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Latest recipe: How to slap a cop andgetawaywithit

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18 I Humour -
The People Sunday, October 13, 2013
Shenanigans .
Latest recipe: How to slap a cop
and get away with it
He demanded to talk to the officer
commanding the station. We were not
disappointed because the OCS was just
at the counter talking to some officers.
DJ Rama walked up to him and politely demanded to know if he was the
OCS, the officer nodded and my friend
slapped him veryhard on the cheek!
Cerebral malaria
SOME years ago, long before the new
Constitution sowed. sorxe changes,
I was arrested by the police. We were
with a DJ who had been acting erratic
all afternoon .The police, of course, true
to their character never bothered to tell
us what wrong we had done to deserve
their attention.
The book of law is large, they said,
thus they wouldn't miss something to
pin on us. It was nine at night. When we
reached the Centra l police station, my
friend, who was laughing and giggling
all the time suddenly turned dead serious and menacing.
Dear reader, try to imagine what horror
may come from such an act. The cops,
the other victims of th e law and: were
shocked beyond comprehension . DJ
Rama had really gone overboard! The
DJ Rama was about to lose his life or
limb, ifhe was lucky.Three cops quickly
recovered from the shock and pounced
on Dl Rarna.
They pinned h im to the ground and
were about to maul him when the stung
officerstopped thei r thras hing midway.
Their jaws froze mid-air and a qu izzical looks took over the ir faces. I was
sure the OCS wanted to avenge himselfby breaking Rarna's jaws but [was
surprised when he put his fingers to the
DJ's jugular and patiently to ld the junior officersto take the boy to hosp ital.
That act is engraved in my m ind to
date. It was an act of mercy and from
a just person. This boy ha d slapped
him hard and shamed him in his own
"dungeon" whe re he cou ld have done
anything to prove his power, but he
reflected fast and empathised with the
fool who slapped hi m.
It turns out Rama was really sick. His
eyes were b lazing with fever. He was
taken to hospital by the po lice in those
dark days of impunity courtesy of an
officer he had assau lted! He was diagnosed with cerebral malaria and after
severalweeks in hospital, Ramawas taken to the mental hospital. These days,
at the corner of Casablanca, just next to
the K-Rep Bank offMoi Avenue, a crazy
heavily-bearded, dirty man lies in the
midd le ofthe pavement, It is Rama.
He finally lost all his mental abilities.
He is now incurab le and his family gave
up on him a long time ago. I have never
seen that cop again and whether they
transferred him somewhere else I know
~ot. AH I can say is that he was a good
Three cops quickly
recovered from the shock
and pounced on DJ Ramo.
They pinned him to the
ground and were about
to maul him when the
stung officer stopped their
thrashing midway. Their jaws
froze mid-air and a quizzical
look took over their faces.
That is a different case from what
Babu did. Everyone called him Babu,
but as far as I know, he was never married and had no children ofhis own . He
was a likeab le old man, tall, imposing
and was always dressed in neat Kaunda
suits which were all milk wh ite. Babu
was a bhang smoker though and all
in Kongowea knew that. He smoked
Rooster cigarettes and always bought a
packet which he placed elegantly in his
breast pockets wh ile driving his Volkswagen beetle.
Rooster cigarettes
One day Babu was stopped by the po lice. He got out of the car wea ring a
mean face. There were many officers
around but Babu wanted to know who
among them was in charge. As soon as
he was shown the inspector, he called
the man . Now the inspector mus t have
been surprised by the calm demeanour of this Kaunda suit clad man. He
moved close to -Babu and the tall man
asked him who he was. The inspector
introduced himse lf and Babu gave him
a slap that sounded like the crack of a
whip. It elicited a fart from the astounded officer. Babu said to him:
"Kama wewe ni inspekta, hata mimi
pia ni inspekta!"
He paused with gravity and added :
IIWa munispaa!
The astonishment in the cops faces
immediately metamorphosed into anger and Babu was th rown into the boot
of the police car and taken with haste to
the station where he was rolled violently into the cells. They d id not remov;
his shoes or belt as is the norm. When
news of his arrest reached Kongowea, a
few respectable old people went to see
how they could bail Babu out.
The charges against him were very
thick but the officer allowed Babu out
of the cells to talk with his people. Ashe
explained himself to the elders, he took
out his Rooster cigarettes and lit one.
It turned out to be one of his sticks of
marijuana that he usually camouflaged
as cigarettes . He lit it in the police station right in front of the officer he had
previously slapped! What happened to
Babu next is another story.
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