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“Do you make websites?”
And 14 other ridiculous things clients say or do
that make website developers crazy!
We're not making this stuff up – well, not totally making this stuff up, 90%
is grounded in reality.
Philip Van Drunen
Clients say the darndest things.
Not actual quotes – but pretty darn close.
Internet Access
“My website is down! I can't open my site or get
my email, I think Google might be down too!”
Hosting
“I don't want to pay for hosting, can I host the
website on my own computer?”
Branding
“My friend made my logo, she knows Photoshop.”
“I had my logo made by Vista Print. Can't you just
scan it off my business card?”
Image Formats
“Can I send it to you in
format?”
Design
“Can you make my site look like this other site?”
“ . . . seriously, I want it to look EXACTLY like this
other site.”
Flash
“On the front page of the site can we have all of
the words start swirling in like a tornado, and
then have it explode with a fireball? Then the
logo should zoom in from the back – and it
should have music too.”
Resolution
“I have a 10 Mega Byte camera, is that good
enough quality to put on my website?”
Screen Size
“I bought a new computer and it made my
website smaller – can you my website so it fits
my screen again?”
Content Editing
“My son learned HTML in school, can you just
give him the passwords so that he can make
the changes?”
Content
“If I fax this picture to you, can you just scan it
and put it on my website?”
Computer Repair
“Do you guys fix computers?”
Solution:
MEMO
To:
Client
From:
Your Friendly Neighborhood Website Developer
Modern Computers
Dear client,
Please be advised that following are unacceptable for use
as a primary work computer:
пЃ¬
Anything running Windows 3.1, 95, 98, Me
пЃ¬
Tandy (Radio Shack Computer)
пЃ¬
AlphaSmart Word Processor
Modern Browser
Dear client,
Please be advised that the following are unacceptable for
use as an Internet Browser:
пЃ¬
Internet Explorer 3.0 - 6.0
пЃ¬
Netscape Navigator
пЃ¬
Cyberdog
пЃ¬
NetCruiser
пЃ¬
AOL Anything
Internet Access
Dear client,
Please be advised that dial-up is an unacceptable form of
Internet access. Here are a few respectable alternatives:
пЃ¬
DSL
пЃ¬
Cable Internet
пЃ¬
ISDN
пЃ¬
T1, T2 or T3
Other things that piss us off:
пЃ¬
пЃ¬
пЃ¬
When Clients poke their fingers into your 23 inch cinema
display (mostly Brent)
Clients who expect you to write the content for their
website
Comic Sans and Papyrus
пЃ¬
Cheap Godaddy Hosting (Domain registration is fine)
пЃ¬
When people type their web address into the search box
Other things that piss us off:
пЃ¬
Clients who use all caps in their emails and site content
пЃ¬
Obnoxious Animated Gif's
пЃ¬
Clients who don't check their own email
пЃ¬
пЃ¬
пЃ¬
When clients ask you to copy the content off of other
websites with similar content.
Client who ask, “So when is my website going to be at the
top of Google”. (This after explaining SEO in great detail to
them)
BS SEO companies that tell my clients they can get them
on the top of Google listings.
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