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How to upset your English teacher

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How to talk to an American woman
Tell her she talks funny. Find out that she is American. Smile and say you can't believe it, because she looks so normal. Make her pronounce "Oachkatzlschwoaf" right. Laugh heartily. Tell her everything you know about America. Make sure you mention McDonalds and Coke and that they have no history of their own and are all very shallow. As her if she has had any experiences in Austria so far. Don't listen but tell her you would never go to the United States because everybody there has got a gun and all they do is shoot tourists. Buy her a drink and ask her if she has had Schilcher or Kernöl yet. Ask her if she can cook at all. Start a discussion about women's liberation. Tell her that it is natural for men to be superior and that you liked Barbara Bush a lot, as well as her husband and his funny VP. Admit that women are fantastic because they are so domestic and sexy. After she has expressed her own opinion, tell her she is typically American. They are all like that.
Try to escape.
Lydia Fröhlich (1993/94)
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