16
Sheel (b) A shell or a pod
Shedhand (c) A worker
in a sheep-shearing
shed (Australia)
Sheal (a) To curdle milk
(Yorkshire dialect)
Quiz
As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every
column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the
digits 1 to 9. Each set of cells joined by dotted lines
must add up to the target number in its top-left corner.
Within each set of cells joined by dotted lines, a digit
cannot be repeated.
Chess
1 Ne4! fatally undermines
the defence of the rook on
d7. Black has no good
reply as 1 ... Rxd4 2 Rxd4+
Nd7 3 Nc5 wins the
pinned knight
1 Foxtrot 2 Cleopatra [VII] 3 Rihanna 4 Martin Luther
5 South Park 6 Jehovah’s Witnesses 7 King Louis IX of
France aka St Louis 8 Visa 9 Gavotte 10 Afternoon
tea or high tea 11 Shiraz — capital of Fars province
12 Jefferson Davis, Robert E Lee and Thomas
“Stonewall” Jackson 13 Ingo Maurer. The title of this
homage to Thomas Edison asks “Where are you,
Edison?” 14 Casablanca. Al-Ahly of Egypt lost the
final 2-1 on aggregate 15 Zambia
14.05.18
MindGames
Easy No 9865
Fill the grid so that every
column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains
the digits 1 to 9.
Word watch
Josephine
Balmer
Sheel
a A boat
b A shell
c To skim
Shedhand
a A firm clasp
b A play in Bridge
c A sheep-shearer
Sheal
a To curdle
b Dappled
c To receive stolen goods
Answers on page 15
9 4 5
1
5
6
Difficult No 9866
Fiendish No 9867
4
1
9
8
9
6 3
8
1
5 1
8
7
2
3
9 7
2 6
7
6
1
5
8
5
2
8 2 6
PUZZLER MEDIA
Sudoku
9 6 1 5 3
7
8
4 3
5
2
1
9
8 5
6 4 3 8 9
1
5
Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 322 5005 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s
puzzles. Calls cost 75p plus your telephone company’s network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm).
The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt
Suko No 2236
ALAMY
1 Which dance
represents the letter F
in the Nato phonetic
alphabet?
the poets Hafez and
Saadi are in which
Iranian city?
12 The world’s largest
relief sculpture, on Stone
Mountain, Georgia,
depicts which three
Confederate heroes?
2 Which Egyptian queen
was played by Claudette
Colbert in a 1934 Cecil
B DeMille film?
3 Following her Fenty x
Puma collection, which
Bajan singer unveiled
the Savage x Fenty
lingerie line?
4 Launched in 2015,
the fastest-selling
Playmobil figure ever
is of which German
monk (1483-1546)?
5 Which animated
TV show features the
characters Randy Marsh
and Butters Stotch?
15
9 “Apricot” is rhymed
with which French
dance in the first verse
of You’re So Vain by
Carly Simon?
6 Members of
which Christian
denomination worship
in kingdom halls?
7 The city of St Louis,
Missouri, is named
after which man?
8 Dee Hock, who
invented the idea of
global electronic money,
is the founder of which
credit card corporation?
10 A friend of Queen
Victoria, Anna, 7th
Duchess of Bedford is
credited with popularising
which British tradition?
11 The Karim Khan
citadel and the tombs of
13 Which German
designer’s hanging
lampWo bist du,
Edison, ... ? (1997) is in
Moma’s collection?
14 The 2017 CAF
Champions’ League
champions, Wydad
AC, are based in
which Moroccan city?
15 The flag of which
landlocked African
country is pictured?
Answers on page 15
Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the
spaces so that the number in each
circle is equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and each colour
total is correct
The Times Quick Cryptic No 1090 by Flamande
1
2
3
4
5
8
11
13
16
14
17
15
18
20
22
7
9
10
12
6
21
23
19
Across
1 Son turned out decent,
smelling sweet? (7)
5 Pile of sheaves appeared
insecure? (5)
8 Monarchs, for example,
creating feeling of anxiety (11)
10 Meat flambé, with ends
trimmed (4)
11 Two articles in hut, wellprotected (8)
12 Worship always has its place in
religious education (6)
14 We hear rent is dearer than
before (6)
16 Terrible actor missing
entrance? This person might
have something to say (8)
18 Partly open a glass container
(4)
20 Publicising ruins gran visited
(11)
22 Around second part of Lent,
don’t eat sumptuous meal (5)
23 Refused stewed prunes and
custard in the end (7)
Down
2 Horse runs over a dangerous
snake (5)
3 Distinguished aristocrat
defending Territorial Army (7)
4 First lady always lacks
Republican backing (3)
6 Unnamed male is leader of this
robbery (5)
7 Indecent picture introduced by
old boy (7)
9 New student giving more
cheek (7)
11 Singular set of clothing,
including oddly twee pullover
(7)
13 Move to another country,
avoiding Greek capital and
Dubai, say (7)
15 Around Channel Islands, large
unwieldy mass of ice (7)
17 Former singer, English, is
about fifty five (5)
19 Some unpopular guests clash
verbally (5)
21 Naughty child is much
punished, heads revealed (3)
Friday’s solution on page 15
7
4
7 3
6 3
1
3
1
2
5 9
2
3
1 2
8
9
6
4 3
1 8
5
4
7
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