вЂњDo you make websites?вЂќ And 14 other ridiculous things clients say or do that make website developers crazy! We're not making this stuff up вЂ“ well, not totally making this stuff up, 90% is grounded in reality. Philip Van Drunen Clients say the darndest things. Not actual quotes вЂ“ but pretty darn close. Internet Access вЂњMy website is down! I can't open my site or get my email, I think Google might be down too!вЂќ Hosting вЂњI don't want to pay for hosting, can I host the website on my own computer?вЂќ Branding вЂњMy friend made my logo, she knows Photoshop.вЂќ вЂњI had my logo made by Vista Print. Can't you just scan it off my business card?вЂќ Image Formats вЂњCan I send it to you in format?вЂќ Design вЂњCan you make my site look like this other site?вЂќ вЂњ . . . seriously, I want it to look EXACTLY like this other site.вЂќ Flash вЂњOn the front page of the site can we have all of the words start swirling in like a tornado, and then have it explode with a fireball? Then the logo should zoom in from the back вЂ“ and it should have music too.вЂќ Resolution вЂњI have a 10 Mega Byte camera, is that good enough quality to put on my website?вЂќ Screen Size вЂњI bought a new computer and it made my website smaller вЂ“ can you my website so it fits my screen again?вЂќ Content Editing вЂњMy son learned HTML in school, can you just give him the passwords so that he can make the changes?вЂќ Content вЂњIf I fax this picture to you, can you just scan it and put it on my website?вЂќ Computer Repair вЂњDo you guys fix computers?вЂќ Solution: MEMO To: Client From: Your Friendly Neighborhood Website Developer Modern Computers Dear client, Please be advised that following are unacceptable for use as a primary work computer: пЃ¬ Anything running Windows 3.1, 95, 98, Me пЃ¬ Tandy (Radio Shack Computer) пЃ¬ AlphaSmart Word Processor Modern Browser Dear client, Please be advised that the following are unacceptable for use as an Internet Browser: пЃ¬ Internet Explorer 3.0 - 6.0 пЃ¬ Netscape Navigator пЃ¬ Cyberdog пЃ¬ NetCruiser пЃ¬ AOL Anything Internet Access Dear client, Please be advised that dial-up is an unacceptable form of Internet access. Here are a few respectable alternatives: пЃ¬ DSL пЃ¬ Cable Internet пЃ¬ ISDN пЃ¬ T1, T2 or T3 Other things that piss us off: пЃ¬ пЃ¬ пЃ¬ When Clients poke their fingers into your 23 inch cinema display (mostly Brent) Clients who expect you to write the content for their website Comic Sans and Papyrus пЃ¬ Cheap Godaddy Hosting (Domain registration is fine) пЃ¬ When people type their web address into the search box Other things that piss us off: пЃ¬ Clients who use all caps in their emails and site content пЃ¬ Obnoxious Animated Gif's пЃ¬ Clients who don't check their own email пЃ¬ пЃ¬ пЃ¬ When clients ask you to copy the content off of other websites with similar content. Client who ask, вЂњSo when is my website going to be at the top of GoogleвЂќ. (This after explaining SEO in great detail to them) BS SEO companies that tell my clients they can get them on the top of Google listings.